DUEL 2 NEWSLETTER

Date   : 01/27/2006    Duedate: 02/09/2006

ARADI ARENA

DM-60    TURN-382

This Weeks Top Honors

THE DUELMASTER IS

SPEEDY
THE MISGUIDED (559)
(60-7293) [14-13-0,112]

Chartered Recognition Leader   Unchartered Recognition Leader

ASSHE-MASTER                   THALIA
4000 BLOWS (107)               ARADI RESORT & SPA (580)
(60-7000) [19-9-1,131]         (60-7547) [3-0-0,29]

Popularity Leader              This Weeks Favorite

SON OF BLOODLUST               SON OF BLOODLUST
4000 BLOWS (107)               4000 BLOWS (107)
(60-6823) [21-13-0,108]        (60-6823) [21-13-0,108]

THE CURRENT TOP TEAM

ARADI RESORT & SPA (580)

          TEAMS ON THE MOVE            TOP CAREER HONORS
Team Name                  Point Gain  Chartered Team
1. OBSIDIAN TOWER (578)        40
2. 4000 BLOWS (107)            39      DEATH STUDS VII (301)
3. ORIGINAL SHANKSTERS (576)   35      Unchartered Team
4. GOIN' TUBIN' (577)          32
5. VOUGEOOT (464)              25      ARADI RESORT & SPA (580)

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
 1/ 1*ARADI RESORT & SPA (580)  11   3  1 78.6   1/ 3*ARADI RESORT & SPA (580) 11  3 1
 2/ 0*OBSIDIAN TOWER (578)       3   2  1 60.0   2/ 9 4000 BLOWS (107)          8  2 1
 3/ 0*ORIGINAL SHANKSTER (576)   3   2  0 60.0   3/ 2 SWIFT CURRENT (468)       8  7 0
 4/ 2 DEATH STUDS VII (301)    414 350 11 54.2   4/ 5 THE MISGUIDED (559)       7  8 0
 5/ 3 CRAZY CREEPS (207)       483 410 15 54.1   5/ 1 DEATH STUDS VII (301)     6  7 1
 6/ 4 NATURAL DISASTERS (159)  696 595 25 53.9   6/ 4 NATURAL DISASTERS (159)   5  7 0
 7/ 5 SWIFT CURRENT (468)      113 100  9 53.1   7/ 6 SILENT WARRIORS (561)     4  2 1
 8/ 6 GOIN' TUBIN' (577)       108 102  5 51.4   8/11 GOIN' TUBIN' (577)        4  5 0
 9- 7 DEMONS OF DARKNESS (430) 170 165 12 50.7   9/ 8 LEGALESE (449)            4  5 0
10- 8*CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)     4   4  0 50.0  10/16 VOUGEOOT (464)            4  5 0
11/ 9 THIEVES GUILD (396)      157 162  6 49.2  11/ 7 THIEVES GUILD (396)       4  5 0
12/11 THE MISGUIDED (559)       67  71  0 48.6  12-14*WALKING DEAD (568)        3  1 1
13/10 CHEER-O-KEE'S (557)       67  73  2 47.9  13/ 0*OBSIDIAN TOWER (578)      3  2 1
14/12 4000 BLOWS (107)         605 668 28 47.5  14/ 0*ORIGINAL SHANKSTER (576)  3  2 0
15-13*PHANTOM MENANCE (569)      7   8  0 46.7  15/20 CRAZY CREEPS (207)        3  4 0
16/14 FUNKY FOLK (565)          27  32  3 45.8  16/13 RED DOG GANG (476)        3 12 0
17/15 LEGALESE (449)           142 169  4 45.7  17-10*CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)    2  2 0
18/16 SILENT WARRIORS (561)     23  28  3 45.1  18-17*DARK JEDI (567)           2  3 1

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
19-17*WALKING DEAD (568)         4   5  1 44.4  19-18*PHANTOM MENANCE (569)     2  3 0
20/19 VOUGEOOT (464)            65  84  6 43.6  20/12 CHEER-O-KEE'S (557)       2  6 0
21-18 JOKA MASHER! (283)       171 226  9 43.1  21-21 JOKA MASHER! (283)        1  1 1
22/20 RED DOG GANG (476)       319 519  4 38.1  22-15 DEMONS OF DARKNESS (430)  1  2 0
23-21*DARK JEDI (567)            3  12  2 20.0  23/19 FUNKY FOLK (565)          1  3 0
24-22*DARTH LORD (581)           1   4  0 20.0  24-22*DARTH LORD (581)          1  4 0

    '*'   Unchartered team                       '-'  Team did not fight this turn
   (###)  Avoid teams by their Team Id          ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

                                    TEAM SPOTLIGHT

         + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ A Dark and Stormy Night ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     The minion in the powder blue bodysuit curled his lip in a...no, not a sneer.
Jorge Black Orc was a connoisseur of sneers, all orcs were, because of their fangs.
No one could sneer like an orc.  This was not a sneer, more of a mouse of lofty
disdain and superiority.  "You wouldn't understand, foul, ignorant orc!"
     Jorge spent about three seconds considering that and then nodded.  "You're
right, I wouldn't understand.  So there's no point leaving you alive."  His blade,
still with that True Blue blaze of Goodness, swung around and smoothly removed the
minion's head.
     Which came off a little TOO smoothly, now that the Black Orc was paying
attention to the details.  Smooth, neat, with...Very Little Blood.  "These are
golems!" Jorge shouted.  "They're a distraction!"
     "Not possible!" Harkon yelled back.  "I have the foul Clishay under my eye all
the time, he cannot get away--  He cannot--"  The arenamaster stuttered to a halt.
"Oh, SH...SHUCKY-DO!"
     The silver-armored figure had, of course, disappeared.  As had most of the
dismembered minions.
     Harkon tossed away the minion he'd been about to disarm and looked around, fists
on his hips.  "This is absolutely in violation of the Code."
     "What Code?"
     "You wouldn't understand."
     "Try me."
     "Jorge, I like you, but you're an orc.  You wouldn't understand the Code.  Trust
me on this."
     "Ah, you mean it's one of those impractical, anti-survival-oriented things that
humans and elves do?"  The Black Orc spat, though the torrential rain robbed his
gesture of most of its impact.
     "Yes, one of those Codes," Harkon agreed.  "It's the Good Guys' Burden."
     "Oh, THAT Code."  He shrugged.  "If they don't follow the Code, then we don't
have to, right?  Because they're the ones that started playing dirty."
     "That's a specious argument," Harkon said.
     "But persuasive," Madame Lu remarked.  She leaned out of her shuttered
palanquin, which had, as usual, arrived silently, and shook the Black Orc's hand.  "I
have always found your people to be so practical.  Quite refreshing."
     "That doesn't solve our problem," Harkon cut in.
     "It might, depending on which problem you refer to, dear boy."
     "What that clishay paladin was up to."
     "Ah, that problem.  A minor one, but even a minor answer can be satisfying."
Madame Lu leaned back against her silk brocade cushions, visible because there was a
lantern inside the palanquin, and the shutter was open.  "No doubt it will appear in
time.  This is not, however, the time for that question to be answered."
     "But--"
     "Do you recall your ill-fated and incompleted journey to the Mountains of
Mediocrity?"
     "Vaguely.  But the problem of the moment is the Clishay Gang.  You said that
yourself!"
     "Did you not realize that the Clishays hold the heights of the Mountains of
Mediocrity?"
     "I never thought about it.  I don't suppose it matters, either."
     "Well, it does.  Meet me at the House of the Golden Scrod in one hour," she
said, and slid the shutter closed.  The elaborately carved, gilded palanquin vanished
into the rainy night.

      * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ *

                          ---===ANDORIAN REGIONAL NEWS===---

                                     Duelmasters
                                     -----------
 DM   8 ARKERS (turn 265): INOCHI of YAKUZA (Sensei Jan, mgr.)
 DM  11 ARUAK CITY (turn 532): BIG LOU of MANIC MARVELS (Barnabas, mgr.)
 DM  14 TOBIR (turn 532): LITTLE DEVIL of PLAYPEN (KAT, mgr.)
 DM  22 SOLVEN (turn 525): BROOKS AND DUNN of THE REPUBLICANS (The Judge, mgr.)
 DM  24 ZORPUNT (turn 521): KING BROWN SNAKE of AUSSIE KILLERS (THawk, mgr.)
 DM  25 LYRATILAN (turn 521): MENTAL of ERRATA (JE, mgr.)
 DM  26 CALEAM (turn 519): BOUNCER of GOLDEN CANYON (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  30 IAYE (turn 514): TRIPLE-X of LOVE LETTERS (Cunning Linguist, mgr.)
 DM  40 ZENSU (turn 483): DRIZZT of PHILANTHROPISTS (Aragorn, mgr.)
 DM  41 KATI-TEI (turn 475): 5 GOT PICKED of 072905R (The Muffin Man, mgr.)
 DM  46 ARDIVENT (turn 465): SOLARIS of RUBY DRAGONS (Talon Warsmith, mgr.)
 DM  52 FRATSFA (turn 213): INSOLENT IRIS of FLOWER GIRLS (Lady Fern, mgr.)
 DM  60 ARADI (turn 381): SPEEDY of THE MISGUIDED (?, mgr.)
 DM  63 AMEN-TEI (turn 369): HITCH HIKER of WAYFARERS (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  71 KYR'TERR (turn 167): KAT of NIGHTHAWKS (Savant, mgr.)
ADM 105 ANDORAK (turn 417): JOE SATRIANI of THE HEADCUTTERS II from ARUAK CITY
                            (Street Legal, mgr.)

                                      Top Teams
                                      ---------
 DM   8 ARKERS (turn 265): SMITHSONIAN (The Curator, mgr.)
 DM  11 ARUAK CITY (turn 532): MANIC MARVELS (Barnabas, mgr.)
 DM  14 TOBIR (turn 532): PLAYPEN (KAT, mgr.)
 DM  22 SOLVEN (turn 525): KELLUMBO'S KIDS (Detective Kellumbo, mgr.)
 DM  24 ZORPUNT (turn 521): KRILL CAVALRY (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  25 LYRATILAN (turn 521): ERRATA (JE, mgr.)
 DM  26 CALEAM (turn 519): GOLDEN CANYON (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  30 IAYE (turn 514): THE A'S -- LOSERS II (Malaquar, mgr.)
 DM  40 ZENSU (turn 483): PHILANTHROPISTS (Aragorn, mgr.)
 DM  41 KATI-TEI (turn 475): WANDERERS (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  46 ARDIVENT (turn 465): BLUVALLEY WARRIORS (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  52 FRATSFA (turn 213): BLOOD AND GUTS! (The Pentalque, mgr.)
 DM  60 ARADI (turn 381): DEATH STUDS VII (Death Stud, mgr.)
 DM  63 AMEN-TEI (turn 369): WAYFARERS (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  71 KYR'TERR (turn 167): NIGHTHAWKS (Savant, mgr.)
ADM 105 ANDORAK (turn 417): BOXES, etc. (Doc Steele, mgr.)

                                   Recent Graduates
                                   ----------------
 DM  11 ARUAK CITY (turn 532): REQUIEM of BALLAD OF THE BLADE (The Sandman, mgr.)
 DM  30 IAYE (turn 513): MAD MAX of I TRAINED THEM (Soultaker, mgr.)
 DM  41 KATI-TEI (turn 474): PARNIAN of WANDERERS (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  46 ARDIVENT (turn 464): FLINT HILLS of BLUVALLEY WARRIORS (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  52 FRATSFA (turn 212): COLLAPSED LUNG of OTTO'S PARTS (Crip, mgr.)
 DM  71 KYR'TERR (turn 166): SOLAR SISTER of THE FURIOUS FIVE (Generalissimo Puerco)

                                      SPY REPORT

     It is I, Novgorodny Vir, Spymaster of Spymasters.  Look on my work, ye mighty, 
and despair!  Nothing is certain in ARADI, with changing loyalties, changing 
Duelmasters.  Write this down:  new top team--ARADI RESORT & SPA.  Those betting on 
CHEER-O-KEE'S lost their shirt, as CHEER-O-KEE'S lost their fighting abilities:  
0-3-0.  What's a move up by 7 you ask?  (alright, maybe you didn't ask)  Cause for 
celebration, according to 4000 BLOWS.  Say what you will about blind luck and dirty 
fighting, but VOUGEOOT will tell you 65-84-6 is nothing to laugh at...  Like a new 
team fighting for the first time and entering the official rankings, ORIGINAL 
SHANKSTERS got 3-2-0 to come in 14th.  The boys at OBSIDIAN TOWER are walking tall, 
as they are ranked 13th on their first try!  Going for the Duelmaster soon?  Practice 
pays for ASSHE-MASTER, who pummelled SIDE-BAR, to pocket 26 points.  Win some, lose 
some.  Speaking of which, FLOWER was winsome, after beating SLIPKNOT and seeing him 
lose 15 points.  The arena was more crowded than usual this time, as FALCON XLI faced 
ARADI's Duelmaster.  FALCON XLI found out that ARADI isn't a democracy.  You've gotta 
be the best to be Duelmaster here!  Word has it one team in ARADI is taking speech 
lessons to try to bore their opponent to death.  I'll bet it works.   
     So much to report, so little time!  To quell some nasty rumors, the guys in THE 
MISGUIDED are not carrying any incurable diseases.  No need to avoid 'em.  Like a pup 
with its tail between its legs, CRAZY CREEPS scurried away from THE MISGUIDED.  Oh, 
the shame!  If challenges were horses, PHIL THEE could open up a fast food joint!   
     Is there life after death?  Pragmatics (and warriors) know there is death after 
life!  Perhaps 4000 BLOWS were the only ones left untouched by SIDE-BAR demise.  Can 
anyone ever take his place?  Or do I exaggerate?  Ask not for whom the sword slashes; 
it slashes for thee.   
     All good things must come to an end.  More important duties call me.  Do not 
despair!  I shall return!-- Novgorodny Vir  

DUELMASTER                     W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 SPEEDY 7293                  14  13  0   112       THE MISGUIDED (559)

CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 ASSHE-MASTER 7000            19   9  1   131       4000 BLOWS (107)
 KARATE WRECKER 6693          13  15  0   110       THIEVES GUILD (396)
 SON OF BLOODLUST 6823        21  13  0   108       4000 BLOWS (107)
 DOONEUSHMUN 5949             18   8  1   107       VOUGEOOT (464)
 FLOWER 7255                  18  23  0   104       RED DOG GANG (476)
-HOLLY SKULL 7276             15  12  0   101       CHEER-O-KEE'S (557)
 PRETTY BOY 7091              23  29  0    98       RED DOG GANG (476)
 TSUNAMI 7273                 18  15  1    98       NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
 FALCON XLI 7341               7  10  0    98       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
 MISS UNDERSTOOD 7301         11  15  0    94       THE MISGUIDED (559)
 SANDY BEACH 6957             11   5  1    93       SWIFT CURRENT (468)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 ONE-TIMER 7169               23   4  0    89       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
-55 SUCKS MORE 6956           14  15  3    89       JOKA MASHER! (283)
-BLUE BEANIE 6461             16  15  1    84       DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
 SLIPKNOT 6674                15  14  0    82       THIEVES GUILD (396)
 STEVIE 7271                  15  20  0    80       RED DOG GANG (476)
 RIP RAP 6599                 12  11  0    76       SWIFT CURRENT (468)
 IN PARI DELICTO 7283         16  15  1    74       LEGALESE (449)
-JIM PANZI 7382                7   2  0    69       FUNKY FOLK (565)
 THE TAIL 7253                13  28  0    67       RED DOG GANG (476)

CHALLENGER ADEPTS              W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-GHOST 7319                    7   3  1    66       SILENT WARRIORS (561)
 PHREAK 7327                  11  12  0    65       THE MISGUIDED (559)
 SEHENSTES 7339               10   8  2    61       VOUGEOOT (464)
 SHMAMY CROCKETT 7216          9   3  0    60       4000 BLOWS (107)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 MYSTERY 7354                 10  10  0    56       THE MISGUIDED (559)
 ERUPTION 7310                 7   6  1    56       NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
 ENOCH PEABODY 7325            7   5  0    51       THIEVES GUILD (396)
 HYQ 7388                      7   6  1    48       VOUGEOOT (464)
-BUTTERFLY 7338               11   3  0    47       CHEER-O-KEE'S (557)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 FLASH FIRE 7390              10  10  0    44       NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
 ASSASSIN 7317                 6   5  1    42       SILENT WARRIORS (561)
 HURRICANE XXXVII 7379         5   6  1    39       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
 LAVA TUBE 7393                8   5  1    38       NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
-PANTHER 7320                  4   6  1    36       SILENT WARRIORS (561)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 ROCKY BANKS 7073              6   6  0    33       SWIFT CURRENT (468)
 NEZUMI 7342                   5   4  0    33       THIEVES GUILD (396)
 TINY TIM 6042                 4   1  0    29       CRAZY CREEPS (207)
 THALIA 7547                   3   0  0    29       ARADI RESORT & SPA (580)
 SNOW WHITE 7486               2   2  0    26       CRAZY CREEPS (207)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-REBEL W/O CAUSE 7252          3   0  0    23       JOKA MASHER! (283)
 BULLY BOY 7447                5   7  0    22       RED DOG GANG (476)
 VAS DEFERENS 7534             4   0  0    21       GOIN' TUBIN' (577)
 FRANK 7484                    5   4  0    19       THE MISGUIDED (559)
 MANDA 7546                    3   0  1    19       ARADI RESORT & SPA (580)
 INIGO 7545                    2   1  0    19       ARADI RESORT & SPA (580)
 FALOPIAN 7498                 1   2  0    19       GOIN' TUBIN' (577)
 WES MANTOOTH 7489             4   2  0    18       4000 BLOWS (107)
 ANALISE 7544                  3   0  0    18       ARADI RESORT & SPA (580)
-TIN MAN 7550                  1   0  0    18       DARTH LORD (581)
 HARRIET 7495                  3   2  0    17       THIEVES GUILD (396)
 EUSTACHIAN 7499               2   0  0    16       GOIN' TUBIN' (577)
-FREDDY 7412                   1   1  0    16       WALKING DEAD (568)
 GOOFY 7488                    2   3  0    14       CRAZY CREEPS (207)
-MOUSE 7318                    2   8  0    14       SILENT WARRIORS (561)
-OBI-WAN 7417                  2   1  0    13       PHANTOM MENANCE (569)
 NINJA 7357                    2   3  0    13       SILENT WARRIORS (561)
 REIFE 7519                    1   0  0    13       OBSIDIAN TOWER (578)
-CHUCKY 7410                   1   1  1    12       WALKING DEAD (568)
-VENREK 7477                   3   1  0    11       DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
-DARTH METRION 7553            1   0  1    11       DARK JEDI (567)
 RHEIGN 7520                   1   0  1    11       OBSIDIAN TOWER (578)
 CHIM RICHALDS 7491            1   4  0    11       4000 BLOWS (107)
 VIPER LXXI 7566               0   1  0    11       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
 STILLETTO JONES 7586          1   0  0    10       ORIGINAL SHANKSTERS (576)
-CARRIE 7414                   2   0  0     9       WALKING DEAD (568)
-JACK THE RIPPER 7487          2   2  0     9       CRAZY CREEPS (207)
-PINTO BEANS 7531              2   1  0     8       CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)
-LIMA BEANS 7530               2   1  0     8       CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)
 SMALL INTESTINE 7535          0   4  0     8       GOIN' TUBIN' (577)
-DARTH SIDIOUS 7416            2   1  0     7       PHANTOM MENANCE (569)
-DARTH MAUL 7419               1   2  0     7       PHANTOM MENANCE (569)
-DARTH MERICK 7408             1   2  1     6       DARK JEDI (567)
 SHANKTRONIC 7587              1   0  0     6       ORIGINAL SHANKSTERS (576)
-DARTH REEN 7554               1   0  0     6       DARK JEDI (567)
 LITTLE EDDY 7536              1   2  0     5       SWIFT CURRENT (468)
 TOTE-MY-POLE 7538             1   2  0     5       CHEER-O-KEE'S (557)
 RHYS 7521                     1   0  0     5       OBSIDIAN TOWER (578)
 SIGMOID COLON 7533            0   1  0     5       GOIN' TUBIN' (577)
 WHITE WITCH 7542              1   1  0     4       CRAZY CREEPS (207)
-DARTH SITH 7409               0   3  0     3       DARK JEDI (567)
-DARTH MAUL 7406               0   3  0     3       DARK JEDI (567)
-SAL MONELLA 7557              0   1  0     1       FUNKY FOLK (565)
-DARK RING 7548                0   1  0     1       DARTH LORD (581)
-WAY WE GO 7549                0   1  0     1       DARTH LORD (581)
 DE NOVO 7567                  0   1  0     1       LEGALESE (449)
 TEATS R US 7580               0   1  0     1       CHEER-O-KEE'S (557)
-DARK VENGENACE 7552           0   1  0     1       DARTH LORD (581)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-ANAKIN 7555                   0   1  0     1       PHANTOM MENANCE (569)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD               W  L K TEAM NAME             SLAIN BY             TURN Revenge?
NATHAN 7543            0  1 0 ARADI RESORT & SP 580 DARTH METRION 7553    380         
MOO MOO LOVER 7579     0  1 0 CHEER-O-KEE'S 557     RHEIGN 7520           382         
DANDY-LION 7278       12 15 0 CHEER-O-KEE'S 557     SANDY BEACH 6957      378 REVENGED
EBENEZER SCROOGE 5953  1  5 0 CRAZY CREEPS 207      HYQ 7388              379         
I SORRY 7551           0  1 0 DARTH LORD 581        CHUCKY 7410           380         
GAZRUK 7475            2  1 0 DEMONS OF DARKNES 430 HURRICANE XXXVII 7379 380         
PHIL THEE 7431         1  4 0 FUNKY FOLK 565        DARK CHAMPION 24      382 NONE    
SIDE-BAR 7304         16 10 0 LEGALESE 449          ASSHE-MASTER 7000     382         
BAD FAITH 7344        11  9 0 LEGALESE 449          55 SUCKS MORE 6956    381         
KADESHA 7522           0  1 0 OBSIDIAN TOWER 578    STONE GOLEM 26        382 NONE    
DRYXLER 7518           0  1 0 OBSIDIAN TOWER 578    BORED ELF 19          382 NONE    
POS 001 7466           0  1 0 ORIGINAL SHANKSTE 576 SPYMASTER 22          382 NONE    
LORD TYRANUS 7418      1  2 0 PHANTOM MENANCE 569   ASSASSIN 7317         380         
LETHAL LOG 7559        1  1 0 SWIFT CURRENT 468     SPYMASTER 22          382 NONE    
BL'D BKE 7541          0  2 0 VOUGEOOT 464          STONE GOLEM 26        382 NONE    

                                     PERSONAL ADS

Death Studs -- Fear me.  Fear me.  Well, wait, first proxy my warriors and *then*
fear me. -- Nuln

Barnaby -- I think you need a new prescription of eyeball.  We are not buck-toothed,
hangnailed nor undernourished.  Have you been reading the Creepster's yellow paper
again?  In any case, we're glad to see you back too and in the fine spirits you
appear to be.  Just so you know, we won't be paying you any TOGS bribes, because
we've already formed a secret alliance with all the people who will bribe you, so you
see, it's all so very very pointless.  Well, see you around. -- 40000000000 Blows

Granolus -- I was one of those six managers, and I didn't care!  Ha! -- Nuln the
contrarian

Good luck to everyone and every warrior at the Face! -- Sunshine the love Bunny

boB -- Would you mind terribly if I slaughtered all the animals on your farm? -- your
pal Nuln

Pretty Boy -- You know, that's funny, I've always been a cat man. -- Son of Bloodlust

Hombre -- Ixnay on the ilencesay, uddybay.  Omprendecay, uchachomay? -- ulnNay

     I hate you.  Just so you know. -- Ed.

Inferno -- Beer got your tongue?  If so, I understand. -- Nuln

Soultaker -- So, taken any souls lately? -- Nuln

Creepster & feelow Creepsters -- The rumors of my death, banishment, vow of silence,
joining the cult of Sun Yung Moonie, & having a triple tracheotomy have been *greatly
exagerrated* (emphasis on the "agerr" in exagerrated).  We are glad to see you have
returned to our fair city, much like a man named Jordan who returned to a town named
Chicago.  Or so I have been told. --Nuln & the 4B Kru shoutin out yo

Aradi Resort & Spa -- Do you by chance give any massages?  Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
haaaaaaaa. -- Nuln

Welcome to all the new teams. -- 4000 Blows

Tidbits from The Crazy Creeps Free Press:
     Speedy is a misguided DM.
     Pretty Boy is considered most desirable in Aradi. (wink)
     A visit to Aradi Resort & Spa may not be good for your health.
     Rue to those who attempt to test wits with The Ed.
     FONZ = Forlorn Odd Nondescript Zingers
     Rageman has been seen contacting everyone for a partner.
     Barnabas is back.
     Soultaker was recently seen at the goat petting zoo.
     Nuln is resident scratchy label underwear expert.
     TOGS was the talk of The Face.  (Ed was in denial.)

     Darn right, and it was a very nice nial, thank you very much! -- Ed.

Sandman and Mannequin?  What a formidable team! -- Scooped by The Crazy Creeps Free
Press

     SandMannequin? -- Ed.

Holly Skull -- Wondered when you would finally show up. -- Sandy Beach

Vas -- No Deferens about it, I'm not quite ready for you. -- Little Eddy

Jim Panzi -- Well, at least you lived up to your name. -- Rip Rap

Pinto -- You were just a little out of your class, amigo. -- Rocky

Small Intestine -- What a boring fight, think I'll be heading to that dark arena sky.
-- Lethal Log

Falcon Xli -- My person had a Falcon once.  The back seat was pretty good, but the
whole carriage finally had to go.  We just couldn't keep it in tires.  Do carriages
get hag-ridden?  Because if so, that's what was happening to it.  Back and forth and
back and forth all night.  At least, that's what I heard.  I didn't see it.  Times
like that, a smart dog hides under the bed. -- Pretty Boy

Frank -- You would not have been MIS-guided if you'd had a DOG along.  Dogs are good
guides, even when not specially trained for it.  It's innate in us.  We always know
the way to important places, such as where the can opener is hanging right next to
the cans of dogfood, and where there's a really ripe piece of nature just waiting for
us to roll in it.  So, when in need of a guide, get a dog. -- Bully Boy

Karate Wrecker -- I've heard about wreckers, you come for dead carriages, don't you?
Because there isn't much use in a dead carriage.  You can't even roll on it.  So go
get that Falcon.  It's ready for you. -- Stevie

Slipknot -- (horrible strangling sounds)  I hate leashes!  There should be a law! --
Flower

In Pari Delicto -- That was fun!  (wagging from the tail forward)  Let's do it again!
-- The Tail

Crazy Creeps Free Press -- Do not malign puppies, even if they ARE messy, clumsy,
odiously cute little wretches! -- Spot, Red Dog Gang

CCFP -- Well, sure!  Of course. -- The Tail

Ed. -- Mostly in western Kansas. -- Temp Ed.

     Ah, is THAT what they were growing there.  I wondered because it didn't LOOK
     like corn. -- Ed.

Speedy -- Congratulations on taking the throne!  We wish that it didn't have to be at
our expense, but there will still be plenty of time for me us change that.  Salute.
-- Death Studs

Rillion -- Glad that I could accommodate both Blue Beanie and that other random dead
guy as well. -- Death Stud

Barney Bus -- Good to see you back and flapping your gums!  We missed you at the FTF
this year. -- Death Stud

Prepare for TOGS starting the turn after the Mail-In tourney and a pre-TOGS four
turns of fun running up to the mail-in.  Get those teams sent in and get your DAing
done, TOGS is COMING!

     All right already, so it's coming.  No need to rub it in!  By the way, do y'all
     want a special TOGS e-mail address again?  Just let me know. -- Ed.

30 December 2005
Just a reminder to all you online type people.  It is much appreciated if you send
your personals in PLAIN TEXT, rather than HTML or formatted text.  HAL, in his
infinite wisdom, doesn't DO formatting, which means having to unsnarl your personal
ads from bunches of extraneous...stuff.  So, if your e-mailer has a plain text
option, let it be your friend. -- Ed.
P.S.  Sometimes it's the formatted text which makes ads go astray.  Not often, but
sometimes.

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

LETHAL LOG was butchered by SPYMASTER in a 2 minute bloody Dark Arena fight.
PHIL THEE was dispatched by DARK CHAMPION in a 2 minute gruesome Dark Arena battle.
BL'D BKE was killed by STONE GOLEM in a 3 minute Dark Arena fight.
POS 001 was slaughtered by SPYMASTER in a 1 minute Dark Arena brawl.
KADESHA was dealt death by STONE GOLEM in a 2 minute Dark Arena fight.
DRYXLER was assassinated by BORED ELF in a 1 minute Dark Arena match.
TINY TIM was viciously subdued by HYQ in a action packed 3 minute Bloodfeud brawl.
FALCON XLI was unbelievably bested by SPEEDY in a 9 minute Challenge Title match.
MISS UNDERSTOOD was viciously subdued by KARATE WRECKER in a 4 minute Challenge melee.
SANDY BEACH overpowered IN PARI DELICTO in a 1 minute uneven Challenge duel.
RIP RAP was overpowered by TSUNAMI in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge fight.
MYSTERY savagely defeated FLASH FIRE in a 3 minute brutal Challenge fight.
SNOW WHITE was savagely defeated by ROCKY BANKS in a 3 minute Challenge competition.
FRANK was savagely defeated by THALIA in a crowd pleasing 1 minute Challenge match.
NINJA was handily defeated by VAS DEFERENS in a 10 minute Challenge conflict.
PRETTY BOY was savagely defeated by SON OF BLOODLUST in a 4 minute expert's struggle.
ASSHE-MASTER delivered the death blow upon SIDE-BAR in a 2 minute master's brawl.
SLIPKNOT was overpowered by FLOWER in a 3 minute brutal one-sided bout.
DOONEUSHMUN beat STEVIE in a crowd pleasing 1 minute bloody veteran's match.
ONE-TIMER viciously subdued PHREAK in a crowd boring 17 minute brutal veteran's bout.
THE TAIL was beaten by ERUPTION in a 2 minute uneven fray.
BULLY BOY was handily defeated by ASSASSIN in a 1 minute one-sided contest.
ENOCH PEABODY savagely defeated LAVA TUBE in a 2 minute gory fight.
SEHENSTES vanquished HURRICANE XXXVII in a 1 minute one-sided match.
SHMAMY CROCKETT vanquished NEZUMI in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
SMALL INTESTINE was subdued by WHITE WITCH in a tiresome 6 minute melee.
ANALISE viciously subdued CHIM RICHALDS in a 4 minute gory fray.
WES MANTOOTH overcame HARRIET in a 2 minute bout.
FALOPIAN was overcome by INIGO in a 2 minute duel.
EUSTACHIAN luckily beat FRIENDLY CONSTABLE in a 3 minute fight.
MANDA defeated OLD DAGGERTOOTH in a 1 minute beginner's duel.
GOOFY overpowered TEATS R US in a 1 minute one-sided match.
LITTLE EDDY was defeated by STILLETTO JONES in a 1 minute novice's fight.
TOTE-MY-POLE was savagely defeated by REIFE in a 2 minute gruesome bout.
COUNT SHANKILLA demolished SIGMOID COLON in a 1 minute uneven contest.
VIPER LXXI was defeated by SHANKTRONIC in a exciting 1 minute struggle.
RHYS subdued DE NOVO in a 2 minute novice's struggle.
RHEIGN easily killed MOO MOO LOVER in a 1 minute one-sided fight.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|TOTAL PARRY                     13         TOTAL PARRY       71 -  46 -  1      61  |
|LUNGING ATTACK                  11         STRIKING ATTACK   58 -  49 -  4      54  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  8         SLASHING ATTACK   30 -  31 -  3      49  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  8         PARRY-LUNGE       14 -  15 -  0      48  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    8         LUNGING ATTACK    51 -  57 -  6      47  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   7         BASHING ATTACK    20 -  27 -  1      43  |
|AIMED BLOW                       5         PARRY-STRIKE      15 -  21 -  1      42  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     4         AIMED BLOW        10 -  15 -  0      40  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      3         PARRY-RIPOSTE      9 -  19 -  0      32  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    2         WALL OF STEEL     18 -  38 -  0      32  |

Turn 382 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

SLASHING ATTACK    6 -  2     TOTAL PARRY        6 -  7         3  TOTAL PARRY    
STRIKING ATTACK    5 -  3     LUNGING ATTACK     5 -  6         3  LUNGING ATTACK 
BASHING ATTACK     4 -  3     AIMED BLOW         1 -  4         1  BASHING ATTACK 
PARRY-RIPOSTE      1 -  1     PARRY-LUNGE        0 -  3         1  SLASHING ATTACK
WALL OF STEEL      4 -  4     PARRY-STRIKE       0 -  4         1  PARRY-RIPOSTE  
                                                                1  STRIKING ATTACK
                                                                1  PARRY-STRIKE   

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
TOTAL PARRY      SPEEDY 7293                14  13  0  112 THE MISGUIDED (559)
LUNGING ATTACK   SON OF BLOODLUST 6823      21  13  0  108 4000 BLOWS (107)
SLASHING ATTACK  DOONEUSHMUN 5949           18   8  1  107 VOUGEOOT (464)
STRIKING ATTACK  TSUNAMI 7273               18  15  1   98 NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
WALL OF STEEL    ENOCH PEABODY 7325          7   5  0   51 THIEVES GUILD (396)
PARRY-STRIKE     LAVA TUBE 7393              8   5  1   38 NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

The overall popularity leader is SON OF BLOODLUST 6823.  The most popular warrior 
this turn was SON OF BLOODLUST 6823.  The ten other most popular fighters were HYQ 
7388, FALCON XLI 7341, KARATE WRECKER 6693, ROCKY BANKS 7073, TSUNAMI 7273, FLOWER 
7255, DOONEUSHMUN 5949, ERUPTION 7310, WES MANTOOTH 7489, and REIFE 7519.

The least popular fighter this week was PHREAK 7327.  The other ten least popular 
fighters were ONE-TIMER 7169, VAS DEFERENS 7534, NINJA 7357, WHITE WITCH 7542, SPEEDY 
7293, EUSTACHIAN 7499, SMALL INTESTINE 7535, MOO MOO LOVER 7579, SIGMOID COLON 7533, 
and TOTE-MY-POLE 7538.

The following warriors will travel to AD after next turn:

SPEEDY (60-7293) THE MISGUIDED (559)
SON OF BLOODLUST (60-6823) 4000 BLOWS (107)
DOONEUSHMUN (60-5949) VOUGEOOT (464)