Date   : 04/07/2006    Duedate: 04/20/2006


DM-60    TURN-387

This Weeks Top Honors


(60-7169) [26-5-0,102]

Chartered Recognition Leader   Unchartered Recognition Leader

SLIPKNOT                       ANALISE
THIEVES GUILD (396)            ARADI RESORT & SPA (580)
(60-6674) [18-15-0,109]        (60-7544) [6-2-0,44]

Popularity Leader              This Weeks Favorite

FLOWER                         HEADROCK
RED DOG GANG (476)             OGRES ARE US (270)
(60-7255) [19-27-0,84]         (60-3430) [19-20-0,99]



Team Name                  Point Gain  Chartered Team
1. CRAZY CREEPS (207)          45
2. OGRES ARE US (270)          28      CRAZY CREEPS (207)
3. ARADI RESORT & SPA (580)    28      Unchartered Team
4. BUGS, SLUGS & THUGS (591)   27
5. DILLIGAF LEGION (589)       25      PHILANTHROPISTS (594)

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
 1/ 1*PHILANTHROPISTS (594)      2   1  0 66.7   1/10*ARADI RESORT & SPA (580) 10  5 0
 2/ 4*ARADI RESORT & SPA (580)  24  14  1 63.2   2/ 3 SILENT WARRIORS (561)     9  6 0
 3- 3*CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)    14   9  1 60.9   3/ 8*ATLAS PARK (592)          8  5 1
 4/ 9 CRAZY CREEPS (207)       497 415 15 54.5   4/13*AARP (583)                8  7 0
 5/10 DEATH STUDS VII (301)    423 357 12 54.2   5/ 2 CRAZY CREEPS (207)        7  3 0
 6-11 NATURAL DISASTERS (159)  698 599 25 53.8   6/ 4 RED DOG GANG (476)        7  6 0
 7-12 SWIFT CURRENT (468)      120 105 10 53.3   7/12*THE BUNKHOUSE (595)       7  8 0
 8-14 WILD CARDS (148)         727 659 30 52.5   8/ 1*DILEN'S HORDE (587)       7  8 0
 9/13 GOIN' TUBIN' (577)       115 105  5 52.3   9- 9 WING HOVE (529)           6  4 0
10/ 8*ATLAS PARK (592)          12  11  1 52.2  10/15*DILLIGAF LEGION (589)     6  6 0
11/22*AARP (583)                10  10  0 50.0  11/ 5 GOIN' TUBIN' (577)        5  2 0
12/ 5*DILEN'S HORDE (587)       10  10  0 50.0  12- 6*CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)    5  2 0
13-17*BEWARE OF DOG (257)        1   1  1 50.0  13/ 7 DEATH STUDS VII (301)     5  6 1
14/18 THIEVES GUILD (396)      169 170  6 49.9  14/24 4000 BLOWS (107)          4  3 1
15/ 0 OGRES ARE US (270)       148 159  2 48.2  15/20 CHEER-O-KEE'S (557)       4  5 0
16/19 4000 BLOWS (107)         612 676 29 47.5  16/14 THIEVES GUILD (396)       4  6 0
17-21 WING HOVE (529)           45  50  3 47.4  17/18*BUGS, SLUGS & THUG (591)  4 10 0
18/24 SILENT WARRIORS (561)     34  38  3 47.2  18/ 0 OGRES ARE US (270)        3  2 0

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
19/20 CHEER-O-KEE'S (557)       73  82  3 47.1  19/11*THE BIZZLE (593)          3  7 0
20/16*THE BUNKHOUSE (595)        7   8  0 46.7  20/21*PHILANTHROPISTS (594)     2  1 0
21-23 METAL MELTDOWN (344)     290 332 21 46.6  21-17*COWS (588)                2  3 0
22/25 LEGALESE (449)           145 176  5 45.2  22/19 LEGALESE (449)            2  4 0
23/ 2*THE BIZZLE (593)           8  10  2 44.4  23/30*SUPERIOR FORCES 16 (586)  2  7 0
24-26 VOUGEOOT (464)            70  94  6 42.7  24-28*BEWARE OF DOG (257)       1  0 1
25-27 FUNKY FOLK (565)          28  39  3 41.8  25-16 SWIFT CURRENT (468)       1  3 0
26/30*BUGS, SLUGS & THUG (591)  10  14  2 41.7  26/25*MEDICAL BIOHAZARD  (585)  1  4 0
27/31*DILLIGAF LEGION (589)      8  12  0 40.0  27-27 VOUGEOOT (464)            1  4 0
28-28*COWS (588)                 4   6  0 40.0  28-26 WILD CARDS (148)          0  5 0
29/29 RED DOG GANG (476)       329 532  4 38.2  29-33 METAL MELTDOWN (344)      0  4 0
30/32*MEDICAL BIOHAZARD  (585)   2   8  0 20.0  30-31*THE RIPPED CREW (443)     0  4 0
31/33*SUPERIOR FORCES 16 (586)   2   9  0 18.2  31-34*DARK TOADS (590)          0  3 0
32-34*THE RIPPED CREW (443)      0  16  0  0.0  32-32 FUNKY FOLK (565)          0  3 0
33-35*DARK TOADS (590)           0   8  0  0.0  33-35 NATURAL DISASTERS (159)   0  1 0

    '*'   Unchartered team                       '-'  Team did not fight this turn
   (###)  Avoid teams by their Team Id          ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

                                    TEAM SPOTLIGHT

                                   The Clone Wars
                                      Part Dos

     Nuln could vaguely feel a string of drool slip out of the side of his mouth,
then his head slipped off of his hand where it had been resting.  Nuln looked across
the desk, but the man opposite him continued talking, oblivious that his audience had
for some period of time fallen asleep.
     "...and so that's how I was able to get all five melons in my brother's mouth.
But the sixth, well the sixth was painful.  Say, did I ever tell you about my uncle
Ebeneezer?  Well he had a glass leg and a wooden eye, a bit of the black sheep of
     "FIRE!"  Nuln screamed, standing up suddenly.  "FIRE!"
     "Like I said, the black sheep of the family, but truly a lovely m..."
     "FIRE!" Nuln screamed again, louder, pointing this time at the exit.  This was
the fifteenth recruit the chaos lord had interviewed that day, and he was finding
that his powers of speech were leaving him.
     "Fire?" the recruit asked, puzzled.
     "Yes, I'm afraid there's a fire in the building." Nuln said, regaining some
speech.  "You'll have to leave now for your safety.  Trust me."
     "That's funny, I don't smell any smoke." The recruit said, not showing much
inclination to dislodge his butt from the chair it inhabited.
     Nuln's face twitched twice, and a vein formed between his right eyeball and ear.
Slowly, deliberately, with a shaky rattling he began to unsheathe the skull-pommeled
broadsword at his hip.
     "Whew, look at the time," the recruit laughed nervously, glancing at his wrist
sun-dial.  "Well I better be heading over for my two o'clock at the Superior Forces
HQ, gotta fly!"  Then he ran from the room.
     Nuln exhaled deeply, sinking in his chair, his sword hand still spasming.
     After a few deep breaths, he composed himself at his desk, pulling a pad of
paper in front of him which bore the heading, "notes to self:".  Dipping his quill in
a goat horn, Nuln wrote underneath:

     1.  get margarita pedicure @ Aradi Resort & Spa
     2.  no xmas gift for RUGS

     "Dr. Richalds!" Nuln called out.
     A man in full surgical uniform entered the room from the hallway outside.  The
blue rubber arm sleeves he wore were covered in blood near up to his elbows, and in
his bloody hands he held something which looked like either a mound of giblets, or
perhaps a pile of pickled plums cooked in a light red sauce.
     "Yes?" the doctor asked, a hint of irritation in his voice.
     "Could you please show in the next poor sod?" Nuln asked, trying to sound
     Dr. Richalds paused, an incredulous look on his face.  Out in the hallway a soft
whimpering could be heard.  "Um, I don't know if you can see, but I'm a little busy
     "CHIM!" Nuln screamed, then lowered his voice to a calmer tone.  "I'm sure your
patient has patience to wait a few moments.  PLEASE, prittee prittee please, show the
next poor sod in for me?!  Eh?"
     Without a word, Chim stormed out of the room, his footsteps trailing off down
the hallway.  Nuln was quickly losing patience with this warrior who claimed to be a
doctor as well.  He seemed very intent on proving to everyone that he was a licensed 
medical practitioner.  A little over-intent, as he would perform surgeries and
operations at the most inopportune and awkward of moments, such as this one.  He was
often late for his training as well, always saying he was coming from the ER or from
some poor widow with the gout.  His record had suffered accordingly, and in Nuln's
mind, there was something else, a hidden dimension that explained his
"irregularities" as well.
     Nuln's attention was brought back to the present, as Dr. Richalds dragged in one
of the more laughable characters he'd seen all day, which was saying something.
     Suppressing the urge to slit his own throat, Nuln stood up and gestured for the
woman to sit down.
     "So, tell me, what is your name?" Nuln asked, eyeing the woman carefully.  There
was something about her clothing, despite the horrendous color scheme, that he found
entrancing, but he couldn't put his finger on it.
     "Well, my friends call me Joleyne," she replied, picking up the goat horn off of
Nuln's desk and twirling it in the air, "but I've come up with my own arena name!"
     Joleyne paused and looked at her potential manager-to-be expectantly.  Nuln
finally realized she wanted him to guess the name she had thought of.  Inwardly he
said a prayer to his Nameless gods, then said, "Um, so what would that be?"
     She looked down at her abdomen, then at each arm, then each leg, but said
nothing.  Nuln was puzzled.  Then she stood up and pointed at each bunched up piece
of cloth on her body.  Nuln tried to count all the different pastels in her get up,
but he was unable to focus.
     "Rainbow Woman?" Nuln ventured weakly.
     Joleyne sighed with disappointment, then said, "No, Leg-warmer Lust!!!"
     Suddenly it clicked and Nuln realized what it was about her outfit that had
attracted him.  Everything was leg-warmers--leg-warmer arm sleeves, a giant leg-
warmer body sleeve, a leg-warmer scarf, and of course leg-warmers for her legs.
     "Listen, sir," Joleyne explained, as the chaos lord stared blankly, "I am
steeped in Aradi Lore!  Not only that but I appreciate AND respect the role the leg-
warmer has played both in this town and in the TOGS, and I would be honored to fight
under your team name, sir!"
     Nuln composed himself and looked back up at the applicant.
     "You can't be serious?" he said.
     A look of anger flashed in Joleyne's face, the goat horn, which he had noticed
had never stopped twirling on any one of her finger tips, seemed to increase in
speed.  Then before the chaos lord could react, the horn flew out of her hand,
landing perfectly between Nuln's thumb and forefinger, which had come to rest again
on his pad of paper.
     Before Nuln could say anything, she abruptly turned around and left the room,
her leg-warmers absolutely riveting the chaos lord's gaze.  Nuln waited a few
moments, then called out again for Dr. Richalds.
     This time the doctor entered under the staggering weight of what appeared to be
an entire torso.  "Now what?!" he asked, struggling to hold on to the massive object,
drippings beginning to decorate the newly waxed floor.
     "I want you to send a letter for me, addressed to that woman who was just in
here." Nuln announced, eyeing his warrior suspiciously.  "Tell her if she'll accept
the offer, I will have Leg-warmer Lust as my fifth warrior."
     As Dr. Richalds swayed out of the room, Nuln plucked his quill, which was still
quivering, and added one more item to his list:

     3.  buy pencils.  dull pencils.

(later that evening)

     Deep down below the streets of Aradi, beneath all of the secret laboratories
which all the mad scientists had dug out to perform all their hideous experiments on
all of those less fortunate, was a room so secret that the two people in it did not
even know they were there.  But whether through chance, fate or just the whim of the
gods, these two managers happened to bump into each in the pitch of darkness.
     "Hello, Nuln."
     "Good day, Snotman."
     "I think it's evening actually."
     "Good evening."
     "Funny meeting you here."
     "Yes, where are we?"
     "I have no idea."
     "Want to team up for TOGS?"

(even later that same evening)

     Farmer boB shuffled dolorously about his farm.  All his friends and family had
noticed a shift in his attitude since all his animals had been shipped off and
replaced by scrod.  No longer was he the Farmer boB that cracked udder jokes at the
drop of a hamhock.  No longer was he Farmer boB who would come by with a dozen fresh
eggs for your larder.  No, now he was sad Farmer boB of the cold floppy fish.
     A look that said "I'm ruined" on his face, boB sat down at his kitchen table.
Whoever was behind taking away his heifers and Holsteins would pay, and dearly.  He
was going to go post-modern on somebody's butt, and it wasn't going to be all that
pretty for whoever had to clean up.

(even laterer)

     Not much happened.  Pretty much everyone was asleep and didn't do anything until
much later the following morning.

spotlight for dm 60

         + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ A Dark and Stormy Night ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     Jorge Black Orc leaned back in his seat and looked around at the tavern.  Booths
with red oilcloth tables, big, greasy burgers with lots of catsup and onions, and
really good beer.  The place was small and nameless, thus avoiding the clishay of
"the good bar ruined by publicity."  He liked it.  "We should come here more often,
     The arenamaster stiffened.  "Don't go feeling domestic, Jorge," he warned.  "I
am not going to marry you, no matter what."  Then he paused and shook his head.
"Sorry about that last remark, it must be the penumbra of TOGS."  He shuddered.
"That we should have to resist the nefarious influences of the Clishay Gang AND TOGS
at the same time seems horribly unfair.  Almost more than one could hope to
accomplish without divine intervention."
     Jorge looked upward apprehensively, but the ceiling did not roll back and reveal
a god or goddess about to intervene.  He released his breath cautiously.  Gods and
goddesses were okay in their places, even useful, but there was nothing, well, almost
nothing that ruined the ambience of a good bar the way a divine manifestation could.*
"So what do we do?  The Clishay Gang is here, uh, not RIGHT here, but in Aradi.  And
TOGS is almost upon us."
     "Well..." Harkon raised his mug to drink, thus making a pause while he could
think, or at least attempt to think.  "Well, we COULD go to Caleam and look for that
boy that's growing up that Madame Lu worries about."
     "Caleam in the spring?"  The Black Orc recoiled.  "Mud and plowboys."
     "Oh, now, THERE is a clishay!"
     "It isn't a clishay if it's true," the Orc maintained.  "And I've seen Caleam in
the spring."  He shuddered.  "Once was enough."
     "Okay, pass on Caleam.  I don't mind.  Besides, we're both needed here on Aradi
during TOGS."  He shivered.  "I wish I didn't have to keep saying that."
     "You don't have to keep saying it.  At least, you wouldn't have to keep saying
it if you could think of something else to say.  And you should be able to!  You're
an educated man.  You've traveled abroad.  You're a man of the world, and the world
is full of a number of things...why does that sound strange?  Like it was about to
become a ballad or something?"
     Harkon shrugged.  "This bar needs a piano."
     "A what?"
     "A large musical instrument that combines strings and percussion.  They were
invented in Riztab last week.  We need one here.  Something that would give us music
to cry into our beers to."
     "Why would anyone cry into a beer?  Ruin the taste."
     "It's a figure of speech."
     "Well, up its pretentious little preposition," the Black Orc snarled.  "I don't
like figures of speech.  What they are, they're lies, all words in masks pretending
to be what they're not."
     Harkon emptied his mug and frowned at the Black Orc.  "We can't go on a crusade
against figures of speech," he said.  "It's too nebulous and imprecise.  Leave that
to the mimes."
     Jorge bared his fangs.  "Mimes," he growled.  "I hate mimes."
     "And so you should.  They're agents of the Clishay Gang, after all.  Who else
could get away with portraying so many clishays...in public?  They even get PAID to
do their nefarious deeds."  Harkon paused, in fact, he froze in place, newly filled
mug raised halfway to his mouth.  "That's IT!" he whispered.  The masterminds of the
Clishay Gang are MIMES!"

*  Demonic manifestation, while enhancing the ambience of bad bars, is hell on good

      * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ *

                          ---===ANDORIAN REGIONAL NEWS===---

 DM   8 ARKERS (turn 268): INOCHI of YAKUZA (Sensei Jan, mgr.)
 DM  11 ARUAK CITY (turn 537): ONEWOLF of WOLFBROTHERS (Doc Steele, mgr.)
 DM  14 TOBIR (turn 537): WOOFER of THE DOGHOUSE (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  22 SOLVEN (turn 530): BLIZZARD of JUST CHILLIN (Mr. Freeze, mgr.)
 DM  24 ZORPUNT (turn 526): BUBBA JONES of KRILL CAVALRY (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  25 LYRATILAN (turn 526): BLOODSHED of MADTOWN (Namenlos, mgr.)
 DM  26 CALEAM (turn 524): DE DE MAO of SHERWOOD FOREST (Papaiz, mgr.)
 DM  30 IAYE (turn 519): STEINBACH of THE A'S -- LOSERS II (Malaquar, mgr.)
 DM  40 ZENSU (turn 488): DRIZZT of PHILANTHROPISTS (Aragorn, mgr.)
 DM  41 KATI-TEI (turn 479): 5 GOT PICKED of 072905R (The Muffin Man, mgr.)
 DM  46 ARDIVENT (turn 470): 8-BALL of INFERNAL LORDS (DeGotti, mgr.)
 DM  52 FRATSFA (turn 215): INSOLENT IRIS of FLOWER GIRLS (Lady Fern, mgr.)
 DM  60 ARADI (turn 386): THE TAIL of RED DOG GANG (Spot, mgr.)
 DM  63 AMEN-TEI (turn 374): ROADBLOCK of WAYFARERS (Leeta, mgr.)
ADM 105 ANDORAK (turn 422): ZEBRAWOOD of ACTION TOYS from KATI-TEI (Papaiz, mgr.)

                                      Top Teams
 DM   8 ARKERS (turn 268): ORCISH IDIOMS (Slugbait, mgr.)
 DM  11 ARUAK CITY (turn 537): WHEN DOGMA FAILS II (Prophet, mgr.)
 DM  14 TOBIR (turn 537): PLAYPEN (KAT, mgr.)
 DM  22 SOLVEN (turn 530): KELLUMBO'S KIDS (Detective Kellumbo, mgr.)
 DM  24 ZORPUNT (turn 526): MONEY PIT (Papaiz, mgr.)
 DM  25 LYRATILAN (turn 526): MADTOWN (Namenlos, mgr.)
 DM  26 CALEAM (turn 524): GOLDEN CANYON (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  30 IAYE (turn 519): THE A'S -- LOSERS II (Malaquar, mgr.)
 DM  40 ZENSU (turn 488): PHILANTHROPISTS (Aragorn, mgr.)
 DM  41 KATI-TEI (turn 479): WANDERERS (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  46 ARDIVENT (turn 470): INFERNAL LORDS (DeGotti, mgr.)
 DM  52 FRATSFA (turn 215): BLOOD AND GUTS! (Le Pentarque, mgr.)
 DM  60 ARADI (turn 386): DILEN'S HORDE (?, mgr.)
 DM  63 AMEN-TEI (turn 374): WAYFARERS (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  71 KYR'TERR (turn 170): NIGHTHAWKS (Savant, mgr.)
ADM 105 ANDORAK (turn 422): THE LAST STRAW V (Doc Steele, mgr.)

                                   Recent Graduates
 DM   8 ARKERS (turn 268): TOM SAWYER of SMITHSONIAN (The Curator, mgr.)
 DM  22 SOLVEN (turn 530): CRIMSON WONDER of MEDIEVAL CHAOS (Huckle Cat, mgr.)
 DM  24 ZORPUNT (turn 526): BUBBA JONES of KRILL CAVALRY (Leeta, mgr.)
                (turn 525): KING BROWN SNAKE of AUSSIE KILLERS (THawk, mgr.)
 DM  25 LYRATILAN (turn 525): RICK O'SHEA of FUNKY FOLK (Papa Bear, mgr.)
 DM  46 ARDIVENT (turn 470): 8-BALL of INFERNAL LORDS (DeGotti, mgr.)
                 (turn 469): VECORDIUS of CYNICAL DELUSIONS (Eclipse, mgr.)

                                      SPY REPORT

     Greetings warriors!  It is I, Zontani Sharp Eyes, here to bring report of the 
clash and bustle of the weekly ARADI games.  Former top team DILEN'S HORDE was 
unseated this week as ARADI RESORT & SPA moved up from 10th ranking to take the top 
spot with a 4-1-0 record for the round.  Fortune did not smile upon SWIFT CURRENT 
this time out who this turn suffered a fall into 25th position in the wake of a 0-0-0 
round.  My praise to ARADI RESORT & SPA for their 4-1-0 week this time out.  Indeed, 
it was a skillfully fought round deserving of notice!  SMIRLIN caught the eye of many 
in the gladiatorial commission as he skillfully bested FLOWER and was awarded 24 
points in recognition.  In one of the week's more notable duels, ANALISE put down 
PIZNAUL JIZNOKE, causing him to lose 17 points of recognition in the process.  This 
time out ONE-TIMER made his bid for the throne as he challenged THE TAIL in an all 
out contest of skill for possession of the title!  This time victory fell to the 
grasp of the usurper.  All hail ONE-TIMER, Duelmaster of ARADI!  No confirmation, but 
my sources claim that the top team has gained their position using magical aids.  
Charmed weapons perhaps?   
     Many and various are the arts of battle.  In ARADI "art" is a word that has long 
since passed from the language!  I saw one fighter that warriors avoided when this 
week's challenge seeking began.  CRAZY CREEPS is feared.  This much I can say.  
Apparently the stalwarts of DILEN'S HORDE are catching the bulk of jests down at the 
challenging board for their large share of the avoids.  Mighty fighters cannot but 
expect competition from those below.  NIGHT HAG take warning!  You have more than a 
few enemies in ARADI.  SHMAMY CROCKETT must really be harboring a grudge against the 
CRAZY CREEPS guild!  Merciless, 24 challenged down SNOW WHITE points this week to 
duel with she.  The Fates are not kind to the cowardly, as evidenced by the fact that 
SHMAMY CROCKETT was defeated by SNOW WHITE.  And who can now doubt that SNOW WHITE is 
a hardy opponent?   
     Is not Death a warrior's foremost adviser?   Warriors, may this counselor stand 
ready at your right hand forever!  Some say a warrior is judged by the way he bears 
arms.  One thing is sure, better a dagger in hand then a sword on the belt!   
     If it were not for my skills as a spy I would have been mugged three times 
already in ARADI.  Nice atmosphere you have here!  Sadly warriors, now longer can I 
keep thy company nor savor the ale of thy fine city.  Depart I must and soon!  Till 
we meet again, remember:  a turtle walks slow, hides head in a shell, and harms no 
one; a lion runs to slay its prey.-- Zontani Sharp Eyes  

DUELMASTER                     W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 ONE-TIMER 7169               26   5  0   102       DEATH STUDS VII (301)

CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-FALCON XLI 7341               9  10  1   132       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
 SLIPKNOT 6674                18  15  0   109       THIEVES GUILD (396)
-HOLLY SKULL 7276             15  12  0   101       CHEER-O-KEE'S (557)
-RIP RAP 6599                 14  12  1   101       SWIFT CURRENT (468)
 HEADROCK 3430                19  20  0    99       OGRES ARE US (270)
 THE TAIL 7253                16  30  0    99       RED DOG GANG (476)
-SANDY BEACH 6957             13   6  1    99       SWIFT CURRENT (468)
-SEHENSTES 7339               12   9  2    96       VOUGEOOT (464)
 SMIRLIN 6568                 14  13  0    95       OGRES ARE US (270)
 TINY TIM 6042                 9   1  0    92       CRAZY CREEPS (207)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-JIM PANZI 7382                8   4  0    87       FUNKY FOLK (565)
-NAPPY DUGOUT 6080            20  25  1    86       WILD CARDS (148)
 FLOWER 7255                  19  27  0    84       RED DOG GANG (476)
 STEVIE 7271                  17  23  0    80       RED DOG GANG (476)
-DERALD 7285                   8   6  0    78       4000 BLOWS (107)
 IN PARI DELICTO 7283         17  19  1    71       LEGALESE (449)
 PANTHER 7320                  7   7  1    71       SILENT WARRIORS (561)

CHALLENGER ADEPTS              W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 ENOCH PEABODY 7325            9   7  0    65       THIEVES GUILD (396)
 SNOW WHITE 7486               6   3  0    62       CRAZY CREEPS (207)
 SYDA HAMMIE 6667             13   7  0    58       OGRES ARE US (270)
-TAY STARLE 6808               8   9  2    58       WING HOVE (529)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 SHMAMY CROCKETT 7216         10   4  0    54       4000 BLOWS (107)
-ERUPTION 7310                 7   7  1    52       NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
-HURRICANE XXXVII 7379         7   7  1    52       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
-FLASH FIRE 7390              11  10  0    50       NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
 MOUSE 7318                    5  10  0    50       SILENT WARRIORS (561)
-BUTTERFLY 7338               11   3  0    47       CHEER-O-KEE'S (557)
 HOSCHA 6835                   8   6  0    46       OGRES ARE US (270)
 BULLY BOY 7447                8   9  0    46       RED DOG GANG (476)
-LAVA TUBE 7393                9   5  1    44       NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
-ROCKY BANKS 7073              8   7  0    44       SWIFT CURRENT (468)
 ANALISE 7544                  6   2  0    44       ARADI RESORT & SPA (580)
 MANDA 7546                    6   2  1    43       ARADI RESORT & SPA (580)
 NINJA 7357                    5   3  0    43       SILENT WARRIORS (561)
 NEZUMI 7342                   7   6  0    41       THIEVES GUILD (396)
-DERRIN 6952                   8   7  0    39       WING HOVE (529)
-JAMIS 6735                    6  12  1    39       WING HOVE (529)
 WALMART GREETER 7576          2   2  0    36       AARP (583)
-MALT-O-MEAL 7527              4   0  1    34       CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 HARRIET 7495                  5   4  0    33       THIEVES GUILD (396)
 HYDRO ON THE D-LO 7642        3   1  1    33       THE BIZZLE (593)
-HYQ 7388                      7   9  1    31       VOUGEOOT (464)
 INIGO 7545                    5   3  0    31       ARADI RESORT & SPA (580)
 G DUBYAH 7611                 2   3  0    29       DILLIGAF LEGION (589)
-VAS DEFERENS 7534             6   0  0    28       GOIN' TUBIN' (577)
-JACK THE RIPPER 7487          4   3  0    28       CRAZY CREEPS (207)
 CIALIS 7659                   3   0  0    28       AARP (583)
 NIGHT HAG 7598                4   0  0    27       DILEN'S HORDE (587)
 FLESH FOR FANTASY 7660        3   0  0    27       ATLAS PARK (592)
 NATASHA 7620                  3   1  0    27       ARADI RESORT & SPA (580)
-KARMA CHAMELEON 7636          3   1  1    26       ATLAS PARK (592)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 FUN IN THE BARN 7673          3   0  0    26       CHEER-O-KEE'S (557)
-LIMA BEANS 7530               5   1  0    24       CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)
 DEVOURER 7601                 3   1  0    24       DILEN'S HORDE (587)
-PINTO BEANS 7531              3   4  0    24       CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 OXYGEN TANK 7574              3   1  0    23       AARP (583)
 BIN LADEN 7646                3   1  0    23       DILLIGAF LEGION (589)
 PIZNAUL JIZNOKE 7641          3   1  1    22       THE BIZZLE (593)
-SPAM SANDWICH 7524            2   2  0    22       CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)
 VIPER LXXI 7566               2   3  0    22       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
-PREIA 7664                    2   0  0    22       WING HOVE (529)
 EUSTACHIAN 7499               3   2  0    21       GOIN' TUBIN' (577)
 SUTTY 7685                    2   1  0    21       THE BUNKHOUSE (595)
 CLINTON 7612                  2   3  0    21       DILLIGAF LEGION (589)
 LOUKMAD 7042                  2   5  0    21       OGRES ARE US (270)
 THALIA 7547                   4   4  0    20       ARADI RESORT & SPA (580)
 STARLING 7630                 4   1  0    20       BUGS, SLUGS & THUGS (591)
 GOOFY 7488                    3   6  0    19       CRAZY CREEPS (207)
 SUNSHINE 7593                 2   1  0    19       SUPERIOR FORCES 1601 (586)
-FALOPIAN 7498                 1   2  0    19       GOIN' TUBIN' (577)
-ACE OF SPADES 7480            4   2  0    18       METAL MELTDOWN (344)
 SMALL INTESTINE 7535          3   5  0    18       GOIN' TUBIN' (577)
-WHITE WITCH 7542              3   1  0    18       CRAZY CREEPS (207)
 COYOTE 7626                   3   2  1    17       BUGS, SLUGS & THUGS (591)
-WILD CHILD 7479               3   2  0    17       METAL MELTDOWN (344)
-TIGER TY 7665                 2   0  0    17       WING HOVE (529)
-SIGMOID COLON 7533            1   1  0    17       GOIN' TUBIN' (577)
 F'SHIZZLE M'NIZZLE 7639       2   2  0    16       THE BIZZLE (593)
-CHIM RICHALDS 7491            1   7  0    14       4000 BLOWS (107)
 LEG WARMER LUST 7717          1   0  0    13       4000 BLOWS (107)
-BOB 7607                      1   1  0    13       COWS (588)
-SCRAPPY 2846                  1   1  1    12       BEWARE OF DOG (257)
 MEALS ON WHEELS 7575          1   3  0    12       AARP (583)
 YELLOW JACKET 7627            1   4  0    12       BUGS, SLUGS & THUGS (591)
 DE NOVO 7567                  2   4  1    11       LEGALESE (449)
-BOSTON TERRIER 7638           2   2  0    11       ATLAS PARK (592)
 WILSON FERGUSON 7686          2   1  0    11       THE BUNKHOUSE (595)
-ETAN FROCK 7658               1   0  0    11       PHILANTHROPISTS (594)
-LITTLE EDDY 7536              2   4  0    10       SWIFT CURRENT (468)
-CURLY 7604                    2   0  0    10       COWS (588)
 ETTIN 7600                    2   2  0     9       DILEN'S HORDE (587)
 DERS 7683                     1   2  0     9       THE BUNKHOUSE (595)
 THE AVENGING SCROD 7649       1   0  1     8       4000 BLOWS (107)
 FLAMENCO A GO-GO 7662         2   1  0     7       ATLAS PARK (592)
 LAUVIAH 7710                  1   0  0     7       THIEVES GUILD (396)
 ATALAN 7656                   0   1  0     7       PHILANTHROPISTS (594)
 HILLARY 7647                  1   3  0     6       DILLIGAF LEGION (589)
 LOOSE DENTURES 7573           1   3  0     6       AARP (583)
 HOWLER 7602                   1   3  0     6       DILEN'S HORDE (587)
-DAGAT 7657                    1   0  0     6       PHILANTHROPISTS (594)
-LEAES 7596                    0   2  0     6       SUPERIOR FORCES 1601 (586)
-RLIN AT 7562                  1   2  0     5       VOUGEOOT (464)
 OSO 7682                      1   2  0     5       THE BUNKHOUSE (595)
 SILENT SPOCKER 7700           1   1  0     5       SILENT WARRIORS (561)
 HOLSTIEN HEAVEN 7674          1   2  0     5       CHEER-O-KEE'S (557)
 FLOWER 7629                   0   5  0     5       BUGS, SLUGS & THUGS (591)
 BLOODLUST MUTE 7701           1   1  0     4       SILENT WARRIORS (561)
-ERRA EVAD 7652                1   1  0     4       VOUGEOOT (464)
-LARRY 7608                    1   1  0     4       COWS (588)
-SAL MONELLA 7557              0   4  0     4       FUNKY FOLK (565)
 KRAKEN 7679                   0   3  0     3       DILEN'S HORDE (587)
 BOVINE ASSASIAN 7672          0   3  0     3       CHEER-O-KEE'S (557)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-SILAS 7605                    0   2  0     2       COWS (588)
-DIVINITY 7624                 0   2  0     2       DARK TOADS (590)
-TEMPLAR 7622                  0   2  0     2       DARK TOADS (590)
-CRUSADER 7625                 0   2  0     2       DARK TOADS (590)
-AXESHI 7675                   0   1  0     1       VOUGEOOT (464)
-TECHNISQUID 7708              0   1  0     1       WILD CARDS (148)
 KISS ME DEADLY 7726           0   1  0     1       ATLAS PARK (592)
-RACOON HAMMER 7709            0   1  0     1       WILD CARDS (148)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD               W  L K TEAM NAME             SLAIN BY             TURN Revenge?
SOCIAL SECURITY 7577   0  1 0 AARP 583              EMIL 7244             383 NOT REVE
LAVENDER SURGE 7635    1  1 0 ATLAS PARK 592        CROW 7628             384 REVENGED
NOT QUITE 7712         0  1 0 THE BIZZLE 593        GARGOYLE PRINCE 25    387 NONE    
NOPE 7711              0  1 0 THE BIZZLE 593        GARGOYLE PRINCE 25    387 NONE    
CROW 7628              2  2 1 BUGS, SLUGS & THU 591 KARMA CHAMELEON 7636  386         
SIVART 7684            1  2 0 THE BUNKHOUSE 595     THE AVENGING SCR 7649 387         
BOVINE PLEASURE 7631   1  1 0 CHEER-O-KEE'S 557     MALT-O-MEAL 7527      384         
MOE 7606               0  2 0 COWS 588              SCRAPPY 2846          386         
MAGMIN 7599            0  1 0 DILEN'S HORDE 587     DE NOVO 7567          384 REVENGED
INFESTATION 7695       0  1 0 MEDICAL BIOHAZARD 585 MARINE TROLL 18       387 NONE    
BALLROOM BLITZ 7016    8  4 0 METAL MELTDOWN 344    FALCON XLI 7341       385         
ASSASSIN 7317          6  7 1 SILENT WARRIORS 561   FALKYNOR 7182         384         
GHOST 7319             7  4 1 SILENT WARRIORS 561   FALKYNOR 7182         383 NOT REVE
A 7724                 0  1 0 SUPERIOR FORCES 1 586 DARK CHAMPION 24      387 NONE    
TALON 6736             9  7 0 WING HOVE 529         RIP RAP 6599          384         

                                     PERSONAL ADS

Aradi Resort & Spa was 5-0-0?  Whose back, or whatever, did they massage? -- The
Crazy Creeps Scribe

Manager -- Are you all Sunshine and Leaes, or are you really planning to participate?
Is it Mailer Madness? -- The Crazy Creeps Scribe

Ethelroompah!  Goneronious!  Wing, wang, wail wailerific!  Nulnlicker boogerpoo boing
boing badddy bye-bye plickster! -- The Creepster
(Uh, that could be interpreted to say -- The lovely ostrich Ethel is gone. Nuln is a
pri--er, a, well, badperson. -- The Crazy Creeps Scribe)

Unworthy DA'd?  What else would you have known how to run, Nuln? -- The Crazy Creeps

Lord Xiang, Proud Delarquan -- I know that as a Delarquan, numbers are hard for you
to understand.  So I will offer you some education.  One cannot have 250 Total Parry
Scum on a TOGS Team, as you mentioned.  Merely 10. -- The Crazy Creeps Scribe

Indimar -- Are you SURE you are talking about Cyberphant?  (re: "little guy...big
mouth")  I thought that was Soultaker's partner? -- The Crazy Creeps Scribe

A-Sop -- Well, I guarantee that the Creepster will always peek if he gets a chance.
He likes you. -- The Crazy Creeps Scribe

Snotman -- May the gods bless you!  (re: "I am Snotman .... Nuln and I will be
partners in the upcoming TOG$") -- The Crazy Creeps Scribe

Indimar -- I drink it daily, and yours is looking mighty, mighty fine, Big Bad
Studmuffin! -- Pretty Pandora a.k.a.
     Pandora Of The Pretty Legs   a.k.a.
     Pandora   a.k.a.

     Lady Pandora   a.k.a.
     Lady Pandora Stormme (who is planning to decimate a husband, and who agrees with
A-Sop that he has been in the closet too long.)

Tidbits From The Award-Winning Aradi Free press
   Barnabas is THE Hero in North Fork/SCOMSS Swamp.
   The Tail is wagging the dog as Aradi Duelmaster.
   Aradi is a quieter and nicer place without the animals.
   Lady Elysian is a cold hearted B.
   Mission has a sorry rump and does not write.
   Sheep are clishay.  Bovine is out.  Bird is in.
   Sentinel stole Soultaker's hearing aid.  (another backstab)
   As the Crow flier, er, dies.  Too bad, Fable Gal.
   Pauly wants vengeance (life of living hell) on Indimar.
   FONZ = Fickle Oafs Needing Zagnuts
   Lord Xiang wants Lady Elysian.
   Nuln has the neatest nut sack in all Aradi.
   Indimar is afraid to bloodfeud Barnabas.
   Scrodbucks has hit Aradi.  Mannequin is #1 customer.
   Malt-O-Meal, why did it take 16 minutes to win?
   Holstein Heaven, why did it take 16 minutes to lose?
   TOG$ is coming.  TOG$ is coming.  Ed is excited!

I guess I didn't get the fight throwing memo.  I'm not surprised at Superior Forces
but Death Studs!?!  I suspect the start of TOGS will fix this problem.... -- the
appreciative Ganolus

Snow White -- Yah, I've been meaning to ask you about that apple....  You know, I was
too sick to practice for the rest of the week.  NOT NICE! -- Panther

Moonshine and pig's feet?  Sounds like pre-TOGS Aradi to me!  Hey, ya got any Hot
Damn to welcome our friends from Atlas Park?  I also might be persuaded to do a shot
or two myself. : ) -- Ganolus

Aragorn -- Welcome to Aradi!!  Hope you are here for TOGS! -- Lord Xiang, mgr. AARP

The Tail -- Congrats on the Throne.  Just an FYI, Consortiumites have been posting
about getting tail, so I'd watch it if I were you. -- Lord Xiang

Seraphim -- Yoooooo-hoooooo!!!  Where ARRRRRRRRE YOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUU? -- Lord Xiang

Snotman -- What's up? -- boB

Farmer boB local paper headlines
Full Aradi free press -- scared; washed up
Aradi -- Un-rest; public discord
Nuln -- Overbearing traitor
(This issue brought to you by Aradi revolution)
secret meeting held at farmer boB's farm Tuesday 11:00 PM

Death Studebaker --
-- Nuln

the Bizzle -- Aqua Netta?  Oh my gawd, I'm having flashbacks to jr. high now! -- Nuln

Judge -- Good luck to you too! -- Nuln

Snotman -- Are you catching too many vapors from the diapers?  Where's the p-ads?
Let us know you're alive, man!  I'm worried you might not be able to flip that switch
come TOGS. -- Nuln

Lord Xiang -- Duly noted.  Glad you made it here, and best of luck in the TOGS.
Heck, you could just name your next guy Soultaker and it'd fit right in. -- 4K Blows

CCFP Editor -- After all the great material I've given you and you don't even put me
on the mailing list?  That's the thanks I get?  I am hurt, offended & speechless. --

Ganolita -- Actually, as is my wont, I was going a-skill-raping.  Didn't work out as
well as the first time, but goes to show you can never dip from the same well too
many times. -- Nulnella

Mouse -- Rrrrrr.... -- Dr. Richalds to you

boB -- Ah, them city boys and country boys are all the same down at heart.  You just
gotta look past the overalls, or the leg-warmers, as the case may be. -- Nuln

Falcon XCVVMMLLIII -- Excellent challenge and shanking (that's my new favorite word)
2 turns ago.  Even more impressive considering you hadn't even hit me 'til minute 4
or 5.  I definitely underestimated you (the avoid was for your teammate One Timer,
not you), and I'm glad I won't be in challenging range for the TOGS.  Good luck, I'm
sure you have a bright future ahead. -- Asshe-master

Death Stud -- Guess it's time to grow the goatee back.  I never realized my exposed
underchin would cause such a flap. -- Nuln

Indimar -- Well, I thought it would spice things up if we put some real stacks on the
table.  Are you in or are you out? -- Nuln, a betting man

the Tail -- If you had seen my strategy, it may have made your strategy make more
sense.  If that makes any sense. -- Derald

Flower -- Oh, alright.  Once you graduate go ask your manager to send you to the Isle
of the Eye.  There's lots of nice sandy beaches where we can run endlessly for days!
Are you getting all of this, Death Stud? -- Son of Bloodlust

Lady Elysian -- Geez, now I'm all under-chin-conscious.  Since you're giving 20% for
just mentioning my underchin, do I get free spa treatment since I've got the real
thing attached to my over-chin? -- Nuln

Lady Elysian -- Strangely enough, speaking of toe-balls, I was Toe-Jam on the video
game Toe-Jam & Earl (Death Stud can verify).  Perhaps I have some subconscious desire
to be associated with hyphenated toe words, against my better judgement.  Well, as of
today, I have abandoned all impediments and other forms of mangled speech.  I have
finally seen the light, and will abide by Microsoft Word spell check before sending
all personal ads. -- Lord Underchin (that would make a good fake name like Mr.
Underhill in the LOTR)

Analise -- Well, if you're in perfectly fine physical health, which it definitely
appears you are, perhaps I could offer to squire you about town, show you the sights?
After all, I know how lonely it can be being in a new town, not knowing anyone.  Did
I mention, I also play jazz flute? -- Chim Richalds, MD

Soultaker -- How about the same paragraph?  Or storyline even?  I'll own up to it on
my end too, whaddaya say?  I never knew you to turn away from a challenge. -- Nuln
P.S.  Breakfast.  Lunch.  AND dinner.  >:)

Snotman -- Isn't there some saying about letting sleeping managers lay 'r sumthing?
Hmm.  I'm feeling awfully reflective. -- Nuln

Farmer boB --That was an excellent, how do you say, hoe-down (Snotman seemed to think
it meant something different, but...).  I'll have to get you an invite to the new
opera series they're having down at the Temple of Khorne.  I hear there's a troupe of
30 crucified Frafrejan mimes performing now that is excellent. -- Nuln

Pauly -- Welcome to 60!  This place is starting to resemble 62 now with all you guys
here, I love it. -- Nuln

In Pari Delicto -- Hmm, just practicing attacking people with large plates,
apparently.  As they say, Nuln works in mysterious ways. -- Derald

     If you keep doing that, they aren't going to let you into the diner any more. --

Bully Boy -- Hmmm, Nuln said something about how you would roll over really easily,
but I must have missed that part of the fight (maybe you rolled over after you
knocked me unconscious?).  I'll bring treats next time, I promise. -- Dr. Chim
Richalds, soon to appear on the new Aradi Free Press Reality Show:  MAULED!!!

Soultaker -- Please.  I'd worry about my own partner, if I were you.  You never know
when you are going to be stabbed in the back again.  In fact, how can you be sure
that your partner is really Death Stud? -- Manager

I need a partner!!!! -- Ghoti of Ogres are Us

Pauly -- So I see you finally pulled that tail from between your legs and crawled out
from whatever crack you been hidin' in.  As you can see, Barnabas still stands which
means the bad guys lost even though I had to whip every one of them myself (no thanks
to you).  No hard feelings, I just hope you learned a lesson and hang tough with your
partner next time.  Too bad you didn't the first time 'cause I would have made you
look good.  Now that that is out of the way, Hey Pauly, glad to see you back, kinda
miss those personals you used to bring to the table, hope you haven't lost your
touch.  See ya around, amigo. -- Barnabas

Indimar -- Remember, Pauly doesn't see the secret paper, the boy had his chance, now
he will have to take a few lumps to earn his way, kinda like you, like father like
son. -- Barnabas

Fonzettes -- Sorry boys, been a little ill and haven't been able to lift a pen to the
paper so lucky for some they got a few wins this couple of turns.  Wasn't gonna run
during TOGS but what the heck, here and there to throw a little turmoil is my game so
I'll be making guest appearances, oh by all means on the house of course.  Just can't
take the thought of letting Pauly get away clean without a couple of butt whoopins'.
-- Barnabas

Elephant -- King of Smack, hmmmm, Pauly will give you a run for your money.  Just
wondering when you will get a couple of warriors that can back it up. >) -- Barnabas

Hombre -- So my friend, TOGS begins, you know if I wasn't so competitive and could
handle just kicking butt and not writing spotlights and just personals (which you are
right) I'd probably still win the damn thing but it wouldn't be a landslide which is
what I would expect out of myself, plus like I told you when you suggested asking
Pauly, I just don't know if he's still yella or not, and I don't want him baling out
after somebody picks on him.  So after further thought I've decided just to drive
Death Pud crazy and create havoc all over this land, I just love it when my manic
side is up! -- Barnabas

Death Dud -- By the way my little friend, I promise not to create to much trouble,
just enough to keep you guessing and give you the last couple of gray hairs.  I will
be an equal opportunist however, I do not destroy because of color, team or yes Stud
even size.  I can't help it, you guys get so boring if I don't spice things up from
time to time.  Hey, look forward to trying to see y'all at the mail-in, really gonna
try and make it.  Later my fearless leader -- Barnabas

Fonzettites -- Sorry guys, I know most you city boys were looking forward to a little
country fun but got kinda ill and had to bow out, hopin' to make it to Ganolus place
though, we'll see what happens.  Take care of the boys Ganolus, like me, they're
pretty high maintenance. -- Barnabas

All -- Don't be to peeved if I jump back in here, cause I am gonna whoop some butt!
-- Barnabas

TOGS participants -- While the TOGS is in progress, I will ask any participating
managers to make sure they only have one active team in Aradi.  Challenging into the
contest with a second outside team would be strictly forbidden anyway and to avoid
any inadvertent challenges and controversy, I think it's best just to disallow
multiple teams altogether. -- Death Stud

Get those TOGS entry fees in ASAP if you want to participate.  Please contact me via
email as soon as possible to let me know that you're planning to participate and that
your rollup certificates are on the way. -- The Sentinel/Death Stud

Tiny Tim -- Um, I like you, too. -- Hurricane

Pauly -- It was good for you to clear the air like that.  We were worried that there
might be some actual physical violence in the manager's box area. -- Death Studs

Lord Xiang -- For someone who hails from a "winning is everything" and "anything
allowed within the rules" region like you do, I'm surprised that you would resort to
complaining about TP's being the reason for losing in advance of actually losing.
Usually the losers reserve that excuse until AFTER they've been beat and have quit
the arena. -- Death Studs

Indimar -- Good to hear about the Scrod Shoppe.  I really need to pick up a gift for
the wench of the week and was looking to pick up a sexy little piece of lingerscrod
for the girl.  You know, one of those numbers with the lace and the silk that open up
in all the right places.  Throw in some scrod massage oil, too, please.  Thanks. --
Death Stud

Jamis -- I can't believe that you would try to hurt me like that.  I am fragile and
you should be nice.  Don't make me go all Katrina on your arse. -- Hurricane

Ninja -- Dang, you are too good for me -- Viper

The Tail -- Now that wasn't very nice.  I've never had anything but good things to
say about you before.  But now...I'm just not sure anymore. -- One-Timer

Natasha -- I love exotic women.  Welcome to Aradi. -- Death Stud

Manda -- You're not supposed to "beat" that spam sandwich.  "Eat."  It's just gross
to assault your food like that. -- random helpful person

     Eating a spam sandwich is pretty gross too. -- Ed.

Sivart -- Cool name. -- Duts Htaed

I still need a partner for TOGS! -- anxsar@netzero.com -- Ghoti

Nappy Dugout -- (recoiling and barking)  You're not a person at all!  No, wait, I'm

confusing you with someone else.  But you SMELL like that someone else, who is not a
person at all.  You should do something about that.  Dogs prefer it, you know. --

Chim Richalds -- Aha!  YOU are not a real person.  You're a golem.  Dogs dislike
golems, you know.  Because golems don't smell right, and they don't move right, and
they're just travesties who never understand about scratching a good dog behind the
ears and giving him a bone. -- Bully Boy

One-Timer -- You already had your one time.  Don't try to fool me!  I can count
higher than one! -- The Tail

Tiny Tim -- (coughing and gagging and maybe just a little retching on the floor)
That beard!  It tastes AWFUL.  Don't you ever wash it?  (spitting)  The tobacco!  The
bugs!  Yuck, yuck! -- Stevie

Hope this makes it in.  Ghoti and Street Legal are teaming up to romp you all in the
TOGS escapade!!! -- Ghoti

TOGS folks -- Recap of where I think we are on teams.  I will continue to update this
via the DM.com boards and the DUEL yahoogroups on a regular basis as anything changes
over the next two weeks.  Those of you who haven't sent your TOGS entry fee yet,
please do so immediately and contact me to let me know that they are coming and how
they are coming.  First, the managers and teams that I'm pretty sure are in (as of
 - Lady Elysian / A-Sop
   Aradi Resort & Spa / Bugs, Slugs & Thugs
 - Samwise the Bald / Mannequin
   Childhood Trauma / Bikini Bottom
 - Soultaker / Death Stud
   Goin' Tubin' / Death Studs VII
 - Lord Xiang / Seraphim
   AARP / Dilligaf Legion
 - Ultraist / Jekyll
   Elements of Power / Medical Biohazard
 - The Creepster / Manager
   Crazy Creeps / Superior Forces 16
 - Hombre / Ganolus Oakleaf
   The Bizzle / Silent Warriors
 - Rillion / Rascally Rabbit
   Demons of Darkness / Saab Story
 - Nuln / Snotman
   4000 Blows / Wild Cards
 - Farmer boB / Mission
   Cheer-O-Kee's / The Misguided
 - Indimar Fallon / Cyber Punk
   Wing Hove / Atlas Park
 - Street Legal / Ghoti
   My Best Buds 2 / Ogres Are Us
Because there's a chance someone will flake or not send in their rollups certs and
have to be pulled from the TOGS, I will honor any challenges to these teams on the
first turn of the contest.  If you are not on this list, but want to participate and
haven't contacted me and sent your TOGS entry, please get ahold of me ASAP at
sentinel at cruzio dot com to make arrangements.  Remember that the first turn of the
TOGS will run immediately following the Mail-In tournament and is due 4/20.  Let the
fun begin. -- Death Stud

24 March 2006
A few notes about e-mailed personals:

You may submit personal ads, columns, spotlights, etc. electronically, either via e-
mail to ads at reality dot com (which doesn't need any more spam, thank you) or on
the web at http://www.reality.com/duel2/modules.php?name=Ads.  When you submit
something, you should get back a receipt from HAL at RSI.  If you do NOT get a
receipt, your ads may have gone astray (not all e-mail makes it to its destination
any more than all snail mail does).  If you DO get a receipt, it should, in the body
of the message, tell you what arena your stuff was filed in.  Check your receipt to
make sure your submission made it to the intended destination.  Also check to see
that everything you sent made it to the same place.  Sometimes HAL, who is rather
simple-minded in some ways, will send half your stuff to another arena if the name
or number of that arena shows up at the beginning of a line.  So if the word Ti
appears at the beginning of a line halfway through your ads, all the ads after that
may end up in Ti, which is closed and doesn't need ads.  As a side note, sometimes
things move slowly, so don't wait until the last minute to send your ads and all.
If they get held up along the way, they may not show up until next turn.  Happy
writing! -- Ed.

28 March 2006
We of the Desolate Empire Alliance want to welcome two managers to our fold.  Kon of
the Empire Rising, and Osiris!  May they be blessed with the blood of their enemies,
and give no quarter in War! -- Dark Knights of the Desolate Empire

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

A was butchered by DARK CHAMPION in a 1 minute Dark Arena fight.
NOT QUITE was dealt death by GARGOYLE PRINCE in a 2 minute Dark Arena duel.
NOPE was murdered by GARGOYLE PRINCE in a 2 minute brutal Dark Arena melee.
INFESTATION was assassinated by MARINE TROLL in a 1 minute Dark Arena duel.
PANTHER bested IN PARI DELICTO in a popular 1 minute Challenge contest.
ONE-TIMER narrowly defeated THE TAIL in a 3 minute master's Challenge Title match.
SHMAMY CROCKETT lost to SNOW WHITE in a crowd pleasing 5 minute Challenge fight.
ENOCH PEABODY was savagely defeated by STEVIE in a 5 minute Challenge brawl.
DEVOURER was handily defeated by BULLY BOY in a 1 minute uneven Challenge melee.
GOOFY won victory over FLAMENCO A GO-GO in a 1 minute Challenge duel.
MEALS ON WHEELS defeated HOLSTIEN HEAVEN in a 3 minute beginner's Challenge duel.
HOWLER was defeated by VIPER LXXI in a action packed 2 minute Challenge match.
BLOODLUST MUTE was overpowered by FUN IN THE BARN in a 1 minute Challenge fight.
CIALIS demolished DERS in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge competition.
NIGHT HAG bested SMALL INTESTINE in a 4 minute Challenge battle.
LOOSE DENTURES was subdued by WILSON FERGUSON in a 1 minute novice's Challenge brawl.
FLOWER was handily defeated by SMIRLIN in a action packed 1 minute one-sided conflict.
SLIPKNOT defeated VETERAN MERCENARY in a action packed 3 minute expert's struggle.
HEADROCK was unbelievably bested by TINY TIM in a popular 4 minute mismatched brawl.
WALMART GREETER was subdued by HOSCHA in a 1 minute novice vs. veteran bout.
SYDA HAMMIE defeated HYDRO ON THE D-LO in a 2 minute conflict.
MOUSE devastated NEZUMI in a 1 minute one-sided contest.
NINJA overpowered LOUKMAD in a 1 minute one-sided duel.
PIZNAUL JIZNOKE was overpowered by ANALISE in a 1 minute uneven fray.
MANDA viciously subdued VISITING ORC in a 1 minute gory contest.
THALIA was demolished by HARRIET in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
INIGO won victory over F'SHIZZLE M'NIZZLE in a popular 1 minute gruesome match.
SUNSHINE luckily beat FLOWER in a 2 minute brutal bout.
DE NOVO was viciously subdued by BIN LADEN in a 5 minute gruesome bout.
G DUBYAH viciously subdued EUSTACHIAN in a action packed 3 minute brutal bout.
CLINTON handily defeated BOVINE ASSASIAN in a 1 minute one-sided duel.
OXYGEN TANK defeated OSO in a action packed 1 minute gory beginner's fight.
YELLOW JACKET beat POLITE BEGGAR in a 3 minute novice's match.
COYOTE overpowered ATALAN in a 1 minute gory one-sided bout.
HILLARY was handily defeated by LEG WARMER LUST in a 1 minute mismatched match.
NATASHA vanquished KISS ME DEADLY in a 1 minute brutal mismatched fight.
STARLING demolished POLITE BEGGAR in a 2 minute one-sided struggle.
FLESH FOR FANTASY handily defeated SILENT SPOCKER in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
KRAKEN was subdued by LAUVIAH in a 1 minute novice's conflict.
SIVART was dispatched by THE AVENGING SCROD in a 2 minute novice's bout.
SUTTY won victory over ETTIN in a exciting 1 minute amateur's bout.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK                  18         TOTAL PARRY       88 -  50 -  2      64  |
|TOTAL PARRY                     12         LUNGING ATTACK    85 -  78 - 10      52  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                 12         SLASHING ATTACK   40 -  50 -  3      44  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  9         AIMED BLOW        28 -  40 -  1      41  |
|AIMED BLOW                       8         STRIKING ATTACK   53 -  76 -  5      41  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    8         PARRY-LUNGE        9 -  13 -  0      41  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    4         WALL OF STEEL     31 -  45 -  3      41  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   2         BASHING ATTACK    23 -  41 -  2      36  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      1         PARRY-STRIKE      10 -  19 -  1      34  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     0         PARRY-RIPOSTE     11 -  28 -  0      28  |

Turn 387 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

PARRY-LUNGE        1 -  0     PARRY-RIPOSTE      1 -  3         5  LUNGING ATTACK 
SLASHING ATTACK    7 -  2     STRIKING ATTACK    3 -  9         3  TOTAL PARRY    
TOTAL PARRY        7 -  5     PARRY-STRIKE       0 -  0         1  WALL OF STEEL  
AIMED BLOW         4 -  4                                       1  STRIKING ATTACK
LUNGING ATTACK     9 -  9                                       1  SLASHING ATTACK
BASHING ATTACK     1 -  1     
WALL OF STEEL      4 -  4     

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
TOTAL PARRY      ONE-TIMER 7169             26   5  0  102 DEATH STUDS VII (301)
SLASHING ATTACK  SMIRLIN 6568               14  13  0   95 OGRES ARE US (270)
WALL OF STEEL    ENOCH PEABODY 7325          9   7  0   65 THIEVES GUILD (396)
LUNGING ATTACK   HOSCHA 6835                 8   6  0   46 OGRES ARE US (270)
AIMED BLOW       NEZUMI 7342                 7   6  0   41 THIEVES GUILD (396)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

The overall popularity leader is FLOWER 7255.  The most popular warrior this turn was 
HEADROCK 3430.  The ten other most popular fighters were G DUBYAH 7611, MEALS ON 
PEABODY 7325, VIPER LXXI 7566, OXYGEN TANK 7574, and INIGO 7545.

The least popular fighter this week was HOLSTIEN HEAVEN 7674.  The other ten least 
popular fighters were SNOW WHITE 7486, NIGHT HAG 7598, KRAKEN 7679, SILENT SPOCKER 
7547, and PIZNAUL JIZNOKE 7641.

The following warriors will travel to AD after next turn:

HEADROCK (60-3430) OGRES ARE US (270)