DUEL 2 NEWSLETTER Date : 04/07/2006 Duedate: 04/20/2006 ARADI ARENA DM-60 TURN-387 This Weeks Top Honors THE DUELMASTER IS ONE-TIMER DEATH STUDS VII (301) (60-7169) [26-5-0,102] Chartered Recognition Leader Unchartered Recognition Leader SLIPKNOT ANALISE THIEVES GUILD (396) ARADI RESORT & SPA (580) (60-6674) [18-15-0,109] (60-7544) [6-2-0,44] Popularity Leader This Weeks Favorite FLOWER HEADROCK RED DOG GANG (476) OGRES ARE US (270) (60-7255) [19-27-0,84] (60-3430) [19-20-0,99] THE CURRENT TOP TEAM ARADI RESORT & SPA (580) TEAMS ON THE MOVE TOP CAREER HONORS Team Name Point Gain Chartered Team 1. CRAZY CREEPS (207) 45 2. OGRES ARE US (270) 28 CRAZY CREEPS (207) 3. ARADI RESORT & SPA (580) 28 Unchartered Team 4. BUGS, SLUGS & THUGS (591) 27 5. DILLIGAF LEGION (589) 25 PHILANTHROPISTS (594) The Top Teams Career Win-Loss Record W L K % Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns W L K 1/ 1*PHILANTHROPISTS (594) 2 1 0 66.7 1/10*ARADI RESORT & SPA (580) 10 5 0 2/ 4*ARADI RESORT & SPA (580) 24 14 1 63.2 2/ 3 SILENT WARRIORS (561) 9 6 0 3- 3*CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579) 14 9 1 60.9 3/ 8*ATLAS PARK (592) 8 5 1 4/ 9 CRAZY CREEPS (207) 497 415 15 54.5 4/13*AARP (583) 8 7 0 5/10 DEATH STUDS VII (301) 423 357 12 54.2 5/ 2 CRAZY CREEPS (207) 7 3 0 6-11 NATURAL DISASTERS (159) 698 599 25 53.8 6/ 4 RED DOG GANG (476) 7 6 0 7-12 SWIFT CURRENT (468) 120 105 10 53.3 7/12*THE BUNKHOUSE (595) 7 8 0 8-14 WILD CARDS (148) 727 659 30 52.5 8/ 1*DILEN'S HORDE (587) 7 8 0 9/13 GOIN' TUBIN' (577) 115 105 5 52.3 9- 9 WING HOVE (529) 6 4 0 10/ 8*ATLAS PARK (592) 12 11 1 52.2 10/15*DILLIGAF LEGION (589) 6 6 0 11/22*AARP (583) 10 10 0 50.0 11/ 5 GOIN' TUBIN' (577) 5 2 0 12/ 5*DILEN'S HORDE (587) 10 10 0 50.0 12- 6*CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579) 5 2 0 13-17*BEWARE OF DOG (257) 1 1 1 50.0 13/ 7 DEATH STUDS VII (301) 5 6 1 14/18 THIEVES GUILD (396) 169 170 6 49.9 14/24 4000 BLOWS (107) 4 3 1 15/ 0 OGRES ARE US (270) 148 159 2 48.2 15/20 CHEER-O-KEE'S (557) 4 5 0 16/19 4000 BLOWS (107) 612 676 29 47.5 16/14 THIEVES GUILD (396) 4 6 0 17-21 WING HOVE (529) 45 50 3 47.4 17/18*BUGS, SLUGS & THUG (591) 4 10 0 18/24 SILENT WARRIORS (561) 34 38 3 47.2 18/ 0 OGRES ARE US (270) 3 2 0 Career Win-Loss Record W L K % Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns W L K 19/20 CHEER-O-KEE'S (557) 73 82 3 47.1 19/11*THE BIZZLE (593) 3 7 0 20/16*THE BUNKHOUSE (595) 7 8 0 46.7 20/21*PHILANTHROPISTS (594) 2 1 0 21-23 METAL MELTDOWN (344) 290 332 21 46.6 21-17*COWS (588) 2 3 0 22/25 LEGALESE (449) 145 176 5 45.2 22/19 LEGALESE (449) 2 4 0 23/ 2*THE BIZZLE (593) 8 10 2 44.4 23/30*SUPERIOR FORCES 16 (586) 2 7 0 24-26 VOUGEOOT (464) 70 94 6 42.7 24-28*BEWARE OF DOG (257) 1 0 1 25-27 FUNKY FOLK (565) 28 39 3 41.8 25-16 SWIFT CURRENT (468) 1 3 0 26/30*BUGS, SLUGS & THUG (591) 10 14 2 41.7 26/25*MEDICAL BIOHAZARD (585) 1 4 0 27/31*DILLIGAF LEGION (589) 8 12 0 40.0 27-27 VOUGEOOT (464) 1 4 0 28-28*COWS (588) 4 6 0 40.0 28-26 WILD CARDS (148) 0 5 0 29/29 RED DOG GANG (476) 329 532 4 38.2 29-33 METAL MELTDOWN (344) 0 4 0 30/32*MEDICAL BIOHAZARD (585) 2 8 0 20.0 30-31*THE RIPPED CREW (443) 0 4 0 31/33*SUPERIOR FORCES 16 (586) 2 9 0 18.2 31-34*DARK TOADS (590) 0 3 0 32-34*THE RIPPED CREW (443) 0 16 0 0.0 32-32 FUNKY FOLK (565) 0 3 0 33-35*DARK TOADS (590) 0 8 0 0.0 33-35 NATURAL DISASTERS (159) 0 1 0 '*' Unchartered team '-' Team did not fight this turn (###) Avoid teams by their Team Id ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank TEAM SPOTLIGHT The Clone Wars Part Dos Nuln could vaguely feel a string of drool slip out of the side of his mouth, then his head slipped off of his hand where it had been resting. Nuln looked across the desk, but the man opposite him continued talking, oblivious that his audience had for some period of time fallen asleep. "...and so that's how I was able to get all five melons in my brother's mouth. But the sixth, well the sixth was painful. Say, did I ever tell you about my uncle Ebeneezer? Well he had a glass leg and a wooden eye, a bit of the black sheep of the..." "FIRE!" Nuln screamed, standing up suddenly. "FIRE!" "Like I said, the black sheep of the family, but truly a lovely m..." "FIRE!" Nuln screamed again, louder, pointing this time at the exit. This was the fifteenth recruit the chaos lord had interviewed that day, and he was finding that his powers of speech were leaving him. "Fire?" the recruit asked, puzzled. "Yes, I'm afraid there's a fire in the building." Nuln said, regaining some speech. "You'll have to leave now for your safety. Trust me." "That's funny, I don't smell any smoke." The recruit said, not showing much inclination to dislodge his butt from the chair it inhabited. Nuln's face twitched twice, and a vein formed between his right eyeball and ear. Slowly, deliberately, with a shaky rattling he began to unsheathe the skull-pommeled broadsword at his hip. "FIRE!!!!!" "Whew, look at the time," the recruit laughed nervously, glancing at his wrist sun-dial. "Well I better be heading over for my two o'clock at the Superior Forces HQ, gotta fly!" Then he ran from the room. Nuln exhaled deeply, sinking in his chair, his sword hand still spasming. After a few deep breaths, he composed himself at his desk, pulling a pad of paper in front of him which bore the heading, "notes to self:". Dipping his quill in a goat horn, Nuln wrote underneath: 1. get margarita pedicure @ Aradi Resort & Spa 2. no xmas gift for RUGS "Dr. Richalds!" Nuln called out. A man in full surgical uniform entered the room from the hallway outside. The blue rubber arm sleeves he wore were covered in blood near up to his elbows, and in his bloody hands he held something which looked like either a mound of giblets, or perhaps a pile of pickled plums cooked in a light red sauce. "Yes?" the doctor asked, a hint of irritation in his voice. "Could you please show in the next poor sod?" Nuln asked, trying to sound polite. Dr. Richalds paused, an incredulous look on his face. Out in the hallway a soft whimpering could be heard. "Um, I don't know if you can see, but I'm a little busy here." "CHIM!" Nuln screamed, then lowered his voice to a calmer tone. "I'm sure your patient has patience to wait a few moments. PLEASE, prittee prittee please, show the next poor sod in for me?! Eh?" Without a word, Chim stormed out of the room, his footsteps trailing off down the hallway. Nuln was quickly losing patience with this warrior who claimed to be a doctor as well. He seemed very intent on proving to everyone that he was a licensed medical practitioner. A little over-intent, as he would perform surgeries and operations at the most inopportune and awkward of moments, such as this one. He was often late for his training as well, always saying he was coming from the ER or from some poor widow with the gout. His record had suffered accordingly, and in Nuln's mind, there was something else, a hidden dimension that explained his "irregularities" as well. Nuln's attention was brought back to the present, as Dr. Richalds dragged in one of the more laughable characters he'd seen all day, which was saying something. Suppressing the urge to slit his own throat, Nuln stood up and gestured for the woman to sit down. "So, tell me, what is your name?" Nuln asked, eyeing the woman carefully. There was something about her clothing, despite the horrendous color scheme, that he found entrancing, but he couldn't put his finger on it. "Well, my friends call me Joleyne," she replied, picking up the goat horn off of Nuln's desk and twirling it in the air, "but I've come up with my own arena name!" Joleyne paused and looked at her potential manager-to-be expectantly. Nuln finally realized she wanted him to guess the name she had thought of. Inwardly he said a prayer to his Nameless gods, then said, "Um, so what would that be?" She looked down at her abdomen, then at each arm, then each leg, but said nothing. Nuln was puzzled. Then she stood up and pointed at each bunched up piece of cloth on her body. Nuln tried to count all the different pastels in her get up, but he was unable to focus. "Rainbow Woman?" Nuln ventured weakly. Joleyne sighed with disappointment, then said, "No, Leg-warmer Lust!!!" Suddenly it clicked and Nuln realized what it was about her outfit that had attracted him. Everything was leg-warmers--leg-warmer arm sleeves, a giant leg- warmer body sleeve, a leg-warmer scarf, and of course leg-warmers for her legs. "Listen, sir," Joleyne explained, as the chaos lord stared blankly, "I am steeped in Aradi Lore! Not only that but I appreciate AND respect the role the leg- warmer has played both in this town and in the TOGS, and I would be honored to fight under your team name, sir!" Nuln composed himself and looked back up at the applicant. "You can't be serious?" he said. A look of anger flashed in Joleyne's face, the goat horn, which he had noticed had never stopped twirling on any one of her finger tips, seemed to increase in speed. Then before the chaos lord could react, the horn flew out of her hand, landing perfectly between Nuln's thumb and forefinger, which had come to rest again on his pad of paper. Before Nuln could say anything, she abruptly turned around and left the room, her leg-warmers absolutely riveting the chaos lord's gaze. Nuln waited a few moments, then called out again for Dr. Richalds. This time the doctor entered under the staggering weight of what appeared to be an entire torso. "Now what?!" he asked, struggling to hold on to the massive object, drippings beginning to decorate the newly waxed floor. "I want you to send a letter for me, addressed to that woman who was just in here." Nuln announced, eyeing his warrior suspiciously. "Tell her if she'll accept the offer, I will have Leg-warmer Lust as my fifth warrior." As Dr. Richalds swayed out of the room, Nuln plucked his quill, which was still quivering, and added one more item to his list: 3. buy pencils. dull pencils. (later that evening) Deep down below the streets of Aradi, beneath all of the secret laboratories which all the mad scientists had dug out to perform all their hideous experiments on all of those less fortunate, was a room so secret that the two people in it did not even know they were there. But whether through chance, fate or just the whim of the gods, these two managers happened to bump into each in the pitch of darkness. "Hello, Nuln." "Good day, Snotman." "I think it's evening actually." "Good evening." "Funny meeting you here." "Yes, where are we?" "I have no idea." "Want to team up for TOGS?" "Ok." "Excellent." (even later that same evening) Farmer boB shuffled dolorously about his farm. All his friends and family had noticed a shift in his attitude since all his animals had been shipped off and replaced by scrod. No longer was he the Farmer boB that cracked udder jokes at the drop of a hamhock. No longer was he Farmer boB who would come by with a dozen fresh eggs for your larder. No, now he was sad Farmer boB of the cold floppy fish. A look that said "I'm ruined" on his face, boB sat down at his kitchen table. Whoever was behind taking away his heifers and Holsteins would pay, and dearly. He was going to go post-modern on somebody's butt, and it wasn't going to be all that pretty for whoever had to clean up. (even laterer) Not much happened. Pretty much everyone was asleep and didn't do anything until much later the following morning. spotlight for dm 60 + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ A Dark and Stormy Night ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ + Jorge Black Orc leaned back in his seat and looked around at the tavern. Booths with red oilcloth tables, big, greasy burgers with lots of catsup and onions, and really good beer. The place was small and nameless, thus avoiding the clishay of "the good bar ruined by publicity." He liked it. "We should come here more often, Harkon." The arenamaster stiffened. "Don't go feeling domestic, Jorge," he warned. "I am not going to marry you, no matter what." Then he paused and shook his head. "Sorry about that last remark, it must be the penumbra of TOGS." He shuddered. "That we should have to resist the nefarious influences of the Clishay Gang AND TOGS at the same time seems horribly unfair. Almost more than one could hope to accomplish without divine intervention." Jorge looked upward apprehensively, but the ceiling did not roll back and reveal a god or goddess about to intervene. He released his breath cautiously. Gods and goddesses were okay in their places, even useful, but there was nothing, well, almost nothing that ruined the ambience of a good bar the way a divine manifestation could.* "So what do we do? The Clishay Gang is here, uh, not RIGHT here, but in Aradi. And TOGS is almost upon us." "Well..." Harkon raised his mug to drink, thus making a pause while he could think, or at least attempt to think. "Well, we COULD go to Caleam and look for that boy that's growing up that Madame Lu worries about." "Caleam in the spring?" The Black Orc recoiled. "Mud and plowboys." "Oh, now, THERE is a clishay!" "It isn't a clishay if it's true," the Orc maintained. "And I've seen Caleam in the spring." He shuddered. "Once was enough." "Okay, pass on Caleam. I don't mind. Besides, we're both needed here on Aradi during TOGS." He shivered. "I wish I didn't have to keep saying that." "You don't have to keep saying it. At least, you wouldn't have to keep saying it if you could think of something else to say. And you should be able to! You're an educated man. You've traveled abroad. You're a man of the world, and the world is full of a number of things...why does that sound strange? Like it was about to become a ballad or something?" Harkon shrugged. "This bar needs a piano." "A what?" "A large musical instrument that combines strings and percussion. They were invented in Riztab last week. We need one here. Something that would give us music to cry into our beers to." "Why would anyone cry into a beer? Ruin the taste." "It's a figure of speech." "Well, up its pretentious little preposition," the Black Orc snarled. "I don't like figures of speech. What they are, they're lies, all words in masks pretending to be what they're not." Harkon emptied his mug and frowned at the Black Orc. "We can't go on a crusade against figures of speech," he said. "It's too nebulous and imprecise. Leave that to the mimes." Jorge bared his fangs. "Mimes," he growled. "I hate mimes." "And so you should. They're agents of the Clishay Gang, after all. Who else could get away with portraying so many clishays...in public? They even get PAID to do their nefarious deeds." Harkon paused, in fact, he froze in place, newly filled mug raised halfway to his mouth. "That's IT!" he whispered. The masterminds of the Clishay Gang are MIMES!" * Demonic manifestation, while enhancing the ambience of bad bars, is hell on good ones. * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * ---===ANDORIAN REGIONAL NEWS===--- Duelmasters ----------- DM 8 ARKERS (turn 268): INOCHI of YAKUZA (Sensei Jan, mgr.) DM 11 ARUAK CITY (turn 537): ONEWOLF of WOLFBROTHERS (Doc Steele, mgr.) DM 14 TOBIR (turn 537): WOOFER of THE DOGHOUSE (Leeta, mgr.) DM 22 SOLVEN (turn 530): BLIZZARD of JUST CHILLIN (Mr. Freeze, mgr.) DM 24 ZORPUNT (turn 526): BUBBA JONES of KRILL CAVALRY (Leeta, mgr.) DM 25 LYRATILAN (turn 526): BLOODSHED of MADTOWN (Namenlos, mgr.) DM 26 CALEAM (turn 524): DE DE MAO of SHERWOOD FOREST (Papaiz, mgr.) DM 30 IAYE (turn 519): STEINBACH of THE A'S -- LOSERS II (Malaquar, mgr.) DM 40 ZENSU (turn 488): DRIZZT of PHILANTHROPISTS (Aragorn, mgr.) DM 41 KATI-TEI (turn 479): 5 GOT PICKED of 072905R (The Muffin Man, mgr.) DM 46 ARDIVENT (turn 470): 8-BALL of INFERNAL LORDS (DeGotti, mgr.) DM 52 FRATSFA (turn 215): INSOLENT IRIS of FLOWER GIRLS (Lady Fern, mgr.) DM 60 ARADI (turn 386): THE TAIL of RED DOG GANG (Spot, mgr.) DM 63 AMEN-TEI (turn 374): ROADBLOCK of WAYFARERS (Leeta, mgr.) DM 71 KYR'TERR (turn 170): EYE OF THE KNEE DOLL of HAZAARDS OF CLONING (Crip, mgr.) ADM 105 ANDORAK (turn 422): ZEBRAWOOD of ACTION TOYS from KATI-TEI (Papaiz, mgr.) Top Teams --------- DM 8 ARKERS (turn 268): ORCISH IDIOMS (Slugbait, mgr.) DM 11 ARUAK CITY (turn 537): WHEN DOGMA FAILS II (Prophet, mgr.) DM 14 TOBIR (turn 537): PLAYPEN (KAT, mgr.) DM 22 SOLVEN (turn 530): KELLUMBO'S KIDS (Detective Kellumbo, mgr.) DM 24 ZORPUNT (turn 526): MONEY PIT (Papaiz, mgr.) DM 25 LYRATILAN (turn 526): MADTOWN (Namenlos, mgr.) DM 26 CALEAM (turn 524): GOLDEN CANYON (Leeta, mgr.) DM 30 IAYE (turn 519): THE A'S -- LOSERS II (Malaquar, mgr.) DM 40 ZENSU (turn 488): PHILANTHROPISTS (Aragorn, mgr.) DM 41 KATI-TEI (turn 479): WANDERERS (Leeta, mgr.) DM 46 ARDIVENT (turn 470): INFERNAL LORDS (DeGotti, mgr.) DM 52 FRATSFA (turn 215): BLOOD AND GUTS! (Le Pentarque, mgr.) DM 60 ARADI (turn 386): DILEN'S HORDE (?, mgr.) DM 63 AMEN-TEI (turn 374): WAYFARERS (Leeta, mgr.) DM 71 KYR'TERR (turn 170): NIGHTHAWKS (Savant, mgr.) ADM 105 ANDORAK (turn 422): THE LAST STRAW V (Doc Steele, mgr.) Recent Graduates ---------------- DM 8 ARKERS (turn 268): TOM SAWYER of SMITHSONIAN (The Curator, mgr.) DM 22 SOLVEN (turn 530): CRIMSON WONDER of MEDIEVAL CHAOS (Huckle Cat, mgr.) DM 24 ZORPUNT (turn 526): BUBBA JONES of KRILL CAVALRY (Leeta, mgr.) (turn 525): KING BROWN SNAKE of AUSSIE KILLERS (THawk, mgr.) DM 25 LYRATILAN (turn 525): RICK O'SHEA of FUNKY FOLK (Papa Bear, mgr.) DM 46 ARDIVENT (turn 470): 8-BALL of INFERNAL LORDS (DeGotti, mgr.) (turn 469): VECORDIUS of CYNICAL DELUSIONS (Eclipse, mgr.) SPY REPORT Greetings warriors! It is I, Zontani Sharp Eyes, here to bring report of the clash and bustle of the weekly ARADI games. Former top team DILEN'S HORDE was unseated this week as ARADI RESORT & SPA moved up from 10th ranking to take the top spot with a 4-1-0 record for the round. Fortune did not smile upon SWIFT CURRENT this time out who this turn suffered a fall into 25th position in the wake of a 0-0-0 round. My praise to ARADI RESORT & SPA for their 4-1-0 week this time out. Indeed, it was a skillfully fought round deserving of notice! SMIRLIN caught the eye of many in the gladiatorial commission as he skillfully bested FLOWER and was awarded 24 points in recognition. In one of the week's more notable duels, ANALISE put down PIZNAUL JIZNOKE, causing him to lose 17 points of recognition in the process. This time out ONE-TIMER made his bid for the throne as he challenged THE TAIL in an all out contest of skill for possession of the title! This time victory fell to the grasp of the usurper. All hail ONE-TIMER, Duelmaster of ARADI! No confirmation, but my sources claim that the top team has gained their position using magical aids. Charmed weapons perhaps? Many and various are the arts of battle. In ARADI "art" is a word that has long since passed from the language! I saw one fighter that warriors avoided when this week's challenge seeking began. CRAZY CREEPS is feared. This much I can say. Apparently the stalwarts of DILEN'S HORDE are catching the bulk of jests down at the challenging board for their large share of the avoids. Mighty fighters cannot but expect competition from those below. NIGHT HAG take warning! You have more than a few enemies in ARADI. SHMAMY CROCKETT must really be harboring a grudge against the CRAZY CREEPS guild! Merciless, 24 challenged down SNOW WHITE points this week to duel with she. The Fates are not kind to the cowardly, as evidenced by the fact that SHMAMY CROCKETT was defeated by SNOW WHITE. And who can now doubt that SNOW WHITE is a hardy opponent? Is not Death a warrior's foremost adviser? Warriors, may this counselor stand ready at your right hand forever! Some say a warrior is judged by the way he bears arms. One thing is sure, better a dagger in hand then a sword on the belt! If it were not for my skills as a spy I would have been mugged three times already in ARADI. Nice atmosphere you have here! Sadly warriors, now longer can I keep thy company nor savor the ale of thy fine city. Depart I must and soon! Till we meet again, remember: a turtle walks slow, hides head in a shell, and harms no one; a lion runs to slay its prey.-- Zontani Sharp Eyes DUELMASTER W L K POINTS TEAM NAME ONE-TIMER 7169 26 5 0 102 DEATH STUDS VII (301) CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME -FALCON XLI 7341 9 10 1 132 DEATH STUDS VII (301) SLIPKNOT 6674 18 15 0 109 THIEVES GUILD (396) -HOLLY SKULL 7276 15 12 0 101 CHEER-O-KEE'S (557) -RIP RAP 6599 14 12 1 101 SWIFT CURRENT (468) HEADROCK 3430 19 20 0 99 OGRES ARE US (270) THE TAIL 7253 16 30 0 99 RED DOG GANG (476) -SANDY BEACH 6957 13 6 1 99 SWIFT CURRENT (468) -SEHENSTES 7339 12 9 2 96 VOUGEOOT (464) SMIRLIN 6568 14 13 0 95 OGRES ARE US (270) TINY TIM 6042 9 1 0 92 CRAZY CREEPS (207) CHAMPIONS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME -JIM PANZI 7382 8 4 0 87 FUNKY FOLK (565) -NAPPY DUGOUT 6080 20 25 1 86 WILD CARDS (148) FLOWER 7255 19 27 0 84 RED DOG GANG (476) STEVIE 7271 17 23 0 80 RED DOG GANG (476) -DERALD 7285 8 6 0 78 4000 BLOWS (107) IN PARI DELICTO 7283 17 19 1 71 LEGALESE (449) PANTHER 7320 7 7 1 71 SILENT WARRIORS (561) CHALLENGER ADEPTS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME ENOCH PEABODY 7325 9 7 0 65 THIEVES GUILD (396) SNOW WHITE 7486 6 3 0 62 CRAZY CREEPS (207) SYDA HAMMIE 6667 13 7 0 58 OGRES ARE US (270) -TAY STARLE 6808 8 9 2 58 WING HOVE (529) ADEPTS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME SHMAMY CROCKETT 7216 10 4 0 54 4000 BLOWS (107) -ERUPTION 7310 7 7 1 52 NATURAL DISASTERS (159) -HURRICANE XXXVII 7379 7 7 1 52 DEATH STUDS VII (301) -FLASH FIRE 7390 11 10 0 50 NATURAL DISASTERS (159) MOUSE 7318 5 10 0 50 SILENT WARRIORS (561) -BUTTERFLY 7338 11 3 0 47 CHEER-O-KEE'S (557) HOSCHA 6835 8 6 0 46 OGRES ARE US (270) BULLY BOY 7447 8 9 0 46 RED DOG GANG (476) -LAVA TUBE 7393 9 5 1 44 NATURAL DISASTERS (159) -ROCKY BANKS 7073 8 7 0 44 SWIFT CURRENT (468) ANALISE 7544 6 2 0 44 ARADI RESORT & SPA (580) MANDA 7546 6 2 1 43 ARADI RESORT & SPA (580) NINJA 7357 5 3 0 43 SILENT WARRIORS (561) NEZUMI 7342 7 6 0 41 THIEVES GUILD (396) -DERRIN 6952 8 7 0 39 WING HOVE (529) -JAMIS 6735 6 12 1 39 WING HOVE (529) WALMART GREETER 7576 2 2 0 36 AARP (583) -MALT-O-MEAL 7527 4 0 1 34 CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579) CHALLENGER INITIATES W L K POINTS TEAM NAME HARRIET 7495 5 4 0 33 THIEVES GUILD (396) HYDRO ON THE D-LO 7642 3 1 1 33 THE BIZZLE (593) -HYQ 7388 7 9 1 31 VOUGEOOT (464) INIGO 7545 5 3 0 31 ARADI RESORT & SPA (580) G DUBYAH 7611 2 3 0 29 DILLIGAF LEGION (589) -VAS DEFERENS 7534 6 0 0 28 GOIN' TUBIN' (577) -JACK THE RIPPER 7487 4 3 0 28 CRAZY CREEPS (207) CIALIS 7659 3 0 0 28 AARP (583) NIGHT HAG 7598 4 0 0 27 DILEN'S HORDE (587) FLESH FOR FANTASY 7660 3 0 0 27 ATLAS PARK (592) NATASHA 7620 3 1 0 27 ARADI RESORT & SPA (580) -KARMA CHAMELEON 7636 3 1 1 26 ATLAS PARK (592) CHALLENGER INITIATES W L K POINTS TEAM NAME FUN IN THE BARN 7673 3 0 0 26 CHEER-O-KEE'S (557) -LIMA BEANS 7530 5 1 0 24 CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579) DEVOURER 7601 3 1 0 24 DILEN'S HORDE (587) -PINTO BEANS 7531 3 4 0 24 CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579) INITIATES W L K POINTS TEAM NAME OXYGEN TANK 7574 3 1 0 23 AARP (583) BIN LADEN 7646 3 1 0 23 DILLIGAF LEGION (589) PIZNAUL JIZNOKE 7641 3 1 1 22 THE BIZZLE (593) -SPAM SANDWICH 7524 2 2 0 22 CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579) VIPER LXXI 7566 2 3 0 22 DEATH STUDS VII (301) -PREIA 7664 2 0 0 22 WING HOVE (529) EUSTACHIAN 7499 3 2 0 21 GOIN' TUBIN' (577) SUTTY 7685 2 1 0 21 THE BUNKHOUSE (595) CLINTON 7612 2 3 0 21 DILLIGAF LEGION (589) LOUKMAD 7042 2 5 0 21 OGRES ARE US (270) THALIA 7547 4 4 0 20 ARADI RESORT & SPA (580) STARLING 7630 4 1 0 20 BUGS, SLUGS & THUGS (591) GOOFY 7488 3 6 0 19 CRAZY CREEPS (207) SUNSHINE 7593 2 1 0 19 SUPERIOR FORCES 1601 (586) -FALOPIAN 7498 1 2 0 19 GOIN' TUBIN' (577) -ACE OF SPADES 7480 4 2 0 18 METAL MELTDOWN (344) SMALL INTESTINE 7535 3 5 0 18 GOIN' TUBIN' (577) -WHITE WITCH 7542 3 1 0 18 CRAZY CREEPS (207) COYOTE 7626 3 2 1 17 BUGS, SLUGS & THUGS (591) -WILD CHILD 7479 3 2 0 17 METAL MELTDOWN (344) -TIGER TY 7665 2 0 0 17 WING HOVE (529) -SIGMOID COLON 7533 1 1 0 17 GOIN' TUBIN' (577) F'SHIZZLE M'NIZZLE 7639 2 2 0 16 THE BIZZLE (593) -CHIM RICHALDS 7491 1 7 0 14 4000 BLOWS (107) LEG WARMER LUST 7717 1 0 0 13 4000 BLOWS (107) -BOB 7607 1 1 0 13 COWS (588) -SCRAPPY 2846 1 1 1 12 BEWARE OF DOG (257) MEALS ON WHEELS 7575 1 3 0 12 AARP (583) YELLOW JACKET 7627 1 4 0 12 BUGS, SLUGS & THUGS (591) DE NOVO 7567 2 4 1 11 LEGALESE (449) -BOSTON TERRIER 7638 2 2 0 11 ATLAS PARK (592) WILSON FERGUSON 7686 2 1 0 11 THE BUNKHOUSE (595) -ETAN FROCK 7658 1 0 0 11 PHILANTHROPISTS (594) -LITTLE EDDY 7536 2 4 0 10 SWIFT CURRENT (468) -CURLY 7604 2 0 0 10 COWS (588) ETTIN 7600 2 2 0 9 DILEN'S HORDE (587) DERS 7683 1 2 0 9 THE BUNKHOUSE (595) THE AVENGING SCROD 7649 1 0 1 8 4000 BLOWS (107) FLAMENCO A GO-GO 7662 2 1 0 7 ATLAS PARK (592) LAUVIAH 7710 1 0 0 7 THIEVES GUILD (396) ATALAN 7656 0 1 0 7 PHILANTHROPISTS (594) HILLARY 7647 1 3 0 6 DILLIGAF LEGION (589) LOOSE DENTURES 7573 1 3 0 6 AARP (583) HOWLER 7602 1 3 0 6 DILEN'S HORDE (587) -DAGAT 7657 1 0 0 6 PHILANTHROPISTS (594) -LEAES 7596 0 2 0 6 SUPERIOR FORCES 1601 (586) -RLIN AT 7562 1 2 0 5 VOUGEOOT (464) OSO 7682 1 2 0 5 THE BUNKHOUSE (595) SILENT SPOCKER 7700 1 1 0 5 SILENT WARRIORS (561) HOLSTIEN HEAVEN 7674 1 2 0 5 CHEER-O-KEE'S (557) FLOWER 7629 0 5 0 5 BUGS, SLUGS & THUGS (591) BLOODLUST MUTE 7701 1 1 0 4 SILENT WARRIORS (561) -ERRA EVAD 7652 1 1 0 4 VOUGEOOT (464) -LARRY 7608 1 1 0 4 COWS (588) -SAL MONELLA 7557 0 4 0 4 FUNKY FOLK (565) KRAKEN 7679 0 3 0 3 DILEN'S HORDE (587) BOVINE ASSASIAN 7672 0 3 0 3 CHEER-O-KEE'S (557) INITIATES W L K POINTS TEAM NAME -SILAS 7605 0 2 0 2 COWS (588) -DIVINITY 7624 0 2 0 2 DARK TOADS (590) -TEMPLAR 7622 0 2 0 2 DARK TOADS (590) -CRUSADER 7625 0 2 0 2 DARK TOADS (590) -AXESHI 7675 0 1 0 1 VOUGEOOT (464) -TECHNISQUID 7708 0 1 0 1 WILD CARDS (148) KISS ME DEADLY 7726 0 1 0 1 ATLAS PARK (592) -RACOON HAMMER 7709 0 1 0 1 WILD CARDS (148) '-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn. THE DEAD W L K TEAM NAME SLAIN BY TURN Revenge? SOCIAL SECURITY 7577 0 1 0 AARP 583 EMIL 7244 383 NOT REVE LAVENDER SURGE 7635 1 1 0 ATLAS PARK 592 CROW 7628 384 REVENGED NOT QUITE 7712 0 1 0 THE BIZZLE 593 GARGOYLE PRINCE 25 387 NONE NOPE 7711 0 1 0 THE BIZZLE 593 GARGOYLE PRINCE 25 387 NONE CROW 7628 2 2 1 BUGS, SLUGS & THU 591 KARMA CHAMELEON 7636 386 SIVART 7684 1 2 0 THE BUNKHOUSE 595 THE AVENGING SCR 7649 387 BOVINE PLEASURE 7631 1 1 0 CHEER-O-KEE'S 557 MALT-O-MEAL 7527 384 MOE 7606 0 2 0 COWS 588 SCRAPPY 2846 386 MAGMIN 7599 0 1 0 DILEN'S HORDE 587 DE NOVO 7567 384 REVENGED INFESTATION 7695 0 1 0 MEDICAL BIOHAZARD 585 MARINE TROLL 18 387 NONE BALLROOM BLITZ 7016 8 4 0 METAL MELTDOWN 344 FALCON XLI 7341 385 ASSASSIN 7317 6 7 1 SILENT WARRIORS 561 FALKYNOR 7182 384 GHOST 7319 7 4 1 SILENT WARRIORS 561 FALKYNOR 7182 383 NOT REVE A 7724 0 1 0 SUPERIOR FORCES 1 586 DARK CHAMPION 24 387 NONE TALON 6736 9 7 0 WING HOVE 529 RIP RAP 6599 384 PERSONAL ADS Aradi Resort & Spa was 5-0-0? Whose back, or whatever, did they massage? -- The Crazy Creeps Scribe Manager -- Are you all Sunshine and Leaes, or are you really planning to participate? Is it Mailer Madness? -- The Crazy Creeps Scribe Ethelroompah! Goneronious! Wing, wang, wail wailerific! Nulnlicker boogerpoo boing boing badddy bye-bye plickster! -- The Creepster (Uh, that could be interpreted to say -- The lovely ostrich Ethel is gone. Nuln is a pri--er, a, well, badperson. -- The Crazy Creeps Scribe) Unworthy DA'd? What else would you have known how to run, Nuln? -- The Crazy Creeps Scribe Lord Xiang, Proud Delarquan -- I know that as a Delarquan, numbers are hard for you to understand. So I will offer you some education. One cannot have 250 Total Parry Scum on a TOGS Team, as you mentioned. Merely 10. -- The Crazy Creeps Scribe Indimar -- Are you SURE you are talking about Cyberphant? (re: "little guy...big mouth") I thought that was Soultaker's partner? -- The Crazy Creeps Scribe A-Sop -- Well, I guarantee that the Creepster will always peek if he gets a chance. He likes you. -- The Crazy Creeps Scribe Snotman -- May the gods bless you! (re: "I am Snotman .... Nuln and I will be partners in the upcoming TOG$") -- The Crazy Creeps Scribe Indimar -- I drink it daily, and yours is looking mighty, mighty fine, Big Bad Studmuffin! -- Pretty Pandora a.k.a. Pandora Of The Pretty Legs a.k.a. Pandora a.k.a. Lady Pandora a.k.a. Lady Pandora Stormme (who is planning to decimate a husband, and who agrees with A-Sop that he has been in the closet too long.) Tidbits From The Award-Winning Aradi Free press Barnabas is THE Hero in North Fork/SCOMSS Swamp. The Tail is wagging the dog as Aradi Duelmaster. Aradi is a quieter and nicer place without the animals. Lady Elysian is a cold hearted B. Mission has a sorry rump and does not write. Sheep are clishay. Bovine is out. Bird is in. Sentinel stole Soultaker's hearing aid. (another backstab) As the Crow flier, er, dies. Too bad, Fable Gal. Pauly wants vengeance (life of living hell) on Indimar. FONZ = Fickle Oafs Needing Zagnuts Lord Xiang wants Lady Elysian. Nuln has the neatest nut sack in all Aradi. Indimar is afraid to bloodfeud Barnabas. Scrodbucks has hit Aradi. Mannequin is #1 customer. Malt-O-Meal, why did it take 16 minutes to win? Holstein Heaven, why did it take 16 minutes to lose? TOG$ is coming. TOG$ is coming. Ed is excited! I guess I didn't get the fight throwing memo. I'm not surprised at Superior Forces but Death Studs!?! I suspect the start of TOGS will fix this problem.... -- the appreciative Ganolus Snow White -- Yah, I've been meaning to ask you about that apple.... You know, I was too sick to practice for the rest of the week. NOT NICE! -- Panther Moonshine and pig's feet? Sounds like pre-TOGS Aradi to me! Hey, ya got any Hot Damn to welcome our friends from Atlas Park? I also might be persuaded to do a shot or two myself. : ) -- Ganolus Aragorn -- Welcome to Aradi!! Hope you are here for TOGS! -- Lord Xiang, mgr. AARP The Tail -- Congrats on the Throne. Just an FYI, Consortiumites have been posting about getting tail, so I'd watch it if I were you. -- Lord Xiang Seraphim -- Yoooooo-hoooooo!!! Where ARRRRRRRRE YOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUU? -- Lord Xiang Snotman -- What's up? -- boB Farmer boB local paper headlines Full Aradi free press -- scared; washed up Aradi -- Un-rest; public discord Nuln -- Overbearing traitor (This issue brought to you by Aradi revolution) secret meeting held at farmer boB's farm Tuesday 11:00 PM Death Studebaker -- Buttchunks In Thepersonalswill EnjoyAnExcruciatingly& MightIAdd,ProfoundlyAgonizing End. -- Nuln the Bizzle -- Aqua Netta? Oh my gawd, I'm having flashbacks to jr. high now! -- Nuln Judge -- Good luck to you too! -- Nuln Snotman -- Are you catching too many vapors from the diapers? Where's the p-ads? Let us know you're alive, man! I'm worried you might not be able to flip that switch come TOGS. -- Nuln Lord Xiang -- Duly noted. Glad you made it here, and best of luck in the TOGS. Heck, you could just name your next guy Soultaker and it'd fit right in. -- 4K Blows CCFP Editor -- After all the great material I've given you and you don't even put me on the mailing list? That's the thanks I get? I am hurt, offended & speechless. -- Nuln Ganolita -- Actually, as is my wont, I was going a-skill-raping. Didn't work out as well as the first time, but goes to show you can never dip from the same well too many times. -- Nulnella Mouse -- Rrrrrr.... -- Dr. Richalds to you boB -- Ah, them city boys and country boys are all the same down at heart. You just gotta look past the overalls, or the leg-warmers, as the case may be. -- Nuln Falcon XCVVMMLLIII -- Excellent challenge and shanking (that's my new favorite word) 2 turns ago. Even more impressive considering you hadn't even hit me 'til minute 4 or 5. I definitely underestimated you (the avoid was for your teammate One Timer, not you), and I'm glad I won't be in challenging range for the TOGS. Good luck, I'm sure you have a bright future ahead. -- Asshe-master Death Stud -- Guess it's time to grow the goatee back. I never realized my exposed underchin would cause such a flap. -- Nuln Indimar -- Well, I thought it would spice things up if we put some real stacks on the table. Are you in or are you out? -- Nuln, a betting man the Tail -- If you had seen my strategy, it may have made your strategy make more sense. If that makes any sense. -- Derald Flower -- Oh, alright. Once you graduate go ask your manager to send you to the Isle of the Eye. There's lots of nice sandy beaches where we can run endlessly for days! Are you getting all of this, Death Stud? -- Son of Bloodlust Lady Elysian -- Geez, now I'm all under-chin-conscious. Since you're giving 20% for just mentioning my underchin, do I get free spa treatment since I've got the real thing attached to my over-chin? -- Nuln Lady Elysian -- Strangely enough, speaking of toe-balls, I was Toe-Jam on the video game Toe-Jam & Earl (Death Stud can verify). Perhaps I have some subconscious desire to be associated with hyphenated toe words, against my better judgement. Well, as of today, I have abandoned all impediments and other forms of mangled speech. I have finally seen the light, and will abide by Microsoft Word spell check before sending all personal ads. -- Lord Underchin (that would make a good fake name like Mr. Underhill in the LOTR) Analise -- Well, if you're in perfectly fine physical health, which it definitely appears you are, perhaps I could offer to squire you about town, show you the sights? After all, I know how lonely it can be being in a new town, not knowing anyone. Did I mention, I also play jazz flute? -- Chim Richalds, MD Soultaker -- How about the same paragraph? Or storyline even? I'll own up to it on my end too, whaddaya say? I never knew you to turn away from a challenge. -- Nuln P.S. Breakfast. Lunch. AND dinner. >:) Snotman -- Isn't there some saying about letting sleeping managers lay 'r sumthing? Hmm. I'm feeling awfully reflective. -- Nuln Farmer boB --That was an excellent, how do you say, hoe-down (Snotman seemed to think it meant something different, but...). I'll have to get you an invite to the new opera series they're having down at the Temple of Khorne. I hear there's a troupe of 30 crucified Frafrejan mimes performing now that is excellent. -- Nuln Pauly -- Welcome to 60! This place is starting to resemble 62 now with all you guys here, I love it. -- Nuln In Pari Delicto -- Hmm, just practicing attacking people with large plates, apparently. As they say, Nuln works in mysterious ways. -- Derald If you keep doing that, they aren't going to let you into the diner any more. -- Ed. Bully Boy -- Hmmm, Nuln said something about how you would roll over really easily, but I must have missed that part of the fight (maybe you rolled over after you knocked me unconscious?). I'll bring treats next time, I promise. -- Dr. Chim Richalds, soon to appear on the new Aradi Free Press Reality Show: MAULED!!! Soultaker -- Please. I'd worry about my own partner, if I were you. You never know when you are going to be stabbed in the back again. In fact, how can you be sure that your partner is really Death Stud? -- Manager I need a partner!!!! -- Ghoti of Ogres are Us Pauly -- So I see you finally pulled that tail from between your legs and crawled out from whatever crack you been hidin' in. As you can see, Barnabas still stands which means the bad guys lost even though I had to whip every one of them myself (no thanks to you). No hard feelings, I just hope you learned a lesson and hang tough with your partner next time. Too bad you didn't the first time 'cause I would have made you look good. Now that that is out of the way, Hey Pauly, glad to see you back, kinda miss those personals you used to bring to the table, hope you haven't lost your touch. See ya around, amigo. -- Barnabas Indimar -- Remember, Pauly doesn't see the secret paper, the boy had his chance, now he will have to take a few lumps to earn his way, kinda like you, like father like son. -- Barnabas Fonzettes -- Sorry boys, been a little ill and haven't been able to lift a pen to the paper so lucky for some they got a few wins this couple of turns. Wasn't gonna run during TOGS but what the heck, here and there to throw a little turmoil is my game so I'll be making guest appearances, oh by all means on the house of course. Just can't take the thought of letting Pauly get away clean without a couple of butt whoopins'. -- Barnabas Elephant -- King of Smack, hmmmm, Pauly will give you a run for your money. Just wondering when you will get a couple of warriors that can back it up. >) -- Barnabas Hombre -- So my friend, TOGS begins, you know if I wasn't so competitive and could handle just kicking butt and not writing spotlights and just personals (which you are right) I'd probably still win the damn thing but it wouldn't be a landslide which is what I would expect out of myself, plus like I told you when you suggested asking Pauly, I just don't know if he's still yella or not, and I don't want him baling out after somebody picks on him. So after further thought I've decided just to drive Death Pud crazy and create havoc all over this land, I just love it when my manic side is up! -- Barnabas Death Dud -- By the way my little friend, I promise not to create to much trouble, just enough to keep you guessing and give you the last couple of gray hairs. I will be an equal opportunist however, I do not destroy because of color, team or yes Stud even size. I can't help it, you guys get so boring if I don't spice things up from time to time. Hey, look forward to trying to see y'all at the mail-in, really gonna try and make it. Later my fearless leader -- Barnabas Fonzettites -- Sorry guys, I know most you city boys were looking forward to a little country fun but got kinda ill and had to bow out, hopin' to make it to Ganolus place though, we'll see what happens. Take care of the boys Ganolus, like me, they're pretty high maintenance. -- Barnabas All -- Don't be to peeved if I jump back in here, cause I am gonna whoop some butt! -- Barnabas TOGS participants -- While the TOGS is in progress, I will ask any participating managers to make sure they only have one active team in Aradi. Challenging into the contest with a second outside team would be strictly forbidden anyway and to avoid any inadvertent challenges and controversy, I think it's best just to disallow multiple teams altogether. -- Death Stud Get those TOGS entry fees in ASAP if you want to participate. Please contact me via email as soon as possible to let me know that you're planning to participate and that your rollup certificates are on the way. -- The Sentinel/Death Stud Tiny Tim -- Um, I like you, too. -- Hurricane Pauly -- It was good for you to clear the air like that. We were worried that there might be some actual physical violence in the manager's box area. -- Death Studs Lord Xiang -- For someone who hails from a "winning is everything" and "anything allowed within the rules" region like you do, I'm surprised that you would resort to complaining about TP's being the reason for losing in advance of actually losing. Usually the losers reserve that excuse until AFTER they've been beat and have quit the arena. -- Death Studs Indimar -- Good to hear about the Scrod Shoppe. I really need to pick up a gift for the wench of the week and was looking to pick up a sexy little piece of lingerscrod for the girl. You know, one of those numbers with the lace and the silk that open up in all the right places. Throw in some scrod massage oil, too, please. Thanks. -- Death Stud Jamis -- I can't believe that you would try to hurt me like that. I am fragile and you should be nice. Don't make me go all Katrina on your arse. -- Hurricane Ninja -- Dang, you are too good for me -- Viper The Tail -- Now that wasn't very nice. I've never had anything but good things to say about you before. But now...I'm just not sure anymore. -- One-Timer Natasha -- I love exotic women. Welcome to Aradi. -- Death Stud Manda -- You're not supposed to "beat" that spam sandwich. "Eat." It's just gross to assault your food like that. -- random helpful person Eating a spam sandwich is pretty gross too. -- Ed. Sivart -- Cool name. -- Duts Htaed I still need a partner for TOGS! -- anxsar@netzero.com -- Ghoti Nappy Dugout -- (recoiling and barking) You're not a person at all! No, wait, I'm confusing you with someone else. But you SMELL like that someone else, who is not a person at all. You should do something about that. Dogs prefer it, you know. -- Flower Chim Richalds -- Aha! YOU are not a real person. You're a golem. Dogs dislike golems, you know. Because golems don't smell right, and they don't move right, and they're just travesties who never understand about scratching a good dog behind the ears and giving him a bone. -- Bully Boy One-Timer -- You already had your one time. Don't try to fool me! I can count higher than one! -- The Tail Tiny Tim -- (coughing and gagging and maybe just a little retching on the floor) That beard! It tastes AWFUL. Don't you ever wash it? (spitting) The tobacco! The bugs! Yuck, yuck! -- Stevie Hope this makes it in. Ghoti and Street Legal are teaming up to romp you all in the TOGS escapade!!! -- Ghoti TOGS folks -- Recap of where I think we are on teams. I will continue to update this via the DM.com boards and the DUEL yahoogroups on a regular basis as anything changes over the next two weeks. Those of you who haven't sent your TOGS entry fee yet, please do so immediately and contact me to let me know that they are coming and how they are coming. First, the managers and teams that I'm pretty sure are in (as of 4/7): - Lady Elysian / A-Sop Aradi Resort & Spa / Bugs, Slugs & Thugs - Samwise the Bald / Mannequin Childhood Trauma / Bikini Bottom - Soultaker / Death Stud Goin' Tubin' / Death Studs VII - Lord Xiang / Seraphim AARP / Dilligaf Legion - Ultraist / Jekyll Elements of Power / Medical Biohazard - The Creepster / Manager Crazy Creeps / Superior Forces 16 - Hombre / Ganolus Oakleaf The Bizzle / Silent Warriors - Rillion / Rascally Rabbit Demons of Darkness / Saab Story - Nuln / Snotman 4000 Blows / Wild Cards - Farmer boB / Mission Cheer-O-Kee's / The Misguided - Indimar Fallon / Cyber Punk Wing Hove / Atlas Park - Street Legal / Ghoti My Best Buds 2 / Ogres Are Us Because there's a chance someone will flake or not send in their rollups certs and have to be pulled from the TOGS, I will honor any challenges to these teams on the first turn of the contest. If you are not on this list, but want to participate and haven't contacted me and sent your TOGS entry, please get ahold of me ASAP at sentinel at cruzio dot com to make arrangements. Remember that the first turn of the TOGS will run immediately following the Mail-In tournament and is due 4/20. Let the fun begin. -- Death Stud 24 March 2006 A few notes about e-mailed personals: You may submit personal ads, columns, spotlights, etc. electronically, either via e- mail to ads at reality dot com (which doesn't need any more spam, thank you) or on the web at http://www.reality.com/duel2/modules.php?name=Ads. When you submit something, you should get back a receipt from HAL at RSI. If you do NOT get a receipt, your ads may have gone astray (not all e-mail makes it to its destination any more than all snail mail does). If you DO get a receipt, it should, in the body of the message, tell you what arena your stuff was filed in. Check your receipt to make sure your submission made it to the intended destination. Also check to see that everything you sent made it to the same place. Sometimes HAL, who is rather simple-minded in some ways, will send half your stuff to another arena if the name or number of that arena shows up at the beginning of a line. So if the word Ti appears at the beginning of a line halfway through your ads, all the ads after that may end up in Ti, which is closed and doesn't need ads. As a side note, sometimes things move slowly, so don't wait until the last minute to send your ads and all. If they get held up along the way, they may not show up until next turn. Happy writing! -- Ed. 28 March 2006 We of the Desolate Empire Alliance want to welcome two managers to our fold. Kon of the Empire Rising, and Osiris! May they be blessed with the blood of their enemies, and give no quarter in War! -- Dark Knights of the Desolate Empire LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS A was butchered by DARK CHAMPION in a 1 minute Dark Arena fight. NOT QUITE was dealt death by GARGOYLE PRINCE in a 2 minute Dark Arena duel. NOPE was murdered by GARGOYLE PRINCE in a 2 minute brutal Dark Arena melee. INFESTATION was assassinated by MARINE TROLL in a 1 minute Dark Arena duel. PANTHER bested IN PARI DELICTO in a popular 1 minute Challenge contest. ONE-TIMER narrowly defeated THE TAIL in a 3 minute master's Challenge Title match. SHMAMY CROCKETT lost to SNOW WHITE in a crowd pleasing 5 minute Challenge fight. ENOCH PEABODY was savagely defeated by STEVIE in a 5 minute Challenge brawl. DEVOURER was handily defeated by BULLY BOY in a 1 minute uneven Challenge melee. GOOFY won victory over FLAMENCO A GO-GO in a 1 minute Challenge duel. MEALS ON WHEELS defeated HOLSTIEN HEAVEN in a 3 minute beginner's Challenge duel. HOWLER was defeated by VIPER LXXI in a action packed 2 minute Challenge match. BLOODLUST MUTE was overpowered by FUN IN THE BARN in a 1 minute Challenge fight. CIALIS demolished DERS in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge competition. NIGHT HAG bested SMALL INTESTINE in a 4 minute Challenge battle. LOOSE DENTURES was subdued by WILSON FERGUSON in a 1 minute novice's Challenge brawl. FLOWER was handily defeated by SMIRLIN in a action packed 1 minute one-sided conflict. SLIPKNOT defeated VETERAN MERCENARY in a action packed 3 minute expert's struggle. HEADROCK was unbelievably bested by TINY TIM in a popular 4 minute mismatched brawl. WALMART GREETER was subdued by HOSCHA in a 1 minute novice vs. veteran bout. SYDA HAMMIE defeated HYDRO ON THE D-LO in a 2 minute conflict. MOUSE devastated NEZUMI in a 1 minute one-sided contest. NINJA overpowered LOUKMAD in a 1 minute one-sided duel. PIZNAUL JIZNOKE was overpowered by ANALISE in a 1 minute uneven fray. MANDA viciously subdued VISITING ORC in a 1 minute gory contest. THALIA was demolished by HARRIET in a 1 minute one-sided fight. INIGO won victory over F'SHIZZLE M'NIZZLE in a popular 1 minute gruesome match. SUNSHINE luckily beat FLOWER in a 2 minute brutal bout. DE NOVO was viciously subdued by BIN LADEN in a 5 minute gruesome bout. G DUBYAH viciously subdued EUSTACHIAN in a action packed 3 minute brutal bout. CLINTON handily defeated BOVINE ASSASIAN in a 1 minute one-sided duel. OXYGEN TANK defeated OSO in a action packed 1 minute gory beginner's fight. YELLOW JACKET beat POLITE BEGGAR in a 3 minute novice's match. COYOTE overpowered ATALAN in a 1 minute gory one-sided bout. HILLARY was handily defeated by LEG WARMER LUST in a 1 minute mismatched match. NATASHA vanquished KISS ME DEADLY in a 1 minute brutal mismatched fight. STARLING demolished POLITE BEGGAR in a 2 minute one-sided struggle. FLESH FOR FANTASY handily defeated SILENT SPOCKER in a 1 minute one-sided fight. KRAKEN was subdued by LAUVIAH in a 1 minute novice's conflict. SIVART was dispatched by THE AVENGING SCROD in a 2 minute novice's bout. SUTTY won victory over ETTIN in a exciting 1 minute amateur's bout. BATTLE REPORT MOST POPULAR RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS |FIGHTING STYLE FIGHTS FIGHTING STYLE W - L - K PERCENT| |LUNGING ATTACK 18 TOTAL PARRY 88 - 50 - 2 64 | |TOTAL PARRY 12 LUNGING ATTACK 85 - 78 - 10 52 | |STRIKING ATTACK 12 SLASHING ATTACK 40 - 50 - 3 44 | |SLASHING ATTACK 9 AIMED BLOW 28 - 40 - 1 41 | |AIMED BLOW 8 STRIKING ATTACK 53 - 76 - 5 41 | |WALL OF STEEL 8 PARRY-LUNGE 9 - 13 - 0 41 | |PARRY-RIPOSTE 4 WALL OF STEEL 31 - 45 - 3 41 | |BASHING ATTACK 2 BASHING ATTACK 23 - 41 - 2 36 | |PARRY-LUNGE 1 PARRY-STRIKE 10 - 19 - 1 34 | |PARRY-STRIKE 0 PARRY-RIPOSTE 11 - 28 - 0 28 | Turn 387 was great if you Not so great if you used The fighting styles of the used the fighting styles: the fighting styles: top eleven warriors are: PARRY-LUNGE 1 - 0 PARRY-RIPOSTE 1 - 3 5 LUNGING ATTACK SLASHING ATTACK 7 - 2 STRIKING ATTACK 3 - 9 3 TOTAL PARRY TOTAL PARRY 7 - 5 PARRY-STRIKE 0 - 0 1 WALL OF STEEL AIMED BLOW 4 - 4 1 STRIKING ATTACK LUNGING ATTACK 9 - 9 1 SLASHING ATTACK BASHING ATTACK 1 - 1 WALL OF STEEL 4 - 4 TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE FIGHTING STYLE WARRIOR W L K PNTS TEAM NAME TOTAL PARRY ONE-TIMER 7169 26 5 0 102 DEATH STUDS VII (301) SLASHING ATTACK SMIRLIN 6568 14 13 0 95 OGRES ARE US (270) WALL OF STEEL ENOCH PEABODY 7325 9 7 0 65 THIEVES GUILD (396) LUNGING ATTACK HOSCHA 6835 8 6 0 46 OGRES ARE US (270) AIMED BLOW NEZUMI 7342 7 6 0 41 THIEVES GUILD (396) Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above. The overall popularity leader is FLOWER 7255. The most popular warrior this turn was HEADROCK 3430. The ten other most popular fighters were G DUBYAH 7611, MEALS ON WHEELS 7575, STEVIE 7271, THE TAIL 7253, SHMAMY CROCKETT 7216, SLIPKNOT 6674, ENOCH PEABODY 7325, VIPER LXXI 7566, OXYGEN TANK 7574, and INIGO 7545. The least popular fighter this week was HOLSTIEN HEAVEN 7674. The other ten least popular fighters were SNOW WHITE 7486, NIGHT HAG 7598, KRAKEN 7679, SILENT SPOCKER 7700, KISS ME DEADLY 7726, HILLARY 7647, ATALAN 7656, BOVINE ASSASIAN 7672, THALIA 7547, and PIZNAUL JIZNOKE 7641. The following warriors will travel to AD after next turn: HEADROCK (60-3430) OGRES ARE US (270)