DUEL 2 NEWSLETTER
Date : 09/22/2006 Duedate: 10/05/2006
ARADI ARENA
DM-60 TURN-399
This Weeks Top Honors
THE DUELMASTER IS
TINY TIM
CRAZY CREEPS (207)
(60-6042) [18-4-1,144]
Chartered Recognition Leader Unchartered Recognition Leader
TINY TIM GETHSEMANE
CRAZY CREEPS (207) LATHE OF HEAVEN (603)
(60-6042) [18-4-1,144] (60-7894) [1-0-0,14]
Popularity Leader This Weeks Favorite
DERRIN OSO
WING HOVE (529) THE BUNKHOUSE (595)
(60-6952) [12-15-0,63] (60-7682) [6-8-0,47]
THE CURRENT TOP TEAM
(-1)
TEAMS ON THE MOVE TOP CAREER HONORS
Team Name Point Gain Chartered Team
1. DEATH STUDS VII (301) 65
2. CHEER-O-KEE'S (557) 51 BIKINI BOTTOM (596)
3. WILD CARDS (148) 44 Unchartered Team
4. THE BIZZLE (593) 35
5. SILENT WARRIORS (561) 34 LATHE OF HEAVEN (603)
The Top Teams
Career Win-Loss Record W L K % Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns W L K
1/ 0*LATHE OF HEAVEN (603) 3 2 0 60.0 1/ 2 WILD CARDS (148) 12 3 1
2/ 1 BIKINI BOTTOM (596) 35 24 4 59.3 2/ 1 CRAZY CREEPS (207) 12 3 1
3- 3 SAAB STORY (389) 139 107 11 56.5 3/ 3 DEMONS OF DARKNESS (430) 11 4 0
4/ 4 DEATH STUDS VII (301) 465 374 15 55.4 4/ 9 THE BIZZLE (593) 10 5 0
5/ 2 CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579) 45 37 1 54.9 5/ 4 GOIN' TUBIN' (577) 9 6 1
6/ 5 CRAZY CREEPS (207) 531 441 17 54.6 6/ 6 MY BEST BUDS 2 (542) 9 6 0
7/ 6 WILD CARDS (148) 768 678 32 53.1 7/ 5 THINGS ILL NEVER G (601) 8 6 0
8/ 7 THINGS ILL NEVER G (601) 29 26 0 52.7 8/ 7 BUGS, SLUGS & THUG (591) 8 7 1
9/ 8 DEMONS OF DARKNESS (430) 209 189 13 52.5 9/11 DEATH STUDS VII (301) 7 8 0
10/ 9 GOIN' TUBIN' (577) 141 137 7 50.7 10/23 CHEER-O-KEE'S (557) 7 8 0
11/14 THE BIZZLE (593) 39 38 4 50.6 11/17 SILENT WARRIORS (561) 7 8 0
12/13 SILENT WARRIORS (561) 66 66 3 50.0 12/13 ARADI RESORT & SPA (580) 7 8 0
13/10 ATLAS PARK (592) 41 41 1 50.0 13/20 DILEN'S HORDE (587) 6 6 0
14-11 DARK TOGS (526) 12 12 2 50.0 14/21 WING HOVE (529) 6 8 1
15-12 INQUISITION SG-1 (540) 21 22 1 48.8 15/16 OGRES ARE US (270) 6 9 1
16/16 CHEER-O-KEE'S (557) 102 108 4 48.6 16/10 BIKINI BOTTOM (596) 6 9 0
17/17 4000 BLOWS (107) 645 703 31 47.8 17/15 4000 BLOWS (107) 6 9 0
18/18 OGRES ARE US (270) 174 193 3 47.4 18/12 CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579) 5 10 0
Career Win-Loss Record W L K % Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns W L K
19/19 AARP (583) 34 38 2 47.2 19/ 8 SUPERIOR FORCES 16 (586) 5 10 0
20/21 DILEN'S HORDE (587) 36 41 3 46.8 20/26 DILLIGAF LEGION (589) 5 10 0
21/20 MY BEST BUDS 2 (542) 63 72 2 46.7 21/22 ATLAS PARK (592) 5 10 0
22/22 WING HOVE (529) 71 83 4 46.1 22-14 SAAB STORY (389) 4 2 0
23-24 BEERBARIANS (528) 15 18 4 45.5 23/18 THE BUNKHOUSE (595) 4 10 0
24/23 ARADI RESORT & SPA (580) 44 53 1 45.4 24/ 0*LATHE OF HEAVEN (603) 3 2 0
25/15 SUPERIOR FORCES 16 (586) 31 38 1 44.9 25/ 0 MEDICAL BIOHAZARD (585) 2 2 1
26/25 BUGS, SLUGS & THUG (591) 37 46 5 44.6 26/19 FUNKY FOLK (565) 2 5 0
27/27 FUNKY FOLK (565) 37 53 3 41.1 27/25 AARP (583) 2 7 0
28/28 THE BUNKHOUSE (595) 28 41 0 40.6 28-27 DARK TOGS (526) 1 0 1
29/29 DILLIGAF LEGION (589) 27 49 2 35.5 29-24 INQUISITION SG-1 (540) 1 4 0
'*' Unchartered team '-' Team did not fight this turn
(###) Avoid teams by their Team Id ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank
TEAM SPOTLIGHT
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ TOGS Spotlight 12 ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
Those Crazy Creeps, et al
"Apologies Are Due"
Yes, indeed. Apologies are due. Deep, heartfelt apologies. "I'm sorries" with
plenty of penance applied. Mea maxima culpas. Yes.
All of us together--The Creepster, The Crazy Creeps Scribe, Duelmaster Tiny Tim,
Snow White, Jack The Ripper, White Witch, The Riddler--we all want to apologize for
the many barbs and sarcasms and digs and just plain badmouthing that we have done
recently in Aradi. They have all been inappropriate and uncalled for. We can only
beg everyone's forgiveness, and promise to be much, much better folks in the future.
But there are some certain things we need to get off our chest; we need to apologize
for specific items.
We apologize for saying that Death Stud is small. We did not need to promote
such a painful deformity for Mr. Stud. Often times the truth is better left unsaid.
Calling Death Stud small, tiny, and small-witted should not have come from our lips.
Mr. Stud's minimal size, wit and personal package are not the kind of things that
need mentioning--especially when The Great Death Stud is so pained by the skimpiness
of each. Mea culpa.
We apologize for implying that The FONZ colludes. We should not have revealed
those cold, hard facts on their "working together". It was unfair and inappropriate
of us. That information was confidential and should not have been published without
the full consent of FONZ. A loosely-held semi-organization like this allied non-
alliance should not have to bear the pressure of their internal facts being revealed.
The competencies and incompetencies of The FONZ collusion should not have been
revealed by us. We promise to both downplay the FONZ incompetency and to ignore the
continued intense FONZ collusion henceforth. Mea culpa.
We apologize for saying that TUM can write and for laughing at some of his
musings. It is inappropriate for us to single him out as a good writer when so many
others are trying their failing best to compose spots. Worse yet, knowing that Suave
ghostwrites all that TUM enters, we continued to support the ruse. It was so unfair
of us to lobby the Award Winning and World Famous Aradi Free Press to present him
with winning awards and apparel. It will not happen again. Mea culpa.
We apologize for making fun of Delarquans in this TOGS competition. All
statements we made on this topic, while clearly true, were uncalled for. We should
have remained quiet. It does not matter that Delarquans compete at TOGS as though
they are vying for second place in an Old Maid competition. Delarqs' incompetence in
writing and stick-toitiveness and in attempting to understand more than a simple
competitive point structure are well documented. The world did not need us to
proclaim such clear inadequacies. We stepped out of line. Adding to that, we are
sorry for running Ultraist and Jekyll out of town. Even though this was a tough
competition, the loss was uncalled for. Most of us needed the extra wins. Mea
culpa.
We apologize for all the killing we have done in this TOGS competition.
Aradians died right and left in our early spotlights. While it is true that had they
stayed dead, Aradi would have been far better served, it was an egotistical thing to
do it on our part. We should have refrained and left the killing to the Delarquans,
who in the olden days, were good at killing. Why, you might ask, did we do the
killings? Because we could. Because we could, and because we felt sorry that the
Delarquans are not what they once were. We also apologize for the killing done in
the arena. (Tiny Tim and The Riddler are noted with their fingers crossed.) We
should have been more careful for the sake of Aradi. Mea culpa.
Lastly, we apologize for revealing Manager's secret. We should not have
published the oft humble and hidden fact that Manager won the first TOGS. That is
information that he alone should have been able to share--had he chosen so. Instead,
we did him and all Aradi a disservice. No one needed to know such inconsequential
facts. Yet, we revealed them. For that we are sorry. Mea culpa.
Penance is necessary for such dire deeds. The punishment shall fit the deeds.
Rest assured, it shall be sufficient. These types of apologies will not happen
again.
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ The Macaroni of Evil IV: Part III ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
The castle was dark and strangely familiar. It seemed to be the only inhabited
building in all of Aradi. Manager wondered what could have happened to the once
semi-vibrant farming and fishing community that was once home of the TOGS. Actually,
Manager didn't really care. Aradi had never been the same since TOGS II anyway. In
either case, the halls of the castle were like a labyrinth. Thanks to the
(Subliminal Message: Team 3 and Team 2 must be taken out in the TOGS! They have the
lead! You must have no mercy when challenging these two teams. We now return you to
your regularly scheduled spotlight) evil-seeking compass that Lady Elysian had given
him, he had no problem navigating through the castle maze.
After passing through a section of the castle which looked like Mendacity Manor
in his own headquarters, the compass lead him to a laboratory. Manager took a deep
breath and opened the door. Who would be behind the Macaroni of Evil?
"I should have known you would try and stop me." said an eerily familiar voice.
Manager gasped. Inside the door was a middle-aged man who looked exactly like
him. (Except older by a few years)
"Y-You're me!" Manager gaped, "An evil version of myself is responsible for
creating the Macaroni of Evil!"
"Not an evil version of you," answered the middle-aged man, "Just the future
version of you. Except I changed my name a few years back of course. You may call
me...MEGA-Manager!"
"Hey, I was thinking about changing my managerial name to that!" chirped
Manager, "I mean--what are you doing creating the Macaroni of Evil? And why are you
sending it back to the past?"
"Why do you think? asked MEGA-Manager, "Haven't you ever wondered why do the
Macaroni of Evil always seems to return near your location? I've cast a spell so
that it will keep trying to find you! I want you--me to use it!"
"Why would you want to use the Macaroni of Evil?" asked Manager
"Why do you think?" responded MEGA-Manager. "Because we're pathetic!"
"Excuse me?" said Manager, "Don't you know I won the first TOGs? And I've
conquered Primus in record time and...."
"Lived it, remember?" responded MEGA-Manager, "You don't have to lecture me with
your accomplishments. Now answer this. Despite all that you've accomplished. Is
that truly enough? Don't you long for more wins? More trophies? More
accomplishments? With the Macaroni of Evil, you could take over the world if you
wanted to!"
"Well...yes!" admitted Manager, "But I don't want to use an artifact as evil as
the Macaroni of Evil for my own nefarious purposes. Look at all of the destruction
that the Macaroni causes every time it gets loose!" (Just thought I'd randomly throw
in Rillion's name in this spot since he said he reads spots that have his name in
them!)
"They're only people you'll crush anyway." laughed MEGA-Manager, "It doesn't
matter if it's now or later...."
"But some of them are my friends!" gasped Manager, "I couldn't do that to them."
"Who needs friends when you have TCs and trophies and accomplishments?" pointed
out MEGA-Manager, "A TC can't stab you in the back or won't be too busy to head to
the tavern for a drink...."
"Well true...well what about another TOGS trophy? Can I win one of those with
the Macaroni of Evil?"
"Yes." MEGA-Manager affirmed, then backpedaled, "But just make sure you win them
before TOGS XI. LHI and Guardian pull out a shocking win for the ages in TOGS XI and
the credibility of the tourney is forever destroyed with them winning."
"Oh."
"But don't worry, Street Legal will start a new contest, the Tournament of the
Green Apple. It will more than make up for TOGS."
"TOGA? That doesn't have the same ring to it...."
"Who cares? It's another trophy right?" asked MEGA-Manager.
"True," Manager agreed once again, "Am I going to win those too?"
"Not nearly enough." growled MEGA-Manager, "That's what the Macaroni of Evil is
for!"
"I don't think I can do it...." Manager's voice trailed off....
"Don't be weak!" screamed MEGA-Manager, "Think of what you could do if you just
had an extra edge!"
"You're starting to remind me of LHI!" gulped Manager, "I don't need the extra
edge."
"Fool!" MEGA-Manager pounded his fist on the table.
"You're nothing but a raving lunatic. I'm embarrassed that I'm going to become
you one day." Manager pulled out his two Medium Shields. "Sorry, but I have to
stop you from creating the Macaroni of Evil. Your nefarious plot ends here."
(Subliminal Message: Don't overlook Team 9 and their attempt to win by staying
under the radar as well. Don't forget to throw them a few challenges here and
there!")
"Do you think you can take me?" laughed MEGA-Manager as he too pulled out his
Medium Shields.
32,767 Minutes Later....
"I'm younger and stronger than you are." pointed out Manager, "Eventually you'll
have to give up."
"That's what you think," laughed MEGA-Manager, "I have my WL/CN/ST maxxed out at
30."
"30? How did you manage that?"
"Sheila Greywand is going to allow training to 30 five years from now--which
unfortunately hasn't happened yet for you."
Manager growled. If what MEGA-Manager was true, than it was only a matter of
time before he would go down. As a distraction tactic, he pressed a button on his
medium shield. Poison Spikes flew out of his shield and directly at MEGA-Manager.
MEGA-Manager's defense was secure as his medium shield easily parried the
attack. However, the poison spikes deflected off his shield and out of the room. A
loud crash could be heard in the distance.
"Nooooo!" MEGA-Manager screamed. "Not the trophy room!" MEGA-Manager dropped
his shields and ran to the trophy room.
Manager recalled the trophy room in his own headquarters and gasped. How could
he have been so foolish as to get into a fight near the trophy room? Manager dropped
his shields and ran after his future self.
MEGA-Manager broke down into a heap of sobs. "They're broken...it's all broken.
All of my trophies and awards are broken."
Manager looked around. It looked like the spikes had hit one trophy case, which
in turns brought down all of the others like a domino effect. Dozens and dozens of
trophies were littered on the ground, many of them broken or dented.
"Look at these!" cried MEGA-Manager, "These are the TCs that I won in 2008!
They've been crushed!"
Manager looked at the trophies MEGA-Manager was pointing to and gasped in
horror.
"You only won two TCs in 2008?" he questioned.
MEGA-Manager sniffed, "...Well it was still better than 2011 where I only won
one!"
"Only one TC in 2011?" Manager's eyes widened, "That's horrible! That's simply
unacceptable! How could you let that happen? Demnat! We are pathetic!"
"I know, I know!" MEGA-Manager looked crestfallen, "I'm such a failure. That's
why I created the Macaroni of Evil and sent it back to the past! I don't want you to
repeat my failures."
Manager nodded. He finally understood. He had no choice but to use the
Macaroni of Evil. MEGA-Manager's reign of mediocrity couldn't be allowed to
continue.
"I guess I have no choice..." his voice trailed off....
***********************************
Manager awoke in the back room of the Aradi Ski and Spa Resort.
"Manager! Are you ok?" asked Snotman.
"I'm fine," he answered, "What happened?"
"You drank the potion and then hit your head on the ground. Looks like it
didn't work."
"B-but, I think it did work! I was in the future! I found the person who was
creating the Macaroni of Evil and trying to send it to the past!"
"Well, I guess you could have teleported to the future and then instantaneously
teleported back." said Lady Elysian, who brought in some tea. "I guess only you know
for sure."
"Did you take care of the Macaroni of Evil? asked Snotman.
"Yes," answered Manager, "I don't think the Macaroni of Evil will be a problem
anymore."
THE END. Or is it?
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Silent Warriors ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
-MY SECOND TO LAST SPOTLIGHT FOR A VERY LONG TIME-
Ganolus sat in his study deep in thought. Only two turns left in TOGS and his
Silent Warriors stable was a mess. We definitely need two monster turns if we're to
have any hope at all of pulling this thing off. It was about an hour before the
day's training session and Ganolus wanted to clear his head and jot down some notes
before he attended this most important session. After all, it was the last training
session before the upcoming bouts. So, where to begin. Ganolus took a sip of his
hot tea <SIP> and pulled out his quill and parchment.
Panther
Strengths: Hits hard, learns well, fairly well rounded, especially adept at avoiding
blows.
Weaknesses: Very slow warrior, lacks understanding of counter attack techniques, not
very durable.
This week's focus: Work on developing an effective strategy for maximizing riposte
technique opportunities. Try avoiding the upper echelon scums and challenging the
over-rated strikers.
Mouse
Strengths: He loves to parry! Moving on.
Weaknesses: Seems to be slightly retarded when it comes to attacking and/or moving
quickly.
This week's focus: Dark Arena? No, not yet. Wait until after TOGS is over. How
about avoiding everything possible and hoping for the best with whoever Mouse does
end up fighting. This one's all about luck unfortunately.
Ninja
Strengths: Seems especially adept at dodging and riposting, fairly well rounded.
Weaknesses: Slow learner. Will be great someday, but not today. Especially slow
understanding attack concepts.
This week's focus: Keep working on same strategy as past weeks. This warrior needs
much more practice at this. Try avoiding aimed blows and challenging strikers if
possible.
Bloodlust Mute
Strengths: Way ahead of the class when dealing with attack concepts.
Weaknesses: Weak, slow learner, lazy, etc. Too many to list really.
This week's focus: Work on a general desperation strategy that might be effective.
Avoid everything but scums and challenge nothing but scums. Probably Dark Arena once
TOGS is over.
Silent Spocker
Strengths: Fast learner, learns the right skills, gifted at holding the initiative
in a fight.
Weaknesses: Does not understand the concept of defense in any way whatsoever.
This week's focus: Work on a defensive strategy that might work well in desperation.
Try avoiding lungers for the most part and try challenging the slashers whenever
possible. This one's a keeper.
Ganolus finished writing his training instructions. He folded up the parchment
and returned the quill to the ink pot. He then finished the last of his tea. <SIP>
Well, out to the training yard and on to the fights tomorrow. And just think, if you
just finished reading this, you'll only have to suffer through just one more of my
absolutely horrible spotlights.
-THE END-
-Ganolus Oakleaf, Silent Warriors
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ You Might be a Mega ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
A trip down to the local watering hole provided some answers to a question that
has posed many times before, once quite recently even. Upon sitting down at the back
corner at my regular table I was surprised that tonight there would not be a minstrel
to entertain us as there usually was. Tonight we were to be treated to the local
arenamaster's personal jester. A man called Foxworthy or something like that I think
is what he said his name was. I would say for sure but after guzzling many, many,
MANY pints of ale the name was possibly erased from my memory. However the humor was
not lost and as I tell it to you, you can be assured that it is one-hundred percent
accurate to how it was told!
The regular "good evening ladies and gentleman," was the way his bit started.
Would you be shocked if I told you different? There were some formalities expressed
and then he launched quickly into his act:
- If you have recently looked at a roll-up sheet and noticed that it only has 4
warriors that can either attain a 17 Wit or Will and decided to toss it into your,
"unusable" file with all the other "trash" you have...you might be a mega!
- If you've recently rolled up what you believe to be a godling; something with
a 17/17/13 Wit/Will/Deftness and no physicals and it has come back <gasp> MODE so you
decided you need to send it to the Dark Arena...you might be a mega!
- If you go to the forums to see how many people have said, "Blankety Blank is
one of the best managers in the game" to boost your feelings of self worth...you
might be a mega!
- If you fear that there are other managers in the game who can cheat better
then you so you're afraid of entering a contest and being exposed as "less of a
cheater than so-and-so"...you might be a mega!
- If you feel that, not only do they do so, the commission needs to treat you in
a manner that differs from how they treat all those other lame managers out there who
think they're what you are, "special"...you might be a mega!
- If someone asks you, well not you specifically but anyone who can help them
with a dilemma, to help them with a situation or some strategic advice and you think
to yourself, "Well I'm not helping them out, after all I learned that three years
into the game and that was ten years ago but still let them flounder as I did. It's
only right that they feel my pain! Screw them, I'm not helping!"...you might be a
mega!
- If you go to the "Roll-up advice" section and see the following: "what would
you do with this roll-up: 11-9-6-15-11-12-10?" and you respond, "DA it! It'll never
give you a TC!"...you might be a mega!
- If you offer to buy any graduated Aimed Blows, since you're too impatient to
develop your very own "tops in the game warrior", but they MUST have had a 21
Deftness when they were first designed regardless of bonuses they might have...you
might be a mega!
- If you totally believe that regular arena play is only for newbies or timing
out your should've TC'd warriors...you might be a mega!
- If you feel you're too good to either participate with a certain other lowly
manager (in your opinion) or to let same said manager to arrange a grand event that
you wish you could've got going...you might be a mega!
- If you play the game because you love being loved more than you love the
battles and strategy...you might be a mega!
- If you have to stick a pin in your head every time you enter the arena to
reduce the size of your head to get through the arena entrance...you might be a mega!
- If you a kill a warrior simply because it's perfectly timed, and it's almost
October, because you'll be darned if your letting someone else TC a dead tourney
other than yourself...you might be a mega!
- If you're Consortium or Manager...you might be a mega! But since you're
always willing to help people...you're not a REAL mega!
- In fact if your motto is, "Arena play what's that? It's all about the
TC!"...YOU ARE A MEGA!
The term mega indeed has become a negative connotation in the game today. And
in some instances it's well deserved! There are great managers and there are "megas"
that's just the way things have become! Harsh? Yes! True? Unfortunately! Perhaps
someday we will all again play for a love of the game and the challenge of outwitting
the other manager! Until that day comes I guess some of us will still enjoy "the
game" while others will just love to be loved to boost their self worth!
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Samwise the Bald/Childhood Trauma ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
The Main Event: The Conclusion
Author's note: When I initially started this storyline, I'd been to the film "Nacho
Libre." Little did I know that my inspiration would fizzle so quickly and that other
events would distract me to the point that they have. I've not been able to give
this story the attention I would have liked. And now, it's dragged on to the point
that I'm sick of writing it and I'm sure you're tired of reading it (if you've been
doing so). So, this is it. I'm finishing the story with this installment with the
realization that it is less than a shadow of what it could have been.
**********
The Golem Guy, Chico, Null, Gangrene Willowbranch, and The Revolting Blob turned
to face the crowd of Manabiase flunkies as they advanced on them. Indigo, Zang, The
Computer Geek, Fiery One, and Fish spread out and advanced on them. On the other
side of the ring, Manabiase and Wayne the Insane looked on the action with mad glee
in their eyes, not realizing that with the Death Dummy, The Crotchety, Cranky Old
Man, I Stubbed my Toe to Death, and the Fat Bald Guy, they were outnumbered.
Turning their attention away from Manabiase and Wayne, the Dummy, Cranky, Stub,
and Fat Bald guy waded across the scrod-filled ring to join in the fracas. The
action was fierce. Bodies flew, toes were bitten, eyes gouged, body parts broken.
The Golem Guy was eliminated rather quickly because he became enraged with the entire
lot of wrestlers, began to scream of revenge and attacked friend and foe alike.
Eventually, the entire lot of wrestlers turned on him and threw him from the ring.
Indigo, Zang, and the Geek turned on Gangrene and Chico forcing them into the
corner of the ring. Desperate, Gangrene picked up his leg-warmer wearing friend and
heaved him into the other three wrestlers. A tangle of arms and legs, they fell into
scrod-filled water. A moment passed as Zang, Chico, and the Geek pulled themselves
out of the water, sputtering. Indigo lay inert below the surface. The Geek waded to
him, desperate to make sure his friend was okay. Pulling him out of the water, he
turned him over. Indigo's lifeless eyes stared up at the sky. Indigo's mouth was
open, filled with thrashing scrod. Crying out in anguish, the Geek picked up his
friend and ran from the ring.
On the other side of the ring, the Fiery One and Fish were engaged with Null and
The Revolting Blob. Null reached below the surface of the water and pulled out
handfuls of scrod, which he heaved at the Fiery One and Fish, striking them several
times. Still, they came at Null and Revolting Blob. The Blob reached below the
surface and grabbed two rather large scrod in hand. Wielding them as a ninja might
use nunchakus, he turned into a whirling dervish of scaly doom. Striking Fiery One
and Fish about the face and neck, the Blob forced them backward, as they continued to
be pelted by scrod heaved by Null. Eventually, they found themselves in a corner of
the ring. Clustered tightly together, they pummeled one another, oblivious to the
others. Unbeknownst by them, Wayne the Insane, acting at the direction of Ted
Manabiase moved behind them. Breaking into as fast a run as the water would allow,
Wayne drove himself into the Blob's back. The Blob fell forward, causing Null to
fall, who fell into the Fiery One, who, in turn, fell into Fish. The force of the
blow, the tight cluster of bodies, and the wave of water caused by the action carried
the four wrestlers out of the ring, eliminating them. Wayne turned and ran,
dutifully, back to position himself in front of Manabiase.
Meanwhile, Stub, Cranky, Fat Bald Guy, the Dummy had emerged from the melee on
the other side of the ring that had seen Gangrene, Chico, and Zang eliminated.
Across the ring, a look of horror clouded the evil, scheming face of Manabiase. He
realized now that he was left with only one cohort to face the other four.
Desperate, reluctant to actually fight his own battle, Manabiase watched the other
four wrestlers approach. Wayne the Insane, his loyal friend and quite the wrestler,
steeled himself for the upcoming scrap. He was settling into his battle stance,
preparing to fight off the other four wrestlers when Manabiase grabbed him from
behind, and threw him in the path of the advancing wrestlers. Desperate to save
himself, Manabiase ran from the ring, shouting, "Not another failed plan! Not
another scheme thwarted!"
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
It was cold outside and the rain came down in a long steady drone. Ghoti was
hoping to get back to Aradi in time for the next turn of TOGS but was having problems
using his teleportation device. The rain was wreaking havoc on everything this
night. First his horse drew up lame then it stumbled and broke its leg in a mud
puddle and he had to destroy it. Then he broke his backup sword killing the poor
animal. Looking at the dead animal and the broken sword instantly made him think of
Tiny Tim. This made Ghoti swear loudly.
After the echo of his own shout a howling came from off in the distance. Ghoti
turned up the road and took to a hurried pace. He had dealt with wolves before but
now was not the time to do it. He was still several miles from Aradi and he needed
to arrive this eve to get enough time to set up his team's challenges and get them to
the commission in time.
At the top of a hill the road became narrow and winding with a thick growth of
trees and brush on either side. Ghoti was familiar with this area and knew he was
only about an hour's walk from town. Even carrying his saddle and loaded saddle
bags, Ghoti walked on determined.
In a low spot and at a bend it happened. First one wolf, then a second and
third. Soon there were six wolves in front of him. Ghoti knew he could not turn
back. He had no place he could go for any kind of safety but forward. He only had
one good weapon and a long dagger in a saddlebag if he could get to it before the
animals pounced. He set his saddle down slowly and drew his sword. The obvious
alpha wolf growled a low deep sound that cut the sound of the rain like a grader
through sand. Ghoti growled back as he crouched over his saddle to open it. Ever
watching the small pack and trying to buy enough time to get out his dagger. The
saddlebag was being difficult. The buckle that held it closed was stuck due to the
swelling of the leather strap. Ghoti had no choice but to take his eyes off the
wolves.
Instantly the big male wolf leaped into a high speed run at Ghoti with the other
wolves close behind. Ghoti had about ten seconds before they would close the gap.
He struggled with the strap for a second then slashed it with his sword. The dagger
cleared the saddle bag just in time for Ghoti to skewer the big male with it. The
animal yelped and then fell silent to the ground in front of Ghoti.
Unfortunately the dagger stuck and Ghoti had to let it go as he swung his sword
in a huge arc in front of him, slicing two more wolves. One clearly with its throat
cut clean. Both animals fell into him as a third wolf grabbed him by the ankle and
started shaking it violently. Ghoti stabbed at the animal only to have it let go at
the last instant, causing him to stab himself just inside the top of his boot. Ghoti
winced momentarily and kept swinging all around him. First one wolf fell and then
all but one lone young male. Ghoti was exhausted even though mere seconds had
passed. He could feel his boot filling with blood and his vision getting blurry. He
had been bitten several times on his wrist trying to extract the dagger from the dead
wolf. His left knee had been bitten badly. Suddenly and without warning the lone
wolf leapt for him and clamped down on his un-injured foot. He was losing
consciousness but kept swinging at the animal.
Suddenly as he was fading, he thought of his team and of home. When he awoke,
Syda Hammie was standing over him in the practice yard of the guild house. A dead
wolf lay beside him.
"What.... What happened?" asked Ghoti.
Syda Hammie picked him up and hurriedly carried him into the house. "You just
appeared in the yard with a wolf at your ankle. I killed him for you." replied Syda
Hammie.
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Wing Hove ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
Buccaneer, shcmuccaneer
Indimar and his friends filed out of the blacksmith shop to take a look at
whatever Pauly had seen on the slough. From where they now stood they could see
straight down the slough for a little more than a mile before it curved out of sight.
Perhaps 100 yards this side of the bend was what appeared to be a large brown
mound...and it was moving. It crisscrossed the slough from bank to bank as it moved
steadily in their direction.
"It's trackin' me," hissed Barnabas. "It's got my scent from the ship and the
cagey devil is tryin' to find where I went ashore. At least it looks like we got us
a little time to figger how to take this critter on."
"I'm not taking on anything with a full bladder," said Elephant as he started
for the corner of the building.
"That little fella sure can't hold his Scrodbucks," Indimar muttered under his
breath before turning his attention back to Barnabas. "Just what makes you think we
can handle this beast?" he asked. "It took on your whole crew of pirates and had
them running for their lives in a matter of minutes."
"Pirates?" said Barnabas with a laugh. "Pirate wannabes is more like it. That
was nothin' but a bunch of rich boys who wanted to play at being buccaneers. They
pay a pretty penny for the privilege of getting to work like dogs while I yell at em.
Don't tell me you thought they were real pirates? Haw, haw, haw. Indimar you are
just too much. Didn't you see the sign for my pirate fantasy camp when you turned
off the main road?"
"Well, uh...we didn't exactly come in...uh...you know, from the main road,"
stammered Indimar. Fortunately he was spared the need for further explanation when
Elephant returned from answering the call of nature.
"Everything come out o.k. Elephant?" asked Pauly with a giggle. "Where's your
crossbow?"
"I'm not Elephant, I'm Cyber Punk," replied the tiny manager. "I did pass
Elephant in the woods and he said to thank Barnabas for the crossbow."
"Don't tell me you're gonna start this again," groaned Pauly. "C'mon, Elephant,
we just watched you walk around the building."
"What in tarnation are you carryin' on about, Pauly?" asked Barnabas. "Any dad
blamed fool can see that's Cyber Punk. I can't believe Elephant ran out on a fight,
but at least we have Cyber to take his place."
"Wait a minute, you can tell them apart?" Indimar asked Barnabas, who responded
with a nod. "And you say this is Cyber Punk?" Again Barnabas nodded his
affirmation. "I guess that's enough for me."
"I think we better turn our attention back to the muskrat," said Pauly as he
pointed to the slough. "Looks like he caught wind of us."
The muskrat was now just a few yards from the dock and moving rapidly. As he
reached the dock and started to pull his massive bulk out of the water the four
managers pulled their weapons and started moving into the open center of Barnabas'
compound. As if following an unspoken command they began to fan out in order to come
at the beast from all sides. Their first look at their opponent was enough to raise
serious doubts about this undertaking.
The muskrat was all of seven feet tall at the shoulder and twenty five feet or
more from the tip of his nose to the tip of his tail. Pretty much all that Indimar
and company noticed besides the size of the critter was teeth and claws. The giant
rodent was also moving slowly to the center of the compound, his red rimmed eyes
trying to watch them all at once. At last he came to a halt and stood pawing at the
ground with his right forepaw.
"Wait a minute, " said Pauly as he dropped his cutlass and began moving toward
the beast with his hands raised before him.
"Have you lost what little sense you were born with?" hissed Indimar softly.
"Get back here before he shreds you like you fight for Jekyll."
"It's all right," said Pauly as he continued toward the beast.
As Pauly moved closer he began talking to the muskrat in soothing tones. The
animal stayed where he was but showed no inclination to attack. As Pauly closed the
distance between them it started to make a strange mewling sound in its throat and to
shake all over. Still it did not retreat or attack. Finally Pauly was standing
right in front of the behemoth. Slowly he bent down and reached out toward the paw
the muskrat had been pawing the earth with. The mewling noise reached such a high
pitch that Indimar and the others were forced to cover their ears.
All at once Pauly straightened up and the muskrat went silent. In Pauly's right
hand he now held an extremely large thorn. The muskrat bent his head and began to
sniff at his paw. After a few minutes he raised his head and thrust it toward Pauly
and began to sniff him, just as suddenly he began to lick his face.
"He isn't mean, he was just hurt," said Pauly as he reached out an began to
scratch his new found friend under the ear. The huge rodent promptly flopped over on
its side and started to kick one of his hind legs in a scratching motion while
emitting a sound that can only be described as a purr.
"Dang blast it, Indimar," growled Barnabas as he threw down his cutlass. "How
am I supposed to take my revenge out on the critter now that your boy turned him into
a pet?"
"Do you really need revenge?" asked Indimar as he slowly moved forward and began
to rub the giant's belly. "You said your crew got away and if your ship is still
afloat it can probably be repaired."
"Well, I guess you got a point...and the big galoot is kind of cute," admitted
Barnabas. "But I sure did have my mouth set for some muskrat pie. There ain't
nuthin' better than fresh kilt muskrat pie, except maybe deep fried possum gizzards."
Next week: Back at the Scrod Shoppe
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
----- ----- ----- Soultaker ----- ----- -----
Disclaimer: The following story has been proofread and verified to be Street Legal
and Apex free. Any characterization in this story is written to hopefully appease
the more mature masses and not offend anyone.
A light mist rolled in off the water. The sun was just starting to peek over
the horizon. Along the shore numerous teams stood by their rowboats for the
beginning of the first annual TOGS fishing tournament. The rules were simple--the
TOGS teams were to launch at sunrise and have all day to fish. The team with the
most weight in eatable fish would win.
With the blast from the starting horn, they were off. It looked to be a very
even start as the oars splashed water. Before the contestants were lost in the mist,
it looked to be Ganolus and Hombre in the lead. Close behind were Rillion and
Rascally Rabbit. Next was a group of Indimar and Cyber Punk, Lord Xiang and
Seraphim, Nuln and Snotman, and Lady A and Lady E. Samwise and Mannequin were having
a bit of a problem getting started. With Samwise in the back of the boat Mannequin
not only could not see to row but also the oars would not reach the water. They
finally adjusted and let Samwise row. Off to the left, Death Stud and Soultaker were
taking their time letting the rest rush off. Soultaker had to do the rowing since
Stud could not sit in the seat and reach to oars. With Soultaker rowing it left very
little choice in the location they were going to fish. One thing was for sure,
Soultaker was not going to work up a sweat for any reason. Just beyond Stud and
Soultaker, was the TUM and LHI boat. TUM was sitting up front looking back at LHI
yelling into a megaphone. "Stroke ------- Stroke ------- Stroke!" TUM bellowed.
"Oooooooh Oooooooh God," could be heard coming from LHI.
"Stroke ------- Stroke ------- Stroke."
"Oooooooh Yeah Oooooooh YES"
The team of Manager and Creepster still had not left the beach. Creepster
waited stoically in the boat as Manager complained to the judges. "I'm telling you,
you have to disqualify Rillion and Rascally Rabbit."
"And why must I disqualify that team? We just got this started and you have
found something to complain about already," the head judge asked.
"This is a team event and that is not Rascally Rabbit in the boat but some dummy
dressed up like him. Rabbit has not been seen or heard from in ages and Rillion has
been trying to conceal the fact that he has been all alone. It is only fair since
Ghoti was not allowed to participate because his partner refused to enter since the
event was not held in the drainage pond next to a certain someone's house. I demand
that Rillion be removed," Manager stomped.
"I will send out a boat to verify if what you say is true. I will be forced to
have him removed. If you have no other complaints I have pressing business to take
care of," the judge turned and walked away.
Manager walked back down to his boat. "I can't believe the way they treated me.
I was only trying to ensure that this was a fair and honest contest. You know I
think the world of Rillion. I only did what I thought was best for everyone,"
Manager rambled on and on to a patient Creepster.
"Yooser Woosie canapsie dapsi. Weeesee getting behind," Creepster pointed off
towards the mist.
"Not to worry partner. I already talked to most of the others. I gave them the
locations to fish. Rillion was not going to play along but he is out of it so no
worries from him now. The ones that are not listening to me haven't even really
gotten started yet," Manager pointed at TUM and LHI, Samwise and Mannequin, and
Soultaker and Death Stud.
"Looopalosa Ramboozel the spots will be gone," Creepster commented with growing
concern.
"No problem, I saved the best place for us to fish. Most of them are going to
be rowing most of the day and out of our way. It was so easy. All I had to do was
convince them that the FONZ had colluded together to get the best spots," Manager
rattled on as he got in the boat and started rowing away.
It was getting up close to noon when the observation boat checked out the first
contestant. The field judge was in the bow of the eight man boat and would point off
in a direction to check the progress of the fisherman. The first boat they came up
to was TUM and LHI. They hadn't gotten more then two hundred yards from the launch
point. Neither contestant was fishing as the judge pulled closer. TUM still held
the megaphone but it was evident that it had been used to catch TUM's stomach
contents. LHI was slumped over the oars all pale and with a huge grin on his face.
The next couple they came upon was Lady A and Lady E. They had pulled in close
to shore. As the observer drew closer he overheard Lady E complaining. "I can't
figure this out. All of the years of training and still no reaction."
"Just keep at it. I am sure you are doing it right," Lady A encouraged her
partner as she whipped her pole back and forth.
"I tell you it is not working. It is still too soft and limp for me to get it
on a hook. I have been rolling, rubbing and massaging this worm for over 4 hours and
it still won't get stiff. I have never had this much problem," Lady E bawled in
frustration.
"Just keep at it. It takes some worms longer to lengthen out," Lady A prodded
as she whipped the pole back towards the beach in an effort to cast out over a small
drop off. As she brought the pole forward, it refused to follow her cast. With a
mighty tug Lady A heard a bloodcurdling scream. Scared out of her wits she turned to
see a poor farmer half in the water trying to grasp the line that ran from Lady A's
pole to his blood gushing ear.
As the observer moved on they soon came upon a small cluster just off the point
of a small island. In one boat was the team of Lord Xiang and Seraphim. Right close
to them were Samwise and Mannequin and just a short distance away was the boat of
Snotman and Nuln. Samwise and Mannequin seemed to be doing pretty well. Mannequin
was laid back relaxing as his pole bent sharply.
"Get it in the boat. We need all we can get. Why is that you just lay back and
catch all kinds of fish and I spend all this time casting for certain ones only to
lose them trying to get them in the boat," Samwise whined.
Snotman and Nuln were steady pulling in fish but between Nuln having to take
time to pour water on the dehydrating walking Snotball and their constant hooking
themselves they would probably have a boat load of fish.
About that time a huge blast went off. When the shock wore off all heads were
spinning to see what had cause the large boom.
"Sorry, I screwed up. I didn't think the fuse was that short," Xiang
apologized.
"You have to let it sink in the water for it to do any good. Try throwing it
over there near the island so we can get out of the boat and walk around and pick up
the fish," Seraphim pointed at the island.
Kabooom! This time the hand thrown stick landed on the island. When the dust
cleared there were four less trees. "I said near the island not on it," Seraphim
yelled.
"Sorry, I got nervous and threw it too hard. Please stop yelling at me. I
don't handle the pressure very well," Xiang pleaded.
"Hey mullethead, toss me one of those. That looks like fun," Mannequin yelled.
Being use to taking orders from others, Xiang quickly tossed one of the sticks
to Mannequin.
"Watch this," Mannequin yelled. Samwise having been around his partner a lot
decided the best place was ducking low in the boat. Mannequin got the stick lit and
waved it around for everyone to see. He reared back and let loose with a huge throw,
but his fingers were still all slimy from the fish he had just caught. Instead of
the stick arching out into the water it off to the left and fell into the boat of
Nuln and Snotman. Before the two brainiacs from the FONZ could react the boat was
vaporized.
"Ooops sorry," Mannequin said as he grabbed the oars and started rowing as fast
as he could.
"See, I'm not so stupid now," Xiang puffed out his chest and lit another stick.
"What are you doing? They were just killed," Seraphim yelled.
"Don't yell at me," Xiang got all nervous and juggled the lit stick.
Both managers grasped at the bouncing stick but alas it fell to the bottom of
the boat and went off.
The observer was clearly shaken by the stupidity that had just happened. He
slowly shook his head as he looked at the two reddish blue spots in the water.
What is going to happen to Indimar and Cyber Punk? Will Hombre and Ganolus survive?
Will Manager and Creepster find a way to disqualify the rest of the competition?
Will Samwise and Mannequin ever return? Will LHI get his second wind and come
through in the end? Will Lady A let go of the guy once she has him hooked? Will
Lady E finally get a reaction from the flaccid worm? Will Soultaker die from a heart
attack? These are the questions that inquiring minds want to know.
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Indy and the Punk ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
By Atlas Park
We see Cyber Punk, Death Stud and Soultaker standing outside of Mordant's Annual Big
Rig Races. For some strange reason Stud and Taker are dress the same: powder blue
suits with big ten gallon cowboy hats. For the sake of this story we will call them
Big Stud(Taker) and Little Stud(Death Stud) Cyber is sporting black jeans, a red
cowboy shirt and a brown cowboy hat.
Cyber: Nice matching suits. Was it hard to get 69 Extra Fat and 12 Dwarf?
Little Stud: Now you watch you mouth.
Cyber: So want me to go to Aradi, pick up 500 cases of Scrodbucks and be back in
Mordant in 28 hours? No prob.
Little Stud: It ain't ever been done, hot stuff.
Cyber: Watch your mouth little lady. I'm gonna need a fast car.
We see Little Stud counting out money.
Cyber: Faster than that.
Little Stud: One of these times I'm gonna kick his rear.
The scene shifts to small trailer park. We see Cyber climbing out of an 18-wheeler
and being mobbed by children.
Group of Children: UNCLE CYBER!! Uncle Cyber!
Waynette Barnabas: He's not your uncle. How many times do I have to tell you that?
Cyber: Hiya Waynette, where's Barney?
Waynette Barnabas: Oh no. Not again. You'll get him in trouble again.
Cyber: Yes, again. Nice curlers in your hair, Barney told me you two got satellite
TV, didn't know it was from your hair.
Cyber enters trailer. We see Barnabas passed out on the couch.
Cyber: Barney, wake up!!
Barnabas: I'm awake.
We switch back outside. Cyber and Barnabas are pulling a ramp out of the back of the
18-wheeler. Cyber opens the trailer doors and backs a black, T-top, Trans Am out.
Barnabas: Aradi and back to Mordant in 28 hours? But it ain't ever been done.
Cyber: That's cause we ain't ever tried it.
Twelve hours later, Barney and Cyber are in Aradi and out back of Indimar's
Scrodbucks Shop.
Scrodbucks Employee: Sorry, we are closed today. Junior is getting married.
Cyber: Look son, how much doesn't that cheap Indimar pay you an hour? Here's a
week's pay to look the other way.
We see Cyber hand the employee a stack of money and the employee opens the loading
doors for the two. Barney jumps on a forklift and begins loading the truck. Cyber
leaves a note saying to bill Big Stud. The two leave the Scrodbucks, Cyber leading
the way in the TransAm.
Cyber: Cyber One to the Big Bad Barney, you got your ears on?
Barnabas: Yeah come on. This here's the Big Bad Barney and I'm readin ya loud and
clear good buddy.
Cyber: And they said it can't be done.
Barnabas: Well, son we're makin good time. Did you see that Kick-n-Cuss back yer?
Cyber: Kick-n-Cuss?
Barnabas: Yeah, she was back there broke down, just a kickin and a cussin.
Cyber: She?
Cyber does a 180 in the middle of the road and starts heading back towards Aradi. He
passes Barney.
Barnabas: No, Cyber, you ain't doing what I think you are?
Cyber: Yep, just keep a rollin, I'll catch up.
Cyber arrives to a broken down car. There's a lady in a wedding dress kicking and
cussing at her car.
Cyber: Everything alright Miss Lady?
Bubbles: No, can I catch a ride?
Cyber: Bubbles is that you?
Bubbles: Cyber, I'm so glad to see you.
The two speed off. We see a group of teenagers pull up to the broken down car. They
begin to strip the car. A police car pulls up with Indimar and Pauly in it. Indimar
is dressed in a brown police uniform. Pauly is in a tuxedo.
Indimar: No dang Cooz gonna leave me and my boy in a church. Why we decorated all
of Aradi for a cost of forty dollars and 3 cases of Scrodbucks.
Pauly: Right, daddy!
Indimar: You stay in the car.
Pauly: But daddy, that's Bubble's car.
Indimar: I know that, donkey. Now I saids to stays heres in my cars.
Pauly: Ok daddy, can I talk on the CB?
Indimar: No.
Indimar backhands Pauly and gets out on the car. The whole time the teenagers are
unaware of Indy and Pauly. Indimar walks right up behind one of the teens and kicks
him square in the butt.
Indimar: Now that's what I call an attention getting.
Teen 1: Yes sir.
Indimar: My name is Buford T Fallon, sheriff of these here parts.
Teen 2: Sir, we are sorry.
Indimar: Where's the lady? What did ya's do with her?
Teen 1: Was she in a wedding dress?
Indimar: Go on boy.
Teen 1: She left in a black Trans Am.
Indimar: No one and I repeat no one makes a possum's peaker outta Buford T. Fallon.
To be continued..................
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ TOGSvivor ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
"Come on in you guys. Find a seat around the fire," said Ed. (doing her best
Jeff Probst imitation). She watched the final four TOGSvivor teams file into the
seating area. Death Stud/Soultaker, Samwise the Bald/Mannequin, The Creepster/
Manager, and Nuln/Snotman. She gave them a moment to settle in.
"Will the members of the jury please join us?" asked Ed.
From the opposite side of the fire the members of the jury walked in; Lady
Elysian/A-Sop, Lord Xiang/Seraphim, Ultraist/Jekyll, Hombre/Ganolus, Rillion/Rascally
Rabbit, Farmer Bob/Mission, Indimar/Cyber Punk, Street Legal/Ghoti, TUM/LHI and
Tigtoad/DMobster.
"Welcome to Tribal Council," said Ed., "First of all, I would like to
congratulate you for navigating your way through the first 12 turns of TOGS. This
has easily been one of our most competitive seasons both on and off the sands".
She paused, letting her words sink in for dramatic effect. Manager, sensing an
opportunity, sat up a bit straighter and puffed out his chest hoping the jury would
notice him.
"Tonight we will be voting; however tonight we will be voting for a winner. All
of you will address the jury and state your case why you think you should be crowned
the winner of TOGSvivor. The jury may also ask any question they like to help them
decide how they will vote. So let's get started," she said.
"Samwise & Mannequin," Ed. began, "You jumped out to an early lead on the
strength of your team's performance in the Mail-In tourney. Tell us a little about
that," she said.
Samwise took the lead. "We really didn't have much of a strategy going into the
contest. Neither one of us had an established team in Aradi so we decided to field
the most complete teams we could find. Our plan was to do the best we could in the
tourney and then hit the ground running when the contest began. We knew we wouldn't
have a shot at earning points as the reigning DM but hoped our ability to gain points
by constantly challenging up would make up for it."
"Especially if you had one or more TV challenges at your disposal," Ed. led on.
"Exactly," said Samwise. "We couldn't have asked for a better start. Malt-O-
Meal and Clapton TC'd, and Pinto Beans and Liver TV'd. We were in the driver's seat
from day one."
"So heading into the first turn you guys have FOUR TV challenges to burn and a
big target on your back," said Ed. "Tell me how things began to unravel."
"It all started with the first turn," said Samwise. "I lost one of my three
TV's when Porn Starr killed Liver...."
"One of your partner's (Mannequin) warriors," said Ed.
"Hey! It was a random match-up and he tried to kill Porn Starr first," said
Mannequin.
Samwise shot a glance at Mannequin. "Anyway, we had a decent turn and still had
three TV's at our disposal. We got tied down with bloodfeuds and people really
started gunning for us to keep us from running away with the contest," he said.
"You sound as if you think an organized effort was made against you," said Ed.
"Oh, without a doubt," said Samwise. "It wasn't like it was a secret--it began
before Death Stud started posting "Death to Team 2!" posters all over Aradi".
At this Ed. turned her attention to Death Stud. Or, rather, tried to. She
couldn't see him sitting in the back row behind Mannequin. Leaning to one side in
order to see him better, she said, "Death Stud, is there any truth to this?"
"I've got nothing to hide," said a small, unseen voice from somewhere behind
Mannequin. "It's true, every word of it."
"Isn't Samwise a member of FONZ, your non-alliance alliance?" asked Ed.
"Junior member," replied the unseen member in the dark.
"Does he not enjoy the same 'protection' as the rest of your members?" asked Ed.
"Yes and no. We are all playing to win. We never went out of our way to
challenge them but that doesn't exclude us from urging everyone else to focus their
efforts on them," Death Stud replied.
"So in the name of the game it could be said that you were actively working
against one of your own alliance members," said Ed.
"Yes," said Death Stud.
"I see," said Ed. "Isn't interesting that you feel that is acceptable 'within
the game' yet you yourself accused Manager of collusion?" she asked.
"It's not the same!" shrieked Death Stud. He desperately tried to claw his way
to his accustomed perch upon Soultaker's broad shoulders. "He actively organized the
other teams to make coordinated challenges against Team 2 as well as the rest of the
points leaders."
"What do you have to say about this, Manager?" asked Ed.
"I've tracked all the challenges throughout the contest and it's clear that the
FONZ have gone out of their way to avoid each other. It's collusion and it gives the
FONZ teams an unfair advantage over the rest of us," said Manager.
"Have your actions differed from those of the FONZ?" asked Ed.
Manager considered the question. "No, not really," he said.
"Liar!" bellowed Death Stud. His face was beet red--he looked like a giant zit
about to explode on Soultaker's shoulder. "You're running around telling everyone
what to do, who to challenge, saying 'Hey, everybody, look at what Team 3, Team 2,
etc are up to' so you can avoid detection and sneak up in the points rankings."
Death Stud's angry outburst got The Creepster's attention, "Hey, that's my
partner you're talking about! You know, the most terrific, most renowned, most
significant, most knowledgeable, most wonderful, bestest manager in the game."
Ed. couldn't help but notice that The Creepster's praise caused most everyone to
roll their eyes.
"Nuln, Snotman, you were lightly regarded heading into the contest. How have
you managed to do so well to this point?" asked Ed.
"I haventh a clueth," replied Nuln. "My focuseth remainest on storytelling."
"I know," volunteered Snotman. "We've been taking advantage of our FONZ
brethren ignoring us by making the challenges Manager told us to make against them!"
-- To be continued
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Snotman's Spotlight ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
TOGS Clishay BBQ
Snotman dumped the last bag of charcoal onto the ground, "Ok that should make
plenty of fire. I heard a rumour that you were bringing your special family recipe
shwarma. Is it true?"
Nuln ran his fingers through his enormous poofy 'fro, "Yup, it's true. There is
going to be some good grilling today."
Snotman thought to himself, "Something seems different about Nuln. Has he been
working out?"
Something silver and shiny arc'd through the air, interrupting his thoughts.
His hand automatically reached out and grabbed the Yellow Bullet. He looked around
and saw Death Stud carrying an enormous cooler full of Scrooge Cider. Then he did a
double take, Death Stud had actually fit the cooler into the harness he normally used
to carry Soultaker. Snotman had seen Soultaker walking around town on his own the
past couple of days so maybe he didn't need to be carried anymore. Snotman shouted,
"Thanks Stud!" and raised his frosty cold beer in salute. As soon as Death Stud had
moved on, he placed it on picnic table and pulled out his Sierra Nevada Pale Ale.
Then he reached down and fiddled with his nut sack. Satisfied, he pulled out a
handful of salty nuts and chased them with a slug of beer.
Snotman wandered over to see what was up with Ganolus and Hombre who were having
a very heated argument, "Leg warmers should only be worn on the legs. It's inherent
in the name!"
Ganolus poked his finger in Hombre's face, spittle flying as he exclaimed with
passion, "I'll wear the leg warmers on my arms if I darned well please! And we'd
still be in this thing if you hadn't missed one turn of spotlights!"
Snotman, not anxious to get in the middle of a debate that spanned fashion and
the TOGS quickly looked around for an exit. Luckily, right then Soultaker jogged up,
wearing a pair of the shortest, brightest yellow shorts Snotman had ever seen, "Um,
nice shorts 'Taker."
Soultaker beamed with pride, "These are my skinny shorts. You know how everyone
keeps a pair of shorts in their closet even though they don't fit. Just in case they
lose tons of weight and can wear that pair again. Well these are my skinny shorts.
I haven't worn them since the summer of 1973 and now they fit again. I'm freakin'
snottin' here!"
Snotman looked Soultaker up and down and to his vast surprise, Soultaker was
actually quite skinny. Snotman estimated that he'd lost about 1 1/2 Death Studs of
blubber, "Soultaker, my man, you are looking good. What have you been up to?"
Soultaker gave Snotman a hug (and it wasn't entirely clear who got the worst of
it because Soultaker had been jogging in the hot sun and was completely drenched in
sweat) and then proclaimed, "I'm snottin'. Ever since I got these new Snottin' (tm)
insoles all the pain in my feet and knees is gone. I've been out running every day
since then. Sometimes twice a day. And I have so much more energy now. Pandora has
been loving it too, the passion is back in our marriage and now that she isn't at
risk of being suffocated by my manboobs, she is letting me be on top."
Snotman threw up his hands to cover his ears, "Whoa, way too much information.
I'm glad the Snottin' insoles are working out for you."
Soultaker leaned in conspiratorially, "Have you seen Nuln?"
Snotman nodded, "Why, what's up?"
"Did you notice anything different about him?"
"Actually I did. I was wondering if he was taller. Or maybe if he'd been
working out."
Soultaker grinned, "It's the weave."
A look of blank confusion crossed Snotman's face, "Huh?"
"The weave. He is recapturing his youth with the 'fro weave."
Snotman looked back at Nuln, "Well I'll be. He hasn't had that much hair in a
decade. It's very well done, I didn't even notice."
"Yeah, after getting punked in the TOGS, Ultraist opened a hair salon and
apparently they've been doing weaves over in Mordant for quite a while but no one has
heard of them over here. I'm thinking of getting one myself. With my new chiseled
body and a full head of hair, they are going to have to pry Pretty Legs Pandora off
of me with a spatula."
Snotman subtly rolled up balls of snot and stuffed them in his ears. He
couldn't hear what Soultaker was saying but the hip thrusts, giddy-up pony
pantomiming and anatomical hand gestures told Snotman way more than he wanted to
know.
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
----- ----- ----- Death Stud ----- ----- -----
With his young nephew in town for a couple days, Death Stud wanted to take him
out to do something that he would enjoy, to partake of the unique flavor of Aradi
life. (Hmm, scratch the second part, that is definitely not a PG-13 endeavor.)
Something at least that would be a good time. His first instinct was to take young
Melvin (don't laugh, it was a very popular Stud family name) out into town to witness
the random slaying of managers that was inevitable during TOGS. But that might be a
little much yet for the lad and had become a bit passe recently anyway. There was
always sneaking over to someone's guildhouse to see what sort of far-fetched idiocy
they were part of that week. But, considering the kind of evil that routinely went
down in the enclaves of Manalger and his ilk, this probably wasn't a good idea
either. Capturing Street Legal, flogging him publicly, then flaying the poor sod's
flesh from bone? Tempting--and immensely satisfying no doubt--but he'd done that
last week and the week before and the week before that and it was losing some of its
enjoyment. Plus, Melvin already had some whiny, annoying tendencies and Death Stud
didn't want to send him home to his parents with more bad whiny, annoying habits that
he might accidentally pick up from Street Legal, the Dali Lama of Whiny Annoyingness.
So, that was out. Darn. Death Stud realized that his life had become boring and the
activities he enjoyed were very limited in their scope.
Finally, it struck him. He remembered that there would be a carnival in town
this weekend. In fact, the event organizers had asked him to participate in the
carnival along with some of the other Aradi managers, but he had been too busy with
his TOGS collusion to be able to lend his services. Some rides, carnival sideshows,
and a belly full of cotton candy and junk food would be perfect, just some clean,
wholesome fun.
That evening the carnival was lively by the time Stud and Melvin arrived and,
after some corn dogs and cotton candy, they headed down to see the sideshows. There
were criers outside each of the tents that housed the acts, imploring the passersby
to view the amazing freaks of nature, witnessed with awe all across the known world.
In reality, Death Stud knew that many of the sideshows were merely acts, people with
some deformity or physical oddity for which the carnival master would make up a wild
history. The acts were well-made up and the children and feeble-minded (i.e. most of
Aradi) were easily fooled. As he had been invited to participate as well, he knew
that the carnival often recruited locally for show and that some of the acts were
actually Aradi managers.
The first tent they entered had a sign titled "The amazing feats of The
Blockhead." Within, there was a spindly man on a low, rickety stage surrounded by
two dozen onlookers. He was carefully tapping a frighteningly long metal spike into
his face, straight in through one of his nostrils. There was already another heavy
spike buried in the other nostril and various other bits of metal sticking out in a
variety of places and angles. Several of the women had already swooned and were
being half-heartedly attended to by their men. Death Stud's low laugh seemed out of
place amongst the murmurs when he realized that the man on stage was none other than
Nuln. He had always known that the Duke of Woodfell was a little wooden and could be
dense at times, and "The Blockhead" casting was perfect in more than just the obvious
ways.
Next came the exhibit of the tattooed lady. Inside, a completely shaved
Barnabas was on display and being poked and prodded by the onlookers. She was naked
from the waist up, showing off the brilliant tattoos that snaked around her neck and
arms around to cover her breasts and the rest of her torso. Death Stud stood for a
moment appreciating the beauty of her tattoos and her body before turning with Melvin
and moving along.
The next attraction was a geek show (no, not a bunch of Duelmasters players).
Melvin asked, "Uncle Stud, what is a geek?" Death Stud explained that a geek was a
person who performs sensationally morbid or disgusting acts, such as eating live
insect and rodents, and biting the heads off of chicken. "But, isn't that your
friend Ganolus?" Melvin pointed at the man with the feathers sticking out of his
mouth and blood all over his face. "Is Ganolus a geek?" Death Stud said that of
course he was, but that they all loved him just the same.
The next tent had two shows sharing one space. The first one was one of Death
Stud's very favorites, the Man with Two Faces. They had recruited Hombre for this
and he had pulled it off magnificently. On one side of his body, he was dressed as a
dashing man with a thin moustache, neatly slicked back hair, and as fine an outfit as
you'd see on any lord at court. On the other side of his body, he was made up as a
stunning young lady, complete with rich lipstick and a beautiful head of hair. From
beneath a gorgeous evening gown, slit far up the thigh, protruded one long, slender
leg wrapped in silky leg warmer.
At the other end of the shared tent, Jo-Jo the Dog-Faced Boy (really Farmer boB)
was entertaining the crowd, barking and growling at the crowd with bared teeth.
Occasionally he would raise his head to the canvas roof and howl like a wolf.
Watching this show particularly, Death Stud marveled once again at what an excellent
job the coordinators had done in casting the managers who had agreed to participate.
Probably the most popular sideshow in all circuses and carnivals, none would be
complete without the Fat Lady. Death Stud started in to check it out, then turned on
his heel and rushed out, shielding Melvin's eyes and choking back the vurp that had
risen in his throat upon seeing Samwise in a thong, swaying around and flipping his
hair around while attempting to seductively eat a cube of butter for effect.
After being caught by surprise with the Fat Lady act, Death Stud was careful not
to bring Melvin to the next show. Anyway, the signs posted said that no children
were allowed and that identifications would be checked upon entry. The crier
implored adults to step in and witness the most amazing adult show in all of Alastari
(for a small fee, that is). But once he was in, it wasn't clear to him why this was
an adults only show as he didn't see anything out of the ordinary. Snotman and Wayne
King the Goat were up on the stage, Snotman his normal naked and muculent self and
Wayne King his normal randy goaty self. The only thing odd was that they appeared to
be stuck in some sort of Greco-Roman wrestling starting position with Snotman
kneeling down on all fours with Wayne King perched atop, straddling him. Snotman
appeared to be trying unsuccessfully to get out of his position of disadvantage and
squirmed fiercely, but goats are deceptively strong and Wayne King seemed determined
to score the pin. "Well, nothing to see here," Death Stud thought disappointedly and
went back out to pick up Melvin.
Death Stud and Melvin were nearing the end of the sideshow row and coming upon
the rides area. One of the last attractions was very popular with a large crowd of
people gathered around and gasps, oh's, and ah's were heard all throughout the crowd.
Death Stud and Melvin pushed their way through the throng to the front to see what
everyone was watching and they found that it was The Strongest Man on Earth.
Actually, it was Inferno but he must have had some powerful enchantments on him as he
was performing feats of strength the likes of which they had never seen, each one
more amazing that the one before. As the applause was rising to a crescendo, he
finished bending a canon into a pretzel before attempting his final, spectacular
feat. As the final act of superhuman strength was performed, the crowd gasped as
one, women fainted, and then the crowd unanimously roared in approval. Inferno stood
triumphant in the center of the crowd, muscles quivering uncontrollably under his
spandex shorts and straining tank top as he stood holding Soultaker high in the air
above his head. Wow, Death Stud thought as they walked away, this was really worth
the price of admission. That last grand feat was something that young Melvin was
never going to forget and definitely made the whole trip worthwhile.
The last tent as they left the sideshow area was completely dark and deserted.
The sign hung at an angle, wrapped haphazardly with burlap and twine, but Death Stud
could still see what it said. Death Stud cursed under his breath seeing that the Tom
Thumb exhibit was strangely empty, and knowing that this location had been reserved
for him.
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
11 turns down, 2 to go. Don't forget that the last two turns are x2 multiplier
rounds. Turn 400 will be the final round of the TOGS, and a great milestone in Aradi
history. Good turns by Team 2 and Team 6, coupled with a subpar turn by Soulie and
me leaves the top of the ranking tight, tight, tight! Including Nuln and Snotman,
that leaves only 40 points separating the top four teams. That is nothing with the
final multiplier rounds and I'd say anyone within 100 points has an outside shot at
this thing. BRING IT!
Also, note that Lady A and Lady E had a massive 96 point turn and are now
laughing behind their gloved hands at TUM/LHI and Lord Xiang/Seraphim who are
officially getting punked now. But, I give Lord Xiang and Seraphim credit for being
one of the first Delarquan teams to (probably) finish the TOGS and for being a
pleasant addition to the contest this year. I'd congratulate TUM/LHI also, but LHI
isn't really Delarquan and has thrown in the writing towel, so he gets a Boo-Hiss
from me just on principle.
I found it pretty amusing that yet again this turn, Nuln and Snotman continue to
be the rotten luck boys. They matched up with each other YET AGAIN and Snotman also
had like his seventeenth warrior killed during the TOGS. But, to their credit, they
are still right in the thick of things.
T398 TOGS totals
TOTAL Turn 11 Turn 11 Turn 11 Turn 11 Turn 11
TEAM POINTS Fights Spots Ads Avoids DM
--------------------------------------- ------ ------ ------ ------ ------
TEAM 3 655.5 42 15
SOULTAKER/DEATH STUD
TEAM 2 641.5 72 15
SAMWISE THE BALD/MANNEQUIN
TEAM 6 628 52.5 15 15
THE CREEPSTER/MANAGER
TEAM 9 616.5 51 15
NULN/SNOTMAN
TEAM 7 580.5 61.5 15
HOMBRE/GANOLUS OAKLEAF
TEAM 11 554 21 15
INDIMAR/CYBER PUNK
TEAM 12 541 48 15
STREET LEGAL/GHOTI
TEAM 8 480.5 46.5 7.5 -7.5
RILLION/RASCALLY RABBIT
TEAM 1 457 88.5 15 -7.5
LADY ELYSIAN/A-SOP
TEAM 13 414 27 7.5 -7.5
TUM/LHI
TEAM 4 377 21 0 -15
LORD XIANG/SERAPHIM
TEAM 10 177.5 27 0 -15
FARMER BOB/MISSION
TEAM 5 149 0 0 -15
ULTRAIST/JEKYLL
TEAM 14 0* 0 0 -15
TIGTOAD/DMOBSTER
=====
T398 TEAM FIGHT TOTALS:
WARRIOR: WARRIOR: WINNER: PNTS:
STARLING butchered RACOON HAMMER TEAM 1 10
THE LBA was savagely defeated by MANDA TEAM 1 7
GAZREK was beaten by YELLOW JACKET TEAM 1 7
HOFFA unbelievably bested DAYNE TEAM 1 10
NIGEL STAPLER was beaten by WHISTLE PIG TEAM 1 7
COYOTE viciously subdued DERS TEAM 1 4
ANALISE unbelievably bested WALMART GREETER TEAM 1 7
NATALIA devastated BLONDIE TEAM 1 7
-TOTAL: 59
x 1.5 88.5
DEATH SPONGE overcame SUNSHINE TEAM 2 10
SQUIGGNERD defeated THE AVENGING SCROD TEAM 2 10
GENOH was overcome by DOODLEBOB TEAM 2 7
BLOODLUST MUTE was demolished by MALT-O-MEAL TEAM 2 7
ZIG-ZAG MAN was luckily beaten by PINTO BEANS TEAM 2 7
LEG WARMER LUST was viciously subdued by SPAM SANDWICH TEAM 2 7
-TOTAL: 48
x 1.5 72
VIPER LXXI demolished WHITE WITCH TEAM 3 4
FEZ was demolished by LOKI IX TEAM 3 7
SUPERIOR VENA CAVA handily defeated HAWAIIAN KONA TEAM 3 10
PRIVATE PARTS was beaten by URETHRA TEAM 3 7
-TOTAL: 28
x 1.5 42
3D'S NOT L33T was vanquished by CONDI TEAM 4 7
KILLER luckily beat FONZ COLLUDER TEAM 4 7
-TOTAL: 14
x 1.5 21
HOLLY SKULL was unbelievably bested byTINY TIM TEAM 6 7
G DUBYAH was unbelievably bested bySNOW WHITE TEAM 6 7
SPINACH was outwaited by JACK THE RIPPER TEAM 6 7
FUN IN THE BARN was vanquished by THE RIDDLER TEAM 6 7
INIYO was devastated by BYAKUREN TEAM 6 7
-TOTAL: 35
x 1.5 52.5
ZEROSE was devastated by HYDRO ON THE D-LO TEAM 7 7
PIZNAUL JIZNOKE overpowered ONE-TIMER TEAM 7 10
NINJA defeated PESMERGA TEAM 7 10
CEPL was savagely defeated by F'SHIZZLE M'NIZZLE TEAM 7 7
THANKS MANAGER was demolished by AQUA NETTA TEAM 7 7
-TOTAL: 41
x 1.5 61.5
JAMIS was bested by SONETT TEAM 8 7
VAS DEFERENS was viciously subdued by VENREK TEAM 8 7
SUGAR BOTTOMS was overpowered by TYVEK TEAM 8 7
RUKGAZ handily defeated LIMA BEANS TEAM 8 10
-TOTAL: 31
x 1.5 46.5
RESPECT THE PACKAGE overpowered THALIA TEAM 9 10
STONE COLD NUTS unbelievably bested BOSTON TERRIER TEAM 9 10
PEARLY WHITES was overcome by WHITE WEEYOTCH TEAM 9 7
MOUSE was vanquished by SHMAMY CROCKETT TEAM 9 7
-TOTAL: 34
x 1.5 51
BUTTERFLY luckily beat VETERAN MERCENARY TEAM 10 4
LADY BUG devastated WREN TEAM 10 7
POCY-HANTAS bested WRATH LIX TEAM 10 7
-TOTAL: 18
x 1.5 27
FLAMENCO A GO-GO won victory over BIN LADEN TEAM 11 10
DERRIN savagely defeated NIGHT HAG TEAM 11 4
-TOTAL: 14
x 1.5 21
HOSCHA overpowered TIGER TY TEAM 12 4
SMALL INTESTINE was handily defeated by SYDA HAMMIE TEAM 12 7
MONKEY PAW beat SIGMOID COLON TEAM 12 10
B.C. GOLD vanquished KRAKEN TEAM 12 4
SPOOLGK overpowered EVIL XXV TEAM 12 7
-TOTAL: 32
x 1.5 48
PANTHER was luckily beaten by JAVA TEAM 13 7
MACS demolished RICKON TEAM 13 4
ONE HOT BABE was handily defeated by MADONNA TEAM 13 7
-TOTAL: 18
x 1.5 27
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ MOBY SCROD ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
The Final Chapter
Moby Scrod had disappeared after that last graceful arc out of the sea. With
all our attention on this great behemoth, we didn't notice another ship had come out
of the blue. It was a large ship, the Manager's Dream, bearing directly down upon
the Death Stud's ship, all her spars thickly cluttered with men. At the time the
Mini-Oh was making good speed through the water, but as the broad-winged windward
stranger shot nigh to her, the boastful sails all fell together as blank bladders
that are burst, and all life fled from the smitten hull.
"Bad news; she brings bad news," muttered Nuln, his Chaos Lord psychic instincts
pinging alive. Nuln never knew he even had psychic instincts until then. He
grinned. He would have to remember to trademark it when they got back to shore.
Meanwhile, his commander, who, with trumpet to mouth, stood up on the step box
lining the inside hull to better see over the side, and hailed, "The White Scrod is
mine. Get ye away from these waters!!"
Bringing a similar trumpet to mouth, Manager, obviously the captain of this ship,
answered, "It's a free sea, Shorty! But have ye seen Creepster? He fell overboard
as we battled with the White Scrod a few hours ago. He had just speared the White
Scrod but got tangled in the harpoon's hemp and was pulled overboard. We saw him
skiing behind the whale before he untangled himself, and then he was treading water
for a bit, bobbed under once, twice, and then was gone! You've got to help us search
for my little buddy!!" We could see poor Manager's eyes red and crying as he spoke,
still looking frantically for his loyal partner, who had only recently written such a
loving piece of fiction just the turn before.
Meanwhile, Captain Stud was nearly apoplectic at the thought of almost losing
his arch-enemy to another nemesis. "The White Scrod is mine! I'm the one who's been
chasing his round the..." Death Stud continued his diatribe, while the rest of us
ignored him since we had already heard this speech and looked around the surrounding
sea to see if we could catch sight of the missing Creepster.
Mannequin muttered, "So that's whose harpoon was sticking out of Moby Scrod."
Samwise nodded, "Betcha the shrieking eels got him. I've heard they follow Moby
Scrod to eat the remains of all the ships' crews he wrecks."
"WHAT?!! You never told me that!!"shouted Mannequin. He whapped his partner
aside the head, which started a whole new argument and scuffling.
I looked at Lady A and said, "I wasn't told that either. Oh Goddess, I hate
shrieking eels!" Furious, I turned to Captain Stud. "Death Stud, is that true? You
told me this was just a cool, three hour sailing cruise! I specifically asked not to
go near any eel-infested waters!!"
Finished with his monologue, Captain Stud shrugged, "These aren't eel-infested
waters. They only infest with eels when Moby Scrod is around--"
Suddenly, cries went out, "Thar she blows!! --HE blows!!--Right ahead!"
Snotman, having switched places with Nuln in the crow's nest, pointed out on the
other side of the Manager's Dream. "There he is! He just breached and is headed
straight for Manager's ship!"
Soultaker at the helm, yelled excitedly, "Aye, aye! I knew it--ye can't escape-
-blow on and split your spout, O Scrod! The mad little fiend himself is after ye!
Blow your trump--blister yer lungs!--Stud will dam off your blood, as sure as he'll
crush Team 2 in this TOGS!"
"HEY!!" Mannequin and Samwise stopped their squabbling to glare at Soultaker,
who merely grinned widely down at them from the helm.
"Oh, no!" said Lady A. She pointed a delicate hand at Moby Scrod and the
Manager's Dream. Less than a hundred feet away from the poor ship which carried all
the rest of the TOG's team managers--Manager had invited everyone to come along with
the sole purpose of thwarting Death Stud's dream of getting Moby Scrod first--the
behemoth Scrod bodily burst into view! For not by any calm and indolent spoutings;
not by the peaceable gush of that mystic fountain in his head, did the White Scrod
reveal his vicinity; but by the far more wondrous phenomenon of breaching. Rising
with his utmost velocity from the furthest depths, the Sperm Scrod thus booms his
entire bulk into the pure element of air, and piling up a mountain of dazzling foam,
shows his place to the distance of seven miles and more. In those moments, the torn,
enraged waves he shakes off, seem his mane; this breaching is his act of defiance
against all who would end his freedom and life! The White Scrod tossed himself
salmon-like to heaven and landed directly on the Manager's Dream.
Horrific screaming like nothing I had ever heard was abruptly cut off as the ship was
broken in two by the White Scrod's humongous body. The poor TOGS managers in the
ship were tossed like breadcrumbs upon the waters to the waiting eels. The eels
shrieked in delight at this fabulous feast. The screaming began again. Indimar and
Cyberpunk somehow landed near each other, probably from clutching together as they
watched the White Scrod fall down from above. Blood spurted in all directions as the
eels tore them apart for breakfast. Hombre and Ganolus, those laid-back managers,
saluted each other laconically as they disappeared from view--red, foamy water their
only legacy now. Street Legal and Ghoti tried to outswim their destiny this day, but
bloody appendages dangled out of eels' mouths as they were eaten piecemeal. Rillion
and Rascally Rabbit nearly got away before they were trapped in a churning circle of
shrieks and chomping sounds. More blood squirted like a slaughtered scrod's
spoutburst. TUM and LHI had soared out from the ship's end like cannon balls and
were caught neatly in the mouths of two waiting eels and swallowed whole. Those had
been the biggest eels I had ever seen! Lord Xiang and Seraphim had been crushed
underneath the behemoth's body, too stunned at the sight to even move out of the way.
And lastly Manager, he had also been flung out of his ship like a shotput, but he had
landed in a squirm of eels and had burst in a gush of blood as the eels tore him
apart.
We all saw this while frantically trying to hold onto any part of the ship we
could, since we were being flung away on the mini tsunami caused by Moby Scrod's
breaching. Through the divine intervention of the goddess, we hadn't been capsized
although it had been a close thing. We were miles away from the last sighting of
Moby Scrod, when we aground on one of Aradi's deserted rocky isles. And that's where
we waited for rescue. Scrod-shocked and waterlogged.
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
It was going to be a long day. Traveling was rotten at the best of times;
waiting in lines, waiting on other people, letting someone else control your life.
This wasn't the best of times.
It was too early in the morning, there were too many people, everyone had too
much stuff, and there were the new rules and regulations for what you could and
couldn't take with you. All the luggage was being triple checked and gods, the crap
that was being found!
Since the law was passed against any animals other than scrod being allowed
into Aradi, life had gotten much crazier at launch points. Too many people were
trying to smuggle in animals, pets or otherwise. Of course, then there were the non-
human, semi-animals like Wayne the Goat, that was a whole 'nother classification and
rules hacking for that one!
A-Sop waited as patiently as she could. Patience was a virtue she didn't
possess, but she was trying, mostly it seemed to be her "patience" being tried! The
boat going to Aradi was going to be a mess! Too many people, animals, and others
with all their luggage.
A-Sop decided to be one of the last to check through, after all the other times
when multiple managers had gotten together and been blown up, she wasn't in the mood
for it to happen again. She'd just wait 'til the last minute to board.
Waiting wasn't so bad, people watching had always been a hobby of hers. It
allowed her to see how truly weird people could be.
As she started to board, a youngish woman pushed her way forward, she was in a
hurry and wanted to get checked through, A-Sop let her pass. The young woman had a
rather large carry on bag, it seemed to be stuffed. The magician checking the
luggage asked if she wished to check it, but the answer was negative, she wanted it
close by. As the magician scanned it, he stopped and looked at the young woman, then
scanned it again. Again he stopped and looked at the young woman, then once again
began to scan the luggage. The magician allowed the bag through, but his color began
to change to a deep red.
As the young woman picked up her bag, she turned to A-Sop and said, "I wonder
if he's embarrassed by the three 'BOB's' in here? Or maybe it's the flavored gels?
Could it be the studded collars?"
A-Sop shook her head and passed through the security. She'd once again been a
victim of 'too much information sharing'; when would people learn to stop sharing.
Four days later, A-Sop was returning from Aradi. She had other teams to
oversee in other parts of Alastari. Once again, the queue forming at the launching
ports was a sight to behold. A few of the people were easily recognized as people
who'd been on the same transport a few days earlier. In fact the same young woman
was present. This time, she decided to check her luggage. She'd apparently decided
she didn't want to have to deal with the embarrassed magician.
Unfortunately for the young woman, this port was smaller, all luggage was being
opened and visually searched. She turned from the sight of her luggage being opened
and said, "I'm getting out of here!" Quickly she headed towards the magicians
waiting to scan those getting ready to board the launch.
SPY REPORT
Well, what are you looking at, ARADI? Ain't you never seen Snide Clemens
before? Ah, shaddup and listen to my news. With any luck, I can sneak into The
Victory Tavern and join CHEER-O-KEE'S' celebration over their good record this turn.
10th place, not bad. Why not, I'm having a good day, so I feel sorry for SUPERIOR
FORCES 1601, who went 0-5-0 and dropped 11 into 19th. Here's my pity, for what it's
worth. Gee, I'm impressed, a 4-1-0 is nice, but don't get cocky, SILENT WARRIORS,
the Fates teach humility, and the Fates are proud. Of course, we're all terribly
impressed to see GREEN DISEASE win a fight and gain 26 points, terribly. Tsk, tsk,
PANTHER beat JAMIS and JAMIS lost 18 points. You're breakin' my heart. Looks like
ARADI has some guts at least, TINY TIM the Duelmaster was this turn's most-challenged
warrior. MALT-O-MEAL challenged ARADI's Duelmaster for a shot at the throne. And if
variety is the spice of life, ARADI may be getting bland, as TINY TIM stays top dog
in the city. I'm not in a very good mood today, but why am I telling you this? You
want to know what's new, don't you, ARADI?
Well, let's take a look at some more misdeeds of you miserable sword-boys.
What's the big D? SUPERIOR FORCES 1601 was the most avoided team? Bunch of lily
livered... grumble... mumble... curse... And who led the way in this mass act of
cowardice? Let's see, well, whatcha know? It was DEATH STUDS VII. Ha ha ha ha!
Looks like time for laurels or hemlock, ONE-TIMER was challenged by JAVA, who was
ranked 33 points below him. But here's a pretty tale--JAVA did lose the fight, but
gained 1 worth of recognition. Some long shots can pay off, I guess. I guess I can
give a little credit to ZIG-ZAG MAN of MY BEST BUDS 2 for challenging up by 25 to
SNOW WHITE. ZIG-ZAG MAN won to get 93 points of recognition.
Ah, now we come to my favorite part, where we see all the guys who are dead and
gone, and get to see if their team cared. And what a stunning loss we have here,
boys and girls, SUTTY of THE BUNKHOUSE has added the final loss to his 7-6-0. Tee
hee! Bye bye, warrior, bye bye... SPINACH, a glorious 6-4-0 fighter, has passed
away. Gee, too bad CHILDHOOD TRAUMA. And what a stunning loss we have here, boys
and girls, ONE HOT BABE of ATLAS PARK has added the final loss to hers 5-4-0. Tee
hee! And one more turn will show if ATLAS PARK can successfully bloodfeud that
elusive TINY TIM over KARMA CHAMELEON. Not that I'll be buying the drinks, but I'll
be glad to see RESPECT THE PACKAGE and WILD CARDS at The Victory Tavern tonight
celebrating their bloodfeud victory over STARLING. Honor is like a chainmail shirt,
it only shines through use. Certain nameless cowards will doubtless rebuke me on
this one.
I was about to buy a new quill pen the other day, but some fighter took it for
an epee. Forgive me for writing with a dagger. Just wait 'till next time I show up
here, I won't be so nice! So nyaaah! Paste this one in your scrapbooks, you'll need
the kindling come this winter-- Snide Clemens
DUELMASTER W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
TINY TIM 6042 18 4 1 144 CRAZY CREEPS (207)
CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
ONE-TIMER 7169 35 8 0 127 DEATH STUDS VII (301)
-SONETT 7088 14 2 3 123 SAAB STORY (389)
PIZNAUL JIZNOKE 7641 12 4 1 121 THE BIZZLE (593)
SHMAMY CROCKETT 7216 16 10 0 103 4000 BLOWS (107)
PANTHER 7320 13 13 1 99 SILENT WARRIORS (561)
-JIM PANZI 7382 11 8 0 98 FUNKY FOLK (565)
MALT-O-MEAL 7527 11 4 1 95 CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)
SILENT SPOCKER 7700 11 3 0 94 SILENT WARRIORS (561)
VOLMAX 7592 6 4 0 94 MEDICAL BIOHAZARD 4 (585)
ZIG-ZAG MAN 7083 11 6 0 93 MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)
SYDA HAMMIE 6667 19 13 1 91 OGRES ARE US (270)
CHAMPIONS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
JAVA 7779 9 3 0 90 THINGS ILL NEVER GET (601)
MOUSE 7318 11 16 0 89 SILENT WARRIORS (561)
VIPER LXXI 7566 10 7 0 89 DEATH STUDS VII (301)
-WILLOW 6659 9 4 2 87 DARK TOGS (526)
HYDRO ON THE D-LO 7642 11 5 2 85 THE BIZZLE (593)
G DUBYAH 7611 5 9 1 85 DILLIGAF LEGION (589)
HOSCHA 6835 13 13 0 83 OGRES ARE US (270)
JAMIS 6735 13 17 1 79 WING HOVE (529)
SNOW WHITE 7486 11 10 0 79 CRAZY CREEPS (207)
RUKGAZ 7564 9 3 0 79 DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
VENREK 7477 13 5 0 78 DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
PINTO BEANS 7531 10 9 0 75 CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)
BUTTERFLY 7338 17 8 0 71 CHEER-O-KEE'S (557)
ETTIN 7600 11 5 1 71 DILEN'S HORDE (587)
NINJA 7357 10 10 0 71 SILENT WARRIORS (561)
SPAM SANDWICH 7524 9 7 0 71 CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)
TYVEK 7478 7 7 0 68 DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
DEATH SPONGE 7692 7 4 0 68 BIKINI BOTTOM (596)
SMALL INTESTINE 7535 9 11 1 67 GOIN' TUBIN' (577)
SUNSHINE 7593 8 7 0 67 SUPERIOR FORCES 1601 (586)
CHALLENGER ADEPTS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
MANDA 7546 11 9 1 65 ARADI RESORT & SPA (580)
DERRIN 6952 12 15 0 63 WING HOVE (529)
F'SHIZZLE M'NIZZLE 7639 8 8 0 63 THE BIZZLE (593)
BLOODLUST MUTE 7701 6 8 0 63 SILENT WARRIORS (561)
-ASGARD 6892 4 4 0 63 INQUISITION SG-1 (540)
RESPECT THE PACKAGE 7832 7 1 0 62 WILD CARDS (148)
JACK THE RIPPER 7487 11 8 0 61 CRAZY CREEPS (207)
VAS DEFERENS 7534 11 7 0 60 GOIN' TUBIN' (577)
MONKEY PAW 7854 4 2 0 60 MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)
LEG WARMER LUST 7717 8 5 1 59 4000 BLOWS (107)
ADEPTS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
FUN IN THE BARN 7673 8 6 0 59 CHEER-O-KEE'S (557)
ADEPTS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
COYOTE 7626 10 7 1 56 BUGS, SLUGS & THUGS (591)
DERS 7683 8 6 0 56 THE BUNKHOUSE (595)
THE RIDDLER 7852 4 2 1 56 CRAZY CREEPS (207)
-CIALIS 7659 7 5 1 55 AARP (583)
NIGHT HAG 7598 10 6 0 54 DILEN'S HORDE (587)
LIMA BEANS 7530 9 9 0 54 CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)
ZEROSE 7741 7 5 0 54 SUPERIOR FORCES 1601 (586)
LOKI IX 7860 4 1 0 53 DEATH STUDS VII (301)
WHITE WITCH 7542 10 6 0 52 CRAZY CREEPS (207)
ANALISE 7544 10 10 0 50 ARADI RESORT & SPA (580)
MADONNA 7780 7 5 0 50 THINGS ILL NEVER GET (601)
B.C. GOLD 7787 6 5 0 50 MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)
GREEN DISEASE 7718 3 5 2 50 MEDICAL BIOHAZARD 4 (585)
STARLING 7630 10 7 2 49 BUGS, SLUGS & THUGS (591)
SUGAR BOTTOMS 7690 8 4 1 49 BIKINI BOTTOM (596)
-HARSIESUS 6871 7 4 1 49 INQUISITION SG-1 (540)
CEPL 6666 8 8 0 48 OGRES ARE US (270)
SIGMOID COLON 7533 6 8 1 48 GOIN' TUBIN' (577)
OSO 7682 6 8 0 47 THE BUNKHOUSE (595)
BOSTON TERRIER 7638 7 9 0 45 ATLAS PARK (592)
STONE COLD NUTS 7848 6 1 0 45 WILD CARDS (148)
THE LBA 7810 8 2 0 44 THINGS ILL NEVER GET (601)
NATALIA 7790 6 5 0 44 ARADI RESORT & SPA (580)
PESMERGA 7813 4 6 0 44 SUPERIOR FORCES 1601 (586)
AQUA NETTA 7775 7 5 1 43 THE BIZZLE (593)
CONDI 7613 6 6 0 43 DILLIGAF LEGION (589)
THALIA 7547 6 14 0 42 ARADI RESORT & SPA (580)
WALMART GREETER 7576 6 10 0 41 AARP (583)
TIGER TY 7665 8 6 1 40 WING HOVE (529)
-DOA 7773 5 4 0 39 SAAB STORY (389)
THE AVENGING SCROD 7649 8 5 1 38 4000 BLOWS (107)
BIN LADEN 7646 8 8 0 38 DILLIGAF LEGION (589)
SQUIGGNERD 7694 7 5 1 38 BIKINI BOTTOM (596)
LOOSE DENTURES 7573 7 9 0 38 AARP (583)
FLAMENCO A GO-GO 7662 8 7 0 35 ATLAS PARK (592)
MACS 7797 5 6 0 34 THINGS ILL NEVER GET (601)
CHALLENGER INITIATES W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
HOFFA 7713 7 4 0 33 BUGS, SLUGS & THUGS (591)
KRAKEN 7679 5 10 1 32 DILEN'S HORDE (587)
YELLOW JACKET 7627 5 12 1 32 BUGS, SLUGS & THUGS (591)
-MEALS ON WHEELS 7575 5 8 1 30 AARP (583)
URETHRA 7851 3 2 0 30 GOIN' TUBIN' (577)
3D'S NOT L33T 7833 5 3 2 28 WILD CARDS (148)
LADY BUG 7896 2 0 0 28 CHEER-O-KEE'S (557)
SUPERIOR VENA CAVA 7882 2 2 0 27 GOIN' TUBIN' (577)
DOODLEBOB 7877 2 2 0 26 BIKINI BOTTOM (596)
-9000 7772 1 8 0 26 SAAB STORY (389)
INITIATES W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
PRIVATE PARTS 7798 6 5 0 23 ATLAS PARK (592)
GAZREK 7858 3 2 0 23 DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
-PIGGY 6655 2 3 0 22 DARK TOGS (526)
PEARLY WHITES 7855 2 4 0 22 BIKINI BOTTOM (596)
POCY-HANTAS 7897 2 0 0 21 CHEER-O-KEE'S (557)
-RIP TORN 7850 2 1 0 21 FUNKY FOLK (565)
GENOH 7847 4 3 0 19 SUPERIOR FORCES 1601 (586)
-BRAE'TAC 6895 4 4 0 18 INQUISITION SG-1 (540)
WHITE WEEYOTCH 7881 3 1 0 18 4000 BLOWS (107)
-NINE HUNDRED 7681 4 5 0 17 SAAB STORY (389)
INITIATES W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
DAYNE 7826 3 6 0 17 WING HOVE (529)
WHISTLE PIG 7806 3 8 0 17 BUGS, SLUGS & THUGS (591)
WRATH LIX 7899 1 1 0 16 DEATH STUDS VII (301)
RICKON 7830 3 5 0 15 DILEN'S HORDE (587)
GETHSEMANE 7894 1 0 0 14 LATHE OF HEAVEN (603)
NIGEL STAPLER 7880 1 3 0 13 THE BIZZLE (593)
-LYNNE GWINI 7849 1 0 0 13 FUNKY FOLK (565)
DEATH TO TEAM 6 7888 3 0 0 12 WILD CARDS (148)
-PINK 7809 3 3 0 12 INQUISITION SG-1 (540)
THANKS MANAGER 7864 3 2 0 11 DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
CINAMON RING 7908 1 0 0 11 WILD CARDS (148)
HAWAIIAN KONA 7853 2 4 0 10 MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)
FONZ COLLUDER 7885 1 2 0 10 ATLAS PARK (592)
INIYO 7865 2 3 0 9 ARADI RESORT & SPA (580)
KILLER 7876 2 2 0 9 DILLIGAF LEGION (589)
BYAKUREN 7879 2 2 0 8 SUPERIOR FORCES 1601 (586)
-AFTERNOON NAP 7861 2 2 0 8 AARP (583)
ROSCOE 7883 2 2 0 8 THE BUNKHOUSE (595)
SOLIDUS 7895 1 0 0 8 LATHE OF HEAVEN (603)
WREN 7890 1 1 0 7 WING HOVE (529)
SPOOLGK 7886 1 2 0 7 OGRES ARE US (270)
FEZ 7878 1 3 0 6 MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)
TOWER 7892 1 0 0 5 LATHE OF HEAVEN (603)
AGREE TO DISAGREE 7889 0 3 0 3 4000 BLOWS (107)
FIGGY 7898 0 2 0 2 OGRES ARE US (270)
EVIL XXV 7900 0 2 0 2 DEATH STUDS VII (301)
SAND 7893 0 1 0 1 LATHE OF HEAVEN (603)
LOVITA 7891 0 1 0 1 LATHE OF HEAVEN (603)
ROCK 7905 0 1 0 1 CHEER-O-KEE'S (557)
'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.
THE DEAD W L K TEAM NAME SLAIN BY TURN Revenge?
ONE HOT BABE 7816 5 5 0 ATLAS PARK 592 SIGMOID COLON 7533 399
KARMA CHAMELEON 7636 9 4 1 ATLAS PARK 592 TINY TIM 6042 396
MISER KRABS 7839 1 2 0 BIKINI BOTTOM 596 KRAKEN 7679 395 NOT REVE
SUTTY 7685 7 7 0 THE BUNKHOUSE 595 SYDA HAMMIE 6667 399
SPINACH 7789 6 5 0 CHILDHOOD TRAUMA 579 GREEN DISEASE 7718 399
COBRA XXI 7725 7 3 0 DEATH STUDS VII 301 WILLOW 6659 397
BLONDIE 7863 1 4 1 DILLIGAF LEGION 589 3D'S NOT L33T 7833 399
BRUNETTE 7862 0 1 0 DILLIGAF LEGION 589 DOLP 7838 395 NOT REVE
VERN ACULA 7903 0 1 0 FUNKY FOLK 565 SEA MONSTER 27 399 NONE
MIKE OLIN 7904 0 1 0 FUNKY FOLK 565 GARGOYLE PRINCE 25 399 NONE
INFERIOR VENA CA 7872 0 1 0 GOIN' TUBIN' 577 BLONDIE 7863 395 NOT REVE
KREE 6870 3 5 0 INQUISITION SG-1 540 THE RIDDLER 7852 397
ANTHRAX 7669 4 4 1 MEDICAL BIOHAZARD 585 MARINE TROLL 18 399 NONE
ALL RIGHT! 7907 0 1 0 MEDICAL BIOHAZARD 585 ARNIE SHEW 21 399 NONE
DR. FEELGOOD 7130 7 10 0 MY BEST BUDS 2 542 LEG WARMER LUST 7717 395 REVENGED
BIG DEAL 7811 2 6 0 OGRES ARE US 270 TIGER TY 7665 397 REVENGED
STORM FIRE 7597 5 3 1 SUPERIOR FORCES 1 586 HYDRO ON THE D-L 7642 395 REVENGED
RACOON HAMMER 7709 7 5 0 WILD CARDS 148 STARLING 7630 398 JUST REV
TAY STARLE 6808 12 14 2 WING HOVE 529 SONETT 7088 396
PERSONAL ADS
Rewards for best spots last round from the AW7WF Aradi Free press:
Blue Bonnet (1st) Junior High School Girl
Red Bandanna (2nd) The Incontinent Years
White Headband (3rd tie) Midnight Raid
White Headband (3rd tie) Nightmare On Ed Street
White Headband (3rd tie) Manager's Mendacity Manor
Pink Pantaloon (last) Barnabas The Buccaneer Final NOT
Pink Pantaloon (last) Why Do I Still Bother
Manageronious dogetty doo dah heavy high de ho ho! -- The Creepster
Tidbits from The Award Winning and World Famous Aradi Free Press:
Mannequin and Samwise outconnived the FONZ
Manager is the absolute bestest
Loose dentures is a poot
Manager is proud owner of The Cock-N-Bull Pub
Newsbreak! CNBC. Ed received acclaimed World Infamous status
CACftDOF has been found to be a FONZ puppet front
Malt O Meal finally won again
FONZ = Frustrated Oldtimers Nearly Zonked
Never mess with a large publication like the AW&WFAFP
Per Rillion, "winning is overrated"
Hops straining requires pantyhose
Death Stud is becoming quite heavy to Soultaker
Manager won the first TOGS
Thrill-22 was once Hombre
Dave Mustaine is a genius
I have MACHISMO; I have MACHISMO
Delarquans and Freebladers are nut sackless
Daddy, does this mean we can eat more pancakes
Mannequin is clueless on Word Pad (et al)
Dwayne The Dog found dead at Death Studs Guildhouse
Megalomaniac Corridor has 4,379 likenesses of Manager
Elvis lives! At 5 Ed St.
Snotman spilled everything he could spill
Found; a freakin' behemoth of the deep
So, is TOGS over yet? Nope.
Tiptoe through the tulips
FONZ = Fine Organization Non-Colluding Zephyrs
Editor AW&WFAFP
*with tears in her eyes* Thank you for the World Infamous award. I couldn't
have done it without the help of all of Aradi's managers! -- Ed.
Holly Skull -- Thank you very much for the visit. But you see, I enjoy only younger
women and older men. (wink) -- Tiny Tim
Indimar -- Undergarment? You need to be more like Hombre. Proudly wearing said item
as an outergarment would make you stand out in the crowd and potentially start a new
fad. Just do it. -- Editor, AW&WFAFP
Lady A -- And might I say they both look very very nice on you? Pink is your color.
-- Editor AW&WFAFP
G. Dubyah -- That is all you have? You need either a new publicity director or some
more punch. -- Snow White
Viper LXXI -- It was my pleasure to allow the Tiny One the very, very few points that
he collected last turn. Consider it a small gift. -- White Witch
Spinach -- Man, even Popeye did better than you. Your style advantage--your
challenge--MY RIP! Bwahahahahahahah. -- Jack The Ripper
Fun In The Barn -- Whoa! That was close! I couldn't afford another kill and the
subsequent feuding. -- The Riddler
Manager -- Are you in this thing? (Manamana ding dong, winnerooski yepsters
onceronious. Jeeberski! -- from Creepy) -- The Crazy Creeps Scribe
White Weeyotch -- You Elephant, you can tell Nuln that I will never, ever, address
him again. Nor will I ever, ever undress him again. That was a horribly disgusting
little sight. -- White Witch
Snotman -- What? You have not been reading my DM columns? What else have you not
been doing? -- Tiny Tim
Death Stud The Tiny Allover -- Why do you not listen to the great advice from your
partner? He was quite sage when he said "How about not trying to upset the masses
this week?", yet you.......... -- The Crazy Creeps Scribe
And as to you, Atlas Park, I am merely acting like a chameleon and changing colors to
hide from bloodfeuds behind my throne. -- Tiny Tim
The ASQC (Aradi Short Quip Committee) selected the following quotes as "chuckles of
the week":
"Sorry about being even later with my spot this turn. When we come to Tempe in
January maybe I can have Pauly mow your lawn or wash your windows." (Indimar)
"Manager, you will lament the fact that I am not challenging you." (Rillion)
And despite the Aradi Free press not assigning a blue or red or white Award to "The
Bizzle", the whole concept and the manner in which it was written "cracked me up". --
The Crazy Creeps Scribe (mad at The AW&WFAFP)
Lady E -- Why, of course we read everything. Thank you for your comments about "FONZ
= Frolicking Organs Needing Zippers". We admit it to have been one of our favorites
also. -- Editor AW&WFAFP
Aradi -- Hi, just writing this in case I forget later on. -- Manager
Genoh -- I hope you challenged me again this turn! -- Doodlebob
White Weeyotch -- What can I say? I fight like a girl.... -- Pearly Whites
Ah, you must be very tough then. -- Ed.
The Avenging Scrod -- You're such a little scrodling. I think I'll throw you back
and see if I can catch a bigger scrod. -- Squiggnerd
Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy
Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry
Sunshine on the water looks so lovely
Sunshine almost always makes me high....
Something tells me it wasn't "Sunshine" making John Denver feel that way.... -- Death
Sponge
Tyvek -- Yeah, well...enjoy your parry skill. At least I have an expert rating in
riposte to show for it! Thbbbppptttt!! -- Sugar Bottoms
Lady E -- Bring on the bloody blood! And bloody buckets of it! -- Nuln, who's been
watching way too many bad horror movies lately
Tiny Tim -- How fitting that in Aradi a little perv like you would get to the top. A
testament to your will! Salut! -- the 4000 Blows Well-Wishing Society
P.S. Your rendition of "Tiptoe" was...moving. *wiping away tears*
Squiggnerd -- Well met. -- the Avenging Scrod
the Bizzle -- Look at you, boy. I was gonna say you shoulda been called the
"Fizzle", but you flipped the after-burners. Just don't get your sizzle on around
me. -- 4000 Blows
Managerr -- Re: Chim: I think he had a .500 record for that BF, much higher than
his overall percentage. But, yes, I did think long and hard about killing him.
Almost every turn. -- Nuln
Manager -- Speaking of I can't believes, I can't believe you let Bookie steal your
avatar on the Duel2 site? I thought you kept strict (tm) enforcement. -- Nuln
P.S. Congratulations on your top Aradi basher. A great accomplishment.
Soulstudanchor (your name's so confusing these days) -- Great spotlight. I'd go slap
Creepster around for my bonnet if I were you. Or you could just slap him around for
the fun of it. :) -- Nuln
Indy -- But on turn 14, the zest will be gone. -- Nuln
Mouse -- Ok, you can tell Ganolus that Nuln feels a *little* better. But he's still
double challenging all your warriors every turn. -- Shmamy C.
Death to Team 6 -- Do I know you? -- Agree to Disagree
Rillion -- I'm now pulling for you to win the TOGS (after Snotman & me, of course).
Epic, one manager victories against the odds always makes for good copy. -- Nuln
DEATH TO TEAM 6
Snotman -- Hey, if you're back on the personals horse, that's your business. -- Nuln
Lady A -- Got it! I'll ignore all other rumors about you. ;) -- Nuln
Lady E -- Don't forget the blood! -- Nuln
Lady A -- Heh, I see. That would explain so much of your interactions with Soultaker
and Death Stud. I'll keep that fact filed in my mental rolodex. -- Nuln
Pearly Whites -- Flail, flail, flail, flail, crit to the FACE! My kinda fight. --
White Weeyotch, hoping Nuln noticed her minute 4 strategy
Spam Sandwich -- I wonder if your manager has ever heard the Monty Python "spam"
sketch? If you ever want to see him projectile vomit, I do have a copy. -- Leg
Warmer Lust
P.S. Oh, and nice win.
All -- How pathetic! I'm so burnt out on TOGS I can't even think of a decent
personal ad to write. UUUUGGGHHHHH! And now I have to go come up with a spotlight!
-- Ganolus
This is TOGS. What are you doing writing decent personal ads. -- Ed.
Is it really OK to send an obligatory personal ad?
Oh, it is?
Others have?
Cool here's mine right...........
Here! -- Street Legal
All -- As I'm sure you are all aware, the AWaWFAFP, printed a couple of turns ago
that I, Pauly, had my TOGS screening drug test come back with high levels of
testosterone. I just want to say for the record that I am shocked and alarmed that
in this day and age, with the technology available to these scientist types, that a
mistake like this could be made. I am supremely confident that my B-sample will come
back negative and with the support of friends and family, the embarrassment I have
suffered in the eyes of the fine, upright, straight laced Aradi community will soon
fade, but unfortunately for me will never be forgotten. (Darned scientists.) The
reason I've been silent the last few turns is that my lawyer advised me to say
nothing and find a safe house until it all blew over. Then in the middle of a later
consultation he started eating a rusty tin can. It was at this point I realized I
was taking legal advice from a talking goat. He's still on retainer, but I decided I
needed to make statement. Boy was he maaaaaaaad at me. Oh well. -- Pauly
Ettin -- Okay, I give up. For now.... Bwahahahaha! -- Oso
Nuln -- Are you sure you want to be locked in a cage with me? I'd think a runt like
yourself would want room to run. -- Samwise
Snow White -- Was I proxied to a TC? I TC'd a Mail In. Get your facts straight
before you start trying to get smart with someone. Of course, you're a brick scum,
so I imagine you've got a single digit Wit. So, nice try. -- Malt-O-Meal
All -- Well with most of my partner's team not fighting last turn, to go with the
lack of his ads & spots, I am throwing in the towel this time and not subjecting you
all to another of my horrible rambling spotlights this turn. But hey, at least I
still got an ad in. -- Rillion
Can you hear me now? -- Nothing like almost missing a turn because a doctor says you
are too sick to leave the hospital. -- Ghoti
I thought sickness was a prerequisite for any TOGS activity. -- Ed.
I did not think the arena 62 personals I accidentally sent here would count, so here
are a few more. -- Indy
Here we are with one turn left to go and Cyber Punk and I are secure in our
mediocrity. I hope this turn went better than the last or we may slide off the
middle of the road. -- Indimar
Elepunk -- We may not be the most meticulous planners in TOGS history but it would
probably be a good idea to discuss who is riding and who is carrying each turn. --
Indimar
Lady Bug -- Why don't you just fly away home. At least you taught me a skill that I
so obviously could use. -- Wren
Creepster -- At first I was a little crushed by receiving back to back (to back?)
pink pantaloons, but then I found out what they could do for my "chafing" problem.
Thanks. -- Indimar
Hoscha -- You have done great honor to your fallen comrade...and great damage to me.
I would have to say the learn was worth the beating. -- Tiger Ty
All -- One more turn to go. Congrats to the winner and thanks to all for some of the
best writing we have ever had. -- Soultaker
Ed. -- Thanks once more for all of your fine work in keeping us in line. -- Soultaker
*smile* I think the line rather wavers, but I do try. -- Ed.
Lady A and Lady E -- It is going to take a miracle for any of the Delarqs to catch
ya. Great showing. -- Soultaker
Cepl -- Wow, I'm almost sorry I won...that was tragic. -- F'shizz
Zerose -- Why do I think that the tie-breaker is coming this turn.... -- Hydro
Nulnanchor -- You doubled your point output this turn. -- Snotman
Death Stud -- Next TOGS can I get 7 freakin' points when I defeat my TOGS partner?
Nuln and I have matched up a stunning 5 times in 11 turns (my record is 4-1 but who's
keeping count). -- Snotman
Rillion -- I wasn't that serious with the Maltese Nut Sack. I hadn't seen the movie
in over a decade and I never read the book so I was basing my plot off of an internet
summary. That involves actual work. -- Snotman
Ed. -- Hmm, chocolate for breakfast. I willing to guess that it correlates rather
highly with torture and other sorts of anti-social behavior. Try some oatmeal. Your
friends and neighbors will thank you. -- Snotman
You talk of torture as though it's a bad thing.... And haven't you ever had
chocolate oatmeal? -- Ed.
Mannequin -- In Aradi that'd be a Heavy Petting Zoo. -- Snotman
I almost forgot. It's ad time. -- Cyberpunk
Indimar -- Yes, I stole from your shop again. Can you ever forgive me? Bet you
didn't know Barnabas could drive a truck. -- Cyber
Samwise -- Time to make a move, son! -- Mannequin
Urethra -- I hope you were talking about my weapon.... -- Doodlebob
Ed. -- Slightly earlier this time.... -- Death Stud
I guess I'll have to take what I can get, eh? -- Ed.
Aradi Free Press -- Thank you, I am honored by receiving this Blue Bonnet award. I'd
like to thank the Academy, the Free Press, the presenters, my agent, the sound and
lighting crew, and my good friends Pasquale and Ivan, my wife, and of course my mom,
and all the people who either amuse me or tick me off enough to make me write good
stuff. -- Death Stud
Editor, AW&WFAFP -- Re: your comment last turn "There are funny things which do not
involve body waste or genitalia." Can you clarify please? I don't understand. --
Death Stud
Had us rolling = "Hal here, letting you know I got your message (again)."
DEATH TO TEAM 3! Oh wait, hold on. That didn't come out right. I mean, DEATH TO
TEAM 2 AND TEAM 6 AND TEAM 9 AND TEAM 7 AND TEAM 11 (and anyone else who might have a
remote shot at this thing).
Nuln -- Huh? I'm not following what you were saying. -- Death Stud
TUM -- RE: you and LHI coming back to win TOGS. Ha. Ha. -- Death Stud
Snotman -- I don't really have any defense on the DM column thing other than I
haven't written but a one or two in the last couple years. Plus, with TOGS admin and
overview, I'm putting in a lot more work than a silly little DM column already. I'll
tell you what, though. If I manage to get the throne back this turn, I will
definitely write a DM column for the final turn of TOGS. Then I can thumb my nose at
you, Xiang, and Creepster who have all heckled me about it. -- Death Stud
Doodlebob -- Your personal ad to Urethra last turn was humorous! -- Loki
Lady A/Lady E/Ed. -- "No more bodily waste or genitalia names/spots/ads?" While
you're at it, why don't you just do away with sexual innuendo also? And eliminate
birthdays, ruin Christmas for all the little kids, and kill some puppies, too. Darn
scrooges! Are you trying to destroy the TOGS altogether?!? There was a concerted
effort by a few people not to just kill each other in spotlights every turn, this
just happened to be the direction things turned this time out. We're just not very
good at drawing reasonable limit. -- Death Stud
You know, that eliminating birthdays thing actually sounds pretty good.... --
Ed.
P.S. I'm sorry, but I suspect y'all wouldn't know a reasonable limit if it up
and pushed you off the high dive. Not that I'm saying I do much better....
*grin*
Samwise -- C'mon junior, buck up! -- Death Stud
Barnabas -- Thanks! Let's hope it falls to one of the "good guys" at the end. "Good
guys" is of course defined as anyone not Manager (well, or Street Legal). -- Death
Stud
Whoo hooo! Oh yeah, we bad! Uh huh, uh huh! -- Lady E, jivin' and dancin' with Lady
A, after hearing of their 96 point win
*Uncontrollable laughter and giggling* -- Lady A & E, after hearing the posting on a
Duel 2 forum
Lady A & E's Book Club recommendations:
"Killing on Maintenance" by Lady A, Delarquan Queen
"Scum Hunting" by Starling, Delarquan warrior
"Meanie Managers Who Kill" by a Chaos Lord
Speaking of kills, has anyone noticed that Team 9 has 31 kills each for their teams?
No wonder Nuln is into blood and gore.
And by the way everyone...we--Team 1--are also Delarquan. You keep mentioning Lord
Xiang as being the token Delarquan or with Seraphim as the Delarquan team, but I
can't believe you didn't remember that with Lady A and her team. Mind you, her kills
are via maintenance...who else but a Delarquan would be able to kill on maintenance.
*grin* -- Lady A & E
Lady A -- Look at you, girlfriend!! You made #3 on the Teams on the Move list!!
Whoo hooo! -- Lady E
Creepster -- You make me realize that to be a great partner like yourself I should do
the same for Lady A. She is MY BEST PARTNER IN BOTH OF THE WIDE WORLDS!! I don't
know what I would do without her to provide the inspiration of a 5-0 turn and a 96
point bionic jump ahead in this amazing TOGS! She heard my wish not to be last and
made it come true! Is that the BEST PARTNER IN BOTH WIDE WORLDS or what?!! -- Lady
E, bestowing a Medal of Honor on Lady A and kissing both sides of her face.
All -- How could you all forget that Lady E and I are also Delarquans? Didn't the
number of kills remind you of anything? -- Lady A
Death Stud -- We want a "pat on the back" too! Lady E and I are Delarq and finishing
TOGS in good style. -- Lady A
TUM -- You're in TOGS, there is no dignity left! -- Lady A
Snotman -- 8pm on Thursday is early. You shouldn't be starting 'til 11:59.59 pm on
Thursday. -- Lady A
Don't listen to her! -- Ed.
All -- A rather quiet night, but I needed that. Maybe next cycle I'll have more to
say, then again, maybe not. -- Lady A
Doodlebob -- What's a pisser is the burning pain. -- Urethra
Venrek -- Hats off to another fine "if challenged strat". -- Vas
Private Parts -- I would think I qualify for that. -- Urethra
Lady A and Lady E -- Good thing you two don't fight in the Delarq arenas or those guy
would never be able to get winning records. You are truly the Mosaad of Alastari. --
Soultaker
Pandora -- Don't believe anything these jerks tell ya. -- Artimis
Manager -- Here's hoping that you have another fine turn like last week. -- Soultaker
Nuln -- Sheesh, I'm a Delarq. Entropy happens. -- Lady A
Lady E -- Apparently we 'won' this last turn, I'm not really sure that means much,
but it's nice considering what our odds were at the beginning. -- Lady A
LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS
ANTHRAX was unbelievably slain by MARINE TROLL in a 2 minute bloody Dark Arena fight.
ALL RIGHT! was slaughtered by ARNIE SHEW in a 1 minute Dark Arena battle.
VERN ACULA was easily killed by SEA MONSTER in a 1 minute Dark Arena match.
MIKE OLIN was assassinated by GARGOYLE PRINCE in a 1 minute Dark Arena duel.
ZEROSE was devastated by HYDRO ON THE D-LO in a 1 minute one-sided Bloodfeud contest.
RESPECT THE PACKAGE defeated STARLING in a crowd pleasing 4 minute Bloodfeud match.
MALT-O-MEAL was outwaited by TINY TIM in a 7 minute veteran's Challenge Title duel.
PINTO BEANS was savagely defeated by MOUSE in a 2 minute master's Challenge brawl.
PANTHER vanquished JAMIS in a 1 minute uneven Challenge duel.
JAVA was outwaited by ONE-TIMER in a crowd boring 13 minute gruesome Challenge fight.
ZIG-ZAG MAN savagely defeated SNOW WHITE in a exciting 3 minute Challenge fight.
HOSCHA overpowered BLOODLUST MUTE in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge fight.
SMALL INTESTINE narrowly defeated COYOTE in a 3 minute Challenge competition.
VIPER LXXI handily defeated BUTTERFLY in a 2 minute one-sided Challenge contest.
NINJA devastated B.C. GOLD in a crowd pleasing 1 minute mismatched Challenge bout.
F'SHIZZLE M'NIZZLE was defeated by VENREK in a 4 minute Challenge duel.
THE AVENGING SCROD was savagely defeated by THE LBA in a 13 minute Challenge struggle.
STONE COLD NUTS beat THALIA in a 2 minute Challenge brawl.
THE RIDDLER devastated LOOSE DENTURES in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge brawl.
LIMA BEANS was savagely defeated by MANDA in a 4 minute veteran's Challenge match.
SUGAR BOTTOMS was luckily beaten by JACK THE RIPPER in a 7 minute Challenge conflict.
WHITE WITCH luckily beat ANALISE in a exciting 5 minute gory expert's Challenge fight.
HOFFA overcame DOODLEBOB in a popular 4 minute expert vs. amateur Challenge duel.
AQUA NETTA subdued MACS in a popular 1 minute Challenge fight.
LOKI IX vanquished FLAMENCO A GO-GO in a 2 minute one-sided Challenge match.
NATALIA viciously subdued URETHRA in a popular 5 minute brutal Challenge fight.
SUPERIOR VENA CAVA lost to CONDI in a 1 minute beginner vs. expert Challenge bout.
BOSTON TERRIER savagely defeated BIN LADEN in a exciting 2 minute Challenge fray.
DAYNE lost to YELLOW JACKET in a 2 minute Challenge bout.
WHISTLE PIG was defeated by GAZREK in a 1 minute gruesome Challenge fight.
FONZ COLLUDER overcame FEZ in a 1 minute novice's Challenge fight.
WREN subdued AGREE TO DISAGREE in a 1 minute novice's Challenge fight.
POCY-HANTAS savagely defeated GENOH in a popular 6 minute gruesome Challenge bout.
LADY BUG demolished BYAKUREN in a 1 minute uneven Challenge contest.
WRATH LIX overpowered HAWAIIAN KONA in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge struggle.
EVIL XXV was outwaited by KILLER in a tiring 13 minute beginner's Challenge bout.
SPOOLGK was subdued by WHITE WEEYOTCH in a 6 minute amateur's Challenge match.
FIGGY was vanquished by NIGEL STAPLER in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge bout.
PIZNAUL JIZNOKE vanquished G DUBYAH in a 1 minute mismatched bout.
SHMAMY CROCKETT demolished SUNSHINE in a exciting 1 minute uneven competition.
DERRIN was defeated by ETTIN in a 1 minute battle.
SYDA HAMMIE dispatched SUTTY in a 2 minute duel.
TYVEK was devastated by SILENT SPOCKER in a action packed 1 minute mismatched match.
DEATH SPONGE was viciously subdued by RUKGAZ in a 2 minute bloody fight.
VOLMAX overpowered M. CHARDINEE in a 1 minute uneven competition.
VAS DEFERENS was viciously subdued by FUN IN THE BARN in a exciting 3 minute match.
SPAM SANDWICH demolished PESMERGA in a 1 minute uneven fight.
MONKEY PAW overpowered SQUIGGNERD in a 1 minute uneven bout.
OSO was narrowly defeated by LEG WARMER LUST in a action packed 5 minute competition.
DERS demolished KRAKEN in a exciting 1 minute one-sided conflict.
NIGHT HAG luckily beat CEPL in a popular 4 minute bloody fight.
MADONNA bested HAPPY PEASANT in a 2 minute brutal veteran vs. amateur conflict.
SPINACH was murdered by GREEN DISEASE in a 1 minute one-sided brawl.
SIGMOID COLON butchered ONE HOT BABE in a 1 minute one-sided match.
PRIVATE PARTS was devastated by WALMART GREETER in a 1 minute gory one-sided brawl.
TIGER TY vanquished RICKON in a 1 minute one-sided struggle.
BLONDIE was assassinated by 3D'S NOT L33T in a 1 minute mismatched brawl.
PEARLY WHITES devastated THANKS MANAGER in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
ROSCOE was outlasted by SOLIDUS in a unpopular 8 minute brutal novice's duel.
DEATH TO TEAM 6 unbelievably bested SAND in a popular 4 minute amateur's bout.
INIYO was overpowered by GETHSEMANE in a 1 minute one-sided brawl.
TOWER won victory over ROCK in a 1 minute novice's duel.
LOVITA was overpowered by CINAMON RING in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
BATTLE REPORT
MOST POPULAR RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS
|FIGHTING STYLE FIGHTS FIGHTING STYLE W - L - K PERCENT|
|STRIKING ATTACK 30 TOTAL PARRY 158 - 132 - 2 54 |
|TOTAL PARRY 26 LUNGING ATTACK 143 - 137 - 10 51 |
|LUNGING ATTACK 23 AIMED BLOW 85 - 84 - 5 50 |
|AIMED BLOW 13 STRIKING ATTACK 134 - 142 - 11 49 |
|SLASHING ATTACK 13 PARRY-STRIKE 10 - 11 - 0 48 |
|WALL OF STEEL 7 SLASHING ATTACK 49 - 62 - 2 44 |
|BASHING ATTACK 4 WALL OF STEEL 38 - 52 - 3 42 |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE 2 PARRY-LUNGE 9 - 17 - 1 35 |
|PARRY-LUNGE 1 PARRY-RIPOSTE 6 - 12 - 0 33 |
|PARRY-STRIKE 1 BASHING ATTACK 19 - 39 - 1 33 |
Turn 399 was great if you Not so great if you used The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles: the fighting styles: top eleven warriors are:
TOTAL PARRY 15 - 11 STRIKING ATTACK 14 - 16 3 TOTAL PARRY
WALL OF STEEL 4 - 3 AIMED BLOW 6 - 7 2 LUNGING ATTACK
LUNGING ATTACK 12 - 11 SLASHING ATTACK 6 - 7 2 STRIKING ATTACK
BASHING ATTACK 2 - 2 PARRY-LUNGE 0 - 1 2 SLASHING ATTACK
PARRY-STRIKE 0 - 1 1 PARRY-STRIKE
PARRY-RIPOSTE 0 - 2 1 BASHING ATTACK
TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE
FIGHTING STYLE WARRIOR W L K PNTS TEAM NAME
TOTAL PARRY TINY TIM 6042 18 4 1 144 CRAZY CREEPS (207)
FIGHTING STYLE WARRIOR W L K PNTS TEAM NAME
STRIKING ATTACK PIZNAUL JIZNOKE 7641 12 4 1 121 THE BIZZLE (593)
SLASHING ATTACK SHMAMY CROCKETT 7216 16 10 0 103 4000 BLOWS (107)
BASHING ATTACK VOLMAX 7592 6 4 0 94 MEDICAL BIOHAZARD 4 (585)
WALL OF STEEL SYDA HAMMIE 6667 19 13 1 91 OGRES ARE US (270)
PARRY-STRIKE JAVA 7779 9 3 0 90 THINGS ILL NEVER GET (601)
AIMED BLOW VIPER LXXI 7566 10 7 0 89 DEATH STUDS VII (301)
LUNGING ATTACK ETTIN 7600 11 5 1 71 DILEN'S HORDE (587)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.
The overall popularity leader is DERRIN 6952. The most popular warrior this turn was
OSO 7682. The ten other most popular fighters were SUGAR BOTTOMS 7690, POCY-HANTAS
7897, NATALIA 7790, MANDA 7546, DOODLEBOB 7877, CEPL 6666, RESPECT THE PACKAGE 7832,
FUN IN THE BARN 7673, MOUSE 7318, and ZIG-ZAG MAN 7083.
The least popular fighter this week was KILLER 7876. The other ten least popular
fighters were THE LBA 7810, SOLIDUS 7895, THE AVENGING SCROD 7649, ONE-TIMER 7169,
TINY TIM 6042, ROSCOE 7883, WHITE WEEYOTCH 7881, SPOOLGK 7886, MALT-O-MEAL 7527, and
LOVITA 7891.
The following warriors will travel to AD after next turn:
PANTHER (60-7320) SILENT WARRIORS (561)
FACE-TO-FACE TOURNEY XLI
PRIMUS TOURNEY W L K TEAM NAME
ANGEL 4060 (86-73-4) 2 3 0 SUNNYDALE
YUCKY 4792 (43-52-2) 0 5 0 BLOOD RELATED
CONTENDERS TOURNEY W L K TEAM NAME
ANYA 4063 (54-35-3) 2 3 0 SUNNYDALE
LITTLE BIG BOX 4965 (83-72-2) 1 4 0 BOXES
TYVIN 5382 (60-52-1) 0 5 0 DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2
ELIGIBLES TOURNEY W L K TEAM NAME
SLANT EDISON 2598 (53-21-1) 4 3 0 MY ROCK BAND
VICTOR CALDERONE 5223 (27-23-0) 3 3 0 CLUB CULTURE
CHIP 4413 (16-18-1) 1 3 0 RESCUE RANGERS
LLOSMIC LLAMMER 5684 (35-26-1) 0 3 0 LUROCIANS VI
ADM TOURNEY W L K TEAM NAME
INSURRECTION 5607 (11-11-0) 3 1 0 BLADES OF DESTINY
THE LIMELIGHT 6104 (45-22-0) 4 3 0 CLUB CULTURE
ALFALFA BIRD 3283 (71-46-0) 3 3 0 SUPERIOR FORCES II
PLASMA DESIRE 3080 (18-8-0) 2 3 0 OGRES ARE US
THE SPOTLIGHT 6329 (26-20-1) 0 3 0 CLUB CULTURE
TWILO THUNDER 5225 (38-27-1) 0 3 0 CLUB CULTURE
FRESHMEN TOURNEY W L K TEAM NAME
HEADROCK 3430 (20-20-0) 4 3 0 OGRES ARE US
BLOODLUST CCVI 3676 (26-17-0) 2 3 0 DEATH STUDS VII
FALCON XLI 7341 (15-10-3) 1 3 0 DEATH STUDS VII
CHALLENGERS TOURNEY W L K TEAM NAME
SMIRLIN 6568 (18-16-0) 2 3 0 OGRES ARE US
VOLMAX 7592 (5-3-0) 1 3 1 MEDICAL BIOHAZARD 4
PANTHER 7320 (12-9-1) 0 3 0 SILENT WARRIORS
CHAMPIONS TOURNEY W L K TEAM NAME
TINY TIM 6042 (13-4-0) 7 3 0 CRAZY CREEPS
SNOW WHITE 7486 (8-8-0) 6 3 0 CRAZY CREEPS
ENOCH PEABODY 7325 (9-7-0) 3 3 0 THIEVES GUILD
MOUSE 7318 (8-14-0) 2 3 0 SILENT WARRIORS
WILLOW 6659 (7-4-1) 2 3 0 DARK TOGS
HOSCHA 6835 (10-11-0) 0 3 0 OGRES ARE US
JIM PANZI 7382 (9-7-0) 0 3 0 FUNKY FOLK
SYDA HAMMIE 6667 (15-12-0) 0 3 0 OGRES ARE US
ADEPTS TOURNEY W L K TEAM NAME
G DUBYAH 7611 (5-4-1) 5 3 0 DILLIGAF LEGION
PIZNAUL JIZNOKE 7641 (7-4-1) 5 3 0 THE BIZZLE
VENREK 7477 (8-5-0) 5 3 0 DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2
SUNSHINE 7593 (7-3-0) 4 3 0 SUPERIOR FORCES 1601
TYVEK 7478 (4-5-0) 4 3 0 DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2
VAS DEFERENS 7534 (8-5-0) 3 3 0 GOIN' TUBIN'
FALOPIAN 7498 (4-5-0) 2 2 0 DEAD GOIN' TUBIN'
CEPL 6666 (6-5-0) 2 3 0 OGRES ARE US
JACK THE RIPPER 7487 (7-7-0) 2 3 0 CRAZY CREEPS
SMALL INTESTINE 7535 (6-9-1) 2 3 0 GOIN' TUBIN'
BLOODLUST MUTE 7701 (5-4-0) 1 3 0 SILENT WARRIORS
HYDRO ON THE D-LO 7642 (7-4-1) 1 3 0 THE BIZZLE
LIMA BEANS 7530 (9-4-0) 1 3 0 CHILDHOOD TRAUMA
NINJA 7357 (6-9-0) 1 3 0 SILENT WARRIORS
STORM FIRE 7597 (5-2-1) 1 3 0 SUPERIOR FORCES 1601
SILENT SPOCKER 7700 (7-2-0) 0 3 0 SILENT WARRIORS
SOULTAKER 7175 (3-3-0) 0 3 0 LOSERS
SPAM SANDWICH 7524 (7-4-0) 0 3 0 CHILDHOOD TRAUMA
WHITE WITCH 7542 (8-3-0) 0 3 0 CRAZY CREEPS
INITIATES TOURNEY W L K TEAM NAME
COBRA XXI 7725 (5-2-0) 13 3 0 DEATH STUDS VII
HARSIESUS 6871 (5-3-1) 11 3 0 INQUISITION SG-1
PESMERGA 7813 (1-4-0) 5 3 0 SUPERIOR FORCES 1601
ATALAN 7656 (0-2-0) 3 3 1 PHILANTHROPISTS
DEATH SPONGE 7692 (4-2-0) 2 3 0 BIKINI BOTTOM
GREEN DISEASE 7718 (2-4-1) 1 3 0 MEDICAL BIOHAZARD 4
ZEROSE 7741 (5-2-0) 1 3 0 SUPERIOR FORCES 1601
ANTHRAX 7669 (3-3-0) 0 3 0 MEDICAL BIOHAZARD 4
BIG DEAL 7811 (1-4-0) 0 3 0 OGRES ARE US
SQUIGGNERD 7694 (5-2-1) 0 3 0 BIKINI BOTTOM
SUGAR BOTTOMS 7690 (6-1-1) 0 3 0 BIKINI BOTTOM
APPRENTICES TOURNEY W L K TEAM NAME
DRAVENDER 7655 (0-0-0) 4 3 0 PHILANTHROPISTS
MISER KRABS 7839 (1-1-0) 3 3 0 BIKINI BOTTOM
BOTOX 6376 (0-1-0) 2 3 0 WORDS THAT ENDIN X
ANNIE MULL 7793 (2-1-0) 1 3 0 FUNKY FOLK
GENOH 7847 (2-0-0) 1 3 0 SUPERIOR FORCES 1601
THE RIDDLER 7852 (0-1-0) 1 3 0 CRAZY CREEPS
ROLEX 6375 (1-0-0) 0 3 0 WORDS THAT ENDIN X
ROOKIES TOURNEY W L K TEAM NAME
RIP TORN 7850 (0-0-0) 11 3 0 FUNKY FOLK
ZENAR 7857 (0-0-0) 6 3 0 DEAD DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2
LOKI IX 7860 (0-0-0) 5 3 0 DEATH STUDS VII
URETHRA 7851 (0-0-0) 5 3 0 GOIN' TUBIN'
BRUNETTE 7862 (0-0-0) 3 3 0 DILLIGAF LEGION
BRICK 7728 (0-0-0) 2 3 0 COWS
LYNNE GWINI 7849 (0-0-0) 2 3 1 FUNKY FOLK
XEROX 6373 (0-0-0) 1 3 0 WORDS THAT ENDIN X
BLONDIE 7863 (0-0-0) 0 3 0 DILLIGAF LEGION
GAZREK 7858 (0-0-0) 0 3 0 DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2