DUEL 2 NEWSLETTER

Date   : 12/01/2006    Duedate: 12/14/2006

ARADI ARENA

DM-60    TURN-404

This Weeks Top Honors

THE DUELMASTER IS

MALT-O-MEAL
CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)
(60-7527) [14-4-1,114]

Chartered Recognition Leader   Unchartered Recognition Leader

ONE-TIMER                      APOCALYPSE
DEATH STUDS VII (301)          VILLAINOUS LEGION (605)
(60-7169) [37-10-0,133]        (60-7933) [1-1-0,8]

Popularity Leader              This Weeks Favorite

DERRIN                         WRATH LIX
WING HOVE (529)                DEATH STUDS VII (301)
(60-6952) [16-16-0,99]         (60-7899) [4-2-0,47]

THE CURRENT TOP TEAM

ARADI RESORT & SPA (580)

          TEAMS ON THE MOVE            TOP CAREER HONORS
Team Name                  Point Gain  Chartered Team
1. 4000 BLOWS (107)            59
2. CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)      48      DEATH STUDS VII (301)
3. THE BUNKHOUSE (595)         32      Unchartered Team
4. ARADI RESORT & SPA (580)    24
5. DILEN'S HORDE (587)         22      WHY MEETH? (607)

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
 1- 1 ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518)   103  66  5 60.9   1/ 1 ARADI RESORT & SPA (580) 11  4 0
 2/ 2 DEATH STUDS VII (301)    476 381 15 55.5   2/ 2 WING HOVE (529)           8  4 0
 3/ 0*WHY MEETH? (607)          16  13  0 55.2   3/ 3 CHEER-O-KEE'S (557)       8  5 1
 4/ 0 LUROCIANS VI (431)       110  90  7 55.0   4/ 5 4000 BLOWS (107)          7  7 0
 5/ 3 CRAZY CREEPS (207)       543 448 17 54.8   5/10 THE BUNKHOUSE (595)       6  6 0
 6/ 4 NATURAL DISASTERS (159)  702 603 25 53.8   6/ 9 CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)    6  6 0
 7/ 6 DEMONS OF DARKNESS (430) 215 192 13 52.8   7/ 4 CRAZY CREEPS (207)        5  4 0
 8/ 5 WILD CARDS (148)         775 696 32 52.7   8/13 BUGS, SLUGS & THUG (591)  5  7 1
 9/ 7 CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)    54  49  1 52.4   9/ 7 DILEN'S HORDE (587)       5  7 0
10/ 0 DARK TOGS (526)           13  12  2 52.0  10/15 NATURAL DISASTERS (159)   4  4 0
11/ 8 THE BIZZLE (593)          44  42  4 51.2  11/ 6 DEATH STUDS VII (301)     4  5 0
12/ 0 INQUISITION SG-1 (540)    23  22  1 51.1  12/ 8 WILD CARDS (148)          3 12 0
13- 9 GOIN' TUBIN' (577)       145 142  7 50.5  13/14 THE BIZZLE (593)          2  1 0
14/11 THIEVES GUILD (396)      171 173  6 49.7  14/17*VILLAINOUS LEGION (605)   2  4 0
15/12 CHEER-O-KEE'S (557)      115 117  6 49.6  15/12 FUNKY FOLK (565)          2  5 0
16-14 ATLAS PARK (592)          48  50  1 49.0  16-11 ATLAS PARK (592)          2  6 0
17/17 ARADI RESORT & SPA (580)  59  63  2 48.4  17/ 0 INQUISITION SG-1 (540)    1  0 0
18/15 4000 BLOWS (107)         659 713 31 48.0  18/ 0 DARK TOGS (526)           1  0 0

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
19/16 WING HOVE (529)           84  92  4 47.7  19/19 DEMONS OF DARKNESS (430)  1  1 0
20/18 THINGS ILL NEVER G (601)  31  36  0 46.3  20-16 GOIN' TUBIN' (577)        1  1 0
21/19 AARP (583)                37  45  2 45.1  21/21 THIEVES GUILD (396)       1  2 0
22/20 DILEN'S HORDE (587)       44  54  4 44.9  22/22 AARP (583)                1  5 0
23/24 THE BUNKHOUSE (595)       37  51  0 42.0  23/23 THINGS ILL NEVER G (601)  1  5 0
24/22 BUGS, SLUGS & THUG (591)  43  61  6 41.3  24-25*VERBAL MISCUES (604)      1  6 0
25/23 FUNKY FOLK (565)          42  62  4 40.4  25/26*LETHAL ANATOMY II (512)   0  7 0
26/10*VILLAINOUS LEGION (605)    2   4  0 33.3  26-24 ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518)    0  3 0
27-25 MEDICAL BIOHAZARD  (585)  16  34  4 32.0  27/ 0*WHY MEETH? (607)          0  3 0
28/26*LETHAL ANATOMY II (512)    3  11  0 21.4  28-27 MEDICAL BIOHAZARD  (585)  0  2 0
29-27*VERBAL MISCUES (604)       1  11  0  8.3  29/ 0*CREEPSTERESE (606)        0  2 0
30/ 0*CREEPSTERESE (606)         0   2  0  0.0  30/ 0 LUROCIANS VI (431)        0  1 0

    '*'   Unchartered team                       '-'  Team did not fight this turn
   (###)  Avoid teams by their Team Id          ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

                                 DUELMASTER'S COLUMN
                             Notes from the arena champ.

Warriors of Aradi,
     What an honor to be on the throne of Aradi for a second turn.  When I saw that
One Timer had successfully posted a challenge I thought my stay here might be brief.
But my Momma didn't raise no quitters, so I just started swingin' and when I stopped
I was the only one standing.
     I still stand open to your challenges and I can hardly wait to see who gets
their shot at the title.
                                                                           Derrin

                                      SPY REPORT

     Oh, hi.  Its just little 'ol Debby Tonte.  Thought I'd check out ARADI to see 
what's new.  Uncool, DEATH STUDS VII.  I mean 2-3-0 is bad.  Will they will be 
allowed to fight?  I say use 'em for training practice!  THE BUNKHOUSE like really 
fought hard to move up to 5th from 10th.  Way to go!  MVP award for 911?  CHILDHOOD 
TRAUMA's proud of him after beating WHISTLE PIG and getting 20 points.  MALT-O-MEAL 
thinks his 14-4-1 and studly character is good enough to face up to the Duelmaster.  
Any bets?  And I was just getting used to the ex-Duelmaster's habit of...(!)  Oh 
well, welcome MALT-O-MEAL.  Aren't CHILDHOOD TRAUMA proud.  (Oh, my.) I hear the top 
team insists all their warriors get nine hours sleep.  They want photogenic fighters 
for PR photos.   
     I gotta admit I haven't been in "deep con caves" with any spies.  Really, I just 
wing this stuff.  4000 BLOWS was the most avoided team.  Is a 659-713-31 record 
really that scary?  I don't know what DEATH STUDS VII's been doing.  They certainly 
haven't been accepting many fights from 4000 BLOWS, that's fer sher.  Like, is WHITE 
WEEYOTCH popular, or what?  He was challenged the most in all of ARADI!  He's got a 
4-5-0, is that good?  Speaking of challenging 50 points above did you hear about LEG 
WARMER LUST of 4000 BLOWS vs. DEATH STUDS VII's ONE-TIMER?  (And how was that intro!) 
LEG WARMER LUST was so studly out there in the sands!  Beating ONE-TIMER and getting 
34 points.  4000 BLOWS must be proud, for sure!  VIPER LXXI must not be a good enough 
fighter to get in fair fights.  He challenged ENOCH PEABODY.  15 is a big difference. 
(Well, that's what they tell me.) I thought VIPER LXXI showed great skill and promise 
when he was beat by ENOCH PEABODY.  All right, so I slept through it!  Big deal!   
     Challenges, revenges, Bloodfeuds.  All ARADI ever talks about is fighting!  Me, 
I'm more laid back.  Everyone has problems, but why did WHY MEETH? send STEVE 
URKELRUG to the Dark Arena?  He had a 5-1-0, and I thought he looked neat on the 
sands...  Hey, warriors get killed by other warriors, not by their manager sending 
them to the Dark Arena.  What's wrong with GURGLEGLUG's 4-1-0, WHY MEETH??  Hey you 
guys, don't you think your families would like to hear from you?  Write!  (Or have 
someone write for you.)  
     Remember, blood on a purple robe may stain.  Soak it in cold water, and hand 
wash.  I gotta leave.  ARADI is like such a dump, and you guys smell too much!  I had 
a fun time, see you later-- Debby Tonte  

DUELMASTER                     W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 MALT-O-MEAL 7527             14   4  1   114       CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)

CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 ONE-TIMER 7169               37  10  0   133       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
-PIZNAUL JIZNOKE 7641         13   4  1   128       THE BIZZLE (593)
 JAMIS 6735                   17  18  1   118       WING HOVE (529)
 LEG WARMER LUST 7717         12   6  1   116       4000 BLOWS (107)
-SLIPKNOT 6674                18  16  0   105       THIEVES GUILD (396)
 SNOW WHITE 7486              14  10  0   100       CRAZY CREEPS (207)
 DERRIN 6952                  16  16  0    99       WING HOVE (529)
 WILLOW 6659                  10   4  2    95       DARK TOGS (526)
-VOLMAX 7592                   6   4  0    94       MEDICAL BIOHAZARD 4 (585)
-TYVEK 7478                    8   7  0    93       DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
 ETTIN 7600                   12   9  1    92       DILEN'S HORDE (587)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 HYDRO ON THE D-LO 7642       14   7  2    87       THE BIZZLE (593)
 JIM PANZI 7382               12  10  0    87       FUNKY FOLK (565)
 OSO 7682                     10   9  0    86       THE BUNKHOUSE (595)
-JAVA 7779                     9   4  0    85       THINGS ILL NEVER GET (601)
 ENOCH PEABODY 7325           11   9  0    84       THIEVES GUILD (396)
-VENREK 7477                  14   5  0    81       DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
 BUTTERFLY 7338               19  11  0    80       CHEER-O-KEE'S (557)
 COYOTE 7626                  13   9  2    80       BUGS, SLUGS & THUGS (591)
 JACK THE RIPPER 7487         13  11  0    80       CRAZY CREEPS (207)
 MANDA 7546                   14  11  1    77       ARADI RESORT & SPA (580)
-RUKGAZ 7564                  10   4  0    76       DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
 WHITE WITCH 7542             14   7  0    74       CRAZY CREEPS (207)
 ANALISE 7544                 12  13  1    74       ARADI RESORT & SPA (580)
-LLUPERIOR LLORCES 5956       11   6  1    73       LUROCIANS VI (431)
 VIPER LXXI 7566              11  10  0    73       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
-SMALL INTESTINE 7535         10  13  1    73       GOIN' TUBIN' (577)
-VAS DEFERENS 7534            13   8  0    70       GOIN' TUBIN' (577)
 DAYNE 7826                    7   7  0    69       WING HOVE (529)
 SPAM SANDWICH 7524           11  10  0    68       CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)
-LLUGS AND LLISSES 5887       12  12  1    67       LUROCIANS VI (431)

CHALLENGER ADEPTS              W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 THE AVENGING SCROD 7649      12   6  1    66       4000 BLOWS (107)
-F'SHIZZLE M'NIZZLE 7639       9   8  0    65       THE BIZZLE (593)
 THALIA 7547                   8  17  0    63       ARADI RESORT & SPA (580)
-THE RIDDLER 7852              6   4  1    63       CRAZY CREEPS (207)
-ASGARD 6892                   4   4  0    63       INQUISITION SG-1 (540)
 NATALIA 7790                 10   6  0    62       ARADI RESORT & SPA (580)
 HARSIESUS 6871                8   4  1    62       INQUISITION SG-1 (540)
-IRREVOCABILITY 6549          12   9  1    60       ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518)
-LLUCKY DAY 6021              10   8  0    60       LUROCIANS VI (431)
-BOSTON TERRIER 7638           9  11  0    59       ATLAS PARK (592)
 NIGHT HAG 7598               12   9  0    57       DILEN'S HORDE (587)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 LOKI IX 7860                  5   2  0    56       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
 RESPECT THE PACKAGE 7832      8   5  0    55       WILD CARDS (148)
-CIALIS 7659                   7   5  1    55       AARP (583)
 3D'S NOT L33T 7833            8   5  2    54       WILD CARDS (148)
-ERUPTION 7310                 7   7  1    52       NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
 FLASH FIRE 7390              12  11  0    51       NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
 WALMART GREETER 7576          8  13  0    49       AARP (583)
 LAVA TUBE 7393               10   6  1    48       NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
 YELLOW JACKET 7627            7  15  1    47       BUGS, SLUGS & THUGS (591)
 WRATH LIX 7899                4   2  0    47       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
-GREEN DISEASE 7718            3   6  2    47       MEDICAL BIOHAZARD 4 (585)
 KRAKEN 7679                   8  12  2    46       DILEN'S HORDE (587)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 RICKON 7830                   5   8  0    46       DILEN'S HORDE (587)
 LOOSE DENTURES 7573           8  13  0    45       AARP (583)
-FLAMENCO A GO-GO 7662        10   9  0    43       ATLAS PARK (592)
-THE LBA 7810                  8   3  0    43       THINGS ILL NEVER GET (601)
-TIGER TY 7665                 9   8  1    42       WING HOVE (529)
 MADONNA 7780                  9   8  0    41       THINGS ILL NEVER GET (601)
-NEZUMI 7342                   7   6  0    41       THIEVES GUILD (396)
 POCY-HANTAS 7897              5   2  0    41       CHEER-O-KEE'S (557)
 INIYO 7865                    6   4  0    40       ARADI RESORT & SPA (580)
 RIP TORN 7850                 4   1  0    40       FUNKY FOLK (565)
-AQUA NETTA 7775               7   6  1    36       THE BIZZLE (593)
 EVIL XXV 7900                 4   2  0    36       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
-URETHRA 7851                  4   2  0    36       GOIN' TUBIN' (577)
 GAZREK 7858                   5   2  0    35       DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-HARRIET 7495                  5   4  0    33       THIEVES GUILD (396)
-LIMPY LIMPY 7046              3   4  0    33       LUROCIANS VI (431)
 HOFFA 7713                    8   8  0    32       BUGS, SLUGS & THUGS (591)
-MEALS ON WHEELS 7575          5   8  1    30       AARP (583)
-PRIVATE PARTS 7798            7   8  0    29       ATLAS PARK (592)
 ROSCOE 7883                   4   5  0    28       THE BUNKHOUSE (595)
 FISH STICKS 7952              2   0  1    27       CHEER-O-KEE'S (557)
 MACS 7797                     5  11  0    26       THINGS ILL NEVER GET (601)
 AIMLESS 7967                  2   0  0    26       THE BUNKHOUSE (595)
 DROUGHT 7532                  2   0  0    24       NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
 911 7936                      2   1  0    24       CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 WHISTLE PIG 7806              3  13  0    22       BUGS, SLUGS & THUGS (591)
-PIGGY 6655                    2   3  0    22       DARK TOGS (526)
-BRAE'TAC 6895                 5   4  0    21       INQUISITION SG-1 (540)
 LLAPPY LLILMORE 7133          3   4  0    19       LUROCIANS VI (431)
 IL WAMPYRE 6624               1   2  0    19       4000 BLOWS (107)
 DEW DROPS 7944                2   0  0    18       CHEER-O-KEE'S (557)
 FALSE TEETH 7964              1   0  0    18       CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)
 WHITE WEEYOTCH 7881           4   5  0    17       4000 BLOWS (107)
-SUPERIOR VENA CAVA 7882       2   3  0    16       GOIN' TUBIN' (577)
-STRATEGERY 7939               1   0  0    15       VERBAL MISCUES (604)
-FONZ COLLUDER 7885            3   4  0    14       ATLAS PARK (592)
-PINK 7809                     3   3  0    12       INQUISITION SG-1 (540)
 RICKY J 7968                  1   1  0    12       THE BUNKHOUSE (595)
-MYSTIQUE 7932                 1   0  0     9       VILLAINOUS LEGION (605)
-AFTERNOON NAP 7861            2   2  0     8       AARP (583)
 APOCALYPSE 7933               1   1  0     8       VILLAINOUS LEGION (605)
-NIGEL STAPLER 7880            1   4  0     7       THE BIZZLE (593)
-LAUVIAH 7710                  1   0  0     7       THIEVES GUILD (396)
 REDD EMSHIN 7917              1   1  0     4       FUNKY FOLK (565)
 SANDY IN THE MORNING 7925     0   2  0     2       NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
 HARD CIDER 7981               0   1  0     1       WILD CARDS (148)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD               W  L K TEAM NAME             SLAIN BY             TURN Revenge?
NOBLE ASSASSIN 12      0  1 0   1                   COYOTE 7626           404 NONE    
STARLING 7630         10  8 2 BUGS, SLUGS & THU 591 KRAKEN 7679           400 NOT REVE
ROCK 7905              3  3 0 CHEER-O-KEE'S 557     JORGE BLACK ORC 20    404 NONE    
A 7963                 0  1 0 CHILDHOOD TRAUMA 579  JORGE BLACK ORC 20    404 NONE    
IOWA 7918              0  1 0 CHILDHOOD TRAUMA 579  LYNNE GWINI 7849      400 REVENGED
DIPPY SKIPPY 7947      0  1 0 CREEPSTERESE 606      ARNIE SHEW 21         404 NONE    
UNGA BUNGA 7949        0  1 0 CREEPSTERESE 606      ARNIE SHEW 21         404 NONE    
RUETHIS 7966           0  1 0 DEMONS OF DARKNES 430 ARENAMASTER HARKON 23 404 NONE    
CONDI 7613             6  8 0 DILLIGAF LEGION 589   ANALISE 7544          401         

THE DEAD               W  L K TEAM NAME             SLAIN BY             TURN Revenge?
LYNNE GWINI 7849       2  3 1 FUNKY FOLK 565        BORED ELF 19          404 NONE    
LITTLE TOE 7971        0  1 0 LETHAL ANATOMY II 512 SEA MONSTER 27        404 NONE    
KNOCKING KNEE 7974     0  1 0 LETHAL ANATOMY II 512 ARNIE SHEW 21         404 NONE    
DR H LECTER 7930       0  2 0 VILLAINOUS LEGION 605 FISH STICKS 7952      404         
STEVE URKELRUG 7958    5  2 0 WHY MEETH? 607        ARENAMASTER HARKON 23 404 NONE    
SHNAPPELGRYLE 7955     3  3 0 WHY MEETH? 607        JORGE BLACK ORC 20    404 NONE    
GURGLEGLUG 7953        4  2 0 WHY MEETH? 607        GARGOYLE PRINCE 25    404 NONE    
DA2 7983               0  1 0 WILD CARDS 148        STONE GOLEM 26        404 NONE    
DA1 7982               0  1 0 WILD CARDS 148        MARINE TROLL 18       404 NONE    

                                     PERSONAL ADS

Derrin -- Congrats on being top dog--again. -- Crazy Creeps Scribe
P.S.  Being top any animal in Aradi can be disconcerting, though.

All -- I do not know what happened to our ads last turn, but I suspect the colluding
FONZ had something to do with their disappearance. -- Crazy Creeps Scribe

Mysterious Benefactor -- You have done yourself a great service sending the million
dollars to the AWAWFAFP!  Now you and all your alliance and non-alliance mates in The
FONZ have lifetime subscriptions.  We look forward again to your donation next year.
-- AW&WFAFP Editor

Death Stud -- The Creepster says "no problem" (Well, that's what he meant.) to your
offer to assist and teach Samwise on how to properly run a total parry. -- Crazy
Creeps Scribe

Unfair!  Death Stud's recommendation that "FONZers downchallenge each other next
round" is unfair.  That would take the easy wins away from the non-FONZers, and just
be all around suckable!  Another case of dire FONZ Collusion at work. -- Crazy Creeps
Scribe

Boston Terrior -- I like little helpless dogs. -- White Witch

Shmamy Crockett -- Congratulations on your move to The Big Time.  Now we can be
together again.  I want to be on top.  OK? -- Tiny Tim

Ed. -- I have just mailed you a certified check for...one million dollars!!! -- a
mysterious benefactor

     I hope your payroll department doesn't have the same problems as some other such
     departments do.... -- Ed., who thinks the right and left hand should communicate
     without having to route everything through the spleen

Indimar -- Hmm.  Now that I think of it, that *was* awfully convenient.  I'll take
your assurances under consideration. -- Nuln

V.D. Studs -- I couldn't agree with you more.  I'm glad that I could help to stoke
the fire that burns the feud between you and the Creepsters. -- Shmamy Crockett,
slayer of the Tiny Tim

Death Stud -- Thanks!  The Creepster recommended Big Bob's Back Braceteria, so I'll
swing by Big Ed's too. -- Nuln

Snotman -- Please don't take any offense.  I'm just preparing for future contests.
If *either* of us needed one. -- Nuln

Death Studsucker Proxy -- I agree with your sentiments, however, if we did make this
turn the "official DC your FONZ brethren," wouldn't that just be one step down the
slippery slope of Alliance-hood?  What's next, official non-alliance day planners in
our stockings? -- a concerned Nuln
P.S. Sounds fun.  I'm in.

the Studlyanalger -- Damn, back off, you whip-cracking nazi control freak dude!!  If
I had wanted that kid of obsessive, Steinbrennerian, Manalgeresque FtF preparatory
treatment I would have reformed the old DOA and joined it! -- a very peeved Nuln
P.S.  Just kidding.  I'm already set for January.  The files and the luggage are
packed.

Snotman -- Methinkseth your dark arenas choices befuddled our poor Zontani Sharp
Eyes, yea, verily. -- Nuln

Soultaker -- What happened in 62?  Is the puppy afraid to leave the porch?  Oh yeah,
you heard me, I'm callin' you out publicly. -- Null

Yellow Jacket -- Dizzarn, girlfriend.  You slapped me back into yesterday. -- White
Weeyotch

Jamis -- So, Moriarty, we meet again. -- Leg Warmer Lust

Analise -- As you can see, I have yet to perfect my minute 2 strategy.  I'll get back
to you on that one. -- the Avenging Scrod, planning vengeance as we speak

Butterfly -- Too bad togs is over. -- Shmamy Crockett, working on a cocoon joke

Lady A -- Oh I see, now that we're big Mrs. Top Team and all, breathing that rarefied
air you're too good to say hi to your old friends on the street.  What a mega-
manager! -- Nuln

Indimar -- Damn, you are dominating Aradi with an iron gauntlet of domination, or
something.  Post togs that is.  ;) -- Nuln

AW&WFAFP -- Those were some fascinating headlines and tidbits last turn. -- Nuln

Death Studanalger -- Don't give us any grief about how it's cheaper to buy a new
setup than to DA a whole team.  It's those kind of cost-cutting measures that have
gotten this country where it is today.  Yeah, I heard about you. -- the big toe,
manager of Lethal Anatomy II

Lady E -- Check you out, all top-team-like.  Get down with your bad self. -- Death
Stud

Lathe of Heaven -- Yoohoo, where did you go?  Come back and play! -- Death Stud

Ed. -- Not that I'm telling anyone anything that they don't know already, but you are
beautiful, funny, and smart, too. -- Death Stud

     *suspicious look* -- Ed.

Lethal Anatomy -- As I recommended to Verbal Miscues, it is cheaper to just get a new
team setup than to DA an entire team.  You would think that would be obvious, of
course, but clearly I'm not dealing with a couple of rocket scientists, here.  Here,
let me try it again for the both of you.  <speaking very slowly>  "DA 5 guys, bad.
New team setup, good."  What, you're still not getting it?  Let me check on Google
for an English to Dumclukistani translator program I can run my personals through for
you guys and I'll get back to you next turn. -- Death Stud

Ed. -- Don't forget that thing I was saying about beautiful, funny, and smart
<innocent, adoring gaze>. -- Death Stud

     Yah, right.  I'm tired, but not THAT tired. -- Ed.

Soultaker -- Taking a little nappy, nappy, are we?  Well, when you come out of your
Geritol daze, perhaps you could GET OFF YOUR BOOTY and write some personals.  Think
so?  Blink twice if you can hear me. -- Death Stud

Lady E -- I can totally back up Nuln on that whole Aradi Nanny being a cold and
heartless mistress (sort of like his full-size silicon replica girlfriend, but that's
probably not appropriate subject matter for the newsletter). -- Death Stud

Indimar -- What's up with Pauly?  Why does he keep writing, "blah blah blah blah
blah" all the time? -- Stud

Derrin -- Bah, you were my better. -- One-Timer

D-Lo, Hydro -- Please excuse my suckage.  My crits seem to be feast or famine and it
was clearly famine last turn. -- Viper

Whistle Pig -- Oink. -- Evil

Private Parts -- Ew, your parts touched my weapon.  Soap and hot water, soap and hot
water.... -- Wrath

One Timer -- I sure am glad that stopped when it did.  Hopefully you'll have a few
more turns to take another shot at me. -- Derrin

Leg Warmer Lust -- Every time we meet I like you a little more.  Sorry that you don't
seem to be enjoying our latest visits like you did the first. -- Jamis

Pauly -- I have a whole bucket of ssshhh!! with your name on it. -- Indimar

Death Stud -- I "WILL" stick around.  And I am not weak willed. -- Indimar

Shmammy -- Sorry about the martinis.  And since you asked...I really do feel like a
big man now! -- Derrin

Madonna -- Was that like the very first time? -- Dayne

2 November 2006
I received a Gift Certificate from someone.  I'm assuming it's for entry into the
Turf War 5.  Whoever sent this to me...please email me at rbaphomets@yahoo.com.
Thanks.

10 November 2006
     The Quest of the Best has come to an end.  Dark Knight Toker, host of the Quest,
wants to proclaim the Ultimate Victor and give a listing of prize winners.
     Lady Fern and her Flower Girls of the Consortium are the Ultimate Victors of the
Quest.  Well fought and there's nothing like coming from behind to leave us all in
the dust.  Can't wait to see you defend your title! (wink)
     Here is a complete list of managers who placed in prize positions:

1)  Lady Fern, mgr. Flower Girls
2)  Le Pentarque, mgr. Blood & Guts!
3)  Crip, mgr. Otto's Parts
4)  D.K. Heathen Hatebred, mgr. Odin's Chosen
5)  Ghab, mgr. Assassin Nation
6)  Fanthayne, mgr. Dark Raiders
7)  D.K. Toker, mgr. Silver Knights
8)  D.K. Wasby, mgr. Bronze Knights
9)  The Expatriate, mgr. Bleak Legion
10) Still the Distilled, mgr. Springborne Fair

     Thanks to all that had the gall to show up, but I really want to thank the
managers that had the mettle to survive and not run when they started getting their
butt handed to them.
                                                           Respect to All.
                                                           Quest #1 host,
                                                           Dark Knight Toker

14 November 2006
                                      A Tale of
                        Fusion Confusion Delusion Revolution
                                     as told by
                                Hammer the WordSmith

     SomeWhere Beyond ElseWhere and ElseWhen a hooded figure brooded upon the
lingering wisps of memory from days gone by.
     From the howling sands to the sanding howls the streams of thought bubbled and
flowed, winding endlessly entwined within the darkest recesses and lightest resources
of the learned and unlearned disciplines of managerial mayhem and manipulation.
     Nameless faces and faceless names floated in the swirling mists of madness
embalmed within the memories of one who knew he did not know how far reaching the
influences [both positive and negative] had rooted and flowered in the march of time
and energy expended in the historical markings of gladiatorial essence and excellence
experience.
     The tamed and the untamed coupled with the named and the unnamed resources that
spilt their sweat and blood on the sands of arenas both known and unknown had
metamorphosed into the dreamings and the schemings of the fadings of jadings and
paradings [in both public and private] amongst the elite and the indiscreet
posturings and babblings of managers becoming legends in their own minds and times.
     Hammer pondered upon beginnings and the seemingly endless myriad of endings
possibly possible among the interspersed and intertwined impossible possibilities
presently past and future.
     Echoing and reechoing in the vast depths and countless compartments along the
corridors of his mind, Hammer played and replayed the glories shared and dared in the
sixty-plus stabled arena on fabled Noblish Island DM 93.
     The training had been all too brief, but the competition generated by the multi
faceted personages inhabiting DM 93 and the sheer multitude of numbers had forever
instilled themselves in the heart and soul of the veteran manager [Hammer]; insomuch
that the migration to Niatoli Island DM 33 triggered the desire to emulate the glory
and the grandeur of the spectacle of stables vying for recognition from among the
virtually numberless no-name newbies making names for themselves as they numbered
their stables and accomplishments for all to see and behold, to the song and the
sound of the sight of clashing cold cruel steel simmering the flesh of gallant
gladiators consumed by the gory and the glory of crossing blades with the superior
and the inferior within the interior of Greywand's Global Gladiatorial Galaxy.
     Far far ago and long long away had many abandoned hope for a return to the
reminiscences revered by so many managers; predating even the generations of
gladiators graduating from Noblish Island and the years of yore and gore and
gallantry before.
     Rumblings and mumblings of a renovation rejuvenating the reflexes of managers
numbed by the numberless trysts of tourney tarnished stables began revolutionizing
the very fabric of time and space and time-honored tradition throughout the ranks of
visionary newbies and volatile veterans alike and dislike.
     History was being shaken to the core of the gore as glory and grandeur responded
to the revelry reverie revelations and reveille revolutionizing the creation of a new
arena in the making; populated by No-Tourney Warriors and Full Stable Participants
pledging to forge a new vision version of "The Fiercest and Best" for crossing blades
and crosser banter in the personal ads and team spotlight tomes.
     Now was the time for Hammer to emerge and once again merge his talent among the
gifted and grifted; answering the call to assemble the drifted [and to directly
divulge and converge with the dozens] for the destiny of destructive denizens
determined to build a new legacy upon the all-but-forgotten ashes of the old and
olden legends of times lost.
         [TIME JUMP]
     Hammer sifted the sands in the dead of night in the desert reaches [located
SomeWhere BeYond ElseWhere and ElseWhen] to discover 5 gladiators not tourney worthy,
yet interesting enough to begin their careers in a No-Tourney Arena!
     "They need not be dispatched to the Dark Arena," the veteran manager mused as he
sorted through paperwork long discarded and vaguely forgotten, "because there is
nothing like a good Blood Feud to provide inspiration for writing personal ads in the
arena newsletter! Besides, there are times when the replacement for a warrior wounded
mortally on the arena sands fares much better than the one exchanged from Torch
Light!"
     Fights by Torch Light were certainly deemed unnecessary as Hammer had already
deduced that a number of determined stables would undoubtedly congregate with High
Octane Warriors under the guidance of Higher Octane Managers to populate and
depopulate the new No-Tourney Arena currently under construction in DM 81.
     Fortunately his feeble foray into the desert would yield somewhat suitable
candidates for the newfound purposes Hammer had in mind.
     From among the candidates to be found Hammer would be rewarded in time by
BLOODFEUDS and REPLACEMENT WARRIORS aplenty!
     Deep into the night Hammer searched and searched until five not-so-promising
stables were uncovered in the waning hours before dawn.
     Ripper discards were scattered far and wide, but this was not the time or the
hour to let sentimental views cloud the issue at hand.  Future events would lend
themselves to a suitable Ripper replacement, especially with the prospects Hammer was
now sorting for his selection decision to dispatch to the Gladiatorial Commission for
processing.
     Most managers have the luxury of selecting the best group [or discarding the
worst group!] Hammer had the novelty of rounding up the castaways from the New
Stables paperwork accumulated long ago from Maximillian's Morya Madness contest in DM
28 that were deemed below inferior as contest prizes [and thus banished from sight!]
     Hammer scrutinized and agonized over which group of gladiators were worth the
sacks of gold coins he was prepared to release to the Gladiatorial Commission for
fees to MAINTENANCE his new stable in the No-Tourney Arena.
     After what seemed like long hours passing by, Hammer discarded one and then
another group of hopefuls.  After lengthy debate a third was cast aside.  Deciding
between the final two groups found Hammer going back to interview the rejected
candidates time and time again [until a final decision was made that Hammer could
live with and his new stable could die with!] before the final quirks were hammered
out and pen put to paper to process the prospective puny stable with the Gladiatorial
Commission.
     The only solace gained from the painful process was the knowledge that other
managers would be less tempted to run stables in DM 81 populated by their tourney-
worthy warriors [under the penalty of death imposed and enforced upon tourney
experienced gladiators by the Committee being formed to police and regulate such
matters!] as sworn to and signed in good faith by each registering manager.
         [TIME JUMP]
     Hammer had worked long and hard to find suitable candidates for his stable and
now it was time to begin their training.  The paperwork had been dispatched for
registration with the Gladiatorial Commission and now was the hour in which
preparation was paramount!
     Dispatch riders had arrived with the news that Considerable Bounty was being
offered as incentive rewards to those managers sending new stables to the No-Tourney
Arena.
     Hammer realized this would Up the Ante [causing greater pause in the managerial
community for selecting suitable stables!] as the creative competition was certain to
escalate and produce Serious Sword Slinging Stables Staining the Arena Sands Red!
     Obviously a serious upgrade in the quality of competition migrating to the No-
Tourney Arena in DM 81 would definitely work in favor of Hammer; enormously
increasing the death toll percentage potential amongst the ranks of his new start-up
stable in DM 81 [Sands Running Red and Blood Feuds Running Rampant as Undoubtedly
Expected!]
     Hammer observed the futility of his new warriors training [as well as they could
for what they were made from!] while recent memories came to the forefront of his
mind!
     When the paperwork was nearly completed and names were selected for each
Gladiator, Hammer decided to name the stable according to what he had discovered in
the darkness while searching during the dismal hours of the desert night.
     These warriors would probably be more well suited to fight by Torch Light had
they fallen into the possession of most other managers!
     Paper Warriors better suited to confronting Dark Arena Monsters [rather than
being fed to the Gladiatorial Lions certain to be populating the regular No-Tourney
Arena!]
     Specimens blatantly better suited for feeding upon agitated armadillo ants than
for striving to attain recognition and fame in the No-Tourney Arena [or any arena!]
     Thus was AARDVARK HAMMERZ birthed and born for Greatness or Disgrace!
         [TIME JUMP]
     Dispatch riders on winged steeds brought the news Hammer had been awaiting!
     Not since the days of training on Noblish Island in DM 93 had Hammer encountered
such collective enthusiasm for crossing blades in a selected arena such as DM 81
[recalling the time Hammer generated a gathering of newbies to transfer to Niatoli
Island in DM 33 to match wits and cross blades with the assembling veterans upon
graduation!]
     The Consortium had represented the veterans well in DM 33 with the SWEETNESS
stable managed by Sweety Pie.  Now the good news had arrived that The Consortium was
seen registering a stable named LIFE IMPACTS in the No-Tourney Arena!
     Former alliance mates Darque and Kat had reportedly registered DARQUE AGES and
KATHOUSE with the Gladiatorial Commission.
     Morya Madness combatant LePentarque from DM 28 had registered LA PENTARCHIE and
longtime fixture Drake in North Fork DM 47 [recently returned from a lengthy hiatus]
had been lured by the competition to register DRAKE'S HARDWARE.
     Deke [at the helm of DOC LEGRAND'S LAB] was instrumental in promoting the No-
Tourney Arena by repeatedly negotiating terms with the Gladiatorial Commission.
Others had laid the groundwork before him, but Deke raised the banner and carried it
the final distance [Supported by Countless Managers too numerous to mention!] Salute
Yourselves for Your Efforts are Most Graciously Applauded throughout Alastari!
     Apex had signed in with CAROLINA BLUE as had Ghab with ASSASSIN NATION.
     Another familiar name was found on the rolls as DeGotti registered CULT OF
BACCHUS followed by DOOM KNIGHTS managed by Blackstorm.
     Also on the rolls to be noted were AS SEEN ON TV II managed by Indimar and
RAGNAROK'S WOLVES by none other than ragnorokwolf.
     Nomad had signed on with PHANTOM REGIMENT and Silas followed suit with
GRIFFONRAWL MMA.
     Another notable signature was that of MasterBeru with CHILDHOOD HEROES and a
penchant for scribing Team Spotlights [A Plus in Any Arena!]
     Detective Kellumbo had followed the clues and was observed enroute to
registering a yet unannounced stable [such are the ways of sleuthhounds and such!]
     Rumor had it that the manager known as Roadkill was on his way to register a
stable after his namesake and Slugbait was close behind [obliviously lost in
thought!]
     Finally [in no particular disorder!] managers Grimm, Woody, Terminator, Den and
Bill were also seen elbowing their way through the gathering registration crowd to
officially announce their participation in the No-Tourney Arena.
     COUNTLESS OTHER MANAGERS were known to be pondering the consequences of sending
stables to a No-Tourney Arena and had yet to make the commitment public knowledge as
to their intentions.
     Howbeit the Gladiatorial Commission was reportedly swamped with requests for New
Stable Registration Forms [whether for the Tempe Facer or No-Tourney Arena was
anybody's guess at the present time!]
     Judging from the furtive figures darting and ducking in the shadows and
alleyways throughout Alastari [as well as those huddled in taverns or communicating
with one another by various means available!] the success of such a No-Tourney Arena
was Ballooning far Beyond the Expectations of the Promoters and Petitioners Bar None!
     HAMMER WAS UNDERSTANDABLY ENTHUSED BEYOND MEASURE BECAUSE the No-Tourney Arena
had the Best Potential for attracting and assembling a congregation of competitors
rivaling the numbers of Noblish Island from days gone by!
       JANUARY 2007 MARKS THE BEGINNING of a Journey where both Newbies and Veterans
join together in a Historic Assemblage Celebrating the Crossing of Blades between
some of the Best Managed Stables in all of Alastari [Known and Unknown!]
                 "May Your Blades Be Sharp and Your Wits Sharper"
                                               Hammer
                                          Minister of War

30 November 2006
NEED A TURF WAR ALLIANCE??  Master Beru, Wretch, Reaper, and Xoan have come together
to form an Alliance for the TURF WAR in DM47 with no regards for experience in
competitions or even the game.  If you want to enjoy the thrills of the competition,
we have space for up to three more managers.  Contact Master Beru at
d_spinella@msn.com for more information or send a note to Master Beru at DM 29--Army
of Darkness.  If you are interested, we need to move quickly, since the contest
starts in January and there are a few requirements to meet to participate.  May your
blades find the chinks in your enemy's armor. -- Master Beru

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

STEVE URKELRUG was butchered by ARENAMASTER HARKON in a 1 minute Dark Arena fight.
SHNAPPELGRYLE was butchered by JORGE BLACK ORC in a 1 minute Dark Arena duel.
GURGLEGLUG was murdered by GARGOYLE PRINCE in a 1 minute Dark Arena melee.
LYNNE GWINI was murdered by BORED ELF in a 1 minute Dark Arena fight.
ROCK was viciously butchered by JORGE BLACK ORC in a 3 minute Dark Arena brawl.
DA2 was assassinated by STONE GOLEM in a 1 minute Dark Arena match.
DIPPY SKIPPY was butchered by ARNIE SHEW in a 1 minute gruesome Dark Arena brawl.
RUETHIS was assassinated by ARENAMASTER HARKON in a 1 minute Dark Arena struggle.
A was executed by JORGE BLACK ORC in a 1 minute bloody Dark Arena brawl.
UNGA BUNGA was assassinated by ARNIE SHEW in a 1 minute Dark Arena melee.
DA1 was dispatched by MARINE TROLL in a 1 minute Dark Arena duel.
LITTLE TOE was slaughtered by SEA MONSTER in a 1 minute gory Dark Arena duel.
KNOCKING KNEE was slaughtered by ARNIE SHEW in a 1 minute gory Dark Arena duel.
JIM PANZI was overpowered by JAMIS in a popular 1 minute uneven Challenge match.
SNOW WHITE luckily beat ETTIN in a crowd pleasing 3 minute veteran's Challenge match.
SHMAMY CROCKETT devastated HYDRO ON THE D-LO in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge battle.
MALT-O-MEAL bested DERRIN in a 2 minute master's Challenge Title bout.
VIPER LXXI was overcome by ENOCH PEABODY in a 2 minute expert's Challenge fight.
LEG WARMER LUST overpowered ONE-TIMER in a 2 minute uneven Challenge struggle.
DAYNE was beaten by OSO in a crowd pleasing 1 minute Challenge brawl.
WHITE WITCH viciously subdued SPAM SANDWICH in a 3 minute veteran's Challenge fight.
RESPECT THE PACKAGE was overpowered by MANDA in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge match.
POCY-HANTAS was devastated by THALIA in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge bout.
3D'S NOT L33T lost to THE AVENGING SCROD in a 2 minute Challenge match.
LOKI IX overpowered LOOSE DENTURES in a action packed 1 minute uneven Challenge fray.
ROSCOE was viciously subdued by LAVA TUBE in a exciting 2 minute gory Challenge bout.
AIMLESS overpowered WHITE WEEYOTCH in a 3 minute one-sided Challenge duel.
SANDY IN THE MORNING was overpowered by RICKY J in a 1 minute Challenge duel.
911 demolished WHISTLE PIG in a 1 minute gruesome one-sided Challenge melee.
WILLOW viciously subdued JACK THE RIPPER in a exciting 2 minute bloody expert's bout.
BUTTERFLY outwaited ANALISE in a 7 minute veteran's bout.
COYOTE savagely slew NOBLE ASSASSIN in a action packed 2 minute gory duel.
NIGHT HAG luckily beat WRATH LIX in a popular 10 minute gory match.
KRAKEN was overpowered by NATALIA in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
WALMART GREETER slimly won victory over MADONNA in a 2 minute match.
HOFFA was devastated by AMBITIOUS GUARD in a 2 minute one-sided duel.
YELLOW JACKET devastated HAPPY PEASANT in a 1 minute one-sided battle.
FLASH FIRE was viciously subdued by RICKON in a action packed 1 minute gory bout.
HARSIESUS demolished INIYO in a exciting 1 minute mismatched match.
EVIL XXV vanquished MACS in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
GAZREK won victory over IL WAMPYRE in a crowd pleasing 1 minute bout.
RIP TORN demolished LLAPPY LLILMORE in a 2 minute brutal uneven competition.
APOCALYPSE was savagely defeated by DROUGHT in a 2 minute beginner's battle.
FISH STICKS murdered DR H LECTER in a 1 minute uneven conflict.
REDD EMSHIN was handily defeated by FALSE TEETH in a 1 minute mismatched fight.
DEW DROPS overpowered HARD CIDER in a 1 minute uneven competition.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|STRIKING ATTACK                 20         PARRY-STRIKE       9 -   8 -  1      53  |
|LUNGING ATTACK                  17         STRIKING ATTACK  123 - 113 -  8      52  |
|TOTAL PARRY                     12         TOTAL PARRY      119 - 114 -  2      51  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  8         WALL OF STEEL     33 -  35 -  3      49  |
|AIMED BLOW                       8         LUNGING ATTACK    97 - 116 -  4      46  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    5         AIMED BLOW        51 -  67 -  3      43  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     3         SLASHING ATTACK   36 -  60 -  2      38  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   2         PARRY-RIPOSTE      4 -   7 -  0      36  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      1         PARRY-LUNGE        4 -   7 -  0      36  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    0         BASHING ATTACK    10 -  20 -  0      33  |

Turn 404 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

PARRY-STRIKE       2 -  1     TOTAL PARRY        5 -  7         4  TOTAL PARRY    
WALL OF STEEL      3 -  2     STRIKING ATTACK    8 - 12         2  STRIKING ATTACK
SLASHING ATTACK    4 -  4     AIMED BLOW         3 -  5         2  LUNGING ATTACK 
BASHING ATTACK     1 -  1     LUNGING ATTACK     6 - 11         1  AIMED BLOW     
                              PARRY-LUNGE        0 -  1         1  SLASHING ATTACK
                              PARRY-RIPOSTE      0 -  0         1  BASHING ATTACK 

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
TOTAL PARRY      MALT-O-MEAL 7527           14   4  1  114 CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)
AIMED BLOW       LEG WARMER LUST 7717       12   6  1  116 4000 BLOWS (107)
SLASHING ATTACK  WILLOW 6659                10   4  2   95 DARK TOGS (526)
LUNGING ATTACK   ETTIN 7600                 12   9  1   92 DILEN'S HORDE (587)
PARRY-STRIKE     JIM PANZI 7382             12  10  0   87 FUNKY FOLK (565)
WALL OF STEEL    ENOCH PEABODY 7325         11   9  0   84 THIEVES GUILD (396)
STRIKING ATTACK  NATALIA 7790               10   6  0   62 ARADI RESORT & SPA (580)
PARRY-LUNGE      FLASH FIRE 7390            12  11  0   51 NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

The overall popularity leader is DERRIN 6952.  The most popular warrior this turn was 
WRATH LIX 7899.  The ten other most popular fighters were ETTIN 7600, SPAM SANDWICH 
7524, WILLOW 6659, COYOTE 7626, LAVA TUBE 7393, DROUGHT 7532, ENOCH PEABODY 7325, 
AIMLESS 7967, JAMIS 6735, and LEG WARMER LUST 7717.

The least popular fighter this week was BUTTERFLY 7338.  The other ten least popular 
fighters were NIGHT HAG 7598, HARD CIDER 7981, REDD EMSHIN 7917, DR H LECTER 7930, 
APOCALYPSE 7933, IL WAMPYRE 6624, MACS 7797, HOFFA 7713, KRAKEN 7679, and WHISTLE PIG 
7806.

The following warriors have traveled to AD after fighting this turn:

SHMAMY CROCKETT (60-7216) 4000 BLOWS (107)

                            JANUARY FACE-TO-FACE IN TEMPE!

Our next winter FTF will be held in Tempe, Arizona, January 12-14, 2007.  It will be 
held at the Embassy Suites Hotel in Tempe, Arizona (480-894-7444), the same hotel as 
last year by popular request.  Room rates are $149.00 per night, 1-4 occupancy, which 
includes full cooked breakfast, complimentary manager's reception (yes, really!), free 
airport shuttle, free parking, high speed internet (for extra charge), fitness center, 
jacuzzi, and pool.  The rooms are blocked--please make your reservation by December 15 
before the block is released!  (This is prime season for Phoenix, and several people 
were unable to book rooms last year because they waited too long.)  Look for 
transportation info in the tournament information sheet.  We hope you're all looking 
forward to it and that we will see you there!