Date   : 03/09/2007    Duedate: 03/22/2007


DM-60    TURN-411

This Weeks Top Honors


(60-6599) [16-13-1,112]

Chartered Recognition Leader   Unchartered Recognition Leader

SANDY BEACH                    STAIN
SWIFT CURRENT (468)            FRUIT OF THE LOOM (615)
(60-6957) [16-6-2,131]         (60-8098) [1-0-1,33]

Popularity Leader              This Weeks Favorite

FLOWER                         SPAM SANDWICH
RED DOG GANG (476)             CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)
(60-7255) [21-29-0,93]         (60-7524) [13-13-0,94]



Team Name                  Point Gain  Chartered Team
1. CREEPSTERESE (606)          57
2. 4000 BLOWS (107)            45      DEATH STUDS VII (301)
3. SWIFT CURRENT (468)         42      Unchartered Team
4. LIVING SHADOWS (616)        38
5. FRUIT OF THE LOOM (615)     33      FRUIT OF THE LOOM (615)

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
 1- 1 ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518)   103  73  5 58.5   1/ 3 SWIFT CURRENT (468)      10  4 1
 2/ 2 DEATH STUDS VII (301)    494 386 16 56.1   2/ 1 THE BUNKHOUSE (595)      10  5 1
 3/ 3 CRAZY CREEPS (207)       557 457 18 54.9   3/ 2 DEATH STUDS VII (301)     6  3 0
 4/ 5 SWIFT CURRENT (468)      130 109 11 54.4   4/15*CREEPSTERESE (606)        6  4 2
 5/ 4 NATURAL DISASTERS (159)  710 606 26 54.0   5/12 CRAZY CREEPS (207)        6  5 0
 6/ 0 LIVING SHADOWS (616)      70  61  4 53.4   6/ 9*DEATH STUDS XII (602)     5  9 1
 7/ 7 INQUISITION SG-1 (540)    27  25  1 51.9   7/ 5 4000 BLOWS (107)          5  9 0
 8/ 6 CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)    64  62  1 50.8   8/16 RED DOG GANG (476)        5  9 0
 9/21*FRUIT OF THE LOOM (615)    1   1  1 50.0   9/ 6 NATURAL DISASTERS (159)   3  1 1
10/ 0 THIEVES GUILD (396)      172 174  6 49.7  10/ 7 THINGS ILL NEVER G (601)  3  3 1
11/ 8 THINGS ILL NEVER G (601)  40  41  2 49.4  11/11 CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)    3  5 0
12/ 9 CHEER-O-KEE'S (557)      126 131  7 49.0  12/ 4 CHEER-O-KEE'S (557)       3  7 0
13/10 4000 BLOWS (107)         668 731 31 47.7  13/13 BUGS, SLUGS & THUG (591)  3  9 0
14/12 WING HOVE (529)           90 103  4 46.6  14/14 INQUISITION SG-1 (540)    2  1 0
15/13 THE BUNKHOUSE (595)       53  63  2 45.7  15/ 8 WING HOVE (529)           2  3 0
16-14 DILEN'S HORDE (587)       51  64  4 44.3  16/21*FRUIT OF THE LOOM (615)   1  1 1
17/11*DEATH STUDS XII (602)      8  12  1 40.0  17/ 0 THIEVES GUILD (396)       1  1 0
18/19*CREEPSTERESE (606)         6   9  2 40.0  18-10 DILEN'S HORDE (587)       1  2 0

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
19/15 BUGS, SLUGS & THUG (591)  52  80  6 39.4  19-17 FUNKY FOLK (565)          1  3 0
20-16 FUNKY FOLK (565)          47  75  4 38.5  20/ 0 LIVING SHADOWS (616)      1  4 1
21/17 RED DOG GANG (476)       335 544  4 38.1  21-19 ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518)    0  2 0
22/20*VERBAL MISCUES (604)       1  19  0  5.0  22/20*VERBAL MISCUES (604)      0  2 0

    '*'   Unchartered team                       '-'  Team did not fight this turn
   (###)  Avoid teams by their Team Id          ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

                                    TEAM SPOTLIGHT

                         And A Shadow Fell Over Him
                                Pt. 0.000 of 0

     Nuln sat by himself in a booth at the back of the Blinking Starfish, nursing a
Morning Morning After (a much hyped new brand of ale put out by the enterprising
Inferno, guaranteed to keep you hungover for two 24 hour periods).  It had been a
tough day for the Chaos Lord (tm) all around: first two of his warriors had gotten
iced in the arena, then he had sprained his big toe as he barely managed to squeeze
into the Blinking Starfish to get his drink on.  (Snotman was doing some contruction
on the Starfish's point of entry, making it temporarily a much tighter fit than
     The Chaos Lord (tm) was in the midst of a sorrowful reverie as he reminisced on
the lives of Leg Warmer Lust and Hoppi Toppi.  From the beginning of the last TOGS,
LWL (as she was called) had been a pleasant addition to the team.  She had seemed
slow at first, he remembered, but as time went on he discovered she actually learned
things very quickly.  She was always positive, and always suggesting new and unheard
of uses for leg warmers.  Like the head-warmer (use your imagination).  Yes, Nuln
would miss her.  Hoppi Toppi was just a raw kid who hadn't shown much yet, but with
the poor luck Nuln was having recruiting in Aradi lately, any loss was magnified.
     Nuln was one morning through his Morning Morning After when a long shadow fell
over him and the booth.  Nuln looked around, but strangely saw no one.
     "Up here!" squeaked a tiny voice, and the Chaos Lord (tm) finally saw Death Stud
hanging above him wielding a megaphone, suspended from the ceiling by several lengths
of rope.
     "Er, helloeth, Death Stud."  Nuln greeted his fellow FONZ-mate non-alliance non-
member.  "Mindeth if I ask why thou'rt strung up from the ceilingeth?"
     Death Stud rolled his eyes at the incredible naivete of the Chaos Lord (tm), and
chuckled a little (not a large) chuckle.  "Ah, Nuln.  Nuln, Nuln, Nuln.  There *are*
certain perks to being the reigning TOGS Champion, you know?  For instance, here at
the Blinking Starfish I am privileged to walk the crawl-ways up in the ceiling
rafters and may, at my discretion, lower myself by a leghth of rope when I wish to
deign a non-TOGS Champion patron (such as yourself) with my presence."
     "I see, I seeeth."  Nuln said, pretending to see.
     At that moment another non-TOGS Champion patron, a broadsword dangerously slung
over one shoulder, passed the booth.  Predictably, the blade severed the ropes
suspending Death Stud, and the two-time TOGS Champion spiraled softly to the floor,
his high-pitched wail gradually fading from Nuln's ears.  Nuln peered under the
table, trying to see where Death Stud had gone, but it was impossible to tell amid
the seemingly constant hustle and bustle of foot traffic.
     Shrugging, Nuln was about to return to his drink when another shadow fell over
     "Chaos Lord (tm)!" hissed Indimar Fallon, his eyes narrowed and a distasteful
look on his face as he clearly stood in front of Nuln.  One hand rested on his belt,
oh so conveniantly close to the pommel of his sword.  In his other hand he dragged a
very large and VERY stinky burlap sack.
     "Er, wouldst thou care to sitteth?" Nuln grinned, trying to calm the newly
inducted FONZ-mate.
     "I *wouldst* certainly not!" roared Indimar, then without further explanation,
he hefted the burlap sack above the table with a mighty "grmph!" and dumped its
contents all over the table top.
     Nuln stared blankly for a moment at the severed pig's head surrounded by
countless bodies of scrod (now starting to go bad), and it hit him.  He was about to
explain, when Indimar gripped him two-fisted at his lapels, his eyes having a mad
look about them.
     "First it was the wrong arena numbers for the tournament.  Oh yeah, that was
really funny.  Then you fed me the bogus spelling of 'reasty' and get me in hock with
Death Stud!  Now this.  My patience has limits, Chaos Lord (tm), but mark my words,
if you dare cross me a FOURTH time, then THAT's it!!!"
     Indimar released Nuln from his powerful grip, shook his head one more time in
disgust, wiped his hands and walked off.  Nuln had never heard of a four-strikes-and-
your-out rule, but considered himself lucky.
     As the elder Fallon disappeared from sight, Nuln pieced together what must have
happened the previous night: in the midst of a previous drunken stupor over his
basher obsession, he must have given unclear orders to his staff for the payoff to
Pauly.  The pig head and the five bushel of scrod were supposed to be delivered by
stealth of the early morning into the bed of *Pauly* Fallon, but it must have gone to
Indimar instead.  Whether he or his men had botched the orders he couldn't recall
now.  How unfortunate, thought Nuln, as he squeegee'd the fish & pig head back into
the burlap sack with one of the laminated menus the Blinking Starfish kept at its
booths for its customers.
     Just as he had finished getting all the contents back in the sack, an extremely
large and long shadow fell over him.
     "Yes?" said Nuln with a sigh, then gawking a bit as he looked up and saw two of
the largest, most muscle-bound pair of grolls (half giant half troll) standing in
front of him, dressed in an assortment of studded leather and scale armor.  They
looked like a pair of shaved gorrillas hopped up on 'roids.
     "Is there something I can helpeth you gentlemen with?"
     "Yeah." said the first bruno.
     "Yeah," the second corroborated "you heard 'im."
     "Pauly's got a message for ya." went the first again.  "He wants to know if you
got his protection payment."
     "Yeah," continued the bruno #2.  "He said if you didn't, he would crush all your
warriors like little, slow moving bugs.  Then he'd crush you."
     "Do you two alwayseth alternate like that?" Nuln asked.
     "Yeah." said the first.
     "Yeah.  Always." said the second.
     "I see, I seeeth." Nuln said, scratching his chin.  "Well boys, today is your
lucky dayeth.  I happen to have Pauly's protection paymenteth right here witheth me.
In facteth, I was just going to deliver it myselfeth, but you've spared me the
     The two brunos looked down at the smelly, lumpy sack.  Nuln grinned.
     The first picked up the sack like it was a small child.  The second gave Nuln a
look, then the two walked off.  Still grinning at his good fortune, Nuln got a
barmaid's attention and was able to get a new drink and a rubdown for the fish goo
and pig blah on the table top.
     "Noweth," thought Nuln, "I can finally get back to feeling sorry for myself and
the warriorseth I've losteth. Ahhhhh..."
     But of course, a shadow fell over him.
     "Why Lady Eeth," Nuln smiled, delighted to see his friend who had been in
Cognito (a lovely vacation spot to the south) of late.  "Please, sit downeth."
     "Why thank you, Nulnikins." smiled Lady E, a mischevious twinkle in her eye.  "I
was told I could find you here."
     "I don't knoweth if that's a good or bad thingeth, but let's get you a
drinketh."  The Chaos Lord (tm) set an Aradi record, successfully hailing a waitress
twice within 60 seconds.  Soon, two Morning Morning Afters sat in front of them,
gleaming a dull gold in the dim bar lighting.
     "So how was Cognitoeth?"
     "Oh, mysterious.  Hard to describe, really." Lady E evaded the Chaos Lord (tm),
then changed the subject altogether.  "Listen, there's something I have to tell you."
     "I'm all earseth." said Nuln, stretching his lobes out as far as they would go.
     Lady E lowered her tone, and leaned in over the table.  "Listen, I don't really
want to talk about this here, but there have been stirrings around town about change
here in Aradi.  Big change.  Can you meet me at the spa sometime?"
     "Sure, I guesseth." said Nuln, scratching his goatee and raising one eyebrow at
Lady E.  "Sounds seriouseth.  Is everything alright?"
     "For now, there's no danger." replied Lady E, "I have to run, but meet me at the
spa tomorrow."
     "Good, you can exfoliate my big toe too." grinned Nuln, which drew look then a
giggle from Lady E.  "See you, m'ladyeth."
     Lady E waved and left, and Nuln noticed she had barely touched her Morning
Morning After.  Nuln grinned again, and slowly pulled her glass over to his side.
     Then a shadow fell over him.
     "Null." rasped Soultaker, a weathered cloak drawn over his back, a tight-lipped
smile on his face, then sat across from the Chaos Lord (tm).
     "Soultak'reth," Nuln nodded, glancing guiltily down at the two mugs in front of
him.  Then with a reluctant grimace, he slid Lady E's over to his friend.  "How be
thee this nighteth?"
     "How're you?" retorted Soultaker while ignoring the question, and Nuln noticed
him look worriedly over his shoulder when he thought the Chaos Lord (tm) wasn't
     "All thingseth considered, I'm doingeth alright.  Let's just sayeth I got a
pig's head and five bushelseth of scrod dumped on my tableth, then someone came by
and tooketh it all away for me."  Nuln drained his glass, and was glad to see the
puzzled reaction on Soultaker's face from his story, then finally a chuckle.  The
manager seemed like he had something weighing on his mind.  The two shot the breeze
for a bit, even ordering another round of MMA's (with toasts to Inferno).
     "Listen Null," said Soultaker, "there's sumthin I need to talk to you about, but
we shouldn't talk here.  Can you meet me tomorrow?"
     "You're starting to soundeth like Lady E." Nuln commented.
     "I am, I mean I do?" asked Soultaker self-consciously. "If that Pandora..."
     "No no noeth, not your voiceth.  Nevermindeth, sure I can meet you tomorrow."
     After watching his friend leave, Nuln considered following him out the bar,
concerned he might have a tail on him or worse.  But he eventually decided against
it, knowing his friend more than capable of handling himself.
     Many hours and MMA's later, a shadow fell over Nuln.  The Chaos Lord (tm),
however, was fast asleep.  Last call had been half an hour ago, and Marsha, the groll
Snotman had hired to "clean up" the Blinking Starfish after hours, loomed loftily
over the sleeping manager.  One hand on the collar, another on the belt, and Nuln was
sailing peacefully through the air and out into the cold night and hard cobbled
stones of the Aradi street.  The lights went out, and all was quiet.  Except at the
Bunkhouse Crib.  There, standing in front of a table with a pig's head and scores of
scrod carcasses was Pauly, his eyes gleaming with an unearthly power.  Throwing his
head back and spreading his arms, Pauly Fallon laughed a booming laugh at the
ridiculous power he possessed.

the end.

          + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ A Dark and Stormy Night ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

As you may recall, Arenamaster Harkon fled Aradi at the beginning of the most recent
TOGS, taking with him Jorge Black Orc and leaving behind golems to carry out
necessary duties in the arena.  As it happens, he went to Tobir to visit Arenamaster
Vashku there, and in his effort to return became entangled with a couple of
gladiators, as follows:

     Scruff flattened himself against the ground behind the trash bin and held his
breath until the watchman passed.  Then he put his mouth close to Gerbent's ear and
muttered, "I can't BELIEVE I let you talk me into this, 'Bent.  Spying on the
arenamaster!  What if he catches us?"
     "Keep quiet and we'll be fine," his teammate muttered back.  "We just need to
see if he's got a golden-haired daughter who needs rescuing, okay?"
     "She's just a figment of your imagination."
     "I've got a strong imagination," Gerbent replied.  "She could be real, too."
     "I don't think--"  Scruff felt a black shadow looming over him, even though they
were in the dark already.  Expecting the worst, he looked up.
     Arenamaster Vashku looked down at him, eyes gleaming faintly red in the
darkness.  "To what do I owe your presence?" he asked mildly.
     Scruff was not fooled by the mildness.  The arenamaster of Tobir was a demon,
that was common knowledge, even though he maintained a good illusion of being Aruaki.
But how to explain Gerbent's wild idea?  He opened his mouth to speak, then shut it
again when no words came to him.
     "We are looking for an adventure," Gerbent said.  "We thought... well, if you
happened to have a golden-haired daughter who needed rescuing, maybe we could take a
hand in that.  Or, um, something."
     Vashku was silent for a very long time, minutes, maybe, but it felt to the two
gladiators like hours.  Finally he said, "What gave you that idea?"
     Gerbent shrugged, and Scruff had to admire the almost casual air.  "It just came
to me."  After a moment, he added, "In a dream."
     "In a dream," Vashku repeated without inflection.
     Gerbent tensed and looked like he was waiting for a shoe to drop.  Scruff
figured it would be something more like an anvil that dropped on them.  Vashku was an
arenamaster!  And a demon, too, but that was insignificant beside the first fact.
Almost insignificant, anyway.
      "Very well," Vashku said.  "You want adventure and to be of use?  I can arrange
that."  He smiled, which was not at all reassuring.  "I can even arrange a golden-
haired daughter to be rescued."
      Surprised out of his tongue-tied immobility, Scruff said, "You actually HAVE
      "No?"  Gerbent frowned.  "But--"
      "There is a golden-haired daughter in Point who needs rescuing immediately.  I
will arrange the transport.  Come with me."
      The two gladiators looked at each other and Scruff shrugged.  What else could
they do?

      Arenamaster Vashku's idea of transport was strange.  This was not surprising.
Arenamaster Vashku was strange all by himself.  It was a carriage with a fringe on
top.  Black, of course.  What other color carriage would he have?  The fringe was
either black or very dark red; in the darkness of the alley behind the arena, it was
hard to tell which.
      An orc dressed all in black leaned out and looked them over.  "What's the deal,
Vashku?"  His voice was deep and gravelly; it sounded more like a growl than a casual
      "Passengers," the demon said.  "Drop them off in Point when you go by there."
      "We hadn't planned on going into Point," another voice said.  The reins
twitched.  "Don't want to get tangled up with that mess around Krael."
      "Anywhere on the peninsula will do," Vashku said.  He produced--it looked as
though he'd plucked it from the vacant air--an envelope and handed it to the driver.
"Give this to them as they get out."
      A hand appeared from the darkness and took the envelope as though expecting it
to explode.  "I'm going to regret borrowing your carriage, aren't I?"
      "I agreed to it, Hark," the orc said.  "It's bound to better than traveling by
boat all the way to Aradi."
      "We could still change our minds," the driver said.  The reins twitched again.
      "No, you cannot.  Once the carriage has been activated," Vashku said, "it must
be driven.  And since it was activated in your name, my dear Harkon, YOU must drive
      A long sigh from within the darkness of the carriage.  "I expected something
like that.  Oh, well, at least it isn't togs.  I don't think I'll ever look a scrod
in the face again, if there's any way to avoid it."
      "I'm with you on that," the orc agreed.  He waved the two gladiators toward the
step leading to the rear seat.  "Might as well get in.  You're as much stuck with
this as we are."

                                      SPY REPORT

     Greetings, warriors of ARADI!  Once again I've been called out of retirement for 
my abilities and insights into Spyreporting.  Biff!  Pow!  ARADI watched with glee as 
THE BUNKHOUSE got knocked off top spot by SWIFT CURRENT!  You know what they say 
about the herd of lions who studied a judge...  CREEPSTERESE moved up 11 places, to 
4th.  Hmmmph!  I always thought CHEER-O-KEE'S was an over-rated team and they proved 
it with a 1-4-0!  Some people say I ramble too much, I don't say anything relevant.  
I repeat myself.  I ramble.  Well CRAZY CREEPS moved up 7, to 5th.  What's with SANDY 
IN THE MORNING?  She actually beat CHEER-O-KEE'S' POCY-HANTAS, and walked away with 
25 more points from the fight.  Laughs were big at SWIFT CURRENT while they watched 
DRIFTWOOD clobber BLACK WIDOW XLIII.  It lost 13 points and got bruised from objects 
thrown from the stands.  Apparently ARADI isn't filled with as many gutless wonders 
as I thought.  The Dreaded Duelmaster got 6 challenges this turn!  SWIFT CURRENT's 
hatred of DEATH STUDS VII surfaced again as RIP RAP challenged ARADI's top dog.  I'm 
sure ARADI is excited about RIP RAP, the new Duelmaster from SWIFT CURRENT.  
(remember?)  But when you've seen as many as I have...  Wouldn't it be nice to have 
live subjects to practice on?  I hear some team is looking into the uses of convicted 
     No matter the time or place, men will always duel.  How well I know the feeling 
of being in the most avoided team!  Don't fall out of practive, SWIFT CURRENT!  
Management must be dealin', as the boys at THE BUNKHOUSE ain't reelin'!  SWIFT 
CURRENT's mad!   
     Warriors of ARADI unite.  You have only your games to lose!  Sending a warrior 
to the Dark Arena reminds the others they'd better shape up.  Tough beans, BUTTERFLY. 
That's what a 20-14-0 gets you.  Who will dare fight PUNCH-DRUNK, after he returned 
from the Dark Arena?  (For the record 7-4-1 is 33, and has he points) Some people in 
ARADI think LIVING SHADOWS was too harsh when they sent STUNNER (3-1-0) to the Dark 
Arena.  Them's the breaks, I say.  Hmm...  More surprises must remain in store for 
me, if STAIN can return from the Dark Arena.  POCY-HANTAS, with hers forgettable 
7-5-0,  was slain by SANDY IN THE MORNING in a forgettable match.  CHEER-O-KEE'S 
didn't seem to mind very much.  Someone told GRUNT VI that CREEPSTERESE never 
Bloodfeuded, that he'd have an easy kill.  Well, I'm sure whoever misled you is right 
sorry.  How long have I been here?  I got people to see, places to go...   
     Well, I'm pretty much through.  You guys need to get back practicing.  All work 
and no play makes Olaf a dull fighter.  Work and play no fighter dull Olaf.  
Olaffighterwork and no play.  I don't want to overstay my welcome...-- Olaf Modeen  

DUELMASTER                     W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 RIP RAP 6599                 16  13  1   112       SWIFT CURRENT (468)

CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 SANDY BEACH 6957             16   6  2   131       SWIFT CURRENT (468)
 COYOTE 7626                  18  11  2   113       BUGS, SLUGS & THUGS (591)
 STEVIE 7271                  19  25  0   104       RED DOG GANG (476)
-SNOW WHITE 7486              16  11  0   103       CRAZY CREEPS (207)
-JACK THE RIPPER 7487         16  12  0   102       CRAZY CREEPS (207)
 WHITE WITCH 7542             17   9  0   101       CRAZY CREEPS (207)
-JIM PANZI 7382               14  13  0   100       FUNKY FOLK (565)
 ENOCH PEABODY 7325           12   9  0    98       THIEVES GUILD (396)
 SLIPKNOT 6674                18  17  0    97       THIEVES GUILD (396)
 VIPER LXXI 7566              16  11  0    97       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
 SPAM SANDWICH 7524           13  13  0    94       CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)
 FLOWER 7255                  21  29  0    93       RED DOG GANG (476)
-LOKI IX 7860                  8   3  0    92       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
 OSO 7682                     12  13  0    91       THE BUNKHOUSE (595)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 WRATH LIX 7899                8   3  0    89       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
-JAVA 7779                     9   4  0    85       THINGS ILL NEVER GET (601)
 THE TAIL 7253                17  33  0    84       RED DOG GANG (476)
 THE AVENGING SCROD 7649      16   9  1    81       4000 BLOWS (107)
 HARSIESUS 6871               12   7  1    81       INQUISITION SG-1 (540)
 ROSCOE 7883                   8   7  1    77       THE BUNKHOUSE (595)
 THE RIDDLER 7852              9   7  2    76       CRAZY CREEPS (207)
 TIGER TY 7665                11   9  1    72       WING HOVE (529)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 DAYNE 7826                    8  12  0    72       WING HOVE (529)
 MADONNA 7780                 14  10  1    71       THINGS ILL NEVER GET (601)
-NIGHT HAG 7598               14  12  0    70       DILEN'S HORDE (587)

CHALLENGER ADEPTS              W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-LAVA TUBE 7393               11   6  1    66       NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
-ASGARD 6892                   4   4  0    63       INQUISITION SG-1 (540)
 ERUPTION 7310                10   8  1    62       NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
-EVIL XXV 7900                 7   3  1    62       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
-FLASH FIRE 7390              13  11  0    60       NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
-IRREVOCABILITY 6549          12   9  1    60       ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518)
-RICKON 7830                   8  10  0    60       DILEN'S HORDE (587)
 ROCKY BANKS 7073             10   8  0    57       SWIFT CURRENT (468)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 911 7936                      6   3  0    55       CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)
 AIMLESS 7967                  6   2  0    55       THE BUNKHOUSE (595)
 RICKY J 7968                  5   3  1    54       THE BUNKHOUSE (595)
 SANDY IN THE MORNING 7925     3   3  1    50       NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
 BULLY BOY 7447                9  12  0    49       RED DOG GANG (476)
 MACS 7797                     9  14  1    47       THINGS ILL NEVER GET (601)
 YELLOW JACKET 7627            8  21  1    46       BUGS, SLUGS & THUGS (591)
 WEEZY DANG 7909               2   2  0    44       THE BUNKHOUSE (595)
-THE LBA 7810                  8   3  0    43       THINGS ILL NEVER GET (601)
 HOFFA 7713                    9  14  0    41       BUGS, SLUGS & THUGS (591)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 PUNCH-DRUNK 8112              7   4  1    33       LIVING SHADOWS (616)
-HARRIET 7495                  5   4  0    33       THIEVES GUILD (396)
 WHISTLE PIG 7806              5  18  0    33       BUGS, SLUGS & THUGS (591)
 STAIN 8098                    1   0  1    33       FRUIT OF THE LOOM (615)
 ROADRUNNER 7969               3   2  0    31       CRAZY CREEPS (207)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 FISH STICKS 7952              4   3  1    23       CHEER-O-KEE'S (557)
 YOBANGER 8059                 2   1  0    23       CREEPSTERESE (606)
 LITTLE EDDY 7536              4   5  0    22       SWIFT CURRENT (468)
-BRAE'TAC 6895                 5   4  0    21       INQUISITION SG-1 (540)
-LORD BLACK MOON 8004          2   2  0    21       4000 BLOWS (107)
 DRIFTWOOD 8073                1   1  0    20       SWIFT CURRENT (468)
 I OWN INDIMAR 8084            0   2  0    19       4000 BLOWS (107)
 DEW DROPS 7944                5   2  0    18       CHEER-O-KEE'S (557)
 GODLINGEROOSKI 8086           1   1  0    17       CREEPSTERESE (606)
 YIPPI TI YI 8058              1   0  1    16       CREEPSTERESE (606)
-STRATEGERY 7939               1   0  0    15       VERBAL MISCUES (604)
 JAWBREAKER VII 7869           2   2  0    14       DEATH STUDS XII (602)
 GRUNT VI 7980                 2   2  1    13       DEATH STUDS XII (602)
 THAT WARRIOR 8122             1   0  0    13       4000 BLOWS (107)
-PINK 7809                     3   3  0    12       INQUISITION SG-1 (540)
 WEEPING WILLOW 8014           3   1  1    11       CHEER-O-KEE'S (557)
 MAX SLACKS JACKS 8124         1   0  0    11       CREEPSTERESE (606)
 BLACK WIDOW XLIII 7868        3   1  0    10       DEATH STUDS XII (602)
-WEKA DART 7979                1   1  0    10       WING HOVE (529)
-LAUVIAH 7710                  1   0  0     7       THIEVES GUILD (396)
 KOREAN TP 8090                1   1  0     7       CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)
 LASSIE 8083                   0   2  0     2       RED DOG GANG (476)
 TO BOOGENS 8102               0   1  0     1       CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD               W  L K TEAM NAME             SLAIN BY             TURN Revenge?
POLITE BEGGAR 4        0  1 0   1                   YIPPI TI YI 8058      411 NONE    
DRY PAPER BAG 8123     0  1 0 4000 BLOWS 107        BORED ELF 19          411 NONE    

THE DEAD               W  L K TEAM NAME             SLAIN BY             TURN Revenge?
LEG WARMER LUST 7717  14  9 1 4000 BLOWS 107        SANDY BEACH 6957      410         
BUTTERFLY 7338        20 15 0 CHEER-O-KEE'S 557     SEA MONSTER 27        411 NONE    
POCY-HANTAS 7897       7  5 0 CHEER-O-KEE'S 557     SANDY IN THE MOR 7925 411         
HOPPI TOPPI 8060       1  1 1 CREEPSTERESE 606      GRUNT VI 7980         410 JUST REV
JORGE BLACK ORC 20     0  1 0 DARK ARENA 0          PUNCH-DRUNK 8112      411 NONE    
BORED ELF 19           0  1 0 DARK ARENA 0          STAIN 8098            411 NONE    
ENIGMA XXV 7871        1  2 0 DEATH STUDS XII 602   STONE GOLEM 26        411 NONE    
SANDMAN XIX 7867       0  2 0 DEATH STUDS XII 602   HOPPI TOPPI 8060      409 REVENGED
KRAKEN 7679            9 16 2 DILEN'S HORDE 587     MADONNA 7780          409         
RIP TORN 7850          6  3 0 FUNKY FOLK 565        ROSCOE 7883           409         
TREACHEROUS 8108       4  3 0 LIVING SHADOWS 616    MONSTER MANALGER 18   411 NONE    
TRICKSTER 8106         2  3 0 LIVING SHADOWS 616    SPYMASTER 22          411 NONE    
STUNNER 8107           3  2 0 LIVING SHADOWS 616    BORED ELF 19          411 NONE    
1016173161111 8105     0  1 0 LIVING SHADOWS 616    ARENAMASTER HARKON 23 411 NONE    
DA1 8091               0  1 0 VERBAL MISCUES 604    SPYMASTER 22          411 NONE    
DA2 8092               0  1 0 VERBAL MISCUES 604    MONSTER MANALGER 18   411 NONE    
AVANGARR 8016          0  1 0 WHY MEETH? 607        WEEPING WILLOW 8014   407 NOT REVE

                                     PERSONAL ADS

Barnabas -- Viper in a diaper--strong words, my friend, *strong* words.  Good to see
you back, and poetic as ever. -- Nuln

Crazy Creeps Scribe -- Eeeexcellent, my *plan* is working to perfection then. --
Nuln, rubbing his hands together (but only because it is cold where he is)
P.S.  Rule #1: never accept advice from the Creepster!

The Crazy Creeps -- Now that you have non-defied the non-decree from the non-alliance
by returning to this arena, this means we will definitely be taking non-action
against you.  Forwarned is non-armed, remember (not). -- Nuln, non-alliance member of
the not FONZ

Spot -- Welcome back home to you and the gang.  It will be good to see your bunch
frolicking on the sands in the arena and on the beach. -- Nuln & Co.

Aimless -- What in the name of Jim Scrodbelly was that?  I tip my hat to you, sir. --
Lord Black Moon

White Witch -- You know, that platinum blond wig just doesn't go with the 12 o'clock
shadow.  On an upnote, they're hiring for the YMCA cover band soon. -- Leg Warmer

Death Stud -- After a little bit of research on that thing I believe is called "the
interweb" I discovered that reasty originally comes from the Dutch "reisty", which in
Dutch baker's parlance originally meant "that which is full of yeast." (Ed. was
actually close)  Eventually "reisty" spread into popular Dutch culture as an
adjective to describe many different things, all of them cool.  Thus, the use of
"reisty" is technically not completely incorrect. -- Nuln, part-time Dutch scholar

     This is good to know. -- Temp Ed.

Death Stud -- <silent bow in respect for your Snot-ku prowess> -- Nuln

Pauly -- Five bushels of scrod and a pig's head...there must be a catch here... --
P.S.  Not to upset you, but couldn't you have kicked over the ant hill next to the
other chaos lord's house?  They're everywhere now.  *sigh*

Jamis -- Oh yeah?  Oh yeah? ... -- Leg Warmer Lust
P.S.  I'll get back to you sometime with that comeback.  In the meantime, Nuln has
childishly responded in kind with an unflattering (to you) warrior name.
P.P.S.  Congrats on the invite.

Indimar -- Congrats on the invitee's. -- Nuln

     The invitee's what?  Wig?  Drinking prowess?  Dancing ability?

Barnabas -- I took *everything* you said last turn seriously.  Dead seriously. ;) --

Black Widow XLIII -- Shucky duck-a-loogie!  Snappa dappa crappa. -- Yobanger

Sandman XIX -- Yippy ki yepsters, killeronious to the bonerous Sleepy Deepster!
Yabba dabba dilly (chilly killy)! -- Hoppi Toppi

What, Harsiesus!?  What!  What?  What starts with H and rhymes with bard class?
That's you, Buster! -- The Riddler

Wrath LIX -- It takes a BIG mind and a BIG body to consider challenging me.  Thank
your little manager for his small thoughts and the big win for me. -- White Witch

911 -- Surely you know that I just had to lie down and give you that one after all
you've been through?  Good luck in the future.  Beep.  Beep. -- Roadrunner

Vipey wipey winnerowski umgahwa! -- The Creepster

The Flower -- Stand up tall so I can have my dog water you! -- The Riddler

Jack The Ripper and Snow White were recently seen vacationing together.  They will be
back when Aradi is cleaned of vipers. -- The Crazy Creeps Scribe

FONZ = Fearless Old Nerds Zoning

Barnabyss -- Consider my "welcome back" rescinded. >:) -- Nuln
P.S.  Tell Ms. Beach to gird her loinal area.

Crazy Creeps Scribe -- Did you ever stop to consider that maybe Death Stud claiming
the throne might signal a new era of "Shorty Only" duelmasters?  Sorry, I don't know
what I'm talking about, that's just crazy talk. -- the 4000 Blows Scribe

Pauly -- <...> -- Nuln
P.S.  You didn't get the pig head?  Some of my goon squad left it under your blanket
last morning (I was watching the Dogfather movie again), along with the scrod.  Hmm.
P.P.S.  "Little Pauly Purebread?"  I wouldn't take that...

Roscoe -- [...] -- the Avenging Scord

Lassie -- You're a good dog and all, but it just had to go down that way.  I'm sorry,
really.  Don't give me that sad look. -- Lord Black Moon

Dorean TP -- I think you're looking for the RRR, that's arena 66, sir. -- I Own

Indimar -- Fetch me my slippers, knave.  Oh, and a soy scroddacino, half-chai, decaf,
and two shakes of cinnamon. -- I Own Indimar

Death Stood -- So did I win the Mad Max Bet-a-thon? -- Nuln

Viper in a Daiper -- Booooooooooo.  You're manager has now incurred the dreaded "I
Didn't Write the DM Column So Now I'm Cursed" curse, and his coffee will forever be
weak. -- a DM Column deprived citizen of Aradi

Bionic Pelvixx -- Fitting that you would be killed by me.  After all, in TOGS I, your
manager did lose to the eventual... -- First TOGS Champion

To the esteemed Editor of the AW&WFAFP -- It is so true that good dingleberries are
hard to find.  It is also true, that once found, good dingleberries are extremely
hard to get rid of.  See you around. - Pauly

Dizzle Stizzle (That's what they'd call Death Stud if he were on The Bizzle, FYI) --
Do I have to tell you to get off *your* donkey and write some personals?  Cheese
its! -- Pauly

Nuln -- You were suprisingly silent last turn as well.  I hope at least it was
because you were busy creating a new suit of Chaos Armor (tm). -- Pauly
P.S.  So, what are the odds of Snotman fighting in 60 this side of the next TOGS?
Just wondering.

Ed. -- I apologize for writing that word.  I forgot that it causes you to have a
seizure and forget who you are for an hour.  I'm sending you a special helmet just in
case I, or someone else, slips up again. -- Pauly

     It is a kindly thought.  However, Ed. is not even here this turn to see that Bad
     Word, so it's okay.  This time.  Just don't do it again. -- Temp Ed.

Barnabas -- Ah yes.  The spy report is a beautiful thing.  So, apparently your crew
of flunkies wanted no part of the boys from the Bunkhouse last turn.  I didn't come
after you this time, but when the opportunity presents itself, I'm gonna be all over
you. -- Pauly

The Avenging Scrod -- Wow, that was a great brawl between two walls.  That being
said, I've got something else to tell you.  Revenge is ours!  Don't think we have
forgotten about the grisly slaying of Sivart at your murderous hands!  We respected
your participation in TOGS (oops, sorry, Ed.) and left you alone, but, as they say,
revenge is a dish best served cold.  Even though its almost a year later and it was a
random matchup, I'm still counting it as a successful bloodfeud.  Let that be a
lesson to anyone who kills one of our members.  It may take 20-25 turns, but we will
have our revenge!  BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! -- Roscoe and The Bunkhouse
P.S.  Was that over the top?  I can never tell.

     Hang on a minute, let me get the spotting scope and examine it.  (spotting scope
     sounds)  No, you're okay.  To within a split blonde hair of the top, but not
     over it. -- Temp Ed.

Viper -- I have a weird feeling that we will fight this turn.  If so, it looks like
we're gonna have a new Duelmaster. -- Oso

I Own Indimar -- Um, could you be a little more specific?  You could be almost
anyone. Zing! -- Pauly
P.S.  Let the record show that Nuln gets an assist Zing! for the setup.

Indimar -- You know you wouldn't respect me if I hadn't taken that golden
opportunity.  Really it's your own fault.  You made me into the smart mouth I am
today. -- Pauly

     That's a terrible thing to say to anyone. -- Temp Ed.

Reasty?  I think so.  Good day. -- Pauly

Leg Warmer Dust -- I told you I wasn't kidding when I said get your lustful hand off
my leg, but wimping out and dying in the infirmary, you got to be kidding me, you
ruined my shot to go after Viper in the Diaper and take his throne.  You at the least
could of like, retired early, not permanently. -- Sandy, the pissed off Beach!

Black Widow -- You all are sneaky little devils, we'll see if I can sneak back. --
Little Eddy

Butterfly -- Stick to the air and flowers, my friend. -- Rip Rap

Pig -- Damn, you call that a whistle? -- Rocky Banks

Weeping Willow -- Guess you weren't the one weeping this time. -- Driftwood

Pauly -- You are looking mighty sickly, boy, think it could be worse and in your
belly.  Sorry, Pauly, it was there so I had to take it.  Better talk to pops, see
about getting a few meals. -- Barnabas

Nulnnulnskinulnski -- Hmmmmmmmm, so you wrote personals but for some unknown reason
they didn't make it last turn, the oldest line in the book, don't give me that crap!
You lazy azz, probably sittin' on the couch, slammin some bruskis and said screw it,
I ain't writin' no personals this turn cause after all, I am the Nulnnulnskinulnski,
or hey, maybe they got misplaced, but I am 100% sure RSI had absolutely nothing to do
with the sabotage of your personal ads.  Stay on the chill, bro. -- Barnabas

Fonzetite -- Everybody sick?  Who cares, just get back in here! -- Barnabas

Oso -- You're a bear!  I can tell, and I am NOT a bear-dog.  No way! -- The Tail
P.S.  The nose knows, you know.

Coyote -- (yelping and leaping back)  I know a wolf when I see one! -- Flower

Tiger Ty -- Great!  (bouncing up and down)  It's a frisbee, right?  Throw it!  Throw
it! -- Stevie

Macs -- (backing off warily and barking)  You're not a real person, you're a thing!
I can tell.  There's a key in your side, and it's going around and around.  That's
Bad.  A dog could break a tooth on something like that. -- Bully Boy

Lord Black Moon -- (mournfully, full puppy-dog-eyes)  I was being a good dog.  I was
soming home!  And you hit me and kicked me.  You're a Bad Person. -- Lassie
P.S.  When I get away from this vet, I'm going to BITE you.

The Riddler -- You're just jealous. -- Flower

Snow White -- You're welcome. -- The Tail

Snow White -- Just a clue, dogs don't get inuendos, not without the most careful
training.  The Tail thinks you mean that in the plain surface sense. -- Spot, scholar
among dogs

14 February 2007
RSI is now taking rollups for a slow version of the No-Tournament arena.  Send your
rollup to RSI listing the arena as "Slow No Tournament".  Sign and send in the
following pledge:

* I pledge that I will not send warriors from this team to a Tournament, nor will I
  use a Tournament prize on a warrior from this team.
* I pledge to run a full team when I run turns in this arena.  If circumstances
  preclude my running less than a full team I will notify the Player Committee.
* I agree to abide by the decisions of the Player Committee.
* I understand that any warrior that participates in a Tournament shall be sent to
  the Dark Arena until they are dead.
* I understand that any warrior that receives a Tournament prize shall be send to the
  Dark Arena until they are dead.

The following are the rules for joining this No-Tournament arena 

1.  No tournament play (Dead tournament or otherwise)
2.  One team per manager
3.  Team starts with new rollup (or a zero fight equivalent team is transferred into
    this arena.)
4.  No tourney prizes allowed to modify warriors in the arena
5.  20 teams required, per RSI
6.  Waivers are required to allow self-regulation on tourney ban, granting RSI
    authority to Dark Arena any warrior that participates in a Tournament (until the
    warrior is dead.)
7.  Rotating council to enforce tourney ban and maintain arena integrity.

Hammer will be the focal point for this arena's Player Committee.

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

BUTTERFLY was butchered by SEA MONSTER in a crowd pleasing 5 minute Dark Arena fight.
ENIGMA XXV was murdered by STONE GOLEM in a 2 minute Dark Arena melee.
PUNCH-DRUNK savagely slew JORGE BLACK ORC in a 1 minute gruesome Dark Arena fight.
TREACHEROUS was viciously butchered by MONSTER MANALGER in a 2 minute contest.
TRICKSTER was assassinated by SPYMASTER in a crowd pleasing 1 minute Dark Arena match.
STUNNER was dispatched by BORED ELF in a 1 minute Dark Arena fight.
DRY PAPER BAG was butchered by BORED ELF in a 1 minute bloody Dark Arena match.
DA1 was easily killed by SPYMASTER in a 1 minute gruesome Dark Arena fight.
NIPPLE THORKER was slaughtered by GARGOYLE PRINCE in a 1 minute Dark Arena duel.
DA2 was slaughtered by MONSTER MANALGER in a 1 minute Dark Arena fight.
STAIN unbelievably slew BORED ELF in a popular 4 minute gory Dark Arena duel.
1016173161111 was executed by ARENAMASTER HARKON in a 1 minute gory Dark Arena melee.
I OWN INDIMAR was overpowered by SANDY BEACH in a 1 minute one-sided Bloodfeud match.
YOBANGER bested GRUNT VI in a 3 minute amateur's Bloodfeud conflict.
RIP RAP savagely defeated VIPER LXXI in a 3 minute master's Challenge Title match.
WHITE WITCH unbelievably bested SPAM SANDWICH in a 4 minute expert's Challenge fight.
THE AVENGING SCROD slimly won victory over MADONNA in a 3 minute Challenge fray.
ROSCOE was devastated by STEVIE in a exciting 2 minute one-sided Challenge brawl.
RICKY J was overpowered by THE RIDDLER in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge bout.
911 overpowered YELLOW JACKET in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge conflict.
AIMLESS defeated MACS in a exciting 1 minute Challenge duel.
WEEZY DANG overpowered HOFFA in a 2 minute uneven Challenge fray.
ROADRUNNER overcame DEW DROPS in a popular 1 minute brutal Challenge contest.
KOREAN TP was defeated by LITTLE EDDY in a action packed 1 minute Challenge fight.
JAWBREAKER VII overpowered LASSIE in a 1 minute uneven Challenge fight.
COYOTE defeated SLIPKNOT in a action packed 2 minute veteran's bout.
OSO was savagely defeated by ENOCH PEABODY in a popular 3 minute expert's duel.
THE TAIL was overpowered by WRATH LIX in a 1 minute uneven competition.
ERUPTION was beaten by TIGER TY in a action packed 3 minute veteran's fight.
FLOWER overcame VIRGINAL GIGOLO in a exciting 1 minute veteran's fight.
HARSIESUS defeated DAYNE in a 1 minute veteran's fight.
BULLY BOY overpowered VISITING ORC in a exciting 1 minute bloody uneven bout.
POCY-HANTAS was dispatched by SANDY IN THE MORNING in a crowd pleasing 2 minute fight.
ROCKY BANKS demolished WHISTLE PIG in a 1 minute mismatched match.
FISH STICKS overpowered POLITE BEGGAR in a 1 minute one-sided fray.
BLACK WIDOW XLIII was subdued by DRIFTWOOD in a 1 minute amateur's match.
WEEPING WILLOW was narrowly defeated by GODLINGEROOSKI in a 4 minute novice's duel.
TO BOOGENS was overpowered by MAX SLACKS JACKS in a 1 minute one-sided competition.
THAT WARRIOR handily defeated FRIENDLY CONSTABLE in a 1 minute one-sided duel.
YIPPI TI YI assassinated POLITE BEGGAR in a 1 minute uneven battle.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|STRIKING ATTACK                 13         PARRY-STRIKE      14 -  13 -  3      52  |
|LUNGING ATTACK                   9         AIMED BLOW        29 -  30 -  0      49  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      8         STRIKING ATTACK   67 -  73 -  7      48  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  7         TOTAL PARRY       42 -  53 -  1      44  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    7         LUNGING ATTACK    54 -  69 -  4      44  |
|AIMED BLOW                       7         PARRY-LUNGE        3 -   4 -  0      43  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    6         WALL OF STEEL     24 -  35 -  1      41  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     4         SLASHING ATTACK   24 -  38 -  2      39  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      1         PARRY-RIPOSTE      4 -  13 -  0      24  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   1         BASHING ATTACK     3 -  16 -  0      16  |

Turn 411 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

PARRY-LUNGE        1 -  0     STRIKING ATTACK    6 -  7         4  TOTAL PARRY    
PARRY-STRIKE       3 -  1     AIMED BLOW         3 -  4         3  LUNGING ATTACK 
SLASHING ATTACK    4 -  3     PARRY-RIPOSTE      2 -  4         1  PARRY-RIPOSTE  
WALL OF STEEL      4 -  3     TOTAL PARRY        2 -  6         1  PARRY-STRIKE   
LUNGING ATTACK     5 -  4     BASHING ATTACK     0 -  1         1  WALL OF STEEL  
                                                                1  AIMED BLOW     

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
LUNGING ATTACK   RIP RAP 6599               16  13  1  112 SWIFT CURRENT (468)
TOTAL PARRY      WHITE WITCH 7542           17   9  0  101 CRAZY CREEPS (207)
WALL OF STEEL    ENOCH PEABODY 7325         12   9  0   98 THIEVES GUILD (396)
AIMED BLOW       VIPER LXXI 7566            16  11  0   97 DEATH STUDS VII (301)
STRIKING ATTACK  WRATH LIX 7899              8   3  0   89 DEATH STUDS VII (301)
SLASHING ATTACK  ROCKY BANKS 7073           10   8  0   57 SWIFT CURRENT (468)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

The overall popularity leader is FLOWER 7255.  The most popular warrior this turn was 
SPAM SANDWICH 7524.  The ten other most popular fighters were MADONNA 7780, COYOTE 
7626, OSO 7682, ERUPTION 7310, SANDY IN THE MORNING 7925, RIP RAP 6599, STEVIE 7271, 

The least popular fighter this week was TO BOOGENS 8102.  The other ten least popular 
fighters were BLACK WIDOW XLIII 7868, WHISTLE PIG 7806, THE TAIL 7253, LASSIE 8083, 
DEW DROPS 7944, HOFFA 7713, YELLOW JACKET 7627, RICKY J 7968, I OWN INDIMAR 8084, and 
1016173161111 8105.

The following warriors will travel to AD after next turn: