DUEL 2 NEWSLETTER

Date   : 07/27/2007    Duedate: 08/09/2007

COLLUSION COVE ARENA

DM-60    TURN-421

This Weeks Top Honors

THE DUELMASTER IS

JIM PANZI
FUNKY FOLK (565)
(60-7382) [19-13-0,147]

Chartered Recognition Leader   Unchartered Recognition Leader

JIM PANZI                      ALLAN JOHNSON
FUNKY FOLK (565)               TPW FOREVER (619)
(60-7382) [19-13-0,147]        (60-8232) [6-2-0,57]

Popularity Leader              This Weeks Favorite

COYOTE                         BURNT OFFERINGS
BUGS, SLUGS & THUGS (591)      CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)
(60-7626) [22-17-2,93]         (60-8054) [5-0-1,66]

THE CURRENT TOP TEAM

THE BUNKHOUSE (595)

          TEAMS ON THE MOVE            TOP CAREER HONORS
Team Name                  Point Gain  Chartered Team
1. THE BUNKHOUSE (595)         48
2. CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)      41      DEATH STUDS VII (301)
3. THE UPSTARTS III (510)      40      Unchartered Team
4. BAD RESTAURANT (622)        36
5. TPW FOREVER (619)           34      BAD RESTAURANT (622)

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
 1/ 0*BAD RESTAURANT (622)       3   2  0 60.0   1/ 3 THE BUNKHOUSE (595)       8  7 0
 2- 1 ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518)   104  76  5 57.8   2/ 6 DEATH STUDS XII (602)     7  5 0
 3/ 2 DEATH STUDS VII (301)    497 399 16 55.5   3/ 4 THE UPSTARTS III (510)    7  7 0
 4/ 3 CRAZY CREEPS (207)       571 472 18 54.7   4/ 1 WING HOVE (529)           6  3 0
 5/ 4 SWIFT CURRENT (468)      138 131 12 51.3   5/ 2*ARMY ANTZ HAMMERZ (614)   6  7 1
 6/10 DEATH STUDS XII (602)     21  20  3 51.2   6/12 FUNKY FOLK (565)          5  1 1
 7/ 7 GOIN' TUBIN' (577)       150 143  7 51.2   7/10 CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)    5  4 1
 8- 6 WILD OATS (618)           68  65  1 51.1   8/11 SWIFT CURRENT (468)       5  9 1
 9- 8 SILENT WARRIORS (561)     75  73  3 50.7   9/14*TPW FOREVER (619)         4  6 1
10- 9 THE BIZZLE (593)          45  44  5 50.6  10/ 7 BUGS, SLUGS & THUG (591)  4  6 0
11/ 5 THINGS ILL NEVER G (601)  51  50  4 50.5  11/13 GOIN' TUBIN' (577)        3  1 0
12/12 CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)    76  78  2 49.4  12/ 0*BAD RESTAURANT (622)      3  2 0
13/17 THE BUNKHOUSE (595)       77  84  2 47.8  13/16 4000 BLOWS (107)          3  2 0
14-14 WHY MEETH? (607)          22  24  1 47.8  14/ 5 THINGS ILL NEVER G (601)  3  3 1
15/15 4000 BLOWS (107)         682 746 31 47.8  15-15 SILENT WARRIORS (561)     2  0 0
16/13 WING HOVE (529)          102 113  5 47.4  16- 8 WILD OATS (618)           2  2 0
17/16 LIVING SHADOWS (616)      71  81  5 46.7  17/23 DEATH STUDS VII (301)     2  7 0
18/20 THE UPSTARTS III (510)    54  66  3 45.0  18/ 9 CRAZY CREEPS (207)        2  7 0

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
19-18 SUPERIOR FORCES 16 (586)  34  42  1 44.7  19/18 RED DOG GANG (476)        2 12 0
20-19*CREEPSTERESE (606)        12  15  2 44.4  20-20 ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518)    1  1 0
21/11*ARMY ANTZ HAMMERZ (614)    8  10  1 44.4  21-19 THE BIZZLE (593)          1  2 1
22/21 FUNKY FOLK (565)          58  78  5 42.6  22-17*CREEPSTERESE (606)        1  2 0
23/22 BUGS, SLUGS & THUG (591)  68 102  6 40.0  23-21*VILLAINOUS LEGION (605)   1  3 0
24/24 RED DOG GANG (476)       350 578  5 37.7  24-22 WHY MEETH? (607)          1  3 0
25/23*TPW FOREVER (619)          9  15  2 37.5  25/24*ELFEN LIED (623)          0  7 0
26-25*VILLAINOUS LEGION (605)    3   7  0 30.0  26-26*GENX PERFECT HITS (620)   0  3 0
27-26 VERBAL MISCUES (604)       1  26  0  3.7  27-27 SUPERIOR FORCES 16 (586)  0  2 0
28/27*ELFEN LIED (623)           0   7  0  0.0  28/28 LIVING SHADOWS (616)      0  2 0
29-28*GENX PERFECT HITS (620)    0   3  0  0.0  29-25 VERBAL MISCUES (604)      0  1 0

    '*'   Unchartered team                       '-'  Team did not fight this turn
   (###)  Avoid teams by their Team Id          ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

                                      SPY REPORT

     Oh, hi.  Its just little 'ol Debby Tonte.  Thought I'd check out COLLUSION COVE 
to see what's new.  Like, WING HOVE had to be so embarrassed when they got kicked off 
#1 spot by THE BUNKHOUSE!  Way to go THE BUNKHOUSE!  I don't wanna hurt anybody's 
feelings or anything, but THINGS ILL NEVER GET really goofed with their 0-2-0.  FUNKY 
FOLK like really fought hard to move up to 6th from 12th.  Way to go!  Cut this out 
and put it in your scrapbooks, CHILDHOOD TRAUMA!  'Cause they got 3-1-0 and moved up 
to 7th!  MVP award for WEEZY DANG?  THE BUNKHOUSE's proud of him after beating WHITE 
WITCH and getting 22 points.  Talk about yer big time losers!  WONDER BOY HAMMER got 
smashed by ZIGGERZAG, and lost 13 points!  What a putz!  CORIOLANUS fights so hard to 
be Duelmaster, then quits fighting and loses the title.  No one said he was a 
genius...  Was that a tear I saw in JIM PANZI's eye, as he took over Duelmastership?  
And wasn't TIGER TY fit to be tied!  Is the Duelmaster really being a real snob to 
his teammates?  Don't ask me!   
     Look, you guys stick to fighting, all right?  DEATH STUDS XII was the most 
avoided team.  Is a 21-20-3 record really that scary?  Is there some deep dark secret 
why THE BUNKHOUSE's been avoiding DEATH STUDS XII so much?  Or is it just that 
they're too scared?  Like, is YELLOW JACKET popular, or what?  She was challenged the 
most in all of COLLUSION COVE!  She's got a 12-27-1, is that good?  For sure, I was 
holding my breath when I found out TIGER TY challenged JIM PANZI.  After all, haven't 
WING HOVE and FUNKY FOLK had a long standing duel in COLLUSION COVE?  It wasn't a 
spectacular fight, or anything, but JIM PANZI wants me to write about it since he 
bested TIGER TY.  Satisfied?   
     What does a fighter fight for?  I mean, the crowds don't give a hoot if someone 
gets killed.  Not after four more fights.  Pinch me, I must be dreaming!!!  TOWEL BOY 
returns from the Dark Arena, maybe a "little upset" at his TPW FOREVER teammates...  
What a bunch of heartless!  I couldn't believe how many people were snickering when 
LITTLE EDDY killed ROADRUNNER.  So he had a 4-6-0, that's no excuse!  Hey you guys, 
don't you think your families would like to hear from you?  Write!  (Or have someone 
write for you.)  
     I really didn't, you know, study when I was a kid.  Who would've guessed I'd be 
a famous Spyreporter?  I'm getting tired of writing this stuff, so I'm calling it 
quits.  Its been really albendranius!  Later, guys-- Debby Tonte  

DUELMASTER                     W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 JIM PANZI 7382               19  13  0   147       FUNKY FOLK (565)

CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-PIZNAUL JIZNOKE 7641         13   4  1   128       THE BIZZLE (593)
 SPAM SANDWICH 7524           17  15  0   121       CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)
-SILENT SPOCKER 7700          13   3  0   107       SILENT WARRIORS (561)
-THE AVENGING SCROD 7649      20  12  1   105       4000 BLOWS (107)
 RICKY J 7968                 12   5  1   104       THE BUNKHOUSE (595)
-TAIL HOOK 8142               11   5  0   100       WILD OATS (618)
-MOUSE 7318                   12  17  0    97       SILENT WARRIORS (561)
-JACK THE RIPPER 7487         20  14  0    96       CRAZY CREEPS (207)
 AIMLESS 7967                 12   5  0    95       THE BUNKHOUSE (595)

CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 COYOTE 7626                  22  17  2    93       BUGS, SLUGS & THUGS (591)
-THE RIDDLER 7852             11   8  2    93       CRAZY CREEPS (207)
-WRATH LIX 7899                9   3  0    93       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
 TIGER TY 7665                15  11  1    92       WING HOVE (529)
-LOKI IX 7860                  8   3  0    92       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
 MADONNA 7780                 19  15  2    91       THINGS ILL NEVER GET (601)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-VAS DEFERENS 7534            14   8  0    88       GOIN' TUBIN' (577)
-HYDRO ON THE D-LO 7642       14   7  2    87       THE BIZZLE (593)
-SUNSHINE 7593                 9   7  0    86       SUPERIOR FORCES 1601 (586)
-JAVA 7779                     9   4  0    85       THINGS ILL NEVER GET (601)
 MACS 7797                    15  18  2    83       THINGS ILL NEVER GET (601)
 WHITE WITCH 7542             19  15  0    82       CRAZY CREEPS (207)
-BLOODLUST MUTE 7701           8   9  0    82       SILENT WARRIORS (561)
 WEEZY DANG 7909               7   6  0    82       THE BUNKHOUSE (595)
 911 7936                      9   6  0    79       CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)
-CRUMB BUM 8141                9   6  0    78       WILD OATS (618)
-ANDROGENOUS STRAIN 6412      10  15  0    76       THE UPSTARTS III (510)
-SMALL INTESTINE 7535         10  13  1    73       GOIN' TUBIN' (577)

CHALLENGER ADEPTS              W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 BURNT OFFERINGS 8054          5   0  1    66       CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)
 YELLOW JACKET 7627           12  27  1    64       BUGS, SLUGS & THUGS (591)
 MR OBLIVIOUS 6413            10  14  0    62       THE UPSTARTS III (510)
 BULLY BOY 7447               15  16  0    61       RED DOG GANG (476)
 HOFFA 7713                   13  20  0    59       BUGS, SLUGS & THUGS (591)
-AQUA NETTA 7775               8   6  2    59       THE BIZZLE (593)
-PESMERGA 7813                 5   6  0    59       SUPERIOR FORCES 1601 (586)
 RETRIBUTION XXIX 8259         8   1  0    58       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
 ALLAN JOHNSON 8232            6   2  0    57       TPW FOREVER (619)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-F'SHIZZLE M'NIZZLE 7639       9   9  0    54       THE BIZZLE (593)
 ROCKY BANKS 7073             11  13  0    52       SWIFT CURRENT (468)
-THE LBA 7810                  8   3  0    43       THINGS ILL NEVER GET (601)
 LITTLE EDDY 7536              7   8  1    40       SWIFT CURRENT (468)
-BUZZ BOMB 8140                7  10  0    37       WILD OATS (618)
-URETHRA 7851                  4   2  0    36       GOIN' TUBIN' (577)
 PEG BORED 8069                5   0  1    34       FUNKY FOLK (565)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 ZIGGERZAG 7153                6   2  0    33       THE UPSTARTS III (510)
 WEKA DART 7979                5   3  1    33       WING HOVE (529)
-I OWN INDIMAR 8084            3   5  0    33       4000 BLOWS (107)
 TOWEL BOY 8265                1   0  1    33       TPW FOREVER (619)
-GODLINGEROOSKI 8086           4   2  0    32       CREEPSTERESE (606)
-MYSTIQUE 7932                 2   0  0    32       VILLAINOUS LEGION (605)
 GRUNT VI 7980                 5   4  2    30       DEATH STUDS XII (602)
-BLACK WIDOW XLIII 7868        5   1  0    28       DEATH STUDS XII (602)
 ZOMBIELUST 8181               4   0  0    27       4000 BLOWS (107)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-SPEEDY GONZALEZ 7993          2   2  1    23       WHY MEETH? (607)
-PROXIMO 7991                  1   3  0    23       WHY MEETH? (607)
-PIN DROP 7924                 4   0  0    22       SILENT WARRIORS (561)
 FALOPIAN 8260                 2   0  0    22       GOIN' TUBIN' (577)
 SUPERIOR VENA CAVA 7882       4   4  0    20       GOIN' TUBIN' (577)
-GENOH 7847                    4   4  0    20       SUPERIOR FORCES 1601 (586)
-SETH DRAVEN 8231              2   1  1    20       TPW FOREVER (619)
 KELLY FABULOUS 8221           2   2  0    20       THE BUNKHOUSE (595)
 NULN'S PET SOCK 7465          4   2  0    19       THE UPSTARTS III (510)
-YOBANGER 8059                 2   3  0    19       CREEPSTERESE (606)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-HAPPY G'MO' 7992              1   3  0    19       WHY MEETH? (607)
 DEATH STUD 8211               3   1  1    18       DEATH STUDS XII (602)
 LASSIE 8194                   1   5  0    16       RED DOG GANG (476)
 WONDERFUL HAMMER 8080         4   0  1    15       ARMY ANTZ HAMMERZ (614)
-FROSTSHOCK 8015               2   0  0    15       WHY MEETH? (607)
-STRATEGERY 7939               1   0  0    15       VERBAL MISCUES (604)
 BOOGER 8269                   1   0  0    15       BAD RESTAURANT (622)
-HANS GRUBER 7931              0   1  0    15       VILLAINOUS LEGION (605)
 PANAMON 8087                  4   2  0    14       WING HOVE (529)
 WONDER BOY HAMMER 8079        2   2  0    13       ARMY ANTZ HAMMERZ (614)
 TUDE 8271                     1   0  0    13       BAD RESTAURANT (622)
-SALACIOUS 8166                1   1  0    12       ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518)
-RAZOR XXV 8154                3   1  0    11       DEATH STUDS XII (602)
 CLARK KENT 8196               3   1  0    10       CRAZY CREEPS (207)
 SPLASH 8174                   1   3  0    10       SWIFT CURRENT (468)
 PETE 8182                     0   7  0     7       RED DOG GANG (476)
-ACRIMONIOUS 7996              0   1  0     7       ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518)
 ROACH 8270                    1   0  0     6       BAD RESTAURANT (622)
 ANT MARTHA HAMMER 8076        1   3  0     6       ARMY ANTZ HAMMERZ (614)
 BLACK BURN HAMMER 8078        1   3  0     6       ARMY ANTZ HAMMERZ (614)
 FLUMMAX 8193                  0   6  0     6       RED DOG GANG (476)
 STUMPY 8286                   1   0  0     3       SWIFT CURRENT (468)
 STITCHES 8245                 0   2  0     2       CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)
 WREAK 8272                    0   1  0     1       BAD RESTAURANT (622)
 TROTS 8268                    0   1  0     1       BAD RESTAURANT (622)
 DA BREE 8276                  0   1  0     1       SWIFT CURRENT (468)
-ATLAS 8229                    0   1  0     1       TPW FOREVER (619)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD               W  L K TEAM NAME             SLAIN BY             TURN Revenge?
BLACK BITE HAMME 8077  0  2 0 ARMY ANTZ HAMMERZ 614 PEG BORED 8069        419         
WHISTLE PIG 7806       9 22 0 BUGS, SLUGS & THU 591 BURNT OFFERINGS 8054  419         
DEAD DUDE 8299         0  1 0 THE BUNKHOUSE 595     MONSTER MANALGER 18   421 NONE    
OTHER GUY 8237         0  1 0 THE BUNKHOUSE 595     WONDERFUL HAMMER 8080 419         
ROADRUNNER 7969        4  6 0 CRAZY CREEPS 207      LITTLE EDDY 7536      421         
ARNIE SHEW 21          0  1 0 DARK ARENA 0          TOWEL BOY 8265        421 NONE    
TORTURED SOUL 8300     0  1 0 DEATH STUDS VII 301   ARNIE SHEW 21         421 NONE    
MANAGER'S FOLLY 8301   0  1 0 DEATH STUDS VII 301   GARGOYLE PRINCE 25    421 NONE    
EVIL XXV 7900          8  4 1 DEATH STUDS VII 301   MADONNA 7780          420         
ENIGMA XXV 7871        3  5 0 DEATH STUDS XII 602   ARNIE SHEW 21         421 NONE    
NORA 8293              0  1 0 ELFEN LIED 623        SEA MONSTER 27        421 NONE    
DAN 8292               0  1 0 ELFEN LIED 623        JORGE BLACK ORC 20    421 NONE    
LARRY 8291             0  1 0 ELFEN LIED 623        ARNIE SHEW 21         421 NONE    
DS 17 8287             0  1 0 LIVING SHADOWS 616    BORED ELF 19          421 NONE    
SKINK 8189             0  2 0 THIEVES GUILD 396     DEATH STUD 8211       417 NOT REVE
HACK 8295              0  1 0 TPW FOREVER 619       STONE GOLEM 26        421 NONE    
PAULY'S HAMSTERS 8294  0  1 0 THE UPSTARTS III 510  STONE GOLEM 26        421 NONE    

                                     PERSONAL ADS

Coyote -- I knew it was bad before it even started. -- Rocky

Allan J. -- Just a little too much for me. -- Little Eddy

Death Stud -- So what, just because you're big you think you're bad?  Now you know
why they call me splash---------------------------punk!!! -- Splash

Death Stud -- What. you think the size of your new warrior is going to give you hope?
Obviously in your dreams. -- Barnabas

Anti -- That was you flying through the solar system, another twisted mind, oh great!
-- Barnabas

Paulsonettes -- You two are beginning to embarrass me, step it up boyzliatches!
Don't make me turn Nulninski loose on your sorry butts.  He's a bad man!!! --
Barnabas
P.S.  Yeah, yeah, yeah I saw the 8-1, flash in a pan.

Nuln -- I don't know what came over me, they drive me crazy, maybe using your name as
a threat will wake them up.  I'm sure they are walking lightly, side by side to the
bitter end, for the fear of Nulninski is flowing through their veins. -- Barnabas

Studly -- Describe stellar, like a 5 wit size 18 TP. -- Barnabas

Bing bang bad badderooski!  Coribanger, fonzeronious yippety yap yuckinga!  Oaty
orangemo aradidoddy ding dang dung! -- The Creepster
(Interpreted by The Crazy Creeps Scribe:  Coriolanis, FONZ, Wild Oats and Aradi
suck!)

Aimless -- You smell like an orc and act like an ogre.  Ugh! -- White Witch

Kelly Fabulous -- You did more for me in four minutes that Lois has done in her life!
Shucks, thanks. -- Clark Kent

Tiger Ty -- The ripping went the wrong way, you Cad. -- Jack The Ripper

Nuln -- I am sorry but you will have to repeat that for The Creepster.  He didn't
understand. -- The Crazy Creeps Scribe

Nuln, Anti -- Doesn't everybody in FONZ take direct orders from Death Stud?  What's
the advantage of having a tiny fearless leader of a non-alliance if everyone isn't
going to take directions?  (Well, except Soultaker.) -- The Crazy Creeps Scribe

The Creepster wants everyone who composed this to know that he really appreciates the
wonderful and kind words.  "CREEPSTER -- Crummy, Retarded, Eclectic, Epileptic,
Petty, Staring, Tortured, Elephantitis, Rube."  He was really, really happy with the
elephantitus because he knows that Death Stud has been praying for years for
something like that.  And even more especially, he knows that Nuln prays nightly that
he has matured into a rube. -- The Crazy Creeps Scribe

Health, Humility, Hon...oops, wrong arena. -- An anonymous Crazy Creeps person or
guest

Bugs, Slugs & Thugs -- I apologize for killing Whistle Pig and missing last turn.  I
await your Bloodfeud. -- Burnt Offerings

Nuln -- Yeah, taking direct orders from Studly was part of my re-activation contract
to get back into the Fonz clubhouse (I 'm still waiting for my membership card and
decoder ring).  Mainly he just makes me dress up like a banana and perform
interpretive dance to Hillary Duff songs...but I'd do that for free. :P -- Anti

Barnabas -- Well at least you can take comfort in the fact that if you do finally get
a great roll up, as soon as you mention it to your non-alliance mates we'll be more
than happy to downchallenge em while aiming for vitals.  Think of it as "Tough Love."
Heh. -- Anti

Avenging Scrod -- There something wrong with transsexuals?!  Just like a scrod to say
something like that, you're all alike. -- Androgenous Strain

DS -- Eh, Rot Gut was only around because I wanted to hold off DA'ing for a while...I
was hoping Barney would burn through all the size 19 wit 3 warriors for me.  Obla dee
obla da. -- Anti

Nuln -- In your message to Ganolus you forgot to add "...and Anti still sits upon his
throne of skulls, despairing that he has run out of kingdoms to conquer."  Or was it
"...and Anti is still under a court order not to come within 200 feet of a Chuck E
Cheese."  I can never remember these things. -- Anti, King of Talahya

Little Eddy -- I like muffins. -- Allan Johnson

Death Stud -- Yup it's a regular Fonz Country Jamboree.  I'll get the banjo, have
Nuln grab his fiddle, and if you grab your jug pipe we can have a ho down!  Yee Haws!
-- Anti

Ed. -- If it makes you feel any better, I fear the Togs as well.  Course I also fear
butterflies (they're Satan's hang gliders!) and monkeys wearing novelty hats (they
distract you the beanie, and then it's face biting time!) so I may not be your first
choice for reassurance. :P -- Anti

     You know, I'm glad I don't have your life. -- Ed.

Death Stud -- Sure, bust out with the ream-loads of personals the same turn I
chastise you for not writing any.  Since I have no credibility anyway, I guess it
can't hurt. -- Nuln

Ed. -- Just in case you were wondering, the TOGS Exploratory Committee has approved
Ed. Jr. to edit the next T..., if you so choose.  It would expand vocabulary, but
probably not in the direction you were hoping. -- Nuln

     Actually, it would probably mean that the only stuff that would make it through
     would be written by the Creepster.  I think that's about where her language
     skills are just now.... -- Ed.

Ed. -- Powdered sea stars?  My my, this talk of the next T... has really set you off
I see. -- Nuln

     Hey, it's a whole different ball game from this side of the page. -- Ed.

Death Stud -- Ah, but one of my specialties is running crappy warriors to decent
records, at least in their first 10 fights.  Remember those dixie scum SLs of mine?
Ahhh, what a thing of beauty.  <pausing for a little more reverie>  Anyway, it has
the added benefit of cracking me up when I DA them and get to watch the expression on
your face.  As they say, it's worth the price of admission. -- Nuln
P.S.  15 wit ST = bleh.

Pauly -- Have you and your pops taken a collective vow of silence?  If the answer's
yes, just nod, I'll understand. -- Nuln

Weka Dart -- I was trying to challenge you, honest.  Your manager still better keep
an eye (or two) on me, if he knows what's good for him (which we sincerely doubt). --
I Own Indimar

Superior Vena Cava -- I think you must be the younger brother they switched at birth,
Inferior Vena Cava.  A ha ha ha ha ha ha <holding belly as he continues laughing into
eternity> -- I Own Indimar and Superior Vena Cava Except That is Too Long a Name to
Have

Death Stud & Soultaker -- I am so proud of you two.  <holding back a tear> -- Nuln
P.S.  I think you know why.

Coriolanus -- Those who hunt the elusive Avenging Scrod are often known to stop dead
in the their tracks, scratching their head in puzzlement, for he is nowhere to be
found.  <nudge> <nudge> <wink> <wink> -- Nuln
P.S.  He'll be sitting out for a bit now.  <wink>

Creepster -- I added yet more hidden depth and subtle nuance in my ads this time than
last (10.5 times as much, to be precise), again, just for you.  You may need to ask
your scribe for assistance. -- Nuln the always courteous

Jim Panzi -- (bouncing and barking)  Throw it again!  I'll bring it back to you,
honest! -- Stevie
P.S.  You don't mind a little dog spit on a stick, do you?  It keeps it from drying
out.

Mr Oblivious -- Oh.  I thought you were a bone.  NATURALLY, I chewed on you and tried
to bury you in the sand.  It's what I'm SUPPOSED to do with bones.  If you'd
RESISTED, I might have guessed you were something else and tried a different game. --
Bully Boy the Disappointed

Ziggerzag -- Wow, CHASING!  I love chasing.  Let's do it again. -- Pete

Panamon -- No frisbee?  I was hoping for a frisbee.  Maybe you could bring one next
time? -- Lassie

Seth Draven -- (whimpering)  I didn't mind you being a cat.  Honest!  Some of my best
friends are cats. -- Flummax
P.S.  Please don't scratch my nose again.  It's very sensitive.

Coriolanus -- This is, of course, absolutely true. -- Spot
P.S.  And if some of it ends up on the floor because an eager dog barked while the
casserole was being taken out of the oven, well, that's the way it goes.

Our congratulations to Coriolanus. -- Spot and the Red Dog Gang
P.S.  Even if you are a cat.

Clark Kent -- See if I ever let YOU off double-parking at a phone booth again. -- No-
Longer-Friendly Constable

Barnabas -- Yes, it's true you won that round, but it will take much more than that
to shut me up.  Even for just a few moments.  I get way too much caffeine in my diet
for that to happen. -- Pauly
P.S.  I guess I should clarify that Weezy Dang is only unbeatable every other turn.
Hence the .500 record.  Had you fought him the previous or the following turn,
clearly you would have lost.

     Jam tomorrow, eh? -- Ed.

Nuln -- It would appear that a showdown is being set up between the Avenging Scrod
and our noble Duelmaster.  I did however throw Ricky J at him, despite his previous
loss.  Had to try.  Good luck to both of us. -- Pauly

Clark Kent -- Hmm.  I don't think you can beat me twice in a row.  Hopefully my
challenge went through so we can find out. -- Kelly Fabulous
P.S.  I'm fabulous.

Indimar -- Thanks for the furniture. -- Pauly

I heard that TOGS VI is going to be the mother of all TOGS.  I also heard that the
first five teams to commit get a free pair of leg warmers and a scrod scale nut sack
(which is available with an optional scrod oil sheen for that freshly shorn look).
Anyway, that's just what I heard. -- Pauly

Nuln -- I would never blame anything on Scrodbucks. My recent lack of correspondence
can only be blamed on my being lazy. -- Indimar

9 July 2007
I have not been receiving my physical turns in a reliable manner lately.  If there
are diplos with the turns that go missing, they're gone for good.  So if you send me
a diplo and do not see an acknowledgement of receipt in the personals, know that I
have not gotten it (yet).  If you have email, contact me at Livia AT reality DOT com.
If you don't have email, keep trying with the diplos.  We are working on this
problem. -- the Scribe/Jorja/Leeta
P.S.  If you email me, put "Re DM" on the subject line.

27 July 2007
                        *************************************
                        *************************************
                        **  STORMCROWE SLAUGHTERHOUSE II   **
                        *************************************
                        *************************************

Years have passed since the last Slaughterhouse, but the season is right for a return
to STORMCROWE!  Join us in DM-45 for the STORMCROWE SLAUGHTERHOUSE II.

WHEN

*The actions begins TURN-263 (due approximately November 27, 2007)

WHERE

*STORMCROWE (DM 45)

HOW LONG

*13 Turns (Turns 263-275)

TEAMS

*Teams will consist of two (2) managers.  No more, no less.  Only one team allowed
per manager.  Violators will be disqualified from the competition.  Old teams and new
teams are welcome to join the competition.  Once the contest has begun (TURN 263)
managers MAY NOT exchange teams or partners.

SCORING

In the tradition of the Slaughterhouse, scoring will be simple and straight-forward.
Victory and achievements will be rewarded while defeats will be mocked and ridiculed.

+3 Win
+2 Kill (in addition to +3 Win for a total of +5)
+5 Team on the Move (Top Gainer(s) Only)
+3 Turn's Most Popular
+3 Turn's Least Popular
+5 Current Top Team (begins 3rd turn of contest)

SPECIAL SCORING CONSIDERATIONS

*Fights against teammates garner NO POINTS.

*Fights against Judith's team (Northern Lights), Arena Stand Bys and the Dark Arena
garner NO POINTS (this includes DA kills).

*Tourney participation is allowed (even encouraged), but NO POINTS will be given for
success in those endeavors.

*NO POINTS will be awarded for DM, Popularity Leader, Chartered Recognition Leader,

Top Chartered Team, Stylemasters, Top Unchartered Team, and Unchartered Recognition
Leader.  Every effort has been made to insure scoring neither benefits established
teams nor new teams.

ENTRY

Entry into the Stormcrowe Slaughterhouse is easy:

*Find a Partner

*Declare your intentions in the Stormcrowe newsletter to enter before the first turn
of the contest.  You may also email or diplo Master Darque.

*Each manager entering the Stormcrowe Slaughterhouse must submit one (1) Team Roll-Up
Certificate.  Only certificates will be accepted for entry.  All certificates
submitted will be used during the course of the contest as prizes.

PRIZES

*ENDURANCE AWARD:  One (1) +1 Bonus Potion will be given to every team that competes
in 60 of the 65 contest fights.

*KILL MASTER AWARD:  The individual manager with the most kills will receive a
Limited Immortality Potion.  This potion may be applied to one (1) warrior.  He/she
will be resurrected ONE-TIME if they are killed in Basic D2.

*TOP TEAM AWARD:  Each manager on the winning team will receive the following prize
pack for their Slaughterhouse Dominance:

*One (1) +1 Bonus Potion
*Favorites Knowledge for one (1) Warrior
*Undisclosed amount of Team RU Certificates

Special note from RSI on prizes:  All contest prizes must be used within three
months.  All contest prizes may only be used on a living warrior on the participating
contest team in DM 45.  The immortality potion may resurrect a warrior one time,
after a death in DM 45 only, after which time the potion disappears.

TIE-BREAKERS

In the unlikely event of a tie, pre-contest established tie-breakers will be
consulted to determine a winner.  The tie-breaking criteria are known to the
Moderator and RSI.  They will not be made public knowledge to avoid any exploitation.

MODERATOR

Master Darque will be serving as Master of Ceremonies for the Slaughterhouse II.  As
such, all his decisions are final.  Any rules inquiries should be directed to him.

CONTACT INFORMATION

Master Darque can be reached by Diplo in DM 45 (Darque Forces-428) or you may email
him at the following address:  rebelnerfherder at yahoo dot com.  Be sure to put
STORMCROWE in the Subject line of your Email so it can be easily spotted if sent to
his Spam folder.

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

ENIGMA XXV was barely slain by ARNIE SHEW in a 2 minute Dark Arena fight.
TORTURED SOUL was murdered by ARNIE SHEW in a 1 minute brutal Dark Arena melee.
DEAD DUDE was assassinated by MONSTER MANALGER in a 1 minute bloody Dark Arena duel.
HACK was butchered by STONE GOLEM in a slow 3 minute brutal Dark Arena fight.
PAULY'S HAMSTERS was dealt death by STONE GOLEM in a 3 minute Dark Arena brawl.
NORA was assassinated by SEA MONSTER in a 1 minute Dark Arena struggle.
DAN was executed by JORGE BLACK ORC in a 1 minute bloody Dark Arena brawl.
TOWEL BOY assassinated ARNIE SHEW in a action packed 1 minute Dark Arena melee.
LARRY was slaughtered by ARNIE SHEW in a 1 minute gory Dark Arena duel.
DS 17 was slaughtered by BORED ELF in a 1 minute gory Dark Arena duel.
MANAGER'S FOLLY was assassinated by GARGOYLE PRINCE in a 2 minute Dark Arena match.
BLACK BURN HAMMER was overpowered by PEG BORED in a 1 minute Bloodfeud fight.
TIGER TY was demolished by JIM PANZI in a 3 minute Challenge Title competition.
SPAM SANDWICH demolished MADONNA in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge brawl.
911 handily defeated BULLY BOY in a 1 minute uneven Challenge fight.
ROCKY BANKS was defeated by YELLOW JACKET in a 1 minute expert's Challenge struggle.
BURNT OFFERINGS outlasted HOFFA in a 9 minute mismatched Challenge brawl.
FALOPIAN overpowered PETE in a 1 minute brutal one-sided Challenge match.
ZIGGERZAG overpowered WONDER BOY HAMMER in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge fight.
GRUNT VI devastated SPLASH in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge contest.
ZOMBIELUST defeated PANAMON in a 3 minute Challenge duel.
KELLY FABULOUS subdued CLARK KENT in a 3 minute beginner's Challenge bout.
RICKY J vanquished VETERAN MERCENARY in a 1 minute mismatched fray.
MACS was defeated by COYOTE in a 1 minute veteran's match.
AIMLESS overpowered ALLAN JOHNSON in a 1 minute one-sided duel.
WHITE WITCH was savagely defeated by WEEZY DANG in a popular 3 minute one-sided duel.
LITTLE EDDY dispatched ROADRUNNER in a action packed 1 minute bout.
WEKA DART was handily defeated by MR OBLIVIOUS in a exciting 1 minute uneven bout.
RETRIBUTION XXIX unbelievably bested RUTHLESS JAYWALKER in a exciting 8 minute duel.
LASSIE overpowered FRIENDLY CONSTABLE in a 1 minute uneven duel.
FLUMMAX was overpowered by DEATH STUD in a 1 minute one-sided match.
NULN'S PET SOCK overpowered ANT MARTHA HAMMER in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
SUPERIOR VENA CAVA overpowered STITCHES in a 1 minute uneven bout.
WONDERFUL HAMMER subdued WREAK in a 3 minute gory beginner's contest.
STUMPY outwaited TROTS in a unpopular 14 minute novice's battle.
DA BREE was beaten by ROACH in a 2 minute novice's fray.
TUDE demolished FRIENDLY CONSTABLE in a 1 minute mismatched match.
BOOGER demolished DWAYNE THE DOG in a 1 minute one-sided duel.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|STRIKING ATTACK                 13         PARRY-LUNGE       13 -   9 -  0      59  |
|LUNGING ATTACK                  10         WALL OF STEEL     24 -  23 -  1      51  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      8         STRIKING ATTACK   56 -  63 -  4      47  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     7         AIMED BLOW        20 -  23 -  1      47  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   7         LUNGING ATTACK    39 -  50 -  3      44  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  5         TOTAL PARRY       33 -  46 -  2      42  |
|AIMED BLOW                       4         SLASHING ATTACK   23 -  37 -  3      38  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    4         PARRY-STRIKE      13 -  23 -  1      36  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    2         PARRY-RIPOSTE      6 -  16 -  1      27  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      0         BASHING ATTACK    11 -  35 -  2      24  |

Turn 421 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

AIMED BLOW         3 -  1     PARRY-STRIKE       3 -  4         4  STRIKING ATTACK
STRIKING ATTACK    8 -  5     SLASHING ATTACK    2 -  3         3  LUNGING ATTACK 
LUNGING ATTACK     5 -  5     BASHING ATTACK     1 -  6         1  PARRY-STRIKE   
TOTAL PARRY        4 -  4     PARRY-LUNGE        0 -  0         1  WALL OF STEEL  
WALL OF STEEL      2 -  2     PARRY-RIPOSTE      0 -  2         1  TOTAL PARRY    
                                                                1  AIMED BLOW     

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
PARRY-STRIKE     JIM PANZI 7382             19  13  0  147 FUNKY FOLK (565)
LUNGING ATTACK   SPAM SANDWICH 7524         17  15  0  121 CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)
STRIKING ATTACK  RICKY J 7968               12   5  1  104 THE BUNKHOUSE (595)
AIMED BLOW       AIMLESS 7967               12   5  0   95 THE BUNKHOUSE (595)
WALL OF STEEL    TIGER TY 7665              15  11  1   92 WING HOVE (529)
TOTAL PARRY      WHITE WITCH 7542           19  15  0   82 CRAZY CREEPS (207)
BASHING ATTACK   PEG BORED 8069              5   0  1   34 FUNKY FOLK (565)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

The overall popularity leader is COYOTE 7626.  The most popular warrior this turn was 
BURNT OFFERINGS 8054.  The ten other most popular fighters were WEEZY DANG 7909, JIM 
PANZI 7382, ENIGMA XXV 7871, PAULY'S HAMSTERS 8294, ZOMBIELUST 8181, TOWEL BOY 8265, 
SPAM SANDWICH 7524, ROCKY BANKS 7073, FALOPIAN 8260, and MR OBLIVIOUS 6413.

The least popular fighter this week was STUMPY 8286.  The other ten least popular 
fighters were HACK 8295, RETRIBUTION XXIX 8259, HOFFA 7713, STITCHES 8245, ANT MARTHA 
HAMMER 8076, FLUMMAX 8193, SPLASH 8174, WONDER BOY HAMMER 8079, PETE 8182, and BULLY 
BOY 7447.

The following warriors will travel to AD after next turn:

JIM PANZI (60-7382) FUNKY FOLK (565)
SPAM SANDWICH (60-7524) CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)
COYOTE (60-7626) BUGS, SLUGS & THUGS (591)

The following warriors have traveled to AD after fighting this turn:

CORIOLANUS (60-8151) WILD OATS (618)