DUEL 2 NEWSLETTER

Date   : 01/11/2008    Duedate: 01/24/2008

COLLUSION COVE ARENA

DM-60    TURN-433

This Weeks Top Honors

THE DUELMASTER IS

DUNNO
HIT ME WITH... (503)
(60-6988) [11-17-1,99]

Chartered Recognition Leader   Unchartered Recognition Leader

HOFFA                          THE BUNISHER
BUGS, SLUGS & THUGS (591)      HOUSE OF GRAIN (625)
(60-7713) [19-26-0,103]        (60-8341) [8-1-1,61]

Popularity Leader              This Weeks Favorite

MR OBLIVIOUS                   WATER SPOUT
THE UPSTARTS III (510)         NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
(60-6413) [15-17-0,93]         (60-8013) [2-1-0,19]

THE CURRENT TOP TEAM

 (-1)

          TEAMS ON THE MOVE            TOP CAREER HONORS
Team Name                  Point Gain  Chartered Team
1. ELFEN LIED (623)            49
2. HIT ME WITH... (503)        45      FRUIT OF THE LOOM (615)
3. FUNKY FOLK (565)            41      Unchartered Team
4. PURE EVIL (629)             35
5. DEATH STUDS XII (602)       30      PURE EVIL (629)

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
 1/ 1*PURE EVIL (629)           16   8  0 66.7   1/ 4*HOUSE OF GRAIN (625)      9  6 0
 2/ 2*HOUSE OF GRAIN (625)      27  17  2 61.4   2/ 5*PURE EVIL (629)           9  6 0
 3/ 4 FRUIT OF THE LOOM (615)   16  11  6 59.3   3/ 1*PASTAFARIANS (630)        7  8 0
 4/ 3 ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518)   118  82  7 59.0   4/14 FRUIT OF THE LOOM (615)   6  5 0
 5/ 5 DEATH STUDS VII (301)    505 405 18 55.5   5/ 7 RED DOG GANG (476)        6  8 0
 6/ 7 CRAZY CREEPS (207)       581 480 19 54.8   6/ 3 DEATH STUDS XII (602)     6  8 0
 7/ 8 NATURAL DISASTERS (159)  718 614 26 53.9   7/13 BUGS, SLUGS & THUG (591)  5  1 0
 8/ 9 LUROCIANS VI (431)       115 101  8 53.2   8/ 8*DREAMTIME (633)           5  5 0
 9/ 0 WILD CARDS (148)         777 699 33 52.6   9/22 FUNKY FOLK (565)          5  6 2
10-10 DEMONS OF DARKNESS (430) 219 198 13 52.5  10/ 2*VILLAINOUS LEGION (605)   5  6 1
11/ 6*PASTAFARIANS (630)        13  12  0 52.0  11/ 6 UNDERDOGS (5)             5 10 0
12/11 UNDERDOGS (5)            278 276 15 50.2  12/ 0 WING HOVE (529)           4  0 0
13-14 THE BUNKHOUSE (595)       85  92  2 48.0  13/25*ELFEN LIED (623)          4  2 0
14/ 0 THE UPSTARTS III (510)    68  74  3 47.9  14/16 NATURAL DISASTERS (159)   4  4 0
15/ 0 HIT ME WITH... (503)      70  77  3 47.6  15/10 DEATH STUDS VII (301)     4  5 1
16/16 DEATH STUDS XII (602)     37  41  5 47.4  16/ 9*CELTIC PRIDE (628)        4 11 1
17/15 4000 BLOWS (107)         684 761 31 47.3  17/ 0 HIT ME WITH... (503)      3  1 1
18/13 TPW FOREVER (619)         21  24  3 46.7  18/15 TPW FOREVER (619)         3  2 0

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
19/ 0 WING HOVE (529)          113 130  6 46.5  19/18*THE EYES HAVE IT (632)    3  3 0
20/12*VILLAINOUS LEGION (605)   15  18  1 45.5  20/30*GENX PERFECT HITS (620)   2  1 0
21/22*THE EYES HAVE IT (632)     5   6  0 45.5  21/24 SUPERIOR FORCES 16 (586)  2  2 0
22/18 SUPERIOR FORCES 16 (586)  36  44  1 45.0  22/26 CREEPSTERESE (606)        2  3 0
23/19*DREAMTIME (633)            9  11  0 45.0  23/11 LUROCIANS VI (431)        2  9 0
24/17 CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)    81 100  2 44.8  24-23 DEMONS OF DARKNESS (430)  1  1 0
25/21 CREEPSTERESE (606)        15  21  3 41.7  25/ 0 THE UPSTARTS III (510)    1  1 0
26/20 FUNKY FOLK (565)          65  92  8 41.4  26-17 RESCUE RANGERS (362)      1  2 1
27/24 BUGS, SLUGS & THUG (591)  78 117  6 40.0  27/19 CRAZY CREEPS (207)        1  2 0
28-23*LA BOULANGE (626)          2   3  0 40.0  28/12 ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518)    1  2 0
29/25 RED DOG GANG (476)       374 613  5 37.9  29/28 CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)    1  5 0
30-26 RESCUE RANGERS (362)      17  29  2 37.0  30/21 4000 BLOWS (107)          1  5 0
31/27*CELTIC PRIDE (628)        10  20  1 33.3  31/27*RUSH REBORN (627)         0  9 0
32/31*GENX PERFECT HITS (620)    2   4  0 33.3  32/ 0 WILD CARDS (148)          0  2 0
33/30*ELFEN LIED (623)           4  13  0 23.5  33-29 THE BUNKHOUSE (595)       0  1 0
34/28*RUSH REBORN (627)          4  23  2 14.8  34-20*LA BOULANGE (626)         0  1 0

    '*'   Unchartered team                       '-'  Team did not fight this turn
   (###)  Avoid teams by their Team Id          ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

                                 DUELMASTER'S COLUMN
                             Notes from the arena champ.

So Anti was telling me about how I needed to make sure I didn't take the throne and
get graduated too quickly or something like that, but then I don't remember what he
said after that because I noticed that the neighbor's cat had this look in his eyes.

Like he knew.

And that's when I realized the butterflies had been giving out my yogurt recipe.

You can't trust anyone anymore.  Anytime.  Or with gravy.

Your Duelmaster,
Allan Johnson

                                      SPY REPORT

     Thankyouthankyou.  It's great for me, The Unknown Spymaster to be back in 
COLLUSION COVE.  Hope you enjoy the show.  Oh, who am I kidding?  I already got paid! 
Rising in the ranks like a loaf of armored bread (okay, I admit it's corny) is FUNKY 
FOLK, who swept up 13 places in the ranks.  Take a look at ELFEN LIED's act, as they 
have a 3-1-0 week and gain 12 places in the team ranking.  What goes up, must come 
down.  Watch out COLLUSION COVE!  LUROCIANS VI may fall on you as it crushes past the 
teams below it to fall on the 23rd spot.  A seasoned team is steady in the lists.  
But to ELOQUENT KNIGHTS, which fell to 28th, it's what you soak in before going to 
the Dark Arena.  Advancing in the rankings was PURE EVIL who went from last turn's 
12-7-0, to this week's record of 16-8-0.  Hey everybody, watch out for THE BUNISHER, 
who flew up 22 points in the rankings after mashing HENDRICK like a melon.  Keep your 
eye on this beast.  And falling like a basher in the top ten was HENDRICK, who 
dropped 16 points after a disappointing (to say the least) bout with THE BUNISHER.  
It's a proud day for the HIT ME WITH... stable, as their warrior, DUNNO, ascended the 
Duelmaster's throne.  An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but an onion a day keeps 
T.P.s at bay.   
     Here is other news that is of note.  Did you hear that PURE EVIL was most 
avoided team this week?  Well, knowing the personal hygiene of PURE EVIL's warriors, 
I'm not surprised!  And you guys like to boo me?  Well, unsling your rasberries, 
cause PASTAFARIANS beats feet every time PURE EVIL smiles at them.  Try farming, eh?  
Well dang howdy, but if challenges were votes, PAULINE would be president.  Although 
it may be a contest she doesn't want to win.  Challenging down 36 points was LOKI IX. 
Pretty soon he'll be using two shields and selling 'T.P.:  The only way to clean up' 
pins.  Here is a definition of happiness:  HOFFA defeated LOKI IX to go from 90 to 
103 recognition points.  TWIG of FRUIT OF THE LOOM had better have a good reason for 
challenging down 12 points in a challenge which he won.  I thought TWIG showed great 
skill and promise when he defeated LASSIE.  All right, so I slept through it!  Big 
deal!   
     Remember that an arena is not always a safe place to be, but it is one of the 
most interesting, though!  This week 10-16-0 INDIMAR'S FAXMACHINE was sent to the 
Dark Arena.  I know a lot of fighters with similar records who might take notice of 
this.  BUSTED NUTS defied all odds and slew BORED ELF in the Dark Arena.  The only 
ones displeased were the buzzards, as BORED ELF's meat is notoriously tough.  Big 
deal, so ENIGMA XXV got mashed in the Dark Arena.  With his face he was more at home 
with the trolls than with us. (Waka waka).  JEN ASIDE defied all odds and slew BORED 
ELF in the Dark Arena.  The only ones displeased were the buzzards, as BORED ELF's 
meat is notoriously tough.  Here's some advice:  warriors with little wit and will 
may encounter problems on the trail to the Isle.   
     Well, there's the manager of the COLLUSION COVE giving me the 'cut' sign (or is 
that 'They're going to strangle you in the alley?).  Okay, so I may not be the 
world's best comedian, but then you guys aren't the world's best warriors.  Its been 
real, and its been fun, but it hasn't been real fun...-- The Unknown Spymaster  

DUELMASTER                     W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 DUNNO 6988                   11  17  1    99       HIT ME WITH... (503)

CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-TOSSED SALAD 6987            15  12  1   113       HIT ME WITH... (503)
-TYVEK 7478                    9   7  0   108       DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
-THE AVENGING SCROD 7649      20  12  1   105       4000 BLOWS (107)
 HOFFA 7713                   19  26  0   103       BUGS, SLUGS & THUGS (591)
 ERUPTION 7310                13  10  1   100       NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
-WRATH LIX 7899               10   3  0    99       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
-WEEZY DANG 7909               9   7  0    98       THE BUNKHOUSE (595)
-JACK THE RIPPER 7487         20  14  0    96       CRAZY CREEPS (207)
-THE RIDDLER 7852             12   8  2    95       CRAZY CREEPS (207)
 TIGER TY 7665                17  14  1    93       WING HOVE (529)
 MR OBLIVIOUS 6413            15  17  0    93       THE UPSTARTS III (510)
 YELLOW JACKET 7627           15  36  1    91       BUGS, SLUGS & THUGS (591)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 LOKI IX 7860                  9   4  1    90       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
-WHITE WITCH 7542             21  15  0    89       CRAZY CREEPS (207)
-AIMLESS 7967                 13   7  0    88       THE BUNKHOUSE (595)
-SUNSHINE 7593                 9   7  0    86       SUPERIOR FORCES 1601 (586)
 FLASH FIRE 7390              15  12  0    81       NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
-VENREK 7477                  14   5  0    81       DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
 ANDROGENOUS STRAIN 6412      11  18  0    81       THE UPSTARTS III (510)
 PAULINE 4997                 11   7  0    77       UNDERDOGS (5)
 ALLAN JOHNSON 8232           11   5  0    75       TPW FOREVER (619)
-RETRIBUTION XXIX 8259         9   2  0    75       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
-LLUGS AND LLISSES 5887       13  14  1    72       LUROCIANS VI (431)
-LLUCKY DAY 6021              11  10  1    72       LUROCIANS VI (431)
 BUSTED NUTS 7134             11  10  1    71       HIT ME WITH... (503)
 DEATH STUD 8211               8   4  1    71       DEATH STUDS XII (602)
 LAVA TUBE 7393               12   8  1    69       NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
 BLACK WIDOW XLIII 7868       10   4  1    68       DEATH STUDS XII (602)
-911 7936                      9   7  0    68       CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)
 FLICKED BOOGERS 6989         15  13  0    67       HIT ME WITH... (503)

CHALLENGER ADEPTS              W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-LLUPERIOR LLORCES 5956       12   8  1    65       LUROCIANS VI (431)
 THE BUNISHER 8341             8   1  1    61       HOUSE OF GRAIN (625)
-3D'S NOT L33T 7833            9   5  3    60       WILD CARDS (148)

CHALLENGER ADEPTS              W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 WEKA DART 7979                8   5  1    57       WING HOVE (529)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 MYSTIQUE 7932                 5   3  1    56       VILLAINOUS LEGION (605)
-PUSILLANIMOUS 8192            6   0  0    55       ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518)
-EDWARD KINGSLEY 8330          4   0  1    55       TPW FOREVER (619)
-NULN'S PET SOCK 7465          7   2  0    54       THE UPSTARTS III (510)
 TWIG 8096                     4   1  1    54       FRUIT OF THE LOOM (615)
-GAZREK 7858                   7   4  0    53       DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
 HANS GRUBER 7931              5   2  0    50       VILLAINOUS LEGION (605)
 HENDRICK 5022                11   6  0    49       UNDERDOGS (5)
 FLUMMAX 8193                  7  11  0    49       RED DOG GANG (476)
-ZIGGERZAG 7153                8   2  0    48       THE UPSTARTS III (510)
-RESPECT THE PACKAGE 7832      8   6  0    46       WILD CARDS (148)
-LIMPY LIMPY 7046              5   5  0    46       LUROCIANS VI (431)
-TOWEL BOY 8265                3   1  1    46       TPW FOREVER (619)
 PAUL BEARER 8082              3   2  0    44       FUNKY FOLK (565)
 BURNT OFFERINGS 8054          6   5  1    42       CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)
-RAZOR XXV 8154                6   4  0    42       DEATH STUDS XII (602)
-ODALISQUE 8121                3   0  2    41       ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518)
-PESMERGA 7813                 5   7  0    39       SUPERIOR FORCES 1601 (586)
-ZOMBIELUST 8181               5   0  0    39       4000 BLOWS (107)
 TAXMAN 8397                   5   0  0    39       PURE EVIL (629)
 PEACH FUZZ 8095               4   3  1    39       FRUIT OF THE LOOM (615)
-CLARK KENT 8196               7   3  0    38       CRAZY CREEPS (207)
 LITTLE BIG DOG 8355           6   4  0    36       RED DOG GANG (476)
-I OWN INDIMAR 8084            4   6  0    36       4000 BLOWS (107)
 FRANZ 5021                    8   9  1    34       UNDERDOGS (5)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 JEN ASIDE 8439                2   2  2    33       FUNKY FOLK (565)
 PANAMON 8087                  7   5  0    32       WING HOVE (529)
 CORK 8373                     4   2  0    32       CELTIC PRIDE (628)
 PLUM 8094                     2   3  1    32       FRUIT OF THE LOOM (615)
 RYEHARD 8339                  6   3  1    31       HOUSE OF GRAIN (625)
 BAI 8386                      5   2  0    31       UNDERDOGS (5)
 VIKI 8261                     2   0  0    31       SUPERIOR FORCES 1601 (586)
-SETH DRAVEN 8231              3   1  1    30       TPW FOREVER (619)
 LASSIE 8194                   5  13  0    28       RED DOG GANG (476)
 CARROT TOP 8398               4   1  0    27       PURE EVIL (629)
 PAR 8297                      3   3  1    27       WING HOVE (529)
 SKI DOOSKI 8284               3   0  1    27       CREEPSTERESE (606)
-STITCHES 8245                 2   4  0    27       CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)
 SCORN BREAD 8343              5   4  0    26       HOUSE OF GRAIN (625)
 OVERTIME 8394                 5   0  0    26       PURE EVIL (629)
 WARM PIRATE 8407              4   1  0    25       PASTAFARIANS (630)
-RED WINTER 8304               2   1  0    25       VILLAINOUS LEGION (605)
-HOWLER XIII 8302              3   0  1    24       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
 OSWALD 8385                   3   4  0    24       UNDERDOGS (5)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-KELLY FABULOUS 8221           4   3  0    23       THE BUNKHOUSE (595)
-SHRIVELLED PRUNE 8177         2   1  0    22       FRUIT OF THE LOOM (615)
 KHOTA 8315                    1   0  0    20       ELFEN LIED (623)
 NANA 8361                     1   0  0    20       ELFEN LIED (623)
 WATER SPOUT 8013              2   1  0    19       NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
 CHALLAH POINT 8389            2   3  0    19       HOUSE OF GRAIN (625)
-YOBANGER 8059                 2   3  0    19       CREEPSTERESE (606)
-WHACK-A-STUD 8349             3   0  0    18       THE UPSTARTS III (510)
-AN AVERAGE JOE 7281           2   5  1    18       RESCUE RANGERS (362)
 BEAST XVII 8303               2   4  0    18       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
 NAAN VIOLENT 8433             2   2  0    18       HOUSE OF GRAIN (625)
 MR. CLEAN 8307                3   6  1    16       CRAZY CREEPS (207)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 BOY GEORGE 8378               2   2  0    16       CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)
 NYSTERIOUS WAYS 8464          2   0  0    16       PASTAFARIANS (630)
 THE EX 8436                   1   3  0    16       PURE EVIL (629)
-EDIE 8429                     1   3  0    14       DREAMTIME (633)
-STAR 8427                     4   0  0    13       DREAMTIME (633)
-PRIVATE EYE 8425              3   1  0    13       THE EYES HAVE IT (632)
 EYE SPY 8421                  2   1  0    13       THE EYES HAVE IT (632)
 YUKA 8344                     2   1  0    13       ELFEN LIED (623)
 GALWAY 8372                   1   5  1    13       CELTIC PRIDE (628)
-RAMBO 8382                    1   0  0    12       RESCUE RANGERS (362)
 NOODLY APPENDIX 8404          3   2  0    11       PASTAFARIANS (630)
 VENGANZA 8408                 3   2  0    11       PASTAFARIANS (630)
 CURT SHIFF 8479               1   1  0    11       FUNKY FOLK (565)
-DONALD 8380                   1   0  0    11       RESCUE RANGERS (362)
 WILD YOUTH 8296               1   0  0    11       GENX PERFECT HITS (620)
 READY, STEADY, GO 8249        1   0  0    11       GENX PERFECT HITS (620)
-L'APPRENTI 8351               1   0  0    11       LA BOULANGE (626)
-HARD CIDER 7981               1   1  0    11       WILD CARDS (148)
 SHANNON 8375                  2   4  0    10       CELTIC PRIDE (628)
-GOOFY 8379                    1   1  1    10       RESCUE RANGERS (362)
 LIMELIGHT 8365                1   5  1    10       RUSH REBORN (627)
-COCO NUTS 8163                1   0  0    10       FRUIT OF THE LOOM (615)
 CHONDROMALACIA 8432           2   2  0     9       ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518)
 WILD FLOWER 8443              2   2  0     9       DREAMTIME (633)
 PEEPS 8396                    1   4  0     9       PURE EVIL (629)
-SPIRITWALKER 8431             2   2  0     8       DREAMTIME (633)
 TOM SAWYER 8369               1   5  0     8       RUSH REBORN (627)
 LIMRICK 8376                  1   5  0     8       CELTIC PRIDE (628)
-VENGRAZ 8018                  1   1  0     8       DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
-LE FOURNER 8354               1   1  0     8       LA BOULANGE (626)
 EARTHSHINE 8392               1   3  1     7       RUSH REBORN (627)
-CHUCK NORRIS 8381             0   1  0     7       RESCUE RANGERS (362)
 NYU 8290                      0   1  0     7       ELFEN LIED (623)
 MICKEY FINN 8442              1   3  0     6       CELTIC PRIDE (628)
 VAPOR TRAIL 8393              0   4  0     4       RUSH REBORN (627)
 BB BULLY BOY 8477             0   2  0     2       RED DOG GANG (476)
 FREEWILL 8468                 0   1  0     1       RUSH REBORN (627)
 FUSILLI JERRY 8486            0   1  0     1       PASTAFARIANS (630)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                W  L K TEAM NAME            SLAIN BY              TURN Revenge?
SUBTOGS STANDARD 8482   0  1 0 4000 BLOWS 107       FIRST TOGS CHAMP      433  NONE
DUBLIN 8374             1  1 0 CELTIC PRIDE 628     EARTHSHINE 8392       429  NOT REVENGED
BORED ELF               0  0 0 DARK ARENA           JEN ASIDE 8439        433  NONE
ENIGMA XXV 7871         4  9 1 DEATH STUDS XII 602  ARENAMASTER HARK      433  NONE
GRUNT VI 7980           7  7 2 DEATH STUDS XII 602  MYSTIQUE 7932         431  JUST REVENGED
PURE EVIL SCUM 8488     0  1 0 DEATH STUDS XII 602  FIRST TOGS CHAMP      433  NONE
THE WITCH 8428          0  2 0 DREAMTIME 633        HOWLER XIII 8302      430   
INDIMAR'S FAXMAC 7013  10 16 0 HIT ME WITH... 503   GARGOYLE PRINCE       433  NONE
ROLLDOZER 8342          3  2 0 HOUSE OF GRAIN 625   ODALISQUE 8121        429  NOT REVENGED
*GROAN* 8493            0  1 0 LUROCIANS VI 431     SPYMASTER             433  NONE
SPAG. MONSTER 8406      1  2 0 PASTAFARIANS 630     JEN ASIDE 8439        431  REVENGED
WWFSMD 8405             0  3 0 PASTAFARIANS 630     GOOFY 8379            431   
BULLY BOY 7447         20 21 0 RED DOG GANG 476     LOKI IX 7860          431   
THE ERR MUTT 8322       2  9 0 RED DOG GANG 476     GALWAY 8372           432   
RED BARCHETTA 8366      1  3 0 RUSH REBORN 627      ODALISQUE 8121        430   
LOCAL TALENT 8388       0  1 0 TPW FOREVER 619      ARENAMASTER HARK      433  NONE
SANDMAN 8441            2  2 0 VILLAINOUS LEGIO 605 GARGOYLE PRINCE       433  NONE
1 8494                  0  1 0 WILD CARDS 148       SPYMASTER             433  NONE
2 8495                  0  1 0 WILD CARDS 148       GARGOYLE PRINCE       433  NONE

                                     PERSONAL ADS

Shannon -- You dirty bimbo, if you are going to challenge one as worthy as I, then
please clean yourself up first.  (Hate nasty babes, but sure like wins.) -- Mr Clean

The Face is coming.  The Face is coming.  TOGS is coming!  TOGS is coming!  The sky
is falling.  Oh, me.  Oh, my! -- The Crazy Creeps Scribe (Interpreted from The
Creepster's Christmas message to the team.)

     The sky is falling?  That's the best news I've seen in a personal so far today.
     -- Ed.

Yabba dabba ding dongeronious atcher batcher Tempe teepee toplicker!  Yepsterinski!
-- The Creepster

FONZ = Flunkies Only; No Zeniths
     An anonymous FONZ lover

Private Eye -- How delightfully evil.  I shall return the favor someday. -- Haunt

Franz -- I had been hoping you would pump me up. -- Taxman

Red Dawg Gang -- Oops!!  Sorry about the err mut being sent to the dog pound. --
Galway
P.S.  I await the feud.

Cork -- Cool!  I like chasing corks on the water.  I like the way they bounce up and
down and skitter along, you know?  I know a lab that gets all upset when that
happens, but labs are so serious.  They take things too hard. -- Flummax

Galway -- That was totally uncalled for.  You'll go to a Very Bad Place for killing a
dog, and you weren't even training skills when you did it! -- Ghost of The Err Mutt

Plum -- Not much chew to you, but you squashed well for rolling in. -- Little Big Dog

Ryehard -- A golem dog biscuit?  I don't think this is a good idea. -- Lassie

Nysterious Ways -- You were trying to kill me, I could tell.  I've been there
recently, and I'm not going back. -- B(igger and)B(etter) Bully Boy

Ed. -- That unwarranted comment about me sending in personals late is a vicious and
unsubstantiated rumor.  It's currently 6:36 AM on Friday which has to be at least 20-
30 minutes early.  I'll be expecting a retraction published in this space.  Best
regards. -- Death Stud

     Ah, life is full of unsatisfied expectations, is it not? -- Ed.

All --  Death Stud here.  Sorry I've been a little quiet for a while.  For many of
you I'm sure that it has been a very nice treat actually, but now real life and job
and family will all have to take a back seat to COMPLETE AND UTTER TOGS DOMINATION!!!
Look upon us and tremble, you weak and worthless mortals!  Ahem.  I mean, welcome to
TOGS, it's a pleasure to see everyone.  We're happy you're here and look forward to
good, clean competition (yes, even from you, Manalger) and a sizzling event.

Hans Gruber -- #$^&*%)$!  That loss was due to an input error (or more accurately, a
"didn't check the CHALLENGE STRAT box" error).  Not sure it would have made the
difference, but I'd sure like to have had the chance to try.  Well done, and I'll
just have to kill you later. -- Razor

Mystique --  And you....  I'm pleased to have revenged the death of what's his name
that you killed, but regret the fact that you still draw breath.  It won't be a happy
new year around the Death Stud guildhouse unless the boss gets either your head or
Hans' on a spit before TOGS starts.  Nothing personal, you know.  You seem like
decent enough sort at the pub, but in the arena, it's business. -- Black Widow

Crazy Creeps Scribe -- All shall bow before the power and the glory of the mighty
Loki!!! -- a warrior somewhat taller than the SZ 1 manager

Ghost of Bully Boy -- Sorry about that whole death thing.  I make a point typically
not to try to kill any of your manager's warriors because they are such a pleasure to
fight on a regular basis.  For an analogy you can probably understand, I consider it
the "don't bite the hand that feeds you" principle.  May you chase tail forever in
the doggy afterlife. -- Loki

Allan Johnson -- What a curious team name.  TP Forever?  You a fan of a particular
DII fighting style or are you battling the squirts? -- unnamed manager who sometimes
questions things he oughtn't

Wild Flower -- AAARRGGGHHHH!!!!!  You are absolutely KILLING my learning curve right
before the tourney.  What a vicious, horrible, appropriate way to inflict your
payback.  I will get you. -- Howler

Pure Evil -- Yes, I notice you and your scum. -- Beast

Persmega -- I was not expecting to see that.  Not that I'm hating on you, it was just
surprising.  I wasn't sure that chapter existed in the Manager Code of Conduct policy
document. -- Death Stud

22 December 2007
All -- Just that tired old reminder to check your e-mail settings when you send ads
and such.  Please send stuff as plain text rather than as HTML or formatted text.
HAL, being the simple golem it is, doesn't know what to do with anything other than
plain text.  Note, this also means it doesn't know what to do with "smart" or "curly"
quotes, whether single or double, em-dashes (rendered here as two hyphens "--") or
everyone's favourite ellipsis (..., aka three dots). -- A public self-service
announcement from your Ed.

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

INDIMAR'S FAXMACHINE was dealt death by GARGOYLE PRINCE in a 2 minute fight.
BUSTED NUTS butchered BORED ELF in a 1 minute brutal Dark Arena duel.
ENIGMA XXV was easily killed by ARENAMASTER HARKON in a 1 minute Dark Arena match.
SANDMAN was assassinated by GARGOYLE PRINCE in a 2 minute Dark Arena duel.
JEN ASIDE viciously butchered BORED ELF in a 2 minute gory Dark Arena contest.
*GROAN* was assassinated by SPYMASTER in a 1 minute bloody Dark Arena match.
LOCAL TALENT was butchered by ARENAMASTER HARKON in a 1 minute Dark Arena duel.
1 was executed by SPYMASTER in a 1 minute bloody Dark Arena brawl.
SUBTOGS STANDARD was assassinated by FIRST TOGS CHAMPION in a 1 minute melee.
PURE EVIL SCUM was dispatched by FIRST TOGS CHAMPION in a 3 minute Dark Arena duel.
2 was slaughtered by GARGOYLE PRINCE in a 1 minute gruesome Dark Arena fight.
BLACK WIDOW XLIII slimly won victory over MYSTIQUE in a 5 minute Bloodfeud fight.
LOKI IX was overcome by HOFFA in a popular 1 minute Challenge bout.
ERUPTION demolished PAULINE in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge match.
DEATH STUD handily defeated HANS GRUBER in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge contest.
TWIG demolished LASSIE in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge brawl.
PAUL BEARER handily defeated FRANZ in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge conflict.
MR. CLEAN was vanquished by VIKI in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge bout.
BEAST XVII was vanquished by CARROT TOP in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge fray.
WATER SPOUT was unbelievably bested by OVERTIME in a 3 minute Challenge brawl.
VAPOR TRAIL was overpowered by NAAN VIOLENT in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge match.
WARM PIRATE luckily beat CHALLAH POINT in a popular 11 minute bloody Challenge match.
BOY GEORGE devastated LIMRICK in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge contest.
NYSTERIOUS WAYS overpowered EARTHSHINE in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge duel.
SKI DOOSKI overpowered CHONDROMALACIA in a 2 minute uneven Challenge fray.
CURT SHIFF viciously subdued SHANNON in a 2 minute brutal Challenge bout.
ALLAN JOHNSON was overpowered by DUNNO in a 1 minute uneven Title fight.
ANDROGENOUS STRAIN was savagely defeated by YELLOW JACKET in a 4 minute fight.
MR OBLIVIOUS demolished LAVA TUBE in a action packed 1 minute one-sided melee.
FLASH FIRE was savagely defeated by TIGER TY in a 3 minute bloody veteran's fray.
FLICKED BOOGERS vanquished LITTLE BIG DOG in a popular 1 minute one-sided bout.
HENDRICK lost to THE BUNISHER in a 2 minute fray.
BAI was overpowered by WEKA DART in a 1 minute one-sided match.
BURNT OFFERINGS was defeated by FLUMMAX in a 1 minute fight.
TAXMAN narrowly defeated PLUM in a popular 6 minute bout.
SCORN BREAD was overcome by PEACH FUZZ in a 1 minute match.
RYEHARD devastated TOM SAWYER in a crowd pleasing 1 minute brutal one-sided duel.
PANAMON subdued LIMELIGHT in a 2 minute struggle.
GALWAY was beaten by OSWALD in a popular 1 minute brutal fray.
CORK demolished VENGANZA in a 1 minute one-sided conflict.
PEEPS was vanquished by PAR in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
NOODLY APPENDIX was vanquished by KHOTA in a 1 minute mismatched bout.
EYE SPY demolished BB BULLY BOY in a 1 minute uneven competition.
THE EX savagely defeated MICKEY FINN in a action packed 2 minute novice's fight.
YUKA bested DWAYNE THE DOG in a crowd boring 5 minute amateur's match.
WILD FLOWER slimly won victory over FREEWILL in a 2 minute brutal amateur's fight.
NANA handily defeated TRUSTWORTHY SCRIBE in a 1 minute mismatched melee.
READY, STEADY, GO demolished FUSILLI JERRY in a 1 minute one-sided match.
WILD YOUTH demolished NYU in a 1 minute uneven fight.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|STRIKING ATTACK                 22         TOTAL PARRY       49 -  30 -  1      62  |
|LUNGING ATTACK                  16         LUNGING ATTACK    52 -  48 -  5      52  |
|BASHING ATTACK                  13         STRIKING ATTACK   79 -  85 -  5      48  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    9         WALL OF STEEL     17 -  21 -  2      45  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  8         AIMED BLOW        10 -  14 -  1      42  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      7         SLASHING ATTACK   22 -  37 -  2      37  |
|AIMED BLOW                       3         PARRY-STRIKE      10 -  19 -  0      34  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     3         BASHING ATTACK    27 -  57 -  1      32  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      3         PARRY-LUNGE        1 -   9 -  0      10  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    1         PARRY-RIPOSTE      1 -  17 -  0       6  |

Turn 433 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

TOTAL PARRY        7 -  0     STRIKING ATTACK    9 - 13         2  AIMED BLOW     
LUNGING ATTACK    11 -  5     PARRY-STRIKE       1 -  2         2  LUNGING ATTACK 
AIMED BLOW         2 -  1     BASHING ATTACK     3 - 10         2  WALL OF STEEL  
WALL OF STEEL      6 -  3     SLASHING ATTACK    1 -  7         2  TOTAL PARRY    
                              PARRY-LUNGE        0 -  3         2  STRIKING ATTACK
                              PARRY-RIPOSTE      0 -  1         1  BASHING ATTACK 

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
LUNGING ATTACK   ERUPTION 7310              13  10  1  100 NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
WALL OF STEEL    TIGER TY 7665              17  14  1   93 WING HOVE (529)
STRIKING ATTACK  LOKI IX 7860                9   4  1   90 DEATH STUDS VII (301)
PARRY-LUNGE      FLASH FIRE 7390            15  12  0   81 NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
PARRY-STRIKE     LAVA TUBE 7393             12   8  1   69 NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
TOTAL PARRY      BLACK WIDOW XLIII 7868     10   4  1   68 DEATH STUDS XII (602)
SLASHING ATTACK  PEACH FUZZ 8095             4   3  1   39 FRUIT OF THE LOOM (615)
BASHING ATTACK   LITTLE BIG DOG 8355         6   4  0   36 RED DOG GANG (476)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
The overall popularity leader is MR OBLIVIOUS 6413.  The most popular warrior this 
turn was WATER SPOUT 8013.  The ten other most popular fighters were CHALLAH POINT 
8389, MYSTIQUE 7932, YELLOW JACKET 7627, PLUM 8094, ANDROGENOUS STRAIN 6412, 
CHONDROMALACIA 8432, THE EX 8436, PURE EVIL SCUM 8488, TIGER TY 7665, and PANAMON 
8087.

The least popular fighter this week was YUKA 8344.  The other ten least popular 
fighters were WARM PIRATE 8407, NYU 8290, FUSILLI JERRY 8486, BB BULLY BOY 8477, 
PEEPS 8396, VENGANZA 8408, GALWAY 8372, SCORN BREAD 8343, TAXMAN 8397, and BAI 8386.