DUEL 2 NEWSLETTER
Date : 05/02/2008 Duedate: 05/15/2008
COLLUSION COVE ARENA
DM-60 TURN-441
This Weeks Top Honors
THE DUELMASTER IS
3D'S NOT L33T
WILD CARDS (148)
(60-7833) [13-7-3,114]
Chartered Recognition Leader Unchartered Recognition Leader
3D'S NOT L33T L'APPRENTI
WILD CARDS (148) LA BOULANGE (626)
(60-7833) [13-7-3,114] (60-8351) [6-2-0,52]
Popularity Leader This Weeks Favorite
ZIG-ZAG MAN SCORN BREAD
MY BEST BUDS 2 (542) HOUSE OF GRAIN (625)
(60-7083) [13-11-1,92] (60-8343) [9-8-0,45]
THE CURRENT TOP TEAM
WILD CARDS (148)
TEAMS ON THE MOVE TOP CAREER HONORS
Team Name Point Gain Chartered Team
1. ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518) 50
2. LA BOULANGE (626) 49 ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518)
3. DEATH STUDS VII (301) 49 Unchartered Team
4. MY PRESENT (637) 43
5. WILD CARDS (148) 41 GRECO-ROMAN (639)
The Top Teams
Career Win-Loss Record W L K % Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns W L K
1/ 1*GRECO-ROMAN (639) 19 11 0 63.3 1/ 1 WILD CARDS (148) 13 2 0
2/ 2 ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518) 145 95 8 60.4 2/ 3 DEATH STUDS VII (301) 12 3 0
3/ 7 FRUIT OF THE LOOM (615) 37 28 8 56.9 3/ 2 ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518) 11 4 0
4/ 5 DEATH STUDS VII (301) 528 414 20 56.1 4/12 DEMONS OF DARKNESS (430) 10 5 0
5/ 6 CRAZY CREEPS (207) 602 491 21 55.1 5/ 6 DREAMTIME (633) 10 5 0
6/ 4 HOUSE OF GRAIN (625) 39 33 2 54.2 6/10 4000 BLOWS (107) 9 5 0
7/ 3 DREAMTIME (633) 29 25 0 53.7 7/ 5*GRECO-ROMAN (639) 9 6 0
8/10 DEMONS OF DARKNESS (430) 238 209 13 53.2 8/ 7 CRAZY CREEPS (207) 8 4 1
9/ 9 WILD CARDS (148) 796 709 34 52.9 9/14 WING HOVE (529) 8 6 0
10/ 8 PASTAFARIANS (630) 33 32 0 50.8 10/16*LA BOULANGE (626) 8 6 0
11/22*LA BOULANGE (626) 19 20 0 48.7 11/22 FRUIT OF THE LOOM (615) 8 7 1
12/12*LUROCIANS T308 (636) 16 17 0 48.5 12/ 9*LUROCIANS T308 (636) 7 7 0
13/16 SUPERIOR FORCES 16 (586) 45 48 2 48.4 13/ 8 MY BEST BUDS 2 (542) 7 8 0
14/14 4000 BLOWS (107) 702 776 32 47.5 14/ 4 CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579) 7 8 0
15/11 THE EYES HAVE IT (632) 18 20 0 47.4 15/19*NO HAMMER HAMMERZ (635) 7 8 0
16/18 WING HOVE (529) 129 144 6 47.3 16/23*MY PRESENT (637) 6 6 2
17/13 CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579) 103 116 2 47.0 17/21 THE BUNKHOUSE (595) 6 8 0
18/20 THE BUNKHOUSE (595) 98 111 2 46.9 18/11 PASTAFARIANS (630) 6 9 0
Career Win-Loss Record W L K % Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns W L K
19/19 TPW FOREVER (619) 36 41 4 46.8 19/18*DEVIL'S WORKSHOP (634) 6 9 0
20/24*DEVIL'S WORKSHOP (634) 14 16 1 46.7 20/20 TPW FOREVER (619) 5 9 0
21/15 MY BEST BUDS 2 (542) 78 92 4 45.9 21/15*CLNGE (638) 5 10 0
22/21 HIT ME WITH... (503) 79 97 3 44.9 22/13 THE EYES HAVE IT (632) 4 8 0
23/17 GENX PERFECT HITS (620) 18 23 1 43.9 23/17 GENX PERFECT HITS (620) 4 11 1
24/23 PURE EVIL (629) 28 36 2 43.8 24/24 PURE EVIL (629) 4 11 0
25/25 FUNKY FOLK (565) 68 99 10 40.7 25/27 SUPERIOR FORCES 16 (586) 3 0 0
26/26 BUGS, SLUGS & THUG (591) 83 128 6 39.3 26/26 HIT ME WITH... (503) 3 11 0
27/ 0*THUNDER OF ERIU (79) 12 20 1 37.5 27/25 HOUSE OF GRAIN (625) 2 7 0
28/30*MY PRESENT (637) 10 17 2 37.0 28/29 BUGS, SLUGS & THUG (591) 1 5 0
29/27*CLNGE (638) 11 20 0 35.5 29/30 FUNKY FOLK (565) 0 5 0
30/28*NO HAMMER HAMMERZ (635) 12 23 1 34.3 30/ 0*THUNDER OF ERIU (79) 0 1 0
'*' Unchartered team '-' Team did not fight this turn
(###) Avoid teams by their Team Id ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank
TEAM SPOTLIGHT
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
Darque's Inferno or Bad Poetry for Spotlight
Devil's Workshop Turn 6
Following is the memoir of a dream I had this last cycle. I was transported
via magical means into the realms of the Underworld, specifically to TOGS Hades. It
was a frightening journey, and I can barely bring myself to pen the horrible sights
that I saw in that dream.
I was guided through my journey by the spirit of Soultaker. When I reminded
him that he was not actually dead and that I just saw him the day before, he told me
that regularly running in Aradi had taken his will to live and he had been dead
inside for years. Having been in Aradi on a number of occasions, I could not argue
the point.
ABANDON ALL HOPE, YE WHO ENTER, was posted on the sign.
Is this the entrance to Hades? I asked my ancient guide.
No, it is the beginning of TOGS, where two managers align,
Align to fight the good fight, and raise their hands in pride.
TOGS Hades is just beyond those waters in the distance,
We must cross the river Styx, to find our way inside.
While walking to the river, we were assaulted with vile flagrance
And I almost swooned to the gibberish echoing in my ear.
What is this disgusting rhetoric I hear that is such a hindrance?
Do not falter my guide said to me, to the path we must adhere!
Is nothing more than the obscene spotlights and senseless ramblings
Of the TOGS participants that you now and will forever hear.
We came to the banks of Styx and managers with their fists pumping
Enraged that Nuln would not let them pass without two certificates.
We pushed through to the front of the pack and a cacophony of grumbling.
Let us through, my guide did say to the boatman pontificate.
We have our payment take us on to TOGS Hades you crazy nut!
Nuln welcomed us aboard his ship that looked like a toilet.
Beware to you, the boatman did say, you now I must instruct!
As one who has entered in the TOGS, make sure you write an ad.
For if you neglect so important a task, from your points we will deduct!
To us the rules he did recite, and the experience was rather bad.
He had not brushed in quite some time, his hygiene left us queasy.
On his teeth were yellow and green and his breath smelled of used footpad.
We reached the shore of TOGS Hades, and our first meeting was with a banshee.
She screamed and wailed, NO HTML, but plain text is what I seek,
But the cries fell upon deaf ears as we moved past and she appeared a little huffy.
We near the first circle of TOGS Hades, no doubt your knees grow weak,
But be of good cheer, stand tall little one, and our journey will be finished.
The first circle holds those whose TOGS records, despite the best efforts, did
horribly reek.
After your dismal record in your first TOGS, to this circle you would have been
banished,
But you came back to Aradi with a better team, so you will not call it home.
Be careful not to screw up this third time, or your reputation will be blemished.
A horrible fate, it would be indeed, I agreed with my traveling gloam,
Though not as horrible as I would see, as we reached the second circle.
The second ring, was a hideous sight, covered with shews, trolls, and gnomes.
Colluders and FONZies do dwell on these plains of despair we must hurdle.
Plotters and planners, Death Stud's and Manager's, were all over the place.
They whispered and contrived into the minds of the newbies whose thoughts were
fertile.
We fled quickly to the third circle, hoping to slow down our pace,
Yet there was not rest in TOGS Hades, it is the decree of the Fates.
So we struggled forth, to the third ring, to confront the dangers we would face.
To lose the glorious TOGS is not a crime unto itself but do not be early out the
gate,
For leaving one's partner to face the challenge alone will bring about certain death.
On this ring does reside, those guilty of such sin, they bailed on their teammate.
Onto the fourth circle we did transpire across until we were out of breath.
'Tis the home, my guide did say, of those who sin against the educated tongue,
Bad grammar, vulgarities, and grave misspellings as well as ending words in -eth.
Fahrenheit fell in that hell, as we reached the fifth circle before us sprung
Men in the shape of trees with their withered leaves reaching for the sky.
'Tis the home of those who choked and their hopes of winning became hamstrung.
Upon the sixth circle we did trek, the abode of those who bid goodbye
To the land of Alastari, when it became obvious TOGS victory was not their prize.
Captain K, Onedawg, and others retired to heal and cry.
Only three circles are left Soultaker did say, as we passed my former allies.
The seventh is bad, at least for them, who avoid themselves to gain a point
advantage.
Only a few will reside on this ring because new scoring has been devised.
Into the eight ring of TOGS Hades, as we neared the end of our passage.
The halo of almost, my guide did say, is what we call this circuit.
It is the home of second place finishers, or first losers in the TOGS carnage.
The ninth circle of TOGS Hades was the most horrid sight, the shade of Rascally
Rabbit.
For his was the crime most heinous that TOGS had ever been sent,
And his story could be a warning to those who would develop such a habit.
Do not rehash old spotlights, for use in the TOGS event.
You material must be new, not necessarily good to garner your 5 points,
And be sure your sin will find you out if you try to use ancient content.
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Where, Oh Where, Has My Little Dog Gone? ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
(A Crazy Creeps TOGS6 Presentation)
The sun was shining brightly. The grass was green and the creeks lovely blue,
at least the waters were blue where Hombre's sheep and Soultaker's hogs, and Nuln's
chickens had not continually deposited in them. The light breeze or a warm spring
day made for a time of gentle peace and joy. This was Aradi at its very best, if
there was such a thing.
The quiet and lull of the lovely afternoon was pierced by a tumultuous and
terrific shriek! "Yeeeeebangywangyyeeeeeupperonious!"
Crazy Creeps Scribe, looking rather luscious in her yellow string bikini came
running over to The Creepster and asked, "What's wrong, Creepy, Hon?"
"My (Note that the language has been interpreted for the reading pleasure of the
audience.) little doggie is gone!" screamed The Creepster. And in the ensuing
moments, The Crazy Creeps Scribe was able to determine that:
1. Creepster's little mutt, Dwayne, was gone.
2. The dirty dog was last seen at lunch time. (The animal never missed a
meal.)
3. The cur was wearing an old brown collar with his name, Dwayne The Dog And I
Belong To The Creepster, stamped on it.
4. The mongrel had never left home before, and, indeed, had never shown signs
of wanting to do anything but eat and perform bodily functions on The Creepster's DM
papers.
The Scribe assured Creepster that she and others would search for and find his
dog, and that perhaps he should lie down now and rest. (The pill she gave him helped
accomplish that.)
So started the great "Find-the-filthy-and-worthless-whelp-Dwayne-The-Dog"
crusade. The Crazy Creeps Scribe, having changed from her previous exhibitionist
apparel into her more standard tennis shoes with super tight and short skirt and
ribbed small tank top which exacerbated her jiggles, trotted on down the street,
first stopping at The FONZ (Finicky, Obscene, Negligent Zeroes) Guildhouse.
"Hey, Soulie and Nuln, and Hombre, and Snotman, (Death Stud was conspicuously
absent as the group had recently voted to exile him due to his small contributions
and his accelerating exaggerated big-headedness.) have you seen The Creepster's
doggie? Dwayne The Dog is gone!"
"Who cares?" answered Nuln for the group. "That varmint was the sleaziest, most
conspiring, greediest, most pompous, and ugliest Dog I've ever seen! Poor Creepster,
indeed, all of Aradi, is better off without him!"
They did indicate that they had thought they had last seen the mutt, wrapped in
swaddling clothes, being carried by Street Legal, just after lunch. It did seem that
Street had a glint in his eyes, but, then, he always did, didn't he?
So, The Crazy Creeps Scribe jiggled her way off to find Street Legal and his
Paladin Partner Hammer-The-Holy. Surely enough, there they were just down the street
watching Pauly ride his tricycle, while his padre, Indimar, cracked the whip edging
the tyke on. They were all muttering about something which sounded somewhat like
collusion. (But clearly since they were not all FONZ, it could not really have been
collusion.)
"What did you all do with poor little ugly Dwayne The Dog?" blurted out The
Crazy Creeps Scribe. "What have you done?"
Street and Hammer mumbled a little bit, then said that they had stolen the dog
to give to little Pauly who had been so sad because of such childhood abuse at the
hands of that deviant, Indimar. They went on to explain that Indimar had adamantly
refused to allow Pauly to have a pet, so they had sold the ugly mutt to General
Ironcide for half a pence. (Well, actually, The Scribe later found out that they had
to pay Ironcide to take the mongrel.)
So off she proceeded to find General Ironcide. She knew that he and Haunt, his
BF and whatever else, were always at The Lurocian Demon field house playing Texas
Hold Em and Old Maid.
Yep. And there they were. They were all at The Old Maid table--The Greek Guy,
Rillion, General, Haunt, Pip, and Master Darque. (Flagg was sitting at the Hold Em
table, but everyone was afraid to play him, because he used ten kill desire.)
General Ironcide had the biggest pile of chips in front of him, and seemed to be
gloating it all over the others. "I'm all in!" he said to the table. They all
looked at him and got up and left--all losers.
"Hey, General." started The Crazy Creeps Scribe. "What did you do with the
flea-laden little doggie?"
"Oh, that thing." Responded General Ironcides. "I took it over to the local
animal shelter and dog pound for euthanization. Nuttin' that unloved or that ugly
should be let loose around Aradi or anywhere for that matter. Wanna play some Strip
Old Maid?" he said as he leered lewdly at The Crazy Creeps Scribe.
"Don't worry, General." she giggled. "Fatty Patty is already on the way over
here to take care of you. Have fun." She laughed as The General hustled out the
back door, no longer with a lewd leer on his face. She scooped up his money from the
table into her purse, and left for The Aradi Animal Shelter.
When she arrived, she saw all the animal-followers (This was Aradi, after all.)
lustily choosing their animal of the day. Death Stud had chosen an ant. Tigtoad was
interested in the swans. Zalgor Prigg and Swinetiger seemed to be trying to choose
between the kangaroos and the wallabies. Mannequin and Samwise were looking for a
pair of sheep for a party. Elephant was, of course, staying with the elephants.
Anti seemed to be insisting on an albino tiger, while Le Pentarque was saying he'd
take anything that spoke the language. All of then noticed The Crazy Creeps Scribe
in her hot and sexy outfit, but their appreciative glance did not last long, as they
were clearly there for the animals. (Sigh, that's Aradi.)
The Scribe went into the Aradi Animal Shelter Attendant Manager and offered
money and twenty rollups to get Dwayne The Dog. She was sure The Creepster would pay
a fortune to get his little doggie back. "Oh dear." cried the attendant. "I'm
really sorry, but we just put him down half an hour ago. Sorry. You know, it was
such an ugly and diseased little dog, that we felt we were doing the world a favor by
getting it over quickly."
The Crazy Creeps Scribe returned to The C.O.L.L.U.S.I.O.N. Guildhouse to deliver
the sad message. She saw The Creepster and Slugbait together having an early
pleasant dinner, and broke the news to them both. Slugbait said, "I never thought
much of that Dwayne The Dog because his head was way, way to big for his body--and
that was saying a lot."
The Creepster said, (interpreted) "No, worry, now, Scribe. Me happy now.
Slugbait here. Him better doggie."
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ La Boulange ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
Today will be a day of warning, my good friends! I can see you are still not
buying where you should. What could happen? What could be worse than the Red
invasion?
It is the day of the Bread Scare! Flee!
On this beautiful spring morning, everything was quiet in Alastari city. The
Dark Arena monsters were sleeping and digesting. The warriors were socializing in
the gutters after their night of meditation.
The managers were going to have their breakfast....
The Creepster, crummy old thing, was our proverbial early bird, coming back from
a 6 am senseless run around the neighborhood, despising the laughs when he decided to
devour a diet fiber and raisin sad cake...how naive! Mrs. Plumface, the naughty
neighbour just heard a scream and called for help. The ancestor was lying in cold
milk and orange juice, a diet cake stuck in the throat.
7 am: the Greek Guy was baking some flat bread. His wife had to scrub the
floor to find the flattened remains under the Giant Flat Monster.
9 am: Pip the Troll came back from his morning stroll with a few dozens of oily
doughnuts, which should have been harmless to such an ugly thing he is. He was found
a few hours later nailed to a Giant Doughnut rolling down the street.
10 am: Master Darque is found with his head in a chocolate fudge bucket.
10 am far away: The horsey Death Stud is running for his oat cake when he is
stomped on by a gingerbread jockey....
11 am: the young Samwise suffered from a real childhood trauma when his
strawberry jam toast tried to smother him. His mother barely managed to save her
brat.
12 am: Nuln took the blows from a truckload of 4000 breadsticks. He was spilled
all over the place.
Well, you got the trend and you can go on...the ideas are not flooding in
anymore, I am tired and my guys are so weak they dont really deserve all these words!
So...while all this was going on, the brilliant, tall and strong, and terrific
and cool Swinetiger decided to buy his morning pastries at Le Pentarque Quality
Bakery. He bought two "Pains au chocolat", three "croissants", one almond
"croissant", came back to his beautiful house, splendid wife and cute children, made
himself some strong coffee, then he enjoyed the most marvelous breakfast you can
think of!
What would you rather have? The one that Death Stud tasted? Or the one
Swinetiger deserved?
If you thick skulls think a little, you should now have an idea about the right
place to buy the breakfast essentials.
Right now I am still waiting for the tourney results so I can't honestly
advertise about the huge number of TCs our good products allowed the Bread Golems to
win. Let's just say that unless the opponents have been cheating, two TCs is a
minimum.
Get ready for the Breadstorm!!
Le Pentarque, improving baker...ah ah ah ah they will all get fatter!
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
Encyclopedia Manager and the Case of the Stolen Scrod
NO crime went unsolved in the otherwise normal town of Aradiville. Although
everyone credited Arenamaster Harkon of the Dark Arena for this incredible record,
the truth was that his young colleague, Encyclopedia, solved the toughest cases.
Encyclopedia's real name was Manager, but after he won the first TOGS, people started
calling him Encyclopedia Manager because only someone with brilliant encyclopedic
genius could have won the first TOGS. An encyclopedia is a series of books filled
with facts from A to Z.
During TOGS, Encyclopedia Manager ran a detective agency out of his garage.
Every morning, he hung out his sign:
========================================
| MANAGER DETECTIVE AGENCY |
| 13 ROVER AVENUE |
| MANAGER, PRESIDENT |
| SOME CASES TOO SMALL |
| 50 Cents per day (Or a TC Prize) |
| plus expenses |
========================================
After a few hours, a diminutive figure and his balding counterpart entered the
garage.
"Someone stole our golden scrod!" exclaimed the diminutive figure. Encyclopedia
Manager was temporarily blinded by the glare from the balding man. Upon looking
carefully, he saw that they were none other than the members of THREEPEAT*, Death
Stud and Soultaker. A threepeat was a third consecutive victory of a major event,
something that didn't make sense to Encyclopedia, since Death Stud and Soultaker had
only won two and definitely weren't going to win a third.
"We need to hire you to find our scrod!" Soultaker plopped 50 cents in
Encyclopedia Manager's piggy bank.
"Well...ok." sighed Encyclopedia Manager after some deliberation, "Tell me how
you lost your scrod." A scrod was a young Atlantic Cod, and one of the few edible
fishes that swam around Aradi waters."
"Well," Death Stud chimed in, "It all started when Soultaker had a great idea
for a new fetish website, 2champs1scrod.com and--"
"Ack! Skip the fetish website part please. This is a family spotlight."
gasped Manager. A fetish website was a website that often catered to certain sexual
fetishes. A fetish was an object or idea that elicited unquestioning reverence,
respect, or devotion. (i.e. winning a TC)
"Oh. Of course." apologized Death Stud, "Anyway, we were in the Temple of
Khorne and had everything set up, the camera, the lighting and everything, when all
of a sudden Nuln Meany walked in and asked us what we were doing."
"Nuln Meany!" exclaimed Manager, "I should have known he was involved in this!"
Nuln Meany was the leader of the local gang, the FONZers. Nuln Meany was also the
biggest and meanest of the FONZers. It was once thought that Nuln Meany had an early
growth spurt which allowed him to be the biggest of the FONZers, but as it turned
out, most of the FONZers turned out to be midgets. A midget is an extremely small
person, not having normal physical proportions.
"Exactly!" said Soultaker, "Setting up was hard, so after the set up, we decided
to take a lunch break. When we came back, our prized scrod was gone! No one else
knew what we were doing, the culprit has to be Nuln Meany!"
"I think we should take a visit to the Temple of Khorne." said Encyclopedia
Manager.
After going out for Ice Cream, Encyclopedia Manager, Death Stud, and Soultaker
took a visit to Nuln Meany in the Temple of Khorne.
"Go away!" Nuln Meany shouted when he saw the boy detective.
"You stole our scrod!" Soultaker accused.
"You have no proof of that!" said Nuln Meany.
"Where were you during the lunch hour?" questioned Encyclopedia Manager.
"If you must know, I had a lunch appointment with my friends." sneered Nuln.
"What friends? We're your only friends!" retorted Death Stud.
"Not true anymore," gloated Nuln Meany, "I have new friends! I went out to
lunch with Legion5."
"But why would Legion5 want to have lunch with you?" asked Soultaker.
"Being a recent TC, it's only natural they would want to have lunch with me,"
said Nuln, "It was pretty great. We had it at Hoffa's chateau. Doc Steele was his
charming self as usual."
"Really?" scoffed Death Stud, "What did you guys eat?"
"Unlike the food in Aradi, we had a variety of food choices," replied Nuln
Meany, "For one thing, roasted quail. And caramelized pine nuts. Blackened Peas
too. Doc LeGrand also brought the alcohol. Chief Illiniwek brought some sardines."
"Hah!" exclaimed Death Stud, "Chief Illiniwek hates sardines!"
"He does," said Nuln, "But his brother, The Anarchist, is a huge sardine lover."
"That's true," Manager admitted, "I suppose we could go to Legion5 headquarters
and confirm your story?"
"Unfortunately, they're about to go on a camping trip to Terna Lyrl," said Nuln
Meany, "They probably left by now, you'll have no way to reach them."
"This blows!" cursed Soultaker in exasperation, "I'm sure Nuln Meany stole our
scrod but now we'll just have to believe him!"
"Actually, Nuln Meany is lying and I can prove it!" said Encyclopedia Manager.
HOW DID ENCYCLOPEDIA MANAGER know Nuln Meany was lying? Keep reading to find out!
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ My Best Buds 2 ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
As the fog caressed the late night air a wisp of smoke poured forth from around
the stage. It began to grow in size and amount into what looked like a small inferno
must be burning beneath the stage. Then a small light began to glow and a silhouette
could be spotted standing within the smoky foggy haze. A small cheer began to arise
from the crowd in anticipation. They were here in the arena to witness a much
different activity then this forum was originally intended for but it fared to be
just as exciting. The great Mannequin had come out of retirement to perform another
show of his guitar mastery. The crowd's cheer began to swell as a few scant chords
chimed out as Manny tested his guitar tech's work at tuning his fine axe! Finally
there could be heard the low thump of a bass and a few cymbal crashes as the rest of
Mannequin's Sandman Snotty Band tuned in for the show. A few girls fainted in the
first row as the lights began to come up from the fade and inundated the stage in
what could only be described as a white explosion of light which revealed the
silhouetted axeman Mannequin and his Sandman Snotty Band.
Mannequin looked out into the gallery that were his fans and thought to himself
indeed it has been far too long in this day coming. He raised forth his axe into the
air, much like many of his warriors that he managed had done in this arena, and began
his onslaught of the crowd screaming into a loud raunchy upbeat number known as
"Manny's Boogie is Boogieing Down". The crowd lurched forward towards the stage and
pressed up tight to it. The young men growling out praise the young girls screaming
dreamily at this guitar god!
Manny looked into the eyes of each of his fans and thought to himself, "My god I
am truly the Rock God of D2!" He swirled his head back and forth headbanging as he
screeched out a flawless rendition of his Boogie too the delight of all those who
were in the arena that night. Next up were a few more downturned numbers to set a
mood. "The Sky is Crying Red" and "Back in the Infirmary Again". Then it was time
to unleash the midpoint theatrics. Firepots began to burn with 20 foot flames
dancing to each side of the stage. Pyrotechnics exploding all over the place.
Sparks raining from the heavens like stars. Then came Mannequin's signature song
"All fall before the Blade" and the crowd knew it from the very first note that rang
forth from the multitude of Marshall amps that lined the stage from left to right.
He danced forth with his custom made Scimitar Guitar but unfortunately his
timing was a bit off after a nearly 10 year layoff. He let forth a devilishly
cunning attack with his Scimitar removing the head of a patron in the front row,
cleanly and quickly. In fact so quickly the head continued to gyrate for a few
seconds after it had been dislodged from its natural moorings.
Then his bass player carrying his Longsword bass lunged forward into a cruel and
cunning attack impaling a young lady all the way in the third row. He looked at
Mannequin and said, "What? I saw you do it and thought it was part of the act."
Mannequin yelled at him, "No that was not part of the act, you stupid fool."
The rest of the show did fairly well only 5 or 6 more fans died, one in the
infirmary. Suddenly a bell rang bringing Mannequin forth from his deep slumber.
"What the...what the heck is going on? Where am I?"
Plum simply looked at him and said, "The Guitar Hero III dream again Manny?"
Mannequin realized indeed it was all just a dream in his head he would never be the
rock star he dreamed of being but he did manage to kill almost 10 people in this
dream of being a Metal God! A truly memorable dream for a manager with such killing
instinct!
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
----- ----- ----- [Samwise the Bald ] ----- ----- -----
For those of you who are reading spotlights for the sake of entertainment, let
me warn you now: skip to the next one. "Real life" delivered a swift and deadly kick
to my groin late last week and I'm merely writing 40 lines of drivel to get in a
spotlight. I can't remember if it's 32 or 38 lines that it takes to constitute a
full spotlight, so I'm playing it safe. By justifying 40 lines, I added another one
and by writing this one, I added two more. Hooray for me. Please, if you're reading
this crap, spare yourself the pain and move on. There's nothing to see here.
Moving on to a new paragraph, let me say that at this point, I'm pretty happy
with the way things are shaping up. I would like to have a few more points and be
closer to Death Stud and Soultaker's points total, but second place isn't a bad place
to be. It's certainly better than being in 12th place, looking up at so many other
teams that would have to be leap-frogged to get into contention. I just hope that
Mannequin and I rebound from a sub-par turn last time out and make a run at the Team
Short and Stout.
Okay, 14 lines down and 26 to go. Where can I go from here? Oh, yeah, the
tourney. I chose not to send 3 of my Tournament of the Golden Scrod warriors. By
typing out what TOGS stands for, I added a half line to my story. No bad. Only 23
more to go at this point. Back to the tourney. 3 of the 5 warriors on this team
were perfectly timed as of last turn. But since the tourney came a week later than
expected, I decided that a possible 5-3 in the tourney and a few skill learns weren't
as important as a turn where I could possibly scored points. Of course, the three
warriors I held out promptly went 1-2, so maybe I would have been better served by
sitting them out. The two warriors from my Tournament of the Golden Scrod team that
I did send went a combined 6-6. Whoo hoo! Can you detect the sarcasm? But at least
they learned a few decent skills that might come in handy in the coming turns.
Okay, 25 lines down and 15 more to go. Gah! This is dreadful. If you're still
reading at this point, I have to figure either you're not very intelligent or you're
a glutton for punishment. Given the populace that seems to participate in the
Tournament of the Golden Scrod, I'd have to say chances are that you fall into the
latter category. But, please, oh, please, stop now and move on to the next
spotlight. I've really run out of things to say and I'm hoping I can somehow find 9
more lines in my pea-sized brain.
Where to go from here for the last 7 lines? Oh, yeah, I read my tourney with
Soultaker. That's always fun. It was especially fun this time out, since we both
were fortunate enough to TC. I especially enjoyed listening to Soultaker find fault
and gripe about his TC warrior. YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! The warrior TC'd, man!
Give it up. The highlight of my tourney, other than the TC's, had to be the fact
that I beat the aforementioned Soultaker for the TC in ADM. I'd even talked trash to
him about it. That was really fun. But, I can't help but feel that will eventually
come back to haunt me. And, now, kids, this spotlight is mercifully finished!
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Are You Thinking What I'm Thinking? ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
To Be Credited to: Rillion
The Greek Guy and Rillion were sitting around the Demons of Darkness 2
guildhouse having a drink and reviewing the results from the most recent turn of
TOGS. "TGG, thanks for having a decent turn this time, it makes up for me having a
bad one. Too bad we can't both have a good turn on the same turn..." Rillion's
monologuing was briefly interrupted by some pounding and muffled yelling coming from
the cellar.
"I've been meaning to ask you about those noises coming from your basement
Rillion, assuming you don't mind telling me what is going on?" asked The Greek Guy.
"Oh that, yeah, I need to remember to let them out sometime. It seems while I
was gone in between the last TOGS and this one that someone declared my guildhouse
abandoned property and sold it off to some Yokel. When I moved back I found him and
his family living here. He was getting on my nerves, going on and on about himself
and his job at the arena. It was getting on my nerves so I locked him and his family
down in the cellar. I figure I have got about twenty four years until anyone
notices. I hear that is the standard time it takes to find a family trapped in a
cellar," replied Rillion.
"Ah, that explains it. Now back to important matters. How are we going to win
this thing if we can't both manage to have winning turns at the same time?" asked
TGG.
"Hmm...I've been giving that some thought. We keep hanging around close to the
top, bouncing around between third, fifth, fourth place. We know from our past
experience that we need to get a lead since we are going to choke on the last so that
means we need to make our move now. And considering our teams I believe there is
only one way we can win," said Rillion. TGG nodded as if he knew where Rillion was
going with this line of thinking. Rillion smiled, "Are you thinking what I'm
thinking?" he asked.
"That we need to spend more time planning out our strategies, coordinating with
each other so we do not overlap our challenges, and make sure we are strategically
challenging the teams that are ahead of us in the contest?" said TGG eagerly thinking
he knew Rillion's plans.
Rillion rolled his eyes, "No TGG, that would require too much work and would not
insure victory. We need to cheat! That is the only way we have any hope of
winning."
"Cheat? But how can we cheat in TOGS in such a way as to insure victory?"
wondered TGG.
"Well I was hoping you were thinking what I was thinking and that you might
actually have some ideas. It took all my of awesome intelligence to come up with the
cheating idea. Can't you at least come up something? Why do I have to do all the
thinking and planning." scowled Rillion.
"We could always try my idea of working harder at making better challenges
against the teams in front of us," said TGG in a slightly offended tone.
"If I wanted to work harder I wouldn't have thrown the Yokels in the basement
and rambled on about nothing for a half page now would I," finished Rillion in a
huff.
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
Uncle Anti's Super Duper Fun Time Kid's Page!
Hi kids, Uncle Anti here with more fun and games for young and old alike. Have
fun and make sure to send me your pictures and letters because it gives Uncle Anti's
empty shell of a life a glimmer of meaning! Yay!
WORD JUMBLE!
Unscramble the words below, each is the name of a TOGS manager. Use the letters
marked by the "~" to finish out this sentence:
"Billy the delivery boy knew that Managerr's front doorbell worked fine, so he was
confused as to why Managerr always insisted on taking his deliveries...
tlgisaub --_ _ _ _ _ _ ~ _
orehmb ~ _ _ _ _ ~
rs eoultak _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ~
aindimr _ _ _ _ _ ~ _
n eplhate _ _ ~ _ _ _ _ ~
Answer: _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _!"
[solution key below]
FONZ FUN FACTS!
- Hombre gets lost very easily, so he has a magic bracelet around his ankle. If
he should get lost and wonder too far away from his home it will start flashing
(maybe there is a fairy living inside?) and Officer Probey will come and help him get
back home!
- Snotman got his idea for his "Hot Buttered Monkey" restaurants when he watched
Barnabas try to combine 5 monkeys into 1 giant, crime-fighting uber-monkey! There
were no survivors.
- Pauly holds the FONZ record for running around the clubhouse with a plastic
bag tied around his head with 4 1/2 laps. Currently Pauly is the only person Ganolus
has talked to into trying this new "sport." Pauly also hopes to "medal" in the paint
chip eating contest!
- Soultaker wants you to stay off his lawn, ya dirty little punks!
SCROD-LIBS!
Here's a fun game! Ask your friend to fill the words in between the [ ] for example:
Samwise thinks Street Legal is a royal [noun].
Turns into:
Samwise thinks Street Legal is a royal pumpkin.
So here you go:
A Guide to Collusion Cove.
There are many [adjective] people to meet in Collusion Cove, if you are
[adjective] enough to look for them.
There is Tig Toad who not really a toad but actually a very large [barnyard
animal] , which makes Managerr, very very [emotion]. But not as much as [name of
Togs manager] who really likes to hit that [noun]. [Togs manager] likes to watch.
If you are [adjective] you might head down to the spooky old [noun] and meet
Haunt, also known as Boo Berry's bastard [type of relative]. Or if you are feeling
[adjective] instead you could [verb] over to Samewise's house and meet all the
[plural noun] he keeps locked in a [type of container] in his basement! They are
both tons of [adjective]!
But if you see General Ironside run away as [adverb] as you can because he has
[verb past tense] kids like you before and he will probably will do so again. And
even if the Creepster offers you lots of [adjective] candy don't get into the
abandoned [type of vehicle] with him down by the river. You'll end up [active verb]
in the shower with a bloody [noun].
And finally, if you see Uncle Anti...kick him in the [body part] for making you
do this [negative adjective] adlib ripoff.
[solution key: Manager names: Slugbait, Hombre, Soultaker, Indimar, Elephant.
Answer: "in the rear!"]
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
----- ----- ----- Soultaker ----- ----- -----
STUD'S BIG NIGHT OUT
Soultaker had decided to take his bestest buddy out for a night on the town to
celebrate his birthday. He had made all of the arrangements at Stud's favorite
hangout, the Kaka Del Toro Tavern. There was no sense in trying to make it a
surprise party since Stud would have drove him crazy with reminders of his upcoming
birthday. There was no way Soultaker was going to listen to "You know my birthday is
coming up" or "You know we should get together for my birthday" over and over so he
just told Stud he was going to set up a small gathering of friends. Soultaker had
invited most all of the managers and a small number of locals to join them for Stud's
special day.
When Soultaker and Stud arrived at the Kaka Del Toro most everyone was already
there and by the looks and sounds had been there drinking for quite a spell. The
tavern arranged to have a number of the tables pushed together to form a huge table
in the center. Soultaker walked with his itty bitty buddy to the far end of the
table where a chair had been saved for him. Stud wasted no time as he yelled out for
a pint of their best brew and commenced to climb up onto his chair. With both hands
the cheery cherub grabbed onto the arm of his chair and planted his right foot upon
the first rung of the chair and with a half turn vault the minuscule manger landed
upon the chair. Soultaker pushed the chair up closer to the table and took a seat
they had left open next to the mighty mite. The whole crowd seemed to be offering
well wishes and cheers to the tiny titan, and Stud was reveling in the adoration.
The tavern keeper arrived with a tray of foaming pints and was followed by three well
developed young maidens carrying overloaded trays of brew. The young ladies blushed
and giggled at all the off color jibes and pinches like they are paid to, but were
quick to collect the coins tossed on the table by the managers trying to keep them
close just a moment longer.
Stud had latched on to one of the pints with both his chubby hands and pulled
the mug to the edge of the table so he could tip himself a drink. Soultaker watched
as Stud struggled to see over the table. Knowing that Stud would refuse a box or
helper seat, Soultaker leaned over and whispered to him "Did you know that the most
famous of the pirates where known to stand in their chairs when drinking with their
crew?"
Stud's eyes lit up and he set the mug on the table. Jumping to his feet Stud
grabbed his drink and waved it around bellowing out "Yo Ho". With the crowd at the
table it did not take long before everyone was guzzling a drink and yelling out "Yo
Ho". It just so happened that Master Darque having had a rather large number of ales
causing him to have a rather load voice cried out "Yo Ho" just as Tonya, a very
pretty buxomest redhead, walked out of the kitchen. Before Darque knew what had
happened he was sprawled out on the floor where he landed when a hurled mug connected
with his head. "You'll learn nots to be calling me that," Tonya screamed at the
prone manager. This brought a huge roar of laughter and a shower of coins to the
buxom lass for the great entertainment.
With each passing hour the crowd got drunker and the laughter grew loader. It
was not long before the toasts started. They started out innocent as there was well
wished for his birthday then toasts to Aradi which was corrected by Death Stud making
sure they knew it was Collusion Cove. Of course the mention of Collusion Cove
started numerous managers arguing over every little thing that has happened in the
last four years. In the midst of the arguing and toasting Stud yelled out "What do
you all think about us going with the name Quad-peat next year?" Well you could have
heard a pin drop as the crowd all turn to stare at the birthday boy. Soultaker tried
to disarm the faux pas by jumping up and announcing it was time to give him his
presents. This seemed to ease the tension as one by one the managers brought up
their gifts to the intoxicated imp. Rillion was the first to place his present in
front of Stud. Stud wasted no time as he tore into the wrapping and uncovered a set
of six shot glasses. Before Stud was able to react to the present, the crowd yelled
out "Yo Ho" and guzzled down their drinks. Stud grabbed his and followed suit. Only
Darque seemed to cower down and sip his. Anti was next to lay the bulky present on
the table. Stud ripped through the wrapping only to discover a bright yellow and
orange step stool. Again the crowd yelled out "Yo Ho", but this time most all the
crowd faked drinking their brew and Stud guzzled his. Out of the next 7 managers
Stud received three more step stools, two new scabbards to replace the one he had
been dragging in the dirt, and a gift certificate at Donna's doll house. As before
with each present Stud slammed down another drink.
By the time Nuln had brought up his present, Stud was barely able to stand.
Still the drunken dwarf was able to unwrap his present to reveal a replica of the
Chaos Lord's famous chaos boots except these had a seventeen inch platform sole on
them. Before Stud could get out a word the cry went out "Yo Ho" and Stud gagged down
his mug. Seeing that Stud was about to pass out and collapse, Samwise jumped up and
announce his present. There came a rumbling in the room as Fatty Patty rounded the
corner and snatched up Stud and through him over her shoulder. Soultaker's eyes
locked with his best friend as he was being carried away. There was little he could
do as Stud's pleading eyes turn to eyes of hate as he passed Samwise.
Stud heard the whoops and hollers as he was carried up the stairs. The last
thing he heard was Samwise yelling out, "we'll see if you're still number one after
this night."
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
----- [Snotman in the Valley of the Shadow of Death] -----
Snotman levered himself out of the chaise lounge on the front porch of the
Temple of Khorne and waived to Nuln who was walking up the front path to said Temple
of Khorne, "Hey Nuln, how's it hanging?"
"To the left my friend, to the left!"
"Too bad about the whole Chaos Armor locked to your flesh until the curse is
released thing. I bet you'd really like to shift it over sometimes."
"Oh, it's not really a problem" Nuln grinned and a coat hanger out of his nut
sack. He straightened it out with a few practiced twist and then delicately slid it
down into his chaos cod-piece.
"Prince Albert" Nuln stated.
"Really?" Snotman replied.
"Yeah" said Nuln and he pulled the wire hanger out, shoved it back into his nut
sack and extracted a can of Prince Albert tobacco. Then he pulled out a pipe with a
very long neck and a strange right angle curve at the mouth piece. Nuln stuffed the
pipe and then slid it up under the face plate of his chaos helm (it is a common
misconception that chaos helm is a registered trade mark, in fact it is a generic
although Death Stud's Teeny Tiny Full Skullcap of Doom (tm) is a registered
trademark).
Nuln struck a flint against the chaos gauntlet that held the bowl of the pipe
and sucked vigorously until the pipe was lit.
Snotman waited until he was done before offering Nuln a drink, "What'll it be?
We have assorted 40's or gin and juice."
Nuln pondered for a moment, "I'm in a Old E mood."
Snotman grimaced, "I'm all out of Old E. I have King Cobra, Colt 45, Mickey's &
St. Ides."
Nuln snorted, "So you basically have everything except for the 8-hunard. Fine
I'll have a gin and juice."
Snotman grinned, "Ok, what kind of gin? We have Tanqueray, Bombay Saphire,
Plymouth."
Nuln grinned, "You keep a well stocked gin cabinet. Definitely Bombay Saphire."
Snotman headed off to make the drinks and returned a few minutes later with a
drink in each hand. Then they sat on the porch Nuln reflected, "Your little zombies
are really coming along nicely. They were playing stickball out in the street when I
arrived. The site of that brain rolling up and down the street really took me back
to the old days..."
Snotman grinned, "Those were the days, eh? No responsibility, no zombies
whining, 'Rob cut off my leg and is beating me with it!'"
Nuln took up the rant enthusiastically, "And no gladiators grumbling about not
getting paid or fed or that kind of thing, I mean I'll pay them when I damn well feel
like it. What are you going to do, go ask Manager for a job?"
They both had a good laugh and then Snotman grabbed Nuln's shoulder, "Hey, check
this out, it should be pretty entertaining..."
Nuln looked out into the street and saw Anti's squidmobile meandering down the
street. The zombie kids ran out into the street, blocking it's path and it slowed
down, tentacle drifting aimlessly. The squid's eyeball popped open and Anti leaned
his head out, "Hey you young whippersnappers, you are blocking the street...ooooh!
Shiny!" As Anti reached down to caress the chromed beak of his squidmobile, the
zombie kids closed in around him and dozens of hands reached up and pulled him
kicking and screaming out of the vehicle. As his flailing body disappeared into the
crowd his sceams faded and then cut off with a sickening gurgle. The zombie kids
crowded around him bloody mouths tearing and rending his body and then one kid
suddenly stood up holding Anti's head in his hands. He ran two or three steps away
and then started bashing it on the pavement until it finally split open and the kid
feasted on the succulent gray delicacy. After he shoved the last bit into his mouth,
he slowly staggered to his feet and shuffled aimlessly towards the Temple of Khorne,
his skin gray and sagging.
Then Nuln tapped Snotman, "Uh, oh, trouble."
Snotman looked and saw Mannequin's carriage thundering down the road, black
stallions charging hard, spittle flying from their mouths as Mannequin cracked and
whip. Snotman ran down the front steps and herded the zombie kids out of the street
and to the safety of the sidewalk. As Mannequin's carriage passed, it gently clipped
the squidmobile and a tentacle went flying off and impaled one of the zombie kids
through the chest. Snotman climbed back up onto the porch, "There is just something
wrong about that guy. I heard that the Aradi city council was pondering a measure to
ban him from the city except during the TOGS."
Nuln shuddered, "Yeah he is a real sick bastard. Speaking of the TOGS, how did
your spotlight go this turn?"
Snotman's eyes grew really big, "Is that due this week? Sweet Death Stud on a
Popsicle stick. Holy HammerWordSmythe AbusingCapital Ization!"
With that Snotman ran inside to write his spotlight.
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
----- ----- ----- Death Stud ----- ----- -----
<several months ago>
The Delarquan manager Seraphim was ushered into the lavish executive suite by
the attendant, who crisply announced Seraphim's presence and then quickly excused
himself from the room.
The small, stick thin man in the room was standing with his back turned to the
door, gazing out the window. It would seem a casual pose, but Seraphim knew the man
too well and knew full well that evil intensity oozed thickly beneath his polished
exterior. Seraphim didn't know exactly who he was or why the man had chosen him, but
he definitely knew that the man was dangerous. Seraphim was always cautious in
dealing with the man and did exactly as he was told.
"Is the meeting set?" the man asked without turning to greet his visitor.
"Yes sir. It is exactly as you specified."
The man turned slowly to face Seraphim and as their gazes met, it seemed to
Seraphim that the man's eyes seemed to flash with excitement almost imperceptibly.
He couldn't be sure, but if it was, there was no doubt that it would be the first
hint of emotion he'd seen from the man in their several meetings. The small man
meticulously straightened his tailored coat, smoothing out unseen wrinkles. He was
gaunt and his skin was taut and pale as if he hadn't seen the sun in many seasons.
If one didn't know anything different, one might mistake him for just another dour
scribe. But, despite the man's unassuming appearance, Seraphim knew better.
"You have gained his complete trust?"
Seraphim replied very deliberately. "Yes, I believe so. As you know, he
enlisted my help in the last TOGS where I did his bidding and solicited his advice
and mentorship. With the resources and warriors you provided for me, I have produced
mildly promising tourney success where I begged his advice and fawned over the
supposed successes that resulted. We have continued correspondence and I have shown
myself willing and able to accept direction and not to question. As you predicted,
this has served to feed his ego and drive him to seek my company and continued
relationship."
"Very well. And at this meeting, you expect him to propose the partnership that
we have been working towards? All will have been for naught if this is not the
case." The man's eyes bored intently into Seraphim with the question.
"Yes sir, I do."
The man turned back to the window and dismissed Seraphim, "Excellent. Send word
as soon as Manager offers for you to be his TOGS partner and once you have accepted."
Seraphim left quickly, grateful for the man's praise and relieved, as always, to
take his leave.
Once the door click shut behind Seraphim, Karma let out a soft laugh and
excitedly rubbed his hands together, eager with anticipation. The deity council had
after many long years, finally acquiesced to his oft-repeated petition. Soon, he
would be unleashing his Karmatic justice on a most deserving soul. As the deity
responsible for leveling justice for the misdeeds of mortals and gods alike, Karma's
attention had been drawn to this target long ago by the takes-himself-too-seriously
Manager's many shady and dishonorable actions over the course of the TOGS. Of
course, Manager had accumulated a lot of negative currency in the Karma payback
ledger over time, in tourneys and in the arenas and in nearly all of his dealings in
everything he touched over the last ten years or so, but it was his TOGS actions that
had finally brought down the verdict from the deity council. The verdict to allow
Karma to exact his brand of justice on Manager.
It was a beautiful plan that Karma had orchestrated all along, even prior to the
verdict. Karma had ensured ever since the meaningless TOGS prequal or warmup event
(sometimes called TOGS I) that he would fix the TOGS to prop up Manager's teams to a
generally high finish, maybe second or third, but never with any real chance to win.
This would inflate Manager's ego while tantalizing and torturing poor Manager and
forcing him to start making more and more desperate choices in trying to find someone
else to carry him to victory again. This would be a painful, fruitless process,
finally culminating in the horrible choice of DeGotti in TOGS IV and the doubly
disastrous decision to partner with The Creepster in TOGS V. Karma actually laughed
out loud at the idea that Manager had been pushed far enough and had gotten
desperate enough to think that partnering with The Creepster could be a good idea.
Especially since the Manager / Creepster pairing had already netted a 100 point loss,
fifth place finish for the two in TOGS III.
Now that Manager's judgment and ability to reason had been totally destroyed,
Karma would begin the final humiliation of manipulating Manager into deciding to
partner with not just a rookie manager, but a rookie manager whose team had been
beaten out in the last TOGS by A-Sop and Lady E. Not only was it a rookie manager
whose team had been beaten out by the estrogen duo last TOGS, but he was also rookie
manager who had a history of having trouble staying active consistently. AND on top
of that, the manager was Delarquan, the absolutely most assured kiss of death for
TOGS success.
<the present>
Seraphim stood in Karma's office, giving his report after the first turn of the
TOGS, "The S&M Team of Manager and I placed fourth in the first turn. Technically,
it should have been third place, but Death Stud cheated and somehow we ended up in
fourth. Manager went on a tirade about how it was physically impossible to win the
TOGS if a team was not in the top three after turn one and I had to stop him from
opening his wrists. I have two of my warriors on watch as we speak to ensure he does
not try again."
As Seraphim delivered his report, Karma came around to stand behind him, patting
him on the back, "You have done well in everything I have asked of you." He was
sincere when he said it, but there was regret in his voice. While Karma knew that
the pairing was almost assuredly headed for miserable, pathetic, crushing defeat,
Karma did not like to take chances, however slim. He leaned close to whisper in
Seraphim's ear while pulling the wire garrote from his pocket, "May you find peace."
With that, Karma leapt upon Seraphim and choked the life from the man.
Seraphim's body lied on the floor of Karma's office, still cooling, while Karma
basked in the knowledge of how miserable, how frustrated and impotent Manager would
feel with any hope for victory stripped away from him, completely out of his control.
All that was left to see was whether Manager would turn tail and quit altogether or
futilely struggle alone to compete only to succumb at last to embarrassing defeat.
Which outcome did not concern him as either was equally sweet.
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
----- ----- ----- Death Stud ----- ----- -----
Hola, mi amigos! The fifth turn of TOGS VI is in the books now and there really
weren't too many major surprises or big changes in the rankings this turn. Yours
truly, Death Stud and Soultaker extended a bit of a lead on #2 with a very strong
turn, being the top point getters for last turn. Also with an excellent turn are
Nuln and Snotman. Good job, boys. Not that much to report otherwise with most of
the teams at the top staying at the top and most of the teams down low stayed down
low. Get yourselves all positioned for the multiplier rounds because everything can
change in a hurry.
I won't mention much about this week's fights other than to note that in the
biggest down-challenge of the turn (there were only two, actually) Allan Johnson lost
his challenge to Snow White. Tsk, tsk. Also of note this turn is that Soultaker's
Odalisque lost and embarrassing matchup to a stand-in.
Fight, win, kill! Make Aradi proud.
T440 TOGS totals
TOTAL Turn 5 Turn 5 Turn 5
TEAM POINTS Fights Spots Ads
--------- ------------------------------------- ----------------- ------ ------
TEAM 7 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - > > > > 315 65 10
THREEPEAT
Death Stud (Death Studs VII) & Soultaker (Eloquent Knights)
TEAM 10 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - > > > > 280 34 10
Killer Wedgies
Mannequin (Fruit of the Loom) & Samwise (Childhood Trauma)
TEAM 8 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - > > > > 276 48 10
Punk in Drublic
Hombre (Dreamtime) & Elephant (GenX Perfect Hits)
TEAM 5 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - > > > > 253 38 10
Lurocian Demons
The Greek Guy (Lurocians T308) & Rillion (Demons of Darkness 2)
TEAM 2 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - > > > > 243 18 10
COLLUSION
Slugbait (The Eyes Have It) & Creepster (Crazy Creeps)
TEAM 1 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - > > > > 240 61 10
NUTSACKZ
Snotman (Wild Cards) & Nuln (4000 Blows)
TEAM 6 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - > > > > 204 35 10
Motor City Madmen
Street Legal (My Best Buds 2) & Hammer (No Hammer Hammerz)
TEAM 14 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - > > > > 201 28 5 -5
Mixed Up Philosophers
TigToad (Greco-Roman) & Zalgor Prigg (CLNGE)
TEAM 11 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - > > > > 196 50 10
Haunted Pasta
General Ironcide (Pastafarians) & Haunt (Pure Evil)
TEAM 3 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - > > > > 195 40 10
The Paulson Army of Champions
Indimar (Wing Hove) & Pauly (The Bunkhouse)
TEAM 13 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - > > > > 172 17 0 -5
Team Monkey FIST
Flagg (My Present) & Anti (TPW Forever)
TEAM 4 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - > > > > 168 18 10 -5
Chocolate Fudge Monkey Express
Pip the Troll (Hit Me With...) & Master Darque (Devil's Workshop)
TEAM 9 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - > > > > 129 14 10
The French Bread Connection
SwineTiger (House of Grain) & LePentarque (La Boulange)
TEAM 12 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - > > > > 74 0 0 -5
Team S&M
Seraphim (Villainous Legion) & Manager (Superior Forces 1601)
===============================================================================
T440 TEAM FIGHT TOTALS
WARRIOR: WARRIOR: WINNER: PNTS:
-- TEAM 1 -- NUTSACKZ
AGMOUR overpowered MANHATTAN PROJECT TEAM 1 10
I OWN INDIMAR devastated NYSTERIOUS WAYS TEAM 1 10
MASTER EXPLODER handily defeated TOWEL BOY TEAM 1 10
JOHNNY FOURHOOVES was overpowered by DEAD ALIVE TEAM 1 7
HARD CIDER subdued KELLY FABULOUS TEAM 1 10
LOKI IX was demolished by 3D'S NOT L33T TEAM 1 7
ZOMBI 2 beat CROP CIRCLE TEAM 1 7
-TOTAL: 61
-- TEAM 2 -- COLLUSION
ALLAN JOHNSON was subdued by WHITE WITCH TEAM 2 7
PRIVATE EYE unbelievably bested KING ROCKER TEAM 2 7
MRS. ROBINSON slaughtered TRUSTWORTHY SCRIBE TEAM 2 4
-TOTAL: 18
-- TEAM 3 -- The Paulson Army of Champions
BREMEN devastated MISS PIGGY TEAM 3 10
AIMLESS devastated FLICKED BOOGERS TEAM 3 10
WEKA DART beat T MARIE TEAM 3 10
PAR handily defeated HAWAIIAN KONA TEAM 3 10
-TOTAL: 40
-- TEAM 4 -- Chocolate Fudge Monkey Express
GILMMAO was vanquished by BLACK DEATH TEAM 4 7
YELLOW JACKET was overpowered by DUNNO TEAM 4 4
GUNPOWDER unbelievably bested SHEEPY THOMPSON TEAM 4 7
-TOTAL: 18
-- TEAM 5 -- Lurocian Demons
SHAMIKA beat READY, STEADY, GO TEAM 5 10
DARIUS savagely defeated I EYE TEAM 5 7
911 was handily defeated by GAZREK TEAM 5 7
JOHNNY unbelievably bested DESEARTES TEAM 5 7
GALILEO was overpowered by TOGS CHOKER TEAM 5 7
-TOTAL: 38
-- TEAM 6 -- Motor City Madmen
TYVEK was overpowered by ZIG-ZAG MAN TEAM 6 7
100 PUNKS lost to FEZ TEAM 6 7
HOLOCAUST was overpowered by TAKE ANOTHER SHOT TEAM 6 7
FGGMOGO was handily defeated by ICE CREAM SOLDIER TEAM 6 7
B.C. GOLD overpowered VENGRAZ TEAM 6 7
-TOTAL: 35
-- TEAM 7 -- THREE-PEAT
EVIL AYE was devastated by EQUIPOLLENT TEAM 7 7
WRATH LIX devastated TIGER TY TEAM 7 10
STITCHES was vanquished by RETRIBUTION XXIX TEAM 7 7
HOWLER XIII overpowered PEACH FUZZ TEAM 7 4
ACIDULOUS savagely defeated RESPECT THE PACKAGE TEAM 7 10
GHNSGFI was demolished by CHONDROMALACIA TEAM 7 7
BEAST XVII vanquished WILD YOUTH TEAM 7 10
HARUSPEX overpowered SHMEGMA TEAM 7 10
-TOTAL: 65
-- TEAM 8 -- Punk in Drublic
SPIRITWALKER vanquished BOY GEORGE TEAM 8 10
EDIE vanquished CRUCIFIED TEAM 8 10
IJEOOGI was overpowered by WILD FLOWER TEAM 8 7
DAY BY DAY narrowly killed PANAMON TEAM 8 7
SISTER MOON savagely defeated PLUM TEAM 8 7
STAR outlasted TEMPE FACER SCROD TEAM 8 7
-TOTAL: 48
-- TEAM 9 -- The French Bread Connection
MAITRE BOULANGER vanquished SETH DRAVEN TEAM 9 7
SARDASIA was savagely defeated by DOUBLE CHOCOLAINE TEAM 9 7
-TOTAL: 14
-- TEAM 10 -- Killer Wedgies
BURNT OFFERINGS savagely defeated VENREK TEAM 10 10
TWIG bested L'APPRENTI TEAM 10 10
MCSCROD slimly lost to NIAGARA FALLS TEAM 10 7
JAYSON DAYDE was bested by SQUEEZE THE LEMONS TEAM 10 7
-TOTAL: 34
-- TEAM 11 -- Haunted Pasta
VENGANZA demolished WEEZY DANG TEAM 11 10
WARM PIRATE bested SCORN BREAD TEAM 11 10
NOODLY APPENDIX viciously subdued SHRIVELLED PRUNE TEAM 11 10
SUGAR beat SCARLET ABATTOIR TEAM 11 10
THE EX handily defeated THE AFRICAN QUEEN TEAM 11 10
-TOTAL: 50
-- TEAM 13 -- Team Monkey FIST
TAXMAN was savagely slain by DOUBLE D TEAM 13 7
EDWARD KINGSLEY overpowered MONKEY PAW TEAM 13 10
-TOTAL: 17
-- TEAM 14 -- Mixed Up Philosophers
DGA was overcome by IICERGS TEAM 14 7
SOCRATES beat LE FOURNER TEAM 14 7
PLATO overcame JOKER TEAM 14 7
ARISTOTLE overpowered BLUE ICE TEAM 14 7
-TOTAL: 28
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ House of Grain Chronicles ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
Chapter 6: How to write an award-losing spotlight
As SwineTiger read the IAWAFP, he could feel his heart beating like there was a
miniature Bashera pounding down on it with both his shields. Once again, his letters
to the editor had not been printed, while other lesser texts had been praised like
they were the second coming of Pusillanimous. He then went to his memoirs desk,
grabbed a stack of his past submissions and began to compare them using the "winning
spotlight" 7-point guideline from his Death Stud dossier.
1: It must be long enough. Unlike those cruel stories about Death Stud's
flaccid, thimble length, um, articles, SwineTiger always hit his word count. Some
would say he exceeded it.
2: Be interesting. What could be more interesting than scandals that were
ripped from the headlines (or the previous spotlights) involving the arena's most
popular managers? He wondered if he had to create a decapitating oversized rodent
that wanders around town, but figured the editors would just assume he did his
spotlights at the last minute with no consideration for those who had to read them.
3: One-upsmanship and subtle innuendos. SwineTiger knew that nobody ever made
a dig at him without getting one or two digs back. And yes, he took subtle jabs as
well, including one involving a light bulb being in someone's innuendo.
4: Keeping things relevant to Aradi and its managers. Heck, SwineTiger felt
that every one of his submissions was relevant to Aradi's managers, even General
Ironside, whose limp, fishy handshake was tantamount to grasping a soggy paper
airplane that had been left out in the rain. Apparently the name Flatironside was
taken.
5: Excitement. Okay, maybe tripping over Seraphim and his moist trousers
wasn't high octane enough. SwineTiger knew he should've mentioned the smell too, but
how do you politely describe a stench that's comparable to a tub of chunky spoiled
milk filled with cat heads on a hot day? Oh yeah, the Slugbait's mom analogy.
6: Well written. As long as he didn't quote the Creepster, SwineTiger felt his
syntax was tighter than those tube tops that Hombre is so proud of. Wowzer
Umgahwah!!!
7: Make the IAWAFP laugh. SwineTiger knew that it was easier to get challenges
than laughs out of those losers.
SwineTiger stuffed his letter into an envelope and then gathered up the rest of
his outgoing mail, like his convenience fee bill payment which he had somehow
neglected to pay and now had to pay double. He also had to send in his money to the
Aradi Revenue Service before Mannequin broke his other thumb.
Just then, Scorn Bread burst through the door with Hot Buttered Monkey sauce on
his face and a tree under one of his arms.
"Our luck is finally going to change," Scorn said. "I stole this Chaos Elm (tm)
from behind Darque's hovel. I figured we can turn it into a quarterstaff, or even a
nickelstaff if we need something lighter. Also, I have an idea for new Aradi eatery
called the Interdimensional Domicile of Waffles that we can open up next the Tall
Glass of Milk."
"Sounds good and completely original," SwineTiger replied, winking to where a
camera would have been if it existed. SwineTiger then went to clear off a space on
his mantle.
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
***********************
Solution to Encyclopedia Manager and the Case of the Stolen Scrod: Nuln Meany
thought he had an airtight alibi by saying he was out with Legion5, who were about to
go camping. Nuln Meany slipped out however, because Doc LeGrand was not a member of
the Legion. Caught in his lie, Nuln Meany admitted to stealing the scrod, and he,
along with Soultaker and Death Stud decided to team up on their fetish website.
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ The Eyes Have It -- TOGS #6 ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
How much is that doggy in the window. (woof, woof)
The one with the waggly tail. (woof, woof)
How much is that doggy in the window. (woof, woof)
I sure hope that dog is for sale. (woof, woof)
Traditional Children's Song.
(1)How much is that doggy in the window. (woof, woof)
Plotting. Always, more plotting. Some days it just got old. It would be nice
to just have the managerial ability to win straight up and not have to do so much
fiddling around. But, if one lacked the skills to win fights one just had to make it
up by conniving and colluding. Soultaker let out a deep sigh before getting back to
his latest scheme.
"What's getting you down big buddy," squeaked the diminutive Sentinel. "Patty
not treating you right?
"No, no. My little, whittle pile of whale blubber is still the love of my
life," Soultaker replied as a dreamy expression passed across his face. "It's that
rat Manager. He had to keel over just after we paid him to take a dive. Ingrate."
"Well we have plan B coming by in a couple of minutes."
"Yah, I know but I'm not sure how much it will take to buy him off."
Just then there was a thunderous pounding on the door. Sentinel scurried over
to the window, climbed up a ladder, hopped on top of a box perched on top of the
ladder and finally stood on his tiptoes to peer out the window. "He's here. It's
Slugbait and his fashion sense is even more warped then usual. I mean, he's wearing
lime green short shorts and some god ugly purple belt that is dragging behind him.
It looks like a tail!"
"Patty Honey, let Slugbait in, will you," yelled Soultaker.
"Woof, Woof," replied Patty the Fatty.
(2)The one with the waggly tail... (woof, woof)
Patty jerked opened the dilapidated oak door. Startled, Slugbait automatically
took a step inside before seeing Patty. In one swift motion Slugbait turned, gave a
death-defying shriek and bolted out the front door and gate. Lime green short,
shorts gleaming in the sun and purple belt waggling behind him as he ran for his
life.
"Honey what did you do to Slugbait that day he came to get my 'good stuff,"
asked a puzzled Soultaker.
"Woof, Woof," replied Patty through dark, snaggled front teeth that had formed
into a rather disturbing smile.
(3) How much is that doggy in the window. (woof, woof)
The managers of FONZ (Fat, Old, Nervous, Zilches) were looking through
Soultaker's front window at Slugbait (Slugbait had refused to come in) and it was
clear that they were desperate.
After taking his thumb out of his mouth Pauly made the first offer, "You can
ride my tricycle. It's shiny and new."
"U em no wear diapers when U ride it. Me not sit on that seat. It smell
funny," answered Slugbait.
Soultaker tried next, "What's that crazy old Creepster ever done for you? You
have to clean up his drool and deal with his outbursts all day and you get nothing."
"Him give dis shinny new collar with pretty tag with me name on it," replied
Slugbait as he showed off his necklace that looked surprisingly like a dog collar.
The negotiations dragged on and on. After all, Slugbait wasn't the brightest
light in the heavens and FONZ (Frantic, Odd, Neophite Zits) knew that they couldn't
win with out lots of help. And maybe even not then.
But, finally a deal was reached and Soultaker called for drinks.
"Woof, Woof" answered Patty and like a shot Slugbait was off and running.
(4) I sure hope that dog is for sale. (woof, woof)
"So, you and your TEAMMATE going to have a good turn Creepster," asked Soultaker
gleefully rubbing his hands together.
"Want to bet that we'll do better than you and your PARTNER," snickered
Sentinel.
"Funny things can happen in the arena," said Soultaker trying to bait the
Creepster.
"Now that Manager isn't your little doggy anymore. It won't be so easy. Will
it," asked a grinning Sentinel.
And on and on it went but the Creepster just sat back, relaxed and smiled.
Finally he said, "Gerwwallllllllllllll, youtttttttttttttsdt, muf ta."
His young beautiful scribe, strangely wearing what looked like Slugbait's lime
green short, shorts, translated, "When my dogs go wild I put them down and get a
better doggy. And we all know that good doggies always come home."
He then leaned in toward a worried Soultaker and Sentinel, winked and added,
"Woof, Woof!"
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
----- ----- ----- [Hammer] ----- ----- -----
An Alternate Reality Stimulation
TOGS Special Edition Number Six
A Motor City MadMen Manuscript
by Hammer the WordSmith
It had been a rather stressing series for Street Lethal to follow as his Dread
Wings managed to pull together and eliminate the PreDaters from the playoffs,
although he had mixed emotions regarding the Rabble Ranch eliminating the Weird. He
wanted the team that Master Dank had bet on to lose in a big way, but he did find a
deeper satisfaction in the realization that the victory set up a head to head
confrontation between his beloved Dread Wings and the Rabble Ranch and Street Lethal
made sure that he scraped together ever spare coin he had to place his bets on his
beloved Dread Wings to serve a beat down on the despised Rabble Ranch that Master
Dank was apparently betting heavily upon to dismantle the Dread Wings and thus
irritate and aggravate Street Lethal beyond comprehension and adversely affect his
managerial focus when it came time to guide his gladiators in each round of the
Tournament Of the Silver Goat that was underway in the All Righty Arena in the All
Starry Eyed Realm.
The opening game of round two in the playoffs against the Rabble Ranch was a
real nail biter for Street Lethal. Street Lethal was enjoying the game as his Dread
Wings opened up a 4-1 lead against the hated Rabble Ranch and when his favorite
player Jitter Bugger found the net, Street Lethal was cheering the loudest and the
longest as the painful memories of nearly blowing the first round series against the
PreDaters was all but forgotten and forgiven, as the Dread Wings were dominating the
hated Rabble Ranch and Street Lethal was loving every minute that the Dread Wings
continued to humiliate the hated Rabble Ranch. But as any Dread Wings fan has come to
expect in recent years, there needs to be some added drama and goalie Good Ozzy
provided all that and more for the Dread Wings. The Rabble Ranch found some chinks in
the armor and the puck somehow got past the stick and pads of goalie Good Ozzy and
then later off the skate of goalie Good Ozzy to stir the Dread Wings fans into a
frenzy that goalie Good Ozzy somehow channeled to his benefit. The pucked bounced in
favor of the Dread Wings as the top of the goal post rang and rattled against the
Rabble Ranch onslaught, but the puck refused to dance into the net as it had earlier
on goalie Good Ozzy and with less than 10 seconds remaining on the game clock, Street
Lethal jumped to his feet with a glorious roar of the crowd as goalie Good Ozzy
prevented the puck from going into the net on a point blank shot and thus preserving
the 4-3 victory by the Dread Wings against their hated foes the Rabble Ranch.
Street Lethal breathed much easier during Game 2 as goalie Good Ozzy limited the
Rabble Ranch to a mere goal en route to a 5-1 victory that saw his favorite player
Jitter Bugger score another goal and Swedish sensation Dread Wings center Frazzle
Them notched his first career hat trick as Street Lethal and the rest of the Dread
Wings fans celebrated far into the night and partied in victory at the Hockey Clown
Cafe!
The Dread Wings took to the road for Game 3 and Street Lethal had a ringside
seat in front of the big screen TV at the Hockey Clown Cafe as the Dread Wings
invaded the home ice of the Rabble Ranch at the Poopsie Center where Jitter Bugger
scored yet another goal and goalie Good Ozzy made things interesting once again en
route to a 4-3 victory in favor of the Dread Wings and the series lead at 3-0 to push
the Rabble Ranch to the brink of elimination on their home ice at the Poopsie Center.
[There was much more to write about, but most of you are yawning or are just passing
over this Hammer Spotlight, so why waste any more space writing this TOGS Spotlight
when the required number of lines has already been written for this cycle!]
Street Lethal was ready to bring his broom to the Hockey Clown Cafe to watch
Game 4 broadcast live from the Poopsie Center as he was beside himself with joy that
his beloved Dread Wings were on the verge of eliminating the hated Rabble Ranch and
causing Master Dank to lose more than his fair share of gladiator gold in the
process!
"May Your Blades Be Sharp and Your Wits Sharper!"
Hammer
Minister of War
Abattoir Scarlet Knight
Order of Lost Souls
Aradi Antagonist
TOGS Tuffie
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Zalgor's Tourney Experience ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
Well, obviously it's been awhile since I have done this. I sent 14 warriors as
I had planned, but since none of them (except my TOGS team, of course) had run in
over 2 years I just went by the class they were in 2 months ago when I asked for team
overviews of all my stables. All of you who have been playing consistently, and even
some who may have started in the past 2 years since I have been around, are already
rolling your eyes, possibly shaking your head or even rolling on the floor laughing
hysterically already. I am okay with this. See, I've know from years of experience
when you screw up, and you know it's your own fault...you accept it, laugh about it
and move on, well that's what I am doing in this case.
So here is my tourney... My Contender, er... Primus warrior, Manic went 0-5 and
was beaten by a bunch of warriors I have seen fight since I started playing this game
over 12 years ago. My one Eligible and 2 ADM warriors, what I mean to say is my 3
Eligibles... well the one I knew was Eligible started off 1-1 before being killed by
Zombie Stomp, the two ADM warriors that I had hopes for both went to the Fool's
Tourney and were a combined 1-6. So at this point my tourney record is 2-13-0-1 (1-
2-0-1). The number in parenthesis is my non-brain dead record, with the first number
my overall record including my mentally deficient tourney results.
That brings us to my 5 Freshmen. I had high hopes for these guys... well real I
mean my 4 Freshmen and 1 ADM warrior. The ADM warrior went a not too surprising 0-3.
The rest of my Freshmen did decently for who they were. I got to retire one (Shen
who is average but has great faves for a TP) who went 1-3, the rest either matched or
exceeded expectations. My aimed blow went 4-3, but only 2-2 against total parries so
room for improvement there. My striker, who is very fast but even more under
skilled, finished 4-3. Finally was John Tyler, my TV hopeful. Well... I learned
that in the past 2 years I forgot the need for a TP strategy... I also learned that
even after 2 years managers of aimed blows have not learned that on occasion it is
possible to be jumped by a TP. The results were mixed, and John Tyler ended up just
missing a TV at 7-3-1. He was 2-1-1 against aimed blows (yes, that is a kill you see
there) and 0-2-0 against total parries. Now comes the figuring out if the AB strat
can be modified to include TPs or if I can modify my normal strat and use it to beat
TPs... because I can beat aimers early but can't beat the TP's late.
So now we are down to the TOGS portion of the tourney with the overall record
now 18-28-1-1 (17-14-1-1) going in. I would have run these guys as 5 FE Initiates
even if I had known they were going to be Initiates and not Apprentices... as it was
I did not know and I am sure many other managers of completely new TOGS teams did not
know either. So for tourney purposes I will put these in my competent column...
HOWEVER... I will suggest to the scorekeepers of TOGS to award points to each warrior
who had zero FE at the start of the contest and in running every turn was forced to
fight as 5 FE Initiates when the tourney advertisements clearly stated that the
contest was set up to have new warriors fight as Apprentices. My suggestion is 5
points per warrior, but I will be satisfied with whatever is decided as long as it is
more than nothing and greater than an insult. My team had 4 such warriors and my
teammate also had 4 such warriors. I am sure since this is the case some will yell
that we are only trying to help ourselves, but I believe not only will several teams
will be in the same position but it is truly the right thing to do.
So I had one 10 FE Initiate and four 5 FE Initiates. Well, the 10 FE Initiate
ended up flaming out at 3-3... ouch! I have 2 really poor excuses for warriors on my
team, and at 5 FE they were completely overmatched. One died at 0-2 and the other
lived but still finished 0-3. The replacement is a warrior that I will give you the
stats and style for... of course this will not help you unless he survives the Dark
Arena... 9-12-14-11-17-10-11 WS. So my last two 5 FE Initiates... they actually
surprised me. The first is a warrior that is 1-4 in the contest, somehow lasted
longer than my 10 FE Initiate and went 4-3. The most surprising is IJEOOGI who if
any of you read my post are intelligent and read my spotlight from 2 turns ago know
is an absolute shocker to have finished 5-3 for me of all people (I smell a permanent
strat change for this warrior). So my TOGS team finished a respectable 12-14-0-1
bringing me to an overall record of 30-42-1-2 (29-28-1-2). If you figure my original
estimates for my warriors in their correct classes I actually did better than I
originally expected, minus the TV for John Tyler. If you take just my warriors who
fought where they were originally thought to have fought, the same is true.
That's a wrap on Zalgor's tourney talk... except to restate to TRAVIS - Read and
consider the point made after the HOWEVER above.
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
I'm taking a break from my normally scheduled, downright riveting fiction, to
summarize my mail-in tourney.
Primus - The usual, 4-17. Interesting tidbits are Gumbo Jake, for those of you
who don't know, is a Lunger, maxed of course, over 300 FE that is +4 att / +4 def.
Grown to size 13, a max damage potion on him, Faves modified, AND ambi. Who
struggles to go 3-3. Disturbing no? My open-hand AB is starting to look good
though, a fine candidate for a few of my bonus potions...and of course, Leroy
Jenkins...the faves modified TP who people say I have wasted a prize...well, I have,
but not the one you think. We'll see if I can remedy that mistake later in his
career.
Contenders - Nada.
Eligibles - I had thought the line came down this time, which pulled a few
people up, but not sure. Either way, The worst tourney Slant Edison (and Aradian)
has ever had. He chumped out at 1-3. Multiple TV's and a runner up once or twice in
this category gives a manager some confidence going in. That aforementioned
confidence is now gone.
ADM - Did fine, sent in another perennial Scum who has done well in the past and
he went 6-3. More and more AB's make his tourney career bleak.
Freshman - After TC'ing this class at the Face, Mr. Smith (another Ariadian) got
sucked to ADM, so no worthwhile freshman to enter.
Challengers - This is a newer class for me as I don't usually bag a lot of my
warriors, but Ive started to keep a few around who don't look to have a great ADM
career due to their styles. It was surprisingly fun for me this time out, as I had a
ST and a SL both look good, and are training well. They also look like they should
stick around a while. Don't know if they are the right styles for this class, but
time will tell.
Champions - Ahhh, champs. This journey started out for me with Managerr picking
my Adepts TC from the Face, to repeat TC in this class. I thought he was insane,
uhm...more insane than normal I mean. And to confirm my suspicions, I was scummed
first round by a Parry-Strike. And I mean scummed. So there goes Managerr's
prediction. A few wins here, a couple more there, and all of a sudden I'm in the
run-offs with only my original round 1 loss. Feeling over-confident I run into yet
another nameless rung on my ladder of fame, just another lunger to beat down...
ooops, this one had a name (damn you Mannequin) and a nice combination of my warrior
refusing to throw any crits and this guy being unhittable. I got punked, and Ashton
was nowhere to be found. I went back to my normal ways of fighting and took out (If
memory serves) Kellumbo's Lunger, then a stand-in with Mannequin and Kellumbo going
at it. Then I get Mannequin's beast again but this time with a different outcome,
and find myself eliminated with only losses. Managerr is a genius...lol. I finally
TC a mail-in and also for the first time have a warrior TC twice. Congrats to me.
Adepts - I filled adepts with a few of my mistimed TOGS'ers and either they did
well in rounds, or if they went out early, learned well, so all that was gravy for
this, the contest of contests. Most importantly, none of my TOGS warriors died.
Huge.
Initiates - My one sort-of timed TOGS warrior fought here and looked great, did
well, and learned like a fiend. Also found out they were bonused in a certain area.
Really looking forward to the next few turns of TOGS to see how the skills have
changed my warriors.
Apprentices - dropped one warrior in this class who I was excited about for
later tournies but this warrior surprised me and TV'd. A nice little bonus for a
warrior whose name really gets under the skin of Consortium. <grin>
Rookies - First of all, I would like to say thank you to Rillion, who if not for
killing a challengers level Striker at the face, I would not have gotten a nice
looking size 3 lunger. I will trade a past-his-prime striker for a size 3, nice
statted warrior any day. He came through like a champ and snuck out a TV for me.
Overall a really good tourney for me, and thanks to those who I hung out with
and read the fights aloud with (and louder and more slurred as the night went on).
And it doesn't look like there were any TOGS TV's this time out either...hmmm.... Oh
well, that's about it, and back to Zombies, farm animals (or lack there of) and bad
story-writing next week.
-- Hombre and Dreamtime
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Friday Night Lights ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
Part 6
The Greek Guy
The time for the fights had finally arrived. While some on the team were
nervous, the nerves quickly faded as they made their way onto the sands. The first to
fight was Tig Toad. He was fighting Mannequin from Talcama. Both were devotes of the
parry riposte style. The fighters not fighting were all seated on the 1st row of the
stadium. Tig Toad strolled out to the middle of the arena as the crowd roared.
Mannequin came next accompanied by many jeers. The warriors were announced to the
crowd. Tig Toad was wearing Scalemail armor and a full helm. He carried a scimitar
and a backup scimitar. Mannequin walked forward wearing leather armor and a steel
cap. He was whipping his epee back and forth testing the blade. He also carried a
backup epee at his side. The crowd quited down in respect for the battle about to
begin.
The warriors fiercely confronted each other.
Tigtoads scimitar lunged forward with devastating force.
Mannequin deflected the blow with his epee and rushed back to counterstrike.
Mannequins epee blurred forward with speed and accuracy
TigToad easily dodges the blow and spun around looking to counter
Tigtoad ducked low and sliced wickedly upwards with his scimitar
Mannequin was struck in the chest
Mannequin, like the wimp he is, cried out in pain
Blood spattered out from under his armor
Tigtoad leaped into the air and brought his scimitar down in a powerful slash.
Mannequin was struck in the right shoulder
The Greek Guy whistled in the stands and the power of the blow
"Man that's going to hurt tomorrow" Rillion stated
Mannequin dropped to his knees and pleaded to be let out of the fight
The crowd booed a this act of cowardice but the arenamaster let him out of the
fight
Tig Toad walked back to the group and was met with high fives all around for the
decisive victory. As good as we did the first fight, we did just as bad in the next
few. Guardian destroyed Pip in the next round. After that Snotman was humiliated by
Seraphom who knocked him down and out in one shot. Aradi was soon down 3-1 and things
were not looking good for victory this week. Phido's anger was easily vusuvle on his
face. Our next fighter to take the sands was Rillion. As I looked at him I was hoping
the drinking we did the night before would not affect him tonight. Rillion was always
a great drinker and sometimes he drank a little bit too much for his own good and
ended up saying and doing things he would later regret. The announcer started to
announce the matchup for the next fight. Rillion looked at his team and smiled.
"Now you guys pay attention and you may learn a little something" he stated
"I've already seen how to lose, maybe you can show me how to win" The Greek Guy
stated as he looked at Snotman who had just been defeated.
Rillion walked onto the sands ready to begin.
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>*********4000 Blows*********<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
The Revenge of the Son of Mannequin
The Bloody Conclusion (Actually)
[We return to our scene at the Tall Glass of Milk...]
"Are you the 'man' they call Nuln?" grated Mannequin Jr., kind enough to repeat
his last line from the previous episode of this revenge saga, all while still barely
containing the rage that threatened to boil over and engulf the entire universe (and
perhaps several alternate universes as well). He was also juggling several flaming,
handleless machetes as well, because, well, he could.
"Yesheth," replied Nuln, not sure if he was a) lisping because he had a lisp, b)
slurring because he was drunk off his kiester on milk, or c) both A & B. "I amsh he.
No, himeth? In any eventsh, yesh, I ammeth Nulnsh."
"Then you most certainly recall the most perfectest, super fantabuliffic , uber
god-gifted, most utterly supreme being ever to be trapped in a mortal coil that once
existed? I refer of course to Godslayer, who fought one of your pathetic warriors at
the tournament, I can scarcely recall that his name was...Nappy Poo." Mannequin Jr.
nearly spat out the name of Nuln's fighter. It was then that Mannequin Jr. noticed a
rather large, traditionally pink and white conche shell sitting on the table next to
Nuln. It seemed out of place to him, but his rage got the better of his curiosity,
and he focused back on the drunk Chaos Lord, who was scratching his head as he tried
to access what was commonly referred to as his "memory."
"Godshlayersh, Godshlayeresh, Godshlayerssh..." Nuln mumbled, as if repeating
the name three times would somehow help him remember. It did help him stall though,
which he savored. As he stared back at Mannequin Jr., one of his gauntleted hands
moved over to the conche shell, gently almost stroking it. "Can'tsh shayeth it
ringsh a bellsh. I do remembersh Nappy Pooeth thosh. Boy, whatta load a
crrrrrrrrrreamcheeshe he wash..."
"Perhaps this will refresh your memory then?!" Mannequin Jr. interjected with a
hiss, then with one swift thrust he impaled the sleeping Soultaker on his mighty 4-
handed greatsword, holding the legendary TOGS manager aloft without the slightest
quiver of a muscle, the blood dripping down the 8 year old Death Lord's arm. "If
not, maybe seeing your other friend do his impression of a shish-ka-bob will stir
your milk-sodden brain!"
Nuln glanced over at the six sleeping Snotmen, and thought to himself whether he
could bear living with only five of his dear friend. And what about Mrs. Snotman?
And Snotman Jr.? And the thousands of snotlings at the Temple of Khorne that
depended on his direction? And all the good people who worked for the Kleenex
industry? It was a long, hard decision, and Nuln took his time. So much was riding
on this moment, but Nuln buckled down, searching every nook and cranny inside his
cranium for any recollection of what the mini-murderer was talking about.
"Ya idgit!" croaked Soultaker finally at Nuln, surprising everyone by still
being alive. "He's talkin about the rookies tournament, round one! Nappy Poo
*killed* Godslayer ok? Get it??!?!?!?!?"
Soultaker promptly wheezed one last sigh, then his head lolled to one side,
tongue hanging out the other side. Yes. His soul had been taken.
"Geez, you don'tsh haffeth to shoutsh!" said Nuln huffily, "But thanksh you,
thash doessh helpsheth. Huccipsh!"
"Be quick, Chaos Lord!" grated Mannequin Jr., now leaping off his warhorse Flesh
Trampler, his two pole-arms simultaneously flipping up in the air, one landing in
each hand. The 4-handed greatsword he now held between his teeth, as if a mere
pocket-knife. "Ynqnrhf tghllmnng dlrlllblss nhhhgghnnnssh!"
"Whatsh you shaysh?" asked Nuln, thinking he now knew what Mannequin Jr. was
talking about, but he still liked to stall, for stalling's sake.
"@#$% &*#@ it!" cursed Mannequin Jr., letting the 4-handed greatsword clatter to
the ground. "I can't figure out how my dad does that! I can never speak clearly
with that thing in my mouth! I was saying that your time draws nigh!!"
"Oh," said Nuln, suddenly sobering up. Not sober enough though, apparently.
"You idiot!" yelled Snotman, awakening momentarily, "Use the FONZ Horn of
Summoning for the love of Khorne, it's your only chance man!!!!" He then promptly
fell back asleep.
For once thinking on his feet, Nuln then leapt to those same feet and grabbed
the conche shell and placed it to his lips, a giant noise sounding like a greatly
amplified duck flatulence issuing forth. "FONZ Non-Allianceth! Uniteth!!!!" boomed
Nuln after he had finished blowing the horn.
Mannequin Jr. looked around him in shock as he was now surrounded by a ring of
men who one second ago had been nowhere to be seen. They were up close too, like
those close talkers who get right in there and fog up your eyeballs.
"I am Magic Man!" boomed one of the men. "Auxillary FONZ member reporting for
duty! Whoever you are enemy, know that you face a man who has at his disposal MAGIC!
Eh."
"And I am boB!!" said a second man, given away by his straw hat and overalls,
and alfalfa sprout sprouting from his mouth. "I'm Semi-Non-Auxillary FONZ member,
and I too am reporting for duty! Know this, enemy, you face the pitchfork of an
angry farmer, and I will rotate your crops with both my extensive knowledge of wheat
crops coupled together with a psychotic rage I've long cultivated!"
"I am Inferno!" said a third giant of a man, his flame-colored hair seeming to
crackle, though it was just from too much gel. "FONZ Auxillary Cooler Tote-Man
reporting for duty! Beware, foe, I come bearing ridiculously good home-brewed beer
that will get you so wasted, you won't be able to think crooked much less straight!"
He then cracked open two cans and guzzled them in Mannequin Jr.'s face, as if to
prove a point.
"I-I-I'm Larry." said a non-descript, balding fourth man, looking around
nervously. "I'm not sure how I got here, but I'd like to go now please."
Nuln looked down disappointedly at the FONZ Horn of Summoning. Three semi-non-
auxillary members and a guy named Larry? What was Snotman thinking? In as long as
it took Nuln to think this, Mannequin Jr. quickly dispatched of three of his four
adversaries, for some reason letting Larry go.
"Ok, oketh, I remember Godslayereth." Nuln finally confessed, as Mannequin
advanced on him. "He was a greateth warrior, the best I have ev'reth seen, yea,
verilyeth and forsooth! I sweareth, Nappy Pooeth was acting on his owneth! I wasn't
even watchingeth, I was getting a lemon slusheeeth from a vendor at the timeth! I--"
"Enough, Chaos Lord," snarled Mannequin Jr. "You killed the one thing I ever
cared for, the one thing that ever gave me hope in this bleak and dismal world. Tell
me Chaos Lord, what do you love?"
"I love scrod." Said Nuln gaily, remembering back to his first home-cooked meal
of fried scrod fingers. "And I loveth haiku, and a good glasseth of milketh shared
with a friend. Oh, and I love my first and best warrior ev'reth, the greatest parry-
striketh that ev'reth graced these bleak and dismaleth lands of ourseth. I speaketh,
good sireth, of the one and only...Kurrelgyle!"
At the mention of his name, Kurrelgyle turned from the bar and waved at Nuln,
not realizing 'til this moment he was in the same room as his long time manager.
Then the rest of the bar (some brave souls had filtered back in to the Tall Glass of
Milk by now) in unison cheered, "KURRELGYLE!!"
Mannequin Jr. watched the exchange between the two silently, though he clenched
his twin halbards with a tighter grip.
[Outside the Tall Glass of Milk, moments later]
Pauly stared with a certain amount fatalistic frustration at the headless pile
of horse lying next to Laverne. He didn't even bother with a lecture this time, just
opening a saddlebag and giving his pet demon a small, horse-flavored treat (hmmm...).
As he got up to board his steed, a small figure he did not recognize exited the
tavern, pulling by some rope a large wooden box behind him. Upon closer inspection
Pauly saw that it was not a relative of Death Stud's, but a small child...with very
large war gear.
The child walked over to the remains of the horse, a look of disbelief in his
eyes. "Eff-Tee...?" Pauly thought he heard him whisper as he knelt down to the
corpse, petting one still flank. Then he looked up at Laverne, horse flesh and
stench still dripping from her maw, and then at Pauly astride Laverne.
All throughout the city of Aradi, and in the valleys surrounding, echoed a
screaming "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
fin
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ What on Eartha Happened to Manager? ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
By GenX Perfect Hits
Hombre heads Elephant's cottage on the outskirts of Aradi. As Hombre approaches,
two guards stop him and asked him to state his business. Because of Hombre's enlarged
lips it takes a couple of times before the guards understand him. Finally, Hombre
precedes forward and enters the cottage. Elephant is sitting on a black leather couch
with his foot propped up on an ottoman. His foot appears to be in a walking cast.
"Hombre, what's up man? You didn't come all the way out here to sign my cast did
you?"
"No, I have a really big favor to ask."
"Anything for you ole pal."
"I need you to help me with Manager."
"Well you do realize Manager got his head bit off and is dead?"
"Yes."
"So you want me to help with funeral arrangements?"
"No, I want you to help me get him back."
"You did hear the part where I said his head was bit off?"
"Yes, we're going to get his soul back."
"Get his soul back? Where the hell is his soul?"
"It's in Helliot."
"Oh, you mean hell."
"No Helliot."
"Hombre what the hell is Helliot?"
"It's a place where souls go before the afterlife."
"Ok, but why do they goto Helliot?"
"Helliot is ruled by Soultaker. Soultaker takes souls to Helliot, hence his
name?"
"But what does Soultaker do with this souls?"
"Things, it's not important. Will you help me get Manager's soul back?"
"Of course I will."
"Good, I didn't think you'd help. I always figured you didn't like Manager."
"Outside of you, who does?"
"Good point. Ok, we need to give Soultaker Pauly's secret pancake recipe."
"Why does he want..."
"I DON'T know. Can you get it?"
"We are talking about Pauly. This will be like taking candy from a Giant
Muskrat."
"That's what scares me."
"I have a plan, but I can't get along to well on this walking cast. I'll need
your help. We need to head over to SwineTiger's bakery."
"What?"
"Let's go, I'll explain on the way."
The two TOGS partners head to Aradi in a wagon. They arrive at the House of
Grain bakery. Elephant tells Hombre to wait outside and keep watch. Elephant enters
and is greeted by a casher.
"May I help you Mr. Schwartz?"
"I'm not Scott Schwartz."
"Well you sure look like him."
"Actually, Scott looks like me. Can you please tell Swine, that Elephant and
Hombre are here to see him.
The casher goes into the back room and returns with Swinetiger.
"My avoids must not be working because I avoid Dreamtime and GenX Perfect Hits
every turn and you're here and Hombre is standing outside my shop.
"It's called multiple TV Challenges."
"TV Challenges?"
"Don't worry, someday you know what that means Swine, someday. I'm not here for
TOGS. I need bread and lots of it."
"How much you need?"
"How much you got? I prefer the day old stuff."
"Well I have two carts full we just moved to the back."
"Perfect, I'll take it all, plus the carts."
"How will you be paying?"
"You take plastic?"
"Sure do."
"One sec."
Elephant walks out and gets Hombre's credit card. He returns inside and hands
the card to Swinetiger. Swinetiger swipes the card and gives Elephant the receipt.
Hombre and Elephant begin walking down the streets of Aradi pushing to huge carts of
breads.
"I feel stupid. What are we, two street vendors? How is this going to help us
get the recipe."
"Trust me have I let you down before Hombre?"
"Do you really want me to start recapping our TOGS turns?"
"No, but outside of me sucking in TOGS, have I ever let you down?"
"No, you haven't."
"Good, let's stop here and wait awhile."
Hombre and Elephant park the two carts of bread and wait till nightfall. They
begin walking towards Pauly's Pancake Palace. As they get closer, Laverne, the Giant
Demon Muskrat, jumps out and is standing between them and the door to the pancake
palace.
"Elephant, what now?"
"Hombre step away from the cart slowing. HEY LAVERNE, what want some bread?"
Hombre slowing backs away from the carts. Elephant has a loaf of bread in his
hand is waving it at Laverne. Laverne leaps towards Elephant's hand. Elephant tosses
the bread in the air and pulls his hand back just in time as Laverne chomps it in one
bite. She is now standing over Elephant and licking her lips.
"Laverne would you rather eat me or all that bread? Look at the Shewish Crunch
Roll."
Laverne turns her attention to the carts. She eats the first cart in one bite.
"Laverne, pace yourself. Enjoy the bread one loaf at a time. Did I mention
there's Banana Nut Bread in there?
Laverne must understand what Elephant is saying because she starting eating the
breads one loaf at a time. Laverne soon became bloated and sluggish, and finally
collapsed on the cobblestones unable to move(yes, we've heard this before - The
Bunkhouse: Turn 5 ). Elephant motions to Hombre. Hombre busts through the pancake
palaces front door.
"Pauly, keeps Eartha in the broom closet. Let's move quick Hombre."
"How did you know about Laverne and the bread? How did you know about the broom
closet?"
"Hombre, it's me we are talking about. I know all."
"Well, Mr. Smarty Pants. Eartha isn't in the broom closet. I don't see the
recipe either."
"I was afraid of this."
"Afraid of what?"
"Pauly took the recipe and Eartha home. I told Cyber to leave Bubbles alone but
he didn't listen."
"Pauly took Eartha home?"
"Yep, no wonder Indimar left town. He's ashamed of Pauly's new love interest."
SPY REPORT
Much has changed in COLLUSION COVE since last I was here. Never fear, Olaf
Modeen adapts to many situations, as do all successful fighters. You know what they
say about the herd of lions who studied a judge... FRUIT OF THE LOOM moved up 11
places, to 11th. DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 showed COLLUSION COVE what they were made of
as they fought with a vengeance to walk off with 5-0-0. What's with STORM FIRE? He
actually beat BUGS, SLUGS & THUGS' YELLOW JACKET, and walked away with 24 more points
from the fight. Laughs were big at LA BOULANGE while they watched LE FOURNER clobber
MONKEY PAW. He lost 19 points and got bruised from objects thrown from the stands.
See how the Duelmaster TV challenged HIT ME WITH...'s DUNNO? That sort of initiative
is how it got where it is now. DUNNO was reminded on the sands why WRATH LIX is
Duelmaster. Wouldn't it be nice to have live subjects to practice on? I hear some
team is looking into the uses of convicted prisoners.
Speaking of cowardly avoiders and unfair challenges... The most avoided team
was LUROCIANS T308. In my day, no team with a 14-14-0 would scare me off! What's
the problem, GENX PERFECT HITS? How well I know the feeling of being the most
challenged warrior, KELLY FABULOUS! Don't make idle boasts, they may come back to
haunt you. Taunt your opponent BUSTED NUTS! That was my lucky charm when I was
unfairly challenged. (and by 22 points!) VENREK should have an easy win. I have to
get this off my chest. What a low dog, VENREK! It can't set itself up in a real
match. I was sorry to see BUSTED NUTS lose. LEATHAM of MY PRESENT knows how to pick
'em. He challenged PLATO of GRECO-ROMAN who is up by 18. Now was this a wise move?
LEATHAM perhaps got his just desserts, seeing as he beat PLATO and ended up with 25
recognition points. I hate going to the effort of writing about the kind of fights
that PLUM gets in. He fights people like PRIVATE EYE, 9 points below. I thought
PLUM showed great skill and promise when he dispatched PRIVATE EYE. All right, so I
slept through it! Big deal!
There have been some calls to lengthen the time limit. Do you want the fighters
to walk away, or not? PLUM killed PRIVATE EYE, and expects revenge from THE EYES
HAVE IT. The dead are better off dead--they have no worries. And this week the
Duelmaster--whoops! FRUIT OF THE LOOM has one week left to avenge COCO NUTS' death
by excessive hits on the part of ZIG-ZAG MAN of MY BEST BUDS 2. Here's some advice:
study your opponent, master many skills, fight dirty.
Who knows what the future holds for a warrior. More fights, there's no doubt.
The end of another Spyreport! That's cause for celebration in my book! Time for my
medication, so I'll leave now. Practice, practice, practice!-- Olaf Modeen
DUELMASTER W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
3D'S NOT L33T 7833 13 7 3 114 WILD CARDS (148)
CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
RETRIBUTION XXIX 8259 13 4 0 113 DEATH STUDS VII (301)
-SUNSHINE 7593 11 7 0 110 SUPERIOR FORCES 1601 (586)
GAZREK 7858 11 6 0 105 DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
VENREK 7477 19 6 0 99 DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
HOWLER XIII 8302 9 1 2 98 DEATH STUDS VII (301)
TIGER TY 7665 20 17 1 95 WING HOVE (529)
YELLOW JACKET 7627 17 42 1 94 BUGS, SLUGS & THUGS (591)
TYVEK 7478 11 11 0 94 DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
DUNNO 6988 13 21 1 93 HIT ME WITH... (503)
ODALISQUE 8121 9 2 2 93 ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518)
ZIG-ZAG MAN 7083 13 11 1 92 MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)
STORM FIRE 7597 8 3 1 92 SUPERIOR FORCES 1601 (586)
BURNT OFFERINGS 8054 11 6 1 91 CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)
CHAMPIONS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
FLICKED BOOGERS 6989 17 17 0 85 HIT ME WITH... (503)
BUSTED NUTS 7134 12 15 1 82 HIT ME WITH... (503)
PAR 8297 8 4 1 82 WING HOVE (529)
EDWARD KINGSLEY 8330 8 2 1 78 TPW FOREVER (619)
SPIRITWALKER 8431 7 3 0 78 DREAMTIME (633)
911 7936 12 12 0 74 CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)
STITCHES 8245 6 8 0 72 CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)
CHAMPIONS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
I OWN INDIMAR 8084 9 8 0 70 4000 BLOWS (107)
CHALLENGER ADEPTS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
BOY GEORGE 8378 8 4 0 66 CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)
ACIDULOUS 8384 7 1 0 66 ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518)
PLUM 8094 6 5 2 66 FRUIT OF THE LOOM (615)
TWIG 8096 8 5 1 63 FRUIT OF THE LOOM (615)
B.C. GOLD 7787 10 8 0 60 MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)
DAY BY DAY 8338 6 2 1 60 GENX PERFECT HITS (620)
CHONDROMALACIA 8432 6 6 0 59 ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518)
PEACH FUZZ 8095 8 7 1 58 FRUIT OF THE LOOM (615)
ADEPTS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
WEEZY DANG 7909 11 11 0 56 THE BUNKHOUSE (595)
THE BUNISHER 8341 9 2 1 56 HOUSE OF GRAIN (625)
EQUIPOLLENT 8492 5 3 1 56 ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518)
WARM PIRATE 8407 10 3 0 55 PASTAFARIANS (630)
ZOMBIELUST 8181 8 3 0 54 4000 BLOWS (107)
BEAST XVII 8303 6 7 0 53 DEATH STUDS VII (301)
VENGANZA 8408 7 6 0 52 PASTAFARIANS (630)
VENGRAZ 8018 6 2 0 52 DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
L'APPRENTI 8351 6 2 0 52 LA BOULANGE (626)
RESPECT THE PACKAGE 7832 11 9 0 51 WILD CARDS (148)
RYEHARD 8339 8 8 1 51 HOUSE OF GRAIN (625)
WILD FLOWER 8443 6 5 0 51 DREAMTIME (633)
T MARIE 8522 3 3 0 51 MY PRESENT (637)
SHRIVELLED PRUNE 8177 5 6 1 49 FRUIT OF THE LOOM (615)
LE FOURNER 8354 4 5 0 49 LA BOULANGE (626)
WEKA DART 7979 10 9 1 46 WING HOVE (529)
SCORN BREAD 8343 9 8 0 45 HOUSE OF GRAIN (625)
HARD CIDER 7981 5 3 1 42 WILD CARDS (148)
SISTER MOON 8489 4 3 0 42 DREAMTIME (633)
DOUBLE D 8523 3 3 2 42 MY PRESENT (637)
HAWAIIAN KONA 7853 6 8 0 41 MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)
DEAD ALIVE 8503 4 2 0 40 WILD CARDS (148)
MAITRE BOULANGER 8350 4 3 0 40 LA BOULANGE (626)
STAR 8427 7 4 0 39 DREAMTIME (633)
GUNPOWDER 8449 5 1 0 39 DEVIL'S WORKSHOP (634)
EDIE 8429 5 6 0 38 DREAMTIME (633)
WILD YOUTH 8296 4 3 0 38 GENX PERFECT HITS (620)
VIKI 8261 3 2 0 38 SUPERIOR FORCES 1601 (586)
NOODLY APPENDIX 8404 7 6 0 35 PASTAFARIANS (630)
KELLY FABULOUS 8221 5 8 0 35 THE BUNKHOUSE (595)
SOCRATES 8547 5 1 0 34 GRECO-ROMAN (639)
TOGS CHOKER 8561 3 1 0 34 DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
CHALLENGER INITIATES W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
SHAMIKA 8513 5 2 0 33 LUROCIANS T308 (636)
BLACK DEATH 8446 2 4 0 33 DEVIL'S WORKSHOP (634)
CRUCIFIED 8447 4 2 0 32 DEVIL'S WORKSHOP (634)
FEZ 7878 4 6 0 31 MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)
NYSTERIOUS WAYS 8464 6 4 0 30 PASTAFARIANS (630)
NAAN VIOLENT 8433 5 3 0 30 HOUSE OF GRAIN (625)
100 PUNKS 8491 4 4 0 30 GENX PERFECT HITS (620)
SHA'LONDA 8532 3 2 0 30 LUROCIANS T308 (636)
BREMEN 8570 3 0 0 30 WING HOVE (529)
SHMEGMA 8502 3 3 0 29 HIT ME WITH... (503)
MASTER EXPLODER 8500 3 3 0 29 4000 BLOWS (107)
MCSCROD 8481 3 4 1 28 4000 BLOWS (107)
GHNSGFI 8526 3 4 0 28 CLNGE (638)
IICERGS 8524 2 4 0 28 CLNGE (638)
MONKEY PAW 7854 6 7 1 27 MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)
NIAGARA FALLS 8533 4 3 0 27 CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)
CHALLENGER INITIATES W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
SHEEPY THOMPSON 8538 3 4 0 27 THE BUNKHOUSE (595)
EVIL AYE 8498 4 2 0 26 THE EYES HAVE IT (632)
LOST BREAD 8546 2 3 0 26 LA BOULANGE (626)
-PERFECT SNOTLING 8403 1 1 0 26 SUPERIOR FORCES 1601 (586)
SETH DRAVEN 8231 5 6 1 25 TPW FOREVER (619)
JOHNNY FOURHOOVES 8399 4 3 0 25 THE BUNKHOUSE (595)
GALILEO 8548 4 2 0 25 GRECO-ROMAN (639)
DOUBLE CHOCOLAINE 8461 3 4 0 25 LA BOULANGE (626)
ZOMBI 2 8571 3 0 0 25 WILD CARDS (148)
LEATHAM 8519 1 3 0 25 MY PRESENT (637)
PLATO 8550 5 1 0 24 GRECO-ROMAN (639)
TAKE ANOTHER SHOT 8558 3 2 0 24 NO HAMMER HAMMERZ (635)
KING ROCKER 8246 2 5 0 24 GENX PERFECT HITS (620)
INITIATES W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
SENTINEL 8543 5 0 0 23 CRAZY CREEPS (207)
READY, STEADY, GO 8249 2 5 0 23 GENX PERFECT HITS (620)
AGMOUR 8568 2 1 0 23 4000 BLOWS (107)
TOWEL BOY 8265 5 6 1 22 TPW FOREVER (619)
JAYSON DAYDE 8545 3 3 1 22 TPW FOREVER (619)
DESEARTES 8560 3 1 0 22 GRECO-ROMAN (639)
THE EX 8436 4 8 1 21 PURE EVIL (629)
HARUSPEX 8559 4 1 0 21 ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518)
SUGAR 8534 4 3 0 21 PURE EVIL (629)
-MEDBH 415 5 2 1 20 THUNDER OF ERIU (79)
SCARLET ABATTOIR 8474 3 4 0 20 NO HAMMER HAMMERZ (635)
JOHNNY 8511 4 2 0 18 LUROCIANS T308 (636)
DARIUS 8552 3 3 0 18 LUROCIANS T308 (636)
IJEOOGI 8528 2 4 0 18 CLNGE (638)
-ENO 879 1 0 0 18 THUNDER OF ERIU (79)
TIFFERS 8520 2 3 0 17 MY PRESENT (637)
GILMMAO 8525 3 3 0 16 CLNGE (638)
SQUEEZE THE LEMONS 8569 2 1 0 16 FRUIT OF THE LOOM (615)
SARDASIA 8512 1 5 0 16 LUROCIANS T308 (636)
MEGAN 632 4 3 0 15 THUNDER OF ERIU (79)
THE AFRICAN QUEEN 8473 2 5 0 15 NO HAMMER HAMMERZ (635)
TEMPE FACER SCROD 8506 3 4 1 14 NO HAMMER HAMMERZ (635)
ARISTOTLE 8551 2 4 0 14 GRECO-ROMAN (639)
I EYE 8508 2 4 0 14 THE EYES HAVE IT (632)
MISS PIGGY 8544 3 3 1 13 CRAZY CREEPS (207)
DGA 8562 1 3 0 13 MY PRESENT (637)
ICE CREAM SOLDIER 8471 1 6 0 13 NO HAMMER HAMMERZ (635)
TONTO 8580 1 0 0 13 CRAZY CREEPS (207)
MANHATTAN PROJECT 8450 2 4 1 12 DEVIL'S WORKSHOP (634)
SPAM 8587 1 0 0 12 PURE EVIL (629)
-LUC 8497 1 1 0 12 SUPERIOR FORCES 1601 (586)
-CRIMTHAN 413 2 5 0 11 THUNDER OF ERIU (79)
-SEL DUMB 8487 1 0 0 9 FUNKY FOLK (565)
MRS. ROBINSON 8573 1 1 1 8 CRAZY CREEPS (207)
STINK I 8572 1 0 0 7 THE EYES HAVE IT (632)
ASP VI 8579 0 1 0 7 DEATH STUDS VII (301)
DOPEY 8566 0 1 0 7 CRAZY CREEPS (207)
CROP CIRCLE 8577 0 2 0 6 PASTAFARIANS (630)
JOKER 8575 0 2 0 6 PURE EVIL (629)
POLITICIAN 8586 1 0 0 4 PURE EVIL (629)
BLUE ICE 8578 0 2 0 4 HIT ME WITH... (503)
-IAN 880 0 1 0 1 THUNDER OF ERIU (79)
BESS AMY 8574 0 1 0 1 FUNKY FOLK (565)
'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.
THE DEAD W L K TEAM NAME SLAIN BY TURN Revenge?
PICK OF DESTINY 8553 1 2 0 4000 BLOWS 107 MANHATTAN PROJEC 8450 438 REVENGED
THE DEAD W L K TEAM NAME SLAIN BY TURN Revenge?
GJLIOHI 8589 0 1 0 CLNGE 638 MONSTER MANALGER 441 NONE
HOLOCAUST 8448 1 5 0 DEVIL'S WORKSHOP 634 BORED ELF 441 NONE
COCO NUTS 8163 5 1 0 FRUIT OF THE LOO 615 ZIG-ZAG MAN 7083 438
CURT SHIFF 8479 2 3 1 FUNKY FOLK 565 SPYMASTER 441 NONE
LAUREN ORDA 8438 0 1 0 FUNKY FOLK 565 FIRST TOGS CHAMP 441 NONE
ARCHIMEDES 8549 0 2 0 GRECO-ROMAN 639 HARD CIDER 7981 437 NOT REVENGED
LUCKY CHARMS 8557 1 1 0 HIT ME WITH... 503 TEMPE FACER SCRO 8506 438
STUD MUFFIN 8590 0 1 0 HOUSE OF GRAIN 625 ARENAMASTER HARK 441 NONE
GERR 8556 0 1 0 MY PRESENT 637 PAPERCUT 8535 437 REVENGED
PAPERCUT 8535 1 4 1 PURE EVIL 629 DOUBLE D 8523 439
TAXMAN 8397 6 6 0 PURE EVIL 629 DOUBLE D 8523 440
POKE IN THE I 8423 1 2 0 THE EYES HAVE IT 632 EQUIPOLLENT 8492 438
PRIVATE EYE 8425 7 3 0 THE EYES HAVE IT 632 PLUM 8094 441
SHAUN OF THE DEA 8504 1 1 0 WILD CARDS 148 THE EX 8436 437 REVENGED
MORGAN LEAH 8517 1 2 0 WING HOVE 529 MISS PIGGY 8544 437 REVENGED
PANAMON 8087 9 8 0 WING HOVE 529 DAY BY DAY 8338 440
PERSONAL ADS
Trustworthy Scribe -- I did not at all appreciate the look you gave my daughter's
beau. You cur! That's why I killed you! -- Mrs. Robinson (stretching those long,
lovely legs)
Allan Johnson -- What a joke. You challenged ME? -- White Witch
Bremen -- Now that wasn't nice, you cute little jerk! -- Miss Piggy
Star and Tempe Facer Scrod -- Fourteen minutes is too long. Cut it out! -- The Crazy
Creeps Scribe et al
All -- I am sorry that I was not allowed to fight last round. Death Stud told me I
was too short. -- Sentinel
Threebanger wanger bim bam zipperonious! (Slugbait, that means three wins won't cut
it; there must be more c.o.l.l.u.s.i.o.n.) -- The Crazy Creeps Scribe
General Ironside -- Don't worry; you were promoted this week! (see spot) -- The
Crazy Creeps Scribe
Death Stud -- The Riddler appreciated your words and compliments, no matter how
small. -- The Crazy Creeps Scribe
Congratulations to that sleazebag Wrath LIX, who absconded with the Duelmaster throne
and who is being exiled to the isle, ridding Aradi of some high level of Scuzzivity.
Absconded. -- The Crazy Creeps Scribe
Tidbits from the International Award Winning Aradi Free Press:
Equipollent seems to be constantly taunting Slugbait.
Death Stud is playing under official protest because someone cheated.
Mannequin is not liked. With that kill record, no one will tell him so.
Manager, he once was a nice guy.
Snotman plays Talleywhackers exclusively.
Meet the latest Freebladder!
Pauly threw a great party at The Scrodbucks the other night.
Creepster, him mighty eloquent
Manic will go 6-3 in the Mailer.
Son, please tell me you're not here with Eartha. I raised you better.
Editor, IAWAFP
And the composition awards from The International Award-Winning Aradi Free Press are:
Gold Crown (best) Death & Taxes (Mannequin)
Silver Scarf (next best) Convenience Fees (Pure Evil)
Bronze Pasties (3rd best tie) Origen Of Pastifarians (Haunt)
Bronze Pasties (3rd best tie) Subpar Spotlight (Pip)
Tin Cup (not so best) Aradifornia (Death Stud)
Wear your prizes (especially the little cup)with pride and joy.
Editor, IAWAFP
Warm Pirate -- When you said you wanted to break bread, we misunderstood you. Don't
misunderstand us when we say we want to toast you. -- House of Grain
Our bread Golems have been ambushed. I still don't have my turn...but I am sure that
our full 10 guys bread team will finally have a good turn today! -- Le Pentarque
TOGS is making me tired. -- Gen. Ironcide
Join the club. -- Ed.
Day by Day -- The threat was idle to be sure; who says we are real men anyway? All
we do is talk; haven't you figured that out yet? -- Haunted Pasta
I will still kill an AB; oh yes, I will still kill an AB. -- Gen. Ironcide
Double D -- Now the Taxman too? Any chance I can convince you to switch teams? --
Haunt
Plato -- That wasn't funny at all! -- Joker
Creepster -- Me? Terse? -- Slugbait
Here's an obligatory personal ad -- Ha! I can't believe *insert opponent's name here*
lost to *insert my warrior's name here* ! Can you imagine the shame he's brought to
his family?? -- Flagg, who's pressed for time
Nuln -- Braaaaaaains! -- Snotman
Loki -- Hah, you were loki that I didn't send you off to the Island of the Eye in the
box! -- 3d's not l33t
Hammer -- I don't know why but I'm thinking that you listen to the Carly Simon
version not the Marilyn Manson version. Don't you. Don't you. -- Snotman
Aradi -- No time this week. Here is my obligatory personal ad. -- Samwise
LOOK, EVERYONE! DID YOU SEE THAT DEATH STUB AND SOULTAKER ARE IN FIRST PLACE? DO WE
REALLY WANT THEM TO WIN YET AGAIN?!?!? -- An observant neutral party
Zig Zag Man -- At this rate I think you are the only one up here I can beat. --
Venrek
TGG -- Huh, my turn for a 2-3. That is what I get for actually submitting strategy
sheets with challenges and everything. Of course I had to fax them in, like I had to
do again this turn. I would probably just be better off on maintenance though since
I win more that way. -- Rillion
Okay, I sent in strategies only because one of my warriors died in the tourney.... I
wrote my spot and this personal ad.... in case this gets read I will ask one more
time for the scorekeepers to consider giving points to the 5 FE Initiates forced to
fight as underdogs in the tourney due to the error in starting turn. My thought is
one point per warrior per turn under the FE level.... 5 points per warrior. My team
had 4 such warriors as did my partners. I am sure the organizers can go back to Turn
1 and figure out how many other TOGS teams had. -- Zalgor Prigg
All -- I hope everyone had a good tournament. I look forward to using my TV
challenge as this contest continues. Shocker for me considering I was running a
bunch of 5FE inits. -- TigToad
Zalgor -- Sorry about the whiff last round on the spotlight. -- TigToad
Indimar -- Sorry to hear about your resignation. You will be missed tremendously.
Come back soon. -- Hombre
Pauly -- You won't be missed all that much. -- Hombre
Soultaker -- Nice tourney! Grats! -- Hombre
Sandman -- Nice tourney! Grats! -- Hombre
Mannequin -- Thanks for not killing any of my warriors! Grats to me! -- Hombre
All -- Due to a family emergency, this is my one personal, and hopefully my spot will
get done: Indimar, Sorry to hear about you dropping out. Come back after we've won
and renamed the arena 'The Sidwell Hotel'. -- Elephant
Snotfella -- Man you're making me hungry. -- Anti
Hammer -- You do get that I'm an attention whore right? That I'll take it positive
or negative? You do? Ok good, just wanted to make sure you knew. =) -- Anti
Nuln -- Meh, I'm waaaaay too lazy to be killing people. All that stabbin and stuff,
you get all sweaty and then you have to wash your clothes and dig a hole in
Managerr's backyard and forge his confession note...bleh. I just don't care that
much. -- Anti
Slugbait -- It's the butter baked right in that makes em tasty. Yummm. -- Anti
Hombre -- You don't have some repressed Creepster memories you need to talk to Dr
Phil about, do you? I'll pay you 5 scrodbucks if you kill him with a hammer. Either
guy. =) -- Anti
Good job to all that represented us so well in the last tourney. -- The Greek Guy
So to all I beat ha ha and to those that beat me :P. -- TGG
Evil Aye -- Quit staring at me like that. I look forward to seeing you again. --
Equipollent
Slugbait -- I think that is now three for us and 2 more chances for another death. --
your friend Soultaker
Respect the Package -- It was great seeing you again. -- Acidulous
Shmegma -- I sure am glad you didn't get any on me. -- Haruspex
Ghnsgfi -- Please come see me again if you get the chance. -- Chondromalacia
Indimar and Pauly -- I for one will really miss you. I hope you will be able to join
us soon. -- Soultaker
Death Stud -- What is all this crap about "Quad-peat"? -- Soultaker
Mannequin -- Excellent challenges you set up for Samwise's warriors. This could get
real hard if you continue to do the strategy. -- Soultaker
Crazy Creeps Scribe -- Please tell Creepy Gump where he can put his box of
chocolates. And if he sees me coming, "Run, Creepy, RUN!" -- Death Stud
an observant neutral party -- You must have realized that Soultaker and I were in
first place when we waved at you sputtering away in the slow lane as we zipped on by.
-- Death Stud
Well, at least all of the Death Studs returned alive from the tourney. That is the
most positive thing that I can report about my tourney, actually. -- Bitter Stud
Soultaker -- Well, now that this one is all wrapped up, what say we start planning
for the FOURPEAT? -- Death Stud
The Greek Guy -- At some point, we all have to accept who we really are. Maybe on
the inside, you're really just a 2-3 TOGS manager. Given the 0-fer history, I
wouldn't be turning your Grecian nose up at two wins. Don't look a gift horse in the
butt. -- the Studs of Death
Rumor: Even Anti is lobbying to have the FONZ Recruitment and Performance Standards
Officer (Soultaker) excommunicate Death Stud from the FONZ after his recent tourney
showing.
General Ironcide -- The trick to not losing to the AB's is to stop running so many
scummy warriors. It seems so simple when you think about it in those terms. --
Helpful Stud
Stitches -- Silly boy. Please tell Samwise that he might ought to get rid of all his
belts because apparently he is getting a little too big for his britches. --
Retribution
Wild Youth -- You crazy kids. -- Beast
3d's not 133t -- Well, that wasn't the cherry on top of my Aradi career that I was
hoping for, but not honestly all that surprising. A pox on you anyway, though. --
Loki
Rillion -- I was probably as surprised as you at the results against you this past
round. You are one of the few I ALWAYS have bad luck against. May be my first ever
2-0 turn against you. -- Street
100 Punks -- You know I hate punks, especially in groups of 100. They always steal
your ice cream or your lunch money. Take that, you Punks! -- Fez
Nuln and TOGS Tuffies -- Only round six of the TOGS contest and some real life issues
are pressing in unexpectedly, forcing some to withdraw from the TOGS festivities!
Condolences to All Who Must Withdraw! -- Hammer/Minister of War/etc
Death Stud & Nuln -- Oh, I am so misunderstood, and, hopefully, misunderestimated....
-- Mannequin
Niagra Falls -- First Boy George, now this. You are really traumatizing Nuln, and I
must ask you to please stop, sir. -- McScrod
Soultaker and Deathstud -- Can you two slow the pace down a little to make things
interesting towards the end? -- Elephant
Indimar -- Don't worry I'll watch after Pauly till you return. -- Elephant
LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS
HOLOCAUST was butchered by BORED ELF in a 1 minute Dark Arena fight.
CURT SHIFF was butchered by SPYMASTER in a 1 minute Dark Arena duel.
LAUREN ORDA was murdered by FIRST TOGS CHAMPION in a 2 minute brutal Dark Arena melee.
STUD MUFFIN was assassinated by ARENAMASTER HARKON in a 1 minute Dark Arena duel.
GJLIOHI was viciously butchered by MONSTER MANALGER in a 2 minute Dark Arena fight.
WRATH LIX devastated DUNNO in a popular 1 minute uneven Challenge brawl.
DAY BY DAY was devastated by FLICKED BOOGERS in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge match.
SPIRITWALKER was overcome by TYVEK in a 2 minute expert's Challenge fight.
EDWARD KINGSLEY vanquished PEACH FUZZ in a 1 minute uneven Challenge duel.
3D'S NOT L33T overpowered ZIG-ZAG MAN in a 1 minute uneven Challenge Title duel.
VENREK defeated BUSTED NUTS in a action packed 2 minute veteran's Challenge fight.
STITCHES was overpowered by TIGER TY in a 2 minute one-sided Challenge fight.
ACIDULOUS demolished VENGANZA in a 3 minute mismatched Challenge competition.
BOY GEORGE demolished THE BUNISHER in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge brawl.
L'APPRENTI handily defeated NYSTERIOUS WAYS in a 1 minute Challenge conflict.
SCORN BREAD was unbelievably bested by WARM PIRATE in a 6 minute Challenge bout.
NOODLY APPENDIX was handily defeated by WEEZY DANG in a 1 minute Challenge bout.
CHONDROMALACIA devastated EDIE in a exciting 1 minute one-sided Challenge brawl.
BEAST XVII subdued SISTER MOON in a exciting 1 minute Challenge bout.
T MARIE overpowered MASTER EXPLODER in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge fight.
TWIG devastated DOUBLE D in a popular 1 minute one-sided Challenge contest.
PLUM slaughtered PRIVATE EYE in a action packed 2 minute one-sided Challenge match.
VENGRAZ overcame MAITRE BOULANGER in a popular 4 minute Challenge contest.
HARD CIDER savagely defeated STAR in a popular 4 minute gruesome Challenge fight.
NIAGARA FALLS was savagely defeated by DEAD ALIVE in a 2 minute Challenge fight.
GUNPOWDER overpowered THE EX in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge bout.
SHAMIKA unbelievably bested SETH DRAVEN in a action packed 3 minute Challenge bout.
TOGS CHOKER beat KING ROCKER in a 1 minute Challenge fray.
JAYSON DAYDE overpowered THE AFRICAN QUEEN in a 1 minute uneven Challenge competition.
I EYE was savagely defeated by DOUBLE CHOCOLAINE in a 2 minute gory Challenge fight.
LEATHAM slimly won victory over PLATO in a popular 3 minute brutal Challenge fray.
EVIL AYE was demolished by WILD YOUTH in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge fight.
100 PUNKS was savagely defeated by CRUCIFIED in a 2 minute brutal Challenge fray.
TIFFERS bested MISS PIGGY in a 2 minute Challenge duel.
SUGAR was savagely defeated by NAAN VIOLENT in a exciting 2 minute Challenge struggle.
IICERGS devastated JOHNNY in a 3 minute gory uneven Challenge bout.
GILMMAO was subdued by SCARLET ABATTOIR in a 2 minute Challenge match.
BLACK DEATH handily defeated KELLY FABULOUS in a 1 minute uneven Challenge match.
AGMOUR beat ICE CREAM SOLDIER in a 1 minute Challenge bout.
SQUEEZE THE LEMONS unbelievably bested IJEOOGI in a 4 minute Challenge bout.
ZOMBI 2 overcame READY, STEADY, GO in a 2 minute Challenge duel.
RETRIBUTION XXIX vanquished BURNT OFFERINGS in a 1 minute mismatched duel.
GAZREK demolished VIRGINAL GIGOLO in a 1 minute uneven conflict.
HOFFA was overcome by ODALISQUE in a exciting 2 minute bloody master's fight.
YELLOW JACKET was handily defeated by STORM FIRE in a 1 minute one-sided conflict.
911 was demolished by HOWLER XIII in a 1 minute uneven fight.
B.C. GOLD was overpowered by PAR in a popular 1 minute uneven bout.
I OWN INDIMAR handily defeated HAWAIIAN KONA in a 1 minute one-sided duel.
RYEHARD was savagely defeated by EQUIPOLLENT in a 2 minute brutal conflict.
MONKEY PAW was demolished by LE FOURNER in a popular 1 minute one-sided battle.
RESPECT THE PACKAGE overcame FEZ in a crowd pleasing 2 minute brutal contest.
SOCRATES was viciously subdued by WILD FLOWER in a exciting 3 minute bloody battle.
WEKA DART was defeated by ZOMBIELUST in a exciting 1 minute veteran's brawl.
SHRIVELLED PRUNE slimly won victory over THE HONEST MERCHANT in a 3 minute brawl.
GHNSGFI beat MEGAN in a action packed 1 minute bloody bout.
BREMEN defeated MANHATTAN PROJECT in a 2 minute bloody fight.
VIKI handily defeated DARIUS in a 1 minute one-sided contest.
SARDASIA was savagely defeated by JOHNNY FOURHOOVES in a action packed 3 minute fight.
TEMPE FACER SCROD was handily defeated by GALILEO in a 1 minute mismatched battle.
SHMEGMA overpowered MRS. ROBINSON in a 1 minute one-sided struggle.
MCSCROD was luckily beaten by DESEARTES in a exciting 3 minute brawl.
SHA'LONDA vanquished TOWEL BOY in a 1 minute one-sided duel.
SHEEPY THOMPSON overpowered ARISTOTLE in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
SENTINEL won victory over BLUE ICE in a exciting 4 minute duel.
LOST BREAD subdued HARUSPEX in a 4 minute battle.
DGA vanquished JOKER in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
TAKE ANOTHER SHOT devastated DOPEY in a crowd pleasing 1 minute uneven match.
CROP CIRCLE was overpowered by SPAM in a 1 minute one-sided match.
STINK I luckily beat ASP VI in a popular 8 minute bloody novice's fight.
POLITICIAN won victory over BESS AMY in a unpopular 5 minute novice's struggle.
TONTO demolished FRIENDLY CONSTABLE in a 1 minute uneven match.
BATTLE REPORT
MOST POPULAR RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS
|FIGHTING STYLE FIGHTS FIGHTING STYLE W - L - K PERCENT|
|STRIKING ATTACK 36 TOTAL PARRY 88 - 68 - 0 56 |
|LUNGING ATTACK 23 WALL OF STEEL 50 - 42 - 4 54 |
|TOTAL PARRY 21 PARRY-STRIKE 19 - 18 - 0 51 |
|AIMED BLOW 14 STRIKING ATTACK 169 - 163 - 8 51 |
|WALL OF STEEL 12 AIMED BLOW 52 - 54 - 3 49 |
|SLASHING ATTACK 12 LUNGING ATTACK 97 - 109 - 4 47 |
|BASHING ATTACK 8 PARRY-RIPOSTE 8 - 9 - 0 47 |
|PARRY-STRIKE 4 PARRY-LUNGE 10 - 16 - 0 38 |
|PARRY-LUNGE 2 SLASHING ATTACK 30 - 55 - 3 35 |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE 2 BASHING ATTACK 31 - 62 - 3 33 |
Turn 441 was great if you Not so great if you used The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles: the fighting styles: top eleven warriors are:
STRIKING ATTACK 22 - 14 LUNGING ATTACK 10 - 13 4 STRIKING ATTACK
AIMED BLOW 8 - 6 TOTAL PARRY 9 - 12 3 TOTAL PARRY
PARRY-LUNGE 1 - 1 WALL OF STEEL 5 - 7 2 WALL OF STEEL
PARRY-STRIKE 2 - 2 SLASHING ATTACK 4 - 8 1 LUNGING ATTACK
PARRY-RIPOSTE 1 - 1 1 BASHING ATTACK
BASHING ATTACK 4 - 4
TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE
FIGHTING STYLE WARRIOR W L K PNTS TEAM NAME
STRIKING ATTACK 3D'S NOT L33T 7833 13 7 3 114 WILD CARDS (148)
TOTAL PARRY RETRIBUTION XXIX 8259 13 4 0 113 DEATH STUDS VII (301)
WALL OF STEEL TIGER TY 7665 20 17 1 95 WING HOVE (529)
SLASHING ATTACK ZIG-ZAG MAN 7083 13 11 1 92 MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)
BASHING ATTACK PLUM 8094 6 5 2 66 FRUIT OF THE LOOM (615)
PARRY-STRIKE TWIG 8096 8 5 1 63 FRUIT OF THE LOOM (615)
AIMED BLOW DAY BY DAY 8338 6 2 1 60 GENX PERFECT HITS (620)
LUNGING ATTACK THE BUNISHER 8341 9 2 1 56 HOUSE OF GRAIN (625)
PARRY-RIPOSTE MAITRE BOULANGER 8350 4 3 0 40 LA BOULANGE (626)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.
The overall popularity leader is ZIG-ZAG MAN 7083. The most popular warrior this
turn was SCORN BREAD 8343. The ten other most popular fighters were ASP VI 8579,
IJEOOGI 8528, VENGRAZ 8018, BLUE ICE 8578, SPIRITWALKER 8431, HARD CIDER 7981,
ODALISQUE 8121, RESPECT THE PACKAGE 7832, WILD FLOWER 8443, and JOHNNY FOURHOOVES
8399.
The least popular fighter this week was POLITICIAN 8586. The other ten least popular
fighters were STINK I 8572, HARUSPEX 8559, STAR 8427, BESS AMY 8574, CROP CIRCLE
8577, JOKER 8575, ARISTOTLE 8551, TOWEL BOY 8265, MRS. ROBINSON 8573, and TEMPE FACER
SCROD 8506.
The following warriors will travel to AD after next turn:
TIGER TY (60-7665) WING HOVE (529)
The following warriors have traveled to AD after fighting this turn:
HOFFA (60-7713) BUGS, SLUGS & THUGS (591)
WRATH LIX (60-7899) DEATH STUDS VII (301)