DUEL 2 NEWSLETTER
Date : 05/16/2008 Duedate: 05/29/2008
COLLUSION COVE ARENA
DM-60 TURN-442
This Weeks Top Honors
THE DUELMASTER IS
3D'S NOT L33T
WILD CARDS (148)
(60-7833) [14-7-3,127]
Chartered Recognition Leader Unchartered Recognition Leader
3D'S NOT L33T GHNSGFI
WILD CARDS (148) CLNGE (638)
(60-7833) [14-7-3,127] (60-8526) [4-4-0,52]
Popularity Leader This Weeks Favorite
ZIG-ZAG MAN HAWAIIAN KONA
MY BEST BUDS 2 (542) MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)
(60-7083) [13-12-1,76] (60-7853) [7-8-0,60]
THE CURRENT TOP TEAM
WILD CARDS (148)
TEAMS ON THE MOVE TOP CAREER HONORS
Team Name Point Gain Chartered Team
1. CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579) 94
2. WILD CARDS (148) 58 ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518)
3. CLNGE (638) 50 Unchartered Team
4. CRAZY CREEPS (207) 45
5. DRAGON FLIGHT (640) 41 GRECO-ROMAN (639)
The Top Teams
Career Win-Loss Record W L K % Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns W L K
1/ 2 ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518) 149 96 8 60.8 1/ 1 WILD CARDS (148) 13 2 0
2/ 1*GRECO-ROMAN (639) 21 14 0 60.0 2/ 3 ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518) 12 3 0
3/ 3 FRUIT OF THE LOOM (615) 40 30 8 57.1 3/ 2 DEATH STUDS VII (301) 11 4 0
4/ 4 DEATH STUDS VII (301) 531 416 20 56.1 4/ 6 4000 BLOWS (107) 9 5 0
5/ 6 HOUSE OF GRAIN (625) 43 34 2 55.8 5/10 LA BOULANGE (626) 9 5 0
6/ 5 CRAZY CREEPS (207) 606 492 21 55.2 6/11 FRUIT OF THE LOOM (615) 9 6 1
7/ 9 WILD CARDS (148) 800 710 34 53.0 7/ 8 CRAZY CREEPS (207) 8 5 1
8/ 8 DEMONS OF DARKNESS (430) 239 213 13 52.9 8/ 9 WING HOVE (529) 8 5 0
9/ 7 DREAMTIME (633) 31 28 0 52.5 9/14 CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579) 8 7 1
10/11 LA BOULANGE (626) 22 22 0 50.0 10/ 4 DEMONS OF DARKNESS (430) 8 7 0
11/10 PASTAFARIANS (630) 34 36 0 48.6 11/ 5 DREAMTIME (633) 8 7 0
12-13 SUPERIOR FORCES 16 (586) 45 48 2 48.4 12/16*MY PRESENT (637) 7 6 1
13/17 CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579) 108 116 3 48.2 13/21*CLNGE (638) 7 8 0
14/14 4000 BLOWS (107) 705 778 32 47.5 14/ 7*GRECO-ROMAN (639) 7 8 0
15/16 WING HOVE (529) 131 146 6 47.3 15/24 PURE EVIL (629) 7 8 0
16-18 THE BUNKHOUSE (595) 98 111 2 46.9 16/19*DEVIL'S WORKSHOP (634) 7 8 0
17/15 THE EYES HAVE IT (632) 20 23 1 46.5 17/12*LUROCIANS T308 (636) 6 8 0
18/19 TPW FOREVER (619) 38 44 4 46.3 18/27 HOUSE OF GRAIN (625) 5 6 0
Career Win-Loss Record W L K % Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns W L K
19/21 MY BEST BUDS 2 (542) 80 95 4 45.7 19/20 TPW FOREVER (619) 5 9 0
20/20*DEVIL'S WORKSHOP (634) 16 19 1 45.7 20/23 GENX PERFECT HITS (620) 5 10 1
21/23 GENX PERFECT HITS (620) 21 25 1 45.7 21/13 MY BEST BUDS 2 (542) 5 10 0
22/24 PURE EVIL (629) 31 38 2 44.9 22/18 PASTAFARIANS (630) 5 10 0
23/12*LUROCIANS T308 (636) 17 21 0 44.7 23/15*NO HAMMER HAMMERZ (635) 5 10 0
24/22 HIT ME WITH... (503) 80 101 3 44.2 24-17 THE BUNKHOUSE (595) 4 5 0
25/29*CLNGE (638) 15 21 0 41.7 25/22 THE EYES HAVE IT (632) 4 9 1
26/25 FUNKY FOLK (565) 69 100 10 40.8 26/26 HIT ME WITH... (503) 4 11 0
27/26 BUGS, SLUGS & THUG (591) 83 129 6 39.2 27-25 SUPERIOR FORCES 16 (586) 2 0 0
28/28*MY PRESENT (637) 12 20 2 37.5 28/29 FUNKY FOLK (565) 1 4 0
29-27*THUNDER OF ERIU (79) 12 20 1 37.5 29/28 BUGS, SLUGS & THUG (591) 1 4 0
30/30*NO HAMMER HAMMERZ (635) 13 27 1 32.5 30/ 0*DRAGON FLIGHT (640) 1 4 0
31/ 0*DRAGON FLIGHT (640) 1 4 0 20.0 31-30*THUNDER OF ERIU (79) 0 1 0
'*' Unchartered team '-' Team did not fight this turn
(###) Avoid teams by their Team Id ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank
TEAM SPOTLIGHT
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ The Scrodscar Award Show ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
Devil's Workshop Turn 7
"Greetings ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to the first annual Scrodscar Awards
Show where we honor Aradi's most talented managers for their achievements. I am A-
sop and I will be your host this evening. We have a number of celebrity presenters
this evening, and without further adieu, let's bring out our first pair of celebrity
presenters for our first award," A-sop strained to see the words on the magical
scroll prompter in front of her. "You will all no doubt know our first duo tonight.
They were TOGS partners for many years until it became obvious it was getting them
nowhere. Please welcome Manager and Creepster!"
Manager entered the stage alone. Creepster was nowhere to be seen. Many
thought it was just a gag, until Manager finally made it to the podium and addressed
the crowd. "Creepster is not with us tonight. As Aradi's oldest manager and his
desire to ride his horse 10 miles under the posted speed, we can only hope he will
arrive in time tonight to accept the Methuselah Award at the end."
He adjusted his tuxedo and gave a little fluff to his ruffled shirt before
continuing, "Do not worry though, I have enough star power to make it through this
presentation. Perhaps many of you do not know that I won the very first TOGS
contest." He began retelling the epic tale of how he overcame adversity and the
became the cornerstone for his team's triumph in the initial TOGS competition.
Actually it was more meandering that epic storytelling. The band tried to play him
off the stage on three separate occasions, but since he was a presenter and not an
actual reward recipient, he did not take the cue. "And then there was turn 6 of the
contest," he continued on another fifteen minutes.
The audience began to slip in and out of consciousness, but Manager did not
desist with his storytelling. "And then she told me that is where babies come from,"
there was no end in sight until finally A-sop entered stage right carrying a
shepherd's hook. Most of the audience assumed she was going to merely hook Manager
and drag him back stage, but when she choked up on the staff and pulled back for a
mighty swing, the audience came to their feet in applause.
Manager had not seen A-sop enter and believed the applause to be for him.
"Settle down, settle down! I'll be here all night and I'm just now getting to the
good par..." he crumpled to the floor. The cheering continued for several minutes
with a few in the crowd screaming for one or two more whacks from the shepherd's
hook. One audience member even offered A-sop his warhammer.
Once the audience settled, "All right, my apologies for that little episode. He
was supposed to present the award for Best Arena Caretaker. I'll spare you the drama
and let you know that Stumpy the One-Armed Shew is the winner. Now our next
presenter needs little introduction. He is on everyone's short list of most popular
managers in Aradi. Please welcome Death Stud."
A-sop maneuvered around the incapacitated Manager as Death Stud came on the
stage. She waved off the stage hands bringing out a wooden step stool and whispered
in Death Stud's ear as she exited the stage. His only reaction was a nonchalant
shrug.
He stepped upon Manager, who provided the perfect height for him to be seen over
the podium. He pulled the microphone down just a bit so it did not loom so high over
his head. "A-sop has informed me that due to Manager's love of his own voice that we
only have a few moments to give out the remaining awards. I have been given the
grand task of announcing all of tonight's wieners."
"BEST DRUNKEN DIATRIBE goes to Rillion. BEST OBSCENE PHONE CALL goes to
Creepster. BEST USE OF A CUCUMBER AND CHICKEN goes to Manager," Death Stud looked
down at his feet, "Congrats buddy!" He then continued the awards, "BEST COLLUDERS
goes to the FONZ," Death Stud paused at the news. "Oh wow! What an honor! I'd
like to thank all of my fellow colluders and say to my unconcious step stool, AHA, WE
BEAT YOU AGAIN!!"
Death Stud continued issuing the awards, but no one was really paying attention
beyond the first three or four mentioned. Everyone knew the true joys of Scrodscars
were to be had after the actual ceremony at the Post-Scrodscar parties. Few managers
in Aradi needed such motivation to drink or even such a lively event. However, it
did serve the important purpose of being a work related gala and therefore served as
a suitable explanation to any parole officer for a new charge of public drunkeness,
public exposure, crimes against humanity and any lewd acts with various forms of
wildlife (scrod excluded).
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ My Best Buds2 ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
The Origin of Iron Man-ager
Everyone pretty well knows the story behind the origin of the Isle of The Eye.
Sheila Greywand wanting to protect the lands of Alastari from outside invaders; be it
man or beast. To gather up the greatest warriors of the land and grant them immunity
from death so that they may further train and hone their skills for the inevitable
battle with those who try and make the people she was sworn to watch over succumb to
their wills. But there is a lesser known story about intra-Alastari feuding. A
story about an Andorian King trying to protect his lands from the evil forces of the
Delarquans and the pillaging of the bandit Free Bladers.
Fearing repeated raids by Free Bladers and the ever looming possibility that the
Delarquans could launch a full out invasion at any time King Rylian IX set forth his
messengers throughout the land. He was looking for a way, or perhaps even a weapon,
to protect his lands and he hoped that one of the managers in the arena cities of his
lands could develop a tactic, or weapon, to serve this end. A reward of gold and
great and vast land expanses was offered to whom-so-ever could settle his troubled
mine by offering a solution to his worries.
His messengers dispersed throughout the arena cities as well as the outlying
landscapes. One of them happened upon a small shack with an old horse running pen
just out back of it. There he saw a man yelling orders to 2 young gladiators as
another 3 stood and watched. He did not look to have the experience of an arena
manager nor did he have the lands that one would expect of an arena manager but it
seemed he was trying to put himself a team together. The messenger went to the
troubled young manager, who was very unhappy with the lack of ability his young stead
showed, and spoke of Rylian's decree. He ordered his men to cease their head to head
battles and return to the battle dummies to train themselves for he would not be
around for a few hours to watch head-to-head combat. He had some pondering to do.
The young manager retired away to the barn that stood a few paces from the horse
run. He was troubled that of his 5 warrior prospects only 1 showed any attack
ability. He had come to put together a team hoping to spread his own glory to
others. He wanted them to rejoice in his ability to teach young men the arts of
battle but this squad did not look like it could fight its way out of a wet paper
bag. And now this messenger had laid a new thought upon his troubled brow.
Late that night his warriors in training awoke to the loud banging and clanging.
They looked out towards the barn where they could see that their Manager had put
together a raging fire in the oven he used for his blacksmithing. One of them even
went out to make sure that everything was okay but the door had been barred shut from
the inside and the windows shuttered so that nobody could view in.
That morning as the warriors arose early they realized that their Manager was
still out in the barn banging away. They did not disturb him for they knew he was
still very disappointed with their performance up until now. Roughly an hour after
they had begun their training the clash of steel in the barn had stopped. They all
stopped what they were doing to stare at the barn doors. Suddenly they flung open
with a crash and a hulking red and orange armored man stepped forth from between
them. He clanged and lumbered forward towards the training ground a large shield in
each hand. "Swing at me. All of you." he commanded them. They stood questioning.
"Swing I said or you will all go the Dark Arena for your first fight." he yelled once
again and all 5 leapt forward swinging their weapons. Few blows got through the
massive shields he held and those that did merely bounced off the armor. For nearly
a half hour they swung away as he chuckled from within his suit of armor before they
had all dropped from exhaustion.
The young Manager had been preparing his team for a special reason. Another
messenger a short time before the King's had brought him news of an arena contest on
Aradi. Something about a Golden Scrod. And for this end he had put together his
team. Now he had built 6 magnificent orange and red suits of armor for himself and
his team for the King. He coincidentally enough learned King Rylian would be at the
opening ceremonies of this Aradian contest. He had sent word to the King that he had
developed a weapon as the King had urged and he would display it at the ToGS contest
in Aradi for the King's pleasure.
The first turn came and as his first warrior stepped out on the sands everyone
howled in laughter at the strangely armored man. The King's Jester cracked a joke
about fruit or something and whether it should fight or be squeezed for juice, that
made the King laugh. The battle began and over and over the Manager's warrior was
battered by Scimitar blows but to no avail. His opponent dropped from exhaustion.
And on and on it went through that turn and the next and the next. By the time the
first ToGS had ended the young Manager and his ToGS partner, Sir Boyd, were declared
the winners of the first ever ToGS.
The King was not sure that this young Manager's way was the way to win a war but
his armor and good training certainly could. He called forth the young Manager to
his chambers and asked his name. Who was this Iron Manager with the mystical orange
and red armor. "I call myself Iron Manager but you may call me Manager for short!"
he said.
And that is how the legend of Manager began. All hail Iron Man-ager!
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ La Boulange ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
Rejoice greatly! Sing the bread anthem! For the first time, our mighty Golems
managed to pull a positive turn! The bread Titans spilled butter and jam all over
the helpless bodies of their opponents, and the managers ran to our bakery.
Incredible achievement for their manager, would you say?
Well, not really...there must be some kind of quarantine on bread products, and
our beloved bread-stuffed Pentarque has not been allowed entrance to our arena since
the turn 339. He doesn't have a clue about the turn 440 and 441. Ugly handicap?
Well, it took only two blind turns for the warriors to finally win something....
That beautiful day, the manager being off, the team leader also got his bread
face roasted, and the apprentice happened to be the highest-ranked...blessed are the
meek! Our team is better without his head. It could even improve a little bit: our
manager is slowly being driven crazy by the sarcastic smile of his postman horrible
after ugly morning, and we could get to the point where he will be in a straitjacket
hitting the walls with his empty head. This day, the free team should rule the flesh
things in the name of the great Bread Nation.
Is there a lesson? Should I stop reading the fights, if one day I manage to put
my hands on a white envelope?
Back to business...now it's spring, so Maitre Boulanger will wear a crown of
strawberries, Le Fourner will use raspberries eyes, L'Apprenti will perfume his axe
with violet, Double Chocolatine will be soaked from his long stays in the swimming-
pool, and Lost Bread will have to be retrieved in the belly of my hungry daughter.
Hum, it started as advertising, and it went in the mist. Anyway, the patient readers
got the idea: we will use only the freshest season fruits in our pastries and mouth-
watering cakes.
There is a danger in spring: most of our feminine, female or just woman-like
managers (is there one? well, you can't entirely rule out the very idea, as weird as
it can seem) and warriors are beginning the quest for a decent swimming-suit.
Spending so much time on sand, they can't help dreaming about beaches, and the sight
of all theses muscular guys brandishing huge weapons and screaming like animals must
be mind-boggling. You can imagine that most of our fighters are quite fit, but they
also have scars spread all over, skins burned by the sun, scratched by the armors,
and quite often, let's admit it, monkey faces...all that leading to some apprehension
before exchanging plate armors for tiny bikinis. Why do I go into all this? Well,
they could stop eating pastries!! So, I will have to make clear that we sell all
kinds of pastries: we have the oversized doublefat Chantilly cream and chocolate
Volcano for Troll size-conscious ladies, but we also have the wholebread and half-
strawberry Elven delight, not to mention that interesting beer-flavored Dwarf trap.
Le Pentarque, improving baker...ah ah ah ah they will all get fatter!
I can't really react to what you guys have written since I'm still using the turn 339
newsletter. In a few turns I will be able to sing it.
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ A Clean And Wonderful Aradi ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
(A Crazy Creeps TOGS7 Presentation)
Cheers everywhere! Up and down the aisles everyone was standing and screaming
their praise and hallelujahs as Slugbait and The Creepster were escorted to the
podium by The Crazy Creeps Scribe. The Aradi Auditorium was packed to the rafters,
and every single person seemed to be yelling something to the threesome. "Way to go,
Sluggo!" "Ya got em, Creepy!" "We love you, Scribe!"
They looked good walking up the glory aisle, waving to the crowd, taking it all
in. The Crazy Creeps Scribe had worked long hours convincing them first, and
dressing them secondly, but they looked like the winners and saviors of all Aradi
that they were. The Crazy Creeps Scribe wore a beautiful near-transparent shimmering
silver sheath that fell just above her knees making it reasonably clear to all that
her best assets were lovely and delectable. The four inch black heels merely added
to the lusciousness. Slugbait, filled the black Armani suit exceptionally well, and
his bulging muscles were obvious. The Creepster's shiny silver leisure suit, with
white shirt open to the navel revealed that he was, forevermore, The Creepster.
As they reached the steps to the podium, The Mayor Of Aradi stepped forward to
greet them to the podium. "And here they are--The Saviors Of Aradi--let's give them a
big Aradi welcome." He exclaimed. And all Aradi rose to the occasion...............
It was only ten days or so before that the project had been conceived. Sitting
around in The C.O.L.L.U.S.I.O.N. den, devising the challenges and avoids, (and while
trying to keep Slugbait from those losing blood feuds) The Creepster had blurted out,
"Ying dinger dongeronious bad bad badderific FONZamaniacinic yippy dooh dah!"
Stunned, The Crazy Creeps Scribe, looking rather girl-next-doorish in her white
tennis skirt and striped Polo top, hopped up and said to both, "You are so right,
Creepy! We have to do something about it. It is only right and proper, for who else
can?"
Slugbait, looked at both of them lifted his right thumb up and said, "Me in,
Boss." (There are those who would be certain he meant the "boss" as a feminine noun
as opposed to masculine.)
And so the plotting and planning began, with a rough discussion in the team den,
but, of course, the details and arrangements were worked out by The Crazy Creeps
Scribe that evening in her office. It was a go! The plot thickened...
The next night found The Crazy Creeps Scribe opening the Crazy Creeps Guild
house door to Hombre and Samwise of FONZ. (First Ornery No-account Zucchinis). "Hi,
guys". she said. "Glad you could make it for dinner with us; come on in."
Hombre closely followed her, slobber dripping liberally from his mouth, as he
watched the hip action and the very short mini in front of him. (Samwise seemed less
affected, probably because he was more of a Manny-man.) "What are we having for
dinner, Scribey?" Hombre asked, knowing full well what he really wanted for dinner.
"Oh, it'll, be a surprise, guys." She responded. "I made it myself." She led
them into the sitting room where they greeted Slugbait and The Creepster and offered
everyone a drink. "I just opened this lovely Cabernet. Can I offer you some?"
Everyone agreed on the Cabernet, which The Crazy Creeps Scribe poured for all
four of the guys. Hombre took a sip and proclaimed the fullness of the taste, while
Samwise, in the typical Floridian fashion, just chugged his down. Neither The
Creepster nor Slugbait had tasted the wine, and, indeed, both set theirs down with a
big grin on their face. Seconds later, Hombre drooled for the last time and Samwise
dropped to the floor gasping for his now long-lost Manny.
The C.O.L.L.U.S.I.O.N. teammates dragged the now two worthless (Well, perhaps
that was no change.) managers downstairs and outside onto the sheep manure cart in
the rear, thinking the ensuing smell would certainly go unnoticed. Already the air
in Aradi was feeling cleaner.
The next day was Aradi manager strategy day where each team's challenges and
avoids were secretly entered. Slugbait and The Creepster were feeling pretty chipper
and made a particular point to compliment Nuln and Snotman on their accomplishments
so far in TOGS. When Slugbait invited the NUTSACKZ pair to play video games that
afternoon, the date was readily accepted. Some were looking around for Hombre and
Samwise wondering why they had not yet shown up. But Mannequin took it in stride and
filed strategies for the Manny/Sammy show, and no one really thought it was too
unusual that Hombre had again decided to roll with maintenance strategies. Nuln and
Snotman were the first done entering strategies as they were in a hurry to head on
over to C.O.L.L.U.S.I.O.N. for the games. They just knew they would decimate those
crazy dolts Creepster and Snotman.
When Snotman and Nuln of FONZ (Frankly Ordinary Native Zealots) arrived, The
Crazy Creeps Scribe showed them in. Her little (meaning not much of it and stretched
way too thin across her high class attributes) playsuit was quite the hit with Nuln.
Being somewhat of a nerd, Nuln asked if he could pet her attributes. She smiled and
winked at him and said, "Maybe later if you guys can beat The Creepster and Slugbait
today." She whispered collusively to Nuln, "Choose the red joysticks. They're the
best!"
When the guys all greeted each other and high-fived and chest-bumped, Slugbait
said, "Me pickem game." And he chose Speed Racer II.
Nuln indicated that if C.O.L.L.U.S.I.O.N. selected the game, then at least
NUTSACKZ got to choose the joysticks. "Those red ones look good to me." He stated.
So they all got set up for the game. Crazy Creeps Scribe, in her skimpy
playsuit, did the countdown. "Ten, nine, eight...three, two, one, go!" And she
flipped the switch. The jolts of electricity that slammed through the red joysticks
into the bodies of Nuln and Snotman were enough to fry several cows and Fat Patty
combined. For the two FONZites, it was a wasteful, but colorful overkill.
Creepy and Sluggy jumped around shouting and laughing and congratulating each
other and dissing fried Nuln and/or steamed Snotman. "Ain't got no endurance!"
"Where's the decise?" "Bad match up." "Hope yer rollups a good one!" Eventually
they carried the dead dummies out and tossed them in the same sheep manure cart with
the rest of the Fool FONZites.
Day three loomed. Aradi bosses were taking note of the missing competitors and
getting quite concerned. The Crazy Creeps Scribe had contacted various TOGS leaders
to discuss the case of the apparent missing managers. She was able to convince a
group of FONZ (Frantically Obese Neophyte Zilches) and friends managers to meet and
discuss what should be done about the current state of affairs in Aradi. Miniscule
Death Stud suggested the meeting be at the THREECHEAT guildhall. "Perfect!" she
thought.
When The Creepster and Slugbait, with The Crazy Creeps Scribe leading the way,
reached the THREECHEAT guildhouse, they found not only little Stud and Soultaker, but
also Pauly and Indimar and Anti and Flagg and Hammer all waiting in chairs
surrounding the conference table. "Perfect!" thought The Crazy Creeps Scribe; "No
discrimination. Bye bye FONZ and associates!" She left the building after Slugbait
and The Creepster were seated at the table.
It had taken some effort to sneak into the THREECHEAT guildhall rear conference
room late the night before, but very very little was beyond The Crazy Creeps Scribe's
resources. The small plastic explosive implant was taped to the underside of the
large pine (Threecheat could hardly afford something better.) meeting table in the
conference room. And by standing on the commode in the toilet near the front entry,
one could lift the ceiling tile on which the ignition switch was taped. The Scribe
had thought to herself, "Sigh. Life is so easy."
When the police investigation of the fatal explosion killing six TOGS managers,
and leaving one, Hammer, a vegetable for life, occurred, it was deemed a miracle that
the Slugbait and The Creepster had visited the bathroom at the time of the explosion
and escaped the incident with only some cuts and minor contusions, and for The
Creepster a slight concussion. (Many say it knocked some sense in his head.)
Three people in the city of thousands mourned the loss of the TOGS managers and
all of FONZ. (Frantic Obstinate Nut Zeroes). But TOGS went on just as it had with
the loss of the missing Seraphim and the euthanized Dwayne The Dog. Indeed, it
became a more pleasant competition.
Not long after that, The Mayor of Aradi, accompanied by The Police Commissioner
paid an official visit to the C.O.L.L.U.S.I.O.N. offices and held a private meeting
with The Crazy Creeps Scribe, Slugbait, and The Creepster. The Scribe looked lovely
and professional in her navy Armani pantsuit with white blouse and sharp black heels.
"We will make this short and sweet, my friends." He started. "Scribe, thank you for
your undercover work in our police force. I am sorry we could not pay you more for
your immeasurable services. Mr. Slugbait and Mr. Creepster, we thank you, too, for
your part in ridding Aradi of such filth. I am pleased to see that you recovered
well from your injuries in the line of duty. I would like to invite you all to
attend a gathering in your honor next week at the Aradi Auditorium. I shall
officially present you each a key to the city."
...........................
And so it came to pass that the three heroes were listening to the loud chants
and praise as they reached the awards podium that night at The Aradi Auditorium. As
the Mayor presented each their key to the city and shook their hands (Well, he hugged
Scribe and copped several feels.) the chant from the audience started and the
crescendo of voices was awesome. "no more fonz; No more Fonz, NO MORE FONZ..."
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
The Pressure is On and Rillion Starts to Crack
To Be Credited to: Rillion
Rillion and The Greek Guy were scheduled to spend another afternoon reviewing
the latest results from TOGS. The Greek Guy sulked in sporting a black eye. "Hey
TGG, what happened with the black eye?" asked Rillion.
"I was walking over here and for no reason Zalgor punched me in the face. I
asked him why he would do that and he said he didn't bother looking to see who it was
first. That was the same excuse he used when I asked him why he challenged my
warrior in TOGS. If he hadn't of challenged me I might have been able to do better
than 2-3. Now Death Stud has more ammunition to rub it in my face about me being
just a 2-3 manager."
"Well fortunately for us I managed to go 5-0 this turn. That is right, all my
warriors won. All five of them. And none of them lost," gloated Rillion.
"Great, so you got like 50 points right? Oh wait, you down challenged for one
of those wins and fought a stand-in for another. Big deal, a couple four point wins.
How are we supposed to catch Death Stud and Soultaker if you can only win 4 point
fights?"
"Hhmmprph, can't I enjoy my 5-0? You know, a turn where all my guys won, all
five? Give me a break, at least I got my spotlight in. Enough about how I did so
well, 5-0 remember, and you did so poorly, only 2-3. We need to figure out how we
are going to take the lead in this thing. If we can't get closer to the top how are
we going to be able to properly choke again? I mean sure, we could try to win. But
if we win, we will just be another of couple managers that can brag about having won
TOGS. And let's face it; there is nothing more pathetic then managers that brag
about winning this garbage fest of a contest. No we need to get in position to have
another truly colossal horrendous 0-10 turn on the last turn of the contest. We will
forever cement our place as the biggest TOGS choker of all time. Even if some other
team comes close to pulling an 0-10 turn in the future, we will have already done it
twice! No one will be able to compete with that. Our names will be legend.
Wherever we go people will know who we are. We'll be like that "leave Manager alone"
guy from G-Tube. In today's world being a celebrity for whatever the reason is best
thing ever, even if you are a celebrity for being pathetic. Just think of it, fame
beyond imagining!" said Rillion dreamily.
"Um Rillion, when was the last time you got any sleep?" asked TGG warily.
"Sleep? I think I might have gotten some right after last turn. But now after
having gone 5-0, I did mention my team went 5-0 last turn didn't I? So now after
having gone 5-0 I am not changing my routine at all, and since I didn't sleep the
night before the last turn I have given up sleeping. It's over rated anyway, just
like winning TOGS."
TGG nodded, "I thought so, so I made arrangements. Now Zalgor," said TGG. From
the shadowed corner of the room Zalgor stepped out of the shadows and smacked Rillion
upside the head with a 2 x 4, knocking him unconscious.
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ The Eyes Have It ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
The Creepster marched into Orctown to straighten out his partner. Collections
were down, rent uncollected on the hovels that the Creepster rented out, bones had
gone unbroken and last but not least the boys a FONZ looked like they were colluding
themselves into doing something in the TOGS contest.
Turning a corner the Creepster and his trusty scribe, dressed as always in
green hot pants, bumped into a disheveled man, drooling and staggering around as if
drunk. Initially thinking it was his friend Soultaker, in his usually state of
health, Creepster stuck out his hand and utter a greeting, "AGGGG tho ta ha!" The
man fell forward, vomited and passed out at the Creepsters feet. "jojojojdre inljoul"
"If I had a penny for every time that happened", translated the voluptuous
scribe.
Bending over the Creepster to turn his friend over and was surprised when it
wasn't Soultaker but some unknown drunk from Orctown. Standing up again, the
Creepster took a whiff of the air and uttered, "weoud onte dk."
"What is that smell," intoned the ever obedient scribe.
Puzzled, the duo marched on. As they moved further towards Slubait's home they
ran into one passed out body after another passed out body. Very soon their progress
ground to halt by the press of bodies littering the street and everywhere the hint of
death in the air. Well maybe not death but certainly an odor of moldy cabbage mixed
with rancid yak milk. Creepster stroked his chin and wondered out loud, "joiusdy
iuiduoasnf." Either Manager and his deadly flatulence were back in town or something
was seriously wrong.
Worried, the Creepster and his scribe hopped, jumped and scrabbled through the
fallen inhabitants of Orctown as fast as they could. The closer they got to the Orcen
strongman (or is that strong orcs) house the worse the odor got. A stench so complex
an odious that only a connoisseur of the GreekGuy's home brew could fathom much less
describe. But, if he were able he might say that the air tasted like a delicate
balance of leopard urine and coffee grounds from Starbucks.
Finally they rounded the corner and faced Slugbait's hovel. As the lovely
scribe dry heaved and gagged the Creepster held his ground and said, "oudfseres,
iuoudli iuouddddd."
"Clearly Sluggy house is the source of his foul odor."
Upon entering the courtyard of Slubait's home they ran into Slugbait. His
golden tweed jumpsuit was spattered with droplets of a brown substance and instead of
his customary maul he wielded a plunger.
"ouduuuuse fiuouoedknljk jiiiijiijsldf."
"Your toilet overflow again?" Asked the scribe.
"Yup" replied a visibly discussed Slugbait.
"ouudddddddurekjk lhousd uufdddddsue" asked the Creepster and his scribe
quickly translated "But what is stinking up the joint?"
"Me not sure. Either my last TOGS turn or this column." Replied Slugbait.
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
----- ----- ----- Soultaker ----- ----- -----
Soultaker was growing restless as he paced the floor waiting for Death Stud to
arrive. Pandora calmly watched as her husband became more frantic with each passing
moment. "Why don't you sit down and wait? All of this walking back and forth is
starting to give me a headache," Pandora pleaded.
"I don't understand how you can be so nonchalant about all of this. These are
my friends," Soultaker finally gave up and flopped into a large leather chair.
"Don't start waffling now. You and that half-pint degenerate buddy of yours
asked me to get involved. I told you straight up what would be required and you both
agreed to it," Pandora chided her husband.
"I know what we agreed to but this is going way beyond what we all talked
about. You were supposed to help us get the edge we needed to pull off another win
in the TOGS," Soultaker slowly let his head fall into his hands.
"And just what do you think is happening right now? You have jumped out to a
very sizeable lead. I warned you that this was going to get tougher and dirtier as
the contest went on," Pandora spun towards her husband.
"I just said we agreed," Soultaker snapped. Pandora's eyes quickly flashed
crimson but before she was able to respond there was a light tap at the door. "You
might as well answer it, you know by the tiny tap it has to be your cohort, the
mighty midget Death Stud," Pandora snidely snapped.
Soultaker pulled himself from the worn chair and trudged over to the door.
With all the enthusiasm of a condemned man walking to the gallows Soultaker opened
the door. Even the arrival of his best friend did little to change the foul mood of
Soultaker. "I am glad you showed up, maybe you can try and talk some sense into my
wife before this gets out of control."
"We already talked about this before and agreed to do as she asked. I see no
sense in changing our plans now," Stud chirped.
Pandora gave her husband a sly smile, much the same as a person gets when they
knew they had laid a trap from which there was no escape. "Looks like even your best
friend agrees with the next step," Pandora purred.
"I don't care this is starting to go way too far. I agreed to your plan of
having Seraphim recalled to the Andorian Navy. I felt bad for Seraphim but taking
Manager out of the running was pretty much worth it," Soultaker begrudgingly
admitted.
"I still don't know how you were able to pull the strings to get him shipped
out, but I loved it. Besides you know the saying that hardship builds character,
well he is going to have tons of character now," Stud started laughing. "It's so
nice not having Manager whispering into everyone's ears constantly trying to plot our
down fall."
"I can't argue that having Manager out isn't a good thing. But I really like
Seraphim and the thought of him literally being shanghaied out to sea rubs me wrong,"
Soultaker walked back and slumped into his chair.
"Alls fair in love and contests," Stud chimed in as he struggled to drag a foot
stool over next to the fireplace and set down.
"Remember dear, I was happy to be retired. You two asked me to help you plot
a strategy to dominate the TOGS. You can't start getting teary eyed now," Pandora
added evilly.
"Pandora, I thought your placing a piece of paper on Mannequin's desk that had
'turn over' written on both sides was a stroke of genius. I was told he spent weeks
trying to figure it out which caused him to miss his story deadlines. Even better it
kept him from setting up Samwise's strategies which led to a repeat of his challenges
from last TOGS," Stud grinned childlike.
"I had no problem with that at all. No one got hurt. I even tried to get Nuln
all interested in a different hobby and it seemed to be working till Snotman woke him
up," Soultaker added.
"Well you are going to have to such it up. The next step is going to get
bloody. With you two out in the lead it is going to take something major to keep the
rest of the managers from keying off on you," Pandora explained.
"How can it get much worse then what you did to Indimar and Pauly? They were
two fine managers that were having a great time and you destroyed them for no reason
other then you wanted to make a point," Soultaker lashed out at his wife.
"I told you before that we needed to start the rest of the managers on the road
to apathy. They were a easy mark to destroy and with them withdrawing it will lead
others to the feeling of hopelessness. This next turn will be the ruin of one more.
You two just have to hold it together for a couple more turns and TOGS will be
yours," Pandora beamed.
Stud clapped excitedly and Soultaker just slowly shook his head in resignation.
They had literally made a pack with the devil and now they were stuck with it.
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ The Beginning of the End -- Snotman ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
Snotman's midnight black carriage thundered through the dark, empty streets of
Aradi. Behind him a small convoy of horses pulled wagons piled with the dead and
maimed (since Snotman had discovered that the fresher the corpse, the better quality
the zombie was, he and his minions made every attempt to main, disable and disfigure
the people they took instead of killing them outright). They had left the red light
district where citizens were out till all hours and had moved into a nicer
neighborhood where people had their doors locked and windows shuttered against the
things the prowled the night. As they clattered down the cobblestone streets,
Snotman suddenly saw a small figure standing on the side of the road. Rob, driving
the carriage, flicked the reins and slowed down his horses as he drew closer to the
figure. It was a small girl, maybe 8 or 9 years old wearing a plain summer dress
despite the late hour and the chill in the air. She looked up calmly at Snotman, not
seeming too concerned about grave danger she was in. Rob pulled to halt in front of
her and said, "OK Boss, I'll jump down and get her."
Snotman turned to Rob, "What? Am I the sort of heartless monster would turn
this little flower of innocence into mindless, ravening, souless freak?...no offense,
Rob."
Rob responded, "Frankly Boss, yeah in a heartbeat. No offense."
Snotman smiled, "There -is- nothing creepier than an evil kid. They look like
angels and act like devils. Go get her and be careful not to mark her face, I want
her looking as innocent as possible."
Rob jumped down and walked over the girl, she made no attempt to run away an in
fact she listened to Rob for a second and then started walking towards the wagon with
her head down. She glanced up for one second and Snotman was shocked to see that her
eyes were an odd shade of violet and showed no fear at all. Then she lowered her
head again and climbed up into the wagon with some help from Rob.
Rob jumped back up into the carriage and flicked the reins and they headed back
to the Temple of Khorne. Once they were there, Snotman sent his zombie minions to
start dragging the maimed and wounded out of the wagon. The first zombie that
arrived, reached up a hand and helped the girl down out of the wagon and then climbed
in and started tossing out the wounded.
Snotman looked at the piles of dead and wounded and then at the girl standing
there waiting and said, "Ok, I guess we start with the girl."
Rob gestured for her to follow him and they headed down into the bowels of the
Temple of Khorne. Once they were in Snotman's workshop he told her to get up onto
the altar and she complied without any hesitation. As he started preparing the
ritual, Snotman ordered Rob, "Strap her arms down, I don't want her struggling."
Rob looked over at the girl, "I don't think that you are going to have any
trouble with this one, Boss. She has gone along with everything we've said."
Snotman snapped back, "They always struggle. Once she sees the knife she isn't
going to be so calm."
Rob offered, "How about I hold her down if she starts to struggle, but I don't
think that's going to be a problem."
Snotman answered, "Suit yourself. Ok, I'm ready."
Snotman raised the large dagger into the air, the torch light glinting off of
the obsidian blade. As he stood over the girl on the altar, she lay calm and still,
her violet eyes staring at Snotman. To his surprise he was the one feeling
uncomfortable so he asked, "What is your name?"
She answered in a calm, clear voice, "Karen" and Snotman realized that wasn't
making it any easier so without warning he plunged the blade into her chest and with
a deft twist hoisted her heart out. She gave a small, surprised gasp and then lay
still, her eyes dead and glossy. Snotman didn't have time to observe anymore as time
was of the essence and began zombification ritual.
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Pip's sub par spotlight, number something ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
----- by Pip -----
Pip was rudely awaken at the crack of noon. The sewer guys were emptying the
neighbors outhouse, and making quite a bit of noise.
"How am I supposed to sleep with Souly clanging that ladle all over?" Pip asked
himself, "Especially since I had at least 8 too many, if not 10, last night?'
"Hey! keep it down!!' yelled Pip.
Souly flashed a toothless grin, and waved to Pip with his ladle hand, splashing
ladle contents all over himself. He made a gurgly laughing sound, and went back to
his beloved work.
"How does that guy end up leading the FONZ year after year?", Pip asked himself.
"Well look who his closest competitors are.." Pip answered himself, "In a
popularity contest involving Souly, Nuln and Deathstud, he's practically a shoe in."
Speaking of shoes, Souly had fished one out and put it on. Now there was
clanging and squishing going on. What was odder, was that this wasn't odd by Aradi
standards.
"Might as well do my laundry." thought Pip. "Wenches!!" he screamed, "Get to
doing my laundry!!"
With that task done, Pip was free to enjoy his day.
"Maybe I'll head down to the arena, see how my gladiators are doing" Pip said to
himself, as by this far into the TOGs he was quite accustomed to talking to himself.
Pip headed out of the house and started walking down the street. He made it
about 2 blocks before he found himself in a bar. Drinking troll ale. Lots of it. In
yet another horrible Aradi bar. This one however, had dancing.....things.
"Oh gosh, I think that's Nuln...in his pink chaos tutu(tm)," thought Pip.
He quickly washed his eyes out with the ale and started walking for the door,
and throwing up a little into the back of his throat.
"I gotta get out of here. And stop going to strange bars. And stop going to bars
in Aradi period." Pip said to himself, as he walked out past a poster advertising
Nuln's city wide dancing tour of every bar in aradi.
Pauly pushed past Pip on his way into the bar Pip was hastily leaving.
"Is Nuln dancing yet?" asked Pauly, "I want to see him in every bar....hes uber
dreamy, like a double 21 rollup strong enough to use a longsword. I'd give my right
eye to spend just one night with him!"
This time Pip threw up alot into the back of his throat, and started walking
faster. He headed back towards home.
"I really gotta get outa this place. It's just too wierd. And they make me
write. Alot. A whole buncha lot. So much it makes my fingers hurt and my brain tired.
Not like anyone reads these things anyways. Well maybe the less life having people,
or the constipated.....or god forbid both. Try bran. It helps. Oranges help too,
lotta fiber in them oranges." Pip rambled on to himself, walking up to his house.
"Yeah thats it, I'm staying inside for the rest of the TOGs. No more of this
here freak show. Hey, now I don't have to shower or change clothes!" realized Pip. "I
can be a total slob and noone will know! How many weeks left? I can hold out."
Pip grabbed some boards and some nails and boarded up the door good and tight.
"There, now if I want to leave I'll have to use the side door." Thought Pip.
To be (hopefully not) continued.....
1 more down, a seemingly infinite amount to go.
P.S. FONZonites smell funny.
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ House of Grain Chronicles ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
Chapter 7: Mid-Season Recap -- Part 1
For those who are just getting around to reading the spotlights now that there
are fewer to peruse, we wanted to recap what you've missed on the House of Grain
front. And yes, it is listed as a "new" spotlight in your Aradi Press calendar
section since it includes a commentary from the HOG spotlight scribe, deleted content
and some bonus material, such as spoilers for later on in the TOGS season. We now
begin with Part 1 of this 2-Part look at the spotlight series the Aradi Free Press
enthusiastically dubbed, "on time."
On turn 1 of TOGS, the HOG spotlight introduced SwineTiger and focused on how he
was inspired to create a team of bread golems to fight in the Mordant Olympics. A
deleted scene involved SwineTiger having breakfast at the Tall Glass of Milk.
However, since the manager who came up with the Tall Glass of Milk hadn't come up
with it yet, it created a continuity issue that we were sure those who follow the
spotlights closely would catch. Also, because we came under fire from fans for the
product placement deal with Sapleens(tm), we terminated the contract, which is why
they ceased to be a plot point in later spotlights. Sadly, that hit to our revenue
stream made the hit on DK Bread a budgetary necessity.
When we did the spotlight for turn 2, we have SwineTiger arriving in Aradi after
one of our unintentionally prescient moments. We had joked about Mannequin
privatizing the Mordant Olympics--and then it turned out to be true (he currently
manages 75 percent of Mordant). This turn also marks the HOG scribe's first "ripped
from the headlines" moment when he referenced a Death Stud spotlight. We actually
faced some legal trouble from Death Stud's people, but when we told them we had
obtained photos of the hot buttered monkey sauce incident, as well as the actual
plunger involved, alongside testimony from the one legged elf, they backed down.
Apparently, Death Stud liked to keep his private life private. Or should that be
"privates' life"?
Fans thought turn 3 was a little over the top due to its sole focus on Pip.
What readers didn't know at the time was that the regular Scribe was on strike, so a
temp was brought on board. It turned out the temp had personal issues with Pip,
resulting in the first HOG spotlight to be censored and the end of his short
editorial stint. There was also an uncredited appearance in this spotlight; the line
about Pip that said, "If looks could kill, he'd be Mannequin," was actually uttered
by Rolldozer. Since Rolldozer had been killed off several turns before, we felt that
introducing the flashback format this early in the season might make readers think we
jumped the shark. And yes, his voice was dubbed.
Turn 4 is when we really hit our creative stride with the ratio of clever
material higher than Sugar last turn. Since sadly, some of the more subtle highbrow
humor--like the Whole Grain team versus the whole Grain team--didn't go over so well
on the lower East Side of Aradi, and tanked us in the ratings. One tooth-challenged,
Creepster-loving critic even opined that our spotlight stunk worse than the inside of
Darque's Chaos Helm, which apparently ranks two dead skunks south of Pip's socks
after a bog march. Some of the more astute readers caught the reference to Laverne,
the donkey masquerading as a demon muskrat, and have flooded our mailbox ever since
about why Pauly hasn't acknowledged this yet. This will be explained down the road,
but to unravel the mystery on your own, there are hidden clues scattered throughout
personal ads in other arenas posted under the names of actual managers regarding
seemingly unrelated fights.
Next turn will be the conclusion of this 2-part series retrospective where you will
hear for the first time ever the details behind Flour Power's shocking demise.
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
----- ----- ----- [Hammer] ----- ----- -----
An Alternate Reality Stimulation
TOGS Special Edition Number Seven
A Motor City MadMen Manuscript
by Hammer the WordSmith
Street Lethal was beside himself with joy as he jumped up and down with his
broom! His beloved Dread Wings had successfully invaded the home ice of the Rabble
Ranch at the Poopsie Center and pummeled the Rabble Ranch mercilessly in Game 4 by
the score of 8-3 that saw Dread Wings playoff star Jonny Frenzy set a new goal-
scoring record to score more goals in a playoff game than the legendary Dread Wing
known far and wide beyond the realm of Fort Detroit as Boy Howdy!
Street Lethal wielded his broom in front of the Hockey Clown Cafe big screen TV
as though it were a Dueling Arena QuarterStaff Bashing Weapon with every goal and
near score! The hated Rabble Ranch were now eliminated and Street Lethal would almost
be content to end the ice hockey season with a sweep of the hated Rabble Ranch,
especially since Master Dank had wagered more sacks of gold than he should have and
paid dearly for it as Jonny Frenzy notched another hat trick in behalf of the Dread
Wings as Street Lethal enjoyed every moment of the victory over the hated Rabble
Ranch. Granted the injury bug had severely bitten the Rabble Ranch roster, but that
did not matter to a Devolve Manager like Street Lethal who especially enjoyed the
sight of a hated rival being kicked severely and badly when obviously down on his
luck and being hosed in any and every way and category, be it either offensively or
defensively no matter what strategy was employed. Too bad the Rabble Ranch did not
employ the Dank Arena also!
There were a few extra days of rejoicing on the part of Street Lethal and all
the Hockey Clown Cafe regulars because of the sweep by the Dread Wings over their
hated rivals the Rabble Ranch and Street Lethal took the opportunity to parlay some
of his winnings into making some payments to the All Starry Eyed gladiator commission
(sic) authorities to continue running his TOSG team even though Hammered and Street
Lethal were not accomplishing anything extraordinary except for providing the other
contestants with plenty of cannon fodder on the arena sands and providing most
managers little or no competition and hardly any threat of derailing the dreams of
their opponents, but at least Street Lethal and Hammered had their beloved Dread
Wings to provide them with the deep rooted satisfaction that the TOSG contest was
failing to provide every two weeks. So another few days passed and the Dread Wings
rested while the Starves and Starks battled and battered each other for the
opportunity to face the Dread Wings in the 2008 Westerners Confab Playoffs.
Eventually it was the Starves who managed to overcome the Starks.
Street Lethal felt very good about the matchup, especially since the Jitter
Bugger had scored a couple more goals against the hated Rabble Ranch and the Dread
Wings goalie Good Ozzy had sealed the deal at the Poopsie Center against the Rabble
Ranch and both were expected to produce even better results against the Starves in
the next round of the ice hockey playoffs.
Street Lethal was enjoying the ride with his Dread Wings as the Starves were
defeated in Game 1 by a score of 4-1 on the strength of goals by Tommy Home Grown and
Jonny Frenzy and another great performance between the pipes by Dread Wings goalie
Good Ozzy and Street Lethal was polishing his broom like a well oiled QuarterStaff
for the possibility of yet another sweep!
Game 2 was a bit of a nail biter for Street Lethal as Jonny Frenzy was scratched
from the lineup after being knocked in the head by the Dastardly Starves! Jitter
Bugger answered the bell along with Dread Wings goalie Good Ozzy and a newbie named
Dragon Helm who made the difference as the Dread Wings were once again headed out on
the road to battle the Starves!
Street Lethal parked himself in front of the Hockey Clown Cafe big screen TV
along with his broom to witness the Dread Wings defeating the Starves 5-2 in Game 3
on the strength of the first hat trick by Dat Yukker and another couple assists plus
a goal by the Jitter Bugger that complemented the play between the pipes by Dread
Wings goalie Good Ozzy that had Street Lethal jumping up and down with his broom in
anticipation of another sweep by the Dread Wings which was what Street Lethal was
hoping for because he was majorly stoked about seeing the Dread Wings battle their
way to claiming the Stainless Mug and providing Street Lethal with more sacks of gold
to celebrate! This was sweet revenge for Street Lethal against all the doubters!
But it was not to be in Game 4 as the sweep was denied and Street Lethal was
hollering something about "Sour Grapes!" on a call by the referee on goalie
interference by Tommy Home Grown on a goal by Dat Yukker that was disallowed by the
referee because of the interference call. Street Lethal was complaining all through
the game as he cried in his mugs of Bitter Brew Beer as the Dread Wings were denied a
first blood goal and ended up losing the game by a score of 3-1 as Street Lethal
completely lost control and started swinging his broom like a berserker QuarterStaff
far into the night as the sweep by the Dread Wings was denied, but they still only
needed but one more victory to advance to the Stainless Mug playoffs [which was
certainly more certain than Hammered and Street Lethal advancing to the final rounds
of the TOSG competition!]
"May Your Blades Be Sharp and Your Wits Sharper!"
Hammer
Minister of War
Abattoir Scarlet Knight
Order of Lost Souls
Aradi Antagonist
TOGS Tuffie
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Zalgor's 7th Team Spotlight ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
Wow, this is my 7th time writing a spotlight for this years TOGS... so far they
have come in 3 part series... maybe this will be the exception as there are 10 turns
and 10 does not properly divide into 3. So here I go with my latest attempt to keep
from costing my team 5 points in the competition. Honestly, finishing in the top
half of the contest was my only goal and we are right there in 8th, needing to move
up just one spot to accomplish that modest goal.
My current Duelmasters related dilemma is figuring out what to do post TOGS. I
am hoping to just transfer my efforts to another arena, most likely one with a strong
Brotherhood of the Blade presence (Arvat, DM 32 would be the most likely spot...). I
have several mediocre teams that I could move there but my goal would be to create a
tourney team that ran to time warriors for the various tourneys and those not fit for
tourneys would be dark arena'd on a consistent basis. Mediocre teams are generally
not well suited for this type of treatment.
So my thinking went to changing my philosophy for the team. That would involve
moving one of the aforementioned mediocre teams, keeping the good arena type warriors
and using a hybrid philosophy by using the dark arena regularly for the remaining
members of the team. So I followed up with my alliance (which has at least six other
active members) with a list of the teams I might send for this purpose and I received
only one response back... now I liked the response, don't get me wrong, but I was
hoping to parse the number of teams from 7 to say 3 and then make up my mind on which
to send based on personal preference and the opinions expressed by my fellow alliance
mates. Now it is a week later and I have been tempted by my original idea with a
twist...
That twist, of course, is buying rollups... herein lies the problem. I am a
single father going into the 10 week summer with 3 kids that will cost in the
neighborhood of $250 per week just for daytime care. So I figured by budget and how
much work on the side I can do in my "free" time and discovered that I could afford
15 rollups at the outside most... all of that coming from my acting as the draft
correspondent for my favorite football team, the St Louis Rams, for a very popular
simulated draft site (drafttek.com). I figured I could justify spending the entire
amount on rollups as it was pretty much unexpected income and I completely enjoyed
the job associated with the earning of it. Anyone who knows me will tell you I can
talk about sports for weeks on end, never tiring of the various sports, teams and
topics.
15 rollups... general consensus from when I regularly played was that to
maximize your potential for a truly great rollup sheet anywhere from 25-50 would need
to be ordered at a time based on the definition of a great rollup sheet, the number
available and dividing into the total rollup pool. So as I write this I am debating
calling Sandy and/or Lee to request said rollup sheets knowing that if I do so and
fail to procure one of said great rollups I will be greatly disappointed and likely
need a good turn in TOGS to raise my Duel spirits back to the levels they are at now
as I write.
So I guess I will get back to you next turn with how this turned out... who am I
kidding, next turn I will be telling you what rollup sheet I got (which is best for
the game, as it shows I am getting interested again and looking forward to the
competition... something that has been lacking up until the last week or 2).
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Friday Night Lights: Part 7 ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
The Greek Guy
The fights were over and we were all in shock at what had transpired at the end.
Aradi had managed a furious comeback which started with Rillions win followed by The
Greek Guys. Aradi had managed to take a 5-4 lead going into the last fight but also
owned the tiebreaker if it ended at 5-5. The tiebreaker was best result at the last
tournament and Aradi had secured more TV's and TC's. After taking the lead the mood
had been jovial in the stands and on the sidelines as everyone waited for the last
fight. Now the sands were red with blood which was not unusual; however they were
even more red than I had ever seen. The worst part was the severed arm that still lay
in the middle of the arena. Sometimes injuries happened. I mean you have two guys
trying to knock each other out with weapons. Sometimes things go bad. The fight
started out normally enough. The Delarq came out with a scimitar and a medium shield
and only ring mail armor. Not unheard of for a total parry but also not good news for
the Aradi warrior as his two medium shields and plate armor let it be known he was
not much of a fighter and planned to win by defense. The fight started with the
Delarq walking slowly forward with a wicked smile on his face.
"Do you remember my family" he asked
"Should I?" came the muffled response from the Aradi from under his full helm.
"You humiliated my older brother last year and if I remember right you spat on
him after the fight" he said through clinched teeth.
"Oh so you're The Donoughut Mans brother huh? Well he got what was coming to
him" the Aradi replied
"Well I'm The Muffin Man and now you will get what's coming to you" The Muffin
Man scowled
With that TMM leaped forward bringing his scimitar down in a powerful slash.
The Aradi barely parried the blow aimed at his neck
TMM twisted into a tremendous cut with his scimitar
Once again the Aradi barely parried a blow aimed at his neck. At this point he
knew the Delarq was out for blood.
TMM pressed his attack slashing and throughsting, aiming mostly for vitals at
all times.
The Aradi warrior was parrying most blows but a few had slipped around his
parries and a spot of crimson could be seen leaking out from the armor by his neck.
TMM stepped back but not to rest just to study his opponent for a moment. It
seemed odd but he fought like an aimed blow not like a total parry. The other Aradi
warriors were starting to look worried. If the Delarq team had snuck in an aimed blow
to fight with the total parries then their friend was in real trouble.
TMM unleashed yet another incredible attack, one much too advanced for a total
parry warrior. This time this blow got by the Aradi's guard and struck him in the
right arm. The warrior howled in pain even as TMM howled in anger and pressed the
attack further. He attacked the same arm this time slicing through the armor and
sending blood splattering through the air. The plate armor protecting the Aradis arm
was sliced through and had a huge hole in it. The Aradi warrior fell to his knees and
held his hand up to concede the fight. TMM ignored the gesture and instead twisted
into a powerful slash aiming right at the opening in the armor. The scimitar barely
hesitated as it sliced right through the warriors arm and sent his arm flying through
the air where it landed about three feet away. The stands grew silent and the other
Aradi warriors were having to be restrained as each tried to rush out after TMM.
"Soultaker" screamed Samwise as he pushed his way through to his friend.
The healers were already out tending to him and he was rushed to the infirmary
with his arm still lying on the sands. We may have won the match but at this point it
was a very hollow victory. TMM smiled as he walked out of the arena with the other
Delarqs patting him on the back. In three weeks we went to their arena for our second
fight and we all knew it be a bloodfeud that we all wanted to settle.
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Elephants, Monkeys and Oh My ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
By GenX Perfect Hits
When we last seen our two heroes, Elephant and Hombre they had just defeated
the evil Giant Demon Muskrat, Laverne. The two are now heading towards Pauly's house
to retrieve Pauly's secret pancake recipe to give to Soultaker. Without the recipe,
Manager's soul will be trapped forever.
"We can't just walk in there and take the recipe from him, Elephant."
"Sure we can."
"I don't like the odds, we need a plan."
"Come on."
"No really, we need a plan."
"I got it. Let's get into character and head over to Ma's."
"Not, Ma. She's gonna be pissed. I've been gone for over a week."
"Don't worry I'll handle it Orville."
"I hate it when you call me Orville, Elephant.
"Orville, into character, it's the only way this will work."
"Alright Philo, let's do this."
Philo and Orville(Elephant and Hombre) head over to Ma's house driving an old
tow truck. Ma is sitting on the front porch with a 12 gauge shotgun.
"Identify or I'll blast ya to smithereens."
"Ma, don't shot, it's us."
"You damn fools have been gone for over a week. Leaving a poor ole lady alone
to fend for herself."
"We're real sorry about that Ma, now put the gun down."
"That damn baboon of yours ate up all my Oreos!"
"Ma, he's an orangutan. We brought you a new box of those Oreos."
Ma put's down the shotgun and Philo gives her the Oreos. He motions to Orville
who leaves and returns with the orangutan, Clyde. All three kiss Ma bye and drive off
in the tow truck.
"We're gonna meet a real lady now Clyde, so no spittin', peeing', fartin', or
pickin' your butt."
"Elephant this is a great plan."
"Elephant? Don't you mean Philo? Stick to the plan Orville."
"Sorry Philo."
The three arrive at Pauly's house. They knock on the door and Pauly answers
wearing just his underwear.
"Guys, this isn't a good time, I have company."
"No problem Pauly if you could just give us the recipe, we'll be on our way."
"Can't do that Elephant."
"My name ain't Elephant, it's Philo."
"Philo? Philo?"
"Yes, Philo Beddoe. Now turn it over Pauly and you won't get hurt."
"Elephant, I'm not playing. Take your monkey and Hombre and get outta here."
"Pauly he's an orangutan, I'm Philo and that's Orville. Now hand over the
recipe before I get too mad to turn back."
"Elephant!"
"I warned you Pauly. I tried to do this the easy way."
"Get outta here now!"
"Right turn Clyde."
On that command Clyde throws a punch with his right hand knocking Pauly out
cold. Pauly hit's the floor and is motionless.
"Orville, check for a pulse. Clyde check for Oreos and I'll check for the
recipe."
"No need to check, I have it."
"Well hello Eartha. Why are you dress in lingerie?"
"Pauly and I had a special night planned and you've gone and ruined it."
"I'll help you fix it if you turn over the recipe."
"You promise."
"Scouts Honor."
"Wait, Pauly is the only one who understand what I say. How did you?"
"Pauly and I have both took the time to listen to what you have to say."
"What are you two talking about."
"Never mind that Orville, I'll tell you later. Now Eartha, the recipe, please."
"No, first bring Pauly back."
"Ok, follow me over to him. Now stick your armpit in his face."
Eartha puts her armpit in Pauly's face and just like smelling salts under the
nose, Pauly comes to. Pauly still in a daze doesn't 't realize that Eartha just
handed the secret pancake recipe to Philo. Philo, Orville and Clyde drive off. We
hear Eddie Rabbit's song Every Which Way but Loose playing in the background.
"Hey wait, that monkey left with my Oreos."
"Don't worry Pauly, I'll take care of dessert for you."
"Eartha, you're so sweet."
Every which way but loose
You turn me every which way but loose
Inside the fire's burnin' me
In mind you just keep turnin' me
Every which way but loose
Baby there's no excuse
To turn me every which way but loose
Song lyrics by Eddie Rabbit
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ 4000 Blows ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
The Status Dough
Goose the goose raised one ruddy lid, revealing one ridiculously bloodshot eye.
The banging, which felt like it was on the inside of his skull with a maul, was
actually coming from the front door of his apartment at the Mentone Arms, a run down
tenement on the south end of Scrodbelly Lane, where the feathery Aradi personality
was presently shacking up. Goose looked up at the wall clock of a fetching dame
goose in her all togethers hanging over his feet, her little wing pointing to the two
and the big one at the twelve. Goose groaned then leaned over the side of his cot
and let go into the steel bucket he kept bedside.
<minutes later>
"I'm comin', I'm comin', hold yer giant demon muskrats..." honked Goose, having
freshened up now. The banging continuing unabated. Clad in a purple silk Giorgio
Scrodmani smoking jacket, a strong hint of Farfrejan Gentleman wafting from his
ruffled chest feathers, and a dry martini in one hand, Goose ambled towards the door.
He was hoping it would be the silky-feathered Sally Honkers, no ugly duckling to be
sure, who he had met at the Flapping Bill last Tuesday. His hopes were dashed as he
opened the door and looked out at his visitor.
"Telegram for Mr. Goose the goose! Marked URGENT!" Warbled the pimply-faced
teenage messenger, his chinless face looking with wide, innocent eyes into Goose's
fowl stare as he held a scroll aloft.
"Come in," said Goose, grabbing the messenger by the collar and flinging him
into a large bean bag chair that dominated the center of the room. "Can I get you
something to drink?"
"I really shouldn't be drinking on the job, I just need your signa..."
"Nonsense, nothing like a cold Caeser in the afternoon to wake you up!" grinned
Goose, expertly mixing the named drink at an impressive wet bar he had erected in his
kitchenette. "When I was your age, kid, I'd have three of these for my pre-breakfast
appetizer, chase it with a bottle of tranquilizers and I was good to go. Here ya go,
young fella, suck it down."
<12 Caesers later>
"And that's when I knew, kid, ducks and geese simply do not mix, make no
mistake." Goose looked down at the messenger boy, his body prone in the bean bag
chair, head completely flung back, and his Adam's apple pointing to the ceiling.
Sighing and shaking his head, Goose decided to open the scroll marked "URGEN" the boy
had delivered him. Groaning as he recognized the seal, he unfurled the parchment and
read as follows:
My Fenestrated-Livered Associateth -- I have urgent businesseth we must discusseth
immediately. I offer pay, and this time not just in scrod, but coineth. Meet me
inneth my ready roometh on the nonce! -- Nulneth
"Ready roometh?" Goose thought to himself, honking and rolling his eyes. Still,
he hadn't had a job for coin in months, and his supply of duck-liver pate and Insta-
Scrod! were running precariously low. Tightening the sash on his Scrodmani robe,
Goose sucked it up and headed out the door to Nuln's pad, a fresh martini in hand.
<Nuln's pad, some time later>
"I senteth that telegram at sunriseth this morning!" Nuln slammed a gauntlet
into his once expensive mahogany desk top, adding another fist-sized depression to
its pocked surface. "It's now five oclocketh!!"
"This is all true." Said Goose, propping up his webbed feet onto the
aforementioned desk, then slammed his empty glass down. "Besides, where we geese
come from, the 'nonce' means five. Anyhow, let's get down to brass scrod eyes, shall
we? You mentioned coin."
Well, Nuln had a long, meandering, and often quite pointless "speech" at this
point, the excerpts of which we'll thankfuily spare you of. The rub of it all was
that he was offering Goose the talking goose of Aradi proper 3,500 gold eagles to
implant himself as a mole into the rival TOGS team's sanctuary, specifically the
Doughjo run by Swinetiger. He wouldn't disclose what, but he wanted Goose to collect
certain information about the Doughjo or its practices that he found valuable.
Without asking a single question Goose accepted the offer, and the advance of 700
eagles.
"It's been a pleasure doing business, Chaos Lord." honked Goose, letting go of
his handshake with Nuln. "I can assure you, I will be the first and only goose to
successfully become a mole in Swinetiger's Doughjo, make no mistake."
<5 minutes later at the Flapping Bill>
It was no mistake that Goose was passed out at a table, but next to him was a
sign that read: "Don't worry Nuln, I am working on my cover."
Next turn: The Greek Guy dies again, Soultaker lives, and Death Stud has a cameo
appearance sporting a giant mustache!
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
----- ----- ----- Death Stud ----- ----- -----
It was Thursday night and Death Stud was ecstatic. He was ecstatic because the
biweekly duels were finally schedule to run tomorrow. It had been a long, grueling
two weeks. He and Soultaker had been rotating twelve-hour shifts watching over
Samwise plus trying to plan for the upcoming turn and train the warriors while still
attempting to sneak in a couple hours of much-needed sleep in between. He grumbled
enviously because it was Soultaker's turn to sleep while he was stuck on duty at the
Childhood Trauma stable. After consecutive 2-3 and 1-4 turns, Samwise had gone
nearly off the deep end and tried to take his own life unsuccessfully (it wasn't
Samwise's week for getting things done right).
As Samwise's closest friends and his committed non-alliance mates, Death Stud
and Soultaker considered it their obligation to stay on Samwise suicide watch and
keep him from permanently injuring himself. At least until the next round of duels
came around and hopefully made him feel invincible again. It struck Death Stud as
odd how Samwise could go from so bubbly and happy and cocky a few short weeks ago
as he was riding high on his two TC tourney, to sinking so deep into self-pity and
wallowing in his misery over a little bump in the TOGS road.
Death Stud had positioned himself in a chair in the hall near the entrance to
Samwise's chamber and had been reading a book, trying to pass the time until
Soultaker came to relieve him tomorrow morning. He checked the clock and realized
that it was time to check in on Samwise again. Stud got up slowly, knuckling the
ache out of the small of his back and poked his head in to see how Samwise was doing.
Samwise was sprawled out on the floor and weeping softly, same as he had been last
time Stud checked. The sobbing was good because it let Death Stud know that nothing
had changed and that the pitiful manager was still alive (and to be clear so I don't
hurt Samwise's feelings, when I say "the pitiful manager" I don't mean that he is a
pitiful manager or that his managing in pitiful per se, but that he is a simply a
manager who is pitiful, wait no that still didn't come out right, I mean that he is
both a manager and he is pitiful, but those to things aren't necessarily related,
it's just that he is currently pitiful--you know, with the sobbing and all--and of
course he is a manager as well, that's why I said "the pitiful manager" not because
of any slight to his managing ability, OK then).
"Oh my heavens! *sob, cry* 1-4... *cry, whimper* and I just can't believe
that... and oh 911 how could you fail me like that? Or how could I fail you like
that is what I should ask myself. *weep, boob, whine* oh Burnt Offerings, I can't
believe how that happened. *sob, cry* It's as if a demoness has put a curse on me
and my stable, miring us if failure and mediocrity for an millennium!" Samwise
banged his head three times on the floor to punish himself for failure.
Death Stud used the opportunity to make his presence known. "Not to interrupt,
Samwise, but it's my 11:00 check. Just wanted to make sure all is well. <pause, no
answer> OK, well I'll be out here if you need anything. And by the way, I think
your "curse" has lasted roughly two weeks. That's _slightly_ shy of a millennium."
Samwise jumped to his feet and glared at Death Stud, then yelled as loud as he
could, "What is your problem? I don't understand why you are so mean to me!" Then
he slumped onto the bed and picked up where he left off with the sobbing.
Disgusted, Death Stud went back to his post in the hallway. It had been an
incredibly trying week, as he had already had to deal with several pitiful attempts
by Samwise at hurting himself. Samwise had first tried to run himself through with a
cardboard sword after seeing the turn results and that's when they decided he needed
someone to be there in case he mustered up an idea that would actually work. Death
Stud had been there when Samwise had tried to hang himself with a woolen scarf. Only
he hadn't tied it to the roof or tree or anything, but just twisted it around his
neck a few times and tried pulling really hard on the other end. He had also been on
duty when Samwise had tried to slit his wrists with a piece of paper, slashing wildly
at his wrists with the paper trying to open up a fatal papercut wound.
Samwise had also tried to jump from a bridge, but had been unable to get his leg
up high enough to get over the railing. Death Stud didn't have the heart to explain
that even if he'd have succeeded in getting over the railing, that it was merely a
footbridge over a brook and Samwise would have landed in roughly knee-deep water
anyway. He had also tried unsuccessfully to kill himself in the garage with exhaust
fumes by rigging up a tube between his face and his horse's backside. Unfortunately,
that proved to be simply unpleasant, but not life threatening. He'd also tried to
tie his sheets around his neck and jump out the window of his room, only to land
unharmed on the ground outside his single story guildhouse three feet below the
windowsill.
Still only part of the way through the mental list of Samwise's futile attempts
over the past two weeks, Death Stud attention was snapped back by a commotion coming
from Samwise's chambers. "Uh oh," he thought and ran to see what was going on.
Stud burst into Samwise's chambers only to find it empty. He heard the ruckus
again, a mixture of Samwise grunting and kicking and splashing water. He realized
that it was coming from the bath chamber and his stomach suddenly roiled
unconsciously. In the "clearly T.M.I." category, during Death Stud's time watching
over Samwise this week, Stud had found out the hard way (no pun intended) that
Samwise didn't eat enough fiber and grunting and splashing from the bathroom was not
all that uncommon. He turned to leave, but realized that there was a lot more
splashing and a lot more noise than was possible even for a man of Samwise's unique
physical composition. He knocked on the door and called for Samwise to come out with
no answer while the splashing and grunting continued. Stud knocked again and
threatened to break it down if Samwise didn't open up the door immediately, but to no
avail. Left with no choice, Death Stud picked up one the bronze busts that Samwise
had made of himself and used it to bash through the door. He found Samwise shoulder
deep trying to drown himself in the toilet water. Death Stud ran to his friend,
grabbed the back of his collar, and pulled him free, trying to stay clear of the
water that sprayed around as Samwise struggled. Through the wet, wispy hair and
toilet water streaming down his face, Samwise blubbered for Death Stud to just leave
him alone, that he didn't deserve to live, and to let him end his misery. Ignoring
the piteous pleas of Samwise, Death Stud wrapped a towel around his friend and put a
comforting arm around him, reassuring him that all would be well. As he tried to pat
dry the excess moisture, Death Stud prayed silently for Samwise's warriors to have a
good showing in this turn's duels...
SPY REPORT
Busy, busy, busy, lots of things happening in COLLUSION COVE this turn, and
let's start with a look at some of the teams. Now keep the taverns open late
tonight, for there are sorrows to drown for MY BEST BUDS 2, whose 2-3-0 this turn
dropped them by 8 into 21st. PURE EVIL stable has parlayed this turn's 3-2-0 into a
9 space move up the rankings. This brings them up to 15th place. Good work, guys!
The HOUSE OF GRAIN guild has had a 4-1-0 turn and deserves to be watched in the
future. You never know where this kind of thing can lead. And let's see, STITCHES
fought PAR and gained 29 points and contributed to CHILDHOOD TRAUMA's 5-0-1. ZIG-ZAG
MAN has lost to SPIRITWALKER, falling 16 points, while helping make MY BEST BUDS 2 a
2-3-0 turn. RETRIBUTION XXIX challenged for the Duelmastership this turn, attempting
to dethrone WILD CARDS' warrior. Defending his title for another turn, 3D'S NOT L33T
kept DEATH STUDS VII's warrior, RETRIBUTION XXIX, from claiming the throne. Can
someone confirm a rumor for me? I hear the top team makes their losing fighters do
dishes at The Victory Tavern until they win. Maybe?
He who challenges well, fights well. He who avoids without cause, shall lose
for good reasons. My mama told me that one. I also notice that the ELOQUENT KNIGHTS
stable was the most avoided team this turn. Come on COLLUSION COVE, what are you
afraid of? And avoiding ELOQUENT KNIGHTS more than any other team we find CHILDHOOD
TRAUMA. COLLUSION COVE, are we going to accept, or respect this sort of thing? The
most challenged warrior this turn was PASTAFARIANS' warrior WARM PIRATE. More
fighters challenged him than challenged the Duelmaster!
The Dark Arena is for those who cannot win, not who cannot lose with grace.
Dignity in life or death is the warrior's creed. Banners at half mast, warriors,
WING HOVE has lost PAR, and you might say all of COLLUSION COVE has felt the loss,
except maybe CHILDHOOD TRAUMA. Kudos go out to WEKA DART this turn, for revenging
WING HOVE's bloodfeud against GENX PERFECT HITS' warrior DAY BY DAY. Well done. Now
it looks like COCO NUTS is gone, and forgotten too, now that FRUIT OF THE LOOM did
not revenge MY BEST BUDS 2's ZIG-ZAG MAN for killing COCO NUTS. We'd like to remind
certain teams not to rob the graves of their enemies. You know who you are; and it's
considered rude.
Remember, blood on the purple robe does not change it from a purple robe. Dare
to fight bravely. Always good to rest in COLLUSION COVE, but never good to wear out
my welcome. Look for me in future turns. Until you see my quill in COLLUSION COVE
again, farewell-- Alarond the Scribe
DUELMASTER W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
3D'S NOT L33T 7833 14 7 3 127 WILD CARDS (148)
CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
BURNT OFFERINGS 8054 12 6 1 115 CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)
HOWLER XIII 8302 10 1 2 112 DEATH STUDS VII (301)
-SUNSHINE 7593 11 7 0 110 SUPERIOR FORCES 1601 (586)
TYVEK 7478 12 11 0 104 DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
ODALISQUE 8121 10 2 2 103 ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518)
STITCHES 8245 7 8 1 101 CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)
911 7936 13 12 0 98 CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)
RETRIBUTION XXIX 8259 13 5 0 97 DEATH STUDS VII (301)
VENREK 7477 19 7 0 96 DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
SPIRITWALKER 8431 8 3 0 96 DREAMTIME (633)
YELLOW JACKET 7627 17 43 1 95 BUGS, SLUGS & THUGS (591)
-STORM FIRE 7597 8 3 1 92 SUPERIOR FORCES 1601 (586)
GAZREK 7858 11 7 0 91 DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
CHAMPIONS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
EDWARD KINGSLEY 8330 9 2 1 90 TPW FOREVER (619)
I OWN INDIMAR 8084 10 8 0 88 4000 BLOWS (107)
DUNNO 6988 13 22 1 85 HIT ME WITH... (503)
BOY GEORGE 8378 9 4 0 78 CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)
FLICKED BOOGERS 6989 17 18 0 77 HIT ME WITH... (503)
ZIG-ZAG MAN 7083 13 12 1 76 MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)
BUSTED NUTS 7134 12 16 1 72 HIT ME WITH... (503)
TWIG 8096 9 5 1 72 FRUIT OF THE LOOM (615)
ACIDULOUS 8384 8 1 0 70 ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518)
CHAMPIONS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
PLUM 8094 7 5 2 68 FRUIT OF THE LOOM (615)
CHALLENGER ADEPTS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
WEKA DART 7979 11 9 1 66 WING HOVE (529)
EQUIPOLLENT 8492 6 3 1 66 ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518)
RESPECT THE PACKAGE 7832 12 9 0 65 WILD CARDS (148)
LE FOURNER 8354 5 5 0 62 LA BOULANGE (626)
B.C. GOLD 7787 10 9 0 60 MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)
HAWAIIAN KONA 7853 7 8 0 60 MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)
BEAST XVII 8303 7 7 0 60 DEATH STUDS VII (301)
THE BUNISHER 8341 10 2 1 59 HOUSE OF GRAIN (625)
RYEHARD 8339 9 8 1 58 HOUSE OF GRAIN (625)
ADEPTS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
-WEEZY DANG 7909 11 11 0 56 THE BUNKHOUSE (595)
ZOMBIELUST 8181 8 4 0 54 4000 BLOWS (107)
GHNSGFI 8526 4 4 0 52 CLNGE (638)
HARD CIDER 7981 6 3 1 51 WILD CARDS (148)
CHONDROMALACIA 8432 6 7 0 51 ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518)
GUNPOWDER 8449 6 1 0 51 DEVIL'S WORKSHOP (634)
ZOMBI 2 8571 4 0 0 49 WILD CARDS (148)
SCORN BREAD 8343 10 8 0 48 HOUSE OF GRAIN (625)
PEACH FUZZ 8095 8 8 1 48 FRUIT OF THE LOOM (615)
SHRIVELLED PRUNE 8177 5 7 1 48 FRUIT OF THE LOOM (615)
VENGANZA 8408 7 7 0 47 PASTAFARIANS (630)
WARM PIRATE 8407 10 4 0 46 PASTAFARIANS (630)
STAR 8427 8 4 0 46 DREAMTIME (633)
WILD YOUTH 8296 5 3 0 45 GENX PERFECT HITS (620)
MAITRE BOULANGER 8350 5 3 0 45 LA BOULANGE (626)
DOUBLE D 8523 4 3 2 45 MY PRESENT (637)
MONKEY PAW 7854 7 7 1 44 MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)
DAY BY DAY 8338 6 3 1 44 GENX PERFECT HITS (620)
T MARIE 8522 3 4 0 44 MY PRESENT (637)
VENGRAZ 8018 6 3 0 42 DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
NAAN VIOLENT 8433 6 3 0 42 HOUSE OF GRAIN (625)
SETH DRAVEN 8231 6 6 1 40 TPW FOREVER (619)
WILD FLOWER 8443 6 6 0 40 DREAMTIME (633)
BREMEN 8570 4 0 0 39 WING HOVE (529)
NYSTERIOUS WAYS 8464 7 4 0 38 PASTAFARIANS (630)
DEAD ALIVE 8503 4 3 0 38 WILD CARDS (148)
-VIKI 8261 3 2 0 38 SUPERIOR FORCES 1601 (586)
L'APPRENTI 8351 6 3 0 37 LA BOULANGE (626)
NOODLY APPENDIX 8404 7 7 0 36 PASTAFARIANS (630)
100 PUNKS 8491 5 4 0 36 GENX PERFECT HITS (620)
MASTER EXPLODER 8500 4 3 0 36 4000 BLOWS (107)
-KELLY FABULOUS 8221 5 8 0 35 THE BUNKHOUSE (595)
DOUBLE CHOCOLAINE 8461 4 4 0 34 LA BOULANGE (626)
CHALLENGER INITIATES W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
PLATO 8550 6 1 0 33 GRECO-ROMAN (639)
READY, STEADY, GO 8249 3 5 0 33 GENX PERFECT HITS (620)
IICERGS 8524 3 4 0 33 CLNGE (638)
BLACK DEATH 8446 2 5 0 33 DEVIL'S WORKSHOP (634)
SHAMIKA 8513 5 3 0 32 LUROCIANS T308 (636)
NIAGARA FALLS 8533 5 3 0 32 CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)
SISTER MOON 8489 4 4 0 32 DREAMTIME (633)
CRUCIFIED 8447 4 3 0 31 DEVIL'S WORKSHOP (634)
HARUSPEX 8559 5 1 0 30 ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518)
MISS PIGGY 8544 4 3 1 30 CRAZY CREEPS (207)
GALILEO 8548 4 3 0 30 GRECO-ROMAN (639)
MCSCROD 8481 3 5 1 29 4000 BLOWS (107)
SENTINEL 8543 6 0 0 28 CRAZY CREEPS (207)
SOCRATES 8547 5 2 0 28 GRECO-ROMAN (639)
CHALLENGER INITIATES W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
SCARLET ABATTOIR 8474 4 4 0 28 NO HAMMER HAMMERZ (635)
IJEOOGI 8528 3 4 0 28 CLNGE (638)
DARIUS 8552 4 3 0 27 LUROCIANS T308 (636)
EVIL AYE 8498 4 3 0 27 THE EYES HAVE IT (632)
-SHEEPY THOMPSON 8538 3 4 0 27 THE BUNKHOUSE (595)
TOGS CHOKER 8561 3 2 0 27 DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
EDIE 8429 5 7 0 26 DREAMTIME (633)
-PERFECT SNOTLING 8403 1 1 0 26 SUPERIOR FORCES 1601 (586)
FEZ 7878 4 7 0 25 MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)
-JOHNNY FOURHOOVES 8399 4 3 0 25 THE BUNKHOUSE (595)
MANHATTAN PROJECT 8450 3 4 1 25 DEVIL'S WORKSHOP (634)
TIFFERS 8520 3 3 0 25 MY PRESENT (637)
AGMOUR 8568 3 1 0 25 4000 BLOWS (107)
SHA'LONDA 8532 3 3 0 25 LUROCIANS T308 (636)
KING ROCKER 8246 2 6 0 24 GENX PERFECT HITS (620)
INITIATES W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
TOWEL BOY 8265 5 7 1 23 TPW FOREVER (619)
LOST BREAD 8546 2 4 0 23 LA BOULANGE (626)
THE EX 8436 4 9 1 22 PURE EVIL (629)
SUGAR 8534 4 4 0 22 PURE EVIL (629)
SHMEGMA 8502 3 4 0 22 HIT ME WITH... (503)
ARISTOTLE 8551 3 4 0 22 GRECO-ROMAN (639)
DOPEY 8566 1 1 0 22 CRAZY CREEPS (207)
-MEDBH 415 5 2 1 20 THUNDER OF ERIU (79)
TONTO 8580 2 0 0 20 CRAZY CREEPS (207)
ASP VI 8579 1 1 0 20 DEATH STUDS VII (301)
JOHNNY 8511 4 3 0 19 LUROCIANS T308 (636)
SQUEEZE THE LEMONS 8569 3 1 0 19 FRUIT OF THE LOOM (615)
-ENO 879 1 0 0 18 THUNDER OF ERIU (79)
GILMMAO 8525 3 4 0 17 CLNGE (638)
SARDASIA 8512 1 6 0 17 LUROCIANS T308 (636)
LEATHAM 8519 1 4 0 17 MY PRESENT (637)
THE AFRICAN QUEEN 8473 2 6 0 16 NO HAMMER HAMMERZ (635)
EYE SPY 8596 1 0 1 16 THE EYES HAVE IT (632)
-MEGAN 632 4 3 0 15 THUNDER OF ERIU (79)
JAYSON DAYDE 8545 3 4 1 15 TPW FOREVER (619)
TEMPE FACER SCROD 8506 3 5 1 15 NO HAMMER HAMMERZ (635)
DESEARTES 8560 3 2 0 15 GRECO-ROMAN (639)
I EYE 8508 2 5 0 15 THE EYES HAVE IT (632)
BESS AMY 8574 1 1 0 15 FUNKY FOLK (565)
SPAM 8587 2 0 0 14 PURE EVIL (629)
JOKER 8575 1 2 0 14 PURE EVIL (629)
ICE CREAM SOLDIER 8471 1 7 0 14 NO HAMMER HAMMERZ (635)
DGA 8562 1 4 0 13 MY PRESENT (637)
BLUE ICE 8578 1 2 0 13 HIT ME WITH... (503)
ANGALANDER 8581 1 0 0 13 DRAGON FLIGHT (640)
TAKE ANOTHER SHOT 8558 3 3 0 12 NO HAMMER HAMMERZ (635)
-LUC 8497 1 1 0 12 SUPERIOR FORCES 1601 (586)
-CRIMTHAN 413 2 5 0 11 THUNDER OF ERIU (79)
GLITTERDOOM 8585 0 1 0 11 DRAGON FLIGHT (640)
MGGIOJI 8591 1 0 0 10 CLNGE (638)
MRS. ROBINSON 8573 1 2 1 9 CRAZY CREEPS (207)
-SEL DUMB 8487 1 0 0 9 FUNKY FOLK (565)
STINK I 8572 1 1 0 8 THE EYES HAVE IT (632)
CROP CIRCLE 8577 0 3 0 7 PASTAFARIANS (630)
ICING DEATH 8584 0 1 0 7 DRAGON FLIGHT (640)
POLITICIAN 8586 2 0 0 6 PURE EVIL (629)
I IN THE SKY 8588 1 0 0 6 THE EYES HAVE IT (632)
MERGANDEVIN 8582 0 1 0 5 DRAGON FLIGHT (640)
HEPHAESTUS 8583 0 1 0 5 DRAGON FLIGHT (640)
-IAN 880 0 1 0 1 THUNDER OF ERIU (79)
WHITE WOLF IX 8593 0 1 0 1 DEATH STUDS VII (301)
INITIATES W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
VIC TOREE 8598 0 1 0 1 FUNKY FOLK (565)
JIMMY PITT 8595 0 1 0 1 TPW FOREVER (619)
'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.
THE DEAD W L K TEAM NAME SLAIN BY TURN Revenge?
TRUSTWORTHY SCRI 0 0 0 EYE SPY 8596 442 NONE
PICK OF DESTINY 8553 1 2 0 4000 BLOWS 107 MANHATTAN PROJEC 8450 438 REVENGED
COLLUSION 8592 0 1 0 DEVIL'S WORKSHOP 634 ARNIE SHEW 442 NONE
COCO NUTS 8163 5 1 0 FRUIT OF THE LOO 615 ZIG-ZAG MAN 7083 438 NOT REVENGED
LUCKY CHARMS 8557 1 1 0 HIT ME WITH... 503 TEMPE FACER SCRO 8506 438 NOT REVENGED
THE YEAST MASTER 8594 0 1 0 HOUSE OF GRAIN 625 ARNIE SHEW 442 NONE
PAPERCUT 8535 1 4 1 PURE EVIL 629 DOUBLE D 8523 439
TAXMAN 8397 6 6 0 PURE EVIL 629 DOUBLE D 8523 440
POKE IN THE I 8423 1 2 0 THE EYES HAVE IT 632 EQUIPOLLENT 8492 438 NOT REVENGED
PRIVATE EYE 8425 7 3 0 THE EYES HAVE IT 632 PLUM 8094 441
PANAMON 8087 9 8 0 WING HOVE 529 DAY BY DAY 8338 440 JUST REVENGED
PAR 8297 8 5 1 WING HOVE 529 STITCHES 8245 442
PERSONAL ADS
Helpful Stud -- I don't run ANY scummy warriors! Well maybe one...AB just keep
beating me to the punch; even with strikers running 10-10-?-D. GO figure. -- Gen
Ironcide
Thanks Crazy Creeps scribe...I guess. :) -- Gen. Ironcide
Come on now Scorn Bread, aren't you tired of me beating you yet? -- Warm Pirate
Tidbits from the International Award Winning Aradi Free Press:
Hombre wants to hammer Creepster? How crass.
Someone stole Threepeat's Golden Scrod? Too bad.
Master Darque was found with his head in a chocolate fudge bucket.
Manny is truly the Rock God of D2.
Hombre gets lost very easily.
Sweet Death Stud on a Popsicle stick! Holy Hammer WordSmythe!
Editor, IAWAFP
And the composition awards from The International Award-Winning Aradi Free Press are:
Gold Crown (best) Seraphim (Death Stud)
Silver Scarf (next best) Inferno (Darque)
Bronze Pasties (3rd best tie) La Boulange (Le Pentarque)
Bronze Pasties (3rd best tie) House Of grain Chronicles - (Swinetiger)
Tin Cup (not so best) Dread Wings (Hammer)
Tin Cup (not so best) 40 Lines (Samwise)
Wear your prizes with pride and joy. -- Editor, IAWAFP
Note: Zalgor and Hombre were saved from a cup because they wrote so many many words
and we just could not bring ourselves to award another "cup".
And last week's "Personal Of The Week" (POW) goes to....
"TOGS is making me tired. -- Gen. Ironcide
Join the club. -- Ed."
Editor, IAWAFP (still laughing)
Friendly Constable -- Him lose, Kemosabe. -- Tonto
Blue Ice -- You have no effect on little ole me! Nope. -- Sentinel
Take Another Shot -- No, no, don't. -- Dopey
Shmegma -- Now that wasn't very nice of you. You'll never make it in pictures. --
Mrs. Robinson (stretching those long, lovely legs)
Tiffers, Tiffers -- Tsk, tsk. You are such a low level dolt. -- Miss Piggy
FOURPEAT! We changed our minds about wanting little Death Stud and sidekick to
participate in this event. We should have thrown them out on a technicality. -- The
Crazy Creeps Scribe
Warm Pirate -- I guess you made us eat our words. It's a good thing we're bread
golems, since our words were baked to perfection. Best 2 out of 3? Um, wait, better
make that 3 out of 5. -- Scorn Bread
Encyclopedia Manager -- Now there is a bit of childhood nostalgia! I loved
Encyclopedia Brown when I was a kid. Though I feel he is in need of an update. How
about Wikipedia Brown? -- Master Darque
But how accurate would he be then? -- Ed.
I guess Im starting to find myself. -- Lost Bread
Me, I'm looking for my self-managing warriors. -- Le Pentarque
Bess Amy -- I'm sorry but I am going to have to ask you to resign. You are hurting
me at the polls -- Politician
Crop Circle -- Sorry but I think the better mystery won. Mystery meat forever! --
Spam
FONZers -- Ok, from now on, whoever accuses us of colluding, or even for being an
alliance for that matter, is going to get a serious red belly from me. Three
Challenges??? Three butt-hoopins??? Ouch. -- Hombre
Rillion -- Would you believe me if I said that I was drinking when I made that TV
challenge? Oh who am I kidding, you know me, of course you would. -- Hombre
All -- Well, I'm racing to send these out on Tuesday night and trying to finish
packing. By the time this shows up I should be somewhere in France. Hmmm. La
Boulange...hmmm.....anyway, I'll try and get my next spot off from an internet cafe
and it should only cost me about $27 to write...lol. -- Hombre
Okay, it's getting late...but I promise that next turn I will write a real personal
or two as I really want to, there is just so much I need to get done non-DM related
right now. -- Zalgor
TGG -- Did I mention I went 5-0? How did you do? -- Rillion
Street Legal -- Everyone I challenge seems to have better luck against me than when
I fight them on randoms or even when they challenge me. I am lousy at picking
challenges apparently. So this turn I've decided to not bother. Let's see if that
helps. -- Rillion
Wow good job partner. 5-0 last turn. I am trying to pull my weight but I think I've
been eating too much and it's getting hard to do. -- The Greek Guy
Good news to see one team running away with the competition. No way we can choke the
last turn if there is no chance of catching them. -- TGG
Of course the FONZ teams will collude at the end and won't let it be a fair
competition anyway. They probably will start throwing fights as soon as the
multipliers start. -- TGG
Sir Snotsalot -- Hyuck. -- Anti
Death Stud -- Nice to know I'm the measuring stick for low expectations. And to
think my Mom said I would die alone. She was probably right. -- Anti
Flagg -- Good turn partnah! I feel free to totally chump out now...not that you
having a good turn really changed that. =) -- Anti
Creepster -- I'll do better this turn. -- Slugbait
Venganza -- You might want to lay off the starches for a bit. -- Acidulous
Edie -- Wow and you teach also. Thanks for the skills. -- Chondromalacia
Hoffa -- I can't say I won't be happy to see you go. -- Odalisque
Ryehard -- When I saw that shiny weapon I was just a little worried. Let's call this
one lucky and stay away from each other. -- Equipollent
Lost Bread -- How dare you. I was sure I was going to go undefeated. I guess that
is what happens when I used a old chicken instead of a young lamb. Oh well back to
the training yard. -- Haruspex
Hombre -- Please forgive me for being so rude and not congratulating you on your
great tourney performance. FONZ rocks!!!!! -- Soultaker
Samwise -- Please pass on to Sandman my congratulation for his awesome performance of
two TC's. FONZ rules!!!!! -- Soultaker
Death Stud -- Sorry I am so later on congratulating you on your tourney. Oh wait
yours sucked. FONZ still rocks!!!! -- Soultaker
Nuln -- Nice turn, fellow NUTSAKZ. A couple more of those and we'll be relevent. --
Snotman
All -- This is a public service annoucement. THREEPEAT has pulled away from the pack
pretty significantly. If you have two equal challenges, how about a little one or
two for the Death Stud and Soultaker and sticking a loss on them. -- Snotman
Manequinn -- Misunderestimate. My best guess would be that means that I failed in my
attempts to underestimate you, thus overestimating you. Or maybe just
equalestimating you. -- Snotman
All -- Once again an obligatory personal, this time with a
bonus!!!!11!!!!oneone!!!!!11!!! -- Pip
P.S. FONZ swallows.
Ryehard, The Bunisher -- Welcome back to the both of you. -- The Studs
Elephant -- Oh, there's plenty of time for us to trip and fall on our faces, so for
now it's pedal to the metal! -- Death Stud
Burnt Offerings / 911 -- We're really sorry. -- Retribution / Howler
Aradi -- Here is my obligatory ad. -- Samwise
Tyvek -- You and me both, brother. All these damnable strikers up here! -- Zig Zag
Man
Par -- One attack and your popularity increases. Well, I guess all that clashing we
did was pretty exciting for the fans. -- B.C. Gold
Respect the Package -- Hey, just stay away from my package, OK. -- Fez
Nuln and TOGS Tuffies -- Round Seven! Thankfully we have passed the halfway mark in
the 2008 edition of the TOGS competition! -- Hammer/Minister of War/etc.
You think YOU'RE thankful! -- Ed.
Indimar -- I know you dropped out. Funny thing is I feel like I've dropped out too.
Any chance on a return? As much WoW as you play, I'm sure there's time. -- Elephant
Hombre -- I'm sorry, was I supposed to try and get us points? -- Elephant
T Marie -- Well met, young lady. I am perhaps more of an Initiate Exploder at the
moment. -- ....Master? Exploder
Hawaiian Kona -- It was hard to see you through all the smoke, but I guess I dinged
you a few. That after fight meal tasted reeeeeeal good. -- I Own Indimar
Weka Dart -- It was hard to dodge you with your wierd motion, and you nearly impaled
me and nearly caused my manager to file a massive lawsuit against your manager, but
luckily none of that happened. -- Zombielust
Deseartes -- You sir, have my hatred. Salut! -- McScrod
Zalgor -- I wasn't sure if you were being serious about asking for consideration for
points to be added based on the timing of the tourney, but I wanted to address it
just in case and thank you for bringing it up. The TOGS is an arena contest and
points are awarded for performance in the arena. What people do or don't in relation
to the tourneys, if they choose to run, and how they set things up are at their own
discretion. While I tried very hard to be helpful and get the start date sent in
anticipation of the tourney date so that it would give new teams a chance to fight
all at 4 FE, it unfortunately did not work out and people who had warriors near
tourney breakpoints had to decide whether sitting a warrior for a turn for a better
tourney chance was worth it or not. I feel badly that's how the timing worked out,
but don't believe it appropriate to award any sort of contest points due to the poor
timing of the tourney. -- Death Stud
LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS
COLLUSION was butchered by ARNIE SHEW in a 1 minute Dark Arena fight.
THE YEAST MASTER was butchered by ARNIE SHEW in a 1 minute Dark Arena duel.
EVIL AYE was demolished by PLUM in a 1 minute one-sided Bloodfeud melee.
BURNT OFFERINGS overpowered VENREK in a 3 minute mismatched Challenge duel.
SPIRITWALKER overpowered ZIG-ZAG MAN in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge match.
RETRIBUTION XXIX was viciously subdued by 3D'S NOT L33T in a 2 minute Challenge duel.
ODALISQUE devastated DUNNO in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge competition.
EDWARD KINGSLEY handily defeated BUSTED NUTS in a 1 minute uneven Challenge melee.
STITCHES slaughtered PAR in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge duel.
I OWN INDIMAR vanquished FLICKED BOOGERS in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge duel.
TWIG overpowered CHONDROMALACIA in a 1 minute uneven Challenge match.
STAR luckily beat DEAD ALIVE in a exciting 4 minute Challenge fight.
EQUIPOLLENT demolished PEACH FUZZ in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge competition.
SHRIVELLED PRUNE was narrowly defeated by RYEHARD in a 4 minute Challenge match.
VENGANZA was viciously subdued by BEAST XVII in a 1 minute Challenge fight.
HAWAIIAN KONA viciously subdued WARM PIRATE in a 8 minute Challenge duel.
RESPECT THE PACKAGE devastated VENGRAZ in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge brawl.
NOODLY APPENDIX was defeated by SCORN BREAD in a exciting 1 minute Challenge bout.
GUNPOWDER luckily beat T MARIE in a exciting 2 minute gory Challenge bout.
LE FOURNER handily defeated WILD FLOWER in a 1 minute Challenge competition.
BLACK DEATH lost to DOUBLE D in a popular 2 minute Challenge match.
CRUCIFIED was overcome by MAITRE BOULANGER in a 2 minute Challenge duel.
LOST BREAD was overcome by IICERGS in a 2 minute Challenge contest.
SHAMIKA was savagely defeated by WILD YOUTH in a popular 1 minute Challenge match.
LEATHAM was vanquished by BREMEN in a 1 minute gruesome one-sided Challenge match.
MASTER EXPLODER defeated FEZ in a exciting 1 minute Challenge bout.
MISS PIGGY vanquished TAKE ANOTHER SHOT in a 1 minute uneven Challenge bout.
TIFFERS unbelievably bested THE EX in a 2 minute Challenge bout.
DARIUS overcame SUGAR in a 2 minute Challenge bout.
TOWEL BOY was handily defeated by DOUBLE CHOCOLAINE in a 1 minute Challenge duel.
HARUSPEX defeated SHMEGMA in a 2 minute Challenge fight.
I EYE was viciously subdued by ARISTOTLE in a popular 2 minute brutal Challenge fray.
JOHNNY was savagely defeated by SCARLET ABATTOIR in a 4 minute Challenge fight.
MANHATTAN PROJECT overpowered THE AFRICAN QUEEN in a 1 minute uneven Challenge bout.
MRS. ROBINSON was luckily beaten by SQUEEZE THE LEMONS in a 6 minute contest.
DOPEY savagely defeated DESEARTES in a 3 minute bloody Challenge match.
TYVEK overpowered YELLOW JACKET in a 1 minute one-sided fray.
HOWLER XIII demolished GAZREK in a 1 minute mismatched match.
TIGER TY was demolished by 911 in a popular 1 minute one-sided duel.
ACIDULOUS won victory over B.C. GOLD in a 2 minute bout.
DAY BY DAY was handily defeated by WEKA DART in a 1 minute mismatched match.
BOY GEORGE overpowered NOBLE ASSASSIN in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
L'APPRENTI was vanquished by GHNSGFI in a 1 minute mismatched duel.
THE BUNISHER subdued GALILEO in a action packed 1 minute conflict.
EDIE was handily defeated by MONKEY PAW in a 1 minute mismatched fight.
TOGS CHOKER was overpowered by HARD CIDER in a 1 minute uneven competition.
SOCRATES was overcome by NAAN VIOLENT in a exciting 2 minute match.
ZOMBIELUST was narrowly defeated by ZOMBI 2 in a 4 minute one-sided battle.
SISTER MOON was beaten by SETH DRAVEN in a 1 minute fray.
100 PUNKS defeated SHA'LONDA in a action packed 1 minute competition.
MCSCROD was savagely defeated by READY, STEADY, GO in a crowd pleasing 1 minute match.
PLATO demolished GILMMAO in a 2 minute one-sided battle.
NYSTERIOUS WAYS overpowered JAYSON DAYDE in a 1 minute mismatched conflict.
KING ROCKER was unbelievably bested by NIAGARA FALLS in a 2 minute match.
SENTINEL demolished TEMPE FACER SCROD in a unpopular 8 minute one-sided brawl.
IJEOOGI demolished ICE CREAM SOLDIER in a 1 minute mismatched battle.
SARDASIA was bested by BESS AMY in a 3 minute veteran vs. beginner upset bout.
DGA was devastated by ASP VI in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
AGMOUR bested CROP CIRCLE in a 2 minute bloody conflict.
STINK I was savagely defeated by ANGALANDER in a 10 minute novice's match.
JOKER handily defeated VIC TOREE in a 1 minute mismatched battle.
BLUE ICE overpowered ICING DEATH in a 1 minute one-sided struggle.
TONTO overpowered MERGANDEVIN in a 1 minute one-sided brawl.
SPAM won victory over WHITE WOLF IX in a 1 minute novice's duel.
POLITICIAN outlasted JIMMY PITT in a dull 18 minute novice's fight.
GLITTERDOOM was vanquished by MGGIOJI in a 1 minute one-sided match.
HEPHAESTUS was savagely defeated by I IN THE SKY in a popular 1 minute novice's duel.
EYE SPY killed TRUSTWORTHY SCRIBE in a 2 minute brutal amateur's duel.
BATTLE REPORT
MOST POPULAR RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS
|FIGHTING STYLE FIGHTS FIGHTING STYLE W - L - K PERCENT|
|STRIKING ATTACK 36 TOTAL PARRY 87 - 71 - 0 55 |
|LUNGING ATTACK 24 PARRY-STRIKE 19 - 16 - 0 54 |
|TOTAL PARRY 17 WALL OF STEEL 52 - 45 - 4 54 |
|AIMED BLOW 13 PARRY-RIPOSTE 9 - 8 - 0 53 |
|SLASHING ATTACK 13 STRIKING ATTACK 179 - 167 - 9 52 |
|WALL OF STEEL 11 LUNGING ATTACK 104 - 110 - 4 49 |
|BASHING ATTACK 10 AIMED BLOW 55 - 60 - 3 48 |
|PARRY-STRIKE 4 PARRY-LUNGE 10 - 15 - 0 40 |
|PARRY-LUNGE 2 SLASHING ATTACK 34 - 58 - 2 37 |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE 2 BASHING ATTACK 33 - 57 - 4 37 |
Turn 442 was great if you Not so great if you used The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles: the fighting styles: top eleven warriors are:
PARRY-STRIKE 3 - 1 AIMED BLOW 6 - 7 7 STRIKING ATTACK
STRIKING ATTACK 20 - 16 SLASHING ATTACK 6 - 7 3 TOTAL PARRY
LUNGING ATTACK 13 - 11 TOTAL PARRY 7 - 10 1 LUNGING ATTACK
PARRY-LUNGE 1 - 1 WALL OF STEEL 4 - 7
PARRY-RIPOSTE 1 - 1
BASHING ATTACK 5 - 5
TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE
FIGHTING STYLE WARRIOR W L K PNTS TEAM NAME
STRIKING ATTACK 3D'S NOT L33T 7833 14 7 3 127 WILD CARDS (148)
LUNGING ATTACK TYVEK 7478 12 11 0 104 DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
TOTAL PARRY RETRIBUTION XXIX 8259 13 5 0 97 DEATH STUDS VII (301)
SLASHING ATTACK ZIG-ZAG MAN 7083 13 12 1 76 MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)
PARRY-STRIKE TWIG 8096 9 5 1 72 FRUIT OF THE LOOM (615)
WALL OF STEEL ACIDULOUS 8384 8 1 0 70 ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518)
BASHING ATTACK PLUM 8094 7 5 2 68 FRUIT OF THE LOOM (615)
AIMED BLOW HARD CIDER 7981 6 3 1 51 WILD CARDS (148)
PARRY-RIPOSTE MAITRE BOULANGER 8350 5 3 0 45 LA BOULANGE (626)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.
The overall popularity leader is ZIG-ZAG MAN 7083. The most popular warrior this
turn was HAWAIIAN KONA 7853. The ten other most popular fighters were BURNT
OFFERINGS 8054, SCARLET ABATTOIR 8474, ZOMBIELUST 8181, DEAD ALIVE 8503, 3D'S NOT
L33T 7833, SHRIVELLED PRUNE 8177, RYEHARD 8339, ARISTOTLE 8551, MRS. ROBINSON 8573,
and T MARIE 8522.
The least popular fighter this week was POLITICIAN 8586. The other ten least popular
fighters were JIMMY PITT 8595, SENTINEL 8543, TEMPE FACER SCROD 8506, STINK I 8572,
HEPHAESTUS 8583, WHITE WOLF IX 8593, ICING DEATH 8584, VIC TOREE 8598, DGA 8562, and
ICE CREAM SOLDIER 8471.
The following warriors will travel to AD after next turn:
3D'S NOT L33T (60-7833) WILD CARDS (148)
The following warriors have traveled to AD after fighting this turn:
TIGER TY (60-7665) WING HOVE (529)