Date   : 08/08/2008    Duedate: 08/21/2008


DM-60    TURN-448

This Weeks Top Honors


4000 BLOWS (107)
(60-8084) [15-9-0,147]

Chartered Recognition Leader   Unchartered Recognition Leader

4000 BLOWS (107)               
(60-8084) [15-9-0,147]         

Popularity Leader              This Weeks Favorite

ZIG-ZAG MAN                    WEKA DART
MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)           WING HOVE (529)
(60-7083) [17-14-1,95]         (60-7979) [12-14-2,58]



Team Name                  Point Gain  Chartered Team
1. ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518)      78
2. LUROCIANS T308 (636)        68      ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518)
3. DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)  41      Unchartered Team
4. MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)        39

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
 1/ 1 ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518)   168 107  8 61.1   1/ 5 LUROCIANS T308 (636)     12  3 0
 2/ 2 GRECO-ROMAN (639)         37  28  1 56.9   2/ 3 ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518)   12  3 0
 3/ 5 FRUIT OF THE LOOM (615)   56  44  9 56.0   3/ 6 CRAZY CREEPS (207)       10  5 1
 4/10 LUROCIANS T308 (636)      38  30  0 55.9   4/ 2 4000 BLOWS (107)         10  5 0
 5/ 3 DEATH STUDS VII (301)    544 433 20 55.7   5/ 1 DREAMTIME (633)          10  5 0
 6/ 4 CRAZY CREEPS (207)       622 506 23 55.1   6/13 FRUIT OF THE LOOM (615)   9  6 1
 7/15*NIHILISTIC ENDEAVO (642)   6   5  0 54.5   7/10 DEMONS OF DARKNESS (430)  9  6 0
 8/ 6 DREAMTIME (633)           48  41  0 53.9   8/ 7 CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)    8  7 2
 9/ 7 DEMONS OF DARKNESS (430) 257 225 14 53.3   9/14 MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)      8  7 0
10/ 8 WILD CARDS (148)         815 725 34 52.9  10/15 DEATH STUDS VII (301)     8  7 0
11- 9 HOUSE OF GRAIN (625)      48  43  2 52.7  11/ 4 GENX PERFECT HITS (620)   7  8 0
12/11 GENX PERFECT HITS (620)   39  37  2 51.3  12/ 8 GRECO-ROMAN (639)         7  8 0
13/12 PASTAFARIANS (630)        51  49  0 51.0  13/26*NIHILISTIC ENDEAVO (642)  6  5 0
14-13*DRAGON FLIGHT (640)        6   6  0 50.0  14/ 9 WILD CARDS (148)          6  9 0
15/17 CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)   125 129  5 49.2  15/11 PASTAFARIANS (630)        6  9 0
16/16 SUPERIOR FORCES 16 (586)  48  51  3 48.5  16/12 PURE EVIL (629)           5  8 0
17/18 4000 BLOWS (107)         722 791 32 47.7  17/28 DEVIL'S WORKSHOP (634)    4 11 0
18/21 MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)      97 108  4 47.3  18/23 SUPERIOR FORCES 16 (586)  3  3 1

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
19/20 WING HOVE (529)          134 155  7 46.4  19/16 NO HAMMER HAMMERZ (635)   3  6 0
20/19 PURE EVIL (629)           44  53  3 45.4  20/17 HIT ME WITH... (503)      3  9 0
21-23 TPW FOREVER (619)         45  56  4 44.6  21/18 CLNGE (638)               3 11 0
22/22 HIT ME WITH... (503)      92 116  4 44.2  22/22 THE EYES HAVE IT (632)    3 12 0
23/24 FUNKY FOLK (565)          75 110 10 40.5  23-24*DRAGON FLIGHT (640)       2  1 0
24/28 DEVIL'S WORKSHOP (634)    26  39  1 40.0  24-27 HOUSE OF GRAIN (625)      2  2 0
25/26 NO HAMMER HAMMERZ (635)   23  39  1 37.1  25/25 WING HOVE (529)           2  4 1
26/25 CLNGE (638)               24  41  0 36.9  26/20 FUNKY FOLK (565)          2  7 0
27-29*JGW PERISABLE! (641)       4   7  0 36.4  27-19 TPW FOREVER (619)         1  4 0
28/27 THE EYES HAVE IT (632)    26  46  1 36.1  28-21*JGW PERISABLE! (641)      1  6 0

    '*'   Unchartered team                       '-'  Team did not fight this turn
   (###)  Avoid teams by their Team Id          ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

                                    TEAM SPOTLIGHT

                    + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[  ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
     -----     -----     -----    [Devil's Workshop]   -----     -----     -----
                        Playing the Get Out of Spot Free Card

     Well, it was bound to happen and there is no better turn than the final turn to
do it!  What is the "it" that I am speaking of you ask?  It is something that every
TOGS manager is familiar with at some point in their TOGS career.  It is the easiest
way to gain five points in a single turn with the minimum possible effort given.  It
is a tool used by many managers every turn.  And, it is sure to NEVER win you any
International Award-Winning Aradi Free Press awards, at least not the good ones.  It
will almost guarantee you a Tin Cup Award.
     Have you figure "it" out yet?  That is right, "it" is the TOGS spotlight that is
written and its only goal is to meet the 31 line minimum needed for five points.  We
here at the Devil's Workshop would like to give out a few pointers when it comes to
writing those often boring spots, and also show you that it is possible to write a
full 31 lines of useless drivel (like most TOGS spots) and not receive a Tin Cup
Award from the International Award-Winning Aradi Free Press.
     1.  Make a list:  The list is the easy way to eat up lines and still give
pertinent information.  Some people opt for the numbered list, but it easy to
incorporate a list into a spotlight without using any numbers.  You can talk about 12
step programs and the like.  Not using a numbered list gives the illusion that you
put some effort into your spotlight and will make you less likely to get a Tin Cup.
     2.  Avoid Short hand notation:  Short hand is a valuable tool (and might
possibly be one word), but this is TOGS and such things have no value here.  If you
have to refer to one hundred screaming drag queens, DO NOT use numeric notation or
just simply say the FONZ--spell it out!  By spelling out one hundred, you are taking
up valuable space (eleven spaces compared to three).
     3.  Long Manager and Team Names:  If you have to utilize people in your story,
be sure to pick the managers and the teams with the longest names.  You aren't trying
to win any popularity contests here, you are trying to win TOGS.  Sure, Pip (my
partner) is a great guy, but he is only giving you three letters in that name.  You
have to go with Pip the Troll (could be better is you could use his whole name),
Soultaker, Le Pentarchie, and General Ironside.  Once again, refer to rule two when
it comes to shortening manager and team names.
     4.  Do not reveal your master plan:  You may be short of time on a particular
week, but do not tell your readers.  Your car may have exploded, wife left you, dog
bit you, or a co-worker may have spontaneously combusted (at least that is what you
are telling the authorities because they will never find a motive for you to have put
a francium filled capsule in with his vitamins because he keeps taking your parking
space in the morning and even after you tell him about it he does nothing but park
there again the next day).  Life is rough all over, so there is no need to tell us
the problem or the fact that you are only writing a spotlight to fill in the thirty-
one lines necessary for five points.  We get it!
     5.  Plagiarize:  When all else fails and the creative juices are just not
flowing, copy the great works.  This has been a TOGS staple for many years.  People
have been ripping off good movies, bad movies, good books, bad books, good TV shows,
bad TV shows, and the list can on and on for each and every TOGS installment.
Obviously you have to pull a Dragnet and change the names to protect the innocent (or
accuse the guilty in TOGS participants cases), but it is a valuable tool.
     I hope these points have helped you for the next TOGS.  It is kind of late now
to utilize these principles, but they will be money for you in TOGS Seven.  Peace

 + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ *** Snotman and the end of the end *** ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

No time to worry about the middle and all that, we're jumping right to the end of

     As Snotman raised his hand and pushed his front door open, he called out, "Hi
honey, I'm home!"  When there was no response, not even an animal grunt of hunger and
rage, he began to get a little worried.  He quickly ran to the Crazy Creepster's
Scribe's room and his blood went cold when he saw the empty room and the shattered
window.  He squatted down and examined the bite-marks on her leather manacles and
then threw them to the ground with a disgusted curse.  Then he straightened, and
hurtled through the window, contorting his body inhumanly so as to avoid the sharp
edges of glass that still clung to the frame.
     He looked up and down the block, hoping for some clue as to which direction the
Crazy Creepster's Scribe might have headed but the quiet middle-class neighborhood
yielded no clues so, all things being equal, he picked the direction that might lead
her to familiar territory and started walking towards the arena.  On a hunch he
pulled out his cell phone and started calling various TOGS managers to ask them if
they had seen the Crazy Creepster's Scribe.  He got his first big break from Street
Legal, "Yeah, I think so.  There was this hottie in naughtie.  Or a naughty hottie.
Either way she was like totally naked, dude.  And really hot too.  And, um, what was
your question again?"
     "Which way was she going?" Snotman repeated through clenched teeth.
     "Well, I was just thinking to myself that 'I'd hit that' and so I was going out
to offer her some of my special smoking leaves when this carriage swooped up and
stopped right next to her.  This hot older women leaned out, and I mean she was hot.
I'd hit that too.  Definitely a MILF.  Um, or maybe a GILF.  Then your naked hottie
climbed up into the carriage and they took off at high speed.  And I was like, 'what
are they going to do together' and I think that you and I both know what the hottie
and the GILF are going to do!"
     "How long ago did you see her?" Snotman asked, hurrying in the direction of
Street Legal's guild house.
     "Uh, I don't know.  I've been sitting here and thinking about them...a lot!  And
I, uh, kinda lost track of time.  Also, I'm really stoned."
     Snotman smirked, "Really, I wouldn't have guessed.  OK thanks for your help."
     Snotman hung up and started sprinting and soon My Best Buds 2's guild house came
into view and down the block, probably just out of Street Legal's line of sight was a
wrecked carriage.  Snotman raced over to it, noting the Crazy Creeps logo on the door
of the carriage.  Amongst the wreckage he found Mrs. Robisonson's mangled body, her
head cracked open like a melon and licked clean.  Out in the street there were faint,
bloody footprints, leading the in same direction the carriage was heading.  Snotman
whipped out his cell phone again and quickly called the Crazy Creeps' guild house.
The phone rang and rang with no answer and he put it away and started running.
     The front door of the Crazy Creeps' guild house were hanging off their hinges
and there were two sets of bloody footprints, one leading up the front stairs and the
other leading back down them.  He knew that he should follow her immediately but he
felt drawn to the shattered doors.  As he peered inside through the gloom he was
appalled by what he saw, bodies where lay everywhere, some had been fed upon but some
just lay broken in twisted heaps.  Others still had their weapons in hand but they
had done the poor souls no good.  He walked slowly through the wreckage, approaching
the door to the Creepster's office.  The Creepster's torso still sat in his leather
chair behind his oak desk, his motley covered in gore from bells on his curled shoes
to the ruffle around his stump of a neck.  In the corner his severed head lay
discarded and drained, every delectable drop of brains removed.
     Snotman had been hoping against hope but the dread truth lay in front of him, if
the Crazy Creepster's Scribe had been unstable before, she would be a raving lunatic
after consuming the Creepster's twisted mind.  He screwed his courage to the sticking
point and headed out to face the monster he'd created.  He followed the bloody
footsteps but soon he didn't need them, she'd left a wake of destruction and bodies
behind her.  He broke into a run and felt a drop of acid plunge into his stomach as
he began to recognize the neighborhood and realized that the Crazy Creepster's Scribe
was heading home....his home.  Sure enough he soon arrived outside the Temple of
Khorne and froze as he beheld an unusual tableau.  The Crazy Creepster's Scribe stood
in front of the broken old well and next to her was a delicate young girl in a
pristine dress.  Snotman's heart pounded as the young girl held up a flower and
handed it to his murderous girlfriend.  The Crazy Creepster's Scribe took the flower
as though it was a precious gift and held it aloft.  Snotman breathed a sigh of
relief, the beast tamed by innocence and purity and then drew that breath back in as
a gasp as the Crazy Creepster's Scribe reached down and picked up Karen, for indeed
Snotman saw now that this innocent young girl was none other than the undead
necromancer who had driven him from his own home, and flung her into the well.
Snotman rushed forward and peered down into the shadowy depths and after a moment of
squinting was able to make out the body lying twisted and shattered.  Her head had
evidently struck a rock when she landed and its contents were spread all over the
bottom of the well.  He was distracted from his reverie by a cough from across the
yard, Rob stood there looking at Snotman.
     "She's dead"  Snotman stated.
     "Obviously boss, so you want one of us to clean up that mess?" Rob replied.
     Snotman looked at Rob, dumbfounded for a second and then said, "Sure."
     Then he turned to the Crazy Creepster's Scribe, her luscious, naked body covered
in blood and dirt and brains, took her in his arms and kissed her passionately.  When
they finally broke free from the embrace he said, "let me show you around your house,
honey" and led her into the Temple of Khorne.

       + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ A Crazy Creeps TOGS Finale ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
                                  THREECHEAT SMELLS

     It is OVER!  Done!  Finished!  Completed!  Kaput!  Yep, TOGS is once more passe'
and, as usual, something smells in River City.  (Is Aradi a river city?)
     Mutt and Jeff.  Three.  Yep, something surely smells in Aradi.  The little one
and the big one, Frick and Frack, with no intellect, with virtually no positive
assets, with absolutely no abilities, with a whole lot of whining, pulled off a
surprise upset.  Not just once, but three times in a row.  Something smells; right
here in River City.
     So The Crazy Creeps Scribe, always concerned about unfair circumstances as such,
decided to delve into the apparent injustices of this thing called TOGS.  Only she
had the real assets to get to the bottom of this.
     Her first visit, she thought, should be to the executives in charge of the
event.  Dressed in a skimpy, but well-filled out, Versace pale flesh micro mini
dress, with matching 4" heels, she looked terrific!  (The female Exec on the way to
make decisions or to convince males to make the decisions she sought.)  She thought
to herself as she entered the TOGS offices.  "I really handled that Zombie thing
quite nicely, if I do say so myself.  I wonder how my mean and morbid step-sister
likes being a Stepford Zombie for that wimpy FONZ charlatan?  Hmmmmm.  It was an
amazing and well-timed switcheroo to get her to play my part.  Little did the bimbo
know...I get chills and a big laugh every time I think about it.  They were made for
each other."
     As she entered the TOGS offices, she noted how much everything resembled the
FONZ headquarters office, including the placement of the eight-inch high water
cooler.  These guys were as rich as those FONZ freeloaders it seems.  Then, all at
once, she got it!  Why, this IS the FONZ headquarters.  Apparently that unspoken, but
oft-considered, tidbit was true.  FONZ and TOGS were one and the same, or, at least
very, very similar.
     She asked for help of the young lady at the reception desk, who was a very well
formed specimen in a tight sweater and leather mini skirt ,but was quite ugly.  (The
put-a-bag-over-her-head type that people of the FONZ upbringing were able to coerce.)
Actually, The Scribe was somewhat impressed as The FONZ often employed or utilized
young goats or cows or even lamas for this type of work.  This was not so bad.
     "I have an appointment with the CEO in five minutes." offered The Crazy Creeps
Scribe in an authoritative fashion.  (Of course she had none, and, indeed, had no
idea who was the CEO of TOGS or FONZ.  Well, she had a sneaky feeling that the CEO of
FONZ was a near kin of a short midget.)
     The receptionist looked her up and down and said.  "I bet ya jest do.  He likes
em purdy and stacked.  He ain't on his best behavior today, cuz I ben up there twice
already.  Watch yer backside, now.  Watch it real close like.  Take the elevator up
to the penthouse.  And y'all'd do best ta make him think he's handsome and smart.
That'll be hard ta do, but ya look like the type what knows all that."
     The Crazy Creeps Scribe enjoyed the ride up the elevator as the glass siding
looked out over Aradi.  She saw Hombre and Snotman leading Samwise into Farmer Bob's.
(He was a rumored emu fan, while Hombre and Snotman would take anything.)  She saw a
naked Nuln--not necessarily a pleasant sight--being chased by Slugbait with his big
maul.  There was Mannequin holding hands with Master Darque after Samwise dumped him
for the emu fad.  And wasn't that Elephant searching through the dump truck for his
lunch?  Again?
     She reached the top floor and saucily stepped into the hall opening to the
penthouse.  She saw Seraphim in khaki's standing at guard with what looked to be a
machine gun or something.  It gave her a start!  "Go on in." he said.  "The boss is
waiting."  He opened the door to the penthouse for her.
     She was surprised at what she saw when she entered.  The very nicely decorated
large sitting room was sectioned in half by a large screen splitting the room.  She
could see what appeared to be a man seated at the desk on the other side.  "Sit down.
Sit down, Ms. Scribe.  I must keep myself unidentified, since I have recently
acquired FONZ and I do not want my name yet known."
     The Crazy Creeps Scribe thought she knew that voice, and calmly sat prissily in
the chair provided.  Not much skirt was covering the long expanse of lovely legs.
"Well, Mr. CEO, I came to inquire of the Threepeat by your now employees, Stud and
Soul and its negative impact on Aradi and the TOGS in general.  What do you have to
say about it?"
     "I cannot see how the acquisition of a little Stud and lots of Soul, or all of
The FONZ for that matter, can do anything but enhance the TOGS image.  That's why I
bought, er, ah, acquired them." responded the mystery man.  "And, by the way, I think
it is only proper that you address me by my full title--CEO and Owner."
     "Were they expensive?" asked The Crazy Creeps Scribe.  "The FONZ does have a the
rather well known logo of the pink legwarmers."
     The man just chuckled and said, "Well, the cost is really my business, isn't it?
But I don't mind sharing that with my superior negotiating skills, I did very well.
Only I could have provided all the items that FONZ, little beggars that they are,
           A paltry amount of drinking money
           A full animal farm, with mostly goats, cattle and hogs
           One hundred rollup sheets (all picked through)
           A promise to vote for the liberal flunkee in the election
           Two more sessions for the leader Stud with The Flower Girls
           A set of silk legwarmers, hot pink, for all
           Free entry into next years TOGS
           Hot coffee at all Faces for all FONZ members only
           Training classes on how to really collude
A great deal for me, wouldn't you say?"
     Crazy Creeps Scribe responded, "You did well, it seems; but why?  Why would you
want to own a two-bit semi-alliance of half-witted screwballs?"
     "I have fulfilled my life's dream, and that is worth a lot." replied the man-
behind-the-curtain.  "For many years I have wanted to be the owner of the most TOGS
titles, and now I am the TOGS God."
     "Aren't you kidding yourself, Mr. CEO and Owner of FONZ?  Don't Death Stud and
Soultaker have as many titles as you, their owner?  You can't take their true
ownership away, even though you now share it." questioned The Crazy Creeps Scribe,
shifting her crossed legs rather sexily.
     "Ah, but you see, Missy, I won the first TOGS, so I now have the MOST!" the man
quickly belted out.  "I am NOW The TOGS GOD.  And since I expect you will refuse to
bow down, get out of my office and FONZ headquarters.  You are not wanted!"
     The Crazy Creeps Scribe smiled to herself as she rose and left the office.  "Who
would ever have thought it?  The games people play for their ego."

                    + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[  ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
         -----     -----     -----    Soultaker    -----     -----     -----

     Soultaker was kicked back in his overstuffed leather reading chair.  He was
still nursing the cuts and bruises, but with TOGS finally over he was able to finally
relax.  The small fire flickering and crackling seemed to ease all the tension out of
Soultaker's body.  Almost mesmerized by the soft glow, Soultaker slowly sipped from
his steaming mug of fresh coffee.  Soultaker allowed the overstuffed chair to
envelope him as he reminisced about the TOGS competition.  Of all the TOGS, this one
had seemed to be the most grueling.  Death Stud and he had worked extra hard at
making sure there was no collusion on their parts.  In fact over sixty percent of
their challenges had been against fellow FONZites.  Soultaker was still quite amazed
by the different turn of events through the TOGS.  He had been so pleased by the
early easy wins given to him by Slugbait.  Soultaker had to remember to kill more of
his warriors in the future TOGS for the easy bloodfeud wins.  A smile broke out
across Soultaker's face as he thought of Manager's ungracious bowing out of the
competition.  The loss of Seraphin did weigh heavy on Soultaker as he always had the
utmost respect for Manager's protege.  So sad, Manager went from first place in the
premire TOGS to dead last in this one.
     Funny the rumor was that Manager was holding back the Creepster from total
domination of the contest.  Well that rumor can be laid to rest since even with the
bringing in of a proven winning manager such as Slugbait, Creepster still floundered
in mediocrities.  Soultaker had long felt that the Consortium had made a huge mistake
by continuing to fund such an erratic personality.  Personally, Soultaker couldn't
understand why the combined wisdom of the all powerful Consortium didn't bring his
wife out of retirement and run their stable here in Aradi.  Damn wouldn't that be
nice to get her out from under foot.
     Soultaker made a mental note to make sure and send a thank you card to Mannequin
for standing up for what he believed in and to continue on his vow of silence.  Of
course, it had to be extremely hard to have to spend so much time around Samwise the
pimp.  Soultaker also had to make sure and help Mannequin work out his inaction and
silence before the beginning or the TURF WAR.
     A sigh of satisfaction escaped the relaxed Soultaker, as he realized that the
renewed interest in an old hobby had distracted Hombre and Indimar.  That same hobby
had also infected the ever unstable chaos lord Nuln.  It takes so much more then just
having a good stable to win a TOGS, and being able to concentrate through all the
little distractions plays a huge roll in success.
     Soultaker's eyes flew open with a jolt.  Damn what was he doing sit here
thinking about TOGS.  Hell, it is all over he did not have to pay any more attention
to the contest.  With that thought, Soultker set down his cup of coffee and slowly
closed his eyes and dropped off into a peaceful sleep.

                    + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[  ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
        -----     -----     -----    Death Stud    -----     -----     -----

     Manager pulled the cowl of his cloak forward to shield his face as he wound his
way through the alleys of Aradi.  His sources had finally found him a man who had the
power to bring down team THREEPEAT.  Just the thought made his palms itch and his
fingers twitch with anticipation.  At last he finally had a way to exact his revenge
and was exhilarated by the prospect.  He stopped, checked both directions and ducked
into the darkened back room where he provided the password and was ushered further
     The man assured him that he had a magical elixir that would ensure the downfall
of Manager's long-time foe Death Stud and team THREEPEAT.  He explained that Death
Stud and Soultaker fed off each other and made one another stronger and that you
could never defeat both at one time.  The only way to ensure victory would be to
destroy one of them and the other would fall.  He explained how it would work, what
Manager needed to do, and the terms of his payment.  Manager agreed readily and paid
the man a small fortune before leaving with the potion, the elixir that would at long
last grant him his fondest desire.
     That week while the gladiators were preparing for the duels and the managers
were attending to their stables, Manager snuck into Death Stud's luxury suite at the
arena, pulled the potion from his coat, and tapped a few drops into Death Stud's
flagon of wine.  The results over the next few weeks were amazing as Death Stud lost
his ability to focus, barely managed his team at all, and started losing fights at an
alarming rate.  And the beauty was that the farther Death Stud slid, the more he lost
his ability to concentrate on TOGS and to field a winning team, the more effort
Soultaker had to put in to keep his little buddy on track.  Therefore, his team
suffered and slid at his attention was divided.
     Manager cackled with evil glee and teepeed his hands in true Mr. Burns fashion
as he relished the moment.  "Excellent..."  Manager had no doubt that this most
powerful of magics, this fantastic potion could be and would be the eventual demise
of team THREEPEAT.  He only regreted that he had not managed to find this man and his
formula earlier in the contest when it could have ensured a loss for team THREEPEAT.
IF ONLY HE HAD FIGURED THIS OUT ON TURN ONE!!!  Manager cursed his poor luck.  He
took the empty vial from his pocket to inspect it and admire it as he had so many
times before.

It said on the label:
This vial contains a lethal dose of WoW, use with extreme caution.

                    + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[  ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
    -----     -----     -----    [Samwise the Bald ]    -----     -----     ----

     The blessed day had finally arrived.  On the eve of the thirteenth and final
turn of TOGS VI, Death Stud was to wed his ladylove, Bertha.  The turnout was
stupendous.  It turned out that the miniature manager, while being as obnoxious as he
was minute, was extremely popular in the island community.
     The Community Organization for a Life of Organized Nerdiness (founded and
chaired by Hammer) Social Hall, or COLON for short, was filled to the brim with the
excited and curious guests.  The bride was to be walked down the aisle by Soultaker,
very close friend to Patty the Fatty who in some way was connected to Bertha.  At
this point in our story, the ceremony has been held up for nearly fifteen minutes
because Soultaker and Patty are nowhere to be found.
     Death Stud waited nervously in the front foyer, wondering what was happening.
He could hear Bertha somewhere, crying due to Soultaker and Patty's absence.  Fury at
his friends' failure to show made Death Stud shake with silent fury.
     Screwing up his resolve, our puny pipsqueak of a manager marched down the center
aisle of the COLON and called the official presiding over the ceremony, Rillion,
forward.  It seemed that Rillion had spent so little time on managing warriors lately
that he had had the time to earn his official preacher's license in his spare time.
     "Rillion, let's just get on with this.  I can't believe Soultaker and Patty
would do this.  I know they're jealous because Bertha and I can marry and they can't,
but for Soultaker to fail to show as my best man and to escort the bride?  That's
     Rillion nodded in what he thought was an appropriately solemn manner.  Hastily
conferring with the microscopic manager, a plan B was devised and set in motion.
Samwise was enlisted to walk Bertha down the aisle and Street Legal volunteered to be
the best man.  Rillion couldn't help but enjoy the midget manager's pain, however.
He was BOB, after all, and it's long been known the BOB suffers from FONZ envy.
     A few minutes later, the music began and our dwarven groom began his measured
walk down the aisle.  He somehow managed to gracefully climb up a box covered in
white satin and turned to watch his bride walk the aisle with Samwise.  Death Stud
zeroed in on his bride-to-be and watched her with loving eyes as she walked the
aisle.  But, as she did so, he looked from her face to Samwise's and couldn't help
but notice some similarities.  Shaking those thoughts from his head, he beamed with
love when her hand was given to him by Samwise, who smiled in a fashion so similar to
Bertha that it made him shiver.
     Rillion began the ceremony (this author won't bore you with the actual verbiage)
and quickly proceeded to the part where he asks the guests if anyone had any
objections or forever hold their peace, etc., when the front portal of the COLON
burst open and Soultaker and Patty rushed in, one after other, gasping for breath,
hardly able to stand.
     Soultaker, doubled over in agony, let loose a guttural "WAIT!" that sounded much
like to belching of a frog slowly dehydrating to death in the desert.  Raising his
right hand over his head, the raised his index finger and again repeated the
croaking, "WAIT!"
     Silence overcame the crowd.  All eyes moved from the would-be bride and groom to
the obviously distressed Soultaker and Patty.  The silence became oppressive as the
crowd waited expectantly.  Soultaker slowly straightened up and took a few steps
forward.  Clearing his throat, he said, "Uh yeah, sorry to barge in like this, but I
really have to speak to Death Stud in private.  It's about the, ahem, wedding and
it's important."
     Confused, Death Stud consented.  He didn't have any better ideas and it really
was unlike Soultaker to do something like this.  He'd done a lot of stupid things
before, but never anything like this.  In as dignified a manner as was possible to
climb down from the box, Death Stud dismounted and made his way to the back to the
COLON with Soultaker.  The two began speaking in hushed tones.
     "Stud, little buddy, you can't marry Bertha," said Soultaker, a note of pleading
in his voice.
     "What?  Why?  We're in love.  I know you're jealous that you can't run off with
Patty because you're married to a demon that will torture you daily for the rest of
eternity if she finds out, but why can't you be happy for me?" whined the tiny
     "I really don't want to hurt you, but for the sake of time (since we do have an
COLON full of people waiting for us and because it's late and I'm tired of typing,
here's the lowdown: The Crazy Creepster just revealed that your mother is Patty.
Bertha was the result of a cloning gone wrong that involved Patty," stated Soultaker
in a solemn voice.
     "So?" asked the minute (in stature and brain) Death Stud.
     "Are you stupid?" asked an utterly stunned Soultaker.  "That means that if you
marry Bertha, it'll be like you married your mom in a way."
     "Ewwwwwwwwww" whined a flabbergasted Death Stud.  As the full realization of
what that meant and how it related to events of the recent past hit Death Stud.  He
also recalled the similarities he'd thought he'd seen between Bertha and Samwise.
Samwise's recent trip, returning with the mystery women.  Death Stud fell to his
knees and gagged.  He began to dry heave and shake violently with the heebie jeebies
at the same time.  Raising his eyes to Soultaker, he asked, "You said Patty was my
mother.  Who is my father?"
     Soultaker shifted from one foot to the other, averted his eyes from Death Stud
and said, "Me."
     "What?!?!?" exclaimed a shocked and revolted Death Stud.  "What?!?!?!?!?"
     "It's true.  That's why we were late.  We had to have proof and we got it.
Patty always thought I was the father, but couldn't be sure, for obvious reasons."
stated a subdued Soultaker.
     "No.  No, that can't be!  No. No. No." blabbered a nearly imbecilic Death Stud.
     "Search your feelings, Stud.  You know it's true.  I. AM. Your. Father."
     The resulting wail that issued forth from Death Stud shattered the stained glass
in the COLON and sent the crowd screaming for the exits.
     To wrap this up quickly: they don't get married.  Death Stud is struggling to
cope.  Soultaker is struggling to cope.  Their struggles will be explored further in
TOGS VII.  Yes, I SAID IT!!!!  TOGS VII!!!!!!!!!!

                    + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[  ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
         The Spotlight That Wasn't Pt. 2 of Nightfall Over Shadowscrod Keep
              Because I Left the Disk at Work that I had Written It On
                                        Pt. 1

     Well, as you can see from the title, we had to have a bit of change of plans
this turn.  But instead of griping and moaning, I choose to look at this as a great
opportunity to talk for a whole spotlight about a subject that has been unjustly
overlooked and deserves to be highlighted on this, the last turn of TOGS:
     Manager will finish in last place in the TOGS.
     How many times have we heard Manager talk about the time that he won TOGS lo
these many years ago?  Too many times to count?  That's putting it mildly.  Perhaps
its only fair then to counter-balance that oft-mentioned lone success with repeatedly
mentioning the fact that:  Manager will finish in last place in the TOGS.
     Manager would probably probably like to forget that he will finish in last place
in TOGS.  Who wouldn't?  That's why we'd like to say to him:  Manager will finish in
last place in the TOGS.
     I would be curious to see where Manager predicted he would finish in this TOGS.
I don't have the newsletter handy, but I bet that he didn't predict that:  Manager
would finish in last place in the TOGS.
     Really, I'm somewhat shocked that no one's mentioned it 'til now.  Mentioned
what?  Why that Manager will finish in last place in the TOGS.  In fact, even if I
don't win this TOGS, I know that at least I'll be comforted by the thought that:
Manager will finish in last place in the TOGS.
     I'm sure if asked directly why he finished in last place in the TOGS, Manager
will use the excuse that his partner dropped out, the weather was bad, blah-diddy-
blah-blah-blah.  But really, who cares?  Whatever the reason, it doesn't change the
fact that Manager finished in last place in the TOGS.  In fact, he may have even set
a record by being in last place in the TOGS for every single turn of the TOGS, but I
don't have my records handy to check this out.
     In conclusion, I would urge everyone, the next time they see Manager, to mention
one thing to him, just in case he's forgotten:
     Manager finished in last place in the TOGS.

               + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Next Year? ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
                                By GenX Perfect Hits

     Wow is it really here? Is this the end? It is the end. Good. I'm so happy to not
have to sit at this keyboard and force out random nonsense. It's kind of bitter sweet
though because I think I actually do enjoy it sometimes, I think. Will this be my
last TOGS Spotlight ever? Hard to say. If I do play next year who will my partner be?
Let's look at some possibilities:
     Hombre - I think the two of us fared pretty well this TOGS. Outside of his
flakiness (spelling) we hung in there and will probably win it all(the power of
visualization). When you partner with Hombre you know he's good for at least two or
more flakes on spots. The good news is he usually makes up for his flakefulness
(spelling) with wins. He's also probably the only person who can understand 90% or
more of my spots. I've enjoyed teaming with him and being reunited next TOGS would be
nice. The return of Ganolus or Manager looking for a good partner could prevent this
reunion. Remember Manager, he does flake so you probably should avoid him. Odds on
Hombre and Elephant teaming in next TOGS 100% with Title Defense, without 3 to 2.
     Indimar - My first two TOGS were with Indimar and I think we fared pretty well
for being Non-Mega-Managers (tm). I think both times we finished in the TOP 5, had a
few top turns and actually were top Team once. Nice. Indimar is a big inspiration in
most of my spots even if he is the butt of a lot of my jokes. Now the bad. The third
time could have been a charm but he sold me out. To make matters worse after he sold
me out, he dropped out on TOGS half way. The thing that bothered me about him
dropping out was the fact that he continued to run his team on maintenance. For some
strange reason one of his alliance mates/WoW buddy decided to make challenges on his
team even though he had dropped out. I'm not going to say the "C" word and the one
I'm thinking anyway is different that the one you're thinking. With all that said I
won't say never but pretty close, we won't team in TOGS again. Odds on Indimar and
Elephant teaming next TOGS 1,000,001 to 1.
     Pauly - Poor Pauly. Finally after years of watching TOGS from the sidelines he
got his chance to play. His spots were entertaining and his warriors fared well. Then
it was all gone and there he sits towards the bottom of the TOGS Standings. Cheer up
Pauly, there's always next year. Aaron Rodgers feels your pain. A teaming with
Elephant would certainly vault Pauly into respectability. Odds on Pauly and Elephant
teaming next TOGS 2 to 1.
     Ganolus - Who? Ganolus is a manager that once played in TOGS and actually was on
a winning team with Hombre. Where is Ganolus currently? No one really knows. It's
been rumored that he and Elephant have been gathering on a tennis court about once a
week. Are they playing tennis or talking TOGS. I guess time will tell. Odds on
Ganolus and Elephant teaming next TOGS 15 to 1, if someone actually hears from
Ganolus, then 7 to 1.
     Manager - No really, you aren't misreading. With the possibility of Hombre and
Ganolus reuniting to make another run at a TOGS title, Manager will look for someone
to bring the title back. He knows Elephant always writes spots even if they are
generally long winded and lame. He also knows Elephant has always had a good showing
in TOGS (yes even when being weighted down by Indimar). This could actually be a
Dream Team similar to the OJ one. Odds of Manager and Elephant teaming in the next
TOGS 5 to 1.
     Any other FONZ member not mentioned. Elephant has some ties with the members of
the FONZ. Elephant is Chachi a way. If one of the other FONZ members doesn't have a
partner next time around, this could be possible. Odds of a member of the FONZ and
Elephant teaming next TOGS 3 to 1.
     Well that's all folks. It's been fun. Maybe I'll see you next year. Mahjong
Titans is calling me for another loss.

Elephant, Cyberpunk and Generation X

P.S.  Special thanks to Ed. for putting up with me this year.  I know the hard work
you put in.  Sorry for all the last minute spots and ads (yes even this one).  Since
this is the last spot, can I pretty please with sugar on top say Indimar's Woody?
[Okay, but never again. -- Ed.]

           + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Friday Night Lights ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
                                       Part 12
                                    The Greek Guy

     The fight with TMM was saved until the end. As much as the Delarqs liked talk to
talk stuff they really were quite pathetic fighters. The fights were brutal, with
blood being spilled all over the arena. The Aradi warriors fought with a deadly blood
lust. Several warriors had already been taken to the infirmary after the fights. As
much as the Aradians relished the wins, no one would be satisfied. The time for the
fight finally arrived. TMM strolled into the arena with the same swagger he had when
he left after dismembering Soultaker. He walked in carrying two scimitars and wearing
leather armor with a helm. The Sentinel came in to a loud chorus of boos from the
Delarq fans that had little to cheer about the whole night. The Sentinel came in
carrying a scimitar with an off hand hatchet. He had joked all week that he wanted to
bury the hammer spike deep in TMM's head. The time finally came for the battle.
     TMM ran forward an twisted into a tremendous cut with his scimitar
     The Sentinel dodged to the right
     The Sentinel twisted sideways and unleashed his scimitar in a flesh ripping
     TMM rolled underneath the blow and lept up.
     TMM rushed forward and swept his scimitar at The Sentinels leg
     The Sentinel barely managed to twist away from the blow
     (5 minutes later and many dodges...hey its aimed blows)
     Both fighters were sweating with exertion having managed to mainly stay
     The Sentinel feinted left and then sprang forward bringing his scimitar down
into a powerful slash.
     TMM was hit in the left shoulder and howled in pain. His weapon falling from his
     TMM lunged forward with his scimitar and The Sentinels neck.
     The sentinel ducked under the attack and slashed across with his hatchet.
     TMM was struck in the left knee and stumbled to the ground.
     The Sentinel leaped forward slicing downward at TMM's head.
     TMM's helm was split into, deflecting most of the blow.
     TMM was desperate, but the Sentinel pressed his attack on
     The Sentinel kicked out with his right foot striking TMM in the face.
     TMM fall to the ground writhing in pain, his nose shattered. He held up one hand
to concede the fight. This was the perfect opportunity to exact revenge as all it
would take is one quick slash and he could slice off the hand that had done such
damage to his friend. The Sentinel hesitated and then stepped back and dropped his
weapon and walked out of the arena leaving TMM lying on the ground blood leaking out
of his battered body. The crowd cheered as he left and the party that night was one
not soon forgotten in Aradi.

To be continued next TOGS

                + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Dreamtime ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     So every TOGS I usually talk about my warriors and how they did over the TOGS
season, but since I dont keep newsletters (or fights for that matter) I have no idea
what their records were when TOGS started.  I do know that Spiritwalker has only lost
once over this stretch, and completely against my gut feeling to bloodfeud Shmegma
again to keep the nice streak alive, Elephant got me to go for the gold and up-
challenge.  Which pretty much means I'll be dead by the time you all read this.  So
instead, and I got my inspiration from watching the Gong show on comedy central, I
wonder what talents the managers of Aradi would bring to the table...
     Soultaker and Creepster - I think their talent is still actually being alive at
134 years old each.
     Elephant - His talent is egging people on...
     Death Stud - His talent is being shorter than Elephant...
     Hammer - Ok, this might be a tangent, but I seriously doubt if anyone'e reading
these anyway, and it's the last one, so here goes:  Hammer's talent is 'phasing'  Let
me explain, and Death Stud can back me on this.  So we were at a face, and all went
to Dmobsters room to hang out and  drink, and shoot the poop.  Death Stud and I were
the LAST 2 people to enter the hotel room, and promptly closed the door.  you all
know hotel doors, the LOCK when they close.  after a few seconds of settling in on
the bed or floor STILL near the door, Hammer suddenly APPEARED behind us to speak.
Needless to say, Death Stud and I pretty much peed ourselves because there was no way
he could have entered the room save for supernatural means.  Think about THAT tonight
when you go to bed...
     The Greek Guy - his talent is crumbling under pressure like a saltine cracker...
     Rillion - His talent is obviously putting up with The Greek Guy, THAT's talent!
     Mannequin - His talent is clearly standing there posing, and wearing new and put
together outfits. that and killing...  jerk.
     Slugbait - His talent is being an Elderly caregiver.  His talent covers a wide
variety of things, including, but not limited to, bedpan cleaning, changing the
Creepsters diaper, dementia training, False teeth cleaning and naturally then re-
applying.  Lark scooter maintenance and let's face it, he's probably had to sit
through Cocoon 147 times.  Listen to constant ramblings of what it was like being on
the front lines in the civil war.  Listen to the story of who REALLY invented fire.
     There's more managers who are I'm sure very talented in certain areas, but this
is a family show and I'm getting sick of doing spotlights.  Sue, you rule the shcool,
thanks for putting up with my last minute spots, go take a vacation, I've already
approved it.  Thanks to Death Stud and Nuln for doing the dirty work, and team
Threepeat sucks.  Except they're really good apparently.

-- Hombre

                                      SPY REPORT

     Well, what are you looking at, COLLUSION COVE?  Ain't you never seen Snide 
Clemens before?  Ah, shaddup and listen to my news.  If The Blind Cyclops Inn is 
buying drinks for NIHILISTIC ENDEAVOR's good turn, I'm afraid the place will be dry 
before long.  A 3-2-0 makes for a big thirst.  With any luck, I can sneak into The 
Blind Cyclops Inn and join DEVIL'S WORKSHOP's celebration over their good record this 
turn.  17th place, not bad.  Now keep the taverns open late tonight, for there are 
sorrows to drown for TPW FOREVER, whose 0-0-0 this turn dropped them by 8 into 27th.  
Ha!  Gee, I'm impressed, a 4-1-1 is nice, but don't get cocky, FRUIT OF THE LOOM, the 
Fates teach humility, and the Fates are proud.  Of course, we're all terribly 
impressed to see NOODLY APPENDIX win a fight and gain 28 points, terribly.  Tsk, tsk, 
NOODLY APPENDIX beat STITCHES and STITCHES lost 33 points.  You're breakin' my heart. 
SPIRITWALKER challenged COLLUSION COVE's Duelmaster for a shot at the throne.  And if 
variety is the spice of life, COLLUSION COVE may be getting bland, as I OWN INDIMAR 
stays top dog in the city.  I'm not in a very good mood today, but why am I telling 
you this?  You want to know what's new, don't you, COLLUSION COVE?   
     Well, let's take a look at some more misdeeds of you miserable sword-boys.  
ELOQUENT KNIGHTS, I suppose you'll be glad to know you were this turn's most avoided 
team.  Care to know who is the most afraid of you?  And it looks like CHILDHOOD 
TRAUMA avoided them the most this turn.  What a pack of would be losers, if you ask 
me.  Hmph.  ACIDULOUS was challenged more times this turn than the Duelmaster.  Now 
was the DM insulted or feared?  Heh, heh.  ACIDULOUS was challenged by one of GENX 
PERFECT HITS' warriors this turn, with DAY BY DAY having a lead of 26 points going 
into the fight.  Ha ha aha ha aha ha!!!  DAY BY DAY was was overcame by by ELOQUENT 
KNIGHTS' warrior!  Thank the gods for big favors!  ha!  Now look at this.  BOY GEORGE 
challenged down 39 against 4000 BLOWS' ZOMBIELUST.  What a weasel!  Question now is, 
will COLLUSION COVE accept this sort of tacky behavior?  BOY GEORGE beating 
ZOMBIELUST.  The insult, the....yech!  I notice 911 challenging down 37 points to 
fight ZIG-ZAG MAN, CHILDHOOD TRAUMA doubtless has some rotten excuse for such an 
insult to honor.  911 was beat by ZIG-ZAG MAN!  Ok, 911 want to fight my grandmother 
next turn?  Huh?  Now look at this.  DEAD ALIVE challenged down 17 against 
PASTAFARIANS' VENGANZA.  What a weasel!  And sorry to say, DEAD ALIVE bested 
VENGANZA, leaving a bad feeling with the crowd.  I think exploitive snob is the term 
I'm looking for.  BANSHEE XXXI was challenged by one of MY BEST BUDS 2's warriors 
this turn, with FEZ having a lead of 29 points going into the fight.  And golly gee, 
FEZ beat BANSHEE XXXI.  Aren't we all surprised and impressed?   
     Ah, now we come to my favorite part, where we see all the guys who are dead and 
gone, and get to see if their team cared.  Ya gotta go sometime, and PLATO's time was 
this time.  Hmmm, not a bad fighter, had he lived... (what?  me pity?).  Titanium 
shields and bamboo daggers, guess what brave team is developing these kinds of 
     What does the COLLUSION COVE arena have in common with the inns?  It's just as 
comfortable to sleep in either place.  Ha ha ha ha!  Just wait 'till next time I show 
up here, I won't be so nice!  So nyaaah!  Glad to see the back of this place-- Snide 

DUELMASTER                     W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 I OWN INDIMAR 8084           15   9  0   147       4000 BLOWS (107)

CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 BOY GEORGE 8378              13   6  1   146       CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)
-STORM FIRE 7597               9   3  2   125       SUPERIOR FORCES 1601 (586)
 EQUIPOLLENT 8492             11   4  1   116       ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518)
 DEAD ALIVE 8503               9   4  0    99       WILD CARDS (148)
 VENGRAZ 8018                 11   4  0    97       DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
 NOODLY APPENDIX 8404         11   9  0    96       PASTAFARIANS (630)
 ZIG-ZAG MAN 7083             17  14  1    95       MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)
 ZOMBIELUST 8181              11   7  0    95       4000 BLOWS (107)
 ACIDULOUS 8384               12   3  0    93       ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518)
 PEACH FUZZ 8095              13   9  1    92       FRUIT OF THE LOOM (615)
 SPIRITWALKER 8431            13   4  0    92       DREAMTIME (633)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 FLICKED BOOGERS 6989         19  22  0    87       HIT ME WITH... (503)
 ODALISQUE 8121               13   5  2    87       ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518)
 B.C. GOLD 7787               14  11  0    86       MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)
 TWIG 8096                    11   9  2    82       FRUIT OF THE LOOM (615)
 DAY BY DAY 8338              10   5  1    82       GENX PERFECT HITS (620)
 911 7936                     16  15  1    80       CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)
 PLUM 8094                    10   8  2    80       FRUIT OF THE LOOM (615)
 DARIUS 8552                  10   3  0    80       LUROCIANS T308 (636)
 SARDASIA 8512                 6   7  0    76       LUROCIANS T308 (636)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 STITCHES 8245                11  10  1    75       CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)
 WILD YOUTH 8296               9   5  0    71       GENX PERFECT HITS (620)
 HAWAIIAN KONA 7853           10  11  0    69       MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)
 VENGANZA 8408                11   9  0    68       PASTAFARIANS (630)
 WILD FLOWER 8443             10   8  0    68       DREAMTIME (633)

CHALLENGER ADEPTS              W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 SHRIVELLED PRUNE 8177         8  10  1    66       FRUIT OF THE LOOM (615)
 SISTER MOON 8489              7   7  0    65       DREAMTIME (633)
 STAR 8427                    11   7  0    64       DREAMTIME (633)
 ASP VI 8579                   6   2  0    64       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
 SHAMIKA 8513                 10   4  0    62       LUROCIANS T308 (636)
 ZOMBI 2 8571                  7   3  0    62       WILD CARDS (148)
 SHA'LONDA 8532                6   6  0    62       LUROCIANS T308 (636)
 BUSTED NUTS 7134             13  21  1    61       HIT ME WITH... (503)
 RESPECT THE PACKAGE 7832     13  14  0    59       WILD CARDS (148)
 MCSCROD 8481                  6   8  1    59       4000 BLOWS (107)
 WEKA DART 7979               12  14  2    58       WING HOVE (529)
 BEAST XVII 8303               9  11  0    58       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
-NAAN VIOLENT 8433             8   4  0    58       HOUSE OF GRAIN (625)
-RYEHARD 8339                  9  11  1    57       HOUSE OF GRAIN (625)
 BLACK DEATH 8446              5   8  0    57       DEVIL'S WORKSHOP (634)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 WARM PIRATE 8407             12   8  0    56       PASTAFARIANS (630)
 IJEOOGI 8528                  6   7  0    56       CLNGE (638)
-GLITTERDOOM 8585              4   1  0    56       DRAGON FLIGHT (640)
 HARUSPEX 8559                 9   3  0    55       ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518)
-SETH DRAVEN 8231              7   9  1    55       TPW FOREVER (619)
 READY, STEADY, GO 8249        7   7  1    55       GENX PERFECT HITS (620)
-SCORN BREAD 8343             11  10  0    54       HOUSE OF GRAIN (625)
 HARD CIDER 7981               8   7  1    54       WILD CARDS (148)
 THE AFRICAN QUEEN 8473        7   7  0    54       NO HAMMER HAMMERZ (635)
 100 PUNKS 8491                7   8  0    53       GENX PERFECT HITS (620)
 DOPEY 8566                    5   3  0    53       CRAZY CREEPS (207)
 SENTINEL 8543                10   2  0    51       CRAZY CREEPS (207)
 NIAGARA FALLS 8533            9   5  0    51       CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)
 CRUCIFIED 8447                6   7  0    51       DEVIL'S WORKSHOP (634)
-VIKI 8261                     4   2  0    48       SUPERIOR FORCES 1601 (586)
 MONKEY PAW 7854              11   9  1    46       MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)
 NYSTERIOUS WAYS 8464         10   7  0    45       PASTAFARIANS (630)
 SUGAR 8534                    8   6  0    45       PURE EVIL (629)
 GUNPOWDER 8449                8   5  0    43       DEVIL'S WORKSHOP (634)
 KING ROCKER 8246              6   8  0    42       GENX PERFECT HITS (620)
 AGMOUR 8568                   6   4  0    41       4000 BLOWS (107)
 GALILEO 8548                  7   6  1    40       GRECO-ROMAN (639)
 BLUE ICE 8578                 5   4  0    40       HIT ME WITH... (503)
 MRS. ROBINSON 8573            5   4  2    39       CRAZY CREEPS (207)
 MASTER EXPLODER 8500          7   6  0    37       4000 BLOWS (107)
-JAYSON DAYDE 8545             6   5  1    37       TPW FOREVER (619)
 JOHNNY 8511                   6   7  0    37       LUROCIANS T308 (636)
 THE EX 8436                   6  13  1    36       PURE EVIL (629)
 SOCRATES 8547                 8   5  0    35       GRECO-ROMAN (639)
 MISS PIGGY 8544               6   7  2    35       CRAZY CREEPS (207)
 FEZ 7878                      6  11  0    34       MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 BREMEN 8570                   6   4  0    33       WING HOVE (529)
 TOGS CHOKER 8561              5   6  0    33       DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
 SCARLET ABATTOIR 8474         7   7  0    32       NO HAMMER HAMMERZ (635)
 WHITE WOLF IX 8593            3   4  0    32       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
 ARISTOTLE 8551                7   6  0    31       GRECO-ROMAN (639)
 BROTHER WOLF 8622             2   1  0    31       DREAMTIME (633)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 SHMEGMA 8502                  5   8  1    30       HIT ME WITH... (503)
 BIOZOMBIE 8607                3   2  0    30       WILD CARDS (148)
 IICERGS 8524                  5   8  0    29       CLNGE (638)
 DESEARTES 8560                6   5  0    27       GRECO-ROMAN (639)
 SPAM 8587                     5   3  1    27       PURE EVIL (629)
 CROP CIRCLE 8577              4   5  0    25       PASTAFARIANS (630)
 SQUEEZE THE LEMONS 8569       6   4  0    24       FRUIT OF THE LOOM (615)
 APEP 8615                     2   0  0    24       NIHILISTIC ENDEAVOR (642)
 JORMUNGANDR 8613              2   0  0    24       NIHILISTIC ENDEAVOR (642)
 SANCTIMONIOUS 8627            2   0  0    24       ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 TEMPE FACER SCROD 8506        4  10  1    23       NO HAMMER HAMMERZ (635)
 MANHATTAN PROJECT 8450        4   9  1    22       DEVIL'S WORKSHOP (634)
-TAKE ANOTHER SHOT 8558        4   3  0    22       NO HAMMER HAMMERZ (635)
-PERFECT SNOTLING 8403         1   2  0    22       SUPERIOR FORCES 1601 (586)
-MERGANDEVIN 8582              1   1  0    21       DRAGON FLIGHT (640)
 ZOMBIE XXIX 8623              1   2  0    20       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
-FLIMSY 8604                   1   1  0    18       JGW PERISABLE! (641)
-JIMMY PITT 8595               1   4  0    18       TPW FOREVER (619)
 TOGS DIXIE2 8610              2   2  0    17       DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
-FRAIL 8602                    1   0  0    17       JGW PERISABLE! (641)
 TONTO 8580                    4   4  0    16       CRAZY CREEPS (207)
 POLITICIAN 8586               4   4  0    16       PURE EVIL (629)
 BCS 8609                      2   2  0    16       DEVIL'S WORKSHOP (634)
-VIC TOREE 8598                2   2  0    16       FUNKY FOLK (565)
 STINK I 8572                  2   6  0    16       THE EYES HAVE IT (632)
 LITTLE AYE 8620               2   1  0    15       THE EYES HAVE IT (632)
 EYE SPY 8596                  3   4  1    14       THE EYES HAVE IT (632)
-BREAKABLE 8606                1   1  0    14       JGW PERISABLE! (641)
 TESS TOOBES 8629              1   1  0    14       FUNKY FOLK (565)
 TOGS SLACKER 8631             2   0  0    13       DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
-BRITTLE 8605                  1   2  0    13       JGW PERISABLE! (641)
 I IN THE SKY 8588             2   4  0    10       THE EYES HAVE IT (632)
 SHIVA 8642                    1   0  0    10       NIHILISTIC ENDEAVOR (642)
 THE DECEIVER 8614             1   1  0    10       NIHILISTIC ENDEAVOR (642)
-WRECKING CROUTON 8600         2   1  0     8       HOUSE OF GRAIN (625)
 FU LENG 8617                  0   2  0     8       NIHILISTIC ENDEAVOR (642)
-ONLYFORTOGS 8601              2   1  0     7       TPW FOREVER (619)
-ICING DEATH 8584              0   1  0     7       DRAGON FLIGHT (640)
 ROAD TRIP 8611                1   3  0     6       CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)
 PIE I 8619                    0   3  0     3       THE EYES HAVE IT (632)
 BANSHEE XXXI 8632             0   2  0     2       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
 HARRY KAREY 8648              0   1  0     1       FUNKY FOLK (565)
 MOLLY BOLTZ 8646              0   1  0     1       FUNKY FOLK (565)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                W  L K TEAM NAME            SLAIN BY              TURN Revenge?
AIQOIII 8645            0  1 0 CLNGE 638            ARENAMASTER HARK      448  NONE
GHNSGFI 8526            7  6 0 CLNGE 638            911 7936              447   
GILMMAO 8525            3  7 0 CLNGE 638            MRS. ROBINSON 8573    445   
SFIIGKI 8644            0  1 0 CLNGE 638            MONSTER MANALGER      448  NONE
HOWLER XIII 8302       11  4 2 DEATH STUDS VII 301  STORM FIRE 7597       446   
ARGH 8649               0  1 0 DEMONS OF DARKNE 430 JORGE BLACK ORC       448  NONE
GAZREK 7858            13  9 0 DEMONS OF DARKNE 430 BOY GEORGE 8378       446   
ILLUMINATI 8599         0  2 0 DEVIL'S WORKSHOP 634 SPAM 8587             444  NOT REVENGED
EDIE 8429               5 10 0 DREAMTIME 633        SHMEGMA 8502          445  REVENGED
PLATO 8550              9  4 0 GRECO-ROMAN 639      TWIG 8096             448   
ICE CREAM SOLDIE 8471   1 10 0 NO HAMMER HAMMER 635 GALILEO 8548          445   
JOKER 8575              3  4 0 PURE EVIL 629        MISS PIGGY 8544       446   
FLD 8641                0  1 0 SUPERIOR FORCES  586 FIRST TOGS CHAMP      448  NONE

THE DEAD                W  L K TEAM NAME            SLAIN BY              TURN Revenge?
VBA 8640                0  1 0 SUPERIOR FORCES  586 ARNIE SHEW            448  NONE

                                     PERSONAL ADS

Beware The Tides Of THREECHEAT.  Beware The Tides Of THREECHEAT!  Aradi is doomed! --
The Crazy Creeps Scribe

The African Queen -- You and me ruined The Creepster's perfect 5-0 last turn!  Aren't
we rad?! -- Sentinel (just as small-headed and crazy as his namesake)

Breakable and JGW's everywhere -- I apologize on behalf of my team.  I do not know
how that happened.  It was unintentional, but it WAS our error. -- The Crazy Creeps
(Interpreted:  That stupid Creepster made a dumb-butted mistake and challenged, nay
DOWNCHALLENGED, out of TOGS.  His partner should kill him!)

Breakable -- On the other hand, I had a great time tussling with you, newcomer.  I
love it when they let me be on top.  (Tee hee.) -- Miss Piggy

Flimsy -- I prefer my partner to be of both length and girth.  You did not bring that
to the grappling area.  I loved the part where you grunted and continued.  (wink) --
Mrs. Robinson, stretching those long, lovely legs, but wanting more

Crucified -- I almost crucified you!  How cool is that? -- Dopey

TOGS Dixie2 -- Me give clinic.  Show white-man.  How! -- Tonto

I Own Indimar -- You make a great Duelmaster.  Spreading the faith and all. -- The
Crazy Creeps Scribe

Manager -- Read your note of last.  It seems that you are always down on your knees
in the final with a mean and serious downchallenge look in your eyes. -- The Crazy
Creeps Scribe

Congrats, Ed., on a wonderful TOGS.  Thanks for everything. -- Crazy Creeps

     We do our best. -- Ed. and Ed. Jr.

TGG -- You know we really mean "congrats on the TC" when we say you suck and should
die. -- The Crazy Creeps Scribe

All -- Note that rippers and pikers had the best style records last turn.  Only in
Aradi.... -- The Crazy Creeps Scribe

Yabbadabba ding dong belleronious!  Whoopey doopey dickery dockeninsky!  Congratababa
TOGSerogser whim wham DONE! -- The Creepster

FONZ = Fractured Oafs Nearing Zoo-like
       Fake Orchestrators Nastily Zesty
       Fellowship Of Noxious Zeroes
   Notables from the IAWAFP

Tidbits from the International Award Winning Aradi Free Press:
   We are from the Church Of The Latter Day Fonzies
   Silly Soultaker and Short-stuff Death Stud had a falling out
   Death Stud proposes to Bertha from Soultaker's shoulder
   I have no need to have a fantasy fulfilled as I am a Deul2 GOD
   Honey, I think that we are going to have to take baby steps
   It's not like TGG and I have a chance of winning this thing
   Managerr wouldn't be smart enough to put a plan like that together
   Spidey underoos go on the inside of your Chaos Armor
   Threemeat Deadpeat
   Poet. Oh, to be done with this contest
   Someone intentionally dumped horse crap all over the room
   Pauly rolled his eyes, instantly regretting having asked his Dad anything
   FONZ rules the playground
   Obviously your mother never taught you to share the init
        Editor, IAWAFP

And the composition awards from The International Award-Winning Aradi Free Press are:
   Gold Crown (best)              The Good, Bad (Devil's Workshop)
   Silver Scarf (next best)       FONZ (Dreamtime)
   Bronze Pasties                 Bucket List (Eloquent Knights)
   Tin Cup (not so best)          Friday Night Lights (Lurocians)
   Special Award:  Best DM Column This Round (Platinum Panties) 4000 Blows
Wear your prizes with pride and joy and discomfort. -- Editor, IAWAFP

All -- Good TOGS y'all, I had a blast.  Right now for me, there isn't anything better
in all of Duel...2 than 13 turns of life and death struggles both in the arena and in
front of the word processor! -- Snotman

Nuln -- Sorry I pulled a rilly last turn.  Or maybe it was a TGG?  Hard to say and
hard to take. -- Snotman

Pip -- Wow, just when I thought I couldn't get any worse, I drop an 0-5 turn.  Well,
now I can say with 100% confidence, it can't get any worse. -- Master Darque

TOGS Organizers -- I stunk it up, but I did have fun doing it.  Good job with the
contest.  I'll see you at the next one (with a better tourney tanked team of course).
-- Master Darque

Ed. -- Where is my reward for easing some of your TOGS frustration by submitting ALL
of my spotlights WELL BEFORE the due dates? -- Master Darque
P.S.  Farm animals, Nuln, Sentinel, midgets, leg-warmers, cod pieces, scrod, and
FONZies are not acceptable.  ;)  (I do realize I was being a bit redundant with some
of the exclusions.)

     I suppose my undying gratitude (or maybe dying gratitude, the way I feel today)
     would do? -- Ed.

All -- Well it is all over and no matter how our last turn went, I want to thank
everyone for a great butt-clenching finish. -- Soultaker

Street Legal -- Kudos for having the nut sack to stay all the way through.  You
stayed till the end and challenged all the way through, good on ya. -- Soultaker

Death Stud -- Well I hope we are still walking tall--errrr whoops--I mean one of us
can do that. -- Soultaker

TOGS Scorekeepers -- Hey, why no updates on the scoring?  You guys slipping (in more
ways then one)? -- Rillion

TGG -- Hey, I got some ads out this time but the spotlight, well, not gonna happen
unfortunately. -- Rillion

All -- Thanks the GODS no more spotlights. -- TGG

     Amen! -- Ed.

All -- It was fun, congrats to the winners. -- TGG/Lurocians

Manager -- You are a bad man.  Even worse than previously suspected. -- Death Stud

Street Legal -- It is staggering the scope and magnitude of the _3_ massive
downchallenges you lost to Soultaker and I last turn.  Little did you know that it
would be your contribution that would essentially ensure TOGS victory for team
THREEPEAT.  We are indebted, thank you. -- Death Stud

Jormungandr -- How much do I suck? -- Zombie

     Let me count the ways? -- Ed.

TOGS participants -- It's been great competing with you.  See you next time. --

Snotman -- Sure.  No hard feelings.  I'll see you at the Crotchey Crab. -- Samwise

Aradi -- Here is my personal ad. -- Mannequin

All -- Thanks for a pretty good TOGS, would have like to see more teams stick it out,
but things happen. -- Hombre

All -- Thank goodness I can go back to my normally silent self.  I'm sure you all
appreciate it too. -- Hombre

Good luck to everyone BUT Team Threepeat!! -- Mannequin

Thanks to everybody for making this another great TOGS.  The competition was great,
and the writing even better.  Shout outs as well to Ed. for all the suffering she
endured at our hands. -- Nuln

     Just glad it's over!  Next time Ed. Jr. will be able to help more with the
     delete key, I hope! -- Ed.

Hombre -- Spago over Chicken & Waffle?  R u nuts? -- Nuln

All -- Thanks for all the fun this year.  Good luck to all of you(except 3Peat) this
last turn. -- Elephant

Hombre -- We did it, Champs of TOGS.  What are we gonna named the arena? -- Elephant

Manager and Pauly -- See my spot.  Think about it.  Wait, never mind, Hombre and I
have to defend our title. -- Elephant.

17 July 2008
All -- Many of you know me and many more don't, but I will be scarce for a few
months.  I am relocating, so look for my presence online!  As my will, so mote it
be! -- Abraxis

8 July 2008
                                 *TURF WAR VI RULES*
                            Starting Nov 2008 (10 turns)

Anyone may participate; known alliances, new alliances, or temporary alliances created solely to compete in the Turf War!  To participate, each alliance must:
        1.  Announce the alliance and the Captain of the alliance in the North Fork
            (DM 47) newsletter.
        2.  Announcements made on the D2 Forums will not be accepted.

Captains are responsible for:
        1.  Verifying those who wish to participate under the banner of their
        2.  Distribution of prizes should their alliance win the Turf War.
        3.  Submit one (1) RSI Roll-Up Certificate to participate

Participating managers who are not Captains must:
        1.  Submit one (1) RSI Roll-Up Certificate to participate
        2.  Announce their intent to compete with manager name, team name, and
            alliance they will represent in the North Fork (DM 47) newsletter.
            Announcement made on the D2 Forums will not be accepted.
               a.  No scores will be tabulated until a Gift Certificate is received.
                   No EXCEPTIONS.
               b.  Before a manager can compete, he/she must declare themselves in
                   the North Fork (DM 47) newsletter as stated above AND be verified
                   by the alliance Captain they will represent.
               c.  Only one (1) team per player may compete.  No multiple teams or
                   aliases will be allowed.  Violations will result in immediate
                   disqualification from the Turf War (so be sure to take any
                   multiple teams OFF of Team Maintenance).
               d.  Scoring will NOT be retroactive for teams that do not properly
                   declare or fail to send a Gift Certificate by Turn 1.  In other
                   words, if your Gift Certificate is not received until Turn 3 of
                   the Turf War, and you have fought on Turns 1 and 2, your scoring
                   will not begin until Turn 3.  All conditions must be met before
                   scoring will begin--declaration, verification, and Gift
                   Certificate received.
               e.  No declarations or verifications will be accepted after Turn 5 of
                   the Turf War.
               f.  For purposes of scoring, the moderators will score the Turf War
                   and settle any and all disputes as they arise.  Their decisions
                   will be final.

Scoring will be as follows for Fights:
                Win   Loss   Kill      Die
Challenge        +2     -2     +5       -5
Match Up         +1     -1     +1       -5
Bloodfeud        +2     -5     +5      -10
Champion         x2     x2     x2       x2
Dark Arena*     +10     -5     xx       xx
*After 2nd win, warrior scores no points for wins

Special Scoring Considerations for the Turf War are as follows:
Spy Report mention (team name only)              +2
Style Master                                     +2
Duelmaster                                       +2

     1.  A Champion may be declared, but one is not mandatory.
     2.  Only one Champion allowed per manager at any given time.
     3.  Champions that graduate or are killed by another warrior in the arena, but
         not the Dark Arena, may be replaced.
     4.  Champions must be in the Adepts bracket or lower on the turn they are
         declared, and may NOT have gone above Adepts level at any time; this
         includes teams transferred into North Fork for the Turf War.

        1.  Bloodfeuds will score points on all four (4) turns.
        2.  There is no limit to which warrior may bloodfeud or how often.

Tournament Considerations:
        1.  Tournament participation is ALLOWED and encouraged.
        2.  Tournament Victors won during the course of the contest will gain a one
            (1) time bonus of 25 points.  This bonus will apply EACH time a
            warrior(s) wins such status.
        3.  Tournament Champions won during the course of the contest will gain a one
            (1) time bonus of 50 points.  This bonus will apply EACH time a
            warrior(s) win such status.
        4.  Points for TVs and TCs will be applied the Turn after RSI posts
            tournament results in the North Fork (DM 47) newsletter (i.e., if the
            results post on North Fork turn 275, points will be credited on North
            Fork turn 276 to the applicable teams).

Special Considerations:
        1.  Each alliance begins the Turf War with zero (0) points.
        2.  There will be NO alliance or team changes once the contest has begun.  If
            you begin the Turf War with Alliance A, you must end the Turf War with
            Alliance A.  If you begin the Turf War with Team A, you must end the Turf
            War with Team A.
        3.  There will be a maximum of seven (7) teams allowed per alliance for the
            Turf War.
        4.  The Dark Arena may be used on the first turn only, of every warrior,
            without penalty.

The Turf War is a "winner take all" contest.  All prizes and 100% of the Gift
Certificates will be awarded to the Captain of the winning alliance.  It is the
responsibility of the Captain to distribute Gift Certificates.  Moderators will
submit a list of each manager on the winning alliance to RSI at the completion of the
contest for the non-Certificate prizes.

The following prizes have been secured from RSI:
        1.  Renaming of the North Fork (DM 47) arena;
        2.  Renaming of Dark Arena Monsters (one for each manager in the winning
        3.  Known Favorites for one warrior on each team of the winning alliance
            (warrior must be ranked Initiate or above, must be alive, and must have
            at least one arena fight to receive this award).
        4.  +1 Skill bonus potion for each manager on the winning alliance.  Bonus
            potion must be applied to a living warrior from (DM 47)
        5.  +1 Skill bonus potion (one) for each manager who fights in all 10 rounds
            AND 45 fights of the Turf War.  Bonus potion must be applied to a living
            warrior from (DM 47)
These awards will be listed by the Moderator for claiming from RSI (Lee) within 4
turns of the end of TW VI.

The Moderators for this event will be Oz and Master Darque.  They will arbitrate all
dealings during the course of the contest.  Their decisions will be final.  All
questions, comments, and scoring disputes may be directed to Land of Oz or Darque
Forces via diplo in DM 47.  Managers with internet access may send a private message
to [The Consortium] or [Darque] on the Duel2 Forums.  Lastly, you may also email
questions, comments, and scoring disputes to rebelnerfherder at yahoo dot com.

Please note there have been rule changes from the last Turf War.  Please read them

Contest will begin in November following the Fall Mail In Tournament.

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

ARGH was butchered by JORGE BLACK ORC in a 1 minute bloody Dark Arena fight.
AIQOIII was slaughtered by ARENAMASTER HARKON in a 1 minute Dark Arena battle.
SFIIGKI was easily killed by MONSTER MANALGER in a 1 minute Dark Arena match.
FLD was assassinated by FIRST TOGS CHAMPION in a 1 minute bloody Dark Arena duel.
VBA was butchered by ARNIE SHEW in a 1 minute gory Dark Arena fight.
HARUSPEX luckily beat WEKA DART in a crowd pleasing 3 minute Bloodfeud competition.
DAY BY DAY was savagely defeated by ACIDULOUS in a 3 minute Challenge struggle.
BOY GEORGE viciously subdued ZOMBIELUST in a 2 minute expert's Challenge fight.
911 was vanquished by ZIG-ZAG MAN in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge duel.
SPIRITWALKER was vanquished by I OWN INDIMAR in a 1 minute Challenge Title duel.
EQUIPOLLENT overpowered PEACH FUZZ in a 1 minute uneven Challenge match.
HAWAIIAN KONA was beaten by PLUM in a exciting 3 minute veteran's Challenge fight.
WILD YOUTH was devastated by VENGRAZ in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge conflict.
DEAD ALIVE demolished VENGANZA in a popular 1 minute mismatched Challenge match.
SARDASIA handily defeated THE AFRICAN QUEEN in a 1 minute uneven Challenge fight.
ASP VI defeated RESPECT THE PACKAGE in a action packed 1 minute Challenge struggle.
BIOZOMBIE was overpowered by DOPEY in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge brawl.
100 PUNKS overpowered MASTER EXPLODER in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge bout.
GUNPOWDER was overpowered by SISTER MOON in a 2 minute gory one-sided Challenge bout.
CRUCIFIED handily defeated SCARLET ABATTOIR in a 1 minute Challenge competition.
BLACK DEATH overpowered SOCRATES in a popular 2 minute one-sided Challenge duel.
SHRIVELLED PRUNE vanquished SUGAR in a 2 minute gory mismatched Challenge fray.
STAR subdued BEAST XVII in a action packed 3 minute veteran's Challenge fight.
SENTINEL luckily beat NYSTERIOUS WAYS in a action packed 3 minute Challenge fight.
MRS. ROBINSON defeated IICERGS in a 2 minute Challenge match.
JOHNNY unbelievably bested SHMEGMA in a action packed 3 minute Challenge bout.
FEZ overpowered BANSHEE XXXI in a 1 minute bloody one-sided Challenge fray.
SANCTIMONIOUS outwaited LITTLE AYE in a 7 minute Challenge bout.
TONTO was overpowered by BLUE ICE in a 1 minute uneven Challenge fight.
MANHATTAN PROJECT was overcome by WHITE WOLF IX in a 2 minute Challenge fight.
THE DECEIVER was overpowered by BROTHER WOLF in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge match.
APEP overpowered TESS TOOBES in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge bout.
TOGS DIXIE2 overpowered I IN THE SKY in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge fray.
FU LENG was devastated by BCS in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge duel.
ZOMBIE XXIX devastated POLITICIAN in a 2 minute one-sided Challenge battle.
STITCHES was devastated by NOODLY APPENDIX in a popular 1 minute uneven bout.
B.C. GOLD demolished IJEOOGI in a exciting 1 minute gruesome mismatched match.
ODALISQUE savagely defeated FLICKED BOOGERS in a 2 minute gory expert's bout.
DARIUS overcame WILD FLOWER in a crowd pleasing 1 minute match.
TWIG viciously butchered PLATO in a 2 minute gory match.
ZOMBI 2 savagely defeated GALILEO in a action packed 3 minute bloody duel.
BUSTED NUTS was subdued by SHAMIKA in a crowd pleasing 3 minute expert's conflict.
KING ROCKER was devastated by SHA'LONDA in a 1 minute mismatched match.
READY, STEADY, GO handily defeated SPAM in a 1 minute one-sided conflict.
MCSCROD overpowered THE EX in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
NIAGARA FALLS narrowly defeated BREMEN in a 2 minute gory duel.
MISS PIGGY was beaten by MONKEY PAW in a popular 1 minute fray.
WARM PIRATE was viciously subdued by HARD CIDER in a exciting 6 minute brutal duel.
AGMOUR handily defeated EYE SPY in a exciting 1 minute gory one-sided bout.
DESEARTES was outlasted by JORMUNGANDR in a 7 minute conflict.
ARISTOTLE viciously subdued STINK I in a 2 minute brutal conflict.
CROP CIRCLE devastated ROAD TRIP in a 1 minute one-sided battle.
SQUEEZE THE LEMONS bested PIE I in a unpopular 5 minute fight.
TOGS CHOKER demolished TEMPE FACER SCROD in a 1 minute mismatched battle.
TOGS SLACKER unbelievably bested HARRY KAREY in a 3 minute novice's bout.
MOLLY BOLTZ was vanquished by SHIVA in a 1 minute one-sided struggle.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|STRIKING ATTACK                 27         STRIKING ATTACK  190 - 139 -  7      58  |
|LUNGING ATTACK                  24         AIMED BLOW        69 -  58 -  2      54  |
|TOTAL PARRY                     14         PARRY-STRIKE      22 -  19 -  1      54  |
|AIMED BLOW                      12         TOTAL PARRY       79 -  89 -  0      47  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  9         SLASHING ATTACK   56 -  64 -  0      47  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    8         PARRY-LUNGE       10 -  12 -  0      45  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   6         LUNGING ATTACK    98 - 126 -  3      44  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     5         WALL OF STEEL     40 -  57 -  2      41  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      2         BASHING ATTACK    30 -  46 -  5      39  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    0         PARRY-RIPOSTE      5 -   8 -  0      38  |

Turn 448 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

PARRY-LUNGE        2 -  0     PARRY-STRIKE       2 -  3         5  STRIKING ATTACK
AIMED BLOW         8 -  4     WALL OF STEEL      3 -  5         2  LUNGING ATTACK 
SLASHING ATTACK    6 -  3     BASHING ATTACK     2 -  4         2  SLASHING ATTACK
STRIKING ATTACK   16 - 11     LUNGING ATTACK     4 - 20         1  AIMED BLOW     
TOTAL PARRY        8 -  6     PARRY-RIPOSTE      0 -  0         1  WALL OF STEEL  

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
STRIKING ATTACK  I OWN INDIMAR 8084         15   9  0  147 4000 BLOWS (107)
LUNGING ATTACK   DEAD ALIVE 8503             9   4  0   99 WILD CARDS (148)
AIMED BLOW       VENGRAZ 8018               11   4  0   97 DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
SLASHING ATTACK  ZIG-ZAG MAN 7083           17  14  1   95 MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)
WALL OF STEEL    ACIDULOUS 8384             12   3  0   93 ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518)
PARRY-STRIKE     TWIG 8096                  11   9  2   82 FRUIT OF THE LOOM (615)
BASHING ATTACK   PLUM 8094                  10   8  2   80 FRUIT OF THE LOOM (615)
TOTAL PARRY      STAR 8427                  11   7  0   64 DREAMTIME (633)
PARRY-LUNGE      NIAGARA FALLS 8533          9   5  0   51 CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

The overall popularity leader is ZIG-ZAG MAN 7083.  The most popular warrior this 
turn was WEKA DART 7979.  The ten other most popular fighters were SHMEGMA 8502, 

The least popular fighter this week was PIE I 8619.  The other ten least popular 
THE EX 8436, and SPAM 8587.

The following warriors will travel to AD after next turn:

I OWN INDIMAR (60-8084) 4000 BLOWS (107)