DUEL 2 NEWSLETTER

Date   : 08/21/2006    Duedate: 09/02/2006

VALAMANTIS ARENA

DM-62    TURN-390

This Weeks Top Honors

THE DUELMASTER IS

ALBACORE TUNER
FISH MONGERS (406)
(62-3954) [15-5-1,122]

Chartered Recognition Leader   Unchartered Recognition Leader

ALBACORE TUNER                 WHIPS AND CHAINS
FISH MONGERS (406)             SINFUL SISTER (430)
(62-3954) [15-5-1,122]         (62-4244) [3-3-1,31]

Popularity Leader              This Weeks Favorite

MUGA GUCKA                     GOLD MINE
FREAKSHOW (354)                THE DARK SIDE II (432)
(62-3320) [16-7-1,101]         (62-4259) [2-2-0,37]

THE CURRENT TOP TEAM

MASTERS OF RAGE (301)

          TEAMS ON THE MOVE            TOP CAREER HONORS
Team Name                  Point Gain  Chartered Team
1. RANDOM SITH (438)           53
2. FISH MONGERS (406)          48      GRAPHIC VIOLENCE (382)
3. SINFUL SISTER (430)         45      Unchartered Team
4. EOD (436)                   29
5. AS SEEN ON TV (361)         25      EOD (436)

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
 1/ 6*EOD (436)                  5   3  0 62.5   1/ 3 MASTERS OF RAGE (301)     8  4 1
 2/ 0 GRAPHIC VIOLENCE (382)    43  34  5 55.8   2/ 1 AS SEEN ON TV (361)       7  4 1
 3/ 9*SINFUL SISTER (430)       16  13  1 55.2   3/ 2 RIO VISTANS (348)         7  8 0
 4/ 0 FREAKSHOW (354)           58  49  1 54.2   4/ 4 MIDDLE WAY 10 (420)       7  8 0
 5/ 2 THE BEARS (268)          326 278 26 54.0   5/11*SINFUL SISTER (430)       6  3 1
 6/ 3 FISH MONGERS (406)        50  43  2 53.8   6/ 8 THE DARK SIDE II (432)    5  1 0
 7/ 1 LEGION OF LEGEND (409)    31  27  1 53.4   7/ 9*EOD (436)                 5  3 0
 8/ 0 MIKE'S INK (380)          33  29  1 53.2   8/ 6 LEGION OF LEGEND (409)    5  5 0
 9- 4 MIDGETS (356)             70  63  2 52.6   9/ 5 FISH MONGERS (406)        4  4 2
10/ 8 THE DARK SIDE II (432)    28  26  3 51.9  10/ 7 THE BEARS (268)           4  5 0
11/ 5 RIO VISTANS (348)        140 135 10 50.9  11/10 GRIM OBITUARY (197)       4  6 0
12/ 7 AS SEEN ON TV (361)      138 141 10 49.5  12/ 0 FREAKSHOW (354)           3  1 0
13/10 MIDDLE WAY 10 (420)      157 181  4 46.4  13/14*ALL ABOUT BASHERS (433)   3  6 0
14-11 PHILANTHROPISTS (429)      5   6  0 45.5  14/ 0 GRAPHIC VIOLENCE (382)    2  0 0
15/12 GRIM OBITUARY (197)      351 448 34 43.9  15-12 PHILANTHROPISTS (429)     1  2 0
16/14*ALL ABOUT BASHERS (433)    9  12  0 42.9  16/ 0*RANDOM SITH (438)         1  4 0
17-13 CHAOS ENFORCERS (286)     96 130 10 42.5  17-13 CHAOS ENFORCERS (286)     1  4 0
18/15 MASTERS OF RAGE (301)     56  87  6 39.2  18-15 MIDGETS (356)             0  1 0

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
19/ 0*RANDOM SITH (438)          1   4  0 20.0  19/ 0 MIKE'S INK (380)          0  1 0

    '*'   Unchartered team                       '-'  Team did not fight this turn
   (###)  Avoid teams by their Team Id          ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

                                    TEAM SPOTLIGHT

                                Under New Management

     The grizzled old warrior wiped the sweat off his brow and grabbed the wineskin
at his side and took a long swill from it.  The city of Valamantis was still as he
remembered it...hot, sticky, and dirty.  But it was home and he loved it.  The
warrior walked up to the old abandoned building and shook his head in amazement.
This was the guildhouse that he had been recruited to almost twenty years ago and
where his career had begun.  It broke his heart to see it in the condition that it
was in.  There were solid wood boards nailed across the doors and windows and the
guildhouse was in need of some repair.  The warrior took another swill of his
wineskin and continued shaking his head in disgust.
     Two children were running up the street playing with wooden swords and Necrosis
paused and observed them.  They stopped their swordplay as they got closer to
Necrosis.  There was both fear and awe in their eyes as they looked first at Necrosis
and then towards the abandoned guildhouse.  One of the children dropped his wooden
sword immediately and ran the opposite direction.  The remaining child picked up the
discarded sword and tossed it towards Necrosis.
     "Wanna play, mister?" the child asked.
     "Not now kid, I have work to do." Necrosis gruffly replied.  Necrosis stabbed
the wooden sword into the dirt and began the walk up to the abandoned guildhouse.
     "Are you not afraid, Mister?" the child shouted.
     "Afraid of what?" Necrosis turned around and gazed at the child.
     "The Mortuary, sir...." the child pointed at the abandoned building.  "My papa
told me that when he was my age that this was once the only funeral home in all of
Valamantis.  Then one day a stranger appeared and killed the Mortician and everyone
in the building not already dead and opened a guildhouse for warriors here.  Some of
the most evil and fiercest warriors to step on the arena sands were developed in
there.  But then, several years ago...."
     "Don't be afraid, son...please continue." Necrosis said and sat down on the
ground and beckoned the child closer.  The child hesitated for a moment and
approached Necrosis and sat down upon the ground next to him.
     "Well, sir," the child began, "after many, many years of success and ruling over
Valamantis with an iron fist, suddenly, as rumour has it, the manager was called to
another plane to ward off demons on the Ninth level of Hell.  It has been over five
years and he has not returned.  His warriors went missing and his guildhouse has been
closed for all these years.  And ever since his departure, the guildhouse has been
known to be...."
     "Go on, son."
     "Haunted," the boy whispered.
     "But you are not afraid like your friend who left?" the warrior asked.
     "No sir! " the boy said.  "My papa said that the warriors of Grim Obituary were
warriors that were hand picked by their master to battle and rule on the sands as
well as battle the demon hordes on other planes.  They were heroes and yet no one
knows or understands this."
     "Yes." mused Necrosis.  "This guildhouse and all who have inhabited it have been
misunderstood for years."
     "The arena hasn't been the same since they left, my papa says, and one day a
true team or teams of gladiators will come and reshape the sands and city once
again."
     Necrosis looked with pride at the boy who sat before him.  He arose and wiped
the beginnings of tears from his eye and calmly walked up to the guildhouse.  He
proceeded to rip off the wooden beams that were boarding up the place.  The first
board he tore off snagged him on the forearm and he started to bleed.  That did not
stop him however as he continued to tear apart the boards off the frame one by one.
The boy was by his side the entire time taking the discarded pieces of wood that were
torn away and placing them in a pile.
     "Just a couple of days ago," the boy continued, "the banner of death was again
flying in the arena as the team made their triumphant return...but their manager has
yet to be found."
     "Indeed." stated Necrosis.  "He is long gone, son...the demon hordes on the
Ninth Plane continue to try to escape and he is obligated to stay and fight them off.
But his guild is in new hands and the rightful ruler of Valamantis will be coming
soon to take back what is rightfully his.  I am here to manage his business and
prepare for his coming."
     Necrosis grabbed one of the pieces of discarded wood and a sheet of the plywood
that had boarded the windows.  He violently stabbed the wood into the ground at the
entrance leading up to the guildhouse.  He then took the plywood that was discarded,
held it up to the wood into the ground and thrust the dagger into both pieces,
pinning it there.  Necrosis dipped his finger in the blood trickling from his forearm
and began to write on the makeshift sign he had created.
     The sign that had been created simply said "Under New Management.  By Divine
Right Hail and Kill."
     "Spread the word, son." Necrosis said to the boy.  "Spread the word.  Death has
returned to Valamantis."

                                 DUELMASTER'S COLUMN
                             Notes from the arena champ.

As this is my last turn on the throne I thought I would pass on some Valamantis facts
for you.  I have been on the throne for eight of my consecutive fights and graduate
with 40 PP's.  I am not unbeatable by any means and would like to thank Squints for
losing so well.  (tee hee)  I am the owner of the most political points of anyone in
this arena--EVER, a testament of how easy it was up here.  Here are my vitals for you
to look at...BUT NO PEEKING UNDER MY SKIRT, PAULY!  I was born with little damage,
but fixed it with bunches of pull ups and weight lifting.  (tee hee)  12(2)-14(1)-5-
17-21-5-13 Good/Normal, Short Spear, Vlow/High, Learn Def, and love the Parry AND
Lunge tactic.  +3 att, +4 Parry.  Master in Att, Par and Init and Ad Ex in Def.  I am
currently sitting at 132 skills. -- Your truely Valamantis (tee hee) Holly Mackeral

                                      SPY REPORT

     So why do I have this bag over my head?  Because I am The Unknown Spymaster and 
I'm going to give you a spy report!.  We now have a new top team for all of you guys 
to dogpile on.  MASTERS OF RAGE now holds the crown and they are betting they can 
keep it.  It was a tough week for FISH MONGERS, to drop 4 places in the rankings.  
Coming up with a solid 4-0-1 outing, SINFUL SISTER has advanced 6 places in the 
rankings.  It looks like the guys(?) at EOD had a good week as they went 3-1-0 to put 
them in 7th place.  I guess steroids help!  Hey everybody, watch out for ALBACORE 
TUNER, who flew up 28 points in the rankings after mashing SQUINTS like a melon.  
Keep your eye on this gal.  Ya know, some days it doesn't pay to walk out on the 
sands.  BLUE BUTTERFLY was defeated by BUZZ and drops 22 points.  Well here's a 
duelmaster that doesn't sit back and say 'Challenge me'!  HOLLY MACKEREL made a 
challenge against JEFFRO this week.  Well, everybody's pal HOLLY MACKEREL moved hers 
record to 18-3-0 by defeating JEFFRO in the Duelmaster's Title Bout and gaining 13 
recognition points.  Can you believe they are paying me 10 gold to deliver this 
stuff?   
     Here is other news that is of note.  Here's a song for you:  Who's afraid of the 
big, bad MIDDLE WAY 10?  Big bad MIDDLE WAY 10.  Big bad MIDDLE WAY 10.  VALAMANTIS' 
afraid of the big bad MIDDLE WAY 10.  Tra la la la la!  Okay, so I may not be funny, 
but catch RIO VISTANS' act in the arena.  Those acrobats seem to be fairly deft at 
running from MIDDLE WAY 10.  And who is this JEFFRO you ask, with 99 points and a 
25-17-0 record.  Ooh, the tales I could tell!  Challenging down 23 points was EBOLA.  
Pretty soon he'll be using two shields and selling 'T.P.:  The only way to clean up' 
pins.  Definition of petty:  EBOLA overcame GLAL, a mismatch of 23 points.  In a 
mismatch, our friend GREAT WEAPON CHOICE of ALL ABOUT BASHERS got heroic notions and 
challenged CHIA EDEL.  What did it get her?  A 3-2-0 record, that's what.  Some 
advice to GREAT WEAPON CHOICE.  Please don't challenge up 26 points to fight a 
15-11-0 fighter like, say CHIA EDEL.  (Okay, so it may be a little late).  In a 
touching display by a 'touched' warrior, BASH TACTIC ROCKS went after BARBUS JAE, who 
was higher by 25 points.  Well, when the dust settled, BASH TACTIC ROCKS was killed 
by BARBUS JAE.   
     Being a spy is great--other people die and you spend the rest of the day 
drinking to their memory.  Better tanked than dead!  Carrion Bird Cinematic Humor:  
SQUINTS II:  THE REMATCH.  Big woman!  BARBUS JAE kills BASH TACTIC ROCKS.  Who ya 
gonna fight next, BARBUS JAE--Minnie Mouse?  I hope ALL ABOUT BASHERS has a good 
enough fighter to beat the snot out of BARBUS JAE.  Knowing when to use the right 
tactics at the proper time is a very important step on the road to Duelmaster.   
     Well, that wasn't too bad; Alarond told me that the people in VALAMANTIS have no 
sense of humor.  Or maybe that they were senseless.  Well, there goes another Spy 
Report.  Good luck in next week's fights.  Its been real, and its been fun, but it 
hasn't been real fun...-- The Unknown Spymaster  

DUELMASTER                     W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 ALBACORE TUNER 3954          15   5  1   122       FISH MONGERS (406)

CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 BUZZ 3809                     8   3  0   109       RIO VISTANS (348)
-RICE KAKE 3256               20   3  0   104       CHAOS ENFORCERS (286)
 MUGA GUCKA 3320              16   7  1   101       FREAKSHOW (354)
 JEFFRO 3410                  25  17  0    99       RIO VISTANS (348)
 EURO SHARK 4052              11   4  0    93       AS SEEN ON TV (361)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 ZEUS 4010                    10   2  0    89       LEGION OF LEGEND (409)
 BLUE BUTTERFLY 3642           5   1  0    86       MIKE'S INK (380)
-CRANKY 2780                  16  15  2    85       CHAOS ENFORCERS (286)
 GOOD BEAR 4200               13   4  0    83       THE BEARS (268)
 KUNG POW 4269                10   3  0    81       THE DARK SIDE II (432)
-TYRION 3764                   8   1  0    81       MIDGETS (356)
 JAGGED SHIV 3357             14  10  2    80       GRIM OBITUARY (197)
 DREXAL 3694                  15  12  0    77       GRAPHIC VIOLENCE (382)
 SNOW CONEZ 3316              13  10  0    77       FREAKSHOW (354)
 EASY TWEEZE 3937             11  13  2    76       AS SEEN ON TV (361)
-JOE C 3331                   12  10  0    74       MIDGETS (356)
 BERTHA 2867                  11  14  2    74       MASTERS OF RAGE (301)

CHALLENGER ADEPTS              W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 XAVIER 3265                  11   8  2    63       MASTERS OF RAGE (301)
 T.R. 4249                     7   3  0    59       RIO VISTANS (348)
 CHIA EDEL 4219               15  11  0    58       MIDDLE WAY 10 (420)
 ERFIN GORAM 4220             10  16  0    58       MIDDLE WAY 10 (420)
 JAY COBBLER 3691              7   3  3    58       GRAPHIC VIOLENCE (382)
 FROG SOAPDISH 3319           17   6  0    57       FREAKSHOW (354)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 BALI DARRAS 4221             12  14  0    56       MIDDLE WAY 10 (420)
 DANA FRISS 4230              11   9  0    56       MIDDLE WAY 10 (420)
 VALAMOND JR. 3298             9   6  1    51       MASTERS OF RAGE (301)
-ALABAMA 3692                  5   3  2    50       GRAPHIC VIOLENCE (382)
 AEROBED 4005                 11   5  0    49       AS SEEN ON TV (361)
-CHAOTIC THREAT 3039          11  13  2    48       CHAOS ENFORCERS (286)
-TATTOO 3334                   9  11  1    39       MIDGETS (356)
 GOLD MINE 4259                2   2  0    37       THE DARK SIDE II (432)
-DARK MINISTER 3283            9   8  0    35       CHAOS ENFORCERS (286)
 MARTAVIUS 3612                9   5  0    35       MASTERS OF RAGE (301)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 FINILLA HARS 4246             5   7  0    33       MIDDLE WAY 10 (420)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 ARES 4237                     5   4  0    33       LEGION OF LEGEND (409)
 BARBUS JAE 4270               4   2  1    31       FISH MONGERS (406)
 OGRISH NOCLARR 3970           4   2  0    31       GRIM OBITUARY (197)
 WHIPS AND CHAINS 4244         3   3  1    31       SINFUL SISTER (430)
 EBOLA 4268                    4   6  1    29       THE DARK SIDE II (432)
 MENAGE A TROIS 4243           4   2  0    26       SINFUL SISTER (430)
-SUPERMODEL MIA 3738           3   4  0    25       FREAKSHOW (354)
 GREAT WEAPON CHOICE 4276      3   2  0    25       ALL ABOUT BASHERS (433)
-GINSU CLASSIC 4084            2   2  1    24       AS SEEN ON TV (361)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 HOME WRECKER 4241             4   2  0    21       SINFUL SISTER (430)
 IXION 4238                    3   1  0    20       LEGION OF LEGEND (409)
-YOU OWE ME 1 DOLLAR 4272      2   1  0    20       ALL ABOUT BASHERS (433)
 SHAPE CHARGE 4304             2   0  0    19       EOD (436)
 SON OF BUTCH 4280             2   1  0    18       ALL ABOUT BASHERS (433)
 ZAIN GRIMEYE 3976             2   3  0    18       GRIM OBITUARY (197)
 DARTH SIDIUS 4316             0   1  0    17       RANDOM SITH (438)
 PROSTITUTE 4240               3   3  0    16       SINFUL SISTER (430)
 CHUCK 4281                    2   3  0    15       RIO VISTANS (348)
 REVEN 4318                    1   0  0    15       RANDOM SITH (438)
-THE DUKE 4288                 1   0  0    15       THE BEARS (268)
-WHO CARES 4262                3   1  0    14       THE DARK SIDE II (432)
 MY FAVORITE STYLE 4275        2   2  0    14       ALL ABOUT BASHERS (433)
 RAZORFISH 4094                3   3  0    12       FISH MONGERS (406)
 DETONATOR 4323                1   0  0    12       EOD (436)
 UMZAR RALU 3715               2   5  0    11       GRIM OBITUARY (197)
 LEIF 4277                     1   1  0    10       LEGION OF LEGEND (409)
 C-4 4322                      1   0  0    10       EOD (436)
 BRICKYARD 4312                1   2  0     9       THE BEARS (268)
-FLINT 4255                    1   3  0     8       MIDGETS (356)
 FLEX-X 4302                   1   1  0     8       EOD (436)
-LOOSEY 4258                   1   3  0     6       THE DARK SIDE II (432)
 BLANK 2 4321                  1   0  0     6       LEGION OF LEGEND (409)
-COOPER 3850                   1   2  0     5       MIKE'S INK (380)
-THE BARON 4290                0   1  0     5       THE BEARS (268)
 GLAL 3994                     0   4  0     5       GRIM OBITUARY (197)
 LIQUID D-WAYNE-O 4006         1   1  0     4       FREAKSHOW (354)
-CARSON 4236                   0   1  0     1       PHILANTHROPISTS (429)
 DARTH PLAGWEIS 4317           0   1  0     1       RANDOM SITH (438)
 HUKKLE FINN 4294              0   1  0     1       FISH MONGERS (406)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD               W  L K TEAM NAME             SLAIN BY             TURN Revenge?
CULT MEMBER 6          0  1 0   1                   WHIPS AND CHAINS 4244 390 NONE    
BASH TACTIC ROCK 4292  0  2 0 ALL ABOUT BASHERS 433 BARBUS JAE 4270       390         
CASSANDRA 2838         8 18 0 MASTERS OF RAGE 301   EASY TWEEZE 3937      387         
TROGLIN 4233           5  5 0 PHILANTHROPISTS 429   BERTHA 2867           389         
DARTH BANE 4319        0  1 0 RANDOM SITH 438       MISTRESS SITALVA 23   390 NONE    
DARTH MAUL 4320        0  1 0 RANDOM SITH 438       MOUNTAIN TROLL 18     390 NONE    
SQUINTS 3601          13 13 3 RIO VISTANS 348       ALBACORE TUNER 3954   390         
EXOTIC DANCER 4242     2  3 0 SINFUL SISTER 430     GINSU CLASSIC 4084    388         

                                     PERSONAL ADS

the Saint -- Maestro of the Lists, could you give us a who's who here in Rio Vis...I
mean Valamantis?  Grazi. -- Nuln, of All About Bashers

     Here's what I have.  These are teams listed in last turn's newsletter.  I'm in
     the midst of a major revamp of my files, so please, please, please let me know
     if I've gotten anyone's name wrong or anything! -- The Saint, keeper of somewhat
     chaotic lists
     ALL ABOUT BASHERS    Nuln               MIDDLE WAY 10        Nick
     AS SEEN ON TV        Indimar Fallon     MIDGETS              Ganolus Oakleaf
     CHAOS ENFORCERS      Lord Chaos         PHILANTHROPISTS      Aragorn
     EOD                  Tripwire           RIO VISTANS          Pauly
     FISH MONGERS         Ghoti              SINFUL SISTER        ?
     GRIM OBITUARY        ?                  THE BEARS            Papa Bear
     LEGION OF LEGEND     Seraphim           THE DARK SIDE II     Kingpin
     MASTERS OF RAGE      Valamond

Martavius -- Sorry I couldn't execute you per your manager's wishes.  I won't be
around this turn, but perhaps the turn after we can duel again. -- You Owe Me $1
P.S.  I owe you $1.

Dana Friss -- I've been Frissed.  I thought I could slow down against you a little
but I obviously THOUGHT WRONG!!!  Good golly. -- Great Weapon Choice

Leif -- You so wish you were a basher.  I can tell. -- Bash Tactic Rocks

Zain Grimeye -- Your eye *is* pretty damn grim, but that weenie little bread-stick
you carried was awfully...un-grim. -- Son of Butch

Ogrish Naclarr -- Well met, well met. -- My Favorite Style

Ganolie -- Thanks for the "welcome".  You runnin' here regulario or not?  'Cuz, you
know, I want to know if I can *depend* on you challenging me or not. -- Nulnio
P.S.  I'm just kidding, btw.  I just love to pretend to be indignant for some reason?
Specially since I love challengin' my non-alliance homies.

Valamond -- Thanks for the welcome.  I'll be semi-regular here, sometimes skipping a
turn, sometimes fighting a partial team (so far there's only one tourney warrior on
the team), but I'll do my part for the cause.  Long live Valamantis! -- Nuln
P.S.  Who's the Valamond Jr. kid?  And is your name any relation to this town at all?

Indimar -- Good to see you back to duke it out with Pauly.  The theatre is *always*
entertaining.  Oh, things might be getting zesty. -- Nuln

the Middle Way -- Two turns of basking in your personals and I actually got a little
bit of a tan!  Thanks! -- Nuln

Holly Mackerel -- Damn you. -- Squints
P.S.  I hope I got one last shot at you.

Hopefully someone is actually running Grim Obituary, cause I threw a couple
challenges their way.  I guess when you read this, we'll all know. -- Pauly

Indimar -- Dude, we have hotel reservations for the FtF.  We're actually going.  Now
I can obsess about that instead of the next TOGS. -- Pauly
P.S.  If anyone wants to find me, they should look in a secluded corner about midway
through the first day.  I'll be there crying in the fetal position, clutching a very
thin stack of papers.  Well, I hope not, but I try to be realistic.

Easy Tweeze -- (staggering back with a yell)  You're going to pull out WHAT?  No, no,
get AWAY from me with that thing! -- Chia Edel

Great Weapon Choice -- Well, of course!  I especially like the way bashers use their
fists.  It's always good for a laugh, and the gods know laughs are rare and valuable
things. -- Dana Friss, chuckling at the thought

Brickyard -- I just LOVE bears, but...are you sure you are one?  You don't seem at
all cuddly or cute., and that's part of the primary definition, isn't it? -- Finilla
Hars
P.S.  Well, silly me, I shouldn't ask YOU about the definition of a bear, because
you're a golem, and golems, by definition, are clueless in that area.  Even ordinary
human men find it hard to understand "cuddly and cute."
P.P.S.  Unless, of course, it's short, blonde, and overstuffed.  Huh.  Men.

Xavier -- Oh, drat!  Help me beat up the orderly who told the arena reporter that I
screamed.  I did NOT scream.  I wouldn't sink so low! -- Bali Darras

T.R. -- Did you ever think how pleasant it would be (for about a month) to have new
sentences?  Of course I "reconsidered this 'gladiator' stuff."  I do that every
morning when I get up.  Then I go to breakfast and find a copy of the contract I
signed serving as a placemat. -- Erfin Goram

Our congratulations to Holly Mackerel. -- The Middle Way

Indimar -- Er, isn't "bloody" appropriate, considering what's seen on tv? -- Nick,
Middle Way

11 August 2006
All -- I support Vendetta Cartel's observation of The Dark Knights!  If war is
declared on V.C. by The Dark Knights, then war is also declared on The Dark Knights
of the Desolate Empire by The Avengers of Light!  We have been quietly awaiting such
a chance to expose ourselves (all interested parties contact me c/o The Barbarians:
DM 31, Attn: Timothias)!  Come, Vendetta Cartel, let us show these broke-down
"Knights" what true warriors are! -- Gemini Goldphoenix, Overlord of The Avengers of
Light

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

DARTH BANE was butchered by MISTRESS SITALVA in a 1 minute Dark Arena fight.
DARTH MAUL was barely slain by MOUNTAIN TROLL in a 1 minute Dark Arena duel.
HOLLY MACKEREL savagely defeated JEFFRO in a 3 minute veteran's Challenge melee.
ALBACORE TUNER unbelievably slew SQUINTS in a 2 minute Challenge Title contest.
EASY TWEEZE was luckily beaten by ZEUS in a 2 minute master's Challenge competition.
GOOD BEAR vanquished XAVIER in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge fight.
EURO SHARK overpowered JAGGED SHIV in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge brawl.
T.R. was overpowered by KUNG POW in a 1 minute uneven Challenge melee.
GOLD MINE viciously subdued IXION in a action packed 3 minute gory Challenge duel.
EBOLA slimly won victory over GLAL in a 3 minute veteran vs. novice Challenge duel.
GREAT WEAPON CHOICE was overpowered by CHIA EDEL in a 1 minute Challenge melee.
MY FAVORITE STYLE defeated UMZAR RALU in a 2 minute Challenge match.
BRICKYARD was demolished by OGRISH NOCLARR in a 1 minute Challenge competition.
SHAPE CHARGE bested RAZORFISH in a 2 minute Challenge battle.
CHUCK was outlasted by MARTAVIUS in a 9 minute novice vs. master Challenge brawl.
BASH TACTIC ROCKS was assassinated by BARBUS JAE in a 1 minute Challenge duel.
BLUE BUTTERFLY was devastated by BUZZ in a exciting 1 minute bloody uneven duel.
MUGA GUCKA bested VETERAN MERCENARY in a popular 1 minute brutal brawl.
SNOW CONEZ demolished BALI DARRAS in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
DREXAL overpowered VALAMOND JR. in a 1 minute mismatched fight.
BERTHA viciously subdued AEROBED in a popular 2 minute gory contest.
FROG SOAPDISH won victory over ARES in a 4 minute match.
JAY COBBLER savagely defeated FINILLA HARS in a action packed 1 minute gruesome fray.
DANA FRISS viciously subdued CAPTURED ORC in a 1 minute gory veteran vs. novice bout.
ERFIN GORAM vanquished DANGEROUS CRIMINAL in a 1 minute gruesome one-sided match.
HOME WRECKER overpowered PERSISTENT BEGGAR in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
MENAGE A TROIS vanquished CULT MEMBER in a 1 minute uneven bout.
WHIPS AND CHAINS easily killed CULT MEMBER in a 1 minute brutal uneven bout.
PROSTITUTE viciously subdued PERSISTENT BEGGAR in a 1 minute brutal duel.
LIQUID D-WAYNE-O was outlasted by BLANK 2 in a dull 16 minute beginner's fight.
LEIF was defeated by DETONATOR in a 3 minute novice's match.
SON OF BUTCH defeated DARTH SIDIUS in a exciting 1 minute fight.
ZAIN GRIMEYE overpowered FLEX-X in a 1 minute uneven bout.
REVEN demolished HUKKLE FINN in a 1 minute uneven contest.
DARTH PLAGWEIS was overpowered by C-4 in a 1 minute one-sided struggle.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK                  13         PARRY-STRIKE       2 -   0 -  0     100  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                 12         PARRY-LUNGE       12 -   7 -  0      63  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                 10         WALL OF STEEL     15 -  11 -  0      58  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      7         SLASHING ATTACK   38 -  29 -  3      57  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   5         TOTAL PARRY       28 -  25 -  1      53  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    5         LUNGING ATTACK    36 -  33 -  1      52  |
|AIMED BLOW                       4         AIMED BLOW        10 -  10 -  0      50  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      3         BASHING ATTACK    15 -  19 -  1      44  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    2         STRIKING ATTACK   28 -  38 -  2      42  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     0         PARRY-RIPOSTE      6 -  13 -  0      32  |

Turn 390 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

PARRY-LUNGE        3 -  0     SLASHING ATTACK    5 -  7         3  TOTAL PARRY    
LUNGING ATTACK     8 -  5     PARRY-STRIKE       0 -  0         2  STRIKING ATTACK
BASHING ATTACK     3 -  2     PARRY-RIPOSTE      0 -  2         2  SLASHING ATTACK
WALL OF STEEL      3 -  2                                       2  BASHING ATTACK 
TOTAL PARRY        4 -  3                                       1  LUNGING ATTACK 
AIMED BLOW         2 -  2                                       1  WALL OF STEEL  
STRIKING ATTACK    5 -  5     

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
TOTAL PARRY      ALBACORE TUNER 3954        15   5  1  122 FISH MONGERS (406)
STRIKING ATTACK  BUZZ 3809                   8   3  0  109 RIO VISTANS (348)
LUNGING ATTACK   MUGA GUCKA 3320            16   7  1  101 FREAKSHOW (354)
WALL OF STEEL    ZEUS 4010                  10   2  0   89 LEGION OF LEGEND (409)
SLASHING ATTACK  BLUE BUTTERFLY 3642         5   1  0   86 MIKE'S INK (380)
BASHING ATTACK   KUNG POW 4269              10   3  0   81 THE DARK SIDE II (432)
AIMED BLOW       CHIA EDEL 4219             15  11  0   58 MIDDLE WAY 10 (420)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

The overall popularity leader is MUGA GUCKA 3320.  The most popular warrior this turn 
was GOLD MINE 4259.  The ten other most popular fighters were BERTHA 2867, SQUINTS 
3601, CHUCK 4281, MY FAVORITE STYLE 4275, SON OF BUTCH 4280, EASY TWEEZE 3937, GLAL 
3994, MUGA GUCKA 3320, JAY COBBLER 3691, and DETONATOR 4323.

The least popular fighter this week was BLANK 2 4321.  The other ten least popular 
fighters were LIQUID D-WAYNE-O 4006, MARTAVIUS 3612, DARTH PLAGWEIS 4317, HUKKLE FINN 
4294, FLEX-X 4302, FINILLA HARS 4246, FROG SOAPDISH 3319, VALAMOND JR. 3298, BALI 
DARRAS 4221, and BASH TACTIC ROCKS 4292.

The following warriors have traveled to AD after fighting this turn:

HOLLY MACKEREL (62-3951) FISH MONGERS (406)