DUEL 2 NEWSLETTER

Date   : 03/29/2018    Duedate: 04/25/2018

DRAGONHEAD ARENA

DM-72    TURN-325

This Weeks Top Honors

THE DUELMASTER IS

BAD SPECIAL EFFECTS
BASH BROS B-MOVIES (1025)
(72-8069) [13-3-0,108]

Chartered Recognition Leader   Unchartered Recognition Leader

LITHIUM                        ALDER WRAITH
DEADLY RAGE (158)              FEAR FACTORY 30 (1290)
(72-8234) [18-24-1,133]        (72-9745) [2-0-0,49]

Popularity Leader              This Weeks Favorite

THE RED SHORE                  FLASHPOINT
FEAR FACTORY 19 (1211)         FEAR FACTORY 3 (1116)
(72-9180) [3-22-0,33]          (72-8622) [10-8-0,88]

THE CURRENT TOP TEAM

BASH BROS GOLFER (968)

          TEAMS ON THE MOVE            TOP CAREER HONORS
Team Name                  Point Gain  Chartered Team
1. FEAR FACTORY 30 (1290)      32
2. UNLIKELY HEROES (1325)      32      BASH BROS BUS (821)
3. FEAR FACTORY 29 (1291)      25      Unchartered Team
4. BASH BROS FRUIT (997)       24
5. FEAR FACTORY 16 (1153)      21      FEAR FACTORY 30 (1290)

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
 1/ 2*FEAR FACTORY 30 (1290)     4   0  0  100   1/ 1 BASH BROS GOLFER (968)   11  4 0
 2/ 1*FEAR FACTORY 28 (1292)     3   0  0  100   2/ 2 BASH BROS REMOTE (960)    9  2 0
 3/ 3*FEAR FACTORY 21 (1209)     2   0  0  100   3/ 4 BASH BROS BUS (821)       5  0 2
 4- 4 BB REALITY SHOW (824)     23   2  1 92.0   4/ 3 BASH BROS LIGHTS (1021)   5  8 0
 5- 5 BASH BROS OLYMPIC (1039)  36   7  2 83.7   5- 5 BASH BROS OLYMPIC (1039)  4  0 1
 6/ 8 BASH BROS BUS (821)       38   9  3 80.9   6/16*FEAR FACTORY 30 (1290)    4  0 0
 7- 7 BASH BROS CONDO (979)     42  10  2 80.8   7/ 9 FEAR FACTORY 2 (1117)     4  0 0
 8/ 9 BASH BROS BROTHER (1022)  25   7  0 78.1   8/ 7 BASH BROS BROTHER (1022)  4  2 0
 9/10 BASH BROS HAIRCUT (737)   43  13  4 76.8   9/ 6 BASH BROS B-MOVIE (1025)  4  2 0
10/ 6 BASH BROS GOLFER (968)    33  10  2 76.7  10/17*FEAR FACTORY 28 (1292)    3  0 0
11/11 BASH BROS FAST FOO (739)  46  15  1 75.4  11/19 DEADLY RAGE (158)         3  0 0
12/13 BASH BROS NEWS (951)      50  17  0 74.6  12/20 BASH BROS HAIRCUT (737)   3  0 0
13/14 BASH BROS B-MOVIE (1025)  24   9  1 72.7  13/37*FEAR FACTORY 29 (1291)    3  2 0
14/16 BASH BROS REMOTE (960)    64  29  3 68.8  14/11 BASH BROS BEER (966)      3  3 0
15/15 BASH BROS LIGHTS (1021)   44  20  0 68.8  15/22*X-POSSE 2 (1323)          3  7 2
16/18 BASH BROS DISEASE (1031)  21  10  0 67.7  16/26*FEAR FACTORY 21 (1209)    2  0 0
17-17 BB SIDE MIRROR (1000)     20  10  0 66.7  17/28*FEAR FACTORY 25 (1295)    2  0 0
18/19 BASH BROS TRAIN (803)     31  17  0 64.6  18- 8 BB REALITY SHOW (824)     2  0 0

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
19/23*FEAR FACTORY 25 (1295)     5   3  0 62.5  19/35 BASH BROS DISEASE (1031)  2  1 0
20/22 BASH BROS FRUIT (997)     13   8  0 61.9  20/34 BASH BROS FRUIT (997)     2  1 0
21/20 BASH BROS BEER (966)      37  23  0 61.7  21/18 BASH BROS NEWS (951)      2  1 0
22/21 FEAR FACTORY 2 (1117)     22  14  0 61.1  22/21 BASH BROS TRAIN (803)     2  1 0
23/24 DEADLY RAGE (158)        176 144 10 55.0  23-24*BASH BROS NURSE (774)     2  2 0
24-25*BASH BROS NURSE (774)      5   5  0 50.0  24/10 FEAR FACTORY 3 (1116)     2  3 0
25-26*J IS FOR JACK (1268)       1   1  0 50.0  25-13 BASH BROS CONDO (979)     1  0 1
26-27 X-POSSE (579)             74  91  1 44.8  26-30*J IS FOR JACK (1268)      1  0 0
27/31 FEAR FACTORY 3 (1116)     14  18  1 43.8  27-32*FEAR FACTORY 39 (1315)    1  0 0
28/30 ON MY BOOKSHELF (1126)    52  69  2 43.0  28/14 ON MY BOOKSHELF (1126)    1  1 0
29/29 FEAR FACTORY 18 (1212)     7  10  1 41.2  29/42 FEAR FACTORY 16 (1153)    1  1 0
30-33 FEAR FACTORY 4 (1115)      6  10  0 37.5  30/27 FEAR FACTORY 18 (1212)    1  1 0
31/38*FEAR FACTORY 31 (1307)     3   5  0 37.5  31/31*FEAR FACTORY 31 (1307)    1  1 0
32/35 FEAR FACTORY 16 (1153)    12  21  0 36.4  32/33 FEAR FACTORY 9 (1146)     1  2 0
33/34 VAR'S FAV BARS (1127)     43  76  2 36.1  33/36 BASH BROS FAST FOO (739)  1  2 0
34/39*FEAR FACTORY 29 (1291)     5   9  0 35.7  34/23 FEAR FACTORY 19 (1211)    1  3 0
35/36 FEAR FACTORY 9 (1146)     10  22  0 31.3  35-12 X-POSSE (579)             1  4 0
36/32*X-POSSE 2 (1323)           3   7  2 30.0  36/39*UNLIKELY HEROES (1325)    1  5 0
37-37*FEAR FACTORY 39 (1315)     2   5  0 28.6  37/38 VAR'S FAV BARS (1127)     0  4 0
38/40 FEAR FACTORY 19 (1211)     6  30  0 16.7  38/41*GRIZZLED VETERANS (1285)  0  2 0
39/42*UNLIKELY HEROES (1325)     1   5  0 16.7  39-40 FEAR FACTORY 4 (1115)     0  2 0
40/41*GRIZZLED VETERANS (1285)   0   4  0  0.0  40/43*30TH DIRE LANCERS (1316)  0  2 0
41/43*30TH DIRE LANCERS (1316)   0   2  0  0.0  41-29 BB SIDE MIRROR (1000)     0  1 0

    '*'   Unchartered team                       '-'  Team did not fight this turn
   (###)  Avoid teams by their Team Id          ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

                                      SPY REPORT

     Greetings, warriors of DRAGONHEAD!  Once again I've been called out of 
retirement for my abilities and insights into Spyreporting.  Who can explain it?  Not 
you, not me, not FEAR FACTORY 29's opponents, after watching them shoot up the ranks 
from 37th to 13th.  You know what they say about the herd of lions who studied a 
judge...  FEAR FACTORY 25 moved up 11 places, to 17th.  Who can explain it?  Not you, 
not me, not BASH BROS DISEASE's opponents, after watching them shoot up the ranks 
from 35th to 19th.  You know what they say about the herd of lions who studied a 
judge...  BASH BROS FRUIT moved up 14 places, to 20th.  Ever take one of those 
association tests?  You know, he says black, you say white.  Water-Lake, Sky-Blue. 
Try this:  Flop.  FEAR FACTORY 3!  Looking for a good fight, confident, skilled, 
tough opponents.  Well don't look at ON MY BOOKSHELF, cause they dropped by 14.  Who 
can explain it?  Not you, not me, not FEAR FACTORY 16's opponents, after watching 
them shoot up the ranks from 42nd to 29th.  FEAR FACTORY 19 bit the big one as they 
could not win.  They dropped from 23rd down to 34th!  Are you guy giving lessons or 
what?  Some people say I ramble too much, I don't say anything relevant.  I repeat 
myself.  I ramble.  Well BASH BROS REMOTE moved up 0, to 2nd.  What's with MOLDY?  He 
actually beat DRAGONHEAD's KHALHUMS DWARF, and walked away with 24 more points from 
the fight.  Major screwup at BASH BROS B-MOVIES.  BAD SCRIPT lost 16 points to KILL 
THE LYCAN.  Some new strategies, perhaps?  Maybe BAD SCRIPT will provide more easy 
wins...  I'm sure DRAGONHEAD is excited about BAD SPECIAL EFFECTS, the new Duelmaster 
from BASH BROS B-MOVIES.  (remember?)  But when you've seen as many as I have...  
Advice to fighters with a 1 will--give up fighting!   
     If at first you don't succeed, avoid.  That'll get you in the Spyreports.   
     A fighter's lot is filled with strife, revenge, and killing.  Some fighters 
don't accept this.  The best do.  Many a warrior has met his fate in a hungover 
stupor.  You young rapscallions, take note!   
     Who knows what the future holds for a warrior.  More fights, there's no doubt.  
The end of another Spyreport!  That's cause for celebration in my book!  Remember--a 
good fighter needs both good skills and good luck.  Until next time,-- Olaf Modeen  

DUELMASTER                     W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 BAD SPECIAL EFFECTS 8069     13   3  0   108       BASH BROS B-MOVIES (1025)

CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 LITHIUM 8234                 18  24  1   133       DEADLY RAGE (158)
-TRUTH HURTS 8627              9   5  0   115       FEAR FACTORY 2 (1117)
 ETERNAL REST 8626            13   3  0   113       FEAR FACTORY 2 (1117)
 RUDE DRIVER 7001             18   5  1   109       BASH BROS BUS (821)
 MISSED STOP 8276             18   9  0   100       BASH BROS TRAIN (803)
 DROP AND BREAK 7730          14   5  0   100       BASH BROS REMOTE (960)
 BORROWS MONEY 8055           13   2  0    98       BASH BROS BROTHER (1022)
 BOOGER KING 6588             25   9  0    95       BASH BROS FAST FOOD (739)
 NOT NEWS 7687                13   6  0    95       BASH BROS NEWS (951)
 NOT THE REAL THING 7762      17  13  0    92       BASH BROS BEER (966)
 MAKESMELOOKBAD 8052          12   5  0    92       BASH BROS BROTHER (1022)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 HEART 8101                   14   8  0    88       BASH BROS DISEASE (1031)
 BRIGHT 8050                  11   5  0    88       BASH BROS LIGHTS (1021)
 FLASHPOINT 8622              10   8  0    88       FEAR FACTORY 3 (1116)
 MOLDY 7930                   11   6  0    84       BASH BROS FRUIT (997)
 LESS TASTE 7764              20  10  0    83       BASH BROS BEER (966)
-FLICKERING 8048              14   0  0    81       BASH BROS LIGHTS (1021)
 BLAME THE CLUB 7774           7   1  1    78       BASH BROS GOLFER (968)
 TAKENOUTOFTHEROOM 7731       14   7  0    76       BASH BROS REMOTE (960)
-MAGIK 5917                    8   6  0    74       X-POSSE (579)
-DEATH RATTLE 8618             6   6  0    74       FEAR FACTORY 4 (1115)
 YOUR LAST NIGHT 9188          7   8  1    72       FEAR FACTORY 18 (1212)
 OUT OF BATTERIES 7732        14   7  1    68       BASH BROS REMOTE (960)

CHALLENGER ADEPTS              W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 NO BATTERIES 7733            12   5  1    65       BASH BROS REMOTE (960)
 CHEMICAL SMELL 7875           8   1  0    65       BASH BROS HAIRCUT (737)
 CAN'T CLOSE MOUTH 7772        8   2  0    57       BASH BROS GOLFER (968)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 APES OF WRATH 8827           10  15  0    55       FEAR FACTORY 9 (1146)
 KILL THE LYCAN 8893           6   3  0    55       FEAR FACTORY 16 (1153)
 REPROBATE 9806                4   0  1    55       FEAR FACTORY 3 (1116)
 TOMMYKNOCKERS 9210            9  21  1    49       VAR'S FAV BARS (1127)
 ALDER WRAITH 9745             2   0  0    49       FEAR FACTORY 30 (1290)
-MIA 7252                      3   2  0    47       BASH BROS NURSE (774)
-UNEVEN 6574                   4   0  1    46       BASH BROS HAIRCUT (737)
-STUPID CONTESTANT 7018        4   1  1    43       BB REALITY SHOW (824)
 BAD SCRIPT 8068              10   5  1    42       BASH BROS B-MOVIES (1025)
 SEVERA LE DOUX 9775           5   3  0    39       FEAR FACTORY 25 (1295)
 DIM 8047                      6   3  0    36       BASH BROS LIGHTS (1021)
-ICE OVER 9800                 3   1  0    36       FEAR FACTORY 19 (1211)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 THE RED SHORE 9180            3  22  0    33       FEAR FACTORY 19 (1211)
 WHISPER CRAFT 9749            1   4  0    31       FEAR FACTORY 29 (1291)
 KNOWITALLAMATEUR 7770         7   3  1    30       BASH BROS GOLFER (968)
 NONSTANDARD 8051              7   9  0    30       BASH BROS LIGHTS (1021)
 BEYOND SLOW 7771              7   3  0    28       BASH BROS GOLFER (968)
 GHOSTFIRE BLADE 9905          2   2  0    25       FEAR FACTORY 31 (1307)
 ZERO VIXEN 9743               2   0  0    25       FEAR FACTORY 30 (1290)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 CHEATER 7773                  4   1  0    23       BASH BROS GOLFER (968)
 NECROSKITTER 9904             2   0  0    22       FEAR FACTORY 28 (1292)
 HARD TO REACH 8049            6   3  0    21       BASH BROS LIGHTS (1021)
 BLOOD & MILK 9963             2   0  0    21       FEAR FACTORY 29 (1291)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-DOMINO 9959                   3   3  0    18       X-POSSE (579)
-SLAUGHTER CRY 9948            2   1  0    18       FEAR FACTORY 39 (1315)
 FOR THE WRETCHED 9171         2   0  0    17       FEAR FACTORY 21 (1209)
-O' LANTERN 9558               1   1  0    15       J IS FOR JACK (1268)
 TARRA 10061                   1   1  1    14       X-POSSE 2 (1323)
-ICARUS 9974                   1   1  0    13       X-POSSE (579)
 PROJECT A 10072               1   1  0    13       UNLIKELY HEROES (1325)
 SAVAGE 10062                  1   1  1    11       X-POSSE 2 (1323)
-TOO GOOD 6762                 2   3  0     9       BASH BROS NURSE (774)
-KAIGE CLOVEN 9762             1   0  0     9       FEAR FACTORY 28 (1292)
-SNARECASTER 9906              1   0  0     9       FEAR FACTORY 31 (1307)
-TERRIBLE HOST 7019            0   1  0     7       BB REALITY SHOW (824)
-LENFREA 9705                  0   2  0     6       GRIZZLED VETERANS II (1285)
 DUNJO 9708                    0   2  0     6       GRIZZLED VETERANS II (1285)
 LARK 10059                    1   1  0     4       X-POSSE 2 (1323)
 BLOODY CARDINAL 10058         0   2  0     2       X-POSSE 2 (1323)
-SHARD 10057                   0   1  0     1       X-POSSE (579)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                W  L K TEAM NAME            SLAIN BY              TURN Revenge?
TARHA 9955              0  2 0 30TH DIRE LANCE 1316 TARRA 10061           325   
LONG LINES 7537        11 14 0 BASH BROS DMV 924    TOMMYKNOCKERS 9210    321  NOT REVENGED
DA3 10099               0  1 0 UNLIKELY HEROES 1325 DARK CHAMPION         325  NONE
DA4 10100               0  1 0 UNLIKELY HEROES 1325 ARENAMASTER           325  NONE
MIRAGE 9970             0  1 0 X-POSSE 579          REPROBATE 9806        321  NOT REVENGED
BANE 10060              0  2 0 X-POSSE 2 1323       STONE GOLEM           325  NONE

                                     PERSONAL ADS

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

BANE was barely slain by STONE GOLEM in a crowd pleasing 3 minute Dark Arena fight.
DA4 was murdered by ARENAMASTER in a 1 minute brutal Dark Arena melee.
DA3 was assassinated by DARK CHAMPION in a 1 minute bloody Dark Arena duel.
SIX-GUN TAROT was bested by BAD SPECIAL EFFECTS in a 1 minute veteran's Title fight.
RUDE DRIVER devastated YOUR LAST NIGHT in a popular 1 minute uneven brawl.
ETERNAL REST bested BORROWS MONEY in a crowd pleasing 1 minute gory master's match.
DROP AND BREAK handily defeated M. CHARDINEE in a 1 minute uneven melee.
MISSED STOP vanquished VETERAN MERCENARY in a action packed 1 minute one-sided duel.
LITHIUM overpowered LESS TASTE in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
NOT THE REAL THING handily defeated KHALHUMS DWARF in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
OUT OF BATTERIES was demolished by VENEMOUS CONCUBINE in a 1 minute mismatched match.
HEART handily defeated CONVICTED ASSASSIN in a exciting 1 minute one-sided contest.
TAKENOUTOFTHEROOM viciously subdued CONVICTED ASSASSIN in a 1 minute bout.
FLASHPOINT was luckily beaten by BOOGER KING in a 3 minute veteran's duel.
MAKESMELOOKBAD vanquished KUNG-FU MASTER in a 2 minute bloody one-sided fray.
BRIGHT viciously subdued CONVICTED ASSASSIN in a popular 1 minute brutal brawl.
NOT NEWS demolished M. CHARDINEE in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
NO BATTERIES overpowered TOMMYKNOCKERS in a 1 minute mismatched fight.
BAD SCRIPT was viciously subdued by KILL THE LYCAN in a 2 minute gory contest.
MOLDY overpowered KHALHUMS DWARF in a 1 minute one-sided duel.
CHEMICAL SMELL overpowered FRATSFA SLAVE in a 1 minute uneven fray.
BLAME THE CLUB handily defeated CONVICTED ASSASSIN in a 1 minute one-sided contest.
REPROBATE overpowered BEYOND SLOW in a 1 minute brutal uneven fight.
CAN'T CLOSE MOUTH defeated THE RED SHORE in a popular 4 minute duel.
KNOWITALLAMATEUR was overpowered by APES OF WRATH in a exciting 1 minute uneven match.
DIM was overcome by ALDER WRAITH in a 1 minute bout.
CHEATER was overcome by SEVERA LE DOUX in a exciting 1 minute amateur vs. expert bout.
NONSTANDARD was savagely defeated by WHISPER CRAFT in a action packed 4 minute fight.
HARD TO REACH was defeated by ZERO VIXEN in a 2 minute match.
NECROSKITTER subdued SAVAGE in a 1 minute fight.
GHOSTFIRE BLADE savagely defeated BLOODY CARDINAL in a exciting 2 minute gory bout.
BLOOD & MILK handily defeated MORDANT DESERTER in a 1 minute mismatched match.
DUNJO was vanquished by FOR THE WRETCHED in a 1 minute mismatched fight.
TARHA was murdered by TARRA in a 1 minute mismatched match.
LARK was luckily beaten by PROJECT A in a 5 minute brutal novice's fray.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|AIMED BLOW                      10         PARRY-LUNGE       53 -  15 -  1      78  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   8         BASHING ATTACK    68 -  38 -  5      64  |
|LUNGING ATTACK                   8         STRIKING ATTACK   65 -  45 -  4      59  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  7         AIMED BLOW        51 -  45 -  2      53  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      6         TOTAL PARRY       37 -  39 -  1      49  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    6         LUNGING ATTACK    75 -  80 -  3      48  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      6         SLASHING ATTACK    5 -   7 -  0      42  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    2         WALL OF STEEL     27 -  38 -  4      42  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  1         PARRY-RIPOSTE      6 -  10 -  0      38  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     0         PARRY-STRIKE       3 -   6 -  1      33  |

Turn 325 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

SLASHING ATTACK    1 -  0     LUNGING ATTACK     3 -  5         3  STRIKING ATTACK
STRIKING ATTACK    5 -  2     TOTAL PARRY        2 -  4         2  PARRY-LUNGE    
AIMED BLOW         7 -  3     PARRY-STRIKE       0 -  0         2  AIMED BLOW     
PARRY-LUNGE        4 -  2                                       2  BASHING ATTACK 
WALL OF STEEL      4 -  2                                       1  TOTAL PARRY    
PARRY-RIPOSTE      1 -  1                                       1  WALL OF STEEL  
BASHING ATTACK     4 -  4     

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
PARRY-LUNGE      BAD SPECIAL EFFECTS 8069   13   3  0  108 BASH BROS B-MOVIES (1025)
STRIKING ATTACK  ETERNAL REST 8626          13   3  0  113 FEAR FACTORY 2 (1117)
AIMED BLOW       RUDE DRIVER 7001           18   5  1  109 BASH BROS BUS (821)
BASHING ATTACK   MISSED STOP 8276           18   9  0  100 BASH BROS TRAIN (803)
TOTAL PARRY      BOOGER KING 6588           25   9  0   95 BASH BROS FAST FOOD (739)
WALL OF STEEL    NOT THE REAL THING 7762    17  13  0   92 BASH BROS BEER (966)
LUNGING ATTACK   FLASHPOINT 8622            10   8  0   88 FEAR FACTORY 3 (1116)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

The overall popularity leader is THE RED SHORE 9180.  The most popular warrior this 
turn was BANE 10060.  The ten other most popular fighters were FLASHPOINT 8622, 
GHOSTFIRE BLADE 9905, THE RED SHORE 9180, WHISPER CRAFT 9749, LARK 10059, ETERNAL 
REST 8626, TAKENOUTOFTHEROOM 7731, MAKESMELOOKBAD 8052, BRIGHT 8050, and KILL THE 
LYCAN 8893.

The least popular fighter this week was PROJECT A 10072.  The other ten least popular 
fighters were TARHA 9955, DUNJO 9708, SAVAGE 10062, HARD TO REACH 8049, DIM 8047, 
KNOWITALLAMATEUR 7770, BEYOND SLOW 7771, BAD SCRIPT 8068, TOMMYKNOCKERS 9210, and OUT 
OF BATTERIES 7732.

The following warriors will travel to AD after next turn:

ETERNAL REST (72-8626) FEAR FACTORY 2 (1117)

The following warriors have traveled to AD after fighting this turn:

SIX-GUN TAROT (72-8680) ON MY BOOKSHELF (1126)

                                NAME CHANGE-O-RAMA

     Algernon, who had NOT gotten the name change he'd asked for, looked at the latest 
petitioner.  This was a typical gladiator, big, muscular, and scarred, with a frown.  
"Ah, what can I do for you?"
     "Name change.  I heard we can do that.  I'm tired of being Jane Doe."
     "I'd think you would be," Algernon said faintly.  "The Commission has actually 
been thinking about this.  It isn't FREE, mind you!  It takes money to run our office, 
you know, and we want to buy some goats--"
     "I don't care about goats!"  He made a crude suggestion about goats.
     "Gladiators, teams, it will cost you two dollars to make a change--"
     "I had a talk with my manager.  He'll find the money.  I want to change my name 
to Jane Ralph.  I'm no doe!"  He thumped a fist on the counter.
     "Er, yes.  Jane Ralph.  Fill out this form, please."  He pushed the paper across 
the counter.  "The changes start on the 15th of April--that's the Ides, you know, and 
can be submitted through the end of May.  With the payment.  No change without the 
goat, ah, the gold."

                                  *   *   *   *   *  

     Warrior and team name changes will be accepted beginning April 15 and continuing 
throughout the month of May.  The cost will be $2 per name change.  All proceeds will 
be used to buy goats via Heifer International and will be matched up to $500.  
If you have names you want to change, please contact Customer Service. -- RSI