DUEL 2 NEWSLETTER

Date   : 07/19/2018    Duedate: 08/15/2018

DRAGONHEAD ARENA

DM-72    TURN-329

This Weeks Top Honors

THE DUELMASTER IS

PIRATE
NL CENTRAL (783)
(72-6806) [19-8-0,151]

Chartered Recognition Leader   Unchartered Recognition Leader

PIRATE                         ALDER WRAITH
NL CENTRAL (783)               FEAR FACTORY 30 (1290)
(72-6806) [19-8-0,151]         (72-9745) [3-2-0,51]

Popularity Leader              This Weeks Favorite

LESS TASTE                     SNOOP DOGGY DOGG
BASH BROS BEER (966)           MONGREL HORDE (680)
(72-7764) [22-12-0,90]         (72-6245) [16-10-1,102]

THE CURRENT TOP TEAM

RUSSIAN BIRDS (671)

          TEAMS ON THE MOVE            TOP CAREER HONORS
Team Name                  Point Gain  Chartered Team
1. NL CENTRAL (783)            37
2. RUSSIAN BIRDS (671)         35      CUB GREATS (1121)
3. BASH BROS REMOTE (960)      34      Unchartered Team
4. MEAT YOUR MAKER (656)       23
5. BASH BROS BROTHER (1022)    19      FEAR FACTORY 30 (1290)

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
 1- 1*FEAR FACTORY 21 (1209)     3   0  0  100   1/ 6 RUSSIAN BIRDS (671)       8  1 2
 2/ 2 CUB GREATS (1121)         16   3  0 84.2   2/ 5 NL CENTRAL (783)          8  3 1
 3/ 3 BASH BROS BUS (821)       41  10  4 80.4   3/ 4 BASH BROS REMOTE (960)    7  5 1
 4/ 5 BASH BROS BROTHER (1022)  32   8  0 80.0   4/ 2*X-POSSE 3 (1330)          7  8 3
 5- 4*FEAR FACTORY 28 (1292)     4   1  0 80.0   5- 1 BASH BROS LIGHTS (1021)   6  4 0
 6/ 7 BASH BROS FAST FOO (739)  48  17  1 73.8   6/10 MEAT YOUR MAKER (656)     6  5 0
 7/ 8 BASH BROS NEWS (951)      52  19  1 73.2   7/ 8 BASH BROS BROTHER (1022)  5  1 0
 8/10 RUSSIAN BIRDS (671)       53  20  4 72.6   8- 3 BASH BROS GOLFER (968)    5  5 0
 9- 9 BASH BROS GOLFER (968)    42  16  2 72.4   9/ 9 BASH BROS B-MOVIE (1025)  4  2 0
10/11 SPORTS CRIP PLAYS (590)   54  22  2 71.1  10/12 FEAR FACTORY 29 (1291)    3  0 0
11-12 BASH BROS LIGHTS (1021)   55  24  0 69.6  11/ 7 BASH BROS BEER (966)      3  3 0
12/14 BASH BROS REMOTE (960)    75  34  4 68.8  12-11 SUE'S BOYS (670)          3  4 0
13/13 BASH BROS B-MOVIE (1025)  28  13  1 68.3  13/31 BASH BROS NEWS (951)      2  1 1
14-16 BASH BROS TRAIN (803)     33  18  0 64.7  14/16 BASH BROS BUS (821)       2  1 1
15/23 FEAR FACTORY 25 (1295)     7   4  0 63.6  15/26 FEAR FACTORY 25 (1295)    2  1 0
16/19 MEAT YOUR MAKER (656)    135  78  7 63.4  16/22 CUB GREATS (1121)         2  1 0
17-20 SUE'S BOYS (670)          58  34  2 63.0  17/23 FEAR FACTORY 16 (1153)    2  1 0
18/17 BASH BROS DISEASE (1031)  22  13  0 62.9  18/28 SPORTS CRIP PLAYS (590)   2  1 0

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
19/18 BASH BROS BEER (966)      42  26  0 61.8  19/35 BASH BROS FAST FOO (739)  2  1 0
20/21 BASH BROS FRUIT (997)     15  10  0 60.0  20/13 FEAR FACTORY 3 (1116)     2  2 1
21/ 6*FEAR FACTORY 30 (1290)     6   4  0 60.0  21/29 MONGREL HORDE (680)       2  3 0
22/24 NL CENTRAL (783)          67  50  2 57.3  22/18*FEAR FACTORY 30 (1290)    2  4 0
23/25 MONGREL HORDE (680)       70  54  9 56.5  23/37 ONE MAN BAND (684)        2  4 0
24-26 DEADLY RAGE (158)        177 145 10 55.0  24-19*SELLSWORDS IV (1043)      1  0 0
25/27 ONE LETTER OFF (917)      11  11  0 50.0  25-21*FEAR FACTORY 21 (1209)    1  0 0
26/15*X-POSSE 3 (1330)          10  10  3 50.0  26-25*FEAR FACTORY 28 (1292)    1  1 0
27-28*SELLSWORDS IV (1043)       1   1  0 50.0  27-17 BASH BROS TRAIN (803)     1  1 0
28/29 ONE MAN BAND (684)        43  45  2 48.9  28/32 VAR'S FAV BARS (1127)     1  2 0
29/31 FEAR FACTORY 29 (1291)     8   9  0 47.1  29/14 FEAR FACTORY 19 (1211)    1  2 0
30/30 FEAR FACTORY 3 (1116)     16  20  2 44.4  30/38 FEAR FACTORY 18 (1212)    1  2 0
31/33 FEAR FACTORY 18 (1212)     8  12  1 40.0  31/15 BASH BROS FRUIT (997)     1  2 0
32/32 FEAR FACTORY 16 (1153)    14  22  0 38.9  32/33 FEAR FACTORY 9 (1146)     1  2 0
33/34 VAR'S FAV BARS (1127)     45  78  2 36.6  33/24 ONE LETTER OFF (917)      1  2 0
34/35 FEAR FACTORY 9 (1146)     11  25  0 30.6  34/36*UNLIKELY HEROES (1325)    1  5 0
35/36 FEAR FACTORY 19 (1211)     8  32  0 20.0  35/30 BASH BROS DISEASE (1031)  0  3 0
36-37*30TH DIRE LANCERS (1316)   1   4  0 20.0  36-34*30TH DIRE LANCERS (1316)  0  1 0
37/38*UNLIKELY HEROES (1325)     2  11  0 15.4  37-27 DEADLY RAGE (158)         0  1 0

    '*'   Unchartered team                       '-'  Team did not fight this turn
   (###)  Avoid teams by their Team Id          ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

                                      SPY REPORT

     So why do I have this bag over my head?  Because I am The Unknown Spymaster and 
I'm going to give you a spy report!.  We now have a new top team for all of you guys 
to dogpile on.  RUSSIAN BIRDS now holds the crown and they are betting they can keep 
it.  Take a look at BASH BROS NEWS' act, as they have a 1-0-1 week and gain 18 places 
in the team ranking.  Rising in the ranks like a loaf of armored bread (okay, I admit 
it's corny) is FEAR FACTORY 25, who swept up 11 places in the ranks.  Take a look at 
BASH BROS FAST FOOD's act, as they have a 1-0-0 week and gain 16 places in the team 
ranking.  Rising in the ranks like a loaf of armored bread (okay, I admit it's corny) 
is ONE MAN BAND, who swept up 14 places in the ranks.  A seasoned team is steady in 
the lists.  But to FEAR FACTORY 19, which fell to 29th, it's what you soak in before 
going to the Dark Arena.  What goes up, must come down.  Watch out DRAGONHEAD!  BASH 
BROS FRUIT may fall on you as it crushes past the teams below it to fall on the 31st 
spot.  It looks like the guys(?) at RUSSIAN BIRDS had a good week as they went 3-0-0 
to put them in 1st place.  I guess steroids help!  Hey everybody, watch out for RED, 
who flew up 20 points in the rankings after mashing KID KRAKEN like a melon.  Keep 
your eye on this beast.  Ya know, some days it doesn't pay to walk out on the sands.  
ZERO was defeated by FROG FOOT and drops 12 points.  Our battling duelmaster PIRATE 
has managed to hold the title, fending off BAD SPECIAL EFFECTS' none too subtle 
advances.  Better luck next time, BASH BROS B-MOVIES.  Advice to bashers--never force 
anything, just get a bigger halberd!   
     Here is other news that is of note.  Here's a song for you:  Who's afraid of the 
big, bad BASH BROS FRUIT?  Big bad BASH BROS FRUIT.  Big bad BASH BROS FRUIT.  
DRAGONHEAD's afraid of the big bad BASH BROS FRUIT.  Tra la la la la!  And you guys 
like to boo me?  Well, unsling your rasberries, cause MONGREL HORDE beats feet every 
time BASH BROS FRUIT smiles at them.  Try farming, eh?  Well dang howdy, but if 
challenges were votes, DROP AND BREAK would be president.  Although it may be a 
contest he doesn't want to win.   
     Being a spy is great--other people die and you spend the rest of the day 
drinking to their memory.  Better tanked than dead!  RUDE DRIVER defied all odds and 
slew STONE GOLEM in the Dark Arena.  The only ones displeased were the buzzards, as 
STONE GOLEM's meat is notoriously tough.  NOT NEWS defied all odds and slew HIGH ELF 
in the Dark Arena.  The only ones displeased were the buzzards, as HIGH ELF's meat is 
notoriously tough.  Well, just when you thought it was safe to put a new warrior in 
the arena.  No no!  REPROBATE, a mere boy, was slain by OUT OF BATTERIES this turn.  
Ask not the elves for counsel, for they will say both yes and no.  Silly buggers, eh? 
     I think I had better cut this one short.  It's been nice chatting to those of 
you whom I have not offended yet.  C'mon, Leadfoot, let's make some tracks.  Hasta la 
bye-bye.  (Loud choruses of 'Beat it, ya bum!')-- The Unknown Spymaster  

DUELMASTER                     W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 PIRATE 6806                  19   8  0   151       NL CENTRAL (783)

CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 KEVIN BACON 8675             11   2  0   146       MEAT YOUR MAKER (656)
 DROP AND BREAK 7730          18   5  0   128       BASH BROS REMOTE (960)
-TIM SALMON 6290              13   4  0   126       MEAT YOUR MAKER (656)
 BORROWS MONEY 8055           17   2  0   121       BASH BROS BROTHER (1022)
 BOOGER KING 6588             27  11  0   119       BASH BROS FAST FOOD (739)
 SLO-PITCH 5815               21   5  0   115       SPORTS CRIP PLAYS (590)
 ERNIE BANKS 8648             16   3  0   110       CUB GREATS (1121)
 MAKESMELOOKBAD 8052          15   6  0   105       BASH BROS BROTHER (1022)
 CHICKEN S#!^ 5952            22  26  0   103       MEAT YOUR MAKER (656)
 OUT OF BATTERIES 7732        17   8  2   103       BASH BROS REMOTE (960)
-FLICKERING 8048              17   0  0   102       BASH BROS LIGHTS (1021)
 SNOOP DOGGY DOGG 6245        16  10  1   102       MONGREL HORDE (680)
-FLASHPOINT 8622              11   8  0   102       FEAR FACTORY 3 (1116)
 NOT THE REAL THING 7762      20  14  0    97       BASH BROS BEER (966)
-BRIGHT 8050                  13   6  0    97       BASH BROS LIGHTS (1021)
 HINT OF SLIME 7503           11  11  0    93       ONE LETTER OFF (917)
 BAD SPECIAL EFFECTS 8069     14   6  0    92       BASH BROS B-MOVIES (1025)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 LESS TASTE 7764              22  12  0    90       BASH BROS BEER (966)
 UNDERDOG 6250                18   7  1    90       MONGREL HORDE (680)
 MOLDY 7930                   13   8  0    89       BASH BROS FRUIT (997)
-BLAME THE CLUB 7774           8   3  1    89       BASH BROS GOLFER (968)
 NO BATTERIES 7733            15   6  1    88       BASH BROS REMOTE (960)
-CHRISTIAN 6200               10   3  1    85       SUE'S BOYS (670)
-CAN'T CLOSE MOUTH 7772       10   3  0    77       BASH BROS GOLFER (968)
 TOMMYKNOCKERS 9210           11  23  1    76       VAR'S FAV BARS (1127)
 TAKENOUTOFTHEROOM 7731       15  10  0    74       BASH BROS REMOTE (960)
 BAD SCRIPT 8068              13   6  1    70       BASH BROS B-MOVIES (1025)
 HEART 8101                   15  11  0    68       BASH BROS DISEASE (1031)

CHALLENGER ADEPTS              W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-BEYOND SLOW 7771             10   3  0    64       BASH BROS GOLFER (968)
 YOUR LAST NIGHT 9188          8  10  1    64       FEAR FACTORY 18 (1212)
 BEAR 6221                    10   6  1    63       RUSSIAN BIRDS (671)
 APES OF WRATH 8827           11  18  0    58       FEAR FACTORY 9 (1146)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 SEVERA LE DOUX 9775           7   4  0    55       FEAR FACTORY 25 (1295)
-NONSTANDARD 8051             10   9  0    53       BASH BROS LIGHTS (1021)
 ALDER WRAITH 9745             3   2  0    51       FEAR FACTORY 30 (1290)
 KILL THE LYCAN 8893           8   4  0    50       FEAR FACTORY 16 (1153)
-KNOWITALLAMATEUR 7770         9   4  1    47       BASH BROS GOLFER (968)
-XYLOPHONE 9365                5   0  0    47       ONE MAN BAND (684)
-SOCCER 5459                   6   4  1    46       SPORTS CRIP PLAYS (590)
 FOXBAT 9863                   4   0  0    45       RUSSIAN BIRDS (671)
 THE RED SHORE 9180            5  24  0    41       FEAR FACTORY 19 (1211)
-SQUASH 5458                   6   4  0    40       SPORTS CRIP PLAYS (590)
-ICE OVER 9800                 3   1  0    36       FEAR FACTORY 19 (1211)
 BLOOD & MILK 9963             5   0  0    34       FEAR FACTORY 29 (1291)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-FLANKER 6222                  2   1  1    33       RUSSIAN BIRDS (671)
-FROGGER 6123                  3   1  0    32       RUSSIAN BIRDS (671)
-WHISPER CRAFT 9749            1   4  0    31       FEAR FACTORY 29 (1291)
 CARDINAL 8794                 3   5  0    30       NL CENTRAL (783)
 SIR LOIN OF BEEF 9683         3   2  0    29       MEAT YOUR MAKER (656)
 MIA HAMM 9358                 2  11  2    27       MEAT YOUR MAKER (656)
-HARD TO REACH 8049            7   5  0    26       BASH BROS LIGHTS (1021)
-FOR THE WRETCHED 9171         3   0  0    26       FEAR FACTORY 21 (1209)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 ORGAN 9495                    1   2  0    26       ONE MAN BAND (684)
 ZERO VIXEN 9743               3   2  0    24       FEAR FACTORY 30 (1290)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-BASEBALL 5460                 5   5  1    23       SPORTS CRIP PLAYS (590)
-NECROSKITTER 9904             3   1  0    22       FEAR FACTORY 28 (1292)
 DIVINITY 10104                2   2  1    20       X-POSSE 3 (1330)
 RED 10216                     1   0  0    20       NL CENTRAL (783)
 FROG FOOT 10277               1   0  0    17       RUSSIAN BIRDS (671)
 DOG GONE IT 9950              3   2  0    15       MONGREL HORDE (680)
-REDJOHN 8175                  1   0  0    15       SELLSWORDS IV (1043)
 BRUTE 10101                   3   1  0    13       X-POSSE 3 (1330)
-KERRY WOOD 9390               1   0  0    13       SUE'S BOYS (670)
 PSYLOCKE 10187                1   2  0    12       X-POSSE 3 (1330)
 PROJECT A 10072               2   4  0    10       UNLIKELY HEROES (1325)
 ZERO 10105                    2   2  1     9       X-POSSE 3 (1330)
 KID KRAKEN 10103              2   2  1     9       X-POSSE 3 (1330)
-KAIGE CLOVEN 9762             1   0  0     9       FEAR FACTORY 28 (1292)
-GOTHIB 9951                   1   1  0     8       30TH DIRE LANCERS (1316)
-RICK REUSCHEL 9434            0   3  0     3       SUE'S BOYS (670)
-SARED 8178                    0   1  0     1       SELLSWORDS IV (1043)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                W  L K TEAM NAME            SLAIN BY              TURN Revenge?
TARHA 9955              0  2 0 30TH DIRE LANCE 1316 TARRA 10061           325  NONE
CHEATER 7773            5  3 0 BASH BROS GOLFER 968 FLANKER 6222          328   
DIM 8047                8  4 0 BASH BROS LIGHT 1021 REPROBATE 9806        328   
REPROBATE 9806          5  2 2 FEAR FACTORY 3 1116  OUT OF BATTERIES 7732 329   
CUBBIE 10278            0  1 0 NL CENTRAL 783       BLACK ORC             329  NONE
COLA WOLF 10073         0  1 0 UNLIKELY HEROES 1325 ZERO 10105            327   
DA2 10274               0  1 0 UNLIKELY HEROES 1325 BLACK ORC             329  NONE

                                     PERSONAL ADS

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

RUDE DRIVER viciously butchered STONE GOLEM in a 2 minute bloody Dark Arena fight.
NOT NEWS viciously butchered HIGH ELF in a action packed 1 minute Dark Arena battle.
CUBBIE was savagely slain by BLACK ORC in a crowd pleasing 3 minute Dark Arena duel.
DA2 was assassinated by BLACK ORC in a 1 minute Dark Arena fight.
HINT OF SLIME was demolished by DROP AND BREAK in a 1 minute Challenge competition.
MIA HAMM was viciously subdued by BLOOD & MILK in a 2 minute bloody Challenge match.
ORGAN viciously subdued BRUTE in a action packed 1 minute gruesome Challenge fight.
PIRATE won victory over BAD SPECIAL EFFECTS in a popular 1 minute expert's Title duel.
BORROWS MONEY vanquished M. CHARDINEE in a 1 minute one-sided duel.
MOLDY was defeated by CHICKEN S#!^ in a 2 minute expert's match.
KEVIN BACON overpowered TAKENOUTOFTHEROOM in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
BOOGER KING subdued SNOOP DOGGY DOGG in a 3 minute master's competition.
UNDERDOG was savagely defeated by MAKESMELOOKBAD in a popular 6 minute master's match.
SLO-PITCH handily defeated LESS TASTE in a popular 2 minute uneven fight.
ERNIE BANKS viciously subdued NOT THE REAL THING in a exciting 1 minute expert's duel.
HEART was bested by TOMMYKNOCKERS in a exciting 1 minute veteran's brawl.
OUT OF BATTERIES murdered REPROBATE in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
NO BATTERIES overpowered APES OF WRATH in a 1 minute mismatched fight.
BEAR bested ALDER WRAITH in a popular 1 minute contest.
BAD SCRIPT overpowered THE RED SHORE in a 1 minute one-sided duel.
YOUR LAST NIGHT overpowered AMBITIOUS GUARD in a 1 minute uneven fray.
SEVERA LE DOUX handily defeated CARDINAL in a 1 minute one-sided contest.
KILL THE LYCAN demolished DIVINITY in a 1 minute gruesome one-sided fight.
ZERO VIXEN was overpowered by FOXBAT in a popular 1 minute uneven fight.
PROJECT A was outlasted by DOG GONE IT in a dull 19 minute match.
SIR LOIN OF BEEF beat PSYLOCKE in a action packed 4 minute expert vs. novice duel.
KID KRAKEN was overpowered by RED in a 1 minute uneven competition.
ZERO was beaten by FROG FOOT in a 2 minute novice's fight.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK                  11         PARRY-LUNGE       47 -  14 -  1      77  |
|AIMED BLOW                       8         STRIKING ATTACK   41 -  26 -  3      61  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    7         BASHING ATTACK    55 -  40 -  3      58  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   6         WALL OF STEEL     31 -  26 -  4      54  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      6         TOTAL PARRY       39 -  34 -  1      53  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      5         AIMED BLOW        49 -  43 -  4      53  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  4         PARRY-STRIKE       2 -   2 -  0      50  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  2         SLASHING ATTACK    9 -   9 -  3      50  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     1         LUNGING ATTACK    58 -  71 -  4      45  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    0         PARRY-RIPOSTE      2 -   9 -  0      18  |

Turn 329 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

PARRY-STRIKE       1 -  0     TOTAL PARRY        2 -  4         2  LUNGING ATTACK 
BASHING ATTACK     5 -  1     LUNGING ATTACK     3 -  8         2  STRIKING ATTACK
PARRY-LUNGE        4 -  1     PARRY-RIPOSTE      0 -  0         2  PARRY-LUNGE    
STRIKING ATTACK    3 -  1     SLASHING ATTACK    0 -  2         2  TOTAL PARRY    
WALL OF STEEL      4 -  3                                       1  PARRY-RIPOSTE  
AIMED BLOW         4 -  4                                       1  WALL OF STEEL  
                                                                1  BASHING ATTACK 

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
LUNGING ATTACK   PIRATE 6806                19   8  0  151 NL CENTRAL (783)
STRIKING ATTACK  KEVIN BACON 8675           11   2  0  146 MEAT YOUR MAKER (656)
PARRY-LUNGE      BORROWS MONEY 8055         17   2  0  121 BASH BROS BROTHER (1022)
TOTAL PARRY      BOOGER KING 6588           27  11  0  119 BASH BROS FAST FOOD (739)
BASHING ATTACK   OUT OF BATTERIES 7732      17   8  2  103 BASH BROS REMOTE (960)
WALL OF STEEL    NOT THE REAL THING 7762    20  14  0   97 BASH BROS BEER (966)
AIMED BLOW       HEART 8101                 15  11  0   68 BASH BROS DISEASE (1031)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

The overall popularity leader is LESS TASTE 7764.  The most popular warrior this turn 
was SNOOP DOGGY DOGG 6245.  The ten other most popular fighters were MAKESMELOOKBAD 
8052, PSYLOCKE 10187, LESS TASTE 7764, ORGAN 9495, PIRATE 6806, ALDER WRAITH 9745, 
DROP AND BREAK 7730, BLOOD & MILK 9963, UNDERDOG 6250, and ERNIE BANKS 8648.

The least popular fighter this week was PROJECT A 10072.  The other ten least popular 
fighters were DOG GONE IT 9950, KID KRAKEN 10103, SIR LOIN OF BEEF 9683, DIVINITY 
10104, CARDINAL 8794, THE RED SHORE 9180, APES OF WRATH 8827, REPROBATE 9806, NOT THE 
REAL THING 7762, and TAKENOUTOFTHEROOM 7731.

The following warriors will travel to AD after next turn:

PIRATE (72-6806) NL CENTRAL (783)

The following warriors have traveled to AD after fighting this turn:

RUDE DRIVER (72-7001) BASH BROS BUS (821)
NOT NEWS (72-7687) BASH BROS NEWS (951)

                          Name Change-o-Rama -- Final Update

     Algernon looked at the goats and sighed.  No doubt it was a Good Deed to give 
goats to people who wanted them.  But why did the goats have to be gathered in HIS 
office?  Four of them, and they were a lot like gladiators:  not smelly maybe, they 
were clean goats, but pushy and sure they were the most important thing around.  Maybe 
they should be enrolled in the arena?  No, there were only four, not enough for a 
team.
     He shook his head to clear it of the image of armored goats with sharpened horns.  
One thing at a time.  He pulled a piece of paper out of his desk drawer, dipped his 
pen in the ink, and began to write.

     "It is our pleasure and honor to note that ninety-eight gladiators and teams have 
elected to change their names, supporting the contribution of goats to deserving 
people.  With the Commission's matching funds, this has purchased four goats--a good 
goat can't be purchased for a copper, you know.  The goats are already en route to 
their new homes, where they will be--"  He paused and thought about it.  "--very 
welcome.  We wish all the best to the goats and the new goat-owners."