DM 081 Newsletter

DUEL 2 NEWSLETTER

Date : 07/29/2020 Duedate: 08/11/2020

SHADOWSPIRE ARENA

DM-81 TURN-351

This Weeks Top Honors

THE DUELMASTER IS

TARLEE
CLAN LONGBEARD (39)
(81-2891) [20-19-0,114]

Chartered Recognition Leader Unchartered Recognition Leader

TARLEE NARSIL
CLAN LONGBEARD (39) MIRKWOOD ORCS (188)
(81-2891) [20-19-0,114] (81-3401) [4-1-0,22]

Popularity Leader This Weeks Favorite

VITRIOL SCRAMBLED DREGS
WICKED MARTYRS (148) OTTO'S DINER (96)
(81-3219) [18-19-0,95] (81-3381) [2-7-0,17]

THE CURRENT TOP TEAM

(-1)

TEAMS ON THE MOVE TOP CAREER HONORS
Team Name Point Gain Chartered Team
1. INEBRIATION (27) 43
2. OTTO'S DINER (96) 36 CULT OF BACCHUS (4)
3. OAKLEAF (184) 32 Unchartered Team
4. LITERATE LOONS (40) 31
5. BIG LAKE SOLUTION (178) 31 MIRKWOOD ORCS (188)

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record W L K % Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns W L K
1/ 1*MIRKWOOD ORCS (188) 16 9 2 64.0 1/ 3*MIRKWOOD ORCS (188) 9 6 0
2/ 2 CULT OF BACCHUS (4) 730 583 23 55.6 2/ 9 OAKLEAF (184) 9 6 0
3/ 3 KILL 'EM ALL (173) 171 148 15 53.6 3/ 2 WICKED MARTYRS (148) 8 6 0
4/ 4 DARQUE AGES (29) 798 703 33 53.2 4/ 7 CLAN LONGBEARD (39) 8 7 2
5/ 5 CLAN LONGBEARD (39) 634 593 26 51.7 5/11 LITERATE LOONS (40) 8 7 1
6- 6 THE COMMODORES (150) 336 315 11 51.6 6/ 6 DARQUE AGES (29) 8 7 0
7/10 OAKLEAF (184) 111 106 6 51.2 7/13 BIG LAKE SOLUTION (178) 8 7 0
8/ 8 PRAY THE GODS (155) 309 303 22 50.5 8/ 1 CULT OF BACCHUS (4) 7 7 1
9/ 9 WICKED MARTYRS (148) 419 412 18 50.4 9/ 5 KILL 'EM ALL (173) 7 8 1
10/11 OTTO'S DINER (96) 713 712 45 50.0 10/ 8 OHS ALUMNI (183) 7 8 0
11/12 BIG LAKE SOLUTION (178) 194 196 16 49.7 11/ 4 INEBRIATION (27) 7 8 0
12/13 OHS ALUMNI (183) 124 143 9 46.4 12/12 PRAY THE GODS (155) 5 9 1
13/14 LITERATE LOONS (40) 518 606 24 46.1 13/14 OTTO'S DINER (96) 5 10 2
14/15 DYSLEXIC MUSIC (182) 123 145 7 45.9 14/10 DYSLEXIC MUSIC (182) 4 5 0
15/16 INEBRIATION (27) 299 435 23 40.7 15-16 THE COMMODORES (150) 1 0 1
16-17*3 PUGS (187) 9 15 0 37.5 16-15*3 PUGS (187) 1 8 0

'*' Unchartered team '-' Team did not fight this turn

Career Win-Loss Record W L K % Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns W L K
(###) Avoid teams by their Team Id ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

DUELMASTER'S COLUMN
Notes from the arena champ.

One final greeting Shadowspire! Even though I lost to Bat Penatar, I still took the
top spot. Bat you fought great, you deserved the title. I learned one skill getting
me expert in Defense, which along with my 50th fight got me my invite to the Isle. My
numbers are 13(+2)-17(+1)-11-9(+1)-17(+1)-8-15(+1) Master Parry, Expert Defense and
favorites of Shortsword, Low/Very Low and Parry skills. I will be retiring from the
arena and living the good life on the Isle. Farewell Shadowspire.

Your 6 time Duelmaster, Lord Protector and
future Shadowspire Hall of Famer,

Pavil of Clan Longbeard

SPY REPORT

Today in Shadowspire we have fights! This will be followed by more fights!
Additionally, we will have still more fights and a few deaths! It is a great time to
be in the arena! Welcome back to Shadowspire, ya bums! Huard DePriest here to give
all the news that is worth knowing and a ton of other useless information that just
pops into my head as I'm writing this! Like you are 13.8% more likely to die on your
birthday than any other day! Okay, okay, let's take a look at the turn!

Lord Protector Pavil decided to challenge the Dark Arena this cycle. He was successful
in killing (or is it successful in surviving) his fight with Shewish Giant. Congrats
LP Pavil! Enjoy your retirement on the Isle, good sir. The views are amazing from
the towers if you get a chance to explore a bit.

Pavil's Dark Arena fight shifted the title fight to a recognition battle. In what
appears to be a designed plan to take the throne, Tarlee challenged Bat Penatar.
Behind our previous Duelmaster, Tarlee and Bat were our highest ranked warriors.
There was a great chance that the winner of this fight was going to slide into
Shadowspire's throne! It only took Tarlee 1-minute to defeat Bat and become the new
Duelmaster! Well planned and played by Clan Longbeard to put another warrior on the
throne. Tarlee and her Clan Longbeard cohorts are managed by Visionist.

The most avoided team is Big Lake Solution. They were mostly avoided by Otto's Diner.
For the second consecutive turn, LEEEEROOOY JENKINS is the most challenged warrior.
Cotton Mouth challenged the more highly ranked LEEEEROOOY JENKINS and was able to
subdue him in a 1-minute bout. We had 38 fights for turn 351. Breaking those fights
down, we have:

Dark Arena Challenges: 6
Blood Feud Challenges: 3
Normal Challenges: 8
Down Challenges: 3
Deaths: 6

We had 6 deaths this turn, but only one of them occurred on the regular arena sands.
Ridwan down challenged Dogpile and let's just say that it did not end well for
Dogpile. The Commodores and 3 Pugs were inactive this week, and you have probably
noticed THE CURRENT TOP TEAM board is empty. Mirkwood Orcs and Oakleaf are tied atop
it at 9-6-0. It is anyone's guess who will take over next turn. It could be the orcs
or the trees, but many other teams are in striking distance.

Time for me to get moving! The heat does NOTHING to help with the smell in this place.
Weapon oil, gladiator sweat, and that consistent aroma of disappointment I smell on
most of you is overbearing at times! Also, whoever keeps bringing egg salad for
lunch, you aren't helping! I'll see you bums next time! Tarlee has a bunch of
contenders sitting below him. I wonder if any of them are going to step up! Come
back next time and find out!

-- Huard DePriest

DUELMASTER W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
TARLEE 2891 20 19 0 114 CLAN LONGBEARD (39)

CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
SLACK BABBATH 3162 21 18 1 112 DYSLEXIC MUSIC (182)
BOUVINES 3265 20 7 0 102 DARQUE AGES (29)
ANDY SKILDOM 3239 19 14 1 102 OHS ALUMNI (183)
-MANDROID 3295 11 9 1 102 THE COMMODORES (150)
PERVIS LESLEY 3178 16 21 2 99 DYSLEXIC MUSIC (182)
SUSIE STEFFEN 3139 24 24 2 98 OHS ALUMNI (183)
BAT PENATAR 3075 20 33 1 95 DYSLEXIC MUSIC (182)
VITRIOL 3219 18 19 0 95 WICKED MARTYRS (148)
TERMINATOR 3086 14 8 2 95 KILL 'EM ALL (173)

CHAMPIONS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
WROTHGARR 3248 15 16 0 89 WICKED MARTYRS (148)
SAMUEL BECKETT 3225 15 20 3 86 LITERATE LOONS (40)
QWINN 2958 21 11 3 83 CLAN LONGBEARD (39)
HOTTER POCKET 3305 13 8 2 82 OTTO'S DINER (96)
TUMMY TUM TUM 3223 16 15 0 75 PRAY THE GODS (155)
JOHN DONNE 3214 17 20 0 71 LITERATE LOONS (40)
I'M DRUNK 3337 8 7 0 71 INEBRIATION (27)
GEMINI CROQUETTE 3282 12 12 2 70 OTTO'S DINER (96)
IMTEP SNARLJAW 3328 9 7 0 70 BIG LAKE SOLUTION (178)
MAGE DAN 3286 13 10 1 69 WICKED MARTYRS (148)
ROXSTAR 3301 8 12 1 68 CULT OF BACCHUS (4)
SUMMIT SAGA 3261 16 10 0 67 INEBRIATION (27)

CHALLENGER ADEPTS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
PRINCE HOYT 3263 16 11 0 66 BIG LAKE SOLUTION (178)
RAIN DROP 3365 5 5 0 63 OAKLEAF (184)
JAMES DICKEY 3250 13 17 1 61 LITERATE LOONS (40)
RIDWAN 3341 6 6 2 60 PRAY THE GODS (155)
TOMAHAWK 3055 11 14 2 57 KILL 'EM ALL (173)
ZLATA 3368 6 4 1 57 WICKED MARTYRS (148)

ADEPTS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
RAT CATCHER 3079 16 7 0 55 KILL 'EM ALL (173)
COTTON MOUTH 3338 8 7 1 55 INEBRIATION (27)
JUMANJI 3344 8 6 0 55 OAKLEAF (184)
DISVENYA 3314 8 8 0 48 PRAY THE GODS (155)
DRAGON 3350 7 5 0 48 OAKLEAF (184)
YOSHA 3264 11 11 1 45 PRAY THE GODS (155)
CRUX GEMMATA 3382 6 3 0 43 DARQUE AGES (29)
RUSTON 3311 8 11 0 35 CULT OF BACCHUS (4)

CHALLENGER INITIATES W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
MIM JORRISON 3308 5 13 1 33 DYSLEXIC MUSIC (182)
CURIOUS AGGRESSION 3357 9 3 0 32 BIG LAKE SOLUTION (178)
WALKEN 3318 7 10 0 31 CLAN LONGBEARD (39)
LEEROY JENKINS 3177 7 2 0 31 KILL 'EM ALL (173)
SHAWN MCINTYRE 3389 4 3 0 30 OHS ALUMNI (183)
SCRIPTORIA 3348 7 7 0 28 DARQUE AGES (29)
MANGONEL 3410 4 1 0 27 DARQUE AGES (29)

INITIATES W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
THOMAS MERTON 3406 4 1 0 24 LITERATE LOONS (40)

INITIATES W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
NARSIL 3401 4 1 0 22 MIRKWOOD ORCS (188)
GURTHANG 3403 4 1 0 19 MIRKWOOD ORCS (188)
TINY DANCER 3376 4 5 0 19 OAKLEAF (184)
-BLOODY SPANIARD 3393 3 2 0 19 3 PUGS (187)
WIM WIGGLESWORTH 3432 1 0 0 18 BIG LAKE SOLUTION (178)
IRAQ LOBSTER 3419 2 1 1 17 OTTO'S DINER (96)
SCRAMBLED DREGS 3381 2 7 0 17 OTTO'S DINER (96)
FINLEGH 3415 2 1 0 16 CULT OF BACCHUS (4)
SNOLLYGOSTER 3416 1 2 0 15 DARQUE AGES (29)
DOROTH PARKER 3386 1 6 0 14 LITERATE LOONS (40)
TELP 3430 1 0 0 14 WICKED MARTYRS (148)
BAMBOO 3390 2 5 0 11 OAKLEAF (184)
AEGLOS 3402 2 3 1 10 MIRKWOOD ORCS (188)
GLAMDRING 3399 2 3 0 9 MIRKWOOD ORCS (188)
-ROBOTO 1 3392 2 3 0 9 3 PUGS (187)
DREKFORD 3414 1 2 0 9 CULT OF BACCHUS (4)
ANGER REMISS 3405 1 4 0 7 BIG LAKE SOLUTION (178)
-BIG CLOWNY 3396 1 4 0 7 3 PUGS (187)
-MR DINO 3395 1 4 0 7 3 PUGS (187)
ANDURIL 3435 1 0 0 6 MIRKWOOD ORCS (188)
-COUGAR TO U 3420 0 1 0 1 3 PUGS (187)
KRIS PERLOCK 3434 0 1 0 1 OHS ALUMNI (183)
GELATIN AWN 3427 0 1 0 1 DYSLEXIC MUSIC (182)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD W L K TEAM NAME SLAIN BY TURN Revenge?
PERRY MASON 1 3394 2 1 0 3 PUGS 187 ABRASIVE 3408 348 NONE
REMARKABLE TALEN 3426 0 1 0 BIG LAKE SOLUTIO 178 IRAQ LOBSTER 3419 350 JUST REVENGED
XAVIER 3360 4 5 0 CLAN LONGBEARD 39 VLADIMIR POUTINE 3358 348 NONE
XOINKO 3421 1 2 1 CLAN LONGBEARD 39 BANDIT PRINCE 351 NONE
ABRASIVE 3408 3 1 2 INEBRIATION 27 TOMAHAWK 3055 350 JUST REVENGED
LITE BEER 3428 0 1 0 INEBRIATION 27 WURM KIN 351 NONE
NA BEER 3429 0 1 0 INEBRIATION 27 SHEWISH GIANT 351 NONE
DOGPILE 3145 7 5 1 KILL 'EM ALL 173 RIDWAN 3341 351
ANGRIST 3400 3 1 1 MIRKWOOD ORCS 188 HOTTER POCKET 3305 350
CHRIS KOHLER 3299 10 9 0 OHS ALUMNI 183 MANDROID 3295 349
DAMAN 3433 0 1 0 OHS ALUMNI 183 SPYMASTER 351 NONE
MARCIA LYONS 3349 6 5 0 OHS ALUMNI 183 ROXSTAR 3301 349 JUST REVENGED
BERNAISE ANDERS 3413 0 1 0 OTTO'S DINER 96 ANGRIST 3400 348 REVENGED
VEGAN 3436 0 1 0 OTTO'S DINER 96 BLACK ORC 351 NONE
SAPNA 3388 1 3 1 PRAY THE GODS 155 JAMES DICKEY 3250 349
BOUNTY BOB 3379 1 4 0 THE COMMODORES 150 AEGLOS 3402 347 REVENGED

PERSONAL ADS

Weirdo -- The only narcissistic fantasies I have time to fulfill are my own! Keep at
it and you'll make it into the spy reports eventually. All you need to do is down
challenge in 20 and Sidara will write about you. There's my helpful tip for you! --
Huard DePriest

Tomahawk kill Abrasive mongrel in utterly disrespectful down challenge. Tomahawk
paint face with blood of fallen warrior. Tomahawk howl with spirit of ancestors.
Tomahawk now await ritual combat with bloodlust in heart and mind. Tomahawk remind
Philthy Phil that he has two moons to kill Tomahawk and avenge heathen warrior, or he
will bring great shame and dishonor upon himself, his tribe, and his alliance.

Prince Hoyt -- Goodnight, sweet prince. -- Rat Catcher

I'm Drunk -- Yes, you are. -- Dogpile
P.S. Cute war flail

DeGotti -- Thank you for welcoming us back to Shadowspire. -- Kill 'EM ALL

All -- Catching up on ads. -- Visionist

Bouvines -- I thought I was going to win for 1 second, then reality kicked in. --
Pavil

Susie Steffen -- Good defense. -- Tarlee

Vitriol -- Back and forth we go. -- Qwinn

James Dickey -- Thanks for the skills and ego boost. -- Walken

Vladimir Poutine's Ghost -- Why? Why? Why? -- Xavier's Ghost

All -- Best replacement I have gotten in years...Xavier LU 12-9-7-21-17-5-13. RIP --
Visionist

Terminator -- I won. but I feel so used. -- Pavil

I'm Drunk -- Shortest Shewish Giant I have ever seen. Hope the arm heals up. -- Tarlee

Tummy Tum Tum -- Should be Killy Kill Kill..Jesus! Stay away from me! -- Qwinn

Ruston -- Till we meet again. -- Walken

Glamdring -- Were you dodging? -- Xoinko

Bat Penatar -- I think we both need to talk to our weaponsmiths. Well fought. -- Pavil

Tummy Tum Tum -- You will never figure out where I was aiming. -- Tarlee

Wrothgarr -- Damned weaponsmith!!! Well fought. -- Qwinn

Rain Drop -- I kept looking for my chance to turn it around, but no luck. Well fought.
-- Walken

Shewish Giant -- Covering behind your Maul. What a pansie! -- Xionko the Giant Killer

Congrats to Meatwood Flak, Leper's Other Hand, Pretty Petunia on your invite to the
Isle. -- Clan Longbeard

LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

PAVIL barely slew SHEWISH GIANT in a crowd pleasing 4 minute Dark Arena fight.
XOINKO was murdered by BANDIT PRINCE in a 1 minute Dark Arena melee.
VEGAN was murdered by BLACK ORC in a action packed 1 minute bloody Dark Arena fight.
NA BEER was dealt death by SHEWISH GIANT in a 1 minute Dark Arena fight.
LITE BEER was assassinated by WURM KIN in a 1 minute bloody Dark Arena match.
DAMAN was butchered by SPYMASTER in a 1 minute Dark Arena duel.
ANDY SKILDOM overpowered ROXSTAR in a 1 minute one-sided Bloodfeud struggle.
IMTEP SNARLJAW devastated IRAQ LOBSTER in a 1 minute one-sided Bloodfeud competition.
SUMMIT SAGA viciously subdued TOMAHAWK in a 2 minute expert's Bloodfeud melee.
TARLEE viciously subdued BAT PENATAR in a 1 minute expert's Challenge Title fight.
BOUVINES narrowly defeated VITRIOL in a popular 5 minute expert's Challenge match.
TERMINATOR demolished TUMMY TUM TUM in a 1 minute bloody mismatched Challenge match.
GEMINI CROQUETTE devastated DISVENYA in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge battle.
PRINCE HOYT outwaited RAT CATCHER in a 22 minute veteran's Challenge conflict.
JUMANJI overpowered WALKEN in a 1 minute gruesome uneven Challenge struggle.
RIDWAN executed DOGPILE in a 1 minute bloody mismatched Challenge brawl.
COTTON MOUTH overpowered LEEROY JENKINS in a 1 minute brutal one-sided Challenge bout.
RAIN DROP overpowered YOSHA in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge match.
SHAWN MCINTYRE handily defeated GLAMDRING in a 1 minute Challenge competition.
SNOLLYGOSTER was savagely defeated by THOMAS MERTON in a 6 minute Challenge fight.
WROTHGARR was beaten by PERVIS LESLEY in a 1 minute expert's fray.
SLACK BABBATH handily defeated MAGE DAN in a 1 minute one-sided contest.
SUSIE STEFFEN luckily beat I'M DRUNK in a 2 minute one-sided fight.
QWINN vanquished ZLATA in a action packed 1 minute one-sided match.
HOTTER POCKET overpowered JOHN DONNE in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
SAMUEL BECKETT viciously subdued KHALHUMS DWARF in a 3 minute expert's bout.
MIM JORRISON was overcome by CRUX GEMMATA in a crowd pleasing 5 minute gruesome bout.
JAMES DICKEY overpowered MANGONEL in a action packed 1 minute one-sided fight.
DRAGON defeated THE USEROUS MERCHANT in a 1 minute match.
SCRIPTORIA outlasted BAMBOO in a slow 16 minute fight.
CURIOUS AGGRESSION outlasted SCRAMBLED DREGS in a popular 11 minute bout.
RUSTON slimly won victory over DOROTH PARKER in a crowd pleasing 4 minute match.
TINY DANCER won victory over DREKFORD in a 2 minute fight.
ANGER REMISS was devastated by TELP in a 1 minute one-sided battle.
AEGLOS was devastated by WIM WIGGLESWORTH in a 1 minute uneven bout.
FINLEGH was outlasted by NARSIL in a crowd pleasing 11 minute novice's match.
GURTHANG demolished GELATIN AWN in a 1 minute one-sided duel.
KRIS PERLOCK was beaten by ANDURIL in a 3 minute bloody novice's duel.

BATTLE REPORT

MOST POPULAR RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS
|FIGHTING STYLE FIGHTS FIGHTING STYLE W - L - K PERCENT|
|TOTAL PARRY 10 WALL OF STEEL 41 - 29 - 1 59 |
|BASHING ATTACK 9 TOTAL PARRY 47 - 40 - 1 54 |
|AIMED BLOW 9 AIMED BLOW 42 - 40 - 2 51 |
|STRIKING ATTACK 9 BASHING ATTACK 46 - 44 - 4 51 |
|LUNGING ATTACK 8 PARRY-LUNGE 22 - 23 - 0 49 |
|WALL OF STEEL 7 STRIKING ATTACK 46 - 51 - 4 47 |
|PARRY-STRIKE 7 LUNGING ATTACK 45 - 56 - 3 45 |
|SLASHING ATTACK 5 SLASHING ATTACK 27 - 36 - 3 43 |
|PARRY-LUNGE 3 PARRY-STRIKE 13 - 20 - 1 39 |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE 1 PARRY-RIPOSTE 4 - 12 - 0 25 |

Turn 351 was great if you Not so great if you used The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles: the fighting styles: top eleven warriors are:

PARRY-RIPOSTE 1 - 0 AIMED BLOW 4 - 5 2 BASHING ATTACK
LUNGING ATTACK 6 - 2 PARRY-LUNGE 1 - 2 2 LUNGING ATTACK
BASHING ATTACK 6 - 3 STRIKING ATTACK 3 - 6 1 PARRY-LUNGE
TOTAL PARRY 6 - 4 SLASHING ATTACK 1 - 4 1 AIMED BLOW
WALL OF STEEL 4 - 3 PARRY-STRIKE 1 - 6 1 STRIKING ATTACK
1 WALL OF STEEL
1 PARRY-STRIKE
1 TOTAL PARRY
1 SLASHING ATTACK

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE WARRIOR W L K PNTS TEAM NAME
BASHING ATTACK TARLEE 2891 20 19 0 114 CLAN LONGBEARD (39)
PARRY-LUNGE SLACK BABBATH 3162 21 18 1 112 DYSLEXIC MUSIC (182)
AIMED BLOW BOUVINES 3265 20 7 0 102 DARQUE AGES (29)
STRIKING ATTACK ANDY SKILDOM 3239 19 14 1 102 OHS ALUMNI (183)
LUNGING ATTACK TERMINATOR 3086 14 8 2 95 KILL 'EM ALL (173)

FIGHTING STYLE WARRIOR W L K PNTS TEAM NAME
WALL OF STEEL QWINN 2958 21 11 3 83 CLAN LONGBEARD (39)
SLASHING ATTACK HOTTER POCKET 3305 13 8 2 82 OTTO'S DINER (96)
TOTAL PARRY PRINCE HOYT 3263 16 11 0 66 BIG LAKE SOLUTION (178)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

The overall popularity leader is VITRIOL 3219. The most popular warrior this turn
was SCRAMBLED DREGS 3381. The ten other most popular fighters were MIM JORRISON
3308, FINLEGH 3415, VITRIOL 3219, BOUVINES 3265, SAMUEL BECKETT 3225, CRUX GEMMATA
3382, DOROTH PARKER 3386, SUMMIT SAGA 3261, RUSTON 3311, and TARLEE 2891.

The least popular fighter this week was PRINCE HOYT 3263. The other ten least
popular fighters were RAT CATCHER 3079, SCRIPTORIA 3348, BAMBOO 3390, NARSIL 3401,
KRIS PERLOCK 3434, GELATIN AWN 3427, AEGLOS 3402, CURIOUS AGGRESSION 3357, JOHN DONNE
3214, and MAGE DAN 3286.

The following warriors will travel to AD after next turn:

BAT PENATAR (81-3075) DYSLEXIC MUSIC (182)

The following warriors have traveled to AD after fighting this turn:

PAVIL (81-2270) CLAN LONGBEARD (39)

Name Change-o-Rama -- Final Update

The Commission's administrative office on the Isle was in a big square building
that looked like any other administrative office building in any national capital.
Standard, boring. Except for the goats. Half a dozen goats were wandering free,
eating the landscaping, and as many clerks were chasing them. A clerk saw them
coming, he looked like a Trustworthy Scribe, and he rushed over to the approaching
gladiators. "Do you know anything about goats?" He gestured helplessly at the hungry
goats. "They're here because of the Name-Change-o-Rama. We donate them to help change
the world, you know."
The gladiators nodded. They'd heard about it, but hadn't thought it would be so
funny to see. "How did you deal with them last time?"
The clerk made a disgusted gesture. "People came and took them away. But the
people didn't come this time. They sent a message about being quarantined! Aren't we
all? And WE get to work! Goats are not in our job description."
One of the gladiators snorted laughter. "We'll help," he said. "Where do you
want them?"

* * * *

Embric, relieved that he had not been appointed goat-herder this afternoon,
carefully dipped his pen in ink and began to write. "It is our pleasure and honor
to note that one hundred and twenty-seven gladiators and teams have elected to change
their names, supporting the contribution of goats to deserving people. With the
Commission's matching funds, this has purchased six goats--a good goat can't be
purchased for a copper, you know. The goats are already en route to their new homes,
where they will be--" He paused and thought about it. "--very welcome. We wish all
the best to the goats and the new goat-owners."