Date   : 10/13/2020    Duedate: 11/09/2020


DM-83    TURN-174

This Weeks Top Honors


(83-535) [22-7-0,129]

Chartered Recognition Leader   Unchartered Recognition Leader

J.J. WATT                      D'ORK SMASH
NFL NETWORK (63)               D'ORKS (76)
(83-535) [22-7-0,129]          (83-666) [3-0-0,33]

Popularity Leader              This Weeks Favorite

NIGHTMARE                      FRENEMY
THE DRAGONS (65)               RIFF-RAFF CREW (69)
(83-545) [17-11-1,108]         (83-600) [6-6-1,27]



Team Name                  Point Gain  Chartered Team
1. HOUSE OF FUR (62)           40
2. EMPIRE STRIKES OUT (70)     40      BAD SIGNS (24)
3. SPEARPEOPLE (72)            33      Unchartered Team
4. THE RED COMPANY (75)        31
5. NFL NETWORK (63)            29      SHADOW OF MEGA (74)

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
 1/ 1*SHADOW OF MEGA (74)       10   1  0 90.9   1/ 1 THE DRAGONS (65)         11  3 0
 2/ 3 BAD SIGNS (24)           345 210 31 62.2   2/ 2 NFL NETWORK (63)         11  4 1
 3/ 2*D'ORKS (76)                9   6  1 60.0   3/ 3 THE FEROCIOUS FIVE (64)  11  4 0
 4/ 4 THE DRAGONS (65)          78  53  3 59.5   4/10*SHADOW OF MEGA (74)      10  1 0
 5/ 5 THE FEROCIOUS FIVE (64)   84  58  4 59.2   5/ 8*D'ORKS (76)               9  6 1
 6/ 6 RIFF-RAFF CREW (69)       33  27  1 55.0   6/ 5 BAD SIGNS (24)            9  6 1
 7/ 9 NFL NETWORK (63)          76  64  6 54.3   7/ 4 HOUSE OF FUR (62)         9  6 1
 8/ 8 KAME HOUSE (61)           71  62  4 53.4   8/ 7 SORCERER KINGS (66)       9  6 1
 9/12 HOUSE OF FUR (62)         75  69  2 52.1   9/12 QUEEN'S GUARD (68)        7  8 0
10/ 7*IRONSKULL ORCS (71)       13  12  0 52.0  10/ 6*IRONSKULL ORCS (71)       7  8 0
11/10 CONJURE UP THE SUN (60)   49  46  2 51.6  11/17*THE RED COMPANY (75)      7  8 0
12/11 QUEEN'S GUARD (68)        35  34  0 50.7  12/ 9 RIFF-RAFF CREW (69)       6  9 1
13/13 SORCERER KINGS (66)       68  72  6 48.6  13/14*EMPIRE STRIKES OUT (70)   6  9 1
14/17*THE RED COMPANY (75)       7   8  0 46.7  14/16 SCORPIO'S LIKES: (57)     5  9 1
15/15*EMPIRE STRIKES OUT (70)   13  17  3 43.3  15/11 CONJURE UP THE SUN (60)   5 10 1
16/14 AAAARRGH HAMMERZ (3)      55  80  3 40.7  16/13 KAME HOUSE (61)           4  9 0
17/16 SCORPIO'S LIKES: (57)     55 128  5 30.1  17/15 AAAARRGH HAMMERZ (3)      4 11 0
18/18*SPEARPEOPLE (72)           4  16  1 20.0  18/18*SPEARPEOPLE (72)          2 13 0

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K

    '*'   Unchartered team                       '-'  Team did not fight this turn
   (###)  Avoid teams by their Team Id          ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

                                    TEAM SPOTLIGHT

Our People tell this tale:

More than a moon ago, a fat pig went to the forest to chop down trees. A bright wolf 
knew that the pig was building a strong house; so, he stalked the juicy little chopper 
that day until an old piglady cried out from the edge of the woods:

"Pork Chop!  Yooz food, Pork Chop!"

Thinking this, the drooling Brightwolf jumped out at D'ork Chop, who turned and 

He sits now in his house, getting fatter; and his mom wears a scruffy wolfskin scarf.


'Tales from Telo 4' by Hammer the WordSmith

     "What's in a name? A rose by any other name would smell as sweet." 
                                          -- Romeo and Juliet: Act Two Scene Two

Thia Salanora had just finished speaking the eulogy over Remembers Hammer as was her 
custom to do when one the members of the Hammerz stable departed this life.

Remembers Hammer was a stupid 11-16-9-5-19-13-11 Great Endurance Total Parry who could 
take a Lot of Damage.

However, she was unable to absorb enough damage against Ten Toes of D'Orks, who she 
had brazenly challenged, after winning a random match up with the aforementioned 
warrior the previous cycle.

Thia Salanora then called forth the replacement warrior to charge him by the Hammerz 
stable code of honor and anoint him to take his place among the Aaaarrgh Hammerz 
active warriors that were headed for the Turn 174 active cycle.

Hammer nodded his approval as he sized up the new recruit.

The Veteran Manager acknowledged that the newest addition to the Aaaarrgh Hammerz 
roster had some interesting potential entertainment value for future cycles in the 
Telo No Tourney Arena.

Besides, this one would be of unquestionable value, if he should prove to be talented 
enough to ascend the Telo Arena Recognition Rankings to cross blades with the warriors 
of the Young Swords and various veteran stables currently populating Telo.

                  "May Your Blades Be Sharp and Your Wits Sharper!"

                                          -- Hammer the WordSmith


Dragon Master leaned forward, squinting against the stark brightness of the hot alien 
blue sun, a sulphurous breeze billowing her hair and cloak behind her.  Her clear set 
of eyelids protected against the wind, which was helpful, and magically tinted the sky 
a familiar blue.  Dragons used the sun to orient their flight and Red Death had a bad 
habit of always flying toward the sun, otherwise blinding her rider.  Dragon Master 
scratched Red Death absently on the neck, causing her to veer slightly to the right in 
her glide.

"Keep her on course!" Queen Artemis shouted in her ear, straining to be heard over the 
wind.  "If we lose visual with the Channel Master's Silver Cord, we'll have to start 
all over again!"

"What course?" Dragon Master thought.  A gossamer silver cord floated before them, 
extending a short distance before them fading away in the distance.  Trying to look 
too hard at the cord made her eyes and neck hurt.

Dragon Master did her best to shake it off.  Chaos Gates.  Silver Cords.  Shadow 
Walkers.  She preferred her mind links with her dragons, experiencing their thrills as 
they soared, seeing the world through their eyes, feeling the power as they beat their 
wings.  She laughed again, remembering her mind link with the Death Bringer as White 
Lion attempted to ride the young dragon; the thrill of bucking him off, of watching 
him fall arms and legs flailing comically, of burning the tree he was climbing down, 
and even the relief that the retired gladiator was okay.

"Just keep following that Silver Cord."

"I heard her!" Red Death snorted in her mind when Dragon Master attempted to link.  
She got a brief vision of a sky even more alien than Dragon Master's enhanced human 
eyes could see.  Whatever was below them was hot, as the dragon fought to keep a level 
path for her human riders and wolf passengers.  Dragons can't "lose their stomachs" in 
a ride, but some humans had a bad habit of losing their lunch.  Red Death hated that!

"Everyone is grumpy today!" Dragon Master mused to herself.

Dragon Master wondered what they would find when they got there.  And how they would 
get back.  But those were problems for the future.  Right now they just had to find 
Nemesis, then figure out the next step.

                                     *** *** ***

"Things are never so bad they can't be made worse,"Nemesis mused silently.  Dad loved 
his old movie quotes, and she seemed to remember them at the oddest times.

The sound of fingernails scraping on a chalkboard took on an inquisitive tone, and 
then silence.  Fighting an urge to cover her ears with her hands, Nemesis lifted her 
arms to chest level, hands open and palms up, as she turned slowly towards the sound 
behind her.  A detached part of her screamed at the ridiculousness of the "I mean you 
harm" gesture, considering the circumstances.

Redonculous, hunched and shiny black, stood just a few feet away. The demon stood up 
as straight as possible, doing a grotesque mimicry of Nemesis' palms open gesture.  
Its white fangs gleamed, and his eyes sparkled with malice.  "Nem-e-sis," it hissed, 
each syllable sounding stranger and more alien than the last on its lips.  The demon 
leaned forward in what at first looked like a bow, extending its two arms horizontally 
with a flourish and then arching forward into a graceful yoga pose, bending at the 
waist.  The fiend ended up on all fours, arching its back and raising its head.  It 
sniffed, drawing a long dramatic intake of breath.

"Magic," it mused.  Then its eyes lit up.  "Spellcaster!" It declared, sounding like 
an accusation.

                                     *** *** ***

Queen Artemis' legs were aching already, gripping too tightly the dragon's "saddle."  
"Why couldn't I just run?" She thought again.  "I'm a good runner!"  She tried again 
scanning the alien sky around her.  There was no sky, per se.  No horizon, just 
shifting colors and an uncomfortable current that billowed around her from unknown 
convection currents below.  The dragon shuddered under her, gaining sudden elevation 
then losing it (and more) as the currents rose from below, then dipped.  

Queen Artemis understood that they were not in shadow, but sliding through shadow.  In 
shadow, but not of shadow, Alexis had told them.  It didn't make any more sense now 
than it had at the time.  Taking a shortcut, her brother would say, with that 
irritating way of letting you know that he knew more than you but not giving any hint 
of what he was talking about.

If they lost the Silver Cord, she was sure she couldn't find it again.  The Druidic 
Priestess wondered where they would end up if that had to try and "land" on this 
shadow.  Channel Master spoke of Between as if it was a place; it was not a place he 
ever wanted to go.

Queen Artemis mentally nudged her wolves, Tooth and Fang, ever her constant 
companions.  Neither seemed particularly happy with the situation, each held 
delicately (if that were possible) in a dragon claw below Red Death's slowly flapping 
wings.  Her trusty albino falcon, Cloud,  flew just over high right shoulder, wings 
flappy furiously to keep up with Red Dragon's smooth motion.

                                     *** *** ***

Nemesis smiled to herself; so much for surprise.  She dropped her hands down casually 
at her side, trying very hard to look harmless as she considered what to do.  Too late 
she heard the rasping magical incantation for "Entangle" and felt an unseen cord bind 
her arms to her side.

"All too easy," Redonculous said now in perfect Common Tongue.  "You foolish human 
magicians, with your elaborate rituals and recitations."  He shook his head in mock 
sincerity as he took a cautious step forward.  "This is why you fail."

Nemesis sighed loudly to herself, glad that Dragon Master wasn't here now to see this.  
What a hard time she would give her for such a rookie mistake.  Bound by an 
entanglement spell!  It was embarrassing.

"I'm not a magician," Nemesis stated simply.  Redonculous froze, black eyes squinting.  
Nemesis smiled innocently, and opened her mouth as if to continue, then stopped.  The 
demon waited for the rest, but Nemesis just stood patiently, not saying anything.

"You ARE a Spell Caster," the demon retorted.  "I can smell it on you."

Nemesis did her best to look small and helpless.  "Nevertheless, you seem to have the 
upper hand."  Nemesis made a show of struggling against her unseen cords.  "What 
happens now?"

"Now?" Redonculous took another step forward, slowly closing the distance between 
them.  "I take you back to XXXXX.  They use you as bait to lure who we really want 
here.  And then, of course, you die."

"I might fight back," Nemesis stated simply, "if you try to take me somewhere.  I 
won't go easily."

"Your pathetic magic can't hurt me," Redonculous laughed.  "Even your dragons can't 
touch me.  You saw me on the cliff."  He spread his arms expansively.  "My defensive 
magic game is strong!"

In the distance, a loud "pop!" Sounded like a sonic boom.  Redonculous looked over his 
shoulder, toward the sound, and looked back at Nemesis grinning a grotesque fanged 
smile.  "We have company."

Nemesis spoke a simple word, and a single magic missile flung from one extended 
fingertip, slowly but accurately heading directly for the demon's chest.  It watched  
with a bemused air, not even bothering to try and dodge, as the magic dart flew 
towards him.  The missile hit its mark, square in the middle of its chest, and the 
demon laughed.  "Foolish girl," he stated.  "Weren't you listening?"

                                     *** *** ****

Channel Master closed his eyes quickly, and shook his head violently.  "I'm losing 
it!" He thought to himself as he opened his eyes.  It was hot here, but it didn't 
explain how Channel Master's vision wavered.  Everything around him shimmered like a 
desert mirage, the road, the trees, even the car dashboard in front of him.

A high pitched signal began to sound in his ears.  Channel Master clapped his hands 
over his ears, but to no avail.  He shut his eyes, trying to shut out all external 

Channel Master threw his car door open and tumbled out of the cockpit, feeling a wave 
of nausea roll over him.  The heat outside was oppressive, and suddenly he was 
incredibly thirsty.

A percussive boom! Sounded immediately behind him and a hurricane force wind blasted 
him to the ground.  Spitting out dirt, and coughing for air, he scrambled to his feet.

This was turning out to be a very bad day.

Scrambling again to his feet, Channel Master reached out for the vehicle to steady 
himself.  Somewhere close, he heard a falcon screech.  "Brother," he heard a familiar 
female voice say, "we found you!" He turned toward the voice.  "Where is Nemesis?" It 

"I..." he paused.  "I lost her."

                                     *** *** ***

As soon as the missile left her fingertip, Nemesis hit one knee, taking advantage of 
the demon's momentary lapse of concentration to conjure a more powerful...

"Fireball!" She yelled in bad Greek, and the ball of pure energy exploded from her 
inverted open palm, closing the short gap between her and the demon in an instant, 
just a blink after the missile.  She flew back several feet from the percussion, 
feeling the entanglement spell expire as the demon did, as well.  She had only a 
moment to enjoy it before she hit her head on something big and solid and blacked out.

                                 DUELMASTER'S COLUMN
                             Notes from the arena champ.

Hey, I'm here and I heard your complaints. I'm posting something here aren't I?

The Commision requires 20 fights at minimum with at least 14 wins, and 17 political 
points to graduate. I've got those but here's what I'm struggling with: 3 skill 
ratings. I've got nada. If I don't meet those requirements by my 50th fight mark then 
I also graduate. At this point I think that that is how it is, the road I'm going 

Here's the fun part, almost everyone reads the DM Column so I'm going to take the 
liberty to tell you a few riddles!

     I speak without a mouth and hear without ears. 
     I have no body, but I come alive with wind. 
     What am I?

     You measure my life in hours I serve and I serve you by expiring. 
     I'm quick when I'm thin and slow when I'm fat. 
     The wind is my enemy. 
     What am I?

There, could you share your guesses in the personal ads and I will share the real 
answers in the DM Column if I'm still here and Personal Ads if I get kicked off the 

                                          Peace Out,

                                          J.J. Watt

                                      SPY REPORT

     Good day, friends and fiends, welcome to your friendly neighborhood spyreport.  
I doubt TELORINTHE will ever be the same.  Now keep the taverns open late tonight, 
for there are sorrows to drown for IRONSKULL ORCS, whose 2-3-0 this turn dropped them 
by 4 into 10th.  SHADOW OF MEGA stable has parlayed this turn's 4-1-0 into a 6 space 
move up the rankings.  This brings them up to 4th place.  Good work, guys!  The THE 
RED COMPANY guild has had a 4-1-0 turn and deserves to be watched in the future.  You 
never know where this kind of thing can lead.  And let's see, BIBIDEE fought REESE'S 
PB and gained 21 points and contributed to SORCERER KINGS' 3-2-0.  ABOLISH has lost 
to STABBMOOR, falling 16 points, while helping make SHADOW OF MEGA a 4-1-0 turn.  
HIRED BY TRUMP challenged for the Duelmastership this turn, attempting to dethrone 
NFL NETWORK's warrior.  Defending his title for another turn, J.J. WATT kept BAD 
SIGNS' warrior, HIRED BY TRUMP, from claiming the throne.  By the way, was that our 
Duelmaster that I saw last night, cramped under the table at The Warty Toad?   
     He who challenges well, fights well.  He who avoids without cause, shall lose 
for good reasons.  My mama told me that one.  I also notice that the CONJURE UP THE 
SUN stable was the most avoided team this turn.  Come on TELORINTHE, what are you 
afraid of?  And guess who avoided CONJURE UP THE SUN stable the most?  Believe it or 
not, it was SORCERER KINGS.  Anyone surprised?  The most challenged warrior this turn 
was SORCERER KINGS' warrior LALALI-PUY.  More fighters challenged her than challenged 
the Duelmaster!  Well now, what do you expect when someone like SIX FLAGS from 
SCORPIO'S LIKES: challenges down 21 points to fight LALALI-PUY of SORCERER KINGS?  
Well, surprise, surprise, SIX FLAGS was beat by LALALI-PUY, and by the way, SIX FLAGS 
now has a recognition score of 56.   
     We only live a short time in this world, so why not take a sharp blade, and 
shave it close?  Had I not seen it, it would be hard to believe.  HURRICANE SEASON 
was sent to the Dark Arena and lived to tell about it!  Makes you think, no?  
Congratulations go out to QUEEN'S GUARD, with SIR MUNN revenging a bloodfeud against 
FRENEMY of RIFF-RAFF CREW.  The Warty Toad declares a free round for VALENTINE HAMMER 
and all of AAAARRGH HAMMERZ, for having revenged D'ORKS' TEN TOES for killing one of 
their comrades.  Kudos go out to F-3PO this turn, for revenging EMPIRE STRIKES OUT's 
bloodfeud against NFL NETWORK's warrior BRIAN DAWKINS.  Well done.  A brave warrior 
does not carry a red shield, he has nothing to cover or hide when the fight is over.  
Consider well.   
     Thought for the day, a new sword shines bright, but the notched sword sings the 
sweetest.  It's been nice chatting with you, until we meet again, keep your swords 
sharp and your hammers heavy.  Until the sun next rises and my pen sets to paper-- 
Alarond the Scribe  

DUELMASTER                     W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 J.J. WATT 535                22   7  0   129       NFL NETWORK (63)

CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 BURGER KING 559              20   7  0   117       THE FEROCIOUS FIVE (64)
 MIDNIGHT 573                 14  10  0   112       HOUSE OF FUR (62)
 NIGHTMARE 545                17  11  1   108       THE DRAGONS (65)
 HARLEY 564                   14  12  0   102       HOUSE OF FUR (62)
 WYAN 553                     16  12  3   101       SORCERER KINGS (66)
 HIRED BY TRUMP 506           14  11  1   101       BAD SIGNS (24)
 MASTER ROSHI 524             17  11  0    99       KAME HOUSE (61)

CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 BORYS 554                    16  12  1    98       SORCERER KINGS (66)
 CHOCO 530                    17  12  0    92       HOUSE OF FUR (62)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 HILLARY CLINTON 486          17  14  1    89       BAD SIGNS (24)
 VICIOUS VENOM 540            17  11  2    79       THE FEROCIOUS FIVE (64)
 KING KILLER 543              15  13  1    77       THE FEROCIOUS FIVE (64)
 SIR ROUND 590                 9   5  0    77       QUEEN'S GUARD (68)
 SKY 544                      12  16  0    74       THE DRAGONS (65)
 GUILFORD 558                 11  16  3    72       KAME HOUSE (61)
 ANTONIO BROWN 612            11   4  1    71       NFL NETWORK (63)
 ICE MAN 468                  13  19  2    69       SCORPIO'S LIKES: (57)
 DETENTION 572                 8   6  2    68       BAD SIGNS (24)
 PUKEI 557                    18   9  0    67       KAME HOUSE (61)
 MANIAC MAULER 542            17  12  1    67       THE FEROCIOUS FIVE (64)

CHALLENGER ADEPTS              W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 MANGO CHUTNEY 579            13   9  0    66       THE FEROCIOUS FIVE (64)
 VAMPIRE ON FIRE 512          10   9  2    64       CONJURE UP THE SUN (60)
 LALALI-PUY 588               10  11  1    62       SORCERER KINGS (66)
 REESE'S PB 438               10  27  1    58       SCORPIO'S LIKES: (57)
 BIBIDEE 623                   7   0  1    57       SORCERER KINGS (66)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 SIX FLAGS 469                12  20  0    56       SCORPIO'S LIKES: (57)
 SIR CULE 591                  7   7  0    54       QUEEN'S GUARD (68)
 SIR CUMBSTANCE 592            8   6  0    53       QUEEN'S GUARD (68)
 GREG OLSEN 581               13   9  2    52       NFL NETWORK (63)
 OUTLANDER HAMMER 33          11  17  0    50       AAAARRGH HAMMERZ (3)
 PHYSICALITY 599               6   6  0    42       RIFF-RAFF CREW (69)
 VENGEANCE HAMMER 233         11   7  1    41       AAAARRGH HAMMERZ (3)
 HEAT WAVE 515                 9  10  0    37       CONJURE UP THE SUN (60)
 DEATH BRINGER 618             8   2  0    37       THE DRAGONS (65)
 EMBER 634                     5   0  0    37       THE DRAGONS (65)
 0-2 COUNT 603                 6   3  0    36       BAD SIGNS (24)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 SIR MUNN 609                  6   4  0    33       QUEEN'S GUARD (68)
 D'ORK SMASH 666               3   0  0    33       D'ORKS (76)
 MOOSE HEAD 596                5  15  0    30       SCORPIO'S LIKES: (57)
 HALFTIME SHOW 632             3   2  0    29       NFL NETWORK (63)
 VALENTINE HAMMER 226          4  15  0    28       AAAARRGH HAMMERZ (3)
 RBI-WAN KENOBI 628            3   3  1    28       EMPIRE STRIKES OUT (70)
 FRENEMY 600                   6   6  1    27       RIFF-RAFF CREW (69)
 CHARMING KITTEN 601           6   6  0    26       RIFF-RAFF CREW (69)
 F-3PO 630                     4   2  1    26       EMPIRE STRIKES OUT (70)
 FOX HOUND 651                 3   1  0    24       HOUSE OF FUR (62)
 STABBMOOR 636                 2   3  0    24       IRONSKULL ORCS (71)
 KNIGHLIFE 656                 2   0  0    24       SHADOW OF MEGA (74)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 FUNGO FETT 653                2   2  0    23       EMPIRE STRIKES OUT (70)
 SUNDER JR. 660                2   1  0    23       THE RED COMPANY (75)
 TWINKLE TWINKLE 571           5   4  0    22       CONJURE UP THE SUN (60)
 BRIGHTWOLF 642                1   3  0    19       SPEARPEOPLE (72)
 MADNESS 657                   3   0  0    17       SHADOW OF MEGA (74)
 FROSTFANG 661                 3   0  0    17       THE RED COMPANY (75)
 B-GONE 655                    2   0  0    17       SHADOW OF MEGA (74)
 ANGERHARD 643                 1   3  0    17       SPEARPEOPLE (72)
 HEAT STROKE 578               4   3  0    16       CONJURE UP THE SUN (60)
 SKARFACE 652                  3   1  0    15       IRONSKULL ORCS (71)
 TEN TOES 669                  1   2  1    14       D'ORKS (76)
 WORMSPINE 640                 3   2  0    11       IRONSKULL ORCS (71)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 BLOODAXE 637                  3   2  0    11       IRONSKULL ORCS (71)
 RIDE OR DIE 635               3   2  0    11       RIFF-RAFF CREW (69)
 BEKI 659                      2   0  0     9       SHADOW OF MEGA (74)
 PUSHEEN 624                   1   5  1     9       HOUSE OF FUR (62)
 ORKEN BEANS 668               1   2  0     9       D'ORKS (76)
 KESTREL 663                   1   2  0     9       THE RED COMPANY (75)
 JABBA THE HITT 678            1   0  0     9       EMPIRE STRIKES OUT (70)
 2017 BRAWL HAMMER 496         2   2  0     8       AAAARRGH HAMMERZ (3)
 UMPIRE PALPATINE 629          1   5  0     8       EMPIRE STRIKES OUT (70)
 ORK D'WINDFREE 667            2   1  0     7       D'ORKS (76)
 D'ORK CHOP 670                2   1  0     7       D'ORKS (76)
 ELFBEND 645                   1   3  1     7       SPEARPEOPLE (72)
 BRAWNA 664                    1   2  0     7       THE RED COMPANY (75)
 BONEBREAKER 639               1   4  0     7       IRONSKULL ORCS (71)
 GODFRIEND 641                 1   3  0     6       SPEARPEOPLE (72)
 SIELBA 673                    1   1  0     4       SORCERER KINGS (66)
 ABOLISH 658                   1   1  0     4       SHADOW OF MEGA (74)
 RAVENHEART 644                0   4  0     4       SPEARPEOPLE (72)
 SIDEWINDER 662                0   3  0     3       THE RED COMPANY (75)
 OOLONG 674                    0   2  0     2       KAME HOUSE (61)
 DUSK 677                      0   1  0     1       CONJURE UP THE SUN (60)
 OBEDIENCE HAMMER 676          0   1  0     1       AAAARRGH HAMMERZ (3)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                W  L K TEAM NAME            SLAIN BY              TURN Revenge?
DAWN 522                7  8 0 CONJURE UP THE SU 60 ICE MAN 468           173   
BRIAN DAWKINS 633       2  3 1 NFL NETWORK 63       F-3PO 630             174   
SIR RENDER 619          2  2 0 QUEEN'S GUARD 68     FRENEMY 600           173  JUST REVENGED
SIR TENLY KNOTT 675     0  1 0 QUEEN'S GUARD 68     STONE GOLEM           174  NONE
121516710213KID 679     0  1 0 RIFF-RAFF CREW 69    DARK CHAMPION         174  NONE
HOT YOGA 602            7  4 0 RIFF-RAFF CREW 69    VAMPIRE ON FIRE 512   173   
GODFATHER'S PIZZA 671   0  2 0 SCORPIO'S LIKES: 57  PUSHEEN 624           173   
WINDSHEAR 580          11 10 0 THE DRAGONS 65       WYAN 553              173   

                                     PERSONAL ADS

Telorinthe -- It's about time to bid farewell to Hurricane Season.   He received his 
invitation to ADM much quicker than I was expecting, as his starting stats of 11-9-9-
15-8-21-11 are really nothing special.   The commission says his favourite weapon is 
the Hatchet, which he only had a 1-2 record while using.  He learned 39 skills while 
here on the sands, picking up his Advanced Expert in Decisiveness (+1), Expert in 
Initiative (-1), and Expert in Riposte (mode).  His preferred rhythm is a High 
Offensive Effort and a Very Low Activity level, with a tendency to learn riposte 
skills. Despite learning 10 attack skills, he still didn't have his expert in attack.   
But he won all his fights by attacking, so what does that say about the value of 
attacking well. -- Dark Oracle, mgr of Bad Signs

J.J. Watt -- Sure, you don't even let me hit you with my primary weapon that time.   I 
may have to try again.  Meanwhile, here's my weaponsmith's bill to make things right 
-- Hired By Trump

Sir Round -- Never move up the rankings too fast.   Slow and steady is the way to 
annihilate those around you. -- Hurricane Season

Choco -- I only wish I could hit as hard as you can.   But sometimes it is more 
important to attack quickly -- Hilary Clinton

Master Roshii -- I guess I'm not ready to move to the head of the class -- Detention

Valentine Hammer -- OOOH!  Multiple Skills.   I think I'm in love! -- 0-2 Count

Hired By Trump -- You almost got me there -- J.J. Watt

Ember -- That's not fair! I wasn't show ready! -- Halftime Show

Chewbalka -- Whoa I thought they put me in the arena with a huge hairy spider, I made 
sure to squash him flat! -- Brian Dawkins

Six Flags -- What is this? I would have thought I could have beat you -- Greg Olsen

Lalali-Puy -- Bad matchup for you, try to do better next time. -- Antonio Brown

All -- I've been a bit busy lately so forgive me for not entering anything into the DM 
Column I sent something last turn. I'm posting one this turn but I have a feeling that 
this will be my last turn in the big seat. -- J.J. Watt

Weirdo -- You may not have enough avoids for all the attention you're getting here in 
83. -- Riff-Raff

Chewbalka -- The crowd can be so fickle. Chanting "Dark Arena!" one moment, then 
cheering me on to victory the next. They're a tough bunch to please. -- Ride or Die

D'Orks have arrived. Clean up on Aisle 3!

Sir Render -- Sorry about that. Sometimes I just lose control. -- Frenemy

Bloodaxe -- You need a new name.  Boring Axe, perhaps?  Or Boorish Axe? -- Ride or 
Die, Vice Chair Warrior Names Truth in Advertising Committee, Telorinthe

Sir Munn -- It takes me a few minutes to get warmed up.  17, apparently, is the magic 
number. -- Charming Kitten, aka Hangry Kitten

Kestrel -- Part of me wanted to go easy on the new guy.  Part of me wanted to see what 
this Drop 10 Maul could do.  Vanity won out.  Sorry about that. -- Physicality

Vampire on Fire -- Tsk tsk.  That was neither polite, nor wise.  Time to teach you and 
your manager a lesson, I suppose.  Problem is, Fools Don't Learn.  So repeated lessons 
may be necessary. -- Ghost of Hot Yoga

Fox Hound -- Terrablood said you were a total parry, and I knew that wasn't right, but 
I had to find out for myself. -- RBI-wan Kenobi

Ork D'Windfree -- The only reason you won is because you had the 'win' in your name. 
-- Umpire Palpatine

Sidewinder -- Even though someone told me I could fight, you really didn't let me 
attack at all. -- F-3P0

D'Ork Smash -- Well you smashed my right ribcage for sure. -- Fungo Fett

Brian Dawkins -- You didn't kill me, the attendants at the infirmary did. That still 
doesn't mean my teammates can't bloodfeud you! -- The Ghost of Chewbalka

Queen Artemis -- I'm glad someone else enjoys Rick Riordan's Books. -- Agent R

TRC -- You seem to like a lot of Canadian Stuff.   I didn't know the Winnipeg Blue 
Bombers were a College Football Team (CFL?). -- Agent R

Riff-Raff -- (I assume that's you at RRC).  Seems like you like the West Coast. -- 
Agent R

Riff-Raff -- Oh hey, sorry!  I think I challenged the wrong warrior.  You see, Hot 
Yoga sounds like something Gentleben and his Queen's Guard would be into.  Mea Culpa. 
-- Weirdo

Sir Cule -- Cumb...er...never mind)

Telorinthe shadows grumble of its warrior of olde who fights still -- on the Isle... 
in a tournament arena!  (How can this be?!  Has not noble Telorinthe always been 
circus-free?)  (Noble, except for Vampire on Fire... and the other two down-
challengers... and all the total-parry scum... and....) -- Sir Cule Cumb...er...

Or People sing this song:
We here all want to fight Madness;
but what is Madness doing there?
We feel unarmored and sliced open;
without Madness fastened in the usual hidden and dark place
(wehere Anger burns less Bright!  And the stink is hard to bear!)
We all want to fight Madness here;
But why is there Madness?

Weirdo -- Right back at ya! -- TRC

S.M. -- Don't worry. I suspect next time the outcome might be different. Or not. -- 

Channel Master and NFL Network -- Glad to be here. It's nice to see some variety 
almost every turn. You never know what kind of fight you're going to get! -- TRC

Orken Beans -- I thought you might be looking for a rematch, so I tweaked my strategy 
a little. It seems to have worked. -- Frostfang.
P.S. I think we should see other people. It's getting hard to explain the scent of 

Queen's Guard -- Yup. Two turns is not a great sample size. I think this team is 
better than that. -- TRC

Telorinthe Tuffies -- Hello Telo! Your Sands are Running Red with the Blood of Friends 
and Friendly Foes! -- Hammer

Ten Toes -- Apparently the Surprise was on Remembers Hammer!  -- Hammer

Hillary Clinton -- Your Days are Numbered by Vengeance or No Vengeance! There are 
Worse Things a Warrior Could Be than a Trump Hammer! -- Vengeance Hammer

Detention -- Things Happen! -- Outlander Hammer

Queen Artemis -- Glad You Enjoyed the Diplo Note! Thanks for the Welcome Back to Telo! 
-- Hammer

Queen Artemis -- Enjoyed Your Info! Battlefield Salute! Happy Hunting to You Too in 
Telo! -- Hammer

Agent R -- I have a Lot of Teams in Various Arenas that even I had Forgotten! Teams 
that You Have Not Heard of Before! -- Hammer

Frenemy -- So You are a Bone Fide Valentine Hater! You are Missing Out on the Lovely 
Things in Life! -- Valentine Hammer

Ten Toes -- Remembers Hammer is Remembered by Her Stable Mates! Your Dance Card is 
Probably Filling Up for Future Fights! -- Aberrant 5 Blades

Sir Render -- There are Times when a Brawl is a One-Sided Affair! We Shall Watch How 
You Crawl Up the Telo Rankings! -- 2017 Brawl Hammer

0-2 Count -- Your Challenge! Your Victory! Stingy with the Skills Exchange! -- 
Valentine Hammer

Sir Cule -- Your Challenge! Your Victory! My Loss! Until We Meet Again! -- Vengeance 

Sky -- Your Challenge! Your Victory! Thanks for the Dance! Thanks for the Skills! You 
are a Lethal Lady for Sure! -- Outlander Hammer

Ravenheart -- Glad You Survived the Infirmary! -- 2017 Brawl Hammer

Telorinthe Tuffies -- See You on the Sands! Sneaky Due Date Will Be Arriving Soon! -- 
Hammer the WordSmith


                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

HURRICANE SEASON butchered SHEWISH GIANT in a 1 minute Dark Arena fight.
SIR TENLY KNOTT was savagely slain by STONE GOLEM in a 3 minute Dark Arena melee.
121516710213KID was assassinated by DARK CHAMPION in a 2 minute Dark Arena duel.
HEAT WAVE was devastated by ICE MAN in a 1 minute one-sided Bloodfeud fight.
VALENTINE HAMMER subdued TEN TOES in a 3 minute Bloodfeud competition.
F-3PO savagely slew BRIAN DAWKINS in a 4 minute brutal Bloodfeud struggle.
SIR MUNN outwaited FRENEMY in a popular 7 minute Bloodfeud competition.
HIRED BY TRUMP was unbelievably bested by J.J. WATT in a 11 minute Challenge melee.
HILLARY CLINTON was overpowered by MIDNIGHT in a 1 minute uneven Challenge duel.
SIX FLAGS was narrowly defeated by LALALI-PUY in a 3 minute veteran's Challenge fight.
OUTLANDER HAMMER was overpowered by ANTONIO BROWN in a 1 minute Challenge fight.
SIR CULE was subdued by MANGO CHUTNEY in a 2 minute Challenge competition.
SIR CUMBSTANCE was overcome by DETENTION in a 2 minute Challenge contest.
SKARFACE was demolished by D'ORK SMASH in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge match.
0-2 COUNT outlasted CHARMING KITTEN in a unpopular 26 minute Challenge conflict.
RBI-WAN KENOBI was defeated by EMBER in a popular 4 minute Challenge duel.
HEAT STROKE unbelievably bested UMPIRE PALPATINE in a 3 minute Challenge duel.
HALFTIME SHOW devastated WORMSPINE in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge brawl.
BLOODAXE savagely defeated OOLONG in a 5 minute brutal novice's Challenge bout.
FUNGO FETT overpowered RIDE OR DIE in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge match.
BONEBREAKER was viciously subdued by ORKEN BEANS in a 1 minute Challenge bout.
ORK D'WINDFREE was demolished by SUNDER JR. in a 1 minute uneven Challenge bout.
HARLEY vanquished MANIAC MAULER in a 1 minute mismatched fray.
NIGHTMARE overpowered M. CHARDINEE in a 1 minute one-sided match.
WYAN was narrowly defeated by BURGER KING in a popular 7 minute veteran's duel.
BORYS defeated SKY in a 2 minute veteran's bout.
GUILFORD slimly lost to VICIOUS VENOM in a action packed 2 minute gory expert's bout.
PUKEI was handily defeated by CHOCO in a 1 minute mismatched bout.
SIR ROUND was vanquished by MASTER ROSHI in a popular 1 minute one-sided bout.
KING KILLER viciously subdued VAMPIRE ON FIRE in a 2 minute gory fray.
REESE'S PB was overpowered by BIBIDEE in a 1 minute gory one-sided match.
GREG OLSEN overpowered MOOSE HEAD in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
VENGEANCE HAMMER was viciously subdued by PHYSICALITY in a 2 minute bloody match.
DEATH BRINGER viciously subdued TWINKLE TWINKLE in a unpopular 17 minute brutal fight.
PUSHEEN was subdued by FROSTFANG in a 4 minute brutal struggle.
GODFRIEND was overcome by JABBA THE HITT in a exciting 1 minute novice's fight.
BRIGHTWOLF handily defeated 2017 BRAWL HAMMER in a 1 minute uneven match.
ANGERHARD overpowered SIELBA in a 1 minute uneven bout.
RAVENHEART was overpowered by FOX HOUND in a 1 minute one-sided competition.
ELFBEND lost to KESTREL in a 4 minute novice's match.
B-GONE demolished SIDEWINDER in a 1 minute uneven duel.
KNIGHLIFE devastated D'ORK CHOP in a 1 minute gruesome mismatched match.
MADNESS handily defeated DUSK in a 3 minute mismatched fight.
ABOLISH was overpowered by STABBMOOR in a 1 minute uneven competition.
BEKI overcame PERSISTANT BEGGAR in a tiring 4 minute novice's match.
BRAWNA subdued OBEDIENCE HAMMER in a 2 minute beginner's fight.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|TOTAL PARRY                     13         TOTAL PARRY       64 -  32 -  0      67  |
|BASHING ATTACK                  13         SLASHING ATTACK   49 -  32 -  4      60  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                 12         PARRY-RIPOSTE     15 -  13 -  0      54  |
|LUNGING ATTACK                  12         AIMED BLOW        45 -  42 -  1      52  |
|AIMED BLOW                      12         WALL OF STEEL     20 -  20 -  4      50  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                 11         STRIKING ATTACK   36 -  38 -  2      49  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    6         LUNGING ATTACK    39 -  49 -  2      44  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    3         BASHING ATTACK    30 -  46 -  3      39  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      3         PARRY-LUNGE        5 -  14 -  1      26  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     2         PARRY-STRIKE       4 -  15 -  1      21  |

Turn 174 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

TOTAL PARRY       10 -  3     SLASHING ATTACK    5 -  6         3  TOTAL PARRY    
PARRY-RIPOSTE      2 -  1     LUNGING ATTACK     5 -  7         3  SLASHING ATTACK
STRIKING ATTACK    8 -  4     BASHING ATTACK     5 -  8         3  STRIKING ATTACK
WALL OF STEEL      4 -  2     AIMED BLOW         4 -  8         2  LUNGING ATTACK 
PARRY-STRIKE       1 -  1     PARRY-LUNGE        0 -  3     

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
TOTAL PARRY      J.J. WATT 535              22   7  0  129 NFL NETWORK (63)
SLASHING ATTACK  MIDNIGHT 573               14  10  0  112 HOUSE OF FUR (62)
STRIKING ATTACK  NIGHTMARE 545              17  11  1  108 THE DRAGONS (65)
LUNGING ATTACK   WYAN 553                   16  12  3  101 SORCERER KINGS (66)
WALL OF STEEL    VICIOUS VENOM 540          17  11  2   79 THE FEROCIOUS FIVE (64)
AIMED BLOW       PUKEI 557                  18   9  0   67 KAME HOUSE (61)
BASHING ATTACK   VAMPIRE ON FIRE 512        10   9  2   64 CONJURE UP THE SUN (60)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

The overall popularity leader is NIGHTMARE 545.  The most popular warrior this turn 
was FRENEMY 600.  The ten other most popular fighters were HIRED BY TRUMP 506, WYAN 

The least popular fighter this week was CHARMING KITTEN 601.  The other ten least 
popular fighters were 0-2 COUNT 603, TWINKLE TWINKLE 571, DEATH BRINGER 618, BEKI 
659, OOLONG 674, ABOLISH 658, D'ORK CHOP 670, SIDEWINDER 662, KESTREL 663, and 

The following warriors will travel to AD after next turn:


The following warriors have traveled to AD after fighting this turn:


                  MAIL-IN TOURNEY LXX