ADVANCED DUELMASTERS
Date : 07/02/2003 Duedate: 07/15/2003
HOME GUARD
DM-101 TURN-353
RANK TEAMS W L K % RANK TEAMS W L K %
1 THE MOTHERSH 19/1148 109 49 0 69.0 DRAKE'S COMICS 47/1112
2-SHADOW GOLD 71/1143 370 236 1 61.1 DRAKE'S BAR-B-Q 15/313
3-ACT OF MALIC 36/1215 75 53 1 58.6 DRAKE'S PETTING ZOO 33/1075
4-THE ILLUMINA 25/1179 7 5 0 58.3 18 SWEORDMASTERS 1/1210 21 23 0 47.7
5 COLD STEEL 51/296 108 79 1 57.8 PERFECTION QUEST 98/1204
COLD STEEL 37/1202 LAB EXPERIMENTS 1/1207
CRIMSON PEGASI 65/1079 CLEVER LINGO 46/1212
6 LUST MUPPETS 32/1099 232 171 1 57.6 19 DARKMOON 12/1197 20 24 0 45.5
7-2ND ARCTIC G 71/1214 98 77 0 56.0 20 GENOCIDE 51/1109 126 154 0 45.0
8 QUBIT 10/1136 589 491 2 54.5 SCIENCE FICTION 6/1152
TOO GOOD FOR ME 65/1054 RESURRECTION 2/1065
JOKA MASHER! 60/833 21 RPG'S 49/697 1084 1382 15 44.0
SIR AGLIO 10/788 WILD AMINALS 74/635
SNOTZI'S II 33/813 BAD NEWS 78/640
VERMIN!! 82/1124 22 JUNKYARD WAR 98/1140 13 17 0 43.3
9-ANARCHY 19/1151 14 12 0 53.8 23 VIOLENT FEMS 35/972 364 495 8 42.4
PARANOID ASYLUM 75/1203 24 CARNIVAL 19/95 39 53 0 42.4
10 MAGICK 60/955 427 368 4 53.7 CARNIVAL 25/1071
EDGE OF EXTINCTION 71/973 CARNIVAL 30/1130
11 YOU FEEL THA 82/1205 92 84 0 52.3 25 HARLEQUINS 2/1186 41 63 1 39.4
THUNDR + LITENING 18/222 WAR HAWKS 10/1026
12 SPARF! 20/1069 620 594 9 51.1 26 MY PETS 9/554 423 682 10 38.3
OTTO'S MECHANICS 28/1073 GIRL SCOUT COOKIES 33/812
OPEN SESAME 50/824 RHYME TYME 55/449
CHAPEL ROCK 79/776 27 SOLARAN BERSE 40/949 20 34 1 37.0
HERE TO PHOENIX 26/1072 28 BLUE MOON 9/1025 375 663 3 36.1
SKI TAOS 23/1070 BAD APPLES 56/1091
ROYAL FLUSH 47/146 CIRQUE DU MASQUES 58/1093
REAL BEER 21/1116 REFORMERS 64/1095
13 BUMS 'R' US 60/1142 17 17 0 50.0 29 POWERPUFF GI 12/1145 7 14 0 33.3
JOYS OF BOOZE 33/1209 30-U.B.O.S.M. 11/1184 4 10 0 28.6
14 SAMURAI KIDS 62/1182 7 7 0 50.0 31 BLIND LUCK 97/1183 1 5 0 16.7
15 OVERLORDS 20/30 89 90 0 49.7 UNTOUCHABLES 18/1190
THE STORMGUARDS 31/132 32 THE REDBAERS 3/1180 2 14 0 12.5
16 PUERCO'S PINA 53/700 54 57 0 48.6 TOMATO ENFORCER 63/1193
ANDORIAN UNIVERSITY 30/1213 33 SANDS OF TIM 38/1195 0 6 0 0.0
ANDORIAN UNIVERSITY 66/1123 34 THRILLZ & KIL 7/1211 0 3 0 0.0
THE FURIOUS FIVE 52/698 35-THE DEATH SQ 14/1199 1 1 0 50.0
17 DRAKE'S LODG 73/1206 127 139 5 47.7 OF MYTHOS AND MEN 33/1192
'##/###' Avoid teams by their Team Id '-' Team did not fight this turn
WARRIOR SPOTLIGHT
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Eye of the Storm #61 ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
Rithakar:
Onuphre had disarmed the man and was now holding him in an iron grip to prevent
him bleeding to death from the stump. Seeing that he had his companions' attention
again, the Shew said, "I thought we might want to ask this fellow some questions."
"What an excellent idea!" Tamea Soulkeeper purred. She moved closer to the
Shew's prisoner and examined him curiously. "He appears to be of a race unknown in
Alastari," she murmured, then glanced at the blood leaking from the stump of the
man's arm. It was an unusual shade of red, almost coppery. "Of an unknown species
entirely. I wonder where the Folstrom found him?"
"Stop wondering and ask your questions," Onuphre suggested. "He isn't going to
last long, as much blood as he's lost."
Tamea gave the Shew a look that would have put a dagger to shame for sharpness
and addressed a brisk question to the prisoner in a language none of the other
gladiators recognized.
The man stared at her blankly, then mumbled a few words.
The witch frowned and rapped out another question in what sounded like a
different language.
The man shook his head feebly.
"Those other people make my head spin," Debby Tonte announced. She was glaring
at the main body of lancers, who were still rippling and fading in and out of
solidity. "They make me feel like I forgot the umbrella in my drink, or, you know,
no olives. I don't like it."
Bellerophon and Mr. Testosterone turned to look at the larger group again. It
didn't appear to offer much danger, if the lancers couldn't even rejoin the active
universe.
"That sphere the banner-man is carrying!" Mr. Testosterone said suddenly.
"Could that be the Eye we're looking for?"
Ultraist* squinted at it and nodded once. "It could be," the big Aruaki
admitted. "It looks pretty much the way the Eye looked--if it was the Eye--when I
saw it last. But how would they come to have it?"
"If that's the Eye of the South," Bellerophon answered briskly, "it doesn't
matter how they got it. We have to get it back."
This declaration gathered the attention of the whole group that had originally
set out from the Isle. After the delays and disappointments experienced so far, the
possibility of actually being able to accomplish their task was invigorating.
"How do we get it from them?" E.A. Polecat demanded. "They aren't all here, I
mean, they're not in this world completely, and if they can't touch us, we can't
touch them, right?"
"We can get right in among them with our swords drawn," Skirnir suggested.
Holding his blade at the ready, he moved forward as he spoke.
The others rushed to join him, out of loyalty and duty and from a simple desire
to have, finally, a clear fight that they could win. Because they were going to win.
At their near approach, the lancers seemed to get a firmer grip on reality and become
solid, or nearly so, but at the same time many of them began to age with appalling
swiftness, as though all the years they had slept through were falling on them at
once. Skirnir, who found himself paired with Black Skull, the retired Rocani Lord
Protector, headed for the banner man who had what was probably the Eye of the South.
Bellerophon and Natasha Knight targeted the leader of the troop, and the other
gladiators spread out to do as much damage as they could.
The man with the banner and the Eye shouted when he found himself beset by two
warriors, and others rallied to his side, including the leader. The battle was brief
but fierce, the end inevitable. Though they had the advantages of numbers and of
being mounted, the lancers were weary and confused, and when one of them took a
deadly wound, he rapidly collapsed into a pile of bones that crumbled to dust.
Black Skull looked over the seen of the battle, shaken. Nothing remained of the
men they'd fought, who had fought them with the fierceness of desperation, but dust
drifting away on the wind, and a few pieces of age-weakened metal--spearheads, a
helmet or two, a buckle.... "That was..." he shook his head, unable to think of a
word to describe his feeling.
"It was as bad, in its way, as though we'd lost," Bellerophon said grimly. "But
we won." He stepped carefully through the dust to the spherical stone, white and
dead as the moon, that might be all that remained of the Eye of the South.
"Better not to touch it!" Ultraist advised, coming up beside him.
"Right! Remember what it did to that poor dragon!" Debby Tonte added, joining
them. She rummaged in her straw bag and pulled out a large towel. "Roll it into
this, so you can carry it safely. We can take it back to HER, and then forget about
it. And the sooner the better, too!"
*Ultraist is now known as Sylvester Frothingslosh.
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Eye of the Storm #62 ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
The Isle of the Eye:
They didn't get to see Sheila Greywand, which was a surprise. Some sort of
secretary told them that she was "very busy." They should take their trophy, which
might or might not be the Eye of the South, to the Stronghold Academy and turn it
over to Senior Wizard Tanrith. Then he shut the door in their faces.
"You would think," Mr. Testosterone muttered angrily, "that after sending us--
personally sending us, at that--on a special mission of 'surpassing importance',
she'd want to at least hear our report in person and ask us some questions."
"One might think that," Bellerophon agreed. "I suppose she might be occupied
with more pressing matters," he went on slowly, staring at the shut door.
"We were given to understand that there WERE no more pressing matters than
finding out what happened to the Eyes," Tamea Soulkeeper growled. "But not only are
we turned away at her door, we could barely get onto the Isle at all!"
"That might be one of the more pressing matters," Skirnir suggested.
"Ha! I know when I've been insulted." Tamea glared at the door. "It would
serve her right if we didn't take the Eye to the Academy."
"No, WE should do things properly, even if SHE is too busy," E.A. Polecat cut
in. "Besides, what would we do with the thing?" He looked at the towel-wrapped
bundle uneasily.
"And even if we, you know, get away with it now," Debby Tonte predicted, "SHE
will notice later on, and then we'll be in trouble. SHE always notices sooner or
later."
"What's the point in arguing?" Onuphre asked. "We're going to take it to the
Stronghold Academy, to this Senior Wizard, so let's just do it. I want to go back to
my guildhouse, take a hot bath, get a good meal, and a night's sleep in a real bed
for a change." He glanced sideways at Debby. "Not that the Rithakar Hilton wasn't
okay, but I want my own bed."
"I agree," Natasha Knight said from the back of the group. "Let's just get rid
of the thing and be done with all this. Where is the Stronghold Academy from here?"
She moved to the outer door and peered into the fog uncertainly.
Debby tugged her beach jacket more securely around her well-tanned figure and
stepped out into the fog. "It's right down there." She gestured at nothing visible
to the others.
The gladiators glanced at each other. Bellerophon shrugged. "She always lands
on her feet," he murmured. "She probably does know where the Academy is, and we want
to get rid of this. Let's go."
They went.
Ten minutes brisk walk brought them to a stout brick wall topped with iron
spikes. The porter at the heavy gate, a pale, weedy specimen who looked more like a
student of magic than any kind of guard, let them in without argument, and directed
them to Tanrith's workroom.
Tanrith looked old, as befitted a senior wizard. He also looked tired, but that
was not their problem. He took the towel-wrapped stone from them, set it on a bare
table, and unwrapped it. The stone was a sphere a little bigger than a man's head,
chalky white, smooth but dull of surface, and faint shadows cast by nothing visible
moved just under its skin.
The wizard sighed. "This was, indeed, one of the Eyes," he said. "It's beyond
recovery now, poor thing. Best to put it out of its misery...."
"You make it sound like something alive," E.A. Polecat muttered.
"It is. Or it was. The records state plainly that when Lady Greywand created
the Eyes, each was built around the soul, spirit, or whatever you want to call it, of
a living person. I'm surprised they lasted as long as they did."
"Why?" Tamea Soulkeeper leaned forward intently. "Why should they not survive
for even longer when preserved by spells?"
"Nothing but the vast mind of a Great Dragon lasts without decay for more than a
few hundred years in nature. Spells may extend that period to as much as a thousand
years, but beyond that point...no." The old man sighed. "Oh, to be sure, you can
keep it GOING with spells, but it changes. Memory frays away, personality twists
into new channels, and the resilience of the healthy mind is lost. The mind may
retain function, indeed, it may be quite powerful, but it isn't sane by any measure."
Nobody said anything. Bellerophon didn't look at the other gladiators, but in
his mind was the awareness that Sheila Greywand was considerably more than a thousand
years old. Was this man saying SHE was insane? Impossible...or was it?
"That's two of the Eyes recovered," Tanrith went on. "The East and the South.
Good work."
"And luck," Bellerophon said. "Luck, and help when we needed it."
"If the Eyes are useless now," Tamea asked, "what happens to the Arcanum and
magic?"
"Nobody knows for sure," the old wizard said. "Disruption of normal life, at
the least. Beyond that, we must wait and see."
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ The Tides of Magic #9 ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
Talahya?
Scarlatti knelt on the stony beach and scooped a hand through the water, sniffed
it, then touched his tongue to it. "Salt. This is weird. Only something really
strange could change a freshwater, inland lake to salt water."
"Unless," Fizban repeated, "it's not the lake we remember."
"Well, that'd be pretty strange, too."
Rogan cleared his throat. "That isn't all that's strange," the blind man said.
"You sense it, too?" Moonjumper asked. "But of course, you would--"
"We aren't in Talahya," Rogan confirmed. "At least, in no part of Talahya I've
ever encountered, and we were walking a known route. I sense a different pattern of
buildings and open spaces around us."
"We passed through some sort of Gate," Moonjumper added. "I sense quite a
different pattern of energies around us, as well. So what do we do now?" She turned
to Fizban and Carris Fallstar. "How do we go about investigating...whatever it is
that makes this not the Isle?"
Before the old wizard could answer, Carris said, "We were headed for the ferry
docks on the Isle, and we've come to a shore. Maybe there are ferries near here.
Let's find 'em."
"Why?" Scarlatti asked.
"Why not?" the elf countered. "It's a place to start."
Lirin Kiv?
The town that finally emerged from the fog bore some resemblance to Lirin Kiv,
but it was definitely not the Adantri town. The architecture they could see was
similar in style, but different in detail, the streets were laid out in different
curves and lined with different trees, some of them totally unfamiliar to Shylock and
Clemenda. Where the Temple of Mantor should have been was a temple to...somebody
else. By the symbols on the facade, some kind of solar deity, Shylock thought.
The carriage came to a stop, and the driver dismounted again, to peer anxiously
through the window at his passengers. "I don't know where we are," he admitted, "but
it's nowhere I've been before. Now what?"
"See if there's anything like an arena here," Shylock ordered. "If there is,
it'll be a point of contact, I think."
"Where do I look?"
Shylock bit back an exasperated comment which wouldn't help. The man was
stupid, but it would do no good to rub his nose in that dismal fact. "Look where you
would expect to find the Lirin Kiv arena, if this were Lirin Kiv and that was the
Temple of Mantor."
The driver clambered back onto his perch and set the horses in motion.
"Something this strange, Lady Sheila would have to know about it, wouldn't she?"
Clemenda asked. "I've always understood that she knows about every bit of magic
that's performed on the Isle."
"Maybe she's not paying attention," Shylock answered. His eyes gleamed at the
possibilities opened up by Sheila not paying attention. "She's got other things on
her mind, I suppose--the decline in the Arcanum and all that...." He frowned
slightly. "Wherever we are, THIS Arcanum hasn't declined!"
THE GUARDIAN'S FORUM
Reflections by the Captain of the Guard
Well isn't this odd, Primus rules Home Guard. My how things have changed since
the regional tourneys, when the Home Guard contingent ruled all. Many thanks to
Caffeine Achiever for choosing me as the fortunate one who got to fight for the
throne. I don't know who I'll fight this turn, as Crip always fights blind in fast
arenas. I know I've got a double challenge in against Caffeine Achiever, but as he
got knocked out of the Challenger Champions, that challenge will be null and void. I
could tell you who I'm challenging and avoiding next turn, but alas, that would take
away some of the surprise.
For those of you familiar with Tales of the Crip, you will remember that Crip
has been known to take out Moose with subcompact vehicles. Well, a decade after the
that incident, we know now that this is like a game of Rock-Scissors-Paper. Crip in
Vehicle destroys large mammal on road. Crip (admittedly another large mammal) on
road destroys F-150 truck not occupied by Crip. The only thing left to determine, is
who would win in a showdown between an F-150 and a Moose. My money's on the Moose.
(If this sounds like complete Gibberish to you, seek out Crip at the Philly Phacer,
and he'll explain the story).
Finally, why am I on the throne. I've heard there are entries into the Adepts
tourney that have higher skill totals than I do. Ah, such is life in Home Guard.
Primus
Real Beer
REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER
Debby dropped by today, guess she was on her way to somewhere the sun is
shining. Her skin's going to dry up and turn to leather by the time she's forty, but
what the heck, if she's having fun now, who am I to complain? Besides, she looks
great in a bikini. It's hot today, which is no surprise. But maybe that's why our
longest fight--actually, three tied for it--was five minutes. Nobody could stand to
go longer. Forty-three fights all told, gods, think what it would've been like if
EVERYBODY had gone longer! We'd've been out there for days, maybe until the
Andorians came along to bump us out of the arena at the end of the week. You know, I
can see the savings in having only one arena here in Talahya and using it for
Talahya, Home Guard, Primus, Free Blades, Anodrak, and Crysalis, but any little in
the way of time over-runs can really make problems. Talahya's the worst, of course,
what with trying to cram so MANY fights into one day. They never do it, and always
Primus and Crysalis, and sometimes Free Blades end up having to find somewhere else
to hold their fights. First choice is Lirin Kiv, 'cause it's closest, and it isn't
like it gets USED much. They never run over! But when Crysalis turns out to fight,
ON the same day as Talahya, mind you, Crysalis grabs off Lirin Kiv, and half the time
Primus ends up down in Darkholm. I suppose there isn't anything WRONG with Darkholm,
exactly, but it's a tough crowd. They tend to throw rotten fish if they don't like
the way the fights are going, and that annoys the maintenance crew. Combing all
those fishbones out of the sand is the pits. And since some of the maintenance crew
doubles as standbys, well, you can imagine how gnarly they are! I don't suppose any
but the Primus warriors could handle that crew.
But I digress. Where was I? No fights longer than five minutes, check.
Biggest point gain (I think, but Debby's notes are, hmm, is that suntan oil on
'em? Whatever. Biggest point gain, or as she puts it, Man Voted Prettiest, was Fili
Liu with thirty-three points. Carny or Drake, is that the world record? Somehow I
don't think so.
Royal Flush was most avoided, by The Stormguards, who probably know what they're
doing.
Sorrow of Sweordmasters got the most challenges, the Captain of the Guard didn't
get one. Don't we have anybody here with ambition?
Forty-three fights, of which twenty were challenge matches. Only one was a TV
challenge, and there's a story in THAT fight.
The fights--
KOOKABURRA (33-4151) (38-52-1,78) of GIRL SCOUT COOKIES fought ANGAR (10-4933)
(15-13-1,62) of WAR HAWKS. KOOKABURRA handily defeated ANGAR in an action packed 1
minute brutal mismatched bout. Let that be a lesson to you, Angar, never challenge
cookies that hang out in Old Gum Trees. They can present a sticky problem.
LUNA TYCK (33-5761) (27-26-1,79) of DRAKE'S PETTING ZOO fought THE FRATSFAN CHEF
(30-4385) (14-4-0,46) of ANDORIAN UNIVERSITY. LUNA TYCK was demolished by THE
FRATSFAN CHEF in a popular 2 minute gory uneven fight. Remind me NOT to eat this
Chef's lentil soup! The possibilities in this give me a sick feeling in my middle.
PERFECT TEN (47-4218) (20-16-1,54) of ROYAL FLUSH fought NO CHASER (33-6490)
(24-17-0,72) of JOYS OF BOOZE. PERFECT TEN was savagely defeated by NO CHASER in a 2
minute gory match. Is this perfection? Is this sane? Gods, can I keep this up for
the whole day's fights? We'll see. PT, try not to accept strong drink from your
opponents before the fight, not even the night before the fight!
MOD COD (55-2638) (37-66-1,74) of RHYME TYME fought KYLIE (18-6057) (18-16-1,71)
of UNTOUCHABLES. MOD COD was overcome by KYLIE in a crowd pleasing 1 minute melee.
If I go into the Bash and Glug tonight and they offer me codfish stew, I'm going to
be deeply suspicious. Of course, I'm always deeply suspicious of their food, but
still.
NASTY NITTERS (63-2383) (15-19-2,68) of TOMATO ENFORCER fought KATANA (62-3769)
(9-8-0,70) of SAMURAI KIDS II. NASTY NITTERS viciously subdued KATANA in a crowd
pleasing 4 minute brutal fight. Ah, the Tomato Twins back to back, win one, lose
one. I could really stand to know how one enforces a tomato. Not a joke, I'm
curious.
AVARICIOUS AVON (63-2388) (17-14-0,34) of TOMATO ENFORCER fought SPRING SHOE
(30-4178) (17-23-2,56) of CARNIVAL. AVARICIOUS AVON was subdued by SPRING SHOE in an
action packed 1 minute conflict. I've got an idea that springs in the shoes may be
sharp practice. You think? Not exactly illegal, but sneaky. Underhanded, or would
that be underfooted?
OURS ROUGE (3-6049) (15-19-1,43) of THE REDBAERS fought LETHE (9-4782) (22-14-
2,65) of BLUE MOON. OURS ROUGE was vanquished by LETHE in a 1 minute mismatched
duel. Was that a bearskin rug I saw Lethe walking out with? Or a cuddly bear that
wanted a soothing hand on its brow?
FILI LIU (2-4968) (16-15-0,30) of RESURRECTION fought MEN IN BLACK (49-3157)
(39-88-1,80) of RPG'S. FILI LIU beat MEN IN BLACK in an exciting 2 minute fight.
Ah, yes, this is the win that netted the biggest point gain. Now there's an odd
phrase. Is a point gain like a fish, that you have to catch it with a net?
ROGAN (97-980) (5-9-4,47) of BLIND LUCK fought SKI MASK (58-5869) (24-45-0,42)
of CIRQUE DU MASQUES. ROGAN was handily defeated by SKI MASK in an action packed 1
minute mismatched match. Rogan, how could you let this boastful bird defeat you?
Come back at him with a challenge and roast him in orange sauce!
NEVERMORE (1-5260) (16-17-2,93) of LAB EXPERIMENTS fought KHARN (51-2997) (32-
33-4,98) of COLD STEEL. NEVERMORE was overpowered by KHARN in a popular 1 minute
uneven bout. I knew a man once who did lab experiments. They mostly involved making
his wine stronger, or maybe covering up the vinegar taste. Awful stuff. He favored
really cheap wine. His liver revolted and left him to go live with a teetotaler.
JACK SPRAT (47-2954) (43-49-4,137) of ROYAL FLUSH fought SPAZZ (33-6207) (30-23-
0,123) of SNOTZI'S II. JACK SPRAT was handily defeated by SPAZZ in a 1 minute uneven
match. Looks to me like you've got some kind of basic problem, Jack. Maybe you
should try a change in diet.
X THE BOLD (10-16) (51-47-1,142) of WAR HAWKS fought HAPPY JACK (19-4086) (32-
21-2,98) of THE MOTHERSHIP. X THE BOLD was viciously subdued by HAPPY JACK in an
exciting 3 minute brutal fight. Some Jacks do well, some don't. There seems to be
no rule on this. Odd. It would be a lot easier on the bookies if there was, or
possible were, a rule. But then again, what do I care about making things easy for
the bookies? Let 'em sweat.
BURGER KING (47-4152) (27-19-2,105) of ROYAL FLUSH fought COM DOT (65-6217) (32-
19-0,145) of TOO GOOD FOR ME. BURGER KING was demolished by COM DOT in an exciting 1
minute mismatched match. From which you can tell that Com Dot was hungry. I heard
him asking the stewards after the fight if he could get a side order of fries.
VAL BEMERIKI (51-5018) (32-22-3,110) of GENOCIDE fought ROWDY YOBBO (20-3429)
(19-17-1,91) of SPARF! VAL BEMERIKI vanquished ROWDY YOBBO in a 1 minute mismatched
fight. Good work, Val. 'Cide this yob's gens. He makes too much noise in the
barracks after curfew.
HALLIE O'DENE (58-6018) (36-52-0,127) of CIRQUE DU MASQUES fought FAST-FINGERS
FRED (101-7) (0-0-0,110) of Local Louts. HALLIE O'DENE overpowered FAST-FINGERS FRED
in an exciting 1 minute bloody uneven bout. The excitement here came from Fred
running around screaming while Hallie pursued him to break his fingers. Many people
whose pockets have been picked cheered at this.
QRAPPY (10-4761) (27-44-1,174) of QUBIT fought BUDDERCUP (60-5967) (27-21-0,110)
of BUMS 'R' US. QRAPPY savagely defeated BUDDERCUP in a popular 2 minute brutal
fight. Savagery! Brutality! Have we stumbled on some deep-seated animosity here?
Or just another day in the heat, which will make anyone savage, especially after the
first minute crawls past.
CRUSADER LORD (31-3946) (31-18-3,168) of THE STORMGUARDS fought TICKLES (9-3486)
(32-50-1,140) of MY PETS. CRUSADER LORD handily defeated TICKLES in a 1 minute one-
sided fight. Frankly, I don't think Tickles was even trying. She was just lying
there giggling. Disgraceful, I call it.
SIR CUITOUS (10-4514) (33-19-0,171) of SIR AGLIO fought JOE KING (47-2223) (26-
41-0,104) of ROYAL FLUSH. SIR CUITOUS overpowered JOE KING in a 1 minute uneven
fight. But he did it straightforwardly! No quibbling, no beating around the bush,
just came right out and said, "Er, hmm, ah, did you know your shoe is untied?" You
can't be more direct than that, can you?
SPAZ GHOST (47-4161) (36-16-1,175) of DRAKE'S COMICS fought TANNIN (65-4409)
(36-24-2,156) of CRIMSON PEGASI. SPAZ GHOST handily defeated TANNIN in an action
packed 5 minute brutal mismatched bout. You know, I can barely see the tablet I'm
writing this on. Maybe that's a sign I should move faster and get it over with. I
suppose it's no wonder Tannin lost to a Ghost. After all, how do you hit a ghost?
LUDO (18-708) (49-56-2,190) of THUNDR + LITENING fought KAP N' BELLE (25-4312)
(25-35-1,184) of CARNIVAL. LUDO beat KAP N' BELLE in an action packed 3 minute gory
duel. These Delarquans! Tough and mean, I knew it all along. Good work, Ludo, but
what are you going to do with the bell? If you wear it as an earring, the jingling
will drive you nuts.
STELLA BLUE (53-6167) (23-12-1,192) of PUERCO'S PINATA fought BLACK RHINO (71-
1834) (34-19-1,198) of EDGE OF EXTINCTION. STELLA BLUE overpowered BLACK RHINO in an
action packed 1 minute one-sided bout. Thus pushing the Rhino that much closer to
extinction.
50 SUCKS (60-4129) (46-29-0,212) of JOKA MASHER! fought CAFFIENE ACHIEVER (15-
2429) (34-34-4,203) of DRAKE'S BAR-B-Q. 50 SUCKS narrowly defeated CAFFIENE ACHIEVER
in an action packed 3 minute fight. CA, sometimes caffiene is not enough. Sometimes
you need sugar and cream, too.
And the challenge matches--
GOSSAMER (98-407) (8-7-4,68) of PERFECTION QUEST challenged STARBUCK (6-5387)
(20-14-0,43) of SCIENCE FICTION. Down 25. GOSSAMER was vanquished by STARBUCK in a
popular 1 minute mismatched Challenge fray. I don't have much to do with gossamer,
much less perfection, but I know coffee. And Starbuck's can go through anything
delicate in no time at all. Strong! Okay, okay, I know there's some other allusion
here, but I don't have the details, and I know coffee, and I have to say something...
it's in my contract!
NED THE JANITOR (66-2973) (17-19-0,82) of ANDORIAN UNIVERSITY challenged BABOO
(74-2711) (39-86-0,83) of WILD AMINALS. Up 1. NED THE JANITOR vanquished BABOO in a
3 minute gruesome one-sided Challenge match. Gruesome doesn't even begin to cover
it! Amazing what you can do with a broom, isn't it? I knew there was some reason
for avoiding brooms and mops. Dangerous implements.
OSCAR (50-3153) (23-5-0,69) of OPEN SESAME challenged SULTAN (10-4516) (22-7-
0,69) of SIR AGLIO. Straight across. OSCAR bested SULTAN in a popular 4 minute gory
Challenge contest. Does this mean Oscar gets the golden key?
CUBA (26-3917) (16-7-0,52) of HERE TO PHOENIX challenged PREACHER (7-5083) (16-
7-2,58) of THRILLZ & KILLZ. Up 6. CUBA beat PREACHER in a popular 3 minute bloody
Challenge match. That this was "popular" is probably a comment on the basic
irrevernce to be found on the Isle. At least, that's what I think. Either that, or
the fans just like to see a lot of blood.
ROT TEN EGGS (47-3099) (27-30-0,77) of ROYAL FLUSH challenged CARRIE NATION (64-
4054) (29-61-0,81) of REFORMERS. Up 4. ROT TEN EGGS devastated CARRIE NATION in a 1
minute one-sided Challenge fight. I wait with bated breath (only a little bread and
vanilla, nothing too stinky) to find out why this Egg (do we have a Montague Egg
here?) was able to defeat the iron-tongued Carrie.
MIME (2-4966) (19-10-3,100) of HARLEQUINS challenged FOREVER MAN (38-4168) (26-
36-0,100) of SANDS OF TIME. Straight across. MIME viciously subdued FOREVER MAN in
a crowd pleasing 2 minute bloody Challenge bout. As you've no doubt heard, this is
the mime that gladiators have seen pretending to fight better than other gladiators.
And when he stops pretending and gets down to business, look out!
JUGGLER (2-4965) (21-9-0,94) of HARLEQUINS challenged GREASESPOT (60-5964) (21-
27-0,100) of BUMS 'R' US. Up 6. JUGGLER unbelievably bested GREASESPOT in a crowd
pleasing 4 minute Challenge bout. Actually, it isn't the victory that's
unbelievable, it's that Juggler managed to pull it off while keeping six decorated
eggs and a sour lemon in the air with his off hand. That takes talent!
APPLE JACK (47-4011) (25-15-4,92) of ROYAL FLUSH challenged SABLE (2-4950) (24-
10-2,86) of HARLEQUINS. Down 6. APPLE JACK was savagely defeated by SABLE in a 4
minute Challenge conflict. So, Jack, was this the same strategy that Carrie just
described? Spike your water bottle, and then get you moving sideways till you fall
over? Inquiring minds want to know.
STRONGEST #3 (40-173) (42-83-1,141) of SOLARAN BERSERK challenged POPE PAUL II
(79-1317) (22-11-0,137) of CHAPEL ROCK. Down 4. STRONGEST #3 viciously subdued POPE
PAUL II in an exciting 5 minute Challenge battle. I never watch fights like this in
the summer. The very IDEA of being vigorous for five minutes exhausts me.
LOOMING BIRD (82-424) (40-53-3,130) of YOU FEEL THAT! challenged MASHER (60-
4553) (28-31-3,115) of JOKA MASHER!. Down 15. LOOMING BIRD was demolished by MASHER
in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge match. Now, this was amazing. I wouldn't have
though the Big Bird could have been mashed THAT flat. The orderlies rolled him up
like a rug.
QUEEN AMAZONIA (12-4796) (29-34-1,111) of DARKMOON challenged BUBBLES (12-4981)
(21-36-1,117) of POWERPUFF GIRLS. Up 6. QUEEN AMAZONIA was beaten by BUBBLES in a
popular 1 minute gory Challenge melee. This looks like some home-town quarrel. Two
women after the same man, perhaps? I don't dare suggest what they might be after him
FOR. Nothing to his benefit, most likely.
TALOS (31-2069) (38-16-0,123) of THE STORMGUARDS challenged DELICE THE RED (56-
3401) (36-39-1,147) of BAD APPLES. Up 24. TALOS defeated DELICE THE RED in a 2
minute Challenge fight. I told Delice that the extra butter on her muffin was a
mistake, but did she listen? No, of course not. Well, she's a woman, which tells
you right there. And you know how it is with extra butter, it leaves you sluggish,
almost inert, like a self-satisfied pig, than which there is no pig more annoying.
It's all well and good to score points over Jack Sprat, but use a little moderation,
girl!
STEVE MCQUEEN (47-3908) (27-29-1,142) of ROYAL FLUSH challenged HOT HAZEL (98-
608) (15-19-4,161) of JUNKYARD WARS. Up 19. STEVE MCQUEEN unbelievably bested HOT
HAZEL in a 3 minute Challenge fight. What part of this, exactly, did anyone not
believe? After all, Hot Hazel would catch any man's eye, and Steve has moves,
serious moves. And maybe Hazel likes a blond. No law against that, although there
should be.
WAHOO (26-3916) (23-13-1,161) of HERE TO PHOENIX challenged W.T. POOH (33-4430)
(52-37-0,173) of SNOTZI'S II. Up 12. WAHOO was overcome by W.T. POOH in an action
packed 5 minute gruesome Challenge melee. WT, I gotta hand it to you, I would never
have thought of jamming a honeypot over Wahoo's head. That takes "thinking outside
the box." But what I want to know is, how did you happen to have a honeypot in the
arena?
MUSILAR DE MITTEL (53-5753) (30-14-0,170) of PUERCO'S PINATA challenged ABOUT
YOUR CAR... (78-778) (94-131-6,171) of BAD NEWS. Up 1. MUSILAR DE MITTEL was
luckily beaten by ABOUT YOUR CAR... in a 1 minute brawl. Now, this one was
definitely a case of luck. Well, you must have noticed, AYC was all over the place,
weaving right and left, barely under control, skidding on the turns, the whole nine
yards. We agree that AYC was bound to hit SOMETHING, but it was pure luck--I don't
say good or bad, but definitely luck--that it was Musilar that got hit. A Friendly
Constable delivered a ticket when AYC lurched out of the arena after the fight.
SORROW (1-2863) (25-21-2,185) of SWEORDMASTERS challenged ROLEX WATCH (32-3732)
(36-27-0,195) of LUST MUPPETS. Up 10. SORROW vanquished ROLEX WATCH in a 1 minute
mismatched Challenge fight. This is, if I mistake not, and of course I haven't made
a mistake here, the Most-Challenged Sorrow fending off the indelicate attentions of
the rest of the arena to get a challenge off against Rolex. Good going, Sorrow.
Er... who did you have to bribe?
MISS WORLD (52-2370) (29-26-1,201) of THE FURIOUS FIVE challenged DIRT WORM (82-
2315) (49-22-0,210) of VERMIN!! Up 9. MISS WORLD was subdued by DIRT WORM in a 4
minute Challenge competition. Clearly, Miss World is not yet ready to challenge the
Beauty Queen (next up), and will have to work a little harder on her swimsuit
presentation. But I'm sure it will come. Hang in there, Miss!
WURP (10-18) (44-47-1,203) of WAR HAWKS challenged BEAUTY QUEEN (47-3352) (30-
32-3,205) of ROYAL FLUSH. Up 2. WURP was viciously subdued by BEAUTY QUEEN in a
popular 2 minute Challenge contest. I heard--mind you, this is only a rumor!--that
Beauty took exception ot Wurp's continual burping. Took it as an insult. Some
beauties, especially the queens, are very picky about little things like that.
R'SHANN (20-577) (41-33-3,199) of OVERLORDS challenged FANNY BELT (28-1804) (37-
22-1,237) of OTTO'S MECHANICS. Up 38. R'SHANN demolished FANNY BELT in a popular 5
minute one-sided Challenge melee. Word is that R'Shann and Fanny were later
approached by an agent from Bill's Burlesque Shows to take their act on the road to
some of the night spots here on the Isle. Don't do it. The pay is awful.
UU DOEWANAKNO (73-1414) (18-3-1,100) of DRAKE'S LODGE TV challenged EMERALD
DRAGONFLY (60-2586) (54-58-1,149) of MAGICK. Up 49, I think this might be the
biggest challenge either way today. UU DOEWANAKNO was dealt death by EMERALD
DRAGONFLY in a 1 minute Challenge fight. What's the good of having a TV challenge
when it gets you killed, eh? Tough, Uu. Not even a skill to show for it.
PRIMUS (21-4975) (30-10-0,220) of REAL BEER fought KAIDEN (35-3108) (68-72-
1,211) of VIOLENT FEMS. PRIMUS narrowly defeated KAIDEN in a popular 3 minute
gruesome Title fight. "Narrowly" defeated. Somebody--Primus, how about you?
Somebody define a "narrow" victory (or defeat) for me, okay? I've wondered about
this. And congratulations on your victory over that extremely violent female person,
Kaiden. If you knew as much as I do about her habits... well, you'd know how lucky
you were to come out of that with your life, much less a victory. Congratulations to
you.
Olaf Modeen
CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
PRIMUS 21-4975 31 10 0 228 REAL BEER (1116) SUNSET
GRAND CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
R'SHANN 20-577 42 33 3 221 OVERLORDS (30) SEAM
DIRT WORM 82-2315 50 22 0 218 VERMIN!! (1124) DWES EG
50 SUCKS 60-4129 47 29 0 218 JOKA MASHER! (833) ARADI
STELLA BLUE 53-6167 24 12 1 214 PUERCO'S PINATA (700) KHALHUMS
BEAUTY QUEEN 47-3352 31 32 3 213 ROYAL FLUSH (146) NORTH FORK
GRAND CHAMPIONS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
MISS WORLD 52-2370 29 27 1 205 THE FURIOUS FIVE (698) FRATSFA
SORROW 1-2863 26 21 2 205 SWEORDMASTERS (1210) MORDANT
KAIDEN 35-3108 68 73 1 203 VIOLENT FEMS (972) MURSKA
CAFFIENE ACHIEVER 15-2429 34 35 4 203 DRAKE'S BAR-B-Q (313) MALCORN
LUDO 18-708 50 56 2 196 THUNDR + LITENING (222) TALCAMA
WURP 10-18 44 48 1 195 WAR HAWKS (1026) KOLACT
-SUNNY BRAE 53-5638 33 25 1 194 PUERCO'S PINATA (700) KHALHUMS
FANNY BELT 28-1804 37 23 1 192 OTTO'S MECHANICS (1073) MORYA
SPAZ GHOST 47-4161 37 16 1 189 DRAKE'S COMICS (1112) NORTH FORK
GRAND CHAMPIONS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
BLACK RHINO 71-1834 34 20 1 188 EDGE OF EXTINCTION (973) KYR'TERR
ABOUT YOUR CAR... 78-778 95 131 6 185 BAD NEWS (640) LIN TIRIAN
KAP N' BELLE 25-4312 25 36 1 184 CARNIVAL (1071) LYRATILAN
W.T. POOH 33-4430 53 37 0 183 SNOTZI'S II (813) NIYTYOLE ISLAND
ROLEX WATCH 32-3732 36 28 0 181 LUST MUPPETS (1099) ARVAT
GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
EMERALD DRAGONFLY 60-2586 55 58 2 177 MAGICK (955) ARADI
QRAPPY 10-4761 28 44 1 176 QUBIT (1136) KOLACT
SIR CUITOUS 10-4514 34 19 0 173 SIR AGLIO (788) KOLACT
CRUSADER LORD 31-3946 32 18 3 172 THE STORMGUARDS (132) CHIMLEVTAL
WAHOO 26-3916 23 14 1 166 HERE TO PHOENIX (1072) CALEAM
MUSILAR DE MITTEL 53-5753 30 15 0 165 PUERCO'S PINATA (700) KHALHUMS
STEVE MCQUEEN 47-3908 28 29 1 158 ROYAL FLUSH (146) NORTH FORK
TANNIN 65-4409 36 25 2 157 CRIMSON PEGASI (1079) DAL SHANG
-OBSESSED AVENGER 15-2162 37 37 1 156 DRAKE'S BAR-B-Q (313) MALCORN
STRONGEST #3 40-173 43 83 1 154 SOLARAN BERSERK (949) ZENSU
GRAND ADEPTS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
COM DOT 65-6217 33 19 0 150 TOO GOOD FOR ME (1054) DAL SHANG
HOT HAZEL 98-608 15 20 4 149 JUNKYARD WARS (1140) SYVYN'S HILL
TICKLES 9-3486 32 51 1 141 MY PETS (554) ZUKAL
SPAZZ 33-6207 31 23 0 141 SNOTZI'S II (813) NIYTYOLE ISLAND
TALOS 31-2069 39 16 0 140 THE STORMGUARDS (132) CHIMLEVTAL
-HYSTERIAS 19-4047 26 26 3 140 ANARCHY (1151) ZUWAYZA
DELICE THE RED 56-3401 36 40 1 137 BAD APPLES (1091) ROCANIS
MASHER 60-4553 29 31 3 136 JOKA MASHER! (833) ARADI
HALLIE O'DENE 58-6018 37 52 0 134 CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093) DELARQ TOR
POPE PAUL II 79-1317 22 12 0 134 CHAPEL ROCK (776) MIROI CHANG
HAPPY JACK 19-4086 33 21 2 128 THE MOTHERSHIP (1148) ZUWAYZA
JACK SPRAT 47-2954 43 50 4 122 ROYAL FLUSH (146) NORTH FORK
BUDDERCUP 60-5967 27 22 0 122 BUMS 'R' US (1142) ARADI
X THE BOLD 10-16 51 48 1 121 WAR HAWKS (1026) KOLACT
BUBBLES 12-4981 22 36 1 121 POWERPUFF GIRLS (1145) RIZTAB
VAL BEMERIKI 51-5018 33 22 3 116 GENOCIDE (1109) TRICORUS
JOE KING 47-2223 26 42 0 115 ROYAL FLUSH (146) NORTH FORK
LOOMING BIRD 82-424 40 54 3 112 YOU FEEL THAT! (1205) DWES EG
BURGER KING 47-4152 27 20 2 109 ROYAL FLUSH (146) NORTH FORK
KHARN 51-2997 33 33 4 108 COLD STEEL (296) TRICORUS
QUEEN AMAZONIA 12-4796 29 35 1 108 DARKMOON (1197) RIZTAB
MIME 2-4966 20 10 3 108 HARLEQUINS (1186) NIANIA
-MISER 71-3793 34 13 2 105 SHADOW GOLD (1143) KYR'TERR
JUGGLER 2-4965 22 9 0 103 HARLEQUINS (1186) NIANIA
GRAND CHALLENGER INITIATES W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
SABLE 2-4950 25 10 2 100 HARLEQUINS (1186) NIANIA
-SISYPHUS 14-3906 21 16 0 100 THE DEATH SQUAD (1199) TOBIR
UU DOEWANAKNO 73-1414 18 4 1 100 DRAKE'S LODGE (1206) ERINIKA
FOREVER MAN 38-4168 26 37 0 98 SANDS OF TIME (1195) CLIFFHOME
GREASESPOT 60-5964 21 28 0 98 BUMS 'R' US (1142) ARADI
NED THE JANITOR 66-2973 18 19 0 94 ANDORIAN UNIVERSITY (1123) TARRGIR
APPLE JACK 47-4011 25 16 4 91 ROYAL FLUSH (146) NORTH FORK
-OSIRIS 19-4111 25 16 1 91 ANARCHY (1151) ZUWAYZA
GRAND INITIATES W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
ROT TEN EGGS 47-3099 28 30 0 90 ROYAL FLUSH (146) NORTH FORK
ROWDY YOBBO 20-3429 19 18 1 89 SPARF! (1069) SEAM
KOOKABURRA 33-4151 39 52 1 86 GIRL SCOUT COOKIES (812) NIYTYOLE ISLAND
OSCAR 50-3153 24 5 0 85 OPEN SESAME (824) SNOWBOUND
NEVERMORE 1-5260 16 18 2 84 LAB EXPERIMENTS (1207) MORDANT
KYLIE 18-6057 19 16 1 78 UNTOUCHABLES (1190) TALCAMA
NASTY NITTERS 63-2383 16 19 2 78 TOMATO ENFORCER (1193) AMEN-TEI
THE FRATSFAN CHEF 30-4385 15 4 0 77 ANDORIAN UNIVERSITY (1213) IAYE
GRAND INITIATES W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
NO CHASER 33-6490 25 17 0 75 JOYS OF BOOZE (1209) NIYTYOLE ISLAND
-MIDNIGHT FAITH 75-2651 18 12 1 73 PARANOID ASYLUM (1203) JADE MOUNTAIN
BABOO 74-2711 39 87 0 72 WILD AMINALS (635) DAIYLA KIV
-GIOVANNA 37-387 24 25 5 72 COLD STEEL (1202) SIBIKHAS
SULTAN 10-4516 22 8 0 72 SIR AGLIO (788) KOLACT
-TORATORATORRES 11-726 21 18 0 72 U.B.O.S.M. (1184) ARUAK CITY
-ODEN WARFIEND 11-1335 23 17 2 71 U.B.O.S.M. (1184) ARUAK CITY
MOD COD 55-2638 37 67 1 69 RHYME TYME (449) KHALANI
CARRIE NATION 64-4054 29 62 0 69 REFORMERS (1095) KURUKAR
LETHE 9-4782 23 14 2 69 BLUE MOON (1025) ZUKAL
STARBUCK 6-5387 21 14 0 68 SCIENCE FICTION (1152) TRANSEL
-SOUL SCOURGE 25-1223 17 8 2 68 THE ILLUMINATI (1179) LYRATILAN
CUBA 26-3917 17 7 0 68 HERE TO PHOENIX (1072) CALEAM
-HU MI 16-5066 19 8 0 65 GEN KHAN (1155) WILLAF
KATANA 62-3769 9 9 0 65 SAMURAI KIDS II (1182) VALAMANTIS
FILI LIU 2-4968 17 15 0 63 RESURRECTION (1065) NIANIA
-SCHMEIKEL 7-4391 16 13 0 61 IMPORTED FOOTBALLERS (1067 BONSUR
SPRING SHOE 30-4178 18 23 2 60 CARNIVAL (1130) IAYE
-THE ARDIVENTI CHEF 11-4730 18 5 0 59 GERFEL'S FRIENDS (516) ARUAK CITY
-BUBU 16-5071 17 8 0 59 GEN KHAN (1155) WILLAF
-HUNZICKER BOWL 23-4182 23 13 1 58 SKI TAOS (1070) TI
-XISS 11-1305 22 25 4 58 U.B.O.S.M. (1184) ARUAK CITY
PERFECT TEN 47-4218 20 17 1 57 ROYAL FLUSH (146) NORTH FORK
SKI MASK 58-5869 25 45 0 56 CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093) DELARQ TOR
ANGAR 10-4933 15 14 1 56 WAR HAWKS (1026) KOLACT
LUNA TYCK 33-5761 27 27 1 55 DRAKE'S PETTING ZOO (1075) NIYTYOLE ISLAND
-ANDAR 11-1038 17 11 1 55 U.B.O.S.M. (1184) ARUAK CITY
-TICKLE ME ELMO 50-3151 15 12 0 55 OPEN SESAME (824) SNOWBOUND
PREACHER 7-5083 16 8 2 54 THRILLZ & KILLZ (1211) BONSUR
-NESSIE 33-6755 16 10 0 54 OF MYTHOS AND MEN (1192) NIYTYOLE ISLAND
MEN IN BLACK 49-3157 39 89 1 51 RPG'S (697) VITHICAR
-NUTT BRITTLE 19-3983 16 8 0 50 CARNIVAL (95) ZUWAYZA
GOSSAMER 98-407 8 8 4 47 PERFECTION QUEST (1204) SYVYN'S HILL
OURS ROUGE 3-6049 15 20 1 41 THE REDBAERS (1180) OSKSI
AVARICIOUS AVON 63-2388 17 15 0 35 TOMATO ENFORCER (1193) AMEN-TEI
ROGAN 97-980 5 10 4 34 BLIND LUCK (1183) SHADOW GROVE
'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.
THE DEAD W L K TEAM NAME SLAIN BY TURN
UU DOEWANAKNO 73-1414 18 4 1 DRAKE'S LODGE 1206 EMERALD DRAGONFLY 60-2 353
PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE
Wahoo -- Yahoo and wow-wee, Mr. Wahoo! I'll bet that "BERSERKER FURY" was decisively
fueled. Nice ambush. Fare well, sailor. -- #3
Spy Reporter -- I didn't say every warrior was "rotten." I said "under developed,
untrained, under skilled, or just plain bad." For example, my warrior Looming Bird
will be quite good in 10 years when he finishes his training and fights in Gateway,
but right now he is not very skilled by AD standards. No offense intended to the
fine warriors and managers here. -- Doc Steele
They all say that--that they'll be great in ten years. In the old days, Home
Guard warriors would never have made such a claim, though!
Preacher -- How did you get ahead of me in the standings? Don't you know I'm the
great -- Spring Shoe
Fratsfan Chef -- Welcome! What's cooking? Do you get it? What's cooking? -- Spring
Shoe
Perfect Ten -- Don't even think about trying to pass me. -- Spring Shoe
Kap N' Belle -- What's this fool Doc Steele saying? Untrained? Unskilled? I've got
27 skills. -- Spring Shoe
On-coming truck, huh?
Spring Shoe -- How was he to know? -- Kap N' Belle
Olaf -- It was popular because not many people have ever seen a Xiss before, much
less how one fights. Of course, now that I think about it, they still haven't. --
Luna Tyck
It's something for them to look forward to, then.
Pope Paul II -- Whatever guise evil may adopt, whatever form it may take, whomever's
mind it shall subvert, wherever safety it may seek; I shall be there to face it and
bring it down to Justice. It is what I do (because I have no other hobbies) and I
*am* the Obsessed Avenger!
We're counting on you to keep us clean.
Wurp -- Rats. Too bad I wasn't able to keep that offensive up a little longer. --
Spaz Ghost
Kookaburra -- Buy you a drink for that resurrection hangover? -- Uu Doewanakno
P.S. I bet you never expected to be killed by someone using *that* weapon, did you.
Primus -- Well, that was rather short. Plus I got beaten by one of Crip's warriors.
I'm probably never going to live down the shame of this one. -- Caffeine Achiever
P.S. I never liked beer anyway.
The Muffin Man -- Well, if it can manage to lose every fight during a semester,
you'll get the record. As I recall, the 0-14 was during a 15 turn semester, so
doesn't quite count as perfect. -- Drake
P.S. I've often been surprised at how hard it is to find truly stand-around scum in
Home Guard. You would think this would be the place for it, though.
Except during the Scumathon, of course.
Olaf -- Bah, they're just not thinking cleverly enough. Those large, immobile suits
of armor are great for barbecuing on if it's a hot day. Plus those large shields
make great serving platters. -- Drake
This is true. Plus, they make great gongs.
Doc Steel -- Well, it's certainly not the same place as it was about 10 years ago
when we had things like the Beer Stein Tourney or the Home Guard Olympics. There's
more young upstart Freshmen trying to get easy wins for one thing (witness the last
Champs TC running around the place plus we had a Home Guardian TC Freshmen a year or
two ago; Mymid El Naimis as I recall). As for Darkholm, I ran there back in the
early '90s, but consolidated everything into Free Blades and here. If you check the
FB newsletter from about a turn back, you'll see I've done a Semester Report there.
I also do Annual Reviews in the slow arenas I'm in. -- Drake
Jinx -- Noted. -- Drake
Shocking Toad -- Happy to oblige. -- Drake
P.S. So, just which skill of Jinx's is it that everyone fears?
Ski Mask -- Might I suggest starting the Ducks Who Duck organization? It might cut
down on getting cut down. -- Uu Doewanakno the symmetrical
Clever, very clever.
I hate clever warriors.
Carrie Nation -- There was dessert? I don't remember getting dessert! I was gypped!
-- Luna Tyck
No gyps 'em, sorry.
Ho-Chan -- Thankee. -- Drake
Nutt Brittle -- Just what would they like to see their names on top of? -- Drake
Sultan -- Hey! I'm the supposed to the Master of Mediocrity around here! How dare
you horn in on my turf. Harumph. I'll show you mediocre. -- Drake
Jack Sprat -- I have had it with your superior attitude! Fat is GOOD for you, it
insulates the liver against slander and vile slurs. -- Delice the Red, eater of fat
(within reason, of course)
Talk about opening cans of worms, if you end up catching a lot of "fat" jokes,
don't blame anyone else! Not that I'd call you fat, just, um, round and softly
packed....
Sable -- It was all some kind of plot to make me look foolish, *I* know! You spiked
my water bottle with VILE spirits, and then by your mesmeric gestures (learned from
the nefarious Mime, no doubt!) you got me leaping left, left, left until I FELL OVER
with dizziness! No good will come of this, young man! I warn you once, and that is
all! -- Carrie Nation
Mesmeric gestures? Darn, I missed that.
Val Bemeriki -- I personally (as opposed to my manager) think that your problem was
your weapon. Some weapons are simply not suited to use at certain times of day and
in certain weathers. For instance, try using a longbow during a rainstorm! But
maybe you need to vary that a little, hmm? Whatever, good luck. -- Hallie O'Dene
P.S. Was it a new strategy?
Nasty Nitters -- You foul MAMMAL! To throw rotten tomatoes--TOMATOES, I say!--at ME,
the Founder and President of Ducks With Swords! The infamy! -- Ski Mask
Perfect Ten -- But you see, I'm an eleven! -- Lethe
Olaf -- These are my patented Quick-Dodge feet. -- Lethe
So? Oh, you mean, "not Isle feet." Okay, if you say so.
"Big Cheese of Dueling Ducks"? I love it! Ski Mask as a pizza...great image, Olaf!
-- Hallie O'Dene, who had to endure Ski's ranting in Delarq Tor, too
Olaf, dear boy, you don't want me to cover up and have a heat stroke, do you? If the
fans get too excited at my appearance, surely that is THEIR problem? -- Delice the
Red
Fans are important, too. After all, there are ALWAYS more gladiators showing up
on the Isle, but we cherish our fans. They're harder to replace.
Muffin Man -- "Worst ever"? That's the kind of claim that brings losers out of the
woodwork, where they had been quietly chewing on splinters. I know I've got a few
grads with negative bases, though I admit I don't THINK any of them are that bad--
I'll have to go check on it now. Darn. And there's an eight-footer over in Lirin
Kiv, though I don't know his bases. But those sweeping claims just open cans of
worms right and left. -- Ho-Chan
Bubbles -- See that? It took me a 60+ point downchallenge to teach you one measly
skill. Who would have thought? -- Sir Cuitous, straight to the point, as always
Looming Bird -- I felt it! I felt it! -- Mashe(d)
Talos -- Nice learns!!! (one for each) -- Com Dot
Emerald Dragonfly -- Worth the loss. -- Spazz
Tickles -- What can I say: I thought a win would be nice for me for a change. --
W.T. Pooh, not too bright
Doc Steele -- Enjoy picking on me here, in Home Guard, where my warriors are weak, I
admit. Keep it up, though, and I'll just have to return the favor in Primus and
Gateway! -- Sultan, telling it like it is
Strongest #3 -- I don't suppose you'd be willing to go up a class, would you? -- W.T.
Pooh, missing our old fights
30 May 2003
Duelmasters Friends and Friendly Foes -- I am returning to the United States for the
summer. Please direct any Snailmail to:
Devon Hagy
Open Skies Ministries
Att: Hammer
1515 E 7th St
Okmulgee, OK 74447
USA
Bro De is the founder and president of Open Skies Ministries [Prison Ministry] and a
newcomer to the world of Duelmasters. We minister together when I am in the area.
See you on the sands!
-- Daryl P Holloman aka Hammer
Flower Hammerz DM 28
Casino Hammerz DM 33
Fish Hammerz DM 54
3 June 2003
The Company of Brothers want to take this opportunity to formally introduce
ourselves to all players. Our play is NOT based on smack, rudeness, or anything less
than fair play (well...as fair as it gets!) and improving the knowledge base of the
game and the sharing of experimentation and information. We are not concerned with
personal politics, ideals, etc. We are players who enjoy the game.
Currently, our membership includes:
Asmo Dius, Baphomet, and Fahkry.
We wish to welcome our newest member...Suiside. May the gods smile upon you and
victory rest well on your team. Any who wish to join us may contact one of our
members for info.
4 June 2003
ANNOUNCING THE RETURN OF STORMCROWE SLAUGHTERHOUSE
The last Stormcrowe Slaughterhouse was one of the closest and most exciting
contests ever held in Alastari. Such an epic demands a sequel. Therefore, Master
Darque and Jack Wolfspider are pleased to announce the return of the Stormcrowe
Slaughterhouse.
Where? Stormcrowe DM 45 (slow). When? The Slaughterhouse returns on Turn 207,
due August 19. How can you get into the action? Bring a team (one per entrant
please) to arena 45 and announce your intention to join the contest in the Personals.
Rules: This time around the rules are very simple. Each warrior win against a
higher rated opponent (one or more points higher in the ratings) brings you 10
points, against even rated opponent 7 points, lower rated 5 points. Wins against
NPCs or by a warrior who downchallenges are worth 0 points. Points are doubled for
kills. All warriors in the arena whether participating in the Slaughterhouse or not
are fair game. Points are totaled weekly, and the contestant whose team has racked
up the most points at the end of 10 turns is declared Slaughterhouse Champion.
Prizes: To be announced; we're still talking with RSI about it. Figure it will
be something pretty good. But hey, who needs prizes when the honor of being
Slaughterhouse Champion awaits!
More info: Master Darque, MasterDarqueDM@aol.com, or Jack Wolfspider,
russtulp@aol.com. Or diplo Darque Forces (428) or Dynastic (433) in Arena 45.
26 June 2003
All -- Would you be willing to proxy my lunger Ganglare at the Face-to-Face? He's
fighting in the champions tourney. Thanks. Write: Michael Rogers #25335-013, PO
Box 6000, Florence, Co 81226 -- Skullagrim
LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS
UU DOEWANAKNO was dealt death by EMERALD DRAGONFLY in a 1 minute Challenge fight.
R'SHANN demolished FANNY BELT in a popular 5 minute one-sided Challenge melee.
WURP was viciously subdued by BEAUTY QUEEN in a popular 2 minute Challenge contest.
MISS WORLD was subdued by DIRT WORM in a 4 minute Challenge competition.
SORROW vanquished ROLEX WATCH in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge fight.
MUSILAR DE MITTEL was luckily beaten by ABOUT YOUR CAR... in a 1 minute brawl.
WAHOO was overcome by W.T. POOH in a action packed 5 minute gruesome Challenge melee.
STEVE MCQUEEN unbelievably bested HOT HAZEL in a 3 minute Challenge fight.
TALOS defeated DELICE THE RED in a 2 minute Challenge fight.
QUEEN AMAZONIA was beaten by BUBBLES in a popular 1 minute gory Challenge melee.
LOOMING BIRD was demolished by MASHER in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge match.
STRONGEST #3 viciously subdued POPE PAUL II in a exciting 5 minute Challenge battle.
APPLE JACK was savagely defeated by SABLE in a 4 minute Challenge conflict.
JUGGLER unbelievably bested GREASESPOT in a crowd pleasing 4 minute Challenge bout.
MIME viciously subdued FOREVER MAN in a crowd pleasing 2 minute bloody Challenge bout.
ROT TEN EGGS devastated CARRIE NATION in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge fight.
CUBA beat PREACHER in a popular 3 minute bloody Challenge match.
OSCAR bested SULTAN in a popular 4 minute gory Challenge contest.
NED THE JANITOR vanquished BABOO in a 3 minute gruesome one-sided Challenge match.
GOSSAMER was vanquished by STARBUCK in a popular 1 minute mismatched Challenge fray.
PRIMUS narrowly defeated KAIDEN in a popular 3 minute gruesome Title fight.
50 SUCKS narrowly defeated CAFFIENE ACHIEVER in a action packed 3 minute fight.
STELLA BLUE overpowered BLACK RHINO in a action packed 1 minute one-sided bout.
LUDO beat KAP N' BELLE in a action packed 3 minute gory duel.
SPAZ GHOST handily defeated TANNIN in a action packed 5 minute brutal mismatched bout.
SIR CUITOUS overpowered JOE KING in a 1 minute uneven fight.
CRUSADER LORD handily defeated TICKLES in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
QRAPPY savagely defeated BUDDERCUP in a popular 2 minute brutal fight.
HALLIE O'DENE overpowered FAST-FINGERS FRED in a exciting 1 minute bloody uneven bout.
VAL BEMERIKI vanquished ROWDY YOBBO in a 1 minute mismatched fight.
BURGER KING was demolished by COM DOT in a exciting 1 minute mismatched match.
X THE BOLD was viciously subdued by HAPPY JACK in a exciting 3 minute brutal fight.
JACK SPRAT was handily defeated by SPAZZ in a 1 minute uneven match.
NEVERMORE was overpowered by KHARN in a popular 1 minute uneven bout.
ROGAN was handily defeated by SKI MASK in a action packed 1 minute mismatched match.
FILI LIU beat MEN IN BLACK in a exciting 2 minute fight.
OURS ROUGE was vanquished by LETHE in a 1 minute mismatched duel.
AVARICIOUS AVON was subdued by SPRING SHOE in a action packed 1 minute conflict.
NASTY NITTERS viciously subdued KATANA in a crowd pleasing 4 minute brutal fight.
MOD COD was overcome by KYLIE in a crowd pleasing 1 minute melee.
PERFECT TEN was savagely defeated by NO CHASER in a 2 minute gory match.
LUNA TYCK was demolished by THE FRATSFAN CHEF in a popular 2 minute gory uneven fight.
KOOKABURRA handily defeated ANGAR in a action packed 1 minute brutal mismatched bout.
BATTLE REPORT
MOST POPULAR RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS
|FIGHTING STYLE FIGHTS FIGHTING STYLE W - L - K PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK 17 WALL OF STEEL 66 - 42 - 0 61 |
|BASHING ATTACK 14 LUNGING ATTACK 90 - 72 - 0 56 |
|WALL OF STEEL 13 TOTAL PARRY 54 - 51 - 0 51 |
|STRIKING ATTACK 12 PARRY-STRIKE 25 - 25 - 0 50 |
|TOTAL PARRY 9 STRIKING ATTACK 48 - 53 - 1 48 |
|PARRY-STRIKE 6 PARRY-LUNGE 19 - 23 - 0 45 |
|AIMED BLOW 5 SLASHING ATTACK 23 - 29 - 2 44 |
|SLASHING ATTACK 5 BASHING ATTACK 49 - 67 - 0 42 |
|PARRY-LUNGE 4 AIMED BLOW 12 - 22 - 0 35 |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE 0 PARRY-RIPOSTE 0 - 5 - 0 0 |
Turn 353 was great if you Not so great if you used The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles: the fighting styles: top eleven warriors are:
WALL OF STEEL 10 - 3 LUNGING ATTACK 8 - 9 3 PARRY-STRIKE
AIMED BLOW 3 - 2 TOTAL PARRY 4 - 5 3 LUNGING ATTACK
SLASHING ATTACK 3 - 2 STRIKING ATTACK 4 - 8 2 WALL OF STEEL
BASHING ATTACK 8 - 6 PARRY-LUNGE 0 - 4 2 STRIKING ATTACK
PARRY-STRIKE 3 - 3 PARRY-RIPOSTE 0 - 0 1 TOTAL PARRY
TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE
FIGHTING STYLE WARRIOR W L K PNTS TEAM NAME
WALL OF STEEL PRIMUS 21-4975 31 10 0 228 REAL BEER (1116)
PARRY-STRIKE R'SHANN 20-577 42 33 3 221 OVERLORDS (30)
TOTAL PARRY DIRT WORM 82-2315 50 22 0 218 VERMIN!! (1124)
LUNGING ATTACK STELLA BLUE 53-6167 24 12 1 214 PUERCO'S PINATA (700)
STRIKING ATTACK BEAUTY QUEEN 47-3352 31 32 3 213 ROYAL FLUSH (146)
BASHING ATTACK BLACK RHINO 71-1834 34 20 1 188 EDGE OF EXTINCTION (973)
SLASHING ATTACK EMERALD DRAGONFLY 60-2586 55 58 2 177 MAGICK (955)
AIMED BLOW STEVE MCQUEEN 47-3908 28 29 1 158 ROYAL FLUSH (146)
PARRY-LUNGE NEVERMORE 1-5260 16 18 2 84 LAB EXPERIMENTS (1207)
The overall popularity leader is ABOUT YOUR CAR... 78-778. The most popular warrior
this turn was GREASESPOT 60-5964. The ten other most popular fighters were WAHOO
26-3916, HOT HAZEL 98-608, NASTY NITTERS 63-2383, STRONGEST #3 40-173, R'SHANN
20-577, KAIDEN 35-3108, KAP N' BELLE 25-4312, APPLE JACK 47-4011, SULTAN 10-4516, and
SPAZ GHOST 47-4161.
The least popular fighter this week was OURS ROUGE 3-6049. The other ten least
popular fighters were JACK SPRAT 47-2954, ROWDY YOBBO 20-3429, TICKLES 9-3486, JOE
KING 47-2223, GOSSAMER 98-407, BABOO 74-2711, ANGAR 10-4933, AVARICIOUS AVON 63-2388,
MEN IN BLACK 49-3157, and ROGAN 97-980.
Arena (Number) W L K Arena (Number) W L K Arena (Number) W L K
MORDANT(1) 1 1 0 IAYE(30) 2 0 0 DELARQ TOR(58) 2 0 0
NIANIA(2) 4 0 0 CHIMLEVTAL(31) 2 0 0 ARADI(60) 3 2 1
OSKSI(3) 0 1 0 ARVAT(32) 0 1 0 VALAMANTIS(62) 0 1 0
TRANSEL(6) 1 0 0 NIYTYOLE ISLAND(33) 4 1 0 AMEN-TEI(63) 1 1 0
BONSUR(7) 0 1 0 MURSKA(35) 0 1 0 KURUKAR(64) 0 1 0
ZUKAL(9) 1 1 0 CLIFFHOME(38) 0 1 0 DAL SHANG(65) 1 1 0
KOLACT(10) 2 4 0 ZENSU(40) 1 0 0 TARRGIR(66) 1 0 0
RIZTAB(12) 1 1 0 NORTH FORK(47) 4 5 0 KYR'TERR(71) 0 1 0
MALCORN(15) 0 1 0 VITHICAR(49) 0 1 0 ERINIKA(73) 0 1 0
TALCAMA(18) 2 0 0 SNOWBOUND(50) 1 0 0 DAIYLA KIV(74) 0 1 0
ZUWAYZA(19) 1 0 0 TRICORUS(51) 2 0 0 LIN TIRIAN(78) 1 0 0
SEAM(20) 1 1 0 FRATSFA(52) 0 1 0 MIROI CHANG(79) 0 1 0
SUNSET(21) 1 0 0 KHALHUMS(53) 1 1 0 DWES EG(82) 1 1 0
LYRATILAN(25) 0 1 0 KHALANI(55) 0 1 0 SHADOW GROVE(97) 0 1 0
CALEAM(26) 1 1 0 ROCANIS(56) 0 1 0 SYVYN'S HILL(98) 0 2 0
MORYA(28) 0 1 0
TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
SORROW 1-2863 26 21 2 205 SWEORDMASTERS (1210) MORDANT
MIME 2-4966 20 10 3 108 HARLEQUINS (1186) NIANIA
OURS ROUGE 3-6049 15 20 1 41 THE REDBAERS (1180) OSKSI
STARBUCK 6-5387 21 14 0 68 SCIENCE FICTION (1152) TRANSEL
PREACHER 7-5083 16 8 2 54 THRILLZ & KILLZ (1211) BONSUR
TICKLES 9-3486 32 51 1 141 MY PETS (554) ZUKAL
WURP 10-18 44 48 1 195 WAR HAWKS (1026) KOLACT
BUBBLES 12-4981 22 36 1 121 POWERPUFF GIRLS (1145) RIZTAB
CAFFIENE ACHIEVER 15-2429 34 35 4 203 DRAKE'S BAR-B-Q (313) MALCORN
LUDO 18-708 50 56 2 196 THUNDR + LITENING (222) TALCAMA
HAPPY JACK 19-4086 33 21 2 128 THE MOTHERSHIP (1148) ZUWAYZA
R'SHANN 20-577 42 33 3 221 OVERLORDS (30) SEAM
PRIMUS 21-4975 31 10 0 228 REAL BEER (1116) SUNSET
KAP N' BELLE 25-4312 25 36 1 184 CARNIVAL (1071) LYRATILAN
WAHOO 26-3916 23 14 1 166 HERE TO PHOENIX (1072) CALEAM
FANNY BELT 28-1804 37 23 1 192 OTTO'S MECHANICS (1073) MORYA
THE FRATSFAN CHEF 30-4385 15 4 0 77 ANDORIAN UNIVERSITY (1213) IAYE
CRUSADER LORD 31-3946 32 18 3 172 THE STORMGUARDS (132) CHIMLEVTAL
ROLEX WATCH 32-3732 36 28 0 181 LUST MUPPETS (1099) ARVAT
W.T. POOH 33-4430 53 37 0 183 SNOTZI'S II (813) NIYTYOLE ISLAND
KAIDEN 35-3108 68 73 1 203 VIOLENT FEMS (972) MURSKA
FOREVER MAN 38-4168 26 37 0 98 SANDS OF TIME (1195) CLIFFHOME
STRONGEST #3 40-173 43 83 1 154 SOLARAN BERSERK (949) ZENSU
BEAUTY QUEEN 47-3352 31 32 3 213 ROYAL FLUSH (146) NORTH FORK
MEN IN BLACK 49-3157 39 89 1 51 RPG'S (697) VITHICAR
OSCAR 50-3153 24 5 0 85 OPEN SESAME (824) SNOWBOUND
VAL BEMERIKI 51-5018 33 22 3 116 GENOCIDE (1109) TRICORUS
MISS WORLD 52-2370 29 27 1 205 THE FURIOUS FIVE (698) FRATSFA
STELLA BLUE 53-6167 24 12 1 214 PUERCO'S PINATA (700) KHALHUMS
MOD COD 55-2638 37 67 1 69 RHYME TYME (449) KHALANI
DELICE THE RED 56-3401 36 40 1 137 BAD APPLES (1091) ROCANIS
HALLIE O'DENE 58-6018 37 52 0 134 CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093) DELARQ TOR
50 SUCKS 60-4129 47 29 0 218 JOKA MASHER! (833) ARADI
KATANA 62-3769 9 9 0 65 SAMURAI KIDS II (1182) VALAMANTIS
NASTY NITTERS 63-2383 16 19 2 78 TOMATO ENFORCER (1193) AMEN-TEI
CARRIE NATION 64-4054 29 62 0 69 REFORMERS (1095) KURUKAR
TANNIN 65-4409 36 25 2 157 CRIMSON PEGASI (1079) DAL SHANG
NED THE JANITOR 66-2973 18 19 0 94 ANDORIAN UNIVERSITY (1123) TARRGIR
BLACK RHINO 71-1834 34 20 1 188 EDGE OF EXTINCTION (973) KYR'TERR
UU DOEWANAKNO 73-1414 18 4 1 100 DRAKE'S LODGE (1206) ERINIKA
BABOO 74-2711 39 87 0 72 WILD AMINALS (635) DAIYLA KIV
ABOUT YOUR CAR... 78-778 95 131 6 185 BAD NEWS (640) LIN TIRIAN
POPE PAUL II 79-1317 22 12 0 134 CHAPEL ROCK (776) MIROI CHANG
TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
DIRT WORM 82-2315 50 22 0 218 VERMIN!! (1124) DWES EG
ROGAN 97-980 5 10 4 34 BLIND LUCK (1183) SHADOW GROVE
HOT HAZEL 98-608 15 20 4 149 JUNKYARD WARS (1140) SYVYN'S HILL