ADVANCED DUELMASTERS
Date : 08/13/2003 Duedate: 08/26/2003
HOME GUARD
DM-101 TURN-356
RANK TEAMS W L K % RANK TEAMS W L K %
1 4000 BLOWS 60/1107 7 1 0 87.5 ANDORIAN UNIVERSITY 30/1213
2 CAER SIDHE 41/1218 13 5 0 72.2 ANDORIAN UNIVERSITY 66/1123
CALL TO THUNDER 7/1217 THE GREENHOUSE 30/1219
3 COLLEGE RADI 98/1223 110 52 0 67.9 17 HARBINGERS 32/1226 27 30 0 47.4
THE MOTHERSHIP 19/1148 18 DRAKE'S LODG 73/1206 132 148 5 47.1
4 SHADOW SIGNS 60/1220 370 238 1 60.9 DRAKE'S COMICS 47/1112
5 LUST MUPPETS 32/1099 235 171 1 57.9 DRAKE'S BAR-B-Q 15/313
6-COLD STEEL 51/296 109 80 1 57.7 DRAKE'S PETTING ZOO 33/1075
CRIMSON PEGASI 65/1079 19 DARKMOON 12/1197 21 25 0 45.7
7 QUBIT 10/1136 609 501 2 54.9 20 GENOCIDE 51/1109 130 157 0 45.3
TOO GOOD FOR ME 65/1054 SCIENCE FICTION 6/1152
JOKA MASHER! 60/833 RESURRECTION 2/1065
SIR AGLIO 10/788 21 RPG'S 49/697 1090 1385 15 44.0
SNOTZI'S II 33/813 WILD AMINALS 74/635
VERMIN!! 82/1124 BAD NEWS 78/640
8 MAGICK 60/955 439 372 4 54.1 22-SAMURAI KIDS 62/1182 7 9 0 43.8
FORCE OF NATURE 75/747 23-CARNIVAL 30/1130 40 53 0 43.0
AND SO IT BEGINS 65/1062 24 VIOLENT FEMS 35/972 368 495 9 42.6
CARTOUCHE 71/1111 JUST BECAUSE 38/1228
EDGE OF EXTINCTION 71/973 25 JUNKYARD WAR 98/1140 14 19 0 42.4
9 YOU FEEL THA 82/1205 94 88 0 51.6 26 THRILLZ & KIL 7/1211 2 3 0 40.0
THUNDR + LITENING 18/222 27 MY PETS 9/554 427 687 10 38.3
10-SPARF! 20/1069 628 603 9 51.0 GIRL SCOUT COOKIES 33/812
OPEN SESAME 50/824 RHYME TYME 55/449
OTTO'S MECHANICS 28/1073 28-HARLEQUINS 2/1186 42 68 1 38.2
CHAPEL ROCK 79/776 WAR HAWKS 10/1026
ROYAL FLUSH 47/146 29 SOLARAN BERSE 40/949 21 36 1 36.8
HERE TO PHOENIX 26/1072 30 BLUE MOON 9/1025 380 673 3 36.1
REAL BEER 21/1116 BAD APPLES 56/1091
DUCKS UNLIMITED 39/1221 CIRQUE DU MASQUES 58/1093
11 SUPERIOR KIL 98/1224 222 222 1 50.0 REFORMERS 64/1095
12 SWEORDMASTERS 1/1210 26 26 0 50.0 31 POWERPUFF GI 12/1145 8 16 0 33.3
LAB EXPERIMENTS 1/1207 32 TRIP OUT 30/1216 3 8 0 27.3
MANNEQUIN'S BEST 1/1227 BLIND LUCK 97/1183
13-RED FURY 9/786 140 141 0 49.8 UNTOUCHABLES 18/1190
THE TAKEN 29/350 33 THE REDBAERS 3/1180 6 19 0 24.0
14 OVERLORDS 20/30 93 95 0 49.5 TOMATO ENFORCER 63/1193
THE STORMGUARDS 31/132 34 U.B.O.S.M. 11/1184 5 17 0 22.7
15 BUMS 'R' US 60/1142 22 23 0 48.9 35 MY DRUGS 98/1222 1 10 0 9.1
JOYS OF BOOZE 33/1209 SANDS OF TIME 38/1195
16-PUERCO'S PINA 53/700 56 60 0 48.3 36 IKER'S CORPS 99/1225 0 1 0 0.0
'##/###' Avoid teams by their Team Id '-' Team did not fight this turn
WARRIOR SPOTLIGHT
AS THE TURNS WHIRL
Khirza the cat-woman leaped from the lamppost to Phetmolge's shoulders and from
there to the spar holding up the sign that said:
TALAHYA MUNICIPAL DOCK
No Admittance Without a Ticket.
Keep Hands and Feet Out of the Water.
She looked around as though checking for some other alternative to solid ground,
grinned toothily at her trollish friend, and said, "I always feel special when I see
this sign, 'cause WE can get in without tickets."
"If that's what it takes," Phetmolge responded with a slight smile. He gestured
with the small porcelain box that he was holding and said, "I don't think this is big
enough to heat the boiler."
He was referring to the Naiad's Nightmare (publicly known as the Naiad's Dream),
their steam-powered barge that had originally relied on a fire elemental to keep its
boiler hot. The creature had quit when all the magical trouble had started on the
Isle, temporarily grounding the Nightie. But just recently, in exchange for
informing Khirza's wizard friend of a source of the priceless magical ingredient
"soy," they had gotten an artifact that might solve their power problem.
"Sure it is!" Khirza responded, glancing sharply to the side and down and
suddenly pouncing counterclockwise in an effort to catch her tail. "It'll work,
don't worry. Ouch!"
Attributing this judgement to nothing more than his friend's natural optimism,
Phetmolge continued to worry.
The Nightie stirred faintly in her moorings like a woman disturbed by an
unpleasant dream. Gigantic next to the fishing boats on either side of her, an
ungainly-looking craft with two big paddlewheels on her sides and a superstructure
that looked distinctly homemade, she gained an even more forlorn air due to the black
tarpaulin shrouds that covered most of her above-deck features. She rested outside
the covered and warded dock; they had to walk down a side platform and through a
magical shield to get aboard her. Mist crawled from her hatches and ports. They
walked with hands on hilts, in case there was more than mist.
"Think the hull glyphs are still protecting her?" Phetmolge muttered.
"Sure," Khirza said faintly. She looked around with quick motions. Above the
collar of her leather jerkin, the spotted fur bristled outward from her neck. The
furless tip of her nose, which so accurately reflected her mood, was crimson. "We
should have come to see her more often."
"Yes, we should have."
Khirza hopped down from the gangplank onto the deck, did a backbend and
thoughtfully folded one knee to touch her chest, then extended that foot to the deck
by her hands, followed it over, and came up standing again. "On the brighter side,
the bilge rats have probably been multiplying. Fun!"
"Bilge rats at the very least," Phetmolge agreed. He drew his weapon -- not his
usual hammer but a greatsword. He might not wield a blade well enough to win in the
arena, but he was more than competent with it in the normal course of life. "I guess
we'd better do a walk-through before we work on the engine."
The Naiad's Nightmare had magical glyphs on her hull to repel any creatures of
the lake, but as they searched the boat they became aware that some of these glyphs
had indeed weakened. Thumps and chitters and slithering sounds confirmed that
wildlife from the Lake of Mists had taken up residence aboard the Nightie. Phetmolge
took the upper deck, whipping tarps off passenger seats and surprising half a dozen
amphibians the size of foxes, which waddled away but not fast enough to escape the
reach of his long arm and longer blade. He flung their little bodies into the water,
where they floated a moment before sinking. After the third one, something
apparently realized that appetizers were being served, because the rest of the
corpses were snatched underwater the moment they hit. Khirza, searching the main
deck, found a nest of snakes with humanlike heads; she dispatched them quickly. Then
the two partners joined forces to go belowdecks.
Phetmolge led the way down the stair into darkness, his sword before him.
"We'll need to get your wizard friend out to refresh those glyphs," he said. "Or do
you have to have the boat in drydock to do that?"
"Don't know," the cat-woman said. "Weed!"
Phetmolge ducked as a loop of slimy vegetation reached for his head. They
battled it for a while, noses wrinkled against the pungent smell of rotting spinach.
When they were done, the plant had been extracted from its overhead compartment and
lay heaped on the floor like a bundle of rags. It had a head of sorts, which looked
like brown lettuce.
"You eat salad, don't you?" Khirza said, kicking at it.
Phetmolge gave her a pained smile.
They cleared out the staterooms and galley -- it wasn't too bad, the glyphs were
obviously still working to some extent -- and then lit a lantern and went down the
next level to the engine room.
"I've been waiting for you," said the long-legged blonde who lay half-naked on
the nest of ropes next to the engine. Lips curving in a luscious red smile, she
crooked her pale finger and beckoned to Phetmolge. "Come here, handsome."
"Siren!" Khirza said, advancing with her scimitar up. "That's a bad critter!
Don't listen to her, big guy!"
"That's not a siren," said Phetmolge. "I don't know what she is, but she's not
a siren. She's lonely." He strode forward, never taking his eyes from the smiling
gaze of the mysterious woman.
Khirza darted in front of him, waving her hands in front of his face to break
the locked gaze. "Remember our course in lake safety? The kiss that drowns! Dead
boyfriends underwater! Come ON, Phetmolge, she called you handsome!"
The blonde rose from her couch of ropes. "Ever since we met at the police
station I have known that you would come to help me," she said.
"What?" said the trollish gladiator.
"You got my note," said the blonde.
"You're getting mail from sirens?" Khirza said, looking bewildered.
"Had we met under other circumstances, I could have fallen in love with you,"
said the blonde.
"Not likely," Phetmolge responded. "Ma'am, I think you're mistaking me for
someone else... Who are you?"
She looked blankly at him as though trying to remember. Then -- "Jolane," she
said. "I'm Jolane."
The woman in the boiler room was beautiful, if Phetmolge was any judge of human
beauty. Her full lips were as red as blood, her eyes a vivid, almost glowing light
brown. Her long, pale hair, dripping with water, was braided with strands of aquatic
weed that formed strange pink blossoms over her ears. Her complexion was nearly as
white as the simple dress that, miraculously, hadn't gotten dirty from the nest of
ropes on which she'd been reclining.
She had said that her name was Jolane, a name which rang a bell in Phetmolge's
awareness, although at the moment he couldn't place it.
"I've been waiting for you," she repeated, in a soft, inviting voice.
"How did you know I was coming?" Phetmolge asked, since he and his partner had
told no one they were coming to check on the boat today. He was pretty sure she had
mistaken him for someone else, since she had previously mentioned meeting him in a
police station; he'd never been in a police station in his life. But since he was a
troll, it was pretty hard to mistake him for anyone else on the Isle, and so he
thought this woman was not right in the head. He hoped to gently lead the
conversation around to finding out where she came from and whether she had any
relatives who could take charge of her.
Khirza, his partner, was acting strangely. Always rather hyperactive, she was
practically manic now, leaping across his field of vision with her arms frantically
waving, tail straight out and bristling like a bottle-brush. He glanced at her as
she landed on all fours next to the boiler. "What?"
"She's not human!" Khirza shouted.
Phetmolge frowned in puzzlement that his friend would make an issue of this.
She herself was not human but of the Pridefolk, a cat-woman. And he was a troll.
What did either of them care that their visitor was not human? Come to think of it,
though, Jolane looked human enough. She had risen from her nest and approached him,
smiling. She was graceful and looked quite kissable, which was a little strange
since he wasn't normally attracted to humans. From a few inches away, he could feel
the delightful coolness of her body.
As he reached for Jolane, something tugged on his arm. It was Khirza, making a
pest of herself again. Her mouth was moving and he realized she was still shouting.
"...dead, Phetmolge! She's undead!"
"I knew that you would come to me at last," said Jolane, her soft voice easy to
hear above all the background clatter. "A little late, of course..." Her tone was
chiding. "But better late than never. Join me, and we'll rest forever in each
other's arms."
Even to his infatuated perception, this sounded like something one might see on
a tombstone. Jolane must have noticed a change in his expression because she added,
"Know bliss, I mean. We'll know bliss forever in each other's arms."
"Oh," he said. "Yes, all right." Again he reached for her as her arms went
around his neck. He bent his head down for the kiss--
--and got a faceful of Khirza's leather jerkin. The cat-woman had leaped on
him, wrapping her arms and legs around his head. He staggered around, struggling to
free himself while being careful not to hurt his friend. He stepped on something
slippery. There was a scream.
"You big oaf!" shrieked Jolane's voice. "You big... you big... troll... you're
not Galen! And to think I almost--OHHH! Fraud! Despoiler!"
A moment later, Khirza let go and climbed off of him. The two partners were
alone in the boiler room.
"Perceptive, wasn't she?" Khirza panted.
"What happened?"
The cat-woman looked rather satisfied as she explained, "I don't know, maybe
sirens don't have very good eyesight. But then you stepped on her. When you step on
someone, big guy, they notice that they've been stepped on by a troll. So she ran
off, jumped back in the lake I guess."
Although he still felt rather fuzzy-headed, Phetmolge was beginning to get it.
"You mean, that woman was a siren? A drowned woman who lures men to their deaths?
How could you tell?"
Cats laugh silently. Khirza gave him a toothy grin, her tail twitching in
merriment.
"Dear Mr. Shanmarrik,
You may not remember us, but you were a passenger on our boat, the 'Naiad's Dream,' a
few months ago. Maybe it is that slight connection that led to a strange case of
mistaken identity yesterday. Our boat had been docked for some time due to the
magical disturbances around the Isle. Khirza (my partner) and I had visited the dock
to do some routine maintenance when we met a person who apparently mistook me for
you. She called me by your name, and identified herself as Jolane.
Mr. Shanmarrik, this person seemed quite unnatural and might in fact be one of the
lake-dwelling undead that we have been warned about. Therefore if you decide to
investigate this incident I urge you to use extreme caution. If you wish further
information or help, please contact Khirza at the Castaways guildhouse affiliated
with the Talahya arena, or myself, Phetmolge, at the Up To No Good guildhouse,
affiliated with the Lirin Kiv arena. We stand ready to give any assistance within
our power.
Your Servant,
Phetmolge"
Galen's hands trembled as he read the letter. She was back. She was dead.
Somehow it was his fault. He had to meet with her if possible. He would go to the
Naiad's Dream immediately.
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ The Tides of Magic #11 ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
Talahya?
They found a flagstone path that paralleled the shoreline and flipped a coin,
turned to the right (as calculated when facing the shore), and strode along briskly
through thinning fog.
"It's going to be a hot day once this fog clears," Scarlatti said, with the air
of one who will make conversation at any cost. "If we could find a hill or a tower,
we might see for miles."
Fizban's eyebrows rose. "Now that is a good idea, an excellent idea!" The old
wizard looked around hopefully. "I would really LIKE to be able to see for miles.
We might guess where we are, if we can do that."
"We won't see anything we recognize," Carris Fallstar predicted. This is
somewhere else entirely. I can feel it in my bones." The elf shrugged. "But a long
view to put ourselves in some kind of geographical context might be useful."
After five minutes of walking, it became apparent that the geographical context
was flat, and that if there were any buildings nearby, they were hidden by a belt of
trees that lay just inland of the path they'd found. The best they'd managed in the
way of a height was a hill that rose about ten feet above the beach. Fog lingered
under the trees, but over the water to their left, it was clearing fast. It was
already clearer than they had ever seen the air between the Isle of the Eye and
Alastari. The water went on to the horizon, but it was blotched with wooded islands
in the middle distance. Some of the islands had castles on them, shining cream and
golden and red as coral in the morning sun. There were boats, too, or perhaps they
were ships: big vessels and small, with sails, or banks of oars, or less obvious
means of propulsion.
"Well, at least it isn't an uninhabited world we've come to, apparently."
Moonjumper studied the scene critically. "But--"
"The path already told us there are people here," Scarlatti said.
"But," Moonjumper persisted, "it's a damned large one. We're going to have to
find someone to talk to, and people aren't exactly lining up on the path to meet us."
Rogan, who naturally had not been staring around, tensed suddenly. "Someone is
coming along the path," he said.
REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER
Alarond wanted to praise and blame you for your deeds. What a stuffed shirt!
It's lots more fun to praise and blame you for any old thing at all, whether it was
your deed or somebody else's.
Royal Flush was avoided by The Stormguards. I could sling a bit of free-
standing praise and blame over this, but you've heard it all before. Unless... do
you know the REAL, INSIDE story of the quarrel between Apple Jack and Jack Sprat?
That tale could beguile an hour or two!
Ours Rouge was challenged the most, possibly because of the taxidermy conference
in town.
Nobody died, although it is rumored (anybody check this out?) that a coward,
assuming you could find one, dies a thousand deaths. I presume the said coward has
something like a Ring of Infinite Resurrections, or how could it happen? Also,
Alarond seems to be concerned about grave robbers. Who'd want to rob a grave in this
heat? Nasty business. Pass it by.
Further, and quite falsely, Alarond claims that "a notched sword sings
sweetest." Ha! HE has never been in a situation where he has to count on his sword
to save his life! You want it SHARP and well-honed. No notches, no knicks.
Forty-one fights, which is good. Not as many as Free Blades, but so what? Who
wants to be Free Blades? Eighteen challenge matches, which isn't bad, either. Four
standbys earned their pay.
And now, since I'm not in the mood for "ado," here's the facts:
TUTANKHAMUN (71-3357) (14-7-0,71) of CARTOUCHE fought LAKE SAILOR (101-2) (0-0-
0,30) of Local Louts. TUTANKHAMUN handily defeated LAKE SAILOR in a popular 1 minute
bloody mismatched duel. Odd, I would have expected Tut to have a mace and a flail.
More in keeping with his personal traditions, you know?
LUNA TYCK (33-5761) (27-29-1,55) of DRAKE'S PETTING ZOO fought BABOO (74-2711)
(39-89-0,58) of WILD AMINALS. LUNA TYCK slimly lost to BABOO in a crowd pleasing 7
minute brutal duel. Seven minutes is brutal for the fans, too. I don't know if this
was the longest fight, and I'm not going to look, but it was long enough.
AVALANCHE (75-2213) (13-3-1,73) of FORCE OF NATURE fought NASTY NITTERS (63-
2383) (17-20-2,72) of TOMATO ENFORCER. AVALANCHE viciously subdued NASTY NITTERS in
a popular 1 minute brutal match. What kind of avalanch does a tomato enforcer call
down? Fat green worms? Those little white moths? Wandering goats?
SIR VILE (10-4754) (17-12-0,63) of SIR AGLIO fought LYTA ALEXANDER (65-5021) (9-
4-0,54) of AND SO IT BEGINS. SIR VILE handily defeated LYTA ALEXANDER in a 1 minute
mismatched match. You see the distinction, don't you? Between a Sir who is Vile and
one who is Servile. At least, that's what Lyta's fans are saying. 'Course, they're
biased. I've got a feeling Lyta is new here, is that so?
SULTAN (10-4516) (24-8-0,84) of SIR AGLIO fought CROW (60-6269) (12-5-0,42) of
SHADOW SIGNS. SULTAN overpowered CROW in a 1 minute one-sided duel. And I don't
think I've seen this Crow fella before, either. Of course, I might not have been
looking. There are days like that.
LETHE (9-4782) (23-16-2,43) of BLUE MOON fought GAR & BRILL (38-4252) (16-17-
0,65) of JUST BECAUSE. LETHE was demolished by GAR & BRILL in a 1 minute one-sided
duel. Heck, anybody could have told Lethe that brilled troll is dangerous to your
health. But some people have to learn the hard way.
TSUNAMI (75-2214) (16-2-1,88) of FORCE OF NATURE fought LAKE SAILOR (101-2) (0-
0-0,30) of Local Louts. TSUNAMI overpowered LAKE SAILOR in a crowd pleasing 1 minute
one-sided match. I love this one, it's so RIGHT. One-sided, but so what? Life is
like that.
MIGHTY MITE (82-13968) (17-21-0,74) of VERMIN!! fought NO CHASER (33-6490) (26-
18-0,78) of JOYS OF BOOZE. MIGHTY MITE bested NO CHASER in an action packed 2 minute
bout. Does this mean No couldn't catch Mighty? And if Mighty's a vermit, is he, by
chance, a mouse? And No perhaps a cat? Well, maybe that would be too much to ask.
But I like it when the program entertains me, you know?
KOGITSUNE MARU (1-5298) (18-10-1,72) of SWEORDMASTERS fought KOOKABURRA (33-
4151) (40-53-1,88) of GIRL SCOUT COOKIES. KOGITSUNE MARU was devastated by
KOOKABURRA in a 1 minute one-sided battle. There was, as you will note, no tossing
of the cookies today.
MUMMY (99-853) (7-3-5,29) of IKER'S CORPSES fought GLORY HOLE (98-870) (5-5-
4,24) of SUPERIOR KILLZ. MUMMY was devastated by GLORY HOLE in a 1 minute one-sided
duel. There's probably something sharp I could say about this battle between a
couple of bonafide killers, but then again, do I want to stick my neck out in this
company? I don't think so.
CARRIE NATION (64-4054) (31-62-0,97) of REFORMERS fought XISS (11-1305) (22-26-
4,53) of U.B.O.S.M. CARRIE NATION was beaten by XISS in a 2 minute brutal fray. I
hate these acronym deals. "Ugly Boys Of San Marino"? I don't know who or where San
Marino is, but Debby Tonte mentioned him once. Which must mean they have good tans
and drink a lot, but their drinks have umbrellas in them, right?
BUDDERCUP (60-5967) (28-23-0,125) of BUMS 'R' US fought NINJA FERD (101-30) (0-
0-0,130) of Local Louts. BUDDERCUP was overpowered by NINJA FERD in a 2 minute one-
sided bout. Ferd has had a movie offer (no, I don't know what a "movie" is, but if I
say it fast, it sounds like something that makes sense), and he's practicing his
moves.
CRUSADER LORD (31-3946) (32-20-3,122) of THE STORMGUARDS fought STARBUCK (6-
5387) (22-14-0,91) of SCIENCE FICTION. CRUSADER LORD was overpowered by STARBUCK in
a popular 1 minute one-sided match. This Starbuck dude says he has nothing to do
with coffee, but how else do you explain things like this?
COM DOT (65-6217) (34-20-0,126) of TOO GOOD FOR ME fought LIGHTNING (32-3932)
(30-19-4,113) of HARBINGERS. COM DOT overpowered LIGHTNING in an action packed 1
minute uneven fight. I heard of a case once where a communications golem (aka, com
dot?) got fried by lightning, so maybe this makes sense. Then again, maybe it
doesn't, but so what?
KYLIE (18-6057) (21-16-1,130) of UNTOUCHABLES fought PARADISE PARROT (71-1735)
(26-25-0,133) of EDGE OF EXTINCTION. KYLIE was overcome by PARADISE PARROT in an
exciting 4 minute duel. How can a place be a paradise if it's got a parrot in it?
Have you ever LISTENED to a parrot? Either they screech, or they're insulting, and
it's no wonder they're threatened with extinction. Oh, well.
SPAZZ (33-6207) (33-23-0,155) of SNOTZI'S II fought DELICE THE RED (56-3401)
(36-42-1,122) of BAD APPLES. SPAZZ was narrowly defeated by DELICE THE RED in an
exciting 2 minute fray. An apple a day sends you to the doctor? Especially if it's
a BAD apple, I guess.
THE RED SPARROW (60-5732) (18-9-1,153) of 4000 BLOWS fought LOOMING BIRD (82-
424) (41-55-3,125) of YOU FEEL THAT!. THE RED SPARROW demolished LOOMING BIRD in an
action packed 2 minute one-sided melee. I seem to recall from some previous
occassion that this Sparrow is very LARGE. Large enough to loom over the Bird,
perhaps?
HALLIE O'DENE (58-6018) (38-53-0,159) of CIRQUE DU MASQUES fought TICKLES (9-
3486) (33-52-1,118) of MY PETS. HALLIE O'DENE lost to TICKLES in a popular 1 minute
fight. We should make tickling an attack tactic. So many people are helpless in the
face of it. Hmm, would the relevant defense tactic be the hedgehog? You know, where
you curl up in a ball on the sands and hope that everything is covered by your armor.
SIR CUITOUS (10-4514) (35-20-0,195) of SIR AGLIO fought HOT HAZEL (98-608) (16-
21-4,151) of JUNKYARD WARS. SIR CUITOUS defeated HOT HAZEL in an exciting 4 minute
gory duel. Hazel is HOT and she's headed for a winning record come what may. Don't
get in her way.
ROLEX WATCH (32-3732) (38-28-0,198) of LUST MUPPETS fought MASHER (60-4553) (31-
31-3,178) of JOKA MASHER!. ROLEX WATCH defeated MASHER in a popular 1 minute match.
I blinked and missed this one. Or perhaps I nodded off for a moment. Anyway, I
don't know why it was popular, but these things happen.
R'SHANN (20-577) (43-34-3,214) of OVERLORDS fought LUDO (18-708) (51-57-2,190)
of THUNDR + LITENING. R'SHANN overpowered LUDO in an action packed 4 minute bloody
uneven fray. So. And what is the meaning of this, eh? I don't remember offhand
whether Doc was bringing us good warriors or bad ones. I guess what counts most is
that he brings warriors who show up for their fights every two weeks.
DIRT WORM (82-2315) (52-22-0,229) of VERMIN!! fought HUNGRY HAROLD (101-29) (0-
0-0,200) of Local Louts. DIRT WORM was defeated by HUNGRY HAROLD in an exciting 6
minute duel. Which just tells you how hungry Harold was, if he'd spend that long
trying to catch a worm. Or pry a worm out of its shell, as the case may be.
50 SUCKS (60-4129) (49-29-0,241) of JOKA MASHER! fought EMERALD DRAGONFLY (60-
2586) (57-58-2,204) of MAGICK. 50 SUCKS was handily defeated by EMERALD DRAGONFLY in
a 1 minute competition. If fifty's that bad, think what fifty-four or so must be!
And this sort of thing just goes on and on.
Ah, the challenge matches! That means I'm more than half way through.
NEVERMORE (1-5260) (17-19-2,61) of LAB EXPERIMENTS challenged TORATORATORRES
(11-726) (21-19-0,66) of U.B.O.S.M. Up 5. NEVERMORE overpowered TORATORATORRES in a
1 minute gory one-sided Challenge bout. Up By the Old Salt Marsh? Under a Bridge On
Silver Mountain? Ugly Boots Of Steel Mesh? This stuff drives me nuts. Don't do it
to me.
FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE (98-809) (7-3-4,28) of COLLEGE RADIO challenged SKI MASK (58-
5869) (25-47-0,51) of CIRQUE DU MASQUES. Up 23. FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE was overpowered
by SKI MASK in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge bout. Oh, gods, does this mean we can
look forward to an hour of Duck on the radio? I don't know if I could stand that. I
don't know if ANYONE could stand that.
PREACHER (7-5083) (17-8-2,60) of THRILLZ & KILLZ challenged OURS ROUGE (3-6049)
(16-21-1,63) of THE REDBAERS. Up 3. This is most-challenged Ours Rouge, remember.
PREACHER narrowly defeated OURS ROUGE in a crowd pleasing 3 minute Challenge brawl.
What I want to know is, did Preacher take a dagger and shave the Bear close?
FUNKY ELVIS (30-2754) (15-11-0,56) of TRIP OUT challenged GREASESPOT (60-5964)
(22-29-0,92) of BUMS 'R' US. Up 36. FUNKY ELVIS was devastated by GREASESPOT in a 1
minute uneven Challenge duel. And who wouldn't be devastated by grease spots on the
blue suede shoes, eh? Have YOU ever tried to get grease spots off suede?
ONE A DAY (98-799) (9-2-3,28) of MY DRUGS challenged MOD COD (55-2638) (37-69-
1,52) of RHYME TYME. Up 24. ONE A DAY won victory over MOD COD in a 2 minute
Challenge bout. But only once in the day, of course.
FOREVER MAN (38-4168) (26-39-0,50) of SANDS OF TIME challenged MEN IN BLACK (49-
3157) (41-89-1,81) of RPG'S. Up 31. FOREVER MAN was viciously subdued by MEN IN
BLACK in a 5 minute Challenge conflict. You ever ask yourself, "Just how many men
ARE there in that black robe?" Seems like it might be a tad unevern.
GWYN AP NUDD (41-1210) (17-2-0,65) of CAER SIDHE challenged ODEN WARFIEND (11-
1335) (23-18-2,67) of U.B.O.S.M. Up 2. GWYN AP NUDD demolished ODEN WARFIEND in a 1
minute mismatched Challenge match. Son of Nudd? Is this the guy that rides around
with a pack of hounds? Were they YOUR dogs, Gwyn, that were digging up bodies buried
in the sands? It made a mess and annoyed the maintenance crew.
FILI LIU (2-4968) (17-16-0,42) of RESURRECTION challenged ANDAR (11-1038) (17-
12-1,50) of U.B.O.S.M. Up 8. FILI LIU devastated ANDAR in a 1 minute mismatched
Challenge conflict. These Ubosms don't seem to be doing very well today. Gotta try
harder, right?
ISAWA TADAKA (7-5093) (19-4-0,72) of CALL TO THUNDER challenged BEER GOGGLES
(33-6819) (19-14-1,84) of JOYS OF BOOZE. Up 12. ISAWA TADAKA overpowered BEER
GOGGLES in a 2 minute brutal one-sided Challenge fight. Another one of the joys of
booze: losing fights.
ROGAN (97-980) (5-10-4,34) of BLIND LUCK challenged AVARICIOUS AVON (63-2388)
(18-16-0,73) of TOMATO ENFORCER. Up 39. ROGAN was overpowered by AVARICIOUS AVON in
a 1 minute one-sided Challenge fight. Be sure to check your pockets, Rogan. Avon
isn't called avaricious for nothing.
VAL BEMERIKI (51-5018) (33-24-3,110) of GENOCIDE challenged BUBBLES (12-4981)
(23-37-1,137) of POWERPUFF GIRLS. Up 27. VAL BEMERIKI vanquished BUBBLES in an
action packed 1 minute one-sided Challenge duel. And at the moment of victory, every
bubble in every beer stein and bathtub in Talahya vanished. I trust they will
return, but for now, they've been genocided.
HAPPY JACK (19-4086) (34-22-2,136) of THE MOTHERSHIP challenged TALOS (31-2069)
(40-17-0,144) of THE STORMGUARDS. Up 8. HAPPY JACK slimly lost to TALOS in an
action packed 3 minute Challenge melee. Which, I suppose, did not leave Jack feeling
happy. Hmm, are we over-supplied with Jacks here? Seems like every time I turn
around, there's another one.
QUEEN AMAZONIA (12-4796) (30-35-1,116) of DARKMOON challenged QRAPPY (10-4761)
(28-46-1,120) of QUBIT. Up 4. QUEEN AMAZONIA was devastated by QRAPPY in a 1 minute
one-sided Challenge competition. Well, I hope there were good skills to get out of
that. The Queen is always out there trying, and she should get something for her
efforts, don't you think?
OBSESSED AVENGER (15-2162) (37-38-1,157) of DRAKE'S BAR-B-Q challenged W.T. POOH
(33-4430) (54-38-0,168) of SNOTZI'S II. Up 11. OBSESSED AVENGER devastated W.T.
POOH in a 5 minute one-sided Challenge duel. And no wonder! For W.T. Pooh has been
implicated in the Heinous Honey Heist! This is an Offense against Sweetness!
SPAZ GHOST (47-4161) (37-18-1,187) of DRAKE'S COMICS challenged STRONGEST #3
(40-173) (44-84-1,199) of SOLARAN BERSERK. Up 12. SPAZ GHOST overpowered STRONGEST
#3 in a 3 minute one-sided Challenge fight. Three minutes? Is this some kind of
balance, like it would take four minutes to put down #4 and five minutes for #5 and
so on? Inquiring minds want to know!
CAFFIENE ACHIEVER (15-2429) (34-37-4,190) of DRAKE'S BAR-B-Q challenged ABOUT
YOUR CAR... (78-778) (97-131-6,202) of BAD NEWS. Up 12. CAFFIENE ACHIEVER
demolished ABOUT YOUR CAR... in a 1 minute uneven Challenge fight. And seldom have I
seen demolition undertaken in a state of such complete alertness, except when I saw
someone under the influence of a sicks-pack of Jolt.
UU DOEWANAKNO (73-1414) (19-5-1,135) of DRAKE'S LODGE TV challenged BLACK RHINO
(71-1834) (34-22-1,178) of EDGE OF EXTINCTION. Up 43, in our only TV challenge. UU
DOEWANAKNO devastated BLACK RHINO in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge fight. Which
pushes the Rhino that much closer to the edge of extinction, and as much as Black
weighs, you don't want to be standing near by when the edge crumbles.
And for the title of Captain of the Guard: SORROW (1-2863) (28-21-2,238) of
SWEORDMASTERS challenged KAIDEN (35-3108) (70-73-2,281) of VIOLENT FEMS. Up 43, and
our salute to Sorrow for making the attempt. However... SORROW lost to KAIDEN in an
action packed 1 minute Challenge Title battle. What can I say? Violence comes
naturally to Kaiden, more naturally, perhaps, than writing a column. Oh, well.
Olaf Modeen
CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
KAIDEN 35-3108 71 73 2 291 VIOLENT FEMS (972) MURSKA
GRAND CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
EMERALD DRAGONFLY 60-2586 58 58 2 225 MAGICK (955) ARADI
R'SHANN 20-577 44 34 3 224 OVERLORDS (30) SEAM
-BEAUTY QUEEN 47-3352 32 33 3 220 ROYAL FLUSH (146) NORTH FORK
GRAND CHAMPIONS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
SPAZ GHOST 47-4161 38 18 1 206 DRAKE'S COMICS (1112) NORTH FORK
CAFFIENE ACHIEVER 15-2429 35 37 4 206 DRAKE'S BAR-B-Q (313) MALCORN
ROLEX WATCH 32-3732 39 28 0 200 LUST MUPPETS (1099) ARVAT
GRAND CHAMPIONS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
SIR CUITOUS 10-4514 36 20 0 197 SIR AGLIO (788) KOLACT
DIRT WORM 82-2315 52 23 0 196 VERMIN!! (1124) DWES EG
-PRIMUS 21-4975 32 11 0 195 REAL BEER (1116) SUNSET
SORROW 1-2863 28 22 2 195 SWEORDMASTERS (1210) MORDANT
-WURP 10-18 44 49 1 193 WAR HAWKS (1026) KOLACT
-STELLA BLUE 53-6167 24 13 1 192 PUERCO'S PINATA (700) KHALHUMS
50 SUCKS 60-4129 49 30 0 190 JOKA MASHER! (833) ARADI
STRONGEST #3 40-173 44 85 1 189 SOLARAN BERSERK (949) ZENSU
-FANNY BELT 28-1804 37 24 1 189 OTTO'S MECHANICS (1073) MORYA
LUDO 18-708 51 58 2 187 THUNDR + LITENING (222) TALCAMA
ABOUT YOUR CAR... 78-778 97 132 6 185 BAD NEWS (640) LIN TIRIAN
OBSESSED AVENGER 15-2162 38 38 1 184 DRAKE'S BAR-B-Q (313) MALCORN
GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
MASHER 60-4553 31 32 3 180 JOKA MASHER! (833) ARADI
-MUSILAR DE MITTEL 53-5753 31 15 0 177 PUERCO'S PINATA (700) KHALHUMS
-SUNNY BRAE 53-5638 33 26 1 176 PUERCO'S PINATA (700) KHALHUMS
UU DOEWANAKNO 73-1414 20 5 1 173 DRAKE'S LODGE (1206) ERINIKA
-WAHOO 26-3916 23 15 1 167 HERE TO PHOENIX (1072) CALEAM
HOT HAZEL 98-608 16 22 4 164 JUNKYARD WARS (1140) SYVYN'S HILL
-TANNIN 65-4409 37 25 2 163 CRIMSON PEGASI (1079) DAL SHANG
-STEVE MCQUEEN 47-3908 28 30 1 161 ROYAL FLUSH (146) NORTH FORK
THE RED SPARROW 60-5732 19 9 1 159 4000 BLOWS (1107) ARADI
TALOS 31-2069 41 17 0 156 THE STORMGUARDS (132) CHIMLEVTAL
W.T. POOH 33-4430 54 39 0 153 SNOTZI'S II (813) NIYTYOLE ISLAND
DELICE THE RED 56-3401 37 42 1 152 BAD APPLES (1091) ROCANIS
GRAND ADEPTS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
BLACK RHINO 71-1834 34 23 1 150 EDGE OF EXTINCTION (973) KYR'TERR
TICKLES 9-3486 34 52 1 147 MY PETS (554) ZUKAL
PARADISE PARROT 71-1735 27 25 0 143 EDGE OF EXTINCTION (973) KYR'TERR
HAPPY JACK 19-4086 34 23 2 142 THE MOTHERSHIP (1148) ZUWAYZA
-NIGHTSHADE 29-3773 20 12 0 142 THE TAKEN (350) LAPUR
COM DOT 65-6217 35 20 0 140 TOO GOOD FOR ME (1054) DAL SHANG
-POPE PAUL II 79-1317 22 13 0 137 CHAPEL ROCK (776) MIROI CHANG
SPAZZ 33-6207 33 24 0 136 SNOTZI'S II (813) NIYTYOLE ISLAND
VAL BEMERIKI 51-5018 34 24 3 135 GENOCIDE (1109) TRICORUS
HALLIE O'DENE 58-6018 38 54 0 134 CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093) DELARQ TOR
-JOE KING 47-2223 27 42 0 133 ROYAL FLUSH (146) NORTH FORK
-X THE BOLD 10-16 52 48 1 132 WAR HAWKS (1026) KOLACT
KYLIE 18-6057 21 17 1 130 UNTOUCHABLES (1190) TALCAMA
QRAPPY 10-4761 29 46 1 129 QUBIT (1136) KOLACT
-APPLE JACK 47-4011 26 16 4 127 ROYAL FLUSH (146) NORTH FORK
LOOMING BIRD 82-424 41 56 3 125 YOU FEEL THAT! (1205) DWES EG
-BURGER KING 47-4152 28 20 2 124 ROYAL FLUSH (146) NORTH FORK
STARBUCK 6-5387 23 14 0 124 SCIENCE FICTION (1152) TRANSEL
-JACK SPRAT 47-2954 43 51 4 121 ROYAL FLUSH (146) NORTH FORK
-KHARN 51-2997 33 34 4 118 COLD STEEL (296) TRICORUS
BUDDERCUP 60-5967 28 24 0 117 BUMS 'R' US (1142) ARADI
BUBBLES 12-4981 23 38 1 116 POWERPUFF GIRLS (1145) RIZTAB
LIGHTNING 32-3932 30 20 4 110 HARBINGERS (1226) ARVAT
QUEEN AMAZONIA 12-4796 30 36 1 107 DARKMOON (1197) RIZTAB
-TRIDENT 29-3767 26 7 0 105 THE TAKEN (350) LAPUR
-JUGGLER 2-4965 22 10 0 105 HARLEQUINS (1186) NIANIA
-NED THE JANITOR 66-2973 19 19 0 101 ANDORIAN UNIVERSITY (1123) TARRGIR
GRAND CHALLENGER INITIATES W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
-MIME 2-4966 20 11 3 100 HARLEQUINS (1186) NIANIA
KOOKABURRA 33-4151 41 53 1 99 GIRL SCOUT COOKIES (812) NIYTYOLE ISLAND
-SABLE 2-4950 25 11 2 99 HARLEQUINS (1186) NIANIA
CRUSADER LORD 31-3946 32 21 3 98 THE STORMGUARDS (132) CHIMLEVTAL
GREASESPOT 60-5964 23 29 0 96 BUMS 'R' US (1142) ARADI
-ROWDY YOBBO 20-3429 20 18 1 94 SPARF! (1069) SEAM
GRAND CHALLENGER INITIATES W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
ISAWA TADAKA 7-5093 20 4 0 92 CALL TO THUNDER (1217) BONSUR
GRAND INITIATES W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
TSUNAMI 75-2214 17 2 1 90 FORCE OF NATURE (747) JADE MOUNTAIN
-OSCAR 50-3153 25 5 0 88 OPEN SESAME (824) SNOWBOUND
SULTAN 10-4516 25 8 0 87 SIR AGLIO (788) KOLACT
MIGHTY MITE 82-13968 18 21 0 86 VERMIN!! (1124) DWES EG
MEN IN BLACK 49-3157 42 89 1 83 RPG'S (697) VITHICAR
XISS 11-1305 23 26 4 81 U.B.O.S.M. (1184) ARUAK CITY
AVALANCHE 75-2213 14 3 1 81 FORCE OF NATURE (747) JADE MOUNTAIN
GWYN AP NUDD 41-1210 18 2 0 80 CAER SIDHE (1218) KATI-TEI
NEVERMORE 1-5260 18 19 2 76 LAB EXPERIMENTS (1207) MORDANT
-ROT TEN EGGS 47-3099 28 31 0 75 ROYAL FLUSH (146) NORTH FORK
-SPRING SHOE 30-4178 19 23 2 75 CARNIVAL (1130) IAYE
AVARICIOUS AVON 63-2388 19 16 0 75 TOMATO ENFORCER (1193) AMEN-TEI
SIR VILE 10-4754 18 12 0 75 SIR AGLIO (788) KOLACT
NO CHASER 33-6490 26 19 0 74 JOYS OF BOOZE (1209) NIYTYOLE ISLAND
-BOOTLEG PATCHWORK 11-4660 20 12 2 74 GERFEL'S FRIENDS (516) ARUAK CITY
-THE FRATSFAN CHEF 30-4385 15 5 0 74 ANDORIAN UNIVERSITY (1213) IAYE
BEER GOGGLES 33-6819 19 15 1 73 JOYS OF BOOZE (1209) NIYTYOLE ISLAND
GAR & BRILL 38-4252 17 17 0 73 JUST BECAUSE (1228) CLIFFHOME
TUTANKHAMUN 71-3357 15 7 0 73 CARTOUCHE (1111) KYR'TERR
-SNOWMAN 29-3460 20 20 1 71 THE TAKEN (350) LAPUR
CARRIE NATION 64-4054 31 63 0 70 REFORMERS (1095) KURUKAR
NASTY NITTERS 63-2383 17 21 2 70 TOMATO ENFORCER (1193) AMEN-TEI
-CUBA 26-3917 17 8 0 70 HERE TO PHOENIX (1072) CALEAM
PREACHER 7-5083 18 8 2 68 THRILLZ & KILLZ (1211) BONSUR
-KATANA 62-3769 9 11 0 67 SAMURAI KIDS II (1182) VALAMANTIS
KOGITSUNE MARU 1-5298 18 11 1 66 SWEORDMASTERS (1210) MORDANT
BABOO 74-2711 40 89 0 63 WILD AMINALS (635) DAIYLA KIV
OURS ROUGE 3-6049 16 22 1 62 THE REDBAERS (1180) OSKSI
-RADIENCE 9-4004 22 17 3 61 RED FURY (786) ZUKAL
ODEN WARFIEND 11-1335 23 19 2 60 U.B.O.S.M. (1184) ARUAK CITY
FILI LIU 2-4968 18 16 0 60 RESURRECTION (1065) NIANIA
-PERFECT TEN 47-4218 21 17 1 59 ROYAL FLUSH (146) NORTH FORK
SKI MASK 58-5869 26 47 0 57 CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093) DELARQ TOR
FUNKY ELVIS 30-2754 15 12 0 55 TRIP OUT (1216) IAYE
-NESSUS 56-3622 14 8 5 55 ACT OF MALICE (1146) ROCANIS
LUNA TYCK 33-5761 27 30 1 54 DRAKE'S PETTING ZOO (1075) NIYTYOLE ISLAND
FOREVER MAN 38-4168 26 40 0 53 SANDS OF TIME (1195) CLIFFHOME
TORATORATORRES 11-726 21 20 0 53 U.B.O.S.M. (1184) ARUAK CITY
-CIARAN 1-7176 15 6 1 52 MANNEQUIN'S BEST (1227) MORDANT
LYTA ALEXANDER 65-5021 9 5 0 48 AND SO IT BEGINS (1062) DAL SHANG
CROW 60-6269 12 6 0 47 SHADOW SIGNS (1220) ARADI
ONE A DAY 98-799 10 2 3 45 MY DRUGS (1222) SYVYN'S HILL
LETHE 9-4782 23 17 2 39 BLUE MOON (1025) ZUKAL
GLORY HOLE 98-870 6 5 4 39 SUPERIOR KILLZ (1224) SYVYN'S HILL
MOD COD 55-2638 37 70 1 38 RHYME TYME (449) KHALANI
ANDAR 11-1038 17 13 1 37 U.B.O.S.M. (1184) ARUAK CITY
ROGAN 97-980 5 11 4 35 BLIND LUCK (1183) SHADOW GROVE
-ANGAR 10-4933 15 15 1 33 WAR HAWKS (1026) KOLACT
FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE 98-809 7 4 4 24 COLLEGE RADIO (1223) SYVYN'S HILL
MUMMY 99-853 7 4 5 16 IKER'S CORPSES (1225) SOUTH RIDGE
'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.
THE DEAD W L K TEAM NAME SLAIN BY TURN
PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE
Val Bemeriki -- I think you're supposed to swing back at least *once* during the
fight. At least the fans liked all the flashy stuff at the beginning. -- Bubbles
#3 -- You have another idea? What are you talking about? I haven't been running my
teams there for months now! -- Tankesh, Mgr. Tuft Tuggers
Your legend lingers on.
Kookaburra -- Thank you, thank you, thank you! Those skills were badly needed. Oh,
and it's nice to come across another old style Home Guardian. -- Queen Amazonia
Musilar de Mittel -- Oh? Where are you bathing, then? -- Hallie O'Dene
Toratoratorres -- Ha! That will just SHOW you what happens when you drink to the
point of seeing triple! You get hit three times instead of once! -- Carrie Nation
Preacher -- You mammals are hostile to Ducks even in your religions! Don't try to
fool me, I know! -- Ski Mask, Founder and President of Ducks With Swords
Nightshade -- Do you consider that a particularly manly thing to do? Oh, you're
female, hard to tell. And that is a particularly awful shade of eyeshadow you're
wearing. It makes you look like some kind of walking dead. -- Delice the Red
Kogitsune Maru -- Ah, skills! Thank you, that is just what I wanted. -- Lethe
18 July 2003
To All Managers -- I would like to take this time to announce that my alliance, The
Association, is no more. Due to the dead weight managers of the alliance and their
lack of participation, DarkSpirit and I have formed a new alliance: The Firm. We
have taken on two members so far and are looking for a few more. If you would like
to find out more about The Firm, you can diplo Dark Spirit, Unknowns XX in arena 15
or myself, Sungod, Sadists F2FII in arena 62.
--* The Firm *--
Sungod -- Sadists F2FII -- 62
Dark Spirit -- Unknowns XX -- 15
Youngblood -- Wensinwasin -- 43
Tripwire -- Of Wolf and Man -- 1
26 July 2003
Citizens of Alastari, a bright dawn has risen. While you slept, a pernicious
force has entered the once-fair City of Aruak. It fought alongside their treasured
warriors, it drank with their fans, and it slept with their women. Now the masks are
coming off.
Warriors, be afraid...be very afraid. After years of Andorian managers ranting
that Aruak is the safest city in Alastari, the Frothingslosh Syndicate has selected
Aruak City as the home for its next epic 'contest'--Murder by Numbers II. Our spies
have selected the warriors for extermination, and the executioners have had several
months to prepare. Now a new age of darkness will descend upon Aruak, as the
Syndicate and its allies bring an entirely new level of competition to the arena!
Downchallenges! Assassinations! Small poodles as hors d'oeuvres!
The Murder by Numbers II 'rules' will be announced next cycle. However, we
invite all managers, from all corners of Alastari, to come to Aruak City and take
part...in one way or another. Help defend the honor of a long heralded haven for the
pure, or join the forces of change in their siege of the ice-cream and cake
stronghold of the Dukes of Nerf-Dueling!
This exercise is not for either the faint of heart or the weak willed. Blood
will flow, brains will leak, and beer will be chugged. Either way, we welcome you
with open arms and gleaming blades.
This public service announcement has been brought to you by Frothingslosh Epic
Contests (tm), the number 86, and the letter 'K'.
The Frothingslosh Syndicate
29 July 2003
* * * *The Third Annual Turf War* * * *
Yes, it's time again for alliances to go to war! TW3 will be held in DM 47
(North Fork) at a date to be specified later--right after Crip's Incomprehensible
Contest is over...but I'm sure everyone wants to get their teams there soon! Here
are the rules:
1. Each alliance must have a leader declare the arrival of his alliance. The leader
will be responsible for verifying any and all teams/managers who declare to the
alliance he/she is leading.
2. Each manager, team declaring for the contest must have approval of the leader,
donate one Roll-up Certificate ($5) to the prize pot (send it to me by diplo, by
snail, or a note to customer service), and declare his/her team by diplo, p-ad or
snail.
3. Each team may declare one warrior as champion. All points scored by a champ are
double!
4. Prizes are as follows (mostly...there WILL be some things added as the prize pot
grows with entry donations--this list is not final!)
* Highest scoring alliance -- Rename Arena 47 for a period of 6 months, one half
of the total prize pot donated; roll-up certs.
* The Alliance with the most returns from the DA will get to re-name the DA
monsters for a period of 6 months.
* The alliance with the most warriors listed as style masters will get to pick
the Alastari city/arena to host the next Grand Tournament.
* The warrior with the most front page honors/awards will have the Arenamaster
named after him for a period of 6 months.
* The Alliance with the most front page Honors/Awards will have the honor of
picking the *slow* arena to host the Fifth Annual Turf War.
* The team with the most listings as Style Master will find out the favorites of
one of their warriors.
* The warrior with the most listings as Style Master will fight at my expense
for five turns (I will transfer to the manager's account).
* The Alliance with the most kills will be able to re-name the stand-in warriors
for a period of 6 months.
* The warrior that scores the most total points will fight at my expense for 5
turns (I will transfer $7.50 to the manager's account).
* The team that scores the most total points will receive an extra share of
roll-up certs from the prize pot.
There may be more categories to come, and the prize pot still has to be
divided...I'm open to category/prize ideas--and further donations to the prize pot.
The contest will run for *TEN* turns; prizes will be awarded at the end of the
11th turn.
Scoring will be as follows:
* 5 points per fight, doubled for each of the following conditions met:
-- Two Alliance -- Champion
-- Challenge -- Two Champions
-- Bloodfeud -- Challenger losing
-- Kill
(Note: DA losses are exempt, but DA wins will be *tripled*!!! Ex: Happy
Slasher goes to the DA and dies, no points are lost. If he wins, his team scores 60
points! If he was a champ, he scores 120 points!)
Use the following chart to calculate scores:
Conditions Met: 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7
Points Per Fight: 5 10 20 40 80 160 320 640
* Awards/Honors and Style Masters will each be awarded points also. Find the total
number of each (do note add Awards and Style Masters together) and consult the graph
below. Champs that score an award or style master count as two.
1 -- 5 7 -- 320
2 -- 10 8 -- 640
3 -- 20 9 -- 1280
4 -- 40 10 -- 2560
5 -- 80 11 -- 5280
6 -- 100 (x2 for each extra)
Note -- These categories *count as "triple"*--they will be figured for each team,
*AND* again for each alliance *as well as* for each warrior!
* Each and every mention in the Spy Report is worth 5 points...period.
* TVs will be scored on the same scale as Awards/Style Masters, but the total points
will be x10. TC's will be scored as TV's, but x10 more.
Number of TV/TC's Points Scored (TV/TC)
1 50/ 500
2 100/1000
3 200/2000
4 400/4000
+ x2/ x2 (for each extra)
Each alliance will start with 5000 points, scores for *fights* will be added to
the winner's total *AND* deducted from the losers.
Come one and all, defend your turf and the honor of your alliance...or your
own!
Asmo Dius, TCB
Arenas, DM 47, DM 73
1 August 2003
Assurnasirbanipal invites you to Talcama to participate in the third BATTLE
ROYAL contest. It is a Delarquan contest so brutal that even some of Talcama's most
notable managers will refuse to participate. The rules are simpler than any other
contest: You may not avoid any other contest team. There are no silly rules for who
can and can't compete. Any team in Talcama is eligible to compete. The scoring is
also quite simple (+1 for a win, +1 for a kill (+1 for the win), -1 for a loss) and
the first team to reach 25 points is the winner.
Scoring will be live--the results for the turn posted in the newsletter. The
winner will be able to fight their contest team in Talcama for free for 6 months but
more importantly will win a contest against some of the best managers who play the
game in one of the hardest contests in the game.
First turn for BATTLE ROYAL 3 is Talcama Turn 465, which is due August 30.
LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS
UU DOEWANAKNO devastated BLACK RHINO in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge fight.
SORROW lost to KAIDEN in a action packed 1 minute Challenge Title battle.
CAFFIENE ACHIEVER demolished ABOUT YOUR CAR... in a 1 minute uneven Challenge fight.
SPAZ GHOST overpowered STRONGEST #3 in a 3 minute one-sided Challenge fight.
OBSESSED AVENGER devastated W.T. POOH in a 5 minute one-sided Challenge duel.
QUEEN AMAZONIA was devastated by QRAPPY in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge competition.
HAPPY JACK slimly lost to TALOS in a action packed 3 minute Challenge melee.
VAL BEMERIKI vanquished BUBBLES in a action packed 1 minute one-sided Challenge duel.
ROGAN was overpowered by AVARICIOUS AVON in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge fight.
ISAWA TADAKA overpowered BEER GOGGLES in a 2 minute brutal one-sided Challenge fight.
FILI LIU devastated ANDAR in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge conflict.
GWYN AP NUDD demolished ODEN WARFIEND in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge match.
FOREVER MAN was viciously subdued by MEN IN BLACK in a 5 minute Challenge conflict.
ONE A DAY won victory over MOD COD in a 2 minute Challenge bout.
FUNKY ELVIS was devastated by GREASESPOT in a 1 minute uneven Challenge duel.
PREACHER narrowly defeated OURS ROUGE in a crowd pleasing 3 minute Challenge brawl.
FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE was overpowered by SKI MASK in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge bout.
NEVERMORE overpowered TORATORATORRES in a 1 minute gory one-sided Challenge bout.
50 SUCKS was handily defeated by EMERALD DRAGONFLY in a 1 minute competition.
DIRT WORM was defeated by HUNGRY HAROLD in a exciting 6 minute duel.
R'SHANN overpowered LUDO in a action packed 4 minute bloody uneven fray.
ROLEX WATCH defeated MASHER in a popular 1 minute match.
SIR CUITOUS defeated HOT HAZEL in a exciting 4 minute gory duel.
HALLIE O'DENE lost to TICKLES in a popular 1 minute fight.
THE RED SPARROW demolished LOOMING BIRD in a action packed 2 minute one-sided melee.
SPAZZ was narrowly defeated by DELICE THE RED in a exciting 2 minute fray.
KYLIE was overcome by PARADISE PARROT in a exciting 4 minute duel.
COM DOT overpowered LIGHTNING in a action packed 1 minute uneven fight.
CRUSADER LORD was overpowered by STARBUCK in a popular 1 minute one-sided match.
BUDDERCUP was overpowered by NINJA FERD in a 2 minute one-sided bout.
CARRIE NATION was beaten by XISS in a 2 minute brutal fray.
MUMMY was devastated by GLORY HOLE in a 1 minute one-sided duel.
KOGITSUNE MARU was devastated by KOOKABURRA in a 1 minute one-sided battle.
MIGHTY MITE bested NO CHASER in a action packed 2 minute bout.
TSUNAMI overpowered LAKE SAILOR in a crowd pleasing 1 minute one-sided match.
LETHE was demolished by GAR & BRILL in a 1 minute one-sided duel.
SULTAN overpowered CROW in a 1 minute one-sided duel.
SIR VILE handily defeated LYTA ALEXANDER in a 1 minute mismatched match.
AVALANCHE viciously subdued NASTY NITTERS in a popular 1 minute brutal match.
LUNA TYCK slimly lost to BABOO in a crowd pleasing 7 minute brutal duel.
TUTANKHAMUN handily defeated LAKE SAILOR in a popular 1 minute bloody mismatched duel.
BATTLE REPORT
MOST POPULAR RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS
|FIGHTING STYLE FIGHTS FIGHTING STYLE W - L - K PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK 22 LUNGING ATTACK 95 - 73 - 1 57 |
|STRIKING ATTACK 13 WALL OF STEEL 66 - 52 - 0 56 |
|BASHING ATTACK 10 PARRY-STRIKE 27 - 22 - 0 55 |
|WALL OF STEEL 10 PARRY-LUNGE 26 - 23 - 0 53 |
|TOTAL PARRY 7 TOTAL PARRY 52 - 47 - 0 53 |
|PARRY-LUNGE 6 SLASHING ATTACK 24 - 27 - 2 47 |
|PARRY-STRIKE 3 STRIKING ATTACK 52 - 62 - 1 46 |
|AIMED BLOW 3 PARRY-RIPOSTE 4 - 6 - 0 40 |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE 2 BASHING ATTACK 45 - 72 - 0 38 |
|SLASHING ATTACK 2 AIMED BLOW 13 - 24 - 0 35 |
Turn 356 was great if you Not so great if you used The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles: the fighting styles: top eleven warriors are:
PARRY-RIPOSTE 2 - 0 WALL OF STEEL 4 - 6 3 WALL OF STEEL
PARRY-LUNGE 5 - 1 STRIKING ATTACK 4 - 9 2 LUNGING ATTACK
TOTAL PARRY 5 - 2 AIMED BLOW 0 - 3 2 STRIKING ATTACK
PARRY-STRIKE 2 - 1 2 TOTAL PARRY
LUNGING ATTACK 11 - 11 1 SLASHING ATTACK
SLASHING ATTACK 1 - 1 1 PARRY-STRIKE
BASHING ATTACK 5 - 5
TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE
FIGHTING STYLE WARRIOR W L K PNTS TEAM NAME
LUNGING ATTACK KAIDEN 35-3108 71 73 2 291 VIOLENT FEMS (972)
SLASHING ATTACK EMERALD DRAGONFLY 60-2586 58 58 2 225 MAGICK (955)
PARRY-STRIKE R'SHANN 20-577 44 34 3 224 OVERLORDS (30)
TOTAL PARRY SPAZ GHOST 47-4161 38 18 1 206 DRAKE'S COMICS (1112)
STRIKING ATTACK CAFFIENE ACHIEVER 15-2429 35 37 4 206 DRAKE'S BAR-B-Q (313)
WALL OF STEEL ROLEX WATCH 32-3732 39 28 0 200 LUST MUPPETS (1099)
BASHING ATTACK ABOUT YOUR CAR... 78-778 97 132 6 185 BAD NEWS (640)
PARRY-LUNGE PARADISE PARROT 71-1735 27 25 0 143 EDGE OF EXTINCTION (973)
AIMED BLOW HALLIE O'DENE 58-6018 38 54 0 134 CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093)
PARRY-RIPOSTE XISS 11-1305 23 26 4 81 U.B.O.S.M. (1184)
The overall popularity leader is ABOUT YOUR CAR... 78-778. The most popular warrior
this turn was HOT HAZEL 98-608. The ten other most popular fighters were LUNA TYCK
33-5761, OBSESSED AVENGER 15-2162, R'SHANN 20-577, PARADISE PARROT 71-1735, HAPPY
JACK 19-4086, OURS ROUGE 3-6049, DELICE THE RED 56-3401, KYLIE 18-6057, TICKLES
9-3486, and SPAZZ 33-6207.
The least popular fighter this week was LYTA ALEXANDER 65-5021. The other ten least
popular fighters were LETHE 9-4782, KOGITSUNE MARU 1-5298, MUMMY 99-853,
TORATORATORRES 11-726, FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE 98-809, FUNKY ELVIS 30-2754, FOREVER MAN
38-4168, ANDAR 11-1038, BLACK RHINO 71-1834, and NASTY NITTERS 63-2383.
Arena (Number) W L K Arena (Number) W L K Arena (Number) W L K
MORDANT(1) 1 2 0 CHIMLEVTAL(31) 1 1 0 ARADI(60) 3 4 0
NIANIA(2) 1 0 0 ARVAT(32) 1 1 0 AMEN-TEI(63) 1 1 0
OSKSI(3) 0 1 0 NIYTYOLE ISLAND(33) 1 5 0 KURUKAR(64) 0 1 0
TRANSEL(6) 1 0 0 MURSKA(35) 1 0 0 DAL SHANG(65) 1 1 0
BONSUR(7) 2 0 0 CLIFFHOME(38) 1 1 0 KYR'TERR(71) 2 1 0
ZUKAL(9) 1 1 0 ZENSU(40) 0 1 0 ERINIKA(73) 1 0 0
KOLACT(10) 4 0 0 KATI-TEI(41) 1 0 0 DAIYLA KIV(74) 1 0 0
ARUAK CITY(11) 1 3 0 NORTH FORK(47) 1 0 0 JADE MOUNTAIN(75) 2 0 0
RIZTAB(12) 0 2 0 VITHICAR(49) 1 0 0 LIN TIRIAN(78) 0 1 0
MALCORN(15) 2 0 0 TRICORUS(51) 1 0 0 DWES EG(82) 1 2 0
TALCAMA(18) 0 2 0 KHALANI(55) 0 1 0 SHADOW GROVE(97) 0 1 0
ZUWAYZA(19) 0 1 0 ROCANIS(56) 1 0 0 SYVYN'S HILL(98) 2 2 0
SEAM(20) 1 0 0 DELARQ TOR(58) 1 1 0 SOUTH RIDGE(99) 0 1 0
IAYE(30) 0 1 0
TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
SORROW 1-2863 28 22 2 195 SWEORDMASTERS (1210) MORDANT
FILI LIU 2-4968 18 16 0 60 RESURRECTION (1065) NIANIA
OURS ROUGE 3-6049 16 22 1 62 THE REDBAERS (1180) OSKSI
STARBUCK 6-5387 23 14 0 124 SCIENCE FICTION (1152) TRANSEL
ISAWA TADAKA 7-5093 20 4 0 92 CALL TO THUNDER (1217) BONSUR
TICKLES 9-3486 34 52 1 147 MY PETS (554) ZUKAL
SIR CUITOUS 10-4514 36 20 0 197 SIR AGLIO (788) KOLACT
XISS 11-1305 23 26 4 81 U.B.O.S.M. (1184) ARUAK CITY
BUBBLES 12-4981 23 38 1 116 POWERPUFF GIRLS (1145) RIZTAB
CAFFIENE ACHIEVER 15-2429 35 37 4 206 DRAKE'S BAR-B-Q (313) MALCORN
LUDO 18-708 51 58 2 187 THUNDR + LITENING (222) TALCAMA
HAPPY JACK 19-4086 34 23 2 142 THE MOTHERSHIP (1148) ZUWAYZA
R'SHANN 20-577 44 34 3 224 OVERLORDS (30) SEAM
FUNKY ELVIS 30-2754 15 12 0 55 TRIP OUT (1216) IAYE
TALOS 31-2069 41 17 0 156 THE STORMGUARDS (132) CHIMLEVTAL
ROLEX WATCH 32-3732 39 28 0 200 LUST MUPPETS (1099) ARVAT
W.T. POOH 33-4430 54 39 0 153 SNOTZI'S II (813) NIYTYOLE ISLAND
KAIDEN 35-3108 71 73 2 291 VIOLENT FEMS (972) MURSKA
GAR & BRILL 38-4252 17 17 0 73 JUST BECAUSE (1228) CLIFFHOME
STRONGEST #3 40-173 44 85 1 189 SOLARAN BERSERK (949) ZENSU
GWYN AP NUDD 41-1210 18 2 0 80 CAER SIDHE (1218) KATI-TEI
SPAZ GHOST 47-4161 38 18 1 206 DRAKE'S COMICS (1112) NORTH FORK
MEN IN BLACK 49-3157 42 89 1 83 RPG'S (697) VITHICAR
VAL BEMERIKI 51-5018 34 24 3 135 GENOCIDE (1109) TRICORUS
MOD COD 55-2638 37 70 1 38 RHYME TYME (449) KHALANI
DELICE THE RED 56-3401 37 42 1 152 BAD APPLES (1091) ROCANIS
HALLIE O'DENE 58-6018 38 54 0 134 CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093) DELARQ TOR
EMERALD DRAGONFLY 60-2586 58 58 2 225 MAGICK (955) ARADI
AVARICIOUS AVON 63-2388 19 16 0 75 TOMATO ENFORCER (1193) AMEN-TEI
CARRIE NATION 64-4054 31 63 0 70 REFORMERS (1095) KURUKAR
COM DOT 65-6217 35 20 0 140 TOO GOOD FOR ME (1054) DAL SHANG
BLACK RHINO 71-1834 34 23 1 150 EDGE OF EXTINCTION (973) KYR'TERR
UU DOEWANAKNO 73-1414 20 5 1 173 DRAKE'S LODGE (1206) ERINIKA
BABOO 74-2711 40 89 0 63 WILD AMINALS (635) DAIYLA KIV
TSUNAMI 75-2214 17 2 1 90 FORCE OF NATURE (747) JADE MOUNTAIN
ABOUT YOUR CAR... 78-778 97 132 6 185 BAD NEWS (640) LIN TIRIAN
DIRT WORM 82-2315 52 23 0 196 VERMIN!! (1124) DWES EG
ROGAN 97-980 5 11 4 35 BLIND LUCK (1183) SHADOW GROVE
HOT HAZEL 98-608 16 22 4 164 JUNKYARD WARS (1140) SYVYN'S HILL
MUMMY 99-853 7 4 5 16 IKER'S CORPSES (1225) SOUTH RIDGE