ADVANCED DUELMASTERS

Date   : 02/11/2004    Duedate: 02/24/2004

HOME GUARD

DM-101    TURN-369

RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %  RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %
  1 COLLEGE RADI 98/1223  117   63  0 65.0      JOYS OF BOOZE 33/1209                 
  2 4-LETTER ANX 82/1271  238  182  1 56.7    8 OVERLORDS 20/30       116  120  1 49.2
    ORGANS ON THE SAND 97/1273                  THE STORMGUARDS 31/132                
    WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY 82/1274              9-DRAKE'S BAR-B 15/313  155  168  5 48.0
    ORGAN ON THE SANDS 96/1272               10 NINJAS 7/1060         157  181  1 46.4
  3 MAGICK 60/955         491  399  4 55.2      FROM THE FACE 18/1265                 
    AND SO IT BEGINS 65/1062                    SCIENCE FICTION 6/1152                
    FORCE OF NATURE 75/747                      RESURRECTION 2/1065                   
    CARTOUCHE 71/1111                        11 VIOLENT FEMS 35/972   381  508  9 42.9
    ALL THAT SLITHERS 65/1176                   JUST BECAUSE 38/1228                  
    EDGE OF EXTINCTION 71/973                12 HARLEQUINS 2/1186      67  100  2 40.1
  4 QUBIT 10/1136         695  571  4 54.9      WAR HAWKS 10/1026                     
    VERMIN!! 82/1124                         13 MY PETS 9/554         444  709 11 38.5
    TRIPLE CROWN 15/990                         GIRL SCOUT COOKIES 33/812             
    JOKA MASHER! 60/833                         RHYME TYME 55/449                     
    SIR AGLIO 10/788                         14 BLUE MOON 9/1025      412  706  3 36.9
    VERMIN! 82/1267                             BAD APPLES 56/1091                    
    SNOTZI'S II 33/813                          REFORMERS 64/1095                     
    JOKA MASHER 82/917                          CIRQUE DU MASQUES 58/1093             
  5-ANARCHY 19/1151        19   18  0 51.4   15 SUPERIOR KIL 98/1229   10   18  1 35.7
    INDIFFERENCE 7/1250                         SHAO-LIN HEROES 14/1253               
    INSIGNIFICANCE 74/1266                   16 U.B.O.S.M. 11/1184     27   51  1 34.6
  6 SWEORDMASTERS 1/1210   46   47  0 49.5   17 TOWNSVILLAIN 10/1252   18   34  0 34.6
    BATHTUB ARMADA 7/1196                       POWERPUFF GIRLS 12/1145               
    MANNEQUIN'S BEST 1/1227                  18 IKER'S CORPS 99/1225    4    8  0 33.3
    SUGAR AND SPICE 7/1231                   19 MY DRUGS 98/1222       10   21  0 32.3
  7 EMETICS 45/1242        35   36  0 49.3   20 WIDOWMAKERS 43/1275     1    0  0  100
    BUMS 'R' US 60/1142                      21 AMERICAN APPR 3/1268    1    1  0 50.0

    '##/###' Avoid teams by their Team Id     '-'  Team did not fight this turn

                             REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER

     Debby can't believe the violence here in Home Guard.  Hey, it's an arena.  
Violence is what we do.  It'd be okay if we did MORE of it, but it is, without 
question, what we do.
     So let's take a look at just exactly what we DID do this week.
     Ninjas were avoided by Bathtub Armada.  So which team is the one that's the 
formidable opponent in the bathtub?  This has always confused me.  Unless, of course, 
one team includes rabid rubber duckies.
     Qrappy got the most challenges.
     Thirty-six fights, of which eleven were challenge matches, of which one was a TV 
challenge.  The longest fight was nine minutes, which is almost something or other.  
Two standbys fought, and nobody died.

     SKI MASK (58-5869) (32-53-0,89) of CIRQUE DU MASQUES fought MARY RETZLAFF (3-
6119) (16-21-1,41) of AMERICAN APPRAISAL.  SKI MASK was viciously subdued by MARY 
RETZLAFF in a 2 minute brutal battle.  This is going to be one angry duck, folks, so 
steer clear.  You know what mad ducks can be like!
     CORAL SNAKE (65-5017) (15-8-0,67) of ALL THAT SLITHERS fought LETHE (9-4782) 
(28-24-2,50) of BLUE MOON.  CORAL SNAKE devastated LETHE in a 1 minute one-sided 
duel.  Beautiful and dangerous, that's Coral Snake.  What a glamorous spy that Snake 
would make!
     CREDIT LINE (82-1366) (0-1-0,8) of WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY fought QUIBBLE (10-4756) 
(19-38-0,79) of QUBIT.   CREDIT LINE was overcome by QUIBBLE in a 1 minute match.  
Ah, I've seen THIS happen lots of times!  Usually to mine, but all gladiators are at 
risk in THIS way.  Occupational hazard, you know.
     FEAR (82-10416) (13-24-1,48) of 4-LETTER ANXIETY fought SWORDBREAKER (43-1087) 
(25-14-0,89) of WIDOWMAKERS.  FEAR was overpowered by SWORDBREAKER in a 1 minute one-
sided bout.  And what is Fear DOING here, with only thirteen wins, eh?  That's what 
Inquiring Minds want to know!  Are we looking at a sandbagger, or dead tourney 
graduate, or what?
     DITCH RAT (82-15360) (19-17-3,87) of VERMIN! fought GAR & BRILL (38-4252) (21-
25-0,52) of JUST BECAUSE.  DITCH RAT demolished GAR & BRILL in a 1 minute one-sided 
fight.  Rats live in ditches?  This is news to me, I thought they lived in apartment 
houses, tenements, places like that.
     GLORY HOLE (98-870) (7-15-4,66) of SUPERIOR KILLS fought LYTA ALEXANDER (65-
5021) (17-9-0,79) of AND SO IT BEGINS.  GLORY HOLE was handily defeated by LYTA 
ALEXANDER in a 1 minute one-sided fight.  No glory in the hole today.  Not that I'd 
keep glory in a hole if I had some handy, but there's no accounting for tastes.
     MUMMY (99-853) (10-11-5,75) of IKER'S CORPSES fought KIDNEY (96-972) (9-2-3,60) 
of ORGAN ON THE SANDS.  MUMMY overpowered KIDNEY in a 1 minute uneven fight.  A 
prelude, no doubt, to Mummy making stake and kidnye pie for all.
     SPUTTER (82-15095) (24-11-1,93) of JOKA MASHER fought LORETTA (101-8) (0-0-
0,110) of Local Louts.  SPUTTER handily defeated LORETTA in a 2 minute one-sided 
duel.  This may have been handy for Sputter, but I warn you that Loretta has friends!  
Yes, unlikely though that may seem, Loretta the Standby has friends!
     XISS (11-1305) (25-35-4,91) of U.B.O.S.M. fought QUONSET (10-4990) (22-13-0,68) 
of QUBIT.  XISS luckily beat QUONSET in an exciting 1 minute fray.  Would the winner 
of this fight care to post his or her name with a phonetic spelling?  It boggles my 
imagination, and that sort of thing makes my head ache.
     W.T. POOH (33-4430) (61-44-0,137) of SNOTZI'S II fought NINJA FERD (101-30) (0-
0-0,130) of Local Louts.  W.T. POOH was outwaited by NINJA FERD in an action packed 9 
minute gruesome bout.  Our longest fight, and no surprise here.  We all know that a 
Bear of Little Brain has, in compensation, a LOT of patience.  Not that nine minutes 
is so gosh-awful long as to require a LOT of patience.
     BEER GOGGLES (33-6819) (25-20-1,132) of JOYS OF BOOZE fought ODEN WARFIEND (11-
1335) (27-26-3,104) of U.B.O.S.M.  BEER GOGGLES was overpowered by ODEN WARFIEND in a 
1 minute one-sided bout.  Some people just have no sense of humor.
     TUTANKHAMUN (71-3357) (22-12-0,117) of CARTOUCHE fought TUM (18-7380) (17-13-
2,113) of FROM THE FACE.  TUTANKHAMUN beat TUM in an action packed 1 minute fight.  I 
could make a couple of puns on this, but they've been baned in three languages.  Oh, 
well.
     BLACK RHINO (71-1834) (39-30-1,129) of EDGE OF EXTINCTION fought ANDAR (11-1038) 
(21-20-1,144) of U.B.O.S.M.  BLACK RHINO savagely defeated ANDAR in a popular 1 
minute gruesome fight.  Ah, an anti-extinction match!  Good going, Rhino.  Look up 
your nose at him, too.
     MOD COD (55-2638) (45-74-1,147) of RHYME TYME fought SIR VILE (10-4754) (22-20-
1,100) of SIR AGLIO.  MOD COD handily defeated SIR VILE in a 1 minute one-sided 
contest.  Oh, the horror of it, slapped silly by a fish!  So, er, fishy.
     CARRIE NATION (64-4054) (40-66-0,114) of REFORMERS fought IPECAC (45-3625) (18-
9-0,103) of EMETICS.  CARRIE NATION was demolished by IPECAC in an action packed 1 
minute uneven bout.  That'd do it.  Especially on an empty stomach.
     BUDDERCUP (60-5967) (28-26-0,127) of BUMS 'R' US fought KOOKABURRA (33-4151) 
(45-61-2,103) of GIRL SCOUT COOKIES.  BUDDERCUP narrowly defeated KOOKABURRA in a 2 
minute gruesome fight.  Aren't we every going to get some OTHER kind of cookies?  I 
like Thin Mints, myself.
     TORATORATORRES (11-726) (25-27-0,170) of U.B.O.S.M. fought AVALANCHE (75-2213) 
(24-5-1,150) of FORCE OF NATURE.  TORATORATORRES defeated AVALANCHE in a crowd 
pleasing 2 minute bloody conflict.  What you need to beat Toratoratorres is a 
matamatamatadory.  It's a kind of boat.  You row it.
     HALLIE O'DENE (58-6018) (45-59-0,154) of CIRQUE DU MASQUES fought TICKLES (9-
3486) (37-61-1,112) of MY PETS.  HALLIE O'DENE was overpowered by TICKLES in a 2 
minute one-sided bout.  You wouldn't think a Delarquan would be so sensitive, would 
you?  But she's an elf.  That probably has a lot to do with it.
     WURP (10-18) (47-54-1,198) of WAR HAWKS fought KRAC D'CHEVALIERS (31-4345) (18-
20-0,156) of THE STORMGUARDS.  WURP defeated KRAC D'CHEVALIERS in an exciting 1 
minute bout.  And, after all, what is experience for, eh?
     TALOS (31-2069) (47-23-0,190) of THE STORMGUARDS fought DELICE THE RED (56-3401) 
(42-49-1,168) of BAD APPLES.  TALOS bested DELICE THE RED in a crowd pleasing 3 
minute brawl.  I'm surprised this match lasted so long.  It's not like besting a red 
delicious apple is hard, after all: lots of apples can do it.  Most of them, in fact.
     STARBUCK (6-5387) (31-18-0,197) of SCIENCE FICTION fought MIME (2-4966) (24-15-
4,180) of HARLEQUINS.  STARBUCK vanquished MIME in a 1 minute one-sided fray.  You 
know, it would be EASIER to come up with off-the-cuff nonsense (and I'm not even 
wearing cuffs) if we were dealing with coffee here.  Coffee just seems to INVITE 
nonsense.
     DREIHDENSMURF (11-4821) (26-15-0,204) of U.B.O.S.M. fought 50 SUCKS (60-4129) 
(57-34-0,199) of JOKA MASHER!.  DREIHDENSMURF was vanquished by 50 SUCKS in a 2 
minute mismatched bout.  And a good thing, too.  A smurf by any other name is just as 
annoying, you know.
     SUMTHING PAINFUL (11-4735) (22-23-0,192) of U.B.O.S.M. fought KAIDEN (35-3108) 
(79-77-2,174) of VIOLENT FEMS.  SUMTHING PAINFUL was beaten by KAIDEN in a crowd 
pleasing 1 minute gory conflict.  "Gory," eh?  Is this the beginning of another 
episode of violence from this particularly violent femme?
     ONE A DAY (98-799) (16-11-3,196) of MY DRUGS fought SPAZZ (33-6207) (39-30-
0,182) of SNOTZI'S II.  ONE A DAY bested SPAZZ in an exciting 4 minute bloody battle.  
And imagine what One could've done if it'd been TWO a Day!  Why, it might have taken 
EIGHT minutes to win.
     MASHER (60-4553) (39-36-3,194) of JOKA MASHER! fought R'SHANN (20-577) (51-39-
3,198) of OVERLORDS.  MASHER was subdued by R'SHANN in a crowd pleasing 1 minute 
competition.  We warned you about thos mash notes, Masher.  Some people just do NOT 
take them with a laugh.

     And the challenge matches:
     RAISON D'ETRE (7-5311) (16-15-3,66) of BATHTUB ARMADA challenged SATOSHI KUNO 
(7-5229) (17-11-0,69) of NINJAS.  Up 3.  RAISON D'ETRE savagely defeated SATOSHI KUNO 
in a 2 minute brutal Challenge fight.  Aha!  A savage member of the Bathtub Armada 
has GOT to be the "formidable opponent in the bathtub"!  I'm really glad to have this 
worked out.
     NUTMEG (7-5167) (18-13-1,85) of SUGAR AND SPICE challenged SABLE (2-4950) (27-
17-2,97) of HARLEQUINS.  Up 12.  NUTMEG was narrowly defeated by SABLE in an exciting 
2 minute gruesome Challenge fight.  So are we holding a cookery class here, or doing 
up a cloak in furs?  Hmm, I suppose since it was Sable who won, it's the cookery 
class.  Ground Nutmeg and so on.
     CIARAN (1-7176) (17-10-1,59) of MANNEQUIN'S BEST challenged JAKUCHU ITO (7-5102) 
(18-13-0,58) of NINJAS.  Down 1.  CIARAN was vanquished by JAKUCHU ITO in a 1 minute 
uneven Challenge fight.  What can I do with names like that?  And they haven't 
written a personal lately (that I've noticed and remembered), so I can't take off 
from that.  Oh, well.
     FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE (98-809) (11-11-4,62) of COLLEGE RADIO challenged PUTZ'N 
ALONG (60-5437) (28-23-0,97) of JOKA MASHER!.  Up 35.  FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE viciously 
subdued PUTZ'N ALONG in a 4 minute Challenge melee.  I don't know about this.  Is it 
RIGHT for somebody like Putz'n to be vicious?  It seems out of character.
     MORADOR (2-5089) (17-7-0,46) of RESURRECTION challenged HIGH GUN (15-4386) (15-
21-1,37) of TRIPLE CROWN.  Down 9.  MORADOR was devastated by HIGH GUN in a 1 minute 
one-sided Challenge competition.  Guns in the arena, whatever next?
     KOGITSUNE MARU (1-5298) (23-18-1,84) of SWEORDMASTERS challenged ANGAR (10-4933) 
(21-17-1,100) of WAR HAWKS.  Up 16.  KOGITSUNE MARU was devastated by ANGAR in a 1 
minute one-sided Challenge duel.  Anger can be devastating, sure enough, so what 
difference does it make if it's spelled a little differently?  Dangerous stuff.
     LIBERTY BELLE (12-5448) (23-28-0,125) of POWERPUFF GIRLS challenged JUGGLER (2-
4965) (25-15-0,141) of HARLEQUINS.  Up 16.  LIBERTY BELLE overpowered JUGGLER in a 1 
minute mismatched Challenge match.  Sonic shock or something.  For a while there, it 
was raining oranges.  And eggs.
     BUBBLES (12-4981) (25-48-1,180) of POWERPUFF GIRLS challenged EMERALD DRAGONFLY 
(60-2586) (67-61-2,193) of MAGICK.  Up 13.  BUBBLES was bested by EMERALD DRAGONFLY 
in a popular 1 minute Challenge contest.  That's a typo, you know.  It should read: 
Bubbles was busted.  Popped, blown away, stuff like that.  It's hard being a fragile 
bubble in the arena.
     MOJO JOJO (10-4643) (29-28-2,172) of TOWNSVILLAINS challenged QRAPPY (10-4761) 
(38-49-1,182) of QUBIT.  Up 10.  MOJO JOJO was viciously subdued by QRAPPY in a 
popular 3 minute Challenge match.  Ah.  Most Challenged Mis Named Qrappy, yes.

     And our lone TV challenge:  ISHINOMORI (7-5390) (17-6-1,81) of NINJAS TV 
challenged HEART (97-1096) (6-5-4,34) of ORGANS ON THE SAND.  Down 47.  ISHINOMORI 
devastated HEART in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge fight.  Yes, well, that's what 
ninjas do.  Devastating.  Like assassins.

     And for the title (at least, I think this will result in something to do with 
the title):  CRUSADER LORD (31-3946) (38-27-4,402) of THE STORMGUARDS challenged DIRT 
WORM (82-2315) (59-28-0,208) of VERMIN!!  Down 196.  CRUSADER LORD lost to DIRT WORM 
in a 2 minute Challenge Title battle.  A good try, Crusader Lord, and no, I have no 
idea what was going on before.  Nobody tells me stuff like that.

                                        Olaf Modeen

CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD          W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 DIRT WORM 82-2315           60  28  0  220  VERMIN!! (1124)            DWES EG

GRAND CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 50 SUCKS 60-4129            58  34  0  217  JOKA MASHER! (833)         ARADI

GRAND CHAMPIONS               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 STARBUCK 6-5387             32  18  0  208  SCIENCE FICTION (1152)     TRANSEL
 R'SHANN 20-577              52  39  3  205  OVERLORDS (30)             SEAM
 CRUSADER LORD 31-3946       38  28  4  204  THE STORMGUARDS (132)      CHIMLEVTAL
 WURP 10-18                  48  54  1  200  WAR HAWKS (1026)           KOLACT
 EMERALD DRAGONFLY 60-2586   68  61  2  195  MAGICK (955)               ARADI
 MASHER 60-4553              39  37  3  193  JOKA MASHER! (833)         ARADI
 TALOS 31-2069               48  23  0  192  THE STORMGUARDS (132)      CHIMLEVTAL
 KAIDEN 35-3108              80  77  2  191  VIOLENT FEMS (972)         MURSKA
 QRAPPY 10-4761              39  49  1  186  QUBIT (1136)               KOLACT
 SPAZZ 33-6207               39  31  0  186  SNOTZI'S II (813)          NIYTYOLE ISLAND

GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS       W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 BUBBLES 12-4981             25  49  1  180  POWERPUFF GIRLS (1145)     RIZTAB
 DELICE THE RED 56-3401      42  50  1  178  BAD APPLES (1091)          ROCANIS
 MIME 2-4966                 24  16  4  178  HARLEQUINS (1186)          NIANIA
 MOJO JOJO 10-4643           29  29  2  171  TOWNSVILLAINS (1252)       KOLACT
 KRAC D'CHEVALIERS 31-4345   18  21  0  162  THE STORMGUARDS (132)      CHIMLEVTAL

GRAND ADEPTS                  W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 AVALANCHE 75-2213           24   6  1  150  FORCE OF NATURE (747)      JADE MOUNTAIN
 MOD COD 55-2638             46  74  1  149  RHYME TYME (449)           KHALANI
 LIBERTY BELLE 12-5448       24  28  0  148  POWERPUFF GIRLS (1145)     RIZTAB
 BLACK RHINO 71-1834         40  30  1  144  EDGE OF EXTINCTION (973)   KYR'TERR
 TICKLES 9-3486              38  61  1  144  MY PETS (554)              ZUKAL
 W.T. POOH 33-4430           61  45  0  131  SNOTZI'S II (813)          NIYTYOLE ISLAND
 BUDDERCUP 60-5967           29  26  0  129  BUMS 'R' US (1142)         ARADI
-HYSTERIAS 19-4047           27  29  3  128  ANARCHY (1151)             ZUWAYZA
 TUTANKHAMUN 71-3357         23  12  0  124  CARTOUCHE (1111)           KYR'TERR
 HALLIE O'DENE 58-6018       45  60  0  123  CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093)   DELARQ TOR
 JUGGLER 2-4965              25  16  0  123  HARLEQUINS (1186)          NIANIA
-GAMBLE 7-4884               18   8  2  122  INDIFFERENCE (1250)        BONSUR
 IPECAC 45-3625              19   9  0  120  EMETICS (1242)             STORMCROWE
 SPUTTER 82-15095            25  11  1  113  JOKA MASHER (917)          DWES EG
 TUM 18-7380                 17  14  2  112  FROM THE FACE (1265)       TALCAMA
 ANGAR 10-4933               22  17  1  110  WAR HAWKS (1026)           KOLACT

GRAND ADEPTS                  W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 BEER GOGGLES 33-6819        25  21  1  109  JOYS OF BOOZE (1209)       NIYTYOLE ISLAND
 KOOKABURRA 33-4151          45  62  2  106  GIRL SCOUT COOKIES (812)   NIYTYOLE ISLAND
 SABLE 2-4950                28  17  2  103  HARLEQUINS (1186)          NIANIA
 CARRIE NATION 64-4054       40  67  0  101  REFORMERS (1095)           KURUKAR

GRAND CHALLENGER INITIATES    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 SIR VILE 10-4754            22  21  1  100  SIR AGLIO (788)            KOLACT
 SWORDBREAKER 43-1087        26  14  0   91  WIDOWMAKERS (1275)         VEASTIAN
 FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE 98-809   12  11  4   91  COLLEGE RADIO (1223)       SYVYN'S HILL

GRAND INITIATES               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
-FILI LIU 2-4968             23  22  0   89  RESURRECTION (1065)        NIANIA
 DITCH RAT 82-15360          20  17  3   89  VERMIN! (1267)             DWES EG
 NUTMEG 7-5167               18  14  1   89  SUGAR AND SPICE (1231)     BONSUR
 LYTA ALEXANDER 65-5021      18   9  0   87  AND SO IT BEGINS (1062)    DAL SHANG
 MUMMY 99-853                11  11  5   85  IKER'S CORPSES (1225)      SOUTH RIDGE
 ISHINOMORI 7-5390           18   6  1   83  NINJAS (1060)              BONSUR
 QUIBBLE 10-4756             20  38  0   81  QUBIT (1136)               KOLACT
 KOGITSUNE MARU 1-5298       23  19  1   79  SWEORDMASTERS (1210)       MORDANT
 RAISON D'ETRE 7-5311        17  15  3   77  BATHTUB ARMADA (1196)      BONSUR
 CORAL SNAKE 65-5017         16   8  0   76  ALL THAT SLITHERS (1176)   DAL SHANG
 PUTZ'N ALONG 60-5437        28  24  0   75  JOKA MASHER! (833)         ARADI
 JAKUCHU ITO 7-5102          19  13  0   74  NINJAS (1060)              BONSUR
 MARY RETZLAFF 3-6119        17  21  1   71  AMERICAN APPRAISAL (1268)  OSKSI
-SPONGEBOB 6-5460            20   9  1   70  BATTLE BEASTS (1235)       TRANSEL
 QUONSET 10-4990             22  14  0   69  QUBIT (1136)               KOLACT
 SATOSHI KUNO 7-5229         17  12  0   63  NINJAS (1060)              BONSUR
-GROUND POUNDER 74-3058      14  12  1   62  INSIGNIFICANCE (1266)      DAIYLA KIV
 SKI MASK 58-5869            32  54  0   61  CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093)   DELARQ TOR
 HIGH GUN 15-4386            16  21  1   57  TRIPLE CROWN (990)         MALCORN
 KIDNEY 96-972                9   3  3   54  ORGAN ON THE SANDS (1272)  OLD VALAMANTIS
-BIG RED 2-5080              16   5  0   53  BIG COUNTRY (1270)         NIANIA
 GAR & BRILL 38-4252         21  26  0   52  JUST BECAUSE (1228)        CLIFFHOME
 FEAR 82-10416               13  25  1   51  4-LETTER ANXIETY (1271)    DWES EG
 CIARAN 1-7176               17  11  1   50  MANNEQUIN'S BEST (1227)    MORDANT
 LETHE 9-4782                28  25  2   46  BLUE MOON (1025)           ZUKAL
 HEART 97-1096                6   6  4   39  ORGANS ON THE SAND (1273)  SHADOW GROVE
 MORADOR 2-5089              17   8  0   31  RESURRECTION (1065)        NIANIA
 CREDIT LINE 82-1366          0   2  0   21  WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY (1274 DWES EG

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                    W   L  K TEAM NAME              SLAIN BY              TURN

                               PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE

Olaf Modeen, GC & Arenamaster -- Wait a minute!  I fought Emerald Dragonfly who was
clearly the Captain of the Guard on turn #367.  I defeated Emerald Dragonfly.  Olaf
congratulates me in his report on taking the title.  I walk up to receive my crown
and the GC gives it to Dirt Worm!  I am a man of discipline or I might have made a
scene.  I am sure this is an oversight, as is not ranking myself and my fellow
stablemates due to our going to the Gate and defending Ghea from Chaos.  BUT I must
protest this "oversight."  I petition the GC to do the right thing and grant me a
match with this phony Captain of the Guard, Dirt Worm. -- Lord Protector Crusader
Lord

     I have no idea what was going on, but you're probably right.  It was probably
     some sort of Chaos Contamination from the Gate. -- Olaf

Dirt Worm -- I will assume my fighting in Gateway led to my victory over Emerald
Dragonfly NOT being recognized by the admin folks.  I accuse you of no trickery but I
do not acknowledge you as our Captain of the Guard until we meet on the sands.  The
advantage is yours but fight we must! -- Crusader Lord

Sultan -- No problem and thanks. -- The Icelord (the VC is an alliance I am at war
with.)

All -- Remember you need to place your request for items juggled during our fight in
advance. -- Juggler

     Raw eggs?

Ishinomori -- You...you used your Secret Ninja Arts on me! -- Lethe
P.S.  Ouch.

Liberty Belle -- I appear to have "rung your bell," as they say.  Good try, though.
-- Hallie O'Dene

Mod Cod -- (bristling with disgust)  FISH! -- Delice the Red

Putz'n Along -- YOU!  Yes, I mean YOU, with the bloodshot eyes and the shaking hands!
Strong drink is a mocker!  Repent!  Stay sober, and your life will improve! -- Carrie
Nation

Tutankhamun -- What's the deal with all those linen bandages BEFORE the fight?  I
think that may be in VIOLATION of the accepted conventions of Dueling With Ducks! --
Ski Mask, Founder and President, Ducks With Swords
P.S.  And the remarks about Orange Sauce, there at the end, were in bad taste.
Typical mammal!

16 January 2004
                                    CHAOTIC WINDS
     Once, long ago, the four Winds of Time descended upon Alastari like a TEMPEST of
epic proportions, they slew everything within their all-encompassing reach.  They
left nothing.  In their wake lay smoldering ruins.
     In their haste they sped towards the center of this great land like a colossal
giant would step across an ocean.  The four storms picked up momentum on their way
towards each other.  A collision was eminent.
     The first storm wind, the oldest and wisest of the four was named APEXALUS.  The
second, FLAGGSTAFF, was the quickest and loudest entity ever created.  The third Wind
of Time was MATRIATIN, neither old or young, quick or slow, but fierce and feisty all
the same.  The forth wind, ASSAMITHIUS, the youngest yet most creative in its means
of destruction.
     When finally they merged at the center of ALASTARI, an incredible destructive
explosion occurred.  And when the smoke and debris cleared they were one.  CHAOS was
born.
     And Chaos spread across the diminished lands reeking havoc and doom with its
passing, and destroying allover again that which already lay in ruin.

F E A R    C H A O S    I N C.
M A T R I X

28 January 2004
All -- I send out this invitation to all teams and managers.  A new Alliance has been
formed.  The Living Essences Alliance is being formed to join forces in an effort to
eliminate common foes and to help the joined warriors grow and learn to the best of
their abilities by offering suggestions and advice.  It doesn't matter what arena
you're in, or if you're in another alliance already, as of today.  This Alliance is
open to one and all!  If you are interested in joining, please DIPLO me, or send a
personal ad to DM 93's newsletter.  If you wish to join beyond March 2004, send a PA
to DM 82.  Come join the fun! -- Dagan LifeGiver, mgr. Shadow Warriors (DM 93)

28 January 2004

This notice is to formally introduce our young alliance, CHAOS INC.  We consist of
APEX, FLAGG, MATRIX, ASSAMITE, and now RUDE BUDDHA.  If we aren't already there, we
WILL be coming to an arena near you soon!  Hope to see you all at the ZALCON II.

4 February 2004
Greeting from Jhans, DM 36 -- In 2 turns the kLk will host our first annual "St.
Valentines Day Massacre" in Jhans, arena 36.  (Kill Contest)  The contest will begin
on turn 450.  It will run for 10 turns.  On turn 461 the winners will be announced.
There will be 3 separate categories, the team with the most kills, the alliance with
the most kills, and the warrior with the most kills.  For the manager of the team
with the most kills a PRIZE of 10 ROLL-UPS will be rewarded (or $50 deposited into
his account).  No need to declare yourself in the personals.  If you are in DM 36,
you will be part of the contest whether you like it or not.  We encourage as much
trash talk as you'd like.  All teams, managers, and alliances invited.  Please
contact Polarius (mgr. of Blitzkrieg) in DM 36 with questions.  Or you can email me
at jamieptmo@hotmail.com.  Good luck and see you in the sands. -- Polarius

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

ISHINOMORI devastated HEART in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge fight.
CRUSADER LORD lost to DIRT WORM in a 2 minute Challenge Title battle.
MOJO JOJO was viciously subdued by QRAPPY in a popular 3 minute Challenge match.
BUBBLES was bested by EMERALD DRAGONFLY in a popular 1 minute Challenge contest.
LIBERTY BELLE overpowered JUGGLER in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge match.
KOGITSUNE MARU was devastated by ANGAR in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge duel.
MORADOR was devastated by HIGH GUN in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge competition.
FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE viciously subdued PUTZ'N ALONG in a 4 minute Challenge melee.
CIARAN was vanquished by JAKUCHU ITO in a 1 minute uneven Challenge fight.
NUTMEG was narrowly defeated by SABLE in a exciting 2 minute gruesome Challenge fight.
RAISON D'ETRE savagely defeated SATOSHI KUNO in a 2 minute brutal Challenge fight.
MASHER was subdued by R'SHANN in a crowd pleasing 1 minute competition.
ONE A DAY bested SPAZZ in a exciting 4 minute bloody battle.
SUMTHING PAINFUL was beaten by KAIDEN in a crowd pleasing 1 minute gory conflict.
DREIHDENSMURF was vanquished by 50 SUCKS in a 2 minute mismatched bout.
STARBUCK vanquished MIME in a 1 minute one-sided fray.
TALOS bested DELICE THE RED in a crowd pleasing 3 minute brawl.
WURP defeated KRAC D'CHEVALIERS in a exciting 1 minute bout.
HALLIE O'DENE was overpowered by TICKLES in a 2 minute one-sided bout.
TORATORATORRES defeated AVALANCHE in a crowd pleasing 2 minute bloody conflict.
BUDDERCUP narrowly defeated KOOKABURRA in a 2 minute gruesome fight.
CARRIE NATION was demolished by IPECAC in a action packed 1 minute uneven bout.
MOD COD handily defeated SIR VILE in a 1 minute one-sided contest.
BLACK RHINO savagely defeated ANDAR in a popular 1 minute gruesome fight.
TUTANKHAMUN beat TUM in a action packed 1 minute fight.
BEER GOGGLES was overpowered by ODEN WARFIEND in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
W.T. POOH was outwaited by NINJA FERD in a action packed 9 minute gruesome bout.
XISS luckily beat QUONSET in a exciting 1 minute fray.
SPUTTER handily defeated LORETTA in a 2 minute one-sided duel.
MUMMY overpowered KIDNEY in a 1 minute uneven fight.
GLORY HOLE was handily defeated by LYTA ALEXANDER in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
DITCH RAT demolished GAR & BRILL in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
FEAR was overpowered by SWORDBREAKER in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
CREDIT LINE was overcome by QUIBBLE in a 1 minute match.
CORAL SNAKE devastated LETHE in a 1 minute one-sided duel.
SKI MASK was viciously subdued by MARY RETZLAFF in a 2 minute brutal battle.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK                  17         BASHING ATTACK    53 -  41 -  2      56  |
|WALL OF STEEL                   14         TOTAL PARRY       37 -  30 -  0      55  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                 11         PARRY-LUNGE       13 -  11 -  2      54  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   9         LUNGING ATTACK   107 - 100 -  3      52  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  6         SLASHING ATTACK   24 -  23 -  1      51  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      6         WALL OF STEEL     58 -  63 -  0      48  |
|AIMED BLOW                       4         PARRY-STRIKE      15 -  17 -  0      47  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     2         AIMED BLOW        21 -  24 -  0      47  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    1         STRIKING ATTACK   49 -  57 -  1      46  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      0         PARRY-RIPOSTE      4 -  10 -  0      29  |

Turn 369 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

PARRY-RIPOSTE      1 -  0     STRIKING ATTACK    3 -  8         2  TOTAL PARRY    
LUNGING ATTACK    10 -  7     AIMED BLOW         1 -  3         2  WALL OF STEEL  
WALL OF STEEL      8 -  6     PARRY-LUNGE        0 -  0         2  LUNGING ATTACK 
BASHING ATTACK     5 -  4                                       2  STRIKING ATTACK
PARRY-STRIKE       1 -  1                                       1  PARRY-STRIKE   
SLASHING ATTACK    3 -  3                                       1  SLASHING ATTACK
TOTAL PARRY        3 -  3                                       1  BASHING ATTACK 

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
TOTAL PARRY      DIRT WORM 82-2315          60  28  0  220 VERMIN!! (1124)
WALL OF STEEL    50 SUCKS 60-4129           58  34  0  217 JOKA MASHER! (833)
LUNGING ATTACK   STARBUCK 6-5387            32  18  0  208 SCIENCE FICTION (1152)
PARRY-STRIKE     R'SHANN 20-577             52  39  3  205 OVERLORDS (30)
STRIKING ATTACK  CRUSADER LORD 31-3946      38  28  4  204 THE STORMGUARDS (132)
SLASHING ATTACK  EMERALD DRAGONFLY 60-2586  68  61  2  195 MAGICK (955)
BASHING ATTACK   MASHER 60-4553             39  37  3  193 JOKA MASHER! (833)
AIMED BLOW       HALLIE O'DENE 58-6018      45  60  0  123 CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093)

The overall popularity leader is KAIDEN 35-3108.  The most popular warrior this turn 
was SPAZZ 33-6207.  The ten other most popular fighters were FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE 
98-809, DELICE THE RED 56-3401, W.T. POOH 33-4430, AVALANCHE 75-2213, NUTMEG 7-5167, 
ONE A DAY 98-799, KAIDEN 35-3108, CRUSADER LORD 31-3946, MOJO JOJO 10-4643, and 
QRAPPY 10-4761.

The least popular fighter this week was LETHE 9-4782.  The other ten least popular 
fighters were FEAR 82-10416, GAR & BRILL 38-4252, GLORY HOLE 98-870, BEER GOGGLES 
33-6819, SIR VILE 10-4754, CARRIE NATION 64-4054, MORADOR 2-5089, JUGGLER 2-4965, 
HEART 97-1096, and QUIBBLE 10-4756.

Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  
MORDANT(1)           0  2 0  SEAM(20)             1  0 0  ARADI(60)            3  2 0  
NIANIA(2)            1  3 0  CHIMLEVTAL(31)       1  2 0  KURUKAR(64)          0  1 0  
OSKSI(3)             1  0 0  NIYTYOLE ISLAND(33)  0  4 0  DAL SHANG(65)        2  0 0  
TRANSEL(6)           1  0 0  MURSKA(35)           1  0 0  KYR'TERR(71)         2  0 0  
BONSUR(7)            3  2 0  CLIFFHOME(38)        0  1 0  JADE MOUNTAIN(75)    0  1 0  
ZUKAL(9)             1  1 0  VEASTIAN(43)         1  0 0  DWES EG(82)          3  2 0  
KOLACT(10)           4  3 0  STORMCROWE(45)       1  0 0  OLD VALAMANTIS(96)   0  1 0  
ARUAK CITY(11)       3  3 0  KHALANI(55)          1  0 0  SHADOW GROVE(97)     0  1 0  
RIZTAB(12)           1  1 0  ROCANIS(56)          0  1 0  SYVYN'S HILL(98)     2  1 0  
MALCORN(15)          1  0 0  DELARQ TOR(58)       0  2 0  SOUTH RIDGE(99)      1  0 0  
TALCAMA(18)          0  1 0  

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 KOGITSUNE MARU 1-5298       23  19  1   79  SWEORDMASTERS (1210)       MORDANT
 MIME 2-4966                 24  16  4  178  HARLEQUINS (1186)          NIANIA
 MARY RETZLAFF 3-6119        17  21  1   71  AMERICAN APPRAISAL (1268)  OSKSI
 STARBUCK 6-5387             32  18  0  208  SCIENCE FICTION (1152)     TRANSEL
 NUTMEG 7-5167               18  14  1   89  SUGAR AND SPICE (1231)     BONSUR
 TICKLES 9-3486              38  61  1  144  MY PETS (554)              ZUKAL
 WURP 10-18                  48  54  1  200  WAR HAWKS (1026)           KOLACT
 BUBBLES 12-4981             25  49  1  180  POWERPUFF GIRLS (1145)     RIZTAB
 HIGH GUN 15-4386            16  21  1   57  TRIPLE CROWN (990)         MALCORN
 TUM 18-7380                 17  14  2  112  FROM THE FACE (1265)       TALCAMA
 R'SHANN 20-577              52  39  3  205  OVERLORDS (30)             SEAM
 CRUSADER LORD 31-3946       38  28  4  204  THE STORMGUARDS (132)      CHIMLEVTAL
 SPAZZ 33-6207               39  31  0  186  SNOTZI'S II (813)          NIYTYOLE ISLAND
 KAIDEN 35-3108              80  77  2  191  VIOLENT FEMS (972)         MURSKA
 GAR & BRILL 38-4252         21  26  0   52  JUST BECAUSE (1228)        CLIFFHOME
 SWORDBREAKER 43-1087        26  14  0   91  WIDOWMAKERS (1275)         VEASTIAN
 IPECAC 45-3625              19   9  0  120  EMETICS (1242)             STORMCROWE
 MOD COD 55-2638             46  74  1  149  RHYME TYME (449)           KHALANI
 DELICE THE RED 56-3401      42  50  1  178  BAD APPLES (1091)          ROCANIS
 HALLIE O'DENE 58-6018       45  60  0  123  CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093)   DELARQ TOR
 50 SUCKS 60-4129            58  34  0  217  JOKA MASHER! (833)         ARADI
 CARRIE NATION 64-4054       40  67  0  101  REFORMERS (1095)           KURUKAR
 LYTA ALEXANDER 65-5021      18   9  0   87  AND SO IT BEGINS (1062)    DAL SHANG
 BLACK RHINO 71-1834         40  30  1  144  EDGE OF EXTINCTION (973)   KYR'TERR
 AVALANCHE 75-2213           24   6  1  150  FORCE OF NATURE (747)      JADE MOUNTAIN
 DIRT WORM 82-2315           60  28  0  220  VERMIN!! (1124)            DWES EG
 KIDNEY 96-972                9   3  3   54  ORGAN ON THE SANDS (1272)  OLD VALAMANTIS
 HEART 97-1096                6   6  4   39  ORGANS ON THE SAND (1273)  SHADOW GROVE
 FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE 98-809   12  11  4   91  COLLEGE RADIO (1223)       SYVYN'S HILL
 MUMMY 99-853                11  11  5   85  IKER'S CORPSES (1225)      SOUTH RIDGE