ADVANCED DUELMASTERS

Date   : 04/07/2004    Duedate: 04/20/2004

HOME GUARD

DM-101    TURN-373

RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %  RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %
  1 COLLEGE RADI 98/1223  121   66  0 64.7      BUMS 'R' US 60/1142                   
    BIG APPLE MENACE 65/836                     JOYS OF BOOZE 33/1209                 
  2 SHADOW GOLD 71/1143   376  244  1 60.6    9 DRAKE'S BAR-B 15/313  157  168  5 48.3
    SHADOW AND LIGHT 5/982                      DRAKE'S PETTING ZOO 33/1075           
    THE DEMON DOGS 4/922                     10 NINJAS 7/1060         173  189  1 47.8
  3 MAGICK 60/955         509  404  4 55.8      FROM THE FACE 18/1265                 
    AND SO IT BEGINS 65/1062                    SCIENCE FICTION 6/1152                
    FORCE OF NATURE 75/747                      RESURRECTION 2/1065                   
    ALL THAT SLITHERS 65/1176                11 VIOLENT FEMS 35/972   383  514  9 42.7
    CARTOUCHE 71/1111                           JUST BECAUSE 38/1228                  
    EDGE OF EXTINCTION 71/973                12 MY PETS 9/554         449  716 11 38.5
  4 4-LETTER ANX 82/1271  242  194  1 55.5      GIRL SCOUT COOKIES 33/812             
    ORGAN ON THE SANDS 96/1272                  RHYME TYME 55/449                     
    WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY 82/1274             13 BLUE MOON 9/1025      422  716  3 37.1
    ORGANS ON THE SAND 97/1273                  BAD APPLES 56/1091                    
  5 QUBIT 10/1136         722  599  5 54.7      CIRQUE DU MASQUES 58/1093             
    VERMIN!! 82/1124                            REFORMERS 64/1095                     
    JOKA MASHER! 60/833                      14 FA CHING 60/1279       12   22  1 35.3
    TRIPLE CROWN 15/990                         WORLDWIDE PANIC 36/1263               
    SIR AGLIO 10/788                            SHAO-LIN HEROES 14/1253               
    VERMIN! 82/1267                          15 MY DRUGS 98/1222       12   23  0 34.3
    SNOTZI'S II 33/813                       16-U.B.O.S.M. 11/1184     29   56  1 34.1
    JOKA MASHER 82/917                          THE DREIHDENS 74/1278                 
  6 ANARCHY 19/1151        25   24  1 51.0   17 FARSCAPE 10/1277        1    2  0 33.3
    INDIFFERENCE 7/1250                      18 TOWNSVILLAIN 10/1252   21   43  0 32.8
    INSIGNIFICANCE 74/1266                      POWERPUFF GIRLS 12/1145               
  7 OVERLORDS 20/30       126  126  2 50.0   19-IKER'S CORPS 99/1225    4    9  0 30.8
    THE STORMGUARDS 31/132                   20 WIDOWMAKERS 43/1275     1    4  0 20.0
  8 EMETICS 45/1242        41   42  0 49.4   21 AMERICAN APPR 3/1268    1    5  0 16.7

    '##/###' Avoid teams by their Team Id     '-'  Team did not fight this turn

                             REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER

     The Unknown Spymaster took the notes today.  What a mess!  I don't know who 
writes his stuff, but it's rotten.  Unreasonable, too.  Have YOU ever tried to "mash" 
a melon?  And I can't imagine even Unknown looks on "a barrel of Zontanis" as a 
possible source of fun.  Oh, well.
     Rhyme Tyme was avoided by Drake's Petting Zoo.
     Qrappy got the most challenges.
     We had thirty-three fights, of which nine were challenge matches.  
Congratulations to Ishinomori for having a TV challenge and using it.
     Nobody died.  One standby fought.
     The longest fight was a mere five minutes.  You can do better than that!  Five 
minutes means you aren't even trying.

The fights--
     MAN O' WAR (15-4517) (18-5-1,37) of TRIPLE CROWN fought LETHE (9-4782) (30-26-
2,77) of BLUE MOON.  MAN O' WAR devastated LETHE in a popular 1 minute uneven bout.
     BLACKBURST (60-5025) (16-14-0,62) of FA CHING fought SWORDBREAKER (43-1087) (26-
17-0,74) of WIDOWMAKERS.  BLACKBURST savagely defeated SWORDBREAKER in an exciting 2 
minute brutal struggle.
     THUNDRA (60-5122) (23-13-1,83) of FA CHING fought GAR & BRILL (38-4252) (22-28-
0,64) of JUST BECAUSE.  THUNDRA demolished GAR & BRILL in a 1 minute uneven contest.
     KIDNEY (96-972) (10-5-3,65) of ORGAN ON THE SANDS fought GROUND POUNDER (74-
3058) (16-13-2,85) of INSIGNIFICANCE.  KIDNEY was beaten by GROUND POUNDER in an 
action packed 2 minute bout.
     MARY RETZLAFF (3-6119) (17-24-1,58) of AMERICAN APPRAISAL fought QUONSET (10-
4990) (22-17-0,47) of QUBIT.  MARY RETZLAFF was overpowered by QUONSET in a 1 minute 
one-sided fight.
     CORAL SNAKE (65-5017) (18-8-0,91) of ALL THAT SLITHERS fought QUIBBLE (10-4756) 
(21-40-0,80) of QUBIT.  CORAL SNAKE viciously subdued QUIBBLE in an exciting 3 minute 
brutal fight.
     DITCH RAT (82-15360) (21-19-3,100) of VERMIN! fought SKI MASK (58-5869) (34-55-
0,67) of CIRQUE DU MASQUES.  DITCH RAT savagely defeated SKI MASK in a popular 1 
minute gruesome fight.
     LUNA TYCK (33-5761) (32-35-1,94) of DRAKE'S PETTING ZOO fought FEAR (82-10416) 
(16-25-1,100) of 4-LETTER ANXIETY.  LUNA TYCK overpowered FEAR in a 2 minute uneven 
competition.
     JAKUCHU ITO (7-5102) (21-14-0,96) of NINJAS fought CARRIE NATION (64-4054) (40-
70-0,100) of REFORMERS.  JAKUCHU ITO vanquished CARRIE NATION in an action packed 1 
minute one-sided fray.
     BEER GOGGLES (33-6819) (25-24-1,115) of JOYS OF BOOZE fought SIR VILE (10-4754) 
(24-22-1,143) of SIR AGLIO.  BEER GOGGLES demolished SIR VILE in a 1 minute one-sided 
melee.
     IPECAC (45-3625) (21-10-0,126) of EMETICS fought SPUTTER (82-15095) (27-12-
1,142) of JOKA MASHER.  IPECAC overpowered SPUTTER in a popular 1 minute one-sided 
duel.
     MOD COD (55-2638) (47-76-1,120) of RHYME TYME fought HIGH GUN (15-4386) (19-21-
2,94) of TRIPLE CROWN.  MOD COD defeated HIGH GUN in an action packed 1 minute brutal 
fight.
     MISER (71-3793) (37-18-2,136) of SHADOW GOLD fought GAMBLE (7-4884) (19-10-
2,124) of INDIFFERENCE.  MISER unbelievably bested GAMBLE in an exciting 3 minute 
bout.
     TUTANKHAMUN (71-3357) (24-14-0,117) of CARTOUCHE fought ROSETTA DEGRAVES (4-
4528) (19-13-1,106) of THE DEMON DOGS.  TUTANKHAMUN handily defeated ROSETTA DEGRAVES 
in a 1 minute uneven duel.
     BUDDERCUP (60-5967) (30-28-0,105) of BUMS 'R' US fought KOOKABURRA (33-4151) 
(46-64-2,103) of GIRL SCOUT COOKIES.  BUDDERCUP overpowered KOOKABURRA in a popular 1 
minute one-sided duel.
     LYTA ALEXANDER (65-5021) (21-9-0,138) of AND SO IT BEGINS fought HALLIE O'DENE 
(58-6018) (47-61-0,146) of CIRQUE DU MASQUES.  LYTA ALEXANDER overpowered HALLIE 
O'DENE in a 1 minute mismatched conflict.
     TIME SQUARE (65-4637) (25-8-0,117) of BIG APPLE MENACE fought W.T. POOH (33-
4430) (61-48-0,141) of SNOTZI'S II.  TIME SQUARE was subdued by W.T. POOH in an 
exciting 4 minute brutal bout.
     TICKLES (9-3486) (40-62-1,156) of MY PETS fought KRAC D'CHEVALIERS (31-4345) 
(19-23-0,141) of THE STORMGUARDS.  TICKLES was devastated by KRAC D'CHEVALIERS in a 1 
minute one-sided fight.
     MASHER (60-4553) (41-38-3,181) of JOKA MASHER! fought KAIDEN (35-3108) (81-79-
2,182) of VIOLENT FEMS.  MASHER vanquished KAIDEN in a crowd pleasing 1 minute bloody 
one-sided fray.
     STARBUCK (6-5387) (33-20-0,209) of SCIENCE FICTION fought AVALANCHE (75-2213) 
(26-7-1,190) of FORCE OF NATURE.  STARBUCK handily defeated AVALANCHE in a popular 1 
minute bloody uneven fight.
     TALOS (31-2069) (51-23-0,210) of THE STORMGUARDS fought HYSTERIAS (19-4047) (29-
30-3,154) of ANARCHY.  TALOS bested HYSTERIAS in a crowd pleasing 3 minute bout.
     OBSESSED AVENGER (15-2162) (41-44-1,193) of DRAKE'S BAR-B-Q fought TUM (18-7380) 
(20-14-2,161) of FROM THE FACE.  OBSESSED AVENGER unbelievably bested TUM in an 
exciting 2 minute brutal contest.
     BLACK RHINO (71-1834) (43-30-1,182) of EDGE OF EXTINCTION fought NAIHREN (101-
27) (0-0-0,240) of Local Louts.  BLACK RHINO was overpowered by NAIHREN in a crowd 
pleasing 1 minute one-sided match.

And the challenge matches--
     FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE (98-809) (13-13-4,76) of COLLEGE RADIO challenged PUTZ'N 
ALONG (60-5437) (30-25-0,86) of JOKA MASHER!.  Up 10.  FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE viciously 
subdued PUTZ'N ALONG in a 4 minute Challenge fight.
     SATOSHI KUNO (7-5229) (18-14-0,78) of NINJAS challenged AERYN SUN (10-4268) (15-
10-0,58) of FARSCAPE.  Down 20.  SATOSHI KUNO was viciously subdued by AERYN SUN in a 
5 minute Challenge melee.
     MORADOR (2-5089) (20-8-0,76) of RESURRECTION challenged CREDIT LINE (82-1366) 
(0-5-0,37) of WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY.  Down 39.  MORADOR devastated CREDIT LINE in a 1 
minute one-sided Challenge competition.
     MOJO JOJO (10-4643) (29-32-2,136) of TOWNSVILLAINS challenged SPAZZ (33-6207) 
(39-34-0,163) of SNOTZI'S II.  Up 27.  MOJO JOJO vanquished SPAZZ in an exciting 1 
minute mismatched Challenge fight.
     LIBERTY BELLE (12-5448) (25-30-0,180) of POWERPUFF GIRLS challenged QRAPPY (10-
4761) (41-50-1,205) of QUBIT.  Up 25.  LIBERTY BELLE was demolished by QRAPPY in a 2 
minute mismatched Challenge competition.
     R'SHANN (20-577) (53-41-3,190) of OVERLORDS challenged DELICE THE RED (56-3401) 
(45-50-1,200) of BAD APPLES.  Up 10.  R'SHANN was devastated by DELICE THE RED in a 1 
minute one-sided Challenge fight.
     CRUSADER LORD (31-3946) (40-29-5,193) of THE STORMGUARDS challenged DIRT WORM 
(82-2315) (62-29-0,196) of VERMIN!!  Up 3.  CRUSADER LORD handily defeated DIRT WORM 
in a 3 minute one-sided Challenge match.
     BUBBLES (12-4981) (26-51-1,191) of POWERPUFF GIRLS challenged 50 SUCKS (60-4129) 
(61-34-0,253) of JOKA MASHER!  Up 62.  BUBBLES lost to 50 SUCKS in a 2 minute 
Challenge battle.

     ISHINOMORI (7-5390) (20-7-1,65) of NINJAS TV challenged HEART (97-1096) (6-9-
4,40) of ORGANS ON THE SAND.  Down 25.  ISHINOMORI devastated HEART in a 1 minute 
mismatched Challenge fight.

And for Captain of the Guard:
     EMERALD DRAGONFLY (60-2586) (71-61-2,239) of MAGICK fought ONE A DAY (98-799) 
(19-12-3,226) of MY DRUGS.  A random match.  EMERALD DRAGONFLY overpowered ONE A DAY 
in a 2 minute one-sided Title fight.

                                        Olaf Modeen

P.S.  Okay, so I was in a hurry.  Sue me.  I had to get this done before my quill 
turned into something else.  Weird stuff going on with the writing device tonight.  
Really weird.

CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD          W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 EMERALD DRAGONFLY 60-2586   72  61  2  256  MAGICK (955)               ARADI

GRAND CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 50 SUCKS 60-4129            62  34  0  257  JOKA MASHER! (833)         ARADI
 STARBUCK 6-5387             34  20  0  227  SCIENCE FICTION (1152)     TRANSEL
 CRUSADER LORD 31-3946       41  29  5  225  THE STORMGUARDS (132)      CHIMLEVTAL
 DELICE THE RED 56-3401      46  50  1  214  BAD APPLES (1091)          ROCANIS
 TALOS 31-2069               52  23  0  212  THE STORMGUARDS (132)      CHIMLEVTAL
 QRAPPY 10-4761              42  50  1  211  QUBIT (1136)               KOLACT

GRAND CHAMPIONS               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 OBSESSED AVENGER 15-2162    42  44  1  196  DRAKE'S BAR-B-Q (313)      MALCORN
 BUBBLES 12-4981             26  52  1  196  POWERPUFF GIRLS (1145)     RIZTAB
 MASHER 60-4553              42  38  3  194  JOKA MASHER! (833)         ARADI
-VLAADE 36-5160              17  11  1  193  WORLDWIDE PANIC (1263)     JHANS
 DIRT WORM 82-2315           62  30  0  188  VERMIN!! (1124)            DWES EG
 AVALANCHE 75-2213           26   8  1  187  FORCE OF NATURE (747)      JADE MOUNTAIN
 R'SHANN 20-577              53  42  3  183  OVERLORDS (30)             SEAM

GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS       W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 BLACK RHINO 71-1834         43  31  1  177  EDGE OF EXTINCTION (973)   KYR'TERR

GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS       W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 LIBERTY BELLE 12-5448       25  31  0  175  POWERPUFF GIRLS (1145)     RIZTAB
 KAIDEN 35-3108              81  80  2  172  VIOLENT FEMS (972)         MURSKA
 HYSTERIAS 19-4047           29  31  3  171  ANARCHY (1151)             ZUWAYZA
-T'AN SUNG 14-3704           17  17  1  170  SHAO-LIN HEROES (1253)     TOBIR
 TUM 18-7380                 20  15  2  167  FROM THE FACE (1265)       TALCAMA
 MOJO JOJO 10-4643           30  32  2  164  TOWNSVILLAINS (1252)       KOLACT
-NEXUS 5-4218                17   4  0  161  SHADOW AND LIGHT (982)     KALTOS
 KRAC D'CHEVALIERS 31-4345   20  23  0  160  THE STORMGUARDS (132)      CHIMLEVTAL
 IPECAC 45-3625              22  10  0  153  EMETICS (1242)             STORMCROWE
 LYTA ALEXANDER 65-5021      22   9  0  153  AND SO IT BEGINS (1062)    DAL SHANG

GRAND ADEPTS                  W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 W.T. POOH 33-4430           62  48  0  150  SNOTZI'S II (813)          NIYTYOLE ISLAND
 MISER 71-3793               38  18  2  144  SHADOW GOLD (1143)         KYR'TERR
 BEER GOGGLES 33-6819        26  24  1  141  JOYS OF BOOZE (1209)       NIYTYOLE ISLAND
 SPAZZ 33-6207               39  35  0  139  SNOTZI'S II (813)          NIYTYOLE ISLAND
 TICKLES 9-3486              40  63  1  138  MY PETS (554)              ZUKAL
 HALLIE O'DENE 58-6018       47  62  0  135  CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093)   DELARQ TOR
 GAMBLE 7-4884               19  11  2  130  INDIFFERENCE (1250)        BONSUR
 TUTANKHAMUN 71-3357         25  14  0  128  CARTOUCHE (1111)           KYR'TERR
 SPUTTER 82-15095            27  13  1  127  JOKA MASHER (917)          DWES EG
 TIME SQUARE 65-4637         25   9  0  125  BIG APPLE MENACE (836)     DAL SHANG
 MOD COD 55-2638             48  76  1  122  RHYME TYME (449)           KHALANI
 SIR VILE 10-4754            24  23  1  120  SIR AGLIO (788)            KOLACT
 BUDDERCUP 60-5967           31  28  0  115  BUMS 'R' US (1142)         ARADI
 JAKUCHU ITO 7-5102          22  14  0  109  NINJAS (1060)              BONSUR
 LUNA TYCK 33-5761           33  35  1  108  DRAKE'S PETTING ZOO (1075) NIYTYOLE ISLAND
 DITCH RAT 82-15360          22  19  3  102  VERMIN! (1267)             DWES EG
 ROSETTA DEGRAVES 4-4528     19  14  1  102  THE DEMON DOGS (922)       JHELUM

GRAND CHALLENGER INITIATES    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 HIGH GUN 15-4386            19  22  2   96  TRIPLE CROWN (990)         MALCORN
 CORAL SNAKE 65-5017         19   8  0   96  ALL THAT SLITHERS (1176)   DAL SHANG
 KOOKABURRA 33-4151          46  65  2   95  GIRL SCOUT COOKIES (812)   NIYTYOLE ISLAND
 FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE 98-809   14  13  4   92  COLLEGE RADIO (1223)       SYVYN'S HILL

GRAND INITIATES               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 CARRIE NATION 64-4054       40  71  0   90  REFORMERS (1095)           KURUKAR
 GROUND POUNDER 74-3058      17  13  2   89  INSIGNIFICANCE (1266)      DAIYLA KIV
 THUNDRA 60-5122             24  13  1   88  FA CHING (1279)            ARADI
 FEAR 82-10416               16  26  1   87  4-LETTER ANXIETY (1271)    DWES EG
 QUIBBLE 10-4756             21  41  0   82  QUBIT (1136)               KOLACT
-DREIHDEN PLUNGER 74-3344    20  12  1   81  THE DREIHDENS (1278)       DAIYLA KIV
 BLACKBURST 60-5025          17  14  0   81  FA CHING (1279)            ARADI
 MORADOR 2-5089              21   8  0   78  RESURRECTION (1065)        NIANIA
 AERYN SUN 10-4268           16  10  0   78  FARSCAPE (1277)            KOLACT
 PUTZ'N ALONG 60-5437        30  26  0   77  JOKA MASHER! (833)         ARADI
 SKI MASK 58-5869            34  56  0   71  CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093)   DELARQ TOR
-MUMMY 99-853                11  12  5   71  IKER'S CORPSES (1225)      SOUTH RIDGE
 MAN O' WAR 15-4517          19   5  1   70  TRIPLE CROWN (990)         MALCORN
 ISHINOMORI 7-5390           21   7  1   69  NINJAS (1060)              BONSUR
 KIDNEY 96-972               10   6  3   67  ORGAN ON THE SANDS (1272)  OLD VALAMANTIS
 SATOSHI KUNO 7-5229         18  15  0   66  NINJAS (1060)              BONSUR
 SWORDBREAKER 43-1087        26  18  0   64  WIDOWMAKERS (1275)         VEASTIAN
 QUONSET 10-4990             23  17  0   64  QUBIT (1136)               KOLACT
 GAR & BRILL 38-4252         22  29  0   62  JUST BECAUSE (1228)        CLIFFHOME
 LETHE 9-4782                30  27  2   51  BLUE MOON (1025)           ZUKAL
 MARY RETZLAFF 3-6119        17  25  1   44  AMERICAN APPRAISAL (1268)  OSKSI
 HEART 97-1096                6  10  4   40  ORGANS ON THE SAND (1273)  SHADOW GROVE
 CREDIT LINE 82-1366          0   6  0   40  WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY (1274 DWES EG

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                    W   L  K TEAM NAME              SLAIN BY              TURN

                               PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE

Talos -- The boss calls himself The Narrator. -- Bubbles

High Lord Bosk -- Well met, my brother.  Perhaps you will send a warrior or two here
to the Guard?  (Was great seeing you, the tour was hussah.  The Hill Giants didn't
know what hit them!)  I raise my ale and make the sign of the hammer and of the axe
in your honor. -- The Icelord

High Lord Bosk -- My thanks, First Sword. -- Crusader Lord

Dirt Worm -- Seriously, though...(chuckle, chuckle) you DID lose to a warrior with at
least 22 less FE than you.  (I am challenging you again this turn.) -- Crusader Lord

Emerald Dragonfly -- A salute to you, Captain of the Guard. -- Crusader Lord

The Council of Lords presents Home Guard History Facts:  on turn #2, on 12/8/89 there
were 35 ranked teams.  The #1 team was Zig Zag/Hack and Slash/Golden Hoste at 5-0.
The Tower Guardian was:  Daisy Ironballs of Genetic Mishaps from Tobir who was 27-18.
(The legendary Ferd the Tower from Willaf was ranked #7 at 29-40.)  The Top
Stylemasters were:  ST:  Daisy Ironballs of Genetic Mishaps.  BA:  Crimson Iguana of
The Reptilians.  LU:  Zigo the Rotund of Legacy of Steel.  PS:  Selarc of Bad News.
TP:  Rockin' Rikki of Code of Blue.  WOS:  Death Bringer of The G.I. Joes.  SL:
Slice of Zig Zag.  PR:  Tiny of Bad News.  PL:  Gnat-Rat of Rat Pak.  AB:  Baron
Bonkers of Asylum Knights. -- The Icelord

Spazz -- My dear friend!  I didn't realize elves could be that graceless.  Of course,
I do realize that confronting my beauty would disconcert ANYONE. -- Delice the Red

Tutankhamun -- A golem, okay, that makes sense.  A sort of animated mummy, right?
For an animated mummy, you didn't do badly.  But next time, tell 'em you need more
tana leaves. -- Hallie O'Dene
P.S.  Or something.

Sputter -- You Dwarves never could hold your liquor, but you didn't need to spit it
all over! -- Carrie Nation

Putz'n Along -- A loss for three skills at this point is a good bargain.  Thank you.
-- Lethe

Who is this Mean Spirit to come agains ME?  It's the spirit of a DUCK HUNTER, I can
tell, because there is NOTHING meaner than a Duck Hunter except a POULTRY FARMER. --
Ski Mask the Ill Done By and Furious About It

     Here's a list of teams from last turn's newsletter.  If I've gotten anyone's
     name wrong, just let me know and I'll fix it. -- The Saint, keeper of lists
     COLLEGE RADIO, etc.     Floyd             MY PETS, etc.         Emerald Orbs
     SHADOW GOLD, etc.       Shadowgate        BLUE MOON, etc.       Ho Chan
     4-LETTER ANXIETY, etc.  TUM               MY DRUGS              The Muffin Man
     MAGICK, etc.            Poison Ivy        U.B.O.S.M., etc.      Dreihdenflahg
     QUBIT, etc.             Sultan            TOWNSVILLAINS, etc.   The Narrator
     ANARCHY, etc.           Jekyll            SUPERIOR KILLS, etc.  DeGotti
     SWEORDMASTERS, etc.     Mannequin         IKER'S CORPS          Iker
     OVERLORDS, etc.         The Icelord       WIDOWMAKERS           Soultender
     NINJAS, etc.            Shocking Toad     AMERICAN APPRAISAL    ?
     EMETICS, etc.           Berylstar         FARSCAPE              Keldon Blackfang
     VIOLENT FEMS, etc.      A-Sop

18 March 2004
St. Valentine's Day Massacre Update

     We are pleased to announce that the kLk sponsored St. Valentine's Day Massacre
kill contest in DM 36 is off to a great start.  We are also pleased to announce that
in addition to the 10 team rollups we are also able to offer the renaming of a dark
arena warrior as a prize to the manager with the most kills.  The contest is only 2
turns old and is still wide open.  There are currently 5 managers tied with one kill
each.  Anything can still happen so hurry up and get into the arena.
     On a personal note, no other alliances have entered the arena in force to
challenge the kLk dominance.  We were expecting The Firm to put up a fight for their
supposed home arena.  But, they were a no show.  Guess they proved what they are
really made of.  *evil grin*
     Perhaps another alliance would like to step in to give us a challenge.  We are
throwing down the gauntlet.  Perhaps the Chaos Inc. boys I keep hearing about would
like to step in and challenge the kLk for arena dominance.  If you don't show up,
Chaos, don't feel bad.  FAR better managers than you have been invited into Jhans but
have chosen to pass on the offer.
     So if you consider yourself worthy to compete, like fierce competition, and
enjoy arenas where the personals are as fierce as the fighting, come visit JHANS DM
36.  We're already planning our next contest, "Capture the Flag," and have a
storyline being actively worked on in the arena.  Whatever you like about DM you can
find it in JHANS.

Bookie
mgr. of Suicidal Dreams
and Director Jhans Board of Tourism
kLk Alliance

27 March 2004
     This notice is to inform the DM world that CHAOS INC. has added CHEETO to its
ranks.  He joins APEX, FLAGG, MATRIX, ASSAMITE, and RUDE BUDDHA as the 6th member.
May your chaotic wings spread disaster and CHAOS for all your days!  Welcome CHEETO!!

27 March 2004
     Has anyone seen it in print that the "Goat" is leaving the "Cartel"?  There were
some diplos to the effect of a special branch of the Cartel being formed, like secret
societies, governmental agencies and alliances certain agendas are developed.  To
obtain the desired effect of any agenda only key personnel can be used.  The "Goat"
is "Cartel" so until you see it with me announcing that I am not Cartel, remember,
"The Agenda of the Core is for you to fight for."  I hope this stops the confusion.
-- Goat

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

ISHINOMORI devastated HEART in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge fight.
BUBBLES lost to 50 SUCKS in a 2 minute Challenge battle.
CRUSADER LORD handily defeated DIRT WORM in a 3 minute one-sided Challenge match.
R'SHANN was devastated by DELICE THE RED in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge fight.
LIBERTY BELLE was demolished by QRAPPY in a 2 minute mismatched Challenge competition.
MOJO JOJO vanquished SPAZZ in a exciting 1 minute mismatched Challenge fight.
MORADOR devastated CREDIT LINE in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge competition.
SATOSHI KUNO was viciously subdued by AERYN SUN in a 5 minute Challenge melee.
FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE viciously subdued PUTZ'N ALONG in a 4 minute Challenge fight.
EMERALD DRAGONFLY overpowered ONE A DAY in a 2 minute one-sided Title fight.
BLACK RHINO was overpowered by NAIHREN in a crowd pleasing 1 minute one-sided match.
OBSESSED AVENGER unbelievably bested TUM in a exciting 2 minute brutal contest.
TALOS bested HYSTERIAS in a crowd pleasing 3 minute bout.
STARBUCK handily defeated AVALANCHE in a popular 1 minute bloody uneven fight.
MASHER vanquished KAIDEN in a crowd pleasing 1 minute bloody one-sided fray.
TICKLES was devastated by KRAC D'CHEVALIERS in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
TIME SQUARE was subdued by W.T. POOH in a exciting 4 minute brutal bout.
LYTA ALEXANDER overpowered HALLIE O'DENE in a 1 minute mismatched conflict.
BUDDERCUP overpowered KOOKABURRA in a popular 1 minute one-sided duel.
TUTANKHAMUN handily defeated ROSETTA DEGRAVES in a 1 minute uneven duel.
MISER unbelievably bested GAMBLE in a exciting 3 minute bout.
MOD COD defeated HIGH GUN in a action packed 1 minute brutal fight.
IPECAC overpowered SPUTTER in a popular 1 minute one-sided duel.
BEER GOGGLES demolished SIR VILE in a 1 minute one-sided melee.
JAKUCHU ITO vanquished CARRIE NATION in a action packed 1 minute one-sided fray.
LUNA TYCK overpowered FEAR in a 2 minute uneven competition.
DITCH RAT savagely defeated SKI MASK in a popular 1 minute gruesome fight.
CORAL SNAKE viciously subdued QUIBBLE in a exciting 3 minute brutal fight.
MARY RETZLAFF was overpowered by QUONSET in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
KIDNEY was beaten by GROUND POUNDER in a action packed 2 minute bout.
THUNDRA demolished GAR & BRILL in a 1 minute uneven contest.
BLACKBURST savagely defeated SWORDBREAKER in a exciting 2 minute brutal struggle.
MAN O' WAR devastated LETHE in a popular 1 minute uneven bout.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK                  14         TOTAL PARRY       34 -  25 -  0      58  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                 11         LUNGING ATTACK    90 -  71 -  3      56  |
|WALL OF STEEL                   10         BASHING ATTACK    49 -  42 -  0      54  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   9         SLASHING ATTACK   31 -  27 -  1      53  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  6         WALL OF STEEL     46 -  54 -  0      46  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      6         STRIKING ATTACK   44 -  55 -  2      44  |
|AIMED BLOW                       4         PARRY-LUNGE        5 -   7 -  0      42  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     3         PARRY-STRIKE       8 -  14 -  0      36  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      2         PARRY-RIPOSTE      2 -   4 -  0      33  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    0         AIMED BLOW        13 -  27 -  0      33  |

Turn 373 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

PARRY-LUNGE        2 -  0     BASHING ATTACK     3 -  6         3  STRIKING ATTACK
PARRY-STRIKE       2 -  1     WALL OF STEEL      3 -  7         2  SLASHING ATTACK
SLASHING ATTACK    4 -  2     PARRY-RIPOSTE      0 -  0         2  WALL OF STEEL  
STRIKING ATTACK    6 -  5                                       1  LUNGING ATTACK 
AIMED BLOW         2 -  2                                       1  TOTAL PARRY    
LUNGING ATTACK     7 -  7                                       1  PARRY-STRIKE   
TOTAL PARRY        3 -  3                                       1  BASHING ATTACK 

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
SLASHING ATTACK  EMERALD DRAGONFLY 60-2586  72  61  2  256 MAGICK (955)
WALL OF STEEL    50 SUCKS 60-4129           62  34  0  257 JOKA MASHER! (833)
LUNGING ATTACK   STARBUCK 6-5387            34  20  0  227 SCIENCE FICTION (1152)
STRIKING ATTACK  CRUSADER LORD 31-3946      41  29  5  225 THE STORMGUARDS (132)
TOTAL PARRY      TALOS 31-2069              52  23  0  212 THE STORMGUARDS (132)
PARRY-STRIKE     OBSESSED AVENGER 15-2162   42  44  1  196 DRAKE'S BAR-B-Q (313)
BASHING ATTACK   MASHER 60-4553             42  38  3  194 JOKA MASHER! (833)
AIMED BLOW       HALLIE O'DENE 58-6018      47  62  0  135 CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093)
PARRY-LUNGE      LUNA TYCK 33-5761          33  35  1  108 DRAKE'S PETTING ZOO (1075)

The overall popularity leader is KAIDEN 35-3108.  The most popular warrior this turn 
was CORAL SNAKE 65-5017.  The ten other most popular fighters were FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE 
98-809, TIME SQUARE 65-4637, AERYN SUN 10-4268, GAMBLE 7-4884, TUM 18-7380, 
BLACKBURST 60-5025, CRUSADER LORD 31-3946, EMERALD DRAGONFLY 60-2586, OBSESSED 
AVENGER 15-2162, and HYSTERIAS 19-4047.

The least popular fighter this week was MARY RETZLAFF 3-6119.  The other ten least 
popular fighters were SIR VILE 10-4754, SPUTTER 82-15095, ROSETTA DEGRAVES 4-4528, 
TICKLES 9-3486, R'SHANN 20-577, HEART 97-1096, LETHE 9-4782, SWORDBREAKER 43-1087, 
GAR & BRILL 38-4252, and SKI MASK 58-5869.

Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  
NIANIA(2)            1  0 0  SEAM(20)             0  1 0  ARADI(60)            6  1 0  
OSKSI(3)             0  1 0  CHIMLEVTAL(31)       3  0 0  KURUKAR(64)          0  1 0  
JHELUM(4)            0  1 0  NIYTYOLE ISLAND(33)  3  2 0  DAL SHANG(65)        2  1 0  
TRANSEL(6)           1  0 0  MURSKA(35)           0  1 0  KYR'TERR(71)         2  1 0  
BONSUR(7)            2  2 0  CLIFFHOME(38)        0  1 0  DAIYLA KIV(74)       1  0 0  
ZUKAL(9)             0  2 0  VEASTIAN(43)         0  1 0  JADE MOUNTAIN(75)    0  1 0  
KOLACT(10)           4  2 0  STORMCROWE(45)       1  0 0  DWES EG(82)          1  4 0  
RIZTAB(12)           0  2 0  KHALANI(55)          1  0 0  OLD VALAMANTIS(96)   0  1 0  
MALCORN(15)          2  1 0  ROCANIS(56)          1  0 0  SHADOW GROVE(97)     0  1 0  
TALCAMA(18)          0  1 0  DELARQ TOR(58)       0  2 0  SYVYN'S HILL(98)     1  1 0  
ZUWAYZA(19)          0  1 0  

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 MORADOR 2-5089              21   8  0   78  RESURRECTION (1065)        NIANIA
 MARY RETZLAFF 3-6119        17  25  1   44  AMERICAN APPRAISAL (1268)  OSKSI
 ROSETTA DEGRAVES 4-4528     19  14  1  102  THE DEMON DOGS (922)       JHELUM
 STARBUCK 6-5387             34  20  0  227  SCIENCE FICTION (1152)     TRANSEL
 GAMBLE 7-4884               19  11  2  130  INDIFFERENCE (1250)        BONSUR
 TICKLES 9-3486              40  63  1  138  MY PETS (554)              ZUKAL
 QRAPPY 10-4761              42  50  1  211  QUBIT (1136)               KOLACT
 BUBBLES 12-4981             26  52  1  196  POWERPUFF GIRLS (1145)     RIZTAB
 OBSESSED AVENGER 15-2162    42  44  1  196  DRAKE'S BAR-B-Q (313)      MALCORN
 TUM 18-7380                 20  15  2  167  FROM THE FACE (1265)       TALCAMA
 HYSTERIAS 19-4047           29  31  3  171  ANARCHY (1151)             ZUWAYZA
 R'SHANN 20-577              53  42  3  183  OVERLORDS (30)             SEAM
 CRUSADER LORD 31-3946       41  29  5  225  THE STORMGUARDS (132)      CHIMLEVTAL
 W.T. POOH 33-4430           62  48  0  150  SNOTZI'S II (813)          NIYTYOLE ISLAND
 KAIDEN 35-3108              81  80  2  172  VIOLENT FEMS (972)         MURSKA
 GAR & BRILL 38-4252         22  29  0   62  JUST BECAUSE (1228)        CLIFFHOME
 SWORDBREAKER 43-1087        26  18  0   64  WIDOWMAKERS (1275)         VEASTIAN
 IPECAC 45-3625              22  10  0  153  EMETICS (1242)             STORMCROWE
 MOD COD 55-2638             48  76  1  122  RHYME TYME (449)           KHALANI
 DELICE THE RED 56-3401      46  50  1  214  BAD APPLES (1091)          ROCANIS
 HALLIE O'DENE 58-6018       47  62  0  135  CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093)   DELARQ TOR
 EMERALD DRAGONFLY 60-2586   72  61  2  256  MAGICK (955)               ARADI
 CARRIE NATION 64-4054       40  71  0   90  REFORMERS (1095)           KURUKAR
 LYTA ALEXANDER 65-5021      22   9  0  153  AND SO IT BEGINS (1062)    DAL SHANG
 BLACK RHINO 71-1834         43  31  1  177  EDGE OF EXTINCTION (973)   KYR'TERR
 GROUND POUNDER 74-3058      17  13  2   89  INSIGNIFICANCE (1266)      DAIYLA KIV
 AVALANCHE 75-2213           26   8  1  187  FORCE OF NATURE (747)      JADE MOUNTAIN
 DIRT WORM 82-2315           62  30  0  188  VERMIN!! (1124)            DWES EG
 KIDNEY 96-972               10   6  3   67  ORGAN ON THE SANDS (1272)  OLD VALAMANTIS
 HEART 97-1096                6  10  4   40  ORGANS ON THE SAND (1273)  SHADOW GROVE
 FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE 98-809   14  13  4   92  COLLEGE RADIO (1223)       SYVYN'S HILL

               NEW GRADUATES--FROM ALL ARENAS (INCLUDING CLOSED ARENAS)

     For those of you who keep track of such things, 14 additional warriors graduated 
from regular DM arenas (including closed arenas) since the last tournament:

                           ABE SIMPSON (9-4453) SPRINGFIELD 
                            PB-LEAD (23-4385) ROCK-ETTS IV 
                      RATTLESNAKE SHAKE (60-4242) METAL MELTDOWN 
                            CHIP (60-4413) RESCUE RANGERS 
                           SLAKE (82-12993) WORD OF THE DAY 
                          DIS-COMBOBULATE (63-2222) DIS-TEAM 
                        RETARD (68-7501) POLITICALLYINCORRECT 
                           DARKSIDE (22-2714) LOST SOULS 1 
                      ZHARRA TYL MEDAN (40-2586) SUPERIOR FORCES 
                         SMOOGIE (82-2247) STREET PIZZAD III 
                             ARATHEA (13-3318) THE ELITE 
                          PX (82-14364) SUPERIOR FORCES 1203 
                       MIKE, POWERFUL (82-7051) MIKE THE HUNTER 
                          DIS-FUNCTIONAL (63-2223) DIS-TEAM 

                                          -- Green Eyes