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Date   : 05/19/2004    Duedate: 06/01/2004

HOME GUARD

DM-101    TURN-376

RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %  RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %
  1 COLLEGE RADI 98/1223  125   68  0 64.8      FROM THE FACE 18/1265                 
    BIG APPLE MENACE 65/836                     RESURRECTION 2/1065                   
  2 BLADES OF ICE 7/162   326  243  6 57.3   14-INDIFFERENCE 7/1250    25   26  1 49.0
    BLADES OF STEEL 17/1068                     INSIGNIFICANCE 74/1266                
  3 CARTOUCHE 71/1111     514  407  4 55.8   15 DRAKE'S BAR-B 15/313  159  172  5 48.0
  4 FARSCAPE 10/1277        5    4  0 55.6      DRAKE'S PETTING ZOO 33/1075           
    GUARDIANS 43/1287                        16 UNTOUCHABLES 18/1190   13   17  0 43.3
    THE BLUES 20/1286                        17 HARM NONE 82/1297      42   56  0 42.9
    THE MUPPETS 54/1289                         ITALIAN LOVERS 45/1288                
  5 4-LETTER ANX 82/1271  245  203  1 54.7      ECHL-SOUTH 71/1291                    
    ORGAN ON THE SANDS 96/1272                  HARE CONTROL 59/1290                  
    ORGANS ON THE SAND 97/1273                  THAI INQUISITION 71/1292              
    WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY 82/1274                103RD TROOPERS 17/1285                
  6 QUBIT 10/1136         741  620  5 54.4      PARKO RAMA 82/1296                    
    JOKA MASHER! 60/833                         LAME ALLIANCES 74/1294                
    TRIPLE CROWN 15/990                         LEGENDS OF EGYPT 82/1295              
    SIR AGLIO 10/788                         18 VIOLENT FEMS 35/972   385  518  9 42.6
    VERMIN!! 82/1124                            JUST BECAUSE 38/1228                  
    SNOTZI'S II 33/813                       19 FA CHING 60/1279       16   25  1 39.0
    VERMIN! 82/1267                             SUPERIOR KILLS 98/1229                
    JOKA MASHER 82/917                       20 MY PETS 9/554         455  719 11 38.8
  7 SEA DOGS 18/426        23   20  0 53.5      RHYME TYME 55/449                     
  8 MAGIC MAYHEM 73/1298   16   14  0 53.3      GIRL SCOUT COOKIES 33/812             
    SCREEN DREAMS 47/1299                    21-MY DRUGS 98/1222       14   23  0 37.8
  9 ROYAL FLUSH 47/146    675  644 10 51.2   22 REFORMERS 64/1095     428  723  3 37.2
    INGRATE WHITE NORTH 60/1006                 CIRQUE DU MASQUES 58/1093             
 10 ALL FINESSE 38/1236    51   49  0 51.0      BAD APPLES 56/1091                    
    SUGAR AND SPICE 7/1231                   23-POWERPUFF GI 12/1145   22   46  0 32.4
    BATHTUB ARMADA 7/1196                    24 GODDESSES 73/1293       3    7  0 30.0
 11 EMETICS 45/1242        46   46  0 50.0   25 AMERICAN APPR 3/1268    2    7  0 22.2
    BUMS 'R' US 60/1142                      26 KIDS GONE BAD 3/1281    1    0  0  100
    JOYS OF BOOZE 33/1209                    27-THE MC5 24/1283         1    1  0 50.0
 12-OVERLORDS 20/30       127  129  2 49.6      THE HEADCUTTERS II 11/1282            
    THE STORMGUARDS 31/132                      THAT 80'S METAL 40/1284               
 13 NINJAS 7/1060         186  192  2 49.2

    '##/###' Avoid teams by their Team Id     '-'  Team did not fight this turn

                             REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER

     You were expecting, maybe, Olaf Modeen?  Ha!  This is his evil twin brother, you 
can call me Ogre Modeen.  Olaf's as dead as this arena, but *I* am not.  Although 
looking around at this morgue, I might as well be.
     Vir made these notes, so blame HIM if this stuff sounds screwy.  Triple Crown is 
standing alone on a mountain top in Darien.  Drake's Betting Zoo is somewhere in the 
woods below, doing something important that is not fighting.
     Ski Mask has good oral hygiene.  That, at least, has got to be wrong.  Ducks 
don't do oral hygiene.
     No standbys fought, which is good.  Uppity bunch, and if you let 'em fight, they 
get worse.
     The Infirmary blokes say nobody died.  How can they tell?  Even dead frogs 
twitch.
     There were thirty-two fights, which is pathetic.  There should be a hundred 
active warriors in here, at least!  I blame it on those over-skilled louts in Primus.  
Everybody's watching THEM to see what astonishing abilities they brought back from 
the Gate, which in truth was nothing new, just more of the same.  But the action 
follows the audience, and everybody else follows suit.  Well, except the lazy bums in 
Talahya, but who cares about them?

     CREDIT LINE (82-1366) (0-8-0,47) of WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY fought QUIBBLE (10-
4756) (21-43-0,69) of QUBIT.  CREDIT LINE was beaten by QUIBBLE in a 1 minute fray.  
Does anybody care about warriors with records like this?  I include it because of 
Credit Line's spectacular history, of course.
     A. CAPONE (18-3228) (14-14-3,50) of UNTOUCHABLES fought PUTZ'N ALONG (60-5437) 
(30-28-0,45) of JOKA MASHER!  A. CAPONE was luckily beaten by PUTZ'N ALONG in an 
exciting 3 minute brutal fight.  This wasn't bad, actually, we need more brutal 
fights.
     GLORY HOLE (98-870) (7-17-4,59) of SUPERIOR KILLS fought BECKY (17-5782) (10-1-
2,66) of BLADES OF STEEL.  GLORY HOLE was defeated by BECKY in an exciting 1 minute 
match.  Gods, look at Becky's record!  This place is filling up with CHILDREN.
     SATOSHI KUNO (7-5229) (20-15-0,77) of NINJAS fought EXILE (7-4618) (21-18-1,62) 
of BLADES OF ICE.  SATOSHI KUNO was savagely defeated by EXILE in an action packed 3 
minute fight.  Maybe the Ninjas should be renamed "Sushi."
     NUTCRACKER (38-4380) (18-3-1,58) of ALL FINESSE fought QUONSET (10-4990) (24-18-
0,56) of QUBIT.  NUTCRACKER lost to QUONSET in a 1 minute bout.  Gods, I hope so!  A 
mincing toe-dancer?  No way this Nutcracker should win.  Home Guard is--or used to 
be--the home of REAL men.
     GAR & BRILL (38-4252) (23-30-0,80) of JUST BECAUSE fought AERYN SUN (10-4268) 
(18-10-0,89) of FARSCAPE.  GAR & BRILL was overpowered by AERYN SUN in a crowd 
pleasing 1 minute one-sided fray.  And this Aeryn character won why?  Just because.
     HIGH GUN (15-4386) (20-23-2,100) of TRIPLE CROWN fought FEAR (82-10416) (17-27-
1,69) of 4-LETTER ANXIETY.  HIGH GUN viciously subdued FEAR in an action packed 2 
minute gruesome bout.  Right, this is what your trainers tell you to do, right?  
Stamp out fear.  A warrior's worst enemy.  Etc.
     MAN O' WAR (15-4517) (20-6-1,93) of TRIPLE CROWN fought MINOR THREAT (3-3108) 
(21-8-2,76) of KIDS GONE BAD.  MAN O' WAR was vanquished by MINOR THREAT in an 
exciting 4 minute one-sided fight.  And if a "minor threat" can do that, what does it 
tell you about the so-called "man o'war"?
     KOOKABURRA (33-4151) (47-66-2,97) of GIRL SCOUT COOKIES fought RAISON D'ETRE (7-
5311) (18-15-3,81) of BATHTUB ARMADA.  KOOKABURRA lost to RAISON D'ETRE in a popular 
1 minute match.  Raisin isn't spelled with an O, boys.
     BRICK (20-389) (35-31-0,134) of THE BLUES fought MOD COD (55-2638) (49-77-1,129) 
of RHYME TYME.  BRICK was defeated by MOD COD in a popular 1 minute gory match.  This 
is a brick?  ONE minute to lose?  A REAL brick would have stood there for HOURS.
     SCOOTER (54-118) (19-8-1,117) of THE MUPPETS fought NUTMEG (7-5167) (19-14-1,93) 
of SUGAR AND SPICE.  SCOOTER lost to NUTMEG in a crowd pleasing 1 minute fray.  Gods, 
muppets.  Sugar and spice.  What is this, some kind of pink tea party?  Were there 
lace doilies?  Did you have FUN?
     BUDDERCUP (60-5967) (32-29-0,143) of BUMS 'R' US fought YELLOWBEARD (18-2149) 
(27-11-0,150) of SEA DOGS.  BUDDERCUP overpowered YELLOWBEARD in a popular 2 minute 
gruesome one-sided duel.  Buddercup?  Gods, I'm so disillusioned!  What happened to 
warriors with TOUGH names like Bloodlust?  We must have a hundred Bloodlusts on the 
Isle, where are they?
     AEDON (7-4295) (35-17-1,115) of BLADES OF ICE fought DITCH RAT (82-15360) (22-
21-3,116) of VERMIN!  AEDON unbelievably bested DITCH RAT in a crowd pleasing 5 
minute gory competition.  Good job on the gore, Aedon.  We want to see MORE of that.  
LOTS of gore.  The crowds love it, and a happy crowd is a crowd that comes back for 
more.
     DIRT WORM (82-2315) (62-32-0,177) of VERMIN!! fought PERFECT TEN (47-4218) (26-
19-1,133) of ROYAL FLUSH.  DIRT WORM savagely defeated PERFECT TEN in an exciting 7 
minute gory bout.  A WORM?  This fight was won by a squirmy, disgusting, slimy WORM?
     TICKLES (9-3486) (42-63-1,171) of MY PETS fought KAIDEN (35-3108) (82-81-2,156) 
of VIOLENT FEMS.  TICKLES devastated KAIDEN in an exciting 1 minute one-sided fight.  
Oh, right, "Make love, not war," that's the motto, isn't it?  Bunch of lily-livered, 
ah... lilies, that's what you are.
     ROT TEN EGGS (47-3099) (35-31-0,157) of ROYAL FLUSH fought TUTANKHAMUN (71-3357) 
(26-15-0,116) of CARTOUCHE.  ROT TEN EGGS beat TUTANKHAMUN in a crowd pleasing 2 
minute brawl.  Okay, I can go with this.  Rotten eggs sounds like JUST the remedy for 
somebody's dear old mummy.  The arena is no place for a mummy.
     SIR VILE (10-4754) (26-23-1,165) of SIR AGLIO fought APPLE JACK (47-4011) (29-
20-4,178) of ROYAL FLUSH.  SIR VILE bested APPLE JACK in an action packed 1 minute 
duel.  Of course.  Any gladiator worth his wine can deal with something exotic like 
apple jack just as well.  Getting drunk is what gladiators DO, besides fight.  It's 
in the oath y'all sign when you come to the Isle.
     DELICE THE RED (56-3401) (47-51-1,198) of BAD APPLES fought SPAZZ (33-6207) (41-
35-0,155) of SNOTZI'S II.  DELICE THE RED handily defeated SPAZZ in a popular 1 
minute uneven fight.  You know, we should never have allowed women to become 
gladiators.  It's against the proper order of things.  It'll give 'em ideas they 
shouldn't have.  Sets bad precedents, too.
     BLACK HOLE SCRAG (43-3220) (28-17-1,181) of GUARDIANS fought JOE KING (47-2223) 
(29-47-1,180) of ROYAL FLUSH.  BLACK HOLE SCRAG devastated JOE KING in a 1 minute 
mismatched bout.  Amazing how often you see things like that happening.  This is no 
world for kings.

     Marginally more interesting, the challenge matches.
     FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE (98-809) (15-14-4,78) of COLLEGE RADIO challenged CARRIE 
NATION (64-4054) (41-72-0,83) of REFORMERS.  Up 5.  FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE demolished 
CARRIE NATION in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge match.  Makes sense to me.  These 
Bloodgamers are fierce and don't like being told that liquor is bad for 'em.  
Besides, how could it be bad for 'em?  It kills worms, doesn't it?
     ISHINOMORI (7-5390) (23-7-1,74) of NINJAS challenged HEART (97-1096) (6-12-4,43) 
of ORGANS ON THE SAND.  Down 31.  ISHINOMORI handily defeated HEART in a 1 minute 
one-sided Challenge bout.  Very Delarquan.  The win is all, and screw "how you play 
the game."  As long as the umpire doesn't throw you out, you're doing fine.
     MORADOR (2-5089) (23-8-1,83) of RESURRECTION challenged MARY RETZLAFF (3-6119) 
(17-27-1,52) of AMERICAN APPRAISAL.  Down 31.  Is this some magic number?  MORADOR 
was defeated by MARY RETZLAFF in an exciting 1 minute Challenge fight.  Hmm, guess 
not....
     BLACKBURST (60-5025) (18-15-0,94) of FA CHING challenged KIDNEY (96-972) (12-6-
3,97) of ORGAN ON THE SANDS.  Up 3.  BLACKBURST overpowered KIDNEY in a 1 minute 
uneven Challenge duel.  They tell me Andorians EAT kidneys.  For breakfast, even, and 
that's a meal that should be avoided if at all possible.  Remember that next time 
you're think that all Andorians are softies.  It takes a firm will and a steady 
stomach to face a kidney over the breakfast table.
     EMILY (17-5753) (26-17-0,122) of BLADES OF STEEL challenged W.T. POOH (33-4430) 
(63-49-0,125) of SNOTZI'S II.  Up 3.  EMILY viciously subdued W.T. POOH in an action 
packed 3 minute gruesome Challenge duel.  Oh, gods.  Emily?  Winnie ther Pooh?  Gods.  
Pardon me while I have hysterics in the corner.
     TIME SQUARE (65-4637) (26-10-0,144) of BIG APPLE MENACE challenged HALLIE O'DENE 
(58-6018) (49-62-0,147) of CIRQUE DU MASQUES.  Up 3.  TIME SQUARE viciously subdued 
HALLIE O'DENE in a 1 minute Challenge competition.  Well, the wench can't say she 
didn't get a "square" deal, heh heh.
     LUNA TYCK (33-5761) (33-37-1,108) of DRAKE'S PETTING ZOO challenged BEER GOGGLES 
(33-6819) (27-25-1,140) of JOYS OF BOOZE.  Up 32.  Insane.  LUNA TYCK was viciously 
subdued by BEER GOGGLES in a 3 minute Challenge fight.  I had a pair of beer goggles 
once.  I used to wear 'em while diving in lakes of beer.  Ah, youth....
     JAKUCHU ITO (7-5102) (24-14-0,162) of NINJAS challenged KONGOL (7-4524) (31-17-
2,115) of BLADES OF ICE.  Down 47, or something in that neighborhood.  JAKUCHU ITO 
demolished KONGOL in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge competition.  Looks like some 
kind of home-town rivalry going down here.  Anyone going to tell us the inside dirt?
     TUM (18-7380) (22-15-2,177) of FROM THE FACE challenged IPECAC (45-3625) (22-12-
0,134) of EMETICS.  Down 43.  TUM was devastated by IPECAC in a popular 1 minute one-
sided Challenge contest.  Gotta laugh about that, although the maintenance crew that 
has to clean up the sand wasn't laughing.  Still, what do I care about a bunch of 
broom jockies?
     OBSESSED AVENGER (15-2162) (43-45-1,204) of DRAKE'S BAR-B-Q challenged MASHER 
(60-4553) (44-38-3,213) of JOKA MASHER!  Up 9.  OBSESSED AVENGER subdued MASHER in an 
action packed 1 minute Challenge fight.  And now sweet young girls can walk the 
streets unafarid, because that nasty Masher has been slapped on the hand and made to 
stand in a corner!

     A couple of TV challenges here.  I guess these guys get some congratulations for 
that.  Might as well, since I haven't used up the day's quota of congrats yet.
     MICHAEL J'EH FOX (60-5263) (17-11-2,64) of INGRATE WHITE NORTH TV challenged SKI 
MASK (58-5869) (35-57-0,91) of CIRQUE DU MASQUES.  Up 27.  MICHAEL J'EH FOX 
vanquished SKI MASK in a 1 minute uneven Challenge battle.  I'd congratulate the Fox 
on his win, but anybody can carve a Duck.
     THUNDRA (60-5122) (25-14-1,100) of FA CHING TV challenged SPUTTER (82-15095) 
(28-14-1,136) of JOKA MASHER.  Up 36.  THUNDRA bested SPUTTER in a crowd pleasing 4 
minute Challenge fight.  Oh, well, if the CROWD was pleased, who'm I to say anything?

     And for the title, a random match, which is an insult to all Captains of the 
Guard in the past.  But it's what we've got here, so live with it.  50 SUCKS (60-
4129) (64-34-0,270) of JOKA MASHER! fought STEVE MCQUEEN (47-3908) (32-33-1,226) of 
ROYAL FLUSH.  50 SUCKS was viciously subdued by STEVE MCQUEEN in an exciting 6 minute 
Title contest.  And I hope this means that the best man, woman, or golem has won, 
because the idea of having a Captain of the Guard named 50 Sucks is, well, it makes 
me blush.

                                        Ogre Modeen

CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD          W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 STEVE MCQUEEN 47-3908       33  33  1  249  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK

GRAND CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 OBSESSED AVENGER 15-2162    44  45  1  213  DRAKE'S BAR-B-Q (313)      MALCORN

GRAND CHAMPIONS               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 DELICE THE RED 56-3401      48  51  1  201  BAD APPLES (1091)          ROCANIS
 50 SUCKS 60-4129            64  35  0  198  JOKA MASHER! (833)         ARADI
 MASHER 60-4553              44  39  3  196  JOKA MASHER! (833)         ARADI
 BLACK HOLE SCRAG 43-3220    29  17  1  191  GUARDIANS (1287)           VEASTIAN
-BUBBLES 12-4981             26  54  1  191  POWERPUFF GIRLS (1145)     RIZTAB
 SIR VILE 10-4754            27  23  1  183  SIR AGLIO (788)            KOLACT

GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS       W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 DIRT WORM 82-2315           63  32  0  179  VERMIN!! (1124)            DWES EG
 TICKLES 9-3486              43  63  1  179  MY PETS (554)              ZUKAL
 JOE KING 47-2223            29  48  1  173  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 IPECAC 45-3625              23  12  0  171  EMETICS (1242)             STORMCROWE
 BUDDERCUP 60-5967           33  29  0  168  BUMS 'R' US (1142)         ARADI
 APPLE JACK 47-4011          29  21  4  167  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 JAKUCHU ITO 7-5102          25  14  0  167  NINJAS (1060)              BONSUR
 ROT TEN EGGS 47-3099        36  31  0  159  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 SPAZZ 33-6207               41  36  0  156  SNOTZI'S II (813)          NIYTYOLE ISLAND
 TIME SQUARE 65-4637         27  10  0  154  BIG APPLE MENACE (836)     DAL SHANG

GRAND ADEPTS                  W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 KAIDEN 35-3108              82  82  2  150  VIOLENT FEMS (972)         MURSKA
 PERFECT TEN 47-4218         26  20  1  150  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 TUM 18-7380                 22  16  2  148  FROM THE FACE (1265)       TALCAMA
 HALLIE O'DENE 58-6018       49  63  0  144  CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093)   DELARQ TOR
 BEER GOGGLES 33-6819        28  25  1  142  JOYS OF BOOZE (1209)       NIYTYOLE ISLAND
 MOD COD 55-2638             50  77  1  140  RHYME TYME (449)           KHALANI
 EMILY 17-5753               27  17  0  139  BLADES OF STEEL (1068)     ALJAFIR
 YELLOWBEARD 18-2149         27  12  0  137  SEA DOGS (426)             TALCAMA
 THUNDRA 60-5122             26  14  1  133  FA CHING (1279)            ARADI
 BRICK 20-389                35  32  0  126  THE BLUES (1286)           SEAM
 AEDON 7-4295                36  17  1  125  BLADES OF ICE (162)        BONSUR

GRAND ADEPTS                  W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 TUTANKHAMUN 71-3357         26  16  0  125  CARTOUCHE (1111)           KYR'TERR
 W.T. POOH 33-4430           63  50  0  121  SNOTZI'S II (813)          NIYTYOLE ISLAND
 KONGOL 7-4524               31  18  2  120  BLADES OF ICE (162)        BONSUR
 SPUTTER 82-15095            28  15  1  119  JOKA MASHER (917)          DWES EG
 DITCH RAT 82-15360          22  22  3  118  VERMIN! (1267)             DWES EG
 NUTMEG 7-5167               20  14  1  117  SUGAR AND SPICE (1231)     BONSUR
 LUNA TYCK 33-5761           33  38  1  113  DRAKE'S PETTING ZOO (1075) NIYTYOLE ISLAND
 BLACKBURST 60-5025          19  15  0  109  FA CHING (1279)            ARADI
 HIGH GUN 15-4386            21  23  2  102  TRIPLE CROWN (990)         MALCORN
 SCOOTER 54-118              19   9  1  102  THE MUPPETS (1289)         TROCAR

GRAND CHALLENGER INITIATES    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 MINOR THREAT 3-3108         22   8  2  100  KIDS GONE BAD (1281)       OSKSI
 AERYN SUN 10-4268           19  10  0   98  FARSCAPE (1277)            KOLACT
 RAISON D'ETRE 7-5311        19  15  3   94  BATHTUB ARMADA (1196)      BONSUR
 FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE 98-809   16  14  4   92  COLLEGE RADIO (1223)       SYVYN'S HILL
-PIYA 71-5625                 8   2  0   91  THAI INQUISITION (1292)    KYR'TERR

GRAND INITIATES               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 MICHAEL J'EH FOX 60-5263    18  11  2   88  INGRATE WHITE NORTH (1006) ARADI
 KIDNEY 96-972               12   7  3   86  ORGAN ON THE SANDS (1272)  OLD VALAMANTIS
 KOOKABURRA 33-4151          47  67  2   85  GIRL SCOUT COOKIES (812)   NIYTYOLE ISLAND
 MARY RETZLAFF 3-6119        18  27  1   82  AMERICAN APPRAISAL (1268)  OSKSI
 EXILE 7-4618                22  18  1   81  BLADES OF ICE (162)        BONSUR
 MAN O' WAR 15-4517          20   7  1   81  TRIPLE CROWN (990)         MALCORN
 ISHINOMORI 7-5390           24   7  1   76  NINJAS (1060)              BONSUR
 GAR & BRILL 38-4252         23  31  0   74  JUST BECAUSE (1228)        CLIFFHOME
 FEAR 82-10416               17  28  1   72  4-LETTER ANXIETY (1271)    DWES EG
 BECKY 17-5782               11   1  2   72  BLADES OF STEEL (1068)     ALJAFIR
 CARRIE NATION 64-4054       41  73  0   71  REFORMERS (1095)           KURUKAR
 QUIBBLE 10-4756             22  43  0   71  QUBIT (1136)               KOLACT
 QUONSET 10-4990             25  18  0   70  QUBIT (1136)               KOLACT
 SKI MASK 58-5869            35  58  0   69  CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093)   DELARQ TOR
 SATOSHI KUNO 7-5229         20  16  0   65  NINJAS (1060)              BONSUR
 MORADOR 2-5089              23   9  1   62  RESURRECTION (1065)        NIANIA
 GLORY HOLE 98-870            7  18  4   59  SUPERIOR KILLS (1229)      SYVYN'S HILL
 PUTZ'N ALONG 60-5437        31  28  0   54  JOKA MASHER! (833)         ARADI
 NUTCRACKER 38-4380          18   4  1   54  ALL FINESSE (1236)         CLIFFHOME
-PRIZMATYK WAHL 73-4252      15   6  1   52  MAGIC MAYHEM (1298)        ERINIKA
-PERCY QUIN 82-4728           6   0  0   48  PARKO RAMA (1296)          DWES EG
 CREDIT LINE 82-1366          0   9  0   48  WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY (1274 DWES EG
 A. CAPONE 18-3228           14  15  3   46  UNTOUCHABLES (1190)        TALCAMA
 HEART 97-1096                6  13  4   45  ORGANS ON THE SAND (1273)  SHADOW GROVE

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                    W   L  K TEAM NAME              SLAIN BY              TURN

                               PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE

6 May 2004
                                     DEATH FEST

     The ferocious ghosts of former glories whispered across the wind swept sands of
DM 59; agonizing incessantly due to the diminutive demise of the Delarq arena known
as Illis.
     Tattered banners and forgotten memories wailed in the wind for a dynamic death
march to dawn once more upon the blood stained sands of the Delarq slow arena.
     The distant call crying for  a declaration of restoration amidst the ruin of the
all but forgotten Delarq arena carried to the far corners of Alastari; drawing the
Devious, the Diabolical, the Dangerous and the Down Challenging to cross blades and
wage warfare among an assemblage of new stables managed by the Known and Unknown;
willing to spill fresh blood, while carving their destiny during 15 Rounds of contest
driven combat to be known as the "Illis Incredibly Diabolical Delarq Death Fest".
     A lone cloaked figure huddled by lamplight in a remote outpost near the
crossroads of ElseWhere and ElseWhen; feverishly formulating the foundational
framework for the dawning of the Delarq Death Fest in DM 59, complete with
Gladiatorial Commission sanctioned prizes to promote the growing thirst for a Delarq
Slow Arena Death Festival.

     Delarq Death Fest Opening Round debuts the first turn immediately following the
Summer 2004 F2F Tourney and continues through the completion of 15 consecutive
rounds.
     Death Fest points are Won or Lost ONLY in the DM 59 Delarq Slow Arena [Tourneys
DO NOT Add or Subtract from the Death Fest Point Scoring System]:

Death Fest Scoring Format:
Win =3D +2 pts
Loss =3D -1 pt
Kill =3D +5 pts [in addition to +2 pts for Win]
Death =3D -3 pts [in addition to 1 pt for Loss]
Dark Arena Kill =3D +10 pts [in addition to +2 pts for Win]
Dark Arena Death =3D -5 pts [in addition to 1 pt for Loss]
Revenged Blood Feud =3D +5 pts [successful Revenged Blood Feud provides Death Fest
contestants the opportunity to cancel out 3 pts for Death and 1 pt for Loss; while
gaining +1 pt overall for the Revenged Blood Feud in addition to the +2 pts for Win]

    DEATH FEST PRIZES will be awarded to the Top Ten Death Fest Stables on the basis
of Total Points*** accumulated during the 15 rounds of competition as follows:

1.  Favorite Weapon Knowledge for 1 (one) warrior ranked Initiate or higher on the
Final Round to be revealed by RSI to each of the Top Ten Death Fest Stables
2.  Renaming of Dark Arena Monsters and NPCs [yet to be determined according to how
many DA Monsters and NPCs are available in DM 59 for Renaming]
3.  The Top Five Death Fest Stables will receive New Team Rollup Certificates as
follows:  1st (10), 2nd (8), 3rd (6), 4th (4) and 5th (2)
4.  Renaming Illis Arena for 6 months plus Receiving 6 months Free Play courtesy of
RSI will be awarded to the manager of the 1st Place Death Fest Stable
5.  Discussions are underway regarding a possible Special Award granted to the Illis
Iron Stable qualifiers who compete in 67 of a possible 75 fights during the course of
the 15 consecutive rounds of the Death Fest [Key Factor is How Many (?) stables will
be competing in the Death Fest without drawing away participation by current managers
in the remaining slow arenas!]  Therefore, it is important for all managers entering
stables in DM 59 for the upcoming Death Fest to contact RSI as soon as possible
regarding their participation in this contest so that a Final Ruling on the proposed
Illis Iron Stable Award can be issued by RSI.

***TieBreaker is determined on the Final Round by the DM 59 Newsletter Recognition
Rankings.  The stable with the Highest Ranked Active Gladiator is granted the
decision.  [Example: Warrior A and Warrior B are both listed in the Recognition
Rankings with 87 pts; however, because Warrior A is listed in the Recognition
Rankings ahead of Warrior B, then Warrior A is granted the TieBreaker Decision for
His/Her stable!]

     Opening Round Team Spotlight Bonus [minimum 15 paragraphs!]  Each Delarq Death
Fest competitor who writes a Team Spotlight featuring their Stable (Name) and
Managerial Alias [Gladiatorial Names Optional] in regards to competing in the Delarq
Death Fest will receive 25 pts added to His/Her opening round score.
     Illis Iron Stable Bonus [in addition to the proposed award awaiting RSI
approval!]  Any manager whose stable competes in at least 67 of the possible 75
fights during the 15 rounds of Death Fest receives 25 points added to His/Her final
overall score [this allows each stable the cushion of missing one round of
competition; plus up to 3 additional fights due to waiting for replacement rollups
from Deaths suffered either in Tourneys or during the Death Fest contest in DM 59
over the course of 15 rounds of competition!]

Delarq Death Fest
Hosted by Hammer
[Who Else?]

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

THUNDRA bested SPUTTER in a crowd pleasing 4 minute Challenge fight.
MICHAEL J'EH FOX vanquished SKI MASK in a 1 minute uneven Challenge battle.
OBSESSED AVENGER subdued MASHER in a action packed 1 minute Challenge fight.
TUM was devastated by IPECAC in a popular 1 minute one-sided Challenge contest.
JAKUCHU ITO demolished KONGOL in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge competition.
LUNA TYCK was viciously subdued by BEER GOGGLES in a 3 minute Challenge fight.
TIME SQUARE viciously subdued HALLIE O'DENE in a 1 minute Challenge competition.
EMILY viciously subdued W.T. POOH in a action packed 3 minute gruesome Challenge duel.
BLACKBURST overpowered KIDNEY in a 1 minute uneven Challenge duel.
MORADOR was defeated by MARY RETZLAFF in a exciting 1 minute Challenge fight.
ISHINOMORI handily defeated HEART in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge bout.
FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE demolished CARRIE NATION in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge match.
50 SUCKS was viciously subdued by STEVE MCQUEEN in a exciting 6 minute Title contest.
BLACK HOLE SCRAG devastated JOE KING in a 1 minute mismatched bout.
DELICE THE RED handily defeated SPAZZ in a popular 1 minute uneven fight.
SIR VILE bested APPLE JACK in a action packed 1 minute duel.
ROT TEN EGGS beat TUTANKHAMUN in a crowd pleasing 2 minute brawl.
TICKLES devastated KAIDEN in a exciting 1 minute one-sided fight.
DIRT WORM savagely defeated PERFECT TEN in a exciting 7 minute gory bout.
AEDON unbelievably bested DITCH RAT in a crowd pleasing 5 minute gory competition.
BUDDERCUP overpowered YELLOWBEARD in a popular 2 minute gruesome one-sided duel.
SCOOTER lost to NUTMEG in a crowd pleasing 1 minute fray.
BRICK was defeated by MOD COD in a popular 1 minute gory match.
KOOKABURRA lost to RAISON D'ETRE in a popular 1 minute match.
MAN O' WAR was vanquished by MINOR THREAT in a exciting 4 minute one-sided fight.
HIGH GUN viciously subdued FEAR in a action packed 2 minute gruesome bout.
GAR & BRILL was overpowered by AERYN SUN in a crowd pleasing 1 minute one-sided fray.
NUTCRACKER lost to QUONSET in a 1 minute bout.
SATOSHI KUNO was savagely defeated by EXILE in a action packed 3 minute fight.
GLORY HOLE was defeated by BECKY in a exciting 1 minute match.
A. CAPONE was luckily beaten by PUTZ'N ALONG in a exciting 3 minute brutal fight.
CREDIT LINE was beaten by QUIBBLE in a 1 minute fray.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK                  18         SLASHING ATTACK   33 -  24 -  2      58  |
|AIMED BLOW                       8         LUNGING ATTACK    84 -  64 -  2      57  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  8         PARRY-LUNGE        6 -   5 -  0      55  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    8         TOTAL PARRY       30 -  26 -  0      54  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   8         BASHING ATTACK    45 -  44 -  0      51  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      6         PARRY-STRIKE      11 -  12 -  0      48  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  4         WALL OF STEEL     45 -  54 -  0      45  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     2         STRIKING ATTACK   45 -  56 -  2      45  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      2         AIMED BLOW        15 -  29 -  0      34  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    0         PARRY-RIPOSTE      1 -   2 -  0      33  |

Turn 376 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

PARRY-STRIKE       2 -  0     WALL OF STEEL      2 -  6         3  BASHING ATTACK 
LUNGING ATTACK    12 -  6     BASHING ATTACK     1 -  7         2  STRIKING ATTACK
TOTAL PARRY        4 -  2     PARRY-RIPOSTE      0 -  0         2  LUNGING ATTACK 
AIMED BLOW         4 -  4                                       1  AIMED BLOW     
PARRY-LUNGE        1 -  1                                       1  PARRY-STRIKE   
SLASHING ATTACK    2 -  2                                       1  WALL OF STEEL  
STRIKING ATTACK    4 -  4                                       1  TOTAL PARRY    

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
AIMED BLOW       STEVE MCQUEEN 47-3908      33  33  1  249 ROYAL FLUSH (146)
PARRY-STRIKE     OBSESSED AVENGER 15-2162   44  45  1  213 DRAKE'S BAR-B-Q (313)
STRIKING ATTACK  DELICE THE RED 56-3401     48  51  1  201 BAD APPLES (1091)
WALL OF STEEL    50 SUCKS 60-4129           64  35  0  198 JOKA MASHER! (833)
BASHING ATTACK   MASHER 60-4553             44  39  3  196 JOKA MASHER! (833)
LUNGING ATTACK   BLACK HOLE SCRAG 43-3220   29  17  1  191 GUARDIANS (1287)
TOTAL PARRY      DIRT WORM 82-2315          63  32  0  179 VERMIN!! (1124)
PARRY-LUNGE      LUNA TYCK 33-5761          33  38  1  113 DRAKE'S PETTING ZOO (1075)
SLASHING ATTACK  MICHAEL J'EH FOX 60-5263   18  11  2   88 INGRATE WHITE NORTH (1006)

The overall popularity leader is KAIDEN 35-3108.  The most popular warrior this turn 
was DITCH RAT 82-15360.  The ten other most popular fighters were PERFECT TEN 
47-4218, THUNDRA 60-5122, STEVE MCQUEEN 47-3908, EXILE 7-4618, MAN O' WAR 15-4517, A. 
CAPONE 18-3228, SPUTTER 82-15095, BEER GOGGLES 33-6819, DIRT WORM 82-2315, and EMILY 
17-5753.

The least popular fighter this week was BRICK 20-389.  The other ten least popular 
fighters were CARRIE NATION 64-4054, HEART 97-1096, KIDNEY 96-972, KONGOL 7-4524, SKI 
MASK 58-5869, QUIBBLE 10-4756, CREDIT LINE 82-1366, GLORY HOLE 98-870, NUTCRACKER 
38-4380, and GAR & BRILL 38-4252.

Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  
NIANIA(2)            0  1 0  NIYTYOLE ISLAND(33)  1  4 0  DELARQ TOR(58)       0  2 0  
OSKSI(3)             2  0 0  MURSKA(35)           0  1 0  ARADI(60)            5  2 0  
BONSUR(7)            6  2 0  CLIFFHOME(38)        0  2 0  KURUKAR(64)          0  1 0  
ZUKAL(9)             1  0 0  VEASTIAN(43)         1  0 0  DAL SHANG(65)        1  0 0  
KOLACT(10)           4  0 0  STORMCROWE(45)       1  0 0  KYR'TERR(71)         0  1 0  
MALCORN(15)          2  1 0  NORTH FORK(47)       2  3 0  DWES EG(82)          1  4 0  
ALJAFIR(17)          2  0 0  TROCAR(54)           0  1 0  OLD VALAMANTIS(96)   0  1 0  
TALCAMA(18)          0  3 0  KHALANI(55)          1  0 0  SHADOW GROVE(97)     0  1 0  
SEAM(20)             0  1 0  ROCANIS(56)          1  0 0  SYVYN'S HILL(98)     1  1 0  

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 MORADOR 2-5089              23   9  1   62  RESURRECTION (1065)        NIANIA
 MINOR THREAT 3-3108         22   8  2  100  KIDS GONE BAD (1281)       OSKSI
 JAKUCHU ITO 7-5102          25  14  0  167  NINJAS (1060)              BONSUR
 TICKLES 9-3486              43  63  1  179  MY PETS (554)              ZUKAL
 SIR VILE 10-4754            27  23  1  183  SIR AGLIO (788)            KOLACT
 OBSESSED AVENGER 15-2162    44  45  1  213  DRAKE'S BAR-B-Q (313)      MALCORN
 EMILY 17-5753               27  17  0  139  BLADES OF STEEL (1068)     ALJAFIR
 TUM 18-7380                 22  16  2  148  FROM THE FACE (1265)       TALCAMA
 BRICK 20-389                35  32  0  126  THE BLUES (1286)           SEAM
 SPAZZ 33-6207               41  36  0  156  SNOTZI'S II (813)          NIYTYOLE ISLAND
 KAIDEN 35-3108              82  82  2  150  VIOLENT FEMS (972)         MURSKA
 GAR & BRILL 38-4252         23  31  0   74  JUST BECAUSE (1228)        CLIFFHOME
 BLACK HOLE SCRAG 43-3220    29  17  1  191  GUARDIANS (1287)           VEASTIAN
 IPECAC 45-3625              23  12  0  171  EMETICS (1242)             STORMCROWE
 STEVE MCQUEEN 47-3908       33  33  1  249  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 SCOOTER 54-118              19   9  1  102  THE MUPPETS (1289)         TROCAR
 MOD COD 55-2638             50  77  1  140  RHYME TYME (449)           KHALANI
 DELICE THE RED 56-3401      48  51  1  201  BAD APPLES (1091)          ROCANIS

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 HALLIE O'DENE 58-6018       49  63  0  144  CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093)   DELARQ TOR
 50 SUCKS 60-4129            64  35  0  198  JOKA MASHER! (833)         ARADI
 CARRIE NATION 64-4054       41  73  0   71  REFORMERS (1095)           KURUKAR
 TIME SQUARE 65-4637         27  10  0  154  BIG APPLE MENACE (836)     DAL SHANG
 TUTANKHAMUN 71-3357         26  16  0  125  CARTOUCHE (1111)           KYR'TERR
 DIRT WORM 82-2315           63  32  0  179  VERMIN!! (1124)            DWES EG
 KIDNEY 96-972               12   7  3   86  ORGAN ON THE SANDS (1272)  OLD VALAMANTIS
 HEART 97-1096                6  13  4   45  ORGANS ON THE SAND (1273)  SHADOW GROVE
 FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE 98-809   16  14  4   92  COLLEGE RADIO (1223)       SYVYN'S HILL