AD
Date : 06/02/2004 Duedate: 06/15/2004
HOME GUARD
DM-101 TURN-377
RANK TEAMS W L K % RANK TEAMS W L K %
1 COLLEGE RADI 98/1223 127 68 0 65.1 JOYS OF BOOZE 33/1209
BIG APPLE MENACE 65/836 14-INDIFFERENCE 7/1250 25 26 1 49.0
2-BLADES OF ICE 7/162 326 243 6 57.3 INSIGNIFICANCE 74/1266
BLADES OF STEEL 17/1068 15 DRAKE'S BAR-B 15/313 160 173 5 48.0
3 CARTOUCHE 71/1111 514 408 4 55.7 DRAKE'S PETTING ZOO 33/1075
4 4-LETTER ANX 82/1271 247 205 1 54.6 16-HARM NONE 82/1297 42 56 0 42.9
ORGAN ON THE SANDS 96/1272 LEGENDS OF EGYPT 82/1295
WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY 82/1274 LAME ALLIANCES 74/1294
ORGANS ON THE SAND 97/1273 THAI INQUISITION 71/1292
5 QUBIT 10/1136 748 625 5 54.5 PARKO RAMA 82/1296
JOKA MASHER! 60/833 ITALIAN LOVERS 45/1288
TRIPLE CROWN 15/990 HARE CONTROL 59/1290
SIR AGLIO 10/788 ECHL-SOUTH 71/1291
VERMIN! 82/1267 103RD TROOPERS 17/1285
VERMIN!! 82/1124 17 VIOLENT FEMS 35/972 386 519 9 42.7
SNOTZI'S II 33/813 JUST BECAUSE 38/1228
JOKA MASHER 82/917 18 UNTOUCHABLES 18/1190 13 18 0 41.9
6 FARSCAPE 10/1277 7 6 0 53.8 19 SONS OF SATAN 21/21 6 9 0 40.0
GUARDIANS 43/1287 20 MY PETS 9/554 457 720 11 38.8
THE MUPPETS 54/1289 RHYME TYME 55/449
THE BLUES 20/1286 GIRL SCOUT COOKIES 33/812
7 MAGIC MAYHEM 73/1298 17 15 0 53.1 21-MY DRUGS 98/1222 14 23 0 37.8
SCREEN DREAMS 47/1299 22 REFORMERS 64/1095 430 725 3 37.2
8 SEA DOGS 18/426 23 21 0 52.3 CIRQUE DU MASQUES 58/1093
9 ROYAL FLUSH 47/146 677 644 10 51.2 BAD APPLES 56/1091
INGRATE WHITE NORTH 60/1006 23 FA CHING 60/1279 16 28 1 36.4
10 ALL FINESSE 38/1236 52 51 0 50.5 SUPERIOR KILLS 98/1229
SUGAR AND SPICE 7/1231 24-POWERPUFF GI 12/1145 22 46 0 32.4
BATHTUB ARMADA 7/1196 25 AMERICAN APPR 3/1268 3 7 0 30.0
11 YAKUZA 8/1300 11 11 0 50.0 26-GODDESSES 73/1293 3 7 0 30.0
12 NINJAS 7/1060 191 192 2 49.9 27-KIDS GONE BAD 3/1281 1 0 0 100
FROM THE FACE 18/1265 28-THE MC5 24/1283 1 1 0 50.0
RESURRECTION 2/1065 THE HEADCUTTERS II 11/1282
13 EMETICS 45/1242 47 48 0 49.5 THAT 80'S METAL 40/1284
BUMS 'R' US 60/1142
'##/###' Avoid teams by their Team Id '-' Team did not fight this turn
THE GUARDIAN'S FORUM
Reflections by the Captain of the Guard
Thanks to the Joka Masher gang who no longer believe is 50 sucks, as we saw 55
sucks more at the mailer. And speaking of the mailer, I am pleased to report that I
was able to avoid elimination until after round 10, and as such, have garnished a
television set to watch my old movies with. Of course, I could have gone deeper
except for back to back losses to the Jilesgate clones. Still, I am not going to
complain, as this is all is much further than my starting sum of wit+will=19 should
have gotten me. I think I'll just sit here and bask in the glow of Home Guard's
jewel encrusted throne. Or is that just shiny porcelain?
Steve McQueen
Royal Flush
REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER
Still me, and that's good. You don't think so? Imagine sitting through one of
Olaf's on-and-on monologues. There aren't many things worse than that, but one of
'em is listening to the report of the Unknown Golem Spy Reporter, which is your other
choice today.
For instance: "So why do I have this bag over my head? Because I am The
Unknown Spymaster and I'm going to give you a spy report!. Hey everybody, watch out
for MARY ANN, who flew up 32 points in the rankings after mashing MAN O' WAR like a
melon. Keep your eye on this gal. Ya know, some days it doesn't pay to walk out on
the sands. MAN O' WAR was defeated by MARY ANN and drops 24 points. OBSESSED
AVENGER got through to the Duelmaster this turn. No doubt he was more than anxious
to kick STEVE MCQUEEN's tail out of the throne! Our battling duelmaster STEVE
MCQUEEN has managed to hold the title, fending off OBSESSED AVENGER's none too subtle
advances. Better luck next time, DRAKE'S BAR-B-Q. Can you believe they are paying
me 10 gold to deliver this stuff?"
No, I don't believe it, and it isn't true. Golems don't get paid. That's why
there are so many of 'em doing spy reports around here. The Commission is a buncha
cheapskates. Not that a golem would have anything to DO with money, but it's the
principle of the thing. We might have to form a union! Then where'll they be, eh?
The news in, as they say, brief: Drake's Bar-B-Q was avoided by Royal Flush,
for all the good it did 'em. Luna Tyck got the most challenges. Whoopee.
Challenges were issued, both up and down, and it doesn't make ME queasy to think
about it. Besides, I wasn't thinking about it at all. Why should I? That's what
under-stewards and notepads are for. They take the notes, I tell you what I think
you should know, or sometimes just whatever I feel like saying. Pretty good deal, if
you ask me. And no, they don't pay ME ten gold for this, either. They write me a
check. Who wants to cary around a bunch of gold? Just an invitation to pocket
pickers.
So, here's some fights:
MARY ANN (47-4378) (12-18-0,54) of SCREEN DREAMS fought MAN O' WAR (15-4517)
(20-7-1,81) of TRIPLE CROWN. MARY ANN overpowered MAN O' WAR in an exciting 1 minute
one-sided fight. Did this excite you? It didn't do much for me. But then, I try
not to bet on horses. Most perverse beasts you could hope to lose a shirt on.
SKI MASK (58-5869) (35-58-0,69) of CIRQUE DU MASQUES fought GAR & BRILL (38-
4252) (23-31-0,74) of JUST BECAUSE. SKI MASK overpowered GAR & BRILL in a 1 minute
one-sided match. Ah, gods, the stupid duck. If somebody wanted to kill this duck,
you wouldn't hear a word of protest from me. We could have a barbeque. There's a
lot of meat on a six-foot duck....
MICHAEL J'EH FOX (60-5263) (18-11-2,88) of INGRATE WHITE NORTH fought MEAN
SPIRIT (101-5) (0-0-0,70) of Local Bums & Louts. MICHAEL J'EH FOX overpowered MEAN
SPIRIT in an action packed 1 minute one-sided fight. We had to change the name of
the standbys, because the Louts protested at the inclusion of Bums in their number.
Mean Spirit is a Bum.
CARRIE NATION (64-4054) (41-73-0,71) of REFORMERS fought QUONSET (10-4990) (25-
18-0,70) of QUBIT. CARRIE NATION was overpowered by QUONSET in a 1 minute uneven
competition. Damn straight! And it was none other than this liquor-hating wench
that I personally saw (with my own eyes, even) "cramped under a table at the Bash &
Glug," as the saying goes. Leaves her virtue looking a little threadbare, eh?
PRIZMATYK WAHL (73-4252) (15-6-1,52) of MAGIC MAYHEM fought MARY RETZLAFF (3-
6119) (18-27-1,82) of AMERICAN APPRAISAL. PRIZMATYK WAHL was beaten by MARY RETZLAFF
in a 2 minute fray. There are some strange bits of the alphabet running around here
these days, and I don't approve of it. Straighten up, you two! Get rid of those
Zees.
FEAR (82-10416) (17-28-1,72) of 4-LETTER ANXIETY fought KOOKABURRA (33-4151)
(47-67-2,85) of GIRL SCOUT COOKIES. FEAR beat KOOKABURRA in an action packed 2
minute duel. And that's the way the cookie crumbles.
KIDNEY (96-972) (12-7-3,86) of ORGAN ON THE SANDS fought THORNE (60-5259) (18-4-
0,58) of FA CHING. KIDNEY overpowered THORNE in a 2 minute gruesome one-sided bout.
Some kidneys are even more overpowering than this one. Nah, not like that. What a
bunch of low-minded bums! Pickled is what I mean. Not that a kidney isn't a fairly
awful thing any way at all.
FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE (98-809) (16-14-4,92) of COLLEGE RADIO fought QUIBBLE (10-
4756) (22-43-0,71) of QUBIT. FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE won victory over QUIBBLE in a
popular 1 minute gruesome match. Ya know, I've found that a battle axe to the head
is a great way to stop quibblers, myself. A couple whacks, and you'd be AMAZED at
how the argument stops.
DITCH RAT (82-15360) (22-22-3,118) of VERMIN! fought IRON-PLATED IRV (101-10)
(0-0-0,150) of Local Bums & Louts. DITCH RAT savagely defeated IRON-PLATED IRV in a
popular 3 minute gory match. Irv, now, Irv is a Lout. But he's intensely alarmed by
rodents of all sorts. Too bad the arenamaster wouldn't let him bring his rat terrier
out on the sands.
SPUTTER (82-15095) (28-15-1,119) of JOKA MASHER fought YELLOWBEARD (18-2149)
(27-12-0,137) of SEA DOGS. SPUTTER overpowered YELLOWBEARD in an action packed 2
minute bloody uneven fray. At the conclusion of which fight, the orderlies presented
Yellowbeard with a towel, and it was NOT because of the blood. Somebody oughta make
that Sputter wear a mask.
TUTANKHAMUN (71-3357) (26-16-0,125) of CARTOUCHE fought MOD COD (55-2638) (50-
77-1,140) of RHYME TYME. TUTANKHAMUN was overpowered by MOD COD in an exciting 1
minute uneven fight. Cold-conked with a cod. Is there anything more embarrassing
than that? Well, yes....
HALLIE O'DENE (58-6018) (49-63-0,144) of CIRQUE DU MASQUES fought KAIDEN (35-
3108) (82-82-2,150) of VIOLENT FEMS. HALLIE O'DENE was savagely defeated by KAIDEN
in a crowd pleasing 2 minute conflict. And why not? Did you think they were called
VIOLENT fems for nothing? Distinctly unfeminine, though. I wouldn't want to get
friendly with Kaiden. A bloodthirsty wench. When she asks for a Bloody Mary, she
isn't using a figure of speech.
TIME SQUARE (65-4637) (27-10-0,154) of BIG APPLE MENACE fought BRICK (20-389)
(35-32-0,126) of THE BLUES. TIME SQUARE savagely defeated BRICK in an exciting 2
minute brutal bout. Bricks, cobbles, flagstones, asphalt, nothing is safe from the
trampling feet of Time Square. Time, as the saying goes, conquers all. Usually.
DIRT WORM (82-2315) (63-32-0,179) of VERMIN!! fought THUNDRA (60-5122) (26-14-
1,133) of FA CHING. DIRT WORM outwaited THUNDRA in a popular 8 minute brutal brawl.
The only thing a fight like this is good for is ordering out for pizza. Hold the
anchovies and the muschrooms.
SPAZZ (33-6207) (41-36-0,156) of SNOTZI'S II fought TICKLES (9-3486) (43-63-
1,179) of MY PETS. SPAZZ was handily defeated by TICKLES in a 1 minute mismatched
bout. It was the whisker-tickle that finally turned the tide. Brought on Spazz's
clumsiness something fierce.
DAMION (21-87) (36-26-3,163) of SONS OF SATAN fought BUDDERCUP (60-5967) (33-29-
0,168) of BUMS 'R' US. DAMION was overpowered by BUDDERCUP in a crowd pleasing 3
minute one-sided duel. Note that THIS Bum is not one of ours. This is somebody
ELSE'S Bum. Hmm, now that I'm thinking about it, I don't recall hearing that Satan
was ever married, so what does that make Damion?
50 SUCKS (60-4129) (64-35-0,198) of JOKA MASHER! fought HUNGRY HAROLD (101-29)
(0-0-0,200) of Local Bums & Louts. 50 SUCKS slimly won victory over HUNGRY HAROLD in
a crowd pleasing 3 minute bout. Mashed him like a melon, and a good job, too.
Harold owes me fifty, and I got it out of his pockets while the orderlies were trying
to revive him. Doctors don't mess with the standbys, you know. If the orderlies
can't fix 'em, we just throw 'em out and get new ones. Plenty of idiots around who
think it's exciting. Little do they know!
MASHER (60-4553) (44-39-3,196) of JOKA MASHER! fought SHARON SHEW (101-25) (0-0-
0,181) of Local Bums & Louts. MASHER devastated SHARON SHEW in an exciting 1 minute
brutal mismatched conflict. But the thing is, Sharon LIKES brutality. Watch out she
doesn't corner you, Masher.
Ah, and the challenge matches. I'm always glad to see 'em, because it means
we're more than half way done.
SATOSHI KUNO (7-5229) (20-16-0,65) of NINJAS challenged A. CAPONE (18-3228) (14-
15-3,46) of UNTOUCHABLES. Down 19. Of course. We're looking at a pair of
Delarquans here. Custom of the country and all that. SATOSHI KUNO luckily beat A.
CAPONE in an exciting 3 minute brutal Challenge fight. Looks like ol' A. wasn't so
untouchable after all.
ISHINOMORI (7-5390) (24-7-1,76) of NINJAS challenged HEART (97-1096) (6-13-4,45)
of ORGANS ON THE SAND. Down 31. ISHINOMORI overpowered HEART in a 1 minute uneven
Challenge match. The Heart bleeds for Ishi. And lots of people cheer. Ishi knows
what Evil lurks in the Heart!
NUTCRACKER (38-4380) (18-4-1,54) of ALL FINESSE challenged PUTZ'N ALONG (60-
5437) (31-28-0,54) of JOKA MASHER! Straight across. NUTCRACKER was vanquished by
PUTZ'N ALONG in a 2 minute one-sided Challenge duel. But the burning question before
the jury today is, "Did Nutcracker lose with finesse, or just plain lose?" Cast your
votes, Sports Fans.
MORADOR (2-5089) (23-9-1,62) of RESURRECTION challenged CREDIT LINE (82-1366)
(0-9-0,48) of WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY. Down 14. MORADOR unbelievably bested CREDIT
LINE in a popular 1 minute uneven Challenge duel. "Unbelievable"? Where does the
announcer get off with this "unbelievable" bit? EVERYBODY beats the Credit Line.
With a record like that, you gotta wonder where this idiot came from. Okay, Dwes Eg,
but I mean HOW.
RAISON D'ETRE (7-5311) (19-15-3,94) of BATHTUB ARMADA challenged AERYN SUN (10-
4268) (19-10-0,98) of FARSCAPE. Up 4. RAISON D'ETRE was overcome by AERYN SUN in a
2 minute Challenge melee. Just a raisin in the sun, eh? Shriveling up the way they
do and getting all rocky and disgusting. Well, I suppose somebody has to do it.
LUNA TYCK (33-5761) (33-38-1,113) of DRAKE'S PETTING ZOO challenged BEER GOGGLES
(33-6819) (28-25-1,142) of JOYS OF BOOZE. Up 29. LUNA TYCK slimly won victory over
BEER GOGGLES in a 3 minute Challenge competition. Here's a thing! Luna was Most
Challenged, but it was the Tyck's challenge that determined this fight. Somebody
somewhere had a snootful too many before setting up the matches today, if you ask me!
SCOOTER (54-118) (19-9-1,102) of THE MUPPETS challenged W.T. POOH (33-4430) (63-
50-0,121) of SNOTZI'S II. Up 19. SCOOTER viciously subdued W.T. POOH in a crowd
pleasing 9 minute Challenge fight. Our longest fight, and I do NOT understand why
the crowd was pleased. Some days I really don't understand the crowd mind. We had
nine minutes of a puppet show, with singing. Gods.
TUM (18-7380) (22-16-2,148) of FROM THE FACE challenged IPECAC (45-3625) (23-12-
0,171) of EMETICS. Up 22. TUM subdued IPECAC in a crowd pleasing 1 minute Challenge
competition. The question here is, "Are we looking at mint-flavored Tum, or wild
cherry?" Inquiring minds want to know.
BLACKBURST (60-5025) (19-15-0,109) of FA CHING challenged NUTMEG (7-5167) (20-
14-1,117) of SUGAR AND SPICE. Up 8. BLACKBURST was devastated by NUTMEG in a 1
minute one-sided Challenge fight. Sneezing and so on. Quite a mess. Next time,
Blackburst had better bring a bigger hankie. The one he had ended up... disgusting.
JAKUCHU ITO (7-5102) (25-14-0,167) of NINJAS challenged SIR VILE (10-4754) (27-
23-1,183) of SIR AGLIO. Up 16. JAKUCHU ITO overpowered SIR VILE in a 1 minute
mismatched Challenge duel. We're looking at some serious harem-envy here. They tell
me Vile made some comments just before the fight. Ooooh, bad move, Sir Vile!
BLACK HOLE SCRAG (43-3220) (29-17-1,191) of GUARDIANS challenged DELICE THE RED
(56-3401) (48-51-1,201) of BAD APPLES. Up 10. BLACK HOLE SCRAG was demolished by
DELICE THE RED in a 1 minute Challenge melee. No surprise, a bad apple ATTRACTS a
doctor, hand and foot.
And for the title, although the announcer didn't see fit to mention that little
detail (bribery? favoritism?): OBSESSED AVENGER (15-2162) (44-45-1,213) of DRAKE'S
BAR-B-Q challenged STEVE MCQUEEN (47-3908) (33-33-1,249) of ROYAL FLUSH. Up 36.
OBSESSED AVENGER was viciously subdued by STEVE MCQUEEN in a 6 minute Challenge
fight. I expect a detailed denouncement of Mr. McQueen next time, Avenger. And
Stevie, I want you to rebut him. Let's get a few facts here.
And that is totally IT for today, not a minute too soon. Maybe I'll see you
next time, and maybe it'll be my wimpy brother Olaf.
Ogre Modeen
CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
STEVE MCQUEEN 47-3908 34 33 1 257 ROYAL FLUSH (146) NORTH FORK
GRAND CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
DELICE THE RED 56-3401 49 51 1 215 BAD APPLES (1091) ROCANIS
GRAND CHAMPIONS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
50 SUCKS 60-4129 65 35 0 207 JOKA MASHER! (833) ARADI
MASHER 60-4553 45 39 3 203 JOKA MASHER! (833) ARADI
OBSESSED AVENGER 15-2162 44 46 1 198 DRAKE'S BAR-B-Q (313) MALCORN
-BUBBLES 12-4981 26 54 1 191 POWERPUFF GIRLS (1145) RIZTAB
JAKUCHU ITO 7-5102 26 14 0 187 NINJAS (1060) BONSUR
TICKLES 9-3486 44 63 1 186 MY PETS (554) ZUKAL
BUDDERCUP 60-5967 34 29 0 185 BUMS 'R' US (1142) ARADI
BLACK HOLE SCRAG 43-3220 29 18 1 183 GUARDIANS (1287) VEASTIAN
DIRT WORM 82-2315 64 32 0 181 VERMIN!! (1124) DWES EG
GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
-JOE KING 47-2223 29 48 1 173 ROYAL FLUSH (146) NORTH FORK
TUM 18-7380 23 16 2 172 FROM THE FACE (1265) TALCAMA
SIR VILE 10-4754 27 24 1 168 SIR AGLIO (788) KOLACT
-APPLE JACK 47-4011 29 21 4 167 ROYAL FLUSH (146) NORTH FORK
-ROT TEN EGGS 47-3099 36 31 0 159 ROYAL FLUSH (146) NORTH FORK
TIME SQUARE 65-4637 28 10 0 157 BIG APPLE MENACE (836) DAL SHANG
KAIDEN 35-3108 83 82 2 156 VIOLENT FEMS (972) MURSKA
IPECAC 45-3625 23 13 0 156 EMETICS (1242) STORMCROWE
DAMION 21-87 36 27 3 155 SONS OF SATAN (21) SUNSET
MOD COD 55-2638 51 77 1 152 RHYME TYME (449) KHALANI
SPAZZ 33-6207 41 37 0 152 SNOTZI'S II (813) NIYTYOLE ISLAND
GRAND ADEPTS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
THUNDRA 60-5122 26 15 1 150 FA CHING (1279) ARADI
-PERFECT TEN 47-4218 26 20 1 150 ROYAL FLUSH (146) NORTH FORK
SPUTTER 82-15095 29 15 1 149 JOKA MASHER (917) DWES EG
DITCH RAT 82-15360 23 22 3 142 VERMIN! (1267) DWES EG
HALLIE O'DENE 58-6018 49 64 0 141 CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093) DELARQ TOR
-EMILY 17-5753 27 17 0 139 BLADES OF STEEL (1068) ALJAFIR
LUNA TYCK 33-5761 34 38 1 136 DRAKE'S PETTING ZOO (1075) NIYTYOLE ISLAND
BRICK 20-389 35 33 0 133 THE BLUES (1286) SEAM
NUTMEG 7-5167 21 14 1 128 SUGAR AND SPICE (1231) BONSUR
SCOOTER 54-118 20 9 1 127 THE MUPPETS (1289) TROCAR
-AEDON 7-4295 36 17 1 125 BLADES OF ICE (162) BONSUR
BEER GOGGLES 33-6819 28 26 1 125 JOYS OF BOOZE (1209) NIYTYOLE ISLAND
YELLOWBEARD 18-2149 27 13 0 122 SEA DOGS (426) TALCAMA
-KONGOL 7-4524 31 18 2 120 BLADES OF ICE (162) BONSUR
TUTANKHAMUN 71-3357 26 17 0 119 CARTOUCHE (1111) KYR'TERR
W.T. POOH 33-4430 63 51 0 112 SNOTZI'S II (813) NIYTYOLE ISLAND
AERYN SUN 10-4268 20 10 0 105 FARSCAPE (1277) KOLACT
BLACKBURST 60-5025 19 16 0 103 FA CHING (1279) ARADI
-HIGH GUN 15-4386 21 23 2 102 TRIPLE CROWN (990) MALCORN
GRAND CHALLENGER INITIATES W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
-MINOR THREAT 3-3108 22 8 2 100 KIDS GONE BAD (1281) OSKSI
KIDNEY 96-972 13 7 3 97 ORGAN ON THE SANDS (1272) OLD VALAMANTIS
FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE 98-809 17 14 4 95 COLLEGE RADIO (1223) SYVYN'S HILL
MICHAEL J'EH FOX 60-5263 19 11 2 94 INGRATE WHITE NORTH (1006) ARADI
RAISON D'ETRE 7-5311 19 16 3 93 BATHTUB ARMADA (1196) BONSUR
GRAND INITIATES W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
-SUGARBEET 7-5219 23 19 1 89 SUGAR AND SPICE (1231) BONSUR
-TAISHO 8-4690 25 9 2 86 YAKUZA (1300) ARKERS
MARY RETZLAFF 3-6119 19 27 1 85 AMERICAN APPRAISAL (1268) OSKSI
FEAR 82-10416 18 28 1 85 4-LETTER ANXIETY (1271) DWES EG
GRAND INITIATES W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
SKI MASK 58-5869 36 58 0 82 CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093) DELARQ TOR
QUONSET 10-4990 26 18 0 81 QUBIT (1136) KOLACT
-EXILE 7-4618 22 18 1 81 BLADES OF ICE (162) BONSUR
ISHINOMORI 7-5390 25 7 1 78 NINJAS (1060) BONSUR
KOOKABURRA 33-4151 47 68 2 76 GIRL SCOUT COOKIES (812) NIYTYOLE ISLAND
PUTZ'N ALONG 60-5437 32 28 0 72 JOKA MASHER! (833) ARADI
QUIBBLE 10-4756 22 44 0 72 QUBIT (1136) KOLACT
-BECKY 17-5782 11 1 2 72 BLADES OF STEEL (1068) ALJAFIR
SATOSHI KUNO 7-5229 21 16 0 67 NINJAS (1060) BONSUR
MORADOR 2-5089 24 9 1 64 RESURRECTION (1065) NIANIA
-SETZER GABBIANI 74-3485 17 18 2 63 THE FINAL FANTASY (1301) DAIYLA KIV
CARRIE NATION 64-4054 41 74 0 62 REFORMERS (1095) KURUKAR
GAR & BRILL 38-4252 23 32 0 61 JUST BECAUSE (1228) CLIFFHOME
-BLACK JACK SHELACK 47-4850 16 10 1 59 ROYAL FLUSH (146) NORTH FORK
-GLORY HOLE 98-870 7 18 4 59 SUPERIOR KILLS (1229) SYVYN'S HILL
MAN O' WAR 15-4517 20 8 1 57 TRIPLE CROWN (990) MALCORN
THORNE 60-5259 18 5 0 57 FA CHING (1279) ARADI
PRIZMATYK WAHL 73-4252 15 7 1 56 MAGIC MAYHEM (1298) ERINIKA
-MEDUSA 6-5779 16 5 0 53 BATTLE BEASTS (1235) TRANSEL
CREDIT LINE 82-1366 0 10 0 52 WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY (1274 DWES EG
A. CAPONE 18-3228 14 16 3 50 UNTOUCHABLES (1190) TALCAMA
HEART 97-1096 6 14 4 48 ORGANS ON THE SAND (1273) SHADOW GROVE
NUTCRACKER 38-4380 18 5 1 46 ALL FINESSE (1236) CLIFFHOME
'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.
THE DEAD W L K TEAM NAME SLAIN BY TURN
PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE
R'Shann -- The length of the fight seems to have nothing to do with the learn rate.
That's just as idle observation, backed by nothing, that my manager said to pass on
to you. But bear in mind, that's the same guy who still runs me! -- Dirt Worm
Bubbles -- I'm SOOOO honored you chose me for your last fight. But why wear anything
at all? -- Masher
P.S. Best of luck to you in your new career.
Kongol -- Yarr. -- Yellowbeard
Michael J'eh Fox -- I KNEW IT! A FOX! A fox in the Duck House! Kill it! -- Ski
Mask, Paranoid and Founder of Ducks With Swords
Time Square -- Do you ever wish to be round? -- Hallie O'Dene
Fountains of Wayne -- And a very bad grade of beer that is. -- Carrie Nation
Spazz -- I SAID I'd hit you upside the head if you didn't stop twitching. -- Delice
the Red
6 May 2004
DEATH FEST
The ferocious ghosts of former glories whispered across the wind swept sands of
DM 59; agonizing incessantly due to the diminutive demise of the Delarq arena known
as Illis.
Tattered banners and forgotten memories wailed in the wind for a dynamic death
march to dawn once more upon the blood stained sands of the Delarq slow arena.
The distant call crying for a declaration of restoration amidst the ruin of the
all but forgotten Delarq arena carried to the far corners of Alastari; drawing the
Devious, the Diabolical, the Dangerous and the Down Challenging to cross blades and
wage warfare among an assemblage of new stables managed by the Known and Unknown;
willing to spill fresh blood, while carving their destiny during 15 Rounds of contest
driven combat to be known as the "Illis Incredibly Diabolical Delarq Death Fest".
A lone cloaked figure huddled by lamplight in a remote outpost near the
crossroads of ElseWhere and ElseWhen; feverishly formulating the foundational
framework for the dawning of the Delarq Death Fest in DM 59, complete with
Gladiatorial Commission sanctioned prizes to promote the growing thirst for a Delarq
Slow Arena Death Festival.
Delarq Death Fest Opening Round debuts the first turn immediately following the
Summer 2004 F2F Tourney and continues through the completion of 15 consecutive
rounds.
Death Fest points are Won or Lost ONLY in the DM 59 Delarq Slow Arena [Tourneys
DO NOT Add or Subtract from the Death Fest Point Scoring System]:
Death Fest Scoring Format:
Win =3D +2 pts
Loss =3D -1 pt
Kill =3D +5 pts [in addition to +2 pts for Win]
Death =3D -3 pts [in addition to 1 pt for Loss]
Dark Arena Kill =3D +10 pts [in addition to +2 pts for Win]
Dark Arena Death =3D -5 pts [in addition to 1 pt for Loss]
Revenged Blood Feud =3D +5 pts [successful Revenged Blood Feud provides Death Fest
contestants the opportunity to cancel out 3 pts for Death and 1 pt for Loss; while
gaining +1 pt overall for the Revenged Blood Feud in addition to the +2 pts for Win]
DEATH FEST PRIZES will be awarded to the Top Ten Death Fest Stables on the basis
of Total Points*** accumulated during the 15 rounds of competition as follows:
1. Favorite Weapon Knowledge for 1 (one) warrior ranked Initiate or higher on the
Final Round to be revealed by RSI to each of the Top Ten Death Fest Stables
2. Renaming of Dark Arena Monsters and NPCs [yet to be determined according to how
many DA Monsters and NPCs are available in DM 59 for Renaming]
3. The Top Five Death Fest Stables will receive New Team Rollup Certificates as
follows: 1st (10), 2nd (8), 3rd (6), 4th (4) and 5th (2)
4. Renaming Illis Arena for 6 months plus Receiving 6 months Free Play courtesy of
RSI will be awarded to the manager of the 1st Place Death Fest Stable
5. Discussions are underway regarding a possible Special Award granted to the Illis
Iron Stable qualifiers who compete in 67 of a possible 75 fights during the course of
the 15 consecutive rounds of the Death Fest [Key Factor is How Many (?) stables will
be competing in the Death Fest without drawing away participation by current managers
in the remaining slow arenas!] Therefore, it is important for all managers entering
stables in DM 59 for the upcoming Death Fest to contact RSI as soon as possible
regarding their participation in this contest so that a Final Ruling on the proposed
Illis Iron Stable Award can be issued by RSI.
***TieBreaker is determined on the Final Round by the DM 59 Newsletter Recognition
Rankings. The stable with the Highest Ranked Active Gladiator is granted the
decision. [Example: Warrior A and Warrior B are both listed in the Recognition
Rankings with 87 pts; however, because Warrior A is listed in the Recognition
Rankings ahead of Warrior B, then Warrior A is granted the TieBreaker Decision for
His/Her stable!]
Opening Round Team Spotlight Bonus [minimum 15 paragraphs!] Each Delarq Death
Fest competitor who writes a Team Spotlight featuring their Stable (Name) and
Managerial Alias [Gladiatorial Names Optional] in regards to competing in the Delarq
Death Fest will receive 25 pts added to His/Her opening round score.
Illis Iron Stable Bonus [in addition to the proposed award awaiting RSI
approval!] Any manager whose stable competes in at least 67 of the possible 75
fights during the 15 rounds of Death Fest receives 25 points added to His/Her final
overall score [this allows each stable the cushion of missing one round of
competition; plus up to 3 additional fights due to waiting for replacement rollups
from Deaths suffered either in Tourneys or during the Death Fest contest in DM 59
over the course of 15 rounds of competition!]
Delarq Death Fest
Hosted by Hammer
[Who Else?]
25 May 2004
TEN TURNS OF HELL:
The KLK Capture The Flag Competition
In the spirit of the ongoing effort to make arena play what it used to be (FUN!!), I
am proud to announce the KLK Capture The Flag Competition. The competition will be
held in Jhans (DM-36, which has, by the way, grown in size equal to Talcama already).
:) We are announcing this contest early to allow managers time to prep.
Rules:
-- On turn 462 (due 8/4/04) the lowest ranked warrior on your team is given your
team's 'flag' (he is your initial flag defender).
-- Starting on turn 463 (due 8/18/04) flags will be defended every turn and turn
463 is the turn scoring will begin.
-- Fights involving flags are winners-take-all and a warrior can carry as many
flags as he can win.
-- If a warrior holding a flag either A) goes inactive, B) loses to a stand-by
warrior or C) gets DA'd, he forfeits all flags he has and they are returned the their
original team's lowest ranked warrior.
-- If you hold your own flag on an inactive warrior you receive NO POINTS that
turn.
-- If a warrior graduates to AD holding flags starting on the next turn those
flags will be defended by the lowest ranked warrior on the team of the graduating
warrior.
-- Scoring as follows for each turn:
2 pts -- possession of your own team flag
1 pt -- possession any other flag
1 pt -- for each win
1 pt -- for each kill
1 pt -- for each award you receive in the newsletter
-- You may enter as many teams as you like (per RSI rules) but each team is its
own entry.
-- Tie-Breaker goes to the team that had the most points from flags.
-- If still tied the tie-breaker will be the team that had the most points from
kills. (It's the Delarq way.)
-- The contest lasts 10 turns and there will be prizes for 1st, 2nd and 3rd
(based on highest point totals)
Prizes: (what you've been waiting on)
1st -- 3 know favorites potions*
DA warrior named after winning manager
2nd -- 2 know favorites potions*
3rd -- 1 know favorites potion*
* These are full favorite potions (weapon, rhythms and tactics) and can only be used
on warriors with at least 4 FE.
How's that for paying out? (grin) Even if you think that it's all about the TC,
these prizes should be enough to draw you in. (You know who you are.)
I hope to see friend and foe alike come to Jhans. Legion, Froths, and all the
others...this is your personal invite. Can you win? Can you survive 10 turns of
Hell in Jhans?
Note: Special thanks to RSI for helping make this contest possible. Thanks
guys!
Bookie
KLK Alliance
Director Jhans' Board of Tourism
Warden of the Froth Circle (grin)
D.R.C. 4 Life
LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS
OBSESSED AVENGER was viciously subdued by STEVE MCQUEEN in a 6 minute Challenge fight.
BLACK HOLE SCRAG was demolished by DELICE THE RED in a 1 minute Challenge melee.
JAKUCHU ITO overpowered SIR VILE in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge duel.
BLACKBURST was devastated by NUTMEG in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge fight.
TUM subdued IPECAC in a crowd pleasing 1 minute Challenge competition.
SCOOTER viciously subdued W.T. POOH in a crowd pleasing 9 minute Challenge fight.
LUNA TYCK slimly won victory over BEER GOGGLES in a 3 minute Challenge competition.
RAISON D'ETRE was overcome by AERYN SUN in a 2 minute Challenge melee.
MORADOR unbelievably bested CREDIT LINE in a popular 1 minute uneven Challenge duel.
NUTCRACKER was vanquished by PUTZ'N ALONG in a 2 minute one-sided Challenge duel.
ISHINOMORI overpowered HEART in a 1 minute uneven Challenge match.
SATOSHI KUNO luckily beat A. CAPONE in a exciting 3 minute brutal Challenge fight.
MASHER devastated SHARON SHEW in a exciting 1 minute brutal mismatched conflict.
50 SUCKS slimly won victory over HUNGRY HAROLD in a crowd pleasing 3 minute bout.
DAMION was overpowered by BUDDERCUP in a crowd pleasing 3 minute one-sided duel.
SPAZZ was handily defeated by TICKLES in a 1 minute mismatched bout.
DIRT WORM outwaited THUNDRA in a popular 8 minute brutal brawl.
TIME SQUARE savagely defeated BRICK in a exciting 2 minute brutal bout.
HALLIE O'DENE was savagely defeated by KAIDEN in a crowd pleasing 2 minute conflict.
TUTANKHAMUN was overpowered by MOD COD in a exciting 1 minute uneven fight.
SPUTTER overpowered YELLOWBEARD in a action packed 2 minute bloody uneven fray.
DITCH RAT savagely defeated IRON-PLATED IRV in a popular 3 minute gory match.
FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE won victory over QUIBBLE in a popular 1 minute gruesome match.
KIDNEY overpowered THORNE in a 2 minute gruesome one-sided bout.
FEAR beat KOOKABURRA in a action packed 2 minute duel.
PRIZMATYK WAHL was beaten by MARY RETZLAFF in a 2 minute fray.
CARRIE NATION was overpowered by QUONSET in a 1 minute uneven competition.
MICHAEL J'EH FOX overpowered MEAN SPIRIT in a action packed 1 minute one-sided fight.
SKI MASK overpowered GAR & BRILL in a 1 minute one-sided match.
MARY ANN overpowered MAN O' WAR in a exciting 1 minute one-sided fight.
BATTLE REPORT
MOST POPULAR RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS
|FIGHTING STYLE FIGHTS FIGHTING STYLE W - L - K PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK 15 PARRY-LUNGE 8 - 5 - 0 62 |
|WALL OF STEEL 9 SLASHING ATTACK 32 - 23 - 1 58 |
|BASHING ATTACK 8 LUNGING ATTACK 85 - 64 - 1 57 |
|AIMED BLOW 7 TOTAL PARRY 28 - 26 - 0 52 |
|STRIKING ATTACK 6 PARRY-RIPOSTE 1 - 1 - 0 50 |
|SLASHING ATTACK 4 PARRY-STRIKE 10 - 11 - 0 48 |
|TOTAL PARRY 4 WALL OF STEEL 45 - 52 - 0 46 |
|PARRY-LUNGE 2 STRIKING ATTACK 45 - 52 - 2 46 |
|PARRY-STRIKE 1 BASHING ATTACK 40 - 47 - 0 46 |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE 0 AIMED BLOW 19 - 29 - 0 40 |
Turn 377 was great if you Not so great if you used The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles: the fighting styles: top eleven warriors are:
PARRY-LUNGE 2 - 0 WALL OF STEEL 4 - 5 3 STRIKING ATTACK
SLASHING ATTACK 3 - 1 PARRY-STRIKE 0 - 1 2 BASHING ATTACK
AIMED BLOW 4 - 3 PARRY-RIPOSTE 0 - 0 2 LUNGING ATTACK
LUNGING ATTACK 8 - 7 1 AIMED BLOW
STRIKING ATTACK 3 - 3 1 WALL OF STEEL
BASHING ATTACK 4 - 4 1 PARRY-STRIKE
TOTAL PARRY 2 - 2 1 TOTAL PARRY
TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE
FIGHTING STYLE WARRIOR W L K PNTS TEAM NAME
AIMED BLOW STEVE MCQUEEN 47-3908 34 33 1 257 ROYAL FLUSH (146)
STRIKING ATTACK DELICE THE RED 56-3401 49 51 1 215 BAD APPLES (1091)
WALL OF STEEL 50 SUCKS 60-4129 65 35 0 207 JOKA MASHER! (833)
BASHING ATTACK MASHER 60-4553 45 39 3 203 JOKA MASHER! (833)
PARRY-STRIKE OBSESSED AVENGER 15-2162 44 46 1 198 DRAKE'S BAR-B-Q (313)
LUNGING ATTACK JAKUCHU ITO 7-5102 26 14 0 187 NINJAS (1060)
TOTAL PARRY DIRT WORM 82-2315 64 32 0 181 VERMIN!! (1124)
PARRY-LUNGE LUNA TYCK 33-5761 34 38 1 136 DRAKE'S PETTING ZOO (1075)
SLASHING ATTACK MICHAEL J'EH FOX 60-5263 19 11 2 94 INGRATE WHITE NORTH (1006)
The overall popularity leader is KAIDEN 35-3108. The most popular warrior this turn
was SCOOTER 54-118. The ten other most popular fighters were THUNDRA 60-5122,
OBSESSED AVENGER 15-2162, STEVE MCQUEEN 47-3908, BUDDERCUP 60-5967, TIME SQUARE
65-4637, DIRT WORM 82-2315, DITCH RAT 82-15360, A. CAPONE 18-3228, W.T. POOH 33-4430,
and 50 SUCKS 60-4129.
The least popular fighter this week was GAR & BRILL 38-4252. The other ten least
popular fighters were QUIBBLE 10-4756, BLACKBURST 60-5025, SIR VILE 10-4754, BLACK
HOLE SCRAG 43-3220, MAN O' WAR 15-4517, CARRIE NATION 64-4054, THORNE 60-5259,
YELLOWBEARD 18-2149, HALLIE O'DENE 58-6018, and SPAZZ 33-6207.
Arena (Number) W L K Arena (Number) W L K Arena (Number) W L K
NIANIA(2) 1 0 0 MURSKA(35) 1 0 0 ARADI(60) 5 3 0
OSKSI(3) 1 0 0 CLIFFHOME(38) 0 2 0 KURUKAR(64) 0 1 0
BONSUR(7) 4 1 0 VEASTIAN(43) 0 1 0 DAL SHANG(65) 1 0 0
ZUKAL(9) 1 0 0 STORMCROWE(45) 0 1 0 KYR'TERR(71) 0 1 0
KOLACT(10) 2 2 0 NORTH FORK(47) 2 0 0 ERINIKA(73) 0 1 0
MALCORN(15) 0 2 0 TROCAR(54) 1 0 0 DWES EG(82) 4 1 0
TALCAMA(18) 1 2 0 KHALANI(55) 1 0 0 OLD VALAMANTIS(96) 1 0 0
SEAM(20) 0 1 0 ROCANIS(56) 1 0 0 SHADOW GROVE(97) 0 1 0
SUNSET(21) 0 1 0 DELARQ TOR(58) 1 1 0 SYVYN'S HILL(98) 1 0 0
NIYTYOLE ISLAND(33) 1 4 0
TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
MORADOR 2-5089 24 9 1 64 RESURRECTION (1065) NIANIA
MARY RETZLAFF 3-6119 19 27 1 85 AMERICAN APPRAISAL (1268) OSKSI
JAKUCHU ITO 7-5102 26 14 0 187 NINJAS (1060) BONSUR
TICKLES 9-3486 44 63 1 186 MY PETS (554) ZUKAL
SIR VILE 10-4754 27 24 1 168 SIR AGLIO (788) KOLACT
OBSESSED AVENGER 15-2162 44 46 1 198 DRAKE'S BAR-B-Q (313) MALCORN
TUM 18-7380 23 16 2 172 FROM THE FACE (1265) TALCAMA
BRICK 20-389 35 33 0 133 THE BLUES (1286) SEAM
DAMION 21-87 36 27 3 155 SONS OF SATAN (21) SUNSET
SPAZZ 33-6207 41 37 0 152 SNOTZI'S II (813) NIYTYOLE ISLAND
KAIDEN 35-3108 83 82 2 156 VIOLENT FEMS (972) MURSKA
GAR & BRILL 38-4252 23 32 0 61 JUST BECAUSE (1228) CLIFFHOME
BLACK HOLE SCRAG 43-3220 29 18 1 183 GUARDIANS (1287) VEASTIAN
IPECAC 45-3625 23 13 0 156 EMETICS (1242) STORMCROWE
STEVE MCQUEEN 47-3908 34 33 1 257 ROYAL FLUSH (146) NORTH FORK
SCOOTER 54-118 20 9 1 127 THE MUPPETS (1289) TROCAR
MOD COD 55-2638 51 77 1 152 RHYME TYME (449) KHALANI
TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
DELICE THE RED 56-3401 49 51 1 215 BAD APPLES (1091) ROCANIS
HALLIE O'DENE 58-6018 49 64 0 141 CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093) DELARQ TOR
50 SUCKS 60-4129 65 35 0 207 JOKA MASHER! (833) ARADI
CARRIE NATION 64-4054 41 74 0 62 REFORMERS (1095) KURUKAR
TIME SQUARE 65-4637 28 10 0 157 BIG APPLE MENACE (836) DAL SHANG
TUTANKHAMUN 71-3357 26 17 0 119 CARTOUCHE (1111) KYR'TERR
PRIZMATYK WAHL 73-4252 15 7 1 56 MAGIC MAYHEM (1298) ERINIKA
DIRT WORM 82-2315 64 32 0 181 VERMIN!! (1124) DWES EG
KIDNEY 96-972 13 7 3 97 ORGAN ON THE SANDS (1272) OLD VALAMANTIS
HEART 97-1096 6 14 4 48 ORGANS ON THE SAND (1273) SHADOW GROVE
FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE 98-809 17 14 4 95 COLLEGE RADIO (1223) SYVYN'S HILL