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Date   : 06/16/2004    Duedate: 06/29/2004

HOME GUARD

DM-101    TURN-378

RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %  RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %
  1 THE ROYAL FA 19/1036  209  110  0 65.5      BATHTUB ARMADA 7/1196                 
  2 COLLEGE RADI 98/1223  128   69  0 65.0   13-YAKUZA 8/1300          11   11  0 50.0
    BIG APPLE MENACE 65/836                  14 EMETICS 45/1242        48   50  0 49.0
  3 BLADES OF ICE 7/162   330  244  6 57.5      BUMS 'R' US 60/1142                   
    BLADES OF STEEL 17/1068                     JOYS OF BOOZE 33/1209                 
  4 FARSCAPE 10/1277        9    7  0 56.3   15 DRAKE'S BAR-B 15/313  161  174  5 48.1
    THE MUPPETS 54/1289                         DRAKE'S PETTING ZOO 33/1075           
    THE BLUES 20/1286                        16-HARM NONE 82/1297      42   56  0 42.9
    GUARDIANS 43/1287                           ECHL-SOUTH 71/1291                    
  5 MAGIC MAYHEM 73/1298   19   15  0 55.9      LEGENDS OF EGYPT 82/1295              
    SCREEN DREAMS 47/1299                       ITALIAN LOVERS 45/1288                
  6 CARTOUCHE 71/1111     515  408  4 55.8      103RD TROOPERS 17/1285                
  7 QUBIT 10/1136         752  633  6 54.3      PARKO RAMA 82/1296                    
    VERMIN!! 82/1124                            LAME ALLIANCES 74/1294                
    TRIPLE CROWN 15/990                         HARE CONTROL 59/1290                  
    SIR AGLIO 10/788                            THAI INQUISITION 71/1292              
    SNOTZI'S II 33/813                       17 VIOLENT FEMS 35/972   388  519  9 42.8
    JOKA MASHER! 60/833                         JUST BECAUSE 38/1228                  
    VERMIN! 82/1267                          18-UNTOUCHABLES 18/1190   13   18  0 41.9
    JOKA MASHER 82/917                       19-SONS OF SATAN 21/21     6    9  0 40.0
  8 4-LETTER ANX 82/1271  247  209  1 54.2   20 MY PETS 9/554         459  721 11 38.9
    ORGAN ON THE SANDS 96/1272                  RHYME TYME 55/449                     
    ORGANS ON THE SAND 97/1273                  GIRL SCOUT COOKIES 33/812             
    WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY 82/1274             21 REFORMERS 64/1095     430  729  3 37.1
  9-SEA DOGS 18/426        23   21  0 52.3      CIRQUE DU MASQUES 58/1093             
 10 ROYAL FLUSH 47/146    680  648 10 51.2      BAD APPLES 56/1091                    
    INGRATE WHITE NORTH 60/1006              22-FA CHING 60/1279       16   28  1 36.4
 11 NINJAS 7/1060         196  192  2 50.5      SUPERIOR KILLS 98/1229                
    FROM THE FACE 18/1265                    23-GODDESSES 73/1293       3    7  0 30.0
    RESURRECTION 2/1065                      24 AMERICAN APPR 3/1268    3    8  0 27.3
 12 ALL FINESSE 38/1236    53   53  0 50.0   25-KIDS GONE BAD 3/1281    1    0  0  100
    SUGAR AND SPICE 7/1231                

    '##/###' Avoid teams by their Team Id     '-'  Team did not fight this turn

                                 THE GUARDIAN'S FORUM
                       Reflections by the Captain of the Guard

     Quite satisfying to take out the Obsessive one, as I was truly worried about
that matchup, but managed to grit my teeth and bear down on the competition.
Hopefully, this turn, more members of Royal Flush will make their presence felt on
the sands of Home Guard, as no one else made it last turn aside from me.  Anyone see
ADM split mini-overviews yet?  Curious if I can have another shot at the Freshmen
tourney in Graceland.

Steve McQueen

                             REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER

     So, you're back here, huh?  Sixty warriors, I don't count the standbys.  Louts 
Olaf called 'em, and louts they are.  Even when they win.  I see that our Duel-II, 
our Captain of the Guard, knows how to write.  Good cess.  I guess a lot of you 
turkeys don't, eh?  Don't let it bother you, I know plenty of oxen who can't write, 
either.  Heck, there's even a few monkeys who couldn't produce a personal if you 
turned 'em loose with a typewriter for twenty years.
     Fa Ching was avoided by Royal Flush.  What do the Flushers know that they aren't 
telling?  Jakuchi Ito got the most challenges.  Out of thirty-one fights, thirteen 
are challenge matches.  They tell me that's a good proportion.  What do They know?  
And thirty-one fights isn't all that hot a number, either.  There are thousands of 
gladiators qualified for this arena, even if some of 'em are women.  Or golems.

     Oh, well, let's see what we've got today.
     MAN O' WAR (15-4517) (20-8-1,57) of TRIPLE CROWN fought HERMY (101-4) (0-0-0,50) 
of Local Louts.  MAN O' WAR was subdued by HERMY in a 2 minute fight.  The horse from 
Malcorn didn't come out looking so great.  Hermy, however, is buying for the crowd at 
the Bash N' Glug.
     KOOKABURRA (33-4151) (47-68-2,76) of GIRL SCOUT COOKIES fought QUONSET (10-4990) 
(26-18-0,81) of QUBIT.  KOOKABURRA vanquished QUONSET in an exciting 1 minute one-
sided fray.  Do girl scouts have to "be prepared" like boy scouts?  I figure it'd 
help, if they happened to meet up, say, out behind a fallen quonset hut.
     MARY RETZLAFF (3-6119) (19-27-1,85) of AMERICAN APPRAISAL fought BECKY (17-5782) 
(11-1-2,72) of BLADES OF STEEL.  MARY RETZLAFF was overpowered by BECKY in a 1 minute 
one-sided fight.  Whoever is appraising this Retzlaff woman will likely be giving her 
a black mark, eh?  Maybe Becky should share the name of her swordsmith.  Or maybe 
not.
     SKI MASK (58-5869) (36-58-0,82) of CIRQUE DU MASQUES fought GAR & BRILL (38-
4252) (23-32-0,61) of JUST BECAUSE.  SKI MASK was overpowered by GAR & BRILL in a 
crowd pleasing 1 minute one-sided fray.  Ah, gods, the Duck.  Somebody kill the fowl 
thing.  Drown it in the lake, shoot it from ambush, I don't care.  Get rid of it.
     PUTZ'N ALONG (60-5437) (32-28-0,72) of JOKA MASHER! fought EXILE (7-4618) (22-
18-1,81) of BLADES OF ICE.  PUTZ'N ALONG was viciously subdued by EXILE in an action 
packed 3 minute gruesome bout.  On a day like this's been, a blade of ice might be a 
welcome thing, you think?  Of course, if it's really, really sharp, maybe not.
     HEART (97-1096) (6-14-4,48) of ORGANS ON THE SAND fought MARY ANN (47-4378) (13-
18-0,86) of SCREEN DREAMS.  HEART was overpowered by MARY ANN in a 1 minute one-sided 
bout.  Hadda Hopper tells me this means that Mary Ann is an actress with heart.  Who 
cares?  She's a gladiator, dammit.  Not an actress.  We got no casting couches here!
     MICHAEL J'EH FOX (60-5263) (19-11-2,94) of INGRATE WHITE NORTH fought QUIBBLE 
(10-4756) (22-44-0,72) of QUBIT.  MICHAEL J'EH FOX vanquished QUIBBLE in a 2 minute 
gruesome one-sided match.  Never start a quibble with a fox.  They're too clever by 
half.  Maybe even by two thirds.
     FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE (98-809) (17-14-4,95) of COLLEGE RADIO fought CARRIE NATION 
(64-4054) (41-74-0,62) of REFORMERS.  FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE demolished CARRIE NATION in 
a 1 minute one-sided fight.  Rumor has it--you know Rumor, don't you, the old guy at 
the end of the bar in the Bash N' Glug?  Him.  He has it that the fountains in 
question were flowing with wine, or maybe something stronger.
     KONGOL (7-4524) (31-18-2,120) of BLADES OF ICE fought SPUTTER (82-15095) (29-15-
1,149) of JOKA MASHER.  KONGOL overcame SPUTTER in a popular 1 minute contest.  Which 
just goes to show that speaking clearly is important.  Very important, even in the 
arena, though you might not think so... until you try to say "I surrender" and 
everyone hears "I sent her."
     AEDON (7-4295) (36-17-1,125) of BLADES OF ICE fought W.T. POOH (33-4430) (63-51-
0,112) of SNOTZI'S II.  AEDON was savagely defeated by W.T. POOH in a dull 27 minute 
gruesome bout.  Even a bear with little brain can't sustain savagery for twenty-seven 
minutes.  But a bear with little brain doesn't know it.  What I want to know is, what 
the heck was Aedon doing all this time?  Did his blade melt?
     TUTANKHAMUN (71-3357) (26-17-0,119) of CARTOUCHE fought NUTMEG (7-5167) (21-14-
1,128) of SUGAR AND SPICE.  TUTANKHAMUN overpowered NUTMEG in a 1 minute uneven 
fight.  There's a note on the edge of my cheat-sheet here suggesting that someone 
should cut Tut's ration of tanna leaves.  What the heck are tanna leaves?  NO 
gladiator is supposed to be getting drugs before a fight!
     SIR VILE (10-4754) (27-24-1,168) of SIR AGLIO fought BRICK (20-389) (35-33-
0,133) of THE BLUES.  SIR VILE was luckily beaten by BRICK in a crowd pleasing 3 
minute bloody conflict.  I gotta tell you, if I was Brick, I'd beat up an announcer.  
Luck?  What do they know about it?
     KAIDEN (35-3108) (83-82-2,156) of VIOLENT FEMS fought BEER GOGGLES (33-6819) 
(28-26-1,125) of JOYS OF BOOZE.  KAIDEN demolished BEER GOGGLES in an exciting 1 
minute one-sided bout.  Kaiden also demolished two orderlies and one of the 
maintenance men, for which the arena insurance company will come down on her like a 
ton of marble blocks.
     IPECAC (45-3625) (23-13-0,156) of EMETICS fought SPAZZ (33-6207) (41-37-0,152) 
of SNOTZI'S II.  IPECAC was devastated by SPAZZ in a 1 minute one-sided fight.  Too 
busy throwing up to fight.  Faugh!
     JOE KING (47-2223) (29-48-1,173) of ROYAL FLUSH fought AERYN SUN (10-4268) (20-
10-0,105) of FARSCAPE.  JOE KING was bested by AERYN SUN in a 2 minute brawl.  And 
was Joe's face ever red for that loss!  Talk about losing dramatically!
     DIRT WORM (82-2315) (64-32-0,181) of VERMIN!! fought LONG-NECKED LARRY (101-22) 
(0-0-0,181) of Local Louts.  DIRT WORM was viciously subdued by LONG-NECKED LARRY in 
an action packed 8 minute duel.  Which makes the standbys 2-0 for the week, and 
guarantees that they'll be partying loudly tonight.
     50 SUCKS (60-4129) (65-35-0,207) of JOKA MASHER! fought MOD COD (55-2638) (51-
77-1,152) of RHYME TYME.  50 SUCKS dispatched MOD COD in a 2 minute bout.  And buried 
the Mod Cod Bod in the sands, to the disgust of the maintenance crew.  They get 
snirty about fish guts in the sand.
     TICKLES (9-3486) (44-63-1,186) of MY PETS fought DUKE OF EARL (19-2401) (16-13-
0,183) of THE ROYAL FAMILY.  TICKLES overpowered DUKE OF EARL in a popular 1 minute 
mismatched conflict.  Gods, that I should live to see a gladiator giggle!  The horror 
of it, the in-dignity!  Not to mention the oil spill.  Who's goign to clean THAT up, 
eh?

     Ah, and some challenge matches.  Now we get to see what managers are paying 
attention here.
     MORADOR (2-5089) (24-9-1,64) of RESURRECTION challenged CREDIT LINE (82-1366) 
(0-10-0,52) of WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY.  Down 12.  MORADOR demolished CREDIT LINE in a 1 
minute mismatched Challenge match.  As you can see, demolishing a credit line is one 
of the easiest things going.
     BLACK JACK SHELACK (47-4850) (16-10-1,59) of ROYAL FLUSH challenged SATOSHI KUNO 
(7-5229) (21-16-0,67) of NINJAS.  Up 8.  BLACK JACK SHELACK was bested by SATOSHI 
KUNO in a 6 minute Challenge conflict.  Hey, I'm no blue-nose, but anybody with sense 
knows you shouldn't drink shellack.  Of course, anybody with sense isn't going to be 
a gladiator anyway....
     NUTCRACKER (38-4380) (18-5-1,46) of ALL FINESSE challenged PRIZMATYK WAHL (73-
4252) (15-7-1,56) of MAGIC MAYHEM.  Up 10.  NUTCRACKER was overpowered by PRIZMATYK 
WAHL in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge match.  Somebody having a special on weird 
spelling over on Dwes Eg?
     ISHINOMORI (7-5390) (25-7-1,78) of NINJAS challenged FEAR (82-10416) (18-28-
1,85) of 4-LETTER ANXIETY.  Up 7.  ISHINOMORI overpowered FEAR in a 1 minute one-
sided Challenge melee.  You know the old saying about "nothing to fear but fear 
itself"?  Forget it.  Fear isn't anything to worry about.  Not with that record.
     RAISON D'ETRE (7-5311) (19-16-3,93) of BATHTUB ARMADA challenged KIDNEY (96-972) 
(13-7-3,97) of ORGAN ON THE SANDS.  Up 4.  RAISON D'ETRE defeated KIDNEY in a 1 
minute Challenge fight.  Yep, it was a stake-and-kidney finish.
     LUNA TYCK (33-5761) (34-38-1,136) of DRAKE'S PETTING ZOO challenged DITCH RAT 
(82-15360) (23-22-3,142) of VERMIN!.  Up 6.  LUNA TYCK vanquished DITCH RAT in an 
action packed 1 minute uneven Challenge fight.  Tycks and rats?  I'm gonna have the 
exterminator in here tomorrow, so you better WATCH OUT.
     EMILY (17-5753) (27-17-0,139) of BLADES OF STEEL challenged HALLIE O'DENE (58-
6018) (49-64-0,141) of CIRQUE DU MASQUES.  Up 2.  EMILY vanquished HALLIE O'DENE in a 
1 minute uneven Challenge duel.  It must be the swordsmith.  We can obviously take it 
that steel blades are Good.
     PERFECT TEN (47-4218) (26-20-1,150) of ROYAL FLUSH challenged TIME SQUARE (65-
4637) (28-10-0,157) of BIG APPLE MENACE.  Up 7.  PERFECT TEN overcame TIME SQUARE in 
an action packed 1 minute Challenge fight.  Apples are over-rated, I don't care how 
big they are.  You see one apple, you've seen 'em all.  And they don't keep doctors 
away unless they're green and you're good with a slingshot.
     TUM (18-7380) (23-16-2,172) of FROM THE FACE challenged BLACK HOLE SCRAG (43-
3220) (29-18-1,183) of GUARDIANS.  Up 11.  TUM vanquished BLACK HOLE SCRAG in an 
exciting 1 minute mismatched Challenge fight.  Doesn't look like this BH Scrag is 
much of a guardian, if he can't handle a simple Tum.
     APPLE JACK (47-4011) (29-21-4,167) of ROYAL FLUSH challenged BUDDERCUP (60-5967) 
(34-29-0,185) of BUMS 'R' US.  Up 18.  APPLE JACK was demolished by BUDDERCUP in a 1 
minute mismatched Challenge competition.  See?  Apples are worthless.  So are bums, 
but there are more of 'em around, so you gotta watch what you say.
     ROT TEN EGGS (47-3099) (36-31-0,159) of ROYAL FLUSH challenged JAKUCHU ITO (7-
5102) (26-14-0,187) of NINJAS.  Up 28.  ROT TEN EGGS was vanquished by JAKUCHU ITO in 
a 2 minute mismatched Challenge brawl.  Is this the "hundred-year eggs" thing?  Gods, 
talk about a stink!
     OBSESSED AVENGER (15-2162) (44-46-1,198) of DRAKE'S BAR-B-Q challenged MASHER 
(60-4553) (45-39-3,203) of JOKA MASHER!  Up 5.  OBSESSED AVENGER was demolished by 
MASHER in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge melee.  And good work, too!  Who needs 
someone going around avenging things all the time?  People need a chance to sin in 
peace.

     And for being the Duel-II Dude, Captain of the Guard, we have STEVE MCQUEEN (47-
3908) (34-33-1,257) of ROYAL FLUSH TV challenged DELICE THE RED (56-3401) (49-51-
1,215) of BAD APPLES.  Down 42.  STEVE MCQUEEN slimly won victory over DELICE THE RED 
in a 3 minute Challenge fight.  And a damned good thing, too!  Apples, you can't get 
away from them.  Besides, we don't need a broad on the top seat.  Congratulations, 
Steve, and write us another column.

                                        Ogre Modeen

CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD          W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 STEVE MCQUEEN 47-3908       35  33  1  263  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK

GRAND CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 50 SUCKS 60-4129            66  35  1  228  JOKA MASHER! (833)         ARADI
 MASHER 60-4553              46  39  3  213  JOKA MASHER! (833)         ARADI

GRAND CHAMPIONS               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 DELICE THE RED 56-3401      49  52  1  199  BAD APPLES (1091)          ROCANIS
 TICKLES 9-3486              45  63  1  198  MY PETS (554)              ZUKAL
 JAKUCHU ITO 7-5102          27  14  0  196  NINJAS (1060)              BONSUR
 BUDDERCUP 60-5967           35  29  0  195  BUMS 'R' US (1142)         ARADI
 TUM 18-7380                 24  16  2  195  FROM THE FACE (1265)       TALCAMA
 OBSESSED AVENGER 15-2162    44  47  1  191  DRAKE'S BAR-B-Q (313)      MALCORN

GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS       W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 DIRT WORM 82-2315           64  33  0  179  VERMIN!! (1124)            DWES EG
 DUKE OF EARL 19-2401        16  14  0  174  THE ROYAL FAMILY (1036)    ZUWAYZA
 SPAZZ 33-6207               42  37  0  169  SNOTZI'S II (813)          NIYTYOLE ISLAND
 BLACK HOLE SCRAG 43-3220    29  19  1  169  GUARDIANS (1287)           VEASTIAN
 PERFECT TEN 47-4218         27  20  1  169  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 MOD COD 55-2638             51  78  1  168  RHYME TYME (449)           KHALANI
 APPLE JACK 47-4011          29  22  4  164  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 KAIDEN 35-3108              84  82  2  160  VIOLENT FEMS (972)         MURSKA
 ROT TEN EGGS 47-3099        36  32  0  159  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 BRICK 20-389                36  33  0  159  THE BLUES (1286)           SEAM
-DAMION 21-87                36  27  3  155  SONS OF SATAN (21)         SUNSET
 LUNA TYCK 33-5761           35  38  1  151  DRAKE'S PETTING ZOO (1075) NIYTYOLE ISLAND
 TIME SQUARE 65-4637         28  11  0  151  BIG APPLE MENACE (836)     DAL SHANG
 EMILY 17-5753               28  17  0  151  BLADES OF STEEL (1068)     ALJAFIR

GRAND ADEPTS                  W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
-THUNDRA 60-5122             26  15  1  150  FA CHING (1279)            ARADI
 SIR VILE 10-4754            27  25  1  149  SIR AGLIO (788)            KOLACT
 KONGOL 7-4524               32  18  2  148  BLADES OF ICE (162)        BONSUR
 IPECAC 45-3625              23  14  0  145  EMETICS (1242)             STORMCROWE

GRAND ADEPTS                  W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 AERYN SUN 10-4268           21  10  0  145  FARSCAPE (1277)            KOLACT
 TUTANKHAMUN 71-3357         27  17  0  138  CARTOUCHE (1111)           KYR'TERR
 JOE KING 47-2223            29  49  1  137  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 HALLIE O'DENE 58-6018       49  65  0  133  CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093)   DELARQ TOR
 SPUTTER 82-15095            29  16  1  133  JOKA MASHER (917)          DWES EG
 W.T. POOH 33-4430           64  51  0  131  SNOTZI'S II (813)          NIYTYOLE ISLAND
 DITCH RAT 82-15360          23  23  3  129  VERMIN! (1267)             DWES EG
-SCOOTER 54-118              20   9  1  127  THE MUPPETS (1289)         TROCAR
 BEER GOGGLES 33-6819        28  27  1  124  JOYS OF BOOZE (1209)       NIYTYOLE ISLAND
-YELLOWBEARD 18-2149         27  13  0  122  SEA DOGS (426)             TALCAMA
 NUTMEG 7-5167               21  15  1  116  SUGAR AND SPICE (1231)     BONSUR
 AEDON 7-4295                36  18  1  113  BLADES OF ICE (162)        BONSUR
 RAISON D'ETRE 7-5311        20  16  3  103  BATHTUB ARMADA (1196)      BONSUR
-BLACKBURST 60-5025          19  16  0  103  FA CHING (1279)            ARADI
-HIGH GUN 15-4386            21  23  2  102  TRIPLE CROWN (990)         MALCORN

GRAND CHALLENGER INITIATES    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
-MINOR THREAT 3-3108         22   8  2  100  KIDS GONE BAD (1281)       OSKSI
 MICHAEL J'EH FOX 60-5263    20  11  2   99  INGRATE WHITE NORTH (1006) ARADI
 FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE 98-809   18  14  4   97  COLLEGE RADIO (1223)       SYVYN'S HILL
 KOOKABURRA 33-4151          48  68  2   94  GIRL SCOUT COOKIES (812)   NIYTYOLE ISLAND
 ISHINOMORI 7-5390           26   7  1   92  NINJAS (1060)              BONSUR
 KIDNEY 96-972               13   8  3   91  ORGAN ON THE SANDS (1272)  OLD VALAMANTIS

GRAND INITIATES               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 EXILE 7-4618                23  18  1   89  BLADES OF ICE (162)        BONSUR
 BECKY 17-5782               12   1  2   89  BLADES OF STEEL (1068)     ALJAFIR
-TAISHO 8-4690               25   9  2   86  YAKUZA (1300)              ARKERS
 GAR & BRILL 38-4252         24  32  0   83  JUST BECAUSE (1228)        CLIFFHOME
 SATOSHI KUNO 7-5229         22  16  0   76  NINJAS (1060)              BONSUR
 FEAR 82-10416               18  29  1   76  4-LETTER ANXIETY (1271)    DWES EG
 MORADOR 2-5089              25   9  1   72  RESURRECTION (1065)        NIANIA
 MARY RETZLAFF 3-6119        19  28  1   71  AMERICAN APPRAISAL (1268)  OSKSI
 PUTZ'N ALONG 60-5437        32  29  0   70  JOKA MASHER! (833)         ARADI
 QUIBBLE 10-4756             22  45  0   70  QUBIT (1136)               KOLACT
 PRIZMATYK WAHL 73-4252      16   7  1   70  MAGIC MAYHEM (1298)        ERINIKA
 QUONSET 10-4990             26  19  0   68  QUBIT (1136)               KOLACT
-SETZER GABBIANI 74-3485     17  18  2   63  THE FINAL FANTASY (1301)   DAIYLA KIV
 CARRIE NATION 64-4054       41  75  0   61  REFORMERS (1095)           KURUKAR
 SKI MASK 58-5869            36  59  0   61  CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093)   DELARQ TOR
 BLACK JACK SHELACK 47-4850  16  11  1   61  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
-GLORY HOLE 98-870            7  18  4   59  SUPERIOR KILLS (1229)      SYVYN'S HILL
-THORNE 60-5259              18   5  0   57  FA CHING (1279)            ARADI
-MEDUSA 6-5779               16   5  0   53  BATTLE BEASTS (1235)       TRANSEL
-A. CAPONE 18-3228           14  16  3   50  UNTOUCHABLES (1190)        TALCAMA
 MAN O' WAR 15-4517          20   9  1   49  TRIPLE CROWN (990)         MALCORN
 CREDIT LINE 82-1366          0  11  0   49  WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY (1274 DWES EG
 HEART 97-1096                6  15  4   48  ORGANS ON THE SAND (1273)  SHADOW GROVE
 NUTCRACKER 38-4380          18   6  1   41  ALL FINESSE (1236)         CLIFFHOME

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                    W   L  K TEAM NAME              SLAIN BY              TURN
MOD COD 55-2638            51  78  1 RHYME TYME 449         50 SUCKS 60-4129       378

                               PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE

Drake, my friend, any idea when you'll put the Semester report together?  I've kicked
some SERIOUS BUTT and I'd like to see my success in print. -- Shocking Toad, the
Manager

Black Hole Scrag -- (smug look)  That's the trouble with black holes.  After you get
established, you fall into it yourself.  Ha! -- Delice the Red

Kaiden -- Violent indeed! -- Hallie O'Dene

Quonset -- Why did you go around yelling, "Hut, hut!"?  I truly believe you were
drunk, and I am SURE it will come back to haunt you. -- Carrie Nation

Gar and Brill -- Fowl rotisserie! -- Ski Mask

25 May 2004
                                 TEN TURNS OF HELL:
                        The KLK Capture The Flag Competition

In the spirit of the ongoing effort to make arena play what it used to be (FUN!!), I
am proud to announce the KLK Capture The Flag Competition.  The competition will be
held in Jhans (DM-36, which has, by the way, grown in size equal to Talcama already).
:)  We are announcing this contest early to allow managers time to prep.

Rules:
     -- On turn 462 (due 8/4/04) the lowest ranked warrior on your team is given your
team's 'flag' (he is your initial flag defender).
     -- Starting on turn 463 (due 8/18/04) flags will be defended every turn and turn
463 is the turn scoring will begin.
     -- Fights involving flags are winners-take-all and a warrior can carry as many
flags as he can win.
     -- If a warrior holding a flag either A) goes inactive, B) loses to a stand-by
warrior or C) gets DA'd, he forfeits all flags he has and they are returned the their
original team's lowest ranked warrior.
     -- If you hold your own flag on an inactive warrior you receive NO POINTS that
turn.
     -- If a warrior graduates to AD holding flags starting on the next turn those
flags will be defended by the lowest ranked warrior on the team of the graduating
warrior.
     -- Scoring as follows for each turn:
          2 pts -- possession of your own team flag
          1 pt -- possession any other flag
          1 pt -- for each win
          1 pt -- for each kill
          1 pt -- for each award you receive in the newsletter
     -- You may enter as many teams as you like (per RSI rules) but each team is its
own entry.
     -- Tie-Breaker goes to the team that had the most points from flags.
     -- If still tied the tie-breaker will be the team that had the most points from
kills.  (It's the Delarq way.)
     -- The contest lasts 10 turns and there will be prizes for 1st, 2nd and 3rd
(based on highest point totals)

Prizes: (what you've been waiting on)
1st -- 3 know favorites potions*
       DA warrior named after winning manager
2nd -- 2 know favorites potions*
3rd -- 1 know favorites potion*

* These are full favorite potions (weapon, rhythms and tactics) and can only be used
on warriors with at least 4 FE.

     How's that for paying out? (grin)  Even if you think that it's all about the TC,
these prizes should be enough to draw you in.  (You know who you are.)
     I hope to see friend and foe alike come to Jhans.  Legion, Froths, and all the
others...this is your personal invite.  Can you win?  Can you survive 10 turns of
Hell in Jhans?
     Note:  Special thanks to RSI for helping make this contest possible.  Thanks
guys!

Bookie
KLK Alliance
Director Jhans' Board of Tourism
Warden of the Froth Circle (grin)
D.R.C. 4 Life

16 June 2004
                             Death Fest Begins July 29/DM 59 T-172

     "You drive a hard bargain Hammer," responded Lord Lian Ki Na-Sul, "but the 
Gladiatorial Commission has agreed to re-open DM 58 Delarq Tor as a Slow Arena 
exclusively for a period of six months to those Death Fest contestants who fight 
their stables at least 67 times out of a possible 75 during the 15 rounds of Death 
Fest; on the condition that at least 20 stables qualify for the Illis Iron Stable 
Award at the conclusion of the Death Fest and those qualifying managers send a New 
Stable to DM 58 Delarq Tor without Cannibalizing their participation in the other 
arenas where they have active stables!"
     Hammer felt a certain sense of satisfaction as he studied the ghoulish grin 
spreading across the face of Lord Lian Ki Na-Sul; proud Arena Master of the once 
dying Illis Arena, as the DM 59 Arena Authority signed the Gladiatorial Commission 
papers authenticating the arrangement agreed upon by the two parties presiding.
     "You and the Gladiatorial Commission also drive a hard bargain," Hammer replied 
as he reflected upon the prospects of Delarq Tor DM 58 being re-opened as a Slow 
Arena with at least 20 New Stables by the Managers who fight their stables at least 
67 times out of a possible 75 during the 15 rounds of Death Fest. "I also notice the 
clause that for Delarq Tor to be open Exclusively for 6 months to the New Stables 
managed by the Illis Iron Stable Award Winners that there must be at least 15 stables 
Active each cycle. That is a fair bargain for the opportunity to battle for the 
Duelmaster Throne each of those six months before Other New Stables are allowed to 
enter Delarq Tor."
     This was a Golden Opportunity for both Veteran and Newbie Managers to pave a new 
frontier of Delarq history by qualifying their Death Fest stables in DM 59 with 67 
fights out of a possible 75; then for the price of running a stable in a Regular 
Arena, continuing to be Active in DM 59 and sending a New Team Roll Up to be a part 
of "History in the Making" when Delarq Tor would re-open for its First Turn as a Slow 
Arena on November 3rd, 2005.
     Death Fest would conclude on T-186 August 25th, 2005 allowing the Illis Iron 
Stable Award Winners enough time to be registered with the Gladiatorial Commission; 
whereupon they would be able to submit a New Team Roll Up to the GC to start a New 
Stable in Delarq Tor; be able to fight those New Gladiators in the Rookies 2005 Fall 
Mailer Tourney; then begin competing for the DM 58 Duelmasters Throne in Delarq Tor 
right out of the gate with the November 3rd 2005 T-1 Debut Opening Round.
     Hammer of the First Part had also negotiated with Lord Na-Zul of the Second Part 
an agreement that All 10 Dark Arena Monsters and 17 NPCs Characters be re-named by 
the Top Ten Death Fest Finishers. [See DM 59 T-171 Newsletter Team Spotlight by 
Hammer for the complete listing of Dark Arena Monsters/NPCs and the Official Death 
Fest Designation for which Top Ten Finishers re-name which characters!]
     Lord Na-Sul could not hide his delight at the prospects of Death being re-
delivered to his once dying arena during the Delarq Death Fest; the DM 59 Arena 
Master agreed that these Death Fest Prizes were but a Small Exchange in Comparison to 
the Profits to be made by the local Illis business merchants and surrounding 
community from the Anticipated Influx into Illis by the Veteran and Newbie 
Managers/Gladiators/Stables seeking to make History in the Delarq Death Fest.
     Nor could Hammer conceal his jubilation regarding the Call Across Alistari being 
Answered to Cross Blades and Match Wits with the Devious, the Diabolical, the 
Dangerous and the Down Challenging who were being drawn to the Delarq Death Fest to 
Fulfill their Delarq Dueling Destiny!
     REMEMBER: Death Fest begins July 29th T-172 with 25 points being awarded to 
those who write a minimum 15 paragraph Team Spotlight [including Stable Name & 
Managerial Alias in the Storyline!] for the DM 59 T-172 Newsletter [So Make Sure HAL 
Does Not Eat any Lengthy Sentences that are Emailed without Proper Formatting; and 
the RSI Typist has Plenty of Time to Type Any Hand Written Spotlights; Lest Ye 
Discover 0 Points Awarded for a Missing or Incomplete T-172 Team Spotlight!]
     "May Your Blades Be Sharp and Your Wits Sharper!"  -- Hammer/Death Fest 
Host/Vendetta Cartel Captain; WordSmith and High Priest of the Crimson Ascension 
Family in DM 28

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

STEVE MCQUEEN slimly won victory over DELICE THE RED in a 3 minute Challenge fight.
OBSESSED AVENGER was demolished by MASHER in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge melee.
ROT TEN EGGS was vanquished by JAKUCHU ITO in a 2 minute mismatched Challenge brawl.
APPLE JACK was demolished by BUDDERCUP in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge competition.
TUM vanquished BLACK HOLE SCRAG in a exciting 1 minute mismatched Challenge fight.
PERFECT TEN overcame TIME SQUARE in a action packed 1 minute Challenge fight.
EMILY vanquished HALLIE O'DENE in a 1 minute uneven Challenge duel.
LUNA TYCK vanquished DITCH RAT in a action packed 1 minute uneven Challenge fight.
RAISON D'ETRE defeated KIDNEY in a 1 minute Challenge fight.
ISHINOMORI overpowered FEAR in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge melee.
NUTCRACKER was overpowered by PRIZMATYK WAHL in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge match.
BLACK JACK SHELACK was bested by SATOSHI KUNO in a 6 minute Challenge conflict.
MORADOR demolished CREDIT LINE in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge match.
TICKLES overpowered DUKE OF EARL in a popular 1 minute mismatched conflict.
50 SUCKS dispatched MOD COD in a 2 minute bout.
DIRT WORM was viciously subdued by LONG-NECKED LARRY in a action packed 8 minute duel.
JOE KING was bested by AERYN SUN in a 2 minute brawl.
IPECAC was devastated by SPAZZ in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
KAIDEN demolished BEER GOGGLES in a exciting 1 minute one-sided bout.
SIR VILE was luckily beaten by BRICK in a crowd pleasing 3 minute bloody conflict.
TUTANKHAMUN overpowered NUTMEG in a 1 minute uneven fight.
AEDON was savagely defeated by W.T. POOH in a dull 27 minute gruesome bout.
KONGOL overcame SPUTTER in a popular 1 minute contest.
FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE demolished CARRIE NATION in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
MICHAEL J'EH FOX vanquished QUIBBLE in a 2 minute gruesome one-sided match.
HEART was overpowered by MARY ANN in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
PUTZ'N ALONG was viciously subdued by EXILE in a action packed 3 minute gruesome bout.
SKI MASK was overpowered by GAR & BRILL in a crowd pleasing 1 minute one-sided fray.
MARY RETZLAFF was overpowered by BECKY in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
KOOKABURRA vanquished QUONSET in a exciting 1 minute one-sided fray.
MAN O' WAR was subdued by HERMY in a 2 minute fight.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK                  17         PARRY-LUNGE       10 -   5 -  0      67  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   8         SLASHING ATTACK   33 -  19 -  1      63  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  8         LUNGING ATTACK    84 -  67 -  1      56  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    7         TOTAL PARRY       27 -  27 -  0      50  |
|AIMED BLOW                       7         PARRY-RIPOSTE      1 -   1 -  0      50  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      5         PARRY-STRIKE      10 -  11 -  0      48  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  4         BASHING ATTACK    40 -  45 -  0      47  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      2         WALL OF STEEL     44 -  51 -  1      46  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     2         STRIKING ATTACK   41 -  53 -  2      44  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    0         AIMED BLOW        21 -  30 -  0      41  |

Turn 378 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

PARRY-LUNGE        2 -  0     AIMED BLOW         3 -  4         3  LUNGING ATTACK 
SLASHING ATTACK    3 -  1     LUNGING ATTACK     7 - 10         2  BASHING ATTACK 
BASHING ATTACK     5 -  3     TOTAL PARRY        2 -  3         2  STRIKING ATTACK
WALL OF STEEL      4 -  3     STRIKING ATTACK    3 -  5         1  AIMED BLOW     
                              PARRY-STRIKE       0 -  2         1  WALL OF STEEL  
                              PARRY-RIPOSTE      0 -  0         1  PARRY-STRIKE   
                                                                1  TOTAL PARRY    

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
AIMED BLOW       STEVE MCQUEEN 47-3908      35  33  1  263 ROYAL FLUSH (146)
WALL OF STEEL    50 SUCKS 60-4129           66  35  1  228 JOKA MASHER! (833)
BASHING ATTACK   MASHER 60-4553             46  39  3  213 JOKA MASHER! (833)
STRIKING ATTACK  DELICE THE RED 56-3401     49  52  1  199 BAD APPLES (1091)
LUNGING ATTACK   JAKUCHU ITO 7-5102         27  14  0  196 NINJAS (1060)
PARRY-STRIKE     OBSESSED AVENGER 15-2162   44  47  1  191 DRAKE'S BAR-B-Q (313)
TOTAL PARRY      DIRT WORM 82-2315          64  33  0  179 VERMIN!! (1124)
PARRY-LUNGE      LUNA TYCK 33-5761          35  38  1  151 DRAKE'S PETTING ZOO (1075)
SLASHING ATTACK  MICHAEL J'EH FOX 60-5263   20  11  2   99 INGRATE WHITE NORTH (1006)

The overall popularity leader is KAIDEN 35-3108.  The most popular warrior this turn 
was DIRT WORM 82-2315.  The ten other most popular fighters were DELICE THE RED 
56-3401, SIR VILE 10-4754, EXILE 7-4618, BLACK JACK SHELACK 47-4850, SATOSHI KUNO 
7-5229, JAKUCHU ITO 7-5102, STEVE MCQUEEN 47-3908, MASHER 60-4553, TIME SQUARE 
65-4637, and KONGOL 7-4524.

The least popular fighter this week was AEDON 7-4295.  The other ten least popular 
fighters were W.T. POOH 33-4430, MARY RETZLAFF 3-6119, CARRIE NATION 64-4054, NUTMEG 
7-5167, IPECAC 45-3625, CREDIT LINE 82-1366, FEAR 82-10416, HALLIE O'DENE 58-6018, 
APPLE JACK 47-4011, and QUONSET 10-4990.

Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  
NIANIA(2)            1  0 0  NIYTYOLE ISLAND(33)  4  1 0  ARADI(60)            4  1 1  
OSKSI(3)             0  1 0  MURSKA(35)           1  0 0  KURUKAR(64)          0  1 0  
BONSUR(7)            6  2 0  CLIFFHOME(38)        1  1 0  DAL SHANG(65)        0  1 0  
ZUKAL(9)             1  0 0  VEASTIAN(43)         0  1 0  KYR'TERR(71)         1  0 0  
KOLACT(10)           1  3 0  STORMCROWE(45)       0  1 0  ERINIKA(73)          1  0 0  
MALCORN(15)          0  2 0  NORTH FORK(47)       3  4 0  DWES EG(82)          0  5 0  
ALJAFIR(17)          2  0 0  KHALANI(55)          0  1 0  OLD VALAMANTIS(96)   0  1 0  
TALCAMA(18)          1  0 0  ROCANIS(56)          0  1 0  SHADOW GROVE(97)     0  1 0  
ZUWAYZA(19)          0  1 0  DELARQ TOR(58)       0  2 0  SYVYN'S HILL(98)     1  0 0  
SEAM(20)             1  0 0  

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 MORADOR 2-5089              25   9  1   72  RESURRECTION (1065)        NIANIA
 MARY RETZLAFF 3-6119        19  28  1   71  AMERICAN APPRAISAL (1268)  OSKSI
 JAKUCHU ITO 7-5102          27  14  0  196  NINJAS (1060)              BONSUR
 TICKLES 9-3486              45  63  1  198  MY PETS (554)              ZUKAL
 SIR VILE 10-4754            27  25  1  149  SIR AGLIO (788)            KOLACT
 OBSESSED AVENGER 15-2162    44  47  1  191  DRAKE'S BAR-B-Q (313)      MALCORN
 EMILY 17-5753               28  17  0  151  BLADES OF STEEL (1068)     ALJAFIR
 TUM 18-7380                 24  16  2  195  FROM THE FACE (1265)       TALCAMA
 DUKE OF EARL 19-2401        16  14  0  174  THE ROYAL FAMILY (1036)    ZUWAYZA
 BRICK 20-389                36  33  0  159  THE BLUES (1286)           SEAM
 SPAZZ 33-6207               42  37  0  169  SNOTZI'S II (813)          NIYTYOLE ISLAND
 KAIDEN 35-3108              84  82  2  160  VIOLENT FEMS (972)         MURSKA
 GAR & BRILL 38-4252         24  32  0   83  JUST BECAUSE (1228)        CLIFFHOME
 BLACK HOLE SCRAG 43-3220    29  19  1  169  GUARDIANS (1287)           VEASTIAN
 IPECAC 45-3625              23  14  0  145  EMETICS (1242)             STORMCROWE
 STEVE MCQUEEN 47-3908       35  33  1  263  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 MOD COD 55-2638             51  78  1  168  RHYME TYME (449)           KHALANI

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 DELICE THE RED 56-3401      49  52  1  199  BAD APPLES (1091)          ROCANIS
 HALLIE O'DENE 58-6018       49  65  0  133  CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093)   DELARQ TOR
 50 SUCKS 60-4129            66  35  1  228  JOKA MASHER! (833)         ARADI
 CARRIE NATION 64-4054       41  75  0   61  REFORMERS (1095)           KURUKAR
 TIME SQUARE 65-4637         28  11  0  151  BIG APPLE MENACE (836)     DAL SHANG
 TUTANKHAMUN 71-3357         27  17  0  138  CARTOUCHE (1111)           KYR'TERR
 PRIZMATYK WAHL 73-4252      16   7  1   70  MAGIC MAYHEM (1298)        ERINIKA
 DIRT WORM 82-2315           64  33  0  179  VERMIN!! (1124)            DWES EG
 KIDNEY 96-972               13   8  3   91  ORGAN ON THE SANDS (1272)  OLD VALAMANTIS
 HEART 97-1096                6  15  4   48  ORGANS ON THE SAND (1273)  SHADOW GROVE
 FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE 98-809   18  14  4   97  COLLEGE RADIO (1223)       SYVYN'S HILL