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Date   : 07/28/2004    Duedate: 08/10/2004

HOME GUARD

DM-101    TURN-381

RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %  RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %
  1 COLLEGE RADI 98/1223  131   72  0 64.5      CHAPEL ROCK 79/776                    
    BIG APPLE MENACE 65/836                     INGRATE WHITE NORTH 60/1006           
    ARCANE BEACH DAY 98/1305                    NOT QUITE 59/1237                     
  2 MAGIC MAYHEM 73/1298   23   17  1 57.5      ROYAL FLUSH 47/146                    
    SCREEN DREAMS 47/1299                       BLOWN AWAY 44/820                     
  3 BLADES OF ICE 7/162   338  251  6 57.4      OPEN SESAME 50/824                    
    BLADES OF STEEL 17/1068                     DUCKS UNLIMITED 39/1221               
  4 FARSCAPE 10/1277       13   10  0 56.5   11 NINJAS 7/1060         206  199  2 50.9
    THE BLUES 20/1286                           FROM THE FACE 18/1265                 
    GUARDIANS 43/1287                           LITTLE GIRLS LIKE... 36/1304          
  5 CARTOUCHE 71/1111     517  409  4 55.8      RESURRECTION 2/1065                   
  6 4-LETTER ANX 82/1271  255  213  1 54.5   12 ALL FINESSE 38/1236    55   54  0 50.5
    GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME 99/1306                  SUGAR AND SPICE 7/1231                
    ORGAN ON THE SANDS 96/1272                  BATHTUB ARMADA 7/1196                 
    ORGANS ON THE SAND 97/1273                  PERFECTION QUEST II 73/1303           
    WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY 82/1274             13 EMETICS 45/1242        52   55  0 48.6
  7 QUBIT 10/1136         772  653  6 54.2      BUMS 'R' US 60/1142                   
    JOKA MASHER! 60/833                         JOYS OF BOOZE 33/1209                 
    TRIPLE CROWN 15/990                      14 VIOLENT FEMS 35/972   390  523  9 42.7
    SIR AGLIO 10/788                            JUST BECAUSE 38/1228                  
    VERMIN! 82/1267                          15 MY PETS 9/554         464  725 11 39.0
    SNOTZI'S II 33/813                          RHYME TYME 55/449                     
    VERMIN!! 82/1124                            GIRL SCOUT COOKIES 33/812             
    JOKA MASHER 82/917                       16 REFORMERS 64/1095     434  737  4 37.1
    VERMIN 72/771                               CIRQUE DU MASQUES 58/1093             
  8-SEA DOGS 18/426        23   22  0 51.1      BAD APPLES 56/1091                    
  9 SITTIN' ON A 63/1302   74   71  0 51.0   17-THE GUARDIANS 21/939    4    7  0 36.4
    ANDORIAN UNIVERSITY 66/1123              18 AMERICAN APPR 3/1268    4   10  0 28.6
 10 SPARF! 20/1069        693  668 10 50.9

    '##/###' Avoid teams by their Team Id     '-'  Team did not fight this turn

                             REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER

     Tourneys are a damned nuisance.  Yeahyeahyeah, I know the deal: meet old friends 
and new ones, fight people you might never encounter otherwise, and generally have a 
high old time.  Okay, I've got nothing against that.  But what *I* say is we should 
all take a two-week vacation for the tourneys, no rushing from regularly scheduled 
fights to the tourney and back again, make a leisurely approach, have plenty of time 
to recover from the hangovers, the whole nine yards.  Not that it's every going to 
happen.  Make things easy on the staff?  As if! as Debby Tonte would say.

     Oh, well, here's the notes for this cycle:
     Alarond the Scribe says that Blades of Ice is known by "smart managers" as the 
team to beat, and that Royal Flush has been most-avoiding them.  Oooo-kay.  Does this 
mean that Royal Flush doesn't have a smart manager?  Because if he's avoiding, he 
isn't trying to beat them, is he?  Or is it just another example of how little 
Alarond the Scribe knows about anything at all, including the proper use of words?
     Brick from The Blues got the most challenges.  Of course, with only thirteen 
challenge matches out of thirty-five fights, that COULD mean that somebody simply 
double-challenged him.  You can't tell.  Or at least, the Commission doesn't give me 
any notes that tell.  Always stingy with information, the Commission.  Probably some 
kind of plot.
     So that's thirty-five fights, thirteen challenge matches (no TV challenges, what 
were you all doing, getting drunk and losing fights?), one death.  The longest fight 
was seven minutes, which is respectable, though hardly a turtle.
     The state of the personals in this arena, however, is not respectable in the 
least.  What is it with you guys?  Can't you find any public scribe to write down 
your profound thoughts, or did the dogs eat your homework?  The fans have been 
threatening to provide their OWN personals to add a little interest to the 
newsletter, and if you don't want to open it up next time and read all about lost 
dogs, carriages for sale, and who knows what sort of junk, unlimber your pens and get 
busy.

     The fights:
     QUIBBLE (10-4756) (23-46-0,87) of QUBIT fought SATOSHI KUNO (7-5229) (22-18-
0,62) of NINJAS.  QUIBBLE savagely defeated SATOSHI KUNO in a popular 4 minute bloody 
duel.  Some people just can't stand any kind of argument.  I'm like that myself, but 
*I* react with an axe, not by losing a fight.
     PUTZ'N ALONG (60-5437) (32-31-0,53) of JOKA MASHER! fought MARY RETZLAFF (3-
6119) (20-29-1,84) of AMERICAN APPRAISAL.  PUTZ'N ALONG luckily beat MARY RETZLAFF in 
a popular 7 minute duel.  Our longest fight, and the winner attributes it to luck?  
What a turkey!  I take it back that this was a fight of respectable length.  Okay, 
maybe the length was respectable, but the content sucks.  Luck?  Sheesh.
     CARRIE NATION (64-4054) (42-76-0,62) of REFORMERS fought MAN O' WAR (15-4517) 
(21-10-1,74) of TRIPLE CROWN.  CARRIE NATION was demolished by MAN O' WAR in a 1 
minute mismatched match.  Must be a pain to be Carrie and not be able to attribute 
her loss to HER having a hangover.  Think of the good excuses you lose when you take 
a blue-nosed stance!  It isn't worth it.
     2 PHAT (72-5064) (18-4-1,42) of VERMIN fought ELENA (63-2356) (14-4-0,46) of 
SITTIN' ON ACES.  2 PHAT was devastated by ELENA in a popular 1 minute uneven bout.  
Are we to infer from this that Elena knows the Secret Perfect No-Pain EZ-Loss 
Grapefruit-and-Pumpkin Diet?  If so, she'd better WATCH OUT, because that is 
CLASSIFIED information, Not To Be Released To The General Public On Pain Of Porking 
Up.
     CREDIT LINE (82-1366) (0-13-0,51) of WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY fought BLACK EYE (60-
6163) (17-11-0,61) of JOKA MASHER!  CREDIT LINE was bested by BLACK EYE in an 
exciting 1 minute battle.  Ho!  Does that mean that somebody's credit has taken a 
blow?  Good!  You gladiators spend too much money anyway.  If you have less to spend 
on beer, you can practice more.  Besides, spending on credit is the bane of 
something-or-other.
     R IS FOR REPUGNANT (99-1155) (7-3-4,28) of GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME fought GAR & BRILL 
(38-4252) (24-34-0,67) of JUST BECAUSE.  R IS FOR REPUGNANT luckily beat GAR & BRILL 
in a 2 minute gory uneven contest.  Maybe this means that Gar will finally have to 
glean that creasy brill.  High time!
     PRIZMATYK WAHL (73-4252) (17-8-2,98) of MAGIC MAYHEM fought QUONSET (10-4990) 
(27-20-0,72) of QUBIT.  PRIZMATYK WAHL beat QUONSET in an action packed 1 minute 
bout.  Too bad, really.  I kinda liked those metal ribs, like living inside a 
xylophone.  Bing, bang, bong!
     ISHINOMORI (7-5390) (27-8-1,94) of NINJAS fought BECKY (17-5782) (14-1-2,100) of 
BLADES OF STEEL.  ISHINOMORI overpowered BECKY in a 1 minute one-sided fight.  Who's 
this Becky person who is fighting on the Isle with only fifteen regular-arena fights?  
Some wench, obviously, and an insult to every warrior who has sweated through his 
nineteenth and twentieth fights with the shadow of death hanging over him.
     KONGOL (7-4524) (33-19-2,150) of BLADES OF ICE fought MARY ANN (47-4378) (15-19-
0,91) of SCREEN DREAMS.  KONGOL was savagely defeated by MARY ANN in a 2 minute 
brutal match.  This Kongol's got to be some kind of nut.  A blade of ICE in the 
middle of the summer?  What was he thinking?  Of course it melted!
     SPUTTER (82-15095) (30-17-1,138) of JOKA MASHER fought EXILE (7-4618) (24-19-
1,92) of BLADES OF ICE.  SPUTTER was narrowly defeated by EXILE in an action packed 3 
minute gruesome fight.  Narrowly.  Somebody define a "narrow" defeat, will you?  And 
a "slim" one, for that matter.  How come we never see any "broad" or "fat" victories?  
This is rank widthism!
     TUTANKHAMUN (71-3357) (28-18-0,139) of CARTOUCHE fought IRON-PLATED IRV (101-10) 
(0-0-0,150) of Local Louts.  TUTANKHAMUN handily defeated IRON-PLATED IRV in a 1 
minute mismatched bout.  I should hope so!  I've seen Tut, you know, and not just at 
the fights.  He's GOLD plated.  That's gotta top iron plated.  Not to mention the 
muscles it takes to carry it around.
     NED THE JANITOR (66-2973) (23-22-0,137) of ANDORIAN UNIVERSITY fought AEDON (7-
4295) (37-19-1,129) of BLADES OF ICE.  NED THE JANITOR vanquished AEDON in an action 
packed 2 minute gory uneven bout.  Ned is a graduate of the Maintenance School of 
Martial Arts, you know, the one where they teach you to wash windows, sweep the 
floor, stuff like that, and it all turnes out to be sneaky martial arts moves.
     HALLIE O'DENE (58-6018) (49-67-0,129) of CIRQUE DU MASQUES fought ROT TEN EGGS 
(47-3099) (36-34-0,150) of ROYAL FLUSH.  HALLIE O'DENE defeated ROT TEN EGGS in a 3 
minute brutal bout.  Three minutes in the company of a rotten egg is brutal indeed!  
I vote that we award Hallie a breath mint.
     KAIDEN (35-3108) (85-83-2,156) of VIOLENT FEMS fought BEER GOGGLES (33-6819) 
(29-28-1,137) of JOYS OF BOOZE.  KAIDEN vanquished BEER GOGGLES in an action packed 1 
minute one-sided match.  This may be somebody's idea of joy, but it sure isn't mine!  
Beer goggles?  Phooey.  Not that I'd willing go a minute with that violent fem just 
to get 'em vanquished.  That's too extreme.
     IPECAC (45-3625) (24-15-0,161) of EMETICS fought UZI (44-1701) (27-25-1,154) of 
BLOWN AWAY.  IPECAC devastated UZI in a popular 1 minute gory one-sided bout.  
Instead of being blown away, Uzi had his cookies tossed, and a crumby mess it was, 
too.  If you MUST toss cookies, used drop cookies, as they're used to it.  Not 
brittle sugar cookies.  Trying to make us think you're sweet as sugar?
     DITCH RAT (82-15360) (25-23-3,179) of VERMIN! fought POPE PAUL II (79-1317) (22-
13-0,137) of CHAPEL ROCK.  DITCH RAT was narrowly defeated by POPE PAUL II in an 
action packed 3 minute fray.  They tell me that this match was fraught with social 
significance.  Oh, yeah?  I thought it was fraught with swords, myself.
     AERYN SUN (10-4268) (23-10-0,176) of FARSCAPE fought SPAZZ (33-6207) (43-38-
0,176) of SNOTZI'S II.  AERYN SUN devastated SPAZZ in an action packed 1 minute 
brutal one-sided bout.  Aeryn has now been renamed "Aeryn Nova" for that devastating 
and brutal explosion.  Ask at the Lost and Found window if you need more aloe vera 
for your sunburn.
     MOD COD (55-2638) (52-79-1,161) of RHYME TYME fought KIDNEY (96-972) (15-8-
3,123) of ORGAN ON THE SANDS.  MOD COD overpowered KIDNEY in a 1 minute mismatched 
conflict.  Not to be wondered at.  Well, look at it, Mod Cod has over a hundred 
figths (no, I'm not going to do the math, figure it out yourself if you burn to 
know), which means the disgusting fish has been around a LOT longer than three days.  
Talk about ripe!
     DIRT WORM (82-2315) (66-33-0,196) of VERMIN!! fought ARENAMASTER AZEEM (101-28) 
(0-0-0,200) of Local Louts.  DIRT WORM was beaten by ARENAMASTER AZEEM in an exciting 
3 minute bout.  Naturally.  You think that because you're on the Isle, you no longer 
need fear the arenamaster?  Ha!  Arenamasters aren't just your ordinary standbys.  
They're the toughest of the tough, and don't you forget it!
     BUDDERCUP (60-5967) (36-30-0,182) of BUMS 'R' US fought EMILY (17-5753) (29-18-
0,190) of BLADES OF STEEL.  BUDDERCUP was devastated by EMILY in an exciting 2 minute 
brutal one-sided brawl.  Good!  Carve that bum from stem to stamen, Em!
     TUM (18-7380) (26-16-2,216) of FROM THE FACE fought MASHER (60-4553) (46-41-
3,187) of JOKA MASHER!  TUM overcame MASHER in a crowd pleasing 1 minute bout.  I 
dunno, this fight doesn't move me to comment.

     On to the challenge matches, which means I'm on the home stretch.  I could use a 
good stretch about now.  People might like to know about hidden tourney fights these 
warriors might possess, but don't look at me for the information.  If it doesn't 
show, I don't know it.  Or, at least, I'm not talking about it.  However, if anyone 
wants to post their FE for me to refer to, I will actually put the note somewhere 
that it won't get lost.
     CLOUDS AWAY (50-3332) (17-6-2,74) of OPEN SESAME challenged MORADOR (2-5089) 
(27-9-1,80) of RESURRECTION.  Up 6.  CLOUDS AWAY handily defeated MORADOR in a 1 
minute one-sided Challenge conflict.  So tell me about "clouds away."  Sounds like 
something for washing windows?
     NUTCRACKER (38-4380) (18-6-1,41) of ALL FINESSE challenged PINK BEAR (36-5883) 
(22-11-1,70) of LITTLE GIRLS LIKE... up 29.  NUTCRACKER was demolished by PINK BEAR 
in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge brawl.  Pink?  That's... that's indecent.  Pink?  
What self-respecting bear would go out in public in PINK?  I'd get a dye job if it 
was me.
     HOCKEY DUCK (39-937) (24-17-1,55) of DUCKS UNLIMITED challenged SKI MASK (58-
5869) (37-60-0,86) of CIRQUE DU MASQUES.  Up 31, for a fowl contest!  HOCKEY DUCK 
slimly won victory over SKI MASK in an exciting 3 minute Challenge contest.  I wonder 
if it's ever occurred to Ski Mask that taking off the mask might make fighting 
easier?  Better visibility.  Maybe even a little easier to breath.  Not as hot.  
Stuff like that.
     BLACK JACK SHELACK (47-4850) (17-12-1,62) of ROYAL FLUSH challenged FEAR (82-
10416) (20-29-1,97) of 4-LETTER ANXIETY.  Up 35.  BLACK JACK SHELACK was overpowered 
by FEAR in a 3 minute one-sided Challenge match.  One of the big deals, fear.  
Everyone says you should avoid it, or him or her as the case might be.  Looks like 
"everyone" is right this time.
     IMMOVEABLE OBJECT (59-2110) (20-5-1,73) of NOT QUITE challenged KOOKABURRA (33-
4151) (48-70-2,77) of GIRL SCOUT COOKIES.  Up 4.  IMMOVEABLE OBJECT was overpowered 
by KOOKABURRA in a 1 minute Challenge fight.  Does this mean the Object moved, or 
that Kookaburra found some other way around?  Inquiring minds want to know.
     OSCAR (50-3153) (29-7-0,108) of OPEN SESAME challenged NUTMEG (7-5167) (21-15-
1,116) of SUGAR AND SPICE.  Up 8.  OSCAR was viciously subdued by NUTMEG in an action 
packed 3 minute Challenge fight.  Somehow I never visualized nutmeg as being a 
vicious substance.  Just shows what I know, eh?
     RAISON D'ETRE (7-5311) (20-16-3,103) of BATHTUB ARMADA challenged FOUNTAINS OF 
WAYNE (98-809) (19-15-4,102) of COLLEGE RADIO.  Down 1.  RAISON D'ETRE vanquished 
FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE in a 1 minute uneven Challenge duel.  The bathtub is mightier than 
the fountain, is it?  This being the bathtub with the formidable foes in it, I 
presume.
     JOE KING (47-2223) (29-51-1,142) of ROYAL FLUSH challenged BRICK (20-389) (37-
34-0,161) of THE BLUES.  Up 19.  Brick the Most Challenged.  JOE KING overpowered 
BRICK in a popular 2 minute gruesome mismatched Challenge brawl.  If brick is over-
powered, do we end up with brick dust?  Not that I ever saw a blue brick before, but 
new experiences can be, um, interesting, not to say educational.
     MICHAEL J'EH FOX (60-5263) (22-11-2,149) of INGRATE WHITE NORTH challenged SIR 
VILE (10-4754) (27-27-1,115) of SIR AGLIO.  Down 34.  MICHAEL J'EH FOX was devastated 
by SIR VILE in a 1 minute uneven Challenge brawl.  What a vile thing to do, and I 
won't tell you who looked vile, either, the varlet or the soft, furry little fox.  
Figure it out for yourself.
     ROWDY YOBBO (20-3429) (23-21-1,116) of SPARF! challenged W.T. POOH (33-4430) 
(66-51-0,152) of SNOTZI'S II.  Up a long way, hmm, 36 seems like a good number.  
ROWDY YOBBO was defeated by W.T. POOH in an exciting 4 minute Challenge fight.  W.T. 
may, I say MAY be a bear of little brain, but he's got lots of brawn and is nobody's 
pussycat.
     PERFECT TEN (47-4218) (28-21-1,170) of ROYAL FLUSH challenged TICKLES (9-3486) 
(46-64-1,201) of MY PETS.  Up 31.  PERFECT TEN was demolished by TICKLES in a 1 
minute uneven Challenge fight.  I've known lots of things that can't stand tickling.  
Interesting to learn that perfect-tion is one of them.  Maybe that explains the 
imperfections of this world.
     APPLE JACK (47-4011) (30-23-4,180) of ROYAL FLUSH challenged DELICE THE RED (56-
3401) (49-54-1,159) of BAD APPLES.  Down 21.  APPLE JACK was slaughtered by DELICE 
THE RED in a 1 minute uneven Challenge battle.  And if that's not a warning against 
down-challenging a bad apple, I don't know what is.
     STEVE MCQUEEN (47-3908) (36-34-1,200) of ROYAL FLUSH challenged 50 SUCKS (60-
4129) (67-36-1,205) of JOKA MASHER!  Up 5.  STEVE MCQUEEN was devastated by 50 SUCKS 
in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge fight.  You think 50's bad, wait till he hits 60!

     And for the title, a random match, which tells you something dire about this 
arena:  JAKUCHU ITO (7-5102) (29-14-0,237) of NINJAS fought TIME SQUARE (65-4637) 
(29-12-0,194) of BIG APPLE MENACE.  JAKUCHU ITO was vanquished by TIME SQUARE in a 1 
minute mismatched Title bout.  Is someone trying to tell us something about apples?  
Whatever, this Square guy is now the big cheese here, and I expect him to be roundly 
(and squarely or even triangularly if that's what you like) challenged next time!  
And write a column, Time Square.

                                     Ogre Modeen

CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD          W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 TIME SQUARE 65-4637         30  12  0  216  BIG APPLE MENACE (836)     DAL SHANG

GRAND CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 TUM 18-7380                 27  16  2  222  FROM THE FACE (1265)       TALCAMA
 50 SUCKS 60-4129            68  36  1  216  JOKA MASHER! (833)         ARADI

GRAND CHAMPIONS               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 DELICE THE RED 56-3401      50  54  2  210  BAD APPLES (1091)          ROCANIS
 TICKLES 9-3486              47  64  1  208  MY PETS (554)              ZUKAL
 EMILY 17-5753               30  18  0  204  BLADES OF STEEL (1068)     ALJAFIR
 STEVE MCQUEEN 47-3908       36  35  1  198  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 DIRT WORM 82-2315           66  34  0  193  VERMIN!! (1124)            DWES EG
 JAKUCHU ITO 7-5102          29  15  0  192  NINJAS (1060)              BONSUR
 AERYN SUN 10-4268           24  10  0  190  FARSCAPE (1277)            KOLACT
 MASHER 60-4553              46  42  3  188  JOKA MASHER! (833)         ARADI

GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS       W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 BUDDERCUP 60-5967           36  31  0  177  BUMS 'R' US (1142)         ARADI
 IPECAC 45-3625              25  15  0  171  EMETICS (1242)             STORMCROWE
 SPAZZ 33-6207               43  39  0  170  SNOTZI'S II (813)          NIYTYOLE ISLAND
 PERFECT TEN 47-4218         28  22  1  168  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 JOE KING 47-2223            30  51  1  167  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 POPE PAUL II 79-1317        23  13  0  167  CHAPEL ROCK (776)          MIROI CHANG
 MOD COD 55-2638             53  79  1  165  RHYME TYME (449)           KHALANI
 KAIDEN 35-3108              86  83  2  163  VIOLENT FEMS (972)         MURSKA
 APPLE JACK 47-4011          30  24  4  159  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 DITCH RAT 82-15360          25  24  3  159  VERMIN! (1267)             DWES EG
 TUTANKHAMUN 71-3357         29  18  0  158  CARTOUCHE (1111)           KYR'TERR
 NED THE JANITOR 66-2973     24  22  0  157  ANDORIAN UNIVERSITY (1123) TARRGIR
 W.T. POOH 33-4430           67  51  0  154  SNOTZI'S II (813)          NIYTYOLE ISLAND

GRAND ADEPTS                  W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 SIR VILE 10-4754            28  27  1  149  SIR AGLIO (788)            KOLACT
 UZI 44-1701                 27  26  1  149  BLOWN AWAY (820)           KRILL
 HALLIE O'DENE 58-6018       50  67  0  147  CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093)   DELARQ TOR
-BLACK HOLE SCRAG 43-3220    29  20  1  144  GUARDIANS (1287)           VEASTIAN
 BRICK 20-389                37  35  0  141  THE BLUES (1286)           SEAM
 ROT TEN EGGS 47-3099        36  35  0  135  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 BEER GOGGLES 33-6819        29  29  1  133  JOYS OF BOOZE (1209)       NIYTYOLE ISLAND
 NUTMEG 7-5167               22  15  1  133  SUGAR AND SPICE (1231)     BONSUR
 EXILE 7-4618                25  19  1  130  BLADES OF ICE (162)        BONSUR
 ROWDY YOBBO 20-3429         23  22  1  127  SPARF! (1069)              SEAM
 KIDNEY 96-972               15   9  3  123  ORGAN ON THE SANDS (1272)  OLD VALAMANTIS
 AEDON 7-4295                37  20  1  122  BLADES OF ICE (162)        BONSUR
 MICHAEL J'EH FOX 60-5263    22  12  2  122  INGRATE WHITE NORTH (1006) ARADI
-YELLOWBEARD 18-2149         27  14  0  119  SEA DOGS (426)             TALCAMA
 KONGOL 7-4524               33  20  2  116  BLADES OF ICE (162)        BONSUR
 SPUTTER 82-15095            30  18  1  115  JOKA MASHER (917)          DWES EG
 RAISON D'ETRE 7-5311        21  16  3  115  BATHTUB ARMADA (1196)      BONSUR
 ISHINOMORI 7-5390           28   8  1  114  NINJAS (1060)              BONSUR
 OSCAR 50-3153               29   8  0  107  OPEN SESAME (824)          SNOWBOUND
 FEAR 82-10416               21  29  1  104  4-LETTER ANXIETY (1271)    DWES EG
-THE WALL 21-2660            24  15  1  101  THE GUARDIANS (939)        SUNSET
 PRIZMATYK WAHL 73-4252      18   8  2  101  MAGIC MAYHEM (1298)        ERINIKA

GRAND CHALLENGER INITIATES    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 CLOUDS AWAY 50-3332         18   6  2   97  OPEN SESAME (824)          SNOWBOUND
 KOOKABURRA 33-4151          49  70  2   95  GIRL SCOUT COOKIES (812)   NIYTYOLE ISLAND
 FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE 98-809   19  16  4   93  COLLEGE RADIO (1223)       SYVYN'S HILL

GRAND CHALLENGER INITIATES    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 BECKY 17-5782               14   2  2   92  BLADES OF STEEL (1068)     ALJAFIR
 QUIBBLE 10-4756             24  46  0   91  QUBIT (1136)               KOLACT

GRAND INITIATES               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 MAN O' WAR 15-4517          22  10  1   82  TRIPLE CROWN (990)         MALCORN
-RIFT 12-3922                22  13  1   80  SPIRITUAL GIFT (791)       RIZTAB
 PINK BEAR 36-5883           23  11  1   79  LITTLE GIRLS LIKE... (1304 JHANS
-HEART 97-1096                8  15  4   79  ORGANS ON THE SAND (1273)  SHADOW GROVE
 PUTZ'N ALONG 60-5437        33  31  0   77  JOKA MASHER! (833)         ARADI
 QUONSET 10-4990             27  21  0   77  QUBIT (1136)               KOLACT
 HOCKEY DUCK 39-937          25  17  1   77  DUCKS UNLIMITED (1221)     XOCHITHLAN
-MISS STEP 8-3978            19  16  0   73  LADIES IN WAITING (595)    ARKERS
 SKI MASK 58-5869            37  61  0   70  CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093)   DELARQ TOR
 MORADOR 2-5089              27  10  1   70  RESURRECTION (1065)        NIANIA
-MISS CON DUCK 39-2344       17  17  2   70  DUCKS UNLIMITED (1221)     XOCHITHLAN
 MARY RETZLAFF 3-6119        20  30  1   67  AMERICAN APPRAISAL (1268)  OSKSI
 SATOSHI KUNO 7-5229         22  19  0   66  NINJAS (1060)              BONSUR
 IMMOVEABLE OBJECT 59-2110   20   6  1   64  NOT QUITE (1237)           ILLIS
 BLACK EYE 60-6163           18  11  0   64  JOKA MASHER! (833)         ARADI
 ELENA 63-2356               15   4  0   63  SITTIN' ON ACES (1302)     AMEN-TEI
 BLACK JACK SHELACK 47-4850  17  13  1   62  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 CARRIE NATION 64-4054       42  77  0   58  REFORMERS (1095)           KURUKAR
 R IS FOR REPUGNANT 99-1155   8   3  4   54  GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME (1306)  SOUTH RIDGE
 CREDIT LINE 82-1366          0  14  0   51  WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY (1274 DWES EG
 GAR & BRILL 38-4252         24  35  0   44  JUST BECAUSE (1228)        CLIFFHOME
 NUTCRACKER 38-4380          18   7  1   41  ALL FINESSE (1236)         CLIFFHOME
 2 PHAT 72-5064              18   5  1   36  VERMIN (771)               DRAGONHEAD
-PLACES THE LOTION.. 98-909   7   3  5   29  ARCANE BEACH DAY (1305)    SYVYN'S HILL

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                    W   L  K TEAM NAME              SLAIN BY              TURN
APPLE JACK 47-4011         30  24  4 ROYAL FLUSH 146        DELICE THE RED 56-3401 381

                               PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE

Black Jack Shelack -- Fowl Duck hunter!  Do you think I can't see your true nature?
We have an instinct for this kind of thing, you know.  That's why people hunting
ducks have to hide and resort to fowl tricks!  We aren't like your stupid buffalo
that just stand around and wait to be driven off a cliff, oh no!  Try driving a DUCK
off a cliff, and you'll get a rude shock!  Let this be a lesson to you, and avoid
antagonizing Ducks in the future. -- Ski Mask, Founder and President of Ducks With
Swords

Aeryn Sun -- If my manager would actually MANAGE me, you wouldn't have found that so
easy. -- Delice the Red
P.S.  (grudgingly)  Good fight, as fights go.

Ninja Ferd -- Ouch!  I hate fighting people armed with malls.  There's always so much
to buy that I don't really need--  Oh, wait, I mean armed with MAULS.  At least you
aren't carrying a spare, as some Dark Arena warriors do.  Oh, damn, you ARE carrying
a spare.  Well, at least you don't have a maul in each han--  Shi--er, shoot!  A maul
and a large shield, and a backup maul?  I can hardly believe this!  No wonder I lost
the fight. -- Hallie O'Dene

Quonset -- It's no good you standing there going, "Hut! Hut!" and grinning like an
idiot.  *I* know you've been drinking. -- Carrie Nation

17 July 2004
I am currently trying to put together a favorites chart for AD warriors.  I
desperately need help with this.  What I need are style, favorite rhythm (ex.:

hi/low), favorite weapons, and tactics.  What would be great is if you could send me
a copy of the invite with the warrior's name, id#, and arena blacked out.  This way,
I can verify that this is an actual warrior.  Minis will work, too!

For those interested, I have both a challenge style vs. style and a match-up style
vs. style chart.  There's about 250 fights calculated in these charts, and I'll be
happy to send a copy to anyone who asks.  You can contact me (if you're a free world
player) at: Rick Stringer, Merit/East, SCI, P.O. Box 500, Georgetown, DE 19947-0500.
If you're in prison, just send a diplo to:  Baphomet, Mgr. Knights Templar (568), DM
#47--North Fork.  (I also have a lot of other charts and info for anyone who wants
it.)  Thanks!

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

STEVE MCQUEEN was devastated by 50 SUCKS in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge fight.
APPLE JACK was slaughtered by DELICE THE RED in a 1 minute uneven Challenge battle.
PERFECT TEN was demolished by TICKLES in a 1 minute uneven Challenge fight.
ROWDY YOBBO was defeated by W.T. POOH in a exciting 4 minute Challenge fight.
MICHAEL J'EH FOX was devastated by SIR VILE in a 1 minute uneven Challenge brawl.
JOE KING overpowered BRICK in a popular 2 minute gruesome mismatched Challenge brawl.
RAISON D'ETRE vanquished FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE in a 1 minute uneven Challenge duel.
OSCAR was viciously subdued by NUTMEG in a action packed 3 minute Challenge fight.
IMMOVEABLE OBJECT was overpowered by KOOKABURRA in a 1 minute Challenge fight.
BLACK JACK SHELACK was overpowered by FEAR in a 3 minute one-sided Challenge match.
HOCKEY DUCK slimly won victory over SKI MASK in a exciting 3 minute Challenge contest.
NUTCRACKER was demolished by PINK BEAR in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge brawl.
CLOUDS AWAY handily defeated MORADOR in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge conflict.
JAKUCHU ITO was vanquished by TIME SQUARE in a 1 minute mismatched Title bout.
TUM overcame MASHER in a crowd pleasing 1 minute bout.
BUDDERCUP was devastated by EMILY in a exciting 2 minute brutal one-sided brawl.
DIRT WORM was beaten by ARENAMASTER AZEEM in a exciting 3 minute bout.
MOD COD overpowered KIDNEY in a 1 minute mismatched conflict.
AERYN SUN devastated SPAZZ in a action packed 1 minute brutal one-sided bout.
DITCH RAT was narrowly defeated by POPE PAUL II in a action packed 3 minute fray.
IPECAC devastated UZI in a popular 1 minute gory one-sided bout.
KAIDEN vanquished BEER GOGGLES in a action packed 1 minute one-sided match.
HALLIE O'DENE defeated ROT TEN EGGS in a 3 minute brutal bout.
NED THE JANITOR vanquished AEDON in a action packed 2 minute gory uneven bout.
TUTANKHAMUN handily defeated IRON-PLATED IRV in a 1 minute mismatched bout.
SPUTTER was narrowly defeated by EXILE in a action packed 3 minute gruesome fight.
KONGOL was savagely defeated by MARY ANN in a 2 minute brutal match.
ISHINOMORI overpowered BECKY in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
PRIZMATYK WAHL beat QUONSET in a action packed 1 minute bout.
R IS FOR REPUGNANT luckily beat GAR & BRILL in a 2 minute gory uneven contest.
CREDIT LINE was bested by BLACK EYE in a exciting 1 minute battle.
2 PHAT was devastated by ELENA in a popular 1 minute uneven bout.
CARRIE NATION was demolished by MAN O' WAR in a 1 minute mismatched match.
PUTZ'N ALONG luckily beat MARY RETZLAFF in a popular 7 minute duel.
QUIBBLE savagely defeated SATOSHI KUNO in a popular 4 minute bloody duel.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK                  19         PARRY-LUNGE       13 -   4 -  0      76  |
|AIMED BLOW                      11         SLASHING ATTACK   30 -  13 -  1      70  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    9         LUNGING ATTACK    85 -  67 -  0      56  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  9         TOTAL PARRY       28 -  25 -  0      53  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   8         PARRY-RIPOSTE      1 -   1 -  0      50  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      6         STRIKING ATTACK   39 -  49 -  1      44  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  3         WALL OF STEEL     38 -  48 -  2      44  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      1         BASHING ATTACK    36 -  46 -  0      44  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    1         AIMED BLOW        27 -  36 -  0      43  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     1         PARRY-STRIKE       7 -  11 -  0      39  |

Turn 381 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

PARRY-LUNGE        1 -  0     AIMED BLOW         4 -  7         3  LUNGING ATTACK 
PARRY-RIPOSTE      1 -  0     SLASHING ATTACK    1 -  2         2  BASHING ATTACK 
LUNGING ATTACK    13 -  6     STRIKING ATTACK    2 -  7         2  AIMED BLOW     
WALL OF STEEL      5 -  4     PARRY-STRIKE       0 -  1         1  WALL OF STEEL  
BASHING ATTACK     4 -  4                                       1  STRIKING ATTACK
TOTAL PARRY        3 -  3                                       1  TOTAL PARRY    
                                                                1  PARRY-LUNGE    

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
LUNGING ATTACK   TIME SQUARE 65-4637        30  12  0  216 BIG APPLE MENACE (836)
WALL OF STEEL    50 SUCKS 60-4129           68  36  1  216 JOKA MASHER! (833)
STRIKING ATTACK  DELICE THE RED 56-3401     50  54  2  210 BAD APPLES (1091)
BASHING ATTACK   TICKLES 9-3486             47  64  1  208 MY PETS (554)
AIMED BLOW       EMILY 17-5753              30  18  0  204 BLADES OF STEEL (1068)
TOTAL PARRY      DIRT WORM 82-2315          66  34  0  193 VERMIN!! (1124)
PARRY-LUNGE      AERYN SUN 10-4268          24  10  0  190 FARSCAPE (1277)
PARRY-STRIKE     ROT TEN EGGS 47-3099       36  35  0  135 ROYAL FLUSH (146)
SLASHING ATTACK  MICHAEL J'EH FOX 60-5263   22  12  2  122 INGRATE WHITE NORTH (1006)
PARRY-RIPOSTE    HOCKEY DUCK 39-937         25  17  1   77 DUCKS UNLIMITED (1221)

The overall popularity leader is KAIDEN 35-3108.  The most popular warrior this turn 
was MARY RETZLAFF 3-6119.  The ten other most popular fighters were NUTMEG 7-5167, 
DITCH RAT 82-15360, SKI MASK 58-5869, EXILE 7-4618, SATOSHI KUNO 7-5229, SPUTTER 
82-15095, EMILY 17-5753, NED THE JANITOR 66-2973, QUIBBLE 10-4756, and ROWDY YOBBO 
20-3429.

The least popular fighter this week was CARRIE NATION 64-4054.  The other ten least 
popular fighters were UZI 44-1701, KIDNEY 96-972, MORADOR 2-5089, NUTCRACKER 38-4380, 
FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE 98-809, APPLE JACK 47-4011, 2 PHAT 72-5064, QUONSET 10-4990, BECKY 
17-5782, and AEDON 7-4295.

Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  
NIANIA(2)            0  1 0  CLIFFHOME(38)        0  2 0  KURUKAR(64)          0  1 0  
OSKSI(3)             0  1 0  XOCHITHLAN(39)       1  0 0  DAL SHANG(65)        1  0 0  
BONSUR(7)            4  4 0  KRILL(44)            0  1 0  TARRGIR(66)          1  0 0  
ZUKAL(9)             1  0 0  STORMCROWE(45)       1  0 0  KYR'TERR(71)         1  0 0  
KOLACT(10)           3  1 0  NORTH FORK(47)       2  5 0  DRAGONHEAD(72)       0  1 0  
MALCORN(15)          1  0 0  SNOWBOUND(50)        1  1 0  ERINIKA(73)          1  0 0  
ALJAFIR(17)          1  1 0  KHALANI(55)          1  0 0  MIROI CHANG(79)      1  0 0  
TALCAMA(18)          1  0 0  ROCANIS(56)          1  0 1  DWES EG(82)          1  4 0  
SEAM(20)             0  2 0  DELARQ TOR(58)       1  1 0  OLD VALAMANTIS(96)   0  1 0  
NIYTYOLE ISLAND(33)  2  2 0  ILLIS(59)            0  1 0  SYVYN'S HILL(98)     0  1 0  
MURSKA(35)           1  0 0  ARADI(60)            3  3 0  SOUTH RIDGE(99)      1  0 0  
JHANS(36)            1  0 0  AMEN-TEI(63)         1  0 0  

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 MORADOR 2-5089              27  10  1   70  RESURRECTION (1065)        NIANIA
 MARY RETZLAFF 3-6119        20  30  1   67  AMERICAN APPRAISAL (1268)  OSKSI
 JAKUCHU ITO 7-5102          29  15  0  192  NINJAS (1060)              BONSUR
 TICKLES 9-3486              47  64  1  208  MY PETS (554)              ZUKAL
 AERYN SUN 10-4268           24  10  0  190  FARSCAPE (1277)            KOLACT
 MAN O' WAR 15-4517          22  10  1   82  TRIPLE CROWN (990)         MALCORN
 EMILY 17-5753               30  18  0  204  BLADES OF STEEL (1068)     ALJAFIR
 TUM 18-7380                 27  16  2  222  FROM THE FACE (1265)       TALCAMA
 BRICK 20-389                37  35  0  141  THE BLUES (1286)           SEAM
 SPAZZ 33-6207               43  39  0  170  SNOTZI'S II (813)          NIYTYOLE ISLAND
 KAIDEN 35-3108              86  83  2  163  VIOLENT FEMS (972)         MURSKA
 PINK BEAR 36-5883           23  11  1   79  LITTLE GIRLS LIKE... (1304 JHANS
 GAR & BRILL 38-4252         24  35  0   44  JUST BECAUSE (1228)        CLIFFHOME
 HOCKEY DUCK 39-937          25  17  1   77  DUCKS UNLIMITED (1221)     XOCHITHLAN
 UZI 44-1701                 27  26  1  149  BLOWN AWAY (820)           KRILL
 IPECAC 45-3625              25  15  0  171  EMETICS (1242)             STORMCROWE
 STEVE MCQUEEN 47-3908       36  35  1  198  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 OSCAR 50-3153               29   8  0  107  OPEN SESAME (824)          SNOWBOUND
 MOD COD 55-2638             53  79  1  165  RHYME TYME (449)           KHALANI
 DELICE THE RED 56-3401      50  54  2  210  BAD APPLES (1091)          ROCANIS
 HALLIE O'DENE 58-6018       50  67  0  147  CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093)   DELARQ TOR
 IMMOVEABLE OBJECT 59-2110   20   6  1   64  NOT QUITE (1237)           ILLIS
 50 SUCKS 60-4129            68  36  1  216  JOKA MASHER! (833)         ARADI
 ELENA 63-2356               15   4  0   63  SITTIN' ON ACES (1302)     AMEN-TEI
 CARRIE NATION 64-4054       42  77  0   58  REFORMERS (1095)           KURUKAR
 TIME SQUARE 65-4637         30  12  0  216  BIG APPLE MENACE (836)     DAL SHANG
 NED THE JANITOR 66-2973     24  22  0  157  ANDORIAN UNIVERSITY (1123) TARRGIR
 TUTANKHAMUN 71-3357         29  18  0  158  CARTOUCHE (1111)           KYR'TERR
 2 PHAT 72-5064              18   5  1   36  VERMIN (771)               DRAGONHEAD
 PRIZMATYK WAHL 73-4252      18   8  2  101  MAGIC MAYHEM (1298)        ERINIKA
 POPE PAUL II 79-1317        23  13  0  167  CHAPEL ROCK (776)          MIROI CHANG
 DIRT WORM 82-2315           66  34  0  193  VERMIN!! (1124)            DWES EG
 KIDNEY 96-972               15   9  3  123  ORGAN ON THE SANDS (1272)  OLD VALAMANTIS
 FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE 98-809   19  16  4   93  COLLEGE RADIO (1223)       SYVYN'S HILL
 R IS FOR REPUGNANT 99-1155   8   3  4   54  GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME (1306)  SOUTH RIDGE