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Date   : 08/25/2004    Duedate: 09/07/2004

HOME GUARD

DM-101    TURN-383

RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %  RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %
  1 COLLEGE RADI 98/1223  134   73  0 64.7      ANDORIAN UNIVERSITY 66/1123           
    BIG APPLE MENACE 65/836                  11-SPARF! 20/1069        699  673 10 50.9
    ARCANE BEACH DAY 98/1305                    OPEN SESAME 50/824                    
  2 BLADES OF ICE 7/162   344  255  7 57.4      CHAPEL ROCK 79/776                    
    BLADES OF STEEL 17/1068                     INGRATE WHITE NORTH 60/1006           
  3 CARTOUCHE 71/1111     518  410  4 55.8      HERE TO PHOENIX 26/1072               
  4 4-LETTER ANX 82/1271  257  218  1 54.1      ROYAL FLUSH 47/146                    
    GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME 99/1306                  NOT QUITE 59/1237                     
    ORGAN ON THE SANDS 96/1272                  BLOWN AWAY 44/820                     
    WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY 82/1274                DUCKS UNLIMITED 39/1221               
  5 QUBIT 10/1136         785  668  6 54.0   12 ALL FINESSE 38/1236    58   57  0 50.4
    JOKA MASHER! 60/833                         SUGAR AND SPICE 7/1231                
    TRIPLE CROWN 15/990                         BATHTUB ARMADA 7/1196                 
    SIR AGLIO 10/788                         13 EMETICS 45/1242        56   57  0 49.6
    SNOTZI'S II 33/813                          BUMS 'R' US 60/1142                   
    VERMIN!! 82/1124                            JOYS OF BOOZE 33/1209                 
    VERMIN! 82/1267                          14 SAUSAGE DOGS 42/1016   43   57  0 43.0
    JOKA MASHER 82/917                          RESSURRECTION 82/1309                 
    VERMIN 72/771                            15 VIOLENT FEMS 35/972   392  525  9 42.7
  6 TWISTED SESA 99/1307  103   93  1 52.6      JUST BECAUSE 38/1228                  
  7 MAGIC MAYHEM 73/1298   23   21  1 52.3   16 MY PETS 9/554         468  727 12 39.2
    SCREEN DREAMS 47/1299                       RHYME TYME 55/449                     
  8 FARSCAPE 10/1277       14   13  0 51.9      GIRL SCOUT COOKIES 33/812             
    THE BLUES 20/1286                        17 SUPERIOR KIL 98/1229   17   28  1 37.8
  9 NINJAS 7/1060         214  203  2 51.3   18 REFORMERS 64/1095     438  741  4 37.2
    FROM THE FACE 18/1265                       CIRQUE DU MASQUES 58/1093             
    LITTLE GIRLS LIKE... 36/1304                BAD APPLES 56/1091                    
    RESURRECTION 2/1065                      19 AMERICAN APPR 3/1268    5   11  0 31.3
 10 SITTIN' ON A 63/1302   76   73  0 51.0

    '##/###' Avoid teams by their Team Id     '-'  Team did not fight this turn

                             REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER

     Oh, hi.  There weren't any Modeens around, I don't know where they went.  So 
It's just little 'ol Debby Tonte.  Thought I'd check out HOME GUARD to see what's 
new, and, you know, to be friendly and make sure they don't get into trouble for 
whatever it is they're doing.  Well, they might, but at least they won't get into 
trouble for not doing the spy report.  Although they won't do the spy report next 
time, either, because of going to Hawaii!  Some people have all the luck.

     MVP award for BEER GOGGLES?  Most vaulting points.  JOYS OF BOOZE's proud of him 
after beating SPAZZ and getting 44 points.  Well, okay, they aren't REALLY proud of 
him, or they'd write a personal, but nobody writes here except, you know, Ski Mask 
and Hallie O'Dene and their people.
     Talk about yer big time losers!  Not that I wanted to, but that's what's in the 
notes.  SPAZZ got smashed by BEER GOGGLES, and lost 38 points!  Actually, Spazz just 
got smashed by beer.  I've seen it happen lots of times.
     Like BLADES OF STEEL's EMILY is sweating since she got challenged by Duel2Dude 
TUM!  Well, okay, if she's sweating, which ladies DON'T, you know, they just glow--
it's because of the weather.  This Duel2Dude is like something else!  I'm not sure 
what.  A tree?  A stone wall?  TUM stopped EMILY dead in her tracks!  Okay, not 
really dead.  Or even in her tracks, have you ever tried to make tracks in the sand?  
They could be anybody's.  But she stopped.  Is the Duel2Dude really being a real snob 
to his teammates?  No, because nobody noticed.  Or there would be, you know, a 
column.  Don't ask me!  What?  Don't ask me what?  Who put this note in there?
     I gotta admit I haven't been in "deep con caves" with any spies.  Really, I just 
wing this stuff.  You all knew that, didn't you?
     The warriors of SNOTZI'S II must be getting lonely.  They were the most avoided 
team.  Do you guys know something that I don't?  Hhmph!  What kind of warriors are 
NINJAS?  SNOTZI'S II, an easy team to beat if I ever saw one, can't get them to 
accept an invitation!  But did they ask?  I never know.  It could all be something 
the scribes made up.
     Can BLADES OF STEEL's EMILY be more popular than me?  She was challenged the 
most, but is that really the same?  Of course not!
     See if I ever talk to EVIL ELMO again!  CREDIT LINE was so low when It 
challenged it.  Hhmph!  If EVIL ELMO can't beat a warrior 31 points below itself, 
that it CHALLENGED, it oughtta be selling food in the stands!  ISHINOMORI is being 
unfair.  She's challenged down 19 against KONGOL.  I don't know why they let this 
stuff go on.  Okay, I do know.  I mean, it isn't like anybody really cares.  Not here 
on the Isle.  Nobody's dying dead or anything.  KONGOL is a real man!  He was 
challenged by ISHINOMORI, 19 points above, and BEAT her!  Dark Arena, anyone?  Like 
there's a Dark Arena on the Isle.  Maybe we should have one, you know, where you 
challenge and if you lose, you have to sit out for a couple of turns.  No, nobody'd 
go for that.  The people that want to sit out do it anyway.  Oh, well, it wasn't 
really much of an idea.  People were asking me did JAKUCHU ITO REALLY challenge 50 
SUCKS?  (all right, maybe they didn't, but it sounded good!) It wasn't a spectacular 
fight, or anything, but 50 SUCKS wants me to write about it since he was subdued by 
JAKUCHU ITO.  Satisfied?  You know, I never figured that one out.  I mean, why would 
the loser want me to mention the fight?
     Man, all these warriors dying and killing each other!  Don't you guys ever give 
it a break?  What if they had a fight and nobody showed up?  I'd be out of a job, 
that's what!!!
     Remember, blood on a purple robe may stain.  Soak it in cold water, and hand 
wash.  Or send it to a carefully selected laundry.  Some can handle bloodstains, and 
some can't.  I'm getting tired of writing this stuff, so I'm calling it quits.  Its 
been really albendranius!  Later, guys-- Debby Tonte

     EVIL ELMO (99-1222) (10-1-4,68) of TWISTED SESAME TV challenged CREDIT LINE (82-
1366) (0-15-0,37) of WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY.  Down 31.  EVIL ELMO was devastated by 
CREDIT LINE in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge fight.

     TUM (18-7380) (28-16-2,242) of FROM THE FACE challenged EMILY (17-5753) (31-18-
0,226) of BLADES OF STEEL.  Down 16.  TUM vanquished EMILY in a 1 minute uneven 
Challenge Title battle.

     JAKUCHU ITO (7-5102) (30-15-0,204) of NINJAS challenged 50 SUCKS (60-4129) (69-
36-1,224) of JOKA MASHER!  Up 20.  JAKUCHU ITO demolished 50 SUCKS in a crowd 
pleasing 1 minute uneven Challenge fight.
     RAISON D'ETRE (7-5311) (22-16-3,120) of BATHTUB ARMADA challenged SPUTTER (82-
15095) (31-18-1,127) of JOKA MASHER.  Up 7.  RAISON D'ETRE was defeated by SPUTTER in 
an exciting 3 minute Challenge fight.
     EXILE (7-4618) (26-19-1,140) of BLADES OF ICE challenged KAIDEN (35-3108) (86-
84-2,140) of VIOLENT FEMS.  Straight across.  EXILE slimly lost to KAIDEN in an 
action packed 2 minute gory Challenge brawl.
     ISHINOMORI (7-5390) (29-8-1,135) of NINJAS challenged KONGOL (7-4524) (33-21-
2,116) of BLADES OF ICE.  Down 19.  ISHINOMORI was devastated by KONGOL in a 1 minute 
mismatched Challenge match.
     NUTCRACKER (38-4380) (18-8-1,38) of ALL FINESSE challenged PINK BEAR (36-5883) 
(23-12-1,53) of LITTLE GIRLS LIKE...  Up 15.  NUTCRACKER was handily defeated by PINK 
BEAR in a 1 minute uneven Challenge fight.
     SATOSHI KUNO (7-5229) (23-19-0,77) of NINJAS challenged ELENA (63-2356) (16-4-
0,87) of SITTIN' ON ACES.  Up 10.  SATOSHI KUNO lost to ELENA in an action packed 2 
minute gruesome Challenge duel.

     DELICE THE RED (56-3401) (51-54-2,221) of BAD APPLES fought DIRT WORM (82-2315) 
(66-35-0,193) of VERMIN!!  DELICE THE RED was luckily beaten by DIRT WORM in an 
action packed 3 minute duel.
     TIME SQUARE (65-4637) (30-13-0,193) of BIG APPLE MENACE fought HALLIE O'DENE 
(58-6018) (51-67-0,167) of CIRQUE DU MASQUES.  TIME SQUARE savagely defeated HALLIE 
O'DENE in an exciting 2 minute gruesome fight.
     AERYN SUN (10-4268) (25-10-0,194) of FARSCAPE fought MOD COD (55-2638) (54-79-
2,200) of RHYME TYME.  AERYN SUN was overpowered by MOD COD in a 1 minute one-sided 
fight.
     TICKLES (9-3486) (47-65-1,191) of MY PETS fought BUDDERCUP (60-5967) (37-31-
0,183) of BUMS 'R' US.  TICKLES demolished BUDDERCUP in a crowd pleasing 1 minute 
mismatched competition.
     MASHER (60-4553) (46-43-3,183) of JOKA MASHER! fought TUTANKHAMUN (71-3357) (30-
18-0,163) of CARTOUCHE.  MASHER demolished TUTANKHAMUN in a popular 1 minute 
mismatched match.
     IPECAC (45-3625) (26-15-0,173) of EMETICS fought DITCH RAT (82-15360) (25-25-
3,161) of VERMIN!  IPECAC overcame DITCH RAT in a popular 1 minute gruesome conflict.
     SPAZZ (33-6207) (44-39-0,180) of SNOTZI'S II fought BEER GOGGLES (33-6819) (29-
30-1,125) of JOYS OF BOOZE.  SPAZZ was overpowered by BEER GOGGLES in an action 
packed 1 minute uneven struggle.
     W.T. POOH (33-4430) (68-51-0,160) of SNOTZI'S II fought FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE (98-
809) (20-16-4,131) of COLLEGE RADIO.  W.T. POOH was viciously subdued by FOUNTAINS OF 
WAYNE in a 2 minute brawl.
     NED THE JANITOR (66-2973) (24-23-0,149) of ANDORIAN UNIVERSITY fought SIR VILE 
(10-4754) (28-28-1,149) of SIR AGLIO.  NED THE JANITOR was overpowered by SIR VILE in 
an exciting 1 minute one-sided match.
     MARY ANN (47-4378) (16-20-0,132) of SCREEN DREAMS fought NUTMEG (7-5167) (23-15-
1,144) of SUGAR AND SPICE.  MARY ANN was beaten by NUTMEG in a 2 minute bloody fight.
     THATDOGWILLBITEU (42-1981) (22-27-1,119) of SAUSAGE DOGS fought KIDNEY (96-972) 
(15-10-3,128) of ORGAN ON THE SANDS.  THATDOGWILLBITEU devastated KIDNEY in a 1 
minute one-sided contest.
     FEAR (82-10416) (21-30-1,104) of 4-LETTER ANXIETY fought MARY RETZLAFF (3-6119) 
(21-30-1,92) of AMERICAN APPRAISAL.  FEAR defeated MARY RETZLAFF in a 2 minute brutal 
duel.
     BRICK (20-389) (37-36-0,108) of THE BLUES fought AEDON (7-4295) (37-21-1,119) of 
BLADES OF ICE.  BRICK was narrowly defeated by AEDON in a crowd boring 15 minute 
gruesome fray.
     BECKY (17-5782) (15-2-2,99) of BLADES OF STEEL fought MAN O' WAR (15-4517) (22-
11-1,73) of TRIPLE CROWN.  BECKY butchered MAN O' WAR in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
     PRIZMATYK WAHL (73-4252) (18-9-2,98) of MAGIC MAYHEM fought 2 PHAT (72-5064) 
(18-6-1,36) of VERMIN.  PRIZMATYK WAHL was defeated by 2 PHAT in a 2 minute gruesome 
fight.
     R IS FOR REPUGNANT (99-1155) (8-3-4,54) of GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME fought MORADOR (2-
5089) (27-11-1,70) of RESURRECTION.  R IS FOR REPUGNANT was savagely defeated by 
MORADOR in an action packed 2 minute fight.
     GLORY HOLE (98-870) (7-18-4,59) of SUPERIOR KILLS fought GAR & BRILL (38-4252) 
(25-35-0,58) of JUST BECAUSE.  GLORY HOLE defeated GAR & BRILL in a 2 minute match.
     GUARDIAN (82-16527) (7-5-0,26) of RESSURRECTION fought KOOKABURRA (33-4151) (49-
71-2,71) of GIRL SCOUT COOKIES.  GUARDIAN was vanquished by KOOKABURRA in an action 
packed 1 minute uneven bout.
     CARRIE NATION (64-4054) (42-78-0,50) of REFORMERS fought QUIBBLE (10-4756) (24-
47-0,79) of QUBIT.  CARRIE NATION overpowered QUIBBLE in a 1 minute one-sided fray.
     BLACK EYE (60-6163) (18-12-0,64) of JOKA MASHER! fought LAKE SAILOR (101-2) (0-
0-0,30) of Other Dueldudes.  BLACK EYE handily defeated LAKE SAILOR in a popular 1 
minute gory one-sided duel.
     PUTZ'N ALONG (60-5437) (34-31-0,79) of JOKA MASHER! fought SKI MASK (58-5869) 
(37-62-0,72) of CIRQUE DU MASQUES.  PUTZ'N ALONG was viciously subdued by SKI MASK in 
a popular 3 minute brutal fray.
     QUONSET (10-4990) (28-21-0,90) of QUBIT fought LAKE SAILOR (101-2) (0-0-0,30) of 
Other Dueldudes.  QUONSET demolished LAKE SAILOR in an exciting 1 minute brutal one-
sided fight.

CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD          W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 TUM 18-7380                 29  16  2  259  FROM THE FACE (1265)       TALCAMA

GRAND CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 JAKUCHU ITO 7-5102          31  15  0  232  NINJAS (1060)              BONSUR
 MOD COD 55-2638             55  79  2  217  RHYME TYME (449)           KHALANI

GRAND CHAMPIONS               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
-STEVE MCQUEEN 47-3908       36  36  1  205  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 DIRT WORM 82-2315           67  35  0  203  VERMIN!! (1124)            DWES EG
 TICKLES 9-3486              48  65  1  203  MY PETS (554)              ZUKAL
 DELICE THE RED 56-3401      51  55  2  202  BAD APPLES (1091)          ROCANIS
 MASHER 60-4553              47  43  3  195  JOKA MASHER! (833)         ARADI
 TIME SQUARE 65-4637         31  13  0  195  BIG APPLE MENACE (836)     DAL SHANG
 50 SUCKS 60-4129            69  37  1  194  JOKA MASHER! (833)         ARADI
 EMILY 17-5753               31  19  0  193  BLADES OF STEEL (1068)     ALJAFIR
 AERYN SUN 10-4268           25  11  0  186  FARSCAPE (1277)            KOLACT

GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS       W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 IPECAC 45-3625              27  15  0  176  EMETICS (1242)             STORMCROWE
 BUDDERCUP 60-5967           37  32  0  175  BUMS 'R' US (1142)         ARADI
 HALLIE O'DENE 58-6018       51  68  0  174  CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093)   DELARQ TOR
 BEER GOGGLES 33-6819        30  30  1  169  JOYS OF BOOZE (1209)       NIYTYOLE ISLAND
-POPE PAUL II 79-1317        23  13  0  167  CHAPEL ROCK (776)          MIROI CHANG
-PERFECT TEN 47-4218         28  23  1  166  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE 98-809   21  16  4  163  COLLEGE RADIO (1223)       SYVYN'S HILL
-ROT TEN EGGS 47-3099        37  35  0  162  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
-APPLE JACK 47-4011          30  25  4  162  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 DITCH RAT 82-15360          25  26  3  162  VERMIN! (1267)             DWES EG
 SIR VILE 10-4754            29  28  1  161  SIR AGLIO (788)            KOLACT
 TUTANKHAMUN 71-3357         30  19  0  160  CARTOUCHE (1111)           KYR'TERR
 KAIDEN 35-3108              87  84  2  152  VIOLENT FEMS (972)         MURSKA

GRAND ADEPTS                  W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
-UZI 44-1701                 27  27  1  150  BLOWN AWAY (820)           KRILL
 KONGOL 7-4524               34  21  2  148  BLADES OF ICE (162)        BONSUR
-JOE KING 47-2223            30  52  1  147  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 NUTMEG 7-5167               24  15  1  147  SUGAR AND SPICE (1231)     BONSUR
 SPAZZ 33-6207               44  40  0  142  SNOTZI'S II (813)          NIYTYOLE ISLAND
 W.T. POOH 33-4430           68  52  0  141  SNOTZI'S II (813)          NIYTYOLE ISLAND
 NED THE JANITOR 66-2973     24  24  0  139  ANDORIAN UNIVERSITY (1123) TARRGIR
 EXILE 7-4618                26  20  1  137  BLADES OF ICE (162)        BONSUR
 THATDOGWILLBITEU 42-1981    23  27  1  137  SAUSAGE DOGS (1016)        RODEKI
 BECKY 17-5782               16   2  3  137  BLADES OF STEEL (1068)     ALJAFIR
 SPUTTER 82-15095            32  18  1  136  JOKA MASHER (917)          DWES EG
-MICHAEL J'EH FOX 60-5263    23  12  2  133  INGRATE WHITE NORTH (1006) ARADI
-ROWDY YOBBO 20-3429         23  22  1  127  SPARF! (1069)              SEAM
 RAISON D'ETRE 7-5311        22  17  3  124  BATHTUB ARMADA (1196)      BONSUR
 AEDON 7-4295                38  21  1  121  BLADES OF ICE (162)        BONSUR
 ISHINOMORI 7-5390           29   9  1  118  NINJAS (1060)              BONSUR
 KIDNEY 96-972               15  11  3  113  ORGAN ON THE SANDS (1272)  OLD VALAMANTIS
 BRICK 20-389                37  37  0  110  THE BLUES (1286)           SEAM
-OSCAR 50-3153               29   8  0  107  OPEN SESAME (824)          SNOWBOUND
 FEAR 82-10416               22  30  1  107  4-LETTER ANXIETY (1271)    DWES EG

GRAND CHALLENGER INITIATES    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
-CLOUDS AWAY 50-3332         18   6  2   97  OPEN SESAME (824)          SNOWBOUND
 ELENA 63-2356               17   4  0   94  SITTIN' ON ACES (1302)     AMEN-TEI
 QUONSET 10-4990             29  21  0   92  QUBIT (1136)               KOLACT

GRAND CHALLENGER INITIATES    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 MARY RETZLAFF 3-6119        21  31  1   91  AMERICAN APPRAISAL (1268)  OSKSI

GRAND INITIATES               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 SKI MASK 58-5869            38  62  0   86  CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093)   DELARQ TOR
-IMMOVEABLE OBJECT 59-2110   21   6  1   83  NOT QUITE (1237)           ILLIS
-HOCKEY DUCK 39-937          26  17  1   81  DUCKS UNLIMITED (1221)     XOCHITHLAN
 SATOSHI KUNO 7-5229         23  20  0   79  NINJAS (1060)              BONSUR
 2 PHAT 72-5064              19   6  1   78  VERMIN (771)               DRAGONHEAD
 MORADOR 2-5089              28  11  1   77  RESURRECTION (1065)        NIANIA
 CARRIE NATION 64-4054       43  78  0   76  REFORMERS (1095)           KURUKAR
 MAN O' WAR 15-4517          22  12  1   74  TRIPLE CROWN (990)         MALCORN
 KOOKABURRA 33-4151          50  71  2   73  GIRL SCOUT COOKIES (812)   NIYTYOLE ISLAND
-BLACK JACK SHELACK 47-4850  18  13  1   72  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 PUTZ'N ALONG 60-5437        34  32  0   70  JOKA MASHER! (833)         ARADI
 CREDIT LINE 82-1366          1  15  0   68  WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY (1274 DWES EG
 BLACK EYE 60-6163           19  12  0   66  JOKA MASHER! (833)         ARADI
-GINGER 7-5518               19   7  1   65  SUGAR AND SPICE (1231)     BONSUR
 PRIZMATYK WAHL 73-4252      18  10  2   65  MAGIC MAYHEM (1298)        ERINIKA
 GLORY HOLE 98-870            8  18  4   65  SUPERIOR KILLS (1229)      SYVYN'S HILL
 PINK BEAR 36-5883           24  12  1   64  LITTLE GIRLS LIKE... (1304 JHANS
 R IS FOR REPUGNANT 99-1155   8   4  4   57  GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME (1306)  SOUTH RIDGE
-TAOS 26-4042                13   9  1   56  HERE TO PHOENIX (1072)     CALEAM
 QUIBBLE 10-4756             24  48  0   54  QUBIT (1136)               KOLACT
 GAR & BRILL 38-4252         25  36  0   53  JUST BECAUSE (1228)        CLIFFHOME
-LINUS 75-2836               15   6  0   51  SUNDAY COMICS (1308)       JADE MOUNTAIN
 EVIL ELMO 99-1222           10   2  4   42  TWISTED SESAME (1307)      SOUTH RIDGE
 NUTCRACKER 38-4380          18   9  1   35  ALL FINESSE (1236)         CLIFFHOME
 GUARDIAN 82-16527            7   6  0   27  RESSURRECTION (1309)       DWES EG

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                    W   L  K TEAM NAME              SLAIN BY              TURN
MAN O' WAR 15-4517         22  12  1 TRIPLE CROWN 990       BECKY 17-5782          383

                               PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE

Black Jack Shellack -- I suppose you think you've PROVED something?  Ha!  Merely that
you North Forkers are positively PICKLED in the WORST kind of coffin varnish!  You
are setting a HORRIBLE example for the youth of this...Isle.  You should be ASHAMED
of yourself. -- Carrie Nation

Hockey Duck -- You TRAITOR.  You are betraying Ducks everywhere when you fight ME,
the Champion of Ducks Everywhere, instead of some fowl Duck-eating mammal. -- Ski
Mask, Founder and President, Ducks With Swords
P.S.  I shall call upon our members to rise up unanimously and cast you OUT of our
fellowship!

Tickles -- You call THAT a fighting identity?  I give you the Curled Lip of Scorn!  I
always suspected you elves were wimpy and perverse, but this PROVES it.  Elves should
stick to singing at the bottom of the well, er, the garden. -- Delice the Red
P.S.  Besides, you're from Zukal.  Proof of perversity and wickedness, if such was
needed.

Fat lot Delice knows about elves! -- Hallie
P.S.  Besides, she's from Rocanis.  A depraved lot, the Rocani.  Thieves and
murderers, every one of them.  Caravan raiders, the whole lot.

Joe King -- Why, you're just a kid!  A little guy, for a Shew--haven't got your full
growth yet, have you?  I'm sure you'll be formidable then.  Keep working. -- Hallie
O'Dene

30 July 2004
The total number of fights calculated was reported as 250 fights.  This is a
misprint.  It should have read "over 2,500 fights." -- Baphomet

24 August 2004
                            Invitation to Newbie Managers
                                 by Hammer

     As a Captain of the Vendetta Cartel, Hammer has recently dissolved the Vendetta
Cartel Crimson Ascension Family.  Lady Martilyo and Rook are NO LONGER members of the
Vendetta Cartel.
     The Vendetta Cartel is divided into "Families" under the leadership of Captains;
who have been appointed by the VC God Father known throughout the dueling land as
Master Darque.
     Hammer is now the Captain of the Vendetta Cartel Tarantula Tribe and the veteran
manager extends an invitation for prospective membership as a Probate [ONLY 2 Probate
positions are available in the VC Tarantula Tribe at the present time!] to any Newbie
Manager who qualifies under the following conditions:
     1. Newbie Manager MUST have Online Access for Email communications!  [Hammer is
presently living in Qatar and Lieutenants Maximillian and Firehawk are living in
Canada; so Email Communication is a MUST for consideration!]
     2. Newbie Manager MUST have the time and funds to create 2 new stables to be
placed in 2 separate Slow Arenas [the cost of running 1 stable in a Regular Arena!]
to actively participate on a monthly basis with the other 3 T-Tribe members of the
Vendetta Cartel!
     3. Newbie Manager MUST have the DESIRE to be an Active Member of the Vendetta
Cartel as a Tarantula Tribe trainee aka Probate; developing his/her managerial skills
under the mentorship of Hammer and the other VC members; thus proving themselves
worthy to become Vendetta Cartel Lieutenants in the Vendetta Cartel Tarantula Tribe!
     The Vendetta Cartel Tarantula Tribe lives by the Feud; thereby prospective
Probates are forewarned that membership guarantees instant Friends and instant
Enemies!
     Any prospective Probates who 1.) seek to improve their managerial
insights/abilities under the counsel of Hammer and other Vendetta Cartel members 2.)
desire to be active members of an Active Alliance that WILL NOT Dissolve in a Few
Months; building lasting friendships while enjoying Feuding with Common Enemies 3.)
who enjoy sending their gladiators to Tournaments and would strive to see their
manager name listed among the TV and TC winners in the Mailer Tourney Newsletters as
a member of the Vendetta Cartel MUST DO THE FOLLOWING:
     Send an Email to HammerDM@fastermail.com to introduce yourself and provide
Hammer with a short Bio of your managerial successes/failures and favorite/least
favorite fighting styles; with a listing of your active stable/stables for Hammer to
verify in the online newsletters.
     Hammer will choose the 2 prospective Probates for membership in the Vendetta
Cartel Tarantula Tribe on the basis of who he decides will be most suited [to
Hammer's purposes as the T-Tribe Captain!] from among those responding to this All
Arena Ad on a first response/first acceptance or rejection basis!
     -- Hammer; Vendetta Cartel Captain/WordSmith and WeaponSmith of the Vendetta
Cartel Tarantula Tribe

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

EVIL ELMO was devastated by CREDIT LINE in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge fight.
TUM vanquished EMILY in a 1 minute uneven Challenge Title battle.
JAKUCHU ITO demolished 50 SUCKS in a crowd pleasing 1 minute uneven Challenge fight.
RAISON D'ETRE was defeated by SPUTTER in a exciting 3 minute Challenge fight.
EXILE slimly lost to KAIDEN in a action packed 2 minute gory Challenge brawl.
ISHINOMORI was devastated by KONGOL in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge match.
NUTCRACKER was handily defeated by PINK BEAR in a 1 minute uneven Challenge fight.
SATOSHI KUNO lost to ELENA in a action packed 2 minute gruesome Challenge duel.
DELICE THE RED was luckily beaten by DIRT WORM in a action packed 3 minute duel.
TIME SQUARE savagely defeated HALLIE O'DENE in a exciting 2 minute gruesome fight.
AERYN SUN was overpowered by MOD COD in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
TICKLES demolished BUDDERCUP in a crowd pleasing 1 minute mismatched competition.
MASHER demolished TUTANKHAMUN in a popular 1 minute mismatched match.
IPECAC overcame DITCH RAT in a popular 1 minute gruesome conflict.
SPAZZ was overpowered by BEER GOGGLES in a action packed 1 minute uneven struggle.
W.T. POOH was viciously subdued by FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE in a 2 minute brawl.
NED THE JANITOR was overpowered by SIR VILE in a exciting 1 minute one-sided match.
MARY ANN was beaten by NUTMEG in a 2 minute bloody fight.
THATDOGWILLBITEU devastated KIDNEY in a 1 minute one-sided contest.
FEAR defeated MARY RETZLAFF in a 2 minute brutal duel.
BRICK was narrowly defeated by AEDON in a crowd boring 15 minute gruesome fray.
BECKY butchered MAN O' WAR in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
PRIZMATYK WAHL was defeated by 2 PHAT in a 2 minute gruesome fight.
R IS FOR REPUGNANT was savagely defeated by MORADOR in a action packed 2 minute fight.
GLORY HOLE defeated GAR & BRILL in a 2 minute match.
GUARDIAN was vanquished by KOOKABURRA in a action packed 1 minute uneven bout.
CARRIE NATION overpowered QUIBBLE in a 1 minute one-sided fray.
BLACK EYE handily defeated LAKE SAILOR in a popular 1 minute gory one-sided duel.
PUTZ'N ALONG was viciously subdued by SKI MASK in a popular 3 minute brutal fray.
QUONSET demolished LAKE SAILOR in a exciting 1 minute brutal one-sided fight.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK                  19         PARRY-LUNGE       13 -   4 -  0      76  |
|AIMED BLOW                       8         SLASHING ATTACK   25 -  11 -  1      69  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    8         PARRY-RIPOSTE      2 -   1 -  0      67  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   7         LUNGING ATTACK    94 -  69 -  1      58  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  7         TOTAL PARRY       24 -  27 -  0      47  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      5         WALL OF STEEL     39 -  46 -  2      46  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      2         STRIKING ATTACK   36 -  45 -  2      44  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  2         BASHING ATTACK    35 -  44 -  0      44  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     0         AIMED BLOW        32 -  41 -  0      44  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    0         PARRY-STRIKE       6 -   8 -  0      43  |

Turn 383 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

LUNGING ATTACK    13 -  6     STRIKING ATTACK    3 -  4         4  LUNGING ATTACK 
BASHING ATTACK     4 -  3     TOTAL PARRY        2 -  3         2  AIMED BLOW     
PARRY-LUNGE        1 -  1     AIMED BLOW         3 -  5         2  BASHING ATTACK 
SLASHING ATTACK    1 -  1     WALL OF STEEL      3 -  5         1  TOTAL PARRY    
                              PARRY-STRIKE       0 -  0         1  STRIKING ATTACK
                              PARRY-RIPOSTE      0 -  0         1  WALL OF STEEL  

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
LUNGING ATTACK   TUM 18-7380                29  16  2  259 FROM THE FACE (1265)
TOTAL PARRY      DIRT WORM 82-2315          67  35  0  203 VERMIN!! (1124)
BASHING ATTACK   TICKLES 9-3486             48  65  1  203 MY PETS (554)
STRIKING ATTACK  DELICE THE RED 56-3401     51  55  2  202 BAD APPLES (1091)
WALL OF STEEL    50 SUCKS 60-4129           69  37  1  194 JOKA MASHER! (833)
AIMED BLOW       EMILY 17-5753              31  19  0  193 BLADES OF STEEL (1068)
PARRY-LUNGE      AERYN SUN 10-4268          25  11  0  186 FARSCAPE (1277)
SLASHING ATTACK  ISHINOMORI 7-5390          29   9  1  118 NINJAS (1060)

The overall popularity leader is KAIDEN 35-3108.  The most popular warrior this turn 
was DELICE THE RED 56-3401.  The ten other most popular fighters were RAISON D'ETRE 
7-5311, TIME SQUARE 65-4637, FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE 98-809, SKI MASK 58-5869, ELENA 
63-2356, KAIDEN 35-3108, SPUTTER 82-15095, BEER GOGGLES 33-6819, MORADOR 2-5089, and 
SATOSHI KUNO 7-5229.

The least popular fighter this week was AEDON 7-4295.  The other ten least popular 
fighters were QUIBBLE 10-4756, AERYN SUN 10-4268, ISHINOMORI 7-5390, EMILY 17-5753, 
EVIL ELMO 99-1222, PUTZ'N ALONG 60-5437, GUARDIAN 82-16527, PRIZMATYK WAHL 73-4252, 
MAN O' WAR 15-4517, and BECKY 17-5782.

Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  
NIANIA(2)            1  0 0  JHANS(36)            1  0 0  KURUKAR(64)          1  0 0  
OSKSI(3)             0  1 0  CLIFFHOME(38)        0  2 0  DAL SHANG(65)        1  0 0  
BONSUR(7)            4  4 0  RODEKI(42)           1  0 0  TARRGIR(66)          0  1 0  
ZUKAL(9)             1  0 0  STORMCROWE(45)       1  0 0  KYR'TERR(71)         0  1 0  
KOLACT(10)           2  2 0  NORTH FORK(47)       0  1 0  DRAGONHEAD(72)       1  0 0  
MALCORN(15)          0  1 0  KHALANI(55)          1  0 0  ERINIKA(73)          0  1 0  
ALJAFIR(17)          1  1 1  ROCANIS(56)          0  1 0  DWES EG(82)          4  2 0  
TALCAMA(18)          1  0 0  DELARQ TOR(58)       1  1 0  OLD VALAMANTIS(96)   0  1 0  
SEAM(20)             0  1 0  ARADI(60)            2  3 0  SYVYN'S HILL(98)     2  0 0  
NIYTYOLE ISLAND(33)  2  2 0  AMEN-TEI(63)         1  0 0  SOUTH RIDGE(99)      0  2 0  
MURSKA(35)           1  0 0  

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 MORADOR 2-5089              28  11  1   77  RESURRECTION (1065)        NIANIA
 MARY RETZLAFF 3-6119        21  31  1   91  AMERICAN APPRAISAL (1268)  OSKSI
 JAKUCHU ITO 7-5102          31  15  0  232  NINJAS (1060)              BONSUR
 TICKLES 9-3486              48  65  1  203  MY PETS (554)              ZUKAL
 AERYN SUN 10-4268           25  11  0  186  FARSCAPE (1277)            KOLACT
 MAN O' WAR 15-4517          22  12  1   74  TRIPLE CROWN (990)         MALCORN
 EMILY 17-5753               31  19  0  193  BLADES OF STEEL (1068)     ALJAFIR
 TUM 18-7380                 29  16  2  259  FROM THE FACE (1265)       TALCAMA
 BRICK 20-389                37  37  0  110  THE BLUES (1286)           SEAM
 BEER GOGGLES 33-6819        30  30  1  169  JOYS OF BOOZE (1209)       NIYTYOLE ISLAND
 KAIDEN 35-3108              87  84  2  152  VIOLENT FEMS (972)         MURSKA
 PINK BEAR 36-5883           24  12  1   64  LITTLE GIRLS LIKE... (1304 JHANS
 GAR & BRILL 38-4252         25  36  0   53  JUST BECAUSE (1228)        CLIFFHOME
 THATDOGWILLBITEU 42-1981    23  27  1  137  SAUSAGE DOGS (1016)        RODEKI
 IPECAC 45-3625              27  15  0  176  EMETICS (1242)             STORMCROWE
 MOD COD 55-2638             55  79  2  217  RHYME TYME (449)           KHALANI
 DELICE THE RED 56-3401      51  55  2  202  BAD APPLES (1091)          ROCANIS
 HALLIE O'DENE 58-6018       51  68  0  174  CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093)   DELARQ TOR
 MASHER 60-4553              47  43  3  195  JOKA MASHER! (833)         ARADI
 ELENA 63-2356               17   4  0   94  SITTIN' ON ACES (1302)     AMEN-TEI
 CARRIE NATION 64-4054       43  78  0   76  REFORMERS (1095)           KURUKAR
 TIME SQUARE 65-4637         31  13  0  195  BIG APPLE MENACE (836)     DAL SHANG
 NED THE JANITOR 66-2973     24  24  0  139  ANDORIAN UNIVERSITY (1123) TARRGIR
 TUTANKHAMUN 71-3357         30  19  0  160  CARTOUCHE (1111)           KYR'TERR
 2 PHAT 72-5064              19   6  1   78  VERMIN (771)               DRAGONHEAD
 PRIZMATYK WAHL 73-4252      18  10  2   65  MAGIC MAYHEM (1298)        ERINIKA
 DIRT WORM 82-2315           67  35  0  203  VERMIN!! (1124)            DWES EG
 KIDNEY 96-972               15  11  3  113  ORGAN ON THE SANDS (1272)  OLD VALAMANTIS
 FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE 98-809   21  16  4  163  COLLEGE RADIO (1223)       SYVYN'S HILL
 R IS FOR REPUGNANT 99-1155   8   4  4   57  GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME (1306)  SOUTH RIDGE