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Date   : 10/06/2004    Duedate: 10/19/2004

HOME GUARD

DM-101    TURN-386

RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %  RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %
  1 COLLEGE RADI 98/1223  139   74  0 65.3      SUGAR AND SPICE 7/1231                
    BIG APPLE MENACE 65/836                     BATHTUB ARMADA 7/1196                 
  2 DU BASHERS 38/657      20   14  0 58.8      PERFECTION QUEST 73/1311              
  3-BLADES OF ICE 7/162   348  261  7 57.1   12 THE GREENHOU 30/1219   80   76  0 51.3
    BLADES OF STEEL 17/1068                     GERFEL'S FRIENDS 11/516               
  4 CARTOUCHE 71/1111     519  412  4 55.7      SITTIN' ON ACES 63/1302               
  5 FARSCAPE 10/1277       18   15  0 54.5      ANDORIAN UNIVERSITY 66/1123           
    THE BLUES 20/1286                        13-BLOWN AWAY 44/820     704  676 10 51.0
  6 QUBIT 10/1136         815  689  7 54.2      HERE TO PHOENIX 26/1072               
    JOKA MASHER! 60/833                         ROYAL FLUSH 47/146                    
    TRIPLE CROWN 15/990                         INGRATE WHITE NORTH 60/1006           
    SIR AGLIO 10/788                         14 MAGIC MAYHEM 73/1298   25   25  1 50.0
    VERMIN!! 82/1124                            SCREEN DREAMS 47/1299                 
    SNOTZI'S II 33/813                       15 EMETICS 45/1242        59   63  0 48.4
    JOKA MASHER 82/917                          BUMS 'R' US 60/1142                   
    VERMIN! 82/1267                             JOYS OF BOOZE 33/1209                 
    VERMIN 72/771                            16-SAUSAGE DOGS 42/1016   44   58  0 43.1
  7 4-LETTER ANX 82/1271  260  227  1 53.4      RESSURRECTION 82/1309                 
    GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME 99/1306               17 VIOLENT FEMS 35/972   393  530  9 42.6
    ORGAN ON THE SANDS 96/1272                  JUST BECAUSE 38/1228                  
    WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY 82/1274             18 MY PETS 9/554         470  734 12 39.0
  8 LOST SOULS 40/486      36   32  0 52.9      RHYME TYME 55/449                     
  9 NINJAS 7/1060         227  208  2 52.2      GIRL SCOUT COOKIES 33/812             
    LITTLE GIRLS LIKE... 36/1304             19 REFORMERS 64/1095     444  747  4 37.3
    FROM THE FACE 18/1265                       CIRQUE DU MASQUES 58/1093             
    RESURRECTION 2/1065                         BAD APPLES 56/1091                    
 10 TWISTED SESA 99/1307  103   96  1 51.8   20-WORLDWIDE PA 36/1263   17   30  1 36.2
 11 ALL FINESSE 38/1236    63   59  0 51.6

    '##/###' Avoid teams by their Team Id     '-'  Team did not fight this turn

                             REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER

     What is this thing?  Not some magical gadget is it?  Because magic doesn't work
right around me...nope, told you I'm not doing any damn spyreport.  Silliest idea
Sheila ever had, spyreports.  Get that out of my face, Eddie.
     Sure, I like watching the old farts fight.  I don't think she ought to've thrown
them new young hot shots in with 'em.
     AND NOW!  DIRECT FROM SUNSET, THE BLOOD-DRENCHED WESTERN ISLE, AND NIATOLE, ISLE
OF THE EASY-GOING EAST!  SUMMERSUN (40-2672) (21-17-2,82) of LOST SOULS WILL FIGHT
KOOKABURRA (33-4151) (50-73-2,49) of GIRL SCOUT COOKIES!  Where does he get his
notions about them islands, eh?  Easy going my ass.  That announcer is a damn elf
anyway.  Take away his megaphone and he sounds like an eight year old girl....  Whee!
Score one for the old farts!  Looked like that hurt.  SUMMERSUN IS HANDILY DEFEATED
BY KOOKABURRA IN AN EXCITING 1 MINUTE UNEVEN BOUT!
     NEXT UP, FROM CLIFFHOME WE BRING YOU GAR & BRILL (38-4252) (25-38-0,47) of JUST
BECAUSE, MATCHED TODAY AGAINST YOUNG KALTOSIAN QUIETUS (10-5165) (19-9-1,66) of
QUBIT.  Uh-oh.  Gar & Brill is waving at his friends.  Pay atten--damn!  Oh well,
he's not really an old fart anyway.  GAR & BRILL IS VANQUISHED BY QUIETUS IN A 1
MINUTE ONE-SIDED BOUT!
     PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER FOR IAYEAN VALLISNERIA (30-3226) (15-8-1,61) OF THE
GREENHOUSE WHO WILL FIGHT SIR PENT (10-5089) (18-14-1,51) of SIR AGLIO FROM LEARNED
KALTOS!  Is Kaltos the one with the university?  Always thought it was Kolact.  I get
them places mixed up, they're both islands that start with K.  Like two barmaids,
Lolassa and Linsa, both of 'em got big brown eyes and big...you know...get either one
on my lap and I always call her by the other one's name and get slapped...what fight?
Oh.  VALLISNERIA IS OVERPOWERED BY SIR PENT IN A 1 MINUTE UNEVEN DUEL!
     AND NOW!  MELANCHOLY (7-5319) (16-8-1,57) of BATHTUB ARMADA WILL FACE THE
AMAZING MAN O' WAR (15-4517) (23-13-1,73) of TRIPLE CROWN.  Good, he got tired of
talking about their home towns.  Prob'ly not their home towns anyway, just happened
to be where they got *@#%faced enough to sign up to be a gladiator.  Would you look
at that swing!  These new guys think they know how to fight.  Boy!  MELANCHOLY
OVERPOWERS MAN O' WAR IN A 1 MINUTE UNEVEN FIGHT!
     NEXT UP, BLACK EYE (60-6163) (19-14-0,58) of JOKA MASHER! fought B&G BOUNCER
(101-3) (0-0-0,30) of ARENA VOLUNTEERS.  Oh these things are embarrassing.  I can't
look.  BLACK EYE OVERPOWERS B&G BOUNCER IN A 1 MINUTE ONE-SIDED BOUT!
     AND NOW WE SEE PUTZ'N ALONG (60-5437) (36-32-0,76) of JOKA MASHER! WHO WILL
FIGHT HERMY (101-4) (0-0-0,50) of ARENA VOLUNTEERS.  Damn, another one.  You think
that, uh, potato masher team is gettin' avoided?  Oh no, they're T.P.s!  Wake me when
it's over, Eddie....  PUTZ'N ALONG VICIOUSLY SUBDUES HERMY IN A 14 MINUTE GRUESOME
BOUT!
     NEXT UP, R IS FOR REPUGNANT (99-1155) (10-4-4,84) of GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME WILL
FIGHT RUTHLESS (15-4591) (17-6-0,90) of TRIPLE CROWN!  I don't see how he keeps
himself all excited about these silly little match-ups...no, no, I don't wanta know.
Couple young snots anyhow.  R IS FOR REPUGNANT IS VICIOUSLY SUBDUED BY RUTHLESS IN A
2 MINUTE GRUESOME DUEL!
     IN OUR NEXT MATCH, PRIZMATYK WAHL (73-4252) (19-11-2,78) of MAGIC MAYHEM WILL
FIGHT SKI MASK (58-5869) (39-63-0,80) of CIRQUE DU MASQUES.  This is more like it, we
got a genuine old fart on the sand....  Oh!  What a pud!  PRIZMATYK WAHL HAS
DEVASTATED SKI MASK IN A 1 MINUTE ONE-SIDED BOUT!
     NOW APPEARING, 2 PHAT (72-5064) (20-7-1,71) of VERMIN WILL FACE CARRIE NATION
(64-4054) (44-79-0,78) of REFORMERS.  That Carrie Nation, she's got some crazy
notions about liquor.  Too much religion will do that to a woman....  Whoa!  See, if
she'd had a drink or three under her belt she mighta lasted longer.  2 PHAT HAS
OVERPOWERED CARRIE NATION IN A 1 MINUTE UNEVEN FIGHT!
     GIVE A WARM WELCOME TO KAIDEN (35-3108) (87-86-2,133) of VIOLENT FEMS WHO IS
MATCHED AGAINST QUONSET (10-4990) (31-21-0,133) of QUBIT!  Got a real old fart here,
this is more like it!  Good figure too....  Whoa!  Over too quick.  KAIDEN BEATS
QUONSET IN A POPULAR 1 MINUTE MATCH!
     AND NOW, BEER GOGGLES (33-6819) (30-32-1,150) of JOYS OF BOOZE WILL DUEL CADDY
JACKKNIFE (11-4288) (22-9-0,110) of GERFEL'S FRIENDS!  Uh-oh, I'm not sure I'm gonna
like this one....  Well, he's holding his own....  Hey!  Popcorn!  Over here!...ah
dang, pretty good fight though.  BEER GOGGLES HAS BEEN OVERCOME BY CADDY JACKKNIFE IN
A CROWD PLEASING 6 MINUTE COMPETITION!
     LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, W.T. POOH (33-4430) (68-54-0,127) of SNOTZI'S II WILL NOW
FIGHT SATOSHI KUNO (7-5229) (25-20-0,131) of NINJAS.  Hey check it out, Eddie.  The
old fart actually has a winning record.  This could be good...would you get me a
beer?...  W.T. POOH HAS SAVAGELY DEFEATED SATOSHI KUNO IN AN EXCITING 12 MINUTE GORY
DUEL!
     AND NOW, DITCH RAT (82-15360) (26-27-3,152) of VERMIN! WILL FIGHT LORETTA (101-
8) (0-0-0,110) of ARENA VOLUNTEERS!  Oh poot, neither of 'em looks like any kinda
fighter.  Pity the poor girl....  Well how do you like that, she takes 'im out with a
knee!  DITCH RAT IS CRUELLY BEATEN BY LORETTA IN A 2 MINUTE BRAWL!
     NEXT UP, ISHINOMORI (7-5390) (30-10-1,146) of NINJAS WILL FIGHT KIDNEY (96-972)
(15-13-3,109) of ORGAN ON THE SANDS.  If that ain't the most disgusting team name...
woo, that looked like it hurt!  ISHINOMORI DEVASTATES KIDNEY IN A 1 MINUTE ONE-SIDED
BRAWL!
     IN OUR NEXT MATCH, MARY ANN (47-4378) (16-23-0,122) of SCREEN DREAMS WILL FACE
BRICK (20-389) (38-38-0,122) of THE BLUES.  She's cute with them little braids...
hey, this looks like a real fight...huh, she's got guts but she wastes energy.  Look
at that flashy move, it didn't help her any and she's gonna get tired....  MARY ANN
HAS BEEN BEATEN BY BRICK IN AN EXCITING 4 MINUTE MATCH!
     AND NOW, DIRT WORM (82-2315) (68-36-0,202) of VERMIN!! WILL FACE MOD COD (55-
2638) (56-80-2,203) of RHYME TYME.  Hey, how did Dirt Worm get into Home Guard?
That's a majorly winning record and he's got plenty of experience....  The old fart's
givin' him a run for it though....  DIRT WORM SUBDUES MOD COD IN A CROWD PLEASING 2
MINUTE MATCH!
     BY POPULAR DEMAND, AERYN SUN (10-4268) (26-12-0,203) of FARSCAPE fought SPAZZ
(33-6207) (46-40-0,157) of SNOTZI'S II.  What a babe.  Ow!  Got him where it hurts.
AERYN SUN HAS OVERPOWERED SPAZZ IN A POPULAR 1 MINUTE GRUESOME MISMATCHED CONFLICT!
     NEXT, IPECAC (45-3625) (28-16-0,187) of EMETICS IS MATCHED AGAINST TICKLES (9-
3486) (48-67-1,177) of MY PETS.  Oh damn, this looks like one I don't want to watch.
IPECAC OVERPOWERS TICKLES IN AN ACTION PACKED 1 MINUTE UNEVEN STRUGGLE!
     AND NOW, DELICE THE RED (56-3401) (53-55-2,212) of BAD APPLES WILL FIGHT
BUDDERCUP (60-5967) (38-33-0,182) of BUMS 'R' US.  This should be a good one.  She's
pretty, don't you think?  DELICE THE RED HAS SAVAGELY DEFEATED BUDDERCUP IN AN ACTION
PACKED 2 MINUTE GORY MATCH!
     NEXT, FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE (98-809) (22-17-4,189) of COLLEGE RADIO WILL FIGHT
TUTANKHAMUN (71-3357) (31-20-0,192) of CARTOUCHE!  'Scuse me, I'll be right back.
Too much beer.  FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE HAS OVERPOWERED TUTANKHAMUN IN A 1 MINUTE ONE-
SIDED MATCH!
     NEXT UP, TUM (18-7380) (30-17-2,195) of FROM THE FACE WILL TAKE THE SANDS
AGAINST SIR VILE (10-4754) (31-28-1,199) of SIR AGLIO!  TUM HAS DEVASTATED SIR VILE
IN A 1 MINUTE MISMATCHED CONFLICT!
     ELENA (63-2356) (18-5-0,95) of SITTIN' ON ACES HAS CHALLENGED FEAR (82-10416)
(22-32-1,124) of 4-LETTER ANXIETY.  Did I miss anything?  Oh!  They've started the
challenge fights.  She looks confident....  Whoa!  Over quick.  ELENA HAS HANDILY
DEFEATED FEAR IN AN ACTION PACKED 1 MINUTE UNEVEN CHALLENGE FIGHT!
     IN OUR NEXT CHALLENGE BATTLE, MORADOR (2-5089) (30-11-1,92) of RESURRECTION HAS
CALLED OUT CREDIT LINE (82-1366) (1-17-0,66) of WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY!  That's a funny
team name.  Wonder what some of his teammates are called...hup!  That looked like it
hurt.  MORADOR HAS BEEN VANQUISHED BY CREDIT LINE IN A 1 MINUTE ONE-SIDED CHALLENGE
DUEL!
     NUTCRACKER (38-4380) (18-10-1,35) of ALL FINESSE HAS ISSUED A CHALLENGE TO
QUIBBLE (10-4756) (25-49-0,41) of QUBIT.  I would, too, looking at that record.  Ho!
One shot!  NUTCRACKER HAS LOST TO QUIBBLE IN A 1 MINUTE CHALLENGE FIGHT!
     AND NOW, NUTMEG (7-5167) (25-15-1,166) of SUGAR AND SPICE HAS CHALLENGED MASHER
(60-4553) (48-44-3,173) of JOKA MASHER!.  You know, these old farts aren't really all
that old or that pudly.  Where's Ferd the Tower?  Whoa, what happened?  I missed it.
NUTMEG HAS BESTED MASHER IN A POPULAR 1 MINUTE GORY CHALLENGE CONTEST!
     RAISON D'ETRE (7-5311) (23-17-3,134) of BATHTUB ARMADA HAS ISSUED A CHALLENGE TO
SPUTTER (82-15095) (33-19-1,144) of JOKA MASHER.  Well neither one is an old fart,
but this could be good....  Can I get a hot dog over here?  RAISON D'ETRE HAS SUBDUED
SPUTTER IN A CROWD PLEASING 2 MINUTE CHALLENGE COMPETITION!
     NEXT, SIR NASTY ONE (38-2787) (24-35-1,148) of DU BASHERS HAS CHALLENGED HALLIE
O'DENE (58-6018) (52-69-0,175) of CIRQUE DU MASQUES.  Bet the announcer gets tired of
trying to use different wording.  Whoa!  One shot and she's down like a sack of
grain.  SIR NASTY ONE HAS OVERPOWERED HALLIE O'DENE IN A 1 MINUTE ONE-SIDED CHALLENGE
STRUGGLE!
     AND NOW, BIG COUNTRY (38-2765) (40-25-3,211) of DU BASHERS HAS ISSUED HIS
CHALLENGE TO 50 SUCKS (60-4129) (71-37-2,248) of JOKA MASHER!  I hope 50 Sucks is a
reference to the guy's age.  I remember my fiftieth year...no I don't.  Jeez, you
blink and it's over.  BIG COUNTRY HAS BEEN DEVASTATED BY 50 SUCKS IN A 1 MINUTE ONE-
SIDED CHALLENGE DUEL!
     IN OUR SINGLE TOURNAMENT VICTOR CHALLENGE, EVIL ELMO (99-1222) (10-4-4,43) of
TWISTED SESAME HAS TV CHALLENGED PINK BEAR (36-5883) (26-12-1,79) of LITTLE GIRLS
LIKE....  Couple a young snots, who cares?  Tell ya one thing though, not all girls
like stuffed animals.  Dye a live bear pink and you might get a smile.  EVIL ELMO WAS
BESTED BY PINK BEAR IN A 1 MINUTE CHALLENGE FIGHT!
     AND IN OUR TITLE COMPETITION, JAKUCHU ITO (7-5102) (33-15-0,254) of NINJAS HAS
CHALLENGED TIME SQUARE (65-4637) (33-13-0,229) of BIG APPLE MENACE.  At last, it's
almost over.  Get me another beer, Eddie?  Oh, never mind.  JAKUCHU ITO HAS BEEN
HANDILY DEFEATED BY TIME SQUARE IN A 1 MINUTE CHALLENGE TITLE MATCH!
     Well, haven't sat through a whole day of arena fights in a while.  It's about
like I remember it.  Thanks for not getting on my case to do that spyreport.  I don't
care what Sheila wants.  Let's go get that beer, Eddie.

CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD          W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 TIME SQUARE 65-4637         34  13  0  249  BIG APPLE MENACE (836)     DAL SHANG

GRAND CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 50 SUCKS 60-4129            72  37  2  266  JOKA MASHER! (833)         ARADI
 DELICE THE RED 56-3401      54  55  2  218  BAD APPLES (1091)          ROCANIS

GRAND CHAMPIONS               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 TUM 18-7380                 31  17  2  210  FROM THE FACE (1265)       TALCAMA
 DIRT WORM 82-2315           69  36  0  208  VERMIN!! (1124)            DWES EG
 FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE 98-809   23  17  4  207  COLLEGE RADIO (1223)       SYVYN'S HILL
 MOD COD 55-2638             56  81  2  206  RHYME TYME (449)           KHALANI
 AERYN SUN 10-4268           27  12  0  206  FARSCAPE (1277)            KOLACT
 BIG COUNTRY 38-2765         40  26  3  199  DU BASHERS (657)           CLIFFHOME
 JAKUCHU ITO 7-5102          33  16  0  195  NINJAS (1060)              BONSUR
 IPECAC 45-3625              29  16  0  195  EMETICS (1242)             STORMCROWE
 SIR VILE 10-4754            31  29  1  191  SIR AGLIO (788)            KOLACT
-STEVE MCQUEEN 47-3908       36  38  1  190  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 BUDDERCUP 60-5967           38  34  0  182  BUMS 'R' US (1142)         ARADI
 TUTANKHAMUN 71-3357         31  21  0  182  CARTOUCHE (1111)           KYR'TERR

GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS       W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
-EMILY 17-5753               32  20  0  178  BLADES OF STEEL (1068)     ALJAFIR
 NUTMEG 7-5167               26  15  1  178  SUGAR AND SPICE (1231)     BONSUR
-VLAADE 36-5160              17  13  1  174  WORLDWIDE PANIC (1263)     JHANS
 TICKLES 9-3486              48  68  1  173  MY PETS (554)              ZUKAL
 SIR NASTY ONE 38-2787       25  35  1  173  DU BASHERS (657)           CLIFFHOME
-UZI 44-1701                 29  27  1  169  BLOWN AWAY (820)           KRILL
-EXILE 7-4618                27  21  1  169  BLADES OF ICE (162)        BONSUR
-MICHAEL J'EH FOX 60-5263    25  12  2  168  INGRATE WHITE NORTH (1006) ARADI
-BECKY 17-5782               18   2  3  168  BLADES OF STEEL (1068)     ALJAFIR
 MASHER 60-4553              48  45  3  167  JOKA MASHER! (833)         ARADI
 SPAZZ 33-6207               46  41  0  162  SNOTZI'S II (813)          NIYTYOLE ISLAND
-NED THE JANITOR 66-2973     25  25  0  157  ANDORIAN UNIVERSITY (1123) TARRGIR
 RAISON D'ETRE 7-5311        24  17  3  154  BATHTUB ARMADA (1196)      BONSUR
 HALLIE O'DENE 58-6018       52  70  0  151  CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093)   DELARQ TOR

GRAND ADEPTS                  W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 ISHINOMORI 7-5390           31  10  1  148  NINJAS (1060)              BONSUR
 KAIDEN 35-3108              88  86  2  146  VIOLENT FEMS (972)         MURSKA
 W.T. POOH 33-4430           69  54  0  140  SNOTZI'S II (813)          NIYTYOLE ISLAND
 CADDY JACKKNIFE 11-4288     23   9  0  138  GERFEL'S FRIENDS (516)     ARUAK CITY
 SPUTTER 82-15095            33  20  1  137  JOKA MASHER (917)          DWES EG
 BEER GOGGLES 33-6819        30  33  1  132  JOYS OF BOOZE (1209)       NIYTYOLE ISLAND
-THATDOGWILLBITEU 42-1981    23  28  1  132  SAUSAGE DOGS (1016)        RODEKI
 SATOSHI KUNO 7-5229         25  21  0  131  NINJAS (1060)              BONSUR
 BRICK 20-389                39  38  0  130  THE BLUES (1286)           SEAM
 QUONSET 10-4990             31  22  0  129  QUBIT (1136)               KOLACT
 DITCH RAT 82-15360          26  28  3  127  VERMIN! (1267)             DWES EG
 ELENA 63-2356               19   5  0  123  SITTIN' ON ACES (1302)     AMEN-TEI
 KIDNEY 96-972               15  14  3  113  ORGAN ON THE SANDS (1272)  OLD VALAMANTIS
-AEDON 7-4295                38  23  1  110  BLADES OF ICE (162)        BONSUR
-KONGOL 7-4524               34  23  2  106  BLADES OF ICE (162)        BONSUR
 FEAR 82-10416               22  33  1  103  4-LETTER ANXIETY (1271)    DWES EG

GRAND CHALLENGER INITIATES    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 CREDIT LINE 82-1366          2  17  0  100  WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY (1274 DWES EG
 RUTHLESS 15-4591            18   6  0   97  TRIPLE CROWN (990)         MALCORN

GRAND INITIATES               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 PRIZMATYK WAHL 73-4252      20  11  2   89  MAGIC MAYHEM (1298)        ERINIKA
 2 PHAT 72-5064              21   7  1   86  VERMIN (771)               DRAGONHEAD
 R IS FOR REPUGNANT 99-1155  10   5  4   84  GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME (1306)  SOUTH RIDGE
 PINK BEAR 36-5883           27  12  1   81  LITTLE GIRLS LIKE... (1304 JHANS

GRAND INITIATES               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 MELANCHOLY 7-5319           17   8  1   80  BATHTUB ARMADA (1196)      BONSUR
 KOOKABURRA 33-4151          51  73  2   79  GIRL SCOUT COOKIES (812)   NIYTYOLE ISLAND
 PUTZ'N ALONG 60-5437        37  32  0   78  JOKA MASHER! (833)         ARADI
 SKI MASK 58-5869            39  64  0   71  CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093)   DELARQ TOR
 QUIETUS 10-5165             20   9  1   71  QUBIT (1136)               KOLACT
 SIR PENT 10-5089            19  14  1   71  SIR AGLIO (788)            KOLACT
 MORADOR 2-5089              30  12  1   69  RESURRECTION (1065)        NIANIA
 CARRIE NATION 64-4054       44  80  0   68  REFORMERS (1095)           KURUKAR
-TAOS 26-4042                14  10  1   67  HERE TO PHOENIX (1072)     CALEAM
-GUARDIAN 82-16527            8   6  0   64  RESSURRECTION (1309)       DWES EG
 BLACK EYE 60-6163           20  14  0   62  JOKA MASHER! (833)         ARADI
-ARSENAL 7-4861              16  10  4   62  BLADES OF ICE (162)        BONSUR
 MAN O' WAR 15-4517          23  14  1   57  TRIPLE CROWN (990)         MALCORN
 SUMMERSUN 40-2672           21  18  2   55  LOST SOULS (486)           ZENSU
 EVIL ELMO 99-1222           10   5  4   51  TWISTED SESAME (1307)      SOUTH RIDGE
 QUIBBLE 10-4756             26  49  0   48  QUBIT (1136)               KOLACT
 VALLISNERIA 30-3226         15   9  1   47  THE GREENHOUSE (1219)      IAYE
 GAR & BRILL 38-4252         25  39  0   45  JUST BECAUSE (1228)        CLIFFHOME
 NUTCRACKER 38-4380          18  11  1   32  ALL FINESSE (1236)         CLIFFHOME

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                    W   L  K TEAM NAME              SLAIN BY              TURN

                               PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE

Elena -- It is time for you to THINK, young woman!  You may believe that you have
"world enough and time," as they say, but I warn you now, time is flying and will not
wait for you!  Youth does not last forever, and the application of strong drink will
only drive it away from you faster.  THINK!  Do not DRINK.  Just say NO, and you will
find, over time, that you no longer crave spirituous liquors, that you awake in the
morning with a clear head and a clear eye, ready for all the day may bring you.
Remember this!  Strong drink is a mocker. -- Carrie Nation

     Carrie Babe -- No, weak drink is a mocker.  Strong drink is a kick in the head.
     And don't forget, once the "Lady" (at least that's what they call her) gets you
     to the Isle, you pretty much do have world enough and time.  At least time;
     can't call this island much of a world. -- Keel

Oswald Orc's a joke, and I laugh in his face.  After knocking him down, I wouldn't do
that FIRST, you know.  I'm not an idiot!  He's a Karnhorn, too.  I didn't think the
Karnhorns ALLOWED Orcs. -- Delice the Red

Ipecac -- (gasping, green-faced)  That is so (gulp) sneaky! -- Hallie O'Dene

Sir Pent -- Suffering snakes!  I couldn't let YOU get past me!  It's right there in
the Book of Great Egg: Thou shalt not suffer a snake to live, for it will suck your
eggs. -- Ski Mask, Founder and President, Ducks With Swords, and card-carrying snake-
hater extraordinary

By the Tusk and the Claw, why am I not listed here as an Orc? -- Oswald Orc, a true
son

20 September 2004
Azereth has returned!  I am the manager for Scarlet Blades in DM 25.  I was a member
of the Crimson Alliance and the Crimson Brotherhood (which was composed of former CA
members).  I've been out of the game for many (at least 5) years.  I would like to
hear from anyone who remembers me, as well as any Alliance that is seeking to add
experienced managers to their roster.  Contact me at:
     Anthony Wells

     600 W. Shore Dr.
     Stanton, MI  48888
or by personal ads in DM 25.

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

EVIL ELMO was bested by PINK BEAR in a 1 minute Challenge fight.
BIG COUNTRY was devastated by 50 SUCKS in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge duel.
JAKUCHU ITO was handily defeated by TIME SQUARE in a 1 minute Challenge Title match.
NUTMEG bested MASHER in a popular 1 minute gory Challenge contest.
RAISON D'ETRE subdued SPUTTER in a crowd pleasing 2 minute Challenge competition.
SIR NASTY ONE overpowered HALLIE O'DENE in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge struggle.
ELENA handily defeated FEAR in a action packed 1 minute uneven Challenge fight.
MORADOR was vanquished by CREDIT LINE in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge duel.
NUTCRACKER lost to QUIBBLE in a 1 minute Challenge fight.
DELICE THE RED savagely defeated BUDDERCUP in a action packed 2 minute gory match.
FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE overpowered TUTANKHAMUN in a 1 minute one-sided match.
TUM devastated SIR VILE in a 1 minute mismatched conflict.
DIRT WORM subdued MOD COD in a crowd pleasing 2 minute match.
AERYN SUN overpowered SPAZZ in a popular 1 minute gruesome mismatched conflict.
IPECAC overpowered TICKLES in a action packed 1 minute uneven struggle.
DITCH RAT was beaten by LORETTA in a 2 minute brawl.
ISHINOMORI devastated KIDNEY in a 1 minute one-sided brawl.
MARY ANN was beaten by BRICK in a exciting 4 minute match.
KAIDEN beat QUONSET in a popular 1 minute match.
BEER GOGGLES was overcome by CADDY JACKKNIFE in a crowd pleasing 6 minute competition.
W.T. POOH savagely defeated SATOSHI KUNO in a exciting 12 minute gory duel.
R IS FOR REPUGNANT was viciously subdued by RUTHLESS in a 2 minute gruesome duel.
PRIZMATYK WAHL devastated SKI MASK in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
2 PHAT overpowered CARRIE NATION in a 1 minute uneven fight.
MELANCHOLY overpowered MAN O' WAR in a 1 minute uneven fight.
BLACK EYE overpowered B&G BOUNCER in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
PUTZ'N ALONG viciously subdued HERMY in a 14 minute gruesome bout.
SUMMERSUN was handily defeated by KOOKABURRA in a exciting 1 minute uneven bout.
GAR & BRILL was vanquished by QUIETUS in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
VALLISNERIA was overpowered by SIR PENT in a 1 minute uneven duel.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK                  15         PARRY-LUNGE       12 -   3 -  0      80  |
|WALL OF STEEL                   11         PARRY-RIPOSTE      2 -   1 -  0      67  |
|AIMED BLOW                       7         SLASHING ATTACK   24 -  14 -  0      63  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   7         LUNGING ATTACK    94 -  72 -  1      57  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      6         WALL OF STEEL     48 -  44 -  3      52  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  6         TOTAL PARRY       27 -  25 -  0      52  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  4         AIMED BLOW        36 -  46 -  0      44  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      1         BASHING ATTACK    32 -  44 -  0      42  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     0         STRIKING ATTACK   30 -  45 -  2      40  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    0         PARRY-STRIKE       1 -   6 -  0      14  |

Turn 386 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

PARRY-LUNGE        1 -  0     AIMED BLOW         2 -  5         5  LUNGING ATTACK 
TOTAL PARRY        5 -  1     STRIKING ATTACK    1 -  5         2  TOTAL PARRY    
LUNGING ATTACK    10 -  5     BASHING ATTACK     1 -  6         1  WALL OF STEEL  
WALL OF STEEL      7 -  4     PARRY-STRIKE       0 -  0         1  STRIKING ATTACK
SLASHING ATTACK    2 -  2     PARRY-RIPOSTE      0 -  0         1  AIMED BLOW     
                                                                1  PARRY-LUNGE    

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
LUNGING ATTACK   TIME SQUARE 65-4637        34  13  0  249 BIG APPLE MENACE (836)
WALL OF STEEL    50 SUCKS 60-4129           72  37  2  266 JOKA MASHER! (833)
STRIKING ATTACK  DELICE THE RED 56-3401     54  55  2  218 BAD APPLES (1091)
TOTAL PARRY      DIRT WORM 82-2315          69  36  0  208 VERMIN!! (1124)
AIMED BLOW       FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE 98-809  23  17  4  207 COLLEGE RADIO (1223)
PARRY-LUNGE      AERYN SUN 10-4268          27  12  0  206 FARSCAPE (1277)
BASHING ATTACK   TUTANKHAMUN 71-3357        31  21  0  182 CARTOUCHE (1111)
SLASHING ATTACK  ISHINOMORI 7-5390          31  10  1  148 NINJAS (1060)

The overall popularity leader is KAIDEN 35-3108.  The most popular warrior this turn 
was MARY ANN 47-4378.  The ten other most popular fighters were BEER GOGGLES 33-6819, 
SATOSHI KUNO 7-5229, CADDY JACKKNIFE 11-4288, W.T. POOH 33-4430, RAISON D'ETRE 
7-5311, ELENA 63-2356, DELICE THE RED 56-3401, MOD COD 55-2638, BRICK 20-389, and 
KAIDEN 35-3108.

The least popular fighter this week was PUTZ'N ALONG 60-5437.  The other ten least 
popular fighters were VALLISNERIA 30-3226, GAR & BRILL 38-4252, CARRIE NATION 
64-4054, KIDNEY 96-972, SIR VILE 10-4754, FEAR 82-10416, JAKUCHU ITO 7-5102, BIG 
COUNTRY 38-2765, SUMMERSUN 40-2672, and MAN O' WAR 15-4517.

Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  
NIANIA(2)            0  1 0  MURSKA(35)           1  0 0  AMEN-TEI(63)         1  0 0  
BONSUR(7)            4  2 0  JHANS(36)            1  0 0  KURUKAR(64)          0  1 0  
ZUKAL(9)             0  1 0  CLIFFHOME(38)        1  3 0  DAL SHANG(65)        1  0 0  
KOLACT(10)           4  2 0  ZENSU(40)            0  1 0  KYR'TERR(71)         0  1 0  
ARUAK CITY(11)       1  0 0  STORMCROWE(45)       1  0 0  DRAGONHEAD(72)       1  0 0  
MALCORN(15)          1  1 0  NORTH FORK(47)       0  1 0  ERINIKA(73)          1  0 0  
TALCAMA(18)          1  0 0  KHALANI(55)          0  1 0  DWES EG(82)          2  3 0  
SEAM(20)             1  0 0  ROCANIS(56)          1  0 0  OLD VALAMANTIS(96)   0  1 0  
IAYE(30)             0  1 0  DELARQ TOR(58)       0  2 0  SYVYN'S HILL(98)     1  0 0  
NIYTYOLE ISLAND(33)  2  2 0  ARADI(60)            3  2 0  SOUTH RIDGE(99)      0  2 0  

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 MORADOR 2-5089              30  12  1   69  RESURRECTION (1065)        NIANIA
 JAKUCHU ITO 7-5102          33  16  0  195  NINJAS (1060)              BONSUR
 TICKLES 9-3486              48  68  1  173  MY PETS (554)              ZUKAL
 AERYN SUN 10-4268           27  12  0  206  FARSCAPE (1277)            KOLACT
 CADDY JACKKNIFE 11-4288     23   9  0  138  GERFEL'S FRIENDS (516)     ARUAK CITY
 RUTHLESS 15-4591            18   6  0   97  TRIPLE CROWN (990)         MALCORN
 TUM 18-7380                 31  17  2  210  FROM THE FACE (1265)       TALCAMA
 BRICK 20-389                39  38  0  130  THE BLUES (1286)           SEAM
 VALLISNERIA 30-3226         15   9  1   47  THE GREENHOUSE (1219)      IAYE
 SPAZZ 33-6207               46  41  0  162  SNOTZI'S II (813)          NIYTYOLE ISLAND
 KAIDEN 35-3108              88  86  2  146  VIOLENT FEMS (972)         MURSKA
 PINK BEAR 36-5883           27  12  1   81  LITTLE GIRLS LIKE... (1304 JHANS
 BIG COUNTRY 38-2765         40  26  3  199  DU BASHERS (657)           CLIFFHOME
 SUMMERSUN 40-2672           21  18  2   55  LOST SOULS (486)           ZENSU
 IPECAC 45-3625              29  16  0  195  EMETICS (1242)             STORMCROWE
 MOD COD 55-2638             56  81  2  206  RHYME TYME (449)           KHALANI
 DELICE THE RED 56-3401      54  55  2  218  BAD APPLES (1091)          ROCANIS
 HALLIE O'DENE 58-6018       52  70  0  151  CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093)   DELARQ TOR
 50 SUCKS 60-4129            72  37  2  266  JOKA MASHER! (833)         ARADI

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 ELENA 63-2356               19   5  0  123  SITTIN' ON ACES (1302)     AMEN-TEI
 CARRIE NATION 64-4054       44  80  0   68  REFORMERS (1095)           KURUKAR
 TIME SQUARE 65-4637         34  13  0  249  BIG APPLE MENACE (836)     DAL SHANG
 TUTANKHAMUN 71-3357         31  21  0  182  CARTOUCHE (1111)           KYR'TERR
 2 PHAT 72-5064              21   7  1   86  VERMIN (771)               DRAGONHEAD
 PRIZMATYK WAHL 73-4252      20  11  2   89  MAGIC MAYHEM (1298)        ERINIKA
 DIRT WORM 82-2315           69  36  0  208  VERMIN!! (1124)            DWES EG
 KIDNEY 96-972               15  14  3  113  ORGAN ON THE SANDS (1272)  OLD VALAMANTIS
 FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE 98-809   23  17  4  207  COLLEGE RADIO (1223)       SYVYN'S HILL
 R IS FOR REPUGNANT 99-1155  10   5  4   84  GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME (1306)  SOUTH RIDGE

                                FACE-TO-FACE XXXIV

     Our next Winter Face-to-Face will be held on Martin Luther King weekend, Friday 
through Sunday, 14-16 January 2005, at the Embassy Suites in Tempe, Arizona (4400 S 
Rural Rd--this is the same hotel as last year).  Room rates are $139.00 per night, 
1-4 occupancy, which includes breakfast.  The rooms are blocked.  The reservations 
number is 480-897-7444; tell them you're with the "Reality Simulations Face to Face 
Convention" block.  Our room block will be released in mid-December, so please make 
sure you reserve your room before then! 
     Room rates include a full cooked-to-order breakfast and a complimentary two-hour 
manager's reception.  There is a free shuttle to the airport, as well as free parking.  
The hotel is located down the freeway in Tempe.  All rooms have high speed internet 
(for an extra charge).  There is a fitness center, jacuzzi, and pool, and of course a 
bar and Mexican restaurant inside the hotel.  And there's Denny's right across the 
street.  Look for transportation info in the tournament information sheet.
     The tournament information sheet/strategy sheet should be out sometime in late 
November/early December. 
     If you haven't been to a Face-to-Face before, you're overdue.  If you have, 
you'll be back.  Don't miss this one, it'll be a blast!  See you there! 

                                          -- Green Eyes and the RSI Staff

               NEW GRADUATES--FROM ALL ARENAS (INCLUDING CLOSED ARENAS)

     For those of you who keep track of such things, 51 additional warriors graduated 
from regular DM arenas (including closed arenas) since the last tournament.  

                          CAPTAIN CRUNCH (5-4330) TECHNOLOGY    
                             GARAI (7-4608) BLADES OF ICE       
                         GAZREK (7-5097) DEMONS OF DARKNESS 7   
                       CRIMSON BLUSH (7-5351) VENGEANCE SEEKERS 
                           NEMESIS (10-2676) MYTH AND MIGHT     
                         PLAYFUL DOG (10-4237) MONGREL HORDE   
                          CALLISTO (12-4974) NAUGHTY NYMPHS    
                         ILLUMINAUGHTY (12-5423) LOBOTOMATION   
                          SKIPPY (14-2305) PRIDE OF THE CDC    
                              ARGINASE (16-4137) ENZYMES        
                          CADEX CFM (18-3366) THE BIKE SHOP    
                            CRY-O-LIT (18-6106) ROCK-ETTS      
                          PAPA RATTLESNAKE (18-6800) APACHE    
                            SUICIDE (21-4832) APPLE CIDER      
                        REVEREND LOVEJOY (22-5517) SPRINGFIELD  
                          DVDA (22-5768) THAT'S UNPOSSIBLE!    
                            DONAHAR (24-3006) MAGIC REALM      
                      LINK HOGTHROB (33-5358) INTERSTELLAR PORK 
                        JETS TO BRAZIL (36-5604) SKATE DRAGONS  
                          ARTEMIS (41-3675) LADY OF THE MOON    
                          SELENE (41-3676) LADY OF THE MOON    
                             BETTY (58-5755) HELL HOUNDS       
                       INSURRECTION (60-5607) BLADES OF DESTINY 
                       COPPERHEAD (65-5467) NATURE'S ASSASSINS 
                          CHRISSEL (70-5208) LITHE & LOVELY    
                         SUPERIOR II (75-760) SUPERIOR FORCES                                                  
                             ARCHER (82-1198) GORGONITES                                                      
                      SQUIRREL KILLER (82-3278) END OF THE LINE     
                            CICINISTI (82-3706) BEGUILERZ           
                           GNORE (82-3717) MILITARY SCIENCE          
                        FINALITY (82-4063) SUPERIOR FORCES 3P       
                          SIR LANCELOT (82-5350) ROUND TABLE         
                            WILLY T MAC (82-5925) RAPTURE           
                         KHORGA KHAN (82-6730) THE BEGINNING        
                             ELLYN (82-8983) LAS VEGAS II            
                             MANTISSA (82-9324) MATMATICA            
                        JETS TO BRAZIL (82-9697) DRAGON SKALE       
                          ON THE WASHER (82-10019) SUNNYDALE         
                             ORAL B (82-10020) SUNNYDALE            
                         2-STROKE (82-10384) THE WILLBURYS 79        
                           HITZ (82-10428) 4-LETTER DOCTORS          
                      UNDEFEATABLE (82-10966) SUPERIOR FORCES 5M     
                        GOLDWRAP (82-11886) SUPERIOR FORCES 34       
                        CHIMPANZEE (82-12985) ANIMAL CRACKERS       
                        THE CUTICLE DANCE (82-13639) DON'T ASK       
                      SCHWETTY OLIVES (82-14247) SCHWETTY FOODS     
                     QSTAFF INFECTION (82-14523) DIRTY INFIRMARY    
                     BING S7 WANG (82-16000) SUPERIOR FORCES 6201   
                    TAKE YOUR BEST SHOT (82-16651) SLIGHTLY HEATED 
                       SMILING GOAT (82-20735) SHAVE MY POODLE      
                    CRITICAL UPDATES (82-24025) ANNOYING THINGS II 
                       LIGHTNING XLV (82-24103) DEATH STUDS IX      

Congrats to the grads. -- Green Eyes