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Date   : 03/23/2005    Duedate: 04/05/2005

HOME GUARD

DM-101    TURN-398

RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %  RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %
  1-GET OUTTA MY 18/1319  153   81  1 65.4      THE GREENHOUSE 30/1219                
    ARCANE BEACH DAY 98/1305                    THE FURIOUS FIVE 71/1343              
  2 TUFT TUGGERS 11/557   268  174  3 60.6    9 TWISTED SESA 99/1307  107  102  1 51.2
    MANIACAL TUFTS 11/1147                   10 ROYAL FLUSH 47/146    710  680 10 51.1
  3 RAZOR GRACE 67/1327    42   31  0 57.5   11-THE WARLORDS 28/1335   33   32  1 50.8
    FRAG 'EM ALL! 66/574                     12 ALL FINESSE 38/1236    83   82  1 50.3
    MYSTERY MACHINE 65/1326                     BATHTUB ARMADA 7/1196                 
  4 BLADES OF ICE 7/162   365  292  7 55.6      SUGAR AND SPICE 7/1231                
    BLADES OF STEEL 17/1068                     MANNEQUIN'S BEST 1/1227               
  5 QUBIT 10/1136         920  760 10 54.8      CLEVER LINGO 46/1212                  
    JOKA MASHER! 60/833                      13 VIOLENT FEMS 35/972   402  545  9 42.4
    TRIPLE CROWN 15/990                         JUST BECAUSE 38/1228                  
    KNOT WHOLE 2/1333                        14 THE SABBATS 82/1330    53   75  0 41.4
    SIR AGLIO 10/788                            UNEARTHLY PIMPS 41/1324               
    SNOTZI'S II 33/813                          LORDS OF DARKNESS 15/1318             
    SPIRITUAL GIFT 12/791                       HARE CONTROL 59/1290                  
    VERMIN! 82/1267                          15 BRETHREN OF  25/1334   24   35  1 40.7
    VERMIN 72/771                               GLORY BOUND TROLLS 2/1314             
  6 THE CONFUSED 3/1313   264  224  3 54.1   16 DARKMOON 12/1197       25   37  0 40.3
    LITTLE GIRLS LIKE... 36/1304                THE WILD HUNT 69/844                  
    RESURRECTION 2/1065                      17 REDHORSE 56/1325      143  215  1 39.9
  7 HYBRIDS V 82/1340     290  252  1 53.5      MOSSRUNNERS 1/928                     
    ATTACK OF THE CLONES 82/1339             18 MY PETS 9/554         490  750 13 39.5
    4-LETTER NAMES 82/1341                      RHYME TYME 55/449                     
    GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME 99/1306                  GIRL SCOUT COOKIES 33/812             
    ORGANS ON THE SAND 97/1273               19 REFORMERS 64/1095     462  777  4 37.3
    4-LETTER ANXIETY 82/1271                    BAD APPLES 56/1091                    
    WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY 82/1274                CIRQUE DU MASQUES 58/1093             
  8 PUERCO'S PINA 53/700  109  100  0 52.2   20 AVENGERS 31/1321        8   15  0 34.8
    GERFEL'S FRIENDS 11/516                     LORDS OF CHAOS 20/1320                
    ANDORIAN UNIVERSITY 66/1123                 AS FAR AS SIAM 40/1323                
    SITTIN' ON ACES 63/1302                     MEDIEVAL CHAOS 22/1342                

    '##/###' Avoid teams by their Team Id     '-'  Team did not fight this turn

                                 THE GUARDIAN'S FORUM
                       Reflections by the Captain of the Guard

Alas, Home-Guardians...

Those kind souls at the GC have given me the go-ahead to spend six more months here, 
tormenting you.  So, young Elena gets ushered off to Andorak, but I get to stay--and 
stay I will, if I can keep winning!  It seems likely that I will too, unless someone 
out there has a gimmick up theirsleeve.  I'm on my last leg of preparation for ADM, 
and all the trains are big ones right now.

It's good from the top,
Ned the (ex-)Janitor

P.S. Olaf, would anyone miss you if you happened to catch fire and turn into a pile 
of ash?  Just wondering, in case things around here get dull.

                             REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER

     It was he, Novgorodny Vir, and I looked on his work and despaired.  What a mess!  
The moon is somewhere around full, and you know what that means.  Idiocy is rampant.  
Well, at least reckless foolhardiness.  Fights, too.
     And here is some information about the local reckless violence.  Tuft Tuggers 
avoided Joka Masher!  I wasn't surprised, particularly; note that the exclamation 
point isn't mine.
     Kookaburra got the most challenges.  Why knows why?  Sometimes this stuff is 
just incomprehensible (like some spy reports), and should be blamed on the full moon.
     Nobody died, despite the fact that we had forty-one fights.  Thirteen 
challenges.
     The longest fight was twenty-two minutes.  That's respectable.  That's time 
enough to eat three-course lunch, if you're really hungry.

     So, racing quickly through the fights, because somebody is breathing down my 
neck telling me to hurry--
     ACE BAILEY (47-4948) (14-16-0,60) of ROYAL FLUSH fought PROWESS (2-5155) (18-20-
0,75) of KNOT WHOLE.  ACE BAILEY was subdued by PROWESS in an action packed 5 minute 
conflict.  This is the renowned female Prow of Niania.
     BAYLEFYRE (25-4373) (12-3-0,43) of BRETHREN OF SIN fought ANIJIA ALARA (11-4675) 
(15-9-0,64) of MANIACAL TUFTS.  BAYLEFYRE vanquished ANIJIA ALARA in a 1 minute 
mismatched duel.  Maniacs are at an advantage when the moon is full.
     MABON (82-10314) (0-3-0,16) of THE SABBATS fought CIARAN (1-7176) (19-13-1,70) 
of MANNEQUIN'S BEST.  MABON was vanquished by CIARAN in an exciting 1 minute one-
sided match.  Well, Mannequin DID say Ciaran was one of his best.  And where, by the 
way, did Mabon come from?  A dead rookies tourney?  He may wish he'd stayed dead.
     SPECTRUM (40-1666) (17-15-4,41) of AS FAR AS SIAM fought EVE DREWSHADOW (53-
6246) (20-14-0,79) of PUERCO'S PINATA.  SPECTRUM overcame EVE DREWSHADOW in a crowd 
pleasing 1 minute match.  Why was the crowd pleased?  Who can know the heart of the 
crowd, eh?
     NUTCRACKER (38-4380) (21-18-1,71) of ALL FINESSE fought CROOKED HOOF (56-3493) 
(25-15-0,68) of REDHORSE.  NUTCRACKER was overpowered by CROOKED HOOF in a 1 minute 
one-sided duel.  Sometimes finesse is not enough.
     GATEWAY (82-15631) (11-3-0,55) of ATTACK OF THE CLONES fought PISTON HURRICANE 
(40-2287) (18-4-0,53) of AS FAR AS SIAM.  GATEWAY demolished PISTON HURRICANE in a 1 
minute one-sided duel.  You see what those clones can do!
     SMELLY TOES (82-17409) (13-8-0,79) of HYBRIDS V fought HUMMINGBIRD (56-3475) 
(23-22-0,58) of REDHORSE.  SMELLY TOES demolished HUMMINGBIRD in a 1 minute 
mismatched match.  I could smell 'em clear up in the stands.  Yuck.
     HARV (82-20046) (11-5-1,56) of 4-LETTER NAMES fought BLIND ILLUSION (22-6379) 
(15-10-1,73) of MEDIEVAL CHAOS.  HARV overpowered BLIND ILLUSION in a 1 minute one-
sided fray.  Next time, bring a Seeing Eye Illusion with you, Blind.
     EVIL ELMO (99-1222) (14-10-4,86) of TWISTED SESAME fought QUIFF (10-4779) (16-8-
0,56) of QUBIT.  EVIL ELMO was devastated by QUIFF in a crowd pleasing 1 minute one-
sided battle.  Naturally.  Because he's Evil.
     BLACK EYE (60-6163) (27-18-0,97) of JOKA MASHER! fought B&G BOUNCER (101-3) (0-
0-0,30) of the College of Mimes.  BLACK EYE devastated B&G BOUNCER in a 1 minute one-
sided duel.  Anybody surprised?
     FIENDISH GLEE (46-1553) (19-10-5,128) of CLEVER LINGO fought MAN O' WAR (15-
4517) (31-17-1,95) of TRIPLE CROWN.  FIENDISH GLEE was overpowered by MAN O' WAR in a 
1 minute one-sided fray.  Sometimes fiendish glee is not enough.
     RUTHLESS (15-4591) (23-12-0,144) of TRIPLE CROWN fought HEART (97-1096) (15-19-
4,99) of ORGANS ON THE SAND.  RUTHLESS was overpowered by HEART in a 1 minute one-
sided bout.  There's some kind of message in this.
     RIFT (12-3922) (26-16-1,130) of SPIRITUAL GIFT fought IRON-PLATED IRV (101-10) 
(0-0-0,150) of the College of Mimes.  RIFT was narrowly defeated by IRON-PLATED IRV 
in an exciting 5 minute gory match.  Does this mean the rift is mended?
     EXILE (7-4618) (30-28-1,149) of BLADES OF ICE fought VALLISNERIA (30-3226) (20-
15-1,94) of THE GREENHOUSE.  EXILE overpowered VALLISNERIA in a 1 minute uneven duel.  
Green stuff can't take the ice.
     BUCK (1-2291) (41-88-0,133) of MOSSRUNNERS fought AEDON (7-4295) (41-30-1,138) 
of BLADES OF ICE.  BUCK was outwaited by AEDON in a popular 10 minute bout.  And why 
was this one popular?  Because there was a beer vendor making the rounds of the 
eastern stands at this point, and a lot of people could get their brews without 
fearing to miss any action.
     MORADOR (2-5089) (37-16-1,143) of RESURRECTION fought KI (31-165) (28-32-1,94) 
of AVENGERS.  MORADOR handily defeated KI in a 1 minute mismatched bout.  Right hand 
or left?
     SIR OCCO (10-5079) (29-19-0,173) of SIR AGLIO fought R IS FOR REPUGNANT (99-
1155) (16-10-4,142) of GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.  SIR OCCO vanquished R IS FOR REPUGNANT in 
an action packed 1 minute gory uneven bout.  We will have no repugnance here!
     QUONSET (10-4990) (38-26-0,172) of QUBIT fought FEALOST (1-3916) (44-56-1,138) 
of MOSSRUNNERS.  QUONSET vanquished FEALOST in an exciting 1 minute one-sided fight.  
Now Fea's really Lost.
     TOOFLESS (2-5103) (43-8-0,179) of GLORY BOUND TROLLS fought PINK BEAR (36-5883) 
(35-15-1,125) of LITTLE GIRLS LIKE....  TOOFLESS savagely defeated PINK BEAR in a 
tiresome 22 minute gory duel.  Our longest fight.  The barbeque sandwiches were 
delicious.
     MR. POTATO HEAD (20-442) (27-20-0,157) of LORDS OF CHAOS fought LEFTISTS BLOW 
(3-6356) (23-6-2,120) of THE CONFUSED.  MR. POTATO HEAD was handily defeated by 
LEFTISTS BLOW in a 2 minute one-sided contest.  Mashed, in fact.
     BATTLESTONE (66-2980) (31-23-0,176) of FRAG 'EM ALL! fought MOUNTAIN GOAT (56-
3700) (26-30-3,122) of REDHORSE.  BATTLESTONE demolished MOUNTAIN GOAT in an action 
packed 1 minute uneven bout.  Good show.  This is not, after all, Rocanis.
     KAIDEN (35-3108) (94-91-2,167) of VIOLENT FEMS fought NUTMEG (7-5167) (29-21-
1,163) of SUGAR AND SPICE.  KAIDEN devastated NUTMEG in an action packed 1 minute 
one-sided bout.  What can I say, she's violent.
     MOD COD (55-2638) (63-85-3,202) of RHYME TYME fought DITCH RAT (82-15360) (31-
34-5,199) of VERMIN!  MOD COD was overpowered by DITCH RAT in a crowd pleasing 1 
minute mismatched fight.  Will nobody finish off that fish?
     BECKY (17-5782) (22-8-3,181) of BLADES OF STEEL fought CREDIT LINE (82-1366) (8-
22-0,184) of WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY.  BECKY was overpowered by CREDIT LINE in an 
exciting 1 minute one-sided match.  Shopped till she dropped.
     TICKLES (9-3486) (54-73-1,192) of MY PETS fought DELICE THE RED (56-3401) (57-
63-2,180) of BAD APPLES.  TICKLES was devastated by DELICE THE RED in a popular 1 
minute mismatched brawl.  There's tickling, and then there's, ahem, really getting 
personal.
     QUIETUS (10-5165) (29-11-1,195) of QUBIT fought ARAC IRONFIST (67-1944) (26-16-
0,210) of RAZOR GRACE.  QUIETUS was vanquished by ARAC IRONFIST in a 1 minute one-
sided fray.  But not to the point of getting his quietus.
     ELENA (63-2356) (26-9-0,219) of SITTIN' ON ACES fought 2 PHAT (72-5064) (29-10-
1,205) of VERMIN.  ELENA handily defeated 2 PHAT in a popular 1 minute bloody uneven 
fight.  Aces beat jacks any day.

     And the challenge matches:
     JOHN LONGSHORE (11-4197) (22-27-0,79) of TUFT TUGGERS challenged SKI MASK (58-
5869) (41-73-0,56) of CIRQUE DU MASQUES.  Down 23.  Do I see "last cycle's 
challenges" at work here?  JOHN LONGSHORE was handily defeated by SKI MASK in a 1 
minute Challenge contest.  Dropped by a Duck!
     AVALYNE WHYTE (11-3270) (18-15-1,87) of TUFT TUGGERS challenged KOOKABURRA (33-
4151) (57-78-2,100) of GIRL SCOUT COOKIES.  Up 13.  AVALYNE WHYTE was overpowered by 
KOOKABURRA in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge match.  Some people shouldn't eat 
cookies.
     BRIARTHORN (12-5671) (17-11-1,64) of DARKMOON challenged FRED (65-5333) (24-11-
0,67) of MYSTERY MACHINE.  Up 3.  BRIARTHORN was overcome by FRED in a 3 minute 
Challenge bout.  It was probably the machete that did it.
     AGLIBOL (12-5848) (14-6-0,32) of DARKMOON challenged MOOSE (56-3459) (15-18-
0,32) of REDHORSE.  Straight across.  AGLIBOL was overpowered by MOOSE in a 1 minute 
one-sided Challenge fight.  It's a mean moose.
     EM (15-3737) (21-32-0,60) of LORDS OF DARKNESS challenged PUTZ'N ALONG (60-5437) 
(44-36-0,85) of JOKA MASHER!  Up 25.  EM was overpowered by PUTZ'N ALONG in a 1 
minute uneven Challenge duel.  I thought of a joke about this, but I can't figure out 
the right words, and they're breathing down my neck again.  After eating onions.
     SEGALLION SUNDANCER (11-4600) (20-19-1,60) of TUFT TUGGERS challenged GAR & 
BRILL (38-4252) (27-48-0,51) of JUST BECAUSE.  Down 9.  SEGALLION SUNDANCER 
vanquished GAR & BRILL in a 1 minute uneven Challenge duel.  Good, because that Gar 
has the filthiest kitchen I've seen in days.
     ING (41-3532) (14-12-1,60) of UNEARTHLY PIMPS challenged CARRIE NATION (64-4054) 
(50-85-0,86) of REFORMERS.  Up 26.  ING devastated CARRIE NATION in a 1 minute one-
sided Challenge competition.  And if Carrie claims there was liquor in her water 
bottle, refer her to me.
     TYMARIS RAVENSWOOD (53-5637) (22-27-0,42) of PUERCO'S PINATA challenged GAZELLE 
(56-3701) (19-13-0,51) of REDHORSE.  Up 9.  TYMARIS RAVENSWOOD overpowered GAZELLE in 
a 1 minute one-sided Challenge struggle.  Everyone TOLD Gazelle to stay home in 
Rocanis, but some people never listen.
     ZLATINA ANGUELOVA (11-4856) (22-22-1,83) of TUFT TUGGERS challenged BROKEN TOE 
(56-3683) (22-38-1,66) of REDHORSE.  Down 17.  ZLATINA ANGUELOVA bested BROKEN TOE in 
a 2 minute Challenge duel.  And broke his other toe, I hope.  Yes, only the two toes.  
He's some kind of freak.
     QUEEN AMAZONIA (12-4796) (31-39-1,110) of DARKMOON challenged KONGOL (7-4524) 
(36-31-2,116) of BLADES OF ICE.  Up 6.  QUEEN AMAZONIA overpowered KONGOL in a 1 
minute one-sided Challenge fight.  Melted the edge off his blade and broke it into 
ice cubes.
     RYRELEE (59-478) (25-14-0,153) of HARE CONTROL challenged FEAR (82-10416) (25-
41-1,159) of 4-LETTER ANXIETY.  Up 6.  RYRELEE vanquished FEAR in a 1 minute 
mismatched Challenge brawl.  So, is Fear a Hare?  Do you fear a hare?  Does a hare 
know fear?  Can a hear fare?
     RAISON D'ETRE (7-5311) (31-20-3,166) of BATHTUB ARMADA challenged SPAZZ (33-
6207) (51-47-0,175) of SNOTZI'S II.  Up 9.  RAISON D'ETRE handily defeated SPAZZ in a 
1 minute one-sided Challenge match.  And threw him in the tub.
     CADDY JACKKNIFE (11-4288) (29-14-0,186) of GERFEL'S FRIENDS challenged HALLIE 
O'DENE (58-6018) (57-76-0,193) of CIRQUE DU MASQUES.  Up 7.  CADDY JACKKNIFE 
devastated HALLIE O'DENE in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge fight.  Well done.

     And for the title:  NED THE (former) JANITOR (66-2973) (32-29-0,223) of ANDORIAN 
UNIVERSITY fought LONE WOLF (31-162) (31-31-1,191) of AVENGERS.  NED THE JANITOR 
devastated LONE WOLF in a 1 minute mismatched Title bout.  It takes more than one 
wolf to bring down Ned.

                                        Olaf

CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD          W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 NED THE JANITOR 66-2973     33  29  0  232  ANDORIAN UNIVERSITY (1123) TARRGIR

GRAND CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 ELENA 63-2356               27   9  0  240  SITTIN' ON ACES (1302)     AMEN-TEI
 ARAC IRONFIST 67-1944       27  16  0  229  RAZOR GRACE (1327)         BARIKALA
 DITCH RAT 82-15360          32  34  5  211  VERMIN! (1267)             DWES EG

GRAND CHAMPIONS               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
-TALON 18-7782               32  11  1  205  GET OUTTA MY WAY (1319)    TALCAMA
 CADDY JACKKNIFE 11-4288     30  14  0  201  GERFEL'S FRIENDS (516)     ARUAK CITY
 CREDIT LINE 82-1366          9  22  0  201  WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY (1274 DWES EG
 DELICE THE RED 56-3401      58  63  2  197  BAD APPLES (1091)          ROCANIS
 2 PHAT 72-5064              29  11  1  195  VERMIN (771)               DRAGONHEAD
 MOD COD 55-2638             63  86  3  189  RHYME TYME (449)           KHALANI
 QUIETUS 10-5165             29  12  1  189  QUBIT (1136)               KOLACT
 LONE WOLF 31-162            31  32  1  184  AVENGERS (1321)            CHIMLEVTAL
 HALLIE O'DENE 58-6018       57  77  0  183  CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093)   DELARQ TOR
 RAISON D'ETRE 7-5311        32  20  3  183  BATHTUB ARMADA (1196)      BONSUR
 KAIDEN 35-3108              95  91  2  181  VIOLENT FEMS (972)         MURSKA
 TOOFLESS 2-5103             44   8  0  181  GLORY BOUND TROLLS (1314)  NIANIA

GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS       W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 SIR OCCO 10-5079            30  19  0  179  SIR AGLIO (788)            KOLACT
 BATTLESTONE 66-2980         32  23  0  178  FRAG 'EM ALL! (574)        TARRGIR

GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS       W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 TICKLES 9-3486              54  74  1  177  MY PETS (554)              ZUKAL
-MASHER 60-4553              54  49  3  176  JOKA MASHER! (833)         ARADI
 QUONSET 10-4990             39  26  0  174  QUBIT (1136)               KOLACT
 BECKY 17-5782               22   9  3  172  BLADES OF STEEL (1068)     ALJAFIR
 RYRELEE 59-478              26  14  0  167  HARE CONTROL (1290)        ILLIS
 SPAZZ 33-6207               51  48  0  163  SNOTZI'S II (813)          NIYTYOLE ISLAND
 LEFTISTS BLOW 3-6356        24   6  2  156  THE CONFUSED (1313)        OSKSI
 NUTMEG 7-5167               29  22  1  155  SUGAR AND SPICE (1231)     BONSUR
 EXILE 7-4618                31  28  1  151  BLADES OF ICE (162)        BONSUR

GRAND ADEPTS                  W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 FEAR 82-10416               25  42  1  149  4-LETTER ANXIETY (1271)    DWES EG
 MORADOR 2-5089              38  16  1  145  RESURRECTION (1065)        NIANIA
 R IS FOR REPUGNANT 99-1155  16  11  4  143  GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME (1306)  SOUTH RIDGE
 AEDON 7-4295                42  30  1  142  BLADES OF ICE (162)        BONSUR
-BROCMAIL 69-9348            27  22  2  141  THE WILD HUNT (844)        CIMMERIAC
 FEALOST 1-3916              44  57  1  140  MOSSRUNNERS (928)          MORDANT
 PINK BEAR 36-5883           35  16  1  140  LITTLE GIRLS LIKE... (1304 JHANS
 HEART 97-1096               16  19  4  138  ORGANS ON THE SAND (1273)  SHADOW GROVE
 BUCK 1-2291                 41  89  0  135  MOSSRUNNERS (928)          MORDANT
 MR. POTATO HEAD 20-442      27  21  0  133  LORDS OF CHAOS (1320)      SEAM
 RIFT 12-3922                26  17  1  133  SPIRITUAL GIFT (791)       RIZTAB
 MAN O' WAR 15-4517          32  17  1  128  TRIPLE CROWN (990)         MALCORN
 MOUNTAIN GOAT 56-3700       26  31  3  128  REDHORSE (1325)            ROCANIS
 QUEEN AMAZONIA 12-4796      32  39  1  127  DARKMOON (1197)            RIZTAB
 RUTHLESS 15-4591            23  13  0  111  TRIPLE CROWN (990)         MALCORN
 KOOKABURRA 33-4151          58  78  2  110  GIRL SCOUT COOKIES (812)   NIYTYOLE ISLAND
 FIENDISH GLEE 46-1553       19  11  5  105  CLEVER LINGO (1212)        ARDIVENT
 KONGOL 7-4524               36  32  2  103  BLADES OF ICE (162)        BONSUR

GRAND CHALLENGER INITIATES    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 KI 31-165                   28  33  1  100  AVENGERS (1321)            CHIMLEVTAL
 BLACK EYE 60-6163           28  18  0   99  JOKA MASHER! (833)         ARADI
 VALLISNERIA 30-3226         20  16  1   99  THE GREENHOUSE (1219)      IAYE

GRAND INITIATES               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 PUTZ'N ALONG 60-5437        45  36  0   89  JOKA MASHER! (833)         ARADI
-PLACES THE LOTION.. 98-909  11  12  5   86  ARCANE BEACH DAY (1305)    SYVYN'S HILL
 ZLATINA ANGUELOVA 11-4856   23  22  1   85  TUFT TUGGERS (557)         ARUAK CITY
 SMELLY TOES 82-17409        14   8  0   85  HYBRIDS V (1340)           DWES EG
 QUIFF 10-4779               17   8  0   84  QUBIT (1136)               KOLACT
 ING 41-3532                 15  12  1   84  UNEARTHLY PIMPS (1324)     KATI-TEI
 CROOKED HOOF 56-3493        26  15  0   82  REDHORSE (1325)            ROCANIS
 AVALYNE WHYTE 11-3270       18  16  1   80  TUFT TUGGERS (557)         ARUAK CITY
 SKI MASK 58-5869            42  73  0   79  CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093)   DELARQ TOR
-SWALLOWTAIL 1-7387          22  11  2   79  MANNEQUIN'S BEST (1227)    MORDANT
 HARV 82-20046               12   5  1   78  4-LETTER NAMES (1341)      DWES EG
 PROWESS 2-5155              19  20  0   77  KNOT WHOLE (1333)          NIANIA
 FRED 65-5333                25  11  0   75  MYSTERY MACHINE (1326)     DAL SHANG
 CIARAN 1-7176               20  13  1   72  MANNEQUIN'S BEST (1227)    MORDANT
 GATEWAY 82-15631            12   3  0   72  ATTACK OF THE CLONES (1339 DWES EG
 SEGALLION SUNDANCE 11-4600  21  19  1   69  TUFT TUGGERS (557)         ARUAK CITY
 SPECTRUM 40-1666            18  15  4   69  AS FAR AS SIAM (1323)      ZENSU
-MCALLISTER 71-4192          20   8  0   68  REALMS TUFTS (1344)        KYR'TERR
 BAYLEFYRE 25-4373           13   3  0   68  BRETHREN OF SIN (1334)     LYRATILAN
 BROKEN TOE 56-3683          22  39  1   66  REDHORSE (1325)            ROCANIS
 BRIARTHORN 12-5671          17  12  1   65  DARKMOON (1197)            RIZTAB
 CARRIE NATION 64-4054       50  86  0   64  REFORMERS (1095)           KURUKAR
 EVIL ELMO 99-1222           14  11  4   63  TWISTED SESAME (1307)      SOUTH RIDGE
 NUTCRACKER 38-4380          21  19  1   62  ALL FINESSE (1236)         CLIFFHOME
 ACE BAILEY 47-4948          14  17  0   62  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 TYMARIS RAVENSWOOD 53-5637  23  27  0   60  PUERCO'S PINATA (700)      KHALHUMS
 EM 15-3737                  21  33  0   58  LORDS OF DARKNESS (1318)   MALCORN

GRAND INITIATES               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 JOHN LONGSHORE 11-4197      22  28  0   57  TUFT TUGGERS (557)         ARUAK CITY
-ALARIC 28-3787              17   8  0   57  THE WARLORDS II (1335)     MORYA
 EVE DREWSHADOW 53-6246      20  15  0   56  PUERCO'S PINATA (700)      KHALHUMS
 BLIND ILLUSION 22-6379      15  11  1   56  MEDIEVAL CHAOS (1342)      SOLVEN
 HUMMINGBIRD 56-3475         23  23  0   55  REDHORSE (1325)            ROCANIS
 MOOSE 56-3459               16  18  0   47  REDHORSE (1325)            ROCANIS
 PISTON HURRICANE 40-2287    18   5  0   46  AS FAR AS SIAM (1323)      ZENSU
 ANIJIA ALARA 11-4675        15  10  0   46  MANIACAL TUFTS (1147)      ARUAK CITY
 GAR & BRILL 38-4252         27  49  0   44  JUST BECAUSE (1228)        CLIFFHOME
 GAZELLE 56-3701             19  14  0   36  REDHORSE (1325)            ROCANIS
 AGLIBOL 12-5848             14   7  0   22  DARKMOON (1197)            RIZTAB
 MABON 82-10314               0   4  0   22  THE SABBATS (1330)         DWES EG

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                    W   L  K TEAM NAME              SLAIN BY              TURN

                               PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE

Broken Toe -- My name suits me well enough.  And whoever told you that I was a total 
scum was talking out of the wrong orifice.  Did you notice unusually bad breath? -- 
Briarthorn

Tankesh -- Got puds? -- Bobby Bigfoot, Darkmoon etc.

ALL -- Okay, who robbed the postal worker?  Come on, I know one of you did it.  
Strats for TWO teams were sent in, and only part of the OTHER arena ran!  Sounds like 
people here were avoiding my team by stealing their orders. -- Tankesh

Puerco -- I like your mushroom soup.  And the salmon with mushrooms baked in ponzu.  
Oh, and mushrooms grilled with soy and sugar then put on meat... OH and SUKIYAKI!  
YES! -- Tankesh

The Icelord -- Ah, finally somebody who does not over react to my pugilistic 
verbatim.  Somebody worth speaking with.  I see you are one of the few to keep an 
interest in story-telling by using the team spotlights, or getting the Scribe to pen 
some too.  My boss and myself enjoy the same thing, hence all the ads, and an 
occasional spot now and then.  If you run 2-week turn around teams, we'd love to have 
you return to Andoria and contribute your verbatim to our sometimes neglected 
newsletter in Aruak City.  But perhaps I will get a first encounter here in the 
Guard... Good luck, see you on the sands. -- Tankesh

Hallie O'Dene -- You should be a bit more upbeat instead of huffy.  As you said, you 
don't have to talk to your echo anymore. -- Tankesh

Olaf -- You know, I'm not a mental case.  I just happen to enjoy my work. -- Fiendish 
Glee

     Everyone should enjoy their work.  If possible.

Avalyne -- No problem.  I haven't had a lot to laugh about since I got here.  I lost 
my first eleven fights here, and am a sporting a sorry 3-15 record in the Guard.  You 
could say my speedy rise to immortality has come with a price. -- Nutcracker

Ciaran -- One thing I've learned from bitter experience is that it's impossible to 
talk you Delarquans out of your liquor.  But no good will come of it. -- Carrie 
Nation, having a quiet day

Tymaris Ravenswood -- Take that, you mammal! -- Ski Mask, Founder and President of 
Ducks with Swords
P.S.  You probably got your name from fowly KILLING all the ravens in a wood!

Quietus -- This is what you meant by "a little quiet time together"?  I'm not sure I 
like it. -- Delice the Red

Raison d'Etre -- You will note that I refrained from making the obvious, but 
timeworn, "bathtub comment."  I'll admit that was half luck, because the golems put 
it in whenever the fit strikes them, but some of it, I am sure, is due to my sturdy 
desire to avoid such annoying little quips. -- Hallie O'Dene

Tymaris Ravenswood -- Lighten up?  Lighten UP?  Are you NUTS?  I'm a REFORMER, 
dammit.  It says so right in my team name. -- Carrie Nation

1 March 2005
                                    The Contract
                         [as retold by Hammer the WordSmith]
     What had begun as a contract for swords and armor between a well known name in
the DM community and the former VC Captain/WordSmith and WeaponSmith of the Vendetta
Cartel Tarantula Tribe was destined to impact and altar the landscape of the dueling
community for years to come.
     The following is but a condensed retelling of history in the making.

    Hammer continued sipping his tankard of Elven Tonic as the mysterious hooded
figure quietly seated himself across the table from the Veteran Manager whose back
was against the wall; allowing for a subtle, but effective surveillance of the dimly
lit tavern.
     Recent events in both Illis and North Fork/SCOMSS Swamp Arena had stunned the DM
managerial world with the announcement that Hammer had resigned from his position as
a well respected member of the Vendetta Cartel Alliance.
     Those managers and associates closest to Hammer were shocked and dismayed that
there seemed to be NO Rational Explanation for Hammer making such a seemingly
irrational, hasty and extremely illogical decision; by what seemed to be a spur of
the moment reaction following the Declaration of War by Hammer in the DM 47 P-ads.
     This is what stirred the mysterious hooded figure to seek Hammer with a request
that would change the managerial course of both men; ultimately Rocking the
Managerial World of Alastari as a result of the forthcoming decisions reached by the
two Veterans.
     Time passed swiftly as both Veteran Managers discussed how the landscape of the
DM game on the sands of Alastari had changed over the years both in Basic and Tourney
play; producing a new breed of managers who would of necessity band together in an
alliance with a common goal; waging war against antagonists while improving the
managerial skills of each participating member in their glorious quest for DM
excellence.
     Hammer listened intently as his unexpected guest inquired about the situation in
North Fork/SCOMSS Swamp Arena; revealing his desire to participate in the upcoming
Turf War 4 contest in DM 47 with an alliance that would accept him on a more
permanent basis other than for just fighting together as a TW4 alliance to win fame
and Gift Certs.
     Here was a Veteran Manager, seeking the advice of Hammer regarding an alliance
to join on a permanent basis; plus extending a sword arm of friendship and requesting
that Hammer join him as an alliance mate with those who would welcome their
membership.
     The Iron in the Words of Hammer had produced this opportunity as a result of the
recent conflicts witnessed first hand by the manager seated across the table from
Hammer.  This Veteran Manager had been secretly searching and scouting around
Alastari for someone worth his mettle to fight alongside; someone who would know
where to find the perfect gang of rebels who were unafraid of waging war against
anyone.
     Hammer knew exactly where to look and in a matter of days the two newcomers were
welcomed into the ranks of a group of managers who received them as war waging equals
in an alliance that had joined a Confederation of Alliances for the TW4 contest.
     Fighting under the banner of The Illuminati Confederation of Alliances alongside
members of Chaos Inc, kLk and The Company of Brothers during the TW4 was more than
either of the two Veteran Managers had envisioned a few months ago.
     Hammer was now entering a new journey with a new attitude.
     Perhaps you readers may have noticed that new attitude by now since this
announcement by Hammer is uncharacteristically Exclamation Point Free.
     Except for the famous quote by Hammer at the end of this announcement.
     Now that Hammer and the Mysterious Hooded Figure have agreed to join forces with
an alliance whose members have welcomed them enthusiastically; let those who desire
to be antagonistic be forewarned as to the identities of these newly welcomed wagers
of war:

Tripwire
kLk Bringer of Pain

Hammer
kLk WordSmith and WeaponSmith
Minister of War
Illuminati Idealist

     "May Your Blades Be Sharp and Your Wits Sharper!"

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

CADDY JACKKNIFE devastated HALLIE O'DENE in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge fight.
RAISON D'ETRE handily defeated SPAZZ in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge match.
RYRELEE vanquished FEAR in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge brawl.
QUEEN AMAZONIA overpowered KONGOL in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge fight.
ZLATINA ANGUELOVA bested BROKEN TOE in a 2 minute Challenge duel.
TYMARIS RAVENSWOOD overpowered GAZELLE in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge struggle.
ING devastated CARRIE NATION in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge competition.
SEGALLION SUNDANCER vanquished GAR & BRILL in a 1 minute uneven Challenge duel.
EM was overpowered by PUTZ'N ALONG in a 1 minute uneven Challenge duel.
AGLIBOL was overpowered by MOOSE in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge fight.
BRIARTHORN was overcome by FRED in a 3 minute Challenge bout.
AVALYNE WHYTE was overpowered by KOOKABURRA in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge match.
JOHN LONGSHORE was handily defeated by SKI MASK in a 1 minute Challenge contest.
NED THE JANITOR devastated LONE WOLF in a 1 minute mismatched Title bout.
ELENA handily defeated 2 PHAT in a popular 1 minute bloody uneven fight.
QUIETUS was vanquished by ARAC IRONFIST in a 1 minute one-sided fray.
TICKLES was devastated by DELICE THE RED in a popular 1 minute mismatched brawl.
BECKY was overpowered by CREDIT LINE in a exciting 1 minute one-sided match.
MOD COD was overpowered by DITCH RAT in a crowd pleasing 1 minute mismatched fight.
KAIDEN devastated NUTMEG in a action packed 1 minute one-sided bout.
BATTLESTONE demolished MOUNTAIN GOAT in a action packed 1 minute uneven bout.
MR. POTATO HEAD was handily defeated by LEFTISTS BLOW in a 2 minute one-sided contest.
TOOFLESS savagely defeated PINK BEAR in a tiresome 22 minute gory duel.
QUONSET vanquished FEALOST in a exciting 1 minute one-sided fight.
SIR OCCO vanquished R IS FOR REPUGNANT in a action packed 1 minute gory uneven bout.
MORADOR handily defeated KI in a 1 minute mismatched bout.
BUCK was outwaited by AEDON in a popular 10 minute bout.
EXILE overpowered VALLISNERIA in a 1 minute uneven duel.
RIFT was narrowly defeated by IRON-PLATED IRV in a exciting 5 minute gory match.
RUTHLESS was overpowered by HEART in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
FIENDISH GLEE was overpowered by MAN O' WAR in a 1 minute one-sided fray.
BLACK EYE devastated B&G BOUNCER in a 1 minute one-sided duel.
EVIL ELMO was devastated by QUIFF in a crowd pleasing 1 minute one-sided battle.
HARV overpowered BLIND ILLUSION in a 1 minute one-sided fray.
SMELLY TOES demolished HUMMINGBIRD in a 1 minute mismatched match.
GATEWAY demolished PISTON HURRICANE in a 1 minute one-sided duel.
NUTCRACKER was overpowered by CROOKED HOOF in a 1 minute one-sided duel.
SPECTRUM overcame EVE DREWSHADOW in a crowd pleasing 1 minute match.
MABON was vanquished by CIARAN in a exciting 1 minute one-sided match.
BAYLEFYRE vanquished ANIJIA ALARA in a 1 minute mismatched duel.
ACE BAILEY was subdued by PROWESS in a action packed 5 minute conflict.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK                  20         PARRY-STRIKE       1 -   0 -  0     100  |
|AIMED BLOW                      14         LUNGING ATTACK    94 -  77 -  4      55  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                 10         AIMED BLOW        51 -  46 -  0      53  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    9         WALL OF STEEL     45 -  43 -  0      51  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      8         SLASHING ATTACK   32 -  32 -  0      50  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  8         TOTAL PARRY       28 -  29 -  0      49  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   7         BASHING ATTACK    36 -  38 -  2      49  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      2         PARRY-LUNGE        5 -   7 -  0      42  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    2         STRIKING ATTACK   24 -  48 -  0      33  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     0         PARRY-RIPOSTE      2 -   5 -  0      29  |

Turn 398 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

BASHING ATTACK     5 -  2     LUNGING ATTACK     9 - 11         4  LUNGING ATTACK 
TOTAL PARRY        5 -  3     STRIKING ATTACK    3 -  5         2  AIMED BLOW     
SLASHING ATTACK    6 -  4     WALL OF STEEL      3 -  6         2  WALL OF STEEL  
AIMED BLOW         8 -  6     PARRY-STRIKE       0 -  0         1  SLASHING ATTACK
PARRY-LUNGE        1 -  1     PARRY-RIPOSTE      0 -  2         1  BASHING ATTACK 
                                                                1  STRIKING ATTACK

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
AIMED BLOW       NED THE JANITOR 66-2973    33  29  0  232 ANDORIAN UNIVERSITY (1123)
LUNGING ATTACK   ELENA 63-2356              27   9  0  240 SITTIN' ON ACES (1302)
SLASHING ATTACK  ARAC IRONFIST 67-1944      27  16  0  229 RAZOR GRACE (1327)
BASHING ATTACK   DITCH RAT 82-15360         32  34  5  211 VERMIN! (1267)
WALL OF STEEL    CADDY JACKKNIFE 11-4288    30  14  0  201 GERFEL'S FRIENDS (516)
STRIKING ATTACK  DELICE THE RED 56-3401     58  63  2  197 BAD APPLES (1091)
TOTAL PARRY      TOOFLESS 2-5103            44   8  0  181 GLORY BOUND TROLLS (1314)
PARRY-RIPOSTE    MR. POTATO HEAD 20-442     27  21  0  133 LORDS OF CHAOS (1320)
PARRY-LUNGE      KI 31-165                  28  33  1  100 AVENGERS (1321)

The overall popularity leader is KAIDEN 35-3108.  The most popular warrior this turn 
was RIFT 12-3922.  The ten other most popular fighters were BUCK 1-2291, LEFTISTS 
BLOW 3-6356, ACE BAILEY 47-4948, FRED 65-5333, SKI MASK 58-5869, ELENA 63-2356, CADDY 
JACKKNIFE 11-4288, BROKEN TOE 56-3683, BRIARTHORN 12-5671, and DELICE THE RED 
56-3401.

The least popular fighter this week was TOOFLESS 2-5103.  The other ten least popular 
fighters were PINK BEAR 36-5883, ANIJIA ALARA 11-4675, EVE DREWSHADOW 53-6246, PISTON 
HURRICANE 40-2287, HUMMINGBIRD 56-3475, BLIND ILLUSION 22-6379, FIENDISH GLEE 
46-1553, VALLISNERIA 30-3226, AEDON 7-4295, and KI 31-165.

Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  
MORDANT(1)           1  2 0  IAYE(30)             0  1 0  DELARQ TOR(58)       1  1 0  
NIANIA(2)            3  0 0  CHIMLEVTAL(31)       0  2 0  ILLIS(59)            1  0 0  
OSKSI(3)             1  0 0  NIYTYOLE ISLAND(33)  1  1 0  ARADI(60)            2  0 0  
BONSUR(7)            3  2 0  MURSKA(35)           1  0 0  AMEN-TEI(63)         1  0 0  
ZUKAL(9)             0  1 0  JHANS(36)            0  1 0  KURUKAR(64)          0  1 0  
KOLACT(10)           3  1 0  CLIFFHOME(38)        0  2 0  DAL SHANG(65)        1  0 0  
ARUAK CITY(11)       3  3 0  ZENSU(40)            1  1 0  TARRGIR(66)          2  0 0  
RIZTAB(12)           1  3 0  KATI-TEI(41)         1  0 0  BARIKALA(67)         1  0 0  
MALCORN(15)          1  2 0  ARDIVENT(46)         0  1 0  DRAGONHEAD(72)       0  1 0  
ALJAFIR(17)          0  1 0  NORTH FORK(47)       0  1 0  DWES EG(82)          5  2 0  
SEAM(20)             0  1 0  KHALHUMS(53)         1  1 0  SHADOW GROVE(97)     1  0 0  
SOLVEN(22)           0  1 0  KHALANI(55)          0  1 0  SOUTH RIDGE(99)      0  2 0  
LYRATILAN(25)        1  0 0  ROCANIS(56)          3  4 0  

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 FEALOST 1-3916              44  57  1  140  MOSSRUNNERS (928)          MORDANT
 TOOFLESS 2-5103             44   8  0  181  GLORY BOUND TROLLS (1314)  NIANIA
 LEFTISTS BLOW 3-6356        24   6  2  156  THE CONFUSED (1313)        OSKSI
 RAISON D'ETRE 7-5311        32  20  3  183  BATHTUB ARMADA (1196)      BONSUR
 TICKLES 9-3486              54  74  1  177  MY PETS (554)              ZUKAL
 QUIETUS 10-5165             29  12  1  189  QUBIT (1136)               KOLACT
 CADDY JACKKNIFE 11-4288     30  14  0  201  GERFEL'S FRIENDS (516)     ARUAK CITY
 RIFT 12-3922                26  17  1  133  SPIRITUAL GIFT (791)       RIZTAB
 MAN O' WAR 15-4517          32  17  1  128  TRIPLE CROWN (990)         MALCORN
 BECKY 17-5782               22   9  3  172  BLADES OF STEEL (1068)     ALJAFIR
 MR. POTATO HEAD 20-442      27  21  0  133  LORDS OF CHAOS (1320)      SEAM
 BLIND ILLUSION 22-6379      15  11  1   56  MEDIEVAL CHAOS (1342)      SOLVEN
 BAYLEFYRE 25-4373           13   3  0   68  BRETHREN OF SIN (1334)     LYRATILAN
 VALLISNERIA 30-3226         20  16  1   99  THE GREENHOUSE (1219)      IAYE
 LONE WOLF 31-162            31  32  1  184  AVENGERS (1321)            CHIMLEVTAL
 SPAZZ 33-6207               51  48  0  163  SNOTZI'S II (813)          NIYTYOLE ISLAND
 KAIDEN 35-3108              95  91  2  181  VIOLENT FEMS (972)         MURSKA
 PINK BEAR 36-5883           35  16  1  140  LITTLE GIRLS LIKE... (1304 JHANS
 NUTCRACKER 38-4380          21  19  1   62  ALL FINESSE (1236)         CLIFFHOME
 SPECTRUM 40-1666            18  15  4   69  AS FAR AS SIAM (1323)      ZENSU
 ING 41-3532                 15  12  1   84  UNEARTHLY PIMPS (1324)     KATI-TEI
 FIENDISH GLEE 46-1553       19  11  5  105  CLEVER LINGO (1212)        ARDIVENT
 ACE BAILEY 47-4948          14  17  0   62  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 TYMARIS RAVENSWOOD 53-5637  23  27  0   60  PUERCO'S PINATA (700)      KHALHUMS
 MOD COD 55-2638             63  86  3  189  RHYME TYME (449)           KHALANI
 DELICE THE RED 56-3401      58  63  2  197  BAD APPLES (1091)          ROCANIS
 HALLIE O'DENE 58-6018       57  77  0  183  CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093)   DELARQ TOR
 RYRELEE 59-478              26  14  0  167  HARE CONTROL (1290)        ILLIS
 BLACK EYE 60-6163           28  18  0   99  JOKA MASHER! (833)         ARADI
 ELENA 63-2356               27   9  0  240  SITTIN' ON ACES (1302)     AMEN-TEI
 CARRIE NATION 64-4054       50  86  0   64  REFORMERS (1095)           KURUKAR
 FRED 65-5333                25  11  0   75  MYSTERY MACHINE (1326)     DAL SHANG
 NED THE JANITOR 66-2973     33  29  0  232  ANDORIAN UNIVERSITY (1123) TARRGIR
 ARAC IRONFIST 67-1944       27  16  0  229  RAZOR GRACE (1327)         BARIKALA
 2 PHAT 72-5064              29  11  1  195  VERMIN (771)               DRAGONHEAD
 DITCH RAT 82-15360          32  34  5  211  VERMIN! (1267)             DWES EG
 HEART 97-1096               16  19  4  138  ORGANS ON THE SAND (1273)  SHADOW GROVE
 R IS FOR REPUGNANT 99-1155  16  11  4  143  GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME (1306)  SOUTH RIDGE