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Date   : 06/29/2005    Duedate: 07/12/2005

HOME GUARD

DM-101    TURN-405

RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %  RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %
  1 ARCANE BEACH 98/1305  160   88  1 64.5      GERFEL'S FRIENDS 11/516               
    GET OUTTA MY WAY 18/1319                    THE GREENHOUSE 30/1219                
  2 TUFT TUGGERS 11/557   288  189  4 60.4    7 TWISTED SESA 99/1307  114  102  1 52.8
    MANIACAL TUFTS 11/1147                    8 ALL FINESSE 38/1236   100   96  1 51.0
  3 HYBRIDS V 82/1340     323  261  1 55.3      MANNEQUIN'S BEST 1/1227               
    ATTACK OF THE CLONES 82/1339                SUGAR AND SPICE 7/1231                
    4-LETTER NAMES 82/1341                      CLEVER LINGO 46/1212                  
    GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME 99/1306                9 DARKMOON 12/1197       37   46  0 44.6
    ORGAN ON THE SANDS 96/1272               10 VIOLENT FEMS 35/972   408  553  9 42.5
    WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY 82/1274                JUST BECAUSE 38/1228                  
  4 RAZOR GRACE 67/1327    52   42  0 55.3   11 MY PETS 9/554         499  762 13 39.6
    MYSTERY MACHINE 65/1326                     RHYME TYME 55/449                     
    FRAG 'EM ALL! 66/574                        GIRL SCOUT COOKIES 33/812             
  5 QUBIT 10/1136         961  801 10 54.5   12 REDHORSE 56/1325      159  255  1 38.4
    TRIPLE CROWN 15/990                         MOSSRUNNERS 1/928                     
    JOKA MASHER! 60/833                      13 REFORMERS 64/1095     476  791  5 37.6
    SIR AGLIO 10/788                            CIRQUE DU MASQUES 58/1093             
    SPIRITUAL GIFT 12/791                       BAD APPLES 56/1091                    
    SNOTZI'S II 33/813                       14 AVENGERS 31/1321       17   45  0 27.4
    KNOT WHOLE 2/1333                           LORDS OF CHAOS 20/1320                
    VERMIN! 82/1267                             LORDS OF CHAOS 11/1348                
  6 PUERCO'S PINA 53/700  131  115  1 53.3      MEDIEVAL CHAOS 22/1342                
    ANDORIAN UNIVERSITY 66/1123                 AS FAR AS SIAM 40/1323                

    '##/###' Avoid teams by their Team Id     '-'  Team did not fight this turn

                                 THE GUARDIAN'S FORUM
                       Reflections by the Captain of the Guard

Quonset... Bro...

I almost thought you had me beat out there, then something just came over me.  I was 
like, "I can't go down this easily" and "Hey!  I already beat this guy once!" but I 
never was like, "I think I'll kill him now."  No way, that's not me at all.  My motto 
is live and let live, like a lot of my fellow countrymen.  Then there's the ever-
popular: Health! Humility! Honor! but maybe I should save that one for the end.  My 
manager tells me that you should have been from an Andorian city, by rights, if they 
hadn't closed down the arena there.  That's life, as Greywand wills it.  You know, I 
wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for her.  Sure, a lot of warriors get restored to 
life by her; but she gave me my life back even before I was a warrior!  But I think 
that is a story for another time.

Caddy

P.S.  I'm not sure, but is this the place where I say what my stats are?  If so, then 
you hosers are out of luck!  But I don't want to disappoint so here's some stats to 
read: 25-25-25-25-25-25-25-25.  That eighth one is chill-ness.  I'm damn chill.

P.P.S.  Health! Humilty! Honor!

P.P.P.S.  I can't remember if I challenged anybody...

                             REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER

     I bet you didn't know a dead man could get hives.  Yep.  Sad but true.  We're 
most of us terribly allergic to dust mites, and there are such a LOT of dust mites 
around cemetaries, burial vaults, and such-like places.  Around the arena, too--the 
maintenance crew is worthless.  What we need here are some little old house-proud 
ladies to spiff the place up.  Probably Convincians.

     In the mean time, and I do mean it was a mean time, here's the fight news.  We 
had fights.  Lots of them, well, thirty-three, which isn't bad in these degenerate 
days.  Only two standbys out there sweating and bleeding.  Twelve challenge matches, 
one of them TV.  No deaths.  The longest fight was nine minutes, unless this note is 
about something else.  Somebody seems to have set a sweaty beer bottle on it, and 
it's, uh, not easy to read.  Way too hot for nine minute fights, sports fans!  Okay, 
so some of you gladiators are that crazy, how do you think you're going to hold the 
fans that long, eh?  Qubit was most avoided by Tuft Tuggers.  Buck was challenge more 
times than the "duelmaster," which isn't saying much, because HE got no challenges at 
all!

     And now, a few words about the fights.
     FRED (65-5333) (29-13-0,77) of MYSTERY MACHINE fought LAKE SAILOR (101-2) (0-0-
0,30) of the College of Mimes.  FRED savagely defeated LAKE SAILOR in a popular 2 
minute gory duel.  Ever try to tell someone you're drowning by sign language?  Being 
a mime isn't a piece of cake, you know.  There are times when a good yell is worth 
rubies, even if you like rubies.
     PROWESS (2-5155) (21-24-0,59) of KNOT WHOLE fought CARRIE NATION (64-4054) (53-
89-0,73) of REFORMERS.  PROWESS was subdued by CARRIE NATION in a crowd pleasing 3 
minute match.  So!  Does this mean that the renowned female Prow has been drinking?  
Does it matter?  I hear the beer-sellers are going to send Carrie a hand-illuminated 
vote of thanks, because her loud comments on the evils of beer and wine caused a run 
on their stocks and made their fortunes.  Or words to that effect.
     TEDDY RUXPIN (11-6399) (24-18-1,62) of LORDS OF CHAOS fought GAZELLE (56-3701) 
(22-17-0,53) of REDHORSE.  TEDDY RUXPIN outlasted GAZELLE in a popular 9 minute fray.  
This was popular with the fans because the lengthy (for summer) fight gave everybody 
time to get a beer and settle down.
     HUMMINGBIRD (56-3475) (24-28-0,63) of REDHORSE fought JOHN LONGSHORE (11-4197) 
(24-32-0,41) of TUFT TUGGERS.  HUMMINGBIRD overpowered JOHN LONGSHORE in an exciting 
1 minute one-sided struggle.  After all, what do geologists know about flightly 
little birds?  Uh... somebody did say that John is or was a geologist, yes?
     RUTHLESS (15-4591) (24-18-0,75) of TRIPLE CROWN fought BROKEN TOE (56-3683) (24-
43-1,54) of REDHORSE.  RUTHLESS demolished BROKEN TOE in a 1 minute uneven contest.  
You think Ruthless got that name for a joke?  No way!

     BLIND ILLUSION (22-6379) (16-15-1,65) of MEDIEVAL CHAOS fought LIL E. TEE (15-
4608) (15-4-1,50) of TRIPLE CROWN.  BLIND ILLUSION overpowered LIL E. TEE in a 
popular 5 minute gruesome one-sided bout.  To quell some nasty rumors, Blind is NOT a 
supporter of the "eat more horse meat" league.  What do they call them, the 
Hippophages?  Other medievalists, maybe, but Blind prefers mule.
     GAR & BRILL (38-4252) (28-54-0,33) of JUST BECAUSE fought MOOSE (56-3459) (16-
24-0,54) of REDHORSE.  GAR & BRILL overpowered MOOSE in a popular 1 minute one-sided 
match.  Brilled moose-burgers, anyone?
     PLACES THE LOTION... (98-909) (14-15-5,98) of ARCANE BEACH DAY fought PISTON 
HURRICANE (40-2287) (19-9-0,72) of AS FAR AS SIAM.  PLACES THE LOTION... overpowered 
PISTON HURRICANE in a 1 minute uneven fight.  You've heard of oil spills, I suppose?  
This was a lotion spill and it went as far as Siam, which is a long way.
     CITATION (15-3925) (20-14-0,100) of TRIPLE CROWN fought SEGALLION SUNDANCER (11-
4600) (25-21-1,87) of TUFT TUGGERS.  CITATION was overpowered by SEGALLION SUNDANCER 
in a 1 minute uneven competition.  Ride 'em, cowboy!
     BLACK EYE (60-6163) (32-20-0,107) of JOKA MASHER! fought MR. POTATO HEAD (20-
442) (29-24-0,132) of LORDS OF CHAOS.  BLACK EYE overcame MR. POTATO HEAD in an 
action packed 2 minute bout.  Does this mean the loser is now mashed potatoes?  With 
gravy, I hope!  Although it seems to me that gravy is red-eye?

     TYMARIS RAVENSWOOD (53-5637) (27-29-0,142) of PUERCO'S PINATA fought TICKLES (9-
3486) (55-79-1,126) of MY PETS.  TYMARIS RAVENSWOOD was vanquished by TICKLES in a 1 
minute uneven bout.  Take note, all you Ravenswood groupies:  Tymaris is helpless 
when tickled.  This could be the key to making your wildest fantasies come true!
     SIR OCCO (10-5079) (32-23-0,168) of SIR AGLIO fought VALLISNERIA (30-3226) (23-
19-1,124) of THE GREENHOUSE.  SIR OCCO vanquished VALLISNERIA in an exciting 1 minute 
one-sided fight.  There is very little that can't be blown away by a hot, dry wind, 
especially when it's blowing sand along.
     LONE WOLF (31-162) (32-36-1,160) of AVENGERS fought KIDNEY (96-972) (15-15-
3,112) of ORGAN ON THE SANDS.  LONE WOLF was overpowered by KIDNEY in an exciting 1 
minute gory uneven fight.  So much for Lone's desire to make steak-and-kidney pie.  
Just as well, when you think about it.  Who wants to ruin a perfectly good steak?
     SPAZZ (33-6207) (53-52-0,173) of SNOTZI'S II fought GATEWAY (82-15631) (18-3-
0,143) of ATTACK OF THE CLONES.  SPAZZ overcame GATEWAY in a popular 2 minute brutal 
contest.  Bet you didn't know how easy it was to block a gate, eh?  Piece of cake.
     RIFT (12-3922) (29-20-1,168) of SPIRITUAL GIFT fought FEALOST (1-3916) (47-60-
1,145) of MOSSRUNNERS.  RIFT vanquished FEALOST in an action packed 1 minute gruesome 
one-sided match.  Ah, definitely Fea-Lost this time.  Oh, well.  Work on it some 
more, boy.

     DITCH RAT (82-15360) (35-37-5,205) of VERMIN! fought TALON (18-7782) (34-15-
1,173) of GET OUTTA MY WAY.  DITCH RAT slimly lost to TALON in a popular 3 minute 
gory contest.  The ditch was too shallow.  Get a deeper one next time, you Rat!
     CREDIT LINE (82-1366) (13-24-0,203) of WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY fought DELICE THE 
RED (56-3401) (60-67-3,184) of BAD APPLES.  CREDIT LINE overpowered DELICE THE RED in 
a crowd pleasing 1 minute one-sided match.  She may have lost the fight, but is that 
diamonds I see her wearing?
     ARAC IRONFIST (67-1944) (29-20-0,198) of RAZOR GRACE fought SHARON SHEW (101-25) 
(0-0-0,181) of the College of Mimes.  ARAC IRONFIST was defeated by SHARON SHEW in an 
exciting 2 minute brutal bout.  Some days the Shew fits, and some days she cuts your 
toes off.
     BATTLESTONE (66-2980) (35-26-0,202) of FRAG 'EM ALL! fought HARV (82-20046) (17-
6-1,183) of 4-LETTER NAMES.  BATTLESTONE was bested by HARV in a crowd pleasing 1 
minute brawl.  I hear that somebody bet Harv he couldn't get blood out of a stone.  I 
guess he proved them wrong.
     QUONSET (10-4990) (43-28-0,203) of QUBIT fought R IS FOR REPUGNANT (99-1155) 
(21-12-4,187) of GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.  QUONSET overpowered R IS FOR REPUGNANT in an 
action packed 1 minute uneven struggle.  Poor R feels like a building fell on him!  
And it couldn't have happened to a better guy.

     AGLIBOL (12-5848) (19-8-0,76) of DARKMOON challenged CROOKED HOOF (56-3493) (29-
18-0,76) of REDHORSE.  Straight across.  AGLIBOL demolished CROOKED HOOF in a popular 
1 minute mismatched Challenge match.  If I was the Redhorse, I'd get that hoof fixed.  
I hear you can get corrective Shews, er, shoes.
     SUGARBEET (7-5219) (24-23-1,62) of SUGAR AND SPICE challenged KI (31-165) (29-
37-1,70) of AVENGERS.  Up 8.  SUGARBEET luckily beat KI in a crowd pleasing 2 minute 
bloody Challenge competition.  You think this was luck?  Nope, not a chance.  Ki has 
got this sugar problem, you see, and Sugarbeet just out-sweeted him.
     AVALYNE WHYTE (11-3270) (21-19-1,83) of TUFT TUGGERS challenged SKI MASK (58-
5869) (46-75-0,86) of CIRQUE DU MASQUES.  Up 3.  AVALYNE WHYTE viciously subdued SKI 
MASK in a popular 1 minute brutal Challenge bout.  And now all the gladiators in Home 
Guard are invited to partake of the largest roast Duck ever.
     BRIARTHORN (12-5671) (19-16-1,100) of DARKMOON challenged MOUNTAIN GOAT (56-
3700) (27-36-3,108) of REDHORSE.  Up 8.  BRIARTHORN overpowered MOUNTAIN GOAT in a 1 
minute one-sided Challenge fight.  But in a rival cookout, Darkmoon is offering 
barbecued goat.
     CIARAN (1-7176) (23-16-1,92) of MANNEQUIN'S BEST challenged QUIFF (10-4779) (21-
10-0,104) of QUBIT.  Up 12.  CIARAN vanquished QUIFF in an action packed 1 minute 
uneven Challenge fight.  So thoroughly did Ciaran vanquish that there wasn't even a 
whiff of a Quiff left.
     NUTCRACKER (38-4380) (25-21-1,99) of ALL FINESSE challenged ZLATINA ANGUELOVA 
(11-4856) (26-25-1,100) of TUFT TUGGERS.  Up 1.  NUTCRACKER vanquished ZLATINA 
ANGUELOVA in a 1 minute uneven Challenge duel.  Sometimes finesse is not enough.

     FIENDISH GLEE (46-1553) (22-14-5,145) of CLEVER LINGO challenged HALLIE O'DENE 
(58-6018) (61-79-0,158) of CIRQUE DU MASQUES.  Up 13.  FIENDISH GLEE viciously 
subdued HALLIE O'DENE in a 2 minute Challenge competition.  And Fiendish LAUGHED the 
whole time.  I hear that Hallie was fit to be tied.  Or something along those lines.
     QUEEN AMAZONIA (12-4796) (35-42-1,129) of DARKMOON challenged SMELLY TOES (82-
17409) (18-10-0,135) of HYBRIDS V.  Up 6.  QUEEN AMAZONIA was devastated by SMELLY 
TOES in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge duel.  Who wouldn't be?  Those toes are REALLY 
smelly, and we all know that queens are delicate that way.  Was this lese majesty?
     EVE DREWSHADOW (53-6246) (23-18-0,104) of PUERCO'S PINATA challenged BUCK (1-
2291) (43-93-0,119) of MOSSRUNNERS.  Up 15.  This is Buck-the-Most-Challenged, I 
presume.  EVE DREWSHADOW overpowered BUCK in a 3 minute bloody one-sided Challenge 
fight.  I could tell you things about that boy, but they tell me this newsletter is 
supposed to be G.
     EVIL ELMO (99-1222) (20-11-4,115) of TWISTED SESAME challenged KOOKABURRA (33-
4151) (60-82-2,109) of GIRL SCOUT COOKIES.  Down 6.  EVIL ELMO won victory over 
KOOKABURRA in a crowd pleasing 2 minute Challenge brawl.  Some people like their 
cookies any way they can get them.
     NED THE JANITOR (66-2973) (37-31-0,189) of ANDORIAN UNIVERSITY challenged 50 
SUCKS (60-4129) (83-44-2,203) of JOKA MASHER!  Up 14.  NED THE JANITOR savagely 
defeated 50 SUCKS in an exciting 5 minute Challenge melee.  I've never seen a crossed 
broom and dustpan as a heraldic device before.  Rather eye-catching.

     Our TV challenge:  ANIJIA ALARA (11-4675) (21-10-1,204) of MANIACAL TUFTS TV 
challenged MOD COD (55-2638) (67-88-3,213) of RHYME TYME.  Up 9.  ANIJIA ALARA was 
devastated by MOD COD in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge fight.  The wrong fish, 
Anijia.  You should've gone after a Stout Trout or maybe a Daring Herring.

     And in defense of his title:  CADDY JACKKNIFE (11-4288) (34-16-1,278) of 
GERFEL'S FRIENDS fought KAIDEN (35-3108) (99-93-2,211) of VIOLENT FEMS.  CADDY 
JACKKNIFE unbelievably bested KAIDEN in a popular 3 minute Title conflict.  What is 
there not to believe?  Thanks for the column, Caddy.

                                        Olaf

CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD          W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 CADDY JACKKNIFE 11-4288     35  16  1  287  GERFEL'S FRIENDS (516)     ARUAK CITY

GRAND CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 MOD COD 55-2638             68  88  3  230  RHYME TYME (449)           KHALANI
 NED THE JANITOR 66-2973     38  31  0  223  ANDORIAN UNIVERSITY (1123) TARRGIR
 QUONSET 10-4990             44  28  0  216  QUBIT (1136)               KOLACT

GRAND CHAMPIONS               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 CREDIT LINE 82-1366         14  24  0  210  WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY (1274 DWES EG
 KAIDEN 35-3108              99  94  2  203  VIOLENT FEMS (972)         MURSKA
 HARV 82-20046               18   6  1  203  4-LETTER NAMES (1341)      DWES EG
 TALON 18-7782               35  15  1  195  GET OUTTA MY WAY (1319)    TALCAMA
 50 SUCKS 60-4129            83  45  2  194  JOKA MASHER! (833)         ARADI
 ANIJIA ALARA 11-4675        21  11  1  190  MANIACAL TUFTS (1147)      ARUAK CITY
 DITCH RAT 82-15360          35  38  5  189  VERMIN! (1267)             DWES EG
 BATTLESTONE 66-2980         35  27  0  189  FRAG 'EM ALL! (574)        TARRGIR
 ARAC IRONFIST 67-1944       29  21  0  187  RAZOR GRACE (1327)         BARIKALA
 R IS FOR REPUGNANT 99-1155  21  13  4  184  GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME (1306)  SOUTH RIDGE
 SPAZZ 33-6207               54  52  0  181  SNOTZI'S II (813)          NIATOLI ISLAND

GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS       W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 DELICE THE RED 56-3401      60  68  3  179  BAD APPLES (1091)          ROCANIS
 RIFT 12-3922                30  20  1  173  SPIRITUAL GIFT (791)       RIZTAB

GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS       W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 SIR OCCO 10-5079            33  23  0  170  SIR AGLIO (788)            KOLACT
 FIENDISH GLEE 46-1553       23  14  5  160  CLEVER LINGO (1212)        ARDIVENT

GRAND ADEPTS                  W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 HALLIE O'DENE 58-6018       61  80  0  148  CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093)   DELARQ TOR
 GATEWAY 82-15631            18   4  0  148  ATTACK OF THE CLONES (1339 DWES EG
 KIDNEY 96-972               16  15  3  147  ORGAN ON THE SANDS (1272)  OLD VALAMANTIS
 TICKLES 9-3486              56  79  1  144  MY PETS (554)              ZUKAL
 FEALOST 1-3916              47  61  1  144  MOSSRUNNERS (928)          MORDANT
 SMELLY TOES 82-17409        19  10  0  144  HYBRIDS V (1340)           DWES EG
 BLACK EYE 60-6163           33  20  0  131  JOKA MASHER! (833)         ARADI
 VALLISNERIA 30-3226         23  20  1  128  THE GREENHOUSE (1219)      IAYE
 LONE WOLF 31-162            32  37  1  126  AVENGERS (1321)            CHIMLEVTAL
 QUEEN AMAZONIA 12-4796      35  43  1  124  DARKMOON (1197)            RIZTAB
 TYMARIS RAVENSWOOD 53-5637  27  30  0  124  PUERCO'S PINATA (700)      KHALHUMS
 EVE DREWSHADOW 53-6246      24  18  0  123  PUERCO'S PINATA (700)      KHALHUMS
 EVIL ELMO 99-1222           21  11  4  119  TWISTED SESAME (1307)      SOUTH RIDGE
 MR. POTATO HEAD 20-442      29  25  0  117  LORDS OF CHAOS (1320)      SEAM
 CIARAN 1-7176               24  16  1  115  MANNEQUIN'S BEST (1227)    MORDANT
 BRIARTHORN 12-5671          20  16  1  114  DARKMOON (1197)            RIZTAB
 KOOKABURRA 33-4151          60  83  2  112  GIRL SCOUT COOKIES (812)   NIATOLI ISLAND
 NUTCRACKER 38-4380          26  21  1  111  ALL FINESSE (1236)         CLIFFHOME
 PLACES THE LOTION.. 98-909  15  15  5  107  ARCANE BEACH DAY (1305)    SYVYN'S HILL
 BUCK 1-2291                 43  94  0  103  MOSSRUNNERS (928)          MORDANT

GRAND CHALLENGER INITIATES    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 SEGALLION SUNDANCE 11-4600  26  21  1  100  TUFT TUGGERS (557)         ARUAK CITY
 MOUNTAIN GOAT 56-3700       27  37  3   95  REDHORSE (1325)            ROCANIS
 AGLIBOL 12-5848             20   8  0   93  DARKMOON (1197)            RIZTAB
 AVALYNE WHYTE 11-3270       22  19  1   91  TUFT TUGGERS (557)         ARUAK CITY

GRAND INITIATES               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 ZLATINA ANGUELOVA 11-4856   26  26  1   90  TUFT TUGGERS (557)         ARUAK CITY
 QUIFF 10-4779               21  11  0   90  QUBIT (1136)               KOLACT
 CITATION 15-3925            20  15  0   84  TRIPLE CROWN (990)         MALCORN
 SKI MASK 58-5869            46  76  0   80  CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093)   DELARQ TOR
 RUTHLESS 15-4591            25  18  0   80  TRIPLE CROWN (990)         MALCORN
 BLIND ILLUSION 22-6379      17  15  1   80  MEDIEVAL CHAOS (1342)      SOLVEN
 FRED 65-5333                30  13  0   79  MYSTERY MACHINE (1326)     DAL SHANG
 CARRIE NATION 64-4054       54  89  0   77  REFORMERS (1095)           KURUKAR
 SUGARBEET 7-5219            25  23  1   72  SUGAR AND SPICE (1231)     BONSUR
 HUMMINGBIRD 56-3475         25  28  0   70  REDHORSE (1325)            ROCANIS
 CROOKED HOOF 56-3493        29  19  0   69  REDHORSE (1325)            ROCANIS
 TEDDY RUXPIN 11-6399        25  18  1   69  LORDS OF CHAOS (1348)      ARUAK CITY
 PISTON HURRICANE 40-2287    19  10  0   69  AS FAR AS SIAM (1323)      ZENSU
 KI 31-165                   29  38  1   65  AVENGERS (1321)            CHIMLEVTAL
 PROWESS 2-5155              21  25  0   59  KNOT WHOLE (1333)          NIANIA
-SPECTRUM 40-1666            18  19  4   56  AS FAR AS SIAM (1323)      ZENSU
 GAR & BRILL 38-4252         29  54  0   55  JUST BECAUSE (1228)        CLIFFHOME
 GAZELLE 56-3701             22  18  0   55  REDHORSE (1325)            ROCANIS
 BROKEN TOE 56-3683          24  44  1   51  REDHORSE (1325)            ROCANIS
 LIL E. TEE 15-4608          15   5  1   48  TRIPLE CROWN (990)         MALCORN
 JOHN LONGSHORE 11-4197      24  33  0   37  TUFT TUGGERS (557)         ARUAK CITY
 MOOSE 56-3459               16  25  0   33  REDHORSE (1325)            ROCANIS

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                    W   L  K TEAM NAME              SLAIN BY              TURN

                               PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE

Carrie Nation -- Okay, that's pretty offensive, and it's merely your opinion.  I'd 
prefer if you keep it to yourself. -- Segallion

Carrie Nation -- No totally!  ALL men are fools!  I agree with you, ignore Segallion.  
In fact, all HUMANS are fools!  Even better! -- Anij

Caddy -- DUDE!  That was like totally so cool!  You KILLED the captain!  I didn't 
know you had it in ya.  I mean, actually, it's not cool, I wouldn't wish it on a 
normal person, but Quonset being immortal and all...  You know us LPs... special! -- 
Anij

Ned -- Where the heck did a janitor learn a word like histrionic!?  Peeping in on 
classes?  What is a histrionic anyways!?  Whatever.  I was going to tell Quonset I 
was going to come kick his butt, however your lacky is up there now!  Ack!  Get out 
of my way! -- Anij

Caddy -- Okay, so like, I won't be challenging you (I hate our managers), but like, 
what happens if I'm the only one in the challenger champions?  Huh?  Match up by 
default baby, yeah! -- Anij

Quonset -- I was going to totally stomp your sorry Q'ness and set you like the sun!  
But... you're not on top, so oh well.  Maybe if you somehow got above me... -- Anij

Okay, somebody needs to get that elf girl a muzzle. -- Segallion

Ski Mask -- <scratching his head>  Hmm... uh, well... anger management, that's about 
all I have to say for you. -- Longshore

     Ski manages to get angry a lot.

Gazelle -- Oh, that would be great, yes.  Thank you for the practice sessions. -- 
Longshore

Mountain Goat -- It's difficult to be a hockey player and have pride in your teeth.  
They are so easily broken, and so often!  I think I'm not doing too badly, so far 
though.  A face cage and mouth piece helps. -- Zlatina

Citation -- Tankesh tells me I am blessed too, but I seriously do not understand what 
they see in me from a gladiatorial perspective. -- Avalyne

Quonset -- Ned was just restating my aimer logic in his DM column.  His own opinions 
don't range so far afield, so far as I know.  You beat him good, and he's within 
spitting distance of the ADM/eligibles bar, so you've got something working in your 
favor.  Caddy's recent fortune against you really doesn't change my opinion.  I've 
been on the losing side of just such a matchup with your manager before, in a recent 
tourney, and that result gave me hope for my own wastes (of which Caddy is a shining 
example). -- Generalissimo Puerco

Evil Elmo -- You really are evil.  Did you slip me a drug before the fight, or what?  
Because I know I can fight three minutes without getting that exhausted. -- Mountain 
Goat

Quonset -- Nice column!  Very well done!  You should have won. -- Mountain Goat

Zlatina -- For some reason, horns on a helm are not considered a weapon.  Go figure. 
-- Mountain Goat

Zlatina Anguelova -- Experience, twice as many fights, that sort of thing.  I did 
think you fought very well.
-- Fealost

Olaf -- "Feawon"?  Only after I work my way up to a winning record. -- Fealost (named 
after a forest)

     Based on your record, do we assume that your forest is now sawdust?

Tymaris Ravenswood -- "Buck--Dark Arena?"  (smiling proudly)  They want me to join 
the Dark Arena.  Did you notice, they didn't do any cheering for you. -- Buck
P.S.  I have something for you, though.  (flashing open raincoat)

Ki -- You know... I have no response to that fight.  Maybe because I can't remember 
it.  But I like your helm. -- Moose
P.S.  Kies are the natural enemies of Meese.

Gar & Brill -- Woo hoo!  Sorry if I was rude.  You know what, the roadsides where I 
come from are full of chicks and tiggers.  In case you need another name for someone 
joining your team. -- Gazelle

John Longshore -- I will!  Thank you! -- Gazelle

Blind Illusion -- You see, if you let the old fart win you learn more. -- Crooked 
Hoof

Olaf -- Yes, Illusion could have avoided my attacks.  But he wanted to learn more of 
what I could teach. -- Crooked Hoof

     Just wait'll it comes back to bite you.

John Longshore -- The way our fight started, I sure never thought I would win it.  
But it was very kind of you to say that my attack felt like a landslide.  I've never 
been called a landslide before.  (smiling) -- Hummingbird

Olaf -- I don't fight with a long needle in my mouth, but I had a long earring in my 
ear and your old eyes must have seen it glint as it danced past the front of my face 
during the fight.  I find it distracts opponents, but it didn't this time. -- 
Hummingbird

     It adds a new dimension to the phrase "pierced ears."

I just want to register a complaint here:  After he beat me, the Mean Spirit stomped 
on my toe! -- Broken Toe

     Of course!

Vallisneria -- I suppose in this weather, you're just doing great.  Me, I find it too 
hot and too humid.  Summer is NOT my time of year. -- Hallie O'Dene

Ciaran -- I know it SAYS that I showed you respect and surrender, but it was all an 
ACT.  If I had more time, I would elaborate on the reasons for my lack of respect 
(the drinking of vile spirits has a lot to do with it) and refusal to surrender.  But 
right now, time is at a premium. -- Carrie Nation
P.S.  Actually, that "time is at a premium" doesn't sound quite right.  There IS no 
time.
P.P.S.  I don't mean to say that time is an illusion, although it probably is, but 
just that I'm very busy.

Kaiden -- But they do say that violence never solves anything. -- Delice the Red
P.S.  But then again, people will say anything if they think it will help them get 
their own way.

Citation -- To THINK that I should be RUN OVER by a HORSE! -- Ski Mask
P.S.  And such a SMALL horse.

Tankesh -- My mind keeps getting written over by "this should fit into that box, and 
then we can tape it up," and "you have HOW many more shelves of books?" -- Hallie

Tankesh -- I'm up for fun in many ways.  After all, I am a BAD Apple. -- Delice the 
Red

Sultan -- Yeah, I got thrown out a while back.  But maybe I've done badly enough 
there that I can come back next split.  I'll have to check on that. -- Ho-Chan the 
Axe

Ned -- There are other things one can do with a floor. -- Delice the Red

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

ANIJIA ALARA was devastated by MOD COD in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge fight.
NED THE JANITOR savagely defeated 50 SUCKS in a exciting 5 minute Challenge melee.
EVIL ELMO won victory over KOOKABURRA in a crowd pleasing 2 minute Challenge brawl.
EVE DREWSHADOW overpowered BUCK in a 3 minute bloody one-sided Challenge fight.
QUEEN AMAZONIA was devastated by SMELLY TOES in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge duel.
FIENDISH GLEE viciously subdued HALLIE O'DENE in a 2 minute Challenge competition.
NUTCRACKER vanquished ZLATINA ANGUELOVA in a 1 minute uneven Challenge duel.
CIARAN vanquished QUIFF in a action packed 1 minute uneven Challenge fight.
BRIARTHORN overpowered MOUNTAIN GOAT in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge fight.
AVALYNE WHYTE viciously subdued SKI MASK in a popular 1 minute brutal Challenge bout.
SUGARBEET luckily beat KI in a crowd pleasing 2 minute bloody Challenge competition.
AGLIBOL demolished CROOKED HOOF in a popular 1 minute mismatched Challenge match.
CADDY JACKKNIFE unbelievably bested KAIDEN in a popular 3 minute Title conflict.
QUONSET overpowered R IS FOR REPUGNANT in a action packed 1 minute uneven struggle.
BATTLESTONE was bested by HARV in a crowd pleasing 1 minute brawl.
ARAC IRONFIST was defeated by SHARON SHEW in a exciting 2 minute brutal bout.
CREDIT LINE overpowered DELICE THE RED in a crowd pleasing 1 minute one-sided match.
DITCH RAT slimly lost to TALON in a popular 3 minute gory contest.
RIFT vanquished FEALOST in a action packed 1 minute gruesome one-sided match.
SPAZZ overcame GATEWAY in a popular 2 minute brutal contest.
LONE WOLF was overpowered by KIDNEY in a exciting 1 minute gory uneven fight.
SIR OCCO vanquished VALLISNERIA in a exciting 1 minute one-sided fight.
TYMARIS RAVENSWOOD was vanquished by TICKLES in a 1 minute uneven bout.
BLACK EYE overcame MR. POTATO HEAD in a action packed 2 minute bout.
CITATION was overpowered by SEGALLION SUNDANCER in a 1 minute uneven competition.
PLACES THE LOTION... overpowered PISTON HURRICANE in a 1 minute uneven fight.
GAR & BRILL overpowered MOOSE in a popular 1 minute one-sided match.
BLIND ILLUSION overpowered LIL E. TEE in a popular 5 minute gruesome one-sided bout.
RUTHLESS demolished BROKEN TOE in a 1 minute uneven contest.
HUMMINGBIRD overpowered JOHN LONGSHORE in a exciting 1 minute one-sided struggle.
TEDDY RUXPIN outlasted GAZELLE in a popular 9 minute fray.
PROWESS was subdued by CARRIE NATION in a crowd pleasing 3 minute match.
FRED savagely defeated LAKE SAILOR in a popular 2 minute gory duel.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|AIMED BLOW                      12         AIMED BLOW        84 -  50 -  1      63  |
|LUNGING ATTACK                  12         WALL OF STEEL     47 -  43 -  1      52  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    8         LUNGING ATTACK    80 -  77 -  1      51  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   8         BASHING ATTACK    40 -  39 -  1      51  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  7         SLASHING ATTACK   41 -  43 -  1      49  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  7         PARRY-LUNGE        8 -   9 -  0      47  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      5         TOTAL PARRY       27 -  34 -  0      44  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      2         PARRY-STRIKE       2 -   4 -  0      33  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    2         STRIKING ATTACK   21 -  48 -  1      30  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     1         PARRY-RIPOSTE      5 -  12 -  0      29  |

Turn 405 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

PARRY-STRIKE       1 -  0     STRIKING ATTACK    3 -  4         4  AIMED BLOW     
AIMED BLOW         9 -  3     TOTAL PARRY        2 -  3         3  WALL OF STEEL  
WALL OF STEEL      5 -  3     BASHING ATTACK     3 -  5         2  LUNGING ATTACK 
PARRY-LUNGE        1 -  1     SLASHING ATTACK    2 -  5         1  SLASHING ATTACK
LUNGING ATTACK     6 -  6     PARRY-RIPOSTE      0 -  2         1  BASHING ATTACK 

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
WALL OF STEEL    CADDY JACKKNIFE 11-4288    35  16  1  287 GERFEL'S FRIENDS (516)
LUNGING ATTACK   MOD COD 55-2638            68  88  3  230 RHYME TYME (449)
AIMED BLOW       NED THE JANITOR 66-2973    38  31  0  223 ANDORIAN UNIVERSITY (1123)
SLASHING ATTACK  ANIJIA ALARA 11-4675       21  11  1  190 MANIACAL TUFTS (1147)
BASHING ATTACK   DITCH RAT 82-15360         35  38  5  189 VERMIN! (1267)
STRIKING ATTACK  DELICE THE RED 56-3401     60  68  3  179 BAD APPLES (1091)
PARRY-RIPOSTE    MR. POTATO HEAD 20-442     29  25  0  117 LORDS OF CHAOS (1320)
TOTAL PARRY      BUCK 1-2291                43  94  0  103 MOSSRUNNERS (928)
PARRY-LUNGE      SEGALLION SUNDANC 11-4600  26  21  1  100 TUFT TUGGERS (557)
PARRY-STRIKE     TEDDY RUXPIN 11-6399       25  18  1   69 LORDS OF CHAOS (1348)

The overall popularity leader is KAIDEN 35-3108.  The most popular warrior this turn 
was LIL E. TEE 15-4608.  The ten other most popular fighters were KAIDEN 35-3108, 
SPAZZ 33-6207, NED THE JANITOR 66-2973, FIENDISH GLEE 46-1553, DITCH RAT 82-15360, 
CARRIE NATION 64-4054, GAZELLE 56-3701, ARAC IRONFIST 67-1944, BLIND ILLUSION 
22-6379, and 50 SUCKS 60-4129.

The least popular fighter this week was PISTON HURRICANE 40-2287.  The other ten 
least popular fighters were ZLATINA ANGUELOVA 11-4856, BUCK 1-2291, ANIJIA ALARA 
11-4675, JOHN LONGSHORE 11-4197, BROKEN TOE 56-3683, MOOSE 56-3459, CITATION 15-3925, 
TYMARIS RAVENSWOOD 53-5637, VALLISNERIA 30-3226, and LONE WOLF 31-162.

Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  
MORDANT(1)           1  2 0  IAYE(30)             0  1 0  DELARQ TOR(58)       0  2 0  
NIANIA(2)            0  1 0  CHIMLEVTAL(31)       0  2 0  ARADI(60)            1  1 0  
BONSUR(7)            1  0 0  NIATOLI ISLAND(33)   1  1 0  KURUKAR(64)          1  0 0  
ZUKAL(9)             1  0 0  MURSKA(35)           0  1 0  DAL SHANG(65)        1  0 0  
KOLACT(10)           2  1 0  CLIFFHOME(38)        2  0 0  TARRGIR(66)          1  1 0  
ARUAK CITY(11)       4  3 0  ZENSU(40)            0  1 0  BARIKALA(67)         0  1 0  
RIZTAB(12)           3  1 0  ARDIVENT(46)         1  0 0  DWES EG(82)          3  2 0  
MALCORN(15)          1  2 0  KHALHUMS(53)         1  1 0  OLD VALAMANTIS(96)   1  0 0  
TALCAMA(18)          1  0 0  KHALANI(55)          1  0 0  SYVYN'S HILL(98)     1  0 0  
SEAM(20)             0  1 0  ROCANIS(56)          1  6 0  SOUTH RIDGE(99)      1  1 0  
SOLVEN(22)           1  0 0  

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 FEALOST 1-3916              47  61  1  144  MOSSRUNNERS (928)          MORDANT
 PROWESS 2-5155              21  25  0   59  KNOT WHOLE (1333)          NIANIA
 SUGARBEET 7-5219            25  23  1   72  SUGAR AND SPICE (1231)     BONSUR
 TICKLES 9-3486              56  79  1  144  MY PETS (554)              ZUKAL
 QUONSET 10-4990             44  28  0  216  QUBIT (1136)               KOLACT
 CADDY JACKKNIFE 11-4288     35  16  1  287  GERFEL'S FRIENDS (516)     ARUAK CITY
 RIFT 12-3922                30  20  1  173  SPIRITUAL GIFT (791)       RIZTAB
 CITATION 15-3925            20  15  0   84  TRIPLE CROWN (990)         MALCORN
 TALON 18-7782               35  15  1  195  GET OUTTA MY WAY (1319)    TALCAMA
 MR. POTATO HEAD 20-442      29  25  0  117  LORDS OF CHAOS (1320)      SEAM
 BLIND ILLUSION 22-6379      17  15  1   80  MEDIEVAL CHAOS (1342)      SOLVEN
 VALLISNERIA 30-3226         23  20  1  128  THE GREENHOUSE (1219)      IAYE
 LONE WOLF 31-162            32  37  1  126  AVENGERS (1321)            CHIMLEVTAL
 SPAZZ 33-6207               54  52  0  181  SNOTZI'S II (813)          NIATOLI ISLAND

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 KAIDEN 35-3108              99  94  2  203  VIOLENT FEMS (972)         MURSKA
 NUTCRACKER 38-4380          26  21  1  111  ALL FINESSE (1236)         CLIFFHOME
 PISTON HURRICANE 40-2287    19  10  0   69  AS FAR AS SIAM (1323)      ZENSU
 FIENDISH GLEE 46-1553       23  14  5  160  CLEVER LINGO (1212)        ARDIVENT
 TYMARIS RAVENSWOOD 53-5637  27  30  0  124  PUERCO'S PINATA (700)      KHALHUMS
 MOD COD 55-2638             68  88  3  230  RHYME TYME (449)           KHALANI
 DELICE THE RED 56-3401      60  68  3  179  BAD APPLES (1091)          ROCANIS
 HALLIE O'DENE 58-6018       61  80  0  148  CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093)   DELARQ TOR
 50 SUCKS 60-4129            83  45  2  194  JOKA MASHER! (833)         ARADI
 CARRIE NATION 64-4054       54  89  0   77  REFORMERS (1095)           KURUKAR
 FRED 65-5333                30  13  0   79  MYSTERY MACHINE (1326)     DAL SHANG
 NED THE JANITOR 66-2973     38  31  0  223  ANDORIAN UNIVERSITY (1123) TARRGIR
 ARAC IRONFIST 67-1944       29  21  0  187  RAZOR GRACE (1327)         BARIKALA
 CREDIT LINE 82-1366         14  24  0  210  WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY (1274 DWES EG
 KIDNEY 96-972               16  15  3  147  ORGAN ON THE SANDS (1272)  OLD VALAMANTIS
 PLACES THE LOTION.. 98-909  15  15  5  107  ARCANE BEACH DAY (1305)    SYVYN'S HILL
 R IS FOR REPUGNANT 99-1155  21  13  4  184  GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME (1306)  SOUTH RIDGE