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Date   : 01/11/2006    Duedate: 01/24/2006

HOME GUARD

DM-101    TURN-419

RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %  RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %
  1 TUFT TUGGERS 11/557   325  220  4 59.6    8 LORDS OF VAL 31/1208   31   33  0 48.4
  2 BLADES OF ICE 7/162   368  297  7 55.3    9 WIND STORM 1/649       72   81  0 47.1
    BLADES OF STEEL 17/1068                     WIND STORM 42/1365                    
  3 QUBIT 10/1136        1041  870 10 54.5      LETHAL HERITAGE 78/750                
    TOO GOOD FOR ME 65/1054                  10 VIOLENT FEMS 35/972   420  569  9 42.5
    TRIPLE CROWN 15/990                         JUST BECAUSE 38/1228                  
    JOKA MASHER! 60/833                      11 DARKMOON 12/1197       63   87  0 42.0
    SIR AGLIO 10/788                            SOL INVICTUS 31/1355                  
    KNOT WHOLE 2/1333                           CHAOTICDISORDER 33/1353               
  4 RAZOR GRACE 67/1327    67   61  0 52.3   12-AVENGERS 31/1321       59   85  0 41.0
  5 ALL FINESSE 38/1236   142  130  1 52.2      PUNCH-OUT! 56/1359                    
    CLEVER LINGO 46/1212                        MEDIEVAL CHAOS 22/1342                
    MANNEQUIN'S BEST 1/1227                     LORDS OF CHAOS 11/1348                
    SUGAR AND SPICE 7/1231                      AS FAR AS SIAM 40/1323                
    LAB EXPERIMENTS 1/1207                      UNDER JOLLY ROGER 7/1351              
    PERFECTION QUEST II 73/1303              13 REDHORSE 56/1325      209  317  1 39.7
    SECOND BANANAS 47/1363                      MOSSRUNNERS 1/928                     
  6 SPARF! 20/1069        732  704 10 51.0   14 MY PETS 9/554         519  790 14 39.6
    THE BULLS 73/1144                           THE SEUSS HEUSS 24/804                
    OPEN SESAME 50/824                          RHYME TYME 55/449                     
    CHAPEL ROCK 79/776                          GIRL SCOUT COOKIES 33/812             
    HANGOVERS 59/1153                        15 REFORMERS 64/1095     501  821  5 37.9
    ROYAL FLUSH 47/146                          KRILL CAVALRY 24/1364                 
    CHAPEL ROCK 59/1352                         CIRQUE DU MASQUES 58/1093             
  7 POSSE 77/1362           4    4  0 50.0

    '##/###' Avoid teams by their Team Id     '-'  Team did not fight this turn

                             REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER

     I said something about doing on the spy reports this year, didn't I?  When am I 
going to learn to keep my mouth shut?  You'd think by the time I'd been dead a few 
decades, that lesson would have sunk in.  But nope, there I go again, babbling 
witlessly, and in print, which makes it worse.  Phooey.  And here was Debby, with a 
bit of help from her golem, all set to do the spy report for me.  It's hard.  Life is 
hard, un-life is hard, there is no end to the things that are unpleasant and tedious 
and just plain nasty jobs of work.
     Well, let's see what I can come up with here.

     Redhorse was avoided by Darkmoon.  Natural enough.  It was a fashion thing.  
Redhorse's Pseudo-Barbarian Experience clashes horribly with Darkmoon's Neo-Mystical 
Extravaganza.  Each a good style on its own, but together, no.  Really powerful 
conflicts of images.
     Mad Doc Williams got the most challenges, and they came from people who wanted 
to talk about their ailments and get a free prescription.  This is why he's mad.  My 
momma wanted me to be a doctor, a long time ago.  But I went around and looked at the 
way some doctors were living, and I said No.  Sure, they made a lot of money--WHEN 
people paid 'em, but they were never "off-duty."  Imagine being at a party, a pretty 
girl comes up to you, and all she wants to talk about is this rash on her foot.

     We had thirty-five fights, with only two standbys out there today.  This is 
good.  Probably temporary, but good while it lasts.  Only six challenge matches, but 
at least there were six.  I have seen arenas--here on the Isle, mind you--with no 
challenges at all!  Shocking.  What sloth.  For those of you who want to know the 
length of the longest fight without the tedium of going through the list (I had a 
golem do it, or *I* wouldn't have gone through the list), it was seven minutes.  
Hardly a scumfest type of situation, eh?  Nobody died.  I'd be depressed, I've been 
wanting a real babe to die and keep me company, but it's futile.  You just go get 
resurrected again.  That's shocking, too.  And very dumb.  If you get resurrected, 
which is not, in itself, a pleasant experience, then you get to die again... and 
again, and again.  And I can tell you from personal experience that dying is NOT fun.  
It's about the least-fun thing you ever do.  BEING dead is good, though.  Remind me 
to tell you about it sometime.

     So, the fights.  I'm probably going to do the whole works here, but don't expect 
it every time.  It takes too long.  But for the first of the year, something a little 
special, yes?

     MOOSE (56-3459) (22-32-0,76) of REDHORSE fought HERMY (101-4) (0-0-0,50) of the 
College of Mimes.  MOOSE was demolished by HERMY in a 1 minute mismatched match.  
This is where the Pseudo comes into the Barbarian Experience.  A true Barbarian would 
not have allowed a wimpy broad like Hermy to dish him.
     KRAMER (47-5191) (15-6-0,51) of SECOND BANANAS fought SKI MASK (58-5869) (49-86-
0,63) of CIRQUE DU MASQUES.  KRAMER was overpowered by SKI MASK in a 1 minute one-
sided fray.  This was the purest of bad luck on Kramer's part.  He thought he was 
okay, it was just the Duck.  Anybody can beat the Duck, as witnessed by his record.  
But when the Duck just HAPPENS to be craving a banana split, and there's a Banana in 
front of him, and he's got a knife in his hand... well, what can you expect?
     SAIONJI (73-4447) (18-6-1,61) of PERFECTION QUEST II fought SLIPPERY NIPPLE (59-
2323) (18-5-1,76) of HANGOVERS.  SAIONJI devastated SLIPPERY NIPPLE in a crowd 
pleasing 1 minute one-sided battle.  So are we looking here at the perfect hangover 
(the imagination boggles) or the perfection of drinking WITHOUT hangovers, in which 
case I am definitely interested.  You thought being dead maybe meant "no hangovers"?  
Wrong.
     KELDON WARLORD (42-2501) (13-9-1,54) of WIND STORM fought MOUNTAIN GOAT (56-
3700) (33-44-3,74) of REDHORSE.  KELDON WARLORD devastated MOUNTAIN GOAT in a 1 
minute one-sided duel.  I draw your attention to the records of these two warriors 
and say no more.
     DEMONICHELLION (33-7038) (17-12-2,52) of CHAOTICDISORDER fought LIL E. TEE (15-
4608) (21-12-1,85) of TRIPLE CROWN.  DEMONICHELLION overpowered LIL E. TEE in an 
action packed 1 minute one-sided bout.  Debby thought this match contained elements 
of remarkability.  I don't see it, myself, but you can ferret around in the numbers 
looking for points of remark if you want.  I can't do it all.

     PINE LEAF (24-4580) (22-24-0,54) of KRILL CAVALRY fought QUADRICEPS (10-5326) 
(27-26-1,48) of QUBIT.  PINE LEAF narrowly defeated QUADRICEPS in a popular 3 minute 
gory match.  You know, thirty-five fights is too many.  At least, too many to talk 
about all of them.  So I'm gonna list 'em all, but just comment on the high points.
     RAUNI (31-5035) (19-15-0,60) of SOL INVICTUS fought ACE BAILEY (47-4948) (15-20-
0,64) of ROYAL FLUSH.  RAUNI savagely defeated ACE BAILEY in an action packed 7 
minute gory duel.  This was our longest fight, and who can wonder at Rauni's 
savagery?  Seven minutes is a long time to stand out there in the snow and the icy 
wind in sheet-metal underwear.
     LONDON QUIREBOY (59-2513) (17-4-1,92) of CHAPEL ROCK fought SIR REALISTIC (10-
5552) (16-11-1,68) of SIR AGLIO.  LONDON QUIREBOY beat SIR REALISTIC in a 2 minute 
fight.  There's probably a strongly pointed comment in this one, but it eludes me.
     BASE ON BULLS (73-3101) (19-6-3,92) of THE BULLS fought GAR & BRILL (38-4252) 
(35-61-0,87) of JUST BECAUSE.  BASE ON BULLS overcame GAR & BRILL in a 2 minute duel.  
So much for barbecued bull tonight.
     CAT IN THE HAT (24-3103) (20-6-1,91) of THE SEUSS HEUSS fought KALIDOR THE BOLD 
(11-6441) (17-5-0,52) of TUFT TUGGERS.  CAT IN THE HAT was viciously subdued by 
KALIDOR THE BOLD in a 3 minute bout.  Now, I have to comment on this.  The Top Hat 
thing?  No.  It does not work.  It doesn't go with any other style here in the Isle 
and it doesn't even go with ITSELF.  And if you WERE going to wear a top hat, it 
should be a NEW one, not that battered old relic.  Not that cats have much fashion 
sense.  Once you get beyond the question of fur, which I admit they do just fine 
with, then, nope, nothing.

     ROWDY YOBBO (20-3429) (23-23-1,129) of SPARF! fought HELM HAMMERHAND (31-5025) 
(27-14-0,108) of LORDS OF VALHALLA.  ROWDY YOBBO was vanquished by HELM HAMMERHAND in 
a 1 minute uneven bout.  Some people just don't LIKE rowdiness.  They have a very 
short way with rowdies.  And maybe Helm is one of those guys, hmm?
     BRIARTHORN (12-5671) (24-25-1,121) of DARKMOON fought BLACK JACK SHELACK (47-
4850) (20-14-1,94) of ROYAL FLUSH.  BRIARTHORN defeated BLACK JACK SHELACK in a 2 
minute match.  I simply note in passing that Black Jack got shellacked.  It happens.
     APPLE JACK (47-4011) (31-26-4,142) of ROYAL FLUSH fought BATAVIA (78-238) (24-
15-0,114) of LETHAL HERITAGE.  APPLE JACK was savagely defeated by BATAVIA in an 
action packed 3 minute gory fight.  That woman can hold her liquor, whatever Carrie 
Nation chooses to say.
     BUCK (1-2291) (46-104-0,126) of MOSSRUNNERS fought BRANFORD HAWKE (11-5077) (27-
26-0,96) of TUFT TUGGERS.  BUCK was savagely defeated by BRANFORD HAWKE in a popular 
4 minute gruesome fight.  Not only was Buck defeated, his tufts were tugged.  That's 
gotta hurt!
     KONGOL (7-4524) (36-33-2,121) of BLADES OF ICE fought JOHN LONGSHORE (11-4197) 
(30-40-0,140) of TUFT TUGGERS.  KONGOL handily defeated JOHN LONGSHORE in a 1 minute 
one-sided contest.  Maybe we should give Longshore one of those little hammers that 
geologists use.  I bet he'd be a whizzdang with that.

     GAZELLE (56-3701) (29-24-0,142) of REDHORSE fought QUEEN AMAZONIA (12-4796) (39-
51-1,134) of DARKMOON.  GAZELLE demolished QUEEN AMAZONIA in a 2 minute gruesome 
uneven bout.  Pseudo-Barbarian meets Neo-Mystic, and the result is... gruesome barely 
covers it.  A fashion explosion in a blind man's paint factory.  If I wasn't already 
dead, it would kill me to look at it.
     CROOKED HOOF (56-3493) (36-25-0,104) of REDHORSE fought AEDON (7-4295) (42-31-
1,139) of BLADES OF ICE.  CROOKED HOOF viciously subdued AEDON in a popular 2 minute 
gruesome bout.  What can I say?  Some people like to chew on ice.  Probably a sign of 
an iron deficiency.
     OSCAR (50-3153) (30-8-0,130) of OPEN SESAME fought BROKEN TOE (56-3683) (32-49-
1,105) of REDHORSE.  OSCAR luckily beat BROKEN TOE in a crowd pleasing 1 minute 
conflict.  Stamped on his toe, which was exposed by those pseudo-barb boots.  You 
know the kind I mean, they leave the toes bare and lace up the front with black 
thongs, kind of a toes-in-bondage look.
     BECKY (17-5782) (22-10-3,156) of BLADES OF STEEL fought JOE KING (47-2223) (31-
53-1,150) of ROYAL FLUSH.  BECKY demolished JOE KING in an exciting 1 minute one-
sided bout.  A woman of deciscion, this Becky, and a practical view of life.  Blades 
SHOULD be of steel, not ice or smoke or grass or whatever other weird thing you hear 
about.
     PERFECT TEN (47-4218) (30-23-1,174) of ROYAL FLUSH fought KERMORVAN (1-3116) 
(25-15-0,136) of LAB EXPERIMENTS.  PERFECT TEN slimly lost to KERMORVAN in a popular 
4 minute brutal brawl.  Makes you wonder about the lab, and the experiments.

     FEALOST (1-3916) (51-70-1,151) of MOSSRUNNERS fought SEGALLION SUNDANCER (11-
4600) (33-27-1,121) of TUFT TUGGERS.  FEALOST was handily defeated by SEGALLION 
SUNDANCER in a 1 minute mismatched bout.  Fealost is still living down to his name 
and feals lost.
     POPE PAUL II (79-1317) (23-13-0,167) of CHAPEL ROCK fought ARENAMASTER AZEEM 
(101-28) (0-0-0,200) of the College of Mimes.  POPE PAUL II was viciously subdued by 
ARENAMASTER AZEEM in a 6 minute bout.  Our second longest fight, and I have to tell 
you, Azeem was enjoying himself.  He could've ended it sooner, but he was savoring 
his day in the sun.  Or to be more accurate, his day in the thin overcast.
     SINCLAIR (1-6269) (28-7-3,181) of WIND STORM fought ZLATINA ANGUELOVA (11-4856) 
(33-32-1,151) of TUFT TUGGERS.  SINCLAIR overcame ZLATINA ANGUELOVA in a popular 2 
minute conflict.  The said popularity arising from Zlatina's flashy moves and 
Sinclair's evident bloodlust.  A tense match, with the odds going back and forth, 
back and forth... ulp.  I hate that kind of thing....
     EXILE (7-4618) (32-28-1,198) of BLADES OF ICE fought SIR OCCO (10-5079) (41-28-
0,160) of SIR AGLIO.  EXILE was devastated by SIR OCCO in a crowd pleasing 2 minute 
gory one-sided battle.  Most people would be GLAD to encounter a hot, dry wind today.  
But was Exile happy?  Nooo, he said his blade was melting!
     HALLIE O'DENE (58-6018) (64-90-0,207) of CIRQUE DU MASQUES fought TICKLES (9-
3486) (64-84-1,196) of MY PETS.  HALLIE O'DENE subdued TICKLES in a crowd pleasing 2 
minute bloody match.  This is a woman with nerves of steel.

     AGLIBOL (12-5848) (28-13-0,185) of DARKMOON fought STEVE MCQUEEN (47-3908) (39-
40-1,193) of ROYAL FLUSH.  AGLIBOL was luckily beaten by STEVE MCQUEEN in a popular 3 
minute gory melee.  The record speaks of luck, what does HE know of luck?  A dust 
devil flicks a little sand in your eye, an insufficiently rosined boot sole slips, an 
ill-advised sausage at breakfast comes back to haunt you, a spectator shouts 
distractingly that the Street Patrol are ticketing one of the gladiators's horses... 
and the match is lost.
     ARAC IRONFIST (67-1944) (34-29-0,216) of RAZOR GRACE fought MOD COD (55-2638) 
(73-96-3,194) of RHYME TYME.  ARAC IRONFIST vanquished MOD COD in a popular 1 minute 
one-sided duel.  This is good.  Fish needs to be kept in line and thrown out 
regularly.  If there's a cat out there to pick up the pieces, fine, but throw it out 
anyway.
     KAIDEN (35-3108) (104-102-2,212) of VIOLENT FEMS fought QUONSET (10-4990) (53-
32-0,222) of QUBIT.  KAIDEN vanquished QUONSET in a popular 1 minute uneven duel.  
Good gods!  Kaiden has a winning record here!  How did THAT happen?  Who let this Fem 
get away with her Violence?

     Ah, the challenge matches.  I bet you thought we'd never get to this point.  I 
had my doubts.
     WRETCHEDMISERY (33-7255) (17-10-0,79) of CHAOTICDISORDER challenged PROWESS (2-
5155) (25-34-0,82) of KNOT WHOLE.  Up 3.  WRETCHEDMISERY beat PROWESS in a 2 minute 
Challenge brawl.  Probably jealousy.  There are few women who can feel secure in the 
presence of the female Prow.
     SUGARBEET (7-5219) (30-31-1,74) of SUGAR AND SPICE challenged BACKLASH (65-6518) 
(21-8-1,73) of TOO GOOD FOR ME.  Down 1.  SUGARBEET vanquished BACKLASH in a 1 minute 
mismatched Challenge fight.  Not only too good, but too sweet.  It's enough to make 
your toenails curl.
     SPATHA (31-4996) (27-16-2,94) of SOL INVICTUS challenged KOOKABURRA (33-4151) 
(62-94-3,104) of GIRL SCOUT COOKIES.  Up 10.  SPATHA was overpowered by KOOKABURRA in 
a 1 minute one-sided Challenge fight.  All the crumbs!  I have never seen a cookie 
crumble so effectively as Kookaburra.  It's an art, and a rare one.

     SWALLOWTAIL (1-7387) (30-16-2,148) of MANNEQUIN'S BEST challenged CARRIE NATION 
(64-4054) (63-93-0,156) of REFORMERS.  Up 8.  SWALLOWTAIL overpowered CARRIE NATION 
in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge duel.  I feel sure that Carrie will have comments 
to make anent sobriety, but anyone can see that Swallowtail was totally plumb on 
this.
     DESPERADO (77-2459) (26-13-2,134) of POSSE challenged HUMMINGBIRD (56-3475) (32-
34-0,120) of REDHORSE.  Down 14.  DESPERADO demolished HUMMINGBIRD in a 1 minute one-
sided Challenge melee.  And why not?  Des wanted the horse to get away on.  There was 
a posse after him.
     NUTCRACKER (38-4380) (30-23-1,172) of ALL FINESSE challenged MAD DOC WILLIAMS 
(77-2432) (30-12-0,194) of POSSE.  Up 22.  NUTCRACKER viciously subdued MAD DOC 
WILLIAMS in a 6 minute Challenge fight.  This was Most-Challenged Williams, here, 
don't forget.  He was already harrassed by all those people asking pushy, 
embarrassing, professional questions.  You just can't do your best in the arena if 
your mind is on a ruptured spleen that may end up being your own.

     And for the title, a random match.  It happens.  A lot.  FIENDISH GLEE (46-1553) 
(32-18-5,233) of CLEVER LINGO fought 50 SUCKS (60-4129) (92-49-2,226) of JOKA MASHER!  
FIENDISH GLEE was unbelievably bested by 50 SUCKS in a 3 minute Title fight.  I have 
no difficulty believing this.  But what I want to know is, did 50 meet the fiendish 
glee of his opponent with a cackle of senile dementia?

     As it seems to be the fashion these days to give advice at the end of the 
column, here is some:  Beware of socks.

                                        Olaf

CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD          W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 50 SUCKS 60-4129            93  49  2  239  JOKA MASHER! (833)         ARADI

GRAND CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 KAIDEN 35-3108             105 102  2  234  VIOLENT FEMS (972)         MURSKA
 ARAC IRONFIST 67-1944       35  29  0  225  RAZOR GRACE (1327)         BARIKALA
 HALLIE O'DENE 58-6018       65  90  0  212  CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093)   DELARQ TOR

GRAND CHAMPIONS               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 FIENDISH GLEE 46-1553       32  19  5  209  CLEVER LINGO (1212)        ARDIVENT
 STEVE MCQUEEN 47-3908       40  40  1  205  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 NUTCRACKER 38-4380          31  23  1  200  ALL FINESSE (1236)         CLIFFHOME
 TICKLES 9-3486              64  85  1  195  MY PETS (554)              ZUKAL
 SIR OCCO 10-5079            42  28  0  194  SIR AGLIO (788)            KOLACT
 QUONSET 10-4990             53  33  0  191  QUBIT (1136)               KOLACT
 MOD COD 55-2638             73  97  3  188  RHYME TYME (449)           KHALANI
 AGLIBOL 12-5848             28  14  0  185  DARKMOON (1197)            RIZTAB
 MAD DOC WILLIAMS 77-2432    30  13  0  183  POSSE (1362)               MAZGOURRAH
 SINCLAIR 1-6269             29   7  3  183  WIND STORM (649)           MORDANT

GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS       W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 EXILE 7-4618                32  29  1  174  BLADES OF ICE (162)        BONSUR
 POPE PAUL II 79-1317        23  14  0  173  CHAPEL ROCK (776)          MIROI CHANG
 KERMORVAN 1-3116            26  15  0  167  LAB EXPERIMENTS (1207)     MORDANT
 BECKY 17-5782               23  10  3  165  BLADES OF STEEL (1068)     ALJAFIR
 SWALLOWTAIL 1-7387          31  16  2  163  MANNEQUIN'S BEST (1227)    MORDANT
 ZLATINA ANGUELOVA 11-4856   33  33  1  160  TUFT TUGGERS (557)         ARUAK CITY
-TEDDY RUXPIN 11-6399        33  21  1  158  LORDS OF CHAOS (1348)      ARUAK CITY
 PERFECT TEN 47-4218         30  24  1  156  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 GAZELLE 56-3701             30  24  0  151  REDHORSE (1325)            ROCANIS

GRAND ADEPTS                  W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 CARRIE NATION 64-4054       63  94  0  146  REFORMERS (1095)           KURUKAR
 SEGALLION SUNDANCE 11-4600  34  27  1  146  TUFT TUGGERS (557)         ARUAK CITY
 JOE KING 47-2223            31  54  1  145  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 KONGOL 7-4524               37  33  2  142  BLADES OF ICE (162)        BONSUR
 DESPERADO 77-2459           27  13  2  141  POSSE (1362)               MAZGOURRAH
 BATAVIA 78-238              25  15  0  139  LETHAL HERITAGE (750)      LIN TIRIAN
 CROOKED HOOF 56-3493        37  25  0  136  REDHORSE (1325)            ROCANIS
-LONE WOLF 31-162            38  42  1  135  AVENGERS (1321)            CHIMLEVTAL
 OSCAR 50-3153               31   8  0  132  OPEN SESAME (824)          SNOWBOUND
-BLIND ILLUSION 22-6379      25  18  1  130  MEDIEVAL CHAOS (1342)      SOLVEN
 QUEEN AMAZONIA 12-4796      39  52  1  129  DARKMOON (1197)            RIZTAB
 HELM HAMMERHAND 31-5025     28  14  0  129  LORDS OF VALHALLA (1208)   CHIMLEVTAL
 FEALOST 1-3916              51  71  1  128  MOSSRUNNERS (928)          MORDANT
 APPLE JACK 47-4011          31  27  4  127  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 BRIARTHORN 12-5671          25  25  1  123  DARKMOON (1197)            RIZTAB
-KI 31-165                   35  43  1  122  AVENGERS (1321)            CHIMLEVTAL
 JOHN LONGSHORE 11-4197      30  41  0  121  TUFT TUGGERS (557)         ARUAK CITY
 AEDON 7-4295                42  32  1  119  BLADES OF ICE (162)        BONSUR
 BRANFORD HAWKE 11-5077      28  26  0  119  TUFT TUGGERS (557)         ARUAK CITY
 KOOKABURRA 33-4151          63  94  3  118  GIRL SCOUT COOKIES (812)   NIATOLI ISLAND
 HUMMINGBIRD 56-3475         32  35  0  118  REDHORSE (1325)            ROCANIS
 BROKEN TOE 56-3683          32  50  1  113  REDHORSE (1325)            ROCANIS
 ROWDY YOBBO 20-3429         23  24  1  112  SPARF! (1069)              SEAM

GRAND CHALLENGER INITIATES    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 BUCK 1-2291                 46 105  0  108  MOSSRUNNERS (928)          MORDANT

GRAND CHALLENGER INITIATES    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 BASE ON BULLS 73-3101       20   6  3   97  THE BULLS (1144)           ERINIKA
 BLACK JACK SHELACK 47-4850  20  15  1   96  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
-KID QUICK 56-3846           19   6  2   96  PUNCH-OUT! (1359)          ROCANIS
 LONDON QUIREBOY 59-2513     18   4  1   95  CHAPEL ROCK (1352)         ILLIS
 SUGARBEET 7-5219            31  31  1   91  SUGAR AND SPICE (1231)     BONSUR

GRAND INITIATES               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 GAR & BRILL 38-4252         35  62  0   88  JUST BECAUSE (1228)        CLIFFHOME
 SPATHA 31-4996              27  17  2   87  SOL INVICTUS (1355)        CHIMLEVTAL
 SAIONJI 73-4447             19   6  1   87  PERFECTION QUEST II (1303) ERINIKA
 WRETCHEDMISERY 33-7255      18  10  0   87  CHAOTICDISORDER (1353)     NIATOLI ISLAND
 KALIDOR THE BOLD 11-6441    18   5  0   87  TUFT TUGGERS (557)         ARUAK CITY
 DEMONICHELLION 33-7038      18  12  2   85  CHAOTICDISORDER (1353)     NIATOLI ISLAND
 PROWESS 2-5155              25  35  0   77  KNOT WHOLE (1333)          NIANIA
 SKI MASK 58-5869            50  86  0   75  CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093)   DELARQ TOR
 SIR REALISTIC 10-5552       16  12  1   74  SIR AGLIO (788)            KOLACT
 KELDON WARLORD 42-2501      14   9  1   74  WIND STORM (1365)          RODEKI
 CAT IN THE HAT 24-3103      20   7  1   72  THE SEUSS HEUSS (804)      ZORPUNT
 RAUNI 31-5035               20  15  0   70  SOL INVICTUS (1355)        CHIMLEVTAL
-PISTON HURRICANE 40-2287    23  17  0   66  AS FAR AS SIAM (1323)      ZENSU
-YAKKO 7-3266                19  23  0   66  UNDER JOLLY ROGER (1351)   BONSUR
-GLASS JOE 56-3847           17   8  0   64  PUNCH-OUT! (1359)          ROCANIS
 BACKLASH 65-6518            21   9  1   63  TOO GOOD FOR ME (1054)     DAL SHANG
 PINE LEAF 24-4580           23  24  0   61  KRILL CAVALRY (1364)       ZORPUNT
 SLIPPERY NIPPLE 59-2323     18   6  1   61  HANGOVERS (1153)           ILLIS
 ACE BAILEY 47-4948          15  21  0   61  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 LIL E. TEE 15-4608          21  13  1   60  TRIPLE CROWN (990)         MALCORN
 MOUNTAIN GOAT 56-3700       33  45  3   55  REDHORSE (1325)            ROCANIS
 MOOSE 56-3459               22  33  0   53  REDHORSE (1325)            ROCANIS
 QUADRICEPS 10-5326          27  27  1   48  QUBIT (1136)               KOLACT
 KRAMER 47-5191              15   7  0   44  SECOND BANANAS (1363)      NORTH FORK

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                    W   L  K TEAM NAME              SLAIN BY              TURN

                               PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE

50 Sucks -- I have a lot to say on that topic, but I'm too sleepy to do it justice.  
So let me just put it this way:  It ain't as bad as being DEAD, is it? -- Hallie 
O'Dene
P.S.  And you know, I wouldn't want to be twenty-five again.  Physically, maybe, but 
all those mistakes and misjudgments... no.  Not a second time.

Batavia -- Durnk.  Don't deny it, I can tell!  Especially since you're for Lin 
Tirian.  They spend all their tiem drinking there.  Red Pine Wine.  Awful stuff.  
Rots the barin.  Leave it strictly aloen. -- Carrie Nation

Quadriceps -- Hah!  You mammals make such a big deal of your muscles, but can you 
FLY?  As if! -- Ski Mask, Founder and President, Ducks with Swords and Certified 
Superior Species (Duck)

Kookaburra -- Cookies, mmm!  Don't forget to tell your manager to change your train. 
-- Buck, fully clothed and proud of it

     Yes, but what STYLE are you wearing?

Branford -- Surprise someone on a dark street?  I've done that a few times.  That can 
get you run over.  If you do that, I recommend not doing it naked. -- Buck

Segallion Sundancer -- Hmph.  I scummed you.  I don't think a 2-1-2 strategy is that 
scummy, do you?  I guess you need to work on your endurance. -- Gazelle

Desperado -- When the announcer talks about the "horrific power of the blow" and it's 
a scimitar to the head... that's horrific, all right.  I really don't remember it but 
I was told they had to gather up bits of my brain out of the sand. -- Broken Toe

     (comment suppressed)

I lost to Ninja Ferd.  Oh, the humanity! -- Crooked Hoof

And I lost to Katrina.  Didn't she used to be the spy reporter here?  Shouldn't she 
be retired in a mansion now, on that kind of pay?  What is she doing as a fill-in 
warrior?  Well, anyhow, she's pretty good at it. -- Hummingbird

     It's a dirty job, but somebody's got to do it.

Helm Hammerhand -- And that, son, is how you riposte.  I see that you paid close 
attention and learned well. -- Fealost

Prowess -- I'm very embarrassed to let myself get exhausted in just over two minutes.  
I'll be running ten miles a day, starting... tomorrow. -- Mountain Goat

Gar & Brill -- That one feint of yours really turned the fight around, didn't it?  
Good going. -- Moose

Tankesh -- I like this "fighting with mugs on a merry-go-round" idea.  Let's do it!
-- Phetmolge, mgr Redhorse and Mossrunners

** Everybody who wants to be in on the merry-go-round fight, post an ad about it next 
issue!  Woo hoo! -- Phetmolge **

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

NUTCRACKER viciously subdued MAD DOC WILLIAMS in a 6 minute Challenge fight.
DESPERADO demolished HUMMINGBIRD in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge melee.
SWALLOWTAIL overpowered CARRIE NATION in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge duel.
SPATHA was overpowered by KOOKABURRA in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge fight.
SUGARBEET vanquished BACKLASH in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge fight.
WRETCHEDMISERY beat PROWESS in a 2 minute Challenge brawl.
FIENDISH GLEE was unbelievably bested by 50 SUCKS in a 3 minute Title fight.
KAIDEN vanquished QUONSET in a popular 1 minute uneven duel.
ARAC IRONFIST vanquished MOD COD in a popular 1 minute one-sided duel.
AGLIBOL was luckily beaten by STEVE MCQUEEN in a popular 3 minute gory melee.
HALLIE O'DENE subdued TICKLES in a crowd pleasing 2 minute bloody match.
EXILE was devastated by SIR OCCO in a crowd pleasing 2 minute gory one-sided battle.
SINCLAIR overcame ZLATINA ANGUELOVA in a popular 2 minute conflict.
POPE PAUL II was viciously subdued by ARENAMASTER AZEEM in a 6 minute bout.
FEALOST was handily defeated by SEGALLION SUNDANCER in a 1 minute mismatched bout.
PERFECT TEN slimly lost to KERMORVAN in a popular 4 minute brutal brawl.
BECKY demolished JOE KING in a exciting 1 minute one-sided bout.
OSCAR luckily beat BROKEN TOE in a crowd pleasing 1 minute conflict.
CROOKED HOOF viciously subdued AEDON in a popular 2 minute gruesome bout.
GAZELLE demolished QUEEN AMAZONIA in a 2 minute gruesome uneven bout.
KONGOL handily defeated JOHN LONGSHORE in a 1 minute one-sided contest.
BUCK was savagely defeated by BRANFORD HAWKE in a popular 4 minute gruesome fight.
APPLE JACK was savagely defeated by BATAVIA in a action packed 3 minute gory fight.
BRIARTHORN defeated BLACK JACK SHELACK in a 2 minute match.
ROWDY YOBBO was vanquished by HELM HAMMERHAND in a 1 minute uneven bout.
CAT IN THE HAT was viciously subdued by KALIDOR THE BOLD in a 3 minute bout.
BASE ON BULLS overcame GAR & BRILL in a 2 minute duel.
LONDON QUIREBOY beat SIR REALISTIC in a 2 minute fight.
RAUNI savagely defeated ACE BAILEY in a action packed 7 minute gory duel.
PINE LEAF narrowly defeated QUADRICEPS in a popular 3 minute gory match.
DEMONICHELLION overpowered LIL E. TEE in a action packed 1 minute one-sided bout.
KELDON WARLORD devastated MOUNTAIN GOAT in a 1 minute one-sided duel.
SAIONJI devastated SLIPPERY NIPPLE in a crowd pleasing 1 minute one-sided battle.
KRAMER was overpowered by SKI MASK in a 1 minute one-sided fray.
MOOSE was demolished by HERMY in a 1 minute mismatched match.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK                  13         WALL OF STEEL     52 -  26 -  0      67  |
|WALL OF STEEL                   12         PARRY-RIPOSTE     21 -  16 -  0      57  |
|AIMED BLOW                       9         AIMED BLOW        52 -  42 -  0      55  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  9         LUNGING ATTACK    66 -  63 -  0      51  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   8         STRIKING ATTACK   46 -  48 -  0      49  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  7         PARRY-STRIKE       8 -   9 -  0      47  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      6         PARRY-LUNGE        8 -   9 -  0      47  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    3         SLASHING ATTACK   30 -  39 -  0      43  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      1         TOTAL PARRY       22 -  31 -  0      42  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     0         BASHING ATTACK    26 -  53 -  0      33  |

Turn 419 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

PARRY-LUNGE        1 -  0     STRIKING ATTACK    3 -  6         5  AIMED BLOW     
SLASHING ATTACK    5 -  2     LUNGING ATTACK     4 -  9         3  LUNGING ATTACK 
PARRY-RIPOSTE      2 -  1     TOTAL PARRY        1 -  5         1  WALL OF STEEL  
WALL OF STEEL      8 -  4     PARRY-STRIKE       0 -  0         1  SLASHING ATTACK
AIMED BLOW         5 -  4                                       1  BASHING ATTACK 
BASHING ATTACK     4 -  4     

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
WALL OF STEEL    50 SUCKS 60-4129           93  49  2  239 JOKA MASHER! (833)
LUNGING ATTACK   KAIDEN 35-3108            105 102  2  234 VIOLENT FEMS (972)
SLASHING ATTACK  ARAC IRONFIST 67-1944      35  29  0  225 RAZOR GRACE (1327)
AIMED BLOW       HALLIE O'DENE 58-6018      65  90  0  212 CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093)
BASHING ATTACK   TICKLES 9-3486             64  85  1  195 MY PETS (554)
TOTAL PARRY      MAD DOC WILLIAMS 77-2432   30  13  0  183 POSSE (1362)
STRIKING ATTACK  SINCLAIR 1-6269            29   7  3  183 WIND STORM (649)
PARRY-RIPOSTE    SWALLOWTAIL 1-7387         31  16  2  163 MANNEQUIN'S BEST (1227)
PARRY-LUNGE      SEGALLION SUNDANC 11-4600  34  27  1  146 TUFT TUGGERS (557)

The overall popularity leader is KAIDEN 35-3108.  The most popular warrior this turn 
was NUTCRACKER 38-4380.  The ten other most popular fighters were CAT IN THE HAT 
24-3103, PERFECT TEN 47-4218, RAUNI 31-5035, FIENDISH GLEE 46-1553, KERMORVAN 1-3116, 
QUADRICEPS 10-5326, BRANFORD HAWKE 11-5077, BATAVIA 78-238, MAD DOC WILLIAMS 77-2432, 
and AGLIBOL 12-5848.

The least popular fighter this week was MOOSE 56-3459.  The other ten least popular 
fighters were KRAMER 47-5191, JOHN LONGSHORE 11-4197, FEALOST 1-3916, BACKLASH 
65-6518, HUMMINGBIRD 56-3475, SLIPPERY NIPPLE 59-2323, MOUNTAIN GOAT 56-3700, ROWDY 
YOBBO 20-3429, JOE KING 47-2223, and MOD COD 55-2638.

Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  
MORDANT(1)           3  2 0  CHIMLEVTAL(31)       2  1 0  DELARQ TOR(58)       2  0 0  
NIANIA(2)            0  1 0  NIATOLI ISLAND(33)   3  0 0  ILLIS(59)            1  1 0  
BONSUR(7)            2  2 0  MURSKA(35)           1  0 0  ARADI(60)            1  0 0  
ZUKAL(9)             0  1 0  CLIFFHOME(38)        1  1 0  KURUKAR(64)          0  1 0  
KOLACT(10)           1  3 0  RODEKI(42)           1  0 0  DAL SHANG(65)        0  1 0  
ARUAK CITY(11)       3  2 0  ARDIVENT(46)         0  1 0  BARIKALA(67)         1  0 0  
RIZTAB(12)           1  2 0  NORTH FORK(47)       1  6 0  ERINIKA(73)          2  0 0  
MALCORN(15)          0  1 0  SNOWBOUND(50)        1  0 0  MAZGOURRAH(77)       1  1 0  
ALJAFIR(17)          1  0 0  KHALANI(55)          0  1 0  LIN TIRIAN(78)       1  0 0  
SEAM(20)             0  1 0  ROCANIS(56)          2  4 0  MIROI CHANG(79)      0  1 0  
ZORPUNT(24)          1  1 0  

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 SINCLAIR 1-6269             29   7  3  183  WIND STORM (649)           MORDANT
 PROWESS 2-5155              25  35  0   77  KNOT WHOLE (1333)          NIANIA
 EXILE 7-4618                32  29  1  174  BLADES OF ICE (162)        BONSUR
 TICKLES 9-3486              64  85  1  195  MY PETS (554)              ZUKAL
 SIR OCCO 10-5079            42  28  0  194  SIR AGLIO (788)            KOLACT
 ZLATINA ANGUELOVA 11-4856   33  33  1  160  TUFT TUGGERS (557)         ARUAK CITY
 AGLIBOL 12-5848             28  14  0  185  DARKMOON (1197)            RIZTAB
 LIL E. TEE 15-4608          21  13  1   60  TRIPLE CROWN (990)         MALCORN
 BECKY 17-5782               23  10  3  165  BLADES OF STEEL (1068)     ALJAFIR
 ROWDY YOBBO 20-3429         23  24  1  112  SPARF! (1069)              SEAM
 CAT IN THE HAT 24-3103      20   7  1   72  THE SEUSS HEUSS (804)      ZORPUNT
 HELM HAMMERHAND 31-5025     28  14  0  129  LORDS OF VALHALLA (1208)   CHIMLEVTAL
 KOOKABURRA 33-4151          63  94  3  118  GIRL SCOUT COOKIES (812)   NIATOLI ISLAND
 KAIDEN 35-3108             105 102  2  234  VIOLENT FEMS (972)         MURSKA
 NUTCRACKER 38-4380          31  23  1  200  ALL FINESSE (1236)         CLIFFHOME
 KELDON WARLORD 42-2501      14   9  1   74  WIND STORM (1365)          RODEKI
 FIENDISH GLEE 46-1553       32  19  5  209  CLEVER LINGO (1212)        ARDIVENT
 STEVE MCQUEEN 47-3908       40  40  1  205  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 OSCAR 50-3153               31   8  0  132  OPEN SESAME (824)          SNOWBOUND
 MOD COD 55-2638             73  97  3  188  RHYME TYME (449)           KHALANI
 GAZELLE 56-3701             30  24  0  151  REDHORSE (1325)            ROCANIS
 HALLIE O'DENE 58-6018       65  90  0  212  CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093)   DELARQ TOR
 LONDON QUIREBOY 59-2513     18   4  1   95  CHAPEL ROCK (1352)         ILLIS
 50 SUCKS 60-4129            93  49  2  239  JOKA MASHER! (833)         ARADI
 CARRIE NATION 64-4054       63  94  0  146  REFORMERS (1095)           KURUKAR
 BACKLASH 65-6518            21   9  1   63  TOO GOOD FOR ME (1054)     DAL SHANG
 ARAC IRONFIST 67-1944       35  29  0  225  RAZOR GRACE (1327)         BARIKALA
 BASE ON BULLS 73-3101       20   6  3   97  THE BULLS (1144)           ERINIKA
 MAD DOC WILLIAMS 77-2432    30  13  0  183  POSSE (1362)               MAZGOURRAH
 BATAVIA 78-238              25  15  0  139  LETHAL HERITAGE (750)      LIN TIRIAN
 POPE PAUL II 79-1317        23  14  0  173  CHAPEL ROCK (776)          MIROI CHANG