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Date   : 02/08/2006    Duedate: 02/21/2006

HOME GUARD

DM-101    TURN-421

RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %  RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %
  1 TUFT TUGGERS 11/557   332  223  4 59.8      SKI TAOS 23/1070                      
  2 POSSE 77/1362           7    5  0 58.3      PARTY ANIMALS 5/591                   
  3 KILLING ME S 96/1367  361  271  1 57.1      ROYAL FLUSH 47/146                    
    GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME 99/1306                  DUCKS UNLIMITED 39/1221               
    KILLING ME SOFTER 97/1368                   CHAPEL ROCK 59/1352                   
  4 BLADES OF ICE 7/162   374  301  7 55.4    9 LORDS OF VAL 31/1208   33   33  0 50.0
    BLADES OF STEEL 17/1068                  10 WIND STORM 1/649       75   86  0 46.6
    BLADES OF MIST 4/780                        WIND STORM 42/1365                    
  5-QUBIT 10/1136        1045  874 10 54.5      LETHAL HERITAGE 78/750                
    TOO GOOD FOR ME 65/1054                  11 VIOLENT FEMS 35/972   420  573  9 42.3
    TRIPLE CROWN 15/990                         JUST BECAUSE 38/1228                  
    JOKA MASHER! 60/833                      12 DARKMOON 12/1197       69   95  0 42.1
    SIR AGLIO 10/788                            SOL INVICTUS 31/1355                  
    KNOT WHOLE 2/1333                           CHAOTICDISORDER 33/1353               
  6 ALL FINESSE 38/1236   142  132  1 51.8   13 AVENGERS 31/1321       67   93  0 41.9
    CLEVER LINGO 46/1212                        PUNCH-OUT! 56/1359                    
    MANNEQUIN'S BEST 1/1227                     MEDIEVAL CHAOS 22/1342                
    SUGAR AND SPICE 7/1231                      LORDS OF CHAOS 11/1348                
    LAB EXPERIMENTS 1/1207                      AS FAR AS SIAM 40/1323                
    PERFECTION QUEST II 73/1303                 UNDER JOLLY ROGER 7/1351              
    SWEET NOTHINGS 82/1366                   14 MY PETS 9/554         524  793 15 39.8
    THE BLOODGUARD 2 96/1369                    THE SEUSS HEUSS 24/804                
    SECOND BANANAS 47/1363                      RHYME TYME 55/449                     
  7 RAZOR GRACE 67/1327    67   63  0 51.5      GIRL SCOUT COOKIES 33/812             
  8 SPARF! 20/1069        745  709 10 51.2   15 REDHORSE 56/1325      213  329  1 39.3
    THE BULLS 73/1144                           MOSSRUNNERS 1/928                     
    OTTO'S MECHANICS 28/1073                 16 REFORMERS 64/1095     505  825  6 38.0
    OPEN SESAME 50/824                          KRILL CAVALRY 24/1364                 
    HANGOVERS 59/1153                           CIRQUE DU MASQUES 58/1093             
    CHAPEL ROCK 79/776                    

    '##/###' Avoid teams by their Team Id     '-'  Team did not fight this turn

                             REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER

     Let me start with a few words about saws.  Now, I'm no top sawyer, but I have 
done a fair amount of sawing in my life, probably for my sins, and I've learned a 
thing or two.  There are lots of different kinds of saws out there, made for 
different jobs, but two of them I know from personal acquaintance.
     There is what I would call a carpentry saw.  You've all seen it, it's what you 
think of first when you think of saws.  A blade as long as your arm, more or less, 
and a hand-span width at the narrow end, wider next to the grip.  It's got lots of 
little sharp teeth set close together in a line.  Every part of this saw is the way 
it is for a reason.  The teeth are small, so you don't get an inch into the wood 
before you realize you're cutting in the wrong place, and so you can control the 
depth of your cut precisely.  They're set in a line so that they make as narrow and 
economical cut as possible.  And the blade itself is wide so that you can reasonably 
expect your cut to go straight down through the wood, not wobbling off-line as it 
gets deeper.  This is a saw made for precise and tidy cuts in good lumber.
     And then there's the bow saw.  The blade is mabe an inch wide, held in a metal 
bow that pulls it really tight and makes the blade even more rigidly straight--ALWAYS 
more straight under stress--than a carpentry saw.  The teeth are BIG, and they 
spraddle out to either side.  This is made to cut down little trees, cut off limbs, 
cut up firewood, stuff like that, as quickly and easily as possible.  The blade is 
narrow from top to bottom because it doesn't matter if the cut goes down perfectly 
straight, the teeth are wide and spread out because the idea of THIS saw is to rip 
into that wood without delay and let the sawdust fall where it will.  The cut is wide 
enough that the saw doesn't bind or drag.
     And if you've got the right saw for your job, and you're using it properly, it 
doesn't leave you exhausted and paralyzed with aches at the end of the day.  Because 
it isn't YOU cutting down the trees, it's the saw.  You just guide it, give it enough 
force but not too much--you aren't trying to push a blunt table knife through the 
tree, after all.  This is about pacing, and putting your effort where it counts the 
most.
     All of which, you say, has nothing to do with fights?  That just shows how 
little you know!  Pacing and stamina, that's what you're building here, and maybe a 
little strength, but pacing, stamina, and using the right tool for the job.
     Okay, I said "a few words," and it came out almost five hundred.  Well, so what?  
Think of it as serendipitous instruction.

     And now, for the directly gladiatorial stuff.
     Tuft Tuggers were avoided by Royal Flush.  Good work there, Royal Flush.
     Yakko got the most challenges, if these cryptic notes are saying what I think 
they're saying.  The worst thing is that the Olaf golem wrote them, so I can't even 
complain about the basic programming.
     Okay!  This is the goods today.  Thirty-nine fights, haven't seen that for a 
while!  And FIFTEEN challenge matches!  Somebody is on the ball out there.  Probably 
more than one somebody.  At least two, in fact.

     On the list of "fights I might as well talk about," we have The Kill.  Yep, 
again this time, and I expect to hear some quacking about it next time the newsletter 
comes out.
     GAR & BRILL (38-4252) (35-63-0,86) of JUST BECAUSE fought SKI MASK (58-5869) 
(50-87-0,74) of CIRQUE DU MASQUES.  GAR & BRILL was assassinated by SKI MASK in a 1 
minute one-sided match.  I heard that somebody down at the gar was offering brilled 
duck in the free lunch, and Ski took exception.

     The challenges:
     ACE BAILEY (47-4948) (15-21-0,61) of ROYAL FLUSH challenged PINE LEAF (24-4580) 
(23-25-0,56) of KRILL CAVALRY.  Down 5.  ACE BAILEY was viciously subdued by PINE 
LEAF in a 5 minute Challenge bout.  Aces low today.
     RAUNI (31-5035) (21-15-0,72) of SOL INVICTUS challenged YAKKO (7-3266) (20-23-
0,78) of UNDER JOLLY ROGER.  Up 6.  RAUNI devastated YAKKO in a 1 minute one-sided 
Challenge battle.  Rauni was, as advertised, invincible.  Good work.
     WRETCHEDMISERY (33-7255) (18-11-0,57) of CHAOTICDISORDER challenged TORYN (78-
71) (15-22-2,57) of LETHAL HERITAGE.  Straight across.  What do you think this is, 
Free Blades?  WRETCHEDMISERY demolished TORYN in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge 
competition.  Sharing the misery, eh?
     SLIPPERY NIPPLE (59-2323) (18-6-1,61) of HANGOVERS challenged KELDON WARLORD 
(42-2501) (15-9-1,82) of WIND STORM.  Up 21.  SLIPPERY NIPPLE overpowered KELDON 
WARLORD in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge fight.  Slipped past him, perhaps.
     LONDON QUIREBOY (59-2513) (18-4-1,95) of CHAPEL ROCK challenged KID QUICK (56-
3846) (20-6-2,102) of PUNCH-OUT!.  Up 7.  LONDON QUIREBOY beat KID QUICK in a 2 
minute Challenge melee.  Ah, I've heard rumors about those quireboys....

     BASE ON BULLS (73-3101) (20-6-3,97) of THE BULLS challenged BUCK (1-2291) (47-
105-0,130) of MOSSRUNNERS.  Up 33.  BASE ON BULLS viciously subdued BUCK in a popular 
4 minute gory Challenge duel.  When they locked horns on the sands, that was, ahem, 
that was a thing to see, sure enough.
     ROWDY YOBBO (20-3429) (23-24-1,112) of SPARF! challenged BRANFORD HAWKE (11-
5077) (29-26-0,139) of TUFT TUGGERS.  Up 27.  ROWDY YOBBO vanquished BRANFORD HAWKE 
in a 2 minute uneven Challenge duel.  The yobbo barely had time to develop the theme 
of his rowdiness.  Too bad, I'm sure he'd have done a smashing job.
     APPLE JACK (47-4011) (31-27-4,127) of ROYAL FLUSH challenged FEALOST (1-3916) 
(51-72-1,130) of MOSSRUNNERS.  Up 3.  APPLE JACK viciously subdued FEALOST in a 2 
minute gruesome Challenge fight.  And what's really gruesome is the hangover.
     OSCAR (50-3153) (31-8-0,132) of OPEN SESAME challenged LONE WOLF (31-162) (38-
43-1,119) of AVENGERS.  Down 13.  OSCAR devastated LONE WOLF in a 2 minute mismatched 
Challenge match.
     BRIARTHORN (12-5671) (25-26-1,118) of DARKMOON challenged KI (31-165) (35-44-
1,118) of AVENGERS.  Straight across, AGAIN.  Was there nobody above or below to 
challenge?  We're beginning to look dangerously BALANCED here.  Even POISED.  What a 
revolting thought.  BRIARTHORN slimly won victory over KI in an action packed 4 
minute Challenge brawl.

     JOE KING (47-2223) (31-54-1,145) of ROYAL FLUSH challenged SEGALLION SUNDANCER 
(11-4600) (35-27-1,148) of TUFT TUGGERS.  Up 3.  JOE KING was defeated by SEGALLION 
SUNDANCER in an exciting 1 minute Challenge fight.  But the real question before us 
here is, will the sun dance, and a well done one it was, outweigh the effect of the 
groundhog that Debby Tonte had last week?
     AGLIBOL (12-5848) (28-15-0,176) of DARKMOON challenged GAZELLE (56-3701) (31-24-
0,187) of REDHORSE.  Up 11.  AGLIBOL bested GAZELLE in a 2 minute Challenge contest.  
Ah, for a minute there, I thought the notes said that Gazelle was BASTED, with a nice 
winey marinade, probably.
     PERFECT TEN (47-4218) (30-24-1,156) of ROYAL FLUSH challenged ZLATINA ANGUELOVA 
(11-4856) (34-33-1,166) of TUFT TUGGERS.  Up 10.  PERFECT TEN was viciously subdued 
by ZLATINA ANGUELOVA in a 5 minute Challenge match.  Who let her carry that hockey 
stick onto the sands?  If that's what it was.  Not my sport, hockey.
     POPE PAUL II (79-1317) (23-14-0,173) of CHAPEL ROCK challenged EXILE (7-4618) 
(32-30-1,173) of BLADES OF ICE.  Straight across yet again!  This is scary.  POPE 
PAUL II was bested by EXILE in an exciting 2 minute Challenge duel.  Does this mean 
that Paul has to go into exile?
     STEVE MCQUEEN (47-3908) (40-40-1,205) of ROYAL FLUSH challenged KAIDEN (35-3108) 
(105-103-2,188) of VIOLENT FEMS.  Down 17.  STEVE MCQUEEN slimly won victory over 
KAIDEN in a 2 minute Challenge fight.  Ha.

     And for the title, our former leader, 50 Sucks, decided to sleep in this 
morning, so it was decided by a random match between miscellaneous high-ranked 
gladiators.
     HALLIE O'DENE (58-6018) (65-91-0,209) of CIRQUE DU MASQUES fought ARAC IRONFIST 
(67-1944) (35-30-0,196) of RAZOR GRACE.  HALLIE O'DENE slimly won victory over ARAC 
IRONFIST in a 2 minute gruesome Title duel.  Grue everywhere, but we have a 
reasonable hope for a column.  That's something.

                                        Olaf

P.S.  Sorry about the saws, but I had to get them off my chest before they shredded 
my tee-shirt completely.

CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD          W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 HALLIE O'DENE 58-6018       66  91  0  217  CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093)   DELARQ TOR

GRAND CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
-50 SUCKS 60-4129            94  49  2  247  JOKA MASHER! (833)         ARADI
 MAD DOC WILLIAMS 77-2432    32  13  0  216  POSSE (1362)               MAZGOURRAH
 REDEMPTION 4-4868           34  26  1  212  BLADES OF MIST (780)       JHELUM

GRAND CHAMPIONS               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 STEVE MCQUEEN 47-3908       41  40  1  209  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
-FIENDISH GLEE 46-1553       32  19  5  209  CLEVER LINGO (1212)        ARDIVENT
 MOD COD 55-2638             75  97  3  206  RHYME TYME (449)           KHALANI
 FANNY BELT 28-1804          41  24  1  206  OTTO'S MECHANICS (1073)    MORYA
-SIR OCCO 10-5079            43  28  0  201  SIR AGLIO (788)            KOLACT
-NUTCRACKER 38-4380          31  23  1  200  ALL FINESSE (1236)         CLIFFHOME
 SINCLAIR 1-6269             30   8  3  198  WIND STORM (649)           MORDANT
 R IS FOR REPUGNANT 99-1155  23  14  4  196  GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME (1306)  SOUTH RIDGE
 ARAC IRONFIST 67-1944       35  31  0  193  RAZOR GRACE (1327)         BARIKALA

GRAND CHAMPIONS               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 AGLIBOL 12-5848             29  15  0  192  DARKMOON (1197)            RIZTAB
 KAIDEN 35-3108             105 104  2  187  VIOLENT FEMS (972)         MURSKA
 TICKLES 9-3486              64  87  1  186  MY PETS (554)              ZUKAL
 EXILE 7-4618                33  30  1  186  BLADES OF ICE (162)        BONSUR

GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS       W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 GAZELLE 56-3701             31  25  0  180  REDHORSE (1325)            ROCANIS
 ZLATINA ANGUELOVA 11-4856   35  33  1  174  TUFT TUGGERS (557)         ARUAK CITY
-QUONSET 10-4990             53  34  0  169  QUBIT (1136)               KOLACT
 POPE PAUL II 79-1317        23  15  0  169  CHAPEL ROCK (776)          MIROI CHANG
 HELM HAMMERHAND 31-5025     30  14  0  168  LORDS OF VALHALLA (1208)   CHIMLEVTAL
 BATAVIA 78-238              26  16  0  167  LETHAL HERITAGE (750)      LIN TIRIAN
-KERMORVAN 1-3116            26  15  0  167  LAB EXPERIMENTS (1207)     MORDANT
 TEDDY RUXPIN 11-6399        35  21  1  166  LORDS OF CHAOS (1348)      ARUAK CITY
-SWALLOWTAIL 1-7387          31  16  2  163  MANNEQUIN'S BEST (1227)    MORDANT
 KOOKABURRA 33-4151          64  95  4  159  GIRL SCOUT COOKIES (812)   NIATOLI ISLAND
 PERFECT TEN 47-4218         30  25  1  158  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 SEGALLION SUNDANCE 11-4600  36  27  1  153  TUFT TUGGERS (557)         ARUAK CITY
 BECKY 17-5782               24  11  3  151  BLADES OF STEEL (1068)     ALJAFIR

GRAND ADEPTS                  W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 CROOKED HOOF 56-3493        37  27  0  146  REDHORSE (1325)            ROCANIS
 JOE KING 47-2223            31  55  1  143  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 CARRIE NATION 64-4054       64  95  0  142  REFORMERS (1095)           KURUKAR
 ROT TEN EGGS 47-3099        38  37  0  142  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 ROWDY YOBBO 20-3429         24  24  1  141  SPARF! (1069)              SEAM
 OSCAR 50-3153               32   8  0  140  OPEN SESAME (824)          SNOWBOUND
 BLIND ILLUSION 22-6379      26  19  1  139  MEDIEVAL CHAOS (1342)      SOLVEN
 HUMMINGBIRD 56-3475         33  36  0  138  REDHORSE (1325)            ROCANIS
 APPLE JACK 47-4011          32  27  4  135  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 AEDON 7-4295                43  33  1  132  BLADES OF ICE (162)        BONSUR
 KONGOL 7-4524               38  34  2  128  BLADES OF ICE (162)        BONSUR
 BRIARTHORN 12-5671          26  26  1  126  DARKMOON (1197)            RIZTAB
 FEALOST 1-3916              51  73  1  125  MOSSRUNNERS (928)          MORDANT
 DESPERADO 77-2459           28  14  2  125  POSSE (1362)               MAZGOURRAH
 BASE ON BULLS 73-3101       21   6  3  122  THE BULLS (1144)           ERINIKA
 QUEEN AMAZONIA 12-4796      39  54  1  121  DARKMOON (1197)            RIZTAB
 LONE WOLF 31-162            38  44  1  119  AVENGERS (1321)            CHIMLEVTAL
 JOHN LONGSHORE 11-4197      31  42  0  118  TUFT TUGGERS (557)         ARUAK CITY
 KI 31-165                   35  45  1  116  AVENGERS (1321)            CHIMLEVTAL
-BRICK WALL 1-7478           32  19  0  115  HOMICIDAL MANIACS (1082)   MORDANT
 BRANFORD HAWKE 11-5077      29  27  0  115  TUFT TUGGERS (557)         ARUAK CITY
 BUCK 1-2291                 47 106  0  113  MOSSRUNNERS (928)          MORDANT
 LONDON QUIREBOY 59-2513     19   4  1  112  CHAPEL ROCK (1352)         ILLIS
 BROKEN TOE 56-3683          32  52  1  108  REDHORSE (1325)            ROCANIS

GRAND CHALLENGER INITIATES    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 HOCKEY DUCK 39-937          27  17  1  100  DUCKS UNLIMITED (1221)     XOCHITHLAN
 CATFISH HUNTER 5-3315       15  16  1  100  PARTY ANIMALS (591)        KALTOS
 BLACK JACK SHELACK 47-4850  21  15  1   98  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 KID QUICK 56-3846           20   7  2   98  PUNCH-OUT! (1359)          ROCANIS
 SKI MASK 58-5869            51  87  1   97  CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093)   DELARQ TOR
 SEX CAMEL 82-25548          16  21  4   96  SWEET NOTHINGS (1366)      DWES EG
-SUGARBEET 7-5219            31  31  1   91  SUGAR AND SPICE (1231)     BONSUR

GRAND INITIATES               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 CAT IN THE HAT 24-3103      22   7  1   87  THE SEUSS HEUSS (804)      ZORPUNT
-SAIONJI 73-4447             19   6  1   87  PERFECTION QUEST II (1303) ERINIKA
 SLIPPERY NIPPLE 59-2323     19   6  1   86  HANGOVERS (1153)           ILLIS
 RAUNI 31-5035               22  15  0   85  SOL INVICTUS (1355)        CHIMLEVTAL
 KALIDOR THE BOLD 11-6441    19   6  0   84  TUFT TUGGERS (557)         ARUAK CITY
 HUNZICKER BOWL 23-4182      24  13  1   83  SKI TAOS (1070)            TI
-QUADRICEPS 10-5326          28  27  1   82  QUBIT (1136)               KOLACT

GRAND INITIATES               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
-LIL E. TEE 15-4608          22  13  1   81  TRIPLE CROWN (990)         MALCORN
-PROWESS 2-5155              25  36  0   79  KNOT WHOLE (1333)          NIANIA
 SPATHA 31-4996              28  18  2   76  SOL INVICTUS (1355)        CHIMLEVTAL
 MOOSE 56-3459               23  34  0   76  REDHORSE (1325)            ROCANIS
 PISTON HURRICANE 40-2287    25  17  0   75  AS FAR AS SIAM (1323)      ZENSU
 GAR & BRILL 38-4252         35  64  0   70  JUST BECAUSE (1228)        CLIFFHOME
 GLASS JOE 56-3847           18   9  0   70  PUNCH-OUT! (1359)          ROCANIS
 PINE LEAF 24-4580           24  25  0   67  KRILL CAVALRY (1364)       ZORPUNT
 YAKKO 7-3266                20  24  0   67  UNDER JOLLY ROGER (1351)   BONSUR
 WRETCHEDMISERY 33-7255      19  11  0   67  CHAOTICDISORDER (1353)     NIATOLI ISLAND
-SIR REALISTIC 10-5552       16  13  1   67  SIR AGLIO (788)            KOLACT
 KELDON WARLORD 42-2501      15  10  1   64  WIND STORM (1365)          RODEKI
-COLLAPSED LUNG 52-3380      16  11  2   61  OTTO'S PARTS (892)         FRATSFA
-BACKLASH 65-6518            21  10  1   56  TOO GOOD FOR ME (1054)     DAL SHANG
 ACE BAILEY 47-4948          15  22  0   56  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 DEMONICHELLION 33-7038      18  14  2   52  CHAOTICDISORDER (1353)     NIATOLI ISLAND
 TORYN 78-71                 15  23  2   49  LETHAL HERITAGE (750)      LIN TIRIAN
 FAT BACK 96-1610             8   3  4   45  KILLING ME SOFTLY (1367)   OLD VALAMANTIS
-KRAMER 47-5191              15   7  0   44  SECOND BANANAS (1363)      NORTH FORK
 PORK ROLL 97-1634            7   4  5   44  KILLING ME SOFTER (1368)   SHADOW GROVE
 CEER 96-1537                 9   2  4   39  THE BLOODGUARD 2 (1369)    OLD VALAMANTIS
 MOUNTAIN GOAT 56-3700       33  47  3   38  REDHORSE (1325)            ROCANIS
 BULL DURHAM 5-4324          16   7  0   37  PARTY ANIMALS (591)        KALTOS
 REDDI WHIP 97-1636           8   3  6   32  KILLING ME SOFTER (1368)   SHADOW GROVE

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                    W   L  K TEAM NAME              SLAIN BY              TURN
GAR & BRILL 38-4252        35  64  0 JUST BECAUSE 1228      SKI MASK 58-5869       421

                               PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE

Zlatina reaches down and slaps his face quickly, one side then the other.  One may 
note a bit of enthusiastic pleasure in the act...

"Hmm, UH!  WHAT!?  Damn it stop!"  Tankesh sits up and gives Zlatina an evil look 
then yawns.  "What's the deal?"

"First of all, we went 5-0 you dork!  Pay attention!  A second, when are you going to 
start issuing challenges!  You're pissing me off!"  The hockey stick wielding woman 
was the only team member there, but she had enough fire for all of them... even if 
the rest didn't care.

"5-0?  Really?  About time!"  Zlatina scowled at Tankesh as he sat up.  "Don't get 
all huffy, nobody else on this team seems to care."

"Well I do!"

"Fine fine, I'll see what I can do..."

"You always say that..." SLAP!  "For good measure!"

50 Sucks -- What IS it with you?  Fifty is FINE.  It's sixty that's squinty-eyed and 
mean (and coming up so fast!). -- Hallie O'Dene
P.S.  Change your training, man.  It should suck much less now that you're maxed.

Branford Hawke -- I hate cats.  And werecats.  You're all NATURAL drunkards, you have 
only to watch a cat dashing around insanely, playing with toys that are not there to 
realize this.  Cats belong in the barn, and not among people where their insanity may 
be infectious. -- Carrie Nation

Kid Quick -- You hairy little mammal!  Stay away from me, or I'll STEP on you!  I'll 
toss you into the lake to feed the HERONS, who are a lot meaner than a nice, 
civilized Duck. -- Ski Mask, Founder and President of Ducks With Swords

Keldon Warlord -- I had not realized that dwarves would be so rude and unfriendly.  
But I suppose they are as various as humans. -- Pine Leaf

Quonset -- I was surprised to beat you, considering our styles and your better 
record.  It was a good fight, though. -- Gazelle

Zlatina Anguelova -- I scummed myself.  Hmm.  Maybe I need to change my strategy a 
bit. -- Crooked Hoof

Segallion Sundancer --  I like your name so much!  Good fight.  And the announcer 
said you're an Ondarik.  What's that? -- Fealost

     From way off northwest of Lirith Kai.

Kookaburra -- (groaning) Don't offer me any cookies.  I have a resurrection hangover 
and I would puke them right up.  That fight was all yours.  But don't forget to 
remind your manager to change your train. -- Hummingbird

Aedon -- If I can drop from exhaustion in the second minute, that doesn't make you a 
scum.  That makes me a wimp.  I need to work on my endurance, but Phetmolge won't let 
me until I max out in skills.  And, good fight. -- Broken Toe

Lone Wolf -- I won!  I won, I won!  I don't always lose when I'm fully clothed under 
my armor!  Hoo woo!  Good fight. -- Buck

Rauni -- You're really good. -- Moose

Piston Hurricane -- Ouch.  I'm glad I didn't get any sand on my intenstines when you 
sliced me open... but thanks for showing me that attack skill. -- Mountain Goat

So... no volunteers for the Merry-Go-Round fights.  Okay.  Your loss. -- Phetmolge, 
for teams Redhorse and Mossrunners

     Everybody too hung over, I guess.

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

STEVE MCQUEEN slimly won victory over KAIDEN in a 2 minute Challenge fight.
POPE PAUL II was bested by EXILE in a exciting 2 minute Challenge duel.
PERFECT TEN was viciously subdued by ZLATINA ANGUELOVA in a 5 minute Challenge match.
AGLIBOL bested GAZELLE in a 2 minute Challenge contest.
JOE KING was defeated by SEGALLION SUNDANCER in a exciting 1 minute Challenge fight.
BRIARTHORN slimly won victory over KI in a action packed 4 minute Challenge brawl.
OSCAR devastated LONE WOLF in a 2 minute mismatched Challenge match.
APPLE JACK viciously subdued FEALOST in a 2 minute gruesome Challenge fight.
ROWDY YOBBO vanquished BRANFORD HAWKE in a 2 minute uneven Challenge duel.
BASE ON BULLS viciously subdued BUCK in a popular 4 minute gory Challenge duel.
LONDON QUIREBOY beat KID QUICK in a 2 minute Challenge melee.
SLIPPERY NIPPLE overpowered KELDON WARLORD in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge fight.
WRETCHEDMISERY demolished TORYN in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge competition.
RAUNI devastated YAKKO in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge battle.
ACE BAILEY was viciously subdued by PINE LEAF in a 5 minute Challenge bout.
FANNY BELT overpowered TICKLES in a 1 minute one-sided duel.
HALLIE O'DENE slimly won victory over ARAC IRONFIST in a 2 minute gruesome Title duel.
SINCLAIR was luckily beaten by MAD DOC WILLIAMS in a 2 minute brawl.
MOD COD bested KATRINA in a popular 1 minute brawl.
R IS FOR REPUGNANT overpowered KOOKABURRA in a 1 minute one-sided match.
REDEMPTION beat BATAVIA in a popular 2 minute bloody match.
HELM HAMMERHAND viciously subdued AEDON in a popular 2 minute gory contest.
TEDDY RUXPIN unbelievably bested CROOKED HOOF in a popular 2 minute gruesome match.
BROKEN TOE was vanquished by THEATRE BUM in a 1 minute mismatched fray.
HUMMINGBIRD overpowered JOHN LONGSHORE in a 1 minute one-sided match.
CARRIE NATION overpowered QUEEN AMAZONIA in a popular 1 minute one-sided duel.
ROT TEN EGGS won victory over KONGOL in a 2 minute fight.
DESPERADO overpowered SEX CAMEL in a 1 minute uneven match.
BECKY beat BLIND ILLUSION in a 2 minute duel.
SPATHA was handily defeated by CATFISH HUNTER in a 1 minute uneven bout.
BLACK JACK SHELACK beat PORK ROLL in a exciting 3 minute uneven competition.
DEMONICHELLION was overpowered by MOOSE in a action packed 1 minute uneven fight.
GAR & BRILL was assassinated by SKI MASK in a 1 minute one-sided match.
REDDI WHIP was savagely defeated by HERMY in a exciting 6 minute gory one-sided fight.
CAT IN THE HAT handily defeated BULL DURHAM in a 1 minute mismatched match.
HUNZICKER BOWL savagely defeated GLASS JOE in a exciting 3 minute brutal struggle.
FAT BACK bested MOUNTAIN GOAT in a popular 2 minute brutal uneven bout.
CEER was subdued by PISTON HURRICANE in a 1 minute one-sided conflict.
KALIDOR THE BOLD was viciously subdued by HOCKEY DUCK in a popular 6 minute bout.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK                  16         PARRY-RIPOSTE     21 -  11 -  0      66  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                 13         WALL OF STEEL     52 -  28 -  0      65  |
|WALL OF STEEL                   11         AIMED BLOW        43 -  41 -  0      51  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  8         LUNGING ATTACK    67 -  64 -  0      51  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      7         PARRY-STRIKE       8 -   8 -  0      50  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   6         PARRY-LUNGE        9 -   9 -  0      50  |
|AIMED BLOW                       5         STRIKING ATTACK   50 -  50 -  0      50  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     3         TOTAL PARRY       26 -  28 -  0      48  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      3         SLASHING ATTACK   29 -  40 -  0      42  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    3         BASHING ATTACK    22 -  52 -  2      30  |

Turn 421 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

PARRY-STRIKE       3 -  0     LUNGING ATTACK     5 - 11         4  AIMED BLOW     
AIMED BLOW         4 -  1     TOTAL PARRY        2 -  5         2  TOTAL PARRY    
PARRY-LUNGE        2 -  1     BASHING ATTACK     1 -  5         2  STRIKING ATTACK
PARRY-RIPOSTE      2 -  1                                       2  LUNGING ATTACK 
SLASHING ATTACK    5 -  3                                       1  WALL OF STEEL  
WALL OF STEEL      6 -  5     
STRIKING ATTACK    7 -  6     

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
AIMED BLOW       HALLIE O'DENE 58-6018      66  91  0  217 CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093)
TOTAL PARRY      MAD DOC WILLIAMS 77-2432   32  13  0  216 POSSE (1362)
STRIKING ATTACK  REDEMPTION 4-4868          34  26  1  212 BLADES OF MIST (780)
LUNGING ATTACK   MOD COD 55-2638            75  97  3  206 RHYME TYME (449)
SLASHING ATTACK  ARAC IRONFIST 67-1944      35  31  0  193 RAZOR GRACE (1327)
BASHING ATTACK   TICKLES 9-3486             64  87  1  186 MY PETS (554)
WALL OF STEEL    ZLATINA ANGUELOVA 11-4856  35  33  1  174 TUFT TUGGERS (557)
PARRY-STRIKE     TEDDY RUXPIN 11-6399       35  21  1  166 LORDS OF CHAOS (1348)
PARRY-LUNGE      SEGALLION SUNDANC 11-4600  36  27  1  153 TUFT TUGGERS (557)
PARRY-RIPOSTE    JOHN LONGSHORE 11-4197     31  42  0  118 TUFT TUGGERS (557)

The overall popularity leader is KAIDEN 35-3108.  The most popular warrior this turn 
was PINE LEAF 24-4580.  The ten other most popular fighters were PERFECT TEN 47-4218, 
ACE BAILEY 47-4948, EXILE 7-4618, HOCKEY DUCK 39-937, ZLATINA ANGUELOVA 11-4856, BASE 
ON BULLS 73-3101, GLASS JOE 56-3847, HELM HAMMERHAND 31-5025, HUNZICKER BOWL 23-4182, 
and KI 31-165.

The least popular fighter this week was SPATHA 31-4996.  The other ten least popular 
fighters were SEX CAMEL 82-25548, JOHN LONGSHORE 11-4197, BROKEN TOE 56-3683, 
KOOKABURRA 33-4151, TICKLES 9-3486, YAKKO 7-3266, TORYN 78-71, KELDON WARLORD 
42-2501, GAZELLE 56-3701, and CEER 96-1537.

Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  
MORDANT(1)           0  3 0  MORYA(28)            1  0 0  DELARQ TOR(58)       2  0 1  
JHELUM(4)            1  0 0  CHIMLEVTAL(31)       2  3 0  ILLIS(59)            2  0 0  
KALTOS(5)            1  1 0  NIATOLI ISLAND(33)   1  2 0  KURUKAR(64)          1  0 0  
BONSUR(7)            1  3 0  MURSKA(35)           0  1 0  BARIKALA(67)         0  1 0  
ZUKAL(9)             0  1 0  CLIFFHOME(38)        0  1 0  ERINIKA(73)          1  0 0  
ARUAK CITY(11)       3  3 0  XOCHITHLAN(39)       1  0 0  MAZGOURRAH(77)       2  0 0  
RIZTAB(12)           2  1 0  ZENSU(40)            1  0 0  LIN TIRIAN(78)       0  2 0  
ALJAFIR(17)          1  0 0  RODEKI(42)           0  1 0  MIROI CHANG(79)      0  1 0  
SEAM(20)             1  0 0  NORTH FORK(47)       4  3 0  DWES EG(82)          0  1 0  
SOLVEN(22)           0  1 0  SNOWBOUND(50)        1  0 0  OLD VALAMANTIS(96)   1  1 0  
TI(23)               1  0 0  KHALANI(55)          1  0 0  SHADOW GROVE(97)     0  2 0  
ZORPUNT(24)          2  0 0  ROCANIS(56)          2  6 0  SOUTH RIDGE(99)      1  0 0  

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 SINCLAIR 1-6269             30   8  3  198  WIND STORM (649)           MORDANT
 REDEMPTION 4-4868           34  26  1  212  BLADES OF MIST (780)       JHELUM
 CATFISH HUNTER 5-3315       15  16  1  100  PARTY ANIMALS (591)        KALTOS
 EXILE 7-4618                33  30  1  186  BLADES OF ICE (162)        BONSUR
 TICKLES 9-3486              64  87  1  186  MY PETS (554)              ZUKAL
 ZLATINA ANGUELOVA 11-4856   35  33  1  174  TUFT TUGGERS (557)         ARUAK CITY
 AGLIBOL 12-5848             29  15  0  192  DARKMOON (1197)            RIZTAB
 BECKY 17-5782               24  11  3  151  BLADES OF STEEL (1068)     ALJAFIR
 ROWDY YOBBO 20-3429         24  24  1  141  SPARF! (1069)              SEAM
 BLIND ILLUSION 22-6379      26  19  1  139  MEDIEVAL CHAOS (1342)      SOLVEN
 HUNZICKER BOWL 23-4182      24  13  1   83  SKI TAOS (1070)            TI
 CAT IN THE HAT 24-3103      22   7  1   87  THE SEUSS HEUSS (804)      ZORPUNT
 FANNY BELT 28-1804          41  24  1  206  OTTO'S MECHANICS (1073)    MORYA
 HELM HAMMERHAND 31-5025     30  14  0  168  LORDS OF VALHALLA (1208)   CHIMLEVTAL
 KOOKABURRA 33-4151          64  95  4  159  GIRL SCOUT COOKIES (812)   NIATOLI ISLAND
 KAIDEN 35-3108             105 104  2  187  VIOLENT FEMS (972)         MURSKA
 GAR & BRILL 38-4252         35  64  0   70  JUST BECAUSE (1228)        CLIFFHOME
 HOCKEY DUCK 39-937          27  17  1  100  DUCKS UNLIMITED (1221)     XOCHITHLAN
 PISTON HURRICANE 40-2287    25  17  0   75  AS FAR AS SIAM (1323)      ZENSU
 KELDON WARLORD 42-2501      15  10  1   64  WIND STORM (1365)          RODEKI
 STEVE MCQUEEN 47-3908       41  40  1  209  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 OSCAR 50-3153               32   8  0  140  OPEN SESAME (824)          SNOWBOUND
 MOD COD 55-2638             75  97  3  206  RHYME TYME (449)           KHALANI
 GAZELLE 56-3701             31  25  0  180  REDHORSE (1325)            ROCANIS
 HALLIE O'DENE 58-6018       66  91  0  217  CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093)   DELARQ TOR
 LONDON QUIREBOY 59-2513     19   4  1  112  CHAPEL ROCK (1352)         ILLIS
 CARRIE NATION 64-4054       64  95  0  142  REFORMERS (1095)           KURUKAR
 ARAC IRONFIST 67-1944       35  31  0  193  RAZOR GRACE (1327)         BARIKALA
 BASE ON BULLS 73-3101       21   6  3  122  THE BULLS (1144)           ERINIKA
 MAD DOC WILLIAMS 77-2432    32  13  0  216  POSSE (1362)               MAZGOURRAH
 BATAVIA 78-238              26  16  0  167  LETHAL HERITAGE (750)      LIN TIRIAN
 POPE PAUL II 79-1317        23  15  0  169  CHAPEL ROCK (776)          MIROI CHANG
 SEX CAMEL 82-25548          16  21  4   96  SWEET NOTHINGS (1366)      DWES EG
 FAT BACK 96-1610             8   3  4   45  KILLING ME SOFTLY (1367)   OLD VALAMANTIS
 PORK ROLL 97-1634            7   4  5   44  KILLING ME SOFTER (1368)   SHADOW GROVE
 R IS FOR REPUGNANT 99-1155  23  14  4  196  GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME (1306)  SOUTH RIDGE

               NEW TEAMS IN THE TEMPORARY TOURNAMENT ARENAS (DM 81/83)

Please note that all new teams created at the Face-to-Face were temporarily placed 
in a temporary Tournament Arena, DM 81 or DM 83.  If you requested that your team be 
placed in a specific arena, it has already transferred to that arena.  Any teams not 
transferred out of DM 81 and DM 83 by May 1st will be deleted.  If you have questions 
about any of your teams, please contact Customer Service. -- RSI