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Date   : 07/12/2006    Duedate: 07/25/2006

HOME GUARD

DM-101    TURN-432

RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %  RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %
  1 TUFT TUGGERS 11/557   366  244  4 60.0    8-SAMURAI KIDS 31/1383   11   11  0 50.0
    REALMS TUFTS 71/1344                      9 THE STORMGUAR 31/132  127  130  2 49.4
  2-RONIN 51/1376          19   14  0 57.6   10 LORDS OF VAL 31/1208   38   39  0 49.4
    POSSE 77/1362                            11 DARKMOON 12/1197      116  130  1 47.2
  3 STREET PIZZA 18/173   380  303  1 55.6      SOL INVICTUS 31/1355                  
    GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME 99/1306                  CHAOTICDISORDER 33/1353               
    KILLING ME SOFTLY 96/1367                   VILE REAVERS 59/1370                  
    IT'S THE SAME MOVIE! 82/1382             12 JUST BECAUSE 38/1228  431  579  9 42.7
    KILLING ME SOFTER 97/1368                13 MY PETS 9/554         543  818 15 39.9
  4 BLADES OF ICE 7/162   393  327  8 54.6      RHYME TYME 55/449                     
    BLADES OF STEEL 17/1068                     THE SEUSS HEUSS 24/804                
    BLADES OF MIST 4/780                        GIRL SCOUT COOKIES 33/812             
  5 ALL FINESSE 38/1236   195  173  2 53.0   14 REDHORSE 56/1325      247  378  1 39.5
    SECOND BANANAS 47/1363                      MOSSRUNNERS 1/928                     
    MANNEQUIN'S BEST 1/1227                  15 KRILL CAVALR 24/1364  521  859  6 37.8
    SWEET NOTHINGS 82/1366                      HOMICIDAL MANIACS 1/1082              
    BATHTUB ARMADA 7/1196                       CIRQUE DU MASQUES 58/1093             
    THE BLOODGUARD 2 96/1369                    KRILL CAVALRY 11/1358                 
  6 HAZAARDS OF  71/1384  805  748 11 51.8   16 DEATH'S DOOR 1/1380     6   15  0 28.6
  7 SUPERIOR FOR 82/1385  223  222  1 50.1

    '##/###' Avoid teams by their Team Id     '-'  Team did not fight this turn

                                  WARRIOR SPOTLIGHT

The Merry-Go-Round Beer Brawl, Part the Second (and Last!  Yaaay!)

     Moose balanced on the back of his appaloosa merry-go-round horse, one hand
resting on the pole and the other hand gripping his beer stein.  He had his eye on a
sorrel with a blue saddle.  The only other horse with leaping distance of Tankesh was
a white one that was half-rearing; that one would be hard to balance on.  With a
triumphant laugh, Moose leapt for the sorrel.
     Tankesh leapt for the sorrel, too.  Man and elf collided on the saddle, grabbing
frantically at the smooth steel pole as beer sloshed everywhere.
     "Find your own horse!" Moose snarled at the same time Tankesh growled, "Get your
own mount!"
     There was some shoving and some elbows, a few grunts, a knee, and then the two
men rebounded, Moose leaping to a red stallion that was frozen in a bucking pose,
Tankesh choosing a charging white elephant with its great ears flared wide.
     Moose flipped the lid off his stein and took a long drink, then did his pullup.
Tankesh watched him, glanced over at Moose's large gray manager who was not paying
attention, and then with a shrug did the same.  It was all going to spill by the time
this game was over, anyway.  Better not to waste it.
     On the ground, pushing the gear that made the carousel turn, Phetmolge was
building up speed.  His boots dug into the dirt and his powerful gray-skinned legs
strained as he pushed the turning bar faster and faster.  The music that accompanied
the movement tinkled higher and faster.
     The effects of the contest were beginning to tell on them.  Moose was more
nimble and generally leaped quicker, but Tankesh was stronger and had less trouble
with the one-handed pullups.  Sometimes they jumped for the same steed, and then
there was always a shoving match.  Tankesh tried to prevent it by calling out where
he intended to jump next:  "Blue dolphin!" but then Moose immediately went for the
blue dolphin.  Whether the little Rirorni did it on purpose, or misunderstood his
statement as a suggestion, Tankesh couldn't tell.  But he had a few bruises from
those clashes, and he was sure Moose did, too.
     To their surprise a barmaid hopped onto the speeding carousel about ten leaps
into the contest and deftly refilled their steins from a pitcher.  "Courtesy of the
patrons of the Bash n Grog," she told them with a smile, indicating the crowd of
serious elbow-benders gathered at the stairway.
     Tankesh fell half a jump behind, watching to be sure the girl made it safely off
the merry-go-round.  He hurried to catch up, almost slipping over and off the saddle
of the next beast he jumped to.  Taking a goodly swallow of beer before each leap
seemed to steady his head.  He was starting to feel a little dizzy.
     After another round of the available mounts--no guessing how many rounds of the
merry-go-round itself--he was almost caught up, but suddenly he saw Moose jump off
his pink elephant, stumble, recover, and leap off the carousel entirely.  The Rirorni
immediately fell down.  But Tankesh saw what had made him jump.
     They were on the opposite side of their round, where the crowd gathered at the
stairway could not see them.  A pretty Convincian girl in a pink dress was fighting
off three young men--city kids by their clothes, maybe from one of those gangs of
young toughs that were terrorizing the merchant districts in Talahya these days.  A
ragged terrier-type dog was nipping at their legs and barking.  One of the men
managed to grab the young woman from behind, another punched her in the stomach, the
third one kicked the dog and sent it ki-yi-yi-ing head over paws.
     Drawing his sword, Tankesh gathered himself and leaped directly from his
prancing appaloosa onto the ground.
     Instantly, he discovered why Moose had fallen over.  The ground was moving very
rapidly counterclockwise!  Tankesh fell, not quite flat on the ground thanks to one
stiffened arm, which was a lucky thing since his blade was below him.
     He saw Moose's wide-spread legs stagger past him on the rolling ground.  By
force of will he made it to his feet, turned around until he saw the three bullies,
and pointed his sword in their approximate direction (though it tended to drift to 
the right).  "Sheesh an' deshisht!  Damn the dropshel!  Er--drop the damshel!  Unkick
that mutt!"
     No doubt assuming the two gladiators were a lot drunker than they really were,
the assailants ignored them except for the dog-kicker, who was evidently their
designated distraction-eliminator.  One still held the screaming girl, the other
punched her again in the stomach.  The man who had kicked the dog drew a short sword
and came at Moose with a wicked grin.
     With a roar, Moose punched at him, missed, and punched again, still too rapidly
for the thug to block or dodge.  The second punch connected.  By that time Tankesh
arrived and swatted at the shortsword with his own blade, the force of his blow
knocking the man's weapon from his hand.  Moose then kneed the thug in the tender
portions, where even a gladiator who is rated at "little damage" can have a large
effect.
     It appeared that rape might be the intention of the remaining two thugs, as the
one in front of the girl had by now managed to entangle the girl's legs with his own
and was roughly kissing her.  Tankesh, although not a killer by nature, felt disposed
to make an exception.  However, his stab was too low.  Howling in pain and outrage,
the thug attempted to turn but found himself pinned by the blade imbedded deeply in
his left buttock.  Moose whacked him firmly on the head with an off-hand stein, the
thug went slack, and Tankesh pulled out the sword, allowing him to fall to the
ground.
     Meanwhile, the last thug had let go of the girl and was running away.  However,
he was seriously slowed by the dog attached to his right calf with a fiercely
determined bite.  The two gladiators bore down upon him, their coordination improving
by the second as the effects of the merry-go-round wore off.  Tankesh tackled him to
the ground and Moose put a heel to his throat--and would have crushed it, but that
the girl said, "No, wait!  Let the constables have them!  You don't want a murder on
your conscience."
     It had never before in his life occurred to Moose that he might not want a
murder on his conscience, but it did now.  He gave the girl a drunken smile.
"'Course not."  Looking down at his foot as though he had no idea how it had gotten
on that person's neck, he quickly placed it on the ground.  "You okay?"
     "I think so."  She shivered.
     "You've had a shock," the little Rirorni said, surprising himself with his
sensitivity.  "Let me buy you a cup of..."  He hesitated.  What did sweet young women
drink?  "...light mead?"
     "I'd appreciate some lemonade," she said, linking her arm in his and leading him
towards the lemonade stand, a vendor he had never even realized existed.  She glanced
back at Tankesh and smiled.  "And thank you, too, and your sweet little dog."
     Tankesh felt something warm and wet on his hand.  The dog had braced its front
feet on his knee in order to reach high enough to lick him.  It gazed up at him with
an adoring expression in its big brown eyes that clearly said, "My hero!  Let me be
your dog!"
     And that was how Moose, a reformed caravan raider but still barely civilized,
ended up with the Girl Next Door, and Tankesh, sophisticated elf-about-town, ended up
with...well, you name the dog.
     A few minutes later, the patrons of the B&G managed to detach Phetmolge from the
carousel gear but he ran in gradually slowing clockwise circles for another five
minutes.

                                 THE GUARDIAN'S FORUM
                       Reflections by the Captain of the Guard

The Guard:

That was a quick rise to the top.  Quite unexpected.  Not to mention a random match
with the Captain of the Guard, and a quick unexpected victory.  Zlatina is more
skilled than I, but I have preferences that seem to match my style very well.  I am a
bit short for words, so this will be short.

Nutcracker, excellent moves out there.  I didn't expect you'd keep your same weapon
selection, but my defense was almost perfect and it may not have made a difference.
So next time, try a heavier weapon for when your attacks get through.  <sigh>  Well,
Zlatina is approaching and she looks upset I stole her shot at you....  Hmm, she's
saying something about busting your nuts, I guess she has it out for you.  Good luck.
I reckon I will see you again soon, IF she doesn't see you first.

Good luck to all.  Health, Humility, and Honor.

Kalidor, Captain of the Guard

                             REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER

Hey there,

     Lords of Valhalla were avoided by Stormguards.  Fealost was most challenged.
Heh, and he managed to win this time, which I understand is getting a little unusual.
JOHN LONGSHORE (11-4197) (37-46-0,165) of TUFT TUGGERS challenged FEALOST (1-3916)
(54-80-1,167) of MOSSRUNNERS.  JOHN LONGSHORE was bested by FEALOST in a popular 1
minute Challenge fight.
     Nobody was killed.  Good.
     Last turn I wrote about all of Andarus' fights (that's the Blades of...guild).
This time I think I'll pick a different big guild...how about Mannequin's?  And after
this it's going to get trickier because I don't know any other managers' names.
     * ZLATINA ANGUELOVA (11-4856) (42-36-1,196) of TUFT TUGGERS challenged
NUTCRACKER (38-4380) (38-26-2,198) of ALL FINESSE.  ZLATINA ANGUELOVA was vanquished
by NUTCRACKER in a 1 minute uneven Challenge battle.  Nutcracker (Mannequin's
representative in this fight) is a former Captain of the Guard and looks to be on the
way back up there for another shot.  Nut is our top Aimed Blow, having surpassed
Hallie O'Dene this turn.  1-0 Mannequin.
     *  TENACIOUS (7-5337) (40-19-1,155) of BATHTUB ARMADA challenged TICKLES (9-
3486) (67-94-1,153) of MY PETS.  TENACIOUS luckily beat TICKLES in a crowd pleasing 4
minute Challenge duel.  Tenacious is Mannequin's guy, and our top Total Parry.
Tickles is Top Basher.  Hey, aren't Bashers supposed to be good against TPs?  Well, I
guess that's why they said it was a lucky win.  Tickles is This Turn's Favorite.
Good going.  2-0.
     *  KRAMER (47-5191) (22-10-0,180) of SECOND BANANAS challenged AGLIBOL (12-5848)
(32-22-1,185) of DARKMOON.  KRAMER was defeated by AGLIBOL in an exciting 3 minute
Challenge struggle.  Letting down the side, Kramer.  Try harder, or fall on your
sword.  (just kidding)  2-1.
     *  SEX CAMEL (82-25548) (21-26-4,126) of SWEET NOTHINGS challenged SPATHA (31-
4996) (34-22-2,134) of SOL INVICTUS.  SEX CAMEL devastated SPATHA in a 1 minute one-
sided Challenge competition.  Sex Camel is Mannequin's  but I really don't get the
name.  3-1.
     *  CEER (96-1537) (13-8-4,100) of THE BLOODGUARD 2 challenged BRICK WALL (1-
7478) (34-26-0,121) of HOMICIDAL MANIACS.  CEER handily defeated BRICK WALL in an
action packed 4 minute uneven Challenge melee.  Oh by the way, Ceer evidently
predicted that if exactly six die in duels this week, the whole city will perish.
Which city, Ceer?  Talahya?  And which duels?  Does this count all the fights in all
the organizations that use the main arena?  Oh well, we're still here.  4-1.
     *  HELLACIOUS (1-7541) (21-5-1,78) of MANNEQUIN'S BEST challenged ARMPIT CANDY
(18-9020) (20-7-0,83) of STREET PIZZA.  HELLACIOUS was defeated by ARMPIT CANDY in an
exciting 1 minute Challenge fight.  There's another manager whose name I know!  Suave
comes up with the damnedest warrior names.  Armpit Candy, I like that one.  4-2.
     *  HEBEE (38-4359) (18-15-0,81) of ALL FINESSE fought OLD FART (1-1723) (16-12-
0,59) of DEATH'S DOOR.  HEBEE demolished OLD FART in a 1 minute one-sided melee.  Old
Fart is our top Parry-Striker, though.  Good going there Hebee, and Mannequin
finishes with a 5-2 turn for his guild.  Pretty nice.
     I guess I should mention the Overall Popularity Leader.  That's Mod Cod.
REDEMPTION (4-4868) (39-29-2,217) of BLADES OF MIST fought MOD COD (55-2638) (79-103-
3,203) of RHYME TYME.  REDEMPTION was overcome by MOD COD in a popular 1 minute bout.
Nice.  Lots of times the Overall Popularity Leaders lose.
     This looked like a pretty gutsy challenge...if you can believe the posted
records.  KALIDOR THE BOLD (11-6441) (27-8-0,211) of TUFT TUGGERS challenged HALLIE
O'DENE (58-6018) (72-95-0,215) of CIRQUE DU MASQUES.  KALIDOR THE BOLD bested HALLIE
O'DENE in a 1 minute Challenge Title fight.  It was one of only two challenges
Kalidor could make.  It was an up-challenge in recognition points, and Hallie looks
to have a ton more experience as a warrior.  On the other hand, she's got a losing
record, while Kalidor is a hot-shot with probably a lot of tourney fights that don't
show on his record.  Would he have been braver to challenge Redemption, at 39-29-2
and two recognition points higher than Hallie?  Don't know.  If it'd been me, though,
I'd have challenged Redemption because I don't like to fight women.  They're a little
scary--plus, Hallie was the top AB last turn, which is even scarier.  But when you're
up against all that experience, you learn a lot.  Hey, and Kalidor wrote a column.
Thanks, guy.
     Hmm....  Okay, I'm done.

                                Keel Woodhaven

CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD          W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 KALIDOR THE BOLD 11-6441    28   8  0  217  TUFT TUGGERS (557)         ARUAK CITY

GRAND CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 MOD COD 55-2638             80 103  3  214  RHYME TYME (449)           KHALANI
 NUTCRACKER 38-4380          39  26  2  211  ALL FINESSE (1236)         CLIFFHOME

GRAND CHAMPIONS               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 R IS FOR REPUGNANT 99-1155  32  16  4  209  GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME (1306)  SOUTH RIDGE
 HALLIE O'DENE 58-6018       72  96  0  200  CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093)   DELARQ TOR
 RAUNI 31-5035               31  17  0  199  SOL INVICTUS (1355)        CHIMLEVTAL
 AGLIBOL 12-5848             33  22  1  198  DARKMOON (1197)            RIZTAB
 REDEMPTION 4-4868           39  30  2  196  BLADES OF MIST (780)       JHELUM
 HELM HAMMERHAND 31-5025     35  20  0  193  LORDS OF VALHALLA (1208)   CHIMLEVTAL
 ZLATINA ANGUELOVA 11-4856   42  37  1  190  TUFT TUGGERS (557)         ARUAK CITY
 EXILE 7-4618                37  35  1  187  BLADES OF ICE (162)        BONSUR

GRAND CHAMPIONS               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
-DESPERADO 77-2459           34  17  2  183  POSSE (1362)               MAZGOURRAH

GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS       W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 KRAMER 47-5191              22  11  0  180  SECOND BANANAS (1363)      NORTH FORK
 BRANFORD HAWKE 11-5077      33  34  0  175  TUFT TUGGERS (557)         ARUAK CITY
 FEALOST 1-3916              55  80  1  172  MOSSRUNNERS (928)          MORDANT
 BECKY 17-5782               29  15  3  169  BLADES OF STEEL (1068)     ALJAFIR
 CROOKED HOOF 56-3493        41  34  0  166  REDHORSE (1325)            ROCANIS
 JOHN LONGSHORE 11-4197      37  47  0  161  TUFT TUGGERS (557)         ARUAK CITY
 TENACIOUS 7-5337            41  19  1  160  BATHTUB ARMADA (1196)      BONSUR
-MAD DOC WILLIAMS 77-2432    35  19  0  159  POSSE (1362)               MAZGOURRAH
 TICKLES 9-3486              67  95  1  158  MY PETS (554)              ZUKAL
 BUCK 1-2291                 51 113  0  156  MOSSRUNNERS (928)          MORDANT
 KONGOL 7-4524               42  39  2  152  BLADES OF ICE (162)        BONSUR
 HUMMINGBIRD 56-3475         38  42  0  152  REDHORSE (1325)            ROCANIS

GRAND ADEPTS                  W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 SEX CAMEL 82-25548          22  26  4  147  SWEET NOTHINGS (1366)      DWES EG
 QUEEN AMAZONIA 12-4796      43  60  1  133  DARKMOON (1197)            RIZTAB
 KOOKABURRA 33-4151          69 101  4  132  GIRL SCOUT COOKIES (812)   NIATOLI ISLAND
 BRIARTHORN 12-5671          33  30  1  129  DARKMOON (1197)            RIZTAB
 CAT IN THE HAT 24-3103      28  12  1  128  THE SEUSS HEUSS (804)      ZORPUNT
 CEER 96-1537                14   8  4  128  THE BLOODGUARD 2 (1369)    OLD VALAMANTIS
 DEMONICHELLION 33-7038      25  18  2  123  CHAOTICDISORDER (1353)     NIATOLI ISLAND
 SPATHA 31-4996              34  23  2  120  SOL INVICTUS (1355)        CHIMLEVTAL
 SOUL SCOURGE 59-2589        24   4  0  111  VILE REAVERS (1370)        ILLIS
 AEDON 7-4295                44  41  1  110  BLADES OF ICE (162)        BONSUR
 MOOSE 56-3459               29  39  0  107  REDHORSE (1325)            ROCANIS
 PINE LEAF 24-4580           30  30  0  104  KRILL CAVALRY (1364)       ZORPUNT
 BRICK WALL 1-7478           34  27  0  103  HOMICIDAL MANIACS (1082)   MORDANT

GRAND CHALLENGER INITIATES    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 ARMPIT CANDY 18-9020        21   7  0   96  STREET PIZZA (173)         TALCAMA

GRAND INITIATES               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 WRETCHEDMISERY 33-7255      25  16  0   88  CHAOTICDISORDER (1353)     NIATOLI ISLAND
 HEBEE 38-4359               19  15  0   87  ALL FINESSE (1236)         CLIFFHOME
 FAT BACK 96-1610            10  12  4   83  KILLING ME SOFTLY (1367)   OLD VALAMANTIS
 HELLACIOUS 1-7541           21   6  1   78  MANNEQUIN'S BEST (1227)    MORDANT
 MOUNTAIN GOAT 56-3700       39  52  3   74  REDHORSE (1325)            ROCANIS
-PIT FIGHTER 51-4297         19  17  1   73  RONIN (1376)               TRICORUS
 DRANDUS DE'VIR 71-4909      17  12  0   72  REALMS TUFTS (1344)        KYR'TERR
-DAIMYO 51-4219              21  12  3   68  RONIN (1376)               TRICORUS
-CAULIFLOWER EARS 52-3424    18  12  0   66  OTTO'S PARTS (892)         FRATSFA
 DUMPWEED 82-13924           17   2  0   59  SUPERIOR FORCES B105 (1385 DWES EG
 REDDI WHIP 97-1636          12  10  6   59  KILLING ME SOFTER (1368)   SHADOW GROVE
-AIDEN 78-2233               18   3  1   58  LETHAL HERITAGE (750)      LIN TIRIAN
 LINI DAWNWIND 11-5865       21  21  1   57  KRILL CAVALRY (1358)       ARUAK CITY
 OLD FART 1-1723             16  13  0   56  DEATH'S DOOR (1380)        MORDANT
 PORK ROLL 97-1634            8  14  5   51  KILLING ME SOFTER (1368)   SHADOW GROVE
 JARL FORKBEARD 31-5280      25   6  1   50  THE STORMGUARDS (132)      CHIMLEVTAL
 GAR & BRILL 38-4252         42  68  0   49  JUST BECAUSE (1228)        CLIFFHOME
 BROKEN TOE 56-3683          35  60  1   40  REDHORSE (1325)            ROCANIS
 YOU'VE GOT SEATTL 82-31563  16  11  1   34  IT'S THE SAME MOVIE! (1382 DWES EG

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                    W   L  K TEAM NAME              SLAIN BY              TURN

                               PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE

Woodhaven -- Funny how dead people (cough, Olaf) can get drunk...seems to contradict
some of the 'benefits' Olaf has mentioned in the past. -- Tankesh

Hallie O'Dene -- I think I'll go back to my old strat.  I have rough times ahead,
being a slow learner. -- Branford

Ceer -- Huh, weird.  No matter, you'll get yours. -- Drandus

Fealost -- I'm warming up to bust Nutcracker's balls.... -- Zlatina

Helm Hammerhand -- Ouch.  I think I'll head back to my petrography lab and study some
rocks.  Fighting isn't in my blood after all I think. -- John Longshore

Kramer -- Did Aglibol DC you too?  Nimble little lady, ain't she?  Bobby Bigfoot
hasn't figured out that DCing can piss people off. -- Zlatina, for Tuft Tuggers

Nutcracker -- Ok, I've got a new hockey blade on my stick (the 'flail' was my last
blade all splintered).  Time to party! -- Zlatina

Moose -- I am not interested in swinging first.  As I increase my physical fortitude,
you will find I will be swinging last more often. -- Drandus

Buck -- I'm done seeking skills for the time being.  You can have mine if you manage
to rake them up. -- Kalidor

Phetmolge -- It's not hard to avoid you, most of my boys are highly ranked and I
don't DC.  So, how about that story conclusion? -- Tankesh

Branford Hawke -- Ah, you have come seeking skills?  Be careful that the magic used
by the Greywand doesn't leach them away again. -- Hallie O'Dene
P.S.  Oh, yes, I have my suspicions, you know.  And evidence to suggest that there
may be some truth in them.

Hebee -- I suppose it's the difference in language?  Because your name just doesn't
sound masculine to me.  Not but what I can see, when you're right there in front of
me, that you are masculine.  Very few women, after all, have that triangular body
shape. -- Pine Leaf

Kongol -- Have you considered demolition work?  I hear it's the coming thing. --
Hallie O'Dene

You've Got Seattle -- No, I don't!  If someone took it, it was someone ELSE.  I never
touched it. -- Lini Dawnwind

Hellacious -- Won't that hurt your hand?  Or break your weapon, of course.  It sounds
like hitting the Brick Wall. -- Pine Leaf

Zlatina -- Short is relative.  Strange stuff going down around here. -- Hallie

Branford Hawke -- I never said I was easy, boy. -- Hallie O'Dene

Tenacious -- You might have thought I was too exhausted to defend myself, but that
was what we Advanced Veterans call a Teaching Fiction.  Note that I managed to impart
a Riposte skill.  I had planned to teach you four other skills as well, since we were
out there for so long, but I think my brain got stuck.  It was dehydration, most
likely.  I should fight with an off-hand water flask. -- Buck
P.S.  Actually, anybody who fights you should have an off-hand water flask.

Soul Scourge -- Rats, I would have had you if I could hit harder.  I REALLY need to
work on that but Phetmolge says no pumping iron till I've learned more skills.
Instead he gives me weird exercises to do...  I get dizzy...you don't want to know.
-- Moose

Wretchedmisery -- Not really, but acutediscomfort pretty well describes it. -- Broken
Toe

Zlatina Anguelova -- Ow.  You do mean, unspeakable things. -- Fealost

Exile -- Strange warrior name you've got there.  Are you really exiled from
someplace? -- Crooked Hoof

Ninja Ferd -- I know you aren't allowed to answer, being a stand-in, but can I have
your autograph?  I always wanted to meet the famous Ferd the Tower. -- Hummingbird

Fat Back -- You look slim enough to me.  But as a dwarf, you really need a gender.  I
mean, with the beard it IS hard to tell, but...well...never mind, I shouldn't have
asked. -- Mountain Goat

Tankesh -- Never mind, I think I jinxed our winning streak by boasting about it.
(sigh) -- Phetmolge

Chaoticdisorder -- Sorry for the lunkheaded personal ad last turn (signed by Broken
Toe).  It was several hours past my bedtime when I wrote it.  Brain stoppage is my
only excuse. -- mgr. Redhorse

20 June 2006
Dark Knights of the Desolate Empire
Our newest Dark Knight disrespected?!?!?!  ARE THEY SERIOUS?!?!  If at all possible,
let's get over to 31.  I'm on the way.  Let's get 'em. -- Dark Knight Osiris

26 June 2006
To those interested, G.E.C.K.O., Inc, is looking for able-bodied warriors to embark
on a dangerous mission.  Those interested (or for more details) diplo me at:
Juice, DM 93, mgr. Arena Masters, Inc -- Juice

30 June 2006
All -- I am looking for able bodied warriors, magic-wielding wizards, faith-healing
clerics, and quick-handed thieves to begin a quest requested by the Emperor of the
Southern Kingdom of Crailmia.  All interested parties can diplo me in arena 93 --
Noblish Island, c/o Will-O-Wisps (1422) or write to me at -- Robert Bennett, 317173,
4269 West M-80, Kincheloe, Mi 49784. -- the Lightbearer, mgr. Will-O-Wisps

1 July 2006
BROTHER KNIGHTS OF THE DESOLATE EMPIRE -- Hail brothers where ever you are to be
found!  We are engaging in arena 31.  Let them feel our wrath.  Onward to glory!!! --
Dark knight Blackstorm

1 July 2006
Soultaker -- Read your e-mail! -- Guardian

10 July 2006
The Dark Knights sat at the Dark Table with grim faces.  All present knew that there
could be no quarter.  The Forces of Desolation would be unleashed.  There would be no
turning back, no mercy and no hesitation to do what was necessary.  Teeth gritted and
knuckles whitened with fury as the IMPERIAL PROCLAMATION was signed by each Dark
Knight.
     AS OF JULY 1, 2006 -- WAR IS DECLARED ON THE ALLIANCE KNOWN AS THE VENDETTA
CARTEL.
     The Desolate Empire -- Dark Knights:  Ancient Creep, Blackstorm, Dok Sik, Goat,
Heathen, Hatebred, Kon, Osiris, Toker, Wasby the Great

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

KALIDOR THE BOLD bested HALLIE O'DENE in a 1 minute Challenge Title fight.
ZLATINA ANGUELOVA was vanquished by NUTCRACKER in a 1 minute uneven Challenge battle.
TENACIOUS luckily beat TICKLES in a crowd pleasing 4 minute Challenge duel.
JOHN LONGSHORE was bested by FEALOST in a popular 1 minute Challenge fight.
BRANFORD HAWKE was demolished by HELM HAMMERHAND in a 1 minute Challenge competition.
KRAMER was defeated by AGLIBOL in a exciting 3 minute Challenge struggle.
SEX CAMEL devastated SPATHA in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge competition.
CEER handily defeated BRICK WALL in a action packed 4 minute uneven Challenge melee.
DRANDUS DE'VIR was overpowered by PINE LEAF in a 1 minute uneven Challenge duel.
HELLACIOUS was defeated by ARMPIT CANDY in a exciting 1 minute Challenge fight.
REDEMPTION was overcome by MOD COD in a popular 1 minute bout.
RAUNI savagely defeated EXILE in a crowd pleasing 2 minute bloody match.
R IS FOR REPUGNANT bested CROOKED HOOF in a exciting 2 minute bloody battle.
BRIARTHORN was overpowered by HUMMINGBIRD in a popular 1 minute mismatched conflict.
BECKY savagely defeated BUCK in a action packed 3 minute gruesome struggle.
SOUL SCOURGE was savagely defeated by CAT IN THE HAT in a 4 minute brawl.
AEDON was savagely defeated by DEMONICHELLION in a exciting 2 minute brutal bout.
QUEEN AMAZONIA was overpowered by KONGOL in a 1 minute one-sided match.
KOOKABURRA handily defeated MOOSE in a popular 1 minute mismatched competition.
REDDI WHIP luckily beat GAR & BRILL in a exciting 1 minute gory duel.
PORK ROLL overcame BROKEN TOE in a action packed 1 minute duel.
FAT BACK devastated JARL FORKBEARD in a popular 3 minute gory one-sided bout.
YOU'VE GOT SEATTLE was vanquished by DUMPWEED in a 1 minute one-sided match.
MOUNTAIN GOAT vanquished MEAN SPIRIT in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
HEBEE demolished OLD FART in a 1 minute one-sided melee.
WRETCHEDMISERY vanquished LINI DAWNWIND in a action packed 1 minute one-sided fray.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|STRIKING ATTACK                  9         SLASHING ATTACK   34 -  21 -  0      62  |
|LUNGING ATTACK                   9         PARRY-RIPOSTE     20 -  13 -  0      61  |
|AIMED BLOW                       8         AIMED BLOW        46 -  31 -  2      60  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    7         WALL OF STEEL     53 -  41 -  0      56  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      6         PARRY-STRIKE       9 -   8 -  0      53  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   5         STRIKING ATTACK   54 -  48 -  1      53  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  3         PARRY-LUNGE        9 -  10 -  0      47  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    2         LUNGING ATTACK    49 -  73 -  0      40  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      1         TOTAL PARRY       28 -  43 -  0      39  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     1         BASHING ATTACK    26 -  42 -  0      38  |

Turn 432 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

PARRY-LUNGE        1 -  0     WALL OF STEEL      3 -  4         4  AIMED BLOW     
SLASHING ATTACK    2 -  1     TOTAL PARRY        1 -  5         2  WALL OF STEEL  
STRIKING ATTACK    6 -  3     PARRY-STRIKE       0 -  1         2  LUNGING ATTACK 
BASHING ATTACK     3 -  2                                       2  STRIKING ATTACK
LUNGING ATTACK     5 -  4                                       1  PARRY-RIPOSTE  
AIMED BLOW         4 -  4     
PARRY-RIPOSTE      1 -  1     

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
WALL OF STEEL    KALIDOR THE BOLD 11-6441   28   8  0  217 TUFT TUGGERS (557)
LUNGING ATTACK   MOD COD 55-2638            80 103  3  214 RHYME TYME (449)
AIMED BLOW       NUTCRACKER 38-4380         39  26  2  211 ALL FINESSE (1236)
PARRY-RIPOSTE    RAUNI 31-5035              31  17  0  199 SOL INVICTUS (1355)
STRIKING ATTACK  REDEMPTION 4-4868          39  30  2  196 BLADES OF MIST (780)

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
SLASHING ATTACK  CROOKED HOOF 56-3493       41  34  0  166 REDHORSE (1325)
TOTAL PARRY      TENACIOUS 7-5337           41  19  1  160 BATHTUB ARMADA (1196)
BASHING ATTACK   TICKLES 9-3486             67  95  1  158 MY PETS (554)
PARRY-LUNGE      FAT BACK 96-1610           10  12  4   83 KILLING ME SOFTLY (1367)
PARRY-STRIKE     OLD FART 1-1723            16  13  0   56 DEATH'S DOOR (1380)

The overall popularity leader is MOD COD 55-2638.  The most popular warrior this turn 
was TICKLES 9-3486.  The ten other most popular fighters were CEER 96-1537, CAT IN 
THE HAT 24-3103, BECKY 17-5782, KRAMER 47-5191, AGLIBOL 12-5848, SOUL SCOURGE 
59-2589, DEMONICHELLION 33-7038, RAUNI 31-5035, FAT BACK 96-1610, and NUTCRACKER 
38-4380.

The least popular fighter this week was LINI DAWNWIND 11-5865.  The other ten least 
popular fighters were OLD FART 1-1723, YOU'VE GOT SEATTLE 82-31563, BRIARTHORN 
12-5671, DRANDUS DE'VIR 71-4909, SPATHA 31-4996, MOOSE 56-3459, QUEEN AMAZONIA 
12-4796, HELLACIOUS 1-7541, BRANFORD HAWKE 11-5077, and JOHN LONGSHORE 11-4197.

Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  
MORDANT(1)           1  4 0  ZORPUNT(24)          2  0 0  DELARQ TOR(58)       0  1 0  
JHELUM(4)            0  1 0  CHIMLEVTAL(31)       2  2 0  ILLIS(59)            0  1 0  
BONSUR(7)            2  2 0  NIATOLI ISLAND(33)   3  0 0  KYR'TERR(71)         0  1 0  
ZUKAL(9)             0  1 0  CLIFFHOME(38)        2  1 0  DWES EG(82)          2  1 0  
ARUAK CITY(11)       1  4 0  NORTH FORK(47)       0  1 0  OLD VALAMANTIS(96)   2  0 0  
RIZTAB(12)           1  2 0  KHALANI(55)          1  0 0  SHADOW GROVE(97)     2  0 0  
ALJAFIR(17)          1  0 0  ROCANIS(56)          2  3 0  SOUTH RIDGE(99)      1  0 0  
TALCAMA(18)          1  0 0  

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 FEALOST 1-3916              55  80  1  172  MOSSRUNNERS (928)          MORDANT
 REDEMPTION 4-4868           39  30  2  196  BLADES OF MIST (780)       JHELUM
 EXILE 7-4618                37  35  1  187  BLADES OF ICE (162)        BONSUR
 TICKLES 9-3486              67  95  1  158  MY PETS (554)              ZUKAL
 KALIDOR THE BOLD 11-6441    28   8  0  217  TUFT TUGGERS (557)         ARUAK CITY
 AGLIBOL 12-5848             33  22  1  198  DARKMOON (1197)            RIZTAB
 BECKY 17-5782               29  15  3  169  BLADES OF STEEL (1068)     ALJAFIR
 ARMPIT CANDY 18-9020        21   7  0   96  STREET PIZZA (173)         TALCAMA
 CAT IN THE HAT 24-3103      28  12  1  128  THE SEUSS HEUSS (804)      ZORPUNT
 RAUNI 31-5035               31  17  0  199  SOL INVICTUS (1355)        CHIMLEVTAL
 KOOKABURRA 33-4151          69 101  4  132  GIRL SCOUT COOKIES (812)   NIATOLI ISLAND
 NUTCRACKER 38-4380          39  26  2  211  ALL FINESSE (1236)         CLIFFHOME
 KRAMER 47-5191              22  11  0  180  SECOND BANANAS (1363)      NORTH FORK
 MOD COD 55-2638             80 103  3  214  RHYME TYME (449)           KHALANI
 CROOKED HOOF 56-3493        41  34  0  166  REDHORSE (1325)            ROCANIS
 HALLIE O'DENE 58-6018       72  96  0  200  CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093)   DELARQ TOR
 SOUL SCOURGE 59-2589        24   4  0  111  VILE REAVERS (1370)        ILLIS
 DRANDUS DE'VIR 71-4909      17  12  0   72  REALMS TUFTS (1344)        KYR'TERR
 SEX CAMEL 82-25548          22  26  4  147  SWEET NOTHINGS (1366)      DWES EG
 CEER 96-1537                14   8  4  128  THE BLOODGUARD 2 (1369)    OLD VALAMANTIS
 REDDI WHIP 97-1636          12  10  6   59  KILLING ME SOFTER (1368)   SHADOW GROVE
 R IS FOR REPUGNANT 99-1155  32  16  4  209  GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME (1306)  SOUTH RIDGE

               NEW GRADUATES--FROM ALL ARENAS (INCLUDING CLOSED ARENAS)

     For those of you who keep track of such things, 5 additional warriors graduated 
from regular DM arenas (including closed arenas) since the last tournament.  

                       SNOTTYMAN (40-3685) of THEY TRAINED ME!
                            HORRID (65-6385) of LEGION IV
                         JUDICIOUSLY (82-27214) of ADVERBS II
                      TERRICONUS (82-27651) of THE GLORIOUS DARK
                      FLABBY-O (82-30720) of STREET PIZZAD XXII

Congrats to the grads. -- Green Eyes