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Date   : 09/20/2006    Duedate: 10/03/2006

HOME GUARD

DM-101    TURN-437

RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %  RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %
  1 TUFT TUGGERS 11/557   383  252  4 60.3      THE BLOODGUARD 2 96/1369              
    REALMS TUFTS 71/1344                      6 SUPERIOR FOR 82/1385  228  222  1 50.7
  2 RONIN 51/1376          21   16  0 56.8    7 DRAKE'S BAR-B 15/313  166  179  5 48.1
    POSSE 77/1362                               DRAKE'S PETTING ZOO 33/1075           
    POSSE 65/1388                             8 DARKMOON 12/1197      136  150  1 47.6
  3 STREET PIZZA 18/173   397  321  2 55.3      VILE REAVERS 59/1370                  
    GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME 99/1306                  SOL INVICTUS 31/1355                  
    STREET PIZZAD XXII 82/1386                  CHAOTICDISORDER 33/1353               
    KILLING ME SOFTER 97/1368                 9 LORDS OF VAL 31/1208   39   43  0 47.6
    KILLING ME SOFTLY 96/1367                10 JUST BECAUSE 38/1228  435  580  9 42.9
    IT'S THE SAME MOVIE! 82/1382             11 MY PETS 9/554         551  830 15 39.9
  4 BLADES OF ICE 7/162   408  337  8 54.8      RHYME TYME 55/449                     
    BLADES OF MIST 4/780                        THE SEUSS HEUSS 24/804                
    BLADES OF STEEL 17/1068                     GIRL SCOUT COOKIES 33/812             
  5 ALL FINESSE 38/1236   217  188  2 53.6   12 REDHORSE 56/1325      261  399  1 39.5
    SWEET NOTHINGS 82/1366                      MOSSRUNNERS 1/928                     
    MANNEQUIN'S BEST 1/1227                  13 KRILL CAVALR 24/1364  525  875  6 37.5
    SWEORDMASTERS 1/1210                        HOMICIDAL MANIACS 1/1082              
    BATHTUB ARMADA 7/1196                       CIRQUE DU MASQUES 58/1093             
    SECOND BANANAS 47/1363                      KRILL CAVALRY 11/1358                 

    '##/###' Avoid teams by their Team Id     '-'  Team did not fight this turn

                             REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER

     The original notes for this spy report were produced by Debby Tonte, and you
know Debby.  She won hands down as "spy reporter who looks best in a bikini," but
nobody said she had literary talent or, for that matter, "skills and insights into
spy reporting."  So I figured I'd better turn out and do it myself.  It isn't like
any of the golems are going to care!

     So... hmm.  Very mysterious.  Darkmoon is most avoiding Tuft Tuggers.  Debby
says there's a secret involved, and it could be true.  You never know.
     Tenacious got the most challenges.  Unfortunately, that doesn't mean that
Tenacious was the most prepared.  You can't drink all night at Sloppy Joe's Bathhouse
and Marina and still be at your best in the morning.

     Thirty-one fights, which is up from last time, but there were five standbys on
the sands, so I think we could call this total "padded."  Twelve challenge matches,
which is not bad.  Not good, but not bad.  And a death.  I'm not a major advocate of
killing gladiators, but a death every now and then keeps everybody alert.  And it
isn't like it was permanent.  Or even an impediment to living a normal, happy life,
to which I am a witness.  You know that saying about "death and taxes"?  Well, when
you're already dead, that's one less thing to worry about.  Sure, taxes are worse
than death, but you're still ahead of the game.

     PORK ROLL (97-1634) (11-15-5,62) of KILLING ME SOFTER fought HERMY (101-4) (0-0-
0,50) of the Louts Local.  PORK ROLL was devastated by HERMY in a crowd pleasing 2
minute brutal one-sided duel.  A hot-tempered lady, Hermy.  And I've often heard her
say she'd kill for a good pork roll.
     REDDI WHIP (97-1636) (13-13-6,43) of KILLING ME SOFTER fought HERMY (101-4) (0-
0-0,50) of the Louts Local.  REDDI WHIP outlasted HERMY in an action packed 7 minute
brutal bout.  Of course, after pigging out on a good pork roll, well, then it's a
different story.
     YOU'VE GOT SEATTLE (82-31563) (16-15-1,38) of IT'S THE SAME MOVIE! fought LAKE
SAILOR (101-2) (0-0-0,30) of the Louts Local.  YOU'VE GOT SEATTLE was overpowered by
LAKE SAILOR in a 1 minute one-sided fight.  The Lake Sailor wants to know what he's
supposed to DO with Seattle?  And you might just note that the standbys are now two
and one today.  Let's see how it goes with the other two matches.
     BROKEN TOE (56-3683) (37-62-1,66) of REDHORSE fought LINI DAWNWIND (11-5865)
(22-24-1,58) of KRILL CAVALRY.  BROKEN TOE defeated LINI DAWNWIND in an exciting 1
minute match.  I expected as much.  No gallantry, those Rirorni.
     DAIMYO (51-4219) (21-12-3,68) of RONIN fought MOUNTAIN GOAT (56-3700) (40-55-
3,64) of REDHORSE.  DAIMYO overpowered MOUNTAIN GOAT in a 1 minute uneven duel.  Hey,
he just wanted a sheepskin coat.  Winter's coming.  You gotta be prepared.

     PIT FIGHTER (51-4297) (19-17-1,73) of RONIN fought HARLEY THE CADAVER (18-5366)
(19-27-3,70) of STREET PIZZA.  PIT FIGHTER viciously subdued HARLEY THE CADAVER in an
exciting 2 minute gory duel.  You see?  I told you being dead isn't an impediment.
Harley didn't find it so, anyway.  Although, now that I look at him more closely, I
think he could stand a little clean-up.  Being dead doesn't mean you shouldn't be
clean, Harl.
     SOUL SCOURGE (59-2589) (26-6-0,140) of VILE REAVERS fought NINJA FERD (101-30)
(0-0-0,130) of the Louts Local.  SOUL SCOURGE was outwaited by NINJA FERD in an
action packed 7 minute brutal bout.  That's two seven-minute fights today.  Is seven
the Number of the Day?  And note that this puts the standbys at three and one.
     HUMMINGBIRD (56-3475) (38-46-0,132) of REDHORSE fought GAR & BRILL (38-4252)
(45-69-0,100) of JUST BECAUSE.  HUMMINGBIRD was beaten by GAR & BRILL in a 1 minute
duel.  Not that there's much meat on a hummingbird, especially when you brill it.
The damned thing's all feathers.
     KOOKABURRA (33-4151) (70-104-4,116) of GIRL SCOUT COOKIES fought WRETCHEDMISERY
(33-7255) (28-17-0,133) of CHAOTICDISORDER.  KOOKABURRA overpowered WRETCHEDMISERY in
an action packed 1 minute one-sided bout.  Well, they tell me that kookaburras laugh.
Sounds like it would be enough to lighten anyone's spirits, and no need for harsh
chemical bleaches, either.  Debby doesn't bleach her hair, in case you wondered.
It's naturally brassy.
     BRIARTHORN (12-5671) (36-31-1,148) of DARKMOON fought PINE LEAF (24-4580) (30-
34-0,117) of KRILL CAVALRY.  BRIARTHORN viciously subdued PINE LEAF in a popular 2
minute gruesome match.  This some kind of "battle of the trees"?  Listen, if you
expect me to do the spy report in cryptic couplets, you can forget it.

     MOOSE (56-3459) (30-42-0,124) of REDHORSE fought FLABBY-O (82-30720) (7-1-1,91)
of STREET PIZZAD XXII.  MOOSE was demolished by FLABBY-O in a 1 minute one-sided
fight.  This has gotta be a case of "was my face red!"  Less pizza, Moose, and you
might not succumb to flabby-o.
     FEALOST (1-3916) (57-82-1,179) of MOSSRUNNERS fought DEMONICHELLION (33-7038)
(27-20-2,147) of CHAOTICDISORDER.  FEALOST handily defeated DEMONICHELLION in a crowd
pleasing 1 minute gory uneven duel.  Nothing like a random match!  The handicapper
must be nuts, or taking payoffs.  One or the other.  And considering the size and
opulence of his lakefront estate, I can give you my opinion.
     HELM HAMMERHAND (31-5025) (35-24-0,169) of LORDS OF VALHALLA fought AEDON (7-
4295) (46-43-1,120) of BLADES OF ICE.  HELM HAMMERHAND overpowered AEDON in an
exciting 2 minute gory uneven fight.  That's the trouble with icy blades, see?  They
shatter if you hit 'em just so.  And Helm is good at hitting 'em just so.
     KONGOL (7-4524) (44-41-2,162) of BLADES OF ICE fought CAT IN THE HAT (24-3103)
(31-13-1,151) of THE SEUSS HEUSS.  KONGOL was handily defeated by CAT IN THE HAT in a
1 minute mismatched competition.  So many possibilities here!  Magic hat.  Hot cat.
The mysterious person in the stands who started playing music, catchy stuff, I admit,
that set Kongol dancing helplessly.  Whatever.
     CROOKED HOOF (56-3493) (43-36-0,167) of REDHORSE fought MAD DOC WILLIAMS (77-
2432) (35-19-0,159) of POSSE.  CROOKED HOOF overpowered MAD DOC WILLIAMS in a 1
minute one-sided match.  More kicking and trampling.  These horse guys are shameless.

     HALLIE O'DENE (58-6018) (74-98-0,186) of CIRQUE DU MASQUES fought LONG-NECKED
LARRY (101-22) (0-0-0,181) of the Louts Local.  HALLIE O'DENE savagely defeated LONG-
NECKED LARRY in a 2 minute brutal match.  Which brings the standbys in at three-two.
Some teams would be delighted with a turn like that.
     MOD COD (55-2638) (80-107-3,188) of RHYME TYME fought SPATHA (31-4996) (36-25-
2,159) of SOL INVICTUS.  MOD COD bested SPATHA in a popular 1 minute brawl.  Yes,
well, it looks like a spatha is not the right tool for filleting cod.  Gotta try
something else.
     BECKY (17-5782) (31-17-3,185) of BLADES OF STEEL fought LUNA TYCK (33-5761) (38-
39-1,189) of DRAKE'S PETTING ZOO.  BECKY viciously subdued LUNA TYCK in an exciting 1
minute bloody fray.  Exciting?  Messy, yes, when Becky squashed the tyck, but
exciting?  Remember, blood on your robes will stain.  Soak in cold water and hand-
wash.
     KALIDOR THE BOLD (11-6441) (31-9-0,219) of TUFT TUGGERS fought DESPERADO (77-
2459) (34-17-2,183) of POSSE.  KALIDOR THE BOLD defeated DESPERADO in a popular 3
minute bloody duel.  And what's more, he did it boldly.  Way to go.  Yes, yes, I see
it's uneven, but what fight isn't, when you come down to it?  Some matches between
total parries, maybe, but they aren't fights.

     Ah, the challenge matches.
     MISCHIEVOUS IMP (1-7627) (25-6-3,84) of SWEORDMASTERS challenged DUMPWEED (82-
13924) (21-2-0,92) of SUPERIOR FORCES B105.  Up 8.  MISCHIEVOUS IMP was devastated by
DUMPWEED in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge bout.  And what is this "dumpweed," we
ask?  Is it a new drug for which we must all be alert?  Or merely some invasive and
unsightly herb like the much-execrated tumbleweed?
     DRANDUS DE'VIR (71-4909) (20-13-0,74) of REALMS TUFTS challenged FAT BACK (96-
1610) (12-14-4,77) of KILLING ME SOFTLY.  Up 3.  DRANDUS DE'VIR devastated FAT BACK
in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge conflict.  Fried him all crispy, in fact.  Very
tasty, just going by the smell.  Pork rinds, ah!
     HEBEE (38-4359) (21-17-0,82) of ALL FINESSE challenged BRICK WALL (1-7478) (34-
31-0,88) of HOMICIDAL MANIACS.  Up 6.  HEBEE savagely defeated BRICK WALL in an
exciting 2 minute brutal Challenge fight.  I didn't expect it to take finesse to
knock down a brick wall.  Just brute strength.  Hmm.
     HELLACIOUS (1-7541) (25-6-1,136) of MANNEQUIN'S BEST challenged TICKLES (9-3486)
(68-98-1,140) of MY PETS.  Up 4.  HELLACIOUS overpowered TICKLES in an action packed
1 minute one-sided Challenge fight.  No surprise here.  After all, Hellacious is one
of Mannequin's BEST.
     CEER (96-1537) (15-11-4,122) of THE BLOODGUARD 2 challenged BUCK (1-2291) (53-
115-0,140) of MOSSRUNNERS.  Up 18.  CEER was overpowered by BUCK in a 2 minute uneven
Challenge duel.  Well... you can't fault Ceer's courage, even though you can question
his judgment.  Okay, I suppose you COULD fault his courage, but nobody listen.
     BRANFORD HAWKE (11-5077) (35-36-0,174) of TUFT TUGGERS challenged TENACIOUS (7-
5337) (44-20-1,190) of BATHTUB ARMADA.  Up 16, to Tenacious the Most Challenged.
BRANFORD HAWKE handily defeated TENACIOUS in a 2 minute uneven Challenge melee.  So,
can we guess that Branford was in it for the win?  This brings him up to an even
record, and another win will put him on the uphill side.  Not bad for two minutes'
work.

     KRAMER (47-5191) (23-14-0,190) of SECOND BANANAS challenged EXILE (7-4618) (39-
37-1,204) of BLADES OF ICE.  Up 14.  KRAMER was luckily beaten by EXILE in a crowd
pleasing 6 minute gory Challenge brawl.  A long fight, but seven is still the Number
of the Day.  And what's this about luck?  Does anyone really believe that LUCK has
that much to do with it?  Skill, nothing but.
     OBSESSED AVENGER (15-2162) (46-49-1,202) of DRAKE'S BAR-B-Q challenged SEX CAMEL
(82-25548) (26-26-4,209) of SWEET NOTHINGS.  Up 7.  OBSESSED AVENGER was viciously
subdued by SEX CAMEL in a 2 minute Challenge duel.  Hang in there, OA!  These little
set-backs occur in the life of every Hero.  At least the nefarious Camel has revealed
his vicious nature here.
     AGLIBOL (12-5848) (35-24-1,195) of DARKMOON challenged REDEMPTION (4-4868) (43-
30-2,255) of BLADES OF MIST.  Up 60.  AGLIBOL was defeated by REDEMPTION in a crowd 
pleasing 2 minute Challenge match.  Ah... can you say "reckless"?  Aglibol, what were
you THINKING?
     JOHN LONGSHORE (11-4197) (39-49-0,183) of TUFT TUGGERS challenged QUEEN AMAZONIA
(12-4796) (46-61-1,186) of DARKMOON.  Up 3.  JOHN LONGSHORE devastated QUEEN AMAZONIA
in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge contest.  Does this mean that Queen Amazonia won't
come ashore?  We've heard she's a ship's captain.
     ZLATINA ANGUELOVA (11-4856) (44-39-1,189) of TUFT TUGGERS challenged RAUNI (31-
5035) (33-19-0,191) of SOL INVICTUS.  Up 2.  ZLATINA ANGUELOVA demolished RAUNI in a
popular 2 minute one-sided Challenge melee.  That wasn't REALLY a hockey stick
Zlatina had, was it?

     And for the title:  NUTCRACKER (38-4380) (42-27-2,225) of ALL FINESSE challenged
R IS FOR REPUGNANT (99-1155) (36-16-4,259) of GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.  Up 34.  NUTCRACKER
was viciously butchered by R IS FOR REPUGNANT in a 3 minute fight.  Somebody here is
falling down on the job, one of the scribes in the Spy Reporters' office, I suppose.
Just LOOK at that descriptive phrase: "a three minute fight."  It SHOULD be "a three
minute title challenge fight."  Somebody, and I'm not naming any names but if he got
his head out of the bag he might guess who I mean, is really screwing up!  Tough
going, Nutcracker.  Better luck next time.

                                        Olaf

CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD          W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 R IS FOR REPUGNANT 99-1155  37  16  5  326  GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME (1306)  SOUTH RIDGE

GRAND CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 REDEMPTION 4-4868           44  30  2  268  BLADES OF MIST (780)       JHELUM
 KALIDOR THE BOLD 11-6441    32   9  0  232  TUFT TUGGERS (557)         ARUAK CITY
 SEX CAMEL 82-25548          27  26  4  217  SWEET NOTHINGS (1366)      DWES EG
 EXILE 7-4618                40  37  1  214  BLADES OF ICE (162)        BONSUR

GRAND CHAMPIONS               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 ZLATINA ANGUELOVA 11-4856   45  39  1  210  TUFT TUGGERS (557)         ARUAK CITY
 BRANFORD HAWKE 11-5077      36  36  0  207  TUFT TUGGERS (557)         ARUAK CITY
 NUTCRACKER 38-4380          42  28  2  203  ALL FINESSE (1236)         CLIFFHOME
 OBSESSED AVENGER 15-2162    46  50  1  196  DRAKE'S BAR-B-Q (313)      MALCORN
 AGLIBOL 12-5848             35  25  1  196  DARKMOON (1197)            RIZTAB
 JOHN LONGSHORE 11-4197      40  49  0  195  TUFT TUGGERS (557)         ARUAK CITY
 MOD COD 55-2638             81 107  3  193  RHYME TYME (449)           KHALANI
 BECKY 17-5782               32  17  3  193  BLADES OF STEEL (1068)     ALJAFIR
 KRAMER 47-5191              23  15  0  192  SECOND BANANAS (1363)      NORTH FORK
 HALLIE O'DENE 58-6018       75  98  0  191  CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093)   DELARQ TOR
 DESPERADO 77-2459           34  18  2  191  POSSE (1362)               MAZGOURRAH
 LUNA TYCK 33-5761           38  40  1  187  DRAKE'S PETTING ZOO (1075) NIATOLI ISLAND
 FEALOST 1-3916              58  82  1  186  MOSSRUNNERS (928)          MORDANT
 CROOKED HOOF 56-3493        44  36  0  184  REDHORSE (1325)            ROCANIS
 RAUNI 31-5035               33  20  0  182  SOL INVICTUS (1355)        CHIMLEVTAL

GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS       W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 QUEEN AMAZONIA 12-4796      46  62  1  174  DARKMOON (1197)            RIZTAB
 TENACIOUS 7-5337            44  21  1  172  BATHTUB ARMADA (1196)      BONSUR
 HELM HAMMERHAND 31-5025     36  24  0  172  LORDS OF VALHALLA (1208)   CHIMLEVTAL
 CAT IN THE HAT 24-3103      32  13  1  169  THE SEUSS HEUSS (804)      ZORPUNT
 SPATHA 31-4996              36  26  2  161  SOL INVICTUS (1355)        CHIMLEVTAL
 MAD DOC WILLIAMS 77-2432    35  20  0  153  POSSE (1362)               MAZGOURRAH
 KONGOL 7-4524               44  42  2  151  BLADES OF ICE (162)        BONSUR

GRAND ADEPTS                  W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 BRIARTHORN 12-5671          37  31  1  150  DARKMOON (1197)            RIZTAB
 HELLACIOUS 1-7541           26   6  1  149  MANNEQUIN'S BEST (1227)    MORDANT
 BUCK 1-2291                 54 115  0  148  MOSSRUNNERS (928)          MORDANT
 DEMONICHELLION 33-7038      27  21  2  145  CHAOTICDISORDER (1353)     NIATOLI ISLAND
 KOOKABURRA 33-4151          71 104  4  142  GIRL SCOUT COOKIES (812)   NIATOLI ISLAND
 TICKLES 9-3486              68  99  1  134  MY PETS (554)              ZUKAL
 SOUL SCOURGE 59-2589        26   7  0  133  VILE REAVERS (1370)        ILLIS
-CHARISMATIC 15-4607         35  27  0  132  TRIPLE CROWN (990)         MALCORN

GRAND ADEPTS                  W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 AEDON 7-4295                46  44  1  125  BLADES OF ICE (162)        BONSUR
 PINE LEAF 24-4580           30  35  0  123  KRILL CAVALRY (1364)       ZORPUNT
 GAR & BRILL 38-4252         46  69  0  121  JUST BECAUSE (1228)        CLIFFHOME
 CEER 96-1537                15  12  4  118  THE BLOODGUARD 2 (1369)    OLD VALAMANTIS
 FLABBY-O 82-30720            8   1  1  118  STREET PIZZAD XXII (1386)  DWES EG
 WRETCHEDMISERY 33-7255      28  18  0  114  CHAOTICDISORDER (1353)     NIATOLI ISLAND
 HUMMINGBIRD 56-3475         38  47  0  111  REDHORSE (1325)            ROCANIS
-FURIOUS TERROR 63-2248      30  21  0  111  CAR AND DRIVER (573)       AMEN-TEI
 DUMPWEED 82-13924           22   2  0  111  SUPERIOR FORCES B105 (1385 DWES EG

GRAND CHALLENGER INITIATES    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 MOOSE 56-3459               30  43  0   99  REDHORSE (1325)            ROCANIS
 HEBEE 38-4359               22  17  0   95  ALL FINESSE (1236)         CLIFFHOME

GRAND INITIATES               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 DRANDUS DE'VIR 71-4909      21  13  0   87  REALMS TUFTS (1344)        KYR'TERR
 BRICK WALL 1-7478           34  32  0   82  HOMICIDAL MANIACS (1082)   MORDANT
 MISCHIEVOUS IMP 1-7627      25   7  3   81  SWEORDMASTERS (1210)       MORDANT
 PIT FIGHTER 51-4297         20  17  1   80  RONIN (1376)               TRICORUS
 DAIMYO 51-4219              22  12  3   77  RONIN (1376)               TRICORUS
 BROKEN TOE 56-3683          38  62  1   70  REDHORSE (1325)            ROCANIS
 HARLEY THE CADAVER 18-5366  19  28  3   68  STREET PIZZA (173)         TALCAMA
 FAT BACK 96-1610            12  15  4   67  KILLING ME SOFTLY (1367)   OLD VALAMANTIS
-JIMMY WONG 1-7674           18   6  2   62  LAB EXPERIMENTS (1207)     MORDANT
 MOUNTAIN GOAT 56-3700       40  56  3   58  REDHORSE (1325)            ROCANIS
-DEADWOOD 65-6669            17   4  2   57  POSSE (1388)               DAL SHANG
 LINI DAWNWIND 11-5865       22  25  1   55  KRILL CAVALRY (1358)       ARUAK CITY
-JACK MCFARLAND 47-5481      16   6  1   55  SECOND BANANAS (1363)      NORTH FORK
 REDDI WHIP 97-1636          14  13  6   55  KILLING ME SOFTER (1368)   SHADOW GROVE
 PORK ROLL 97-1634           11  16  5   46  KILLING ME SOFTER (1368)   SHADOW GROVE
 YOU'VE GOT SEATTL 82-31563  16  16  1   24  IT'S THE SAME MOVIE! (1382 DWES EG

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                    W   L  K TEAM NAME              SLAIN BY              TURN
NUTCRACKER 38-4380         42  28  2 ALL FINESSE 1236       R IS FOR REPUGNAN 99-1 437

                               PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE

Crooked Hoof -- Errant Evil Equine!  Never shall you succeed in stealing our good
apple pie!  For I am the Protector of Pastries, Curator of Cakes and Sentinel of
Strudels!  I AM the Obsessed Avenger!

Fealost -- And that's what you get for not writing any personal ads. -- Luna Tyck

     Yeah!

Olaf -- Constables?!  Where?! -- Drake

     Us.  Or at least, you.  If that's what Home Guard is doing.  I think.  I don't
     remember exactly what we were saying last time.

Nutcracker -- Damn it, I was going to challenge you again, but at the last minute
Tankesh came in and told me no!  He said he was tired of me losing and to put my ego
aside.  Ego my ass, look who's talking!?  What a wuss.  The split is coming soon, and
he says I couldn't catch up even if I won every fight until then.  Some people got no
nuts, and I'm not talking women like me! -- Zlatina
P.S.  You win I guess.  Not sure why, but I always underperform, and you always hit
your target, dang it.
P.P.S.  Care to play a game of hockey?

Cat in the Hat -- Wow, that hat sure makes you tall!  It is so colorful, too.  I just
wish I still had hair. -- Dr. Longshore

     But without hair, you can absolutely sure of not having a bad hair day.

     Bad scalp day? -- Ed.

Soul Scourge -- You've been purged. -- Branford

Broken Toe -- Oh, you had me and then wimped out.  Wuss. -- Drandus

Exile -- That is the way my fights should usually go, even against the ABs.  A very
valiant attempt on your part. -- Kalidor

Obsessed Avenger -- Look here you Virulent Vespine!  I am a holy warrior, bringer of
justice, a true man of righteousness.  You are merely a pretender who can see no
further then his own ego, and accosts anyone who steps on the sands before you,
regardless of who they are, of which you obviously lack knowledge.  So begone you
Caustic Cur, until your obssesiveness is tempered by knowledge and wisdom! -- Kalidor
the Bold

     What's a "vespine"?  I don't find it in my dictionary.  (Websters not-so-New
     International)  The closest I could come was "vespid," of or pertaining to a
     family of wasps.

     Pretty much the same thing, just wasps in general rather than a family thereof.
     I must say I never thought of wasps as being particularly family oriented
     creatures though. -- Ed.

Drake -- So what did you come up with for team names on Drake's Dry-cleaners? --
Tankesh

Sex Camel -- Well, I still say it's weird. -- Hallie O'Dene
P.S.  The whole idea, you know?  Who'd want to have sex with a camel, except, of
course, another camel, and even then...well, I still find it hard to imagine.
P.P.S.  I expect it's because you're too eager.  Dwarves have no sense of proportion.
Which makes a kind of sense, what with you being so short and all.

Hellacious -- You don't find that limits your dating oportunities? -- Pine Leaf

Gar & Brill -- The Brick Wall apparently wants me to tell you that you are
"improperly installed."  Put that on your brill and gaste it. -- Hallie O'Dene

     So there.

Flabby-O -- Frankly disgusting. -- Lini Dawnwind

Obsessed Avenger -- Be careful with the thesaurus, though.  They can be dangerous if
angered, and sometimes dust makes them sneeze, which angers them.  Then you have a
monster on the loose! -- Hallie O'Dene

Luna Tyck -- Nice comeback. -- Fealost

     Tycks are masters and mistresses of the snappy reply.

Ceer -- It's no point hitting me in the head.  That's not one of my vital areas.
Good challenge, though. -- Buck

Drandus De'Vir -- I don't understand how I got worn out that fast.  It's not like
you're a scum or anything.  I think I'd better start eating more fiber. -- Broken Toe

Obsessed Avenger -- Well... meeting Lady Greywand isn't all it's cracked up to be.
She was in, she was out, I didn't even get her autograph.  Thanks for nothin'. --
Crooked Hoof

Pine Leaf -- I didn't mean to kick you while you were down.  That was an accident,
honestly. -- Crooked Hoof

     Yeah, yeah, they all say that.

Oh!  Losing to a stand-in.  That was a very TOUGH ex-spyreporter though. --
Hummingbird

And then I lost to the same woman.  (flushing with embarrassment)  Katrina is
dangerous! -- Moose

Fat Back -- Get a gender, please, and lose some weight. -- Mountain Goat

     Hey, you want to eat lean meat, do it, but don't deny the rest of us our
     pleasures.

26 August 2006
The Avengers of Light.  Another VC lackey?  What's the matter VC, are you scared?
Bringing in reinforcements.  It matters not, bring your avengers and they shall be
crushed!  I am Dark Knight Blackstorm and I represent the Desolate Empire and can
easily be found in 8, 28, 31, 47, 54, and 106.  I reply with steel and your women
shall cry when they start the body count!!!!!!!!!  Remember to sign your posts to
whoever from the VC wrote that earlier Ad. -- Dark Knight Blackstorm

4 September 2006
Civil War/The Crusades

The next edition of the Civil War series is to be held in Tobir, arena 14, beginning
November 25th with a round where all participating managers must DA all 5 of their
warriors; in addition all warriors must be prefixed with an A an F or a D in the
following manner:  A-Broke Stroker or (A) Broke Stroker.  Names simply beginning with
the letter of your federation will NOT count as properly prefixed!  Existing teams
are welcome but no warrior who survives the DA who had prior Fight Experience (arena
or tourney) will be allowed to score or challenge into the contest teams.  There will
be an equal number of teams set up for each of the three factions (Andorian, Free
Blades, and Delarquan) to create sides as equal as possible.  This along with the DA
round should set up pretty equal footing for all managers.  After the DA there will
be another round where you can either DA again or fight your new, or surviving,
warriors so they will be set up to challenge an opponent beginning on round 1.  So as
a recap DA round, turn 0, then turn 1 it begins with the following rules:

The Civil War to be held in arena 14.
- The contest runs for 10-28 turns (barring ties).
- No tourney participation allowed.  Teams with warriors participating in any
  tournament are disqualified.
- An even number of teams per faction worked out by the Faction Leaders.  No later
  substitutions are allowed.
- If a manager brings in a second team and challenges into the contest he is DQ'd and
  his side will fight one team short!
- Three factions will be participating:  Andorian, Delarquan, Free Blades
- Everyone prefixes their warrior with A-, F-, or D- (No prefix = disqualification of
  the warrior)
- Turn DA:  (The DA Round) November 25, 2006.  Every warrior must DA.  (Warriors not
  DA'd on Turn 0 are disqualified)
- Turn 0:  December 9th, 2006.  There will be no scoring this turn it is meant to
  allow for challenges on turn 1.
- Turn 1+:  Scoring as detailed below
- Each team gets 1 point for defeating a warrior from an opposing team.
- Fights against warriors on your team do not generate points in any situation.
- The team with the most points each turn gets a Battle Point (if there is a tie for
  the most points then no Battle Points are accrued)
- The first team to 10 Battle Points wins the war
- Managers of teams on the winning side each receive a +1 bonus potion to be used on
  a warrior on their contest team.  This must be applied within a month of the
  conclusion of the contest and the team must have been active on the last turn of
  the contest.

Anyone wishing to participate, and feels they can probably stick around for the
duration (don't want to handicap a side, of course unforeseeable events cannot be
planned for), should either diplo me at THE DEATH SQUAD(63) in Tobir (arena 14) or
place a personal ad in the arena.  You may also contact me via the Duel2.com boards!
Let me know which faction you would like to fight for!  This contest is intended to
be open to ALL managers wishing to pit themselves against each other to try and
determine which faction has the best managers! -- Street Legal

14 September 2006
     I am back in the arena and thinking back to those days in 1984 where I was a
novice and clueless manager.
     Now, 22 years later it looks like I am an ancient and once again clueless
manager.
     I am looking to recover some old warriors.  Since none of them are Aimed Blows,
they are no threat to win anything.  I just want to see how they turned out.

The Couatl 2-17
Madam Butterfly 20-701
Gypsy Moth 20-703
King Crab 21-1
Priestess Python 26-1388

Please contact me at DekeYoung@Comcast.net if you know about any of these ancient
warriors, or just want to bs about the old, old, old times.

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

NUTCRACKER was viciously butchered by R IS FOR REPUGNANT in a 3 minute fight.
ZLATINA ANGUELOVA demolished RAUNI in a popular 2 minute one-sided Challenge melee.
JOHN LONGSHORE devastated QUEEN AMAZONIA in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge contest.
AGLIBOL was defeated by REDEMPTION in a crowd pleasing 2 minute Challenge match.
OBSESSED AVENGER was viciously subdued by SEX CAMEL in a 2 minute Challenge duel.
KRAMER was luckily beaten by EXILE in a crowd pleasing 6 minute gory Challenge brawl.
BRANFORD HAWKE handily defeated TENACIOUS in a 2 minute uneven Challenge melee.
CEER was overpowered by BUCK in a 2 minute uneven Challenge duel.
HELLACIOUS overpowered TICKLES in a action packed 1 minute one-sided Challenge fight.
HEBEE savagely defeated BRICK WALL in a exciting 2 minute brutal Challenge fight.
DRANDUS DE'VIR devastated FAT BACK in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge conflict.
MISCHIEVOUS IMP was devastated by DUMPWEED in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge bout.
KALIDOR THE BOLD defeated DESPERADO in a popular 3 minute bloody duel.
BECKY viciously subdued LUNA TYCK in a exciting 1 minute bloody fray.
MOD COD bested SPATHA in a popular 1 minute brawl.
HALLIE O'DENE savagely defeated LONG-NECKED LARRY in a 2 minute brutal match.
CROOKED HOOF overpowered MAD DOC WILLIAMS in a 1 minute one-sided match.
KONGOL was handily defeated by CAT IN THE HAT in a 1 minute mismatched competition.
HELM HAMMERHAND overpowered AEDON in a exciting 2 minute gory uneven fight.
FEALOST handily defeated DEMONICHELLION in a crowd pleasing 1 minute gory uneven duel.
MOOSE was demolished by FLABBY-O in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
BRIARTHORN viciously subdued PINE LEAF in a popular 2 minute gruesome match.
KOOKABURRA overpowered WRETCHEDMISERY in a action packed 1 minute one-sided bout.
HUMMINGBIRD was beaten by GAR & BRILL in a 1 minute duel.
SOUL SCOURGE was outwaited by NINJA FERD in a action packed 7 minute brutal bout.
PIT FIGHTER viciously subdued HARLEY THE CADAVER in a exciting 2 minute gory duel.
DAIMYO overpowered MOUNTAIN GOAT in a 1 minute uneven duel.
BROKEN TOE defeated LINI DAWNWIND in a exciting 1 minute match.
YOU'VE GOT SEATTLE was overpowered by LAKE SAILOR in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
REDDI WHIP outlasted HERMY in a action packed 7 minute brutal bout.
PORK ROLL was devastated by HERMY in a crowd pleasing 2 minute brutal one-sided duel.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|AIMED BLOW                      10         STRIKING ATTACK   51 -  37 -  0      58  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  9         BASHING ATTACK    28 -  23 -  0      55  |
|LUNGING ATTACK                   9         SLASHING ATTACK   20 -  18 -  0      53  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    7         AIMED BLOW        42 -  40 -  2      51  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      7         LUNGING ATTACK    46 -  45 -  0      51  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  5         PARRY-RIPOSTE     10 -  10 -  0      50  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   5         WALL OF STEEL     35 -  40 -  0      47  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    2         TOTAL PARRY       22 -  35 -  0      39  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      2         PARRY-LUNGE        6 -  10 -  0      38  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     1         PARRY-STRIKE       3 -   8 -  0      27  |

Turn 437 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

STRIKING ATTACK    7 -  2     SLASHING ATTACK    2 -  3         4  AIMED BLOW     
LUNGING ATTACK     6 -  3     BASHING ATTACK     2 -  3         2  WALL OF STEEL  
WALL OF STEEL      4 -  3     TOTAL PARRY        1 -  6         2  LUNGING ATTACK 
AIMED BLOW         5 -  5     PARRY-LUNGE        0 -  2         1  STRIKING ATTACK
PARRY-RIPOSTE      1 -  1     PARRY-STRIKE       0 -  1         1  PARRY-STRIKE   
                                                                1  PARRY-RIPOSTE  

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
AIMED BLOW       R IS FOR REPUGNAN 99-1155  37  16  5  326 GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME (1306)
STRIKING ATTACK  REDEMPTION 4-4868          44  30  2  268 BLADES OF MIST (780)
WALL OF STEEL    KALIDOR THE BOLD 11-6441   32   9  0  232 TUFT TUGGERS (557)
LUNGING ATTACK   SEX CAMEL 82-25548         27  26  4  217 SWEET NOTHINGS (1366)
PARRY-STRIKE     OBSESSED AVENGER 15-2162   46  50  1  196 DRAKE'S BAR-B-Q (313)
PARRY-RIPOSTE    JOHN LONGSHORE 11-4197     40  49  0  195 TUFT TUGGERS (557)
SLASHING ATTACK  DESPERADO 77-2459          34  18  2  191 POSSE (1362)
PARRY-LUNGE      LUNA TYCK 33-5761          38  40  1  187 DRAKE'S PETTING ZOO (1075)
BASHING ATTACK   QUEEN AMAZONIA 12-4796     46  62  1  174 DARKMOON (1197)
TOTAL PARRY      TENACIOUS 7-5337           44  21  1  172 BATHTUB ARMADA (1196)

The overall popularity leader is MOD COD 55-2638.  The most popular warrior this turn 
was EXILE 7-4618.  The ten other most popular fighters were KRAMER 47-5191, REDDI 
WHIP 97-1636, DESPERADO 77-2459, BRIARTHORN 12-5671, SOUL SCOURGE 59-2589, REDEMPTION 
4-4868, SEX CAMEL 82-25548, BRANFORD HAWKE 11-5077, PIT FIGHTER 51-4297, and 
NUTCRACKER 38-4380.

The least popular fighter this week was YOU'VE GOT SEATTLE 82-31563.  The other ten 
least popular fighters were MOUNTAIN GOAT 56-3700, MOOSE 56-3459, KONGOL 7-4524, MAD 
DOC WILLIAMS 77-2432, SPATHA 31-4996, PORK ROLL 97-1634, LINI DAWNWIND 11-5865, 
DAIMYO 51-4219, HUMMINGBIRD 56-3475, and WRETCHEDMISERY 33-7255.

Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  
MORDANT(1)           3  2 0  ZORPUNT(24)          1  1 0  DELARQ TOR(58)       1  0 0  
JHELUM(4)            1  0 0  CHIMLEVTAL(31)       1  2 0  ILLIS(59)            0  1 0  
BONSUR(7)            1  3 0  NIATOLI ISLAND(33)   1  3 0  KYR'TERR(71)         1  0 0  
ZUKAL(9)             0  1 0  CLIFFHOME(38)        2  1 0  MAZGOURRAH(77)       0  2 0  
ARUAK CITY(11)       4  1 0  NORTH FORK(47)       0  1 0  DWES EG(82)          3  1 0  
RIZTAB(12)           1  2 0  TRICORUS(51)         2  0 0  OLD VALAMANTIS(96)   0  2 0  
MALCORN(15)          0  1 0  KHALANI(55)          1  0 0  SHADOW GROVE(97)     1  1 0  
ALJAFIR(17)          1  0 0  ROCANIS(56)          2  3 0  SOUTH RIDGE(99)      1  0 1  
TALCAMA(18)          0  1 0  

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 FEALOST 1-3916              58  82  1  186  MOSSRUNNERS (928)          MORDANT
 REDEMPTION 4-4868           44  30  2  268  BLADES OF MIST (780)       JHELUM
 EXILE 7-4618                40  37  1  214  BLADES OF ICE (162)        BONSUR
 TICKLES 9-3486              68  99  1  134  MY PETS (554)              ZUKAL
 KALIDOR THE BOLD 11-6441    32   9  0  232  TUFT TUGGERS (557)         ARUAK CITY
 AGLIBOL 12-5848             35  25  1  196  DARKMOON (1197)            RIZTAB
 OBSESSED AVENGER 15-2162    46  50  1  196  DRAKE'S BAR-B-Q (313)      MALCORN
 BECKY 17-5782               32  17  3  193  BLADES OF STEEL (1068)     ALJAFIR
 HARLEY THE CADAVER 18-5366  19  28  3   68  STREET PIZZA (173)         TALCAMA
 CAT IN THE HAT 24-3103      32  13  1  169  THE SEUSS HEUSS (804)      ZORPUNT
 RAUNI 31-5035               33  20  0  182  SOL INVICTUS (1355)        CHIMLEVTAL
 LUNA TYCK 33-5761           38  40  1  187  DRAKE'S PETTING ZOO (1075) NIATOLI ISLAND
 NUTCRACKER 38-4380          42  28  2  203  ALL FINESSE (1236)         CLIFFHOME
 KRAMER 47-5191              23  15  0  192  SECOND BANANAS (1363)      NORTH FORK
 PIT FIGHTER 51-4297         20  17  1   80  RONIN (1376)               TRICORUS
 MOD COD 55-2638             81 107  3  193  RHYME TYME (449)           KHALANI
 CROOKED HOOF 56-3493        44  36  0  184  REDHORSE (1325)            ROCANIS
 HALLIE O'DENE 58-6018       75  98  0  191  CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093)   DELARQ TOR
 SOUL SCOURGE 59-2589        26   7  0  133  VILE REAVERS (1370)        ILLIS
 DRANDUS DE'VIR 71-4909      21  13  0   87  REALMS TUFTS (1344)        KYR'TERR
 DESPERADO 77-2459           34  18  2  191  POSSE (1362)               MAZGOURRAH
 SEX CAMEL 82-25548          27  26  4  217  SWEET NOTHINGS (1366)      DWES EG
 CEER 96-1537                15  12  4  118  THE BLOODGUARD 2 (1369)    OLD VALAMANTIS
 REDDI WHIP 97-1636          14  13  6   55  KILLING ME SOFTER (1368)   SHADOW GROVE
 R IS FOR REPUGNANT 99-1155  37  16  5  326  GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME (1306)  SOUTH RIDGE