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Date   : 12/13/2006    Duedate: 12/26/2006

HOME GUARD

DM-101    TURN-443

RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %  RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %
  1 REALMS TUFTS 71/1344  390  258  4 60.2      DRAKE'S PETTING ZOO 33/1075           
  2 STREET PIZZA 18/173   421  338  3 55.5    7 LORDS OF VAL 31/1208   41   47  0 46.6
    KILLING ME SOFTLY 96/1367                 8 JUST BECAUSE 38/1228  439  582  9 43.0
    KILLING ME SOFTER 97/1368                 9 REDHORSE 56/1325      286  416  1 40.7
    IT'S THE SAME MOVIE! 82/1382                MOSSRUNNERS 1/928                     
  3 BLADES OF ICE 7/162   424  348  9 54.9   10 MY PETS 9/554         567  836 15 40.4
    BLADES OF MIST 4/780                        RHYME TYME 55/449                     
    BLADES OF STEEL 17/1068                     THE SEUSS HEUSS 24/804                
  4 ALL FINESSE 38/1236   238  209  2 53.2      GIRL SCOUT COOKIES 33/812             
    MANNEQUIN'S BEST 1/1227                  11 KRILL CAVALR 11/1358  532  896  6 37.3
    BATHTUB ARMADA 7/1196                       CIRQUE DU MASQUES 58/1093             
    SWEORDMASTERS 1/1210                        HOMICIDAL MANIACS 1/1082              
    SECOND BANANAS 47/1363                      KRILL CAVALRY 24/1364                 
    THE BLOODGUARD 2 96/1369                    WHIPPERSNAPPERS 66/1097               
  5-WAY TO GO! I 73/1397  806  748 11 51.9   12 STEEL WOLVES 17/1392    0    2  0  0.0
  6-DRAKE'S BAR-B 15/313  167  188  5 47.0

    '##/###' Avoid teams by their Team Id     '-'  Team did not fight this turn

                             REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER

     Novgorodny Vir, Butinski of Butinskis, came by and offered to "show me how it's 
done."  As if he knows from beans!  This is his pathetic product, to be followed by 
my own astute observations:

     It is I, Novgorodny Vir, Spymaster of Spymasters.  Look on my work, ye mighty, 
and despair!  BLADES OF STEEL had cause to celebrate, after BECKY got 32 points by 
beating FEALOST.  Win some, lose some.  Speaking of which, FAST-FINGERS FRED was 
winsome, after beating HELM HAMMERHAND and seeing him lose 25 points.  MOD COD 
successfully staved off a grab for the roses by REDEMPTION of BLADES OF MIST.  Does 
HOME GUARD have no one talented enough to dethrone him?  So who's the team that's 
been walking into taverns last week and ordering milk?  Sounds like a PR stunt to me.
     A Zenmaster once told me, 'Does not the spinning wheel turn?  And do not the 
little birds cry out?'  Any ideas?  If challenges were horses, BROKEN TOE could open 
up a fast food joint!  Word has it HELLACIOUS suffered a romantic setback.  Note how 
she challenged HALLIE O'DENE, 27 points hers senior.  The gods smiled upon 
HELLACIOUS, in hers upset fight against HALLIE O'DENE.  HELLACIOUS gets a win, 25 
points, and a free drink on me.  (Next week, OK?) Do my ears deceive me?  VAXTON 
(outclassed by 40 points) challenged BROKEN TOE, in what promises to be a fight.(!) 
Like a mother cat batting her overly rambunctious kitten into submission, BROKEN TOE 
quashed VAXTON.  But VAXTON, if at first you don't succeed...
     The moving sword slashes, and having slashed, moves on...  Oh hard!  that to 
strike a flame, the match itself must needs be wasting!
     Leave me now, you base fools!  Keep those sands bloody and the buzzards fat!  Do 
not despair!  I shall return!-- Novgorodny Vir

     We had a mere eighteen fights, five challenges, three standbys, which means only 
thirty-three active warriors.  I expect to see an improvement in the new year!  But 
in the mean, and sometimes even vicious, time, here are the fights in question.
     FAT BACK (96-1610) (16-16-4,86) of KILLING ME SOFTLY fought HERMY (101-4) (0-0-
0,50) of Louts Local 101.  FAT BACK savagely defeated HERMY in an exciting 4 minute 
brutal bout.  This caused a certain amount of heartburning (no, really, that's what 
they said!) among the standbys, because Hermy's on a diet and really, REALLY resented 
Fat's intrusion.  And unhappy standbys mean an unhappy arena.
     HARLEY THE CADAVER (18-5366) (19-33-3,55) of STREET PIZZA fought BRICK WALL (1-
7478) (34-37-0,36) of HOMICIDAL MANIACS.  HARLEY THE CADAVER was viciously subdued by 
BRICK WALL in a popular 4 minute brawl.  Can one accurately describe the actions of a 
passionless (nearly, anyway) golem as "vicious"?  As far as I can tell, unless your 
course has intersected that of a gladiatress named Swallowtail, the Brick Wall is 
totally indifferent.  In this instance, it simply fell on the Cadaver.  Not that I 
approve, being a cadaver myself.
     PINE LEAF (24-4580) (30-40-0,53) of KRILL CAVALRY fought REDDI WHIP (97-1636) 
(17-15-7,81) of KILLING ME SOFTER.  PINE LEAF was handily defeated by REDDI WHIP in a 
2 minute mismatched bout.  The reason this fight went two minutes?  The arenamaster 
was stunned by what he was seeing and it took him that long to intervene.  But that 
was definitely at least a PG performance.  Maybe R.
     YOU'VE GOT SEATTLE (82-31563) (20-17-1,73) of IT'S THE SAME MOVIE! fought MEAN 
SPIRIT (101-5) (0-0-0,70) of Louts Local 101.  YOU'VE GOT SEATTLE was overpowered by 
MEAN SPIRIT in a 1 minute uneven struggle.  You think Mean's name is a joke?  Not a 
bit of it.
     MOUNTAIN GOAT (56-3700) (43-58-3,82) of REDHORSE fought SNIPPER (66-3518) (22-
19-0,57) of WHIPPERSNAPPERS.  MOUNTAIN GOAT overcame SNIPPER in an action packed 1 
minute fight.  If I were Snipper, I'd try avoiding.  Although it isn't like that's 
going to happen.  To pro-active.  Still, the actions of the Goat don't bear close 
scrutiny, either.  Climbing up on the barrier that separates the sands from the 
stands, in order to jump down on his opponent?  Not the height of sportsmanship and 
Playing the Game.  (Don't ask me, "what game?"  Nobody talks about that.)
     MISCHIEVOUS IMP (1-7627) (26-11-3,100) of SWEORDMASTERS fought PORK ROLL (97-
1634) (15-17-5,86) of KILLING ME SOFTER.  MISCHIEVOUS IMP was bested by PORK ROLL in 
a crowd pleasing 4 minute bout.  People might think the Imp's manager is upset by 
this, but not so.  He privily informed me (in private) that he was delighted to 
discover some way to feed the Imp into somnolence.  Being a manager is not always 
easy.

     HELM HAMMERHAND (31-5025) (38-27-0,140) of LORDS OF VALHALLA fought FAST-FINGERS 
FRED (101-7) (0-0-0,110) of Louts Local 101.  HELM HAMMERHAND was devastated by FAST-
FINGERS FRED in a 1 minute one-sided battle.  Fred is not "easy."  A very tough 
customer, our Fred.  Never come between him and a beer.
     AEDON (7-4295) (49-46-1,137) of BLADES OF ICE fought DRANDUS DE'VIR (71-4909) 
(24-14-0,127) of REALMS TUFTS.  AEDON was savagely defeated by DRANDUS DE'VIR in a 
crowd pleasing 5 minute match.  Hard luck, Aedon, or maybe it was the pre-Solstice 
thaw?  No, seriously, we all know that ice blades are enchanted, so maybe the 
enchantment slipped?  That's been happening around here lately.
     KONGOL (7-4524) (47-44-2,166) of BLADES OF ICE fought HUMMINGBIRD (56-3475) (41-
49-0,144) of REDHORSE.  KONGOL overpowered HUMMINGBIRD in a popular 1 minute one-
sided melee.  Not to make light of your victory, Kongol, but a dumb little bird that 
burns its body-weight in honey for ten minutes' flying?  Not a smart opponent.  Duck 
soup.  Or hummingbird soup.
     FEALOST (1-3916) (60-85-1,184) of MOSSRUNNERS fought BECKY (17-5782) (34-20-
3,178) of BLADES OF STEEL.  FEALOST was slaughtered by BECKY in a 1 minute gory one-
sided duel.  Whoa!  Now there was an annoyed woman!  What had you been up to, 
Fealost, that she took such a hard line with you?
     GAR & BRILL (38-4252) (50-70-0,189) of JUST BECAUSE fought CROOKED HOOF (56-
3493) (47-38-0,163) of REDHORSE.  GAR & BRILL was vanquished by CROOKED HOOF in a 1 
minute one-sided duel.  We can sympathize with Crooked's disgust at the filthy 
kitchen used by Gar, but kicking it over and setting the locker room on fire may not 
be the answer.
     CAT IN THE HAT (24-3103) (36-14-1,181) of THE SEUSS HEUSS fought BUCK (1-2291) 
(58-116-0,176) of MOSSRUNNERS.  CAT IN THE HAT savagely defeated BUCK in an action 
packed 4 minute gruesome melee.  And why not, eh?  How could someone like Buck, with 
his anti-clothing bias, fathom the secrets of the Hat Trick?

     Ah, some challenge matches:
     VAXTON (17-2689) (19-26-0,57) of STEEL WOLVES challenged BROKEN TOE (56-3683) 
(42-63-1,97) of REDHORSE.  Up 40.  VAXTON was vanquished by BROKEN TOE in a 1 minute 
mismatched Challenge fight.  Vaxton, what were you THINKING?  I hope you were 
training skills for that fight and learned a lot of them.  And stamped on the 
relevant toe at every chance.
     CEER (96-1537) (16-16-4,138) of THE BLOODGUARD 2 challenged MOOSE (56-3459) (33-
45-0,156) of REDHORSE.  Up 18.  CEER subdued MOOSE in a crowd pleasing 1 minute 
Challenge competition.  No surprise here, as meese are not noted for quick thinking 
and decisive action.  And congratulations to Ceer for achieving a winning record.  
Always fun things to have, winning records.
     HEBEE (38-4359) (24-20-0,106) of ALL FINESSE challenged LINI DAWNWIND (11-5865) 
(26-26-1,112) of KRILL CAVALRY.  Up 6.  HEBEE bested LINI DAWNWIND in a popular 1 
minute gory Challenge contest.  Tcha, I have no patience with these flibertigibbets!  
I suppose Lini was up UNTIL dawn instead of getting a good night's sleep and rising 
AT dawn.  Naturally she lost.  What else could she do?
     HELLACIOUS (1-7541) (29-8-1,167) of MANNEQUIN'S BEST challenged HALLIE O'DENE 
(58-6018) (77-101-0,194) of CIRQUE DU MASQUES.  Up 27.  HELLACIOUS demolished HALLIE 
O'DENE in a popular 1 minute one-sided Challenge melee.  It would appear that 
Hellacious was well-named.  Or cognomened, as the case might be, since I can't 
imagine any sane mother looking down at a new baby and saying, I name you Hellacious.  
Mind you, I'm sure some have THOUGHT of it, but I don't seen any of 'em going through 
with it.
     TENACIOUS (7-5337) (48-22-1,195) of BATHTUB ARMADA challenged KOOKABURRA (33-
4151) (75-105-4,199) of GIRL SCOUT COOKIES.  Up 4.  TENACIOUS unbelievably bested 
KOOKABURRA in a crowd pleasing 5 minute Challenge fight.  What's to doubt?  Anybody 
can eat a box of Girl Scout cookies if they have determination and a quart of milk.

     And for the title:  MOD COD (55-2638) (85-108-3,229) of RHYME TYME fought 
REDEMPTION (4-4868) (48-31-2,224) of BLADES OF MIST.  MOD COD overpowered REDEMPTION 
in a 1 minute mismatched Title brawl.  Bad Redemption, BAD.  You were supposed to 
defeat this fossil fish!  Ah, well, some days just aren't worth getting up for.  Try 
harder next time, okay?

                                        Olaf

CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD          W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 MOD COD 55-2638             86 108  3  248  RHYME TYME (449)           KHALANI

GRAND CHAMPIONS               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 BECKY 17-5782               35  20  4  210  BLADES OF STEEL (1068)     ALJAFIR
 TENACIOUS 7-5337            49  22  1  203  BATHTUB ARMADA (1196)      BONSUR
 KOOKABURRA 33-4151          75 106  4  202  GIRL SCOUT COOKIES (812)   NIATOLI ISLAND
-LUNA TYCK 33-5761           39  44  1  196  DRAKE'S PETTING ZOO (1075) NIATOLI ISLAND
 HELLACIOUS 1-7541           30   8  1  192  MANNEQUIN'S BEST (1227)    MORDANT
 REDEMPTION 4-4868           48  32  2  190  BLADES OF MIST (780)       JHELUM
 CAT IN THE HAT 24-3103      37  14  1  188  THE SEUSS HEUSS (804)      ZORPUNT
 CROOKED HOOF 56-3493        48  38  0  186  REDHORSE (1325)            ROCANIS

GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS       W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
-OBSESSED AVENGER 15-2162    46  55  1  180  DRAKE'S BAR-B-Q (313)      MALCORN
 BUCK 1-2291                 58 117  0  179  MOSSRUNNERS (928)          MORDANT
 HALLIE O'DENE 58-6018       77 102  0  176  CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093)   DELARQ TOR
 FEALOST 1-3916              60  86  1  175  MOSSRUNNERS (928)          MORDANT
 KONGOL 7-4524               48  44  2  171  BLADES OF ICE (162)        BONSUR
 GAR & BRILL 38-4252         50  71  0  169  JUST BECAUSE (1228)        CLIFFHOME
 CEER 96-1537                17  16  4  153  THE BLOODGUARD 2 (1369)    OLD VALAMANTIS

GRAND ADEPTS                  W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 MOOSE 56-3459               33  46  0  143  REDHORSE (1325)            ROCANIS
 DRANDUS DE'VIR 71-4909      25  14  0  142  REALMS TUFTS (1344)        KYR'TERR
 HUMMINGBIRD 56-3475         41  50  0  141  REDHORSE (1325)            ROCANIS
 AEDON 7-4295                49  47  1  131  BLADES OF ICE (162)        BONSUR
 HELM HAMMERHAND 31-5025     38  28  0  115  LORDS OF VALHALLA (1208)   CHIMLEVTAL
 HEBEE 38-4359               25  20  0  115  ALL FINESSE (1236)         CLIFFHOME

GRAND ADEPTS                  W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 LINI DAWNWIND 11-5865       26  27  1  105  KRILL CAVALRY (1358)       ARUAK CITY

GRAND CHALLENGER INITIATES    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 PORK ROLL 97-1634           16  17  5  100  KILLING ME SOFTER (1368)   SHADOW GROVE
 BROKEN TOE 56-3683          43  63  1   99  REDHORSE (1325)            ROCANIS

GRAND INITIATES               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
-DEO VOLENTE 19-4751         24  17  1   90  JAGUAR WARRIORS (1398)     ZUWAYZA
 MISCHIEVOUS IMP 1-7627      26  12  3   89  SWEORDMASTERS (1210)       MORDANT
 FAT BACK 96-1610            17  16  4   88  KILLING ME SOFTLY (1367)   OLD VALAMANTIS
-QUIP 10-5668                24  11  2   85  QUBIT (1136)               KOLACT
 REDDI WHIP 97-1636          18  15  7   85  KILLING ME SOFTER (1368)   SHADOW GROVE
 MOUNTAIN GOAT 56-3700       44  58  3   84  REDHORSE (1325)            ROCANIS
 YOU'VE GOT SEATTL 82-31563  20  18  1   61  IT'S THE SAME MOVIE! (1382 DWES EG
 SNIPPER 66-3518             22  20  0   58  WHIPPERSNAPPERS (1097)     TARRGIR
 VAXTON 17-2689              19  27  0   57  STEEL WOLVES (1392)        ALJAFIR
 BRICK WALL 1-7478           35  37  0   51  HOMICIDAL MANIACS (1082)   MORDANT
 PINE LEAF 24-4580           30  41  0   51  KRILL CAVALRY (1364)       ZORPUNT
 HARLEY THE CADAVER 18-5366  19  34  3   43  STREET PIZZA (173)         TALCAMA

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                    W   L  K TEAM NAME              SLAIN BY              TURN
FEALOST 1-3916             60  86  1 MOSSRUNNERS 928        BECKY 17-5782          443

                               PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE

Reddi Whip -- Payback is a bitch... -- Drandus

     What if you happen to like dogs?

Redemption -- Why do I have the feeling I'm fighting nothing but children these days?
Well, children and a few fossils even longer in armor than I am.  Oh, well.  It may
not be much of a life, but it's the one I've got.  I believe the proper comment here
would be, "Good fight."  Take it as said, eh? -- Hallie O'Dene

Aedon -- Do I have to wait for the January thaw to defeat you?  I don't WANT to wait!
Oh, well.  "Good fight." -- Lini Dawnwind

You've Got Seattle -- And you can keep it, too!  All that rain, I don't see how
anyone can stand it. -- Pine Leaf

Reddi Whip -- I don't think the Brick Wall has a single clue to understanding what
you're about.  It seems to be thinking of you as some kind of cement with too much
sand in it, which I understand is crumbly.  (shrug)  Not exactly appropriate, as
images go, but the Wall has a rather limited repertoire. -- Hallie O'Dene

Fat Back -- That's the most insidious armor I've ever encountered.  Have you
considered perfecting and selling it?  Something along the lines of "Secure behind a
wall of fat, nothing can penetrate it." -- Snipper

14 November 2006
                                      A Tale of
                        Fusion Confusion Delusion Revolution
                                     as told by
                                Hammer the WordSmith

     SomeWhere Beyond ElseWhere and ElseWhen a hooded figure brooded upon the
lingering wisps of memory from days gone by.
     From the howling sands to the sanding howls the streams of thought bubbled and
flowed, winding endlessly entwined within the darkest recesses and lightest resources
of the learned and unlearned disciplines of managerial mayhem and manipulation.
     Nameless faces and faceless names floated in the swirling mists of madness
embalmed within the memories of one who knew he did not know how far reaching the
influences [both positive and negative] had rooted and flowered in the march of time
and energy expended in the historical markings of gladiatorial essence and excellence
experience.
     The tamed and the untamed coupled with the named and the unnamed resources that
spilt their sweat and blood on the sands of arenas both known and unknown had
metamorphosed into the dreamings and the schemings of the fadings of jadings and
paradings [in both public and private] amongst the elite and the indiscreet
posturings and babblings of managers becoming legends in their own minds and times.
     Hammer pondered upon beginnings and the seemingly endless myriad of endings
possibly possible among the interspersed and intertwined impossible possibilities
presently past and future.
     Echoing and reechoing in the vast depths and countless compartments along the
corridors of his mind, Hammer played and replayed the glories shared and dared in the
sixty-plus stabled arena on fabled Noblish Island DM 93.
     The training had been all too brief, but the competition generated by the multi
faceted personages inhabiting DM 93 and the sheer multitude of numbers had forever
instilled themselves in the heart and soul of the veteran manager [Hammer]; insomuch
that the migration to Niatoli Island DM 33 triggered the desire to emulate the glory
and the grandeur of the spectacle of stables vying for recognition from among the
virtually numberless no-name newbies making names for themselves as they numbered
their stables and accomplishments for all to see and behold, to the song and the
sound of the sight of clashing cold cruel steel simmering the flesh of gallant
gladiators consumed by the gory and the glory of crossing blades with the superior
and the inferior within the interior of Greywand's Global Gladiatorial Galaxy.
     Far far ago and long long away had many abandoned hope for a return to the
reminiscences revered by so many managers; predating even the generations of
gladiators graduating from Noblish Island and the years of yore and gore and
gallantry before.
     Rumblings and mumblings of a renovation rejuvenating the reflexes of managers
numbed by the numberless trysts of tourney tarnished stables began revolutionizing
the very fabric of time and space and time-honored tradition throughout the ranks of
visionary newbies and volatile veterans alike and dislike.
     History was being shaken to the core of the gore as glory and grandeur responded
to the revelry reverie revelations and reveille revolutionizing the creation of a new
arena in the making; populated by No-Tourney Warriors and Full Stable Participants
pledging to forge a new vision version of "The Fiercest and Best" for crossing blades
and crosser banter in the personal ads and team spotlight tomes.
     Now was the time for Hammer to emerge and once again merge his talent among the
gifted and grifted; answering the call to assemble the drifted [and to directly
divulge and converge with the dozens] for the destiny of destructive denizens
determined to build a new legacy upon the all-but-forgotten ashes of the old and
olden legends of times lost.
         [TIME JUMP]
     Hammer sifted the sands in the dead of night in the desert reaches [located
SomeWhere BeYond ElseWhere and ElseWhen] to discover 5 gladiators not tourney worthy,
yet interesting enough to begin their careers in a No-Tourney Arena!
     "They need not be dispatched to the Dark Arena," the veteran manager mused as he
sorted through paperwork long discarded and vaguely forgotten, "because there is
nothing like a good Blood Feud to provide inspiration for writing personal ads in the
arena newsletter! Besides, there are times when the replacement for a warrior wounded
mortally on the arena sands fares much better than the one exchanged from Torch
Light!"
     Fights by Torch Light were certainly deemed unnecessary as Hammer had already
deduced that a number of determined stables would undoubtedly congregate with High
Octane Warriors under the guidance of Higher Octane Managers to populate and
depopulate the new No-Tourney Arena currently under construction in DM 81.
     Fortunately his feeble foray into the desert would yield somewhat suitable
candidates for the newfound purposes Hammer had in mind.
     From among the candidates to be found Hammer would be rewarded in time by
BLOODFEUDS and REPLACEMENT WARRIORS aplenty!
     Deep into the night Hammer searched and searched until five not-so-promising
stables were uncovered in the waning hours before dawn.
     Ripper discards were scattered far and wide, but this was not the time or the
hour to let sentimental views cloud the issue at hand.  Future events would lend
themselves to a suitable Ripper replacement, especially with the prospects Hammer was
now sorting for his selection decision to dispatch to the Gladiatorial Commission for
processing.
     Most managers have the luxury of selecting the best group [or discarding the
worst group!] Hammer had the novelty of rounding up the castaways from the New
Stables paperwork accumulated long ago from Maximillian's Morya Madness contest in DM
28 that were deemed below inferior as contest prizes [and thus banished from sight!]
     Hammer scrutinized and agonized over which group of gladiators were worth the
sacks of gold coins he was prepared to release to the Gladiatorial Commission for
fees to MAINTENANCE his new stable in the No-Tourney Arena.
     After what seemed like long hours passing by, Hammer discarded one and then
another group of hopefuls.  After lengthy debate a third was cast aside.  Deciding
between the final two groups found Hammer going back to interview the rejected
candidates time and time again [until a final decision was made that Hammer could
live with and his new stable could die with!] before the final quirks were hammered
out and pen put to paper to process the prospective puny stable with the Gladiatorial
Commission.
     The only solace gained from the painful process was the knowledge that other
managers would be less tempted to run stables in DM 81 populated by their tourney-
worthy warriors [under the penalty of death imposed and enforced upon tourney
experienced gladiators by the Committee being formed to police and regulate such
matters!] as sworn to and signed in good faith by each registering manager.
         [TIME JUMP]
     Hammer had worked long and hard to find suitable candidates for his stable and
now it was time to begin their training.  The paperwork had been dispatched for
registration with the Gladiatorial Commission and now was the hour in which
preparation was paramount!
     Dispatch riders had arrived with the news that Considerable Bounty was being
offered as incentive rewards to those managers sending new stables to the No-Tourney
Arena.
     Hammer realized this would Up the Ante [causing greater pause in the managerial
community for selecting suitable stables!] as the creative competition was certain to
escalate and produce Serious Sword Slinging Stables Staining the Arena Sands Red!
     Obviously a serious upgrade in the quality of competition migrating to the No-
Tourney Arena in DM 81 would definitely work in favor of Hammer; enormously
increasing the death toll percentage potential amongst the ranks of his new start-up
stable in DM 81 [Sands Running Red and Blood Feuds Running Rampant as Undoubtedly
Expected!]
     Hammer observed the futility of his new warriors training [as well as they could
for what they were made from!] while recent memories came to the forefront of his
mind!
     When the paperwork was nearly completed and names were selected for each
Gladiator, Hammer decided to name the stable according to what he had discovered in
the darkness while searching during the dismal hours of the desert night.
     These warriors would probably be more well suited to fight by Torch Light had
they fallen into the possession of most other managers!
     Paper Warriors better suited to confronting Dark Arena Monsters [rather than
being fed to the Gladiatorial Lions certain to be populating the regular No-Tourney
Arena!]
     Specimens blatantly better suited for feeding upon agitated armadillo ants than
for striving to attain recognition and fame in the No-Tourney Arena [or any arena!]
     Thus was AARDVARK HAMMERZ birthed and born for Greatness or Disgrace!
         [TIME JUMP]
     Dispatch riders on winged steeds brought the news Hammer had been awaiting!
     Not since the days of training on Noblish Island in DM 93 had Hammer encountered
such collective enthusiasm for crossing blades in a selected arena such as DM 81
[recalling the time Hammer generated a gathering of newbies to transfer to Niatoli
Island in DM 33 to match wits and cross blades with the assembling veterans upon
graduation!]
     The Consortium had represented the veterans well in DM 33 with the SWEETNESS
stable managed by Sweety Pie.  Now the good news had arrived that The Consortium was
seen registering a stable named LIFE IMPACTS in the No-Tourney Arena!
     Former alliance mates Darque and Kat had reportedly registered DARQUE AGES and
KATHOUSE with the Gladiatorial Commission.
     Morya Madness combatant LePentarque from DM 28 had registered LA PENTARCHIE and
longtime fixture Drake in North Fork DM 47 [recently returned from a lengthy hiatus]
had been lured by the competition to register DRAKE'S HARDWARE.
     Deke [at the helm of DOC LEGRAND'S LAB] was instrumental in promoting the No-
Tourney Arena by repeatedly negotiating terms with the Gladiatorial Commission.
Others had laid the groundwork before him, but Deke raised the banner and carried it
the final distance [Supported by Countless Managers too numerous to mention!] Salute
Yourselves for Your Efforts are Most Graciously Applauded throughout Alastari!
     Apex had signed in with CAROLINA BLUE as had Ghab with ASSASSIN NATION.
     Another familiar name was found on the rolls as DeGotti registered CULT OF
BACCHUS followed by DOOM KNIGHTS managed by Blackstorm.
     Also on the rolls to be noted were AS SEEN ON TV II managed by Indimar and
RAGNAROK'S WOLVES by none other than ragnorokwolf.
     Nomad had signed on with PHANTOM REGIMENT and Silas followed suit with
GRIFFONRAWL MMA.
     Another notable signature was that of MasterBeru with CHILDHOOD HEROES and a
penchant for scribing Team Spotlights [A Plus in Any Arena!]
     Detective Kellumbo had followed the clues and was observed enroute to
registering a yet unannounced stable [such are the ways of sleuthhounds and such!]
     Rumor had it that the manager known as Roadkill was on his way to register a
stable after his namesake and Slugbait was close behind [obliviously lost in
thought!]
     Finally [in no particular disorder!] managers Grimm, Woody, Terminator, Den and
Bill were also seen elbowing their way through the gathering registration crowd to
officially announce their participation in the No-Tourney Arena.
     COUNTLESS OTHER MANAGERS were known to be pondering the consequences of sending
stables to a No-Tourney Arena and had yet to make the commitment public knowledge as
to their intentions.
     Howbeit the Gladiatorial Commission was reportedly swamped with requests for New
Stable Registration Forms [whether for the Tempe Facer or No-Tourney Arena was
anybody's guess at the present time!]
     Judging from the furtive figures darting and ducking in the shadows and
alleyways throughout Alastari [as well as those huddled in taverns or communicating
with one another by various means available!] the success of such a No-Tourney Arena
was Ballooning far Beyond the Expectations of the Promoters and Petitioners Bar None!
     HAMMER WAS UNDERSTANDABLY ENTHUSED BEYOND MEASURE BECAUSE the No-Tourney Arena
had the Best Potential for attracting and assembling a congregation of competitors
rivaling the numbers of Noblish Island from days gone by!
       JANUARY 2007 MARKS THE BEGINNING of a Journey where both Newbies and Veterans
join together in a Historic Assemblage Celebrating the Crossing of Blades between
some of the Best Managed Stables in all of Alastari [Known and Unknown!]
                 "May Your Blades Be Sharp and Your Wits Sharper"
                                               Hammer
                                          Minister of War

30 November 2006
NEED A TURF WAR ALLIANCE??  Master Beru, Wretch, Reaper, and Xoan have come together
to form an Alliance for the TURF WAR in DM47 with no regards for experience in
competitions or even the game.  If you want to enjoy the thrills of the competition,
we have space for up to three more managers.  Contact Master Beru at
d_spinella@msn.com for more information or send a note to Master Beru at DM 29--Army
of Darkness.  If you are interested, we need to move quickly, since the contest
starts in January and there are a few requirements to meet to participate.  May your
blades find the chinks in your enemy's armor. -- Master Beru

6 December 2006
ANNOUNCING THE NO-TOURNAMENT ARENA (81)

As an American I honor my cultural heritage by stealing any good idea.  This idea was
originally proposed by Lord Xiang in November 2005.  RSI will be opening the arena
(81) for teams willing to sign the following pledge:

*  I pledge that I will not send warriors from this arena to a Tournament, nor will I
   use a Tournament prize on a warrior from this arena.
*  I pledge to run a full team when I run turns in this arena.  If circumstances
   preclude my running less than a full team I will notify the Player Committee.
*  I agree to abide by the decisions of the Player Committee.
*  I understand that any warrior that participates in a Tournament shall be sent to
   the Dark Arena until they are dead.
*  I understand that any warrior that receives a Tournament prize shall be send to
   the Dark Arena until they are dead.

The following are the rules for joining this No-Tournament arena
1.  No tournament play for warriors in this arena (Dead tournament or otherwise).
2.  One team per manager.
3.  Teams start with new rollup (or a zero fight equivalent team is transferred into
    this arena.)
4.  No tourney prizes allowed to modify warriors in the arena.
5.  Twenty teams required, per RSI.
6.  Waivers are required to allow self-regulation on tourney ban, granting RSI
    authority to Dark Arena any warrior that participates in a Tournament (until the
    warrior is dead).
7.  Rotating council to enforce tourney ban and maintain arena integrity.

The main purpose of the Player Committee is to maintain fair play in the arena:
*  Warriors that participate in Tournaments will be sent to the Dark Arena until they
   are dead.  This means that the Player Committee has the power to send another
   player's warrior to the Dark Arena
*  Managers that abuse the rules of the Arena may be banned/transferred from the
   Arena.

The player with the most votes for Chairman will fill slot 1 [Chairperson] and that
term expires end of March 2007.
The player with the most votes overall will fill slot 5 and that term expires end of
November 2007.
The player with the second most votes overall will fill slot 4 and that term expires
end of September 2007.
The player with the third most votes overall will fill slot 3 and that term expires

end of November 2007.
The player with the fourth most votes overall will fill slot 2 and that term expires
end of May 2007.

During the month that the chairperson's term expires the Player Committee will select
one of the remaining 4 players to be the next chairperson.  During the month that any
member's term expires the arena will vote for a different player to join the Players'
Committee.

If you want to be a candidate for the player committee:
1.  Post a message in the Duel2 Forum at
    http://www.reality.com/duel2/modules.php?name=Forums
2.  E-Mail Deke at DekeYoung@Comcast.NET
3.  Send a Diplomatic Note to Doc LeGrand's Lab [ARENA 81]

There are 4 steps to joining this arena
1) Send in a new team rollup to RSI with the following pledge taped/stapled to the
rollup sheet, or transfer a ZERO FIGHT EQUIVALENT TEAM to Arena 81 and send RSI the
following form.

No-Tournament Arena (81)
*  I pledge that I will not send warriors from this team to a Tournament, nor will I
   use a Tournament prize on a warrior from this team.
*  I pledge to run a full team when I run turns in this arena.  If circumstances
   preclude my running less than a full team I will notify the Player Committee.
*  I agree to abide by the decisions of the Player Committee.
*  I understand that any warrior that participates in a Tournament shall be sent to
   the Dark Arena until they are dead.
*  I understand that any warrior that receives a Tournament prize shall be send to
   the Dark Arena until they are dead.

[Sign your name here ..............................................................]

2) [Optional] post a message on the Duel 2 Forums in the Creating a No-Tournament
   Arena thread
   http://www.reality.com/duel2/modules.php?name=Forums&file=viewtopic&t=2296&sid=
   94ebf69603ccaf5c7dbf1b19da799732
3) [Optional] send an e-mail to DekeYoung@Comcast.NET with your team name
4) [Optional] Send a Diplomatic Note to Doc LeGrand's Lab in Arena 81 with your team
   name and intent to join Arena 81 and abide by the Arena rules.

     RSI will be processing overviews for this arena as soon as you send them into
RSI.
     The first turn will run in January 2007.  This will be a normal speed arena.
     While I am encouraging everyone to use TEAM MAINTENANCE it is not mandatory.
The intent is that players that run turns will run a full team.  One warrior teams
are discouraged and will a topic for the Player Committee to resolve.
     I also encourage players to join the Duel2 Yahoo Group for faster updates and
feedback.  http://games.groups.yahoo.com/group/duel/

There are already 29 managers already committed to the project
x    Apex = CAROLINA BLUE -- Cf PC -- Cf PCC
x    Bill (I think this is the same person) = CLUB CUTTHROAT
x    Blackstorm = DARK ENCLAVE -- Cf PC
     Master Darque = DARQUE AGES
x    DeGotti = CULT OF BACCHUS
x    Deke = DOC LEGRAND'S LAB
     Den = BIG LAKE OUTCASTS
x    Drake = DRAKE'S HARDWARE -- Cf PC
     Ghab = ASSASSIN NATION
     Grimm = FURRY FURY
     Hammer = AARDVARK HAMMERZ
     Ikillu = BATTLE GRUNTS
x    Indimar = AS SEEN ON TV II
x    Kat = KATHOUSE
x    Kellumbo = KELLUMBO'S KIDS
x    Le Pentarque = LA PENTARCHIE
x    Master Beru = CHILDHOOD HEROES -- Cf PC
x    Nomad = DRAGONBANE GUILD
     Nuln = RED IRON KNIGHTS
x    Pauly = ALE HOUSE MERCS
     Ragnarokwolf = RAGNAROK'S WOLVES
x    Rillon = THE DRAUGS
x    Roadkill = STREET WALKERS
     Seraphim = LEGION OF SOLITUDE
     Silas = GRIFFONRAWL MMA
     SlugBait = ORCS HATE PHYSICS
x    Terminator = WARMASTERS
x    The Consortium = LIFE IMPACTS -- Cf PC -- Cf PCC
     Woody

X  = 17 Team Rollups received by RSI as of 29 November 2006
Cf = Candidate for
PC = Player Committee
PCC = Player Committee Chairperson

     Deke Young will not be part of the inaugural Player Committee, maybe later once
the Arena direction has been developed.
     Any questions can be directed to DekeYoung@Comcast.NET
     I will track Awards in Arena 81, which will be posted on a web site and included
in the following turn's newsletter.

The Honor of Sunset Award:
     The first team to reach 10 Team Kills.  In the case that there is more than one
team that achieves 10 Team Kills on the same turn, I will pay the Award to the team
with the most kills.  If two or more teams are tied for Team Kills, I will prolong
the contest until one team has the most Kills in the Arena (it does not have to be
one of the teams that first reached 10 Team Kills.)

The Race to Victory Award:
     The first team to reach 75 Team Wins.  In the case that there is more than one
team that reaches 75 Team wins on the same turn, I will pay the Award to the team
with the most wins.  If two or more teams are tied for Team Wins, I will prolong the
contest until one team has the most wins in the Arena (it does not have to be one of
the teams that first reached 75 Team Wins.)

The Commitment to Change Award:
     The first team to reach 125 Team Fights.  In the case that there is more than
one team that reaches 125 Team Fights on the same turn, I will pay the Award to the
team with the most fights.  If two or more teams are tied for Team Fights, I will
prolong the contest until one team has the most fights in the Arena (it does not have
to be one of the teams that first reached 125 Team Fights.)  I hope I never give out
this award {figure it out on your own.}

The Team Advancement Award:
     The first team to graduate 5 warriors to ADM.  In the case that there is more
than 1 team that graduates 5 warriors on the same turn, I will pay the Award to the
first team to graduate 6 warriors.  In the case that there is more than 1 team that
graduates 6 warriors on the same turn, I will pay the Award to the first team to
graduate 7 warriors, and so on.

The Iron Throne Award:
     The first team to hold the Duelmaster for 10 turns STARTING ON TURN 11.

The Stylemaster Award.
     The first team to hold the Stylemaster Award in 7 different styles, STARTING ON
TURN 11.  If two teams obtain Stylemaster Awards in 7 styles on the same turn, the
goal will be increased to 8 Styles.

Team Recognition Points:  The total recognition points for all warriors in the arena
The Iron Throne Ledger:  We will track who has been the Duelmaster every turn in
     Arena history.
Iron Throne Counter:  The total number of times a team has been the Duelmaster.
Composite Team Stylemaster awards:  The number of times a team has had any of the 10
     Stylemasters.  Having 2 Stylemasters = 2 points that turn.
Challenge win percentage:  How often your warriors win when they challenge.
Challenge Defender rate:  How often your warriors win when they WERE challenged.
Team Invitations:  Number of warriors graduated to ADM.
Team Graduation Rate:  Total team fights/Graduated Warriors.
Team Kill Percentage:  Total of team Kills/Team Fights
Team Death Percentage:  Total of Team Deaths/Team Fights
Team Revenge Rate: Number of Deaths/BloodFeuds Revenged (Note that the Dark Arena
     will be counted as not-revenged.)  You only get credit for one successful
     BloodFeud per death (though I encourage you to BloodFeud all 4 turns.)
Current Win Streaks:  Warriors that have gone the most turns without losing or
     missing a turn.
Team Yahtzee counter:  Number of times a team has gone 5-0 in a turn.
Team Bagel counter:  Number of times a team has fought without a win.
Team Dark Arena counter:  Number of times each team has used the Dark Arena.
The Most Feared (avoided) Team counter:  Number of turns that team was the most
     avoided team.

     We will create a web page just for Arena 81 category leaders.
     Hope to see you there. -- Deke

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

TENACIOUS unbelievably bested KOOKABURRA in a crowd pleasing 5 minute Challenge fight.
HELLACIOUS demolished HALLIE O'DENE in a popular 1 minute one-sided Challenge melee.
HEBEE bested LINI DAWNWIND in a popular 1 minute gory Challenge contest.
CEER subdued MOOSE in a crowd pleasing 1 minute Challenge competition.
VAXTON was vanquished by BROKEN TOE in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge fight.
MOD COD overpowered REDEMPTION in a 1 minute mismatched Title brawl.
CAT IN THE HAT savagely defeated BUCK in a action packed 4 minute gruesome melee.
GAR & BRILL was vanquished by CROOKED HOOF in a 1 minute one-sided duel.
FEALOST was slaughtered by BECKY in a 1 minute gory one-sided duel.
KONGOL overpowered HUMMINGBIRD in a popular 1 minute one-sided melee.
AEDON was savagely defeated by DRANDUS DE'VIR in a crowd pleasing 5 minute match.
HELM HAMMERHAND was devastated by FAST-FINGERS FRED in a 1 minute one-sided battle.
MISCHIEVOUS IMP was bested by PORK ROLL in a crowd pleasing 4 minute bout.
MOUNTAIN GOAT overcame SNIPPER in a action packed 1 minute fight.
YOU'VE GOT SEATTLE was overpowered by MEAN SPIRIT in a 1 minute uneven struggle.
PINE LEAF was handily defeated by REDDI WHIP in a 2 minute mismatched bout.
HARLEY THE CADAVER was viciously subdued by BRICK WALL in a popular 4 minute brawl.
FAT BACK savagely defeated HERMY in a exciting 4 minute brutal bout.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|STRIKING ATTACK                  8         LUNGING ATTACK    55 -  33 -  0      63  |
|LUNGING ATTACK                   7         PARRY-RIPOSTE      8 -   5 -  0      62  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      5         STRIKING ATTACK   45 -  37 -  1      55  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  3         AIMED BLOW        39 -  36 -  1      52  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    3         PARRY-LUNGE       10 -  12 -  0      45  |
|AIMED BLOW                       3         SLASHING ATTACK   17 -  22 -  0      44  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      2         WALL OF STEEL     25 -  33 -  1      43  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   2         BASHING ATTACK    18 -  24 -  0      43  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     0         TOTAL PARRY       24 -  33 -  0      42  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    0         PARRY-STRIKE       2 -   7 -  0      22  |

Turn 443 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

LUNGING ATTACK     7 -  0     TOTAL PARRY        2 -  3         3  STRIKING ATTACK
PARRY-LUNGE        1 -  1     STRIKING ATTACK    3 -  5         2  LUNGING ATTACK 
BASHING ATTACK     1 -  1     SLASHING ATTACK    1 -  2         2  TOTAL PARRY    
                              WALL OF STEEL      1 -  2         1  BASHING ATTACK 
                              AIMED BLOW         0 -  3         1  PARRY-LUNGE    
                              PARRY-STRIKE       0 -  0         1  SLASHING ATTACK
                              PARRY-RIPOSTE      0 -  0         1  PARRY-STRIKE   

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
LUNGING ATTACK   MOD COD 55-2638            86 108  3  248 RHYME TYME (449)
STRIKING ATTACK  BECKY 17-5782              35  20  4  210 BLADES OF STEEL (1068)
TOTAL PARRY      TENACIOUS 7-5337           49  22  1  203 BATHTUB ARMADA (1196)
BASHING ATTACK   KOOKABURRA 33-4151         75 106  4  202 GIRL SCOUT COOKIES (812)
SLASHING ATTACK  CROOKED HOOF 56-3493       48  38  0  186 REDHORSE (1325)
AIMED BLOW       HALLIE O'DENE 58-6018      77 102  0  176 CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093)
WALL OF STEEL    LINI DAWNWIND 11-5865      26  27  1  105 KRILL CAVALRY (1358)
PARRY-LUNGE      FAT BACK 96-1610           17  16  4   88 KILLING ME SOFTLY (1367)

The overall popularity leader is MOD COD 55-2638.  The most popular warrior this turn 
was DRANDUS DE'VIR 71-4909.  The ten other most popular fighters were PORK ROLL 
97-1634, KOOKABURRA 33-4151, CAT IN THE HAT 24-3103, HARLEY THE CADAVER 18-5366, FAT 
BACK 96-1610, HELLACIOUS 1-7541, HEBEE 38-4359, CEER 96-1537, BUCK 1-2291, and 
MISCHIEVOUS IMP 1-7627.

The least popular fighter this week was YOU'VE GOT SEATTLE 82-31563.  The other ten 
least popular fighters were VAXTON 17-2689, SNIPPER 66-3518, HELM HAMMERHAND 31-5025, 
HUMMINGBIRD 56-3475, FEALOST 1-3916, GAR & BRILL 38-4252, REDEMPTION 4-4868, LINI 
DAWNWIND 11-5865, HALLIE O'DENE 58-6018, and BRICK WALL 1-7478.

Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  
MORDANT(1)           2  3 0  ZORPUNT(24)          1  1 0  DELARQ TOR(58)       0  1 0  
JHELUM(4)            0  1 0  CHIMLEVTAL(31)       0  1 0  TARRGIR(66)          0  1 0  
BONSUR(7)            2  1 0  NIATOLI ISLAND(33)   0  1 0  KYR'TERR(71)         1  0 0  
ARUAK CITY(11)       0  1 0  CLIFFHOME(38)        1  1 0  DWES EG(82)          0  1 0  
ALJAFIR(17)          1  1 1  KHALANI(55)          1  0 0  OLD VALAMANTIS(96)   2  0 0  
TALCAMA(18)          0  1 0  ROCANIS(56)          3  2 0  SHADOW GROVE(97)     2  0 0  

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 HELLACIOUS 1-7541           30   8  1  192  MANNEQUIN'S BEST (1227)    MORDANT
 REDEMPTION 4-4868           48  32  2  190  BLADES OF MIST (780)       JHELUM
 TENACIOUS 7-5337            49  22  1  203  BATHTUB ARMADA (1196)      BONSUR
 LINI DAWNWIND 11-5865       26  27  1  105  KRILL CAVALRY (1358)       ARUAK CITY
 BECKY 17-5782               35  20  4  210  BLADES OF STEEL (1068)     ALJAFIR
 HARLEY THE CADAVER 18-5366  19  34  3   43  STREET PIZZA (173)         TALCAMA
 CAT IN THE HAT 24-3103      37  14  1  188  THE SEUSS HEUSS (804)      ZORPUNT
 HELM HAMMERHAND 31-5025     38  28  0  115  LORDS OF VALHALLA (1208)   CHIMLEVTAL
 KOOKABURRA 33-4151          75 106  4  202  GIRL SCOUT COOKIES (812)   NIATOLI ISLAND
 GAR & BRILL 38-4252         50  71  0  169  JUST BECAUSE (1228)        CLIFFHOME
 MOD COD 55-2638             86 108  3  248  RHYME TYME (449)           KHALANI
 CROOKED HOOF 56-3493        48  38  0  186  REDHORSE (1325)            ROCANIS
 HALLIE O'DENE 58-6018       77 102  0  176  CIRQUE DU MASQUES (1093)   DELARQ TOR
 SNIPPER 66-3518             22  20  0   58  WHIPPERSNAPPERS (1097)     TARRGIR
 DRANDUS DE'VIR 71-4909      25  14  0  142  REALMS TUFTS (1344)        KYR'TERR
 YOU'VE GOT SEATTL 82-31563  20  18  1   61  IT'S THE SAME MOVIE! (1382 DWES EG
 CEER 96-1537                17  16  4  153  THE BLOODGUARD 2 (1369)    OLD VALAMANTIS
 PORK ROLL 97-1634           16  17  5  100  KILLING ME SOFTER (1368)   SHADOW GROVE