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Date   : 10/03/2007    Duedate: 10/16/2007

HOME GUARD

DM-101    TURN-464

RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %  RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %
  1-POSSE 77/1362          47   38  2 55.3      HANGOVERS 59/1153                     
    VOW TO DESTROY 36/1403                      ROYAL FLUSH 47/146                    
    POSSE 65/1388                             5 ALL FINESSE 38/1236   275  252  2 52.2
    BLOODSWORN 15/1402                          THE INANIMATES 73/1361                
    DEATH PENALTY 33/1404                       BATHTUB ARMADA 7/1196                 
  2 STREET PIZZA 18/173   511  414  3 55.2      NO RESPECT II 82/1399                 
    KILLING ME SOFTLY 96/1367                   THE BLOODGUARD 2 96/1369              
    KILLING ME SOFTER 97/1368                 6 PUERCO'S PINA 53/700  172  163  2 51.3
    DEAD PRESIDENTS, YO 99/1412                 GERFEL'S FRIENDS 11/516               
    WHY SELL THIS? 96/1390                      THE FURIOUS FIVE 46/1121              
    WHY SELL THIS? 97/1391                    7 LORDS OF VAL 31/1208   54   60  0 47.4
    BLOODY RANDOMNESS 96/1405                 8 THE STORMGUAR 31/132  142  163  2 46.6
  3 BLADES OF ICE 7/162   460  386 10 54.4    9 JUST BECAUSE 38/1228  447  595  9 42.9
    BLADES OF STEEL 17/1068                  10 RHYME TYME 55/449     603  863 15 41.1
  4 SPARF! 54/1372        894  812 12 52.4      GIRL SCOUT COOKIES 33/812             
    THE BULLS 73/1144                           THE SEUSS HEUSS 24/804                
    CHAPEL ROCK 59/1352                      11 KRILL CAVALR 24/1364  582  939  6 38.3
    OPEN SESAME 50/824                          CARDOW HUNTERS 29/1084                
    SKI TAOS 23/1070                            HOMICIDAL MANIACS 1/1082              
    PARTY ANIMALS 5/591                         WHIPPERSNAPPERS 66/1097               
    OTTO'S PARTS 52/892                      12 KLK RANGE HA 42/1408    1    7  0 12.5
    AVID FANS 45/569                         13 MADTOWN 25/1381         0    2  0  0.0
    CHAPEL ROCK 79/776                    

    '##/###' Avoid teams by their Team Id     '-'  Team did not fight this turn

                             REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER

     A seer has warned that if exactly six gladiators (I presume gladiators, but now
that I look more closely, it isn't specified) die in duels this week, the whole city
will perish.  There seems to be not date on this prophesy, so I can't tell you
whether today is the beginning of the week in question, the end, or the midpoint.
Also, there is no indication of whether the deaths have to occur during formal duels
or whether casual tavern brawls will count, too.  So, on balance, I have to say the 
prophesy is just about meaningless and will be productive of nothing but a little
unfocused angst.  Forget it.
     Let's focus on something positive.  We positively had twenty-three fights today,
but only one standby.  Twenty-three doesn't sound so good, compared to, say, ten
years ago here.  But if we compare it to a week ago when Andorak fought: twenty-TWO
fights with SEVEN standbys, we could be doing a lot worse, and I'm glad we're not.
     Thirteen of our fights were challenge matches, including two TV challenges.  Way
to GO, warriors of Home Guard.  Hmm, "warriors of Home Guard"?  Maybe I've been
hanging out with Desiree too much, her phrasing is beginning to infect my respectable
"guy vocabulary."  Oh, well.
     Nobody died.  This is probably good, because I understand Ahringol is getting
upset about "things," such as over-crowding.  And I have to say that while I'm quite
satisfied to be dead, I wouldn't recommend it for everybody.  Being dead well is an
art, and some people just don't have it.
     Gerfel's Friends were avoided by Avid Fans.  There's a story in that, some deep
secret, but nobody's talking.
     The Singing Bandit was "most challenged," or as Zontani observed, "many fighters
were after The Singing Bandit."  Is it his voice, his choice of songs, or what?

     HARLEY THE CADAVER (18-5366) (24-49-3,69) of STREET PIZZA fought BRICK WALL (1-
7478) (44-48-0,71) of HOMICIDAL MANIACS.  HARLEY THE CADAVER slimly won victory over
BRICK WALL in a popular 4 minute match.  Four minutes?  This is ridiculous.  Surely a
dead man and a damned wall could stand around a little longer than that!
     JOHN WAYNE HAMMER (42-4213) (16-21-2,60) of KLK RANGE HAMMERZ fought LADYBUG
(29-4709) (25-23-1,62) of CARDOW HUNTERS.  JOHN WAYNE HAMMER was overpowered by
LADYBUG in a popular 1 minute one-sided match.  No surprise here, as it is well known
that John has always had a soft spot for the ladies.  And any lady who's willing can
drive a dagger into it.
     VANISH (73-4633) (17-6-1,77) of THE INANIMATES fought SNIPPER (66-3518) (32-30-
0,59) of WHIPPERSNAPPERS.  VANISH viciously subdued SNIPPER in an action packed 2
minute bloody duel.  Interesting.  Vanish actually seemed to disappear for seconds at
a time--they tell me it's just rapid movement, but I think it's magic, or maybe some
kind of psychic power--and this, not to anyone's surprise, threw Snipper off his
stroke.  Hard to fight someone you can't see.
     HUNZICKER BOWL (23-4182) (35-18-1,140) of SKI TAOS fought GAR & BRILL (38-4252)
(58-83-0,131) of JUST BECAUSE.  HUNZICKER BOWL overpowered GAR & BRILL in a popular 1
minute one-sided duel.  Gar was bowled over, and Brill couldn't hack it alone.  Ah,
couldn't hack Hunzicker alone, I wouldn't want you to think I was slighting Hunzicker
by calling....  Oh, wait, Hunzicker IS an "it."  A golem!  Probably a ski lift.

     HEAD CHEESE (96-1920) (21-9-3,145) of WHY SELL THIS? fought GIGLIE (25-5130)
(35-8-0,125) of MADTOWN.  HEAD CHEESE viciously subdued GIGLIE in a unpopular 24
minute gory competition.  This was our longest fight, and unpopular or not, I salute
the contestants.  We NEED an occasional long fight to give us time for a beer and a
sandwich.
     BECKY (17-5782) (46-29-5,170) of BLADES OF STEEL fought HEBEE (38-4359) (27-34-
0,120) of ALL FINESSE.  BECKY was overpowered by HEBEE in a popular 1 minute one-
sided bout.  They tell me it's the finesse that did it, but if so, well, that was the
FASTEST finesse I've seen in years.  Barely a flicker before my eyes.  How can I
evaluate something like that?
     KONGOL (7-4524) (56-56-2,174) of BLADES OF ICE fought PINE LEAF (24-4580) (41-
50-0,107) of KRILL CAVALRY.  KONGOL slimly lost to PINE LEAF in an exciting 3 minute
brutal fight.  Kongol is slim?  This is news to me, he's a Shew, after all, and Shews
don't do "slim."  Although I grant you that Pine Leaf is slim.
     PORK ROLL (97-1634) (30-23-5,196) of KILLING ME SOFTER fought KATRINA (101-9)
(0-0-0,170) of the Louts Local 101.  PORK ROLL was viciously subdued by KATRINA in a
crowd pleasing 2 minute bloody bout.  Our only standby, and she won!  Hard lines on
Pork Roll, true, but it's always good to have happy standbys.  Makes for a happy
arena.
     HELM HAMMERHAND (31-5025) (49-37-0,201) of LORDS OF VALHALLA fought VIKING
RAIDER (54-2885) (19-4-1,208) of SPARF!  HELM HAMMERHAND vanquished VIKING RAIDER in
an action packed 1 minute mismatched bout.  Ah!  I'm sure the shore dwellers of the
islands would have been glad to have Helm on hand when the raiders came, if he can
take them down so easily.  But life is always like that, never a Hammerhand when you
need one.

     And here we are already at the challenge matches!
     CAULIFLOWER EARS (52-3424) (20-18-0,25) of OTTO'S PARTS challenged BLOODY
BRAINLESS (96-2206) (9-10-3,34) of BLOODY RANDOMNESS.  Up 9.  CAULIFLOWER EARS
demolished BLOODY BRAINLESS in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge brawl.  BB expressed an
unwillingness to get involved with Cauliflower (for which I can't blame him, I
wouldn't, either), and people said he was being Bloody Brainless about it.  But
then... well, you see!  It was just common sense, but nobody would listen.
     PUMPING ON STEELE (82-33221) (16-14-0,94) of NO RESPECT II challenged THE
SINGING BANDIT (11-6349) (26-33-0,94) of GERFEL'S FRIENDS.  Straight across.  PUMPING
ON STEELE slimly won victory over THE SINGING BANDIT in a 3 minute contest.  Bet you
didn't realize, heck, *I* didn't realize until it was too late, that this was going
to be a singing contest.  Both contestants were in... strong voice today.  Oog.
     BULL DURHAM (5-4324) (26-14-0,91) of PARTY ANIMALS challenged SCRAPPLE (97-1961)
(14-16-3,73) of WHY SELL THIS?  Down 18.  BULL DURHAM overpowered SCRAPPLE in a 1
minute bloody one-sided Challenge match.  Party?  I'd call it a food fight, myself.
Splattered scrapple on the walls.  Too bad about the syrup, that's going to be hard
to get off, and the janitors will be upset.
     ACE METRIC (47-3554) (21-14-0,142) of ROYAL FLUSH challenged AEDON (7-4295) (58-
58-1,148) of BLADES OF ICE.  Up 6.  ACE METRIC was luckily beaten by AEDON in an
action packed 8 minute Challenge match.  Can you get hypothermia from an icy blade in
eight minutes?  Inquiring minds wonder.  Although from where I was sitting, it looked
more like eight minutes of intense action leading to meltdown of both gladiators,
which sounds a lot warmer.
     DON KING (47-5374) (21-16-2,125) of ROYAL FLUSH challenged BLACK EYES (46-2820)
(23-19-0,101) of THE FURIOUS FIVE.  Down 24.  DON KING lost to BLACK EYES in a 1
minute Challenge fight.  Take that in the eye, Don!  To downchallenge is one thing,
but to downchallenge and LOSE is another entirely.
     SLIPPERY NIPPLE (59-2323) (27-15-1,180) of HANGOVERS challenged REDDI WHIP (97-
1636) (35-18-7,182) of KILLING ME SOFTER.  Up 2.  SLIPPERY NIPPLE was vanquished by
REDDI WHIP in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge duel.  This was probably the result of
Reddi's non-skid shoes.  No slipping here!

     UNZOE THE SHAMAN (31-4940) (23-9-0,174) of THE STORMGUARDS challenged LONDON
QUIREBOY (59-2513) (26-8-1,184) of CHAPEL ROCK.  Up 10.  UNZOE THE SHAMAN was handily
defeated by LONDON QUIREBOY in a 2 minute melee.  I don't think I can tell you what
the Quireboy was up to, this being a family newsletter and all.
     OSCAR (50-3153) (38-14-0,184) of OPEN SESAME challenged CAT IN THE HAT (24-3103)
(52-19-1,208) of THE SEUSS HEUSS.  Up 24.  OSCAR narrowly defeated CAT IN THE HAT in
a crowd pleasing 4 minute Challenge brawl.  Pleased?  I thought the crowd would laugh
itself sick after Oscar pulled the hat down over the Cat's eyes in the first minute.
     TENACIOUS (7-5337) (58-29-1,206) of BATHTUB ARMADA challenged FAT BACK (96-1610)
(33-20-4,211) of KILLING ME SOFTLY.  Up 5.  TENACIOUS was viciously subdued by FAT
BACK in a popular 9 minute Challenge duel.  Tenacity is one thing, and a greasy grip
is something else altogether, although Ten did do well to hang on for nine minutes.
Gave me time for a refill on my beer and to track down some pickle relish for my
hotdog.  I don't know whose idea it was to hide the pickle relish in Ussher's box
(though I have my suspicions), but it is NOW in the spy reporter's box, so there.
     CEER (96-1537) (25-24-4,191) of THE BLOODGUARD 2 challenged MOD COD (55-2638)
(93-121-3,191) of RHYME TYME.  Straight across.  CEER was overpowered by MOD COD in a
1 minute mismatched Challenge match.  Oog.  Hit in the face by a fossilized fish.
Sounds unpleasant.
     POPE PAUL II (79-1317) (31-24-0,215) of CHAPEL ROCK challenged KOOKABURRA (33-
4151) (87-114-4,198) of GIRL SCOUT COOKIES.  Down 17.  POPE PAUL II was viciously
subdued by KOOKABURRA in a 6 minute Challenge brawl.  You've heard of a clock
striking and how sinister and decisive that can be?  It's NOTHING to the strike of a
Girl Scout Cookie.  Especially at this season, when, let's face it, they're stale.

     The TV challenges, and our congratulations to the Tourney Victors who earned and
are using them.
     BULL FROG (73-4547) (22-9-0,116) of THE BULLS TV challenged BLOOD PIE (96-1918)
(15-15-5,121) of WHY SELL THIS?  Up 5.  BULL FROG vanquished BLOOD PIE in an exciting
2 minute gory uneven Challenge battle.  Messy but impressive.  The Bull said "jump,"
and the Pie flipped.  And splattered, because the landing was a little clumsy, but
that's the way it goes.
     A GROUNDSKEEPER (45-1613) (32-25-1,168) of AVID FANS TV challenged TYMARIS
RAVENSWOOD (53-5637) (33-37-0,193) of PUERCO'S PINATA.  Up 25.  A GROUNDSKEEPER was
devastated by TYMARIS RAVENSWOOD in a 1 minute Challenge fight.  Rumors to the
contrary, Tymaris did NOT win by being a superior litterer.  It was a clean victory 
all the way.  Except for the blood, of course.

     And for the title:  BLACK JACK SHELACK (47-4850) (33-20-2,265) of ROYAL FLUSH
fought STREET RAT (11-3116) (34-28-2,210) of GERFEL'S FRIENDS.  BLACK JACK SHELACK
handily defeated STREET RAT in a 1 minute one-sided Title conflict.  What can I say?
You were there, you saw.  It was one-sided.  Good game try, yes, and congratulations
to both parties for being here today, all that stuff.  Be here next time, too!  See
you then.

                                        Olaf

CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD          W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 BLACK JACK SHELACK 47-4850  34  20  2  278  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK

GRAND CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 FAT BACK 96-1610            34  20  4  234  KILLING ME SOFTLY (1367)   OLD VALAMANTIS
 HELM HAMMERHAND 31-5025     50  37  0  220  LORDS OF VALHALLA (1208)   CHIMLEVTAL
 OSCAR 50-3153               39  14  0  217  OPEN SESAME (824)          SNOWBOUND
 KOOKABURRA 33-4151          88 114  4  211  GIRL SCOUT COOKIES (812)   NIATOLI ISLAND

GRAND CHAMPIONS               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
-DESPERADO 77-2459           43  22  2  210  POSSE (1362)               MAZGOURRAH
 MOD COD 55-2638             94 121  3  202  RHYME TYME (449)           KHALANI
 TENACIOUS 7-5337            58  30  1  202  BATHTUB ARMADA (1196)      BONSUR
 TYMARIS RAVENSWOOD 53-5637  34  37  0  202  PUERCO'S PINATA (700)      KHALHUMS
 LONDON QUIREBOY 59-2513     27   8  1  199  CHAPEL ROCK (1352)         ILLIS
 REDDI WHIP 97-1636          36  18  7  198  KILLING ME SOFTER (1368)   SHADOW GROVE
 POPE PAUL II 79-1317        31  25  0  197  CHAPEL ROCK (776)          MIROI CHANG
 CAT IN THE HAT 24-3103      52  20  1  196  THE SEUSS HEUSS (804)      ZORPUNT
 STREET RAT 11-3116          34  29  2  194  GERFEL'S FRIENDS (516)     ARUAK CITY
 VIKING RAIDER 54-2885       19   5  1  193  SPARF! (1372)              TROCAR
 CEER 96-1537                25  25  4  181  THE BLOODGUARD 2 (1369)    OLD VALAMANTIS

GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS       W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 PORK ROLL 97-1634           30  24  5  178  KILLING ME SOFTER (1368)   SHADOW GROVE
 SLIPPERY NIPPLE 59-2323     27  16  1  176  HANGOVERS (1153)           ILLIS
-ANNABEL BLACKHEART 65-6769  23  11  3  176  POSSE (1388)               DAL SHANG
 UNZOE THE SHAMAN 31-4940    23  10  0  172  THE STORMGUARDS (132)      CHIMLEVTAL
 HEBEE 38-4359               28  34  0  165  ALL FINESSE (1236)         CLIFFHOME
 A GROUNDSKEEPER 45-1613     32  26  1  164  AVID FANS (569)            STORMCROWE
 AEDON 7-4295                59  58  1  158  BLADES OF ICE (162)        BONSUR
 HEAD CHEESE 96-1920         22   9  3  156  WHY SELL THIS? (1390)      OLD VALAMANTIS

GRAND ADEPTS                  W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 PINE LEAF 24-4580           42  50  0  149  KRILL CAVALRY (1364)       ZORPUNT
 HUNZICKER BOWL 23-4182      36  18  1  149  SKI TAOS (1070)            TI
 ACE METRIC 47-3554          21  15  0  142  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 KONGOL 7-4524               56  57  2  138  BLADES OF ICE (162)        BONSUR
 BECKY 17-5782               46  30  5  135  BLADES OF STEEL (1068)     ALJAFIR
 BULL FROG 73-4547           23   9  0  132  THE BULLS (1144)           ERINIKA
 GAR & BRILL 38-4252         58  84  0  129  JUST BECAUSE (1228)        CLIFFHOME
 GIGLIE 25-5130              35   9  0  125  MADTOWN (1381)             LYRATILAN
 BLACK EYES 46-2820          24  19  0  121  THE FURIOUS FIVE (1121)    ARDIVENT
 BLOOD PIE 96-1918           15  16  5  112  WHY SELL THIS? (1390)      OLD VALAMANTIS
 DON KING 47-5374            21  17  2  109  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
-ACID BATH 33-7373           21   9  1  104  DEATH PENALTY (1404)       NIATOLI ISLAND
 PUMPING ON STEEL 82--32315  17  14  0  102  NO RESPECT II (1399)       DWES EG

GRAND CHALLENGER INITIATES    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
-REVANENT 15-4770            21  13  2  100  BLOODSWORN (1402)          MALCORN
 BULL DURHAM 5-4324          27  14  0   97  PARTY ANIMALS (591)        KALTOS
 THE SINGING BANDIT 11-6349  26  34  0   93  GERFEL'S FRIENDS (516)     ARUAK CITY

GRAND INITIATES               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 VANISH 73-4633              18   6  1   81  THE INANIMATES (1361)      ERINIKA
 HARLEY THE CADAVER 18-5366  25  49  3   78  STREET PIZZA (173)         TALCAMA
 LADYBUG 29-4709             26  23  1   72  CARDOW HUNTERS (1084)      LAPUR
 SCRAPPLE 97-1961            14  17  3   71  WHY SELL THIS? (1391)      SHADOW GROVE
 BRICK WALL 1-7478           44  49  0   65  HOMICIDAL MANIACS (1082)   MORDANT
 SNIPPER 66-3518             32  31  0   62  WHIPPERSNAPPERS (1097)     TARRGIR

GRAND INITIATES               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
-STEELHORSE 65-6900          19   2  2   61  POSSE (1388)               DAL SHANG
-OBSIDIAN 36-7135            18  11  2   59  VOW TO DESTROY (1403)      JHANS
 JOHN WAYNE HAMMER 42-4213   16  22  2   52  KLK RANGE HAMMERZ (1408)   RODEKI
-JAMES MADISON 99-1268        9   2  3   46  DEAD PRESIDENTS, YO (1412) SOUTH RIDGE
 CAULIFLOWER EARS 52-3424    21  18  0   40  OTTO'S PARTS (892)         FRATSFA
 BLOODY BRAINLESS 96-2206     9  11  3   20  BLOODY RANDOMNESS (1405)   OLD VALAMANTIS

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                    W   L  K TEAM NAME              SLAIN BY              TURN

                               PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE

Olaf -- High Lord Bosk and myself enjoy and appreciate your spy reports!  Keep up the
good work.  I usually get a chuckle or two on reading your report from the tower.  I
was hoping to liven up Home Guard a bit by giving a personal invitation to Guardian
and Destitute Noble.  I haven't seen them yet.  Guardian is probably hiding in a cave
somewhere when he realized he was being asked to back up his words.  Perhaps someday
he will turn away from the path of the pansy and join us here.  I'd offer you an ale
but I think Bosk has drank it all! -- The Icelord, 1st Mage, The Council of Lords

     It's the thought that counts, or so they tell me.  I haven't had many thoughts,
     myself, and I never noticed one counting, but hey, what do I know? -- Olaf

guardian -- When you run out of tears boy, Home Guard is still here and the welcome
mat is out.  Grow some hair on that pointy chin and join us. -- The Icelord

DN -- How goes it? -- The Icelord

High Lord Bosk -- Tal and well met my brother! -- The Icelord

Tenacious -- Interesting. -- Unzoe the Shaman

Bull Frog -- Odd, I've never seen a frog with horns quite like that before.  And
cloven hooves, too.  Must be magic.  Probably, hmm, water-and-storm magic, maybe?
This opens intriguing possibilities, even though I'm not a shaman myself.  I'll have
to think about it. -- Pine Leaf
P.S.  But the beard goes strangely with the rest of the ensemble.
P.P.S.  Congratulations on having a tv challenge, however.  Very impressive.

Bull Durham -- What is this, Bull Day?  Listen, I don't do that kind of wild parties
anymore.  I'm too old for it--which is to say, grown up.  And you know, I never
really did understand the "party" thing.  At least, not the kind of party I associate
with you, which may be doing you an injustice, I admit. -- Ladybug
P.S.  Ignore Olaf and his comments about china shops.  What does he know?  I find you
very nimble and a graceful dancer, which is more than anyone can say for Olaf Modeen.

     Hey, give me a break here!  I'm dead, so of COURSE I'm not "nible and graceful."

Bloody Brainless -- Yeah.  (heavy sigh)  That could be any or all of us gladiators,
when you come down to it, huh?  Sure, they SAY that we're in training to protect
lastari from the Chaos Gates, but I'm beginning to wonder about that.  So many of us,
just stacked up here on the Isle like cordwood?  How many lifetimes do we have to
wait before we're called?  For that matter, look at how many DIE trying.  Surely
there is a better way to pick the right material to train than the endless slaughter
of the Dark Arena.  Ah, well, you don't want to hear my speculations, do you?  But
they say you got to meet the Greywand herself, and I would be interested in your
opinion of Her.  Rumor has it that she's totally nuts. -- Snipper

John Wayne Hammer -- You should report to some scientific brain trust on this fight.
It's proof positive that you CAN beat information into someone's head.  In a manner
of speaking, since you did it by beating your head against the Brick Wall.  But if
that's how it works, hey, it works, right? -- Snipper

Olaf -- Regarding the contest between JW Hammer and B Wall, it wasn't the Wall that
was savage.  It just stood there in typical wall fashion.  But JW Hammer's efforts to
get through it by beating it with his head were savage indeed, and rather dumb, but
hey, he's a gladiator.  Besides, who ever saw John Wayne roll with a punch?  He just
walked straight into them and kept on coming. -- Snipper

6 September 2007
                   ******************************************
                   ******************************************
                   *****                              *******
                   ***** STORMCROWE SLAUGHTERHOUSE 3  *******
                   *****                              *******
                   ******************************************
                   ******************************************

15 managers have announced for the Stormcrowe Slaughterhouse!!!!!!  There is still 
time to join and make a name for yourself in one of Alastari's fiercest contests!  I 
must correct a mistake in the previous announcement.  I incorrectly called it the 
Slaughterhouse 2, but in reality, this will be the third installment of the 
Slaughterhouse!

HOW TO JOIN

*Find a Partner

*Declare your intentions in the Stormcrowe newsletter to enter before the first turn 
of the contest.  You may also email or diplo Master Darque.

*Each manager entering the Stormcrowe Slaughterhouse must submit one (1) Team Roll-Up 
Certificate.  Only certificates will be accepted for entry.  All certificates 
submitted will be used during the course of the contest as prizes.

*RU certificates must be received on or before the first turn of the contest which is 
Stormcrowe Turn 263 (running approximately November 27, 2007).

RULES and SCORING

Rules and Scoring information for the Slaughterhouse will be posted every turn in the 
Stormcrowe newsletter beginning with Turn 260 and in a final all arena ad in 
November.

PRIZES

ENDURANCE AWARD:  One (1) +1 Bonus Potion will be given to every team that competes 
in 60 of the 65 contest fights.

KILL MASTER AWARD:  The individual manager with the most kills will receive a Limited 
Immortality Potion.  This potion may be applied to one (1) warrior.  He/she will be 
resurrected ONE-TIME if they are killed in Basic D2.

TOP TEAM AWARD:  Each manager on the winning team will receive the following prize 
pack for their Slaughterhouse Dominance:

*One (1) +1 Bonus Potion
*Favorites Knowledge for one (1) Warrior
*Undisclosed amount of Team RU Certificates

Special note from RSI on prizes:  All contest prizes must be used within three 
months.  All contest prizes may only be used on a living warrior on the participating 
contest team in DM 45.  The immortality potion may resurrect a warrior one time, 
after a death in DM 45 only, after which time the potion disappears.

NEED MORE INFORMATION

Rules questions and clarifications may be directed to Master Darque the contest 
coordinator.  He may be reached by email at rebelnerfherder at yahoo dot com or by 
diplo in DM 45 (Darque Forces-428).

20 September 2007
Ok, ok, you can stop not-talking about TOGS VI already, it is coming, slowly but
surely, like a giant, over-fed, greased slug sliding down a gravely driveway.  We're
looking for new-comers, old-timers, in-betweeners, fence-sitters and Delarquans to
come on out and participate.  Just think, you could be the next Pinky & the Brain
pairing (a la Creepster & Manager), or maybe you'll be the team that crushes all in
its path on the way TO UTTER AND COMPLETE TOGS DOMINATION!!!!!!  [note:  insert
sinister cackle if it helps you complete the picture]

There will be a few minor changes, so let's recap the rules from top to bottom:

1.  Each TOGS team consists of two managers.  After the contest starts, there will be
no switching partners whatsoever, so choose your teammate wisely.  TOGS VI will last
for 13 turns, so pick a partner you can stand for 6 months or so.

2.  The TOGS entry fee is 2 team setups per manager.  This means 4 setups per TOGS
team.  This entry fee is required before the start of the tourney with no exceptions
being made.  This is to ensure that nobody gets screwed if a team or manager decides
to back out early.  To pay the entry fee either:
     a)  send $10 cash/check/money order/ or whatever to me personally at:
          Paul Jokelson
          115 Moss Ave. #201
          Oakland, CA 94611
     b)  get RSI to send me 2 team setup gift certificates.  Sorry, no credit cards
         and no old teams you have lying around will be accepted.

3. TOGS point system:

Fights: 

10 points for winning on your up-challenge against another TOGS warrior.
 7 points for winning on your even challenge of another TOGS warrior.
 7 points for winning on another TOGS warriors challenge.
 7 points for winning a random match-up against another TOGS warrior.
 4 points for winning on your down-challenge of another TOGS warrior.
 4 points for winning a random match-up against a non-TOGS warrior.

Changes this TOGS: 

** 10 points for any challenge by the DM, UP OR DOWN!!
** 4 points for winning a random match-up against your TOGS partner's warrior.
To state the obvious, there are 0 points if you challenge your partner.

** 4 points for winning a bloodfeud attempt against you by a non-TOGS warrior

You will not get any points if you challenge or get challenged by a non-TOGS team
(with the exception of the above-stated rule if you get bloodfeuded), so use your
avoids wisely if you think someone is out to get you.

Spots/Ads

5 points for every spotlight written by any team member.  1 per manager per turn.

The minimum length of a spotlight to receive points is 1/2 column in the newsletter
(that's 31 lines-each line 85 characters across) and we will be completely firm on
this.  In addition to the length criteria, spotlights will not be given points if
they are in any way plagiarized or if they are not Duelmasters or fantasy related.
We will be the sole judge of this.  If you're unsure if we will judge something to be
Duelmasters or fantasy related, then e-mail me before you write the spotlight and
ask.  We reserve the right to take points away from a spotlight after they are given
if we judge at later time that the spotlight has been plagiarized.

-5 points per manager per turn every time a manager does not at least write one
personal ad.

4.  TOGS VI will start in arena 60 shortly after the Winter Face-to-Face (turn due
Feb 21, Aradi turn 436) and as mentioned before will last for 13 turns.  There will
be multipliers in the later rounds, which means that all points accumulated by a team
on turns 10 and 11 will be multiplied by 1.5 and all points accumulated by each team
on turns 12 and 13 will be multiplied by 2.

5.  Soultaker and Nuln will be the sole arbiters of any dispute that may arise, with
props to Sentinel for doing the score-keeping as always.  Whine all you like, we will
be glad to provide comfortable chairs and the cheese of your choice.

And there be the rules.  If you look closely, you'll notice there were a few minor
changes and additions made from the TOGS V rules.  They are as follows:

-- The Snotman & Nuln rule:  Last TOGS Snotman and Nuln randomly matched up something
like 4-5 times, so we basically decided out of pity to now give a small amount of
points (4 in this case) for winning a random against a teammate, so that you're not
completely screwed by having 2 of your 10 warriors get 0 zero points automatically.

-- Scaling Down Points for the DM:  Previously a TOGS DM would get 10 points *in
addition* to whatever challenge points they got.  This was to keep the DM from being
penalized for being at the top and give people something to fight for.  However, it
was a bit too much of an award and we decided to scale it back and eliminate the
bonus, but give full upchallenge credit whenever the DM challenges.

-- Bloodfeuds from outside TOGS teams:  This incident came up last TOGS, and it was
felt that if a person killed a non-TOGS warrior in a random, they shouldn't have to
be potentially locked into 4 turns of getting 0 points.  So we've added an additional
rule which now gives 4 points if you win when bloodfeuded by a non-TOGS warrior, at
least giving you some way to get points if you're locked into a non-TOGS bloodfeud
instead of being basically removed from the contest for 4 turns.

And lastly...

-- Team Names:  This was not listed in the rules, but to make things more festive, at
the suggestion of Manager we have decided to have the added dimension of team names!
Yes, no more boring rankings with Team 4 edging out Team 7.  Just picture reading a
TOGS turn report now, with something along the lines of "Team Fiery Starfish
obliterated Team Superior TOGSlings," just as one example.

We hope to see you all there....

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

A GROUNDSKEEPER was devastated by TYMARIS RAVENSWOOD in a 1 minute Challenge fight.
BULL FROG vanquished BLOOD PIE in a exciting 2 minute gory uneven Challenge battle.
POPE PAUL II was viciously subdued by KOOKABURRA in a 6 minute Challenge brawl.
CEER was overpowered by MOD COD in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge match.
TENACIOUS was viciously subdued by FAT BACK in a popular 9 minute Challenge duel.
OSCAR narrowly defeated CAT IN THE HAT in a crowd pleasing 4 minute Challenge brawl.
UNZOE THE SHAMAN was handily defeated by LONDON QUIREBOY in a 2 minute melee.
SLIPPERY NIPPLE was vanquished by REDDI WHIP in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge duel.
DON KING lost to BLACK EYES in a 1 minute Challenge fight.
ACE METRIC was luckily beaten by AEDON in a action packed 8 minute Challenge match.
BULL DURHAM overpowered SCRAPPLE in a 1 minute bloody one-sided Challenge match.
PUMPING ON STEELE slimly won victory over THE SINGING BANDIT in a 3 minute contest.
CAULIFLOWER EARS demolished BLOODY BRAINLESS in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge brawl.
BLACK JACK SHELACK handily defeated STREET RAT in a 1 minute one-sided Title conflict.
HELM HAMMERHAND vanquished VIKING RAIDER in a action packed 1 minute mismatched bout.
PORK ROLL was viciously subdued by KATRINA in a crowd pleasing 2 minute bloody bout.
KONGOL slimly lost to PINE LEAF in a exciting 3 minute brutal fight.
BECKY was overpowered by HEBEE in a popular 1 minute one-sided bout.
HEAD CHEESE viciously subdued GIGLIE in a unpopular 24 minute gory competition.
HUNZICKER BOWL overpowered GAR & BRILL in a popular 1 minute one-sided duel.
VANISH viciously subdued SNIPPER in a action packed 2 minute bloody duel.
JOHN WAYNE HAMMER was overpowered by LADYBUG in a popular 1 minute one-sided match.
HARLEY THE CADAVER slimly won victory over BRICK WALL in a popular 4 minute match.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK                  10         WALL OF STEEL     36 -  20 -  0      64  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  8         PARRY-STRIKE       7 -   4 -  0      64  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    7         LUNGING ATTACK    56 -  35 -  1      62  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      6         PARRY-LUNGE       15 -  12 -  0      56  |
|AIMED BLOW                       5         BASHING ATTACK    10 -  10 -  0      50  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  4         TOTAL PARRY       35 -  37 -  1      49  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   2         SLASHING ATTACK   23 -  31 -  0      43  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      2         STRIKING ATTACK   37 -  61 -  3      38  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     1         AIMED BLOW        16 -  29 -  0      36  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    0         PARRY-RIPOSTE      0 -   0 -  0       0  |

Turn 464 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

BASHING ATTACK     2 -  0     AIMED BLOW         2 -  3         4  WALL OF STEEL  
WALL OF STEEL      7 -  0     TOTAL PARRY        2 -  4         2  LUNGING ATTACK 
LUNGING ATTACK     7 -  3     STRIKING ATTACK    1 -  7         1  PARRY-LUNGE    
PARRY-LUNGE        1 -  1     PARRY-STRIKE       0 -  1         1  STRIKING ATTACK
                              PARRY-RIPOSTE      0 -  0         1  BASHING ATTACK 
                              SLASHING ATTACK    0 -  4         1  SLASHING ATTACK
                                                                1  TOTAL PARRY    

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
LUNGING ATTACK   BLACK JACK SHELAC 47-4850  34  20  2  278 ROYAL FLUSH (146)
PARRY-LUNGE      FAT BACK 96-1610           34  20  4  234 KILLING ME SOFTLY (1367)
STRIKING ATTACK  HELM HAMMERHAND 31-5025    50  37  0  220 LORDS OF VALHALLA (1208)
WALL OF STEEL    OSCAR 50-3153              39  14  0  217 OPEN SESAME (824)
BASHING ATTACK   KOOKABURRA 33-4151         88 114  4  211 GIRL SCOUT COOKIES (812)
TOTAL PARRY      TENACIOUS 7-5337           58  30  1  202 BATHTUB ARMADA (1196)
SLASHING ATTACK  VIKING RAIDER 54-2885      19   5  1  193 SPARF! (1372)
PARRY-STRIKE     UNZOE THE SHAMAN 31-4940   23  10  0  172 THE STORMGUARDS (132)
AIMED BLOW       A GROUNDSKEEPER 45-1613    32  26  1  164 AVID FANS (569)

The overall popularity leader is MOD COD 55-2638.  The most popular warrior this turn 
was ACE METRIC 47-3554.  The ten other most popular fighters were FAT BACK 96-1610, 
KOOKABURRA 33-4151, CAT IN THE HAT 24-3103, POPE PAUL II 79-1317, OSCAR 50-3153, 
KONGOL 7-4524, HARLEY THE CADAVER 18-5366, BULL FROG 73-4547, TENACIOUS 7-5337, and 
PUMPING ON STEELE 82--32315.

The least popular fighter this week was GIGLIE 25-5130.  The other ten least popular 
fighters were HEAD CHEESE 96-1920, SCRAPPLE 97-1961, CEER 96-1537, A GROUNDSKEEPER 
45-1613, BRICK WALL 1-7478, JOHN WAYNE HAMMER 42-4213, STREET RAT 11-3116, BLOODY 
BRAINLESS 96-2206, CAULIFLOWER EARS 52-3424, and DON KING 47-5374.

Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  
MORDANT(1)           0  1 0  CHIMLEVTAL(31)       1  1 0  TROCAR(54)           0  1 0  
KALTOS(5)            1  0 0  NIATOLI ISLAND(33)   1  0 0  KHALANI(55)          1  0 0  
BONSUR(7)            1  2 0  CLIFFHOME(38)        1  1 0  ILLIS(59)            1  1 0  
ARUAK CITY(11)       0  2 0  RODEKI(42)           0  1 0  TARRGIR(66)          0  1 0  
ALJAFIR(17)          0  1 0  STORMCROWE(45)       0  1 0  ERINIKA(73)          2  0 0  
TALCAMA(18)          1  0 0  ARDIVENT(46)         1  0 0  MIROI CHANG(79)      0  1 0  
TI(23)               1  0 0  NORTH FORK(47)       1  2 0  DWES EG(82)          1  0 0  
ZORPUNT(24)          1  1 0  SNOWBOUND(50)        1  0 0  OLD VALAMANTIS(96)   2  3 0  
LYRATILAN(25)        0  1 0  FRATSFA(52)          1  0 0  SHADOW GROVE(97)     1  2 0  
LAPUR(29)            1  0 0  KHALHUMS(53)         1  0 0  

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 BRICK WALL 1-7478           44  49  0   65  HOMICIDAL MANIACS (1082)   MORDANT
 BULL DURHAM 5-4324          27  14  0   97  PARTY ANIMALS (591)        KALTOS
 TENACIOUS 7-5337            58  30  1  202  BATHTUB ARMADA (1196)      BONSUR
 STREET RAT 11-3116          34  29  2  194  GERFEL'S FRIENDS (516)     ARUAK CITY
 BECKY 17-5782               46  30  5  135  BLADES OF STEEL (1068)     ALJAFIR
 HARLEY THE CADAVER 18-5366  25  49  3   78  STREET PIZZA (173)         TALCAMA
 HUNZICKER BOWL 23-4182      36  18  1  149  SKI TAOS (1070)            TI
 CAT IN THE HAT 24-3103      52  20  1  196  THE SEUSS HEUSS (804)      ZORPUNT
 GIGLIE 25-5130              35   9  0  125  MADTOWN (1381)             LYRATILAN
 LADYBUG 29-4709             26  23  1   72  CARDOW HUNTERS (1084)      LAPUR
 HELM HAMMERHAND 31-5025     50  37  0  220  LORDS OF VALHALLA (1208)   CHIMLEVTAL
 KOOKABURRA 33-4151          88 114  4  211  GIRL SCOUT COOKIES (812)   NIATOLI ISLAND
 HEBEE 38-4359               28  34  0  165  ALL FINESSE (1236)         CLIFFHOME
 JOHN WAYNE HAMMER 42-4213   16  22  2   52  KLK RANGE HAMMERZ (1408)   RODEKI
 A GROUNDSKEEPER 45-1613     32  26  1  164  AVID FANS (569)            STORMCROWE
 BLACK EYES 46-2820          24  19  0  121  THE FURIOUS FIVE (1121)    ARDIVENT
 BLACK JACK SHELACK 47-4850  34  20  2  278  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 OSCAR 50-3153               39  14  0  217  OPEN SESAME (824)          SNOWBOUND
 CAULIFLOWER EARS 52-3424    21  18  0   40  OTTO'S PARTS (892)         FRATSFA
 TYMARIS RAVENSWOOD 53-5637  34  37  0  202  PUERCO'S PINATA (700)      KHALHUMS
 VIKING RAIDER 54-2885       19   5  1  193  SPARF! (1372)              TROCAR
 MOD COD 55-2638             94 121  3  202  RHYME TYME (449)           KHALANI
 LONDON QUIREBOY 59-2513     27   8  1  199  CHAPEL ROCK (1352)         ILLIS
 SNIPPER 66-3518             32  31  0   62  WHIPPERSNAPPERS (1097)     TARRGIR
 BULL FROG 73-4547           23   9  0  132  THE BULLS (1144)           ERINIKA
 POPE PAUL II 79-1317        31  25  0  197  CHAPEL ROCK (776)          MIROI CHANG
 PUMPING ON STEEL 82--32315  17  14  0  102  NO RESPECT II (1399)       DWES EG
 FAT BACK 96-1610            34  20  4  234  KILLING ME SOFTLY (1367)   OLD VALAMANTIS
 REDDI WHIP 97-1636          36  18  7  198  KILLING ME SOFTER (1368)   SHADOW GROVE