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Date   : 12/26/2007    Duedate: 01/08/2008

HOME GUARD

DM-101    TURN-470

RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %  RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %
  1 STREET PIZZA 18/173   536  433  3 55.3      GERFEL'S FRIENDS 11/516               
    WHY SELL THIS? 97/1391                    5 ALL FINESSE 38/1236   279  264  2 51.4
    WHY SELL THIS? 96/1390                      BATHTUB ARMADA 7/1196                 
    DEAD PRESIDENTS, YO 99/1412                 NO RESPECT II 82/1399                 
    BLOODY RANDOMNESS 96/1405                   SUGAR AND SPICE 7/1231                
  2-THE FAMILY T 20/1417   61   50  1 55.0      THE INANIMATES 73/1361                
  3 SKI TAOS 23/1070      911  826 13 52.4    6-SEA DOGS 7/1416        23   22  0 51.1
    OPEN SESAME 50/824                        7 THE STORMGUAR 31/132  146  165  2 46.9
    PARTY ANIMALS 5/591                       8 JUST BECAUSE 38/1228  449  599  9 42.8
    CHAPEL ROCK 59/1352                       9 RHYME TYME 55/449     613  868 15 41.4
    AVID FANS 45/569                            THE SEUSS HEUSS 24/804                
    ROYAL FLUSH 47/146                       10 CHILDREN OF  35/1415  593  955  6 38.3
  4 THE GOOD EAR 82/1420  184  172  2 51.7   11 KLK RANGE HA 42/1408    4   14  0 22.2
    THE FURIOUS FIVE 46/1121                    AIM 4 ISLE HAMMERZ 17/1414            

    '##/###' Avoid teams by their Team Id     '-'  Team did not fight this turn

                             REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER

     I figure it must be the weather, or else the upcoming tourney and a lot of
managers worried about getting their advanced gladiators caught on the wrong side of
the freeze.  Either way, it's pathetic.  You can do better than this!  No need to get 
the bookies all sneering at us for being the no-show arena.  Leave that for Andorak.
     Well, no more putting it off.  We had sixteen fights.  One challenge match, and
guess who got the most challenges, eh?  That one match was IT: to Tavis Cadfalson.
Open Sesame did the most avoiding--TWO avoids issued, more or less aiming to stay
away from Gerfel's Friends.  Some hidden history here?
     As far as I could tell from a quick skim through the notes: sixteen fights, one
standby, one challenge, no deaths.

     AIM SEDUCE HAMMER (17-6815) (22-6-1,60) of AIM 4 ISLE HAMMERZ fought BLOODY
BRAINLESS (96-2206) (12-13-3,61) of BLOODY RANDOMNESS.  AIM SEDUCE HAMMER was handily
defeated by BLOODY BRAINLESS in a 1 minute bout.  They say that gladiators don't need
brains, and this may support that opinion.  But I wonder if the Infirmary surgeons
can confirm the complete absence of a brain there?
     JAMES MADISON (99-1268) (10-5-3,66) of DEAD PRESIDENTS, YO fought HERMY (101-4)
(0-0-0,50) of the Louts Local 101.  JAMES MADISON was overpowered by HERMY in a 1
minute uneven struggle.  Our only standby, and J. Madison was a perfect gent about
it, allowing her the win.  Thanks, Jimmy, it makes her a lot easier to get along
with.
     HUW AP HUW (35-3030) (20-42-0,82) of CHILDREN OF LLYR fought JOHN WAYNE HAMMER
(42-4213) (17-26-2,70) of KLK RANGE HAMMERZ.  HUW AP HUW was handily defeated by JOHN
WAYNE HAMMER in a 1 minute one-sided conflict.  I hear that Huw tried to defend
himself with a white hat, but it didn't work for him.  Got to be a blood red path
very quickly.
     VANISH (73-4633) (20-6-1,95) of THE INANIMATES fought HARLEY THE CADAVER (18-
5366) (27-52-3,59) of STREET PIZZA.  VANISH was savagely defeated by HARLEY THE
CADAVER in a crowd pleasing 3 minute match.  A fascinating struggle:  Vanish kept
trying to, and Harley kept pulling is decayed remains together and tracking down his
opponent.  A bit gross, but fascinating.

     MATH OP OWAIN (35-1418) (37-78-1,133) of CHILDREN OF LLYR fought SUGARBEET (7-
5219) (32-32-1,96) of SUGAR AND SPICE.  MATH OP OWAIN savagely defeated SUGARBEET in
a crowd pleasing 2 minute competition.  This is a man totally without a sweet tooth.
Or maybe it's a root tooth that he lacks, although he apparently has tooth roots.
     OWAIN HARLSON (35-3130) (25-30-1,133) of CHILDREN OF LLYR fought BLOOD PIE (96-
1918) (17-19-5,149) of WHY SELL THIS?  OWAIN HARLSON was overpowered by BLOOD PIE in
a 1 minute one-sided fight.  And not only overpowered, he assures me that he is also
totally grossed out.  Natural enough, who wouldn't be?  Even Blood Pie's manager was
grossed out.
     HUNZICKER BOWL (23-4182) (37-19-1,137) of SKI TAOS fought SCRAPPLE (97-1961)
(19-17-3,100) of WHY SELL THIS?  HUNZICKER BOWL was luckily beaten by SCRAPPLE in an
action packed 2 minute match.  This is not luck, this is the power of a good bowl.
People don't realize how much power there is in pottery!
     ACE METRIC (47-3554) (23-15-0,172) of ROYAL FLUSH fought PUMPING ON STEELE (82-
33221) (17-16-0,106) of NO RESPECT II.  ACE METRIC defeated PUMPING ON STEELE in an
action packed 2 minute gory duel.  I look at this fight, and I just have to shake my
head.  Why?  Because I'm not sure what possibly tangental comment I can make here,
and that's an affront to my amore proper.
     BLACK EYES (46-2820) (27-21-0,165) of THE FURIOUS FIVE fought HEBEE (38-4359)
(28-36-0,122) of ALL FINESSE.  BLACK EYES vanquished HEBEE in a 1 minute uneven duel.
Fast work, but hey, Black Eyes had a date.  Some days there just isn't time to dawdle
on the sands.

     UNZOE THE SHAMAN (31-4940) (26-12-0,155) of THE STORMGUARDS fought GAR & BRILL
(38-4252) (60-87-0,146) of JUST BECAUSE.  UNZOE THE SHAMAN defeated GAR & BRILL in an
action packed 2 minute melee.  Good, I'm getting tired of that old Gar & Brill.
Demolish it.
     BULL DURHAM (5-4324) (29-15-1,155) of PARTY ANIMALS fought CADAL (35-1370) (42-
83-4,132) of CHILDREN OF LLYR.  BULL DURHAM devastated CADAL in a crowd pleasing 1
minute mismatched match.  Ah, does this mean that Cadal isn't a party animal?  Can't
hold his liquor, maybe, although it seems to me that a lot of those party animals
have similar problems.
     OSCAR (50-3153) (39-15-0,197) of OPEN SESAME fought MOD COD (55-2638) (96-124-
3,209) of RHYME TYME.  OSCAR was viciously subdued by MOD COD in an action packed 1
minute gory brawl.  Damn, flattened by the flounder, clobbered by the cod.  Don't
open next time, Oscar.
     TENACIOUS (7-5337) (58-32-1,200) of BATHTUB ARMADA fought DON KING (47-5374)
(23-18-2,159) of ROYAL FLUSH.  TENACIOUS unbelievably bested DON KING in a popular 10
minute brutal fight.  Hey, I believe this!  Totally.
     STREET RAT (11-3116) (36-32-2,186) of GERFEL'S FRIENDS fought HEAD CHEESE (96-
1920) (24-12-3,155) of WHY SELL THIS?  STREET RAT defeated HEAD CHEESE in a crowd
pleasing 2 minute duel.  Well, no wonder.  Rats eat anything.  Everyone knows that.

     Our lone challenge fight:  THE SINGING BANDIT (11-6349) (29-36-0,100) of
GERFEL'S FRIENDS challenged TAVIS CADFALSON (35-1419) (32-83-2,125) of CHILDREN OF
LLYR.  Up 25.  THE SINGING BANDIT bested TAVIS CADFALSON in a 2 minute Challenge
fight.  I guess this means Tavis does not get included in the barbershop quartet?

     And for the title:  CAT IN THE HAT (24-3103) (56-21-1,243) of THE SEUSS HEUSS
fought LONDON QUIREBOY (59-2513) (27-9-1,201) of CHAPEL ROCK.  CAT IN THE HAT
viciously subdued LONDON QUIREBOY in a 3 minute Title battle.  Just a little, well,
tedious?  We knew the Cat was vicious, we knew the Quireboy was a polite, mannerly
youth, what else could we have expected?

                                        Olaf

CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD          W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 CAT IN THE HAT 24-3103      57  21  1  260  THE SEUSS HEUSS (804)      ZORPUNT

GRAND CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 MOD COD 55-2638             97 124  3  228  RHYME TYME (449)           KHALANI

GRAND CHAMPIONS               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 LONDON QUIREBOY 59-2513     27  10  1  207  CHAPEL ROCK (1352)         ILLIS

GRAND CHAMPIONS               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 TENACIOUS 7-5337            59  32  1  202  BATHTUB ARMADA (1196)      BONSUR
 OSCAR 50-3153               39  16  0  193  OPEN SESAME (824)          SNOWBOUND
 STREET RAT 11-3116          37  32  2  192  GERFEL'S FRIENDS (516)     ARUAK CITY

GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS       W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 ACE METRIC 47-3554          24  15  0  174  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 DON KING 47-5374            23  19  2  174  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 BLACK EYES 46-2820          28  21  0  167  THE FURIOUS FIVE (1121)    ARDIVENT
 BULL DURHAM 5-4324          30  15  1  160  PARTY ANIMALS (591)        KALTOS
 UNZOE THE SHAMAN 31-4940    27  12  0  159  THE STORMGUARDS (132)      CHIMLEVTAL
 HEAD CHEESE 96-1920         24  13  3  159  WHY SELL THIS? (1390)      OLD VALAMANTIS
 BLOOD PIE 96-1918           18  19  5  155  WHY SELL THIS? (1390)      OLD VALAMANTIS

GRAND ADEPTS                  W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 GAR & BRILL 38-4252         60  88  0  150  JUST BECAUSE (1228)        CLIFFHOME
-A GROUNDSKEEPER 45-1613     33  28  1  144  AVID FANS (569)            STORMCROWE
 MATH OP OWAIN 35-1418       38  78  1  135  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA
 SCRAPPLE 97-1961            20  17  3  134  WHY SELL THIS? (1391)      SHADOW GROVE
 CADAL 35-1370               42  84  4  132  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA
 OWAIN HARLSON 35-3130       25  31  1  127  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA
 HEBEE 38-4359               28  37  0  125  ALL FINESSE (1236)         CLIFFHOME
 PUMPING ON STEEL 82--32315  17  17  0  120  NO RESPECT II (1399)       DWES EG
 THE SINGING BANDIT 11-6349  30  36  0  119  GERFEL'S FRIENDS (516)     ARUAK CITY
 HUNZICKER BOWL 23-4182      37  20  1  117  SKI TAOS (1070)            TI
 TAVIS CADFALSON 35-1419     32  84  2  110  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA

GRAND CHALLENGER INITIATES    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 SUGARBEET 7-5219            32  33  1  100  SUGAR AND SPICE (1231)     BONSUR
 HARLEY THE CADAVER 18-5366  28  52  3   92  STREET PIZZA (173)         TALCAMA

GRAND INITIATES               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 JOHN WAYNE HAMMER 42-4213   18  26  2   87  KLK RANGE HAMMERZ (1408)   RODEKI
 BLOODY BRAINLESS 96-2206    13  13  3   79  BLOODY RANDOMNESS (1405)   OLD VALAMANTIS
 VANISH 73-4633              20   7  1   75  THE INANIMATES (1361)      ERINIKA
 HUW AP HUW 35-3030          20  43  0   66  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA
-ULTHAR UTHERYDES 31-5682    15   6  0   51  THE STORMGUARDS (132)      CHIMLEVTAL
 AIM SEDUCE HAMMER 17-6815   22   7  1   50  AIM 4 ISLE HAMMERZ (1414)  ALJAFIR
 JAMES MADISON 99-1268       10   6  3   48  DEAD PRESIDENTS, YO (1412) SOUTH RIDGE

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                   W   L  K TEAM NAME              SLAIN BY                  TURN

                               PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE

Pumping on Steele -- That seems rude and lacking in respect.  One such as myself,
with more experience of the world than perhaps you have, realizes that this could be
a very bad plan.  If you show no respect to others, they are unlikely to show respect
to you, after all.  And there are times when it makes a difference.  Respect CAN get
you into trouble now and then, because people expect more from you, but a lack of
respect is SURE to get you into trouble, because people see no reason to treat you as
worthy of anything but a quick knife in the back.  Er, you might move in circles
where that knife in the back is figurative, but I can assure you that it's just as
dangerous.  Trust me on this, I know whereof I speak. -- Math op Owain

Hebee -- Huh, you've got no respect, either.  Think I'm easy?  Fat chance.  I may not
be a godling, but I'm sneaky. -- Owain Harlson
P.S.  What kind of name is "Hebee" for a guy?  Or a woman either, but women are weird
that way sometimes.

Sugarbeet -- Ah, well, I never did care much for beets, sugar or salt.  You know how

it is.  They're food for the cows and the pigs.  The only time people eat those roots
is when they've already eaten the cows and the pigs and there's nothing left. --
Tavis Cadfalson

Unzoe the Shaman -- That was by way of being a relief.  Here we had three wins in a
row, this is not normal and is likely to lead to us getting ejected at the next
Split.  NOT part of the Plan.  We want to stay here for the long haul.  Get
comfortable.  Bring back the concept of Home Guard for the old puds, not these young
hotshots that pop in to skim off some skills and then head off to Primus.  Impatient,
the lot of them.  I don't know what the younger generation is going to come to. --
Cadal

The Singing Bandit -- And a good voice, too.  I like the guitar riffs.  Erm, listen,
ah, well, do you do parties?  We're thinking of having one, sort of a guildhouse
warming, and some music would be good.  Free beer? -- Huw ap Huw

Olaf -- Why would anyone want to carry a tune in a bucket?  Doesn't make sense to me.
-- Huw

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

THE SINGING BANDIT bested TAVIS CADFALSON in a 2 minute Challenge fight.
CAT IN THE HAT viciously subdued LONDON QUIREBOY in a 3 minute Title battle.
STREET RAT defeated HEAD CHEESE in a crowd pleasing 2 minute duel.
TENACIOUS unbelievably bested DON KING in a popular 10 minute brutal fight.
OSCAR was viciously subdued by MOD COD in a action packed 1 minute gory brawl.
BULL DURHAM devastated CADAL in a crowd pleasing 1 minute mismatched match.
UNZOE THE SHAMAN defeated GAR & BRILL in a action packed 2 minute melee.
BLACK EYES vanquished HEBEE in a 1 minute uneven duel.
ACE METRIC defeated PUMPING ON STEELE in a action packed 2 minute gory duel.
HUNZICKER BOWL was luckily beaten by SCRAPPLE in a action packed 2 minute match.
OWAIN HARLSON was overpowered by BLOOD PIE in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
MATH OP OWAIN savagely defeated SUGARBEET in a crowd pleasing 2 minute competition.
VANISH was savagely defeated by HARLEY THE CADAVER in a crowd pleasing 3 minute match.
HUW AP HUW was handily defeated by JOHN WAYNE HAMMER in a 1 minute one-sided conflict.
JAMES MADISON was overpowered by HERMY in a 1 minute uneven struggle.
AIM SEDUCE HAMMER was handily defeated by BLOODY BRAINLESS in a 1 minute bout.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK                   6         PARRY-LUNGE       13 -   6 -  0      68  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  6         LUNGING ATTACK    46 -  29 -  2      61  |
|AIMED BLOW                       5         SLASHING ATTACK   17 -  12 -  0      59  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     4         WALL OF STEEL     27 -  20 -  0      57  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   3         STRIKING ATTACK   32 -  42 -  2      43  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    3         AIMED BLOW        22 -  29 -  0      43  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      2         PARRY-STRIKE       9 -  13 -  0      41  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      1         TOTAL PARRY       16 -  26 -  0      38  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  1         BASHING ATTACK     7 -  13 -  0      35  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    0         PARRY-RIPOSTE      0 -   0 -  0       0  |

Turn 470 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

PARRY-LUNGE        1 -  0     PARRY-RIPOSTE      0 -  0         3  STRIKING ATTACK
SLASHING ATTACK    1 -  0     BASHING ATTACK     0 -  3         2  LUNGING ATTACK 
AIMED BLOW         4 -  1     WALL OF STEEL      0 -  3         2  WALL OF STEEL  
PARRY-STRIKE       2 -  2                                       1  TOTAL PARRY    
LUNGING ATTACK     3 -  3                                       1  SLASHING ATTACK
STRIKING ATTACK    3 -  3                                       1  AIMED BLOW     
TOTAL PARRY        1 -  1                                       1  PARRY-STRIKE   

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
STRIKING ATTACK  CAT IN THE HAT 24-3103     57  21  1  260 THE SEUSS HEUSS (804)
LUNGING ATTACK   MOD COD 55-2638            97 124  3  228 RHYME TYME (449)
WALL OF STEEL    LONDON QUIREBOY 59-2513    27  10  1  207 CHAPEL ROCK (1352)
TOTAL PARRY      TENACIOUS 7-5337           59  32  1  202 BATHTUB ARMADA (1196)
SLASHING ATTACK  ACE METRIC 47-3554         24  15  0  174 ROYAL FLUSH (146)
AIMED BLOW       BLACK EYES 46-2820         28  21  0  167 THE FURIOUS FIVE (1121)
PARRY-STRIKE     UNZOE THE SHAMAN 31-4940   27  12  0  159 THE STORMGUARDS (132)
PARRY-LUNGE      SCRAPPLE 97-1961           20  17  3  134 WHY SELL THIS? (1391)
BASHING ATTACK   CADAL 35-1370              42  84  4  132 CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)

The overall popularity leader is MOD COD 55-2638.  The most popular warrior this turn 
was DON KING 47-5374.  The ten other most popular fighters were CAT IN THE HAT 
24-3103, TAVIS CADFALSON 35-1419, GAR & BRILL 38-4252, MATH OP OWAIN 35-1418, STREET 
RAT 11-3116, TENACIOUS 7-5337, HUNZICKER BOWL 23-4182, VANISH 73-4633, LONDON 
QUIREBOY 59-2513, and MOD COD 55-2638.

The least popular fighter this week was AIM SEDUCE HAMMER 17-6815.  The other ten 
least popular fighters were HEBEE 38-4359, BLOODY BRAINLESS 96-2206, JAMES MADISON 
99-1268, HUW AP HUW 35-3030, SUGARBEET 7-5219, OWAIN HARLSON 35-3130, PUMPING ON 
STEELE 82--32315, CADAL 35-1370, HEAD CHEESE 96-1920, and BLOOD PIE 96-1918.

Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  
KALTOS(5)            1  0 0  CHIMLEVTAL(31)       1  0 0  KHALANI(55)          1  0 0  
BONSUR(7)            1  1 0  MURSKA(35)           1  4 0  ILLIS(59)            0  1 0  
ARUAK CITY(11)       2  0 0  CLIFFHOME(38)        0  2 0  ERINIKA(73)          0  1 0  
ALJAFIR(17)          0  1 0  RODEKI(42)           1  0 0  DWES EG(82)          0  1 0  
TALCAMA(18)          1  0 0  ARDIVENT(46)         1  0 0  OLD VALAMANTIS(96)   2  1 0  
TI(23)               0  1 0  NORTH FORK(47)       1  1 0  SHADOW GROVE(97)     1  0 0  
ZORPUNT(24)          1  0 0  SNOWBOUND(50)        0  1 0  SOUTH RIDGE(99)      0  1 0  

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 BULL DURHAM 5-4324          30  15  1  160  PARTY ANIMALS (591)        KALTOS
 TENACIOUS 7-5337            59  32  1  202  BATHTUB ARMADA (1196)      BONSUR
 STREET RAT 11-3116          37  32  2  192  GERFEL'S FRIENDS (516)     ARUAK CITY
 AIM SEDUCE HAMMER 17-6815   22   7  1   50  AIM 4 ISLE HAMMERZ (1414)  ALJAFIR
 HARLEY THE CADAVER 18-5366  28  52  3   92  STREET PIZZA (173)         TALCAMA
 HUNZICKER BOWL 23-4182      37  20  1  117  SKI TAOS (1070)            TI
 CAT IN THE HAT 24-3103      57  21  1  260  THE SEUSS HEUSS (804)      ZORPUNT
 UNZOE THE SHAMAN 31-4940    27  12  0  159  THE STORMGUARDS (132)      CHIMLEVTAL
 MATH OP OWAIN 35-1418       38  78  1  135  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA
 GAR & BRILL 38-4252         60  88  0  150  JUST BECAUSE (1228)        CLIFFHOME
 JOHN WAYNE HAMMER 42-4213   18  26  2   87  KLK RANGE HAMMERZ (1408)   RODEKI
 BLACK EYES 46-2820          28  21  0  167  THE FURIOUS FIVE (1121)    ARDIVENT
 ACE METRIC 47-3554          24  15  0  174  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 OSCAR 50-3153               39  16  0  193  OPEN SESAME (824)          SNOWBOUND
 MOD COD 55-2638             97 124  3  228  RHYME TYME (449)           KHALANI
 LONDON QUIREBOY 59-2513     27  10  1  207  CHAPEL ROCK (1352)         ILLIS
 VANISH 73-4633              20   7  1   75  THE INANIMATES (1361)      ERINIKA
 PUMPING ON STEEL 82--32315  17  17  0  120  NO RESPECT II (1399)       DWES EG
 HEAD CHEESE 96-1920         24  13  3  159  WHY SELL THIS? (1390)      OLD VALAMANTIS
 SCRAPPLE 97-1961            20  17  3  134  WHY SELL THIS? (1391)      SHADOW GROVE

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 JAMES MADISON 99-1268       10   6  3   48  DEAD PRESIDENTS, YO (1412) SOUTH RIDGE