AD

Date   : 01/09/2008    Duedate: 01/22/2008

HOME GUARD

DM-101    TURN-471

RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %  RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %
  1 STREET PIZZA 18/173   541  434  3 55.5      BATHTUB ARMADA 7/1196                 
    WHY SELL THIS? 97/1391                      NO RESPECT II 82/1399                 
    WHY SELL THIS? 96/1390                      SWEORDMASTERS 1/1210                  
    DEAD PRESIDENTS, YO 99/1412                 SUGAR AND SPICE 7/1231                
    BLOODY RANDOMNESS 96/1405                   THE INANIMATES 73/1361                
  2-SKI TAOS 23/1070      911  826 13 52.4    5 THE STORMGUAR 31/132  147  165  2 47.1
    OPEN SESAME 50/824                        6 JUST BECAUSE 38/1228  450  599  9 42.9
    PARTY ANIMALS 5/591                       7 RHYME TYME 55/449     613  870 15 41.3
    CHAPEL ROCK 59/1352                         THE SEUSS HEUSS 24/804                
    ROYAL FLUSH 47/146                        8 CHILDREN OF  35/1415  593  960  6 38.2
  3-GERFEL'S FRIE 11/516  184  172  2 51.7    9 KLK RANGE HA 42/1408    5   15  0 25.0
    THE FURIOUS FIVE 46/1121                    AIM 4 ISLE HAMMERZ 17/1414            
  4 ALL FINESSE 38/1236   283  266  2 51.5   10 DARK PINNACL 47/1411    0    1  0  0.0

    '##/###' Avoid teams by their Team Id     '-'  Team did not fight this turn

                             REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER

     Okay, it's the tourney, right?  After the tourney, gladiators will return to
Home Guard to fight?  Say it's true!  Because this is pathetic.  Two dozen gladiators
fighting today.  Okay, and four standbys, big deal.  Fourteen total fights.  Even
Andorak didn't get this bad!  Well, maybe they did, but I don't remember.  Still,
this is pathetic.
     Oh, but wait!  It gets WORSE!  We had five challenges, okay, not a bad
percentage of the total fights.  BUT.  The Captain of the Guard fought and LOST to a
standby, which left the title up for grabs.
     Nobody avoided anybody else.  Guess those of you who fought knew ehtere wouldn't
be anyone left worth avoiding.  Or you avoided people who didn't fight.  Or
something.  Whatever.
     Harley the Cadaver got the most challenges.

     AIM SEDUCE HAMMER (17-6815) (22-7-1,50) of AIM 4 ISLE HAMMERZ fought LAKE SAILOR
(101-2) (0-0-0,30) of a Few Good Bums.  AIM SEDUCE HAMMER handily defeated LAKE
SAILOR in a 1 minute uneven fight.  I should hope so!
     JOHN WAYNE HAMMER (42-4213) (18-26-2,87) of KLK RANGE HAMMERZ fought LAKE SAILOR
(101-2) (0-0-0,30) of a Few Good Bums.  JOHN WAYNE HAMMER was beaten by LAKE SAILOR
in a 1 minute conflict.  Gotta laugh at this one, after one of the Llyrsons fussed so
about fighting this guy.
     OPAI (47-5735) (16-5-0,53) of DARK PINNACLE fought MISCHIEVOUS IMP (1-7627) (32-
19-3,88) of SWEORDMASTERS.  OPAI was demolished by MISCHIEVOUS IMP in a 1 minute
mismatched match.  Imps are like that.
     JAMES MADISON (99-1268) (10-6-3,48) of DEAD PRESIDENTS, YO fought HUW AP HUW
(35-3030) (20-43-0,66) of CHILDREN OF LLYR.  JAMES MADISON demolished HUW AP HUW in a
2 minute bloody mismatched competition.  That's gotta sting, Huw.

     GAR & BRILL (38-4252) (60-88-0,150) of JUST BECAUSE fought SLICK STEPHAN (101-
11) (0-0-0,150) of a Few Good Bums.  GAR & BRILL handily defeated SLICK STEPHAN in an
exciting 1 minute one-sided bout.  Too bad.
     BLOOD PIE (96-1918) (18-19-5,155) of WHY SELL THIS? fought MATH OP OWAIN (35-
1418) (38-78-1,135) of CHILDREN OF LLYR.  BLOOD PIE narrowly defeated MATH OP OWAIN
in an exciting 2 minute fight.  How narrowly?  An inch?  Half an inch?
     UNZOE THE SHAMAN (31-4940) (27-12-0,159) of THE STORMGUARDS fought CADAL (35-
1370) (42-84-4,132) of CHILDREN OF LLYR.  UNZOE THE SHAMAN slimly won victory over
CADAL in an action packed 4 minute fight.  "Slimly."  Heck, this is like "narrowly."
You never really know what it means.  It's just fancy words put in to dress up the
comment.
     HEAD CHEESE (96-1920) (24-13-3,159) of WHY SELL THIS? fought OWAIN HARLSON (35-
3130) (25-31-1,127) of CHILDREN OF LLYR.  HEAD CHEESE handily defeated OWAIN HARLSON
in an action packed 3 minute uneven melee.  What I want to know is, was Head Cheese
assisted by all his under-cheeses?
     CAT IN THE HAT (24-3103) (57-21-1,260) of THE SEUSS HEUSS fought NAIHREN (101-
27) (0-0-0,240) of a Few Good Bums.  CAT IN THE HAT was devastated by NAIHREN in a 1
minute mismatched match.  The bum here was Cat.  Losing the title to a standby, who
will now complain for MONTHS that he should have been Captain of the Guard but was
unfairly barred from the position.  Not that we're going to miss Cat.

     The challenges:
     VANISH (73-4633) (20-7-1,75) of THE INANIMATES challenged BLOODY BRAINLESS (96-
2206) (13-13-3,79) of BLOODY RANDOMNESS.  Up 4.  VANISH devastated BLOODY BRAINLESS
in a popular 1 minute uneven Challenge brawl.
     SUGARBEET (7-5219) (32-33-1,100) of SUGAR AND SPICE challenged HARLEY THE
CADAVER (18-5366) (28-52-3,92) of STREET PIZZA.  Down 8.  SUGARBEET was viciously
subdued by HARLEY THE CADAVER in a 3 minute Challenge fight.  Serves that down-
challenging (well, if you go by ranking, by regular fights is another matter) root
right!
     HEBEE (38-4359) (28-37-0,125) of ALL FINESSE challenged SCRAPPLE (97-1961) (20-
17-3,134) of WHY SELL THIS?  Up 9.  HEBEE was overpowered by SCRAPPLE in a 1 minute
mismatched Challenge duel.  Some people just aren't adventurous eaters.
     PUMPING ON STEELE (82-33221) (17-17-0,120) of NO RESPECT II challenged TAVIS
CADFALSON (35-1419) (32-84-2,110) of CHILDREN OF LLYR.  Down 10.  PUMPING ON STEELE
slimly won victory over TAVIS CADFALSON in a 3 minute battle.  Slim.  Which means...?

     For the title, which the winner of this fight took on having the highest
recognition:  TENACIOUS (7-5337) (59-32-1,202) of BATHTUB ARMADA challenged MOD COD
(55-2638) (97-124-3,228) of RHYME TYME.  Up 26.  TENACIOUS unbelievably bested MOD
COD in a 3 minute Challenge Title fight.  My congratulations to Tenacious, and I
believed every move.

                                        Olaf

CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD          W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 TENACIOUS 7-5337            60  32  1  208  BATHTUB ARMADA (1196)      BONSUR

GRAND CHAMPIONS               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
-LONDON QUIREBOY 59-2513     27  10  1  207  CHAPEL ROCK (1352)         ILLIS
 MOD COD 55-2638             97 125  3  205  RHYME TYME (449)           KHALANI
-OSCAR 50-3153               39  16  0  193  OPEN SESAME (824)          SNOWBOUND
-STREET RAT 11-3116          37  32  2  192  GERFEL'S FRIENDS (516)     ARUAK CITY
 CAT IN THE HAT 24-3103      57  22  1  190  THE SEUSS HEUSS (804)      ZORPUNT

GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS       W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
-ACE METRIC 47-3554          24  15  0  174  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
-DON KING 47-5374            23  19  2  174  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
-BLACK EYES 46-2820          28  21  0  167  THE FURIOUS FIVE (1121)    ARDIVENT
 HEAD CHEESE 96-1920         25  13  3  162  WHY SELL THIS? (1390)      OLD VALAMANTIS
 GAR & BRILL 38-4252         61  88  0  161  JUST BECAUSE (1228)        CLIFFHOME
 UNZOE THE SHAMAN 31-4940    28  12  0  161  THE STORMGUARDS (132)      CHIMLEVTAL
-BULL DURHAM 5-4324          30  15  1  160  PARTY ANIMALS (591)        KALTOS
 BLOOD PIE 96-1918           19  19  5  158  WHY SELL THIS? (1390)      OLD VALAMANTIS

GRAND ADEPTS                  W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 SCRAPPLE 97-1961            21  17  3  142  WHY SELL THIS? (1391)      SHADOW GROVE
 CADAL 35-1370               42  85  4  141  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA
 MATH OP OWAIN 35-1418       38  79  1  138  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA
 OWAIN HARLSON 35-3130       25  32  1  131  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA

GRAND ADEPTS                  W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 PUMPING ON STEEL 82--32315  18  17  0  123  NO RESPECT II (1399)       DWES EG
-THE SINGING BANDIT 11-6349  30  36  0  119  GERFEL'S FRIENDS (516)     ARUAK CITY
 HEBEE 38-4359               28  38  0  118  ALL FINESSE (1236)         CLIFFHOME
-HUNZICKER BOWL 23-4182      37  20  1  117  SKI TAOS (1070)            TI
 TAVIS CADFALSON 35-1419     32  85  2  111  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA
 HARLEY THE CADAVER 18-5366  29  52  3  104  STREET PIZZA (173)         TALCAMA

GRAND CHALLENGER INITIATES    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 MISCHIEVOUS IMP 1-7627      33  19  3   95  SWEORDMASTERS (1210)       MORDANT
 SUGARBEET 7-5219            32  34  1   94  SUGAR AND SPICE (1231)     BONSUR

GRAND INITIATES               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 VANISH 73-4633              21   7  1   90  THE INANIMATES (1361)      ERINIKA
 BLOODY BRAINLESS 96-2206    13  14  3   72  BLOODY RANDOMNESS (1405)   OLD VALAMANTIS
 JAMES MADISON 99-1268       11   6  3   68  DEAD PRESIDENTS, YO (1412) SOUTH RIDGE
 AIM SEDUCE HAMMER 17-6815   23   7  1   56  AIM 4 ISLE HAMMERZ (1414)  ALJAFIR
 OPAI 47-5735                16   6  0   56  DARK PINNACLE (1411)       NORTH FORK
 JOHN WAYNE HAMMER 42-4213   18  27  2   53  KLK RANGE HAMMERZ (1408)   RODEKI
-ULTHAR UTHERYDES 31-5682    15   6  0   51  THE STORMGUARDS (132)      CHIMLEVTAL
 HUW AP HUW 35-3030          20  44  0   48  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA
-SMOKESCREEN 47-5944         11   3  2   38  DARQUE FORCES (1410)       NORTH FORK

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                   W   L  K TEAM NAME              SLAIN BY                  TURN

                               PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE

We were feeling rather discouraged, but Jorja told us--she has a very forceful way
about her, to "write personals as though you expected every gladiator and every
manager to scrutinize them carefully and debate each point."  So, here goes. -- Math
op Owain, prepared to give matters, at the least, his second-best shot

The Singing Bandit -- I'm not much for song myself, regardless of Huw's comment, I
can't carry a tune in a bucket, a basket, or on a silver tray, but I blow a good
gallon jug.  If you ever need one in your backup band, give me a call.  In the mean
time, listen for me blowing the low notes out in the audience. -- Tavis Cadfalson

Bull Durham -- Whew!  Not only are you a menace in a china shop, it's almost
impossible to get that smell out of the curtains.  No wonder your housekeeper sends
you out to fight, it's probably the only chance she gets to air out the guildhouse.
-- Cadal

Blood Pie -- I don't know that I'd go so far as to ask that question, but then again,
maybe I would.  It certainly isn't to my taste. -- Owain Harlson
P.S.  Now, if it was lemon pie, it would be another matter entirely.
P.P.S.  Heck, even pumpkin!

Sugarbeet -- You're a menace to the dental health of the Isle, and nobody else was
doing anything so... I took it upon myself to straighten you out.  I don't suppose it
was a lasting lesson, but I had to do something. -- Math op Owain

John Wayne Hammer -- You do realize that you're a menace?  You're too sure of your
own rectitude, and nothing closes a mind more obstinately than self-righetous
certainty.  Work on tolerance, and even (gasp) doubt.  Doubt is the greatest gift the
gods ever gave us. -- Huw ap Huw

Olaf -- I can hold my liquor very well, thanks.  I have any number of vessels for
that purpose.  I just don't like to drink it.  Liquor is a crime against defenseless
fruits and vegateables and grains. -- Cadal

     There are some fruits, vegetables, and grains that DESERVE the insult of being
     made into alcohol. -- Olaf

     The Regional Arena News is down for repairs but will return soon.

22 December 2007
All -- Just that tired old reminder to check your e-mail settings when you send ads
and such.  Please send stuff as plain text rather than as HTML or formatted text.
HAL, being the simple golem it is, doesn't know what to do with anything other than
plain text.  Note, this also means it doesn't know what to do with "smart" or "curly"
quotes, whether single or double, em-dashes (rendered here as two hyphens "--") or
everyone's favourite ellipsis (..., aka three dots). -- A public self-service
announcement from your Ed.

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

TENACIOUS unbelievably bested MOD COD in a 3 minute Challenge Title fight.
PUMPING ON STEELE slimly won victory over TAVIS CADFALSON in a 3 minute battle.
HEBEE was overpowered by SCRAPPLE in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge duel.
SUGARBEET was viciously subdued by HARLEY THE CADAVER in a 3 minute Challenge fight.
VANISH devastated BLOODY BRAINLESS in a popular 1 minute uneven Challenge brawl.
CAT IN THE HAT was devastated by NAIHREN in a 1 minute mismatched match.
HEAD CHEESE handily defeated OWAIN HARLSON in a action packed 3 minute uneven melee.
UNZOE THE SHAMAN slimly won victory over CADAL in a action packed 4 minute fight.
BLOOD PIE narrowly defeated MATH OP OWAIN in a exciting 2 minute fight.
GAR & BRILL handily defeated SLICK STEPHAN in a exciting 1 minute one-sided bout.
JAMES MADISON demolished HUW AP HUW in a 2 minute bloody mismatched competition.
OPAI was demolished by MISCHIEVOUS IMP in a 1 minute mismatched match.
JOHN WAYNE HAMMER was beaten by LAKE SAILOR in a 1 minute conflict.
AIM SEDUCE HAMMER handily defeated LAKE SAILOR in a 1 minute uneven fight.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|STRIKING ATTACK                  5         PARRY-LUNGE       13 -   5 -  0      72  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     4         SLASHING ATTACK   14 -   9 -  0      61  |
|LUNGING ATTACK                   4         LUNGING ATTACK    40 -  28 -  1      59  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      3         WALL OF STEEL     24 -  18 -  0      57  |
|AIMED BLOW                       3         TOTAL PARRY       18 -  21 -  0      46  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   3         STRIKING ATTACK   31 -  38 -  2      45  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      1         AIMED BLOW        21 -  28 -  0      43  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    1         PARRY-STRIKE      10 -  15 -  0      40  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    0         BASHING ATTACK     6 -  15 -  0      29  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  0         PARRY-RIPOSTE      0 -   0 -  0       0  |

Turn 471 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

PARRY-LUNGE        1 -  0     STRIKING ATTACK    1 -  4         4  STRIKING ATTACK
TOTAL PARRY        3 -  0     PARRY-RIPOSTE      0 -  0         2  TOTAL PARRY    
WALL OF STEEL      1 -  0     SLASHING ATTACK    0 -  0         2  WALL OF STEEL  
AIMED BLOW         2 -  1     BASHING ATTACK     0 -  3         1  LUNGING ATTACK 
PARRY-STRIKE       2 -  2                                       1  SLASHING ATTACK
LUNGING ATTACK     2 -  2                                       1  AIMED BLOW     

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
TOTAL PARRY      TENACIOUS 7-5337           60  32  1  208 BATHTUB ARMADA (1196)
LUNGING ATTACK   MOD COD 55-2638            97 125  3  205 RHYME TYME (449)
STRIKING ATTACK  CAT IN THE HAT 24-3103     57  22  1  190 THE SEUSS HEUSS (804)
PARRY-STRIKE     UNZOE THE SHAMAN 31-4940   28  12  0  161 THE STORMGUARDS (132)

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
PARRY-LUNGE      SCRAPPLE 97-1961           21  17  3  142 WHY SELL THIS? (1391)
BASHING ATTACK   CADAL 35-1370              42  85  4  141 CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)
WALL OF STEEL    PUMPING ON STEE 82--32315  18  17  0  123 NO RESPECT II (1399)
AIMED BLOW       HARLEY THE CADAVE 18-5366  29  52  3  104 STREET PIZZA (173)

The overall popularity leader is MOD COD 55-2638.  The most popular warrior this turn 
was MOD COD 55-2638.  The ten other most popular fighters were TAVIS CADFALSON 
35-1419, CADAL 35-1370, HARLEY THE CADAVER 18-5366, UNZOE THE SHAMAN 31-4940, MATH OP 
OWAIN 35-1418, SUGARBEET 7-5219, VANISH 73-4633, OWAIN HARLSON 35-3130, BLOOD PIE 
96-1918, and PUMPING ON STEELE 82--32315.

The least popular fighter this week was JOHN WAYNE HAMMER 42-4213.  The other ten 
least popular fighters were OPAI 47-5735, HUW AP HUW 35-3030, HEBEE 38-4359, 
MISCHIEVOUS IMP 1-7627, CAT IN THE HAT 24-3103, SCRAPPLE 97-1961, AIM SEDUCE HAMMER 
17-6815, HEAD CHEESE 96-1920, BLOODY BRAINLESS 96-2206, and TENACIOUS 7-5337.

Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  
MORDANT(1)           1  0 0  MURSKA(35)           0  5 0  ERINIKA(73)          1  0 0  
BONSUR(7)            1  1 0  CLIFFHOME(38)        1  1 0  DWES EG(82)          1  0 0  
ALJAFIR(17)          1  0 0  RODEKI(42)           0  1 0  OLD VALAMANTIS(96)   2  1 0  
TALCAMA(18)          1  0 0  NORTH FORK(47)       0  1 0  SHADOW GROVE(97)     1  0 0  
ZORPUNT(24)          0  1 0  KHALANI(55)          0  1 0  SOUTH RIDGE(99)      1  0 0  
CHIMLEVTAL(31)       1  0 0  

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 MISCHIEVOUS IMP 1-7627      33  19  3   95  SWEORDMASTERS (1210)       MORDANT
 TENACIOUS 7-5337            60  32  1  208  BATHTUB ARMADA (1196)      BONSUR
 AIM SEDUCE HAMMER 17-6815   23   7  1   56  AIM 4 ISLE HAMMERZ (1414)  ALJAFIR
 HARLEY THE CADAVER 18-5366  29  52  3  104  STREET PIZZA (173)         TALCAMA
 CAT IN THE HAT 24-3103      57  22  1  190  THE SEUSS HEUSS (804)      ZORPUNT
 UNZOE THE SHAMAN 31-4940    28  12  0  161  THE STORMGUARDS (132)      CHIMLEVTAL
 CADAL 35-1370               42  85  4  141  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA
 GAR & BRILL 38-4252         61  88  0  161  JUST BECAUSE (1228)        CLIFFHOME
 JOHN WAYNE HAMMER 42-4213   18  27  2   53  KLK RANGE HAMMERZ (1408)   RODEKI
 OPAI 47-5735                16   6  0   56  DARK PINNACLE (1411)       NORTH FORK
 MOD COD 55-2638             97 125  3  205  RHYME TYME (449)           KHALANI
 VANISH 73-4633              21   7  1   90  THE INANIMATES (1361)      ERINIKA
 PUMPING ON STEEL 82--32315  18  17  0  123  NO RESPECT II (1399)       DWES EG
 HEAD CHEESE 96-1920         25  13  3  162  WHY SELL THIS? (1390)      OLD VALAMANTIS
 SCRAPPLE 97-1961            21  17  3  142  WHY SELL THIS? (1391)      SHADOW GROVE
 JAMES MADISON 99-1268       11   6  3   68  DEAD PRESIDENTS, YO (1412) SOUTH RIDGE