AD

Date   : 07/09/2008    Duedate: 07/22/2008

HOME GUARD

DM-101    TURN-484

RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %  RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %
  1 MENAGERIE 26/1137      31   19  0 62.0      THE FURIOUS FIVE 46/1121              
    CAER SIDHE 41/1218                        5 COLLUSION 97/1426     315  302  3 51.1
    THE ILLUMINATI 25/1179                      BATHTUB ARMADA 7/1196                 
  2 WHY SELL THI 97/1391  584  464  4 55.7      ALL FINESSE 38/1236                   
    WHY SELL THIS? 96/1390                    6-GAELIC STORM 47/1427  150  169  1 47.0
    DEAD PRESIDENTS, YO 99/1412                 SOL INVICTUS 31/1355                  
    BLOODY RANDOMNESS 96/1405                   CHAOTICDISORDER 33/1353               
  3-ROYAL FLUSH 47/146    968  849 15 53.3    7 JUST BECAUSE 38/1228  456  606  9 42.9
    HAZAARDS OF CLONING 71/1384               8 CHILDREN OF  35/1415  611 1007  7 37.8
    MILITARY MAYHEM 31/133                    9 KLK RANGE HA 42/1408   11   26  0 29.7
  4 GERFEL'S FRIE 11/516  195  183  2 51.6   10-AVERAGE GUYS 56/1424    3    8  0 27.3

    '##/###' Avoid teams by their Team Id     '-'  Team did not fight this turn

                             REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER

     Okay, it's hot.  What do you expect, it's July.  Happens every year around this
time.  You need your beauty sleep?  Couldn't prove it by looking at you, but what the
heck, try going to bed earlier.  You party all night at the taverns, beauty sleep
won't help.  You're preparing intensively for the tourney?  Okay, I'll grant you that
one.  But surely you aren't ALL going?  Some of you could show up here and fight as
usual?  Hey, with the ranks thin, you'd have had a chance to get at people usually
buried in challenges, right?
     Oh, well, here's what we've got:
     Sol Invictus was most avoided, and Menagerie did the most avoiding.  This isn't
saying lots, but at least one manager out there was paying attention to his job.
     Nobody was most challenged.
     Nobody died.  This is good, July is a rotten time to die.  Not much margin for
embalming before the rot sets in.
     Eleven fights, that's pathetic, right down there with Andorak.  Surely you can
do better than this?  And two of the fights involved standbys.  You know, they closed
Lirin Kiv for this kind of showing.
     Two challenges were issued and accepted.  At least there were two.  I can recall
days in recent months when there haven't been any challenges.
     And this is about all the "news" from the office with regard to this arena.
So... here are the fights.

     JOHN WAYNE HAMMER (42-4213) (22-35-2,86) of KLK RANGE HAMMERZ fought LAKE SAILOR
(101-2) (0-0-0,30) of the Local Bums.  JOHN WAYNE HAMMER demolished LAKE SAILOR in a
1 minute mismatched match.  Naturally.  JW only does heroes, and only winning heroes,
at that.  It's his trademark.  So, okay, the fight was a little uneven, but sometimes
life is like that.  Live with it.
     SANDMAN (97-2610) (14-5-4,59) of COLLUSION fought HUW AP HUW (35-3030) (20-56-
0,53) of CHILDREN OF LLYR.  SANDMAN overpowered HUW AP HUW in a 2 minute gory one-
sided melee.  Seems like Sandamn's weapon colluded, or maybe it should be collided,
with Huw.  That's gotta hurt.  Well, I know it hurts, I've been on that end of a few
blows in my time.  Glad my time on the sands is over!  It's a young man's game.
     SNOTMAN (97-2611) (13-6-5,45) of COLLUSION fought JAMES MADISON (99-1268) (17-
12-3,75) of DEAD PRESIDENTS, YO.  SNOTMAN was vanquished by JAMES MADISON in a 1
minute one-sided fight.  Let that be a lesson to you, Snotman.  Don't mess with the
dead guys.  We're a lot tougher than you'd think.  After all, we don't have to worry
about bleeding all over the place, or pain.  Gives us an edge.
     SILHOUETTE (26-2006) (24-8-0,139) of MENAGERIE fought BLOOD PIE (96-1918) (25-
25-5,138) of WHY SELL THIS?  SILHOUETTE was vanquished by BLOOD PIE in a popular 2
minute gruesome uneven duel.  Gah.  Gruesome barely touches on the mess this fight
made.  Have you ever seen a dismembered silhouette?  Red splashes and black slivers
all over.  The guys who take care of the sands here were annoyed.

     BLACK EYES (46-2820) (31-26-0,172) of THE FURIOUS FIVE fought CADAL (35-1370)
(46-93-4,141) of CHILDREN OF LLYR.  BLACK EYES handily defeated CADAL in an action
packed 1 minute uneven fight.  "Handily defeated," boy, are you in trouble, Cadal!
Doesn't your adventure get updated about now?  And as we have been reminded in the
past, authors are so suggestible.  The least you'll get is both eyes blacked, and
then you won't be able to see the bad guys coming.  And the bad guys are always
coming.  It's a rule.
     GAR & BRILL (38-4252) (66-95-0,180) of JUST BECAUSE fought THE SINGING BANDIT
(11-6349) (34-40-0,174) of GERFEL'S FRIENDS.  GAR & BRILL bested THE SINGING BANDIT
in a crowd pleasing 4 minute match.  Ah... I think they've heard that one before,
Singing Bandit.  Maybe you should try 'em with some new tunes next time.
     MATH OP OWAIN (35-1418) (44-85-1,164) of CHILDREN OF LLYR fought LONG-NECKED
LARRY (101-22) (0-0-0,181) of the Local Bums.  MATH OP OWAIN demolished LONG-NECKED
LARRY in a 1 minute mismatched competition.  Ah, now, here is a man who can put away
the beer and still strike a shrewd blow in the morning.  Gotta salute that.
     HEAD CHEESE (96-1920) (34-16-3,211) of WHY SELL THIS? fought TAVIS CADFALSON
(35-1419) (37-92-3,207) of CHILDREN OF LLYR.  HEAD CHEESE bested TAVIS CADFALSON in a
popular 4 minute fight.  And for an encore, all the small curds are going to come out
and pummel him.

The challenges:
     GWYN AP NUDD (41-1210) (21-5-0,75) of CAER SIDHE challenged BLOODY BRAINLESS
(96-2206) (19-20-4,84) of BLOODY RANDOMNESS.  Up 9.  GWYN AP NUDD subdued BLOODY
BRAINLESS in a 1 minute Challenge melee.  This is probably significant in ways I
can't even guess at, literary ways, you know, so maybe I'd better not even TRY to
guess.  Good work, Gwyn.
     SOUL SCOURGE (25-1223) (22-9-2,105) of THE ILLUMINATI challenged OWAIN HARLSON
(35-3130) (27-42-1,111) of CHILDREN OF LLYR.  Up 6.  SOUL SCOURGE devastated OWAIN
HARLSON in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge fight.  Owain's soul is now thoroughly
scourged.  Bet that hurts.

For the title:
     TENACIOUS (7-5337) (70-34-1,251) of BATHTUB ARMADA fought SCRAPPLE (97-1961)
(29-21-3,215) of WHY SELL THIS?  TENACIOUS was savagely defeated by SCRAPPLE in an
action packed 7 minute Title fight.  Tenacious put up a good fight, or a masterly
evasive action, take your pick, but it wasn't enough.  When scrapple boils,
everything gets scalded.

                                        Olaf

CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD          W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 SCRAPPLE 97-1961            30  21  3  241  WHY SELL THIS? (1391)      SHADOW GROVE

GRAND CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 HEAD CHEESE 96-1920         35  16  3  217  WHY SELL THIS? (1390)      OLD VALAMANTIS

GRAND CHAMPIONS               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 TAVIS CADFALSON 35-1419     37  93  3  203  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA
 TENACIOUS 7-5337            70  35  1  198  BATHTUB ARMADA (1196)      BONSUR
 GAR & BRILL 38-4252         67  95  0  186  JUST BECAUSE (1228)        CLIFFHOME
 MATH OP OWAIN 35-1418       45  85  1  184  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA

GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS       W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 BLACK EYES 46-2820          32  26  0  175  THE FURIOUS FIVE (1121)    ARDIVENT
 THE SINGING BANDIT 11-6349  34  41  0  172  GERFEL'S FRIENDS (516)     ARUAK CITY
-DON KING 47-5374            26  21  2  170  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
-WRETCHEDMISERY 33-7255      36  26  0  162  CHAOTICDISORDER (1353)     NIATOLI ISLAND

GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS       W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 BLOOD PIE 96-1918           26  25  5  160  WHY SELL THIS? (1390)      OLD VALAMANTIS

GRAND ADEPTS                  W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 CADAL 35-1370               46  94  4  141  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA
-HORAGALLES 31-5212          22  19  2  131  SOL INVICTUS (1355)        CHIMLEVTAL
 SILHOUETTE 26-2006          24   9  0  128  MENAGERIE (1137)           CALEAM
 SOUL SCOURGE 25-1223        23   9  2  119  THE ILLUMINATI (1179)      LYRATILAN
 OWAIN HARLSON 35-3130       27  43  1  102  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA

GRAND INITIATES               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 JOHN WAYNE HAMMER 42-4213   23  35  2   88  KLK RANGE HAMMERZ (1408)   RODEKI
-SUI GENERIS 38-4444         18   9  0   86  ALL FINESSE (1236)         CLIFFHOME
 GWYN AP NUDD 41-1210        22   5  0   85  CAER SIDHE (1218)          KATI-TEI
-COMMANDER SPUD 31-5149      15  11  1   85  MILITARY MAYHEM (133)      CHIMLEVTAL
-I OF THE KNEE DOLL 71-3532  14  12  1   83  HAZAARDS OF CLONING (1384) KYR'TERR
-ROISIN DUBH 47-6038         22  13  1   81  GAELIC STORM (1427)        NORTH FORK
 JAMES MADISON 99-1268       18  12  3   81  DEAD PRESIDENTS, YO (1412) SOUTH RIDGE
 BLOODY BRAINLESS 96-2206    19  21  4   78  BLOODY RANDOMNESS (1405)   OLD VALAMANTIS
 SANDMAN 97-2610             15   5  4   68  COLLUSION (1426)           SHADOW GROVE
-AARON 56-3636               20   9  3   58  AVERAGE GUYS (1424)        ROCANIS
 HUW AP HUW 35-3030          20  57  0   48  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA
-SCREWFACE 33-6829           14   3  1   46  PHILANTHROPISTS (1436)     NIATOLI ISLAND
 SNOTMAN 97-2611             13   7  5   45  COLLUSION (1426)           SHADOW GROVE

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                   W   L  K TEAM NAME              SLAIN BY                  TURN

                               PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE

Any -- Our manager has probably gone insane.  She insists that we write "real
personals" here, of all places!  As though there was anyone to read them.  Well,
we'll do it, because insane or not she's mean, but it seems futile to all of us. --
Tavis Cadfalson for the Children of Llyr

     Surely not.  Just responding to a personal appeal couched in terms she couldn't
     refuse. -- Olaf

Tenacious -- (groan)  You ARE.  I could have gone along just fine without that.  Yes,
and without Sheila Greywand laughing when I motioned that I couldn't continue.  Where
does she get off laughing?  She wasn't down here getting battered. -- Tavis Cadfalson

Wretchedmisery -- You're so generous in sharing this feeling, I can hardly contain my
gratitude.  But I think you should share it with other people, too.  Over
familiarity, you know, will engender boredom and a lack of appreciation. -- Cadal
P.S.  And probably really bad luck in the adventure I've been sucked into.

     Look upon it as a challenge.

Horagalles -- There are times when I wonder whether this "teaching the younger
generation" gig is worth the pain.  'Specially when the "younger generation" doesn't
learn anything. -- Owain Harlson

     Younger generations are like that, but you have to teach them anyway.

Silhouette -- And a very graceful one, too.  Have you considered seeking more
congenial employment? -- Math op Owain

Roisin Dubh -- You're as cute as a bug's ear, but then, that's what all female elves
are, isn't it?  And like all elves, you're as dangerous as you are enticing.  Seems
unfair.  Why couldn't ONE thing be desirable but safe? -- Huw ap Huw

     I believe this is one of the universal laws.

Olaf -- Well, just make 'em to Jorja and lay off us, okay? -- Tavis, speaking for the
Children of Llyr

     I have, and she is most understanding.

Tavis -- You know Jorja would turn right around and make sure we suffered more than
she did. -- Cadal

     Which is precisely what she understood.

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

SOUL SCOURGE devastated OWAIN HARLSON in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge fight.
GWYN AP NUDD subdued BLOODY BRAINLESS in a 1 minute Challenge melee.
TENACIOUS was savagely defeated by SCRAPPLE in a action packed 7 minute Title fight.
HEAD CHEESE bested TAVIS CADFALSON in a popular 4 minute fight.
MATH OP OWAIN demolished LONG-NECKED LARRY in a 1 minute mismatched competition.
GAR & BRILL bested THE SINGING BANDIT in a crowd pleasing 4 minute match.
BLACK EYES handily defeated CADAL in a action packed 1 minute uneven fight.
SILHOUETTE was vanquished by BLOOD PIE in a popular 2 minute gruesome uneven duel.
SNOTMAN was vanquished by JAMES MADISON in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
SANDMAN overpowered HUW AP HUW in a 2 minute gory one-sided melee.
JOHN WAYNE HAMMER demolished LAKE SAILOR in a 1 minute mismatched match.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|PARRY-STRIKE                     4         TOTAL PARRY       25 -   9 -  1      74  |
|AIMED BLOW                       3         PARRY-LUNGE        9 -   4 -  0      69  |
|LUNGING ATTACK                   3         PARRY-RIPOSTE      2 -   1 -  0      67  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  3         LUNGING ATTACK    23 -  20 -  2      53  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      3         STRIKING ATTACK   26 -  24 -  1      52  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      1         AIMED BLOW        19 -  18 -  0      51  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    1         PARRY-STRIKE      17 -  23 -  1      43  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  1         SLASHING ATTACK    7 -  10 -  0      41  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   1         BASHING ATTACK     6 -  11 -  0      35  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    0         WALL OF STEEL      5 -  13 -  0      28  |

Turn 484 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

PARRY-LUNGE        1 -  0     STRIKING ATTACK    1 -  2         2  TOTAL PARRY    
PARRY-RIPOSTE      1 -  0     TOTAL PARRY        1 -  2         2  LUNGING ATTACK 
PARRY-STRIKE       3 -  1     SLASHING ATTACK    0 -  1         2  STRIKING ATTACK
AIMED BLOW         2 -  1     BASHING ATTACK     0 -  1         2  AIMED BLOW     
LUNGING ATTACK     2 -  1     WALL OF STEEL      0 -  0         1  PARRY-LUNGE    
                                                                1  PARRY-STRIKE   
                                                                1  SLASHING ATTACK

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
PARRY-LUNGE      SCRAPPLE 97-1961           30  21  3  241 WHY SELL THIS? (1391)
TOTAL PARRY      HEAD CHEESE 96-1920        35  16  3  217 WHY SELL THIS? (1390)
LUNGING ATTACK   TAVIS CADFALSON 35-1419    37  93  3  203 CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)
STRIKING ATTACK  GAR & BRILL 38-4252        67  95  0  186 JUST BECAUSE (1228)
PARRY-STRIKE     MATH OP OWAIN 35-1418      45  85  1  184 CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)
AIMED BLOW       BLACK EYES 46-2820         32  26  0  175 THE FURIOUS FIVE (1121)
BASHING ATTACK   CADAL 35-1370              46  94  4  141 CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
PARRY-RIPOSTE    GWYN AP NUDD 41-1210       22   5  0   85 CAER SIDHE (1218)
SLASHING ATTACK  SNOTMAN 97-2611            13   7  5   45 COLLUSION (1426)

The overall popularity leader is GAR & BRILL 38-4252.  The most popular warrior this 
turn was TAVIS CADFALSON 35-1419.  The ten other most popular fighters were GAR & 
BRILL 38-4252, SCRAPPLE 97-1961, BLOOD PIE 96-1918, TENACIOUS 7-5337, THE SINGING 
BANDIT 11-6349, HEAD CHEESE 96-1920, MATH OP OWAIN 35-1418, SANDMAN 97-2610, JOHN 
WAYNE HAMMER 42-4213, and SOUL SCOURGE 25-1223.

The least popular fighter this week was HUW AP HUW 35-3030.  The other ten least 
popular fighters were SNOTMAN 97-2611, SILHOUETTE 26-2006, CADAL 35-1370, BLOODY 
BRAINLESS 96-2206, OWAIN HARLSON 35-3130, JAMES MADISON 99-1268, GWYN AP NUDD 
41-1210, BLACK EYES 46-2820, SOUL SCOURGE 25-1223, and JOHN WAYNE HAMMER 42-4213.

Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  
BONSUR(7)            0  1 0  MURSKA(35)           1  4 0  ARDIVENT(46)         1  0 0  
ARUAK CITY(11)       0  1 0  CLIFFHOME(38)        1  0 0  OLD VALAMANTIS(96)   2  1 0  
LYRATILAN(25)        1  0 0  KATI-TEI(41)         1  0 0  SHADOW GROVE(97)     2  1 0  
CALEAM(26)           0  1 0  RODEKI(42)           1  0 0  SOUTH RIDGE(99)      1  0 0  

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 TENACIOUS 7-5337            70  35  1  198  BATHTUB ARMADA (1196)      BONSUR
 THE SINGING BANDIT 11-6349  34  41  0  172  GERFEL'S FRIENDS (516)     ARUAK CITY
 SOUL SCOURGE 25-1223        23   9  2  119  THE ILLUMINATI (1179)      LYRATILAN
 SILHOUETTE 26-2006          24   9  0  128  MENAGERIE (1137)           CALEAM
 TAVIS CADFALSON 35-1419     37  93  3  203  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA
 GAR & BRILL 38-4252         67  95  0  186  JUST BECAUSE (1228)        CLIFFHOME
 GWYN AP NUDD 41-1210        22   5  0   85  CAER SIDHE (1218)          KATI-TEI
 JOHN WAYNE HAMMER 42-4213   23  35  2   88  KLK RANGE HAMMERZ (1408)   RODEKI
 BLACK EYES 46-2820          32  26  0  175  THE FURIOUS FIVE (1121)    ARDIVENT
 HEAD CHEESE 96-1920         35  16  3  217  WHY SELL THIS? (1390)      OLD VALAMANTIS
 SCRAPPLE 97-1961            30  21  3  241  WHY SELL THIS? (1391)      SHADOW GROVE
 JAMES MADISON 99-1268       18  12  3   81  DEAD PRESIDENTS, YO (1412) SOUTH RIDGE