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Date   : 09/03/2008    Duedate: 09/16/2008

HOME GUARD

DM-101    TURN-488

RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %  RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %
  1 MENAGERIE 26/1137      42   20  0 67.7      BLOODY RANDOMNESS 96/1405             
    CAER SIDHE 41/1218                        3-COLLUSION 97/1426     321  305  3 51.3
    THE ILLUMINATI 25/1179                      BATHTUB ARMADA 7/1196                 
  2 WHY SELL THI 97/1391  597  471  4 55.9    4 JUST BECAUSE 38/1228  456  610  9 42.8
    WHY SELL THIS? 96/1390                    5 CHILDREN OF  35/1415  616 1022  7 37.6
    DEAD PRESIDENTS, YO 99/1412               6-KLK RANGE HA 42/1408   12   28  0 30.0

    '##/###' Avoid teams by their Team Id     '-'  Team did not fight this turn

                             REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER

     Things are getting worse here.  If you managers don't want to see this arena
closed, start using it!  What's the point in the Commission funding an empty arena?
We had nine fights, same as the two preceding turns, but THIS time, we had FOUR
standbys fighting, as well.  This indicates a serious decline in our active
populations.  Nine fights, four standbys, no deaths.  One fight was "exciting" (ha!)
but none were action-packed.  There were three challenges that went through, none of
them tv.  No one was most challenged.  Bloody Randomness got the most avoids, from
Menagerie.  In fact, a quick run through the files indicates that only that one
manager was paying any attention to his gladiators here at all.  A salute to Ichabod
Frothingslosh for attention to detail.

The fights:
     HUW AP HUW (35-3030) (20-60-0,44) of CHILDREN OF LLYR fought HERMY (101-4) (0-0-
0,50) of Helpful Locals.  HUW AP HUW lost to HERMY in a 3 minute gruesome duel.  Only
Huw.  Or maybe some of his teammates.
     OWAIN HARLSON (35-3130) (27-46-1,75) of CHILDREN OF LLYR fought HERMY (101-4)
(0-0-0,50) of Helpful Locals.  OWAIN HARLSON overpowered HERMY in a 1 minute uneven
melee.  Although not this teammate.
     BLOODY BRAINLESS (96-2206) (21-22-4,116) of BLOODY RANDOMNESS fought CADAL (35-
1370) (48-95-4,146) of CHILDREN OF LLYR.  BLOODY BRAINLESS overpowered CADAL in a 1
minute mismatched brawl.  So much for making a good impression on your author, Cadal.
     BLOOD PIE (96-1918) (28-26-5,185) of WHY SELL THIS? fought BATTLING BOB (101-26)
(0-0-0,200) of Helpful Locals.  BLOOD PIE vanquished BATTLING BOB in a 2 minute
mismatched fight.  Not Mud Pie today.
     HEAD CHEESE (96-1920) (36-18-3,202) of WHY SELL THIS? fought TAVIS CADFALSON
(35-1419) (38-95-3,200) of CHILDREN OF LLYR.  HEAD CHEESE outlasted TAVIS CADFALSON
in a crowd pleasing 7 minute competition.  Seven minutes?  Somebody here has been
doing wind sprints.  I suppose congratulations are in order to the enduring party,
but I can't find it in me to feel admiration.  The day was too damned cold and wet
for any person to like sitting around, and especially not me.  I could get moldy!

The challenges:
     GWYN AP NUDD (41-1210) (24-6-0,100) of CAER SIDHE challenged JAMES MADISON (99-
1268) (20-13-3,95) of DEAD PRESIDENTS, YO.  Down 5.  GWYN AP NUDD overpowered JAMES
MADISON in a 2 minute mismatched Challenge duel.  Some people don't know how to
handle their own death.  It's an art.
     SILHOUETTE (26-2006) (27-9-0,152) of MENAGERIE challenged GAR & BRILL (38-4252)
(67-98-0,146) of JUST BECAUSE.  Down 6.  SILHOUETTE subdued GAR & BRILL in an
exciting 4 minute Challenge melee.  Excellent.  We like to see the Gar scoured, not
mention scourged.
     SOUL SCOURGE (25-1223) (26-9-2,159) of THE ILLUMINATI challenged MATH OP OWAIN
(35-1418) (46-87-1,189) of CHILDREN OF LLYR.  Up 30.  SOUL SCOURGE devastated MATH OP
OWAIN in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge fight.  If Math makes a comment, Soul
Scourge, I will organize the standbys to sit on him, okay?

Due to absence and inattention, Tenacious lost the title.  So now we have:
     SCRAPPLE (97-1961) (32-22-3,216) of WHY SELL THIS? fought HUNGRY HAROLD (101-29)
(0-0-0,200) of Helpful Locals.  SCRAPPLE bested HUNGRY HAROLD in a popular 4 minute
Title fight.  Not that Harold could have kept the title even if he'd won it.  But
still, goodish going, Scrapple.  Maple syrup for you.

                                        Olaf

CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD          W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 SCRAPPLE 97-1961            33  22  3  224  WHY SELL THIS? (1391)      SHADOW GROVE

GRAND CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
-TENACIOUS 7-5337            73  35  1  242  BATHTUB ARMADA (1196)      BONSUR

GRAND CHAMPIONS               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 HEAD CHEESE 96-1920         37  18  3  208  WHY SELL THIS? (1390)      OLD VALAMANTIS
 BLOOD PIE 96-1918           29  26  5  204  WHY SELL THIS? (1390)      OLD VALAMANTIS
 TAVIS CADFALSON 35-1419     38  96  3  203  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA
 SOUL SCOURGE 25-1223        27   9  2  185  THE ILLUMINATI (1179)      LYRATILAN

GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS       W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 MATH OP OWAIN 35-1418       46  88  1  169  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA
 SILHOUETTE 26-2006          28   9  0  156  MENAGERIE (1137)           CALEAM

GRAND ADEPTS                  W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 GAR & BRILL 38-4252         67  99  0  150  JUST BECAUSE (1228)        CLIFFHOME
 BLOODY BRAINLESS 96-2206    22  22  4  142  BLOODY RANDOMNESS (1405)   OLD VALAMANTIS
 CADAL 35-1370               48  96  4  121  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA
 GWYN AP NUDD 41-1210        25   6  0  114  CAER SIDHE (1218)          KATI-TEI
-JACK & JILL 47-5310         29  22  1  110  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK

GRAND CHALLENGER INITIATES    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
-SANDMAN 97-2610             17   6  4   92  COLLUSION (1426)           SHADOW GROVE
 JAMES MADISON 99-1268       20  14  3   91  DEAD PRESIDENTS, YO (1412) SOUTH RIDGE

GRAND INITIATES               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
-CHAUCER 81-164              21  21  1   85  DARQUE AGES (1413)         SHADOWSPIRE
 OWAIN HARLSON 35-3130       28  46  1   79  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA
-MOUSETRAP 54-2521           20  11  1   72  USELESS TOOLS (735)        TROCAR
-JOHN WAYNE HAMMER 42-4213   24  37  2   70  KLK RANGE HAMMERZ (1408)   RODEKI
-UGLY GENTLEMAN 35-3582      20   9  0   69  PHILANTHROPISTS (1374)     MURSKA
-HOT AIR DUCK 39-3451        19   9  0   66  DUCKS UNLIMITED (1221)     XOCHITHLAN
-SNOTMAN 97-2611             14   9  5   65  COLLUSION (1426)           SHADOW GROVE
-BARBARINO 47-5957           13   8  0   47  SECOND BANANAS (1363)      NORTH FORK
-TRASH CAN 50-3403           12   3  3   42  OPEN SESAME (824)          SNOWBOUND
 HUW AP HUW 35-3030          20  61  0   41  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                   W   L  K TEAM NAME              SLAIN BY                  TURN

                               PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE

Gwyn ap Nudd -- Thank you.  I appreciate this.  This victory may keep me on my feet
if I get deeper into the adventure I'm trying to dodge. -- Cadal

Snotman -- Oh, gods, at least blow your nose before the fight. -- Huw ap Huw

Sandman -- I suppose you feel right at home here on the arena sands?  Well, you could
be nicer to your guests, then. -- Owain Harlson

Blood Pie -- If you lose where you should have won, thus making your name Mud, do you
become Mud Pie? -- Tavis Cadfalson

Scrapple -- Gods, not the celery!  Onions, fine, I can go with onions, and the ham is
a great addition.  But not, please, the celery. -- Math op Owain

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

SOUL SCOURGE devastated MATH OP OWAIN in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge fight.
SILHOUETTE subdued GAR & BRILL in a exciting 4 minute Challenge melee.
GWYN AP NUDD overpowered JAMES MADISON in a 2 minute mismatched Challenge duel.
SCRAPPLE bested HUNGRY HAROLD in a popular 4 minute Title fight.
HEAD CHEESE outlasted TAVIS CADFALSON in a crowd pleasing 7 minute competition.
BLOOD PIE vanquished BATTLING BOB in a 2 minute mismatched fight.
BLOODY BRAINLESS overpowered CADAL in a 1 minute mismatched brawl.
OWAIN HARLSON overpowered HERMY in a 1 minute uneven melee.
HUW AP HUW lost to HERMY in a 3 minute gruesome duel.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK                   3         TOTAL PARRY       25 -   6 -  0      81  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  3         PARRY-RIPOSTE      5 -   2 -  0      71  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     3         PARRY-LUNGE        7 -   4 -  0      64  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      2         LUNGING ATTACK    19 -  14 -  1      58  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      1         AIMED BLOW        12 -  11 -  0      52  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    1         STRIKING ATTACK   19 -  23 -  1      45  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   1         BASHING ATTACK     6 -   9 -  0      40  |
|AIMED BLOW                       0         PARRY-STRIKE      14 -  25 -  1      36  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  0         SLASHING ATTACK    5 -   9 -  0      36  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    0         WALL OF STEEL      1 -   5 -  0      17  |

Turn 488 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

PARRY-LUNGE        1 -  0     AIMED BLOW         0 -  0         3  TOTAL PARRY    
PARRY-RIPOSTE      1 -  0     PARRY-STRIKE       0 -  3         3  LUNGING ATTACK 
TOTAL PARRY        2 -  0     SLASHING ATTACK    0 -  0         2  STRIKING ATTACK
LUNGING ATTACK     2 -  1     BASHING ATTACK     0 -  1         1  PARRY-LUNGE    
STRIKING ATTACK    2 -  1     WALL OF STEEL      0 -  0         1  PARRY-STRIKE   
                                                                1  BASHING ATTACK 

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
PARRY-LUNGE      SCRAPPLE 97-1961           33  22  3  224 WHY SELL THIS? (1391)
TOTAL PARRY      HEAD CHEESE 96-1920        37  18  3  208 WHY SELL THIS? (1390)
LUNGING ATTACK   BLOOD PIE 96-1918          29  26  5  204 WHY SELL THIS? (1390)
PARRY-STRIKE     MATH OP OWAIN 35-1418      46  88  1  169 CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)
STRIKING ATTACK  GAR & BRILL 38-4252        67  99  0  150 JUST BECAUSE (1228)
BASHING ATTACK   CADAL 35-1370              48  96  4  121 CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)
PARRY-RIPOSTE    GWYN AP NUDD 41-1210       25   6  0  114 CAER SIDHE (1218)

The overall popularity leader is GAR & BRILL 38-4252.  The most popular warrior this 
turn was TAVIS CADFALSON 35-1419.  The ten other most popular fighters were GAR & 
BRILL 38-4252, SCRAPPLE 97-1961, SILHOUETTE 26-2006, GWYN AP NUDD 41-1210, HEAD 
CHEESE 96-1920, SOUL SCOURGE 25-1223, BLOOD PIE 96-1918, BLOODY BRAINLESS 96-2206, 
JAMES MADISON 99-1268, and OWAIN HARLSON 35-3130.

The least popular fighter this week was CADAL 35-1370.  The other ten least popular 
fighters were MATH OP OWAIN 35-1418, HUW AP HUW 35-3030, OWAIN HARLSON 35-3130, JAMES 
MADISON 99-1268, BLOODY BRAINLESS 96-2206, BLOOD PIE 96-1918, SOUL SCOURGE 25-1223, 
HEAD CHEESE 96-1920, GWYN AP NUDD 41-1210, and SILHOUETTE 26-2006.

Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  
LYRATILAN(25)        1  0 0  CLIFFHOME(38)        0  1 0  SHADOW GROVE(97)     1  0 0  
CALEAM(26)           1  0 0  KATI-TEI(41)         1  0 0  SOUTH RIDGE(99)      0  1 0  
MURSKA(35)           1  4 0  OLD VALAMANTIS(96)   3  0 0  

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 SOUL SCOURGE 25-1223        27   9  2  185  THE ILLUMINATI (1179)      LYRATILAN
 SILHOUETTE 26-2006          28   9  0  156  MENAGERIE (1137)           CALEAM
 TAVIS CADFALSON 35-1419     38  96  3  203  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA
 GAR & BRILL 38-4252         67  99  0  150  JUST BECAUSE (1228)        CLIFFHOME
 GWYN AP NUDD 41-1210        25   6  0  114  CAER SIDHE (1218)          KATI-TEI
 HEAD CHEESE 96-1920         37  18  3  208  WHY SELL THIS? (1390)      OLD VALAMANTIS
 SCRAPPLE 97-1961            33  22  3  224  WHY SELL THIS? (1391)      SHADOW GROVE
 JAMES MADISON 99-1268       20  14  3   91  DEAD PRESIDENTS, YO (1412) SOUTH RIDGE

                                  Name-Change-O-Rama

     The summer tourney brought a lot of people to the Isle who didn't appear there 
normally.  This included Commission employees.  Half a dozen arenamasters regarded 
each other warily in the mirror behind the bar at the Pig in a Haystack.  The Pig was 
obscure and mediocre, drawing few gladiators, which is what they had all been looking 
for.  They saw gladiators every day.  Most arenamaster were convinced that this was 
some kind of punishment.
     You could always pick out the arenamasters in a crowd.  There were superficial 
differences:  One of these had clearly Adantri features, one wore an eye-patch, two 
were female.  But there were, in significant ways, alike.  The same size, the same 
hair-trigger alertness, the same deadliness.
     The one-eyed man broke the ice, raising his beer mug in salute.  "I'm Zrof One-
Eye from Zukal.  Sugar of Arvat--"  One of the women bowed slightly.  "I know Sugar.  
The rest of you...?"
     The Adantri matched his salute.  "Dernal of Dayla Kiv."
     "Daiyla Kiv?  Ah...."
     "No, without the 'I' in it.  These damned bureaucrats can't spell, and they 
thought adding an unnecessary vowel was exotic."  Disgust dripped from his voice.
     "Tell me about it!" another man growled in agreement.  "Khagal of Niatoli, and 
what they do to the spelling of THAT simple word--!"
     "I thought Daiyla, I mean Dayla Kiv had a different name right now," 
Arenamistress Sugar said.  "The arena, at least, because of a contest?"
     "Chavez Ravine."  Dernal's tone was the one that substituted in polite company 
for spitting on the floor.
     Zrof blinked, taken aback by the bitterness.  He wouldn't have minded a contest 
in Zukal, and damn what they called the place.  "It's only temporary, though."
     "Temporary, shmiperary," another man muttered.  He seemed well into his drinking, 
although, like all arenamasters, he carried his liquor well.  "They do it all the time 
in Aradi.  No reshpect.  Go around changing thish, changing that.  I wish I could 
change shome thingsh."  He signalled the bartender for a refill.
     The second woman put her hand over his mug.  "You've had enough, Harkon.  Try the 
coffee, instead."
     "You should be mad, too, Ripplesh," Harkon said.  "They're going to do shtuff 
like that in Jahnsh, aren't they?"
     Ripples Dorrigan shrugged.  All the men paused, some with glasses half raised, to 
watch.  "It's the way things are," she said.  "Not much we can do about it."
     "You know," Khagal of Niatoli said, "maybe we could make a few changes.  Fix the 
spelling of Arena 33, for one, change a few standby titles--"
     "The Commission hates changes."  Dernal of Dayla Kiv topped up his glass and 
drained it gloomily.
     "Yes, but if we disguise it," Sugar of Arvat said, excited, "make it... maybe a 
general Name-Change-O-Rama!  Then we could slip OUR changes through and no one would 
notice or mind."

                  *-------*-------*-------*-------*-------*-------* 

     By popular demand, we are holding a Name-Change-o-Rama during the month of 
September, 2008.  If you wish to change the name of your warriors or teams, please 
contact RSI Customer Service.  The charge for a name change is $1.