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Date   : 04/29/2009    Duedate: 05/12/2009

HOME GUARD

DM-101    TURN-505

RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %  RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %
  1 CALL TO THUND 7/1217   55   28  1 66.3      USELESS TOOLS 54/735                  
  2 WHY SELL THI 96/1390  643  488  5 56.9      ROYAL FLUSH 47/146                    
    DEAD PRESIDENTS, YO 99/1412                 DUCKS UNLIMITED 39/1221               
    BLOODY RANDOMNESS 96/1405                   MEAT YOUR MAKER 72/1439               
  3 SEA DOGS 18/426       104   81  0 56.2    5 COLLUSION 97/1426     346  318  4 52.1
    SEA DOGS 51/1440                          6 D-DAY SQUAD 34/1449    79   84  1 48.5
    SEA DOGS 36/1450                            ALL THE MUN'S MEN 37/355              
    SEA DOGS 21/1446                            KIWI CONNECTION 73/1453               
    DUNGEON CELL 21 82/1455                     ALL-STAR NANA'S 67/1451               
    DUNGEON CELL 66 82/1441                     OTAGO HIGHLANDERS 14/1444             
    SEA DOGS 1/1442                           7 JUST BECAUSE 38/1228  461  622  9 42.6
    DUNGEON CELL 24 82/1456                   8 CHILDREN OF  35/1415  645 1078  7 37.4
    DUNGEON CELL 508C 99/1457                 9-GIRLS X3 43/1459        1    2  0 33.3
  4-SPARF! 20/1069        988  864 15 53.3      GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS 71/1460             
    PARTY ANIMALS 5/591                      10-PHILANTHROPI 35/1374    1    8  0 11.1
    CHAPEL ROCK 59/1352                         PHILANTHROPISTS 3 35/1395             
    OTTO'S PARTS 52/892                      11 ULTRA-VIOLEN 26/1458    0    3  0  0.0

    '##/###' Avoid teams by their Team Id     '-'  Team did not fight this turn

                                 THE GUARDIAN'S FORUM
                       Reflections by the Captain of the Guard

I will soon be banished from Home Guard, an arena that I've grown to love.  It is a
bittersweet moment, but I am pleased to be Captain of the Guard once more, before
beginning the journey to Talahya.

James Madison, you are an impressive warrior, especially for your style.  You took
the top spot from me once before, but I have reclaimed that honor in a perilously
close match.

My scribe writes these words for me as I sharpen my blade in preparation for the
Grand Tournament.  I will be competing in the ADM division, while four of my
teammates, Miss Teak, Shewish Whaler, Knothandler, and Hortator (currently inactive,
although he keeps a residence here), will be competing as Freshman.  By the time you
read this, I suspect you will have already discovered who among us has brought glory
to Home Guard.  But I tell you this: that on the morning of the Grand Tournament, my
thoughts are with you, Home Guard.  Good luck to you all in the tourney!

Goldenbeard of the Sea Dogs
Captain of the Guard

                             REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER

     Debby took the notes for me, she's a good girl, even if she does spend too much
time in the sun.  MVP is one of her "things," and I'm sure you'll be thrilled to know
that the MVP award, if there is such a thing, goes to Abbott of Otago Highlanders.
Nobody avoided, but Gar & Brill got the most challenges.
     We had seventeen fights, which involved three standbys.  There were three
challenges, none of them TV challengs.

The fights:
     PRISONER 0327 (82-40997) (20-17-2,80) of DUNGEON CELL 66 fought MEAN SPIRIT
(101-5) (0-0-0,70) of Impatient Standbys.  PRISONER 0327 overpowered MEAN SPIRIT in a
1 minute one-sided bout.  Better watch out when night falls, Pris.  That Mean Spirit
is aptly named.
     PRISONER BG11 (99-1620) (9-14-4,62) of DUNGEON CELL 508C fought B&G BOUNCER
(101-3) (0-0-0,30) of Impatient Standbys.  PRISONER BG11 was devastated by B&G
BOUNCER in an exciting 1 minute one-sided brawl.  Tcha!  How could you do something
loike this BG11?  You'll be giving that Bouncer big ideas.
     KNOTHANDLER (21-6555) (24-11-2,87) of SEA DOGS fought ABBOTT (14-4131) (19-14-
2,42) of OTAGO HIGHLANDERS.  KNOTHANDLER was handily defeated by ABBOTT in a 1 minute
mismatched bout.  To Abbott's great advantage.  Way it goes.

     KARATIA (73-3624) (23-12-1,57) of KIWI CONNECTION fought JETSAM (1-8172) (19-20-
1,69) of SEA DOGS.  KARATIA vanquished JETSAM in an action packed 1 minute mismatched
bout.  Jetisoned Jetsam, perhaps?  The play on that name suggests itself
irresistably.
     OWAIN HARLSON (35-3130) (34-56-1,62) of CHILDREN OF LLYR fought HIDA YAKAMO (7-
5052) (19-7-0,64) of CALL TO THUNDER.  OWAIN HARLSON was overpowered by HIDA YAKAMO
in a 1 minute mismatched conflict.  And was Owain's face red, or what?  That's gotta
be embarrassing, even if Hida may possibly have had hidden tourney fights.  Hmm, Hida
hid 'em?  Got a sort of a swing to it.
     PATCH (36-7297) (25-16-0,91) of SEA DOGS fought HUW AP HUW (35-3030) (25-72-
0,55) of CHILDREN OF LLYR.  PATCH subdued HUW AP HUW in a crowd pleasing 1 minute
match.  What a surprise.
     PRISONER 0103 (82-33733) (35-61-0,137) of DUNGEON CELL 21 fought THEATRE BUM
(101-6) (0-0-0,130) of Impatient Standbys.  PRISONER 0103 devastated THEATRE BUM in a
2 minute mismatched conflict.  Maybe that'll teach the Bum not to try to cut ahead in
the theater queue.
     PRISONER 0118 (82-33748) (24-60-0,120) of DUNGEON CELL 24 fought MATH OP OWAIN
(35-1418) (52-98-1,147) of CHILDREN OF LLYR.  PRISONER 0118 overpowered MATH OP OWAIN
in an exciting 1 minute one-sided fight.  Amazing that the Prisoner's record as even
worse, percentagewise, than Math's.  That takes doing.  Or not doing.

     SHEWISH WHALER (18-9272) (32-15-1,164) of SEA DOGS fought TAVIS CADFALSON (35-
1419) (45-105-3,123) of CHILDREN OF LLYR.  SHEWISH WHALER beat TAVIS CADFALSON in a 2
minute melee.  Well, Tavis is big as a whale, so maybe this totally makes sense, eh?
     KISSYFUR (67-2187) (30-21-1,170) of ALL-STAR NANA'S fought BALLAST (1-7727) (35-
45-0,172) of SEA DOGS.  KISSYFUR was outwaited by BALLAST in a popular 8 minute gory
duel.  Eight minutes?  That's almost respectable!  I get tired of all these one-
shots, sometimes.
     MAKESHIFT ANCHOR (1-7724) (37-45-0,157) of SEA DOGS fought CADAL (35-1370) (53-
107-4,145) of CHILDREN OF LLYR.  MAKESHIFT ANCHOR won victory over CADAL in a popular
3 minute duel.  Not to criticize Makeshift, but how could this have been so difficult
as to take three minutes?
     JAMES MADISON (99-1268) (32-18-3,202) of DEAD PRESIDENTS, YO fought U.S.S.
ARIZONA (34-2643) (30-22-1,154) of D-DAY SQUAD.  JAMES MADISON handily defeated
U.S.S. ARIZONA in a 1 minute uneven fight.  There seems to be some kind of congruence
here, but don't ask me WHAT kind.  I wouldn't know.
     MISS TEAK (1-8015) (34-28-1,181) of SEA DOGS fought BATMUN (37-2634) (39-20-
0,192) of ALL THE MUN'S MEN.  MISS TEAK was defeated by BATMUN in an exciting 3
minute bloody struggle.  At least, Batmun was excited.  Of course, once Miss Teak's
bodice tore, who wouldn't be?

The challenges:
     HEART BREAKER (26-4752) (18-10-0,48) of ULTRA-VIOLENT challenged BILGE RAT (51-
5334) (27-6-1,95) of SEA DOGS.  Up 47.  HEART BREAKER was viciously subdued by BILGE
RAT in a 1 minute Challenge brawl.  That rat!
     SANDMAN (97-2610) (25-13-4,142) of COLLUSION challenged GAR & BRILL (38-4252)
(72-110-0,143) of JUST BECAUSE.  Up 1.  SANDMAN demolished GAR & BRILL in a popular 1
minute one-sided Challenge melee.  Good work.  One-shot the Gar any time.
     SNOTMAN (97-2611) (26-12-6,210) of COLLUSION challenged HEAD CHEESE (96-1920)
(50-21-3,202) of WHY SELL THIS?  SNOTMAN was devastated by HEAD CHEESE in a 1 minute
mismatched Challenge fight.  And so is anybody who tries that stuff, or so I hear.  I
haven't tried it myself, mind.  But I don't do stuff like that.  It's an advantage,
sometimes, being dead.

For the title:
     GOLDENBEARD (21-6202) (35-9-1,234) of SEA DOGS fought BLOODY BRAINLESS (96-2206)
(32-28-4,234) of BLOODY RANDOMNESS.  GOLDENBEARD was assassinated by BLOODY BRAINLESS
in a 1 minute mismatched Title match.  Wow, talk about Unnecessary Roughness!  Hard
luck, Goldenbeard, but congratulations to Bloody Brainless.

                                        Olaf

CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD          W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 BLOODY BRAINLESS 96-2206    33  28  5  308  BLOODY RANDOMNESS (1405)   OLD VALAMANTIS

GRAND CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 HEAD CHEESE 96-1920         51  21  3  220  WHY SELL THIS? (1390)      OLD VALAMANTIS

GRAND CHAMPIONS               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 JAMES MADISON 99-1268       33  18  3  205  DEAD PRESIDENTS, YO (1412) SOUTH RIDGE
 BATMUN 37-2634              40  20  0  198  ALL THE MUN'S MEN (355)    SIBIKHAS
 SNOTMAN 97-2611             26  13  6  198  COLLUSION (1426)           SHADOW GROVE
 GOLDENBEARD 21-6202         35  10  1  191  SEA DOGS (1446)            SUNSET
-CATFISH HUNTER 5-3315       22  19  1  191  PARTY ANIMALS (591)        KALTOS
 MISS TEAK 1-8015            34  29  1  187  SEA DOGS (1442)            MORDANT
-LONDON QUIREBOY 59-2513     29  15  1  187  CHAPEL ROCK (1352)         ILLIS
 BALLAST 1-7727              36  45  0  184  SEA DOGS (1442)            MORDANT

GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS       W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 KISSYFUR 67-2187            30  22  1  169  ALL-STAR NANA'S (1451)     BARIKALA
 SHEWISH WHALER 18-9272      33  15  1  166  SEA DOGS (426)             TALCAMA
 MAKESHIFT ANCHOR 1-7724     38  45  0  160  SEA DOGS (1442)            MORDANT
 U.S.S. ARIZONA 34-2643      30  23  1  160  D-DAY SQUAD (1449)         MONUNTIAL
-ROT TEN EGGS 47-3099        41  41  0  154  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 SANDMAN 97-2610             26  13  4  154  COLLUSION (1426)           SHADOW GROVE

GRAND ADEPTS                  W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
-HOCKEY DUCK 39-937          31  20  1  148  DUCKS UNLIMITED (1221)     XOCHITHLAN
 CADAL 35-1370               53 108  4  146  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA
 PRISONER 0103 82--31803     36  61  0  146  DUNGEON CELL 21 (1455)     DWES EG
-ROWDY YOBBO 20-3429         26  32  1  146  SPARF! (1069)              SEAM
 PRISONER 0118 82--31788     25  60  0  145  DUNGEON CELL 24 (1456)     DWES EG
-PHONELESS CORD 54-2018      28  17  0  138  USELESS TOOLS (735)        TROCAR
 GAR & BRILL 38-4252         72 111  0  135  JUST BECAUSE (1228)        CLIFFHOME
 TAVIS CADFALSON 35-1419     45 106  3  133  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA
 MATH OP OWAIN 35-1418       52  99  1  123  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA

GRAND CHALLENGER INITIATES    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 BILGE RAT 51-5334           28   6  1   97  SEA DOGS (1440)            TRICORUS
 PATCH 36-7297               26  16  0   93  SEA DOGS (1450)            JHANS

GRAND INITIATES               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
-PORKY PIG 72-5953           20   8  2   88  MEAT YOUR MAKER (1439)     DRAGONHEAD
 PRISONER 0327 82--24539     21  17  2   87  DUNGEON CELL 66 (1441)     DWES EG
 ABBOTT 14-4131              20  14  2   82  OTAGO HIGHLANDERS (1444)   TOBIR
 KARATIA 73-3624             24  12  1   74  KIWI CONNECTION (1453)     ERINIKA
 HIDA YAKAMO 7-5052          20   7  0   74  CALL TO THUNDER (1217)     BONSUR
-CAULIFLOWER EARS 52-3424    24  20  0   64  OTTO'S PARTS (892)         FRATSFA
 HUW AP HUW 35-3030          25  73  0   62  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA
 HEART BREAKER 26-4752       18  11  0   61  ULTRA-VIOLENT (1458)       CALEAM
 OWAIN HARLSON 35-3130       34  57  1   56  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA
 KNOTHANDLER 21-6555         24  12  2   56  SEA DOGS (1446)            SUNSET

GRAND INITIATES               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 JETSAM 1-8172               19  21  1   56  SEA DOGS (1442)            MORDANT
-DECK APE 18-9678            15   8  2   55  SEA DOGS (426)             TALCAMA
-OH OHLISH OMINAH 35-3912    15  14  2   54  PHILANTHROPISTS 3 (1395)   MURSKA
-ZEBZAMBEZI 35-3581          14  11  3   36  PHILANTHROPISTS (1374)     MURSKA
 PRISONER BG11 99-1620        9  15  4   36  DUNGEON CELL 508C (1457)   SOUTH RIDGE

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                   W   L  K TEAM NAME              SLAIN BY                  TURN
GOLDENBEARD 21-6202       35  10  1 SEA DOGS 1446          BLOODY BRAINLESS 96-2206  505

                               PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE

Heartbreaker -- I'd like to offer you a belated welcome to Home Guard!  It was an
exciting match, lots of back and forth action, and it is always enjoyable to fight a
practitioner of one of the less popular fighting styles. -- Prisoner BG11

To those whom we fought -- Good fight. -- We who fought you.

29 April 09
Greetings All -- This is Vincent Michaels, "the Rake", mgr. of the Stormbringers out
of DM 33 Niatoli Island, back after a relatively long layoff.  I come back to my
arena to find only two other teams there.  Terrible!  I'm calling on all you managers
out there who have inactive teams in Niatoli to put them back in the game.  Also,
anyone else who wants to come check out our little island are welcome.  Good food and
a lot of good gambling, and you will have a chance to smack around Gen. GirlPants and
his band of Ravaged Queens.  Great fun.  Come one, come all!

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

SNOTMAN was devastated by HEAD CHEESE in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge fight.
SANDMAN demolished GAR & BRILL in a popular 1 minute one-sided Challenge melee.
HEART BREAKER was viciously subdued by BILGE RAT in a 1 minute Challenge brawl.
GOLDENBEARD was assassinated by BLOODY BRAINLESS in a 1 minute mismatched Title match.
MISS TEAK was defeated by BATMUN in a exciting 3 minute bloody struggle.
JAMES MADISON handily defeated U.S.S. ARIZONA in a 1 minute uneven fight.
MAKESHIFT ANCHOR won victory over CADAL in a popular 3 minute duel.
KISSYFUR was outwaited by BALLAST in a popular 8 minute gory duel.
SHEWISH WHALER beat TAVIS CADFALSON in a 2 minute melee.
PRISONER 0118 overpowered MATH OP OWAIN in a exciting 1 minute one-sided fight.
PRISONER 0103 devastated THEATRE BUM in a 2 minute mismatched conflict.
PATCH subdued HUW AP HUW in a crowd pleasing 1 minute match.
OWAIN HARLSON was overpowered by HIDA YAKAMO in a 1 minute mismatched conflict.
KARATIA vanquished JETSAM in a action packed 1 minute mismatched bout.
KNOTHANDLER was handily defeated by ABBOTT in a 1 minute mismatched bout.
PRISONER BG11 was devastated by B&G BOUNCER in a exciting 1 minute one-sided brawl.
PRISONER 0327 overpowered MEAN SPIRIT in a 1 minute one-sided bout.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK                   8         SLASHING ATTACK    6 -   3 -  1      67  |
|AIMED BLOW                       6         TOTAL PARRY       32 -  17 -  0      65  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      5         LUNGING ATTACK    44 -  31 -  0      59  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     4         PARRY-STRIKE      22 -  23 -  0      49  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  4         STRIKING ATTACK   19 -  23 -  1      45  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      1         AIMED BLOW        26 -  32 -  0      45  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  1         PARRY-RIPOSTE      3 -   4 -  0      43  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   1         BASHING ATTACK     9 -  13 -  0      41  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    1         WALL OF STEEL      6 -  11 -  0      35  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    0         PARRY-LUNGE        0 -   3 -  0       0  |

Turn 505 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

TOTAL PARRY        5 -  0     PARRY-LUNGE        0 -  1         3  TOTAL PARRY    
AIMED BLOW         3 -  3     PARRY-RIPOSTE      0 -  0         3  LUNGING ATTACK 
PARRY-STRIKE       2 -  2     SLASHING ATTACK    0 -  1         2  PARRY-STRIKE   
LUNGING ATTACK     4 -  4     BASHING ATTACK     0 -  1         1  STRIKING ATTACK
STRIKING ATTACK    2 -  2     WALL OF STEEL      0 -  1         1  SLASHING ATTACK
                                                                1  WALL OF STEEL  

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
STRIKING ATTACK  BLOODY BRAINLESS 96-2206   33  28  5  308 BLOODY RANDOMNESS (1405)
TOTAL PARRY      HEAD CHEESE 96-1920        51  21  3  220 WHY SELL THIS? (1390)
PARRY-STRIKE     JAMES MADISON 99-1268      33  18  3  205 DEAD PRESIDENTS, YO (1412)
SLASHING ATTACK  SNOTMAN 97-2611            26  13  6  198 COLLUSION (1426)
LUNGING ATTACK   GOLDENBEARD 21-6202        35  10  1  191 SEA DOGS (1446)
WALL OF STEEL    U.S.S. ARIZONA 34-2643     30  23  1  160 D-DAY SQUAD (1449)
BASHING ATTACK   CADAL 35-1370              53 108  4  146 CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)
AIMED BLOW       PRISONER 0103 82--31803    36  61  0  146 DUNGEON CELL 21 (1455)
PARRY-LUNGE      HEART BREAKER 26-4752      18  11  0   61 ULTRA-VIOLENT (1458)

The overall popularity leader is GAR & BRILL 38-4252.  The most popular warrior this 
turn was KISSYFUR 67-2187.  The ten other most popular fighters were MISS TEAK 
1-8015, BILGE RAT 51-5334, CADAL 35-1370, BALLAST 1-7727, JAMES MADISON 99-1268, 
BLOODY BRAINLESS 96-2206, BATMUN 37-2634, MAKESHIFT ANCHOR 1-7724, SHEWISH WHALER 
18-9272, and PRISONER 0103 82--31803.

The least popular fighter this week was HEART BREAKER 26-4752.  The other ten least 
popular fighters were PRISONER BG11 99-1620, KNOTHANDLER 21-6555, JETSAM 1-8172, 
OWAIN HARLSON 35-3130, HUW AP HUW 35-3030, MATH OP OWAIN 35-1418, GAR & BRILL 
38-4252, SNOTMAN 97-2611, PRISONER 0327 82--24539, and ABBOTT 14-4131.

Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  
MORDANT(1)           2  2 0  MONUNTIAL(34)        0  1 0  BARIKALA(67)         0  1 0  
BONSUR(7)            1  0 0  MURSKA(35)           0  5 0  ERINIKA(73)          1  0 0  
TOBIR(14)            1  0 0  JHANS(36)            1  0 0  DWES EG(82)          3  0 0  
TALCAMA(18)          1  0 0  SIBIKHAS(37)         1  0 0  OLD VALAMANTIS(96)   2  0 1  
SUNSET(21)           0  2 0  CLIFFHOME(38)        0  1 0  SHADOW GROVE(97)     1  1 0  
CALEAM(26)           0  1 0  TRICORUS(51)         1  0 0  SOUTH RIDGE(99)      1  1 0  

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 MISS TEAK 1-8015            34  29  1  187  SEA DOGS (1442)            MORDANT
 HIDA YAKAMO 7-5052          20   7  0   74  CALL TO THUNDER (1217)     BONSUR
 ABBOTT 14-4131              20  14  2   82  OTAGO HIGHLANDERS (1444)   TOBIR
 SHEWISH WHALER 18-9272      33  15  1  166  SEA DOGS (426)             TALCAMA
 GOLDENBEARD 21-6202         35  10  1  191  SEA DOGS (1446)            SUNSET

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 HEART BREAKER 26-4752       18  11  0   61  ULTRA-VIOLENT (1458)       CALEAM
 U.S.S. ARIZONA 34-2643      30  23  1  160  D-DAY SQUAD (1449)         MONUNTIAL
 CADAL 35-1370               53 108  4  146  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA
 PATCH 36-7297               26  16  0   93  SEA DOGS (1450)            JHANS
 BATMUN 37-2634              40  20  0  198  ALL THE MUN'S MEN (355)    SIBIKHAS
 GAR & BRILL 38-4252         72 111  0  135  JUST BECAUSE (1228)        CLIFFHOME
 BILGE RAT 51-5334           28   6  1   97  SEA DOGS (1440)            TRICORUS
 KISSYFUR 67-2187            30  22  1  169  ALL-STAR NANA'S (1451)     BARIKALA
 KARATIA 73-3624             24  12  1   74  KIWI CONNECTION (1453)     ERINIKA
 PRISONER 0103 82--31803     36  61  0  146  DUNGEON CELL 21 (1455)     DWES EG
 BLOODY BRAINLESS 96-2206    33  28  5  308  BLOODY RANDOMNESS (1405)   OLD VALAMANTIS
 SNOTMAN 97-2611             26  13  6  198  COLLUSION (1426)           SHADOW GROVE
 JAMES MADISON 99-1268       33  18  3  205  DEAD PRESIDENTS, YO (1412) SOUTH RIDGE