AD

Date   : 06/10/2009    Duedate: 06/23/2009

HOME GUARD

DM-101    TURN-508

RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %  RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %
  1 CALL TO THUND 7/1217   59   28  1 67.8      DUCKS UNLIMITED 39/1221               
    NIGHT'S GUARDIANS 11/1466                   MEAT YOUR MAKER 72/1439               
    PATRONAS VERITAS 11/1461                  5 COLLUSION 97/1426     350  320  4 52.2
  2 DEAD PRESIDE 99/1412  645  489  5 56.9    6 MID EARTH 29/529       13   14  0 48.1
  3 SEA DOGS 18/426       122  103  0 54.2      SORCERY COVENANT 3/255                
    SEA DOGS 36/1450                            VABOROUGHS 40/1465                    
    SEA DOGS 21/1446                            YAMA BUSHI 30/275                     
    DUNGEON CELL 21 82/1455                     MASTERS OF SAND 2/1463                
    DUNGEON CELL 66 82/1441                     WIZARD'S WRATH 5/1464                 
    SEA DOGS 1/1442                           7 D-DAY SQUAD 34/1449    83   90  1 48.0
    DUNGEON CELL 24 82/1456                     ALL THE MUN'S MEN 37/355              
    DUNGEON CELL 508C 99/1457                   ALL-STAR NANA'S 67/1451               
    SEA DOGS 9/1468                             KIWI CONNECTION 73/1453               
  4 SPARF! 20/1069        997  870 15 53.4      OTAGO HIGHLANDERS 14/1444             
    CHAPEL ROCK 59/1352                         ALL THE MUN'S MEN 14/1462             
    NOT QUITE 59/1237                         8 JUST BECAUSE 38/1228  461  625  9 42.4
    OTTO'S PARTS 52/892                       9 CHILDREN OF  35/1415  651 1087  7 37.5
    USELESS TOOLS 54/735                     10 ULTRA-VIOLEN 26/1458    0    4  0  0.0
    ROYAL FLUSH 47/146                    

    '##/###' Avoid teams by their Team Id     '-'  Team did not fight this turn

                                  WARRIOR SPOTLIGHT

Andorak:
----------
Minute 11021:  Manager sipped his mai-tai atop his lounge chair in one of the
managers; suites in the arena.  It was another perfect turn in Andorak.  The sun was
shining, the competition sparse, and another glorious scum-fest was taking place.
     "See the way that warrior has his wrist turned the wrong way?" Manager talked
aloud to no one in particular, "That's costing him extra energy and he's going to
tire in around minute 22,000.  Tsk."
     Suddenly the door barged open.  In walked Armalias Skyhawk, ready for battle and
donning the emblem of the Scarlet Knights.  "Come," he said, his voice taking an
unusually serious tone, "We must go."

Free Blades:
------------
The Dark One and Aragorn watched the fights from one of the overhanging walkways in
the arena. Dozens of black birds circled overhead, carrying pieces of parchment in
their beaks.
     "It looks like those birds are delivering messages," said Aragorn.
     "Ravens.  Some say they are messengers of death," noted the Dark One.
     Two of the black birds broke from formation and headed towards the two managers.
They dropped their parchments at the feet of the two managers.
     "Papyrus," mused the Dark One, "also a symbol of death."
     "Really?" asked Aragorn somewhat hesitant to open his parchment, "I wonder
what's going on."
     "No.  Just kidding," the Dark One teased as he opened his note.  "It says we're
supposed to meet at the managers' convention hall near the center of the Isle of the
Eye."

"Curious," mused Aragorn.

Darkholm:
---------
"Hey are there any more of TMM's muffins?" asked a famished Desiree as she jotted
down notes for the spy report from the manager's lounge.
     "No time for muffins, sorry!" replied TUM has he hurriedly packed his bag.
     "What's going on?  They're not re-running the fights, are they?" asked the spy
reporter.
     "It looks like all ADM managers are being summoned to the Isle of the Eye," said
TUM.  "This must be something big."

Home Guard:
------------
"Whoa, all of the managers of ADM were invited and they asked us Home Guard folks to
attend?" asked the Mun.
     "I hear the last time this happened, it was because they were looking for
volunteers to go into the gate and help in the invasion of Gateway.  Most of the Home
Guard warriors were killed," noted One Armed Bandit.
     "Well, if there is danger, then it's up to the managers and warriors of the
Guard to answer," pointed out the Mun.
     "Yeah, they might need cannon fodder in the front lines again...."

Managers' Convention Center, the Isle of the Eye (The next day):
-----------------------------------------------------------------
The managers of the various Advanced Duelmasters arenas quickly descended upon the
Isle's convention center, which hadn't been used for a managerial gathering in many
years.  Conversation quickly turned to the reason upon which they had been rapidly
summoned.
     "Do you think it's another Rirorni invasion?" asked Tripwire.
     "Doubtful," said Le Pentarque, "it's been quiet on that front for years."
     "Maybe the Gateway monsters are back!" said Slugbait.
     "The magical seals we put in place don't appear to be broken," said the Dark
One.  "Although it could be a totally different dimension invading us this time."
     "As long as the tournament isn't cancelled, I can live with it," said Guardian.
     "Wait.  Don't you guys notice something weird about this place?" pointed out
Jekyll.  "This room has been decorated.  Festively."
     The managers of the isle began to look around.  The room did seem to be brightly
decorated, although not extravagantly so.  Colorful draperies had been hung on the
walls and streamers and balloons were all over the room as well.
     "Oh no," groaned Crip, "don't tell me that Soultaker has conned us all into
attending another one of his surprise birthday parties for himself again."
     "Gah," moaned Mannequin, "that's two years in a row he's got us now!"
     All of the managers sighed and started to head out of the convention center,
when suddenly a commission scribe appeared on stage.
     "Stop!" said the scribe, "this isn't another Soultaker surprise party!"
     "It's not?" asked Papa Bear.  "Then what's with all the decorations?"
     "This actually is a party, but not for the reason you think," said the scribe.
With a wave of his arm, a banner suddenly dropped down from behind the stage to the
gasp of many of the managers in attendance.  It read: "CELEBRATING THE RETURN OF THE
ADM REGIONAL TOURNAMENT!"
     "Wow, it's been so long since the last one," said Crip.
     "Indeed," said the scribe.  "The Lady of the Isle of the Eye has noted that in
this time of peace, all of you managers have grown soft.  You sit around talking shop
in the regional ADM arenas while prepping for the next tournament.  So if it's a
tournament you want, it's a tournament you shall have--but one you will have to fight
you way in.  And if you are able to fight your way through your comrades and earn
your spot on the team, you will have to duel it out with all of the other regionals'
best too.  We will be sending a rules pamphlet to each of your guild houses."
     "Can I mention that I'm the defending champion of the last ADM Regional
tournament?" said Mannequin.
     "Don't even start," replied Manager.  "It doesn't count if it took place before
the first TOGS competition.  Besides, you can't win.  Andorak is going to win."
     "Everyone knows the best and most deep region is Darkholm," said The Muffin Man.
"We have legions of managers who we can call on at any moment that can win this
thing."
     "Not me," said Guardian, "I play for Free Blades."
     "Don't forget the Slow arena managers," said Fandil of the Consortium Elders.
"The only reason Crysalis has never won before was because we weren't allowed to
compete.  This time we are unified and we will put together a team."
     "If you were any good, you'd run in a fast arena," quipped Manager
     "If any of you were any good, you'd run in Darkholm," retorted the Muffin Man.
     The room erupted vociferously in argument as the managers of ADM began to argue
in favor of their home regions.
     Suddenly, One Armed Bandit streaked naked across the room.  "Home Guard
Rulez!!!" he yelled as a couple of security guards quickly teleported in and started
chasing him.
     From the top of her tower, Sheila Greywand watched the managers' argue amongst
themselves and smirked.

Regional Tournament FAQ:
==========================
The next ADM Regional Tournament will be held the Week of September 20th, 2009.

Q:  What is the ADM Regional Tournament?
A:  The ADM Regional Tournament is a competition where the best and brightest
warriors from the ADM regionals compete to for bragging rights and to see which one
is the best!

Q:  How does it work?
A:  During the week of September 19th, each Regional Team will be temporarily moved
to Lirin Kiv where they will battle it out in a single elimination tournament with
the last warrior standing winning for his region.  (Learns, Skills, and FE gained
during the contest will NOT count)

Q:  How are teams determined?
A:  There are 11 automatic berths given out to each team.  The Duelmaster and each of
the 10 Stylemasters at the end of the following turns will be awarded automatic
entry:
   Andorak:  Turn 513 (due 9/5)
   Free Blades: Turn 514 (due 8/26)
   Darkholm: Turn 513 (due 8/28)
   Home Guard: Turn 514 (due 9/1)
   Crysalis: Turn 212 (due 9/7)

To qualify for a Stylemaster position, you must have been active in the arena in 3 of
the prior 4 turns including the last one.  (Thus, you'll want to activate any
inactive warriors who you want to try and qualify by Mid-July sometime, but
immediately for Crysalis.)

In addition, each region will be allowed to select 2 wildcard entrants.  Wildcard
entrants are generally selected based on regional votes, but the regional team
captain may decide at his discretion.  There will be a turn break in most of the
regionals after the slots have been decided but before the regional tourney begins in
order to vote, if necessary.

Each manager may only play for 1 region and qualify no more than 2 warriors on a
regional team.  It's quite possible that based on activity, that certain regions may
not be able to field a full team.

Also, because they are hosting the competition, Lirin Kiv has been given a select
amount of wildcard berths.  Managers and warriors who are still loyal to Lirin Kiv
may email/diplo the Lirin Kiv regional coordinator to inquire how to get onto the
team.  (Lirith Kai citizenship/immigration required)

Q:  What's a regional coordinator?
A:  The Regional Coordinator is the unofficial "team captain" so to speak.  They are
the ones who are in charge of putting together teams based on the rules, and trying
to make sure everyone is included and disputes are handled.  (Say, someone qualifies
more than 2 warriors, the regional coordinator will get with that manager and find
out which ones are in or out and notify replacements, etc.)

   The regional coordinators are:  Manager (Andorak), The Muffin Man (Darkholm), The
Dark One (Free Blades), Crip (Crysalis), Jorja (Lirith Kai), One Armed Bandit (Home
Guard).  If you need to contact them, you can write a personal ad in the ADM arena,
or send a diplo to them at:
   Manager: Superior Forces in DM 105
   The Dark One: Angels of Pain in DM 103
   The Muffin Man: Wasteland in DM 104
   One Armed Bandit: Sea Dogs in DM 101
   Crip: Royal Flush in DM 106
   Jorja: Sand Dancers in DM 65

Q:  What does happen if someone qualifies more than 2 warriors?
A:  That manager will be able to decide which two to send and the next highest
qualifying warrior will be able to take the place of the warrior that doesn't get
sent if it's an automatic spot.

Q:  What if my warriors are not an ADM regional?  (Or in the wrong one?)
A:  If your warriors are in 100 (or in the wrong region), for a limited time only you
can put in a request to customer service to move to the proper regional.  Mention
that your warrior wants to try and compete in the regional tourney. (Your warrior
must have been qualified for that region as of the last split)

Q:  Is there a prize?
A:  Bragging rights!

If there are any other questions, send a diplo to Manager or ask them in the personal
ad section of the arena.  Thanks!

                                 THE GUARDIAN'S FORUM
                       Reflections by the Captain of the Guard

Bonjour, fellow Home Guardians!

I have been avoiding writing a column because of the ill-fated attempts by my
predecessor, Goldenbeard.  Two columns and two immediate dethronings.  It is safe to
say that we sailors are a superstitious lot and I am no exception.  Still, important
things are afoot and they need talking about.

Rumor has it that some enterprising manager has restarted the Regional Rumble.  This
event should be taking place sometime after the Summer Grand Tournament and I expect
an announcement to be coming this cycle.  We are going to need some strong young lads
(and ladies, I suppose) to step up and fight for the honor of Home Guard.  No manager
can send more than two warriors and I know that at least a couple of the active
managers here will be representing other arenas.  If possible, could the managers
here announce themselves and which faction they intend to fight for (Andorak,
Darkholm, Free Blades, Crysalis, or Home Guard)?

For his part, the One Armed Bandit will happily send two warriors to fight for Home
Guard if they should qualify.

Until next week, I hope,

Miss Teak

                             REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER

     I've seen worse days in the arena, though few worse ones outside it.  Rain!  Us
dead guys hate rain.  It encourages mold, and funguses, too.
     Still we had twenty-three fights with only three standbys, four challenges, a
Captain's column, and personals by someone other than the Children of Llyr.  Not bad.
As to the proposed Regional Rumble....  If you can pull that off, it might be a good
thing, but I worry that it might have been left so late that regional feeling is
deader than I am.  Well, we'll see.
     Sea Dogs were avoided by Useless Tools
     London Quireboy got the most challenges.
     And not to waste your time with my chatter, or my time either, here are the
fights:

     PRISONER 0327 (82-40997) (22-18-2,81) of DUNGEON CELL 66 fought CAULIFLOWER EARS
(52-3424) (24-20-0,64) of OTTO'S PARTS.  PRISONER 0327 was viciously subdued by
CAULIFLOWER EARS in a popular 4 minute match.  Some people just can't handle the
cabbages, and cauliflower is definitely a cabbage.  Through and through, as they say.
     OWAIN HARLSON (35-3130) (36-57-1,82) of CHILDREN OF LLYR fought JETSAM (1-8172)
(19-23-1,49) of SEA DOGS.  OWAIN HARLSON devastated JETSAM in a popular 1 minute gory
one-sided bout.  Whoa, what's this?  The rivers running backward in their beds, the
sun rising in the west?  Jetsam must've been having an off day.
     PRISONER BG11 (99-1620) (10-16-4,63) of DUNGEON CELL 508C fought LAKE SAILOR
(101-2) (0-0-0,30) of Excited Standbys.  PRISONER BG11 was savagely defeated by LAKE
SAILOR in an action packed 2 minute fray.  Ah, that's got to smart.  Sting?
Whatever, it falls into the "was my face red!" category.  But stuff like this
happens.  Probably the rain.

     KNOTHANDLER (21-6555) (25-13-2,69) of SEA DOGS fought KARATIA (73-3624) (24-13-
1,55) of KIWI CONNECTION.  KNOTHANDLER overpowered KARATIA in an exciting 1 minute
uneven fight.  So, the Sea Dogs are hurrying to redeem themselves after Jetsam's
misfortune.  Although I hadn't thought of Karatia as a "knot."
     HEART BREAKER (26-4752) (18-11-0,61) of ULTRA-VIOLENT fought POOP DECK GUY (1-
8274) (12-11-2,49) of SEA DOGS.  HEART BREAKER was overpowered by POOP DECK GUY in a
1 minute mismatched conflict.  Ah, too bad.  Whose heart war broken this time, young
lady?
     HUW AP HUW (35-3030) (25-75-0,44) of CHILDREN OF LLYR fought DECK APE (18-9678)
(16-9-2,69) of SEA DOGS.  HUW AP HUW was demolished by DECK APE in a 2 minute brutal
one-sided bout.  The Children of Llyr tell me that they were selected for Home Guard
duty as "least likely to be kicked out."  You can see why.
     FHRAIN (29-5124) (16-7-2,57) of MID EARTH fought HEMPEN JIG (9-5388) (17-5-1,49)
of SEA DOGS.  FHRAIN devastated HEMPEN JIG in a 1 minute one-sided fight.  Fair
enough.  I wouldn't have called it one-sided, though.
     GAR & BRILL (38-4252) (72-113-0,141) of JUST BECAUSE fought IRON-PLATED IRV
(101-10) (0-0-0,150) of Excited Standbys.  GAR & BRILL was luckily beaten by IRON-
PLATED IRV in a crowd pleasing 4 minute brawl.  Good!  Dent him high and low, Irv!

     YARIBUSHISAN (30-971) (19-30-1,105) of YAMA BUSHI fought MATH OP OWAIN (35-1418)
(53-100-1,136) of CHILDREN OF LLYR.  YARIBUSHISAN was devastated by MATH OP OWAIN in
a 1 minute uneven duel.  Sometimes even the puds win.  Amazing.
     PRISONER 0103 (82-33733) (36-63-0,141) of DUNGEON CELL 21 fought HAMILTON (40-
2360) (21-7-0,94) of VABOROUGHS.  PRISONER 0103 overpowered HAMILTON in a 1 minute
one-sided duel.  Who is this Hamilton guy?  Sounds like a cough drop.  Not that he
had anything to be embarrassed by in this loss.
     PATCH (36-7297) (28-16-0,126) of SEA DOGS fought ILSINOR (29-2955) (28-32-0,146)
of MID EARTH.  PATCH devastated ILSINOR in a crowd pleasing 1 minute mismatched bout.
There are times when the crowd, as in "what pleases it," amazes me.  It passes my
understanding, unless I assume they're shallow, callous, and bloodthirsty.
     PRISONER 0118 (82-33748) (26-61-0,167) of DUNGEON CELL 24 fought PAUL ATREIDES
(2-5393) (19-16-1,146) of MASTERS OF SAND.  PRISONER 0118 was devastated by PAUL
ATREIDES in a 1 minute one-sided battle.  Ah, but if you this Paul on grass or stone,
then what?
     U.S.S. ARIZONA (34-2643) (31-23-1,171) of D-DAY SQUAD fought TAVIS CADFALSON
(35-1419) (45-108-3,118) of CHILDREN OF LLYR.  U.S.S. ARIZONA narrowly defeated TAVIS
CADFALSON in a crowd pleasing 2 minute match.  Narrowly?  How can you win "narrowly"
in a match like this, Arizona?  Looks to me like you must've been caught sleeping.

     KISSYFUR (67-2187) (31-22-1,171) of ALL-STAR NANA'S fought CADAL (35-1370) (54-
109-4,130) of CHILDREN OF LLYR.  KISSYFUR savagely defeated CADAL in a popular 3
minute gory melee.  You know how that goes--a guy comes out on the sands expecting a
pussycat, and he meets a tiger.
     DON KING (47-5374) (26-21-2,170) of ROYAL FLUSH fought SHEWISH WHALER (18-9272)
(35-15-1,170) of SEA DOGS.  DON KING was vanquished by SHEWISH WHALER in a 1 minute
one-sided fight.  Does this mean that Don is a Shewish whale?  Okay, bad joke.  Hey,
it's a dirty job, telling bad jokes, but somebody's got to do it.
     LONDON QUIREBOY (59-2513) (31-15-1,200) of CHAPEL ROCK fought HUNGRY HAROLD
(101-29) (0-0-0,200) of Excited Standbys.  LONDON QUIREBOY viciously subdued HUNGRY
HAROLD in a popular 3 minute gruesome duel.  Is this any way for a member of the
church to behave?  What happened to soup kitchens?
     JAMES MADISON (99-1268) (34-19-3,192) of DEAD PRESIDENTS, YO fought BALLAST (1-
7727) (36-47-0,181) of SEA DOGS.  JAMES MADISON handily defeated BALLAST in an action
packed 3 minute uneven fight.  We who are dead have our advantages, you know.
Immunity to pain, for one thing, although we do have to pay attention to where our
parts fall off.  It's hard to get a replacement that matches.
     HORTATOR (1-7791) (31-34-3,198) of SEA DOGS fought ROWDY YOBBO (20-3429) (27-33-
1,152) of SPARF!  HORTATOR was devastated by ROWDY YOBBO in a 1 minute mismatched
match.  Whacked with an oar!  Don't ask me where Rowdy got the oar, but that's what
it looked like to me.  And a right good whack it was, too.

The challenge matches, which means we're almost done here:
     SEPHIROTH (11-5854) (14-5-1,56) of NIGHT'S GUARDIANS challenged ABBOTT (14-4131)
(20-15-2,81) of OTAGO HIGHLANDERS.  Up 25.  SEPHIROTH devastated ABBOTT in an
exciting 1 minute one-sided Challenge fight.  A bold challenge and a win to boast
about.  Although I do wonder what Abbott was doing that imperiled the night.
     HIDA YAKAMO (7-5052) (21-7-0,82) of CALL TO THUNDER challenged ARONWE (29-4883)
(25-15-0,89) of MID EARTH.  Up 7.  HIDA YAKAMO overpowered ARONWE in a 1 minute
mismatched Challenge duel.  The thunder was one thing, but when Hida called in the
lightning, that was all she wrote.  Or he, as the case might be.
     PHONELESS CORD (54-2018) (29-18-0,153) of USELESS TOOLS challenged MAKESHIFT
ANCHOR (1-7724) (38-47-0,156) of SEA DOGS.  Up 3.  PHONELESS CORD demolished
MAKESHIFT ANCHOR in a 2 minute one-sided Challenge melee.  This one's hard to
visualize.
     SANDMAN (97-2610) (28-13-4,187) of COLLUSION challenged BATMUN (37-2634) (40-21-
0,195) of ALL THE MUN'S MEN.  Up 8.  SANDMAN viciously subdued BATMUN in a crowd
pleasing 9 minute Challenge fight.  Nine minutes?  And by the way, who's going to
write up this one?  Sounds like a classic comic to me.

For the title:
     MISS TEAK (1-8015) (36-29-1,220) of SEA DOGS fought SNOTMAN (97-2611) (27-14-
6,197) of COLLUSION.  MISS TEAK devastated SNOTMAN in a popular 1 minute uneven Title
brawl.  Excellent work, Miss.  Power to your elbow.

                                        Olaf

CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD          W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 MISS TEAK 1-8015            37  29  1  237  SEA DOGS (1442)            MORDANT

GRAND CHAMPIONS               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 SANDMAN 97-2610             29  13  4  209  COLLUSION (1426)           SHADOW GROVE
 LONDON QUIREBOY 59-2513     32  15  1  208  CHAPEL ROCK (1352)         ILLIS
 JAMES MADISON 99-1268       35  19  3  202  DEAD PRESIDENTS, YO (1412) SOUTH RIDGE

GRAND CHAMPIONS               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 BATMUN 37-2634              40  22  0  193  ALL THE MUN'S MEN (355)    SIBIKHAS
 SNOTMAN 97-2611             27  15  6  190  COLLUSION (1426)           SHADOW GROVE
 ROWDY YOBBO 20-3429         28  33  1  185  SPARF! (1069)              SEAM
 SHEWISH WHALER 18-9272      36  15  1  183  SEA DOGS (426)             TALCAMA

GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS       W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 BALLAST 1-7727              36  48  0  179  SEA DOGS (1442)            MORDANT
 KISSYFUR 67-2187            32  22  1  173  ALL-STAR NANA'S (1451)     BARIKALA
 U.S.S. ARIZONA 34-2643      32  23  1  173  D-DAY SQUAD (1449)         MONUNTIAL
 PHONELESS CORD 54-2018      30  18  0  166  USELESS TOOLS (735)        TROCAR
 HORTATOR 1-7791             31  35  3  165  SEA DOGS (1442)            MORDANT
 DON KING 47-5374            26  22  2  165  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK

GRAND ADEPTS                  W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
-HOCKEY DUCK 39-937          32  21  1  150  DUCKS UNLIMITED (1221)     XOCHITHLAN
 MAKESHIFT ANCHOR 1-7724     38  48  0  147  SEA DOGS (1442)            MORDANT
 PATCH 36-7297               29  16  0  147  SEA DOGS (1450)            JHANS
 PRISONER 0118 82--31788     26  62  0  147  DUNGEON CELL 24 (1456)     DWES EG
 PRISONER 0103 82--31803     37  63  0  146  DUNGEON CELL 21 (1455)     DWES EG
 GAR & BRILL 38-4252         72 114  0  141  JUST BECAUSE (1228)        CLIFFHOME
 CADAL 35-1370               54 110  4  139  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA
 MATH OP OWAIN 35-1418       54 100  1  139  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA
 TAVIS CADFALSON 35-1419     45 109  3  131  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA
 ILSINOR 29-2955             28  33  0  129  MID EARTH (529)            LAPUR
 YARIBUSHISAN 30-971         19  31  1  103  YAMA BUSHI (275)           IAYE

GRAND CHALLENGER INITIATES    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 HIDA YAKAMO 7-5052          22   7  0  100  CALL TO THUNDER (1217)     BONSUR

GRAND INITIATES               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
-PORKY PIG 72-5953           20   9  2   88  MEAT YOUR MAKER (1439)     DRAGONHEAD
 OWAIN HARLSON 35-3130       37  57  1   85  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA
 CAULIFLOWER EARS 52-3424    25  20  0   83  OTTO'S PARTS (892)         FRATSFA
 SEPHIROTH 11-5854           15   5  1   83  NIGHT'S GUARDIANS (1466)   ARUAK CITY
 KNOTHANDLER 21-6555         26  13  2   82  SEA DOGS (1446)            SUNSET
 ARONWE 29-4883              25  16  0   79  MID EARTH (529)            LAPUR
-IMMOVEABLE OBJECT 59-2110   24   9  1   76  NOT QUITE (1237)           ILLIS
 DECK APE 18-9678            17   9  2   74  SEA DOGS (426)             TALCAMA
 FHRAIN 29-5124              17   7  2   72  MID EARTH (529)            LAPUR
 POOP DECK GUY 1-8274        13  11  2   70  SEA DOGS (1442)            MORDANT
 PRISONER 0327 82--24539     22  19  2   69  DUNGEON CELL 66 (1441)     DWES EG
-DALMORE 14-4563             19   5  2   64  OTAGO HIGHLANDERS (1444)   TOBIR
 ABBOTT 14-4131              20  16  2   61  OTAGO HIGHLANDERS (1444)   TOBIR
 KARATIA 73-3624             24  14  1   52  KIWI CONNECTION (1453)     ERINIKA
-ELWERTH 3-4127              21  18  1   52  SORCERY COVENANT (255)     OSKSI
-CALMACIL 29-3009            15  13  0   50  MID EARTH (529)            LAPUR
 JETSAM 1-8172               19  24  1   47  SEA DOGS (1442)            MORDANT
 HEART BREAKER 26-4752       18  12  0   46  ULTRA-VIOLENT (1458)       CALEAM
 HEMPEN JIG 9-5388           17   6  1   44  SEA DOGS (1468)            ZUKAL
 HUW AP HUW 35-3030          25  76  0   42  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA
 PRISONER BG11 99-1620       10  17  4   41  DUNGEON CELL 508C (1457)   SOUTH RIDGE

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                   W   L  K TEAM NAME              SLAIN BY                  TURN

                               PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE

Home Guard -- None of Crip's Crap will be eligible to provide representation at the
Regional Rumble, but we will continue to have the warriors show up intermittently to
keep the sands busy here. -- Crip, mgr or Chapel Rock et al.

     Busy sand is good.  That keeps it out of trouble. -- Olaf

Hamilton -- So pray tell, why don't you or your team appear in the newsletter.  I was
too busy trying to figure out where you were and forgot to pay attention to our
fight. -- Immoveable Object

     Ah, possibly a stealth team.  The Commission must be notified.

Mr. Op Owain -- Math was always my favorite class.  It's as close as I ever got to
numbers on the phone. -- Phoneless Cord

U.S.S. Arizona -- Warship vs. Duck.  Talk about your mismatches -- Hockey Duck

Prisoner 0118 -- Just because I'm part of the church, doesn't mean I won't fight back
-- London Quireboy

Cadal -- Sorry, I'm not used to seeing folks with records worse than mine -- Rowdy
Yobbo

Rowdy Yobbo -- I dislike meeting someone taller than me who takes advantage of that
fact to bang me on the head.  Of course, if you'd lost, I would have found something
to like in a taller opponent, so I guess that isn't a meaningful observation.  Not
that there's much point in a meaningful observation here.  The crucial thing, as far
as I can make out from the boss's instructions, is that there should be a
substantial, as in "wordy," observation, and "meaningful" can go chase itself until
someone answers. -- Cadal

Sephiroth -- I don't see how even Jorja can expect me to make a meaningful
observation on this fight.  Well, unless I complain about the difficulty READING the
darned fight (I don't remember much from the actual event).  What did they do, print
it on wool, wash it in hot water, and SHRINK the darned thing? -- Huw ap Huw, going
blind trying to see the report

Phoneless Cord -- Well, of COURSE you're useless.  We don't have telephony here on
Ghea.  In fact, we don't have tame electricity.  You have only to look at the horrors
that result from attempts to make "electric golems" to see why such experiments have
been banned by all responsible banners. -- Math op Owain

Patch -- I hope you're prepared to patch me back together after hacking me apart like
that?  All my pieces re-attached, and right-way-around at that?  After all, you
dwarves are supposed to be "clever with your hands," yes?  So, go to it.  Patch me
up! -- Tavis Cadfalson

Hempen Jig -- It's a pleasure to be the one to initiate you into "fighting on the
Isle" with the obligatory first loss.  Heck, forget the "obligatory" part, I'd be
glad to give you a second loss any time you want it.  More skills, too, I'm not too
proud to teach.  Not when I get to win. -- Owain Harlson

     How selfless of you.

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

SANDMAN viciously subdued BATMUN in a crowd pleasing 9 minute Challenge fight.
PHONELESS CORD demolished MAKESHIFT ANCHOR in a 2 minute one-sided Challenge melee.
HIDA YAKAMO overpowered ARONWE in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge duel.
SEPHIROTH devastated ABBOTT in a exciting 1 minute one-sided Challenge fight.
MISS TEAK devastated SNOTMAN in a popular 1 minute uneven Title brawl.
HORTATOR was devastated by ROWDY YOBBO in a 1 minute mismatched match.
JAMES MADISON handily defeated BALLAST in a action packed 3 minute uneven fight.
LONDON QUIREBOY viciously subdued HUNGRY HAROLD in a popular 3 minute gruesome duel.
DON KING was vanquished by SHEWISH WHALER in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
KISSYFUR savagely defeated CADAL in a popular 3 minute gory melee.
U.S.S. ARIZONA narrowly defeated TAVIS CADFALSON in a crowd pleasing 2 minute match.
PRISONER 0118 was devastated by PAUL ATREIDES in a 1 minute one-sided battle.
PATCH devastated ILSINOR in a crowd pleasing 1 minute mismatched bout.
PRISONER 0103 overpowered HAMILTON in a 1 minute one-sided duel.
YARIBUSHISAN was devastated by MATH OP OWAIN in a 1 minute uneven duel.
GAR & BRILL was luckily beaten by IRON-PLATED IRV in a crowd pleasing 4 minute brawl.
FHRAIN devastated HEMPEN JIG in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
HUW AP HUW was demolished by DECK APE in a 2 minute brutal one-sided bout.
HEART BREAKER was overpowered by POOP DECK GUY in a 1 minute mismatched conflict.
KNOTHANDLER overpowered KARATIA in a exciting 1 minute uneven fight.
PRISONER BG11 was savagely defeated by LAKE SAILOR in a action packed 2 minute fray.
OWAIN HARLSON devastated JETSAM in a popular 1 minute gory one-sided bout.
PRISONER 0327 was viciously subdued by CAULIFLOWER EARS in a popular 4 minute match.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK                  10         LUNGING ATTACK    49 -  27 -  0      64  |
|AIMED BLOW                       8         WALL OF STEEL     10 -   7 -  0      59  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  6         SLASHING ATTACK    8 -   7 -  0      53  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     5         PARRY-RIPOSTE      5 -   5 -  0      50  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  4         PARRY-STRIKE      23 -  24 -  0      49  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      4         TOTAL PARRY       22 -  23 -  0      49  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    2         AIMED BLOW        32 -  34 -  0      48  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      2         STRIKING ATTACK   17 -  25 -  1      40  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   2         BASHING ATTACK     7 -  12 -  0      37  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    0         PARRY-LUNGE        0 -   5 -  0       0  |

Turn 508 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

WALL OF STEEL      2 -  0     STRIKING ATTACK    2 -  4         4  LUNGING ATTACK 
LUNGING ATTACK     9 -  1     SLASHING ATTACK    1 -  3         2  PARRY-STRIKE   
PARRY-STRIKE       3 -  2     PARRY-LUNGE        0 -  2         2  WALL OF STEEL  
AIMED BLOW         4 -  4     PARRY-RIPOSTE      0 -  0         2  TOTAL PARRY    
                              BASHING ATTACK     0 -  2         1  SLASHING ATTACK
                              TOTAL PARRY        0 -  4     

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
LUNGING ATTACK   MISS TEAK 1-8015           37  29  1  237 SEA DOGS (1442)
PARRY-STRIKE     SANDMAN 97-2610            29  13  4  209 COLLUSION (1426)
WALL OF STEEL    LONDON QUIREBOY 59-2513    32  15  1  208 CHAPEL ROCK (1352)
TOTAL PARRY      BATMUN 37-2634             40  22  0  193 ALL THE MUN'S MEN (355)
SLASHING ATTACK  SNOTMAN 97-2611            27  15  6  190 COLLUSION (1426)
AIMED BLOW       PHONELESS CORD 54-2018     30  18  0  166 USELESS TOOLS (735)
BASHING ATTACK   HORTATOR 1-7791            31  35  3  165 SEA DOGS (1442)
STRIKING ATTACK  DON KING 47-5374           26  22  2  165 ROYAL FLUSH (146)
PARRY-LUNGE      YARIBUSHISAN 30-971        19  31  1  103 YAMA BUSHI (275)

The overall popularity leader is GAR & BRILL 38-4252.  The most popular warrior this 
turn was SANDMAN 97-2610.  The ten other most popular fighters were JAMES MADISON 
99-1268, CAULIFLOWER EARS 52-3424, GAR & BRILL 38-4252, BATMUN 37-2634, LONDON 
QUIREBOY 59-2513, KISSYFUR 67-2187, TAVIS CADFALSON 35-1419, DECK APE 18-9678, 
PHONELESS CORD 54-2018, and SEPHIROTH 11-5854.

The least popular fighter this week was KARATIA 73-3624.  The other ten least popular 
fighters were HEART BREAKER 26-4752, HEMPEN JIG 9-5388, YARIBUSHISAN 30-971, HAMILTON 
40-2360, PRISONER 0118 82--31788, HORTATOR 1-7791, JETSAM 1-8172, PRISONER BG11 
99-1620, HUW AP HUW 35-3030, and ILSINOR 29-2955.

Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  
MORDANT(1)           2  4 0  CALEAM(26)           0  1 0  NORTH FORK(47)       0  1 0  
NIANIA(2)            1  0 0  LAPUR(29)            1  2 0  FRATSFA(52)          1  0 0  
BONSUR(7)            1  0 0  IAYE(30)             0  1 0  TROCAR(54)           1  0 0  
ZUKAL(9)             0  1 0  MONUNTIAL(34)        1  0 0  ILLIS(59)            1  0 0  
ARUAK CITY(11)       1  0 0  MURSKA(35)           2  3 0  BARIKALA(67)         1  0 0  
TOBIR(14)            0  1 0  JHANS(36)            1  0 0  ERINIKA(73)          0  1 0  
TALCAMA(18)          2  0 0  SIBIKHAS(37)         0  1 0  DWES EG(82)          1  2 0  
SEAM(20)             1  0 0  CLIFFHOME(38)        0  1 0  SHADOW GROVE(97)     1  1 0  
SUNSET(21)           1  0 0  ZENSU(40)            0  1 0  SOUTH RIDGE(99)      1  1 0  

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 MISS TEAK 1-8015            37  29  1  237  SEA DOGS (1442)            MORDANT
 HIDA YAKAMO 7-5052          22   7  0  100  CALL TO THUNDER (1217)     BONSUR
 HEMPEN JIG 9-5388           17   6  1   44  SEA DOGS (1468)            ZUKAL
 SEPHIROTH 11-5854           15   5  1   83  NIGHT'S GUARDIANS (1466)   ARUAK CITY
 ABBOTT 14-4131              20  16  2   61  OTAGO HIGHLANDERS (1444)   TOBIR
 SHEWISH WHALER 18-9272      36  15  1  183  SEA DOGS (426)             TALCAMA
 ROWDY YOBBO 20-3429         28  33  1  185  SPARF! (1069)              SEAM
 KNOTHANDLER 21-6555         26  13  2   82  SEA DOGS (1446)            SUNSET
 HEART BREAKER 26-4752       18  12  0   46  ULTRA-VIOLENT (1458)       CALEAM
 ILSINOR 29-2955             28  33  0  129  MID EARTH (529)            LAPUR
 YARIBUSHISAN 30-971         19  31  1  103  YAMA BUSHI (275)           IAYE
 U.S.S. ARIZONA 34-2643      32  23  1  173  D-DAY SQUAD (1449)         MONUNTIAL
 CADAL 35-1370               54 110  4  139  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA
 PATCH 36-7297               29  16  0  147  SEA DOGS (1450)            JHANS
 BATMUN 37-2634              40  22  0  193  ALL THE MUN'S MEN (355)    SIBIKHAS
 GAR & BRILL 38-4252         72 114  0  141  JUST BECAUSE (1228)        CLIFFHOME
 DON KING 47-5374            26  22  2  165  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 CAULIFLOWER EARS 52-3424    25  20  0   83  OTTO'S PARTS (892)         FRATSFA
 PHONELESS CORD 54-2018      30  18  0  166  USELESS TOOLS (735)        TROCAR
 LONDON QUIREBOY 59-2513     32  15  1  208  CHAPEL ROCK (1352)         ILLIS
 KISSYFUR 67-2187            32  22  1  173  ALL-STAR NANA'S (1451)     BARIKALA
 KARATIA 73-3624             24  14  1   52  KIWI CONNECTION (1453)     ERINIKA
 PRISONER 0118 82--31788     26  62  0  147  DUNGEON CELL 24 (1456)     DWES EG
 SANDMAN 97-2610             29  13  4  209  COLLUSION (1426)           SHADOW GROVE
 JAMES MADISON 99-1268       35  19  3  202  DEAD PRESIDENTS, YO (1412) SOUTH RIDGE

                          SUMMER FACE-TO-FACE IN CLEVELAND!

Our summer FTF will be an eastern one this time, located in Cleveland, Ohio  on July 
17-19, 2009.  It will be held at the Holiday Inn in Strongsville, OH, at 15471 
Royalton Rd (440-238-8800).  Rooms are only $95.00 per night, 1-2 occupancy.  

There is a free shuttle from the airport, free parking, and free high-speed wireless 
internet in all guestrooms ($3/day in public space).  The hotel has an indoor pool, 
pool table, and hockey, and a fitness center.   The hotel is located 1/2 mile from the 
largest mall in Northeast Ohio, with indoor minigolf and pottery painting, and right 
next door to Iceland Arena, which offers open skate and skate rental.  They also have 
four bikes on property available for checkout, as the Metro parks are next door as 
well.  The rooms are blocked--ask for the "Reality Simulations" room block.  There are 
many restaurants and nightspots nearby and at the Mall, as well as a cafe in the 
hotel.  

The tournament information sheet will be out imminently.  We hope you're all looking 
forward to the tournament and that we will see you there!