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Date   : 11/09/2011    Duedate: 11/22/2011

HOME GUARD ARENA

DM 101    TURN 571

RANK TEAMS                 W    L   K    %  RANK TEAMS                 W    L   K    % 
  1-PYROMANIA 82/1508      7    3   0 70.0      ROYAL FLUSH 47/146
  2 BRIGHT 3/1513        178  102   2 63.6      USELESS TOOLS 54/735
    LOOK OUT!! 24/1514                          PRIMATES-R-US 25/1135
    ARCANE POWER 7/1316                       5-NO RESPECT  82/1399  372  342   4 52.1
    BLUNT FORCE 29/1512                         SUGAR AND SPICE 7/1231
    SERPENTINE INC. 22/802                      PERFECTION QUEST 98/1204
  3 SEA DOGS 18/426      632  411   5 60.6    6 ZOMBIE SQUA 98/1498   86   84   0 50.6
    SEA DOGS 21/1446                            ZOMBIE SQUAD II II 68/1495
    SEA DOGS 35/1502                          7 ARROGANCE 18/755     489  720  10 40.4
    DUNGEON CELL 42/1470                        UNDER DURESS 64/741
    DUNGEON CELL 4 82/1487                    8-YAMA BUSHI 30/275     49   77   0 38.9
    DUNGEON CELL 97 82/1497                     WIZARD'S WRATH 5/1464
  4 SPARF! 20/1069      1116  958  16 53.8    9 CHILDREN OF 35/1415  749 1252   8 37.4
    NOT QUITE 59/1237

                                 THE GUARDIAN'S FORUM
                       Reflections by the Captain of the Guard

     I knew that Object would move if I just hammered on it enough.
     I considered writing a longer column, but Olaf's in a hurry, and the hands are
in demand, and... who reads, here, anyway?

                                   Math op Owain

                             REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER

     If Novgorodny Vir is a god descending on Home Guard, I'll eat him.
     Monty Python got the biggest point gain at 32 and put them in a pocket.  I'm not
understanding that.  Huw had the biggest drop at 25.  Same fight.
     Being Captain of the Guard is "all nuts and berries"?  What happened to steak?
Math op Owain got four challenges, which is probably the most of any today.
     Sea Dogs was most avoided by Useless Tools.
     Sixteen fights, two standbys, seven challenge matches.

     HYDROPONICUS (29-4605) (14-5-0,61) of BLUNT FORCE fought MEAN SPIRIT (101-5) (0-
0-0,70) of the Louts Local 101.  HYDROPONICUS was overcome by MEAN SPIRIT in a 2
minute bout.  And then Mean gloated about it.
     HAMMERHEAD (35-4129) (25-26-2,55) of SEA DOGS fought CELTIC DRUID (7-5043) (16-
10-0,69) of ARCANE POWER.  HAMMERHEAD was overpowered by CELTIC DRUID in a 1 minute
uneven struggle.  C. Druid took that as instruction and hammered the Sea Dog's head.
     HUW AP HUW (35-3030) (45-118-1,135) of CHILDREN OF LLYR fought MONTY PYTHON (22-
5939) (24-11-0,95) of SERPENTINE INC.  HUW AP HUW was easily killed by MONTY PYTHON
in a 3 minute one-sided conflict.  Oops.
     PRISONER R02 (82-51078) (48-44-1,142) of DUNGEON CELL 4 fought MANIPULATOR (64-
3490) (42-71-5,129) of UNDER DURESS.  PRISONER R02 subdued MANIPULATOR in a popular 1
minute brawl.  Ah, I was just looking to see whether I had a listing on that
prisoner, male, female, indifferent, but I don't see one.  Still, I'm going to call
him/her/it Roz.  Good going, Roz.

     DOMINION (98-2058) (19-24-3,123) of ZOMBIE SQUAD 3 fought SURLY DECKHAND (21-
6568) (49-57-1,120) of SEA DOGS.  DOMINION viciously subdued SURLY DECKHAND in a
crowd pleasing 7 minute conflict.  This is what bad manners will get you.  Viciously
subdued.
     OWAIN HARLSON (35-3130) (57-99-1,137) of CHILDREN OF LLYR fought BLACKMAIL (64-
3917) (38-57-0,122) of UNDER DURESS.  OWAIN HARLSON subdued BLACKMAIL in a 1 minute
match.  I think Blackmail got your point last time, Owain.
     IMMOVEABLE OBJECT (59-2110) (41-14-1,196) of NOT QUITE fought SHARON SHEW (101-
25) (0-0-0,181) of the Louts Local 101.  IMMOVEABLE OBJECT was overcome by SHARON
SHEW in a 2 minute gory bout.  How the mighty are fallen!
     ROWDY YOBBO (20-3429) (35-41-1,182) of SPARF! fought TAVIS CADFALSON (35-1419)
(66-150-3,172) of CHILDREN OF LLYR.  ROWDY YOBBO was vanquished by TAVIS CADFALSON in
an exciting 1 minute one-sided fight.  So much for rowdiness.
     PHONELESS CORD (54-2018) (40-25-0,225) of USELESS TOOLS fought CHATTY CABALIST
(42-4488) (54-22-3,213) of DUNGEON CELL.  PHONELESS CORD lost to CHATTY CABALIST in a
popular 3 minute gruesome duel.  Can one chat through a phoneless cord?  Inquiring
minds wonder.

The challenges:
     POOP SLINGER (24-4478) (12-3-0,45) of LOOK OUT!! challenged HOFFA (18-8478) (17-
83-1,33) of ARROGANCE.  Down 12.  POOP SLINGER savagely defeated HOFFA in an action
packed 2 minute Challenge melee.  How long will it take Hoffa to reach one hundred
losses?
     A.O. HELL (54-2523) (27-14-2,64) of USELESS TOOLS challenged THE SUN (3-6307)
(13-1-0,72) of BRIGHT.  Up 8.  A.O. HELL overpowered THE SUN in a 1 minute mismatched
Challenge brawl.  Think of it as dues, Sun.
     ACE OF BASE (47-6905) (17-9-0,95) of ROYAL FLUSH challenged ASSUR (18-7821) (29-
82-2,95) of ARROGANCE.  Straight across.  ACE OF BASE was vanquished by ASSUR in a 1
minute mismatched Challenge fight.  Watch that ego swell!
     JACK KNIFE (47-6694) (20-12-1,102) of ROYAL FLUSH challenged HOFFA (18-9369)
(24-51-0,109) of ARROGANCE.  Up 7.  JACK KNIFE overpowered HOFFA in a 2 minute bloody
mismatched Challenge match.  This Hoffa's behind his name-mate in the losses
department.  He'd better hurry up and lose more.
     RUBBER BULLET (54-2503) (29-9-1,188) of USELESS TOOLS challenged SMOKE (68-5868)
(39-32-0,188) of ZOMBIE SQUAD II II.  Straight across.  RUBBER BULLET slimly lost to
SMOKE in a crowd pleasing 7 minute gory Challenge brawl.  Seven minutes of smoke, and
it's a wonder the arenamaster could see to call the winner.
     AFRICAN QUEEN (47-6424) (24-15-0,192) of ROYAL FLUSH challenged PRISONER 0484
(82-49671) (39-53-1,209) of DUNGEON CELL 97.  Up 17.  AFRICAN QUEEN narrowly defeated
PRISONER 0484 in an exciting 3 minute Challenge melee.  I'm gonna call this Prisoner
Oaba.  A narrow kind of person.

For the title:  DON KING (47-5374) (33-29-3,252) of ROYAL FLUSH challenged MATH OP
OWAIN (35-1418) (82-134-1,249) of CHILDREN OF LLYR.  Down 3.  DON KING was devastated
by MATH OP OWAIN in a 1 minute Challenge Title fight.  And there are people out there
who thought Math would be easy.  Listen, math is never easy.  Congratulations to Math
for winning, and to Don for daring to challenge.

                                        Olaf

CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD           W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 MATH OP OWAIN 35-1418        83 134  1  262  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA

GRAND CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 CHATTY CABALIST 42-4488      55  22  3  229  DUNGEON CELL (1470)        RODEKI

GRAND CHAMPIONS                W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 SMOKE 68-5868                40  32     206  ZOMBIE SQUAD II II (1495)  FIREHOLD
 PHONELESS CORD 54-2018       40  26     204  USELESS TOOLS (735)        TROCAR
 AFRICAN QUEEN 47-6424        25  15     204  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 PRISONER 0484 82-49671       39  54  1  197  DUNGEON CELL 97 (1497)     DWES EG
-SUGARBEET 7-5219             39  39  1  192  SUGAR AND SPICE (1231)     BONSUR
 DON KING 47-5374             33  30  3  190  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 TAVIS CADFALSON 35-1419      67 150  3  188  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA

GRAND CHAMPIONS                W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 RUBBER BULLET 54-2503        29  10  1  188  USELESS TOOLS (735)        TROCAR
 IMMOVEABLE OBJECT 59-2110    41  15  1  184  NOT QUITE (1237)           ILLIS

GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS        W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
-SPARE ANCHOR 18-9610         59  33  1  178  SEA DOGS (426)             TALCAMA
-WARHEAD 82-13913             33  13     176  PYROMANIA (1508)           DWES EG
 ROWDY YOBBO 20-3429          35  42  1  167  SPARF! (1069)              SEAM
-MONKEY DO 25-4152            28  18  2  163  PRIMATES-R-US (1135)       LYRATILAN

GRAND ADEPTS                   W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
-TIFFINAL 5-4865              28  23  2  145  WIZARD'S WRATH (1464)      KALTOS
-PUMPING ON STEELE 82-33221   21  28     145  NO RESPECT II (1399)       DWES EG
 PRISONER R02 82-51078        49  44  1  144  DUNGEON CELL 4 (1487)      DWES EG
-SAN YANDO 30-576             34  35  1  143  YAMA BUSHI (275)           IAYE
 OWAIN HARLSON 35-3130        58  99  1  139  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA
 DOMINION 98-2058             20  24  3  130  ZOMBIE SQUAD 3 (1498)      SYVYN'S HILL
 MANIPULATOR 64-3490          42  72  5  128  UNDER DURESS (741)         KURUKAR
 MONTY PYTHON 22-5939         25  11  1  127  SERPENTINE INC. (802)      SOLVEN
 BLACKMAIL 64-3917            38  58     121  UNDER DURESS (741)         KURUKAR
 SURLY DECKHAND 21-6568       49  58  1  119  SEA DOGS (1446)            SUNSET
 JACK KNIFE 47-6694           21  12  1  117  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 HUW AP HUW 35-3030           45 119  1  110  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA
 ASSUR 18-7821                30  82  2  109  ARROGANCE (755)            TALCAMA

GRAND CHALLENGER INITIATES     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 HOFFA 18-9369                24  52      97  ARROGANCE (755)            TALCAMA

GRAND INITIATES                W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 A.O. HELL 54-2523            28  14  2   85  USELESS TOOLS (735)        TROCAR
 ACE OF BASE 47-6905          17  10      85  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 CELTIC DRUID 7-5043          17  10      76  ARCANE POWER (1316)        BONSUR
 THE SUN 3-6307               13   2      62  BRIGHT (1513)              OSKSI
-DILL WEED 7-5241             15   9      61  SUGAR AND SPICE (1231)     BONSUR
 HYDROPONICUS 29-4605         14   6      59  BLUNT FORCE (1512)         LAPUR
 HAMMERHEAD 35-4129           25  27  2   51  SEA DOGS (1502)            MURSKA
-HALIBUTT 5-4866              26  27      50  WIZARD'S WRATH (1464)      KALTOS
 POOP SLINGER 24-4478         13   3      50  LOOK OUT!! (1514)          ZORPUNT
 HOFFA 18-8478                17  84  1   34  ARROGANCE (755)            TALCAMA
-GOSSAMER 98-407              10  12  4   33  PERFECTION QUEST (1204)    SYVYN'S HILL

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                   W   L  K TEAM NAME              SLAIN BY                  TURN
HUW AP HUW 35-3030        45 119  1 CHILDREN OF LLYR 1415  MONTY PYTHON 22-5939      571

                               PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE

Blackmail -- I cock a snood at you, and to Olaf I say, I have lived a clean life and
have no Dark Secrets to outlive.  So there. -- Owain Harlson

African Queen -- Ah, the FIGHT may not have been showy enough for the stewards, but
WOW, you are. -- Tavis Cadfalson, highly appreciative

Pumping on Steele -- So, this proves it, I'm getting better. -- Huw ap Huw

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

DON KING was devastated by MATH OP OWAIN in a 1 minute Challenge Title fight.
AFRICAN QUEEN narrowly defeated PRISONER 0484 in a exciting 3 minute Challenge melee.
RUBBER BULLET slimly lost to SMOKE in a crowd pleasing 7 minute gory Challenge brawl.
JACK KNIFE overpowered HOFFA in a 2 minute bloody mismatched Challenge match.
ACE OF BASE was vanquished by ASSUR in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge fight.
A.O. HELL overpowered THE SUN in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge brawl.
POOP SLINGER savagely defeated HOFFA in a action packed 2 minute Challenge melee.
PHONELESS CORD lost to CHATTY CABALIST in a popular 3 minute gruesome duel.
ROWDY YOBBO was vanquished by TAVIS CADFALSON in a exciting 1 minute one-sided fight.
IMMOVEABLE OBJECT was overcome by SHARON SHEW in a 2 minute gory bout.
OWAIN HARLSON subdued BLACKMAIL in a 1 minute match.
DOMINION viciously subdued SURLY DECKHAND in a crowd pleasing 7 minute conflict.
PRISONER R02 subdued MANIPULATOR in a popular 1 minute brawl.
HUW AP HUW was easily killed by MONTY PYTHON in a 3 minute one-sided conflict.
HAMMERHEAD was overpowered by CELTIC DRUID in a 1 minute uneven struggle.
HYDROPONICUS was overcome by MEAN SPIRIT in a 2 minute bout.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK                   5         SLASHING ATTACK   21 -   4 -  0      84  |
|AIMED BLOW                       5         STRIKING ATTACK   22 -  13 -  0      63  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   4         AIMED BLOW        37 -  25 -  0      60  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     3         PARRY-STRIKE      17 -  14 -  0      55  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  3         WALL OF STEEL     17 -  15 -  0      53  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      3         PARRY-RIPOSTE      4 -   5 -  1      44  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      2         LUNGING ATTACK    16 -  20 -  0      44  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  2         BASHING ATTACK    21 -  28 -  0      43  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    2         PARRY-LUNGE        7 -  17 -  0      29  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    1         TOTAL PARRY        8 -  30 -  0      21  |

Turn 571 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

PARRY-RIPOSTE      1 -  0     TOTAL PARRY        1 -  2         2  TOTAL PARRY    
PARRY-STRIKE       2 -  1     BASHING ATTACK     1 -  3         2  AIMED BLOW     
SLASHING ATTACK    2 -  1     AIMED BLOW         1 -  4         2  LUNGING ATTACK 
LUNGING ATTACK     3 -  2                                       1  PARRY-STRIKE   
PARRY-LUNGE        1 -  1                                       1  SLASHING ATTACK
STRIKING ATTACK    1 -  1                                       1  BASHING ATTACK 
WALL OF STEEL      1 -  1                                       1  STRIKING ATTACK
                                                                1  WALL OF STEEL  

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
PARRY-STRIKE     MATH OP OWAIN 35-1418      83 134  1  262 CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)
SLASHING ATTACK  CHATTY CABALIST 42-4488    55  22  3  229 DUNGEON CELL (1470)
TOTAL PARRY      SMOKE 68-5868              40  32  0  206 ZOMBIE SQUAD II II (1495)
AIMED BLOW       PHONELESS CORD 54-2018     40  26  0  204 USELESS TOOLS (735)
LUNGING ATTACK   AFRICAN QUEEN 47-6424      25  15  0  204 ROYAL FLUSH (146)
STRIKING ATTACK  DON KING 47-5374           33  30  3  190 ROYAL FLUSH (146)
WALL OF STEEL    RUBBER BULLET 54-2503      29  10  1  188 USELESS TOOLS (735)
BASHING ATTACK   MANIPULATOR 64-3490        42  72  5  128 UNDER DURESS (741)
PARRY-RIPOSTE    MONTY PYTHON 22-5939       25  11  1  127 SERPENTINE INC. (802)
PARRY-LUNGE      BLACKMAIL 64-3917          38  58  0  121 UNDER DURESS (741)

The overall popularity leader is TAVIS CADFALSON 35-1419.  The most popular warrior 
this turn was SURLY DECKHAND 21-6568.  The ten other most popular fighters were 
CHATTY CABALIST 42-4488, RUBBER BULLET 54-2503, DOMINION 98-2058, SMOKE 68-5868, POOP 
SLINGER 24-4478, AFRICAN QUEEN 47-6424, PRISONER 0484 82--15865, JACK KNIFE 47-6694, 
TAVIS CADFALSON 35-1419, and MONTY PYTHON 22-5939.

The least popular fighter this week was HAMMERHEAD 35-4129.  The other ten least 
popular fighters were ROWDY YOBBO 20-3429, THE SUN 3-6307, ACE OF BASE 47-6905, 
BLACKMAIL 64-3917, HOFFA 18-8478, HOFFA 18-9369, DON KING 47-5374, MANIPULATOR 
64-3490, PRISONER R02 82--14458, and OWAIN HARLSON 35-3130.

Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  
OSKSI(3)             0  1 0  ZORPUNT(24)          1  0 0  ILLIS(59)            0  1 0  
BONSUR(7)            1  0 0  LAPUR(29)            0  1 0  KURUKAR(64)          0  2 0  
TALCAMA(18)          1  2 0  MURSKA(35)           3  2 0  FIREHOLD(68)         1  0 0  
SEAM(20)             0  1 0  RODEKI(42)           1  0 0  DWES EG(82)          1  1 0  
SUNSET(21)           0  1 0  NORTH FORK(47)       2  2 0  SYVYN'S HILL(98)     1  0 0  
SOLVEN(22)           1  0 1  TROCAR(54)           1  2 0  

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 THE SUN 3-6307              13   2  0   62  BRIGHT (1513)              OSKSI
 CELTIC DRUID 7-5043         17  10  0   76  ARCANE POWER (1316)        BONSUR
 ASSUR 18-7821               30  82  2  109  ARROGANCE (755)            TALCAMA
 ROWDY YOBBO 20-3429         35  42  1  167  SPARF! (1069)              SEAM
 SURLY DECKHAND 21-6568      49  58  1  119  SEA DOGS (1446)            SUNSET
 MONTY PYTHON 22-5939        25  11  1  127  SERPENTINE INC. (802)      SOLVEN
 POOP SLINGER 24-4478        13   3  0   50  LOOK OUT!! (1514)          ZORPUNT
 HYDROPONICUS 29-4605        14   6  0   59  BLUNT FORCE (1512)         LAPUR
 MATH OP OWAIN 35-1418       83 134  1  262  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA
 CHATTY CABALIST 42-4488     55  22  3  229  DUNGEON CELL (1470)        RODEKI
 AFRICAN QUEEN 47-6424       25  15  0  204  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 PHONELESS CORD 54-2018      40  26  0  204  USELESS TOOLS (735)        TROCAR
 IMMOVEABLE OBJECT 59-2110   41  15  1  184  NOT QUITE (1237)           ILLIS
 MANIPULATOR 64-3490         42  72  5  128  UNDER DURESS (741)         KURUKAR
 SMOKE 68-5868               40  32  0  206  ZOMBIE SQUAD II II (1495)  FIREHOLD
 PRISONER 0484 82--15865     39  54  1  197  DUNGEON CELL 97 (1497)     DWES EG
 DOMINION 98-2058            20  24  3  130  ZOMBIE SQUAD 3 (1498)      SYVYN'S HILL