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Date   : 11/23/2011    Duedate: 12/06/2011

HOME GUARD ARENA

DM 101    TURN 572

RANK TEAMS                 W    L   K    %  RANK TEAMS                 W    L   K    % 
  1 BRIGHT 3/1513        179  103   2 63.5    3-SPARF! 20/1069      1116  958  16 53.8
    LOOK OUT!! 24/1514                          NOT QUITE 59/1237
    ARCANE POWER 7/1316                         ROYAL FLUSH 47/146
    BLUNT FORCE 29/1512                         USELESS TOOLS 54/735
    C. U. LATER 82/1516                         PRIMATES-R-US 25/1135
    SERPENTINE INC. 22/802                    4-NO RESPECT  82/1399  372  342   4 52.1
  2 SEA DOGS 21/1446     635  413   5 60.6      SUGAR AND SPICE 7/1231
    SEA DOGS 33/1501                            PERFECTION QUEST 98/1204
    SEA DOGS 35/1502                          5 ZOMBIE SQUA 98/1498   86   86   0 50.0
    DUNGEON CELL 42/1470                        ZOMBIE SQUAD II II 68/1495
    DUNGEON CELL 4 82/1487                    6 ARROGANCE 18/755     491  722  10 40.5
    DUNGEON CELL 97 82/1497                     UNDER DURESS 64/741
    SHEWISH BANQUET 98/1515                   7 CHILDREN OF 35/1415  749 1254   8 37.4

                                 THE GUARDIAN'S FORUM
                       Reflections by the Captain of the Guard

     Oh, for the cat's sake!  I thought surely one of you young hotshots would come
up and take the title away from me, but DID you?  No!  At least Don King had the guts
to try, and I salute him, even though I two-shotted him toot sweet, as someone used
to say.  It's too cold to be standing around out there in sheet metal.

                                   Math op Owain

                             REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER

     It looks to me like the Split has moved among us.  I don't know who-all was
taken, haven't done the comparison with last turn's roster, but it looks like Math op
Owain, last time Captain of the Guard, is gone.  Not to Primus, of course, but he's 
probably been sucked off to Talahya for being too successful and old fart to remain
here.  What the heck is the Commission thinking?  This is the HOME of old farts, we
should get to keep the great examples of the type.  Oh, well.
     One of the Hoffas had the biggest point gain at 31.  Owain had the biggest drop
at 25.
     No challenges, no avoids.
     Nine fights, three involving standbys, and no challenges, which I already said
once, but what the heck.  Think of it as padding.  I'm guessing the lack of
challenges is due to not being sure who would be around to use 'em on.  Listen,
they're free, if you place a challenge that can't go through, you aren't going to be
out anything!  Of course, maybe somebody DID, and I would never know because the
Commission doesn't tell me stuff like that.

     HOFFA (18-8478) (17-84-1,34) of ARROGANCE fought CELTIC DRUID (7-5043) (17-10-
0,76) of ARCANE POWER.  HOFFA luckily beat CELTIC DRUID in an exciting 4 minute
gruesome fight.  This is the Hoffa who had the major point gain.
     HAMMERHEAD (35-4129) (25-27-2,51) of SEA DOGS fought B&G BOUNCER (101-3) (0-0-
0,30) of the Louts Local 101.  HAMMERHEAD was vanquished by B&G BOUNCER in an action
packed 1 minute uneven fight.  They really don't like you beating your head against
their walls, Hammer.  Those walls are fragile.
     BAKED CONVINCIA (98-2341) (11-7-4,42) of SHEWISH BANQUET fought B&G BOUNCER
(101-3) (0-0-0,30) of the Louts Local 101.  BAKED CONVINCIA was overpowered by B&G
BOUNCER in a 1 minute uneven melee.  And having once begun to win, the Bouncer
decided to go for a streak.
     SHARK BAIT (33-7652) (25-15-0,99) of SEA DOGS fought HOFFA (18-9369) (24-52-
0,97) of ARROGANCE.  SHARK BAIT overpowered HOFFA in a 1 minute mismatched brawl.
Not all Hoffas win.

     HUW AP HUW (35-3030) (45-119-1,110) of CHILDREN OF LLYR fought KATRINA (101-9)
(0-0-0,170) of the Louts Local 101.  HUW AP HUW was viciously subdued by KATRINA in a
popular 1 minute bloody duel.  That puts the standbys at 2-1, as good as--or better
than--some managed teams.
     OWAIN HARLSON (35-3130) (58-99-1,139) of CHILDREN OF LLYR fought ASSUR (18-7821)
(30-82-2,109) of ARROGANCE.  OWAIN HARLSON was overpowered by ASSUR in a 1 minute
mismatched match.  For this, Owain dropped like a badly cooked egg.
     SURLY DECKHAND (21-6568) (49-58-1,119) of SEA DOGS fought MANIPULATOR (64-3490)
(42-72-5,128) of UNDER DURESS.  SURLY DECKHAND vanquished MANIPULATOR in a popular 1
minute mismatched brawl.  Good for Surly, though I still think it would help if he
practiced smiling at least once a week.
     MONTY PYTHON (22-5939) (25-11-1,127) of SERPENTINE INC. fought DOMINION (98-
2058) (20-24-3,130) of ZOMBIE SQUAD 3.  MONTY PYTHON vanquished DOMINION in an
exciting 5 minute gory uneven battle.  Five minutes?  I call that evenly matched.

For the title, decided on points:
     SMOKE (68-5868) (40-32-0,206) of ZOMBIE SQUAD II II fought PRISONER 0484 (82-
49671) (39-54-1,197) of DUNGEON CELL 97.  SMOKE was bested by PRISONER 0484 in a
crowd pleasing 3 minute Title fight.  Our congratulations to Prisoner 0484.  See if
you can get a name, 0484.

                                         Olaf

CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD           W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 PRISONER 0484 82-49671       40  54  1  211  DUNGEON CELL 97 (1497)     DWES EG

GRAND CHAMPIONS                W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
-PHONELESS CORD 54-2018       40  26     204  USELESS TOOLS (735)        TROCAR
 SMOKE 68-5868                40  33     194  ZOMBIE SQUAD II II (1495)  FIREHOLD
-SUGARBEET 7-5219             39  39  1  192  SUGAR AND SPICE (1231)     BONSUR
-DON KING 47-5374             33  30  3  190  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
-RUBBER BULLET 54-2503        29  10  1  188  USELESS TOOLS (735)        TROCAR
-IMMOVEABLE OBJECT 59-2110    41  15  1  184  NOT QUITE (1237)           ILLIS

GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS        W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
-ROWDY YOBBO 20-3429          35  42  1  167  SPARF! (1069)              SEAM

GRAND ADEPTS                   W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
-PUMPING ON STEELE 82-33221   21  28     145  NO RESPECT II (1399)       DWES EG
 MONTY PYTHON 22-5939         26  11  1  142  SERPENTINE INC. (802)      SOLVEN
 SURLY DECKHAND 21-6568       50  58  1  135  SEA DOGS (1446)            SUNSET
 ASSUR 18-7821                31  82  2  134  ARROGANCE (755)            TALCAMA
 DOMINION 98-2058             20  25  3  123  ZOMBIE SQUAD 3 (1498)      SYVYN'S HILL
 HUW AP HUW 35-3030           45 120  1  120  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA
-JACK KNIFE 47-6694           21  12  1  117  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 OWAIN HARLSON 35-3130        58 100  1  114  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA
 MANIPULATOR 64-3490          42  73  5  113  UNDER DURESS (741)         KURUKAR
 SHARK BAIT 33-7652           26  15     108  SEA DOGS (1501)            NIATOLI ISLAND

GRAND CHALLENGER INITIATES     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 HOFFA 18-9369                24  53      91  ARROGANCE (755)            TALCAMA

GRAND INITIATES                W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
-A.O. HELL 54-2523            28  14  2   85  USELESS TOOLS (735)        TROCAR
-ACE OF BASE 47-6905          17  10      85  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
-CULINARY 82-17479            15  25      70  C. U. LATER (1516)         DWES EG

GRAND INITIATES                W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 HOFFA 18-8478                18  84  1   65  ARROGANCE (755)            TALCAMA
-THE SUN 3-6307               13   2      62  BRIGHT (1513)              OSKSI
-DILL WEED 7-5241             15   9      61  SUGAR AND SPICE (1231)     BONSUR
-HYDROPONICUS 29-4605         14   6      59  BLUNT FORCE (1512)         LAPUR
 CELTIC DRUID 7-5043          17  11      53  ARCANE POWER (1316)        BONSUR
-POOP SLINGER 24-4478         13   3      50  LOOK OUT!! (1514)          ZORPUNT
-GOSSAMER 98-407              10  12  4   33  PERFECTION QUEST (1204)    SYVYN'S HILL
 HAMMERHEAD 35-4129           25  28  2   30  SEA DOGS (1502)            MURSKA
 BAKED CONVINCIA 98-2341      11   8  4   26  SHEWISH BANQUET (1515)     SYVYN'S HILL

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                   W   L  K TEAM NAME              SLAIN BY                  TURN

                               PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE

Monty Python -- I see now why my Pop warned me against snakes.  That was way too much
force. -- Huw ap Huw

Blackmail -- I dunno if you got my point last time, or this time, or any time, but I
want it really clear.  No.  Way. -- Owain Harlson

Rowdy Yobbo -- You're a good kid, but you're a kid. -- Tavis Cadfalson

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

SMOKE was bested by PRISONER 0484 in a crowd pleasing 3 minute Title fight.
MONTY PYTHON vanquished DOMINION in a exciting 5 minute gory uneven battle.
SURLY DECKHAND vanquished MANIPULATOR in a popular 1 minute mismatched brawl.
OWAIN HARLSON was overpowered by ASSUR in a 1 minute mismatched match.
HUW AP HUW was viciously subdued by KATRINA in a popular 1 minute bloody duel.
SHARK BAIT overpowered HOFFA in a 1 minute mismatched brawl.
BAKED CONVINCIA was overpowered by B&G BOUNCER in a 1 minute uneven melee.
HAMMERHEAD was vanquished by B&G BOUNCER in a action packed 1 minute uneven fight.
HOFFA luckily beat CELTIC DRUID in a exciting 4 minute gruesome fight.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|BASHING ATTACK                   4         SLASHING ATTACK   21 -   3 -  0      88  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      3         STRIKING ATTACK   20 -  12 -  0      63  |
|AIMED BLOW                       2         AIMED BLOW        35 -  24 -  0      59  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     2         PARRY-RIPOSTE      5 -   4 -  1      56  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    1         PARRY-STRIKE      16 -  14 -  0      53  |
|LUNGING ATTACK                   1         WALL OF STEEL     15 -  16 -  0      48  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  1         LUNGING ATTACK    15 -  19 -  0      44  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    1         BASHING ATTACK    21 -  27 -  0      44  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      0         PARRY-LUNGE        6 -  17 -  0      26  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  0         TOTAL PARRY        8 -  29 -  0      22  |

Turn 572 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

AIMED BLOW         2 -  0     TOTAL PARRY        1 -  2         3  BASHING ATTACK 
PARRY-RIPOSTE      1 -  0     PARRY-LUNGE        0 -  0         2  AIMED BLOW     
BASHING ATTACK     2 -  2     PARRY-STRIKE       0 -  2         2  WALL OF STEEL  
                              LUNGING ATTACK     0 -  1         1  TOTAL PARRY    
                              SLASHING ATTACK    0 -  0         1  STRIKING ATTACK
                              STRIKING ATTACK    0 -  1         1  LUNGING ATTACK 
                              WALL OF STEEL      0 -  1         1  PARRY-RIPOSTE  

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
TOTAL PARRY      SMOKE 68-5868              40  33  0  194 ZOMBIE SQUAD II II (1495)
PARRY-RIPOSTE    MONTY PYTHON 22-5939       26  11  1  142 SERPENTINE INC. (802)
BASHING ATTACK   SURLY DECKHAND 21-6568     50  58  1  135 SEA DOGS (1446)
PARRY-STRIKE     DOMINION 98-2058           20  25  3  123 ZOMBIE SQUAD 3 (1498)
STRIKING ATTACK  OWAIN HARLSON 35-3130      58 100  1  114 CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)
AIMED BLOW       SHARK BAIT 33-7652         26  15  0  108 SEA DOGS (1501)
LUNGING ATTACK   CELTIC DRUID 7-5043        17  11  0   53 ARCANE POWER (1316)
WALL OF STEEL    BAKED CONVINCIA 98-2341    11   8  4   26 SHEWISH BANQUET (1515)

The overall popularity leader is HUW AP HUW 35-3030.  The most popular warrior this 
turn was CELTIC DRUID 7-5043.  The ten other most popular fighters were MONTY PYTHON 
22-5939, PRISONER 0484 82--15865, SURLY DECKHAND 21-6568, HOFFA 18-8478, SMOKE 
68-5868, DOMINION 98-2058, ASSUR 18-7821, SHARK BAIT 33-7652, MANIPULATOR 64-3490, 
and OWAIN HARLSON 35-3130.

The least popular fighter this week was HOFFA 18-9369.  The other ten least popular 
fighters were HUW AP HUW 35-3030, HAMMERHEAD 35-4129, BAKED CONVINCIA 98-2341, OWAIN 
HARLSON 35-3130, MANIPULATOR 64-3490, SHARK BAIT 33-7652, ASSUR 18-7821, DOMINION 
98-2058, SMOKE 68-5868, and HOFFA 18-8478.

Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  
BONSUR(7)            0  1 0  NIATOLI ISLAND(33)   1  0 0  FIREHOLD(68)         0  1 0  
TALCAMA(18)          2  1 0  MURSKA(35)           0  3 0  DWES EG(82)          1  0 0  
SUNSET(21)           1  0 0  KURUKAR(64)          0  1 0  SYVYN'S HILL(98)     0  2 0  
SOLVEN(22)           1  0 0  

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 CELTIC DRUID 7-5043         17  11  0   53  ARCANE POWER (1316)        BONSUR
 ASSUR 18-7821               31  82  2  134  ARROGANCE (755)            TALCAMA
 SURLY DECKHAND 21-6568      50  58  1  135  SEA DOGS (1446)            SUNSET
 MONTY PYTHON 22-5939        26  11  1  142  SERPENTINE INC. (802)      SOLVEN
 SHARK BAIT 33-7652          26  15  0  108  SEA DOGS (1501)            NIATOLI ISLAND
 HUW AP HUW 35-3030          45 120  1  120  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA
 MANIPULATOR 64-3490         42  73  5  113  UNDER DURESS (741)         KURUKAR
 SMOKE 68-5868               40  33  0  194  ZOMBIE SQUAD II II (1495)  FIREHOLD
 PRISONER 0484 82--15865     40  54  1  211  DUNGEON CELL 97 (1497)     DWES EG
 DOMINION 98-2058            20  25  3  123  ZOMBIE SQUAD 3 (1498)      SYVYN'S HILL