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Date   : 01/18/2012    Duedate: 01/31/2012

HOME GUARD ARENA

DM 101    TURN 576

RANK TEAMS                 W    L   K    %  RANK TEAMS                 W    L   K    % 
  1 LOOK OUT!! 24/1514   192  107   2 64.2      ROYAL FLUSH 47/146
    ARCANE POWER 7/1316                         USELESS TOOLS 54/735
    BLUNT FORCE 29/1512                         NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC 42/1517
    C. U. LATER 82/1516                       4-NO RESPECT  82/1399  373  344   4 52.0
    SERPENTINE INC. 22/802                      SUGAR AND SPICE 7/1231
  2 SEA DOGS 21/1446     645  423   5 60.4      PERFECTION QUEST 98/1204
    SEA DOGS 33/1501                          5 ZOMBIE SQUA 98/1498   87   93   0 48.3
    SEA DOGS 35/1502                            ZOMBIE SQUAD II II 68/1495
    DUNGEON CELL 97 82/1497                   6 ARROGANCE 18/755     497  732  11 40.4
    SHEWISH BANQUET 98/1515                     UNDER DURESS 64/741
  3 SPARF! 20/1069      1125  967  16 53.8    7 CHILDREN OF 35/1415  753 1258   8 37.4
    NOT QUITE 59/1237                         8-BLOOD FROG  99/1511    1    4   0 20.0

                                 THE GUARDIAN'S FORUM
                       Reflections by the Captain of the Guard

     Rumor has it that Crip will be activating his warriors this turn.  If this is
indeed true, I look forward to fighting one of his three Grand Champions.
     Crip made an offhand remark to my manager a month or two ago that I needed to
buff up a bit, so that I could deal more damage.  I have heeded his advice and have
worked on nothing but that in his absence.  I hope, Crip, that you and your warriors
find my newfound strength to be satisfactory.  Hopefully it will not be so easy to
unseat me from the Captain's Chair.
     Finally, one small detail for the commission.  I don't want to make a habit of
complaining about things, but I believe I am not being fully recognized for my
achievements.  If you look at the "Top Warrior of Each Style" list, it shows my
teammate Shark Bait as the top Aimed Blow.  I am the top Aimed Blow.  I have no idea
why I'm not showing up on that list, but I can't help but think some overworked
scribe is having his revenge on me for all the name change paperwork that he is being
forced to process.  Please look into that when you have the chance.

Prisoner 0484

                             REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER

     First, a note to 0484:  You are correct, someone in the Commission office is
insulting you.  Possibly because the moon is waning?  Because the weather is
seriously confused, with record highs of seventy degrees one day and highs of
nineteen the next?  Regardless, yes, you should be listed as the top of your style.

     On the more immediate, or at least more approachable level, I see that Surly
Deckhand has the greatest point increase at twenty-six, and Manipulator the greatest
loss at twenty-two.  Same fight.
     Dungeon Cell 97 and associated teams (One Armed Bandit) were most avoided, with
Useless Tools etcetera (Crip) doing most of the avoiding.  No surprise, as Crip seems
to be the only manager actively managing this time.  All the challenges are his, too.
Smoke is the most challenged warrior today.
     Fourteen fights, four standbys, three challenges.  There has been debate in the
back rooms over the question of, "Why do we need anything but Talahya and Primus?"
Any opinions?

     BAKED CONVINCIA (98-2341) (12-10-4,63) of SHEWISH BANQUET fought HOFFA (18-9369)
(25-55-0,50) of ARROGANCE.  BAKED CONVINCIA vanquished HOFFA in a 3 minute gruesome
mismatched bout.  No surprise, that's what the Hoffas do best.
     A.O. HELL (54-2523) (29-14-2,87) of USELESS TOOLS fought HOFFA (18-8478) (19-86-
1,67) of ARROGANCE.  A.O. HELL savagely defeated HOFFA in a crowd pleasing 2 minute
gory conflict.  And there are a lot of them out here doing it.  Losing, that is.
     HAMMERHEAD (35-4129) (28-28-2,69) of SEA DOGS fought HYDROPONICUS (29-4605) (17-
6-0,70) of BLUNT FORCE.  HAMMERHEAD was demolished by HYDROPONICUS in a 1 minute
mismatched match.  I'd have said a hammer head represented blunt force.
     DORSAL FINN (42-1662) (4-1-1,17) of NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC fought LAKE SAILOR (101-
2) (0-0-0,30) of Miscellaneous Standbys.  DORSAL FINN was devastated by LAKE SAILOR
in a 1 minute mismatched conflict.  Yes, well, I happen to know that the Sailor is
partial to shark-fin soup.  Takes all kinds, I guess.  I wouldn't touch the stuff.
Especially if I had to catch my own sharks!
     DOMINION (98-2058) (21-27-3,122) of ZOMBIE SQUAD 3 fought OWAIN HARLSON (35-
3130) (60-101-1,133) of CHILDREN OF LLYR.  DOMINION was handily defeated by OWAIN
HARLSON in an exciting 2 minute one-sided bout.  I should hope so!  That experience
must be good for something.

     SHARK BAIT (33-7652) (26-18-0,107) of SEA DOGS fought IRON-PLATED IRV (101-10)
(0-0-0,150) of Miscellaneous Standbys.  SHARK BAIT was defeated by IRON-PLATED IRV in
an exciting 1 minute fight.  And this Shark Bait is the one wrongfully billed as Mr.
Accuracy of Home Guard!  Embarrassing.
     SURLY DECKHAND (21-6568) (50-61-1,114) of SEA DOGS fought MANIPULATOR (64-3490)
(44-74-6,150) of UNDER DURESS.  SURLY DECKHAND won victory over MANIPULATOR in an
action packed 1 minute fight.  This is the fight that caused the biggest shifting in
the ranks.
     ROWDY YOBBO (20-3429) (36-42-1,169) of SPARF! fought HUW AP HUW (35-3030) (46-
122-1,128) of CHILDREN OF LLYR.  ROWDY YOBBO handily defeated HUW AP HUW in an action
packed 1 minute uneven melee.  Ah... well, it's better than Huw's last fight, where
he got killed.
     PHONELESS CORD (54-2018) (40-27-0,190) of USELESS TOOLS fought RIPPY BRICKBOY
(101-1) (0-0-0,200) of Miscellaneous Standbys.  PHONELESS CORD was savagely defeated
by RIPPY BRICKBOY in a 8 minute brawl.  Odd.  Ominous, too.
     DON KING (47-5374) (34-30-3,204) of ROYAL FLUSH fought BATTLING BOB (101-26) (0-
0-0,200) of Miscellaneous Standbys.  DON KING was vanquished by BATTLING BOB in a 1
minute mismatched fight.  And that concludes the involvement of the standbys today,
they going four and oh!  They're going to get swelled heads.

The challenges:
     ACE OF BASE (47-6905) (17-11-0,85) of ROYAL FLUSH challenged POOP SLINGER (24-
4478) (15-4-0,47) of LOOK OUT!!  Down 38.  ACE OF BASE lost to POOP SLINGER in a
crowd pleasing 1 minute Challenge brawl.  That's got to hurt.  I'm surprised Ace
didn't get the biggest point drop for this one.
     JACK KNIFE (47-6694) (22-12-1,122) of ROYAL FLUSH challenged ASSUR (18-7821)
(33-83-2,140) of ARROGANCE.  Up 18.  JACK KNIFE luckily beat ASSUR in an exciting 2
minute gory Challenge melee.  Was it luck, or good management?
     IMMOVEABLE OBJECT (59-2110) (41-16-1,179) of NOT QUITE challenged SMOKE (68-
5868) (40-36-0,178) of ZOMBIE SQUAD II II.  Down 1.  IMMOVEABLE OBJECT slimly won
victory over SMOKE in a 18 minute Challenge fight.  I just about got frostbite
waiting for this one to end.  Speed it up some next time, guys.

For the title:
     PRISONER 0484 (82-49671) (43-54-1,257) of DUNGEON CELL 97 fought RUBBER BULLET
(54-2503) (30-10-1,194) of USELESS TOOLS.  PRISONER 0484 overpowered RUBBER BULLET in
a 1 minute one-sided Title fight.  Soon to be renamed 0484 remains our literate
Captain of the Guard, and we salute him.

                                        Olaf

CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD           W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 PRISONER 0484 82-49671       44  54  1  276  DUNGEON CELL 97 (1497)     DWES EG

GRAND CHAMPIONS                W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 PHONELESS CORD 54-2018       40  28     191  USELESS TOOLS (735)        TROCAR
 DON KING 47-5374             34  31  3  190  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 IMMOVEABLE OBJECT 59-2110    42  16  1  186  NOT QUITE (1237)           ILLIS
 RUBBER BULLET 54-2503        30  11  1  186  USELESS TOOLS (735)        TROCAR

GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS        W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 SMOKE 68-5868                40  37     180  ZOMBIE SQUAD II II (1495)  FIREHOLD
 ROWDY YOBBO 20-3429          37  42  1  171  SPARF! (1069)              SEAM
-PUMPING ON STEELE 82-33221   22  28     159  NO RESPECT II (1399)       DWES EG
-MONTY PYTHON 22-5939         29  11  1  156  SERPENTINE INC. (802)      SOLVEN

GRAND ADEPTS                   W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 OWAIN HARLSON 35-3130        61 101  1  143  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA
 SURLY DECKHAND 21-6568       51  61  1  140  SEA DOGS (1446)            SUNSET
 JACK KNIFE 47-6694           23  12  1  137  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 ASSUR 18-7821                33  84  2  132  ARROGANCE (755)            TALCAMA
 HUW AP HUW 35-3030           46 123  1  128  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA
 MANIPULATOR 64-3490          44  75  6  128  UNDER DURESS (741)         KURUKAR
 DOMINION 98-2058             21  28  3  115  ZOMBIE SQUAD 3 (1498)      SYVYN'S HILL
 SHARK BAIT 33-7652           26  19     113  SEA DOGS (1501)            NIATOLI ISLAND

GRAND INITIATES                W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 A.O. HELL 54-2523            30  14  2   90  USELESS TOOLS (735)        TROCAR
 HYDROPONICUS 29-4605         18   6      80  BLUNT FORCE (1512)         LAPUR
 POOP SLINGER 24-4478         16   4      75  LOOK OUT!! (1514)          ZORPUNT
-CELTIC DRUID 7-5043          20  11      71  ARCANE POWER (1316)        BONSUR
 HOFFA 18-8478                19  87  1   71  ARROGANCE (755)            TALCAMA
 BAKED CONVINCIA 98-2341      13  10  4   71  SHEWISH BANQUET (1515)     SYVYN'S HILL
 ACE OF BASE 47-6905          17  12      65  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 HAMMERHEAD 35-4129           28  29  2   62  SEA DOGS (1502)            MURSKA
-DARIUS 29-5467               16   8  1   57  OPEN HAND (1518)           LAPUR
-DILL WEED 7-5241             15  10      56  SUGAR AND SPICE (1231)     BONSUR
 HOFFA 18-9369                25  56      44  ARROGANCE (755)            TALCAMA
-GOSSAMER 98-407              10  13  4   39  PERFECTION QUEST (1204)    SYVYN'S HILL
-CULINARY 82-17479            15  28      33  C. U. LATER (1516)         DWES EG
-AMPUTATOR FROG 99-3206        9   4  4   27  BLOOD FROG 3 (1511)        SOUTH RIDGE
 DORSAL FINN 42-1662           4   2  1   10  NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC (1517) RODEKI

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                   W   L  K TEAM NAME              SLAIN BY                  TURN

                               PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE

Dominion -- Yep, meat.  Great stuff.  Steaks. -- Owain Harlson

Manipulator -- That was uncalled-for.  Tackle your manager, instead.  It's HER fault
you're maxed and still training skills. -- Huw ap Huw

You know, when Tavis and Math got sucked out of here, we were sorry for 'em.  But
THEY got to retire.  I wish we could. -- Huw

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

IMMOVEABLE OBJECT slimly won victory over SMOKE in a 18 minute Challenge fight.
JACK KNIFE luckily beat ASSUR in a exciting 2 minute gory Challenge melee.
ACE OF BASE lost to POOP SLINGER in a crowd pleasing 1 minute Challenge brawl.
PRISONER 0484 overpowered RUBBER BULLET in a 1 minute one-sided Title fight.
DON KING was vanquished by BATTLING BOB in a 1 minute mismatched fight.
PHONELESS CORD was savagely defeated by RIPPY BRICKBOY in a 8 minute brawl.
ROWDY YOBBO handily defeated HUW AP HUW in a action packed 1 minute uneven melee.
SURLY DECKHAND won victory over MANIPULATOR in a action packed 1 minute fight.
SHARK BAIT was defeated by IRON-PLATED IRV in a exciting 1 minute fight.
DOMINION was handily defeated by OWAIN HARLSON in a exciting 2 minute one-sided bout.
DORSAL FINN was devastated by LAKE SAILOR in a 1 minute mismatched conflict.
HAMMERHEAD was demolished by HYDROPONICUS in a 1 minute mismatched match.
A.O. HELL savagely defeated HOFFA in a crowd pleasing 2 minute gory conflict.
BAKED CONVINCIA vanquished HOFFA in a 3 minute gruesome mismatched bout.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|AIMED BLOW                       5         PARRY-RIPOSTE      7 -   2 -  1      78  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    4         SLASHING ATTACK   16 -   6 -  0      73  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   4         STRIKING ATTACK   15 -   7 -  0      68  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      3         AIMED BLOW        30 -  26 -  0      54  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  2         LUNGING ATTACK    16 -  14 -  0      53  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  2         WALL OF STEEL     15 -  14 -  0      52  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     2         BASHING ATTACK    19 -  25 -  1      43  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      1         PARRY-STRIKE       9 -  16 -  0      36  |
|LUNGING ATTACK                   1         PARRY-LUNGE        6 -  11 -  0      35  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    0         TOTAL PARRY        6 -  27 -  0      18  |

Turn 576 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

PARRY-LUNGE        1 -  0     BASHING ATTACK     1 -  3         3  WALL OF STEEL  
LUNGING ATTACK     1 -  0     PARRY-STRIKE       0 -  2         2  AIMED BLOW     
AIMED BLOW         3 -  2     PARRY-RIPOSTE      0 -  0         2  STRIKING ATTACK
SLASHING ATTACK    1 -  1     TOTAL PARRY        0 -  3         1  TOTAL PARRY    
STRIKING ATTACK    1 -  1                                       1  LUNGING ATTACK 
WALL OF STEEL      2 -  2                                       1  PARRY-RIPOSTE  
                                                                1  BASHING ATTACK 

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
AIMED BLOW       PHONELESS CORD 54-2018     40  28  0  191 USELESS TOOLS (735)
STRIKING ATTACK  DON KING 47-5374           34  31  3  190 ROYAL FLUSH (146)
WALL OF STEEL    RUBBER BULLET 54-2503      30  11  1  186 USELESS TOOLS (735)
TOTAL PARRY      SMOKE 68-5868              40  37  0  180 ZOMBIE SQUAD II II (1495)
LUNGING ATTACK   ROWDY YOBBO 20-3429        37  42  1  171 SPARF! (1069)
BASHING ATTACK   SURLY DECKHAND 21-6568     51  61  1  140 SEA DOGS (1446)
PARRY-STRIKE     HUW AP HUW 35-3030         46 123  1  128 CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)
PARRY-LUNGE      A.O. HELL 54-2523          30  14  2   90 USELESS TOOLS (735)
SLASHING ATTACK  POOP SLINGER 24-4478       16   4  0   75 LOOK OUT!! (1514)

The overall popularity leader is HUW AP HUW 35-3030.  The most popular warrior this 
turn was PHONELESS CORD 54-2018.  The ten other most popular fighters were SMOKE 
68-5868, OWAIN HARLSON 35-3130, ASSUR 18-7821, A.O. HELL 54-2523, SURLY DECKHAND 
21-6568, PRISONER 0484 82--15865, MANIPULATOR 64-3490, BAKED CONVINCIA 98-2341, JACK 
KNIFE 47-6694, and POOP SLINGER 24-4478.

The least popular fighter this week was HOFFA 18-9369.  The other ten least popular 
fighters were HAMMERHEAD 35-4129, DORSAL FINN 42-1662, DON KING 47-5374, IMMOVEABLE 
OBJECT 59-2110, HOFFA 18-8478, HUW AP HUW 35-3030, RUBBER BULLET 54-2503, 
HYDROPONICUS 29-4605, DOMINION 98-2058, and SHARK BAIT 33-7652.

Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  
TALCAMA(18)          0  3 0  NIATOLI ISLAND(33)   0  1 0  ILLIS(59)            1  0 0  
SEAM(20)             1  0 0  MURSKA(35)           1  2 0  KURUKAR(64)          0  1 0  
SUNSET(21)           1  0 0  RODEKI(42)           0  1 0  FIREHOLD(68)         0  1 0  
ZORPUNT(24)          1  0 0  NORTH FORK(47)       1  2 0  DWES EG(82)          1  0 0  
LAPUR(29)            1  0 0  TROCAR(54)           1  2 0  SYVYN'S HILL(98)     1  1 0  

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 ASSUR 18-7821               33  84  2  132  ARROGANCE (755)            TALCAMA
 ROWDY YOBBO 20-3429         37  42  1  171  SPARF! (1069)              SEAM
 SURLY DECKHAND 21-6568      51  61  1  140  SEA DOGS (1446)            SUNSET
 POOP SLINGER 24-4478        16   4  0   75  LOOK OUT!! (1514)          ZORPUNT
 HYDROPONICUS 29-4605        18   6  0   80  BLUNT FORCE (1512)         LAPUR
 SHARK BAIT 33-7652          26  19  0  113  SEA DOGS (1501)            NIATOLI ISLAND
 OWAIN HARLSON 35-3130       61 101  1  143  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA
 DORSAL FINN 42-1662          4   2  1   10  NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC (1517) RODEKI
 DON KING 47-5374            34  31  3  190  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 PHONELESS CORD 54-2018      40  28  0  191  USELESS TOOLS (735)        TROCAR
 IMMOVEABLE OBJECT 59-2110   42  16  1  186  NOT QUITE (1237)           ILLIS
 MANIPULATOR 64-3490         44  75  6  128  UNDER DURESS (741)         KURUKAR
 SMOKE 68-5868               40  37  0  180  ZOMBIE SQUAD II II (1495)  FIREHOLD
 PRISONER 0484 82--15865     44  54  1  276  DUNGEON CELL 97 (1497)     DWES EG
 DOMINION 98-2058            21  28  3  115  ZOMBIE SQUAD 3 (1498)      SYVYN'S HILL