AD
Date : 03/28/2012 Duedate: 04/10/2012
HOME GUARD ARENA
DM 101 TURN 581
RANK TEAMS W L K % RANK TEAMS W L K %
1 JAZZMATAZZ 17/602 205 113 2 64.5 HERE TO PHOENIX 26/1072
LOOK OUT!! 24/1514 MEAT YOUR MAKER 72/1439
BLUNT FORCE 29/1512 NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC 42/1517
ARCHERS OF LOAF 63/835 5-NO RESPECT 82/1399 379 350 4 52.0
ARCANE GREATS FTF 96/1519 SUGAR AND SPICE 7/1231
2-CREAM OF THE 2/589 75 47 0 61.5 PERFECTION QUEST 98/1204
3 SEA DOGS 21/1446 660 433 5 60.4 6 ZOMBIE SQUA 98/1498 94 96 0 49.5
SEA DOGS 33/1501 ZOMBIE SQUAD II II 68/1495
SEA DOGS 35/1502 7-ATTACKO/TCL 82/1520 59 83 1 41.5
DUNGEON CELL 97 82/1497 8 ARROGANCE 18/755 501 748 11 40.1
SHEWISH BANQUET 98/1515 UNDER DURESS 64/741
4 SPARF! 20/1069 1160 986 16 54.1 9 CHILDREN OF 35/1415 756 1265 8 37.4
NOT QUITE 59/1237 10 STREET WALKE 29/129 5 11 0 31.2
KING'S COURT 11/90 STREET WALKERS 45/1507
ROYAL FLUSH 47/146 11 BLOOD FROG 99/1511 1 9 0 10.0
PARTY ANIMALS 5/591 BLOOD FROGS 2 98/1510
USELESS TOOLS 54/735 12-OPEN HAND 29/1518 0 4 0 0.0
DUCKS UNLIMITED 39/1221
REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER
Oh, hi. It's just little 'ol Debby Tonte. Olaf asked me to do this spy report.
He's laid up, or maybe that should be laid down? Well, it's arthritis. In his
hands. Can't hold a quill.
So, here's some stuff about this turn. MVP award for HUW AP HUW? CHILDREN OF
LLYR's proud of him after beating PORKY PIG and getting 39 points. Surprised, too.
Talk about yer major upsets! PORKY PIG's match with HUW AP HUW cost him a loss of 32
points! This Duelmaster is like something else! SNAKE OIL SALESMAN stopped
PHONELESS CORD dead in his tracks! Actually, Cord wasn't making tracks, just kind of
wavy scrapes, you know?
AAARRGH!!! I HATE SPY REPORTING!!! Sorry. I just had to say it. The warriors
of ZOMBIE SQUAD 3 must be getting lonely. They were the most avoided team. Do you
guys know something that I don't? Is there some deep dark secret why USELESS TOOLS'
been avoiding ZOMBIE SQUAD 3 so much? Or is it just that they're too scared? Can
ZOMBIE SQUAD II II's SMOKE be more popular than me? She was challenged the most, but
is that really the same?
Challenges, revenges, Bloodfeuds. All HOME GUARD ever talks about is fighting!
If they talk at all. I mean, Olaf told me there'd be personals and, like, a column
by the Captain! Where is it?
There were eighteen fights, with three challenges and four standbys. I don't
know what the other eleven fights were remarkable for.
CALLOUS COURTNEY (45-4622) (16-2-2,52) of STREET WALKERS fought HOFFA (18-9369)
(26-59-0,63) of ARROGANCE. CALLOUS COURTNEY was bested by HOFFA in a popular 2
minute bout. How can you lose to a Hoffa?
HOFFA (18-8478) (20-90-1,69) of ARROGANCE fought HAMMERHEAD (35-4129) (30-31-
2,80) of SEA DOGS. HOFFA was overpowered by HAMMERHEAD in a crowd pleasing 1 minute
mismatched fight. See, this is what people EXPECT.
AMPUTATOR FROG (99-3206) (9-7-4,31) of BLOOD FROG 3 fought DORSAL FINN (42-1662)
(6-4-1,72) of NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC. AMPUTATOR FROG was demolished by DORSAL FINN in a
1 minute one-sided bout. This was very, um, watery.
HYDROPONICUS (29-4605) (22-6-0,100) of BLUNT FORCE fought BAKED CONVINCIA (98-
2341) (15-12-4,70) of SHEWISH BANQUET. HYDROPONICUS viciously subdued BAKED
CONVINCIA in a popular 2 minute brutal brawl. With a BIG spoon.
OWAIN HARLSON (35-3130) (62-104-1,114) of CHILDREN OF LLYR fought POOP SLINGER
(24-4478) (19-5-0,92) of LOOK OUT!! OWAIN HARLSON was devastated by POOP SLINGER in
an exciting 1 minute uneven duel. I'm surprised the stewards let Slinger bring that
into the arena.
JACK KNIFE (47-6694) (26-13-1,155) of ROYAL FLUSH fought SURLY DECKHAND (21-
6568) (54-62-1,150) of SEA DOGS. JACK KNIFE viciously subdued SURLY DECKHAND in an
action packed 2 minute gory fight. This just shows how important it is to smile.
CUJO (11-925) (33-40-2,167) of KING'S COURT fought SHARK BAIT (33-7652) (28-21-
0,126) of SEA DOGS. CUJO slimly won victory over SHARK BAIT in a crowd pleasing 2
minute bout. Does that mean Cujo is a shark? But he wasn't caught, so maybe not.
PORKY PIG (72-5953) (27-14-2,169) of MEAT YOUR MAKER fought HUW AP HUW (35-3030)
(47-126-1,126) of CHILDREN OF LLYR. PORKY PIG was devastated by HUW AP HUW in a 1
minute one-sided battle. This is very strange.
ROWDY YOBBO (20-3429) (40-43-1,182) of SPARF! fought SEVEN-EYED GOLLYWOG (101-
31) (0-0-0,220) of the Louts Local 101. ROWDY YOBBO overpowered SEVEN-EYED GOLLYWOG
in a 1 minute one-sided match. I'm not, you know, surprised. I bet if any of YOU
tried to see out of seven eyes, you'd blow a fight, too.
RUBBER BULLET (54-2503) (32-13-1,191) of USELESS TOOLS fought DOMINION (98-2058)
(24-29-3,156) of ZOMBIE SQUAD 3. RUBBER BULLET was savagely defeated by DOMINION in
an action packed 3 minute match. Is this a twin or something of the Dominion that's
King's Sentinel in Andorak? He's a zombie, too.
DON KING (47-5374) (35-34-3,186) of ROYAL FLUSH fought ARENAMASTER AZEEM (101-
28) (0-0-0,200) of the Louts Local 101. DON KING vanquished ARENAMASTER AZEEM in an
action packed 1 minute gory uneven fight. Kinda feels good, doesn't it, Don?
JOE KING (47-2223) (35-57-1,181) of ROYAL FLUSH fought NAIHREN (101-27) (0-0-
0,240) of the Louts Local 101. JOE KING was vanquished by NAIHREN in a 1 minute
uneven duel. Well, you see! Calling yourself King isn't enough, you have to walk
the walk.
WAHOO (26-3916) (26-18-1,202) of HERE TO PHOENIX fought SHARON SHEW (101-25) (0-
0-0,181) of the Louts Local 101. WAHOO overpowered SHARON SHEW in a popular 1 minute
gruesome mismatched brawl. Poor Sharon.
GOLDIE (29-4805) (30-18-5,182) of STREET WALKERS fought CATFISH HUNTER (5-3315)
(24-25-1,181) of PARTY ANIMALS. GOLDIE viciously subdued CATFISH HUNTER in a popular
2 minute bloody duel. Good! Those party animals make too much noise when people are
trying to sleep!
The challenges, all from Crip:
ACE OF BASE (47-6905) (20-13-0,99) of ROYAL FLUSH challenged MANIPULATOR (64-
3490) (44-79-6,116) of UNDER DURESS. Up 17. ACE OF BASE overpowered MANIPULATOR in
a 1 minute mismatched Challenge duel.
HOCKEY DUCK (39-937) (37-31-1,133) of DUCKS UNLIMITED challenged ASSUR (18-7821)
(34-87-2,146) of ARROGANCE. Up 13. HOCKEY DUCK demolished ASSUR in a 1 minute one-
sided Challenge melee.
IMMOVEABLE OBJECT (59-2110) (45-17-1,190) of NOT QUITE challenged SMOKE (68-
5868) (43-38-0,197) of ZOMBIE SQUAD II II. Up 7. IMMOVEABLE OBJECT viciously
subdued SMOKE in a unpopular 27 minute Challenge fight. This was too long. It was
boring. Finish faster next time, you guys.
For the title:
SNAKE OIL SALESMAN (82-49671) (48-54-1,334) of DUNGEON CELL 97 fought PHONELESS
CORD (54-2018) (42-30-0,190) of USELESS TOOLS. SNAKE OIL SALESMAN overpowered
PHONELESS CORD in a 1 minute one-sided Title fight. Okay.
Debby T.
CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
SNAKE OIL SALESMAN 82-49671 49 54 1 348 DUNGEON CELL 97 (1497) DWES EG
GRAND CHAMPIONS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
WAHOO 26-3916 27 18 1 210 HERE TO PHOENIX (1072) CALEAM
ROWDY YOBBO 20-3429 41 43 1 204 SPARF! (1069) SEAM
DON KING 47-5374 36 34 3 204 ROYAL FLUSH (146) NORTH FORK
IMMOVEABLE OBJECT 59-2110 46 17 1 199 NOT QUITE (1237) ILLIS
SMOKE 68-5868 43 39 194 ZOMBIE SQUAD II II (1495) FIREHOLD
GOLDIE 29-4805 31 18 5 190 STREET WALKERS (129) LAPUR
DOMINION 98-2058 25 29 3 190 ZOMBIE SQUAD 3 (1498) SYVYN'S HILL
-GOPHER BAROQUE 2-3359 67 53 189 CREAM OF THE SLOP (589) NIANIA
PHONELESS CORD 54-2018 42 31 183 USELESS TOOLS (735) TROCAR
CATFISH HUNTER 5-3315 24 26 1 182 PARTY ANIMALS (591) KALTOS
GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
JOE KING 47-2223 35 58 1 176 ROYAL FLUSH (146) NORTH FORK
RUBBER BULLET 54-2503 32 14 1 171 USELESS TOOLS (735) TROCAR
CUJO 11-925 34 40 2 169 KING'S COURT (90) ARUAK CITY
HUW AP HUW 35-3030 48 126 1 165 CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415) MURSKA
JACK KNIFE 47-6694 27 13 1 162 ROYAL FLUSH (146) NORTH FORK
GRAND ADEPTS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
SURLY DECKHAND 21-6568 54 63 1 150 SEA DOGS (1446) SUNSET
HOCKEY DUCK 39-937 38 31 1 150 DUCKS UNLIMITED (1221) XOCHITHLAN
-PUMPING ON STEELE 82-33221 23 31 146 NO RESPECT II (1399) DWES EG
PORKY PIG 72-5953 27 15 2 137 MEAT YOUR MAKER (1439) DRAGONHEAD
SHARK BAIT 33-7652 28 22 132 SEA DOGS (1501) NIATOLI ISLAND
ASSUR 18-7821 34 88 2 131 ARROGANCE (755) TALCAMA
ACE OF BASE 47-6905 21 13 119 ROYAL FLUSH (146) NORTH FORK
POOP SLINGER 24-4478 20 5 114 LOOK OUT!! (1514) ZORPUNT
HYDROPONICUS 29-4605 23 6 102 BLUNT FORCE (1512) LAPUR
GRAND CHALLENGER INITIATES W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
MANIPULATOR 64-3490 44 80 6 100 UNDER DURESS (741) KURUKAR
OWAIN HARLSON 35-3130 62 105 1 97 CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415) MURSKA
GRAND INITIATES W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
HAMMERHEAD 35-4129 31 31 2 90 SEA DOGS (1502) MURSKA
-GOSSAMER 98-407 13 14 4 87 PERFECTION QUEST (1204) SYVYN'S HILL
-DILL WEED 7-5241 17 12 80 SUGAR AND SPICE (1231) BONSUR
BAKED CONVINCIA 98-2341 15 13 4 77 SHEWISH BANQUET (1515) SYVYN'S HILL
DORSAL FINN 42-1662 7 4 1 74 NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC (1517) RODEKI
HOFFA 18-9369 27 59 73 ARROGANCE (755) TALCAMA
-GROUND ZERO 63-2044 25 13 2 68 ARCHERS OF LOAF (835) AMEN-TEI
HOFFA 18-8478 20 91 1 62 ARROGANCE (755) TALCAMA
-ARIOCH 21-7423 17 8 1 60 MINIONS OF CHAOS (1522) SUNSET
-PASTRAMI ELEMENTAL 96-3748 12 2 3 54 ARCANE GREATS FTF (1519) OLD VALAMANTIS
-RABID TOAD 98-2767 9 3 4 54 BLOOD FROGS 2 (1510) SYVYN'S HILL
CALLOUS COURTNEY 45-4622 16 3 2 53 STREET WALKERS (1507) STORMCROWE
-NUCLEAR HARMONY 17-4599 19 11 3 52 JAZZMATAZZ (602) ALJAFIR
-PERCY QUIN 24 82-29478 17 40 52 ATTACKO/TCLONES05 (1520) DWES EG
-DARIUS 29-5467 16 12 1 51 OPEN HAND (1518) LAPUR
-WHAT'S A VOLKSIE? 38-4563 15 3 48 TEAM FLOYD (690) CLIFFHOME
AMPUTATOR FROG 99-3206 9 8 4 32 BLOOD FROG 3 (1511) SOUTH RIDGE
'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.
THE DEAD W L K TEAM NAME SLAIN BY TURN
PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE
Snake Oil Salesman -- You will be missed when they haul you off to Talahya. For one
thing, we'll miss your splendid liniment! Great for those after-the-fight aches. --
the Children of Llyr
Darius -- A reliable source tells me that the flowers thrown by the fans are
recycled. You know, gathered up, freshened (probably magically), and thrown again
another day. -- Huw ap Huw
Assur of Arrogance, and Olaf, for that matter -- Of course I'm not upset about a loss
of a fight and some points. This is all "old hat" to me. Besides, I want to stay
here in Home Guard, and how better? -- Huw ap Huw
Hockey Duck -- It is, I suppose, an honor to fight a true Duck, but I would rather
have won. This has made a mess of my winning streak! -- Owain Harlson
LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS
IMMOVEABLE OBJECT viciously subdued SMOKE in a unpopular 27 minute Challenge fight.
HOCKEY DUCK demolished ASSUR in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge melee.
ACE OF BASE overpowered MANIPULATOR in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge duel.
SNAKE OIL SALESMAN overpowered PHONELESS CORD in a 1 minute one-sided Title fight.
GOLDIE viciously subdued CATFISH HUNTER in a popular 2 minute bloody duel.
WAHOO overpowered SHARON SHEW in a popular 1 minute gruesome mismatched brawl.
JOE KING was vanquished by NAIHREN in a 1 minute uneven duel.
DON KING vanquished ARENAMASTER AZEEM in a action packed 1 minute gory uneven fight.
RUBBER BULLET was savagely defeated by DOMINION in a action packed 3 minute match.
ROWDY YOBBO overpowered SEVEN-EYED GOLLYWOG in a 1 minute one-sided match.
PORKY PIG was devastated by HUW AP HUW in a 1 minute one-sided battle.
CUJO slimly won victory over SHARK BAIT in a crowd pleasing 2 minute bout.
JACK KNIFE viciously subdued SURLY DECKHAND in a action packed 2 minute gory fight.
OWAIN HARLSON was devastated by POOP SLINGER in a exciting 1 minute uneven duel.
HYDROPONICUS viciously subdued BAKED CONVINCIA in a popular 2 minute brutal brawl.
AMPUTATOR FROG was demolished by DORSAL FINN in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
HOFFA was overpowered by HAMMERHEAD in a crowd pleasing 1 minute mismatched fight.
CALLOUS COURTNEY was bested by HOFFA in a popular 2 minute bout.
BATTLE REPORT
MOST POPULAR RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS
|FIGHTING STYLE FIGHTS FIGHTING STYLE W - L - K PERCENT|
|BASHING ATTACK 9 PARRY-RIPOSTE 7 - 1 - 0 88 |
|AIMED BLOW 5 SLASHING ATTACK 11 - 5 - 0 69 |
|WALL OF STEEL 4 PARRY-LUNGE 6 - 3 - 0 67 |
|PARRY-STRIKE 3 AIMED BLOW 35 - 24 - 0 59 |
|LUNGING ATTACK 3 WALL OF STEEL 18 - 18 - 0 50 |
|TOTAL PARRY 3 LUNGING ATTACK 9 - 9 - 0 50 |
|SLASHING ATTACK 2 BASHING ATTACK 24 - 27 - 1 47 |
|STRIKING ATTACK 2 PARRY-STRIKE 8 - 14 - 0 36 |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE 1 STRIKING ATTACK 7 - 14 - 0 33 |
|PARRY-LUNGE 0 TOTAL PARRY 9 - 22 - 0 29 |
Turn 581 was great if you Not so great if you used The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles: the fighting styles: top eleven warriors are:
PARRY-RIPOSTE 1 - 0 BASHING ATTACK 4 - 5 3 BASHING ATTACK
SLASHING ATTACK 2 - 0 LUNGING ATTACK 1 - 2 2 AIMED BLOW
PARRY-STRIKE 2 - 1 TOTAL PARRY 1 - 2 2 TOTAL PARRY
AIMED BLOW 3 - 2 PARRY-LUNGE 0 - 0 2 PARRY-STRIKE
STRIKING ATTACK 1 - 1 1 LUNGING ATTACK
WALL OF STEEL 2 - 2 1 STRIKING ATTACK
TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE
FIGHTING STYLE WARRIOR W L K PNTS TEAM NAME
BASHING ATTACK WAHOO 26-3916 27 18 1 210 HERE TO PHOENIX (1072)
LUNGING ATTACK ROWDY YOBBO 20-3429 41 43 1 204 SPARF! (1069)
STRIKING ATTACK DON KING 47-5374 36 34 3 204 ROYAL FLUSH (146)
AIMED BLOW IMMOVEABLE OBJECT 59-2110 46 17 1 199 NOT QUITE (1237)
TOTAL PARRY SMOKE 68-5868 43 39 0 194 ZOMBIE SQUAD II II (1495)
PARRY-STRIKE DOMINION 98-2058 25 29 3 190 ZOMBIE SQUAD 3 (1498)
WALL OF STEEL RUBBER BULLET 54-2503 32 14 1 171 USELESS TOOLS (735)
PARRY-RIPOSTE HOCKEY DUCK 39-937 38 31 1 150 DUCKS UNLIMITED (1221)
SLASHING ATTACK ACE OF BASE 47-6905 21 13 0 119 ROYAL FLUSH (146)
The overall popularity leader is HUW AP HUW 35-3030. The most popular warrior this
turn was GOLDIE 29-4805. The ten other most popular fighters were RUBBER BULLET
54-2503, ROWDY YOBBO 20-3429, HYDROPONICUS 29-4605, CATFISH HUNTER 5-3315, JACK KNIFE
47-6694, SURLY DECKHAND 21-6568, WAHOO 26-3916, CUJO 11-925, HAMMERHEAD 35-4129, and
CALLOUS COURTNEY 45-4622.
The least popular fighter this week was IMMOVEABLE OBJECT 59-2110. The other ten
least popular fighters were SMOKE 68-5868, AMPUTATOR FROG 99-3206, OWAIN HARLSON
35-3130, JOE KING 47-2223, HOFFA 18-8478, BAKED CONVINCIA 98-2341, PORKY PIG 72-5953,
ASSUR 18-7821, DORSAL FINN 42-1662, and HUW AP HUW 35-3030.
Arena (Number) W L K Arena (Number) W L K Arena (Number) W L K
KALTOS(5) 0 1 0 NIATOLI ISLAND(33) 0 1 0 ILLIS(59) 1 0 0
ARUAK CITY(11) 1 0 0 MURSKA(35) 2 1 0 KURUKAR(64) 0 1 0
TALCAMA(18) 1 2 0 XOCHITHLAN(39) 1 0 0 FIREHOLD(68) 0 1 0
SEAM(20) 1 0 0 RODEKI(42) 1 0 0 DRAGONHEAD(72) 0 1 0
SUNSET(21) 0 1 0 STORMCROWE(45) 0 1 0 DWES EG(82) 1 0 0
ZORPUNT(24) 1 0 0 NORTH FORK(47) 3 1 0 SYVYN'S HILL(98) 1 1 0
CALEAM(26) 1 0 0 TROCAR(54) 0 2 0 SOUTH RIDGE(99) 0 1 0
LAPUR(29) 2 0 0
TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
CATFISH HUNTER 5-3315 24 26 1 182 PARTY ANIMALS (591) KALTOS
CUJO 11-925 34 40 2 169 KING'S COURT (90) ARUAK CITY
ASSUR 18-7821 34 88 2 131 ARROGANCE (755) TALCAMA
ROWDY YOBBO 20-3429 41 43 1 204 SPARF! (1069) SEAM
SURLY DECKHAND 21-6568 54 63 1 150 SEA DOGS (1446) SUNSET
POOP SLINGER 24-4478 20 5 0 114 LOOK OUT!! (1514) ZORPUNT
WAHOO 26-3916 27 18 1 210 HERE TO PHOENIX (1072) CALEAM
GOLDIE 29-4805 31 18 5 190 STREET WALKERS (129) LAPUR
SHARK BAIT 33-7652 28 22 0 132 SEA DOGS (1501) NIATOLI ISLAND
HUW AP HUW 35-3030 48 126 1 165 CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415) MURSKA
HOCKEY DUCK 39-937 38 31 1 150 DUCKS UNLIMITED (1221) XOCHITHLAN
DORSAL FINN 42-1662 7 4 1 74 NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC (1517) RODEKI
CALLOUS COURTNEY 45-4622 16 3 2 53 STREET WALKERS (1507) STORMCROWE
DON KING 47-5374 36 34 3 204 ROYAL FLUSH (146) NORTH FORK
PHONELESS CORD 54-2018 42 31 0 183 USELESS TOOLS (735) TROCAR
IMMOVEABLE OBJECT 59-2110 46 17 1 199 NOT QUITE (1237) ILLIS
MANIPULATOR 64-3490 44 80 6 100 UNDER DURESS (741) KURUKAR
SMOKE 68-5868 43 39 0 194 ZOMBIE SQUAD II II (1495) FIREHOLD
PORKY PIG 72-5953 27 15 2 137 MEAT YOUR MAKER (1439) DRAGONHEAD
SNAKE OIL SALESM 82--15865 49 54 1 348 DUNGEON CELL 97 (1497) DWES EG
TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
DOMINION 98-2058 25 29 3 190 ZOMBIE SQUAD 3 (1498) SYVYN'S HILL
AMPUTATOR FROG 99-3206 9 8 4 32 BLOOD FROG 3 (1511) SOUTH RIDGE