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Date   : 04/11/2012    Duedate: 04/24/2012

HOME GUARD ARENA

DM 101    TURN 582

RANK TEAMS                 W    L   K    %  RANK TEAMS                 W    L   K    % 
  1 JAZZMATAZZ 17/602    207  115   2 64.3      NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC 42/1517
    TEAM FLOYD 38/690                         5 WRATHMEN 20/799       22   20   1 52.4
    LOOK OUT!! 24/1514                          WRATHMEN 24/805
    BLUNT FORCE 29/1512                         WRATHMEN 27/807
    ARCHERS OF LOAF 63/835                      WRATHMEN 30/727
    ARCANE GREATS FTF 96/1519                   WRATHMEN 41/818
  2-CREAM OF THE  2/589   75   47   0 61.5    6-NO RESPECT  82/1399  379  350   4 52.0
  3 SEA DOGS 21/1446     662  436   5 60.3      SUGAR AND SPICE 7/1231
    SEA DOGS 33/1501                            PERFECTION QUEST 98/1204
    SEA DOGS 35/1502                          7 ZOMBIE SQUA 98/1498   95   97   0 49.5
    DUNGEON CELL 97 82/1497                     ZOMBIE SQUAD II II 68/1495
    SHEWISH BANQUET 98/1515                   8 ATTACKO/TCL 82/1520   60   83   1 42.0
  4-SPARF! 20/1069      1160  986  16 54.1    9 ARROGANCE 18/755     504  749  11 40.2
    NOT QUITE 59/1237                           UNDER DURESS 64/741
    KING'S COURT 11/90                       10 CHILDREN OF 35/1415  757 1266   8 37.4
    ROYAL FLUSH 47/146                       11 DARQUE AGES 52/1438   16   34   1 32.0
    PARTY ANIMALS 5/591                         DARQUE FORCES 45/1425
    USELESS TOOLS 54/735                     12-STREET WALKE 29/129    5   11   0 31.2
    DUCKS UNLIMITED 39/1221                     STREET WALKERS 45/1507
    HERE TO PHOENIX 26/1072                  13 BLOOD FROG  99/1511    1   10   0  9.1
    MEAT YOUR MAKER 72/1439                  14 OPEN HAND 29/1518      0    5   0  0.0

                                 THE GUARDIAN'S FORUM
                       Reflections by the Captain of the Guard

     Congrats to Dominion on his Freshman TV!  It looks like the commission pulled a
fast one on Home Guard.  Told everyone they were Freshman qualified, then stuck half
of them in the ADM tourney.  Probably a clerical error, but it still must've been a
disappointment for a lot of you.
     This is likely my last turn in Home Guard.  Keep on guarding without me,

Snake Oil Salesman

                             REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER

     That Debby Tonte is a good kid, but lacking in respect.  Still, I thank her for
the last spy report.
     And now, this one.  Biggest point gain, the newly arrived What's a Volksie?
Thirty-two points.  Biggest drop, Hammerhead, twenty-five points.  Most avoided,
Perfection Quest, by Open Hand.  Nobody was most challenged, which does not surprise
me.
     Fourteen fights, which I hope is just people holding their breaths until the
Split (end of this week).  One standby, two challenges.  Not good, but it's been
worse.

     DOMINIC (27-3085) (29-18-0,64) of WRATHMEN fought BAKED CONVINCIA (98-2341) (15-
13-4,77) of SHEWISH BANQUET.  DOMINIC viciously subdued BAKED CONVINCIA in an action
packed 2 minute gory fight.  What can you expect?  A guy comes out onto the sands,
and he's hungry, he's starving, and here's this tasty dish....
     PASTRAMI ELEMENTAL (96-3748) (12-2-3,54) of ARCANE GREATS FTF fought B&G BOUNCER
(101-3) (0-0-0,30) of the Louts Local 101.  PASTRAMI ELEMENTAL was demolished by B&G
BOUNCER in a 1 minute one-sided brawl.  That Bouncer is well known in his own circles
for his lust for pastrami.  And other kinds of sausage, of course.
     DOMINIC (30-3545) (22-19-0,73) of WRATHMEN fought HOFFA (18-9369) (27-59-0,73)
of ARROGANCE.  Two wrathful Dominics?  Confusing.  DOMINIC viciously subdued HOFFA in
a crowd pleasing 3 minute brutal conflict.  Everyone subdues Hoffa, and often
viciously.  It's a natural reaction to meeting one.
     HAMMERHEAD (35-4129) (31-31-2,90) of SEA DOGS fought YUFFIE (45-4291) (18-9-
0,54) of DARQUE FORCES.  HAMMERHEAD was overpowered by YUFFIE in a 1 minute one-sided
match.  And thus Hammerhead plunges downward, almost as though he had a spare anchor
tied to his feet.
     BEAULIEU (41-3057) (21-14-0,82) of WRATHMEN fought WHAT'S A VOLKSIE? (38-4563)
(15-3-0,48) of TEAM FLOYD.  BEAULIEU was overpowered by WHAT'S A VOLKSIE? in a 1
minute one-sided melee.  And What's goes up.  Impressive performance.
     LEO (52-3869) (20-6-0,114) of DARQUE AGES fought MANIPULATOR (64-3490) (44-80-
6,100) of UNDER DURESS.  LEO lost to MANIPULATOR in a popular 1 minute fight.  Why?
Who knows, maybe something in the massive experience difference?

     POOP SLINGER (24-4478) (20-5-0,114) of LOOK OUT!! fought SHARK BAIT (33-7652)
(28-22-0,132) of SEA DOGS.  POOP SLINGER vanquished SHARK BAIT in a popular 1 minute
gruesome uneven duel.  Worse than a shark, eh?
     SURLY DECKHAND (21-6568) (54-63-1,150) of SEA DOGS fought OWAIN HARLSON (35-
3130) (62-105-1,97) of CHILDREN OF LLYR.  SURLY DECKHAND overpowered OWAIN HARLSON in
a 1 minute uneven melee.  Tell us again about that winning streak, Owain?
     ASSUR (18-7821) (34-88-2,131) of ARROGANCE fought HYDROPONICUS (29-4605) (23-6-
0,102) of BLUNT FORCE.  ASSUR devastated HYDROPONICUS in a crowd pleasing 1 minute
mismatched match.  A bit of a surprise here, when you get down to it.  The bookies
were surprised, at least.  I'd avoid the bookies for a while, Hydroponicus, they
aren't happy with you.
     HUW AP HUW (35-3030) (48-126-1,165) of CHILDREN OF LLYR fought KIANA (24-3878)
(18-10-0,123) of WRATHMEN.  HUW AP HUW bested KIANA in a popular 1 minute duel.
Again, a surprise, though I suppose Kiana had reason to lose this one.  Did Huw offer
to show you his scars, Kiana?
     SMOKE (68-5868) (43-39-0,194) of ZOMBIE SQUAD II II fought WASTED (20-3085) (23-
17-3,166) of WRATHMEN.  SMOKE subdued WASTED in a 1 minute competition.  Does this
mean Wasted was?

The challenges:
     AMPUTATOR FROG (99-3206) (9-8-4,32) of BLOOD FROG 3 challenged HOFFA (18-8478)
(20-91-1,62) of ARROGANCE.  Up 30.  AMPUTATOR FROG was luckily beaten by HOFFA in an
exciting 3 minute Challenge melee.  And if Hoffa needed luck for that win, watch OUT
for this Frog in the future.
     DARIUS (29-5467) (16-12-1,51) of OPEN HAND challenged PERCY QUIN 24 (82-29478)
(17-40-0,52) of ATTACKO/TCLONES05.  Up 1.  DARIUS was viciously subdued by PERCY QUIN
24 in a 3 minute Challenge fight.  A passing salute to Darius, who's using every tool
to learn and advance.  The first fight days on the Isle are never easy.

For the title:
     SNAKE OIL SALESMAN (82-49671) (49-54-1,348) of DUNGEON CELL 97 fought DOMINION
(98-2058) (25-29-3,190) of ZOMBIE SQUAD 3.  SNAKE OIL SALESMAN vanquished DOMINION in
a popular 3 minute mismatched Title brawl.  Good.  Dominion is one of many, not that
I'm putting him down, but where else can you get quality snake oil?  I'm going to
regret seeing Snake Oil Salesman go.

                                        Olaf

CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD           W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 SNAKE OIL SALESMAN 82-49671  50  54  1  358  DUNGEON CELL 97 (1497)     DWES EG

GRAND CHAMPIONS                W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
-WAHOO 26-3916                27  18  1  210  HERE TO PHOENIX (1072)     CALEAM
-ROWDY YOBBO 20-3429          41  43  1  204  SPARF! (1069)              SEAM
-DON KING 47-5374             36  34  3  204  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK

GRAND CHAMPIONS                W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
-IMMOVEABLE OBJECT 59-2110    46  17  1  199  NOT QUITE (1237)           ILLIS
 SMOKE 68-5868                44  39     196  ZOMBIE SQUAD II II (1495)  FIREHOLD
-GOLDIE 29-4805               31  18  5  190  STREET WALKERS (129)       LAPUR
-GOPHER BAROQUE 2-3359        67  53     189  CREAM OF THE SLOP (589)    NIANIA
 DOMINION 98-2058             25  30  3  184  ZOMBIE SQUAD 3 (1498)      SYVYN'S HILL
-PHONELESS CORD 54-2018       42  31     183  USELESS TOOLS (735)        TROCAR
-CATFISH HUNTER 5-3315        24  26  1  182  PARTY ANIMALS (591)        KALTOS

GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS        W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
-JOE KING 47-2223             35  58  1  176  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
-RUBBER BULLET 54-2503        32  14  1  171  USELESS TOOLS (735)        TROCAR
-CUJO 11-925                  34  40  2  169  KING'S COURT (90)          ARUAK CITY
 WASTED 20-3085               23  18  3  169  WRATHMEN (799)             SEAM
 HUW AP HUW 35-3030           49 126  1  167  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA
-JACK KNIFE 47-6694           27  13  1  162  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 SURLY DECKHAND 21-6568       55  63  1  152  SEA DOGS (1446)            SUNSET

GRAND ADEPTS                   W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
-HOCKEY DUCK 39-937           38  31  1  150  DUCKS UNLIMITED (1221)     XOCHITHLAN
-PUMPING ON STEELE 82-33221   23  31     146  NO RESPECT II (1399)       DWES EG
 ASSUR 18-7821                35  88  2  144  ARROGANCE (755)            TALCAMA
-PORKY PIG 72-5953            27  15  2  137  MEAT YOUR MAKER (1439)     DRAGONHEAD
 POOP SLINGER 24-4478         21   5     137  LOOK OUT!! (1514)          ZORPUNT
 KIANA 24-3878                18  11     129  WRATHMEN (805)             ZORPUNT
 MANIPULATOR 64-3490          45  80  6  120  UNDER DURESS (741)         KURUKAR
-ACE OF BASE 47-6905          21  13     119  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 SHARK BAIT 33-7652           28  23     117  SEA DOGS (1501)            NIATOLI ISLAND
 LEO 52-3869                  20   7     102  DARQUE AGES (1438)         FRATSFA

GRAND CHALLENGER INITIATES     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 OWAIN HARLSON 35-3130        62 106  1  100  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA
 HYDROPONICUS 29-4605         23   7      99  BLUNT FORCE (1512)         LAPUR

GRAND INITIATES                W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
-GOSSAMER 98-407              13  14  4   87  PERFECTION QUEST (1204)    SYVYN'S HILL
 YUFFIE 45-4291               19   9      82  DARQUE FORCES (1425)       STORMCROWE
 DOMINIC 30-3545              23  19      81  WRATHMEN (727)             IAYE
 DOMINIC 27-3085              30  18      80  WRATHMEN (807)             POINT
-DILL WEED 7-5241             17  12      80  SUGAR AND SPICE (1231)     BONSUR
 WHAT'S A VOLKSIE? 38-4563    16   3      80  TEAM FLOYD (690)           CLIFFHOME
-DORSAL FINN 42-1662           7   4  1   74  NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC (1517) RODEKI
 HOFFA 18-9369                27  60      69  ARROGANCE (755)            TALCAMA
 BAKED CONVINCIA 98-2341      15  14  4   69  SHEWISH BANQUET (1515)     SYVYN'S HILL
-GROUND ZERO 63-2044          25  13  2   68  ARCHERS OF LOAF (835)      AMEN-TEI
 HAMMERHEAD 35-4129           31  32  2   65  SEA DOGS (1502)            MURSKA
 HOFFA 18-8478                21  91  1   64  ARROGANCE (755)            TALCAMA
 PERCY QUIN 24 82-29478       18  40      62  ATTACKO/TCLONES05 (1520)   DWES EG
 BEAULIEU 41-3057             21  15      58  WRATHMEN (818)             KATI-TEI
-CALLOUS COURTNEY 45-4622     16   3  2   53  STREET WALKERS (1507)      STORMCROWE
-NUCLEAR HARMONY 17-4599      19  11  3   52  JAZZMATAZZ (602)           ALJAFIR
 DARIUS 29-5467               16  13  1   49  OPEN HAND (1518)           LAPUR
 AMPUTATOR FROG 99-3206        9   9  4   38  BLOOD FROG 3 (1511)        SOUTH RIDGE
 PASTRAMI ELEMENTAL 96-3748   12   3  3   32  ARCANE GREATS FTF (1519)   OLD VALAMANTIS

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                   W   L  K TEAM NAME              SLAIN BY                  TURN

                               PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE

Hydroponicus -- Speaking of baked... -- Baked Convincia

Poop Slinger -- Of course I didn't hang around to make that a fight!  Who'd want to?
It's insanitary.  Unsanitary?  I didn't want to get involved. -- Owain Harlson

Porky Pig -- I was surprised.  And pleased.  Thanks for losing so spectacularly. --
Huw ap Huw

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

DARIUS was viciously subdued by PERCY QUIN 24 in a 3 minute Challenge fight.
AMPUTATOR FROG was luckily beaten by HOFFA in a exciting 3 minute Challenge melee.
SNAKE OIL SALESMAN vanquished DOMINION in a popular 3 minute mismatched Title brawl.
SMOKE subdued WASTED in a 1 minute competition.
HUW AP HUW bested KIANA in a popular 1 minute duel.
ASSUR devastated HYDROPONICUS in a crowd pleasing 1 minute mismatched match.
SURLY DECKHAND overpowered OWAIN HARLSON in a 1 minute uneven melee.
POOP SLINGER vanquished SHARK BAIT in a popular 1 minute gruesome uneven duel.
LEO lost to MANIPULATOR in a popular 1 minute fight.
BEAULIEU was overpowered by WHAT'S A VOLKSIE? in a 1 minute one-sided melee.
HAMMERHEAD was overpowered by YUFFIE in a 1 minute one-sided match.
DOMINIC viciously subdued HOFFA in a crowd pleasing 3 minute brutal conflict.
PASTRAMI ELEMENTAL was demolished by B&G BOUNCER in a 1 minute one-sided brawl.
DOMINIC viciously subdued BAKED CONVINCIA in a action packed 2 minute gory fight.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|AIMED BLOW                       8         PARRY-RIPOSTE      6 -   1 -  0      86  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   5         SLASHING ATTACK   13 -   6 -  0      68  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  3         PARRY-LUNGE        6 -   3 -  0      67  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      3         AIMED BLOW        37 -  28 -  0      57  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    3         WALL OF STEEL     19 -  19 -  0      50  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     2         LUNGING ATTACK     9 -   9 -  0      50  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  2         BASHING ATTACK    25 -  27 -  1      48  |
|LUNGING ATTACK                   1         PARRY-STRIKE       9 -  13 -  0      41  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      0         TOTAL PARRY       10 -  21 -  0      32  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    0         STRIKING ATTACK    7 -  15 -  0      32  |

Turn 582 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

SLASHING ATTACK    2 -  1     WALL OF STEEL      1 -  2         3  BASHING ATTACK 
TOTAL PARRY        2 -  1     PARRY-LUNGE        0 -  0         2  AIMED BLOW     
BASHING ATTACK     3 -  2     PARRY-RIPOSTE      0 -  0         2  TOTAL PARRY    
AIMED BLOW         4 -  4     LUNGING ATTACK     0 -  1         2  PARRY-STRIKE   
PARRY-STRIKE       1 -  1     STRIKING ATTACK    0 -  2         1  LUNGING ATTACK 
                                                                1  STRIKING ATTACK

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
TOTAL PARRY      SMOKE 68-5868              44  39  0  196 ZOMBIE SQUAD II II (1495)
PARRY-STRIKE     DOMINION 98-2058           25  30  3  184 ZOMBIE SQUAD 3 (1498)
BASHING ATTACK   WASTED 20-3085             23  18  3  169 WRATHMEN (799)
SLASHING ATTACK  POOP SLINGER 24-4478       21   5  0  137 LOOK OUT!! (1514)
AIMED BLOW       SHARK BAIT 33-7652         28  23  0  117 SEA DOGS (1501)
STRIKING ATTACK  OWAIN HARLSON 35-3130      62 106  1  100 CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)
WALL OF STEEL    DOMINIC 30-3545            23  19  0   81 WRATHMEN (727)
LUNGING ATTACK   AMPUTATOR FROG 99-3206      9   9  4   38 BLOOD FROG 3 (1511)

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
The overall popularity leader is HUW AP HUW 35-3030.  The most popular warrior this 
turn was DARIUS 29-5467.  The ten other most popular fighters were AMPUTATOR FROG 
99-3206, PERCY QUIN 24 82-29478, DOMINIC 30-3545, SNAKE OIL SALESMAN 82--15865, 
DOMINIC 27-3085, POOP SLINGER 24-4478, MANIPULATOR 64-3490, DOMINION 98-2058, HOFFA 
18-8478, and HUW AP HUW 35-3030.

The least popular fighter this week was PASTRAMI ELEMENTAL 96-3748.  The other ten 
least popular fighters were BEAULIEU 41-3057, OWAIN HARLSON 35-3130, HOFFA 18-9369, 
HAMMERHEAD 35-4129, SHARK BAIT 33-7652, WASTED 20-3085, YUFFIE 45-4291, LEO 52-3869, 
SURLY DECKHAND 21-6568, and HYDROPONICUS 29-4605.

Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  
TALCAMA(18)          2  1 0  NIATOLI ISLAND(33)   0  1 0  KURUKAR(64)          1  0 0  
SEAM(20)             0  1 0  MURSKA(35)           1  2 0  FIREHOLD(68)         1  0 0  
SUNSET(21)           1  0 0  CLIFFHOME(38)        1  0 0  DWES EG(82)          2  0 0  
ZORPUNT(24)          1  1 0  KATI-TEI(41)         0  1 0  OLD VALAMANTIS(96)   0  1 0  
POINT(27)            1  0 0  STORMCROWE(45)       1  0 0  SYVYN'S HILL(98)     0  2 0  
LAPUR(29)            0  2 0  FRATSFA(52)          0  1 0  SOUTH RIDGE(99)      0  1 0  
IAYE(30)             1  0 0  

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 ASSUR 18-7821               35  88  2  144  ARROGANCE (755)            TALCAMA
 WASTED 20-3085              23  18  3  169  WRATHMEN (799)             SEAM
 SURLY DECKHAND 21-6568      55  63  1  152  SEA DOGS (1446)            SUNSET
 POOP SLINGER 24-4478        21   5  0  137  LOOK OUT!! (1514)          ZORPUNT
 DOMINIC 27-3085             30  18  0   80  WRATHMEN (807)             POINT
 HYDROPONICUS 29-4605        23   7  0   99  BLUNT FORCE (1512)         LAPUR
 DOMINIC 30-3545             23  19  0   81  WRATHMEN (727)             IAYE
 SHARK BAIT 33-7652          28  23  0  117  SEA DOGS (1501)            NIATOLI ISLAND
 HUW AP HUW 35-3030          49 126  1  167  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA
 WHAT'S A VOLKSIE? 38-4563   16   3  0   80  TEAM FLOYD (690)           CLIFFHOME
 BEAULIEU 41-3057            21  15  0   58  WRATHMEN (818)             KATI-TEI
 YUFFIE 45-4291              19   9  0   82  DARQUE FORCES (1425)       STORMCROWE
 LEO 52-3869                 20   7  0  102  DARQUE AGES (1438)         FRATSFA
 MANIPULATOR 64-3490         45  80  6  120  UNDER DURESS (741)         KURUKAR
 SMOKE 68-5868               44  39  0  196  ZOMBIE SQUAD II II (1495)  FIREHOLD
 SNAKE OIL SALESM 82--15865  50  54  1  358  DUNGEON CELL 97 (1497)     DWES EG
 PASTRAMI ELEMENTAL 96-3748  12   3  3   32  ARCANE GREATS FTF (1519)   OLD VALAMANTIS
 DOMINION 98-2058            25  30  3  184  ZOMBIE SQUAD 3 (1498)      SYVYN'S HILL
 AMPUTATOR FROG 99-3206       9   9  4   38  BLOOD FROG 3 (1511)        SOUTH RIDGE