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Date   : 07/04/2012    Duedate: 07/17/2012

HOME GUARD ARENA

DM 101    TURN 588

RANK TEAMS                 W    L   K    %  RANK TEAMS                 W    L   K    % 
  1 TEAM FLOYD 38/690    223  129   2 63.4    5 SPARF! 20/1069      1195 1005  17 54.3
    LOOK OUT!! 24/1514                          NOT QUITE 59/1237
    BLUNT FORCE 29/1512                         ROYAL FLUSH 47/146
    ARCANE GREATS FTF 96/1519                   PARTY ANIMALS 5/591
  2 CREAM OF THE  2/589   75   48   0 61.0      USELESS TOOLS 54/735
  3 SEA DOGS 21/1446     682  454   5 60.0      DUCKS UNLIMITED 39/1221
    SEA DOGS 33/1501                            HERE TO PHOENIX 26/1072
    SEA DOGS 35/1502                            MEAT YOUR MAKER 72/1439
    DUNGEON CELL 42/1470                      6 INQUISITION  2/1523   73   96   1 43.2
    SHEWISH BUFFET 65/1528                      ATTACKO/TCLONES05 82/1520
    SHEWISH BANQUET 98/1515                     LORDS OF DARKNESS 15/1318
  4 WRATHMEN 20/799       44   36   2 55.0      INQUISITION CLONES 38/1525
    WRATHMEN 24/805                           7 ARROGANCE 18/755     507  764  11 39.9
    WRATHMEN 27/807                           8 SAND DANCERS 78/775  761 1276   9 37.4
    WRATHMEN 30/727                             CHILDREN OF LLYR 35/1415
    WRATHMEN 36/923                           9 BLOOD FROG  99/1511    5   16   0 23.8
    WRATHMEN 41/818                             BLOOD FROGS 2 98/1510
    WRATHMEN II 71/845                       10-MINIONS OF  21/1522    0    2   0  0.0
    WRATHMEN VII 71/846                      11 PUBLIC ENEM 50/1530    0    1   0  0.0

                             REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER

     It is I, Novgorodny Vir, Spymaster of Spymasters.  Look on my work, ye mighty, 
and despair!  Practice pays for IMMOVEABLE OBJECT, who pummelled WASTED, to pocket 59 
points.  Win some, lose some.  Speaking of which, HEARTBREAK was winsome, after 
beating RUBBER BULLET and seeing him lose 24 points.  Those who hoped for a new 
Duelmaster were disappointed by GOPHER BAROQUE, of CREAM OF THE SLOP, who despite a 
67-54-0 couldn't overcome HOME GUARD's Number 1.  So who's the team that's been 
walking into taverns last week and ordering milk?  Sounds like a PR stunt to me.   
     A Zenmaster once told me, 'Does not the spinning wheel turn?  And do not the 
little birds cry out?'  Any ideas?  SHARK BAIT found himself challenged by a warrior 
25 below:  POOP SLINGER.  POOP SLINGER of LOOK OUT!! kept its wits as it subdued 
SHARK BAIT.   
     The moving sword slashes, and having slashed, moves on...  Oh hard!  that to 
strike a flame, the match itself must needs be wasting!   
     All good things must come to an end.  As the seasons change, and the creatures 
of the wild change also, so do I feel a yearning to leave this place.  Do not 
despair!  I shall return!-- Novgorodny Vir  

CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD           W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 ROWDY YOBBO 20-3429          46  43  1  242  SPARF! (1069)              SEAM

GRAND CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 CATFISH HUNTER 5-3315        28  26  1  211  PARTY ANIMALS (591)        KALTOS

GRAND CHAMPIONS                W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 WAHOO 26-3916                31  19  1  210  HERE TO PHOENIX (1072)     CALEAM
 POOP SLINGER 24-4478         27   5     199  LOOK OUT!! (1514)          ZORPUNT
 JACK KNIFE 47-6694           30  15  1  198  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 PHONELESS CORD 54-2018       46  32     194  USELESS TOOLS (735)        TROCAR
 GOPHER BAROQUE 2-3359        67  54     189  CREAM OF THE SLOP (589)    NIANIA
 LAZY LOOKOUT 42-4504         40  34  1  184  DUNGEON CELL (1470)        RODEKI

GRAND CHAMPIONS                W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 EM 15-3737                   35  53     183  LORDS OF DARKNESS (1318)   MALCORN

GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS        W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 IMMOVEABLE OBJECT 59-2110    47  21  2  180  NOT QUITE (1237)           ILLIS
 SHARK BAIT 33-7652           31  26     180  SEA DOGS (1501)            NIATOLI ISLAND
 HUW AP HUW 35-3030           51 130  2  177  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA
 ACE OF BASE 47-6905          26  13     175  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 KIANA 24-3878                21  14     172  WRATHMEN (805)             ZORPUNT
 DON KING 47-5374             39  36  3  170  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 ASSUR 18-7821                37  92  2  165  ARROGANCE (755)            TALCAMA
 LEE LEE LO LEE 38-4653       31  12  2  164  INQUISITION CLONES (1525)  CLIFFHOME
 HEARTBREAK 36-4612           21   5  3  162  WRATHMEN (923)             JHANS
 HYDROPONICUS 29-4605         26  10     160  BLUNT FORCE (1512)         LAPUR
 SYSTEM OF A DOWN 38-4451     28  14  1  154  TEAM FLOYD (690)           CLIFFHOME
 SURLY DECKHAND 21-6568       56  68  1  151  SEA DOGS (1446)            SUNSET
 KOLACTAN KABOB 65-7072       24   3  3  151  SHEWISH BUFFET (1528)      DAL SHANG

GRAND ADEPTS                   W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 HOCKEY DUCK 39-937           40  34  1  150  DUCKS UNLIMITED (1221)     XOCHITHLAN
 WASTED 20-3085               23  20  3  149  WRATHMEN (799)             SEAM
 PORKY PIG 72-5953            29  18  2  144  MEAT YOUR MAKER (1439)     DRAGONHEAD
 RUBBER BULLET 54-2503        34  17  1  143  USELESS TOOLS (735)        TROCAR
 SCROD BOY 38-4675            25  30  1  127  INQUISITION CLONES (1525)  CLIFFHOME
 DOMINIC 27-3085              33  20     116  WRATHMEN (807)             POINT
 BEAULIEU 41-3057             26  16     108  WRATHMEN (818)             KATI-TEI
 BAKED CONVINCIA 98-2341      19  16  4  104  SHEWISH BANQUET (1515)     SYVYN'S HILL
 DOMINIC 30-3545              27  21     102  WRATHMEN (727)             IAYE

GRAND CHALLENGER INITIATES     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 FRANCOIS 71-2966             16   7      98  WRATHMEN VII (846)         KYR'TERR
 PERCY QUIN 24 82-29478       21  42      97  ATTACKO/TCLONES05 (1520)   DWES EG

GRAND INITIATES                W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
-YANKEE DOODLE 73-3605        22  20  1   87  WORLDWIDE GORE (913)       ERINIKA
 SHOCKING 2-5352              19  16      85  INQUISITION SL5 (1523)     NIANIA
-RED HOT CHILE PAPA 73-3358   23  14  1   84  WORLDWIDE GORE (913)       ERINIKA
 RED ALERT 50-139             24  17      81  PUBLIC ENEMY (1530)        SNOWBOUND
 PASTRAMI ELEMENTAL 96-3748   14   7  3   81  ARCANE GREATS FTF (1519)   OLD VALAMANTIS
 OWAIN HARLSON 35-3130        64 110  1   79  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA
 HAMMERHEAD 35-4129           35  34  2   78  SEA DOGS (1502)            MURSKA
 BWIN EVOC 71-1965            20  17  1   72  WRATHMEN II (845)          KYR'TERR
 AMPUTATOR FROG 99-3206       13  11  4   70  BLOOD FROG 3 (1511)        SOUTH RIDGE
 KURTAL DUCK 78-2861          24  29  1   66  SAND DANCERS (775)         LIN TIRIAN
 STICKY FINGERS 42-4523       21   5  1   65  DUNGEON CELL (1470)        RODEKI
-CROSS CZECH 73-4008          16  14  3   65  WORLDWIDE GORE (913)       ERINIKA
 WHAT'S A VOLKSIE? 38-4563    18   7      61  TEAM FLOYD (690)           CLIFFHOME
-MONGOL HORDE 73-4001         16   8  4   60  WORLDWIDE GORE (913)       ERINIKA
 HOFFA 18-9369                27  66      58  ARROGANCE (755)            TALCAMA
-APPLE DANISH 73-5247         18   3  1   58  WORLDWIDE GORE (913)       ERINIKA
-JOSIE WALES 45-4620          18   1  2   57  STREET WALKERS (1507)      STORMCROWE
 HOFFA 18-8478                22  96  1   53  ARROGANCE (755)            TALCAMA
-ARIOCH 21-7423               17  10  1   51  MINIONS OF CHAOS (1522)    SUNSET
 RABID TOAD 98-2767            9   7  4   51  BLOOD FROGS 2 (1510)       SYVYN'S HILL

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                   W   L  K TEAM NAME              SLAIN BY                  TURN
WASTED 20-3085            23  20  3 WRATHMEN 799           IMMOVEABLE OBJECT 59-2110 588

                               PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE

     I was planning to do a proper spy report, but a spark from a firework caught me

     on fire and caused a delay.  Ah, the dog ate my homework?  Anyway, the
     Commission would prefer that I get the newsletter to the printer right away, and
     I can't write that fast.  So... next time, okay? -- Olaf

Hammerhead -- Thanks for letting me begin my ADM career with a win. -- Francois

Hockey Duck -- Thanks for the recognition boost... I guess. -- Kiana

Wahoo -- You are a little too cheerful for me. -- Wasted

Phoneless Cord -- Three skills and a rating!  Feel free to call on me anytime. --
Heartbreak.

Don King -- Ever thought of sporting a mohawk?  Think about it. -- Dominic

Kolactan Kabob -- That left me looking for my Tums. -- Dominic

Sticky Fingers -- You haven't seen my wallet, have you?  It seems to be missing. --
Bwin Evoc

Kurtal Duck -- Learns and a win?  That's different. -- Beaulieu

Dominic -- I don't have any skills to spare. -- Owain Harlson

Beaulieu -- A win would be good, but the skills will do, for now.  Just remember, I
have the honor of the Ducks to uphold and must advance as rapidly as possible. --
Kurtal Duck

Pastrami Elemental -- Yep, the mustard, but also the garlic.  And maybe having 172
fights to your 19.  Nah... it can't be that.  I'm just great.  And my winning streak
is in good shape here today! -- Owain Harlson

Hydroponicus -- Ah, that was a good one.  Entertained the crowd, amazing some of the
things they throw onto the sands, isn't it?  Plus I won.  And Olaf is right (amazing
in itself), another couple of years of nothing but wins, and I'll have a winning
record!  And get thrown out of Homeguard, but that's the way it goes, I guess. -- Huw
ap Huw

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

POOP SLINGER devastated SHARK BAIT in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge fight.
ROWDY YOBBO viciously subdued GOPHER BAROQUE in a action packed 3 minute Title battle.
WAHOO overpowered LEE LEE LO LEE in a crowd pleasing 1 minute mismatched duel.
HUW AP HUW was overpowered by PHONELESS CORD in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
CATFISH HUNTER devastated KIANA in a popular 1 minute uneven brawl.
JACK KNIFE devastated SHARON SHEW in a crowd pleasing 1 minute gory mismatched match.
WASTED was unbelievably slain by IMMOVEABLE OBJECT in a action packed 3 minute melee.
DON KING vanquished SCROD BOY in a action packed 2 minute uneven fight.
ACE OF BASE overpowered SURLY DECKHAND in a action packed 2 minute one-sided fight.
LAZY LOOKOUT overpowered ASSUR in a crowd pleasing 1 minute one-sided match.
RUBBER BULLET was viciously subdued by HEARTBREAK in a exciting 2 minute contest.
EM bested SYSTEM OF A DOWN in a crowd pleasing 2 minute bout.
HOCKEY DUCK was overcome by HYDROPONICUS in a action packed 4 minute gory fight.
PORKY PIG devastated THEATRE BUM in a exciting 1 minute bloody uneven duel.
DOMINIC was devastated by KOLACTAN KABOB in a 1 minute one-sided brawl.
PERCY QUIN 24 savagely defeated HOFFA in a exciting 6 minute brutal match.
OWAIN HARLSON was overpowered by FRANCOIS in a 1 minute mismatched fight.
DOMINIC bested RABID TOAD in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
BEAULIEU vanquished STICKY FINGERS in a 1 minute one-sided match.
BAKED CONVINCIA overcame RED ALERT in a action packed 2 minute duel.
WHAT'S A VOLKSIE? was unbelievably bested by HAMMERHEAD in a exciting 1 minute bout.
BWIN EVOC was defeated by PASTRAMI ELEMENTAL in a action packed 3 minute fight.
KURTAL DUCK was overpowered by SHOCKING in a 1 minute uneven fight.
AMPUTATOR FROG savagely defeated HOFFA in a exciting 3 minute gruesome bout.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|AIMED BLOW                      12         SLASHING ATTACK   28 -  11 -  0      72  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   7         WALL OF STEEL     29 -  16 -  0      64  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  7         LUNGING ATTACK    16 -  10 -  0      62  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    5         PARRY-RIPOSTE      4 -   4 -  0      50  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  4         PARRY-LUNGE        4 -   4 -  0      50  |
|LUNGING ATTACK                   3         AIMED BLOW        46 -  50 -  1      48  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     3         BASHING ATTACK    29 -  33 -  1      47  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      3         PARRY-STRIKE      10 -  14 -  1      42  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      1         TOTAL PARRY        8 -  18 -  0      31  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    1         STRIKING ATTACK    8 -  21 -  0      28  |

Turn 588 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

PARRY-LUNGE        1 -  0     SLASHING ATTACK    3 -  4         4  AIMED BLOW     
LUNGING ATTACK     3 -  0     PARRY-STRIKE       1 -  2         1  LUNGING ATTACK 
WALL OF STEEL      4 -  1     STRIKING ATTACK    1 -  3         1  PARRY-STRIKE   
AIMED BLOW         7 -  5     PARRY-RIPOSTE      0 -  1         1  BASHING ATTACK 
BASHING ATTACK     4 -  3     TOTAL PARRY        0 -  3         1  SLASHING ATTACK
                                                                1  WALL OF STEEL  
                                                                1  TOTAL PARRY    
                                                                1  PARRY-LUNGE    

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
LUNGING ATTACK   ROWDY YOBBO 20-3429        46  43  1  242 SPARF! (1069)
PARRY-STRIKE     CATFISH HUNTER 5-3315      28  26  1  211 PARTY ANIMALS (591)
BASHING ATTACK   WAHOO 26-3916              31  19  1  210 HERE TO PHOENIX (1072)
SLASHING ATTACK  POOP SLINGER 24-4478       27   5  0  199 LOOK OUT!! (1514)
WALL OF STEEL    JACK KNIFE 47-6694         30  15  1  198 ROYAL FLUSH (146)
AIMED BLOW       PHONELESS CORD 54-2018     46  32  0  194 USELESS TOOLS (735)
TOTAL PARRY      GOPHER BAROQUE 2-3359      67  54  0  189 CREAM OF THE SLOP (589)
PARRY-LUNGE      LAZY LOOKOUT 42-4504       40  34  1  184 DUNGEON CELL (1470)
STRIKING ATTACK  DON KING 47-5374           39  36  3  170 ROYAL FLUSH (146)
PARRY-RIPOSTE    HOCKEY DUCK 39-937         40  34  1  150 DUCKS UNLIMITED (1221)

The overall popularity leader is HUW AP HUW 35-3030.  The most popular warrior this 
turn was PERCY QUIN 24 82-29478.  The ten other most popular fighters were WASTED 
20-3085, ROWDY YOBBO 20-3429, ACE OF BASE 47-6905, AMPUTATOR FROG 99-3206, 
HYDROPONICUS 29-4605, BAKED CONVINCIA 98-2341, RED ALERT 50-139, DON KING 47-5374, 
HEARTBREAK 36-4612, and EM 15-3737.

The least popular fighter this week was KURTAL DUCK 78-2861.  The other ten least 
popular fighters were STICKY FINGERS 42-4523, HUW AP HUW 35-3030, SHARK BAIT 33-7652, 
HOFFA 18-9369, RABID TOAD 98-2767, OWAIN HARLSON 35-3130, DOMINIC 27-3085, RUBBER 
BULLET 54-2503, ASSUR 18-7821, and LEE LEE LO LEE 38-4653.

Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  
NIANIA(2)            1  1 0  IAYE(30)             1  0 0  TROCAR(54)           1  1 0  
KALTOS(5)            1  0 0  NIATOLI ISLAND(33)   0  1 0  ILLIS(59)            1  0 1  
MALCORN(15)          1  0 0  MURSKA(35)           1  2 0  DAL SHANG(65)        1  0 0  
TALCAMA(18)          0  3 0  JHANS(36)            1  0 0  KYR'TERR(71)         1  1 0  
SEAM(20)             1  1 0  CLIFFHOME(38)        0  4 0  DRAGONHEAD(72)       1  0 0  
SUNSET(21)           0  1 0  XOCHITHLAN(39)       0  1 0  LIN TIRIAN(78)       0  1 0  
ZORPUNT(24)          1  1 0  KATI-TEI(41)         1  0 0  DWES EG(82)          1  0 0  
CALEAM(26)           1  0 0  RODEKI(42)           1  1 0  OLD VALAMANTIS(96)   1  0 0  
POINT(27)            0  1 0  NORTH FORK(47)       3  0 0  SYVYN'S HILL(98)     1  1 0  
LAPUR(29)            1  0 0  SNOWBOUND(50)        0  1 0  SOUTH RIDGE(99)      1  0 0  

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 GOPHER BAROQUE 2-3359       67  54  0  189  CREAM OF THE SLOP (589)    NIANIA
 CATFISH HUNTER 5-3315       28  26  1  211  PARTY ANIMALS (591)        KALTOS
 EM 15-3737                  35  53  0  183  LORDS OF DARKNESS (1318)   MALCORN
 ASSUR 18-7821               37  92  2  165  ARROGANCE (755)            TALCAMA
 ROWDY YOBBO 20-3429         46  43  1  242  SPARF! (1069)              SEAM
 SURLY DECKHAND 21-6568      56  68  1  151  SEA DOGS (1446)            SUNSET
 POOP SLINGER 24-4478        27   5  0  199  LOOK OUT!! (1514)          ZORPUNT
 WAHOO 26-3916               31  19  1  210  HERE TO PHOENIX (1072)     CALEAM
 DOMINIC 27-3085             33  20  0  116  WRATHMEN (807)             POINT
 HYDROPONICUS 29-4605        26  10  0  160  BLUNT FORCE (1512)         LAPUR
 DOMINIC 30-3545             27  21  0  102  WRATHMEN (727)             IAYE
 SHARK BAIT 33-7652          31  26  0  180  SEA DOGS (1501)            NIATOLI ISLAND
 HUW AP HUW 35-3030          51 130  2  177  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA
 HEARTBREAK 36-4612          21   5  3  162  WRATHMEN (923)             JHANS
 LEE LEE LO LEE 38-4653      31  12  2  164  INQUISITION CLONES (1525)  CLIFFHOME
 HOCKEY DUCK 39-937          40  34  1  150  DUCKS UNLIMITED (1221)     XOCHITHLAN
 BEAULIEU 41-3057            26  16  0  108  WRATHMEN (818)             KATI-TEI
 LAZY LOOKOUT 42-4504        40  34  1  184  DUNGEON CELL (1470)        RODEKI
 JACK KNIFE 47-6694          30  15  1  198  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 RED ALERT 50-139            24  17  0   81  PUBLIC ENEMY (1530)        SNOWBOUND
 PHONELESS CORD 54-2018      46  32  0  194  USELESS TOOLS (735)        TROCAR
 IMMOVEABLE OBJECT 59-2110   47  21  2  180  NOT QUITE (1237)           ILLIS
 KOLACTAN KABOB 65-7072      24   3  3  151  SHEWISH BUFFET (1528)      DAL SHANG
 FRANCOIS 71-2966            16   7  0   98  WRATHMEN VII (846)         KYR'TERR
 PORKY PIG 72-5953           29  18  2  144  MEAT YOUR MAKER (1439)     DRAGONHEAD
 KURTAL DUCK 78-2861         24  29  1   66  SAND DANCERS (775)         LIN TIRIAN
 PERCY QUIN 24 82-29478      21  42  0   97  ATTACKO/TCLONES05 (1520)   DWES EG
 PASTRAMI ELEMENTAL 96-3748  14   7  3   81  ARCANE GREATS FTF (1519)   OLD VALAMANTIS
 BAKED CONVINCIA 98-2341     19  16  4  104  SHEWISH BANQUET (1515)     SYVYN'S HILL
 AMPUTATOR FROG 99-3206      13  11  4   70  BLOOD FROG 3 (1511)        SOUTH RIDGE