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Date   : 09/26/2012    Duedate: 10/09/2012

HOME GUARD ARENA

DM 101    TURN 594

RANK TEAMS                 W    L   K    %  RANK TEAMS                 W    L   K    % 
  1 TEAM FLOYD 38/690    240  142   2 62.8    5 GLADIATOR 99/1533     82   75   1 52.2
    LOOK OUT!! 24/1514                          PHONOPHONIC 98/1531
    BLUNT FORCE 29/1512                         PANSY DIVISION 51/1149
    ARCANE GREATS FTF 96/1519                 6-WRATHMEN 24/805       50   49   2 50.5
  2-CREAM OF THE  2/589   75   49   0 60.5      WRATHMEN 30/727
  3 SEA DOGS 21/1446     704  472   5 59.9      WRATHMEN 41/818
    SEA DOGS 33/1501                            WRATHMEN II 71/845
    SEA DOGS 35/1502                            WRATHMEN VII 71/846
    DUNGEON CELL 42/1470                      7 BLOOD GANG 99/1532     2    2   0 50.0
    SHEWISH BUFFET 65/1528                    8 LAME ALLIAN 74/1294   85  101   2 45.7
    SHEWISH BUFFET 78/1537                      ATTACKO/TCLONES05 82/1520
    SHEWISH BANQUET 98/1515                     LORDS OF DARKNESS 15/1318
  4-SPARF! 20/1069      1220 1022  17 54.4      INQUISITION CLONES 38/1525
    NOT QUITE 59/1237                         9 ARROGANCE 18/755     513  776  11 39.8
    ROYAL FLUSH 47/146                       10 SAND DANCERS 78/775  768 1287   9 37.4
    PARTY ANIMALS 5/591                         CHILDREN OF LLYR 35/1415
    USELESS TOOLS 54/735                     11 TREKKERS 29/1534      31   61   3 33.7
    WORLDWIDE GORE 73/913                       THE WALKING DEAD 32/1538
    DUCKS UNLIMITED 39/1221                  12 PUBLIC ENEM 50/1530    4    9   0 30.8
    HERE TO PHOENIX 26/1072                  13 BLOOD FROG  99/1511    8   19   0 29.6
    MEAT YOUR MAKER 72/1439

                             REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER

     Thankyouthankyou.  It's great for me, The Unknown Spymaster to be back in HOME 
GUARD.  Hope you enjoy the show.  Oh, who am I kidding?  I already got paid!  Hey 
everybody, watch out for KURTAL DUCK, who flew up 45 points in the rankings after 
mashing RED ALERT like a melon.  Keep your eye on this guy.  Ya know, some days it 
doesn't pay to walk out on the sands.  RED ALERT lost to KURTAL DUCK and drops 39 
points.  Going for the gusto and coming up with aught but bloody knuckles was SHEWISH 
BUFFET's KOLACTAN KABOB, who was turned away from the Duelmastership by POOP SLINGER. 
4 out of 5 gladiators surveyed protect the body, so try and avoid aiming at that 
location.   
     Here is other news that is of note.   
     Death is kind of like a new puppy:  he's always around wanting to play.  (Ha 
Zontani, how's that for a wise saying?).  Remember:  alliances are great, but try and 
take your ally in the arena with you and see what happens.   
     I think I had better cut this one short.  It's been nice chatting to those of 
you whom I have not offended yet.  Okay, so I may not be the world's best comedian, 
but then you guys aren't the world's best warriors.  Its been fun, and I'm sure you 
enjoyed it (boos).  Now that I've got you worked up for Snide Clemens, I'll be 
leaving-- The Unknown Spymaster  

CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD           W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 POOP SLINGER 24-4478         32   6     254  LOOK OUT!! (1514)          ZORPUNT

GRAND CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
-JACK KNIFE 47-6694           32  16  1  217  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 EM 15-3737                   39  55  1  215  LORDS OF DARKNESS (1318)   MALCORN

GRAND CHAMPIONS                W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 HUW AP HUW 35-3030           53 134  2  209  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA
-ROWDY YOBBO 20-3429          48  44  1  209  SPARF! (1069)              SEAM

GRAND CHAMPIONS                W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
-DON KING 47-5374             42  36  3  206  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
-CATFISH HUNTER 5-3315        30  27  1  204  PARTY ANIMALS (591)        KALTOS
 KOLACTAN KABOB 65-7072       28   5  3  200  SHEWISH BUFFET (1528)      DAL SHANG
-WAHOO 26-3916                33  20  1  196  HERE TO PHOENIX (1072)     CALEAM
-IMMOVEABLE OBJECT 59-2110    49  22  2  195  NOT QUITE (1237)           ILLIS
 ASSUR 18-7821                39  96  2  195  ARROGANCE (755)            TALCAMA
-KIANA 24-3878                23  16     194  WRATHMEN (805)             ZORPUNT
-GOPHER BAROQUE 2-3359        67  55     193  CREAM OF THE SLOP (589)    NIANIA
-PHONELESS CORD 54-2018       47  34     191  USELESS TOOLS (735)        TROCAR
 HYDROPONICUS 29-4605         29  13     188  BLUNT FORCE (1512)         LAPUR

GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS        W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 LEE LEE LO LEE 38-4653       32  14  2  176  INQUISITION CLONES (1525)  CLIFFHOME
 LAZY LOOKOUT 42-4504         42  38  1  170  DUNGEON CELL (1470)        RODEKI
-RUBBER BULLET 54-2503        36  18  1  170  USELESS TOOLS (735)        TROCAR
-HOCKEY DUCK 39-937           42  35  1  169  DUCKS UNLIMITED (1221)     XOCHITHLAN
-ACE OF BASE 47-6905          26  16     167  ROYAL FLUSH (146)          NORTH FORK
 SURLY DECKHAND 21-6568       60  70  1  163  SEA DOGS (1446)            SUNSET
 FONZ 74-3332                 21   7  1  161  LAME ALLIANCES (1294)      DAYLA KIV
-SCROD BOY 38-4675            27  30  1  156  INQUISITION CLONES (1525)  CLIFFHOME
-PORKY PIG 72-5953            30  20  2  155  MEAT YOUR MAKER (1439)     DRAGONHEAD

GRAND ADEPTS                   W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 SHARK BAIT 33-7652           33  30     141  SEA DOGS (1501)            NIATOLI ISLAND
 BAKED CONVINCIA 98-2341      23  18  4  139  SHEWISH BANQUET (1515)     SYVYN'S HILL
-BEAULIEU 41-3057             27  19     137  WRATHMEN (818)             KATI-TEI
 SYSTEM OF A DOWN 38-4451     31  17  1  135  TEAM FLOYD (690)           CLIFFHOME
-DOMINIC 30-3545              28  24     134  WRATHMEN (727)             IAYE
 SULU 29-5705                 25  15     119  TREKKERS (1534)            LAPUR
 AMPUTATOR FROG 99-3206       16  14  4  114  BLOOD FROG 3 (1511)        SOUTH RIDGE
-CROSS CZECH 73-4008          19  14  3  109  WORLDWIDE GORE (913)       ERINIKA
 PERCY QUIN 24 82-29478       23  43     107  ATTACKO/TCLONES05 (1520)   DWES EG
 RALTUMAN OMELET 78-2857      17   2  2  102  SHEWISH BUFFET (1537)      LIN TIRIAN
-FRANCOIS 71-2966             17   8     101  WRATHMEN VII (846)         KYR'TERR

GRAND CHALLENGER INITIATES     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 OWAIN HARLSON 35-3130        68 112  1   95  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA

GRAND INITIATES                W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 HOFFA 18-9369                30  69      89  ARROGANCE (755)            TALCAMA
-RED HOT CHILE PAPA 73-3358   24  16  1   88  WORLDWIDE GORE (913)       ERINIKA
 WHAT'S A VOLKSIE? 38-4563    22   9      84  TEAM FLOYD (690)           CLIFFHOME
-MONGOL HORDE 73-4001         18   9  4   80  WORLDWIDE GORE (913)       ERINIKA
 KURTAL DUCK 78-2861          25  34  1   77  SAND DANCERS (775)         LIN TIRIAN
 PASTRAMI ELEMENTAL 96-3748   16  11  3   77  ARCANE GREATS FTF (1519)   OLD VALAMANTIS
-BWIN EVOC 71-1965            21  18  1   75  WRATHMEN II (845)          KYR'TERR
 RUPTURE 99-3463              10   4  4   71  BLOOD GANG (1532)          SOUTH RIDGE
 MANNY LEHMAN 51-5074         19  15  1   69  PANSY DIVISION (1149)      TRICORUS
-PRADUS 99-3707                9   5  4   67  GLADIATOR (1533)           SOUTH RIDGE
-GIZMO 47-6941                16  13  1   62  DARQUE FORCES (1410)       NORTH FORK
 HOFFA 18-8478                23 101  1   57  ARROGANCE (755)            TALCAMA
 HAMMERHEAD 35-4129           37  38  2   56  SEA DOGS (1502)            MURSKA
 ROTTING ROLAND 32-5437       18   5      55  THE WALKING DEAD (1538)    ARVAT
 RED ALERT 50-139             28  19      50  PUBLIC ENEMY (1530)        SNOWBOUND
-BLACKBERRY 98-3339            8   5  5   48  PHONOPHONIC (1531)         SYVYN'S HILL
 THRESHPACK 50-138            26  20      45  PUBLIC ENEMY (1530)        SNOWBOUND
 CAPTAIN KIRK 29-5754         16   9  1   45  TREKKERS (1534)            LAPUR

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                   W   L  K TEAM NAME              SLAIN BY                  TURN

                               PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE

This personal contains no information.  You need not read it.  It exists only to
convince hal that the critical parts of the newsletter are present and ready to
print.

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

RUPTURE was unbelievably bested by HOFFA in a 11 minute Challenge fight.
POOP SLINGER viciously subdued KOLACTAN KABOB in a 1 minute Title battle.
EM defeated ASSUR in a 2 minute duel.
HUW AP HUW slimly won victory over HYDROPONICUS in a popular 9 minute gory contest.
SURLY DECKHAND demolished PERCY QUIN 24 in a 2 minute mismatched competition.
LAZY LOOKOUT devastated SULU in a crowd pleasing 3 minute gory mismatched match.
LEE LEE LO LEE handily defeated SYSTEM OF A DOWN in a 1 minute uneven melee.
SHARK BAIT was vanquished by FONZ in a action packed 1 minute uneven fight.
AMPUTATOR FROG was defeated by BAKED CONVINCIA in a exciting 3 minute fight.
RALTUMAN OMELET handily defeated THRESHPACK in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
KURTAL DUCK demolished RED ALERT in a crowd pleasing 1 minute bloody mismatched match.
PASTRAMI ELEMENTAL demolished HAMMERHEAD in a popular 3 minute mismatched match.
MANNY LEHMAN handily defeated CAPTAIN KIRK in a 1 minute uneven fight.
HOFFA was savagely defeated by WHAT'S A VOLKSIE? in a action packed 2 minute struggle.
OWAIN HARLSON overpowered ROTTING ROLAND in a 1 minute mismatched brawl.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|AIMED BLOW                       9         LUNGING ATTACK    20 -  10 -  0      67  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  5         SLASHING ATTACK   33 -  20 -  0      62  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  3         PARRY-STRIKE      13 -  10 -  1      57  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      3         AIMED BLOW        50 -  49 -  2      51  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   3         WALL OF STEEL     23 -  23 -  0      50  |
|LUNGING ATTACK                   3         STRIKING ATTACK   19 -  22 -  0      46  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      2         PARRY-RIPOSTE      3 -   4 -  0      43  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     1         BASHING ATTACK    22 -  30 -  0      42  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    1         PARRY-LUNGE        6 -  15 -  0      29  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    0         TOTAL PARRY        4 -  18 -  0      18  |

Turn 594 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

PARRY-STRIKE       1 -  0     AIMED BLOW         4 -  5         2  AIMED BLOW     
WALL OF STEEL      1 -  0     PARRY-LUNGE        1 -  2         2  PARRY-STRIKE   
STRIKING ATTACK    4 -  1     BASHING ATTACK     1 -  2         2  LUNGING ATTACK 
SLASHING ATTACK    2 -  1     PARRY-RIPOSTE      0 -  0         2  BASHING ATTACK 
TOTAL PARRY        1 -  1     LUNGING ATTACK     0 -  3         1  SLASHING ATTACK
                                                                1  WALL OF STEEL  
                                                                1  STRIKING ATTACK

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
SLASHING ATTACK  POOP SLINGER 24-4478       32   6  0  254 LOOK OUT!! (1514)
AIMED BLOW       EM 15-3737                 39  55  1  215 LORDS OF DARKNESS (1318)
PARRY-STRIKE     HUW AP HUW 35-3030         53 134  2  209 CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)
LUNGING ATTACK   KOLACTAN KABOB 65-7072     28   5  3  200 SHEWISH BUFFET (1528)
BASHING ATTACK   ASSUR 18-7821              39  96  2  195 ARROGANCE (755)
STRIKING ATTACK  LEE LEE LO LEE 38-4653     32  14  2  176 INQUISITION CLONES (1525)
PARRY-LUNGE      LAZY LOOKOUT 42-4504       42  38  1  170 DUNGEON CELL (1470)
WALL OF STEEL    BAKED CONVINCIA 98-2341    23  18  4  139 SHEWISH BANQUET (1515)
TOTAL PARRY      HOFFA 18-9369              30  69  0   89 ARROGANCE (755)

The overall popularity leader is HUW AP HUW 35-3030.  The most popular warrior this 
turn was HUW AP HUW 35-3030.  The ten other most popular fighters were RUPTURE 
99-3463, HYDROPONICUS 29-4605, AMPUTATOR FROG 99-3206, LAZY LOOKOUT 42-4504, PASTRAMI 
ELEMENTAL 96-3748, SURLY DECKHAND 21-6568, WHAT'S A VOLKSIE? 38-4563, ASSUR 18-7821, 
BAKED CONVINCIA 98-2341, and HAMMERHEAD 35-4129.

The least popular fighter this week was ROTTING ROLAND 32-5437.  The other ten least 
popular fighters were CAPTAIN KIRK 29-5754, RED ALERT 50-139, THRESHPACK 50-138, 
SHARK BAIT 33-7652, HOFFA 18-9369, HOFFA 18-8478, SYSTEM OF A DOWN 38-4451, OWAIN 
HARLSON 35-3130, SULU 29-5705, and KOLACTAN KABOB 65-7072.

Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  
MALCORN(15)          1  0 0  MURSKA(35)           2  1 0  DAYLA KIV(74)        1  0 0  
TALCAMA(18)          1  2 0  CLIFFHOME(38)        2  1 0  LIN TIRIAN(78)       2  0 0  
SUNSET(21)           1  0 0  RODEKI(42)           1  0 0  DWES EG(82)          0  1 0  
ZORPUNT(24)          1  0 0  SNOWBOUND(50)        0  2 0  OLD VALAMANTIS(96)   1  0 0  
LAPUR(29)            0  3 0  TRICORUS(51)         1  0 0  SYVYN'S HILL(98)     1  0 0  
ARVAT(32)            0  1 0  DAL SHANG(65)        0  1 0  SOUTH RIDGE(99)      0  2 0  
NIATOLI ISLAND(33)   0  1 0  

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 EM 15-3737                  39  55  1  215  LORDS OF DARKNESS (1318)   MALCORN
 ASSUR 18-7821               39  96  2  195  ARROGANCE (755)            TALCAMA
 SURLY DECKHAND 21-6568      60  70  1  163  SEA DOGS (1446)            SUNSET
 POOP SLINGER 24-4478        32   6  0  254  LOOK OUT!! (1514)          ZORPUNT
 HYDROPONICUS 29-4605        29  13  0  188  BLUNT FORCE (1512)         LAPUR
 ROTTING ROLAND 32-5437      18   5  0   55  THE WALKING DEAD (1538)    ARVAT
 SHARK BAIT 33-7652          33  30  0  141  SEA DOGS (1501)            NIATOLI ISLAND
 HUW AP HUW 35-3030          53 134  2  209  CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)    MURSKA
 LEE LEE LO LEE 38-4653      32  14  2  176  INQUISITION CLONES (1525)  CLIFFHOME
 LAZY LOOKOUT 42-4504        42  38  1  170  DUNGEON CELL (1470)        RODEKI
 RED ALERT 50-139            28  19  0   50  PUBLIC ENEMY (1530)        SNOWBOUND
 MANNY LEHMAN 51-5074        19  15  1   69  PANSY DIVISION (1149)      TRICORUS
 KOLACTAN KABOB 65-7072      28   5  3  200  SHEWISH BUFFET (1528)      DAL SHANG
 FONZ 74-3332                21   7  1  161  LAME ALLIANCES (1294)      DAYLA KIV
 RALTUMAN OMELET 78-2857     17   2  2  102  SHEWISH BUFFET (1537)      LIN TIRIAN
 PERCY QUIN 24 82-29478      23  43  0  107  ATTACKO/TCLONES05 (1520)   DWES EG
 PASTRAMI ELEMENTAL 96-3748  16  11  3   77  ARCANE GREATS FTF (1519)   OLD VALAMANTIS
 BAKED CONVINCIA 98-2341     23  18  4  139  SHEWISH BANQUET (1515)     SYVYN'S HILL
 AMPUTATOR FROG 99-3206      16  14  4  114  BLOOD FROG 3 (1511)        SOUTH RIDGE