AD
Date : 04/24/2013 Duedate: 05/07/2013
HOME GUARD ARENA
DM 101 TURN 609
RANK TEAMS W L K % RANK TEAMS W L K %
1 STAR WARS 61/1577 3 1 0 75.0 6-REAL BEER 21/1116 1246 1038 18 54.6
2 TEAM FLOYD 38/690 299 195 2 60.5 7-WRATHMEN 24/805 71 64 2 52.6
POKER GREATS 1/1570 WRATHMEN 30/727
HOMER'S PETS 74/1569 WRATHMEN 36/923
COLLEGE RADIO 51/1541 WRATHMEN 63/1563
COLLEGE RADIO #4 4/1567 8-INQUISITION 9/1571 90 104 2 46.4
I C DRUNK PEOPLE 41/1543 INQUISTION MGBC 35/1576
INK & STEEL RETRO 15/1561 9 WAH CHING 52/1565 37 46 0 44.6
THE MOTHERSHIP IV 82/1578 PUBLIC ENEMY 50/1530
INK & STEEL FOREVER 6/1572 ASIAN INVASION 54/1542
3 SEA DOGS 33/1501 772 523 7 59.6 10 BLOOD GANG 99/1532 7 9 0 43.7
SEA DOGS 35/1502 11 TREKKERS 29/1534 64 97 3 39.8
DUNGEON CELL 42/1470 BLOOD AND SAND 21/1545
SHEWISH BUFFET 61/1562 THE WALKING DEAD 32/1538
SHEWISH BUFFET 63/1568 12 ARROGANCE 18/755 526 808 11 39.4
SHEWISH BUFFET 78/1537 13 SAND DANCERS 78/775 788 1312 9 37.5
SHEWISH BANQUET 98/1515 CHILDREN OF LLYR 35/1415
4 CREAM OF THE 2/589 78 53 0 59.5 14 BLOOD FROGS 98/1510 13 28 0 31.7
5 THE FIFTH HO 69/962 650 496 6 56.7
THE GUARDIAN'S FORUM
Reflections by the Captain of the Guard
I have it on fairly good authority that System of a Down attempted to write a
column. Unfortunately, hal seems to have thwarted that effort. Sorry, System, *I*
don't know what was wrong. -- the Editor
REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER
Novgorodny Vir says we're all base fools. Ha! A lot HE knows.
We had twenty fights, and before you say, "Oh, all against standbys, I bet!" let
me point out that we only had TWO standbys on the sands today. This is good. Only
one challenge, of course, but I put that down to people not being sure who'd be
active, what with the tourney just over.
SPIDERPIG (74-4304) (22-6-0,46) of HOMER'S PETS fought B&G BOUNCER (101-3) (0-0-
0,30) of the Louts Local 101. SPIDERPIG overpowered B&G BOUNCER in an action packed
1 minute uneven fray. And B&G bounced very well, too.
CAPTAIN KIRK (29-5754) (25-14-1,81) of TREKKERS fought CURLY JOE (69-7333) (9-6-
0,33) of THE FIFTH HORSEMAN. CAPTAIN KIRK savagely defeated CURLY JOE in an action
packed 3 minute brutal fight. No surprise, except that the fight was such an
alarming experience that Joe's hair came out straight.
ROTTING ROLAND (32-5437) (27-10-0,87) of THE WALKING DEAD fought NAKED LUNCH
(78-2917) (18-10-0,54) of SHEWISH BUFFET. ROTTING ROLAND overpowered NAKED LUNCH in
a 1 minute bloody mismatched conflict. Next time, let's see some clothes on that
lunch! At least a sprig of parsley.
JACK DANIELS (41-3947) (22-10-0,90) of I C DRUNK PEOPLE fought RABID TOAD (98-
2767) (11-14-4,68) of BLOOD FROGS 2. JACK DANIELS beat RABID TOAD in an exciting 1
minute bout. Amazing how easy it is to get a toad drunk.
NASTY NES (50-142) (33-35-1,85) of PUBLIC ENEMY fought HOFFA (18-8478) (27-111-
1,84) of ARROGANCE. NASTY NES slimly won victory over HOFFA in an exciting 9 minute
brutal fight. Nine minutes? What were you DOING out there? Oh, right, I saw.
Standing around staring at each other.
LI KUI (52-851) (19-17-1,81) of WAH CHING fought MANNY LEHMAN (51-5074) (21-27-
1,44) of COLLEGE RADIO. LI KUI overpowered MANNY LEHMAN in a 1 minute mismatched
brawl. Does that make Li Kui into post-grad radio?
DARTH VADAR (61-3725) (18-14-2,68) of STAR WARS fought KID KOALA (4-5694) (14-
17-1,40) of COLLEGE RADIO #4. DARTH VADAR vanquished KID KOALA in an action packed 1
minute gruesome mismatched bout. You ever thought how much that mask looks like the
cow-catcher on a train?
KUNG PAO KOLACTAN (63-2882) (20-7-2,43) of SHEWISH BUFFET fought RED ALERT (50-
139) (35-26-0,86) of PUBLIC ENEMY. KUNG PAO KOLACTAN was handily defeated by RED
ALERT in a 1 minute one-sided conflict. Less hot pepper next time, Kung Pao.
WHAT'S A VOLKSIE? (38-4563) (28-17-0,100) of TEAM FLOYD fought KURTAL DUCK (78-
2861) (30-43-1,62) of SAND DANCERS. WHAT'S A VOLKSIE? was subdued by KURTAL DUCK in
a popular 1 minute brawl. A Volksie is Duck food, eh?
HAMMERHEAD (35-4129) (45-44-2,129) of SEA DOGS fought PHIL HELLMUTH (1-7842)
(24-7-1,103) of POKER GREATS. HAMMERHEAD was overcome by PHIL HELLMUTH in an
exciting 1 minute contest. Hammered on the head, oh yes.
ASSUR (18-7821) (46-103-2,149) of ARROGANCE fought RUPTURE (99-3463) (14-11-
4,101) of BLOOD GANG. ASSUR was demolished by RUPTURE in a 1 minute mismatched
match. This was the fight that resulted in the biggest point movements: Rupture up
35, Assur down 33.
HARD CORE (6-6599) (21-2-2,136) of INK & STEEL FOREVER fought SULU (29-5705)
(29-25-0,121) of TREKKERS. HARD CORE beat SULU in a popular 2 minute gory melee.
And not only the core, but the stem and seeds as well.
CAO ZHENG (54-85) (37-38-6,173) of ASIAN INVASION fought OWAIN HARLSON (35-3130)
(75-119-1,124) of CHILDREN OF LLYR. CAO ZHENG overpowered OWAIN HARLSON in a popular
1 minute gory uneven duel. More of that "submerged" winning streak, Owain?
BAKED CONVINCIA (98-2341) (34-21-4,178) of SHEWISH BANQUET fought THRESHPACK
(50-138) (30-30-0,122) of PUBLIC ENEMY. BAKED CONVINCIA viciously subdued THRESHPACK
in an action packed 3 minute duel. Makes you wonder what goes into that dish,
doesn't it? Because Shews seem to eat just about anything.
HORSE D'OEUVRE (61-3635) (26-2-3,197) of SHEWISH BUFFET fought ARENAMASTER AZEEM
(101-28) (0-0-0,200) of the Louts Local 101. HORSE D'OEUVRE viciously subdued
ARENAMASTER AZEEM in a popular 1 minute competition. It's the toothpicks that do it.
LAZY LOOKOUT (42-4504) (53-41-3,196) of DUNGEON CELL fought DAGAN (21-7201) (30-
15-0,190) of BLOOD AND SAND. LAZY LOOKOUT devastated DAGAN in a crowd pleasing 2
minute brutal one-sided duel. Dagan was just no match for the Lookout's superior
procrastination.
SHARK BAIT (33-7652) (41-36-0,202) of SEA DOGS fought HUW AP HUW (35-3030) (60-
141-2,184) of CHILDREN OF LLYR. SHARK BAIT overpowered HUW AP HUW in a crowd
pleasing 3 minute one-sided fight. It's amazing that Huw doesn't just retire for
good. Or bad.
RALTUMAN OMELET (78-2857) (23-10-2,184) of SHEWISH BUFFET fought INKED PIG (15-
5112) (27-4-0,201) of INK & STEEL RETRO. RALTUMAN OMELET was vanquished by INKED PIG
in a 1 minute mismatched brawl. Ink in the eggs? I'm not sure I like the idea of
that.
The challenge:
NERO (29-5707) (24-30-0,39) of TREKKERS challenged HOFFA (18-9369) (32-81-0,42)
of ARROGANCE. Up 3. NERO devastated HOFFA in a 5 minute mismatched Challenge fight.
Hoffa was the most challenged warrior, of course. If the term "warrior" can be
applied without laughing hysterically.
And for the title:
SYSTEM OF A DOWN (38-4451) (40-22-1,227) of TEAM FLOYD fought GOPHER BAROQUE (2-
3359) (70-58-0,219) of CREAM OF THE SLOP. SYSTEM OF A DOWN vanquished GOPHER BAROQUE
in an exciting 4 minute uneven Title battle. System may have had trouble vanquishing
hal, but he/she/it did fine on the sands. Congratulations.
Olaf
CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
SYSTEM OF A DOWN 38-4451 41 22 1 246 TEAM FLOYD (690) CLIFFHOME
GRAND CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
LAZY LOOKOUT 42-4504 54 41 3 215 DUNGEON CELL (1470) RODEKI
INKED PIG 15-5112 28 4 214 INK & STEEL RETRO (1561) MALCORN
SHARK BAIT 33-7652 42 36 211 SEA DOGS (1501) NIATOLI ISLAND
GRAND CHAMPIONS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
HORSE D'OEUVRE 61-3635 27 2 3 207 SHEWISH BUFFET (1562) JURINE
-DOMINIC 30-3545 33 27 199 WRATHMEN (727) IAYE
GOPHER BAROQUE 2-3359 70 59 195 CREAM OF THE SLOP (589) NIANIA
DAGAN 21-7201 30 16 186 BLOOD AND SAND (1545) SUNSET
RALTUMAN OMELET 78-2857 23 11 2 184 SHEWISH BUFFET (1537) LIN TIRIAN
HUW AP HUW 35-3030 60 142 2 181 CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415) MURSKA
GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
BAKED CONVINCIA 98-2341 35 21 4 180 SHEWISH BANQUET (1515) SYVYN'S HILL
CAO ZHENG 54-85 38 38 6 175 ASIAN INVASION (1542) TROCAR
-BASS 21-5262 21 3 3 172 REAL BEER (1116) SUNSET
GRAND ADEPTS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
HARD CORE 6-6599 22 2 2 142 INK & STEEL FOREVER (1572) TRANSEL
-OHMYGOD 63-2147 24 8 1 141 WRATHMEN (1563) AMEN-TEI
THRESHPACK 50-138 30 31 138 PUBLIC ENEMY (1530) SNOWBOUND
RUPTURE 99-3463 15 11 4 136 BLOOD GANG (1532) SOUTH RIDGE
OWAIN HARLSON 35-3130 75 120 1 126 CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415) MURSKA
SULU 29-5705 29 26 126 TREKKERS (1534) LAPUR
PHIL HELLMUTH 1-7842 25 7 1 123 POKER GREATS (1570) MORDANT
ASSUR 18-7821 46 104 2 116 ARROGANCE (755) TALCAMA
HAMMERHEAD 35-4129 45 45 2 116 SEA DOGS (1502) MURSKA
GRAND CHALLENGER INITIATES W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
-EMERALD TWIST 82-37689 12 3 100 THE MOTHERSHIP IV (1578) DWES EG
ROTTING ROLAND 32-5437 28 10 94 THE WALKING DEAD (1538) ARVAT
NASTY NES 50-142 34 35 1 93 PUBLIC ENEMY (1530) SNOWBOUND
RED ALERT 50-139 36 26 92 PUBLIC ENEMY (1530) SNOWBOUND
KURTAL DUCK 78-2861 31 43 1 92 SAND DANCERS (775) LIN TIRIAN
JACK DANIELS 41-3947 23 10 92 I C DRUNK PEOPLE (1543) KATI-TEI
GRAND INITIATES W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
CAPTAIN KIRK 29-5754 26 14 1 83 TREKKERS (1534) LAPUR
LI KUI 52-851 20 17 1 83 WAH CHING (1565) FRATSFA
-HYPER VIPER 35-3646 21 17 1 82 INQUISTION MGBC (1576) MURSKA
HOFFA 18-8478 27 112 1 79 ARROGANCE (755) TALCAMA
WHAT'S A VOLKSIE? 38-4563 28 18 76 TEAM FLOYD (690) CLIFFHOME
-KHYLAR 36-4613 28 16 73 WRATHMEN (923) JHANS
DARTH VADAR 61-3725 19 14 2 72 STAR WARS (1577) JURINE
RABID TOAD 98-2767 11 15 4 72 BLOOD FROGS 2 (1510) SYVYN'S HILL
-KHEDRYN 24-3955 17 3 1 70 WRATHMEN (805) ZORPUNT
-DJESEE 9-4139 17 13 66 INQUISITION LMKE (1571) ZUKAL
NAKED LUNCH 78-2917 18 11 57 SHEWISH BUFFET (1537) LIN TIRIAN
-NEOR FEY 30-5019 17 5 1 57 WRATHMEN (727) IAYE
NERO 29-5707 25 30 52 TREKKERS (1534) LAPUR
SPIDERPIG 74-4304 23 6 52 HOMER'S PETS (1569) DAYLA KIV
KUNG PAO KOLACTAN 63-2882 20 8 2 47 SHEWISH BUFFET (1568) AMEN-TEI
MANNY LEHMAN 51-5074 21 28 1 44 COLLEGE RADIO (1541) TRICORUS
CURLY JOE 69-7333 9 7 44 THE FIFTH HORSEMAN (962) CIMMERIAC
KID KOALA 4-5694 14 18 1 38 COLLEGE RADIO #4 (1567) JHELUM
GRAND INITIATES W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
HOFFA 18-9369 32 82 29 ARROGANCE (755) TALCAMA
'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.
THE DEAD W L K TEAM NAME SLAIN BY TURN
PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE
What I want to know is, why was the crowd pleased to see me defeated by a bloody
upstart, and then it voted me most popular? -- Huw ap Huw
Ohmygod -- Bah. -- Owain Harlson
That Nasty Nessie tried to eat me! They're supposed to just eat FISH. -- Kurtal
Duck, the non-fish
LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS
NERO devastated HOFFA in a 5 minute mismatched Challenge fight.
SYSTEM OF A DOWN vanquished GOPHER BAROQUE in a exciting 4 minute uneven Title battle.
RALTUMAN OMELET was vanquished by INKED PIG in a 1 minute mismatched brawl.
SHARK BAIT overpowered HUW AP HUW in a crowd pleasing 3 minute one-sided fight.
LAZY LOOKOUT devastated DAGAN in a crowd pleasing 2 minute brutal one-sided duel.
HORSE D'OEUVRE viciously subdued ARENAMASTER AZEEM in a popular 1 minute competition.
BAKED CONVINCIA viciously subdued THRESHPACK in a action packed 3 minute duel.
CAO ZHENG overpowered OWAIN HARLSON in a popular 1 minute gory uneven duel.
HARD CORE beat SULU in a popular 2 minute gory melee.
ASSUR was demolished by RUPTURE in a 1 minute mismatched match.
HAMMERHEAD was overcome by PHIL HELLMUTH in a exciting 1 minute contest.
WHAT'S A VOLKSIE? was subdued by KURTAL DUCK in a popular 1 minute brawl.
KUNG PAO KOLACTAN was handily defeated by RED ALERT in a 1 minute one-sided conflict.
DARTH VADAR vanquished KID KOALA in a action packed 1 minute gruesome mismatched bout.
LI KUI overpowered MANNY LEHMAN in a 1 minute mismatched brawl.
NASTY NES slimly won victory over HOFFA in a exciting 9 minute brutal fight.
JACK DANIELS beat RABID TOAD in a exciting 1 minute bout.
ROTTING ROLAND overpowered NAKED LUNCH in a 1 minute bloody mismatched conflict.
CAPTAIN KIRK savagely defeated CURLY JOE in a action packed 3 minute brutal fight.
SPIDERPIG overpowered B&G BOUNCER in a action packed 1 minute uneven fray.
BATTLE REPORT
MOST POPULAR RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS
|FIGHTING STYLE FIGHTS FIGHTING STYLE W - L - K PERCENT|
|AIMED BLOW 12 BASHING ATTACK 23 - 10 - 0 70 |
|WALL OF STEEL 4 LUNGING ATTACK 31 - 16 - 0 66 |
|LUNGING ATTACK 4 WALL OF STEEL 27 - 16 - 0 63 |
|PARRY-LUNGE 4 PARRY-LUNGE 24 - 23 - 1 51 |
|STRIKING ATTACK 4 SLASHING ATTACK 5 - 5 - 0 50 |
|TOTAL PARRY 4 STRIKING ATTACK 28 - 30 - 0 48 |
|BASHING ATTACK 3 AIMED BLOW 45 - 62 - 0 42 |
|PARRY-STRIKE 2 PARRY-STRIKE 7 - 12 - 0 37 |
|SLASHING ATTACK 1 TOTAL PARRY 8 - 20 - 0 29 |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE 0 PARRY-RIPOSTE 0 - 0 - 0 0 |
Turn 609 was great if you Not so great if you used The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles: the fighting styles: top eleven warriors are:
SLASHING ATTACK 1 - 0 BASHING ATTACK 1 - 2 2 AIMED BLOW
WALL OF STEEL 4 - 0 PARRY-STRIKE 0 - 2 2 LUNGING ATTACK
LUNGING ATTACK 3 - 1 PARRY-RIPOSTE 0 - 0 2 WALL OF STEEL
AIMED BLOW 7 - 5 TOTAL PARRY 0 - 4 1 PARRY-LUNGE
PARRY-LUNGE 2 - 2 1 BASHING ATTACK
STRIKING ATTACK 2 - 2 1 TOTAL PARRY
1 STRIKING ATTACK
1 PARRY-STRIKE
TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE
FIGHTING STYLE WARRIOR W L K PNTS TEAM NAME
AIMED BLOW SYSTEM OF A DOWN 38-4451 41 22 1 246 TEAM FLOYD (690)
PARRY-LUNGE LAZY LOOKOUT 42-4504 54 41 3 215 DUNGEON CELL (1470)
LUNGING ATTACK INKED PIG 15-5112 28 4 0 214 INK & STEEL RETRO (1561)
BASHING ATTACK HORSE D'OEUVRE 61-3635 27 2 3 207 SHEWISH BUFFET (1562)
TOTAL PARRY GOPHER BAROQUE 2-3359 70 59 0 195 CREAM OF THE SLOP (589)
STRIKING ATTACK RALTUMAN OMELET 78-2857 23 11 2 184 SHEWISH BUFFET (1537)
PARRY-STRIKE HUW AP HUW 35-3030 60 142 2 181 CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415)
WALL OF STEEL BAKED CONVINCIA 98-2341 35 21 4 180 SHEWISH BANQUET (1515)
SLASHING ATTACK RED ALERT 50-139 36 26 0 92 PUBLIC ENEMY (1530)
The overall popularity leader is HUW AP HUW 35-3030. The most popular warrior this
turn was NASTY NES 50-142. The ten other most popular fighters were CAPTAIN KIRK
29-5754, SYSTEM OF A DOWN 38-4451, THRESHPACK 50-138, SHARK BAIT 33-7652, LAZY
LOOKOUT 42-4504, HORSE D'OEUVRE 61-3635, BAKED CONVINCIA 98-2341, HARD CORE 6-6599,
NERO 29-5707, and HUW AP HUW 35-3030.
The least popular fighter this week was HOFFA 18-9369. The other ten least popular
fighters were NAKED LUNCH 78-2917, KUNG PAO KOLACTAN 63-2882, ASSUR 18-7821, OWAIN
HARLSON 35-3130, RABID TOAD 98-2767, HOFFA 18-8478, MANNY LEHMAN 51-5074, KID KOALA
4-5694, RALTUMAN OMELET 78-2857, and GOPHER BAROQUE 2-3359.
Arena (Number) W L K Arena (Number) W L K Arena (Number) W L K
MORDANT(1) 1 0 0 NIATOLI ISLAND(33) 1 0 0 TROCAR(54) 1 0 0
NIANIA(2) 0 1 0 MURSKA(35) 0 3 0 JURINE(61) 2 0 0
JHELUM(4) 0 1 0 CLIFFHOME(38) 1 1 0 AMEN-TEI(63) 0 1 0
TRANSEL(6) 1 0 0 KATI-TEI(41) 1 0 0 CIMMERIAC(69) 0 1 0
MALCORN(15) 1 0 0 RODEKI(42) 1 0 0 DAYLA KIV(74) 1 0 0
TALCAMA(18) 0 3 0 SNOWBOUND(50) 2 1 0 LIN TIRIAN(78) 1 2 0
SUNSET(21) 0 1 0 TRICORUS(51) 0 1 0 SYVYN'S HILL(98) 1 1 0
LAPUR(29) 2 1 0 FRATSFA(52) 1 0 0 SOUTH RIDGE(99) 1 0 0
ARVAT(32) 1 0 0
TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
PHIL HELLMUTH 1-7842 25 7 1 123 POKER GREATS (1570) MORDANT
GOPHER BAROQUE 2-3359 70 59 0 195 CREAM OF THE SLOP (589) NIANIA
KID KOALA 4-5694 14 18 1 38 COLLEGE RADIO #4 (1567) JHELUM
HARD CORE 6-6599 22 2 2 142 INK & STEEL FOREVER (1572) TRANSEL
INKED PIG 15-5112 28 4 0 214 INK & STEEL RETRO (1561) MALCORN
ASSUR 18-7821 46 104 2 116 ARROGANCE (755) TALCAMA
DAGAN 21-7201 30 16 0 186 BLOOD AND SAND (1545) SUNSET
SULU 29-5705 29 26 0 126 TREKKERS (1534) LAPUR
ROTTING ROLAND 32-5437 28 10 0 94 THE WALKING DEAD (1538) ARVAT
SHARK BAIT 33-7652 42 36 0 211 SEA DOGS (1501) NIATOLI ISLAND
HUW AP HUW 35-3030 60 142 2 181 CHILDREN OF LLYR (1415) MURSKA
SYSTEM OF A DOWN 38-4451 41 22 1 246 TEAM FLOYD (690) CLIFFHOME
JACK DANIELS 41-3947 23 10 0 92 I C DRUNK PEOPLE (1543) KATI-TEI
LAZY LOOKOUT 42-4504 54 41 3 215 DUNGEON CELL (1470) RODEKI
THRESHPACK 50-138 30 31 0 138 PUBLIC ENEMY (1530) SNOWBOUND
MANNY LEHMAN 51-5074 21 28 1 44 COLLEGE RADIO (1541) TRICORUS
LI KUI 52-851 20 17 1 83 WAH CHING (1565) FRATSFA
TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
CAO ZHENG 54-85 38 38 6 175 ASIAN INVASION (1542) TROCAR
HORSE D'OEUVRE 61-3635 27 2 3 207 SHEWISH BUFFET (1562) JURINE
KUNG PAO KOLACTAN 63-2882 20 8 2 47 SHEWISH BUFFET (1568) AMEN-TEI
CURLY JOE 69-7333 9 7 0 44 THE FIFTH HORSEMAN (962) CIMMERIAC
SPIDERPIG 74-4304 23 6 0 52 HOMER'S PETS (1569) DAYLA KIV
RALTUMAN OMELET 78-2857 23 11 2 184 SHEWISH BUFFET (1537) LIN TIRIAN
BAKED CONVINCIA 98-2341 35 21 4 180 SHEWISH BANQUET (1515) SYVYN'S HILL
RUPTURE 99-3463 15 11 4 136 BLOOD GANG (1532) SOUTH RIDGE