DARKHOLM SPORTING JOURNAL
Date : 08/09/2003 Duedate: 08/22/2003
DARKHOLM
DM-104 TURN-355
RANK TEAMS W L K % RANK TEAMS W L K %
1 THUNDR + LITE 18/309 1125 419 7 72.9 12 THE A TEAM 38/1044 548 555 6 49.7
2 MONGREL HORDE 10/964 476 232 3 67.2 BIG MEAN FISH 18/292
3-TOTEM 74/1146 40 20 2 66.7 GUANO GROUP 51/1065
DEATH STUDS VIII 82/1086 ONE SURFING HINDU 97/1071
THAT SUCKS! 19/1144 LOOK OUT BELOW 6/1042
4 THE GUARDIAN 21/1156 163 128 2 56.0 FURNITURE BARN 42/1109
THE GUARDIANS II 18/1155 13 SHAMROCKS 58/424 149 161 3 48.1
WORTHLESS MANAGERS 5/820 14 THE MENTORS 10/408 21 26 0 44.7
PIGS ON PARADE 9/1154 15-EVIL DEAD 18/1099 90 114 3 44.1
GUARDIAN'S SLAVES 42/1157 TORMENTORS 21/571
5 PARENTHOOD 82/1122 1384 1117 14 55.3 16 BEAST MASTERS 37/136 88 121 1 42.1
MY WIFE'S COSMETICS 82/1038 ELEMENTS OF PSI 58/423
WHAT I ATE FOR XMAS 82/1114 ACTS OF NATURE 6/415
STREET PIZZA 18/114 17 SOULTHIEVES 37/416 29 42 0 40.8
SESAME SPINE 82/1070 SOUL STRIPPERS II 6/412
4-LETTER WORDS 48/1063 18 CRIMINAL ELE 39/1074 11 16 0 40.7
CHEAP DENTISTRY 82/1098 INDULGENT DRINKS 54/1153
ROCK BOTTOM 82/1080 19 NINJAS 7/1107 26 44 1 37.1
FASCINATIN' RYTHYM 82/1152 RESURRECTION 2/1143
6 STYROFOAM 82/1090 1114 963 8 53.6 KILLERS 41/1145
7 DOH! 24/1147 1414 1251 6 53.1 GENOCIDE 51/1110
CEMENTIA 61/1112 20 DELVERS 42/1000 184 317 1 36.7
DP CLONES 24/1045 DOGS OF WAR 4/999
WASTELAND 18/468 GAMES LIBRARY 3/998
DIABLO TOO 23/1037 21 JOHNS 5/927 707 1268 15 35.8
PEPPER PRACTICE II 57/1069 ARROGANCE 18/732
WASTELAND II 7/500 SCARRY TEAM 36/824
I'M SO SEXY 42/1072 THE LADY'S LIST 6/917
OUTSIDE IS 48/1061 LETHAL LADIES 4/768
COOL WHEELS 58/943 JUST BECAUSE 38/1151
BAD HAND 24/1125 22 BIG BAD 7/1073 403 765 8 34.5
THINGSINPUG'SCOOLER 4/1088 SHEPHERDS 18/432
8 EXODUS! 3/956 414 367 3 53.0 SUPER BASH BROTHERS 6/1067
THE TAO 36/923 NEXT GENERATION 58/1075
SPIDERS FROM MARS 21/950 FOUND IN THE SAND 32/1034
THE DARK TEMPLE 18/978 NEXT GENERATION 18/1150
FIANADHA 69/945 MIGHTY MORALS 51/1120
9 QUBIT 10/1140 517 460 2 52.9 23 TOWNSVILLAIN 10/1089 10 19 0 34.5
ON A WHIM 82/1014 24-SADISTS 18/1093 3 6 0 33.3
SIR AGLIO 10/600 25 SRETSAMLEUD 37/1134 2 6 0 25.0
10 DEAD EVIL 18/627 24 22 2 52.2 SRETSAMLEUD 10/1135
TROOPERS 21/1113 SRETSAMLEUD 21/1133
11 NIGHT TRAIN 37/545 3 3 0 50.0 26 DWARVEN LEGI 21/1139 1 4 0 20.0
NIGHT TRAIN 6/1158
'##/###' Avoid teams by their Team Id '-' Team did not fight this turn
WARRIOR SPOTLIGHT
AS THE TURNS WHIRL
Khirza the cat-woman leaped from the lamppost to Phetmolge's shoulders and from
there to the spar holding up the sign that said:
TALAHYA MUNICIPAL DOCK
No Admittance Without a Ticket.
Keep Hands and Feet Out of the Water.
She looked around as though checking for some other alternative to solid ground,
grinned toothily at her trollish friend, and said, "I always feel special when I see
this sign, 'cause WE can get in without tickets."
"If that's what it takes," Phetmolge responded with a slight smile. He gestured
with the small porcelain box that he was holding and said, "I don't think this is big
enough to heat the boiler."
He was referring to the Naiad's Nightmare (publicly known as the Naiad's Dream),
their steam-powered barge that had originally relied on a fire elemental to keep its
boiler hot. The creature had quit when all the magical trouble had started on the
Isle, temporarily grounding the Nightie. But just recently, in exchange for
informing Khirza's wizard friend of a source of the priceless magical ingredient
"soy," they had gotten an artifact that might solve their power problem.
"Sure it is!" Khirza responded, glancing sharply to the side and down and
suddenly pouncing counterclockwise in an effort to catch her tail. "It'll work,
don't worry. Ouch!"
Attributing this judgement to nothing more than his friend's natural optimism,
Phetmolge continued to worry.
The Nightie stirred faintly in her moorings like a woman disturbed by an
unpleasant dream. Gigantic next to the fishing boats on either side of her, an
ungainly-looking craft with two big paddlewheels on her sides and a superstructure
that looked distinctly homemade, she gained an even more forlorn air due to the black
tarpaulin shrouds that covered most of her above-deck features. She rested outside
the covered and warded dock; they had to walk down a side platform and through a
magical shield to get aboard her. Mist crawled from her hatches and ports. They
walked with hands on hilts, in case there was more than mist.
"Think the hull glyphs are still protecting her?" Phetmolge muttered.
"Sure," Khirza said faintly. She looked around with quick motions. Above the
collar of her leather jerkin, the spotted fur bristled outward from her neck. The
furless tip of her nose, which so accurately reflected her mood, was crimson. "We
should have come to see her more often."
"Yes, we should have."
Khirza hopped down from the gangplank onto the deck, did a backbend and
thoughtfully folded one knee to touch her chest, then extended that foot to the deck
by her hands, followed it over, and came up standing again. "On the brighter side,
the bilge rats have probably been multiplying. Fun!"
"Bilge rats at the very least," Phetmolge agreed. He drew his weapon -- not his
usual hammer but a greatsword. He might not wield a blade well enough to win in the
arena, but he was more than competent with it in the normal course of life. "I guess
we'd better do a walk-through before we work on the engine."
The Naiad's Nightmare had magical glyphs on her hull to repel any creatures of
the lake, but as they searched the boat they became aware that some of these glyphs
had indeed weakened. Thumps and chitters and slithering sounds confirmed that
wildlife from the Lake of Mists had taken up residence aboard the Nightie. Phetmolge
took the upper deck, whipping tarps off passenger seats and surprising half a dozen
amphibians the size of foxes, which waddled away but not fast enough to escape the
reach of his long arm and longer blade. He flung their little bodies into the water,
where they floated a moment before sinking. After the third one, something
apparently realized that appetizers were being served, because the rest of the
corpses were snatched underwater the moment they hit. Khirza, searching the main
deck, found a nest of snakes with humanlike heads; she dispatched them quickly. Then
the two partners joined forces to go belowdecks.
Phetmolge led the way down the stair into darkness, his sword before him.
"We'll need to get your wizard friend out to refresh those glyphs," he said. "Or do
you have to have the boat in drydock to do that?"
"Don't know," the cat-woman said. "Weed!"
Phetmolge ducked as a loop of slimy vegetation reached for his head. They
battled it for a while, noses wrinkled against the pungent smell of rotting spinach.
When they were done, the plant had been extracted from its overhead compartment and
lay heaped on the floor like a bundle of rags. It had a head of sorts, which looked
like brown lettuce.
"You eat salad, don't you?" Khirza said, kicking at it.
Phetmolge gave her a pained smile.
They cleared out the staterooms and galley -- it wasn't too bad, the glyphs were
obviously still working to some extent -- and then lit a lantern and went down the
next level to the engine room.
"I've been waiting for you," said the long-legged blonde who lay half-naked on
the nest of ropes next to the engine. Lips curving in a luscious red smile, she
crooked her pale finger and beckoned to Phetmolge. "Come here, handsome."
"Siren!" Khirza said, advancing with her scimitar up. "That's a bad critter!
Don't listen to her, big guy!"
"That's not a siren," said Phetmolge. "I don't know what she is, but she's not
a siren. She's lonely." He strode forward, never taking his eyes from the smiling
gaze of the mysterious woman.
Khirza darted in front of him, waving her hands in front of his face to break
the locked gaze. "Remember our course in lake safety? The kiss that drowns! Dead
boyfriends underwater! Come ON, Phetmolge, she called you handsome!"
The blonde rose from her couch of ropes. "Ever since we met at the police
station I have known that you would come to help me," she said.
"What?" said the trollish gladiator.
"You got my note," said the blonde.
"You're getting mail from sirens?" Khirza said, looking bewildered.
"Had we met under other circumstances, I could have fallen in love with you,"
said the blonde.
"Not likely," Phetmolge responded. "Ma'am, I think you're mistaking me for
someone else... Who are you?"
She looked blankly at him as though trying to remember. Then -- "Jolane," she
said. "I'm Jolane."
The woman in the boiler room was beautiful, if Phetmolge was any judge of human
beauty. Her full lips were as red as blood, her eyes a vivid, almost glowing light
brown. Her long, pale hair, dripping with water, was braided with strands of aquatic
weed that formed strange pink blossoms over her ears. Her complexion was nearly as
white as the simple dress that, miraculously, hadn't gotten dirty from the nest of
ropes on which she'd been reclining.
She had said that her name was Jolane, a name which rang a bell in Phetmolge's
awareness, although at the moment he couldn't place it.
"I've been waiting for you," she repeated, in a soft, inviting voice.
"How did you know I was coming?" Phetmolge asked, since he and his partner had
told no one they were coming to check on the boat today. He was pretty sure she had
mistaken him for someone else, since she had previously mentioned meeting him in a
police station; he'd never been in a police station in his life. But since he was a
troll, it was pretty hard to mistake him for anyone else on the Isle, and so he
thought this woman was not right in the head. He hoped to gently lead the
conversation around to finding out where she came from and whether she had any
relatives who could take charge of her.
Khirza, his partner, was acting strangely. Always rather hyperactive, she was
practically manic now, leaping across his field of vision with her arms frantically
waving, tail straight out and bristling like a bottle-brush. He glanced at her as
she landed on all fours next to the boiler. "What?"
"She's not human!" Khirza shouted.
Phetmolge frowned in puzzlement that his friend would make an issue of this.
She herself was not human but of the Pridefolk, a cat-woman. And he was a troll.
What did either of them care that their visitor was not human? Come to think of it,
though, Jolane looked human enough. She had risen from her nest and approached him,
smiling. She was graceful and looked quite kissable, which was a little strange
since he wasn't normally attracted to humans. From a few inches away, he could feel
the delightful coolness of her body.
As he reached for Jolane, something tugged on his arm. It was Khirza, making a
pest of herself again. Her mouth was moving and he realized she was still shouting.
"...dead, Phetmolge! She's undead!"
"I knew that you would come to me at last," said Jolane, her soft voice easy to
hear above all the background clatter. "A little late, of course..." Her tone was
chiding. "But better late than never. Join me, and we'll rest forever in each
other's arms."
Even to his infatuated perception, this sounded like something one might see on
a tombstone. Jolane must have noticed a change in his expression because she added,
"Know bliss, I mean. We'll know bliss forever in each other's arms."
"Oh," he said. "Yes, all right." Again he reached for her as her arms went
around his neck. He bent his head down for the kiss--
--and got a faceful of Khirza's leather jerkin. The cat-woman had leaped on
him, wrapping her arms and legs around his head. He staggered around, struggling to
free himself while being careful not to hurt his friend. He stepped on something
slippery. There was a scream.
"You big oaf!" shrieked Jolane's voice. "You big... you big... troll... you're
not Galen! And to think I almost--OHHH! Fraud! Despoiler!"
A moment later, Khirza let go and climbed off of him. The two partners were
alone in the boiler room.
"Perceptive, wasn't she?" Khirza panted.
"What happened?"
The cat-woman looked rather satisfied as she explained, "I don't know, maybe
sirens don't have very good eyesight. But then you stepped on her. When you step on
someone, big guy, they notice that they've been stepped on by a troll. So she ran
off, jumped back in the lake I guess."
Although he still felt rather fuzzy-headed, Phetmolge was beginning to get it.
"You mean, that woman was a siren? A drowned woman who lures men to their deaths?
How could you tell?"
Cats laugh silently. Khirza gave him a toothy grin, her tail twitching in
merriment.
"Dear Mr. Shanmarrik,
You may not remember us, but you were a passenger on our boat, the 'Naiad's Dream,' a
few months ago. Maybe it is that slight connection that led to a strange case of
mistaken identity yesterday. Our boat had been docked for some time due to the
magical disturbances around the Isle. Khirza (my partner) and I had visited the dock
to do some routine maintenance when we met a person who apparently mistook me for
you. She called me by your name, and identified herself as Jolane.
Mr. Shanmarrik, this person seemed quite unnatural and might in fact be one of the
lake-dwelling undead that we have been warned about. Therefore if you decide to
investigate this incident I urge you to use extreme caution. If you wish further
information or help, please contact Khirza at the Castaways guildhouse affiliated
with the Talahya arena, or myself, Phetmolge, at the Up To No Good guildhouse,
affiliated with the Lirin Kiv arena. We stand ready to give any assistance within
our power.
Your Servant,
Phetmolge"
Galen's hands trembled as he read the letter. She was back. She was dead.
Somehow it was his fault. He had to meet with her if possible. He would go to the
Naiad's Dream immediately.
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ The Tides of Magic #11 ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
Talahya?
They found a flagstone path that paralleled the shoreline and flipped a coin,
turned to the right (as calculated when facing the shore), and strode along briskly
through thinning fog.
"It's going to be a hot day once this fog clears," Scarlatti said, with the air
of one who will make conversation at any cost. "If we could find a hill or a tower,
we might see for miles."
Fizban's eyebrows rose. "Now that is a good idea, an excellent idea!" The old
wizard looked around hopefully. "I would really LIKE to be able to see for miles.
We might guess where we are, if we can do that."
"We won't see anything we recognize," Carris Fallstar predicted. This is
somewhere else entirely. I can feel it in my bones." The elf shrugged. "But a long
view to put ourselves in some kind of geographical context might be useful."
After five minutes of walking, it became apparent that the geographical context
was flat, and that if there were any buildings nearby, they were hidden by a belt of
trees that lay just inland of the path they'd found. The best they'd managed in the
way of a height was a hill that rose about ten feet above the beach. Fog lingered
under the trees, but over the water to their left, it was clearing fast. It was
already clearer than they had ever seen the air between the Isle of the Eye and
Alastari. The water went on to the horizon, but it was blotched with wooded islands
in the middle distance. Some of the islands had castles on them, shining cream and
golden and red as coral in the morning sun. There were boats, too, or perhaps they
were ships: big vessels and small, with sails, or banks of oars, or less obvious
means of propulsion.
"Well, at least it isn't an uninhabited world we've come to, apparently."
Moonjumper studied the scene critically. "But--"
"The path already told us there are people here," Scarlatti said.
"But," Moonjumper persisted, "it's a damned large one. We're going to have to
find someone to talk to, and people aren't exactly lining up on the path to meet us."
Rogan, who naturally had not been staring around, tensed suddenly. "Someone is
coming along the path," he said.
* }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ *
---===DELARQUAN REGIONAL NEWS===---
Duelmasters
-----------
DM 1 MORDANT (turn 475): CIARAN of MANNEQUIN'S BEST (Mannequin, mgr.)
DM 2 NIANIA (turn 361): BIG RED of BIG COUNTRY (Wally the Wacko, mgr.)
DM 3 OSKSI (turn 480): PETE HARNISCH of BOMBAY BUMBLE BEES (Crip, mgr.)
DM 4 JHELUM (turn 477): BAQA of ABBY NORMAL (Poppa Balrog, mgr.)
DM 5 KALTOS (turn 475): FOLIE HANNA of THE MIDDLE WAY 5 (Nick, mgr.)
DM 6 TRANSEL (turn 479): VIZZERDRIX of BATTLE BEASTS (Sensei Jan, mgr.)
DM 7 BONSUR (turn 477): BAYUSHI KACHIKO of CALL TO THUNDER (Ichabod Frothingslosh)
DM 10 KOLACT (turn 471): HOTTA WATTA of TOWNSVILLAINS (The Narrator, mgr.)
DM 18 TALCAMA (turn 463): QUEUE of NEXT GENERATION (Assurnasirbanipal, mgr.)
DM 21 SUNSET (turn 462): CARNIVOROUS CANARY of CARNAGE CANARIES (C. Canary, mgr.)
DM 36 JHANS (turn 436): BLONDIE of BABES (Papa Bear, mgr.)
DM 38 CLIFFHOME (turn 427): ZAZU of ALL FINESSE (Mannequin, mgr.)
DM 39 XOCHITHLAN (turn 184): B.A. TURRY of CRIMINAL ELEMENT (Fizban, mgr.)
DM 42 RODEKI (turn 413): PUDDING PARADE of COLOR ME SUAVE (Suave, mgr.)
DM 51 TRICORUS (turn 362): LURCH of SORROW'S HARVEST (Gergin "Happy Toes"
Frothingslosh, mgr.)
DM 54 TROCAR (turn 171): MICROSOFT of USELESS TOOLS (Crip, mgr.)
DM 59 ILLIS (turn 159): HAMP of ISLANDERS (Nick, mgr.)
DM 62 VALAMANTIS (turn 311): EURO STEAMER of AS SEEN ON TV (Indimar Fallon, mgr.)
DM 72 DRAGONHEAD (turn 136): ANDRO MEDA of FEARSOME LEGENDS (Brewmaster, mgr.)
ADM 104 DARKHOLM (turn 354): MAHI MAHI of BIG MEAN FISH from TALCAMA (Big Wave Dave)
Top Teams
---------
DM 1 MORDANT (turn 475): HAWKS (Mr. Monsen, mgr.)
DM 2 NIANIA (turn 361): BIG COUNTRY (Wally the Wacko, mgr.)
DM 3 OSKSI (turn 480): SIMPLY DESSERTS (Sweet Tooth, mgr.)
DM 4 JHELUM (turn 477): ABBY NORMAL (Poppa Balrog, mgr.)
DM 5 KALTOS (turn 475): THE MIDDLE WAY 5 (Nick, mgr.)
DM 6 TRANSEL (turn 479): SOUL STRIPPERS II (Saucy Jack, mgr.)
DM 7 BONSUR (turn 477): none
DM 10 KOLACT (turn 471): QUBIT (Sultan, mgr.)
DM 18 TALCAMA (turn 463): WASTELAND (The Muffin Man, mgr.)
DM 21 SUNSET (turn 462): MINISTRY OF SKA (?, mgr.)
DM 36 JHANS (turn 436): BABES (Papa Bear, mgr.)
DM 38 CLIFFHOME (turn 427): ALL FINESSE (Mannequin, mgr.)
DM 39 XOCHITHLAN (turn 184): CRIMINAL ELEMENT (Fizban, mgr.)
DM 42 RODEKI (turn 413): COLOR ME SUAVE (Suave, mgr.)
DM 51 TRICORUS (turn 362): SORROW'S HARVEST (Gergin "Happy Toes" Frothingslosh)
DM 54 TROCAR (turn 171): INDULGENT DRINKS (Fizban, mgr.)
DM 59 ILLIS (turn 159): HANGOVERS (Crip, mgr.)
DM 62 VALAMANTIS (turn 311): STRETSAMLEUD (Phat Phat, mgr.)
DM 72 DRAGONHEAD (turn 136): ROCKERS OF RAGE (Unforgiven, mgr.)
ADM 104 DARKHOLM (turn 354): THUNDR + LITENING (Doc Steele, mgr.)
Recent Graduates
-----------------
DM 1 MORDANT (turn 475): CIARAN of MANNEQUIN'S BEST (Mannequin, mgr.)
HELLRAISER of UNKNOWNS II (
DM 3 OSKSI (turn 479): DUNE of SIMPLY DESSERTS (Sweet Tooth, mgr.)
MX of THE NUKES (Fusion, mgr.)
DM 6 TRANSEL (turn 478): ZOT ZIPZIG of NIGHT TRAIN (Teet, mgr.)
DM 7 BONSUR (turn 477): BAYUSHI KACHIKO of CALL TO THUNDER (Ichabod Frothingslosh)
TOTURI of CALL TO THUNDER (Ichabod Frothingslosh, mgr.)
NUTMEG of SUGAR AND SPICE (Mannequin, mgr.)
DM 10 KOLACT (turn 470): SIR VILE of SIR AGLIO (Sultan, mgr.)
DM 18 TALCAMA (turn 462): BO PEEP of SHEPHERDS (Assurwhatever, mgr.)
MIMIC BLENNY of BIG MEAN FISH (Big Wave Dave, mgr.)
DM 21 SUNSET (turn 462): CARNIVOROUS CANARY of CARNAGE CANARIES (C. Canary, mgr.)
(turn 461): STONE KILLER of NASTY MOB (Papa Bear, mgr.)
DM 38 CLIFFHOME (turn 426): HAR DI'HAR of JINDA-BAN (Nick, mgr.)
GAR & BRILL of JUST BECAUSE (A-Sop, mgr.)
DM 39 XOCHITHLAN (turn 183): HOCKEY DUCK of DUCKS UNLIMITED (Crip, mgr.)
DM 59 ILLIS (turn 159): HAMP of ISLANDERS (Nick, mgr.)
DM 72 DRAGONHEAD (turn 136): ANDRO MEDA of FEARSOME LEGENDS (Brewmaster, mgr.)
JARRAC of FREELANCERS (Jinx, mgr.)
(turn 135): EVE of DARQUE FORCES (Master Darque, mgr.)
THE GUARDIAN'S FORUM
Reflections by the Keeper of the Runeblade
Well, that was unexpected. Voldric, you do realize that you are the one style that I
can consistently beat, don't you? I'll admit that I was nervous since you do have a
TV but when it comes down do it, a TP is a TP. Of course you may be an amazing TP
(for all I know) but don't forget that I am older than dirt! And that's pretty
damned old. I may have to write my memoirs as I am the only striker in recent
history to have success in both the Arena as well as tourneys. Granted it could be
summed up in one paragraph...get really really old. Shhhhhh! Don't tell anyone that
I let you in on my secret! It's all very hush hush.
-- Mahi Mahi
REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER
Hello Darkholm,
We had only a couple of overt TV challenges this turn, but as there is evidence
that the Commission has been failing to report some of our TV challenges as such, I
will have to assume that we had at least three times that many, which beats Free
Blades' paltry five.
Anyway, Fat Bastard of I'm So Sexy, from Rodeki, TV challenged Miss Honey of
Scarry Team, from Jhans. The Bastard beat her in thirty-nine seconds and it wasn't
much of a fight.
Lucretia Borgia was our most challenged warrior, so of course it was a TV
challenge that reached her: VOLDRIC THE BLUE (18-6259) (55-43-0,198) of THUNDR +
LITENING TV challenged LUCRETIA BORGIA (4-3563) (89-127-0,230) of LETHAL LADIES.
VOLDRIC THE BLUE overcame LUCRETIA BORGIA in a popular 4 minute Challenge match. It
was a good fight and Lucretia is still our most popular warrior despite her frequent
and distressing losses. I think this is because she's such a drama queen. Every
blow struck is a major triumph, every hit taken is a despicable crime. She may not
be the best warrior around but she is surely the best actress.
Our beloved Keeper of the Runeblade, Mahi Mahi, who wrote a fine column for us,
got randomly matched this turn. However, Whirling Dog didn't have any better luck
against him than anyone else. Go Mahi! Go Mahi!
Street Pizza (5th in the guild rankings this turn) was avoided by Soulthieves
(17th). We had all better get used to the fact that Suave is feared these days.
Strange.
Aha! There were a couple of fights to the death this turn! BEAR (7-4628) (22-
29-0,91) of BIG BAD challenged MEN WORKING (38-4189) (22-33-1,70) of JUST BECAUSE.
BEAR slaughtered MEN WORKING in a 1 minute gory one-sided Challenge duel. And then a
short time later, COOLER (82-7277) (25-9-0,185) of STYROFOAM fought GREE CHAK (41-
3859) (36-21-2,194) of KILLERS. COOLER (who is our top-ranked slasher) executed GREE
CHAK in a 1 minute one-sided fray. Well done, the four of you, for fighting with
passion enough to end a life (temporarily at least).
SHINY PENNY (32-3789) (27-55-2,160) of FOUND IN THE SAND challenged DOC STEELE
(18-6010) (45-98-6,148) of ARROGANCE. SHINY PENNY defeated DOC STEELE in an action
packed 1 minute Challenge melee. Despite his frequent losses, and certainly not
because they thought he was scummed, the crowd voted Doc Steele as this turn's
favorite warrior. I think the fact that the fried lizard vendor was handing out
freebies in his name may have had something to do with it.
THE HUNGER (21-4622) (16-6-1,98) of SPIDERS FROM MARS fought ARSONIST ART (39-
3325) (21-11-0,62) of CRIMINAL ELEMENT. THE HUNGER devastated ARSONIST ART in a 1
minute one-sided battle. This is worth noting only because Arsonist Art is the least
liked warrior in Darkholm at the moment.
At least your manager is taking the time to work with you! PATIENCE (51-4949)
(16-24-1,29) of MIGHTY MORALS challenged HOCKEY (82-5719) (12-14-0,70) of CHEAP
DENTISTRY. PATIENCE was handily defeated by HOCKEY in a 1 minute mismatched
Challenge bout. Have... er... patience, dear, I'm sure your efforts will pay off and
you will climb in the ranks. That was a good try. Just keep making wise challenges.
I like to see how he's doing just because he's an aimed blow and because his
name is so strange. LARGE SPINNY GUY (23-4361) (48-27-2,195) of DIABLO TOO fought A
DIFFERENT GRAPE (82-1258) (29-13-0,198) of MY WIFE'S COSMETICS. LARGE SPINNY GUY
overpowered A DIFFERENT GRAPE in an exciting 3 minute one-sided fight. Well done,
LSG! Other people like your fights, too.
Well, it seems that Barroch is going to start TV challenging Voldric the Blue
(who is our top Total Parry). Since Voldric has his own TV challenge, obviously
Barroch won't always get through. In any case Barroch's challenges aren't supposed
to start until next turn. But let's see how he did today... he got a random matchup.
BARROCH (18-2684) (82-87-1,201) of SHEPHERDS fought DR NUT (24-4254) (40-22-2,191) of
DP CLONES. BARROCH savagely defeated DR NUT in a popular 1 minute gruesome fight.
And Voldric, of course, beat Lucretia Borgia as previously mentioned.
I believe there were no stand-ins needed this turn, so we did not see any Debby
Tonte look-alikes on the sands. This is just as well, I feel. However, I am
perplexed to see that we had two Doc Steeles on the sand, fighting for the same team!
Look:
SHINY PENNY (32-3789) (27-55-2,160) of FOUND IN THE SAND challenged DOC
STEELE (18-6010) (45-98-6,148) of ARROGANCE. SHINY PENNY defeated DOC STEELE in an
action packed 1 minute Challenge melee. This Doc Steele is now ranked 147.
ETCHED IN STONE (61-3112) (26-10-0,145) of CEMENTIA challenged DOC STEELE
(18-6808) (35-50-1,163) of ARROGANCE. ETCHED IN STONE unbelievably bested DOC STEELE
in a 5 minute Challenge duel. Now ranked 156.
You will note that their identification numbers are different. However, I think
this may create some confusion. Mr. 6808 appears to be a less aggressive sort than
Mr. 6010. I was unable to catch either of them in the locker room to take note of
any other distinguishing characteristics. Does anyone know these two warriors? Do
they look alike? Are they related? Or is it just that the manager of Arrogance
wished to give multiple tributes to Doc Steele the manager? Are there any more Doc
Steeles of the Arrogance stable on their way here from Talcama? I wonder which one
was the intended recipient of Assurnasirbanipal's ad this turn?
Well, in any case, it's time to wind this up. Until next turn, honor your
grandparents but try not to dress like them.
Desiree
KEEPER OF THE RUNEBLADE W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
MAHI MAHI 18-4899 79 58 1 413 BIG MEAN FISH (292) TALCAMA
GRAND CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
COOLER 82-7277 26 9 1 256 STYROFOAM (1090) DWES EG
SPEEDI 58-3029 86 76 3 247 SHAMROCKS (424) DELARQ TOR
FLOATING SWISS 4-4461 20 10 0 246 THINGSINPUG'SCOOLER (1088) JHELUM
-GRIZZLY 74-2710 40 39 0 241 TOTEM (1146) DAIYLA KIV
DARK GUMBY 7-4694 40 24 0 240 WASTELAND II (500) BONSUR
FAT BASTARD 42-3804 43 20 0 237 I'M SO SEXY (1072) RODEKI
BLACK WIDOW 37-1303 51 55 2 227 BEAST MASTERS (136) SIBIKHAS
LARGE SPINNY GUY 23-4361 49 27 2 218 DIABLO TOO (1037) TI
BARROCH 18-2684 83 87 1 216 SHEPHERDS (432) TALCAMA
MR PIBB 24-4253 48 19 1 213 DP CLONES (1045) ZORPUNT
GRAND CHAMPIONS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
HARLEQUIN TUSKFISH 18-6977 37 29 0 208 BIG MEAN FISH (292) TALCAMA
VOLDRIC THE BLUE 18-6259 56 43 0 207 THUNDR + LITENING (309) TALCAMA
FACEMAN 38-4129 37 33 2 207 THE A TEAM (1044) CLIFFHOME
T-BONE 18-3402 30 21 3 207 DEAD EVIL (627) TALCAMA
JACK BOY 82-2030 61 49 0 203 ON A WHIM (1014) DWES EG
LEE AT TOURNEY 4-3565 100 117 1 201 LETHAL LADIES (768) JHELUM
LUCRETIA BORGIA 4-3563 89 128 0 200 LETHAL LADIES (768) JHELUM
GEO METRO 58-5740 56 60 2 199 COOL WHEELS (943) DELARQ TOR
SIR ENE 10-4360 38 22 3 199 SIR AGLIO (600) KOLACT
DUSKY JAWFISH 18-6978 35 32 1 199 BIG MEAN FISH (292) TALCAMA
-SYPHILIS 19-3085 81 48 2 198 THAT SUCKS! (1144) ZUWAYZA
CHICK WITH A STICK 23-4365 38 38 1 198 DIABLO TOO (1037) TI
OSCAR THE SLOUCH 82-1316 36 27 3 198 SESAME SPINE (1070) DWES EG
MISS HONEY 36-4850 56 51 0 196 SCARRY TEAM (824) JHANS
-TORMENT 21-3121 44 33 3 196 TORMENTORS (571) SUNSET
WHIRLING DOG 10-4177 55 29 1 195 MONGREL HORDE (964) KOLACT
SHOCKING TOAD 7-310 46 57 1 195 NINJAS (1107) BONSUR
CLEANER WRASSE 18-6495 56 54 2 194 BIG MEAN FISH (292) TALCAMA
MUCKER 42-3596 45 51 1 193 DELVERS (1000) RODEKI
SELENA STEELE 37-2010 42 13 0 193 SOULTHIEVES (416) SIBIKHAS
-MISTRESS OF EVIL 18-3565 28 16 3 193 EVIL DEAD (1099) TALCAMA
WHIRLING WORD 48-3815 46 30 0 192 4-LETTER WORDS (1063) CAER
BUUL THE BULL 2-4840 34 35 1 192 RESURRECTION (1143) NIANIA
A DIFFERENT GRAPE 82-1258 29 14 0 192 MY WIFE'S COSMETICS (1038) DWES EG
-HE-MAN 21-3112 45 34 0 191 TORMENTORS (571) SUNSET
-TERROR 21-3267 41 23 0 190 TORMENTORS (571) SUNSET
JANET RENO 42-3823 31 30 1 190 I'M SO SEXY (1072) RODEKI
DR NUT 24-4254 40 23 2 189 DP CLONES (1045) ZORPUNT
SLAYER II 10-2125 32 22 1 189 THE MENTORS (408) KOLACT
SCHYLER 6-4866 47 77 1 188 THE LADY'S LIST (917) TRANSEL
DR DAZZLE 57-4485 39 24 0 188 PEPPER PRACTICE II (1069) ANDOR
HOT 48-3858 37 37 2 186 OUTSIDE IS (1061) CAER
3-7-2-D-S 82-5727 32 24 0 186 FASCINATIN' RYTHYM (1152) DWES EG
SMILES 21-3207 24 14 3 185 TROOPERS (1113) SUNSET
GRAND CHAMPIONS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
TORNADO 6-2249 24 27 2 185 ACTS OF NATURE (415) TRANSEL
GREE CHAK 41-3859 36 22 2 183 KILLERS (1145) KATI-TEI
-DARK ORIGIN 42-2770 25 16 0 182 GUARDIAN'S SLAVES (1157) RODEKI
GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
CHRISTIANITY 51-4965 35 30 0 180 GENOCIDE (1110) TRICORUS
TOLAIS DEEPHEART 42-1620 76 91 0 176 DELVERS (1000) RODEKI
OBSESSIVE 58-2447 36 32 1 176 ELEMENTS OF PSI (423) DELARQ TOR
MOJO JOJO 10-4643 26 22 2 175 TOWNSVILLAINS (1089) KOLACT
BRAHMA 97-731 23 27 4 175 ONE SURFING HINDU (1071) SHADOW GROVE
ZALTAN 6-4616 52 104 2 174 THE LADY'S LIST (917) TRANSEL
BASS 5-3666 46 81 1 173 JOHNS (927) KALTOS
-AGONY 21-3413 34 11 0 173 TORMENTORS (571) SUNSET
SILK 5-3342 29 36 2 173 WORTHLESS MANAGERS (820) KALTOS
SPLURGE ON WAX LIP 18-6485 47 35 1 172 STREET PIZZA (114) TALCAMA
BLINKY 18-2683 70 112 4 170 SHEPHERDS (432) TALCAMA
RYGEL 18-7142 35 26 0 170 WASTELAND (468) TALCAMA
-STORM XCIX 82-14095 17 6 1 167 DEATH STUDS VIII (1086) DWES EG
SHINY PENNY 32-3789 28 55 2 165 FOUND IN THE SAND (1034) ARVAT
SINISTER MIDGET 6-5113 33 39 5 163 LOOK OUT BELOW (1042) TRANSEL
DRUNK AND AT DENNY 82-2255 33 30 2 162 ROCK BOTTOM (1080) DWES EG
ETCHED IN STONE 61-3112 27 10 0 160 CEMENTIA (1112) JURINE
EXCREMENTO 51-4968 37 29 1 158 GUANO GROUP (1065) TRICORUS
LUIGI 6-5142 27 28 2 158 SUPER BASH BROTHERS (1067) TRANSEL
-BEDLAM'S BARD 2-4144 28 21 2 157 MYTH AND MIGHT (163) NIANIA
DOC STEELE 18-6808 35 51 1 156 ARROGANCE (732) TALCAMA
SILAS 18-6796 31 53 2 155 SHEPHERDS (432) TALCAMA
-IRON HEAD LEE 18-6563 11 3 0 154 THE GUARDIANS II (1155) TALCAMA
SUE E. SYDE 39-3240 34 25 1 152 CRIMINAL ELEMENT (1074) XOCHITHLAN
GRAND ADEPTS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
-TORTURE 21-3293 26 29 3 149 TORMENTORS (571) SUNSET
DOC STEELE 18-6010 45 99 6 147 ARROGANCE (732) TALCAMA
A NEW PONY! 82-1306 14 13 0 146 WHAT I ATE FOR XMAS (1114) DWES EG
LIFE 3-4196 34 116 0 144 GAMES LIBRARY (998) OSKSI
STRANGER RANGER 6-2878 24 20 3 130 SOUL STRIPPERS II (412) TRANSEL
OH WELL 10-2205 24 21 4 129 THE MENTORS (408) KOLACT
LINK 6-5144 24 29 2 111 SUPER BASH BROTHERS (1067) TRANSEL
BEAR 7-4628 23 29 1 109 BIG BAD (1073) BONSUR
SLEEPLESS PARANOIA 82-2252 10 11 1 104 PARENTHOOD (1122) DWES EG
GRAND CHALLENGER INITIATES W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
THANOS 37-1406 22 26 2 100 NIGHT TRAIN (545) SIBIKHAS
ROB A. REE 39-3241 26 13 0 99 CRIMINAL ELEMENT (1074) XOCHITHLAN
QUID PRO QUO 10-4794 22 5 1 91 QUBIT (1140) KOLACT
GRAND INITIATES W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
BRADEN 6-4867 45 79 0 89 THE LADY'S LIST (917) TRANSEL
MAGINOT MIKE 4-4509 48 51 1 88 DOGS OF WAR (999) JHELUM
-BO PEEP 18-7392 25 13 0 88 SHEPHERDS (432) TALCAMA
SLAYER 3 10-2530 22 7 1 83 THE MENTORS (408) KOLACT
ELI 18-7272 18 20 3 82 SHEPHERDS (432) TALCAMA
THE WICKER KING 42-3904 17 16 0 80 FURNITURE BARN (1109) RODEKI
JOB 18-6129 16 121 0 80 SHEPHERDS (432) TALCAMA
-SUNGOD'S FOLLY 18-7199 19 9 3 77 SADISTS (1093) TALCAMA
MY1STADMWARRIOR 37-4668 18 6 1 76 SRETSAMLEUD (1134) SIBIKHAS
TRUMP 24-4359 23 17 1 73 BAD HAND (1125) ZORPUNT
-MIMIC BLENNY 18-7541 20 12 1 73 BIG MEAN FISH (292) TALCAMA
HOCKEY 82-5719 13 14 0 72 CHEAP DENTISTRY (1098) DWES EG
-THUG 21-3426 22 18 2 65 TORMENTORS (571) SUNSET
MEN WORKING 38-4189 22 34 1 65 JUST BECAUSE (1151) CLIFFHOME
-FROG SLAYER 21-4021 16 17 0 65 THE GUARDIANS (1156) SUNSET
ARSONIST ART 39-3325 21 12 0 64 CRIMINAL ELEMENT (1074) XOCHITHLAN
GRAND INITIATES W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
MUCS 21-1992 26 13 0 62 SRETSAMLEUD (1133) SUNSET
JOHN ASHCROFT 24-4355 16 7 2 58 DOH! (1147) ZORPUNT
PROFFESSOR GRIM 10-2613 14 9 0 56 THE MENTORS (408) KOLACT
TYRONE 21-1769 27 19 1 55 DWARVEN LEGION (1139) SUNSET
LUC STARWALKER 58-6100 23 29 0 54 NEXT GENERATION (1075) DELARQ TOR
NUMBERED WON 18-7434 16 16 0 52 NEXT GENERATION (1150) TALCAMA
ZOT ZIPZIG 6-5688 13 11 0 50 NIGHT TRAIN (1158) TRANSEL
BOUGHTANDPAID 4 10-4809 15 11 4 41 SRETSAMLEUD (1135) KOLACT
PATIENCE 51-4949 16 25 1 29 MIGHTY MORALS (1120) TRICORUS
'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.
THE DEAD W L K TEAM NAME SLAIN BY TURN
MEN WORKING 38-4189 22 34 1 JUST BECAUSE 1151 BEAR 7-4628 355
GREE CHAK 41-3859 36 22 2 KILLERS 1145 COOLER 82-7277 355
PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE
T-Bone -- Yes, the humor of it was not lost on me. Good win. -- Syphilis
Lucretia Borgia -- Did I mention how much I apparently suck? No? Well, my manager
sure did after the last couple turns. -- Syphilis
Tormentors -- If there was a point in us challenging you last turn, we don't remember
what it was. -- Grizzly and Storm
He-Man -- Yes, you took some damage there, my friend. -- Grizzly
Darkholm -- What an embarrassment. Our team goes 6-6 for the turn? -- Assur
To those who lost to my warriors:
Assur -- You just have to face the fact that your warriors have some competence.
-- Desiree
Buul The Bull -- You have an excuse, facing the only good warrior on this stable.
And it was intended to be a TV challenge, not just some normal challenge, but
apparently the challenge department at the Commission didn't get my paperwork
transferred to the TV challenge department and so the TV part of the challenge was
ignored. -- Assur
Tolais Deepheart -- Maybe you should be commended for your heart, giving a win to
Silas after so many beatings, but in Delarq, I'd recommend doing as the Delarquans,
since you won't see any such kindness in return. -- Assur
Doc Steele -- You're just bad. Always have been, probably always will. You would
fit right in here at our stable -- oh, except we're all bashers. Maybe you should
petition for a style change. Then at least you can blame your poor abilities on your
style. -- Assur
Men Working -- Welcome to life as a Basher in Darkholm. Let the losses keep on
rolling! -- Assur
Trump -- You, my friend, truly should be embarrassed! -- Assur
Arsonist Act -- Not much more to say about that one! You lost to probably the worst
warrior in all Alastari. -- Assur
And to those who beat my warriors:
Lee At Tourney, Maginot Mike, Braden, Agony, Hockey, and last, but certainly not
least, Debby Tonte -- Thanks for keeping us from surpassing .500. I can only guess
what kind of medical emergency would have occurred had the shock of a winning turn
been subjected to me. Thanks! -- Assur
Doc Steele -- I want Voldric starting turn 356. I want you to eat those words of
yours about Barroch not being good enough to face Voldric the Blue, even after the
tourney. I'll be TVing you -- count on it. While I can't see you running, I will
remind you that we have a no avoids pact here in Darkholm. You can certainly send
your TV elsewhere, but you might as well avoid if you're gonna do that! I'll be
TVing Voldric every turn from now until the end of the split. Time for you to earn
your wins rather than get them for free! Oh, and Barroch still has easy training to
do... -- Assurnasirbanipal
Muffin Man / Big Wave Dave -- It was a tough decision to not use Barroch's TV (since
it'll likely be a long time before my next ADM TV) to abuse your guys, but I figure
Doc Steele's record is just too ridiculous! I know he'll always send his best here,
to keep his record high, but I'm not going to sit around and let him walk freely in
the arena when I actually have a choice! Geo Metro gets my TV this turn. -- Assur
Silas -- Your record is 31-52, and you say "yet again" you are victorious? Well,
okay. I like a man with self-confidence. -- Toalis Deepheart
Eli -- I just LIVE for you guys. And I love it, too. -- Maginot Mike, striker of
blows
Dark Gumby -- You have an icky, rubbery texture, not at all what I am accustomed to.
I am designed to work on crisp, firm rock. -- Mucker
Hot -- You have an UNFAIR advantage in that the veritable GODS (if They actually
exist, which is debateable) are on your side in this HORRID weather.
But since you were so RUDE besides, I REFUSE to teach you ANY SKILLS AT ALL. -- Life
of Osksi
Desiree -- That was not, like, really me, you know? As if! It was somebody totally
apocryphal. -- Debby Tonte
P.S. We had five TV challenges a couple of days ago. I thought you might, you know,
want to know that.
Debby -- Don't worry, dear, I knew she wasn't you the minute I saw her naturally
blonde roots. -- Desiree
18 July 2003
To All Managers -- I would like to take this time to announce that my alliance, The
Association, is no more. Due to the dead weight managers of the alliance and their
lack of participation, DarkSpirit and I have formed a new alliance: The Firm. We
have taken on two members so far and are looking for a few more. If you would like
to find out more about The Firm, you can diplo Dark Spirit, Unknowns XX in arena 15
or myself, Sungod, Sadists F2FII in arena 62.
--* The Firm *--
Sungod -- Sadists F2FII -- 62
Dark Spirit -- Unknowns XX -- 15
Youngblood -- Wensinwasin -- 43
Tripwire -- Of Wolf and Man -- 1
26 July 2003
Citizens of Alastari, a bright dawn has risen. While you slept, a pernicious
force has entered the once-fair City of Aruak. It fought alongside their treasured
warriors, it drank with their fans, and it slept with their women. Now the masks are
coming off.
Warriors, be afraid...be very afraid. After years of Andorian managers ranting
that Aruak is the safest city in Alastari, the Frothingslosh Syndicate has selected
Aruak City as the home for its next epic 'contest'--Murder by Numbers II. Our spies
have selected the warriors for extermination, and the executioners have had several
months to prepare. Now a new age of darkness will descend upon Aruak, as the
Syndicate and its allies bring an entirely new level of competition to the arena!
Downchallenges! Assassinations! Small poodles as hors d'oeuvres!
The Murder by Numbers II 'rules' will be announced next cycle. However, we
invite all managers, from all corners of Alastari, to come to Aruak City and take
part...in one way or another. Help defend the honor of a long heralded haven for the
pure, or join the forces of change in their siege of the ice-cream and cake
stronghold of the Dukes of Nerf-Dueling!
This exercise is not for either the faint of heart or the weak willed. Blood
will flow, brains will leak, and beer will be chugged. Either way, we welcome you
with open arms and gleaming blades.
This public service announcement has been brought to you by Frothingslosh Epic
Contests (tm), the number 86, and the letter 'K'.
The Frothingslosh Syndicate
29 July 2003
* * * *The Third Annual Turf War* * * *
Yes, it's time again for alliances to go to war! TW3 will be held in DM 47
(North Fork) at a date to be specified later--right after Crip's Incomprehensible
Contest is over...but I'm sure everyone wants to get their teams there soon! Here
are the rules:
1. Each alliance must have a leader declare the arrival of his alliance. The leader
will be responsible for verifying any and all teams/managers who declare to the
alliance he/she is leading.
2. Each manager, team declaring for the contest must have approval of the leader,
donate one Roll-up Certificate ($5) to the prize pot (send it to me by diplo, by
snail, or a note to customer service), and declare his/her team by diplo, p-ad or
snail.
3. Each team may declare one warrior as champion. All points scored by a champ are
double!
4. Prizes are as follows (mostly...there WILL be some things added as the prize pot
grows with entry donations--this list is not final!)
* Highest scoring alliance -- Rename Arena 47 for a period of 6 months, one half
of the total prize pot donated; roll-up certs.
* The Alliance with the most returns from the DA will get to re-name the DA
monsters for a period of 6 months.
* The alliance with the most warriors listed as style masters will get to pick
the Alastari city/arena to host the next Grand Tournament.
* The warrior with the most front page honors/awards will have the Arenamaster
named after him for a period of 6 months.
* The Alliance with the most front page Honors/Awards will have the honor of
picking the *slow* arena to host the Fifth Annual Turf War.
* The team with the most listings as Style Master will find out the favorites of
one of their warriors.
* The warrior with the most listings as Style Master will fight at my expense
for five turns (I will transfer to the manager's account).
* The Alliance with the most kills will be able to re-name the stand-in warriors
for a period of 6 months.
* The warrior that scores the most total points will fight at my expense for 5
turns (I will transfer $7.50 to the manager's account).
* The team that scores the most total points will receive an extra share of
roll-up certs from the prize pot.
There may be more categories to come, and the prize pot still has to be
divided...I'm open to category/prize ideas--and further donations to the prize pot.
The contest will run for *TEN* turns; prizes will be awarded at the end of the
11th turn.
Scoring will be as follows:
* 5 points per fight, doubled for each of the following conditions met:
-- Two Alliance -- Champion
-- Challenge -- Two Champions
-- Bloodfeud -- Challenger losing
-- Kill
(Note: DA losses are exempt, but DA wins will be *tripled*!!! Ex: Happy
Slasher goes to the DA and dies, no points are lost. If he wins, his team scores 60
points! If he was a champ, he scores 120 points!)
Use the following chart to calculate scores:
Conditions Met: 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7
Points Per Fight: 5 10 20 40 80 160 320 640
* Awards/Honors and Style Masters will each be awarded points also. Find the total
number of each (do note add Awards and Style Masters together) and consult the graph
below. Champs that score an award or style master count as two.
1 -- 5 7 -- 320
2 -- 10 8 -- 640
3 -- 20 9 -- 1280
4 -- 40 10 -- 2560
5 -- 80 11 -- 5280
6 -- 100 (x2 for each extra)
Note -- These categories *count as "triple"*--they will be figured for each team,
*AND* again for each alliance *as well as* for each warrior!
* Each and every mention in the Spy Report is worth 5 points...period.
* TVs will be scored on the same scale as Awards/Style Masters, but the total points
will be x10. TC's will be scored as TV's, but x10 more.
Number of TV/TC's Points Scored (TV/TC)
1 50/ 500
2 100/1000
3 200/2000
4 400/4000
+ x2/ x2 (for each extra)
Each alliance will start with 5000 points, scores for *fights* will be added to
the winner's total *AND* deducted from the losers.
Come one and all, defend your turf and the honor of your alliance...or your
own!
Asmo Dius, TCB
Arenas, DM 47, DM 73
1 August 2003
Assurnasirbanipal invites you to Talcama to participate in the third BATTLE
ROYAL contest. It is a Delarquan contest so brutal that even some of Talcama's most
notable managers will refuse to participate. The rules are simpler than any other
contest: You may not avoid any other contest team. There are no silly rules for who
can and can't compete. Any team in Talcama is eligible to compete. The scoring is
also quite simple (+1 for a win, +1 for a kill (+1 for the win), -1 for a loss) and
the first team to reach 25 points is the winner.
Scoring will be live--the results for the turn posted in the newsletter. The
winner will be able to fight their contest team in Talcama for free for 6 months but
more importantly will win a contest against some of the best managers who play the
game in one of the hardest contests in the game.
First turn for BATTLE ROYAL 3 is Talcama Turn 465, which is due August 30.
LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS
FAT BASTARD devastated MISS HONEY in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge fight.
VOLDRIC THE BLUE overcame LUCRETIA BORGIA in a popular 4 minute Challenge match.
MOJO JOJO lost to OSCAR THE SLOUCH in a 1 minute Challenge brawl.
SILAS was devastated by TOLAIS DEEPHEART in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge fight.
LUIGI was devastated by LEE AT TOURNEY in a popular 1 minute uneven Challenge brawl.
BLINKY was viciously subdued by BUUL THE BULL in a 2 minute Challenge match.
SHINY PENNY defeated DOC STEELE in a action packed 1 minute Challenge melee.
ETCHED IN STONE unbelievably bested DOC STEELE in a 5 minute Challenge duel.
BEAR slaughtered MEN WORKING in a 1 minute gory one-sided Challenge duel.
JOB was savagely defeated by QUID PRO QUO in a 2 minute gory Challenge melee.
TRUMP was overpowered by LINK in a crowd pleasing 2 minute one-sided Challenge match.
MUCS was viciously subdued by BRADEN in a exciting 4 minute bloody Challenge battle.
NUMBERED WON was overpowered by ROB A. REE in a 1 minute Challenge conflict.
ELI overpowered TYRONE in a 1 minute uneven Challenge struggle.
PATIENCE was handily defeated by HOCKEY in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge bout.
JOHN ASHCROFT was devastated by MAGINOT MIKE in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge brawl.
MAHI MAHI overpowered WHIRLING DOG in a exciting 1 minute one-sided Title match.
BLACK WIDOW overpowered JANET RENO in a crowd pleasing 1 minute mismatched fight.
SPEEDI bested GEO METRO in a popular 2 minute gruesome bout.
DARK GUMBY demolished CLEANER WRASSE in a 1 minute uneven bout.
BODHISATVA vanquished WHIRLING WORD in a popular 1 minute mismatched fray.
LADY STARDUST subdued SIR ENE in a popular 1 minute fight.
FLOATING SWISS vanquished BUNNY WAILER in a action packed 1 minute one-sided match.
SPLURGE ON WAX LIPS was overpowered by DUSKY JAWFISH in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
T-BONE vanquished MAJOR TOM in a action packed 1 minute gory uneven bout.
HARLEQUIN TUSKFISH handily defeated DIERDRE in a 1 minute mismatched bout.
BARROCH savagely defeated DR NUT in a popular 1 minute gruesome fight.
BASS was overcome by TORNADO in a exciting 2 minute brutal fight.
LARGE SPINNY GUY overpowered A DIFFERENT GRAPE in a exciting 3 minute one-sided fight.
CHICK WITH A STICK overcame SCHYLER in a crowd pleasing 3 minute gruesome match.
MR PIBB overpowered TRANQUILITY in a exciting 1 minute bloody one-sided struggle.
COOLER executed GREE CHAK in a 1 minute one-sided fray.
JACK BOY savagely defeated CHRISTIANITY in a crowd pleasing 2 minute brutal match.
SLAYER II was viciously subdued by FACEMAN in a popular 2 minute gruesome bout.
SHOCKING TOAD overpowered EXCREMENTO in a 1 minute one-sided competition.
SELENA STEELE unbelievably bested SID VICIOUS in a exciting 3 minute gory duel.
ZALTAN was savagely defeated by 3-7-2-D-S in a action packed 2 minute bloody duel.
HOT subdued SILK in a action packed 1 minute conflict.
MUCKER handily defeated SINISTER MIDGET in a exciting 1 minute mismatched fight.
BRAHMA handily defeated OH WELL in a 1 minute mismatched melee.
DR DAZZLE demolished DRUNK AND AT DENNYS in a exciting 1 minute one-sided match.
OBSESSIVE overpowered LIFE in a 2 minute gory one-sided duel.
RYGEL was viciously subdued by SMILES in a crowd pleasing 1 minute gruesome bout.
A NEW PONY! subdued THANOS in a crowd pleasing 1 minute match.
STRANGER RANGER was savagely defeated by SUE E. SYDE in a exciting 2 minute battle.
SLEEPLESS PARANOIA overpowered THE WICKER KING in a 1 minute mismatched conflict.
THE HUNGER devastated ARSONIST ART in a 1 minute one-sided battle.
SLAYER 3 devastated ZOT ZIPZIG in a 1 minute mismatched fight.
PROFFESSOR GRIM savagely defeated BOUGHTANDPAID 4 in a crowd pleasing 1 minute battle.
MY1STADMWARRIOR beat LUC STARWALKER in a 2 minute bout.
BATTLE REPORT
MOST POPULAR RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS
|FIGHTING STYLE FIGHTS FIGHTING STYLE W - L - K PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK 29 SLASHING ATTACK 50 - 38 - 4 57 |
|WALL OF STEEL 16 TOTAL PARRY 61 - 52 - 0 54 |
|BASHING ATTACK 13 LUNGING ATTACK 148 - 128 - 0 54 |
|AIMED BLOW 11 PARRY-LUNGE 24 - 21 - 0 53 |
|TOTAL PARRY 10 STRIKING ATTACK 22 - 20 - 0 52 |
|SLASHING ATTACK 8 WALL OF STEEL 66 - 62 - 0 52 |
|PARRY-LUNGE 5 AIMED BLOW 50 - 57 - 0 47 |
|STRIKING ATTACK 5 PARRY-STRIKE 11 - 17 - 1 39 |
|PARRY-STRIKE 3 BASHING ATTACK 31 - 61 - 4 34 |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE 0 PARRY-RIPOSTE 0 - 0 - 0 0 |
Turn 355 was great if you Not so great if you used The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles: the fighting styles: top eleven warriors are:
SLASHING ATTACK 5 - 3 BASHING ATTACK 6 - 7 5 LUNGING ATTACK
LUNGING ATTACK 17 - 12 AIMED BLOW 5 - 6 2 SLASHING ATTACK
TOTAL PARRY 5 - 5 WALL OF STEEL 7 - 9 2 AIMED BLOW
PARRY-LUNGE 2 - 3 1 STRIKING ATTACK
STRIKING ATTACK 2 - 3 1 WALL OF STEEL
PARRY-STRIKE 1 - 2
PARRY-RIPOSTE 0 - 0
TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE
FIGHTING STYLE WARRIOR W L K PNTS TEAM NAME
STRIKING ATTACK MAHI MAHI 18-4899 79 58 1 413 BIG MEAN FISH (292)
SLASHING ATTACK COOLER 82-7277 26 9 1 256 STYROFOAM (1090)
LUNGING ATTACK SPEEDI 58-3029 86 76 3 247 SHAMROCKS (424)
WALL OF STEEL DARK GUMBY 7-4694 40 24 0 240 WASTELAND II (500)
AIMED BLOW LARGE SPINNY GUY 23-4361 49 27 2 218 DIABLO TOO (1037)
TOTAL PARRY VOLDRIC THE BLUE 18-6259 56 43 0 207 THUNDR + LITENING (309)
PARRY-LUNGE LEE AT TOURNEY 4-3565 100 117 1 201 LETHAL LADIES (768)
PARRY-STRIKE SHOCKING TOAD 7-310 46 57 1 195 NINJAS (1107)
BASHING ATTACK BUUL THE BULL 2-4840 34 35 1 192 RESURRECTION (1143)
The overall popularity leader is LUCRETIA BORGIA 4-3563. The most popular warrior
this turn was DOC STEELE 18-6808. The ten other most popular fighters were LARGE
SPINNY GUY 23-4361, SID VICIOUS 18-6054, SUE E. SYDE 39-3240, VOLDRIC THE BLUE
18-6259, BUUL THE BULL 2-4840, BRADEN 6-4867, LUCRETIA BORGIA 4-3563, SPEEDI 58-3029,
TORNADO 6-2249, and SCHYLER 6-4866.
The least popular fighter this week was ARSONIST ART 39-3325. The other ten least
popular fighters were OH WELL 10-2205, EXCREMENTO 51-4968, GREE CHAK 41-3859,
WHIRLING WORD 48-3815, JOHN ASHCROFT 24-4355, PATIENCE 51-4949, TYRONE 21-1769, MEN
WORKING 38-4189, BOUGHTANDPAID 4 10-4809, and ZOT ZIPZIG 6-5688.
Arena (Number) W L K Arena (Number) W L K Arena (Number) W L K
NIANIA(2) 1 0 0 TI(23) 2 0 0 CAER(48) 1 1 0
OSKSI(3) 0 2 0 ZORPUNT(24) 1 3 0 TRICORUS(51) 0 3 0
JHELUM(4) 3 1 0 ARVAT(32) 1 0 0 ANDOR(57) 1 0 0
KALTOS(5) 0 2 0 JHANS(36) 1 2 0 DELARQ TOR(58) 2 2 0
TRANSEL(6) 3 6 0 SIBIKHAS(37) 3 1 0 JURINE(61) 1 0 0
BONSUR(7) 3 0 1 CLIFFHOME(38) 1 1 0 CIMMERIAC(69) 0 1 0
KOLACT(10) 3 6 0 XOCHITHLAN(39) 2 1 0 DWES EG(82) 7 2 1
TALCAMA(18) 7 10 0 KATI-TEI(41) 0 1 0 SHADOW GROVE(97) 1 0 0
SUNSET(21) 3 3 0 RODEKI(42) 3 2 0
TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
BUUL THE BULL 2-4840 34 35 1 192 RESURRECTION (1143) NIANIA
LIFE 3-4196 34 116 0 144 GAMES LIBRARY (998) OSKSI
FLOATING SWISS 4-4461 20 10 0 246 THINGSINPUG'SCOOLER (1088) JHELUM
BASS 5-3666 46 81 1 173 JOHNS (927) KALTOS
SCHYLER 6-4866 47 77 1 188 THE LADY'S LIST (917) TRANSEL
DARK GUMBY 7-4694 40 24 0 240 WASTELAND II (500) BONSUR
SIR ENE 10-4360 38 22 3 199 SIR AGLIO (600) KOLACT
MAHI MAHI 18-4899 79 58 1 413 BIG MEAN FISH (292) TALCAMA
SMILES 21-3207 24 14 3 185 TROOPERS (1113) SUNSET
LARGE SPINNY GUY 23-4361 49 27 2 218 DIABLO TOO (1037) TI
MR PIBB 24-4253 48 19 1 213 DP CLONES (1045) ZORPUNT
SHINY PENNY 32-3789 28 55 2 165 FOUND IN THE SAND (1034) ARVAT
MISS HONEY 36-4850 56 51 0 196 SCARRY TEAM (824) JHANS
BLACK WIDOW 37-1303 51 55 2 227 BEAST MASTERS (136) SIBIKHAS
FACEMAN 38-4129 37 33 2 207 THE A TEAM (1044) CLIFFHOME
SUE E. SYDE 39-3240 34 25 1 152 CRIMINAL ELEMENT (1074) XOCHITHLAN
GREE CHAK 41-3859 36 22 2 183 KILLERS (1145) KATI-TEI
FAT BASTARD 42-3804 43 20 0 237 I'M SO SEXY (1072) RODEKI
TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
WHIRLING WORD 48-3815 46 30 0 192 4-LETTER WORDS (1063) CAER
CHRISTIANITY 51-4965 35 30 0 180 GENOCIDE (1110) TRICORUS
DR DAZZLE 57-4485 39 24 0 188 PEPPER PRACTICE II (1069) ANDOR
SPEEDI 58-3029 86 76 3 247 SHAMROCKS (424) DELARQ TOR
ETCHED IN STONE 61-3112 27 10 0 160 CEMENTIA (1112) JURINE
COOLER 82-7277 26 9 1 256 STYROFOAM (1090) DWES EG
BRAHMA 97-731 23 27 4 175 ONE SURFING HINDU (1071) SHADOW GROVE