DARKHOLM SPORTING JOURNAL

Date   : 04/03/2004    Duedate: 04/16/2004

DARKHOLM

DM-104    TURN-372

RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %  RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %
  1-TACO GODS 40/1171      64   28  2 69.6      BIG MEAN FISH 18/292                  
    BAILE BEAG 63/1172                        9 SHAMROCKS 58/424      161  166  3 49.2
    RAINDANCE 51/1106                        10-KIDS GONE BAD 3/446    17   20  0 45.9
    DEATH STUDS VIII 82/1086                 11 CRIMINAL ELE 39/1074   45   59  1 43.3
  2 MYTH AND MIGHT 2/163  187  135  2 58.1      INDULGENT DRINKS 54/1153              
    THE GUARDIANS 21/1156                    12 BEAST MASTERS 37/136  110  152  1 42.0
    PIGS ON PARADE 9/1154                       ELEMENTS OF PSI 58/423                
    GUARDIAN'S SLAVES 42/1157                   ACTS OF NATURE 6/415                  
    THE GUARDIANS II 18/1155                    KREWE OF DRUID 6/1186                 
  3 SRETSAMLEUD 18/1183    10    8  1 55.6   13 NINJAS 7/1107          56   81  1 40.9
    SRETSAMLEUD 37/1134                         RESURRECTION 2/1143                   
  4 BELLYFLOP 82/1097    1458 1201 16 54.8      KILLERS 41/1145                       
    WHY I PLAY DM 82/1116                       GENOCIDE 51/1110                      
    PARENTHOOD 82/1122                       14 SAND KINGS 69/1118     45   67  0 40.2
    WHY WE LOVE TUM 82/1164                     TERRAPIN STATION 10/616               
    4-LETTER WORDS 48/1063                      MUSIC TO KILL BY 96/1119              
    STREET PIZZA 18/114                      15 NIGHT TRAIN 37/545     16   25  0 39.0
    MY WIFE'S COSMETICS 82/1038                 NIGHT TRAIN 6/1158                    
    SESAME SPINE 82/1070                     16 DELVERS 42/1000       212  357  1 37.3
    WHAT I ATE FOR XMAS 82/1114                 DOGS OF WAR 4/999                     
    CHEAP DENTISTRY 82/1098                     GAMES LIBRARY 3/998                   
    LUST MUPPETS 32/1036                     17 JOHNS 5/927           771 1354 16 36.3
    4-LETTER DESCRIPTION 82/1167                SCARRY TEAM 36/824                    
    PUNCHLINES 82/1115                          THE LADY'S LIST 6/917                 
  5 CEMENTIA 61/1112     1542 1334  6 53.6      ARROGANCE 18/732                      
    DP CLONES 24/1045                           JUST BECAUSE 38/1151                  
    PEPPER PRACTICE II 57/1069               18 BIG BAD 7/1073        458  861  8 34.7
    DIABLO TOO 23/1037                          SHEPHERDS 18/432                      
    WASTELAND 18/468                            THIS LITTLE PRIGGY 25/1162            
    WASTELAND II 7/500                          NEXT GENERATION 18/1150               
    COOL WHEELS 58/943                          NEXT GENERATION 58/1075               
    FLAT BROKE 82/1184                          SUPER BASH BROTHERS 6/1067            
  6 STYROFOAM 82/1090    1120  974  8 53.5      FOUND IN THE SAND 32/1034             
  7 QUBIT 10/1140         544  480  2 53.1      MIGHTY MORALS 51/1120                 
    ON A WHIM 82/1014                        19 FLAGG 16 42/352        58  118  1 33.0
    SIR AGLIO 10/600                            FLAGG'S FIVE 42/1108                  
  8 THE A TEAM 38/1044    626  617  6 50.4

    '##/###' Avoid teams by their Team Id     '-'  Team did not fight this turn

                                  WARRIOR SPOTLIGHT

          + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ The Dark Federation #5 ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

Rodeki:

     There were just the four of them, or five if you counted Adabemis & Balmador as
two separate people, which Sue E. Syde didn't.  Not much of an army to arrest a
governor.  And just because "Princess Tirisha wants it done."  What did the woman
expect them to DO?  It was beginning to look like Adabemis & Balmador wasn't the only
crazy person around.  She glanced at her companions and wondered if there was any
point in commenting on this.  Not to the Dwarf with his two personalities, although
if one or the other didn't happen to like Tirisha....  No, not to him, or them.  And
she had a good idea that Captain Shirivien already knew it and didn't care, at least,
not enough to run counter to Tirisha's commands.  And her teammate Rob A. Ree...she
shook her head.  Better just to keep quiet for now.
     The streets of Rodeki were quiet, too.  Very few people were out, and they were
keeping close to the sides of buildings and fading down alleys at first sight of the
group from Xochithlan.  Expecting trouble, Sue guessed.
     The governor's palace in Rodeki was not as impressive as Sue had expected.
Large, yes, but so...ordinary.  It looked more like an office building than it did a
palace.  It was built against the side of the mountain that closed in Rodeki on the
north, maybe even built back into the mountain, and it went up three stories with a
sort of tower climbing higher back along the slope.  There were no majestic pillars,
no statues in niches (no niches), and only one balcony.  And it was grubby.  The
stone might have been light-colored originally, but years of the smelter smoke that
sometimes filled the valley had turned it blotched dark brown and sooty black.
Tirisha wasn't going to like this place at all; Sue E. Syde couldn't imagine her
living in it.
     But that wasn't today's problem.  Today's problem was taking it away from
Governor Milvares.  Who wasn't likely to be taken by surprise....
     One side of the big double door opened as the gladiators and Sirivien started up
the steps.  She didn't recognize the man who came out--a Kannar, late middle age,
looked like a man used to wielding authority.  It might be the governor himself.
When they were close enough to hear him without shouting, he said, "Why have you come
here?"
     The gladiators instinctively looked toward Captain Shirivien.  "On the order of
our lady, Princess Tirisha of Xochithlan," he said.  "She has commanded us to arrest
Governor Milvares."
     "On what grounds?"  The man's voice was still calm, but there was steel in it.
     Shirivien hesitated.  "The Princess has not offered us explanation.  It is not
our place to question, only to obey."
     A voice from overhead said, "We could drop things on them from here, even though
we don't have proper stuff like boiling lead."
     Sue glanced up.  There was a short woman in a Dwarven helmet on the balcony.
     A tall man in arena-issue mail came up behind her.  "Not yet, Gate Witch."  He
added something that the people on the steps couldn't hear, but the Dwarven woman
grinned and punched him on the arm.
     The man in the doorway reclaimed their attention, saying, "Your princess would
be better served if the people around her asked for explanations and offered advice.
She would be wise to return to Xochithlan."
     "Are you threatening Princess Tirisha?" Adabemis or Balmador demanded.
     "No, I'm offering her sound advice.  It would be a good move for her to leave
Rodeki.  She has no place here."
     "It sounds like a threat to ME."  That was definitely Balmador, the more hostile
of the two personalities.
     "If you think in terms of threats," the man said, "all things sound like
threats."
     Balmador opened his mouth to make a retort, but She and Shirivien moved in on
him from either side, and Sue put a hand over his mouth.
     "Your advice may be good," she said, "but we have our orders."
     The man made a sort of half bow and stepped back, pulling the door closed behind
him.
     From the balcony, Gate Witch said, "NOW can we drop things on them, John?"
     "I thought you were looking forward to fighting them in the halls," the man
replied.  "If you drop things on them now, they'll never make it into the halls.
Which might not be a bad thing, when one comes to think about it...."
     "Spoilsport!"  Both gladiators on the balcony withdrew, and pulled that door
shut behind them also.
     Rob A. Ree, whose many flaws did not include major stupidity, looked at the
closed door of the palace, and at the windows on either side, which were fifteen feet
above the ground in front of them and barred, and said, "Anybody got a pocket
battering ram?"
     "I thought we were supposed to be able to just walk in," Adabemis added.  "Now
what?"

      * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ *

                         ---===DELARQUAN REGIONAL NEWS===---

                                     Duelmasters
                                     -----------
 DM   1 MORDANT (turn 492): WISPER of SWEORDMASTERS (Mannequin, mgr.)
 DM   2 NIANIA (turn 377): TOOFLESS of GLORY BOUND TROLLS (DeGotti, mgr.)
 DM   3 OSKSI (turn 497): WHIP SCORPION of SIMPLY DESSERTS (Sweet Tooth, mgr.)
 DM   4 JHELUM (turn 493): CHASM OF IGNORANCE of UTOPIA RELIGIOSO (Neon Necromancer)
 DM   5 KALTOS (turn 492): SUX0R of MORE NEW TEAMS 2 (The Muffin Man, mgr.)
 DM   6 TRANSEL (turn 496): MEDUSA of BATTLE BEASTS (Sensei Jan, mgr.)
 DM   7 BONSUR (turn 493): DIGGER WASP of FLAGG'S CHAMPIONS (Flagg, mgr.)
 DM  10 KOLACT (turn 488): BLING BLING of TERRAPIN STATION (Floyd, mgr.)
 DM  18 TALCAMA (turn 479): SCOURGE of THUNDR + LITENING (Doc Steele, mgr.)
 DM  21 SUNSET (turn 478): KITTY CHOWDER of CARNAGE CANARIES (C. Canary, mgr.)
 DM  36 JHANS (turn 452): HALO 14 of BLIND HYPOCRISY (Jekyll, mgr.)
 DM  38 CLIFFHOME (turn 443): HARI CANE of JINDA-BAN (Zin, mgr.)
 DM  39 XOCHITHLAN (turn 193): TAMMY FAYE of WITLESS WONDERS (Berylstar, mgr.)
 DM  42 RODEKI (turn 430): GATE WITCH of FLAGG'S FIVE (Flagg, mgr.)
 DM  51 TRICORUS (turn 378): APPLE of FRUITS (Assurnasirbanipal, mgr.)
 DM  54 TROCAR (turn 179): MERGEN of THE BLACK COMPANY (Woelfe, mgr.)
 DM  59 ILLIS (turn 167): MACAULIFFE of THE EXPLORERS (Kellog, mgr.)
 DM  62 VALAMANTIS (turn 328): AKLAR of MITHRAL HALO (Barnabas, mgr.)
 DM  72 DRAGONHEAD (turn 144): CONSTANTINE of AGELESS WONDER (Belyn, mgr.)
ADM 104 DARKHOLM (turn 371): DOONE of FLAGG 16 from RODEKI (Flagg, mgr.)

                                      Top Teams
                                      ---------
 DM   1 MORDANT (turn 492): HOMICIDAL MANIACS (Nick, mgr.)
 DM   2 NIANIA (turn 377): RESURRECTION (Shocking Toad, mgr.)
 DM   3 OSKSI (turn 497): THE NUKES (Fusion, mgr.)
 DM   4 JHELUM (turn 493): THE DREIHDENS 2 (Dreihdenflahg, mgr.)
 DM   5 KALTOS (turn 492): THE MIDDLE WAY 5 (Nick, mgr.)
 DM   6 TRANSEL (turn 496): BATTLE BEASTS (Sensei Jan, mgr.)
 DM   7 BONSUR (turn 493): FLOWER CHILDREN (Ebenezer Frothingslosh, mgr.)
 DM  10 KOLACT (turn 488): MEGAWARRIORS (Matrix, mgr.)
 DM  18 TALCAMA (turn 479): CENTER FOR OLDS (Suave, mgr.)
 DM  21 SUNSET (turn 478): CARNAGE CANARIES (C. Canary, mgr.)
 DM  36 JHANS (turn 452): KAMIKAZI (?, mgr.)
 DM  38 CLIFFHOME (turn 443): JINDA-BAN (Zin, mgr.)
 DM  39 XOCHITHLAN (turn 193): CHEAP SHOTS (?, mgr.)
 DM  42 RODEKI (turn 430): DELVERS (Nick, mgr.)
 DM  51 TRICORUS (turn 378): DARK HORSEMEN (Nick, mgr.)
 DM  54 TROCAR (turn 179): none
 DM  59 ILLIS (turn 167): COLOUR GUARDS (Captain Crayola, mgr.)
 DM  62 VALAMANTIS (turn 328): MITHRAL HALO (Barnabas, mgr.)
 DM  72 DRAGONHEAD (turn 144): none
ADM 104 DARKHOLM (turn 371): LEGENDS OF STEELE (Doc Steele, mgr.)

                                   Recent Graduates
                                  -----------------
 DM   3 OSKSI (turn 497): WHIP SCORPION of SIMPLY DESSERTS (Sweet Tooth, mgr.)
 DM   5 KALTOS (turn 492): SUX0R of MORE NEW TEAMS 2 (The Muffin Man, mgr.)
 DM  10 KOLACT (turn 488): BLING BLING of TERRAPIN STATION (Floyd, mgr.)
 DM  18 TALCAMA (turn 479): SCOURGE of THUNDR + LITENING (Doc Steele, mgr.)
                            PAUL of SHEPHERDS (Assurnasirbanipal, mgr.)
                (turn 478): WONDER BRA of THE GUARDIANS II (Guardian, mgr.)
                            BOOTER of BURN N' PILLAGE (Jolly, mgr.)
 DM  21 SUNSET (turn 477): SONJA BLOODBANE of THE BLOODBANES (Stik, mgr.)

                                 THE GUARDIAN'S FORUM
                      Reflections by the Keeper of the Runeblade

Darkholm,

It feels good to once again hold the Runeblade in my hands.  I don't ever want to
part with it again.  Perhaps when I depart for Primus I will take it with me?  We'll
see....

Faceman, do yourself a favor and sit out this next Grand Tournament.  You have no
chance of winning it.  I, on the other hand, plan to represent Darkholm and Rodeki in
the most glorious fashion.  I plan on being the Tournament Champion in the Eligibles
class and now that I have the Runeblade back, it will make the effort all the easier.

Maui Waui, since you are so obviously worried about chipping your pretty nails, both
of my challenges went to you.  We'll settle once and for all who is the current best
lunger in Darkholm.

Doone

                             REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER

Brothers and Sisters in the Dark Federation,

     DOONE (42-1183) (56-43-5,273) of FLAGG 16 fought SLEEPLESS PARANOIA (82-2252)
(20-16-1,229) of PARENTHOOD.  DOONE defeated SLEEPLESS PARANOIA in a crowd pleasing 1
minute Title conflict.  I'm sorry to observe that Doone's challenges to Maui Waui
went unanswered as MW took this turn off.  Too bad.  However, Doone, thank you for
writing a column and good luck getting your challenge next turn!
     There was just one TV challenge this turn and our Tournament Victor was
triumphant.  GEO METRO (58-5740) (68-69-3,192) of COOL WHEELS TV challenged ROLEX
WATCH (32-3732) (46-40-1,210) of LUST MUPPETS.  GEO METRO devastated ROLEX WATCH in a
1 minute mismatched Challenge fight.
     No one was killed.  Tsk.
     A lot of people avoided our first-ranked team (Raindance et al), which was a
shame since that guild didn't come to the fights this turn and so the avoids were
wasted.  Too bad.  I hope to see Raindance here next turn.  Other guilds avoided were
the fifth (Wasteland et al), the 10th (Kids Gone Bad), the 18th (Next Generation et
al) and the 18th (Flagg's 5 et al).
     Our most challenged warrior was Braden.  You can see why:  from his record, he
looks like he would teach a lot of skills and then lose.  MY1STADMWARRIOR (37-4668)
(22-7-1,97) of SRETSAMLEUD challenged BRADEN (6-4867) (54-86-0,96) of THE LADY'S
LIST.  MY1STADMWARRIOR beat BRADEN in a crowd pleasing 1 minute Challenge conflict.
Short fight.  I wonder if My1st had a chance to learn anything.
     I'm sorry to observe that Men Working remains at the bottom of the warrior
rankings.  MW, hang in there and keep challenging and using your avoids.  You'll move
up.  NUMBERED WON (18-7434) (19-24-0,59) of NEXT GENERATION challenged MEN WORKING
(38-4189) (26-46-1,35) of JUST BECAUSE.  NUMBERED WON overpowered MEN WORKING in a 1
minute mismatched Challenge brawl.
     Our overall popularity leader is still Speedi, who managed to win his fight this
turn.  CYCLOPS (7-4625) (25-25-1,168) of BIG BAD challenged SPEEDI (58-3029) (97-81-
3,195) of SHAMROCKS.  CYCLOPS was viciously subdued by SPEEDI in a popular 2 minute
gruesome Challenge duel.  Well done, Speedi.
     There was no "scum sympathy" vote this turn.  This turn's most popular warrior
was Zot Zipzig.  SUPER BUM (82-18411) (16-9-0,71) of FLAT BROKE fought ZOT ZIPZIG (6-
5688) (19-21-0,56) of NIGHT TRAIN.  SUPER BUM was viciously subdued by ZOT ZIPZIG in
a exciting 4 minute bloody struggle.  However, there was a "scum antipathy" vote as a
couple of defensive warriors made an afternoon of it.  ETCHED IN STONE (61-3112) (38-
19-1,234) of CEMENTIA fought A DIFFERENT GRAPE (82-1258) (38-25-1,190) of MY WIFE'S
COSMETICS.  People in the crowd had time to go home, get some over-ripe fruits and
veggies, and bring them back.  The gate attendant isn't supposed to let in anyone
with vegetables, but I think he thought it was well deserved.  ETCHED IN STONE, the
crowd's least favorite warrior this turn, viciously subdued A DIFFERENT GRAPE in a
sloppy, squishy 36 minute gruesome bout.
     Oh dear, is that all?  Have I run out of things to talk about?  All right.
Advice:  Just because you
have to get up early, don't always go to bed when you're supposed to.  You've got to
have some fun sometimes, and we all know you can have more fun at midnight than 7
p.m.

                                                Desiree (not my real name)

KEEPER OF THE RUNEBLADE       W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 DOONE 42-1183               57  43  5  281  FLAGG 16 (352)             RODEKI

GRAND CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
-MAUI WAUI 40-3518           37  16  0  348  TACO GODS (1171)           ZENSU
-MANUS 63-1783               60  23  1  295  BAILE BEAG (1172)          AMEN-TEI
 IRON HEAD LEE 18-6563       18   3  0  261  THE GUARDIANS II (1155)    TALCAMA
 MAHI MAHI 18-4899           92  62  1  245  BIG MEAN FISH (292)        TALCAMA
 ETCHED IN STONE 61-3112     39  19  1  240  CEMENTIA (1112)            JURINE
 DR NUT 24-4254              52  33  2  235  DP CLONES (1045)           ZORPUNT
 DARK GUMBY 7-4694           52  34  1  223  WASTELAND II (500)         BONSUR
 LARGE SPINNY GUY 23-4361    64  33  5  218  DIABLO TOO (1037)          TI
 GREE CHAK 41-3859           45  29  2  218  KILLERS (1145)             KATI-TEI
 JACK BOY 82-2030            72  55  0  217  ON A WHIM (1014)           DWES EG
-STORM XCIX 82-14095         23   9  1  214  DEATH STUDS VIII (1086)    DWES EG
 DUSKY JAWFISH 18-6978       42  42  1  213  BIG MEAN FISH (292)        TALCAMA

GRAND CHAMPIONS               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 GEO METRO 58-5740           69  69  3  210  COOL WHEELS (943)          DELARQ TOR
 OBSESSIVE 58-2447           46  39  1  209  ELEMENTS OF PSI (423)      DELARQ TOR
 MUCKER 42-3596              53  60  1  206  DELVERS (1000)             RODEKI
 COOLER 82-7277              32  20  1  203  STYROFOAM (1090)           DWES EG
 SUE E. SYDE 39-3240         42  34  1  202  CRIMINAL ELEMENT (1074)    XOCHITHLAN
 KILLER KARCH 69-5668        17   8  2  202  SAND KINGS (1118)          CIMMERIAC
 DARK ORIGIN 42-2770         27  17  0  201  GUARDIAN'S SLAVES (1157)   RODEKI
 WHIRLING WORD 48-3815       59  38  1  200  4-LETTER WORDS (1063)      CAER
 SLEEPLESS PARANOIA 82-2252  20  17  1  200  PARENTHOOD (1122)          DWES EG
 DAVID CARUSO 82-2269        20   9  1  200  BELLYFLOP (1097)           DWES EG
 ZAGNUT 10-4745              35   9  4  198  TERRAPIN STATION (616)     KOLACT
 SPEEDI 58-3029              98  81  3  197  SHAMROCKS (424)            DELARQ TOR
 CLEANER WRASSE 18-6495      66  61  2  197  BIG MEAN FISH (292)        TALCAMA
 CHRISTIANITY 51-4965        43  39  0  197  GENOCIDE (1110)            TRICORUS
 SHOCKING TOAD 7-310         52  68  1  193  NINJAS (1107)              BONSUR
 TORNADO 6-2249              30  38  2  193  ACTS OF NATURE (415)       TRANSEL
 SIR ENE 10-4360             47  30  3  192  SIR AGLIO (600)            KOLACT
 ROB A. REE 39-3241          34  22  1  192  CRIMINAL ELEMENT (1074)    XOCHITHLAN
 SPLURGE ON WAX LIP 18-6485  57  47  3  191  STREET PIZZA (114)         TALCAMA
 MIMIC BLENNY 18-7541        31  16  1  191  BIG MEAN FISH (292)        TALCAMA
 OSCAR THE SLOUCH 82-1316    40  33  3  190  SESAME SPINE (1070)        DWES EG
 A DIFFERENT GRAPE 82-1258   38  26  1  190  MY WIFE'S COSMETICS (1038) DWES EG
 FACEMAN 38-4129             47  40  2  189  THE A TEAM (1044)          CLIFFHOME
 ROLEX WATCH 32-3732         46  41  1  186  LUST MUPPETS (1036)        ARVAT
 BLACK WIDOW 37-1303         57  66  2  184  BEAST MASTERS (136)        SIBIKHAS
 RYGEL 18-7142               44  38  1  183  WASTELAND (468)            TALCAMA
 TOLAIS DEEPHEART 42-1620    85  99  0  182  DELVERS (1000)             RODEKI
 UGLY 82-14501               10  15  0  182  4-LETTER DESCRIPTION (1167 DWES EG
-HOCKEY 82-5719              20  22  0  181  CHEAP DENTISTRY (1098)     DWES EG

GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS       W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 CHICK WITH A STICK 23-4365  53  47  2  179  DIABLO TOO (1037)          TI
 SCHYLER 6-4866              52  89  1  179  THE LADY'S LIST (917)      TRANSEL
-HAIR LIP! 82-3261           15  12  1  179  PUNCHLINES (1115)          DWES EG

GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS       W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 BUUL THE BULL 2-4840        41  45  1  178  RESURRECTION (1143)        NIANIA
 BEDLAM'S BARD 2-4144        29  23  2  177  MYTH AND MIGHT (163)       NIANIA
-ANTAGONIST 3-2824           22  19  2  176  KIDS GONE BAD (446)        OSKSI
 DOC STEELE 18-6808          42  61  1  175  ARROGANCE (732)            TALCAMA
 MAGINOT MIKE 4-4509         55  61  1  174  DOGS OF WAR (999)          JHELUM
 CYCLOPS 7-4625              25  26  1  174  BIG BAD (1073)             BONSUR
 THE SCREAMING FANS 82-6495  12   5  1  171  WHY I PLAY DM (1116)       DWES EG
-CHIEF STORMCLOUD 51-4306    31  11  1  165  RAINDANCE (1106)           TRICORUS
 TAPS 96-841                 20  16  5  165  MUSIC TO KILL BY (1119)    OLD VALAMANTIS
 MISS HONEY 36-4850          63  61  0  164  SCARRY TEAM (824)          JHANS
 THANOS 37-1406              28  37  2  163  NIGHT TRAIN (545)          SIBIKHAS
 DOC STEELE 18-6010          53 108  6  160  ARROGANCE (732)            TALCAMA
 QUID PRO QUO 10-4794        29  11  1  160  QUBIT (1140)               KOLACT
 LINK 6-5144                 26  39  2  159  SUPER BASH BROTHERS (1067) TRANSEL
 HARLEQUIN TUSKFISH 18-6977  43  40  0  155  BIG MEAN FISH (292)        TALCAMA
 DR DAZZLE 57-4485           56  30  2  152  PEPPER PRACTICE II (1069)  ANDOR
 BASS 5-3666                 53  91  2  151  JOHNS (927)                KALTOS

GRAND ADEPTS                  W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 A NEW PONY! 82-1306         21  28  0  150  WHAT I ATE FOR XMAS (1114) DWES EG
 LIFE 3-4196                 38 129  0  147  GAMES LIBRARY (998)        OSKSI
 PORK CHOP 9-3878            14   7  1  142  PIGS ON PARADE (1154)      ZUKAL
 SILAS 18-6796               36  60  2  138  SHEPHERDS (432)            TALCAMA
-MISS B HAVIN 3-3023         18  15  4  133  KIDS GONE BAD (446)        OSKSI
 LUIGI 6-5142                30  39  2  131  SUPER BASH BROTHERS (1067) TRANSEL
 MR PIBB 24-4253             65  26  3  126  DP CLONES (1045)           ZORPUNT
 ELI 18-7272                 21  29  3  126  SHEPHERDS (432)            TALCAMA
 SHINY PENNY 32-3789         31  64  2  124  FOUND IN THE SAND (1034)   ARVAT
 PEGASUS 6-4161              24  26  1  122  KREWE OF DRUID (1186)      TRANSEL
-BORGUS BASHIMUS 58-6097     21  29  1  121  NEXT GENERATION (1075)     DELARQ TOR
 BEAR 7-4628                 25  38  1  112  BIG BAD (1073)             BONSUR
-FROG SLAYER 21-4021         22  18  0  104  THE GUARDIANS (1156)       SUNSET
 MY1STADMWARRIOR 37-4668     23   7  1  103  SRETSAMLEUD (1134)         SIBIKHAS

GRAND CHALLENGER INITIATES    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 NEOSPHINCTER 18-7317        22   9  1  100  WASTELAND (468)            TALCAMA
 SEX ON THE BEACH 54-2435    24  14  3   98  INDULGENT DRINKS (1153)    TROCAR
 BRADEN 6-4867               54  87  0   95  THE LADY'S LIST (917)      TRANSEL
 PEON NECROMANCER 18-7856    20  14  4   91  SRETSAMLEUD (1183)         TALCAMA

GRAND INITIATES               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 RAW SEX APPEAL 82-1331      14   7  0   90  WHY WE LOVE TUM (1164)     DWES EG
 WENT TO MARKET 25-4288      20  18  2   88  THIS LITTLE PRIGGY (1162)  LYRATILAN
 ARSONIST ART 39-3325        28  22  0   87  CRIMINAL ELEMENT (1074)    XOCHITHLAN
 LUC STARWALKER 58-6100      30  34  0   81  NEXT GENERATION (1075)     DELARQ TOR
 STERLING 42-3950            20  15  3   80  FLAGG'S FIVE (1108)        RODEKI
 ZOT ZIPZIG 6-5688           20  21  0   76  NIGHT TRAIN (1158)         TRANSEL
 HE HATE ME 18-7820          19  16  2   74  WASTELAND (468)            TALCAMA
-PAUL 18-7804                20  13  0   73  SHEPHERDS (432)            TALCAMA
-MINOR THREAT 3-3108         21   7  2   69  KIDS GONE BAD (446)        OSKSI
 WORK IN PROGRESS 38-4193    21  52  2   68  JUST BECAUSE (1151)        CLIFFHOME
 B.A. TURRY 39-3383          18  17  1   67  CRIMINAL ELEMENT (1074)    XOCHITHLAN
 ASHANTI 6-5352              19  26  4   64  KREWE OF DRUID (1186)      TRANSEL
-DELAPP 6-5686               19  14  0   64  NIGHT TRAIN (1158)         TRANSEL
 NUMBERED WON 18-7434        20  24  0   63  NEXT GENERATION (1150)     TALCAMA
 SUPER BUM 82-18411          16  10  0   59  FLAT BROKE (1184)          DWES EG
-PATIENCE 51-4949            19  31  1   52  MIGHTY MORALS (1120)       TRICORUS
 PROBLEMATIC 42-3928         22  19  0   44  FLAGG'S FIVE (1108)        RODEKI
 MEN WORKING 38-4189         26  47  1   31  JUST BECAUSE (1151)        CLIFFHOME

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                    W   L  K TEAM NAME              SLAIN BY              TURN

                               PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE

Assur -- I'm glad you're back, not because of bashers (which I can hardly be accused
of picking on), but because you brighten up every arena you play in by virtue of
taking the time to write personals. -- Sultan

Maginot -- You sure know how to draw the line! -- Quid Pro Quo

Large Spinny Guy -- Ouch.  Just one hit.  That's all I needed, damn it.  Well fought.
-- Black Widow

Manus -- Short, but not sweet.  Ouch. -- Mucker

Link -- Have you no RESPECT for tradition?  You are supposed to LOSE to me, for I am
the PERFECTLY CREATED!. -- Life of Osksi, a bit off his feed this morning or he would
have provided a better harangue

Cleaner Wrasse -- So why aren't you out cleaning something? -- Maginot Mike
P.S.  Oh...right.  You cleaned my clock.

Taps -- And taps were all I meant to give you, too.  A tap here, a tap there.... --
Tolais Deepheart

Desiree -- That wasn't, you know, me.  That was the golem, and who CARES about the
golem, anyway? -- Debby Tonte

     I do.  They have feelings.  And they look very realistic.  For all Peon
     Necromancer knew, it was the real Debby Tonte. -- Desiree

5 March 2004
Style Masters Symposium
Hosted by Hammer

     The years have slipped by and many DM Managers have come and gone since the last
Hammer's Handbook was compiled and printed.
     There is now a stirring within me to begin writing and editing yet another
Handbook with a distribution date sometime in 2005.
     This Handbook will be made available via Email with a possibility of burning the
info to a CD for distribution.
     Special arrangements will be made to provide the information via printed page to
those contributors who are serving sentences behind bars.
     The working title of this new Handbook is "Style Masters Symposium Hosted by
Hammer".
     Distribution of this Handbook is projected to be MAINLY for those DM Managers
who contribute information/articles to Hammer by June 2004.
     Informative and entertaining articles should focus on insights regarding Any or
All 10 Style Masters for both the Basic and ADM arenas as well as Tourney
competition.
     Articles focusing on Weapons/Armor are also encouraged for inclusion.
     Whether you are a Newbie Manager without a clue or a Jaded Veteran; everyone has
discovered something about this gaming experience that is both Insightful and
Entertaining.
     Email Your Articles to HammerDM@fastermail.com or send them via Diplo to either
Flower Hammerz (372) in DM 28 or Casino Hammerz (576) in DM 33.
     Length and Content of the Style Masters Symposium Hosted by Hammer will be
Determined by the Quality and Quantity of Contributors Combined with the Literary
Efforts of Hammer who is currently overseas for an indefinite period of time.
     Articles Contributed for this Project should be of Sufficient Length and Content
to Warrant being Included to Receive the Finished Document when Hammer has completed
this literary work to His satisfaction.
     Managers contributing articles are also requested to include a DM Bio of
Themselves along with any Notable Successes and/or Failures during Their DM Career in
Basic, ADM and/or Tourney Play.
     A listing of Active Stables would also be Helpful for Anyone Seeking to Reply to
Contributors via Diplo, Email or Snailmail.
     May Your Blades Be Sharp And Your Wits Sharper!
     -- Hammer of Flower Hammerz (372) DM 28 and Casino Hammerz (576) DM 33

18 March 2004
St. Valentine's Day Massacre Update

     We are pleased to announce that the kLk sponsored St. Valentine's Day Massacre
kill contest in DM 36 is off to a great start.  We are also pleased to announce that
in addition to the 10 team rollups we are also able to offer the renaming of a dark
arena warrior as a prize to the manager with the most kills.  The contest is only 2
turns old and is still wide open.  There are currently 5 managers tied with one kill
each.  Anything can still happen so hurry up and get into the arena.
     On a personal note, no other alliances have entered the arena in force to
challenge the kLk dominance.  We were expecting The Firm to put up a fight for their
supposed home arena.  But, they were a no show.  Guess they proved what they are
really made of.  *evil grin*
     Perhaps another alliance would like to step in to give us a challenge.  We are
throwing down the gauntlet.  Perhaps the Chaos Inc. boys I keep hearing about would
like to step in and challenge the kLk for arena dominance.  If you don't show up,
Chaos, don't feel bad.  FAR better managers than you have been invited into Jhans but
have chosen to pass on the offer.
     So if you consider yourself worthy to compete, like fierce competition, and
enjoy arenas where the personals are as fierce as the fighting, come visit JHANS DM
36.  We're already planning our next contest, "Capture the Flag," and have a
storyline being actively worked on in the arena.  Whatever you like about DM you can
find it in JHANS.

Bookie
mgr. of Suicidal Dreams
and Director Jhans Board of Tourism
kLk Alliance

27 March 2004
     This notice is to inform the DM world that CHAOS INC. has added CHEETO to its
ranks.  He joins APEX, FLAGG, MATRIX, ASSAMITE, and RUDE BUDDHA as the 6th member.
May your chaotic wings spread disaster and CHAOS for all your days!  Welcome CHEETO!!

27 March 2004
     Has anyone seen it in print that the "Goat" is leaving the "Cartel"?  There were
some diplos to the effect of a special branch of the Cartel being formed, like secret
societies, governmental agencies and alliances certain agendas are developed.  To
obtain the desired effect of any agenda only key personnel can be used.  The "Goat"
is "Cartel" so until you see it with me announcing that I am not Cartel, remember,
"The Agenda of the Core is for you to fight for."  I hope this stops the confusion.
-- Goat

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

GEO METRO devastated ROLEX WATCH in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge fight.
GREE CHAK handily defeated SIR ENE in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge match.
SHOCKING TOAD was devastated by LARGE SPINNY GUY in a 1 minute Challenge contest.
SUE E. SYDE was defeated by JACK BOY in a crowd pleasing 3 minute Challenge match.
ROB A. REE lost to DUSKY JAWFISH in a 1 minute Challenge fight.
TAPS viciously subdued LIFE in a crowd pleasing 3 minute bloody Challenge match.
CHICK WITH A STICK overpowered LINK in a 1 minute uneven Challenge melee.
CYCLOPS was viciously subdued by SPEEDI in a popular 2 minute gruesome Challenge duel.
BUUL THE BULL vanquished ELI in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge fight.
LUIGI was overpowered by THANOS in a popular 1 minute one-sided Challenge melee.
DR DAZZLE demolished SILAS in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge competition.
BEAR was demolished by MR PIBB in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge match.
MY1STADMWARRIOR beat BRADEN in a crowd pleasing 1 minute Challenge conflict.
PEON NECROMANCER defeated STERLING in a 2 minute Challenge duel.
NEOSPHINCTER defeated ARSONIST ART in a action packed 3 minute Challenge struggle.
NUMBERED WON overpowered MEN WORKING in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge brawl.
SEX ON THE BEACH devastated LUC STARWALKER in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge fight.
B.A. TURRY was overpowered by WENT TO MARKET in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge bout.
DOONE defeated SLEEPLESS PARANOIA in a crowd pleasing 1 minute Title conflict.
ETCHED IN STONE viciously subdued A DIFFERENT GRAPE in a slow 36 minute gruesome bout.
MAHI MAHI demolished ZAGNUT in a 1 minute uneven bout.
CLEANER WRASSE lost to OBSESSIVE in a crowd pleasing 2 minute fray.
IRON HEAD LEE defeated WHIRLING WORD in a popular 3 minute match.
DARK GUMBY savagely defeated TORNADO in a exciting 1 minute gory duel.
DR NUT vanquished SPLURGE ON WAX LIPS in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
UGLY was demolished by DARK ORIGIN in a action packed 1 minute one-sided melee.
MIMIC BLENNY savagely defeated SCHYLER in a exciting 2 minute bloody fray.
COOLER vanquished TOLAIS DEEPHEART in a popular 1 minute one-sided bout.
DAVID CARUSO won victory over FACEMAN in a 1 minute fray.
BLACK WIDOW was overpowered by KILLER KARCH in a popular 1 minute one-sided match.
OSCAR THE SLOUCH overpowered HARLEQUIN TUSKFISH in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
MUCKER savagely defeated QUID PRO QUO in a exciting 2 minute bloody fray.
CHRISTIANITY vanquished MAGINOT MIKE in a 2 minute mismatched fight.
BEDLAM'S BARD subdued MISS HONEY in a crowd pleasing 3 minute match.
BASS was overpowered by THE SCREAMING FANS in a exciting 1 minute one-sided fray.
RYGEL demolished DESIREE in a action packed 2 minute gory one-sided conflict.
A NEW PONY! was narrowly defeated by DOC STEELE in a popular 1 minute bloody duel.
DOC STEELE demolished SHINY PENNY in a 1 minute uneven competition.
PORK CHOP overpowered PEGASUS in a action packed 1 minute one-sided fight.
SUPER BUM was viciously subdued by ZOT ZIPZIG in a exciting 4 minute bloody struggle.
ASHANTI was vanquished by RAW SEX APPEAL in a 1 minute one-sided conflict.
HE HATE ME devastated DRUNKEN FISHERMAN in a action packed 1 minute mismatched match.
WORK IN PROGRESS handily defeated PROBLEMATIC in a popular 5 minute one-sided match.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK                  29         WALL OF STEEL     68 -  43 -  0      61  |
|WALL OF STEEL                   11         LUNGING ATTACK   170 - 115 -  1      60  |
|BASHING ATTACK                  11         SLASHING ATTACK   43 -  45 -  0      49  |
|AIMED BLOW                       8         AIMED BLOW        34 -  37 -  0      48  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  8         STRIKING ATTACK   19 -  25 -  0      43  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      6         TOTAL PARRY       24 -  32 -  0      43  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      4         PARRY-LUNGE       13 -  21 -  0      38  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  3         PARRY-STRIKE       9 -  16 -  0      36  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    2         BASHING ATTACK    29 -  55 -  0      35  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     2         PARRY-RIPOSTE      5 -  15 -  0      25  |

Turn 372 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

PARRY-LUNGE        4 -  0     SLASHING ATTACK    3 -  5         4  LUNGING ATTACK 
PARRY-RIPOSTE      2 -  0     TOTAL PARRY        2 -  4         2  SLASHING ATTACK
STRIKING ATTACK    2 -  1     BASHING ATTACK     2 -  9         2  WALL OF STEEL  
WALL OF STEEL      7 -  4     PARRY-STRIKE       0 -  2         1  STRIKING ATTACK
LUNGING ATTACK    17 - 12                                       1  TOTAL PARRY    
AIMED BLOW         4 -  4                                       1  AIMED BLOW     

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
LUNGING ATTACK   DOONE 42-1183              57  43  5  281 FLAGG 16 (352)
STRIKING ATTACK  MAHI MAHI 18-4899          92  62  1  245 BIG MEAN FISH (292)
TOTAL PARRY      ETCHED IN STONE 61-3112    39  19  1  240 CEMENTIA (1112)
WALL OF STEEL    DARK GUMBY 7-4694          52  34  1  223 WASTELAND II (500)
AIMED BLOW       LARGE SPINNY GUY 23-4361   64  33  5  218 DIABLO TOO (1037)
SLASHING ATTACK  GREE CHAK 41-3859          45  29  2  218 KILLERS (1145)
PARRY-LUNGE      GEO METRO 58-5740          69  69  3  210 COOL WHEELS (943)
PARRY-STRIKE     SHOCKING TOAD 7-310        52  68  1  193 NINJAS (1107)
BASHING ATTACK   BUUL THE BULL 2-4840       41  45  1  178 RESURRECTION (1143)
PARRY-RIPOSTE    TAPS 96-841                20  16  5  165 MUSIC TO KILL BY (1119)

The overall popularity leader is SPEEDI 58-3029.  The most popular warrior this turn 
was ZOT ZIPZIG 6-5688.  The ten other most popular fighters were SUE E. SYDE 39-3240, 
NEOSPHINCTER 18-7317, MUCKER 42-3596, JACK BOY 82-2030, SPEEDI 58-3029, IRON HEAD LEE 
18-6563, WORK IN PROGRESS 38-4193, TAPS 96-841, CLEANER WRASSE 18-6495, and OBSESSIVE 
58-2447.

The least popular fighter this week was ETCHED IN STONE 61-3112.  The other ten least 
popular fighters were A DIFFERENT GRAPE 82-1258, SHINY PENNY 32-3789, HARLEQUIN 
TUSKFISH 18-6977, SPLURGE ON WAX LIPS 18-6485, B.A. TURRY 39-3383, MEN WORKING 
38-4189, BEAR 7-4628, ELI 18-7272, SHOCKING TOAD 7-310, and ASHANTI 6-5352.

Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  
NIANIA(2)            2  0 0  ZORPUNT(24)          2  0 0  CAER(48)             0  1 0  
OSKSI(3)             0  1 0  LYRATILAN(25)        1  0 0  TRICORUS(51)         1  0 0  
JHELUM(4)            0  1 0  ARVAT(32)            0  2 0  TROCAR(54)           1  0 0  
KALTOS(5)            0  1 0  JHANS(36)            0  1 0  ANDOR(57)            1  0 0  
TRANSEL(6)           1  7 0  SIBIKHAS(37)         2  1 0  DELARQ TOR(58)       3  1 0  
BONSUR(7)            1  3 0  CLIFFHOME(38)        1  2 0  JURINE(61)           1  0 0  
ZUKAL(9)             1  0 0  XOCHITHLAN(39)       0  4 0  CIMMERIAC(69)        1  0 0  
KOLACT(10)           0  3 0  KATI-TEI(41)         1  0 0  DWES EG(82)          6  5 0  
TALCAMA(18)         11  5 0  RODEKI(42)           3  3 0  OLD VALAMANTIS(96)   1  0 0  
TI(23)               2  0 0  

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 BUUL THE BULL 2-4840        41  45  1  178  RESURRECTION (1143)        NIANIA
 LIFE 3-4196                 38 129  0  147  GAMES LIBRARY (998)        OSKSI
 MAGINOT MIKE 4-4509         55  61  1  174  DOGS OF WAR (999)          JHELUM
 BASS 5-3666                 53  91  2  151  JOHNS (927)                KALTOS
 TORNADO 6-2249              30  38  2  193  ACTS OF NATURE (415)       TRANSEL
 DARK GUMBY 7-4694           52  34  1  223  WASTELAND II (500)         BONSUR
 PORK CHOP 9-3878            14   7  1  142  PIGS ON PARADE (1154)      ZUKAL
 ZAGNUT 10-4745              35   9  4  198  TERRAPIN STATION (616)     KOLACT
 IRON HEAD LEE 18-6563       18   3  0  261  THE GUARDIANS II (1155)    TALCAMA
 LARGE SPINNY GUY 23-4361    64  33  5  218  DIABLO TOO (1037)          TI
 DR NUT 24-4254              52  33  2  235  DP CLONES (1045)           ZORPUNT
 WENT TO MARKET 25-4288      20  18  2   88  THIS LITTLE PRIGGY (1162)  LYRATILAN
 ROLEX WATCH 32-3732         46  41  1  186  LUST MUPPETS (1036)        ARVAT
 MISS HONEY 36-4850          63  61  0  164  SCARRY TEAM (824)          JHANS
 BLACK WIDOW 37-1303         57  66  2  184  BEAST MASTERS (136)        SIBIKHAS
 FACEMAN 38-4129             47  40  2  189  THE A TEAM (1044)          CLIFFHOME
 SUE E. SYDE 39-3240         42  34  1  202  CRIMINAL ELEMENT (1074)    XOCHITHLAN
 GREE CHAK 41-3859           45  29  2  218  KILLERS (1145)             KATI-TEI
 DOONE 42-1183               57  43  5  281  FLAGG 16 (352)             RODEKI
 WHIRLING WORD 48-3815       59  38  1  200  4-LETTER WORDS (1063)      CAER
 CHRISTIANITY 51-4965        43  39  0  197  GENOCIDE (1110)            TRICORUS
 SEX ON THE BEACH 54-2435    24  14  3   98  INDULGENT DRINKS (1153)    TROCAR
 DR DAZZLE 57-4485           56  30  2  152  PEPPER PRACTICE II (1069)  ANDOR
 GEO METRO 58-5740           69  69  3  210  COOL WHEELS (943)          DELARQ TOR
 ETCHED IN STONE 61-3112     39  19  1  240  CEMENTIA (1112)            JURINE
 KILLER KARCH 69-5668        17   8  2  202  SAND KINGS (1118)          CIMMERIAC
 JACK BOY 82-2030            72  55  0  217  ON A WHIM (1014)           DWES EG

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 TAPS 96-841                 20  16  5  165  MUSIC TO KILL BY (1119)    OLD VALAMANTIS

               NEW GRADUATES--FROM ALL ARENAS (INCLUDING CLOSED ARENAS)

     For those of you who keep track of such things, 14 additional warriors graduated 
from regular DM arenas (including closed arenas) since the last tournament:

                           ABE SIMPSON (9-4453) SPRINGFIELD 
                            PB-LEAD (23-4385) ROCK-ETTS IV 
                      RATTLESNAKE SHAKE (60-4242) METAL MELTDOWN 
                            CHIP (60-4413) RESCUE RANGERS 
                           SLAKE (82-12993) WORD OF THE DAY 
                          DIS-COMBOBULATE (63-2222) DIS-TEAM 
                        RETARD (68-7501) POLITICALLYINCORRECT 
                           DARKSIDE (22-2714) LOST SOULS 1 
                      ZHARRA TYL MEDAN (40-2586) SUPERIOR FORCES 
                         SMOOGIE (82-2247) STREET PIZZAD III 
                             ARATHEA (13-3318) THE ELITE 
                          PX (82-14364) SUPERIOR FORCES 1203 
                       MIKE, POWERFUL (82-7051) MIKE THE HUNTER 
                          DIS-FUNCTIONAL (63-2223) DIS-TEAM 

                                          -- Green Eyes