DARKHOLM SPORTING JOURNAL

Date   : 08/21/2004    Duedate: 09/03/2004

DARKHOLM

DM-104    TURN-382

RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %  RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %
  1 BLACK PRIMER 82/1187 1148  427  7 72.9    8 BLADES OF ICE 7/192   376  376  2 50.0
    LEGENDS OF STEELE 1/1047                    BLADES OF CHAOS 5/961                 
  2 MONGREL HORDE 10/964  484  236  3 67.2      BLADES OF MIST 4/959                  
  3 PARENTHOOD 82/1122   1518 1232 16 55.2      ZODIAC KNIGHTS 3/958                  
    WHY WE LOVE TUM 82/1164                   9 SRETSAMLEUD 62/1203    13   13  1 50.0
    4-LETTER WORDS 48/1063                   10 SHAMROCKS 58/424      168  169  3 49.9
    STREET PIZZAD III 82/1190                11 INDULGENT DR 54/1153   65   81  1 44.5
    STREET PIZZA 18/114                         CRIMINAL ELEMENT 39/1074              
    WHAT I ATE FOR XMAS 82/1114              12 THE CUTTHROATS 7/203   38   50  2 43.2
    MY WIFE'S COSMETICS 82/1038              13 BEAST MASTERS 37/136  130  190  1 40.6
    LUST MUPPETS 32/1036                        ELEMENTS OF PSI 58/423                
  4 IT'S NEW! 6/1195     1634 1377  6 54.3      KREWE OF DRUID 6/1186                 
    WHAT A TREAT 98/1201                        ACTS OF NATURE 6/415                  
    NEGATIVE CASH FLOW 82/1197               14 MUSIC TO KIL 96/1119   53   79  0 40.2
    FLAT BROKE 82/1184                       15 NINJAS 7/1107          67  102  1 39.6
    MORE NEW TEAMS 2 5/1188                     KILLERS 41/1145                       
    CEMENTIA 61/1112                            SCIENCE FICTION 6/1191                
    DP CLONES 24/1045                        16 DELVERS 42/1000       227  382  1 37.3
    PEPPER PRACTICE II 57/1069                  DOGS OF WAR 4/999                     
    DIABLO TOO 23/1037                          GAMES LIBRARY 3/998                   
    WASTELAND 18/468                         17 JOHNS 5/927           800 1405 16 36.3
    WASTELAND II 7/500                          SCARRY TEAM 36/824                    
    I'M SO SEXY 42/1072                         ARROGANCE 18/732                      
    MY DRUGS 98/1179                            THE LADY'S LIST 6/917                 
  5 STYROFOAM 82/1090    1124  980  8 53.4      JUST BECAUSE 38/1151                  
  6 QUBIT 10/1140         558  496  2 52.9   18 SHEPHERDS 18/432      501  912  8 35.5
    ON A WHIM 82/1014                           NEXT GENERATION 18/1150               
    SIR AGLIO 10/600                            THIS LITTLE PRIGGY 25/1162            
  7 THE A TEAM 38/1044    660  645  6 50.6      NEXT GENERATION 58/1075               
    BIG MEAN FISH 18/292                        SUPER BASH BROTHERS 6/1067            
    BEAN MACHINE 99/1202                        FOUND IN THE SAND 32/1034             

    '##/###' Avoid teams by their Team Id     '-'  Team did not fight this turn

                                  WARRIOR SPOTLIGHT

      * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ *

                         ---===DELARQUAN REGIONAL NEWS===---

                                     Duelmasters
                                     -----------
 DM   1 MORDANT (turn 502): JEJUNE of MANNEQUIN'S BEST (Mannequin, mgr.)
 DM   2 NIANIA (turn 388): TOOFLESS of GLORY BOUND TROLLS (DeGotti, mgr.)
 DM   3 OSKSI (turn 507): LEFTISTS BLOW of THE CONFUSED (Shocking Toad, mgr.)
 DM   4 JHELUM (turn 503): GROTESQUE of DARK TOADS (TigToad, mgr.)
 DM   5 KALTOS (turn 502): FRIED TWINKIE of MORE NEW TEAMS 2 (The Muffin Man, mgr.)
 DM   6 TRANSEL (turn 506): BLUE FALCON of BATTLE BEASTS (Sensei Jan, mgr.)
 DM   7 BONSUR (turn 503): GINGER of SUGAR AND SPICE (Mannequin, mgr.)
 DM  10 KOLACT (turn 498): SIR PENT of SIR AGLIO (Sultan, mgr.)
 DM  18 TALCAMA (turn 490): LIPPS MCFRENZY of CENTER FOR OLDS (Suave, mgr.)
 DM  21 SUNSET (turn 488): I ATE A PUTY TAT of CARNAGE CANARIES (C. Canary, mgr.)
 DM  36 JHANS (turn 462): HUGGY BEAR of SUICIDAL DREAMS (Bookie, mgr.)
 DM  38 CLIFFHOME (turn 453): STEVEN SCIMITAR of EAGLES CLAW (Talon Volksie, mgr.)
 DM  39 XOCHITHLAN (turn 198): ANGELOST of DARQUE ANGELS (Master Darque, mgr.)
 DM  42 RODEKI (turn 440): LIMPY TWO-SCREWS of COLOR ME SUAVE (Suave, mgr.)
 DM  51 TRICORUS (turn 388): APPLE of FRUITS (Assurnasirbanipal, mgr.)
 DM  54 TROCAR (turn 184): MICROSOFT of USELESS TOOLS (Crip, mgr.)
 DM  59 ILLIS (turn 172): MACAULIFFE of THE EXPLORERS (Kellog, mgr.)
 DM  62 VALAMANTIS (turn 338): BET OR NOT DIE of SRETSAMLEUD (Phat Phat, mgr.)
 DM  72 DRAGONHEAD (turn 149): CANNONBALL of X-POSSE (Savant, mgr.)
ADM 104 DARKHOLM (turn 381): DR DAZZLE of PEPPER PRACTICE II from ANDOR (The Muffin
                             Man, mgr.)

                                      Top Teams
                                      ---------
 DM   1 MORDANT (turn 502): LAB EXPERIMENTS (The Mun, mgr.)
 DM   2 NIANIA (turn 388): GLORY BOUND TROLLS (DeGotti, mgr.)
 DM   3 OSKSI (turn 507): AESIR (Buri, mgr.)
 DM   4 JHELUM (turn 503): DARK TOADS (TigToad, mgr.)
 DM   5 KALTOS (turn 502): JOHNS (Dear, mgr.)
 DM   6 TRANSEL (turn 506): DARK PREDECESSORS (Liam the Goth, mgr.)
 DM   7 BONSUR (turn 503): BEACH BABES (Nick, mgr.)
 DM  10 KOLACT (turn 498): SIR AGLIO (Sultan, mgr.)
 DM  18 TALCAMA (turn 490): CENTER FOR OLDS (Suave, mgr.)
 DM  21 SUNSET (turn 488): COSMIC FREAK OUT (Floyd, mgr.)
 DM  36 JHANS (turn 462): THE DREAMING (P-Diddy, mgr.)
 DM  38 CLIFFHOME (turn 453): EAGLES CLAW (Talon Volksie, mgr.)
 DM  39 XOCHITHLAN (turn 198): THE MIDDLE WAY (Nick, mgr.)
 DM  42 RODEKI (turn 440): COLOR ME SUAVE (Suave, mgr.)
 DM  51 TRICORUS (turn 388): DARK HORSEMEN (Nick, mgr.)
 DM  54 TROCAR (turn 184): USELESS TOOLS (Crip, mgr.)
 DM  59 ILLIS (turn 172): IMPROVED ILLUSION (Phantasm, mgr.)
 DM  62 VALAMANTIS (turn 338): DEVIL'S MAYHEM (Dincuru Feadagnor?, mgr.)
 DM  72 DRAGONHEAD (turn 149): X-POSSE (Savant, mgr.)
ADM 104 DARKHOLM (turn 381): BLACK PRIMERS, etc. (Doc Steele, mgr.)

                                   Recent Graduates
                                  -----------------
 DM   3 OSKSI (turn 506): GRAPH of GAMES LIBRARY (Nick, mgr.)
 DM   4 JHELUM (turn 502): STANLEY'S CUP of SPORTZ! (Guardian, mgr.)
 DM   5 KALTOS (turn 502): FRIED TWINKIE of MORE NEW TEAMS 2 (The Muffin Man, mgr.)
 DM   7 BONSUR (turn 503): GINGER of SUGAR AND SPICE (Mannequin, mgr.)
 DM  10 KOLACT (turn 498): SIR PENT of SIR AGLIO (Sultan, mgr.)
                           QUIETUS of QUBIT (Sultan, mgr.)
                           SIR PRISE of SIR AGLIO (Sultan, mgr.)
 DM  18 TALCAMA (turn 490): GOUT GOUT of CENTER FOR OLDS (Suave, mgr.)
                (turn 489): SWEATCAKE of CENTER FOR OLDS (Suave, mgr.)
                            POOPIEHEAD of CENTER FOR OLDS (Suave, mgr.)
 DM  21 SUNSET (turn 488): I ATE A PUTY TAT of CARNAGE CANARIES (C. Canary, mgr.)
 DM  38 CLIFFHOME (turn 453): TEDIOUS TED of EAGLES CLAW (Talon Volksie, mgr.)
 DM  39 XOCHITHLAN (turn 197): MYRON NAGEL of THE MIDDLE WAY (Nick, mgr.)
 DM  42 RODEKI (turn 440): LIMPY TWO-SCREWS of COLOR ME SUAVE (Suave, mgr.)
               (turn 439): STUPID SEXY FLANDERS of I'M SO SEXY (Muffy, mgr.)
 DM  54 TROCAR (turn 184): MICROSOFT of USELESS TOOLS (Crip, mgr.)
 DM  59 ILLIS (turn 172): MACAULIFFE of THE EXPLORERS (Kellog, mgr.)
              (turn 171): HOFFA WITH HAIR of IMPROVED ILLUSION (Phantasm, mgr.)
 DM  62 VALAMANTIS (turn 337): YOU of SRETSAMLEUD (Phat Phat, mgr.)
 DM  72 DRAGONHEAD (turn 149): CONSTANTINE of AGELESS WONDER (Belyn, mgr.)

                             REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER

Heroes of the Federation!

     It's a pleasure to join you once again for a recap of the competition.
     Next Generation was most avoided by My Drugs.  Bass was our most challenged
warrior.  JANAE (5-3867) (57-44-3,210) of BLADES OF CHAOS challenged BASS (5-3666)
(58-95-2,214) of JOHNS.  JANAE defeated BASS in a crowd pleasing 2 minute Challenge
match.  All right.
     Meanwhile, we have a new Keeper of the Runeblade.  Dr. Dazzle used his TV
challenge to do justice to his title, and so bravely lost it.  DR DAZZLE (57-4485)
(64-31-2,266) of PEPPER PRACTICE II TV challenged HARLEQUIN TUSKFISH (18-6977) (50-
42-0,213) of BIG MEAN FISH.  DR DAZZLE was devastated by HARLEQUIN TUSKFISH in a 21
second lunger-on-lunger Title duel.
     There was one other TV challenge.  A DIFFERENT GRAPE (82-1258) (43-31-1,215) of
MY WIFE'S COSMETICS TV challenged ETCHED IN STONE (61-3112) (45-22-1,232) of
CEMENTIA.  A DIFFERENT GRAPE was savagely defeated by ETCHED IN STONE in an 864
minute melee.  My oh my!  That's 14 hours, 24 minutes.  Of course, the Isle has seen
bigger scumfests but that is respectable.  I'm glad to see these two defensive
specialists back on target.  Needless to say, they were voted the two least popular
warriors in Darkholm this turn.  It would have been a tie, but A Different Grape was
seen to suck on his finger after picking his nose with it.  I suppose perhaps when
you're standing around for fourteen and a half hours, you may run out of socially
acceptable ways to pass the time.  Or perhaps he was just hungry.
     As usual, Speedi is our overall popularity leader.  I'm glad to point out that
he won his fight today.  There is something to be said for a popularity leader who
wins more than he loses.   STARBUCK (6-5387) (36-26-0,190) of SCIENCE FICTION fought
SPEEDI (58-3029) (104-84-3,181) of SHAMROCKS.  STARBUCK was vanquished by SPEEDI in
an action packed 1 minute one-sided fray.  Let's hope Starbuck learned a few new
skills for his pain.
     Mahi Mahi is worth taking a look at, since he is our top striker, as well as a
former Keeper of the Runeblade.  MAHI MAHI (18-4899) (98-65-1,195) of BIG MEAN FISH
fought SILAS (18-6796) (41-64-2,194) of SHEPHERDS.  MAHI MAHI demolished SILAS in an
exciting 1 minute gory one-sided bout.  Well, how can I put this nicely?  Silas seems
to be a bit of a pud, but he put forth a worthy effort and was fairly bested.
     Our most intriguing slasher is the courageous Black Widow, who won her fight as
well.  RAMZA (7-4340) (58-35-2,206) of BLADES OF ICE fought BLACK WIDOW (37-1303)
(62-70-2,200) of BEAST MASTERS.  RAMZA was subdued by BLACK WIDOW in an action packed
3 minute gruesome bout.
     Is Raw Sex Appeal truly sexy, or did the crowd feel sorry for him because he was
scummed?  MUMPHY CHICK (1-5487) (18-1-0,101) of LEGENDS OF STEELE challenged RAW SEX
APPEAL (82-1331) (20-9-0,119) of WHY WE LOVE TUM.  MUMPHY CHICK outwaited RAW SEX
APPEAL in an action packed 15 minute Challenge duel.  It seems the good people of
Willow Beach are very sympathetic.  Hmph.
     No one was killed.  You know my views on this issue.
     Meanwhile, down at the bottom of the rankings, STRAFE (82-11158) (15-15-0,60) of
BLACK PRIMERS challenged WORK IN PROGRESS (38-4193) (21-61-2,36) of JUST BECAUSE.
STRAFE overpowered WORK IN PROGRESS in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge fight.  Now, we
have seen W.i.P. down there at the bottom before, and I had hoped he would have
clawed his way up into the middle of the Initiates by now, at least.  On the other
hand, taking a closer look at his record, he may be one of those perverted projects
intended to lose as much as possible!  The poor, poor man.  He ought to win just to
spite his manager.  Do you hear that, Work in?
     Well, shall I give you all some advice to enhance your lives?  Yes, I think I
shall.  Sometimes, under the influence of strong emotion, you think you cannot
control your actions.  You can.  I, too, have felt the seductive sense of power and
freedom that comes with a rush of anger.  It's thrilling, like riding a wild
stallion.  I, too, have let the stallion carry me away at times.  But I have learned
that there are times when it's better to rein the damned horse in.  I'm not exactly a
paragon of self-control, so...if I can do it, you can do it.  That's all.

                                                  Desiree

KEEPER OF THE RUNEBLADE       W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 HARLEQUIN TUSKFISH 18-6977  51  42  0  241  BIG MEAN FISH (292)        TALCAMA

GRAND CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
-SLEEPLESS PARANOIA 82-2252  27  17  1  342  PARENTHOOD (1122)          DWES EG
 SHOCKING TOAD 7-310         58  72  1  248  NINJAS (1107)              BONSUR
 ETCHED IN STONE 61-3112     46  22  1  240  CEMENTIA (1112)            JURINE
 SALIEL 3-5485               64  48  1  238  ZODIAC KNIGHTS (958)       OSKSI
 CHICK WITH A STICK 23-4365  61  49  2  237  DIABLO TOO (1037)          TI
 SPLURGE ON WAX LIP 18-6485  66  48  3  233  STREET PIZZA (114)         TALCAMA
 DEORNE 7-2529               74  54  1  225  BLADES OF ICE (192)        BONSUR
 BLACK WIDOW 37-1303         63  70  2  220  BEAST MASTERS (136)        SIBIKHAS
 RENAE 7-4304                62  42  3  220  BLADES OF ICE (192)        BONSUR
 JANAE 5-3867                58  44  3  218  BLADES OF CHAOS (961)      KALTOS
 FACEMAN 38-4129             51  46  2  218  THE A TEAM (1044)          CLIFFHOME
 OBSESSIVE 58-2447           49  46  1  217  ELEMENTS OF PSI (423)      DELARQ TOR

GRAND CHAMPIONS               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 ONE A DAY 98-799            25  17  3  210  MY DRUGS (1179)            SYVYN'S HILL
 RAZOX 7-2400                80  55  1  209  BLADES OF ICE (192)        BONSUR
 CLEANER WRASSE 18-6495      73  64  2  209  BIG MEAN FISH (292)        TALCAMA
 MAHI MAHI 18-4899           99  65  1  206  BIG MEAN FISH (292)        TALCAMA
 WHIRLING WORD 48-3815       68  39  1  204  4-LETTER WORDS (1063)      CAER
 SPEEDI 58-3029             105  84  3  202  SHAMROCKS (424)            DELARQ TOR
 WHIRLING DOG 10-4177        63  33  1  202  MONGREL HORDE (964)        KOLACT
 TORNADO 6-2249              33  45  2  202  ACTS OF NATURE (415)       TRANSEL
 BASS 5-3666                 58  96  2  200  JOHNS (927)                KALTOS
 DUSKY JAWFISH 18-6978       45  49  1  200  BIG MEAN FISH (292)        TALCAMA
 MISS HONEY 36-4850          67  67  0  199  SCARRY TEAM (824)          JHANS
 RYGEL 18-7142               50  42  1  199  WASTELAND (468)            TALCAMA
 RAMZA 7-4340                58  36  2  198  BLADES OF ICE (192)        BONSUR
 A DIFFERENT GRAPE 82-1258   43  32  1  198  MY WIFE'S COSMETICS (1038) DWES EG
 MIMIC BLENNY 18-7541        35  22  1  198  BIG MEAN FISH (292)        TALCAMA
 COOLER 82-7277              36  26  1  196  STYROFOAM (1090)           DWES EG
 DOC STEELE 18-6808          47  66  1  195  ARROGANCE (732)            TALCAMA
 JACK BOY 82-2030            78  59  0  193  ON A WHIM (1014)           DWES EG
 DARK GUMBY 7-4694           57  39  1  193  WASTELAND II (500)         BONSUR
 SILAS 18-6796               41  65  2  193  SHEPHERDS (432)            TALCAMA
 TAPS 96-841                 25  21  5  193  MUSIC TO KILL BY (1119)    OLD VALAMANTIS
 DR DAZZLE 57-4485           64  32  2  192  PEPPER PRACTICE II (1069)  ANDOR
 MUCKER 42-3596              57  66  1  191  DELVERS (1000)             RODEKI
 NEOSPHINCTER 18-7317        27  14  1  190  WASTELAND (468)            TALCAMA
 ROB A. REE 39-3241          40  26  1  189  CRIMINAL ELEMENT (1074)    XOCHITHLAN
 DR NUT 24-4254              57  38  2  188  DP CLONES (1045)           ZORPUNT
 ROLEX WATCH 32-3732         50  47  1  188  LUST MUPPETS (1036)        ARVAT
 TOWER 7-4461                42  22  1  184  BLADES OF ICE (192)        BONSUR

GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS       W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 DOC STEELE 18-6010          59 112  6  180  ARROGANCE (732)            TALCAMA
 GREE CHAK 41-3859           47  37  2  180  KILLERS (1145)             KATI-TEI
 STARBUCK 6-5387             36  27  0  180  SCIENCE FICTION (1191)     TRANSEL
 SCHYLER 6-4866              57  94  1  176  THE LADY'S LIST (917)      TRANSEL
 TOLAIS DEEPHEART 42-1620    90 104  0  175  DELVERS (1000)             RODEKI
 HE HATE ME 18-7820          24  21  2  175  WASTELAND (468)            TALCAMA
 GRINGOLD 7-2416             25  22  2  174  THE CUTTHROATS (203)       BONSUR
 THRENODY 4-4557             35  38  1  171  BLADES OF MIST (959)       JHELUM
 A NEW PONY! 82-1306         27  32  0  171  WHAT I ATE FOR XMAS (1114) DWES EG
 SIR ENE 10-4360             52  35  3  170  SIR AGLIO (600)            KOLACT
 WENT TO MARKET 25-4288      27  21  2  158  THIS LITTLE PRIGGY (1162)  LYRATILAN
 SEX ON THE BEACH 54-2435    30  18  3  155  INDULGENT DRINKS (1153)    TROCAR
 QUID PRO QUO 10-4794        32  18  1  154  QUBIT (1140)               KOLACT

GRAND ADEPTS                  W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 SHINY PENNY 32-3789         34  71  2  151  FOUND IN THE SAND (1034)   ARVAT

GRAND ADEPTS                  W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 ARSONIST ART 39-3325        34  26  0  148  CRIMINAL ELEMENT (1074)    XOCHITHLAN
 SUPER BUM 82-18411          25  11  0  145  FLAT BROKE (1184)          DWES EG
 SALESGUN 1-6745             20  38  2  145  LEGENDS OF STEELE (1047)   MORDANT
 LIFE 3-4196                 42 135  0  140  GAMES LIBRARY (998)        OSKSI
 MAGINOT MIKE 4-4509         57  69  1  139  DOGS OF WAR (999)          JHELUM
 LUC STARWALKER 58-6100      37  37  0  136  NEXT GENERATION (1075)     DELARQ TOR
 LINK 6-5144                 28  46  2  129  SUPER BASH BROTHERS (1067) TRANSEL
 PTI 7-5412                  26  10  0  127  WASTELAND II (500)         BONSUR
 PEGASUS 6-4161              27  33  1  125  KREWE OF DRUID (1186)      TRANSEL
 MUMPHY CHICK 1-5487         19   1  0  120  LEGENDS OF STEELE (1047)   MORDANT
 SMOOGIE 82-2247             12   9  1  119  STREET PIZZAD III (1190)   DWES EG
 LUIGI 6-5142                32  47  2  113  SUPER BASH BROTHERS (1067) TRANSEL
 RAW SEX APPEAL 82-1331      20  10  0  113  WHY WE LOVE TUM (1164)     DWES EG
 ELI 18-7272                 24  36  3  110  SHEPHERDS (432)            TALCAMA
 NUMBERED WON 18-7434        28  26  0  102  NEXT GENERATION (1150)     TALCAMA

GRAND INITIATES               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 REDEMPTION 4-4868           27  17  1   87  BLADES OF MIST (959)       JHELUM
 ENDYMION 6-4163             25  36  1   86  KREWE OF DRUID (1186)      TRANSEL
 CRACK IS CHEAP 82-18422     25   7  0   86  NEGATIVE CASH FLOW (1197)  DWES EG
 SUX0R 5-4560                23   8  0   85  MORE NEW TEAMS 2 (1188)    KALTOS
 RED FUSION 6-5480           24   6  0   83  IT'S NEW! (1195)           TRANSEL
 ASHANTI 6-5352              22  33  4   81  KREWE OF DRUID (1186)      TRANSEL
 B.A. TURRY 39-3383          19  26  1   79  CRIMINAL ELEMENT (1074)    XOCHITHLAN
 BRADEN 6-4867               57  94  0   67  THE LADY'S LIST (917)      TRANSEL
 MEN WORKING 38-4189         27  56  1   65  JUST BECAUSE (1151)        CLIFFHOME
 STRAFE 82-11158             16  15  0   65  BLACK PRIMERS (1187)       DWES EG
 FRIJOLE 99-1214              8   4  3   62  BEAN MACHINE (1202)        SOUTH RIDGE
-YOU 62-4002                 17   8  1   60  SRETSAMLEUD (1203)         VALAMANTIS
 HEAT 98-981                  9   3  4   52  WHAT A TREAT (1201)        SYVYN'S HILL
 STUPID SEXY FLANDE 42-3836  17   8  0   37  I'M SO SEXY (1072)         RODEKI
 WORK IN PROGRESS 38-4193    21  62  2   32  JUST BECAUSE (1151)        CLIFFHOME

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                    W   L  K TEAM NAME              SLAIN BY              TURN

                               PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE

Doc Steele the Warrior -- It must be hard to be arrogant when you're short and have a
losing record, yes?  This is some kind of subtle comment A-Sop's making?  Maybe Doc
Steele the Manager should sue, eh? -- Mucker

Neosphincter -- This is in some way better than the old fashioned kind?  The mind
boggles. -- Tolais Deepheart

Pegasus -- A golem, are you?  It figures!  It's just LIKE these stupid managers to
make a golem into a HORSE.  Managers just don't UNDERSTAND that there is only ONE
true form for a golem, superior to ALL others, whether golemic or biologic, and that
is the form of ME.  Pah! -- Life of Osksi

Tower -- Oh, well, I'm not really into towers, even if they're made of ice.  I don't
care for heights, see?  It unnerves me.  Or they do.  Whichever, I'm too unnerved to
work it out. -- Maginot Mike

Desiree -- Splurge on Wax Lips is a guy. -- Mucker
P.S.  Makes me glad I'm a golem.

     Oh.  It's hard to tell in some cases.  What makes you glad you're a golem?  My
     not knowing that Splurge is male?

Desiree -- Somebody hasn't been reading her newsletters lately.  Lirin Kiv does have
stands, and is financing the upkeep by renting the whole complex out to a carnival
between fight days. -- Nick

     No, I haven't been.  A carnival?  Maybe I'll go one of these days.

Hopefully next turn I'll be sending strategies in again....  I'm finally caught up
from the face, vacations, and being away on business.  And not surprisingly, my
win/loss has gone down since I stopped making challenges, too. -- Assur

Dr Dazzle -- You might want to reconsider before challenging me again.  That was
awfully close, and it'd be very humiliating for you to lose to a lowly basher.... --
Silas

Red Fusion -- Thanks for the skills, not that I needed them against you. -- Numbered
Won

30 July 2004
The total number of fights calculated was reported as 250 fights.  This is a
misprint.  It should have read "over 2,500 fights." -- Baphomet

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

DR DAZZLE was devastated by HARLEQUIN TUSKFISH in a 1 minute Challenge Title fight.
A DIFFERENT GRAPE was savagely defeated by ETCHED IN STONE in a 864 minute melee.
NEOSPHINCTER was vanquished by OBSESSIVE in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge brawl.
JANAE defeated BASS in a crowd pleasing 2 minute Challenge match.
HE HATE ME was devastated by MISS HONEY in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge duel.
THRENODY devastated SHINY PENNY in a 2 minute mismatched Challenge match.
TOWER overcame DOC STEELE in a action packed 3 minute Challenge fight.
MUMPHY CHICK outwaited RAW SEX APPEAL in a action packed 15 minute Challenge duel.
SALESGUN defeated LUIGI in a action packed 2 minute Challenge duel.
STRAFE overpowered WORK IN PROGRESS in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge fight.
SALIEL narrowly defeated WHIRLING DOG in a exciting 6 minute brutal fight.
SHOCKING TOAD bested COOLER in a crowd pleasing 1 minute conflict.
ROB A. REE was demolished by FACEMAN in a popular 1 minute mismatched match.
CHICK WITH A STICK handily defeated JACK BOY in a 1 minute one-sided conflict.
DOC STEELE was vanquished by SPLURGE ON WAX LIPS in a 1 minute mismatched bout.
DARK GUMBY was handily defeated by RENAE in a crowd pleasing 1 minute mismatched bout.
SIR ENE was bested by ROLEX WATCH in a exciting 1 minute fight.
MAHI MAHI demolished SILAS in a exciting 1 minute gory one-sided bout.
TORNADO was overcome by RAZOX in a crowd pleasing 2 minute competition.
CLEANER WRASSE overpowered MUCKER in a 1 minute uneven fight.
RAMZA was subdued by BLACK WIDOW in a action packed 3 minute gruesome bout.
DUSKY JAWFISH slimly won victory over GRINGOLD in a popular 5 minute contest.
RYGEL demolished TOLAIS DEEPHEART in a action packed 1 minute brutal one-sided fight.
DEORNE overpowered DR NUT in a 1 minute one-sided duel.
MIMIC BLENNY overpowered SCHYLER in a exciting 1 minute uneven match.
STARBUCK was vanquished by SPEEDI in a action packed 1 minute one-sided fray.
TAPS was narrowly defeated by ONE A DAY in a action packed 14 minute competition.
WHIRLING WORD defeated GREE CHAK in a 2 minute fight.
SEX ON THE BEACH slimly won victory over LUC STARWALKER in a popular 3 minute fray.
WENT TO MARKET overpowered PEGASUS in a 1 minute one-sided match.
A NEW PONY! overpowered MAGINOT MIKE in a popular 1 minute gruesome one-sided bout.
ARSONIST ART demolished LINK in a 2 minute uneven contest.
SMOOGIE was defeated by LIFE in a exciting 4 minute brutal struggle.
SUPER BUM bested DESIREE in a action packed 4 minute bout.
QUID PRO QUO defeated PTI in a exciting 3 minute bloody match.
ELI demolished ENDYMION in a popular 1 minute one-sided duel.
NUMBERED WON vanquished MEN WORKING in a 1 minute mismatched bout.
B.A. TURRY was luckily beaten by RED FUSION in a action packed 3 minute competition.
ASHANTI was defeated by SUX0R in a action packed 3 minute gruesome battle.
STUPID SEXY FLANDERS was devastated by FRIJOLE in a 1 minute mismatched match.
BRADEN was vanquished by REDEMPTION in a 1 minute one-sided conflict.
HEAT bested DRUNKEN FISHERMAN in a crowd pleasing 3 minute gruesome match.
CRACK IS CHEAP outwaited DRUNKEN FISHERMAN in a exciting 8 minute match.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK                  22         PARRY-LUNGE       18 -  10 -  0      64  |
|WALL OF STEEL                   16         AIMED BLOW        40 -  25 -  0      62  |
|TOTAL PARRY                     12         TOTAL PARRY       66 -  43 -  0      61  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  8         WALL OF STEEL     80 -  61 -  0      57  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   8         LUNGING ATTACK   118 - 110 -  0      52  |
|AIMED BLOW                       7         PARRY-STRIKE       7 -   9 -  0      44  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  4         SLASHING ATTACK   42 -  56 -  0      43  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      3         STRIKING ATTACK   16 -  22 -  0      42  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    2         BASHING ATTACK    38 -  65 -  0      37  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     1         PARRY-RIPOSTE      5 -  15 -  0      25  |

Turn 382 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

PARRY-STRIKE       1 -  0     LUNGING ATTACK     6 - 16         2  LUNGING ATTACK 
TOTAL PARRY       10 -  2     SLASHING ATTACK    2 -  6         2  TOTAL PARRY    
STRIKING ATTACK    3 -  1     BASHING ATTACK     2 -  6         2  WALL OF STEEL  
WALL OF STEEL     12 -  4     PARRY-RIPOSTE      0 -  2         2  SLASHING ATTACK
AIMED BLOW         5 -  2                                       1  PARRY-STRIKE   
PARRY-LUNGE        2 -  1                                       1  AIMED BLOW     
                                                                1  PARRY-LUNGE    

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
LUNGING ATTACK   HARLEQUIN TUSKFIS 18-6977  51  42  0  241 BIG MEAN FISH (292)
PARRY-STRIKE     SHOCKING TOAD 7-310        58  72  1  248 NINJAS (1107)
TOTAL PARRY      ETCHED IN STONE 61-3112    46  22  1  240 CEMENTIA (1112)
WALL OF STEEL    SALIEL 3-5485              64  48  1  238 ZODIAC KNIGHTS (958)
AIMED BLOW       SPLURGE ON WAX LI 18-6485  66  48  3  233 STREET PIZZA (114)
SLASHING ATTACK  BLACK WIDOW 37-1303        63  70  2  220 BEAST MASTERS (136)
PARRY-LUNGE      JANAE 5-3867               58  44  3  218 BLADES OF CHAOS (961)
STRIKING ATTACK  MAHI MAHI 18-4899          99  65  1  206 BIG MEAN FISH (292)
BASHING ATTACK   SILAS 18-6796              41  65  2  193 SHEPHERDS (432)
PARRY-RIPOSTE    TAPS 96-841                25  21  5  193 MUSIC TO KILL BY (1119)

The overall popularity leader is SPEEDI 58-3029.  The most popular warrior this turn 
was RAW SEX APPEAL 82-1331.  The ten other most popular fighters were SALIEL 3-5485, 
DOC STEELE 18-6010, GRINGOLD 7-2416, ASHANTI 6-5352, WHIRLING DOG 10-4177, BLACK 
WIDOW 37-1303, PTI 7-5412, B.A. TURRY 39-3383, DUSKY JAWFISH 18-6978, and SMOOGIE 
82-2247.

The least popular fighter this week was A DIFFERENT GRAPE 82-1258.  The other ten 
least popular fighters were ETCHED IN STONE 61-3112, MUMPHY CHICK 1-5487, BRADEN 
6-4867, STUPID SEXY FLANDERS 42-3836, MEN WORKING 38-4189, STARBUCK 6-5387, DR NUT 
24-4254, JACK BOY 82-2030, HE HATE ME 18-7820, and ENDYMION 6-4163.

Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  
MORDANT(1)           2  0 0  ZORPUNT(24)          0  1 0  CAER(48)             1  0 0  
OSKSI(3)             2  0 0  LYRATILAN(25)        1  0 0  TROCAR(54)           1  0 0  
JHELUM(4)            2  1 0  ARVAT(32)            1  1 0  ANDOR(57)            0  1 0  
KALTOS(5)            2  1 0  JHANS(36)            1  0 0  DELARQ TOR(58)       2  1 0  
TRANSEL(6)           1  9 0  SIBIKHAS(37)         1  0 0  JURINE(61)           1  0 0  
BONSUR(7)            5  4 0  CLIFFHOME(38)        1  2 0  DWES EG(82)          4  5 0  
KOLACT(10)           1  2 0  XOCHITHLAN(39)       1  2 0  OLD VALAMANTIS(96)   0  1 0  
TALCAMA(18)          9  5 0  KATI-TEI(41)         0  1 0  SYVYN'S HILL(98)     2  0 0  
TI(23)               1  0 0  RODEKI(42)           0  3 0  SOUTH RIDGE(99)      1  0 0  

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 SALESGUN 1-6745             20  38  2  145  LEGENDS OF STEELE (1047)   MORDANT
 SALIEL 3-5485               64  48  1  238  ZODIAC KNIGHTS (958)       OSKSI
 THRENODY 4-4557             35  38  1  171  BLADES OF MIST (959)       JHELUM
 JANAE 5-3867                58  44  3  218  BLADES OF CHAOS (961)      KALTOS
 TORNADO 6-2249              33  45  2  202  ACTS OF NATURE (415)       TRANSEL
 SHOCKING TOAD 7-310         58  72  1  248  NINJAS (1107)              BONSUR
 WHIRLING DOG 10-4177        63  33  1  202  MONGREL HORDE (964)        KOLACT
 HARLEQUIN TUSKFISH 18-6977  51  42  0  241  BIG MEAN FISH (292)        TALCAMA
 CHICK WITH A STICK 23-4365  61  49  2  237  DIABLO TOO (1037)          TI
 DR NUT 24-4254              57  38  2  188  DP CLONES (1045)           ZORPUNT
 WENT TO MARKET 25-4288      27  21  2  158  THIS LITTLE PRIGGY (1162)  LYRATILAN
 ROLEX WATCH 32-3732         50  47  1  188  LUST MUPPETS (1036)        ARVAT
 MISS HONEY 36-4850          67  67  0  199  SCARRY TEAM (824)          JHANS
 BLACK WIDOW 37-1303         63  70  2  220  BEAST MASTERS (136)        SIBIKHAS
 FACEMAN 38-4129             51  46  2  218  THE A TEAM (1044)          CLIFFHOME
 ROB A. REE 39-3241          40  26  1  189  CRIMINAL ELEMENT (1074)    XOCHITHLAN
 GREE CHAK 41-3859           47  37  2  180  KILLERS (1145)             KATI-TEI
 MUCKER 42-3596              57  66  1  191  DELVERS (1000)             RODEKI
 WHIRLING WORD 48-3815       68  39  1  204  4-LETTER WORDS (1063)      CAER
 SEX ON THE BEACH 54-2435    30  18  3  155  INDULGENT DRINKS (1153)    TROCAR
 DR DAZZLE 57-4485           64  32  2  192  PEPPER PRACTICE II (1069)  ANDOR
 OBSESSIVE 58-2447           49  46  1  217  ELEMENTS OF PSI (423)      DELARQ TOR
 ETCHED IN STONE 61-3112     46  22  1  240  CEMENTIA (1112)            JURINE
 A DIFFERENT GRAPE 82-1258   43  32  1  198  MY WIFE'S COSMETICS (1038) DWES EG
 TAPS 96-841                 25  21  5  193  MUSIC TO KILL BY (1119)    OLD VALAMANTIS
 ONE A DAY 98-799            25  17  3  210  MY DRUGS (1179)            SYVYN'S HILL
 FRIJOLE 99-1214              8   4  3   62  BEAN MACHINE (1202)        SOUTH RIDGE

                                FACE-TO-FACE XXXIV

     Our next Winter Face-to-Face will be held on Martin Luther King weekend, Friday 
through Sunday, 14-16 January 2005, at the Embassy Suites in Tempe, Arizona (4400 S 
Rural Rd--this is the same hotel as last year).  Room rates are $139.00 per night, 
1-4 occupancy, which includes breakfast.  The rooms are blocked.  The reservations 
number is 480-897-7444; tell them you're with the "Reality Simulations Face to Face 
Convention" block.  Our room block will be released in mid-December, so please make 
sure you reserve your room before then! 
     Room rates include a full cooked-to-order breakfast and a complimentary two-hour 
manager's reception.  There is a free shuttle to the airport, as well as free parking.  
The hotel is located down the freeway in Tempe.  All rooms have high speed internet 
(for an extra charge).  There is a fitness center, jacuzzi, and pool, and of course a 
bar and Mexican restaurant inside the hotel.  And there's Denny's right across the 
street.  Look for transportation info in the tournament information sheet.
     The tournament information sheet/strategy sheet should be out sometime in late 
November/early December. 
     If you haven't been to a Face-to-Face before, you're overdue.  If you have, 
you'll be back.  Don't miss this one, it'll be a blast!  See you there! 

                                          -- Green Eyes and the RSI Staff